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beefrobeefcal · 9 hours
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google play exclusive: pedro pascal for hispanic heritage month
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beefrobeefcal · 9 hours
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from a former ex-lurker: to all the lurkers out there, I hope you’re having a good night of reading 🥰
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beefrobeefcal · 10 hours
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silly man in a silly suit.
Pedro’s interview quirks
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He is adorable and deserves all the love that he gets 🥰
• Masterlist •
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The duality of this man
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beefrobeefcal · 11 hours
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an Ezra & Cricket One Shot: Brass Knuckled Debauchee Summary: Ezra, after abusing your healing talents, returns to make good on his debt... for a price.
Pairing: Ezra x F!Reader | Rating: Explicit 18+ (MDNI) | Word Count: 4,752
Content Warning: Smutty smutty smut smut, fingering (f receiving), weight gain, eating, edging, soft!dom Ezra being an overall ass, teasing, begging, crying, malfunctioning prosthetic limb, the occasional swear
Author's Notes: requested by two (count'em - 2!) lovely babes for the 900 Friendo Celebration - thank you to @xdaddysprincessxx and @morallyinept for bringing Ezra some love.
Huge thank you to @strang3lov3 , @noxturnalpascal & @bitchesuntitled for their beta badass skills and to my ever lovely beta fish, @neverwheremoonchild. None of you will understand the depths of gratitude I hold you all in.
No more tag lists - follow @beefnotes + turn on notifications for fic updates!
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You’d cared for him when his appendage was newly parted from his person, after a young woman dumped him off at your meagre midwife’s centre.  
You hadn’t delivered a baby in at least eight cycles, but you were busy tending to broken bones and crushed limbs from the mine nearby, so the idea of caring for a wound caused by a missing arm wasn’t far from your everyday.  
What was far from the standard men in your care was that this one wouldn’t shut up. Truly. You’d never met someone so close to death spew such a narrative. You almost wished to have him out of his misery just to stop his linguistic vomit.  
Thank Kevva for sedatives.  
You didn’t even want to know his name, worried that if you had his, he’d need yours and there was no way someone this sick and wounded that could carry on like he’s memorized a thesaurus wasn’t capable of performing a hex or a curse on you. 
After three blessedly quiet and devoid-of-narration days, the open wound where his arm once hung from was no longer festering and the fever that wracked his body broke. Despite your own desire to keep him silent, you stopped administering such a high dose of the sedative, and you allowed him to regain consciousness.  
For the first little while, all you heard was his steady, deep breathing, so you left the room to grab some water and liquified sustenance for him, figuring that when he would finally come to, he’d be hungry. 
“To what do… do I owe the pleasure?”, you heard croaked as you walked softly back into the room.  
“Oh good…”, you replied flatly. “You’re awake and talking.” 
The remainder of his stay that time had revolved around you doing what you could to keep his mouth occupied enough to keep it quiet; you fed him. By the time he’d left, he’d made you aware of his name – Ezra – and bestowed a nickname on you for lack of giving your own. Cricket. He then made the terrible promise to return to see you and left with a wink and a smile.  
Your whole body bristled at the thought of having to deal with him again. 
***** 
The first return visit he made, his confidence and vocabulary were still obnoxiously inflated. Whining of a bruised rib, you resumed your frustrated feeding to keep him down to two to three sentences and responses between mouthfuls.  
The second time he returned, he stated that he had been ‘brutalized by a deviant, one who you should not even be told of his true form else your fragile and virtuous mind be stained’. There wasn’t a single mark on him, save for a bite on his only arm that looked to be self-inflicted. He enjoyed himself, smiling between bites of food. 
By the third visit – complaining of a sprained toe - you knew that he knew that you knew what you were doing - and vice versa. Despite this, you fed him, and he ate very well. After several days of ‘healing’, he hauled himself up and it was then that you noted his flight suit looking like it was getting tighter around his middle.  
Those visits happened in a fairly rapid succession, but a longer period – more than six cycles at least - lapsed before he darkened your doorway and approached your desk once again. Without even looking up, you knew it was him, having heard his cavalier long-form salutations being crooned out at anyone he passed approaching your unit. 
“What now?”, you sighed in irritation, dropping your head into your hand, not bothering to look up at him – something you would come to regret to save yourself future embarrassment. You didn’t see him close your door and lock it behind him.  
He approached your desk, and his hand came into view along with a mechanical one; the smooth-as-silk tongued devil was now outfitted with a prosthetic arm that looked like it had been stolen from a brass skeleton and had gears added. Your eyes followed the mechanical limb up to the hem of his shortened sleeve, hiding the joint between it and what remained of his actual arm. The new colour of his clothing caught your attention, too, pulling your eyes to his torso. Yes, it was definitely a different colour. He was no longer in the moss greens and soil browns you’d associated with him. Now, he was in a dark blue flight suit with a gold zipper that looked to just be barely holding together.  
Your brain paused to take in what was in front of you.  
“No more chirps for me, sweet Cricket?” 
His raspy, southern drawl sounded sweeter than you’d noticed before as your eyes took in the added weight on his middle. Before looking up to his face, you noted the way the zipper rippled from the strain and the clear indent his belly button made as the fabric pulled taut across his expanse.  
His face. As soon as you took it in, you regretted not doing it first. He’s held you in his big brown eyes’ gaze before, but you’d been able to avoid being trapped. But this time you couldn’t help but let them absorb you. His smile widened as he slightly leaned forward, arms putting further weight on your desk.  
“You seem at a loss for word, Crick-“ 
“You’ve been eating well.”, you managed to croak out in a somewhat aloof-sounding voice, nodding towards his middle.  
He didn’t shrink back at your comment; instead, it seemed to embolden him.  “You started me on a path of decadence that a mere man such as myself isn’t able to easily shake.” 
He stood to his full height, eyes never leaving yours. “Is that all you noticed?”, he grinned, lifting his brass appendage, bringing the crude and simple brass hand to his face, smoothing over his moustache.  
Your lips parted then closed and parted again before you were able to spit out, “I saw y-… I see you got a new… limb.” 
His eyes gleamed at you, seeing his every move had you further in his grasp. You inwardly scowled, chiding yourself on how quickly you were falling under his spell. Narrowing your eyes, you shrugged at him. 
“Looks old.” 
If it stung him, he didn’t show it; he simply kept that smile on his face and continued to look down at you from across the desk. “I’m not its first owner.” 
The pleasantries had only lasted a few more moments before Ezra moved around your desk and hovered over you. 
“I’m here to return the favour, Cricket.” 
“...Favour?” 
“For all the hard work you put into bringing me back to my full health.”, he cooed lowly as his brass hand cooled your cheek with its feather-light touch.  
“It’s nothing... I was just doing my j - “ 
He leaned over you further, cheshire grin pulled menacingly across his face. His voice slipped into a lower pitch and his eyes darted from your eyes to your mouth.  
“Doing your job would have been to send me away when I appeared with erroneous and fabricated injuries and illnesses. You, my sweet Cricket, stepped over and above the threshold of your employment and I intend to repay you for your sweetness in full.” 
You sucked in a few shallow breaths and nervously swallowed. This was a side of him you hadn't seen, assuming that he was a submissive and pliant brat who’d chosen you to dote on him. But no. There was no favour he intended to pay back. He was just sizing you up and wrangling you into his web, and now he was out loud declaring that you were his prey. His eyes were dark and fixed on you, in contrast with the gentle smile on his face.  
“Don’t be nervous, sweet Cricket. You can tend to your own wounds afterwards. Now, let me hear you chirp.” 
His brass arm shot out and gripped your wrist tightly and he pulled you from your seat. Dragging you to the maternity room, he tossed you onto the low soft bed.  
“Ezra!”, you squeaked as your body hit the push mattress below you.  
He dropped to his knees and crawled up, forcing your legs apart, and his belly barely grazed your middle as his face lined up with yours. You let out an involuntary whimper. 
“Oh, sweet Cricket. How badly I wanted you on your back, making those sweet vocalizations your namesake promised me.” 
His flesh and bone hand gently grazed your face and moved to the back of your head, softly fisting your hair, forcing your head to stay still as he traced his nose along the contours of your face. His eyes remained half lidded and he watched as your own rolled back when he pushed his knee into the crux of your thighs, knowing he had all but your verbal consent.  
“This is all you need, sweet Cricket? Someone to light the way?” 
All you can muster as his hold on your hair tightened and his knee applied more pressure was a light whine through your parted lips.  
You wanted to respond, but the moment you opened your mouth, Ezra’s brass arm made a clunk sound and began to shudder.  
“Oh, for Kevva’s sake.”, he muttered, sitting up on his knees as he examined the arm. It made a mechanical sound before it shuddered again, then a higher pitched noise droned as the arm vibrated.  
You watched him sitting between your parted legs as the realization of what he had at his disposal dawned on him. Your eyes widened as he turned and looked at you like a starved man with a wild grin.  
“Sweet Cricket, I think I could go for a bite to eat.” 
***** 
Once you’d gotten some finger foods together and brought them back into the room, you found Ezra laid back in a mountain of pillows on the bed. He nodded his head towards you and raised his hand, beckoning you to him.  
“Come on, Cricket. Tend to your weary traveller.” 
His eyes were glued to you, cascading up and down your form, as you hand fed him. He’d had a few pieces of the savoury pastries when you felt the cool touch of his brass hand slide between your thighs.  
“Curious...”, he mused as he chewed. “… that when I make a certain motion with my appendage, it malfunctions in such an amusing manner that I know you will find benefit in, pet.” 
Your brows furrow in question and before you can ask how that could benefit you in any way, the arm made that clunk sound again. You felt the vibration between your thighs and your eyes widened.  
“Ez – oh fuck!”, you gasped as he pushed his knuckle up against your mound and held it there firmly. 
Your mouth was open, allowing shallow panting breaths to puff out and your eyes were closed with your brows pinched as the shuddering vibrations pulsed against you. You’d never felt anything like this before in your life and you thanked Kevva.  
The low amber tones of his voice cut through to you and pulled you out of your silent prayer. “Now, sweet Cricket. We are both here to derive enjoyment from one another given we both now have the intel on each other’s vices. You can’t go holding out on me to seek your fruition – that is not fair.” 
He pulled his hand from contacting your core, and your eyes snapped to his, a pleading whimper bubbling out from your pouting lips.  
“Uh-uh, Cricket. We will play fair.”, he growled in warning. His smile dropped as his features darkened, and he nodded towards your suspended hand holding a small meat-filled pastry. “Don’t you dare hold out on me.” 
Shakily, you brought the morsel to his mouth and as he took it in and let his tongue touch your finger, his hand once again pressed against your core. 
***** 
Ezra had continued to eat and finished over half of platter. But every time you started to get close to your peak, he would pull his hand away, leaving you a shaking mess. 
“P-please… Ezra, please!”, you begged mere seconds away from ecstasy.  
“I am not finished, sweet Cricket.”, he said with a mouthful. “You will be sated when I have found my fill, and we are not yet there.” 
You could have screamed at him, strangled him in a rage. “Ezra please! I - ”. 
The warning look he gave you stopped any further pleading. Your mind reeled, trying to find some way to get relief. You could kick him out and try to finish yourself off with your fingers, but you knew it would be fruitless; you’d never gotten this worked up on your own before and you doubt that you had anything in this clinic that vibrated at that frequency.  
As you trembled and panted, Ezra watched, amused at how clearly you were seeking a solution to the problem he’d created for you.  
“Cricket…”, he cooed, soothing his biological hand up your arm and to your face. He gently guided your chin towards him. “Sweet Cricket, come back to me.” 
When your frantic gaze met his, his eyes softened and creased as he smiled. “I will not leave you unfinished. I repay my debts, darling nurse.” 
You sighed in defeat, nodded, and took a deep breath. Your eyes trailed down to his noticeably rounder middle that made the already strained zipper pull at the seams of the fabric. He shifted in what looked like discomfort.  
You put down the current half-filled plate of food and reached for the zipper tag, tugging it down. It only got to the beginning of the swell of his belly before you met resistance. You tugged a little harder, but it wouldn’t budge. 
“Suck it in.” 
“Now, Cricket, let’s not be hast-“ 
“I said suck it in.”, you snapped back far more forcefully than intended.  
Ezra froze then nodded. “Sweet girl, I will try, but…”  You saw his middle pull in slightly. “… the profound conundrum I experienced in getting it on…” 
The zipper finally moved, and he groaned as his stomach expanded. “Sweet Kevva… such relief.” 
You were desperate for him to touch you again, but seeing him fat and swollen before you, knowing it was your work that was filling him out. Ezra watched your gaze turn hungry and almost feral. Granted, he felt that way as he watched you teeter on the edge of falling apart over and over. He wasn’t ready to let the power he held over you go, giving him the drive to get through, bite by bite. But that power began to slip the moment his vulnerable and considerably rounder middle exposed, and it left him feeling uneasy and unsure. 
“A change of flavour… is needed, my sweet Cricket.”, Ezra crooned, trying to exude as much confidence he could muster, despite his self-consciousness lingering in the back of his mind. He swallowed down a moan as your blown-pupiled eyes met his. He pushed a faux-confident smile and spoke softer. “Something sweeter, perhaps?” 
Letting a small huff escape, you nodded and got up from the bed, cursing him under your breath for having this much power over you. 
As you stood in the small kitchen area, waiting for the food rehydrator to loudly prepare the freeze-dried baked goods, you didn’t hear Ezra huff and grunt as he got off the bed and saunter into the kitchen. You weren’t alerted to his presence until his belly hit your back and his brass hand went to your hip.  
His nose and mouth pressed against the back of your neck, whispering filth as his hand cupped your breast and squeezed. 
“You leave yourself so vulnerable, sweet Cricket... back to the door, not an ounce of concern…. any rapscallion of low morals could take advantage… of your sweet, supple figure…” 
You let out a light, breathy whine gripping his hand as he kneaded your breast. As much as you wanted his hands on you, you wanted his mouth on your own more, so you pushed your body back against his, making enough room between him and the counter for you to turn around. His brass hand stayed on the curve of your waist, not offering any resistance, and his other hand cupped your cheek, holding it in place while he kissed you softly. His lips moved against yours like he was able to read your mind, or maybe even needed this point of contact as badly as you did. His mouth parted and his tongue pushed for entrance into your mouth, and once it was granted, the kiss fevered and boiled over. You felt your core throb with need and want, soaking your pants and already ruined underwear, and he crowded you against the counter. So wrapped up were you in his mouth and teeth and tongue, that you didn’t feel his brass hand move from your waist. 
In one swift move, Ezra shoved your pants down in the front enough for his brass hand to slip with no barrier into your folds. The cool touch you would have expected from it was long forgotten as the metal now met your body temperature. Still engulfed in the kiss that was beginning to rob your breath, the telltale clunk barely registered in your mind until the vibrations started. Sending a jolt through your body, you pulled your face away from his and let out a shrill gasp.  
The timer on the rehydrator went off, and Ezra chuckled darkly, watching your brows draw together and your eyes flutter.  
“The rules stay the same, Cricket. Sweet or savoury, I will have my fill and you will have your petite mort. But one will meet the other at the same time.”, he said in a wickedly soft tenor. “Now, you can begin holding up your end, sweet girl.” 
Once again, Ezra ripped away any power you might have had or believed you had, edging you with each bite, withholding his metal hand’s vibrations from the moment his mouth was empty to the moment your hand shakily pushed another bite past his lips. Overstimulation mixed with the pent-up fury of being denied an orgasm had you panting rapidly, tears threatening to spill over. High pitched whines and shuddering whimpers were all you could produce, and it was music to Ezra’s ears.  
“You… create the most… glorious cricket song…”, he mused softly as he chewed the mouthful. “Keep chirping, sweet girl…” 
You were coming to a point where you weren’t sure you would make it. Your brain felt like it was filled with the static from a communicator’s blank channel and your hearing and sight felt fuzzy. The coil tightening in your cunt was hitting a painful level, causing you to drop the next pastry you’d picked up with your shaking hands. 
As soon as it hit the floor, Ezra tsk’d you, and pulled his hand right out of your pants. The pained sob that burst from you from the loss of contact was loud and harsh, and the tears finally spilled over, staining your cheeks.  
“P-please… I… I can’t!”, you cried out, jutting your hand out clumsily to grab his wrist as he pulled back. His dark eyes scanned your desperate ones, pausing momentarily, before his gaze shifted to one of pity and amusement. 
“You can’t what?”, he mocked with a cruel grin. “Can’t what, sweet Cricket?” 
A rasped and pained whine peeled out of your throat as your head fell to his shoulder, and his hand gripped your hair and pulled back, forcing you to look at him. You looked ruined. Your cheeks flushed and eyes wet and lidded, your lips parted, turned down and chin quivering. He shoved up back and up onto the counter. 
“Oh, come now, sweet Cricket. Don’t look at me like I won’t give you your due.”, he whispered, ghosting his mouth over yours. His brass fingers traced lurid shapes along your inner thighs, causing your body to shiver and that coil painfully wind up in your core once more.  
“I asked you for something sweeter, pet,”, Ezra mockingly cooed as he pulled back, your face involuntarily following his to try and capture his lips against yours. He shook his head, smile tugging at one side of his mouth. “Something sweeter and you dropped it on the floor. It’s precious currency, Cricket, and you mishandled it.” 
Your eyes followed his, stuck in the trance he’d put you under. He could have told you to do anything, given any order and you would have obeyed to your detriment. His brass hand moved to your throat, long, metal fingers grasping just tight enough to keep you precariously seated on the edge of the counter. His thicker middle forced you legs open wide, and his other hand took its place between your legs and without warning, he shoved two fingers into your core.  
Your mouth and eyes widened as a wrecked gasp escaped you and your hands went to grab onto what ever meaty part of him you could grab for stability. Ezra hummed in response as the pads of his fingers felt the walls of your cannel twitch and flutter at his intrusion. 
“Good Kevva, sweet girl…”, he groaned, watching your face contort. “As much as this contraption of a limb can bring me such sadistic joy at your expense, my own digits needed to feel the silken walls of your inner sanctum.” 
As he pumped his fingers in and out of you, he dropped his forehead against yours and hummed again, answering your repeated whining pants and moans.  
“Keep chirping, Cricket… sing me your evening song… that’s it….”  
As you felt your peak come careening in, he felt your walls convulse and slicken up. The soft tenor he’s just lulled you into a steady rhythm with fell away and the low chuckle followed by his fingers being removed made you scream out and dig your nails into the fattened flesh of his upper arm and shoulder. 
“EZ-EZRA! PLEASE! FUCK-PLEASE!”, you sobbed out in a shriek.  
His brass hand’s hold tightened around your throat, and he shoved your shoulders flush with the wall behind counter roughly.  
Your desperate eyes looked him over as best as you could, given the position he had you in. His bloated and full stomach moved with each laboured breath he took and the strain he put himself under to wreck you was fully apparent. You could feel the outline of his clothed hard cock seated against your thigh and the sweat beading on his forehead. He wiped his face and parted his lips to take in deeper breaths; his irises were indiscernible from his pupils as he looked down at you. 
You had never known need like this, and you felt as though you were going to succumb due to your lack of orgasm as a final line in the life that Kevva had written for you. 
“P…please…” 
“Is it my cock you want to be impaled on, pet? You want to whine and mewl while I rut my quiver bone into your sopping celestial cavern?”, he coolly growled, but there was a slight waiver in his voice. You saw the same desperation in the dark abyss of his eyes. 
You nodded dumbly and he scowled, baring his teeth, and tore his brass hand off you, trying to make quick work of getting his flight suit off his shoulders. The arms were tight around his fleshy arms, and you shakily sat up and tried to help. Once his arms were free, you tugged the material over his waist, taking note of the roll of flesh sitting just above his waistband, showing just how much he had been indulging. You gave it a squeeze, revelling in the sound he made, sucking his breath thru his teeth at your fingers.  
“Marvel the fruits of your labour, Cricket… The destination you set me on course to has made me beyond redemption and unfit for galactic adventuring…”, he grunted breathily, shoving his flight suit off his legs before kicking it off entirely. “You have effectively rendered me useless beyond what effect I am able to wield on you.” 
He shoved his mouth against yours before you could respond or ask what he meant, sucking you into a bruising kiss. His hands gripped your hips, pulling your twitching cunt flush with his weeping, hard cock, knocking the plastic plate that held the desserts onto the floor at his feet. Fumbling slightly, he pulled back and gripped his member, before lining it up with your entrance and pushing it in all at once. The sting of his intrusion melded perfectly with the relief of finally connecting, and the sound you made caused Ezra to almost break. His eyes softened and his brows tented, body tense at the gentle yet firm, warm hold you had on him.   
“I’m af-afraid I’ve pushed too far to allow for… for niceties and gentle welcomes, sweet Cricket…”, he panted against your face, teeth clenched as he tried to focus and draw this out as long as possible.  
“Please move...”, you begged in a strained whine.  
“If I move to fast, sweet Cricket, I will... end this fortuitous connection with an... an early release, and that would render me- fuck!... render me less than a gentleman...” 
“You’re no gentleman... now shut up an-and fuck me!” 
It seemed that your tight walls and frantic begging were too much for Ezra, and he pulled out with a grunt, followed by a whine as he came onto the plate on the floor. The vulgar sounds of his panting breaths mixed with the sploot of his spend had you seeing red. 
“You asshole!”, you screeched, shoving him off you.  
He panted and held his hands up in surrender as you charged at him. 
“Cricket... forgive me! You’re too sweet... your sacred cavern was too - “ 
The slap you landed across his face stopped his fancy wordplay. “You fucking bastard!” 
Ezra’s eyes flashed in anger, and he stood to his full height, towering over you.  
“That was uncalled for, Cricket.”, he snarled. “I will take the wrath of meeting an end without you by my side, but I will not allow you to besmirch my good mother with a question of my paternal lineage.” 
You stared at him, eyes wide with anger at his audacity, and before you could say another word, he tackled you to the floor. You tried to fight him off but the moment you heard the clunk of his brass arm and felt two metal fingers punch up into your slick heat, you ceased your struggle.  
“See, sweet Cricket? I may be a wayward traveler, but even I know the dangers of leaving a woman on the precipice of completion... “ 
“Don’t stop... please... don’t stop...”  
The vibrations of his arm and the smooth curves of the worn metal fingers found a rhythm that had you seeing stars.  
“I plan to keep demanding your company each time I move through this sector, and-” 
“Oh Kevva... Ez-Ezra!” 
He leaned forward and ghosted his mouth over yours, speaking in a low, husky growl, “... if I were to fail you now, what kind of welcome would I receive the next time I darken your doorway?” 
Your eyes rolled into the back of your skull and your body arched off the floor. Pent up energy burst from your burning cunt, sending wave after wave of precious release through your body. The scream that peeled out of you was dampened by Ezra kissing you forcefully. 
His movement slowed and he slowly pulled his brass hand from your core. You were greeted with his grin as he looked over his brass hand. 
“You’ve polished only two fingers for me... there are three more.”, he cooed, placing a delicate kiss on the end of your nose. “Next time.” 
“N-next time?” 
He nodded and stood up with a grunt. You sat up carefully, and it seemed you both took note of the plate on the floor, covered in his cum. The chastisement was on your tongue, but never became words out loud as you were struck speechless as you watched him pick up the plate and fling it out the window.  
He turned back to you, standing naked in the kitchen, fat and sweaty, with a grin on his face.  
“There is always a next time, Cricket.” 
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beefrobeefcal · 18 hours
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this one is my favourite bc how can we truly know this is Pedro and not a stack of angry ducks in a trench coat? Or is it a surly toddler? We may never know...
Hello beefro,
I am so devastated. Have you seen the new pics? Are you also mourning the loss of the beef? Sending you love
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While I am saddened at the loss of our beloved tummy, I adore Peepaw too much to dwell on his trimmer physique.
I think we can all agree that he looks fine as hell no matter what weight he's at!
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
That being said, here's some of Beefro's Choice Cuts™️
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beefrobeefcal · 19 hours
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Hello beefro,
I am so devastated. Have you seen the new pics? Are you also mourning the loss of the beef? Sending you love
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While I am saddened at the loss of our beloved tummy, I adore Peepaw too much to dwell on his trimmer physique.
I think we can all agree that he looks fine as hell no matter what weight he's at!
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
That being said, here's some of Beefro's Choice Cuts™️
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beefrobeefcal · 2 days
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tummy
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PEDRO PASCAL ⏤ Strange Way Of Life | Behind The Scenes
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beefrobeefcal · 2 days
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Queen Beefro!! 🥩🖤🎉🎉
Congrats on your milestone, lovely! So happy for you! 🎉🎉
To celebrate, I'd love to request 👌🏻 if I may, and if you're up for it, I'd love to see your take on a chubby!Ezra... 😉
He would too...
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Love you!! 🖤🎉
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I hope I do you proud, Nepty!
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He will be chubby and he will be Ezra. And he will be dropping soon!
Thank you for your love and support - your a delight to this community and a shining part of the Bistro! And a big thanks to you, Nepty, for helping celebrate 900 friendos!
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
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beefrobeefcal · 2 days
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Fat Ezra? Fat Ezra.
So I think he actually hurt his leg on a prospect trip, he still has both arms. And he goes back home bc he’s out of commission. He manages to go to his fave club to see his fave girl dance. She sees him struggling and is like wow let me take you back to my place and care for you.
Fast forward a couple of months, he lives with her, she takes care of him, she hand feeds him every meal 😍 sometimes he likes to hold a vibrator to her clit while she feeds him and if she messes up/isn’t quick with the bites/misses his mouth, he pulls away until she calms down a tad and starts all over again aka he edges her. Also since she’s been taking care of him, obvi he has a belly now and she loves how healthy and fuller he is. I could easily see some tummy riding/thigh riding, maybe he’s a lil self conscious and she kisses his tummy
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Bless you, Prinny, and your Ezra dedication!
I haven't forgotten about our beloved rapscallion and he will be touching down sooner rather than later.
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While not all the THOTs contributed made it through, you did inspire a rather important aspect of the plot.
Everyone say Thank you Prinny! for her beautiful, sexy brain. Thank you so much for being here in the Bistro with me and for all your love and support!
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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Oh Nepty! I love this. Count me in.
💜🥩💜
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🌷 Who's up for a creative challenge? 🌷
If it's not apparent already, I love flowers and I love the Pedro Boys! So, what could be more fun than combining the Pedro Boys and flowers in a creative challenge? 🌷🪻🌻
Perhaps Marcus brings you flowers on date night, Dave's scattered sumptuous petals leading you up to bed, you and Ezra get stranded on a planet with alien-esque florals, or you're showering sweet Javi G with his favourite blooms for his birthday... 🌷🪻🌻
Running during the month of May, I challenge you to write and share a fic - or fics - featuring any of the Pedro Boys and flowers. 🪻
You can also make mood boards or art if you're not a writer - or don't want to write - but still want to participate! 🌷
🌻 See below for the full challenge details! 👇🏻
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The challenge deets:
Must feature at least one Pedro Boy - can be any character Pedro has played, no matter how popular. You can feature more than one Pedro Boy too, if you like.
Must contain flowers or plants in some capacity. 🌷🪻🌻 Can be the main feature of your story, or a background aesthetic. Florals, plants, succulents - you name it, you can feature any of them!
Can be as smutty or fluffy as you want! Hot, soft, gentle, fun, quirky - you've got freedom on whether you wanna write smut or not.
No word limit - you write as many words as you see fit.
Any Reader type! You can write in X Reader, original character or just the Pedro Boys engaging with one another. Any gender/race/size or physical ability of Reader is absolutely welcome too! 🌈 This is an inclusive house! 🙌🏻
Mood boards, video edits and original artwork is also welcome - but must feature a Pedro Boy and flowers, and must be your own creation.
No limit to the number of submissions - you can write more than one fic, or submit more than one artwork, but the Pedro Boys must be different for each submission.
Tag me in your work and use the #jettsflora&faunachallenge so I can add it to a Masterlist.
This challenge will run from 1st May - 31st May 2024 and I'll add works as they're posted.
☝🏻 Don't worry too much if you miss the deadline, life happens, and you'll still be able to submit your fic/art after the deadline. Just let me know. 🌷🪻🌻
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🪻🌷🌻 And as a flowery bonus...
I will pick one piece of work submitted at complete random, when all the works are posted, and will send that person a bunch of flowers!* 💐
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I hope you'll participate and have fun & I can't wait to see what you'll come up with! Would really appreciate a signal boost too - thankies 🖤
A-Z of Flowers Database Look up your flowers 🌷🪻🌻
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*I can send flowers worldwide. In order to send them, I'll need a name & a delivery address. I appreciate it if you don't feel comfortable sharing that info with a stranger, however please rest assured those details will stay with me and only me. The recipient will be picked at random using a generator. If you have floral allergies, I can send a substitute little floral themed gift instead. 🖤
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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Thanks for the tag! @wintrwinchestr💜🥩💜
Rules: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence. as you want.
I'm going to cheat AGAIN and give you more (bc I can) and it's Ezra again.
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
NO PREESURE TAGLIST: @atticrissfinch @toxicanonymity @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @aurorawritestoescape
He dropped to his knees and crawled up, forcing your legs apart, and his belly barely grazed your middle as his face lined up with yours. You let out an involuntary whimper.  “Oh, sweet Cricket. How badly I wanted you on your back, making those sweet vocalizations your name sake promised me.”  His flesh and bone hand gently grazed your face and moved to the back of your head, softly fisting your hair, forcing your head to stay still as he traced his nose along the contours of your face. His eyes remained half lidded and he watched as your own rolled back when he pushed his knee into the crux of your thighs, knowing he had all but your verbal consent.  
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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Thanks for the tag! @xdaddysprincessxx 💜🥩💜
Rules: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.
I'm going to cheat and give you more (bc why not?) and just like my beloved Prinny, it's gonna be Ezra from me, too.
Yours in sin,
Beefro👌🥩💜
NO PREESURE TAGLIST: @strang3lov3 @noxturnalpascal @theywhowriteandknowthings @morallyinept @goodwithcheese @rebel-held
“You’ve been eating well.”, you managed to croak out in a somewhat aloof-sounding voice, nodding towards his middle.   He didn’t shrink back at your comment; instead, it seemed to embolden him.  “You started me on a path of decadence that a mere man such as myself isn’t able to easily shake.”  He stood to his full height, eyes never leaving yours. “Is that all you noticed?”, he grins, lifting his brass appendage, bringing the crude and simple brass hand to his face, smoothing over his moustache.  
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who liked, commented and reached out to me over the post I made last week. You know who you are and if you don't, then I need to do better at my gratitude.
Every time I think this life is throwing far too many curveballs at my sport-illiterate ass, this community reminds me that it’s okay to sit back and take a breath.
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I found out a family member is getting sicker and they already have a myriad of other health complications that just make this a hard pill to swallow. That combined with the absolute shit show that my work has been, Norbert [my depression goblin], has being tearing up the dance floor as I can only sit and watch him have the time of his life.
But as my friend says: THE HORRORS CONTINUE BUT SO DO THE LITTLE TREATS. You, my lovely friendos, are those treats.
Yours in sin for evermore,
Beefro👌🥩💜
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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🩷 Fandom Hug 🩷
Things I love about this fandom, in no particular order.
We are nerds, we love details, we know every line of dialogue and can answer a question on an outfit a character wore within 0.5 seconds of it being asked.
We know each others favourite interviews, photo shoots, and anecdotes.
We don't question the obscure situations we might write a character into, all for that one scene that kept us awake until we wrote it.
We roll our sleeves up and get stuck in whenever there's a new Ask game or poll.
We know each others queue tags and give them a nod like we're fetching the morning paper.
But most importantly, we show people that they're not alone. That it's cool to be a fan, to yell "OMG ME TOO" and to celebrate the talent and kindness of Some Guy™️ with people all over the world.
That's all I've got for now but I could talk about this all day!
El 💜
El, these are all such wonderful examples of why this community and fandom is such a wonderful place to be in 🥹 we all truly are just a bunch of nerds together at the end of the day! 🩷
Thank you for sharing,
-Gi
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beefrobeefcal · 4 days
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occasional posts from users
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beefrobeefcal · 5 days
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Y'all better give our CraneShirtHusbandPilot the love he fuckin deserves. That flowy masterpiece that helped us forget the continuity errors of his appearance? You know that was his going home shirt that he stole from a laundry line on their way back to civilization. and I for one am HERE FOR IT.
Round Two!
In the world of smooth cheeks, Marcus Pike took an early lead, but never count out Dave York, guys. Plus, Crane Shirt Frankie and Max Phillips? This thing could still go a lot of ways!
The top two vote-getters from today will head to the CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND tomorrow!
And now what you're all really here for: the HILARITY. Below the cut!
On Marcus Pike:
@alltheotps (speaking the hard truths)
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@secretelephanttattoo (with 🐈 talk)
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On Max Phillips:
@katareyoudrilling (plus a whole lotta 🔥gifs)
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@missredherring (facing a vampiric Sophie's Choice)
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On Dave York:
@janaispunk (I co-sign this one fully)
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@yxtkiwiyxt (discussing Dave's favorite aftershave)
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@aurorawritestoescape (invoking the kitchen bulge👀)
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@inept-the-magnificent (not wrong)
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On Crane Shirt Frankie:
@alwaysbethewest (I get it)
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On Max Lord:
@yourcoolauntie (a likely story😏)
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On Dio:
@perotovar (staying true to their heart)
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@grogusmum (keepin' it real)
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And these glorious tagstravaganzas by @undercoverpena:
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And @mothandpidgeon:
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