Stay Right Through
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Dogman!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader (one shot)
Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, hybrid au, dogman Leon, master/pet dynamics, dirty talk, oral (f receiving), mounting, breeding, knotting, unprotected sex, creampie
not proofread đ
Title from Wandering by Good Charlotte đ
Part 2: I Only Touched Her Hips But She Saw It
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Excitement makes your leg bounce as you wait for the lady to come back from setting up.Â
You did get to the hybrid adoption center a little early, but youâre just really happy to be here!Â
Hybrids were all the craze ages ago, but since the newness has died off (aka puppy syndrome has waned) there were more and more of these places opening up. Your parents never saw the point in getting a hybrid for the family, very old fashioned not to mention pretty anti pet in general.Â
So now, you have your own place and a steady job that isnât eating up all your time anymore making it the perfect time to get a feel for what kind of hybrid you want. Youâre definitely open to any of them, but it seems like the dog hybrids have a higher turnover rate which is why youâre at this specific adoption center.Â
The lady finally comes around to the front desk and smiles at you.Â
âSorry for the wait, now how may I help you?â
You glance at her name tag, âHi Patricia, and Iâm looking into adopting. I was hoping to kinda get the ball rolling today.â
She laughs, âNot a problem. If you could fill out this form, I can put this in the system while you take a look around and see if thereâs anyone you like.â
âThank you,â you smile, taking the forms and returning to your seat.Â
It takes a lot longer than anticipated, but soon enough you have all your iâs dotted and tâs crossed. Turning in the clipboard, Patricia stands up and leads you over to a locked door. She runs her card across the electronic sensor and opens it for you.Â
She gives you a little nudge inside, âThere are caretakers throughout if you have questions or concerns. Cameras are all over the facility but you look like a nice enough person so Iâm sure we wonât have any issues.â
She laughs a little and waves as she closes the door behind her, leaving you to sort of walk around and look.Â
The place is a lot different than the mental picture you had; itâs set up like an open floor plan, but with individual mini rooms separated by cubicle partitions. It seems like in the center is just a large lounge type area with couches and an entertainment center. Past all of that you can make out granite counters suggesting a kitchen.Â
With that, you can see all kinds of hybrids hanging around in the living area or just milling about talking with one another.Â
âHi! Need help?â
You look over at the perky blonde woman with the name tag Sherry.
âUh kinda, I just donât want to step on any toes, yâknow?â you smile feeling a little shy.Â
âNot a problem,â she laughs, gesturing for you to walk with her, âIâll just give you a quick tour and let you meet some of the pups.â
âNot that I donât appreciate it, but I was really hoping to look at olderââ
âOh gosh, thatâs great,â she gushes, âsorry to cut you off, but we have more than we like to see with older dog men.â
âOh,â you laugh at her bubbly attitude, âwell thatâs great,â you wince, ânot that itâs great.â
She pats your arm in solidarity, âI totally understand. But Iâll take you right over to where they like to hangout. They tend to stay away from the center of the lounge, too many yapping pups.â
Her voice must mimic one of the older hybrids with that last comment and you laugh along with her.Â
She guides you closer to the kitchen area but off to the side that sort of resembles a âman caveâ for lack of a better term. Itâs more dimly lit with similar lounge furnishings.Â
âHi everyone!â Sherry lights up the space with her presence, some of the hybrids calling back to her as you two walk closer.Â
âWe have a new prospective friend here,â she introduces you to a trio of dog men standing up from the couch.Â
âNice to meet you all!â you wave, excitement probably making you smile like a maniac but youâre just so happy to finally have this chance.Â
âNice to meet you, Iâm Chris,â a tall, dark haired dogman nods, his Rottweiler ears flopping a little as he tilts his head to look over at the other two.Â
âH-hi, Iâm Ethan,â the mild mannered blonde rubs the back of his neck nervously, his twitching ears reminding you of a Chow Chow making you smile wider.Â
âLeon,â the last dogman gives you a lazy two finger salute, sandy blonde hair nearly hiding his soft Labrador ears. Â
âWould you like to hang out here while I run off to grab some pamphlets?â Sherry asks you with a twinkle in her eye, giving you an option to hang out with these three alone.
âSure,â you nod, watching as she spins on her heel and walks in the direction of the office.Â
You turn back to the three dog men who quickly invite you to sit and hang out. Chris is quick to talk, adept at conversation making you laugh at some anecdote or other. Ethanâs a little more subdued, reminding you of yourself, chiming in every now and then. He seems to help reign Chris in when he gets a little too enthusiastic.Â
Leon, although he talks less than Chris, constantly draws your attention. You donât know if itâs cheesy puns or his overly cynical jabs (which Chris takes offense to and then Ethanâs breaking up their growling and snapping), but you have a good feeling about him. So by the time Sherry makes her way back with some actually helpful pamphlets, your mind is all made up.Â
âIt was so nice meeting you all,â you wave cheerfully, following Sherry back to the front.
âWell, any lucky candidates?â Sherry asks with poorly hidden enthusiasm.Â
âYep,â you smile at her, happy with your choice, âIâd love to take in Leon, if heâs fine with it of course.â
âIâm sure he will be!â she enthuses, clapping her hands, âheâs been here the longest so Iâm so happy to see someone finally pick him!â
âReally?â you look back through the door right before it shuts, âIâm surprised.â
âEh,â she waves you off, leading you over to a different section, âheâs just grumpy,â she pauses and looks around before whispering, âpeople come in, pick him out, then being him back after the trial week. Always the same, heâs too sarcastic, too grumpy, they just want a younger dog.âÂ
Your heart cracks after hearing that, determination blazing through the sadness, âWell thatâs not happening this time.â
Sherry looks at you, eyes contemplative before grinning, âI think you two will be a good fit!â
She has you hang out in her office as she prints some documents to put in a Manila folder for you to take home.Â
âYouâre all set,â she leads you out the back to the parking lot, âyour background check should clear in about three days and weâll call to set up a time to have Leon do a trial stay at your place.âÂ
You hesitate but push through to ask, âIs it okay if I come by tomorrow? Iâd like to make sure Leon is fine with it, too.â
Sherry looks a little teary eyed as she quickly nods, âOf course, please do. I think heâs gonna be perfectly happy with ya though.â
You bid your goodbyes and you get in your car to head home. Itâs not that far of a drive, luckily, and since itâs on the other part of town thereâs no crazy traffic. Youâre home lounging on the couch in no time, texting your friend Heather all the details. Once you send her the link to Leonâs profile, she does not shut up about him. Â
Rolling your eyes, you close your phone and start reading through the folder. Itâs all pretty basic info on how to care for a hybrid; theyâre pretty much like a person, just a little less adept at some things. They can hold a job if they wish but more seem to choose the pet lifestyle.Â
Gazing down at Leonâs profile photo, you  just really wanna take care of him. Show him that not all owners are complete douchebags.Â
The next day passes quickly and by the time works over, youâre tired but buzzingâexcited to get to the adoption place and meet up with Leon again.Â
Sherry greets you again, just as enthusiastic as before. She leads you over to one of the cubicle partitioned rooms and raps her knuckles on the side.Â
âLeon, sheâs here,â her voice sing songs.Â
âHave fun,â she pats your arm and turns back the way you both came.Â
Leonâs nice enough to you, but you can tell heâs acting very closed offâkeeping all of the conversation pretty baseline and shallow. No matter how grumpy and gruff heâs acting, youâre literally showering him with enthusiasm. You show him pictures of your house (including the room thatâs all his, if he wants it or you can work something else out).Â
You ask him tons of questions, but he only answers a few. A few times you say something that makes him smother a smile or a laugh making your heart flutter in your chest. Right before itâs time to go, youâre shifting on your feet at the opening of his room.Â
âI know Iâve asked a million times, but are you good with living with me? I promise I really wonât push it if not,â you smile shyly, âIâd be super bummed though.â
His blue eyes watch you, unreadable for a moment before he smirks, âHey beats being here,â he raises his voice a little, âplus I wonât have to deal with deadbeat rotties.â
The partition wall next to you rattles and you see Chris looming over it to glare at Leon.Â
âIâll be glad to see you go, tomorrow canât get here soon enough.â
âTomorrow?â you ask quizzically.Â
Leon looks a little sheepish but shrugs easily, âPretty sure they pushed it through this afternoon.â
âOh,â you beam, feeling giddy all over, âthatâs great! Iâll be here as soon as works over! Oh! And then we have the whole weekend to get you settled in, this is going to be so much fun!â
Chris and Leon both look amused as you finish rambling, now feeling bashful for coming on too strong. Â
You fidget before clearing your throat, âC-can I pet your ears?â
Chrisâ eyebrows raise and he grins at Leon, âCanât believe you, Kennedy; she hasnât got to pet you yet?â he tilts his head toward you, while looking at Leon, âyou can pet me, maâam.â
Leon steps between you two and snarls at him making Chris laugh and drop back down behind his wall. He walks closer to you, lowering his head due to his height.Â
You smile sweetly making him blush as you softly run your hands through his hair before coming up to rub his soft sandy colored ears. He shivers and headbuts your shoulder, silently asking for more. Stifling the giggle that wants to escape, you use both hands to pet and rub his soft ears.Â
âYouâre such a good boy,â you murmur not really thinking.Â
He whines a little and nuzzles into your neck making the giggle you were suppressing come bubbling out. He noses against your skin, huffing warm breaths as you continue to pet him.Â
âYouâre so sweet, Leon, Iâm happy youâre coming home with me,â you keep your voice low and soothing.
He only chuffs against your neck, rough tongue coming out to lap at your skin before heâs pulling away. You smile at him as Sherry turns the corner.Â
âSorry to cut this short, but weâre closing soon. Good news is you and Leon leave out from here together tomorrow,â she hands you yet another folder filled with information.Â
You take the folder and wave to Leon who moved back over to his bed, âSee you tomorrow, Leon.â
He just gives you a little wave as Sherry leads you back to the front. She sees you out the door with a smile and a promise to be the one to help you out.Â
Once you get home, you pace your living room. You feel like you have so much to do but donât know where to start. Texting Heather, she tells you to chill out and actually sit down. Laughing to yourself about how well she knows you, you collapse onto your couch just realizing how tired you actually feel. Â
Your phone dings with a new text from Heather. Honestly, ever since you told her your idea, sheâs been sending you cute puppy videos. Theyâve been full of all types of pets getting along with their owners doing silly things together.  It honestly helped you cement your plan on picking an older dogman since you rarely saw any in those videos.Â
This text, however, was sent with the cryptic âto fill in those lonely hours đâ and knowing her sense of humor youâre kinda worried about the link.Â
Knick Knack Paddywhack sounds kinda cheesy but you definitely didnât expect porn to be on the other side of that link.Â
At first you donât even realize thatâs what it is; it starts off pretty tame in general and before you know it this female owner is being mandhandled face down onto the couch as this huge, buff mandog is mounting her from behind.Â
âYeah youâve been fucking gagging for this doggyâs dick huh?âÂ
You really should exit from the video but some dark horny part of your brain is too entranced by whatâs happening to even move. Distantly, you notice that his dick looks exactly like a human maleâs just with the addition of a knot at the base. He fucks her roughly, stretching her out and forcing his cock deep in her wet pussy.Â
The dirty talk is really whatâs making you go a little cross eyed with arousal.Â
âOh fuck yeah, knot me, breed my little pussy.â
âYou want that? Wanna be my pretty bitch always on her hands and knees?â
âUnh unh yeah, make me your bitch. Wanna have your pups.â
You watch in mounting curiosity and arousal and shame as the camera shows her cunt take his entire knot, sealing them together as he ruts through her climax.Â
Quickly exiting before the video can go further, you drop your head in your hands. Your panties are soaked, making your thighs feel tacky. In a daze, you move off the couch and head into the bathroom to take a shower. Your thoughts are a whirlwind.Â
Youâve honestly never given it any thought about inter species relationships; youâve heard about them sure, but only in passing and never any details. Now, you literally canât stop thinking about that mandog dominating his âownerâ and knotting her. Shivering, your nipples pebble under the warm water.Â
Leonâs gruff voice and handsome face swim into your thoughts making your clit pulse with your heartbeat. Would heâ
You shake your head vigorously. Nope, not going there. Youâre gonna shower and then go to bed, maybe watch a cartoon or something to keep your thoughts G rated.Â
All of thatâs easier said than done, but you somehow manage and before you know it youâre waking up the next morning, excited to go pick up Leon and bring him home.Â
Itâs pretty anticlimactic once you leave work and pick Leon up; Sherry had everything at the front ready to go with Leon just standing next to her. She leads him out to the car with you carrying the essentials, stowing them in the trunk while she unclips his collar and leash.Â
âPlease keep us updated,â she ruffles Leonâs hair making him bat her hands away with an eye roll, âwe love seeing our pups flourish.â
âNot a pup,â he grouses, climbing into the backseat and shutting the door.Â
Sherry laughs, âIâll miss him but Iâm more happy heâs leaving.â
âThank you so much for everything,â you shake her hand, âand I promise to stop by every now and again with updates.â
She walks back inside as you climb into your car. Looking at Leon in the rear view mirror as he stares out the window moodily, you crank the car and slowly leave the lot.Â
âDo you need anything before we get home?â you ask, breaking the quiet.Â
He shakes his head no making his ears flop. You hide your smile and turn your attention back to the road. Once home, Leon settles in seamlessly; he takes the bedroom you offer but after the second night has made a little bed for himself in your room, tucked into the corner. When you asked, concerned he wasnât happy with his room, he just gave you the short reply of needing to make sure youâre safe.Â
You didnât push it but let him know heâs more than welcome to tell you if heâs unhappy with anything.Â
Days passed into weeks which quickly became months. Leon made himself right at home and now you really couldnât picture your life without the dogman. It was nice coming home after a long day and be greeted with someone so happy to see you. Although Leon is still pretty stunted with showing affection, you usually can convince him to snuggle you on the couch and let you pet him til his tail wags.Â
Heâs really particular about having his tail touched so you donât pry or push, more than happy to just pet his head and ears.Â
Today when you get home for work and enter the house, Leonâs beelining straight for you, burying his face in your neck.Â
âTGIF huh,â you laugh, petting his ears making him whine.Â
âMissed you so much,â he breaths in your smell, tongue lapping up your neck to your jaw, stubble tickling your skin.Â
He licks across your mouth once making you jerk back but he quickly follows, raspy tongue licking over your lips and chin.Â
âLeonââ
You try to tell him to stop as you push at his shoulders but that just gives him the leverage to lick into your mouth. You keep pushing at him while you take a step back to make him stop, but your legs get tangled and you both fall back on the entryway carpet.Â
Leon still hasnât let up, and since you were more worried about making sure neither of you hurt yourselves when tripping, heâs drooling and licking into your mouth making you whine and push harder at his shoulders.Â
He shifts until heâs between your legs and rocks down against the apex of your thighs. Grunting, he shoves your skirt up and tears your panties in half. One of his broad hands, grabs your flailing arms by the wrists and pins them to your chest.Â
Finally he pulls away from your swollen mouth, licking his way down to your neck again.Â
âLeon, stop being such a bad boy,â you gasp out, âwhatâs gotten into you?â
âHeat,â he sniffs against your neck before lightly licking the skin again, âneed you so bad.â
Youâre in a daze as you feel his bulge grinding against your bare pussy, slick starting to slowly drip out of your hole. As much as you protest, youâre really getting off on this, on Leon losing control and wanting to fuck you.Â
âT-there are heat toys the center gave me,â you try to cut this off before you both go too far, âyou can use those.â
He growls and nips your neck making you whimper.Â
âDonât wanna knotting toy,â his growling is getting deeper as he grinds against you harder, âonly wanna knot my pretty owner.â
âOh fuck,â you moan as he rubs against your clit just right.
Your mind flashes back to that video you saw months ago, hips bucking up into Leon imagining him mounting you in the same way.Â
âLeon, sâbad, we shouldnâtângh, fuck!â
He pulls completely away from you and buries his nose in your pussy, raspy tongue eagerly licking up the slick dripping out of you.Â
He growls and looks up at you as he mouths across your swollen clit, letting his rough tongue lap at the bundle of nerves til youâre keening and spreading your legs for him.Â
He smirks, âThatâs a good little owner, let me taste your sweet little pussy. Fuck, been smelling you for ages and now I can finally eat you out as much as I want.â
âLeon, youâre being such a bad boy right now,â you hiccup a whine, thighs straining to stay open.Â
âNah,â he kisses hour clit and softy licks it over and over and over, âyouâre just being a bad girl, need me to put you in your place.â
You whine as he goes back to tongue fucking into your fluttering walls. Reaching down, you softly grasp his hair and rock against his mouth. He grunts and somehow shoves his face even more into your soaked cunt, greedily lapping at you with his rough tongue.Â
The arguments you should make die on your tongue as Leon uses his to make you shiver and shake, goosebumps trailing along your body. With a low keening moan, you relax against him, letting him use that rough tongue to lick your cunt until youâre bucking up into his mouth.
He keeps you there, pinned to the entryway carpet as he eats you out for hours, never letting you cum once. By the time your bleary eyes take in the street lamps through your window, Leonâs pulling away from your slick pussy making you whine.Â
âLeon, we shouldnât,â your pussy throbs, entire body strung tight from your denied orgasms.Â
âHave to,â his eyes are so dilated they look black, âdonât you wanna help me? Just need it one time.âÂ
He looms over you, forearms caging in your head, his jaw and mouth covered in wetness as he grinds his dick against your mound. Glancing down you take in just how big Leon is; heâs so hard the head is peaking through his foreskin, dripping precum all over your thighs.  Then, right at his base, you can see the beginnings of a knot forming which makes your pussy ache with want. Â
Youâre nodding up at him, belatedly answering his question, âYeah, I wanna help you,â your hands come up to pet his hair, âwanna help my good boy.â
He yanks your blouse off, seams popping and tearing until itâs in shreds around you then snaps your bra off and tosses it away. His mouth eagerly licks and nips at your pebbled nipples making you gasp.Â
âGonna make you feel so good, breed this hot pussy.â
With a growl, Leon flips you over onto your stomach, hands going to your hips to raise your ass up. You try to push up onto your arms, but his broad palm pushes on the middle of your back shoving your upper body down.Â
You rock your hips back although thereâs not much room from how heâs laying on top of you, back pinned to his broad hairy chest as his cock rubs against your drippy cunt.Â
âYou wanna breed me?â you tease making him growl and snap at the nape of your neck, âwanna knot my pussy?â
He buries the first few inches of his cock in your pussy making you squeal and arch away. His hands move to keep your hips still as pulls out to thrust back in, sinking his cock all the way inside of you making you squirm in place with a cry. Â
âThink itâs funny?â his tone sounds mean as he ruts his fat cock deeper into your pussy making you wince and try to move away again.Â
He clucks his tongue and tightly squeezes your hips, âNo little owner, you wanted it and youâre gonna get it. Show you how I breed bitches that need a knot.â
âOh god,â you whine as he bullies his cock even further into your cunt, âLeon sâtoo much, you wonât fit, I wasnât made toââ
âThis pussy was made for cock,â he scoffs down at you making your body hot all over from his words, âjust gotta break you in first; Iâll have you begging for me to knot you.â
His mocking is only making you wetter, pussy walls clenching and pulsing around his cock.Â
âSâtoo much,â you finally gasp out, not stopping yourself from rocking back against his slow thrusts, âshouldnât be doing this.â
âYeah?â he snorts, âthink itâs dirty? Think itâs wrong to want me to fuck you? I bet this entire time youâve been thinking, Oh please Leon need your big doggy dick to stuff my needy little pussy.â
You moan loudly at his crude words as he laughs.Â
âLike I thought. You like it you dirty little slut. Like my thick doggy cock filling you up?â
âLeon no,â you whimper, eyes rolling back as he grinds against that spongy spot in your cunt that has you moaning nonstop, âsâdirty ân you donât even have a dog diââ
âShut up,â his canines nip at your skin making you keen, âgotta teach this little pussy whoâs the real master here.â
You gasp and keen as Leon stretches your pussy out on his large cock, bottoming out constantly making your cunt clamp down on him from the pain of his tip knocking against your cervix. Â
Like earlier, he keeps you pinned to the carpet and slowly fucks your pussy for what feels like hours all while talking filth to you.Â
âMmm knew your pussy would be so good, been humping my fist waiting for my heat so I can fill you up.â
âMy sexy fucking owner, letting me knot her pussy, breed her full of my pups.â
âI know, Iâm so big for this tiny little pussy  but doesnât it feel so good? So nice and stretched out?âÂ
âLeon,â you keen hands scrabbling at the floor, mouth drooling everywhere, âmy knees hurt.â
He pauses and gently eases himself out of your cunt. Not giving you time to breathe, he already has you hoisted over his shoulder and carries you into your room. Tossing you onto the bed, heâs back on top of you in a flash burying his dick inside your sopping wet pussy.Â
You look down and whine to see the belly bulge his fat cock makes inside your body.Â
âNice and snug,â Leon licks your cheek, âgonna be so tight on my knot.â
âItâs not gonna fit,â you whine up at him, nails digging into to his forearms so hard theyâre bleeding.Â
Youâre already so full, pussy feeling like itâs stretched to the limit, but his knot is pressing against your soaked hole making you rock down into it.Â
âSure it will, little owner,â he laughs, voice gravelly and deep making you shudder and relax around his dick, hole giving just a little around his knot, âthatâs why I licked you open so good earlier.â
You moan as he licks across your cheek, âTongued you deep until you were practically squirting in my mouth.â
âLeon, oh fuck,â you hiccup a moan, tears slipping down your face.Â
âSo good for me, prettiest cunt Iâve ever seen and itâs all mine,â he grunts, grinding against your fluttering pussy walls as his drippy tip knocks against your cervix, âmy owner and her fat pussy are all mine.â
âLeon,â you gasp, âyou canât say that.â
âSure I can,â he huffs warm air against your neck, his canine teeth nipping at your skin, âIâm gonna knot your tiny pussy and breed you. Give you my pups.â
âNooo,â you whimper, pussy pulsing and clamping around his cock, knot continuing to press inside.Â
âGonna mount my pretty owner like this every day,â he kisses your neck before licking his way back up to your mouth, âmount my little bitch and give her wet needy cunt my knot.â
ââM not your bitch,â you finally gasp out around his tongue as he drools and licks into your mouth, âthis canât happen again, Leon.â
âOkay,â he chuckles, âgonna make me use that toy? That fake little plastic pussy? Yâgonna let me knot it in front of you, knowing what I feel like now? I donât think so little owner.â
He pulls out and flips you over on your stomach, yanking your hips up so your ass is raised, head still down on the mattress.Â
âShould be able to fit it this way,â he slaps your ass and you whine, fingers twisting in the sheets.Â
His cock plunges back into your sopping wet cunt over and over; his knot teasing you on every thrust until he slowly grinds deep into your fluttering walls.Â
âIâm gonna put it in this time, knot you nice and deep,â he pants against your shoulder, mouth drooling all over your skin making you shiver, âgonna knock you up, breed you til it takes.â
You moan and press back against him, mind slow and hazy. He pulls back and then presses forward slowly but insistently and you wail as his knot breaches your clenching hole. His cockâs filling you up so much it feels like heâs in the bottom of your throat.Â
âOh fuck, Iâm cumming,â you whimper, pussy gushing around his impossibly huge dick, walls milking his knot repeatedly as he just continues to grind into your cunt.Â
âFeels good,â he slurs, licking over your neck and shoulders, âpussy squeezing me so tight.â
You moan weakly, pussy pulsing around his dick as he continues to grind his hips into your ass.
âGonna spill deep inside my pretty little owner and she just has to take it,â he chuffs against your neck, groaning as he humps deeper into your cunt.
His grunts taper off into low growls as he rocks harder against you.Â
âGonna fuck my pups into you,â heâs snarling into your ear, saliva dripping down the shell onto your jaw making you mewl, âkeep this pussy plugged up with my cum all the timeâoh.âÂ
He bites down on your shoulder, sharp teeth breaking your skin making you whine as your body burns with pleasure at the pain. You can fill as hot cum floods your pussy, Leon grunting as he keeps humping against your ass while his knot locks you two together.
His fingers slip from your hip over to your swollen clit and he roughly rubs against the sensitive bud until youâre crying and whining, pussy cumming around his cock again.Â
âThere we go, such a good owner,â Leon chuckles in your ear, before dipping down to lick over the bite he left, âmmm milk me, want you so full itâs spilling out.â
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You lay there underneath him, feeling exhausted but content. Itâs been several hours at this point and you feel like youâre on another plane of existence. Leon has fucked you better than anyone before and youâre definitely addicted to his knot.Â
Reaching back, your hand finds his hair and pushing up higher you pet behind his soft fuzzy ears.Â
âSâgood,â he mouths against your shoulder as he ruts inside your knot plugged pussy. Â
Shuddering as his fingers tease against your clit drawing another weak orgasm from your spent body, you whimper and press even closer to Leon.Â
âGonna take such good care of you, little owner,â he kisses you shoulder, âby the time my heatâs over, youâre gonna be my needy little pup.â
Your pussy tightens around him at his words making him whine and nuzzle into your neck. As you lay together, you let your mind drift into a hazy fog. Once Leonâs able to, he gently pulls out of your sore cunt, cum oozing out of your hole.Â
His rough tongue licks across your cheek as he rolls you onto your back.Â
âSo pretty,â he says to himself as he kisses and bites his way down to your chest.Â
He laps a path to the swell of your breasts and then softly suckles a hard nipple into his mouth. With a groan, he tugs the hard bud with his teeth before sucking harshly and releasing it with a pop. His mouth drifts over to repeat the same process to the other hard nipple, then moves back; repeatedly teasing your breasts until youâre squirming and whining, grabbing onto his hair to have something to hold onto.Â
He finally pulls away with a growl, eyes dark and heated as he noses at your breastbone, âSmell so good.â
He drags his mouth down your body, eagerly licking and biting at your skin until he finally reaches your puffy mound and clit.Â
âTaste good too,â his stubbled jaw tickles where he scrapes it against your thigh, âlove licking your pussy all over.â
He follows his word by licking a broad stripe across your cum coated pussy, groaning as he brings his hands up to spread your cunt open. His rough tongue laps at your clit in quick little strokes before dipping into your creamy slicked hole. He laps and lathes his tongue all over your pussy, sucking at your clit before dragging his mouth over to your thighs.Â
âGonna mark you up, little owner,â he chuffs against your skin, eyes staring up at you with his tail wagging excitedly behind him.Â
âLeon,â you whimper.Â
Your fingers twist in the sheets as you cry out. His teeth are buried in the meat of your inner thigh making your clit throb with need.  He sucks harshly at the skin, digging in harder when your thigh trembles under his mouth.Â
With a grunt, he lets go but then sinks his teeth into your opposite thigh; this one closer to your pussy, making you buck up into his mouth with a gasp. He hums in satisfaction, lips and teeth working at your skin until itâs sore and bruised.
He pulls back with a grin, âYouâre even more pretty now.â
âFeel pretty,â you murmur, eyes glassy with arousal.Â
He pants excitedly, hands grasping your thighs to hold you open as he licks and drools all over your pussy. You arch, his mouth making you rock up into the feeling as he noisily eats you out. Letting go of the sheets, your hands reach for his head and accidentally grab onto his ears. He snarls and fucks his raspy tongue up into your fluttering cunt, pressing you down even further so he can lick into you more.Â
He pulls himself away before you can cum making you whine.Â
âPlease, Leon, âm so close, be a goody boy and make me cum,â you pout at him, tears pricking at your eyes.Â
He crawls up your body, pressing your hands down with his as he rubs his thick cock against your pussy. His head glides through your slick folds til heâs bumping against you clit making you spread your legs wide.Â
âYou can cum on my knot,â he kisses you, all drool and spit, âwanna mount you again.â
You shudder underneath him and easily let him roll you over. Raising your ass up, you spread your thighs for better leverage.Â
âLike this?â you ask a little shy now.Â
âPerfect,â he groans, dragging his rough palms down your back to slap you ass, âmy pretty owner and her pretty pussy ân itâs all mine.â
He sinks his cock into your willing cunt inch by inch, licking and biting at your nape as he rocks himself deeper into you.Â
âGonna breed you so good,â he mutters into your skin, âpussy made for my fat cock, isnât it? Made to take my knot.â
âUh huh,â you slur, pussy pulsing and fluttering around his dick as he slowly thrusts into your spasming walls.Â
He chuffs and bites your neck a little harder as he snaps his hips hard against your ass. His hand moves from your back to your pussy, softly rubbing and teasing across your swollen clit.Â
âSweet fucking pussy,â he snorts, nose burying itself in your hair, âsqueezing me so tight, know it needs a knot.â
âGive it to me, Leon,â you moan loudly, âknot my pussy, please, want it so bad, feels so good.â
His teeth latch onto back of your neck and he pounds into your squelching cunt, knot catching on the rim of your pussy with every thrust.Â
âKnot me, Leon, knot me, please, need it,â youâre chanting under your breath , eyes fluttering as your orgasm is fast approaching.Â
He canât say anything with his mouth biting into your neck, but his fingers circle your clit faster, pinching it just right between his fingers making you shake under him.Â
âFuck, right there, please Leon, fuck me,â you rock back against him, wanting his knot to be inside your pussy already, âfuck me, give it to me, give me your knot. Wanna be your little bitch.â
He lets go of your neck with a low howl as he shoves his knot past your twitching hole and ruts hard in your cunt, fat tip grinding against your cervix so hard itâs going to bruise.Â
You squeal as he tweaks your clit making your pussy clamp down like a vice around his knot as you cum so hard you see fireworks. Your walls rhythmically milk his cock as he grinds and ruts into your hole.Â
âGânna cum,â he whimpers, sounding drunk.Â
âMmm,â you squirm against him, feeling as hot pulses of jizz fill your pussy.Â
He grunts as he spills deep inside you, spurt after spurt of sticky cum shooting out against your cervix as his knot keeps your cunt nice and full.Â
âGonna give you my pups,â he licks at the bite wound on your neck and then the one he gave your shoulder when this all first started.Â
âFuck,â you mewl, thighs tightening as his fingers go back to teasing and circling your clit.Â
âCum for me, little owner,â he goads in your ear, âshow me how much you want me to breed this needy pussy.. again and again. And again.â
His fingers circle your clit, the rough pads rubbing you just right making you climax around his cock for the second time that round. You shiver and moan as he keeps teasing your swollen bud.Â
âGood girl, so good,â he nips your ear, âmy own little pet.â
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Shelter - Joel Miller x Reader (Part Two)
Your easy emotions wreak havoc on Joel, and so do the people you two encounter... good thing you're there to help him.
In which our intrepid hero deals with some shit. And some đđ.
Masterlist ->
AO3 LinkâĽ
RATING: Explicit. SEXUAL CONTENT: Consensual P in V, Choking Kink, Attempted Rape (not by Joel). VIOLENCE: Gore, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Death of an Animal (Deer Hunting).
TAGS: Joel Being Absolutely Whipped and Filthy-Mouthed, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Age Gap.
WC: 13k
As Joel steps through the doorway of the mom-and-pop furniture store, the glow of the gas lantern heâd found earlier is a beacon.
He rounds the edge of a gigantic, cheaply-made chest of drawers to see you asleep. The glow of the lantern casts amber light over your face. Your hair is strung across your cheek and Joel crushes a wild urge to crouch and brush it all away. He glances to the left and his heart stops for a moment when he realizes Ellie is sitting up, watching him.
âYou found something,â she declares without hostility.
These girlsâre too observant for me. Joel lets the silence hang for a moment before deciding how to reply.Â
âIâm gonna talk to your sister in the mornin'.âÂ
âYeah, I saw you talkinâ earlier,â she snickers, then levels him with a glare. âYou better be careful. Iâve got no problem killing you myself.â
He doesn't grace that with a response.
âI notice everything. I like you, Joel, but I love my sister.â Ellie shrugs dramatically, âIâm just sayinâ. Iâm on her side if you pull some shit.â
âIâd expect nothinâ less, kid.â Joelâs voice strains as he lowers himself down onto the sleeping bag youâd laid out for him. He wishes you hadnât.Â
Ellie shifts her attention back to her book (a new one youâd found and given to her called Nancy Drew) while Joel shuffles down into his bed.Â
Joel lets the faint lull of the ocean carry away his stress for the night. His eyes close but he feels the desire to look at you, just a couple of yards away. He denies the desire, squeezing his eyes tighter, and focuses instead on what he can hear. A page turns. The wind's howl over the building. The sound of your steady, peaceful breath traps his attention, and he soon drifts away.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
âAnd how do you know itâs legitimate?â You press him.
Joel sets his hands on his hips. âI know my brother's writing.âÂ
You chew your lip. Like Joel, the day is much colder than yesterday.Â
âThatâs a long walk."
âThatâs why Iâm givinâ yâall the choice,â Joel explains. âSame deal as last time.âÂ
Your eyes twinkle as you ask, âAh. Youâre only trying to hold up your end of the deal?â
But Joelâs desperate to keep himself from falling for your charm like he had the previous evening. Instead of rejoining with a witty comment, he simply says:Â
âYeah.âÂ
Taken slightly aback by his mood, youâre quiet. Then you turn to Ellie. âWhat do you want to do? If youâd rather stay here, look around this area moreâŚâ you trail off, waiting for her opinion.
Ellieâs eyes dart to Joel before answering. âI mean, Iâve never seen that far north. And we should make Joel keep his promises.âÂ
Joel canât help but make a pfft noise at that.Â
âDo you want us to come with you?â You ask him point-blank. Itâs that simple for you.
And he canât answer that. Yes, he did; and no, he didnât. Yes, he wants the two of you to come with him. But no, he didnât need the weakness of his growing attachment to both of you. It isnât that simple for him, and he bristles when you try to make it so.
He raises and lowers his shoulders in a half-hearted motion. âIf you come, you can always leave, but if you stay here for now, youâll probâly never find it.âÂ
Your shoulders sag at the deflection, but youâre not surprised. It had been out of character for him to have gotten so close to you last night, so it should come as no surprise when he returns to his regular, shut-everyone-out attitude.Â
âOkay. Good point. Ellie, if youâre not interested in staying here, thatâs all I care about.âÂ
âItâs fucking nice here. Itâs so cool. But I miss people. Decent, normal people.â Ellie cuts to the chase, and you ruffle the ends of her ponytail fondly. âAll we got is Joel,â she digs at him with a sly look.Â
âYouâre somethinâ else, kid,â Joel scoffs. âAlright, weâll set out tomorrow. Spend today gathering supplies.âÂ
âIâll make a list,â you offer.
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That evening, as you say your goodbye to the ocean, you stand on a jetty hugging yourself. Itâs the hour of sunset, and youâve never seen a more beautiful one.Â
Sunbeams paint the clouds violet, gold, pink, and red. Some clouds in the distance are a heavy gray, pregnant with the storm that will come in the night. The sky behind is a deep blue. And, though none fall, youâre unembarrassed by the tears that well in your eyes.Â
Your parents never saw the sea. You may never see it again after tomorrow morning. Loss in the face of such grandeur feels more poignant.Â
Joel stands beside a sand dune, lost in thought once again. How do you maintain the capacity to feel so much and keep getting up every day? Heâd spent the last eight years in a cloud of violence, alcohol, and occasionally something heavier. He couldnât find it in him to care about himself half of the time, let alone a fucking sunset.Â
Frustrated at his fascination with you, he turns his back to finish preparing for the long walk to come.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Over a week later, the three of you cross the western edge of the state. The slog through the lowlands had been made easier by the discovery of a working pickup truck two days earlier. It had to have been used by someone recently, though no one had been at the rural home when youâd boosted it.Â
It was old, and the gas gauge perpetually stated it was on E, so Joel siphoned gas every two hours. Because of this, it was necessary to take the interstate or other, passable roads with vehicles laying around like miniature gas stations.Â
The days spent walking had been hell. There had been no breeze, and the weather had been so mild as to have the three of you sweating under your clothes. Youâd had to remove everything but your jeans and your dirty tank top.Â
Joel hated that. Heâd have fought the weather if he could.
Heâd been outright rude to you several times. Cutting over you when you spoke, or intentionally asking Ellie a question that you shouldâve been asked. Then, sometimes he would slip up. You caught him staring at you, your chest, or your hips. Each time he was caught, heâd withdraw sullenly until Ellie annoyed him with a terrible pun.Â
He was also caring.
Separately, and more than once, you and Ellie had woken up with his jacket draped over your sleeping form. He answered some of Ellieâs prying questions (âWhat did you do for work?â âNow or before?â âBoth, I guess.â âI was a contractor. After it all went to shit, I transported⌠contraband.â) without much fuss.
He often kept watch with Ellie, telling her the odd short, humorous story from his distant past. He never told her about his family, nor details on his life after the outbreak.
The first time you'd woken up to Joel's heavy, pleasantly musky jacket across your body, it was like he had cursed you. Your eyes trailed him the entire day as his powerful stride pushed him forward, the lazy confidence of his hand resting on his gun. You watched his throat and the hook of his nose as he took a drink of water, unbelievably parched yourself.Â
Then he caught you. His eyes, unwilling to see what was flashing neon in your own, tore through you. He refused to give in, but daily he made it worse.
To the unending amusement of both of you, he even delivered the punchline to Ellieâs first joke of the day once. Unpredictable motherfucker, you frequently cursed at him in your mind.Â
Today, the atmosphere in the cab is stiff - at least between you and Joel - and no one had spoken in over an hour. You knew Joel wouldnât be the one to break the silence, and youâre unsurprised by the one who does.
âWhy does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?â Ellie asks.
At the odd question, you turn your body to look at her in the backseat, but sheâs hidden behind her joke book. Oh, you realize. âHmm, I donât know. Why?â
âThe answer is: âBecause his wife died.ââ Ellie lowers the book and frowns. âI donât get it.âÂ
Joel chokingly laughs. Itâs so unexpected that you and Ellie stare at him for several seconds.
âHe comes in a bottle.â Joel chuckles again and looks at you pointedly.Â
âOh.â You cover your mouth and snicker. âOh.â You sit back in your seat, your cheeks red.
âNo, no! Donât do that - what am I missing?â Ellie yells. She returns her eyes to the page as if the context will appear. Somehow, it does.Â
âOh, my god. I get it. I wasnât expecting a dirty joke; thatâs the first one in here.â She muses.
âThank fuck,â you comment.Â
The tension between you and Joel had been nearly unbearable, and the slips in his emotional unavailability were driving you insane. Avoiding thinking about⌠that⌠was the only way youâd survived being stuck in this enclosed space with him.
âThereâs a whole section of them,â Ellie says with awe.
You whirl around to try and snatch the book from her, but sheâs faster. She holds the book out of your reach, your seatbelt locking you in place.
âEllie, give me that.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
âLet her keep it,â Joel interjects.Â
Ellie looks at the back of his head like heâd grown an extra one.
You ignore him. âEllie, for fuckâs sake, at least skip the dirty jokes.â Your imploring eyes tell her what she needs to know: Donât make this more awkward for me than it already is.
âOkay, okay, chill the hell out.â She rolls her eyes and sighs at you as only a teenager can. Then she motions at you, then Joel, then you again.
âI know,â you groan.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joelâs an attractive driver. Itâs an odd thing to think, but you canât help it. He casually holds the wheel with his left hand while his right elbow braces on the center console. Occasionally his obscenely thick fingers stroke the scruff on his face. You wish he wouldnât.
âHey, weâre not far from that house with the chickens are we?â You observe as the rolling hills flow by.
âThink itâs about a half-hour that way,â Joel indicates out your window. His hand crosses into your personal space, flustering you. âI doubt the ones we left alive are alive anymore.âÂ
âYeah - no, I was just wondering. That was good meat, though. What a waste.â It had been so long since youâd had chicken, youâd forgotten how delicious it was.Â
The day you met him, Joel had killed a couple and cooked the meat that night and the next day. Unfortunately, youâd had no way to transport chicken - live or dead. It wasnât lost on you, however, that Joel used the word âweâ when he had been the one to kill, clean, and cook it.Â
Ellie breaks the silence again. âHey, Joel.â
He hums questioningly.
âWhatâs your last name?â
He responds with automatic promptness, âMiller.âÂ
Ellie contemplates. âJoel Miller. Sounds good, I like it.âÂ
Joel Miller. It does sound good. Everything about him is so attractive, I hate it, you complain petulantly. Why couldnât he have been ugly?
As the truck crests the hill, a huge valley opens up through the windshield. A loud boom! shudders through the car. Joel clamps onto the steering wheel with both hands, keeping control of the vehicle until the power steering gives out. Fish-tailing onto the shoulder and down into the grassy ditch, the car comes to a jolting stop halfway down the mountain.Â
âEllie, yâokay?â Joel spits out the question faster than your mouth opens to ask the same thing.Â
âYeah. What the fuck, man?â Itâs rhetorical.
Joelâs alarmed eyes rake you over, âYou alright?â
âIâm good. What happened?âÂ
âThink the tire blew.â He slams his hand on the steering wheel, âFuck.â
âGreat.â You peek out the window and notice the sunâs position. âItâs going down. I donât think we should stay in the car tonight.â
Joel grunts in agreement and ducks to look in the rearview mirror. âThose rocks should be safe.âÂ
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
In the blackness of the evening, the three of you lay in a triangle formation upon a large shelf of a limestone cliff. The cliff vaults up to your right, and down to the left. The view of the valley had been beautiful during sunset, but for once you had been too stressed to notice.
You lie on your sleeping bag, Ellieâs head at your foot. Joel lies with his head near yours. Concentrating on either fixing the car or abandoning it consumes you to a point that you donât notice when Ellie starts snoring. Nor do you notice when Joel moves his bag closer to you.
âWhat're you thinkin' about?âÂ
âJoel- what the hell," startled from your spiral of anxiety, you jump. "Sorry. Just lost in thought.âÂ
âI can tell.â
Your head turns sharply, and you squint at him in the darkness, trying to determine what his goal was. âWhatâs that mean?âÂ
âYou didnât say anything about the view from up here. Just wonderin' what youâre worryinâ about.âÂ
Oh. He noticed that? You blush, thankful for the cover of night.Â
âOh. Well,â you fully roll over to face him. His head is propped on his hand, and his silhouette is all you can see. âIâm worried about walking so far. Or trying to find a tire. Iâm pissed off about the pain in my arm. Iâm worried about Ellie.â Your voice fades to a mutter, âIâm worried about- about you.âÂ
Itâs quiet for a beat too long. âWhy about me?â
âI -â youâre not sure how to say what you want, so you settle for the basics. âYouâre unpredictable. I feel like one day weâll wake up and youâll be gone. And even though Ellie and I were on our own for so long before, itâs beenâŚâ you look for an appropriate word, âItâs been helpful having another adult I can count on.â
And here it was for Joel. He wasnât stupid. Youâre skirting around telling him that both you and Ellie have grown fond of him. He didnât want that.
No, that isnât true. The truth is he shouldnât want it.Â
Joel doesnât answer.Â
The natural sounds of the night replace your conversation. Itâs so still, so quiet. You lay your head down and curl into a comfortable position facing the man.Â
You hadnât expected him to respond. Heâd accidentally shown you cracks in his armor by parenting Ellie occasionally, helping with a task that shouldâve been yours or Ellieâs alone like keeping watch or preparing dinner, and laughing.
For fuckâs sake, laughing with us - but still he kept the armor.
Sleep has taken you when Joel quickly pushes a lock of hair over your shoulder and states,
ââm not goin' anywhere.â
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The sound of rubber rolling on pavement is the background to Ellieâs unceasing chatter. The bright sunshine feeds her mood as though she survives on photosynthesis. Sheâd left her joke book at the campsite, but she jabbers on about nothing and everything. After trekking for an hour, you managed to find a tire that Joel agreed should fit the truck. If it could shorten your cross-country trip by even a day, it was worth the effort.
Joel hunches over the tire, rolling it back up the highway. His backpack and gun sway with his movements. The awkward angle and the added weight of his gear have his brow dripping sweat.Â
âSo, what if itâs really snowy up there? Will we get frostbite? What if we find a moose - do those still exist? Arenât they like the size of a house?â Ellieâs exuberance couldnât be stopped.
âJoel, pleaseâŚâ you murmur as you jog up alongside him. You slip your fingers under the strap of his rifle, trying to relieve him of at least one burden. Joel abruptly straightens at the contact, leveling you with a questioning look. Your lips twist into a reassuring smile. You curl your fingers tighter and tug the strap down his arm.Â
âIâll take the backpack, too.â You keep your voice gentle as though youâre trying not to spook him. He allows you to take the gun but jerks away when you reach for his backpack strap.
âNo, itâs heavy. I donât want you takinâ both.â
âI know itâs heavy, thatâs why Iâm trying to take it from you.âÂ
The gun is slipped from you as Ellie brushes your side. Youâd been too focused on Joel to realize that sheâd stopped thinking aloud.
âNow she can take the backpack, ya stubborn old man.â Ellie slings the rifle and stalks ahead.Â
A bead of sweat falls from his temple; heâs defeated. With a groan, he shrugs off his pack and holds it up for you.Â
âIf it gets too heav-â
âStop pretending to be a gentleman,â you reach for the bag.Â
Your fingers close partially around Joelâs, rewarding you with the sultriness of his rough fingers. For an extended breath, Joel doesnât let go; he squeezes it a little harder. Eventually, he unclasps his hand, allowing you to bear the weight.
A couple of miles later, the silver truck is visible among the trees. You quicken your step.
 Joel's gotta roll the tire up that hill.
âCan I help you carry it somehow? Rolling it up this isnât gonna be fun,â you offer.
Joel simply shakes his head, breathing deeply in resignation. He lifts it, grunting, deciding to carry it the last length. Youâre glad he denied your offer because, wow, why is that so hot? You stare after him for far too long.
At the top of the hill, a younger blonde man peeks in the truck's window. Ellie hands Joel's gun back to him, then, as you taught her, she circles into the trees out of sight.Â
"Howdy," the man straightens and calls out to you and Joel. "Got any ammo?"Â
Joel has his gun pointed at the man before he finishes speaking.
"No."
Deciding that Joel wasn't the best negotiator, you step ahead.
"Are you looking to trade or to steal?" You step cautiously closer and the blonde man gets a better look at you.Â
"Well, shit, I would've put on my two-day old clothes instead of my week-old ones if I'd known I'd run into you."
"You know this guy?" Joel snaps at your back.
"No?" His tone confuses you. Then to the trader, "Whatcha looking for?"
"I need some nine-millimeter, preferably. Shouldn't be too much of an ask since they're the most common. I do have some food up for trade." He holds up a large, navy duffle bag.
It was obvious to you that this man was used to his good looks and charm winning him points. He was slightly older than you, and you couldn't lie, this guy must've done well for himself in the apocalypse. He looked healthy, attractive, and normal.
The man continues, "I'm Zach. You show me yours and I'll show you mine?" He grins, but it fades fast. "Just tell the attack dog to calm down."Â
Attack dog?Â
You turn to catch a look at Joel: he stands with his gun pointed casually and coldly in Zach's general direction. You've never seen such an intimidating, contemptuous look on his handsome face. A shiver runs through you. Your poorly-timed attraction to him heightens. A tumult of terrible things you want him to do to you crash through your mind.
"Are you okay?" You quietly ensure.
Joel gives a curt nod, never taking his eyes from the younger man.
You face the trader. "Sorry, we don't have any nine-millimeter. We don't have anything to trade, really."Â
"Ah, that's fine. There's another group around this area. Maybe I'll try them."Â
"A group?" You query, your voice rising in concern.
"Yeah, you ain't seen anyone, sweetheart? There's a whole community of farmers. Rumor is they have chickens."
"Oh," you stutter. "Wow, chickens."Â
"Yeah. Supposed to be a lot of folks, so I guess that'll be my next try."Â
Zach looks you up and down, a genuine smile gracing his clean-cut face.
"You sure you don't wanna take a day trip with me? Take you to see some chickens? I'm sure your dad won't mind?" The winsome younger man cocks his head at Joel as if asking permission.
In the span of a second, Joel is a brick wall in front of you. He raises his rifle, his scope trained on the man's chest.
"If you don't get the fuck outta here, I'll give you those bullets you're beggin' around for."Â
The barely-restrained anger in his voice involuntarily has you leaning closer to him. He sounded like he was speaking to a deadly threat, and you instinctively crave his protection. Your heart races, wondering what spooked Joel.Â
Zach throws up his hands, "Fuck, man. Okay. I can't hit on her? Sheezus."Â
He starts back up over the hill, throwing worried looks every now and then, seemingly terrified that Joel will act on his inexplicably violent mood.Â
When he's gone, Ellie comes popping out from behind a tree.
"Damn, Joel, you made that guy piss his pants," she approves.
"What happened?"
The intense belief in your eyes that Joel had been morally right in that situation almost bothers him. He'd threatened the kid because the kid threatened him. Joel can't put rational words to it, but you're his⌠responsibility.Â
"Had a forty-five on him. Not a nine-millimeter," Joel lies.Â
"Wow, you could tell that?" Ellie's face glows. "That's impressive as shit. Teach me the difference? And how to shoot?"Â
Knowing damn well that Joel had never seen any weapon on the guy, you tell your excited younger sister, "He will, El, but first he's gotta change the tire and get us going again."Â
Joel rubs his jaw, sure you saw through him. âActually, might be good to go hunting here where the woodsâre thicker. And I'd gotta go before dark.âÂ
"I'll go with you," you don't let him squirm away. "Ellie, you know the drill. Keep an extra eye out while that guy's around. I think he's-" You wanted to say harmless, but realized that would undermine Joel's actions.
"I think he's gone; but just in case," you hand her your rifle.Â
Ellie looks from butt to barrel with awed respect.Â
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"So, what the hell was that about?" You interrogate Joel once the two of you are a fair distance into the woods.Â
"Nothin'," is Joel's forthcoming reply.
"Joel, for the love of-" you grab his shoulder and spin him to face you. "What set you off?"Â
Joel works his jaw, looking away from you, then meets your eyes with a faintly-playful tilt of his head.Â
"He called me old." Joel's face is impassive.
You fight a smirk. "Are you being serious? Ellie calls you old all the time."Â
"He was annoyin' me."Â
"I annoy you."
"I know, you're doin' it right now."Â
Sighing, you give up. "Fine, don't tell me."
"You upset I scared off a suitor?"
"A suitor? Damn, you are old." You push his arm in jest as you both continue marching through the woods. "He was too young for me."Â
"He was older than you."Â
"Too young." You say again. "Too happy. Too charming."
"Oh, he was charming, huh? That was workin' on you?"Â
You catch his eye and smile like you have a secret, "No."
Joel knows you're goading him, and his chest aches with exhilaration. He'd point loads of guns at loads of people if you'd keep smiling at him like that.
You breathe out the word, âDeer,â and Joel sinks into a crouch, tugging you down with him. The two of you take cover behind a downed hemlock. His rifle rests on the treebark following the soft footsteps of a large animal.Â
The way he pulled you down has you pressing into his side and youâre certain even the deer can hear your thumping heart.Â
But neither of you move. You can feel the unyielding firmness of his body; itâs so incredibly comforting to you that itâs all you can think about. Joel Miller.Â
He breathes in, and on the exhale he fires. The shot echoes through the woods, sending a handful of crows cawing into the air. Joel retracts his rifle and turns his head to you with a faux-humble smirk.Â
Heâs even closer than he was that night on the beach; your heart stops, then kicks into overdrive. With his hair mussed and his smile lopsided, he looks happy.Â
Instantly realizing his mistake, but too weak to correct it, Joel risks another glance at your lips. He peers back up at your eyes and heâs dry-mouthed at how blown your pupils are. He watches with confliction as your face changes. You swallow a sudden lump in your throat and drop your eyes.
You pull away and whisper, âI canât do this.âÂ
And you canât. The constant heartache of Joel pushing and pulling at you was too much. Today, heâs open, but tomorrow heâd be withdrawn. It was selfish and it was idealistic, but you wanted all of him or nothing. Calling it a crush was trivializing your feelings. An injustice; you knew what you felt for him was stronger than that.
You stand and offer him your hand. If he couldnât give you what you wanted, that's okay, because youâd love him anyway - as platonically as you could.
âShould we butcher it here? Or drag it? Itâs gonna be a chore either way.â Your voice is forced cheer.Â
Joel clears his throat, thrown for a loop. âMm. Guess weâll drag it.â
He takes your hand and you haul him up. He pauses to put his gun back on safety and sling it over his shoulder. As he does so, you stride toward the unlucky deer.
âI didnât know lovebirds still existed.â Youâre several yards from the deer when a manâs taunt drifts on the wind.
A greasy, stocky man in his late-thirties strolls out from behind another massive hemlock. Heâs halfway between you and the deer carcass. Twigs snap behind you as Joel hastens to get to your side, but the man raises his handgun.Â
He aims at your friend, but Joel only slows his pace. The man grunts with irritation and points the firearm at you. Joelâs footsteps stop.Â
âOoh, youâre easy to control, huh?âÂ
You picture your gun back at the campsite with Ellie as she kept watch. Itâs hard to regret giving it to her, though. She had a weapon and so did you. As long as Joel was around, youâd be okay.
âWhatâd you want?â Joel grits out; heâs pissed.
âBuddy, I donât like your tone. Neither do they,â and the dumpy man tilts his chin behind both of you.
Two more men crush leaves and branches below their feet as they materialize. One is older and armed with a small hunting rifle. The other is much younger than both his friends despite his beard; this man foregoes a weapon. Joel rotates to face the new problem, backing up as he does so, but the first man is wise to Joelâs play.
âStop moving toward her.âÂ
Joel stops once more, his teeth clench so hard that his jaw pops.Â
âWe followed the deer. Been tracking it for a half-mile.â
âThen take it,â the inflection in Joelâs voice is flat, terrifying.
âAâright, aâright, donât get your panties twisted,â the bearded man jeers. He then shares a meaningful look with the bulkier man near you.Â
Standing between Joel and the heavyset man, youâve angled yourself diagonally to see both men. Unfortunately, Joel is not the closest. The stocky man lunges forward and snatches your left arm, wrenching it behind your back painfully. You cry out in sheer agony as his thumb digs into your stitches.
âDon't fuckin' hurt her,â Joel whips out, seething. His mouth pulls into a horrified scowl, his hands raised in desperate surrender.
The man pulls up your flannel sleeve, saying, âAh, see, I thought you were overreacting. I was so gentle.â His oily nose sniffs your hair, âDid this guy hurt you, baby?â
You twist away from his rancid breath on your neck. It occurs to you to lie, to try to get them to believe Joel was possessive for a reason other than whatever drove him. Basic ethics, most likely.Â
If you lie, maybe theyâd see you as less of a bargaining chip. Joel certainly wasnât helping. Heâs keeping his feelings forefront with that black look on his face.
With reluctance, you mutter, âY-â
But itâs curtailed by your own scream as Joel stumbles to his knees. The two men stand above him - the butt of a rifle is pressed against the back of Joelâs head. His eyes find yours, and a trickle of blood drips down his forehead. Tears stream freely down your cheek.Â
How could they? Joel is carefully and permanently on a pedestal in your mind. The peak of masculinity - both good and bad: protective, providing, impenetrable. Seeing him bleed, sagging on his knees was unthinkable. It was perverted, wrong.Â
You headbutt the man in the nose, a painful crack against the top of your skull. Grabbing the barrel of his handgun, you wrench it loose and stumble away. The man swears and doubles over, hands over his face.
Gasping for breath, you aim the gun at its owner and order, "Make them back off."
"Bitch, I'm not their daddy. I don't control âem," the man sounds pained.Â
The rifleman shoves the barrel of his gun into Joel's temple. "Put it down or I'll kill him."Â
"Hey, listen. You owe me, now," the stocky man says. "If you set down the gun, turn yourself over, we'll leave him be."Â
In your moment of hesitation, you lock eyes with the man you'd never expected, fear in his wet eyes. Then a freight train barrels into your side.
The gun's owner was quicker and quieter than his build should allow. It wasn't fair.
âNow, as feisty as you may think yourself, Iâm not a fan of that.âÂ
Your cheek is roughly grabbed, squeezed, and you're forced to watch as the rifleman slams the butt of his weapon into Joelâs back. Joel sprawls onto the ground, the wind knocked from him.Â
Weeping freely now, you beg, âStop hurting him. Please, please donât.â
âYou gonna do what we ask?âÂ
Joel tries to speak, but heâs rewarded with another blow to the ribs. He groans and falls onto his uninjured side only to have the bearded man deliver a clumsy kick to his stomach.
âYes, yes. I won't- won't fight if youâll let him -â you break off at the look in Joel's eyes. âPlease, let him go.âÂ
âGoddamn it,â he groans.Â
Taking advantage of Joelâs attackers focusing on him, and the man holding you being unable to see your face, you mouth: Ellie. Take her. Go.
He growls your name and a curse which earns him another kick to the ribs. He coughs violently, then pushes himself up onto his knees, breathing heavily.
Still staring at you, he softly shakes his head ânoâ. A dead leaf falls from his hair; his brown, puppy eyes are devastated. It crushes your heart into the thousands of pieces youâd been so sure it was already in.
This doesnât feel real. Itâs as though you and Joel had slipped into a nightmare out here in the lonesome woods. None of this was real. None of it except your certainty. If you could save him, you would. You'd tried; and you'd try again. He could keep Ellie safer than you could. Itâs simple for you - always had been. The decision wasnât a decision at all. Love was a practice; a concrete, tangible thing; an action. Love sacrifices.Â
ââCourse. I swear. Heâs not exactly our type. Good news, boys, yâall know I hate a fighter.â The man wraps an arm around you and drags you backward.Â
Heâs deliberately slow enough to let you watch as Joel stands, pained. He punches the oncoming bearded man in the jaw and, using his momentum against him, drops the fucker to the ground. Joel then lunges for the rifleman, but the young, bearded man is up faster than he shouldâve been. He snakes an arm around Joelâs throat.Â
âJoel!â You wail, thrashing in the manâs arms. âYou fucking swore, you fucking asshole.â But you know it had been a long shot. You donât even get to see Joelâs face one last time before youâre dragged over a ridge.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joelâs temples throb with his heartbeat. The near-deafness in his right ear isnât new, but he feels more like a flash-bang grenade exploded in his face. It had been late afternoon when heâd taken you hunting, and the pale blue lighting he sees when his eyes blink open tells him it's just after sunset.Â
He puffs out a cloud of the mulched forest floor between his dry lips and pushes his palms down to leverage himself off the ground. The temperature had dropped rapidly and the air stings his bruised lungs.
Itâs then that he hears your cry. Itâs muffled like someone has their hand over your mouth. He hears feet scrabbling in the leaves, and his body physically stiffens at the remembrance of where he is.Â
Rage and panic napalm his mind. Those assholes must believe theyâd killed him because no one in their right mind would leave Joel Miller alive; not when they had his⌠his.
He wanted to be mad at you. Wanted so desperately the chance to be mad at you. How could you believe them? Why would they have let him go once you stopped fighting? His heart races and he wonders if he's having a heart attack. He had been right in the beginning about you being too trusting. He had been right this whole time.Â
He hides his fear of losing you behind blame, anger. But then his own guilt kicks him. You were doing exactly what youâd do for Ellie. For anyone you cared for. He shouldâve been stronger. He shouldâve saved you.
Joel casts a searching eye for a weapon, though the righteous rage inside him would be enough. There it is. He canât quite believe it. One of these boys with a room-temperature IQ had left his .22 propped against a tree trunk near the lip of the earthy depression.
Ignoring the pain lancing through his body, Joel crouches and shakily snatches up the gun. He moves to the top of the small rise and peers around a tree.Â
Sitting on your shins is the bearded man who knocked him out; the sandy-haired manâs grimy fingers are trying to shimmy your jeans down. The second man, the rifleman, whom Joel now notices is wearing a torn band shirt, is seated in the dirt above your head, pinning your arms. The third member of the goon squad, their leader, is straddling you, kissing your neck.
Joel refuses to look at your face because if he does heâll go insane. Instead, he raises the .22 in a flash and fires a shot at at the music fan holding your arms. His orbital bone shatters, blood spurting everywhere.
Without pausing, Joel launches out from behind the tree and swings the .22 into the head of the man who took you from him. He swings the gun as if heâs winning the World Series with it. The resounding crack is so loud that Joel knows heâs killed the fucker instantly. That pisses him off more. A better death than the shitstain deserved.Â
Two men are dead before they even know heâs coming. Joel turns on the last one whoâs now crab-walking backward from your legs.
âHey, hey, please,â the younger man holds up a hand in panicked surrender. âYou killed my brother, you killed him! Ainât that enough?â
âYouâre right behind him,â Joel grits out. He tosses the gun aside.
âPlease, no, listen. No, no,â the man begs.
You retract your knees, hugging them to your chest as you sit up. Your body is a tempest of fear, revulsion, relief, horror, disgust, gratitude, and anger. Youâre not sure which one you feel strongest. Youâd been hassled before, nearly every woman left in the world had been and the odds hadnât been great pre-outbreak, anyway. But itâd never been that close.Â
All you focus on now is Joel. Alive, and standing between you and all the world.
âClose your eyes.âÂ
He doesnât tell you to run because youâre already in the safest place you could be. You donât want to close your eyes. If you do, he might disappear. You can't give up a sense while drowning in fear. Take your eyes off the one buoy you had? You just can't do it.
The sounds you hear are worse than what you see. Thereâs the dull thudding sound of Joelâs fists connecting with your attackerâs face, the manâs primal screams suddenly stopping, and the squelching of blood.Â
Joel kneeling over the man, his solid right arm rising and slamming down is all you see. It's all you want to see. You'd be lying if you said his violent defense of you wasn't thrilling, wasn't stirring something inside you.
It will haunt you for a while, but the relief of Joel being alive would ease all pain. And in truth, the would-be rapist deserved it. He deserved that side of Joel just as you deserve the other side of him.Â
You finally close your eyes when Joel's swings slow. Tucking into yourself, you relive the last few minutes and begin to cry.
Thereâs a hand in your hair. You flinch and your arms go up to protect yourself when you feel a weight sink to the ground beside you. Opening your eyes, youâre unable to move in the sight of Joelâs frenzied face. Freckles of blood dot his skin, and his eyes are wild. His breathing is rapid as his hand combs through your hair.Â
âYouâre okay,â his deep voice is raw, âyouâre okay.âÂ
He crushes you to him - his hand cradles the back of your skull while you bury your face in his chest. A pained groan rolls from his mouth but he doesnât let go. His earthy, leather scent is grounding.Â
You scramble to match his kneeling position to fit into him further; you push underneath his jacket, wrapping your arms around his torso, needing to feel him. He rests his cheek on top of your head.
âI thought they killed you,â you cry brokenly into his clothing, the inconsolable grief of losing him still pressing on you.Â
âNever fuckinâ do that again,â itâs too soon for him to be mad, but he tries anyway. He pulls back just enough to take your face in both hands, âIf youâre given that choice again, you do not choose me.â His troubled eyes dart between yours.Â
You know you canât retort, so you drop your gaze. You canât promise you wonât take a bullet for him, because you would. Just like you would for Ellie. You slowly retract your arms from underneath his jacket, feeling awkward.
âIâll try to think of something else first,â you answer him, your voice laden with too many emotions.Â
You tilt your head up to see Joelâs beautiful face marred by a tortured expression. Heâs so close that you can feel his breath on your cheeks.Â
He wants you to be strong, yes. To fight. You are unapologetic joy and he canât lose that. Joel would happily die if he knew youâd still smile at nature, at all your small reasons, at your sister. He canât lose you, can't fail you.
In great contrast to the gentle way he holds your face, his jaw is clenched so hard that it looks painful. Concern creases your brow and your mouth opens a fraction to ask if heâs alright, but Joelâs lips are suddenly swallowing your question.Â
He burns away the swirling mire in your mind. Thereâs nothing, no pain or fear. Nothing except for him. His kiss is desperate - a leaf clinging to summer. As your hand returns to caress his side underneath his jacket, you can feel his heart beating as fast as your own.Â
A soft moan is forced from you when his hand fists in your hair. Your hands slide up his flannel-covered torso to cup his scruffy chin.Â
You part your lips, and breathe, âJoel.âÂ
He moans into your mouth.Â
Then you delve into him, deepening the kiss. His arms encircle you, one hand in your hair, the other squeezing your ass, keeping your body flush against his. Heâs even warmer than you imagined. The night chill no match for him.
A bird tweets in the distant dusk. Then itâs as if he suddenly returns to earth: he leans back, putting distance between the two of you.
ââm sorry. That was⌠bad. This is -â he stops, looking around, and presses his swollen lips into a thin line. âNot right. Sorry. Weâll go find Ellie.âÂ
With that, he lets go of you completely, leaving you adrift. He stands and offers his hand to you. Confused, more muddled than youâve ever been in your life, you accept the help silently. He drops your hand as soon as youâre upright.Â
Holy shit. He kissed me, right? Or did I lean in first? His rejection stomps on the already-broken pieces of your heart. I knew he wouldnât let me in.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Ellie hops off a rock and slams into you, nearly bowling you over. She tilts her head to look up at you, and you wipe away her tear stains.
âI could hear you yelling. I could hear it, but I promised.â She cries in horror, referring to what you had ingrained into her every day since the outbreak: if you two were separated, she stayed put. She never came if she heard trouble. Ever. No exigent circumstances. Sheâd hated that promise, fought you on it constantly, but fucking hell were you glad she listened. You refused to even entertain what mightâve happened had Ellie been there.
âWeâre alright, Ellie. Iâm so sorry.â You smile tiredly. âEveryoneâs okay.âÂ
To your right, you see Joel out of the corner of your eye. Ellie leans over and grasps his sleeve, making sure heâs tangible. Joelâs mouth twitches in a tiny but reassuring smile.
âIâm fine, kid.â
âYou guys look like shit,â she swipes at her tears.
Joel barks a laugh, the quick change in Ellieâs disposition precisely what was needed.
âIâd like nothing better than a hot shower,â you reply. You can still feel their grimy hands on your body. You shudder.
âDunno âbout a hot shower, but Iâm sure we could find a spring tomorrow.â
You sigh, âGuess thatâll have to do.âÂ
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
âAre you -â Joel stumbles over his thoughts, âAre you gonna be okay? To sleep, I mean?â
âUnlikely,â you give him an uneasy smile. âIâm happy to take the first watch.âÂ
âAlright,â he settles on the rock next to you.
You protest, irritated, âPlease go rest. You've had a - a bad day, too.â You needed time to process everything and his presence was distracting.
âIâm not gonna rest if youâre keeping watch alone.â
You scoff. âI learned my lesson, okay?âÂ
Was he hellbent on making you mad at him tonight? After he saved your ass? For the third time. Oh, my god. I really am one big problem for him.Â
Redness flushes your cheeks at the realization. You owe him so much yet all he does is drive you insane. Sorting out your feelings about everything was priority number one.
âThatâs not what I m-â
âWell, what do you mean?â
âIf youâd let me fuckinâ finish,â he makes a frustrated hand motion. âGot a hard enough time admitting it at all, anâ you want me to just come out with a poem or some shit?â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?â
âI think we should eat those last two granola bars. Donât you guys? Theyâve been in my pack for, like, three weeks.â Ellie walks over and interrupts purposefully, tired of the argument.
âWell, they lasted eight years, so I donât think a few days will affect them, but thatâs fine with me.â
Ellie trots over to her backpack and breaks two bars in half. She returns and gives you one half and Joel another. Holding her own half from the second bar, she âclinksâ her bar with yours.Â
âCheers,â she laughs before biting her piece. You smile and take a small bite of yours. Ellie wanders toward the sleeping bags, slowly picking apart her granola bar.
Under your breath, you tell Joel, âPlease go get some sleep. I owe you and Iâm fine.âÂ
He stamps the butt of his gun on the rock heâd been sitting on in acknowledgment, then mercifully leaves you to your daunting task.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It's still dark when your relief comes. He looks terrible. His knuckles are flaked with both his and another's blood, and his forehead still bears traces of the afternoon.
"There's a stream down there," you indicate to your right. Its babbling could be heard in the quiet air.Â
"I'm fine," he grouses.Â
"JoelâŚ" you gently chide.Â
Pulling a shirt from your pack, you walk off to the stream. You're back less than a minute later, and you point at the rock you'd been sitting on.
"Yes, ma'am," his voice is still monotone.Â
You position yourself in front of him, his face level with yours. He closes his eyes as you carefully rub the damp cloth across his dirty, blood-streaked forehead.Â
"It's been hours, why didn't you clean up?"Â
Joel only shrugs in answer.Â
"What's wrong?" You stop wiping.Â
His eyelids open and the flickering campfire reflects in his glassy eyes.Â
"Can you just keep doin' that?" He closes his eyes once more. You oblige.
He doesn't mean to, he doesn't even register that he's done it until it's too late. He flinches as his sore, bruised knuckles bend to fit his hands around your hips. You tenderly grasp one and begin to wipe it free of residue.Â
Neither of you speaks, too lost in your own thoughts and in the moment. Joel feels so close and so distant.Â
Youâd sorted through your emotions over the near-assault with brashness. It was the end of the world. Dwelling on things you had survived was pointless.Â
No, the problem was Joel. You thought youâd got him killed, then he was alive, then the kiss, then he rejected you. Guilt, grief, joy, embarrassment.Â
You still weren't sure who initiated the kiss, and his defensive coldness led you to believe it had been you. In truth, you supposed you were just back at square one. Joel forever opening up then shutting down again.Â
It only made you feel worse. Desperately you wanted to cling to him, have him tell you that he didnât blame you. Have him make the world go away. But even if he did that now, it wouldnât last. He wouldnât let you fully inside.Â
âThank you,â Joel murmurs when you back away.Â
âLike I said, I owe you.â Your voice gives away no inflection.Â
Joel watches you walk over to where Ellie lay. You kiss her forehead, then cuddle in behind her. He sees you whisper something in her ear.
Joel understands. An easy reprieve from your own emotions was to care for anotherâs.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 The silver truck glimmers behind you. You regard it with sadness before trudging onward. The sun beads in your eyes as the westward walk continues. Looking down isnât a reprieve as the sun reflects off the pure snow. The soft, rolling plains stretch out, but the horizon is jagged with the promise of greater hills or rock formations. Thereâs not a single car to be seen.
âIt got us through, like, four fucking states in three days,â Ellie holds up a map of the Midwest youâd found at a state welcome center.Â
âYou mean I got us through four fuckinâ states in three days,â Joel boasts.Â
 It had been too long since heâd filled the gas tank, but with the broken gauge, heâd been unable to predict exactly when the vehicle would give up the ghost. The answer was somewhere over the border of Nebraska.Â
âSure, Joel, you did it all on your own,â Ellie rolls her eyes. She kicks a chunk of snow. âIâm so happy you're here to do everything.â
Since the fight, youâd found it difficult to even look at the man next to you. You had bared yourself to him that day; shown him that you were willing to die for him, that you trusted him with Ellie, that your greatest fear had been his death; and then that fucking kiss. And here you both were: unable to look at each other.Â
âAt least one of you is,â Joel mutters, his breath clouding in the freezing air.
The man could find his way under your skin even if you were wearing a latex bodysuit. You bite your lip to prevent the automatic, angry retort.Â
Thinks Iâm dead weight. You think bitterly. Don't blame him too much. Almost got him killed. Probably thinks of me as a dumb kid.Â
You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to quell the heartbreak. You understood his opinion: youâre weak because you care. You had given up on trying to show him that that was the only way you could live with yourself.
A cloud blows over the afternoon sun, illuminating the land in a new way. The horizon silhouettes a building in the distance, at least a mile out. You shield your eyes, then point.
âShelter?â Your teeth chatter together with perfect timing and, from the corner of your eye, you see motion. Joel is unwinding the scarf heâd found. He drapes it around your neck.Â
âWrap it over your chin,â he instructs.Â
You do so. It had been a new scarf from the same rest stop where youâd picked up the map. It smelled old, but it was warm. His warmth. You regret curling it over your mouth because on top of the old smell was Joel. At least he canât see most of your face now.
Joel relished the way something of his - albeit his for less than a few days - looked on you. Heâd take what he could get. Youâd pried open his hardened heart and nestled inside. Joel had never met anyone like you. So capable and vulnerable and easy to be with. And fucking irritating. And stubborn. God, you piss him off.Â
Youâd been different since that night and Joel hadnât the emotional intelligence to work out your problem. As far as he could reason, you were upset with him for not saving you sooner, or for kissing you at such a shit moment; or, he worried, kissing you at all. His fear that you see him as a father figure grows larger.
âYou and I go in, Ellie covers the front?â You start planning. âTogether or me in the back?âÂ
âCould be one of those state historical cabins, so there might be only one door anyway,â Joel theorizes.
âGood point,â you concede.Â
You evaluate Ellieâs back as she walks in front, wondering if you could get away with a hushed conversation with Joel. The heaviness between the two of you was reaching a breaking point for you. Youâre just one state away from Wyoming now, and you canât let him leave without fixing whatever was happening. Luckily, the wind howls occasionally from the west, so your words are unlikely to carry to her ears.Â
You drop back, slowing your pace. Joel notices and slows as well.
âIs it because I told them you hurt me? Because I kissed you? Or because I- because I almost got you killed? Is that why you're still so mad at me?â You pepper him suddenly.
Joel couldnât be more surprised if you had stabbed him.Â
âNo, I know why yâ told âem I did that,â he answers. âAnâ I know you thought trading yourself was the best option.â His voice drops an octave, âIt wasnât, but I get it.â
âYou get it? You don't blame me? Then why are you being so mean to me?â You plead.
âWhat?â Joel's face turns to yours.
âYouâre even colder than usual. You make these little digs at me, you donât trust me to keep watch half the time anymore. You treat me like a child youâre disappointed in.â The irony smacks into you when you nearly whine that last sentence.Â
Joel grabs your arm, stopping you and turning you to face him.
"I donâ do those things because I think youâre a child. And I thought you were the one who was mad-â he pauses, unsure how to organize his argument. Snowflakes catch in his gray hair. His dark eyes are stark against the white surroundings. âBut I couldnât feel less fatherly 'bout you if I tried.âÂ
âWhat - what the fuck does that mean?â You ask, baffled and failing to keep your pitch low. Ellie notices now that the two of you have stopped.
âCan you guys fight in the damn cabin up there?â She crosses her arms and tilts her head back dramatically. âEither kiss or kill each other, Iâm so tired of this.â And with that, she spins around.Â
When you reignite eye contact with Joel, heâs burning a hole through you with every emotion youâve ever made him feel. Thereâs a moment when you think heâll take Ellieâs advice, but then he sighs.
âGo on, girl,â he gestures âafter youâ.
ââGirlâ? You said you weren't infantilizing me.â You scoff.
âInfantilizing? Well, ainât that a five-dollar word, whereâd ya learn that?â he snarks in exasperation. God, you piss him off. Â
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joel had been right, again. You were getting tired of that. An empty wooden box with a fireplace on the lower level, the cabin was at least a shelter from the snow flurrying down. It had plain, empty floors and a staircase with no railing but a trapdoor to separate the top floor from the bottom. That was handy in case a problem arose.Â
There was a great debate about lighting the fire. All three of you took turns arguing both for and against it (Ellie: âBut itâs fucking frozen in here,â Joel: âYou wanna alert any dumbass in the area to our presence, darlinâ, go ahead,â), but in the end, the frigid temperature had the final say. Ellie and Joel ventured back into the growing white swirl outside to look for wood in the tiny shed.Â
While they were gone, you laid out the camping gear and set about making this house a home for the night. In the corner, you notice an old brochure for the place.Â
Perfect. Kindling.
You dig through your pack to find your lighter when Ellie shoves open the heavy wooden door with two logs in her arms. She kicks the door closed, despite its weight.
âThis was all I got, but I think Joel mightâve got more.â She announces, slamming the logs onto the hearth.
âWas he right behind you?â You ask, laughing preemptively.
âOh, shit, yeah.âÂ
She runs to the door and jerks it back open. Thereâs Joel standing in the doorway with his arms full of wood. His leveled glare and signature frown send both you and Ellie into fits of laughter.Â
âIâm sorry,â Ellie chuckles.
Joelâs long legs step over the threshold, and when he gets close enough to Ellie, he shakes his hair over her, showering her in melting snowflakes.Â
Still laughing, Ellie blocks him with her hands and cries, âYou dick!âÂ
Sitting cross-legged next to the hearth, you no longer need the fire, warmed by the scene playing out in front of you. No matter the type of relationship with Joel, you couldnât care about the two of them any more than you do now. The smile on your face is so wide that you feel like you'll split.Â
Joel approaches and sets the logs down far more gently than Ellie had next to the fireplace. You hold up the two logs Ellie had grabbed, and together with Joel, start the fire.Â
After a dinner of canned veggies, Ellie sprawls out on the floor in her t-shirt and jeans. Joel sits with his back to the flames while you lean against the heated stones.Â
âItâs hot down here,â Ellie complains.
Joel's face darkens with irritation.
âIâm allowed to be hot.â
âYouâre the only reason we got the damn thing going,â he accuses. âYou got too much energy. Itâs got you all -â he makes a shaking motion with his hands.
âI do not,â Ellie yawns. âIâm actually exhausted.â
âThat floor upstairs has a trapdoor. Might be cooler, El.âÂ
âDoesnât heat rise or some shit?â Ellie asks.
âYes, but this place is airtight and Iâm betting itâs colder up there. I donât care what you do, Iâm just telling you.âÂ
âOkay, Iâll go look.â Ellie hops up in a fluid motion and bounds across the room and up the stairs. Sheâs gone for a few moments, and you picture her standing with her eyes closed acting like a human thermometer.Â
She stomps down the creaky old steps, âItâs way cooler but not cold so Iâm gonna sleep up there.â She starts to gather her sleeping bag, pillow, and her clothes.Â
Your stomach lurches. Alone with Joel overnight? Thatâs⌠thatâs never happened.Â
âDo you want company, Ellie?â You ask, trying to take the cowardâs way out.
âUhh. Do you mind staying down here?â Ellie asks with a grimace. A teenager has to take every opportunity to be independent.Â
âCourse not. Just making sure youâre okay,â you reassure her, though youâre the one whoâs not okay.
âGoodnight, then. Love you,â Ellie balances her stuff as she makes her way up the stairs. ââNight, Joel!â Then the squeak, bam! of the trapdoor hinging shut.
ââNight, Ellie,â comes his reply.Â
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
âLetâs get this over with,â you sigh pessimistically.
âWish I hadnât kissed you,â Joel blurts out before you finish speaking. It was obvious he hadnât planned this any more than you had.Â
Subconsciously, you put a hand over your chest at the stabbing pain of his words. Though you suspected it, it was hard to hear it from those same lips.
Joel looks into the shadowy corner of the cabin. âEverything used to make you happy. Sunsets, mountains, clouds - hell, even I managed to make you laugh once or twice. But you've been so⌠so angry ever since - since I kissed you.âÂ
Okay, so I didn't start the kiss. One less thing to feel guilty for.Â
âI wasnât sure who moved first. Then you said it was âbad.ââ Your voice curdles to a whisper in embarrassment.
Joelâs head jerks to you. The firelight glows on the right side of his tanned face, highlighting his patchy beard. âYou thought I meant your kissinâ skill?âÂ
You donât reply, a lump in your throat at the memory of all you felt that day and the sting of his rejection.Â
What scared you most that day was not what nearly happened to you, but what had happened to him. In a way, you understood him much better now. Letting people in only got people hurt. Thatâs fine and dandy when you were the one getting hurt, but not when Joel had been near death because of your affection for him.Â
âNo, you meant getting close to me.â You canât make eye contact with him, but his hand twitches closer to yours.
âNo, I didnât,â his voice is so rough it could catch on silk. "You an' Ellie are all I got. What I meant was that I shouldnât have finally let you know that next to three dead bodies after youâd been -â he stops himself, looking away.
Those two sentences in his gruff, passionate voice pick up the pieces of your heart.Â
It's your turn. âI havenât been mad, Iâve been hurt. Confused. Taking a page out of your book and building a wall to protect myself.âÂ
Joel frowns, âFrom me?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âYeah. I told you Iâm not a good man. Tommy and I did bad shit to survive. But... I was worse.â
âStop fucking comparing yourself to him,â you beg. âI donât want your brother.âÂ
âAnâ you want me?â Joel chuckles darkly. âOld enough to be your dad.â
âYou said you didnât view me like a kid.âÂ
âNo,â his brown eyes find yours, giving you the same look he gave you out on the road and before he kissed you that horrible day. âNo, when I think about you, it ainât -â he hesitates. âIt's what any man would think.âÂ
You slide closer to him, your hip bumping the rock hearth, and murmur, âI donât want any man, either.âÂ
Delicately, you rest a hand on his jean-covered knee. Your mind had changed. If he would keep opening himself up to you over time like this, he was worth the risk. Worth the heartache.
He's warm even through the tough material. A summer's day at the lake, and you desperately want to go swimming. Joel's large, deep eyes memorize your face, and the fire blazing beside you pales in comparison.Â
âI can't. What if I fail you again?â His mind jumps to how close you were to being hurt. The fear shocking his body. The sound of your cry. âI donât know how to be close to anyone anymore. And Iâm-â his voice strains, but he raises his hand to touch your face.Â
You close your eyes, inadvertently parting your lips as well. His thumb trails and pulls on your bottom lip.Â
âIâve killed innocent people,â he confesses, staring at your inviting mouth. "Iâm not who I should be."Â
His eyes snap back to yours as you open them, âI⌠had a daughter.âÂ
Joelâs eyes are watery, but he refuses to blink and let them spill. Itâs Joelâs hardest confession and he does it purposefully while his brain is distracted. He needed you to know why he wasnât right for you. Why he was stopping this.
 âSo have I. AndâŚâ You pour your heart into your words, âIâm so, so sorry, Joel. Nothing I can say will ease that pain. I- I can't even imagine it." You picture Ellie. You squeeze his knee where your hand still lay, "But Iâll help you carry it all, if youâll let me."
âGoddamn it,â he growls. âYouâre not lettinâ me have any room, are you? Always have to fuckinâ argue.âÂ
His calloused hands seize your face, crushing his lips to yours. You mewl in surprise and the hand on his leg flies to his cheek. He holds you together though you feel like falling apart. The kiss was never chaste, but then his tongue demands its way into your mouth and you reward him with a submissive moan.Â
Joel feels his entire body ignite. His lips drag you to a state of arousal you'd only experienced in your dreams of him. His hands clutch the sides of your face, his thumbs caressing your cheekbones as he licks into you. Joel's heat soaks into you, pooling below your stomach.Â
Not close enough for you, you throw your leg over him, straddling him.Â
He groans deliciously as you settle on his lap. He runs his hands up and down your back, your sides, wanting to map your body.
You grip his hair, as soft as you always knew it would be, and refuse to let the man breathe. Your kiss is as incendiary as his, and both of you gasp around the otherâs lips. You rock against him, feeling the hardness in his jeans.Â
âFuck,â his voice breaks along with any restraint he still had.
âPlease,â you cry, plain need dripping from your voice.Â
âWhatever yâwant, baby,â he drunkenly promises into your skin, placing openmouthed kisses down your throat. âThis gotta go, though,â he grumbles. He slides both hands up your shirt, removing it with a flourish.Â
His undeniable desire for you goes straight to your soul: a desperate ache for him. He works your bra off and replaces it with his hardworking hands. You throw your head back in relief, but itâs still not enough.Â
"Yes," you spur him on.
Returning to his perfect, indecently pouty mouth, your hands fumble with his belt. The clink of the belt buckle hitting the stone hearth underneath him is the most erotic sound you've yet heard. Without leaving your lips, Joel hooks your ankles around his waist and lowers you to his sleeping bag.Â
He trails down your jaw. You hurriedly unbutton his flannel, wanting to feel his skin flush with yours. He lets you slide your jeans off, in fear you might remember the last time a man tried to remove them.Â
But once they're gone, his hands skate along your hips and hook in your underwear. In a jumble of arms and material, Joel soon covers your nakedness with his own; his hard length throbbing against your hip.
âI can feel your heat, already,â he chokes, his voice gravelly. âNow, you gonna be quiet, or do I gotta cover this mouth of yours?â Joelâs thumb ghosts over your lips. Â
âIâll be quiet, Joel. Promise,â you widen your eyes in earnest.Â
Joel groans, "Shit, woman." He ruts against you.
You lean to kiss his neck and jawline while your hands slide down in excitement to cup him, stroke him. You make a small, satisfied noise at the feel of him in your hands. He moans above you, dropping his head onto your shoulder, and you smirk.
âAre you gonna be quiet?âÂ
He grasps your wrist and pulls it away. âYou keep doinâ that and thisâll be a short ride.â
Joel ruts against you again, this time across a spot he hadnât before - and you jolt with the sensation. He does it again, mesmerized by the way you move. He lines up and teases you, the mere contact sending your eyes rolling. You dig your nails into his biceps.
âJoel, before- I just want t-âÂ
He stops you with a wet, filthy kiss. The throbbing between your legs has you rubbing against him for release. He erases your thoughts. Joel tilts his forehead to yours.Â
âI know yâdo.âÂ
As much as he fought it, worried about it, somewhere deep inside he knows exactly how you feel. He also knows he feels the same.Â
Written across my fuckinâ forehead, isnât it?
But, unlike him, you'd never taken a break from loving things. You hadn't spent years denying that you were even capable of it anymore. He could not say it. But he could show it.
Your anxiousness melts away when Joel pushes into you slowly, savoring your expression. Total arousal and concentration has his mouth gaping. You nip at his bottom lip and he chases your mouth.
He canât believe heâs doing this. For such a short amount of foreplay, youâre gushing for him. He almost gave this up over fear of letting you in? This with a woman who loves him? God, he is a coward.
âDonât deserve this,â itâs a throaty moan as the patch of hair between his hips scratches yours. He looks down at the place heâs joined with you.Â
What a fuckinâ sight, Joel feels the spark at the base of his spine and almost comes right there.
âOh, fuck,â you thread your fingers back through Joelâs hair.
Your breasts press into his hard chest as you arch to accommodate him. It doesnât even hurt, youâve been so thoroughly turned on by him. You just need Joel as deep as he can be in you, in all possible ways.
He drags himself out, then slowly eases back in. You whimper with the deviance of a man being inside you. Not just any man, either, as youâd told him moments ago. But Joel. Beautiful, emotionally fragile, powerful Joel who felt loyalty toward you, who protected you, who cared for you.Â
He drops his mouth to bruise yours, overwhelmed by your reaction to him. His pace picks up until his fingers dig into your waist as you cling to him. You try to keep the need to be silent forefront, but it was so difficult with Joel possessing you, forcing noises to exist. He clasps a large hand over your mouth.
He closes in over you, muttering, âHow bad I wanna hear those noises. Wish I could hear how much you like it.â His hand slides up over your breast, manhandling slightly.Â
âI thought about your hands,â you adjust his fingers to admit in a whisper. "Thought about them all over me."
âHm, did you?â His voice is thick with lust.
Before you can answer, he wraps his hand around your throat, and, watching your eyes, squeezes the sides carefully. Only enough to remind you how strong he is, what you do to him, and how utterly safe you are with him. He kisses you again, hard, and it's full of those promises.Â
Itâs then that the tense pleasure building in your core snaps into an electric fire in your muscles. Writhing underneath him, he feels it, too.
âFuckinâ hell,â he slows his thrusts while your body squeezes him.Â
âOh, my god, Joel,â you cry as quietly as you can. Youâll never get off him after this.Â
It's the first time you've sung his name, and Joel knows he is well and truly fucked. He releases his grip. You grasp his hand and kiss his knuckles slowly.
He arches your hips and shoves his balled-up jacket underneath you. Joel places his hand over your mouth and thrusts into you with barely-controlled force, grunting with primal intent.
Your cry is muffled and distorted as he pushes inside you over and over. He rubs against a spot that makes you arch into him and decides that's his favorite. His thumb rolls over your sensitive mound and, combined with his filthy words, you feel him building another wave of euphoria.Â
All you know is his name, repeated over and over in your mind to remind you that Joel is the one making you feel this good. That knowledge alone shoves you back to the edge.
His lips are at your ear, and his accent is the strongest youâve ever heard it, âKnew youâd feel like this. Always throwinâ yourself at me. Darinâ me to fuck you. Wantin' me to do it,â he canât help himself: he tenderly bites and sucks at your neck just below your ear.
âLook so fuckinâ good underneath me,â he praises, his cadence clipped with exertion.
But Joel is tireless in his pursuit. Determined to show you how you make him feel. Determined to take what was already his. Hellbent on fucking you until it hurt to walk tomorrow. Shit, maybe heâd carry you. He felt free, wild.Â
Itâs the way he consumes your body with his hands, his lips, his tongue as he fucks you that has your mind reeling into another realm, or falls off a cliff, or wherever it is he sends you. Your body is as taut as a bowstring before it snaps the second time. The pleasure of Joel playing your body like a guitar fills your bones, your veins.
âYâstill with me?â Joel presses a kiss to your lips. You feel yourself clench a final time around nothing. He sits back.
Absently, you run a hand along your stomach and feel a substance. You raise your eyes to his, and he grins sheepishly. Itâs such an intimate smile, it hurts. He takes a shirt and wipes your skin.
âSorry 'bout the mess. Wanted to pull out in time to come on the shirt or somethinâ butâŚâÂ
He takes your hand, helping you sit up, and kisses your chin, cradling your face. You kiss him with fervor, and he breaks it to finish, âBut youâre too damn much.âÂ
âIâm never just right, am I?â You joke. You count on your fingers: âToo happy, too talkative, too argumentative, and now just too much.â
He grabs and kisses your fingers, saying huskily, ââs the way you should be."
"Put your clothes on," you laugh and follow your own advice.
"Yes, ma'am," he picks up his jeans and pulls them on without buttoning them, and you think about ripping them off and going for round two. You can see the brunette curls poking out invitingly.
He puts his undershirt on, then drags your sleeping bag to his. He unzips both bags to lay flat. A bed and a blanket.
"C'mere," he relaxes on the makeshift bed, holding an arm out to you.
After everything, this was what was going to make you cry? The sight of him, hair a mess, glowing in the firelight, enveloping you into his arms?
All those years staring at sunsets. Wish I could've been staring at this.
Tears prick your eyes as you kneel with him. He tucks you under his waiting arm and lies down, fitting you against him. His breath plays with your hair, and his hand trails up and down your arm soothingly.
"I thought this would never happen," you sigh.
Thereâs a moment of thought before Joel says, "Ah, shit. You were seventeen when-"
"Yep."
"Oh," he realizes you're a virgin. Or had been up until twenty minutes ago. He feels uncertain. "You okay?"
You laugh, "Yeah, why wouldnât I be?"
"Wasn't really romantic."
"You and a fireplace? That's way more romantic than I would've asked for. I'd have been happy with you and a backseat or you and a tree."
You feel Joel's chuckle roll through his chest. He viciously revels in your words. All you wanted was him.
"That wasn't what I meant, though. I meant that I thought you'd never - that you didn't feel anything like I did."
"Mm," he tenses. "Course I do."
Communication was not his strong suit, and in this moment, he does not want to fuck anything up.
"Better for me to show you."
"And I prefer that any time," you praise him.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Fucking finally, holy shit."
Ellie stands above with folded arms and the smuggest smile you've ever seen.
"You guys must've been freezing down here because somehow you ended up all cuddled together and I know for sure you'd never do that willingly because you guys hate each other," she sarcastically monologs.
Your face feels like you held it above the now-dead fire.
Joel hasn't moved. Maybe he was pretending she couldn't see him.
In the night, the two of you must've rolled over, because you're curled around his back, arm slung over his side. Your nose had buried itself into the waves at the nape of his neck.
"Ellie?" You cover your eyes. "Shut the fuck up."
She just laughs.
"Now does this mean there will be more or less bickering? Because sometimes it's entertaining but sometimes, fucking hell, you guys really go at it."
Joel finally stirs, heaving a massive sigh. "You ain't gonna leave us alone, are you?"
Ellie wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "Should I?"
Joel shoots her a glare.
Ellie makes eyes at you and you know she wants to barrage you with questions. You suppose it'll come sooner or later, and it's better if Joel's not there.
"Joel," you start, not sure what to suggest, but then he sits up.
"I'm headin' outside."
The door closes as he tugs his jacket on, and Ellie looks at you with poorly-contained excitement.
"What the fuck happened?"
"Shhh! Shit, Ellie, it's not a big deal." You haven't decided how much you're telling her.
Her glare could kill a horse. "Not a big deal? It's Joel. Mr. Antisocial. And you've been pining after him this whole damn time."
You shush her again, "He's going to fucking hear you."
"You think he doesn't know?" She asks incredulously; your affection for him was so obvious that she thought even Joel couldnât have missed it.
You exhale sharply, "No, he definitely knows that now. I mean he doesn't know how long. It's embarrassing."
"So, he⌠knows now?"
Shit.
You physically deflate. You'll have to tell her. She'll wheedle or smart it out of you eventually.
"We⌠worked it out."
Ellie starts laughing.
"You FUCKED HIM." She laughs harder at the new territory. It was funny, and kind of bizarre to have a man come into the picture after all of these years and change everything.
You canât help but laugh resignedly, "Don't be so crass. You donât need the details.â
âI don't want the damn details.â She looks nauseated at the thought. âI canât believe I leave you alone for one night and you pounce on the poor man.â
âI didnât pounce on him,â you retort, even though you literally did. âWe talked about some shit that went down in the woods last week and⌠and some other things. It was a mature conversation. I hope the bickering will be much less.â Then you add, âBut I wouldnât count on that.â
âJust donât forget I exist.â Ellie semi-jokingly requests.
âEllie,â you stand and hug her tight. âDonât even say that. Itâd never happen.â
âI know. I guess if anyone had to be as wonderful as me, Iâm glad itâs Joel.â
âItâs not a competition. Iâm also happy to know you're not mad,â you chuckle.
"Mad? It's like I got a brother. A⌠much older brother." She makes a face at you. "More like a dad."
"You never heard of DILFs?"
"You're gross."
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