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aewriting · 4 years

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Angsty Alien Brothers One-Shot

This was inspired by some of @ninswhimsy ‘s recent posts about soulmates - the good AND bad implications of that concept.

If you prefer, here it is on AO3.

Warnings: angst, mentions of police.

***

It was meant to be fun.

Max had been miserable for months, doing the bare minimum at the Pony, sleeping too late, moping. Isobel had been the one to suggest Planet 7.

“No,” Michael had said quickly. He’d been doing well, avoiding Alex. Avoiding Alex with Forrest, specifically. No, no malice, no ill intent, nothing like that. He just… just didn’t want to see it. He keeps hoping it will run its course… but they seem to still be going strong. He sees them sometimes – it’s a small town, and his attention’s drawn to Alex in a way he can’t explain. Magnetic. Cosmic. All of that.

He sees them in the grocery store, late one night. Sees them in the window booth at the Crashdown. Having breakfast. On a weekend. He tries not to imagine what they were doing before breakfast. Sees them crossing the street, casually holding hands in the crosswalk. And once, a few weeks back, there they were, leaving Planet 7. Making out.

So no, he doesn’t want to go to Planet 7.

“Let’s take a drive. Up to Albuquerque. One of the bars up there. See some new sights, meet some new people.”

Isobel raises an eyebrow. “That could be fun.” Her gaze slides to Max. “You in?”

Max just shrugs. “Whatever.”

***

Max is drinking too much tonight. This is a good bar – Michael’s actually been in here before. Twice. Both times over the last few months, since Alex and Forrest… yeah. He’s left with guys, both times. He’s… he’s trying to figure some stuff out, with himself. What he likes. What he wants, outside of Alex. Um, and hopefully, eventually, with Alex. It’s been… fine. Fun. Light. Uncomplicated. Pretty much everything the rest of his life isn’t right now.

No one’s approaching them. He sees some flares of interest – directed at him and Max, but it’s usually short-lived, halted when the other person seems to notice Max’s whole… everything.

Isobel, though… Michael smiles a little at the sight of her, blissed out, leaning up against a strong-looking brunette. She’s gonna get some tonight, Michael can tell. Good for her.

Max, though…

He’s trying to get up, suddenly, head to the bar.

“Hey,” Michael says sharply, snaking out an arm and snagging Max around the elbow. “Think… think you’ve had enough.”

Max scoffs a little. “That’s my line.”

It actually relaxes something in Michael. “Yeah, yeah it is. Not tonight though.”

“Not lately,” Max adds.

“No,” Michael agrees. He doesn’t go to the Pony very much these days. Just, just hurts still. He tried, with Maria. He really did. Hurts that it wasn’t enough. “If you weren’t so drunk right now,” he says, trying to change the subject, “I’d be trying to get you laid.”

Max snorts a bit, sits back down in his chair with too much force. It creaks, makes a too-loud noise. Michael’s ready with the TK, if needed.

The chair holds, and Michael slumps back in his own seat, sips his beer. Stops when he sees Max just… just staring at him.

“What?”

Max’s eyes are wide as he leans in. “Has it ever worked, for you?”

Michael frowns. “Has, has what worked?”

Max laughs a little. “This,” he says, gesturing vaguely around the bar. “Drinking, fucking around?”

“You’re drunk, Max,” Michael says, voice a little hard.

Max’s eyes go even wider. “I’m, I’m serious, Michael. I’m not trying to, like, call you out.”

“Aren’t you?” Michael asks. “Seem to remember plenty of call outs from you, through the years. Usually with a badge and a gun, too.”

“Fuck,” Max mutters, running a hand through his hand. “I… that was shitty of me. I was worried, Michael.”

Fuck. He knows they shouldn’t get into this now, here. It’s public, Max is wasted, but… Michael blows out a breath. “So you fucking talk to me. You don’t… don’t just keep hauling my ass back to the drunk tank in cuffs.”

Max’s jaw tightens. “That’s fair. There were times I was hoping that if there were some actual, I dunno, teeth involved? Consequences? That maybe you’d finally stop. But there were other times that,” he shakes his head. “Dammit, Michael. You were good at pissing people off, you know? And, and I know what you can do. Of course I fucking do. There were times that you, you scared me, Michael. You didn’t fight back. It’s like you, you wanted to just, just take a beating, get your ass handed to you.” He sighs. “Especially when Alex was overseas.”

Michael freezes.

Max shrugs. “Am I wrong?”

Michael looks down quickly, sips his beer.

“I’m not wrong,” Max asserts. “Which is how I know you know. What it’s like. When they leave.”

Michael can’t deal with this. Shakes his head and tries to will Max to shut up.

Doesn’t work.

Max is looking at Isobel and the woman she’s with. “I don’t think it’s happened yet, with Iz. She’d know. She’d feel it the way we do.” Michael still hasn’t said anything, and Max finally seems to notice. “You had to have known this, right?” Max’s hands are out in front of him, upturned. “Me and Liz, you and Alex. And god, you two, like…” Max brings his hands together in a vague sort of way. Michael can’t believe he’s seeing this. “Back in high school, right? God… I don’t know how you did it. Being with Liz, actually having been with her, feeling her – “

“Max,” Michael says sharply, really not wanting to hear the intimate details.

“It’s so much worse now. Like, I always knew it was hopeless, but it’s worse now.” Max is just staring at Michael, half incredulous. “Michael… you do feel it, right? With Alex?”

“Don’t go there, Max,” Michael warns.

“The connection? The, the,” he pauses, “certainty that you’re meant to be together? That it’s bigger than just the two of you?” Max looks at Michael, searching for something, then pulls back. Looks worried. “Michael,” he says, edge of fear toward his voice. “Please tell me you’ve felt that, too. I… all these years, I’ve just assumed it’s an, an us thing.” He pauses. “Is, is it not? Like, it’s not just me, is it?”

Michael bites his lip, grips his glass tighter. “It’s not just you,” he says, finally. It’s one thing to think it. Think it for years, late at night on his own, in stolen moments with Alex, while… while he’s in someone else’s bed. It’s another thing to discuss it, out in the open, with someone else that might actually verify the reality of it.

Some of the tension leaves Max as he blows out a breath. “Thank you,” he whispers. “Seriously, thank you. I know we don’t… don’t talk about this. All those years, should’ve known you were hurting like I was. But you never wanted to talk about it, never wanted us to know. And after everything that happened…” Max hangs his head. “I tried, you know? With Jenna. Like, I wanted to feel things for her. I think you tried too, with – “

“Max,” Michael says, a warning.

Max gives him a look, shakes his head a bit. “I know you tried with her. And remember,” he says, voice softer now, “I saw the two of you together. In Texas.” He raises an eyebrow. “I know you two could have had something. If it wasn’t for Al – “

“Max!” Michael interrupts, raising his voice. Cutting him off before he can finish, before he can make Michael acknowledge the fear… the fear and the hope he’s had all these years.

Max’s eyebrows are raised. “Really? We’re really not gonna talk about him?”

“Do you want to sit around and talk about Liz?” Michael asks.

Max sniffs a bit. Looks around. “Fine,” he says, voice tight. “Fine,” he repeats. Swigs his whiskey. Winces. “What do you want me to do, Michael? Get laid?” he asks, throwing Michael’s earlier words back at him. “Go have… have that guy blow me in the bathroom?”

Michael’s eyes widen and he whips around to see a younger guy eyeing Max. Dark hair, slight build. “Whoa, Max, for real?”

Max shrugs. “That surprise you?”

Michael laughs a little. “Well, yeah. Guess it does.”

Max’s mouth twists a little. “Don’t know how to explain it.” He looks at Michael, then, a little sharper, a littler more with it. “But… but I’m thinking maybe I don’t have to explain it to you. How it’s… how it’s Liz, and everyone else.” He grimaces a little. “Well, not everyone else, obviously, but also, like, more people than you’d think. If you catch my drift.”

Michael nods slowly. “I do. Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“All this time?”

Max sighs. “Hard to say. You know Roswell.” He shakes his head a little. “Wasn’t about to try something there. If I didn’t have to.”

“But you would? Try something?” Max is quiet. “Like, with, with a guy?”

Max shrugs again. “I mean, yeah, I guess? But… but what’s the point?”

Michael just stares at him.

“I’m serious, Michael, what’s the point? Like, I’m asking you. Has it ever helped, really?”

Michael worries his lip a little. Speaks carefully. “I, I don’t think it’s, like, a bad thing. To have fun, figure yourself out.”

“That what you were doing, all those years?” Michael tries to duck Max’s eyes. Can’t. “Cause that, that didn’t look fun, Michael. That looked like you were hurting and trying to figure out the best way to forget.”

Michael sniffs a little. “That was about more than just him.”

“I know,” Max says. “Part of me actually hoped maybe it would help you. With everything. But, over time, your arrest record said otherwise, you know?” Max sighs a little. “And I’m not stupid, Michael. I, I saw how you’d go underground for stretches, when he was home, then be, god, pissed at the world whenever he’d leave.”

It’s still too raw. Still too close to the surface to really talk about. He doesn’t want to break down in the goddamn bar.

“You ever talk about this? With him?” Max asks.

“Didn’t do much talking,” Michael mutters.

Max nods. “Liz and I didn’t talk about it either. Makes me wonder. Do they feel it the way we do?” He bites his lip. “Sometimes I think, I think they couldn’t possibly, because if they did, if they did…”

He trails off and turns his head away. “Fuck,” Michael mutters. Max is crying. Really crying. Big, shuddery sobs. Michael is on him quickly, wrapping an arm around him, trying to shield him from other people’s questioning looks. “Hey,” he assures him. “Hey. Max.”

“She just left, Michael. She left. This time it was her. And I can’t blame anyone but myself.”

And shit… he’s right. There’s nothing Michael can really say to that. “Let’s go outside,” Michael says softly, throwing some money down and propping Max up as they take the closest exit. They’re in the back alley, and there are a few couples there too, wrapped up in each other. One of the bartenders taking a smoke break. He ushers Max a little farther away. Lets him cry, lets him grab Michael while he does it.

Max pulls away after a while, face a mess. “I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I’m sorry. For this, and for all that time when you were just, just trying to be okay.”

Michael lets him cling to his jacket. Nods. “You were right,” he says after a while. “It, it didn’t help. Not really. So I don’t know why I thought this, tonight would help you.”

“So what do we do?” Max asks, looking – god, so sad. Lost.

Michael just looks upward, at the sky. Tries to catch a glimpse at the stars, the moon, but it’s too cloudy, maybe, or the lights of the city are too bright. It depresses him, and he looks back at Max. “We just do our best. We live our lives. Live them right. And try to be better. For them, yeah, but for us, too.” He shrugs. “It’s what I’m trying to do. Now. Only thing I can do, really.” He licks his lips, looks at Max. “This time, let’s not try to do it alone, though, okay?”

Max looks up at him sharply. “You promise?”

And before Michael knows it, he’s hugging him. “I promise you, Max. I promise.”

#my fic #alien brothers #malex #echo #michael guerin #max evans #isobel evans #roswell nm

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shanastoryteller · 5 years

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Saw your post mentioning reading your favorite poems and I was wondering what they were? I've never really liked poems but I really liked that one by Emily Dickson you put in the front of that teen wolf fic so you probably have really good taste in poems, and I've been trying to find some to like.

Good Bones by Maggie Smith

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.Life is short, and I’ve shortened minein a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,a thousand deliciously ill-advised waysI’ll keep from my children. The world is at leastfifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservativeestimate, though I keep this from my children.For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,sunk in a lake. Life is short and the worldis at least half terrible, and for every kindstranger, there is one who would break you,though I keep this from my children. I am tryingto sell them the world. Any decent realtor,walking you through a real shithole, chirps onabout good bones: This place could be beautiful,right? You could make this place beautiful.

Because I could not stop for Death (479)

Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death – He kindly stopped for me – The Carriage held but just Ourselves – And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no hasteAnd I had put awayMy labor and my leisure too,For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children stroveAt Recess – in the Ring – We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed us – The Dews drew quivering and chill – For only Gossamer, my Gown – My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemedA Swelling of the Ground – The Roof was scarcely visible – The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – ‘tis Centuries – and yetFeels shorter than the DayI first surmised the Horses’ HeadsWere toward Eternity –

this one is an old nursery rhyme:

One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. They turned their backs and faced each other, Drew their swords and shot the other. One was blind and the other couldn’t see, So they chose a fool for their referee. A mute eyewitness screamed with fright.A cripple danced to see the sight. A deaf policeman heard the noise.He came and shot the two dead boys.A paralyzed donkey passing by,Kicked the copper in the eye, And knocked him through a rubber wall, Into a ditch and drowned them all.If you don’t believe this lie is true,Ask the blind man. He saw it too.

She swearsshe will nevergive birthto a daughter.Won’t evenplant a garden.— Adira Bennett

Do not go gentle into that good night

Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,Because their words had forked no lightning theyDo not go gentle into that good night.Good men, the last wave by, crying how brightTheir frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,Do not go gentle into that good night.Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sightBlind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.And you, my father, there on the sad height,Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

My mouth is a fire escape.The words coming outdon’t care that they are naked.There is something burning in here.

— Andrea Gibson

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weepI am not there; I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow,I am the diamond glints on snow,I am the sun on ripened grain,I am the gentle autumn rain.When you awaken in the morning’s hushI am the swift uplifting rushOf quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.

Never regret thy fall,O Icarus of the fearless flightFor the greatest tragedy of them allIs never to feel the burning light

— Oscar Wilde

Annabel Lee BY EDGAR ALLAN POEIt was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me. I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea, But we loved with a love that was more than love— I and my Annabel Lee— With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsmen came And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulchre In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in Heaven, Went envying her and me— Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we— Of many far wiser than we— And neither the angels in Heaven above Nor the demons down under the sea Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride, In her sepulchre there by the sea— In her tomb by the sounding sea.

self-parodies & psalms for shit-scared twenty-somethings by gyzm

is perhaps my favorite poem and just gut punches me whenever i read it but they are a tumblr person who’s poem deserves more attention so please reblog/comment on their poem directly :)

most of what i’ve learned in the first half of my twenties is to embrace statistics i’m not smart enough to verify; theones about black holes and how much of the universe is justempty space: between atoms and from one planet to another.it makes it easier, to stare at my overcrowded sink and thinkthat to get from the floor of this filthy kitchen to the neareststar would take more lifetimes than i could borrow or steal.maybe there is a single withered raspberry molding beneath every single plate i own but in the scheme of things that’s insignificant, a non-event in the life of a non-event, and so canwait until tomorrow, when this hangover is gone.

please, god, don’t let me die before i turn thirty. i’ve heardthat that’s when it all comes together, and i know those’re allfish stories, probably, the lies of those who need to pretend justlike me, but hell, i choose to believe. because the thing is, god, if idie tomorrow, a few years from now, i can pretty much guarantee it’ll be in torn underpants, on a bad hair day, in a bra that doesn’t fitthe way i’d like it to; please, god, don’t let me die before i work outhow to drag myself out of bed in time to dry my hair every morning. i’vebeen promising myself for years i’d learn to get off the couch on monday nights and do laundry, god, okay, i don’t mind living in dirty jeans but i don’t want to die in them, i’m begging, i thank you, i’m sorry, amen.

there should be a page at the back of every baby book thatsays “baby’s first moment of cold realization that they are an gigantic shitheaded asshole.” it’s important, as milestones go. iknow it’s not as glamorous as a first word or a graduation but i’dargue that developmentally, it means at least as much — god knows i put more thought into the bleak portrait of myself at two a.m., staring haggard out from the filmy surface of my mirror, than i did in my ham-fisted infant attempts to say my father’s name. it would benice, is all, to have a warning, to flip through pages of childhood accomplishments and see that placeholder, at the end; to know that the future was coming, inevitably, to make dipshits of us all.

don’t put liquid soap in the dishwasher. don’t put your vibrator in the dishwasher. don’t forget that your mother is coming over until fifteen minutes before she shows up and put every scrap ofevidence that you are a disaster zone living underneath a veneerof overdone eye makeup and slapdash dreams of better tomorrowsin the dishwasher. don’t put your grandmother’s china, that vase you bought at the flea market, a bowl half-full of aged guacamole,in the dishwasher. on the mornings that will keep coming — when the shower does not seem like enough, when you can feel your long history of mistakes pockmarking your face and oozing out from beneath your armpits — don’t put yourself in the dishwasher.

the human body replaces skin cells so quickly that two weeks from now, every part of me will be brand new, and i will still feel as though i have spent my first quarter-century on this planet touching both too much and not enough. that feels profound atthis moment but the human body replaces humiliations fastereven than skin; two weeks from now i will remember saying this,stare at the ceiling above my bed and think: no one has ever been as big of an asshole as you are. there are billions of stars in our galaxy and billions of galaxies in our universe and my ceiling is the only clean part of my apartment. i know it’s a fish story, but c’mon, god, okay — i’m just asking to believe i’ll make it to thirty better dressed; less selfish.

#poem #a poem is just an undirected prayer #you know i read a short book of poems in middle school written from god's pov and one of them was about him/her being pissed that everyone #assumed they were a guy #and i've been thinking of it for 13 years but i have no idea what it was called or what the book was called #anon #asks

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shimmershaewrites · 4 years

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Waltzing's for Dreamers, Chapter 25 (a Walking Dead story, Caryl AU).

Title: Waltzing's for Dreamers

Rating: PG?

Warnings: some adult language, angst.

Characters/Pairings: Carol/Daryl, Sophia, OC, Lily Chambler, Meghan Chambler, Michonne, mentions of Aaron, Tara Chambler, Andrea Harrison, Andre, others.

Author's Note: so sorry for the delay on this story. I've been blocked so horribly and just down in general about my writing. This isn't my best chapter by any means, and not quite what I envisioned when I first drew it up, but words have been so hard for me to come by lately that it's a relief just to put it out there. Enjoy anyway?

Waltzing’s for Dreamers

Seven years after Vegas. Middle of March. The immediate aftermath of Daryl seeing Sophia again.

“Coming to the game, Mr. Dixon?”

Daryl’s still reeling. Trapped inside one of them kaleidoscopes, inside a jumbled rainbow of colors and shifting emotions that only gets more and more distorted with each twist so he don’t answer. Isn’t capable of it really. Just lets the drone of the boy’s words go in one ear and out the other while he grips his steering wheel with blanched fingers.

“Zach. Leave the man alone.”

“Yeah, Zach. He look like he wants to watch us get our asses beat?”

“Who says we’re going to get our asses beat?”

“Coach.”

“Coach wouldn’t say that.”

“He put it in different words. But he definitely said it.”

“Shut up, Jimmy. Nobody asked you anyway.”

The boys argue back and forth, but it’s white noise to Daryl. He’s lost inside his own head, struggling to put together the pieces of a long-shelved puzzle. Just when he feels like he almost has it, has the elusive lynchpin within his grasp, the last bell rings and kids spill out of the school in every direction like ants scurrying to collect crumbs, jolting him rudely back into the moment. “Game’s near Woodbury?”

“Yeah, Man. You coming?”

“Dude looks like death, Gage. Leave him alone.”

“Pfft. Whatever. Just forget it. We’re running late as it is.”

Their voices fade the further they get away but his little girl’s rings loud and clear in Daryl’s recent memory. Carol’s joins it and another small voice, a voice he doesn’t recognize but somehow knows all the same.

“I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead ‘cause no way would my daddy leave me.”

“Sophia. Sweetheart. Not here. Not now. Your brother…”

Carol had frozen at his sharp intake of breath, her blue sky eyes stormy as she’d taken the small boy by the shoulders and tried to steer him away. Tried to distract him from the train wreck unfolding before him, the screech and ear-splitting crash of their past colliding with the painful, harsh reality of their present.

“Nobody.”

That single word, cloaked in ‘Phia’s tears as it had been, still feels like a knife lodged deep in Daryl’s floundering heart. Still echoes in his ears. Haunts him. But it’d been Carol’s softly uttered addition that’d twisted the knife and even now has his life’s blood flowing out of him in a painful torrent. Has him all out of sorts and all but oblivious to the rest of the still moving world around him.

“Nobody that you know, Baby. C’mon. Let’s get you home okay? You and Sis both. Sophia?”

“Mr. Dixon?”

“I didn’t…”

“Mr. Dixon? Can you hear me?”

Cool fingers circle his wrist, discreetly checking his pulse before moving to calmly loosen his death grip on the steering wheel, and the fog finally lifts enough for Daryl to focus. Clarity sharpens his mind but also heightens the grief—and budding anger—that he feels and he turns his gaze to the woman eyeing him with muted concern. He recognizes her as the school nurse. Has had to send more than one of his dumbass students her way in the short time he’s been at this gig. Seen her be friendly with Carol and knows where her sympathies lie. Still. He feels the overwhelming need to explain himself. “I didn’t know. I thought…”

Lily cuts him off with a subtle shake of her head and a suggestion for the young daughter that lingers uncertainly behind her. “Meghan, why don’t you run back inside? Grab something to drink for Mr. Dixon? You were right. He doesn’t look so good.” When the little girl has scampered away and the bus carrying the baseball team is gone along with most of the cars in the parking lot, she finally speaks again. “My sister Tara babysits for Carol. Our daughters are friends, Mr. Dixon. Sophia’s older, but they tell each other everything. Any explanations you think you have for abandoning your family? Sophia and Carol deserve to hear them from you. Understood?”

A ragged sigh whistles past Daryl’s lips and he blinks against the sting in his eyes. “’Phia ain’t in the place to hear nothing I say.”

Lily’s expression softens but she holds her tongue.

Daryl nods to himself and drums still nerveless fingertips against his steering wheel as he gazes straight ahead. “Tell your girl thanks for me, but I got somewhere I have to be.”

Lily stops him with a hand on his arm and an inherent plea in the way she says his name. “Mr. Dixon.”

Daryl ducks his head shamefully. “Mr. Dixon was a man didn’t deserve to be called Daddy. Guess I’m more like the old man than I thought. Don’t worry. I ain’t gonna bother them. Got more sense than that.” He doesn’t meet her eyes again, afraid of the pity that renders her voice a quiet murmur.

“Maybe she’s not ready to hear you now, but if I know Sophia at all? Someday she will be.”

“Someday. Yeah, maybe.”

Turning his key in the ignition, Daryl brings his old truck to life and its cantankerous rumble is so loud Lily almost has to shout to be heard.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Gotta be.”

“At least stay until Meghan gets back with your drink.”

“Done told you…”

“You got somewhere to be. I know. I heard you. Just. I know it doesn’t mean much coming from somebody you barely know. But don’t hurt them even more by doing something stupid.”

Daryl mulls over her words. Tries desperately to take them to heart as the truck eats up the miles between King County and Woodbury. To push the building anger he feels away with middling results. Welcome distraction comes when he passes an athletic complex halfway there. Sees the King County baseball coach running practice drills with the boys before the big game and winces because he’s gotten to know the man somewhat. Aaron’s a good guy. Another one of Carol’s friends and coworkers. Earnest. Hard working. Friendly and welcoming to a fault. Ill-suited to coaching but out there anyway, determined to turn lemons into lemonade, to make something positive out of something negative when Daryl aches for nothing more in that moment than a confrontation and some answers.

“Sophia. Sweetheart. Not here. Not now. Your brother…”

He repeats Lily’s sensible words as a mantra, even as the puzzle pieces start to fall into place. The harder the fist around his heart squeezes, the hotter his blood starts to boil. Her brother? But Andrea…

“Nobody that you know, Baby. C’mon. Let’s get you home okay? You and Sis both. Sophia?”

By the time he pulls into the Woodbury parking lot, he’s at fever pitch again. The truck has barely lurched to a stop before he’s jumping out of it and slamming the door, striding to the front entrance and a security guard that immediately diagnoses him a threat, abandoning his post to prevent Daryl from going any further.

“Sir. Do you have an appointment?”

Daryl blatantly ignores his question. Indignantly huffs a half-truth as he deftly sidesteps the man. Woman had been quick to shove those divorce papers under his nose. “I’m here to see my lawyer. We go way back. Don’t need no appointment.”

“Sir,” the man repeats calmly. “I’m going to need you to stop where you’re at and show me your hands. Keep them where I can see them while I verify a few things. Do that and if your lawyer’s receptive to seeing you without an appointment, we’ll go from there.”

Sighing in resignation, Daryl agrees and holds his hands out to his sides. “Fine. What you need to know?”

“You can start by giving me your name and who you’re here to see.”

Some fifteen minutes later, when his anger’s cooled considerably and the pain and devastation of all he’s missed has begun to sink back in deep, Daryl looks up from the weary study of his worn boots when he hears a familiar voice. It doesn’t belong to the person he expected or wanted to see. Instead, it belongs to Michonne, and one look at the grave expression the woman wears has him swallowing hard because she knows. He doesn’t know how much she knows or when she found it out, but betrayal hangs low and heavy around her shoulders too. “She too much a coward to face me herself?”

Michonne’s lips pinch into a trembling, disappointed frown before she sucks in a shaky breath. Her eyes never straying from his, she addresses the guard that waits patiently nearby. “It’s okay, DJ. Daryl’s good people. He’s just been hit with a bit of upsetting news today.”

“Sorry, Man,” DJ apologizes. “Hope you know I was just doing my job.”

As soon as they’re alone, Michonne allows Daryl only a brief glimpse of the disappointed tears in her eyes before straightening her shoulders and clearing her throat. “I understand…”

“No,” Daryl instantly interjects through gritted teeth. “You don’t.”

Nodding to concede his point, she begins again. “I know you’ve just been blindsided. It’s not exactly the same, but I have too. Be that as it may, there’s a little boy behind those doors, my little boy, and I know none of us right now understand this whole mess, but Andre? Daryl, it makes even less sense to him. Do you get that? One minute his mama and Aunt Andrea were happy and laughing. The next? The next they’re…they’re not.”

“I’m sorry, ’Chonne. But…”

“But nothing, Daryl.” Impassioned now, Michonne defends Andrea. On one count at least. “Andrea wanted to come out here. She wanted to talk to you herself. I convinced her not to. Me. Because she was the only one that could console my son. So please. Remember that. Think of him before you storm in there dead set on getting your pound of flesh. Okay? Think of him and treat him the same way you’d treat the son you just found out about.”

Daryl’s throat grows tight again and the tears that had stung his eyes earlier return with a vengeance, streaming unnoticed down his cheeks. Hoarsely, he pleads with Michonne to understand. “My boy, ‘Chonne. I didn’t know. She told me, no, she let me think he died. Even worse…I want some answers, goddammit.”

Michonne grabs his hand, offers herself up as an anchor of sorts. Something steady to hang on to in the onslaught of emotion. “And if they don’t satisfy you? We can’t go back, Daryl. Only forward. What then?”

“Got no fuckin’ clue, but don’t I deserve the chance to figure that out for myself? And to do that, I need to talk to Andrea.”

“Okay. Follow me. We’ll get you your answers.”

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bts-love-sweat-tears · 6 years

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Julie’s Love Yourself Concert Diary

Concert Date: September 29, 2018

Written: September 30, 2018

Warnings: I curse more than I should?

Words: 3,330ish-added a few things at the last minute (phew!)

A/N:

[Update: Tumblr couldn’t upload all my photos that I spent awhile choosing and placing, so I’m going to have to pare it down. Sorry bbs! I opted to cut my personal & merch photos in favor of the boys]

So I have one thousand and one things I should be working on-for school, for work, for my eventual job hunt. But instead I am going to write about last night’s experience while it was still fresh in my mind. I was thinking of doing a song-by-song play-by-play, but you can look up the setlist on Wikipedia, so instead I am going to talk about the things that jumped out at me. WARNING: This is essentially one giant spoiler, so I will try to put a “Read More” cut, though it’s been being weird for me lately. So scroll carefully if you’re going to a later date and don’t want to know. All photos taken on my (now ancient) iPhone 6, so I tried to choose the best ones). Will edit as I see typos I made.

I’m a little nervous since I usually write fiction instead of sharing my personal experience. Anyway, full disclosure that this is just my perspective, and I’m (always) happy to discuss things (civilly) if you disagree with me. <3 Photos and opinions are mine.- please don’t re-post anywhere else.

The Background/ Pulling a Namjoon and Leaving my Ticket at Home

Even though I was going to the Saturday show, I flew into LaGuardia using frequent flyer miles on Friday morning. I was staying with a friend in Queens, so I went straight to her apartment. I’m a grad student as most of you probably know at this point, so I spent most of Friday working on a paper that was due. I had two friends I met at last year’s concert going to the Friday concert, and they went for merch promptly at 9, but I had just arrived and had a deadline to meet for school. Around 4:30PM, I decided that I was done for the day and opened Ticketmaster to print my ticket for the next day’s show. When I logged in, I saw the notice that the ticket had been mailed to me. I remembered having seen that when I bought the ticket in May, but in my defense I was jet-lagged and ill on that day. Furthermore, I moved to and from NYC in that time for a summer internship, and SO MUCH HAD HAPPENED. The tickets had been mailed while I was living here and I had never seen them, so somehow it slipped my mind. Obviously I lived too far away, but I didn’t know if I could express overnight them, but I think when I called Ticketmaster, the old ones were deactivated when the guy tried to send me the link.

Anyway, print at home was not an option, so I called Ticketmaster and in a panic explained my situation. They said it happened all the time and offered to send me a link. Luckily I kept the rep on the line, because it turned out that even they couldn’t email a link because of the anti-scalpers/fraud/whatever.

Then the rep said that I could show the credit card, but I had literally cut it up the week prior since the Vendor (e.g. the store that the card was through) had switched their card to a different bank (e.g. Visa to Mastercard), so I seemed shady af, even though I was telling the truth. He said as long as I had a login to a statement showing the transaction (I didn’t, since they had opted to close the account at an institutional level). So I called my mom frantically, and luckily she is the hyper-organized type who keeps paper copies of everything and sent them to me. Seriously, Mom for the win! I run to this print shop as it’s closing and print everything out. I had the Ticketmaster receipt & order #, and two photo ID’s confirming my address. The guy said it should be fine, but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. This was my one birthday gift and something I had been looking forward to for months. Anyway, my friend and I went out to a local bar near the Halsey (yes, the singer took her name from the station) stop on the L line, and I was super anti-social because I was so upset. I also burst a blood vessel in my eye (it will heal, no worries) because of too much birthday partying the prior weekend, so I’m sure I was a (sour) sight to behold.

I slept poorly for obvious reasons, and left the apartment around 7AM, and arrived to Prudential center around 8:30ish. There were only a few people outside of will call, but the GA line was already wrapped around the building. I made small talk with people outside of the box office, and one woman told me she had gotten soundcheck both days. Seriously, what kind of karma do I need for that to happen to me? She and her friends had been camping out since Thursday, and they were SUPER organized: while she waited in line, one was at merch, and someone else was holding their GA site. I almost wondered if they were a fansite or something. ARMY are a truly organized bunch (except for me, clearly).

Anyway, after another half hour of pure anxiety, they opened up will call and I was panicking, but they were really helpful and gave me my ticket after I verified the order number, showed my id and confirmed some other personal data. I decided then and there that nothing else mattered and I was just happy to be there and be in.

Waiting in line/Logistics/Staff

I left the box office, and got into the GA line. It was probably around 9:15, and the line had already doubled-back on itself all the way around the building. The woman from earlier told me that her friend had got #1000 and was only 3 rows back, so I still had some hope. Basically, you line up to get your spot in line- though it’s kinda dumb that you have to line up twice, it makes security go faster and guarantees that there isn’t a huge surge/stronger people cutting in line later.

I wore what I thought were my most comfortable shoes, but after standing on concrete for hours, I don’t think it makes a difference. People were so friendly though- I never once felt awkward even though I was by myself. The same was true last year- the friends who had gone up for merch on Friday I met while in line at last years’ Wings concert. I chatted with people around me, drank the two bottles of water I had, and looked at my phone. Bring an umbrella for shade and sunscreen though-I didn’t and am rocking a nice farmers burn/tan today. It wasn’t humid though, and it wasn’t raining, so it could have been so much worse.

Even though there were tons of people, everyone was well-behaved. I didn’t see any altercations, though as the day went on the staff seemed a bit overwhelmed with crowd control. I didn’t see too many people selling unofficial merch like last year, though I did buy a few necklaces (Joon and Chim, ofc).

After 3.5 hours, I finally got my wristband. They told us to be back by 2pm to line up for real, as they were going to try to open the doors at 3 instead of 3:30 (didn’t end up happening).

Merch

I then ran to merch, but there wasn’t much left. The fans/pickets were selling out as I got in line, and people were basically yelling “NOOOOOOOO” everytime the staff put up a “SOLD OUT” sticker. I bought what I could that was left, including a bracelet, which I’m actually in love with, the eco-tote (super overpriced tbh, $50 for a canvas bag), but the shopper bags were gone and I needed something to carry the box and batteries V3 ARMY Bomb I bought. I had one from last year that I also forgot, but I think the new version was cool because they are synced up with the music so you can change colors and patterns along with everyone else. Overall, it’s EXPEN$$$$IVE, but if anyone’s worth it, it’s Bangtan.

Newark

I was getting super tired after this, so I kinda passed on the photo studio table, big poster, and UNICEF stuff. I tried to go to Starbucks, but even though it was the middle of the day, I didn’t feel that safe, even though it was like 11:45 in the middle of the day. I’m a 27 year old who’s lived in Latin America (which is generally stereotyped for violence), solo traveled around the world, and I’m from the Rust Belt (aka home of true urban decay), but that part of Newark sketched me the heck out. Probably it would have been fine, but I opted for caution, and went to a Dunkin Donuts and empanada place right around the corner. The timing was actually good since we had to get back pretty quickly to line back up.

The second line was where the staff struggled, telling people to back up and get in order, but it seemed like staff were doing different things. Plus, if they wanted people to back up, they should have created room at the back first, before telling the front to basically “back that ass up” on the people behind them.

GA vs. Seated

I can say this- if you are short, you probably want a seat. Or if you have any kind of knee, back, or joint problems- I stood for approximately 14 straight hours on concrete yesterday. I am just under 5”5” but I was probably one of the taller people in the crowd, so I had a pretty good view. Even though they asked people to not take videos or record, you WILL be looking through a sea of cell phones. I could see pretty well, but sometimes when they were on the main stage I had a hard time seeing around other people’s arms.

Last time I had P2 seated, and the view was wonderful. I went to the bathroom, charged my phone, and ate nachos (lol), so it was generally a more chill experience. I was still super close but up a little higher and could see absolutely everything. But last night I was SO close I could see Joon’s dimples irl, and got splashed by both Jungkook and J-Hope when they threw the water bottles. Probably 100 people think this, but I’m also pretty sure Yoongi (and maybeeee Jimin) saw me jumping and singing along like crazy since I was one of the taller people. At the very least, Yoongi keep looking in the general direction I was in. Ofc I looked gross af with my messed up eye and crazy hair, but what I loved about the concert is that I was 100% able to forget all the insecurities I carry around with me on a day to day basis and have an AMAZING time.

Of course the whole place is crazy high energy, but I feel like last night was INSANELY high. I’m not sure if it was the overall vibe or if that was the GA influencing my opinion. It just depends on what kind of experience you want to have. Also, if you are claustrophobic, you should probably pass on GA. The guards kept forcing people to back up, at one point even coming in with a flashlight, and people would surge forward whenever a member came close. But someone said the night before was chill, so maybe it’s just luck of the draw.

The Show

The show was absolutely amazing. They opened with IDOL, which got people hyped from the get-go. Their dancing was ON POINT as always. People were chanting during the intro videos and chatting as it filled in, so it was a great vibe once again- just super happy feeling. The audio visual part was AMAZING, though I’m no pro, and I loved all of the concert outfits, especially Jimin’s super sparkly sweater. Lots of jumping, and lots of screams. I didn’t have earplugs and was fine, but if you’re sensitive to loud sounds I definitely recommend them. ISTG I remembered hearing a mashup of FIRE, but maybe not? Wikipedia seems to think not. But they played a few older ones too, which made me so soft and nostalgic.

More on the members during the concert

Kim Namjoon

Ok, this is so so so biased, let me start with that. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know how much I love this man. Seeing him smiling and happy was amazing. And they had a professional translator for this concert, so I felt like Joon was able to relax a little and enjoy himself instead of worrying about translating for everyone else. He is just as tall and proportional as everyone says he is. Everyone talks about how soft he is these days (and I love it), but he has undeniable charisma when he raps. Plus him in sunglasses, ddaeng. Seeing him so close was akin to something spiritual for me (I SAW THE DIMPLES WITH MY OWN EYES), as were people shouting along with him to “Love.” At the end, he commented how we were all sharing the same air, and hearing him think the way (I know at least some of ) us think was so heartwarming.

Also during some of the videos, there were some NOT AT ALL subtle Minjoon moments.

Kim Seokjin

The crowd last night ADORED Jin and gave him all the attention he deserves to have all the time. People were chanting his name SO LOUDLY during instrumental breaks in Epiphany. His voice was phenomenal, particularly the high notes. it’s clear how hard he’s worked to make it sound so effortless. I noticed that people weren’t moving as much during some of his notes and I can only think it’s because we were literally transfixed. It’s well established, but I don’t think this man has any bad angles. Even in the still pictures I took while dancing, he DOESN’T look awkward in any of them. #impossible.

Min Yoongi

Suga was clearly happy about something last night- he was SO cute and happy. Other ARMY on the train back to the city agreed with me. His rapping was fire (duh), but he was really smiley and took out his earpiece a number of times to hear us screaming. “Seesaw” starts with him laying on a couch and I can think of no better way to capture his true soul (lol). He was extra attentive to fans, and I feel like what Tae mentioned in Burn the Stage, he was trying to memorize ARMY’s faces and live in the moment. I felt bad because there were clearly parts where he wanted us to sing along, but we couldn’t necessarily keep up with his tongue technology :P But people definitely tried their best.

Jung Hoseok

Idk what I can say here that’s new. J-Hope is one of the most charismatic members on the stage. And there’s something in the American air that turns him into Jay Hope. Seriously, he’s hard to move your eyes away from. “Just Dance” was the first solo track if I remember correctly and he did not disappoint. His glasses at the end were adorable, and one of the other members called him a “happy grandfather” or something like that. Seriously, if you’re still sleeping on Hobi, we can’t be friends.

Park Jimin

Jimin was ethereal as always, and the choreography for Serendipity was…..salacious, to say the least. Like if you thought the “Take Me Down” cover from last year’s Festa was too much, then idk what to tell you. Bring holy water or something. Despite the free water that fans were providing to others (ARMY are seriously the best) there was a different kind of thirst occurring, if you smell what I’m stepping in. Jimin is pure charisma, like J-Hope. Obviously their styles are totally different, but when they move, you stop whatever you’re doing and watch. Again, I didn’t even see many ARMY bombs moving during Serendipity- I think we were too entranced. I personally thought that he killed his vocals and did great, but he seemed a little tired or like he was working hard at it. Jimin was also the one (at least that I saw from my angle) that got the closest to the fans, crouching down and leaning over the teleprompters/fans/lights/ whatever the black boxes were at the edge of the stage.

Similar to Tae and Yoongi, I saw him looking at fans A LOT during the show. He was exactly how he seems in V Lives and cameras, and I’m fairly certain I would spontaneously combust if I ever ran into him irl (even if I didn’t know who he was)- he just radiates warmth and friendliness. Seriously, if I believed in magic, I feel like he would be able to influence people’s emotions.

Kim Taehyung

So many fic writers have this ultra primal (for lack of a better word?) for Tae, but all I see is a cute sweetheart. Obviously I’ve never seen someone create as much tension with their own arm as he does during Singularity, but when he’s not dancing, I just got a super innocent, cutesy vibe from him. His voice was so smooth last night. I mean, I knew, but now I KNOW. He actually was shooting hearts at one fan (how lucky they are), and pretended to fall down when they shot him back! They were further back in P2 as well so he really does work hard at paying attention to everyone. He actually called over another member (maybe Yoongi or Jimin? I was too busy trying to remember how to breathe, to see whatever he was seeing).

At the end he whipped a heart out of his beanie (how I pray to god someone got that moment on camera) a la Jin. He just seemed really comfortable in his own skin last night, and I was so grateful for it.

Jeon Jungkook

I had a hard time seeing most of his Euphoria performance as it was relatively early on and people were taking a shit ton of videos. He also stayed mostly on the main stage, rather than come out to the extension area near where I was. His abs are just as great in person, and the screams were (as is to be expected), absolutely deafening. They’ve talked about it in shows, but his voice is SO stable. Obviously they stopped at times and don’t use too much backing vocals, but it sounded EXACTLY how it does on the album. He threw something into the crowd (I think a banner) at the end, and it FLEW so far-back to P2 or further. They’re not kidding when they talk about how strong he is.

Final thoughts

At first, I was a little exhausted after my emotional trauma of the prior day, and from standing for so long but the minute it started I forgot everything else. I was salty when I couldn’t see that much bc of people recording (esp when they asked us not to), but I understand the specialness of the moment and wanting to have some tangible evidence that you were there. By the time the concert was over, I realized how special GA was, even if it’s more difficult logistically (since I went solo and didn’t have parents or friends to stand in). I still don’t know if it’s hit me that I was like 10 feet away from them, max. It reaffirmed how important they are to me. I didn’t write this to brag, but to hopefully share my perspective and let others live vicariously through my experience. If you want clarification or anything else, write to me!

#love yourself tour #newark day 2 #bts #bts army #concert diary #concert musings

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occupyvenus · 6 years

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@doublehex replied to your post “Actual footage of aegony stans popping a bottle of champagne...”

You make it seem as if only J0nerys shippers bought into it. BryndenBFish thought it was a legit interview at first, and he was someone that has poured over most of GRRM's interviews. The way the interviewer wrote his responses were very cleaver. And it was written by no means a Jonsa shipper, because the Jonsa answer was just one small part about it. Get off your high horse and take a chill pill.

How about you get off my post and take a red pill that takes you back to reality?

I do not make it seem like only J0nerys shippers bought into it. I specifically made fun of the specific group of people (mostly J0nerys shippers) who used this interview as “prove” to debunk Jonsa and celebrated the “death of the delusional crackship” before getting all their facts straight. Yes, while the Jonsa passage was only a small part of the interview, I made fun of the people who only cared about this “small part” and made a big deal about it. Weak reading comprehension, much? Would explain a lot of things.

As a lot of other people, I didn’t dismiss the interview right away either, that would be just as biased as buying into it without any further questions. I thought maybe the “interviewer” had some personal connection to GRRM and he did them a solid by talking with them. I read the entire thing, while considering the problems that arise with automated translation and compared his statements with some he’s made before. I actually took my time to apply some critical thinking skills before forming a final opinion. The post was not directed at people like BryndenBFish (btw, what’s with the appeal to authority? People can’t think for themselves unless someone with supposed “higher credentials” gives them the green light to do so?) who did the same thing, who wasn’t sure about it’s legitimacy, but actually looked into it before drawing any final conclusions, but at the gullible, biased idiots who never learned to not believe everything they read on the internet. So what is your point exactly?

Btw, I retain the right to make fun of the people who didn’t even bother to look into it before making hateful, condescending, snarky posts because there were so many things that should make everyone capable of critical thinking at least a bit sceptical:

An exclusive interview with a high-caliber author is published on some random, unknown blog?

Why didn’t a “professional journalist” sell that thing to some news media, actually making some profit with their supposed profession?

Why wouldn’t the author at least take one picture with grrm?

One tiny little google session would’ve showed that this “interview” wasn’t picked up by any verified news outlet.

Neither westeros.org, nor the asoiaf wikia picked it up either. They’re usually pretty fast with that. Most interviews show up a few hours after they were published. Maybe because the administrators have connection to grrm and his pr-team themselves and are aware of any upcoming interviews?

The interview has no links to grrm’s blog, twitter, his official website and their was no mention of that interview on all these outlets either.

The interview was ill-formatted and the blog itself looks rather shitty. Not a sign of professionalism.

Why would GRRM agree to making interview that was only going to be published in Spanish? Why would GRRM agree to making an interview with such a low-profile outlet at all?

Those were at least a couple of things that seemed fishy about the circumstances of the “release”. If that wasn’t enough to at least raise one of your eyebrows, there are couple of things about the content that an attentive reader could/should have noticed:

George is praising D&D? After politely redirecting any questions about them with neutral answers? After throwing some epic shade at them not two months ago? (Like, he has no time to watch “his own show”, but fangirls about another? Sick burn, george.)

GRRM has never outright denied any fantheories. Here he takes strong stances about Azor Ahai and Jon’s endgame romantic partner. This isn’t about me being a pressed shipper, it simply isn’t in line with his previous reactions to questions like this. Do you remember the dubious, unambiguous way he talked about S@nsan in the past? He didn’t confirm it, he didn’t completely deny it. He

While we’re at the topic of the jonsa-passage, he contradicts himself numerous times here alone, for example: Well, in my books Jon Snow is dead ... but to find out about his possible relationship with Dany you have to keep reading. Any romantic relationship is very unlikely, because they only share a siblingy bond ... but Jon and Sansa don’t even have that. Like, what? Sounds awfully like a rehash of your usual anti-jonsa arguments, don’t you think? The creator of the whole series has no more to say than your average redditor?

Btw, Grrm honestly reacting to a question involving his original outline? When has that ever happened?

I remembered that Medusa interview, I don’t remember any news about it being fake. But in this interview it’s presented as fact and common knowledge?

GRRM answers a question about Arya by talking about how she isn’t like Sansa? Sounds less like him and more like your typical reddit douchebag.

Btw, he talks about revenge and it’s downfalls, but doesn’t bring up Lady Stoneheart? A character about whose non-inclusion in the show bugs him so much, he talks about her significance to the narrative every chance he gets?

At one point he emphasized that Jon is dead in the books, but later doesn’t correct the “interviewer” when she calls Jon a king? How is Jon a king in the books, btw? Or would GRRM really confirm in an interview that Jon will become KITN in the books too? Seems like an obvious mix up of book and show canon to me.

Another instance of this is him taking Cersei as an example that women can rule in Westeros, when talking about Asha. In the books, Cersei does not rule in her own right, she rules through her son. This is no correct comparison to Asha becoming queen of the Iron Islands, at least not for current book-canon. And Goerge doesn’t discuss show canon.

Just in general, many, many answers don’t hold up to the usual intellectual level displayed in his interviews.

He says Jon Snow isn’t a hero, that every question about right and wrong depends on which side you are own, - which sounds a lot like him - but “regarding Dany, deserving something because you're a good person doesn’t mean you will obtain it?” Biased, much?

GRRM confirms a couple of characters as bisexual, some very surprising candidates included, but doesn’t mention those who have relationships with both men and women in canon like Ellia, or even Jon ?

George names a rather specific release date for Winds of Winter?

Those are only a few things I remember. If I went through this glorious clusterfuck one more time, I’m sure to find more. There are so many things in this “interview” that stick out, but in the name of fairness, let’s look at some of the things that seemed convincing:

Some passages successfully copied Grrm’s way of speaking.

Some statements were in line with grrm’s usual style of answering spoilery questions. (You have to keep reading, the show is the show and the books are the books etc)

No one could be batshit crazy enough to seriously fake an interview with GRRM.

Sry, if all these red flags didn’t lead you to even do a bit of investigating, if instead, your first reaction was to make petty posts about “jonsa being dead” and “grrm killing jonsa” you deserve to be made fun of. Should I give you a pat on the back for focusing solely on the few things that seemed legit, while completely dismissing everything that pointed to the opposite?

Sry not sry, but after being called “delusional” for shipping Jonsa, despite bringing up a bunch of compelling arguments, while your strongest argument against it is screaming DELUSIONAL!!!, after being told “to seek professional help” thousands of time, I have absolutely no problem with pointing out the mass delusion that these assholes suffered from the last day. Payback’s a bitch. I actually made another post about why this whole surreal situation is so endlessly funny to me, and it has nothing to with people “who AT FIRST thought this as a legit interview”, before taking a closer look and realizing that it’s most likely forgery (like your weak argumentative shield BryndenBFish did).

It’s because of the sheer hypocrisy and the delicious irony:

J*nerys-stans and co were so desperate to discredit us “delusional crackshippers” that they took some random interview on some random blog with zero credentials, something that seemed fishy to anyone who took 5 minutes to clearly think about it, but instead they just swallowed it like a bowl of dramatic rice, because they were so excited about proving that other people are “delusional” and I just can’t. This morning there were dozens of posts celebrating that the “delusional jonsa stans will finally shut up about their delusional crack ship” and now they’re the ones whining about being called delusional and how unfair and inappropriate that is and, fuck, payback’s a bitch. Like, you gotta appreciate the fucking irony of the situation.

Never forget the blessed Halloween of 2k17 when antis got a taste of their own medicine. The dramatic rice remember.

Now pop in the blue pill and go back to the matrix where jonsa-shippers are the “delusional” ones, who only see what they want to see”. That’s the only place where you people can still pretend that jonsa-shippers are the ones who lack critical thinking skills. I’ll be enjoying the view from my high horse, thank you.

Actual footage of you, thinking you can get one over me with that weak ass comment.

#dramatic rice #jonsa #I have no more chill for these people #or their weak argumentation #none at all #aegony #anti-jonerys

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evakuality · 7 years

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Let’s talk about Isak

So here we are at the second of the meta posts I wanted to write, and for which I created this blog in order to have somewhere to put them. This one is about Isak all on his own. He’s such a complex, interesting character and I’m constantly fascinated by him. However, as in all fandoms, there are certain perceptions of him that have become accepted as universal truths to the point that most fic and art uses those ideas as if they are canon. Since I’m in an analytical mood, I’m going to take a look and see just how accurate they all are. Again, I could write a book on all the things I agree with about Isak: he’s smart, he’s analytical, he’s an introvert, he loves Even etc etc. But there’s not much use in rehashing that stuff again, so I’m going to look at things where I either disagree or at least partially do.

First: That he’s small and weak.

Okay, so I take major exception to this one. It’s probably one of the ones that bothers me the most. Take that as an acknowledgement that I come into this with a bias against it, but I’ll still try to be fair. Obviously, the actor grew over the course of the show and this has an impact on how we perceive the character. Season one Isak isn’t noticeably taller than the people around him. He’s still not what I would call short, but he’s not a towering giant either. However, by season three Isak is pretty damn tall. I know this is Scandinavia and there’s a stereotype that they’re tall people as a general rule and so someone as tall as Isak isn’t necessarily going to appear out of place or even particularly tall. Having said that, however, it’s important to note that even for this group of people, Isak is not one of the smallest. He’s one of the tallest. He’s close to Magnus in height and it’s hard to tell which one has the edge. I think it changes depending on the angle of the shots, and both of them are noticeably taller than their other friends. There is one other thing that has an impact on how we see Isak, of course. That one thing we can all agree on, and it is that Even is very tall, taller than the rest of them. This creates a false impression of Isak as small, and he even looks delicate next to Even in the final clip of season 3 due to the costumes each is wearing. I understand that this is what has fueled the perception that he is small, delicate, weak etc, however it’s still wrong. There are a few inches at most between the two of them, and by season 4 that difference seems even smaller, probably due to the actor still growing.

The problem I have with this is that ‘small’ Isak is almost always coupled with ‘delicate, weak, needing protection and looking after’ Isak. The fandom often has Isak as wearing Even’s clothes and them swimming on him. Which is just blatantly, actually wrong. In canon we see Even in Isak’s clothes and they fit perfectly. These two are pretty much the exact same size and could probably share clothes for the rest of their lives and not have to worry about them not fitting. It seems like the intention with this idea in fic is to infantilize Isak because along with this ‘he swims in Even’s clothes’ comes an idea that he can’t look after himself, but that’s a comment for another part of this post. Another side effect of this infantilization is that Isak is generally cast as weak. In fic and headcanons (and sometimes art, though forgive me I’m new to this business and I don’t see as much art as I do fic etc so it’s less on my radar), if someone is going to sweep someone else up it’s generally Even. If someone needs carrying over a threshold it’s Isak. However, in the show we see the opposite. In the birthday video, Isak is the one who lifts Even onto his shoulders. Isak is the one who’s shown to be working out. Isak is the one who has definition and muscle in his body (seen earlier in the show, too; this isn’t a new development). He’s very obviously not weak.

Second: He’s manipulative

It’s fairly clear where this one comes from. After all, Isak spent season one manipulating his friends and was spectacularly successful in his actions. Right? Well, yes and no. Yes, he did what he could deliberately to try to make things difficult between Jonas and Eva. He succeeded in making things worse and causing Eva a lot more misery than she might otherwise have endured. However, I do not agree that he broke them up. It’s not like this was a healthy relationship and would have remained secure and stable if not for Isak. No, they had serious problems and difficulties already and his actions, while reprehensible and designed for his own gain, made no difference to the health or otherwise of the relationship. As Eva says later, he didn’t fuck things up between them, they did that themselves. I’ve only seen season one once, so I’m not totally certain of all the details, but his manipulations during it feel more off the cuff anyway. They seem to be things that he thinks of in the moment to work for him. He’s certainly not through everything through because he doesn’t plan for contingencies or for what will happen if he’s found out. This, then, is where the idea of Isak being a master manipulator comes from. It’s partially true because he does do some very underhand things in order to get the result he desires. The problem is … he’s not actually very good at lying and manipulating.

This is most clear in season three when he’s with Even and bails on both sets of other plans for the evening. Manipulation 101 would have you tell both sets the same lie or ensure that they can’t contact each other to prove you’re not being honest. However, not long later he’s been called on it because he told two different and easily verified lies to the two groups. They know, almost immediately, that he’s lying. Not exactly master manipulative material. Then his go-to excuse for ditching the boys is that he has a family thing. He uses this so often that it’s become something of an in joke. The boys clearly know he’s lying, as shown when Mahdi teases him about going to a family thing when he leaves the party they’re trying to get into. He can’t keep his emotions off his face, either. His misery is clear in his expression and his body language through much of his season and the boys are obviously hovering in the background concerned about him. Even during season one he’s not the expert people suggest. His actions come to light when Iben tells Eva that Isak is the one who’s spreading things around because he didn’t make sure that it couldn’t be traced to him. That he never learns from this experience to become a better manipulator is actually testament to the idea that he’s just not invested in this as an activity and that when he tries he’s not actually good at it.

The one way in which he’s actually successful at it is with girls. He has a very practiced mask which he pulls on and uses to get girls to fall into his arms. He’s very believable in this instance as it’s important to him to maintain that facade of heterosexuality. Emma falls for it on numerous occasions and it can’t be denied that he’s doing this again for his own benefit. However, it’s an understandable set of actions from someone who’s very insecure about his place and how he might be perceived if he strays off the accepted path. It’s very telling that the only times he’s actually successful at lying and manipulation are when there are very high stakes for his own life (or if we include Jonas/Eva, when there’s a very shaky foundation ready to fall anyway). This is not Isak’s natural state and tends to stem from misery rather than maliciousness when it happens. It doesn’t excuse what he does at all, but he’s definitely not a master at this.

Third: He’s a spoiled brat

Another of these persistent ideas in this fandom is that Isak is a pampered, spoiled brat who gets everything done for him when he stamps his feet petulantly. This Isak has an Even who falls over himself to do everything for him and to whom his petulance is an endearing trait. I touched on some of this in my previous meta, but there are some other things to note. Most prominently, that Isak has been looking out for his own well being for a very long time. During season one, his father leaves him at home with his clearly mentally ill mother. This is speculation at this point, but if she’s as bad as she appears to be later on, it’s unlikely that she was capable of caring for herself and for Isak full time at this stage. He’s likely to have had to be self sufficient at least part of this period. It’s also worth noting that Isak left this home to live in a stranger’s basement because that seemed to be a better option to him. How awful must it have been to live at home if that solution was ‘better’ to him!

That other meta deals with Isak as a domestic person so I won’t do it again. But alongside that issue is the idea that Isak is always grumpy and that Even indulges this and lets him get away with being a brat. But is he that bratty? I would argue that no he isn’t. He’s grumpy and sarcastic, yes, but that doesn’t make him a brat (and let’s not get too much into the infantilization that suggests, too, since brats are usually considered to be young and childish). Isak has a temper and can be prone to fly off the handle with little provocation, and yes in those moments Even does get very solicitous and calms him down. But what this line of reasoning forgets is how Isak does the same for Even. When Even gets into his funks (‘this isn’t going to work’ etc) Isak calmly and firmly shuts him down. We also see him wrapping Even in a blanket to keep him warm and safe, we see him rescuing Even at karaoke when he gets upset. We see Isak looking after Even emotionally at least as often as we see Even doing the same for Isak. This is a partnership, and they are equal. No-one is a brat or spoiled; they both support each other.

Fourth: he’s submissive and shy

Probably the most prevalent of the fandom’s ideas on Isak is this one. But Isak is hardly shy at all and definitely not the submissive type during what we see in the show. He’s a little wary and unsure with Even to start with because he’s probably never been in a situation where he’s been so attracted to someone else before, but he doesn’t lack confidence or assertiveness. He’s deeply attracted to Even, in a way that makes him blushy and a bit stuttery, and yet he asks him on their second meeting to buy him some beer. That’s not a submissive person. He goes out of his way to find Even and he demands answers from him when he’s been seemingly flakey (‘where have you been?’ etc). When Even comes to his home after the text exchange, Isak is the one to move forward and kiss Even. I’m not suggesting that he’s dominant and aggressive, but he isn’t scared to go after what he wants and he’s definitely not scared to speak his mind. That’s not just with Even, either. He’s got a quick wit and he loves to sting those around him, particularly when they’ve been ignorant (‘that doesn’t mean you have any more game’ and ‘I was going to ask you the same thing’ etc). He hits Mikael for some nebulous reason and spits aggressive attacks at the homophobe on the street. Isak is not one to sit back and let things be done to him if he has some way to retaliate. All of this is said much more eloquently in this post, so I suggest reading that one for more detail on this point.

The one thing where this seems like a less confident Isak might be true is when he follows Even basically wherever he wants to go and when he goes very soft and pliant when he’s with Even. However, neither of these things necessarily mean he’s submissive. He follows Even because Even has fun, exciting, reckless ideas and Isak is always up for doing fun, exciting, reasonably reckless things. He also has enough ideas of his own that Even often goes along with. He suggests they go to the party at his place, and as shown before he’s the one who often initiates kissing etc. It’s not all a one-way street. The fact that Isak gets soft and cuddly with Even has less to do with submission and more to do with being comfortable in his own skin. In all of these scenes he’s in a place where he feels he can be himself and be relaxed. As the show wears on, those places he feels that way expand and it’s not just Even that he’s soft around. The last time we see him in season three, he’s chatting to Eva. he looks comfortable, he’s smiling, he’s genuine, and he’s relaxed. Even is there but he’s not the one isak’s talking to. The scenes with Sana in season 4 move further and further to a place of real comfort and ability to relax until the end when he’s comfortable enough to tell her that he got a 5 on his test, and his body language is relaxed and his smile genuine despite there being no Even in the shot. This suggests that an Isak who is comfortable in himself and the situation is actually quite relaxed and comfortable regardless of whether Even is there or not.

Now, am I saying all this to suggest that people don’t write or headcanon this way? No, of course not. But I do think it’s good sometimes to sit back and examine our assumptions and realise how much of what we do is not based on what is actually presented in the show.

#skam #isak #my meta stuff

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naturopathytreatments · 4 years

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LYME DISEASE: A WHOLE-PERSON APPROACH

Tolle Totum

Lyme illness has actually come to be the fastest-growing insect-borne transmittable disease in the United States, Europe, and also Asia. In 2018, we are currently reading about the climbing tick populace and also the expectation that Lyme illness will only end up being more epidemic than it already is. More than 300 000 Americans and also 65 000 Europeans are influenced annually by this epidemic-- and these numbers appear to climb up each year.

The standard medical understanding of Lyme disease is rather limited to those that have acute Lyme illness. On the other hand, chronic Lyme disease, or post-Lyme disorder, has become controversial as well as has poor agreement among doctors pertaining ways to detect and also treat it.

A severe instance of Lyme condition consists of signs that develop within days or weeks of a tick bite as well as which may be treated reasonably easily at the outset. A persistent situation happens when Lyme makes its way deep right into the system and also keeps recurring, perhaps with durations of remission. Nonetheless, both kinds of Lyme are misunderstood.

Severe Lyme Condition

The early acute phase of Lyme disease generally takes place 3-30 days after a tick bite. Symptoms might consist of:

High temperature

Chills

Battering, throbbing frustration

Consistent, obvious fatigue

Numbness as well as tingling

Muscle and also joint pains

Puffy lymph nodes

Face or Bell's palsy

Erythema migrans (EM) breakout (" bull's- eye breakout").

One of the most widely known and characteristic sign of the intense phase is the EM, or bull's- eye rash. It begins at the website of a tick bite, and also increases till it reaches a diameter of 12+ inches. Hardly ever scratchy or unpleasant, this breakout in some cases clears as it expands, such that it resembles a target or "bull's eye." The visibility of the EM rash is pathognomonic for Lyme illness.

Although a bull's- eye breakout as well as flu-like symptoms are timeless very early indications of Lyme, lots of people never experience either of these. Some individuals obtain unclear signs and symptoms (or none in all) as well as might harbor the infection for several years without knowing it. And hundreds of thousands of individuals have the typical symptoms of Lyme without also knowing that they have the disease, up until long after it has deeply established itself right into their bodies. Lyme illness is called "The Great Mimic" because it appears like various other diseases. Because of this, it is not unusual for doctors to forget Lyme disease as they associate signs and symptoms to something else. Lyme condition has actually been misdiagnosed as fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, numerous sclerosis, mononucleosis, Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's illness, as well as numerous other conditions.

Chronic Lyme Disease.

People experiencing persistent Lyme illness may look medically different, and may provide with signs and symptoms such as:.

Fatigue.

Abdominal pain and also digestive tract modifications.

Memory loss or cognitive problems.

Numbness or tingling of extremities.

Sensory distortion of skin (burning experiences), specifically in hands or feet.

" Roaming" joint or muscle discomfort.

Light or sound level of sensitivity.

Lightheadedness or vertigo.

Rest disturbances.

Cardiac problems: mitral valve prolapse, heart block, heart palpitations, chest discomfort.

Equilibrium or sychronisation troubles.

Endocrine interruption: hypothyroidism, irregular menses, etc

. The Centers for Condition Control as well as Prevention (CDC) states that as much as 10% of people with intense Lyme disease will certainly go on to establish persistent Lyme condition or Post-Lyme Disorder; nevertheless, numerous Lyme-literate doctors feel this number is blatantly underreported.

Lyme Testing: Risks of the 2-Tiered System.

Including in the challenge of Lyme illness is making an appropriate medical diagnosis. According to the CDC, Lyme illness is a scientific diagnosis, which indicates it is based on symptoms and various other elements instead of entirely on a lab examination. Laboratory testing for Lyme disease has been woefully inadequate for years, due to the inadequate sensitivity and also uniqueness of the testing itself. Currently, the CDC suggests a 2-tier screening system, starting with a Lyme display examination.

One research found that in 55 people with recognized Lyme condition, <46% of them had either IgG or IgM antibodies on their Lyme display. A good screening test must get at least 95% of the people being tested for their condition, according to the College of American Pathologists. The Lyme screening examination does not fulfill this standard. Actually, the Lyme display examination may only get regarding 56% of individuals that have Lyme disease. To make matters worse, the CDC guidelines do not suggest doing a Western Blot when the Lyme display is adverse. Research study reveals that the Western Blot is more exact in detecting Lyme disease since it tries to find really details antibodies usually seen in Lyme disease people but not found in healthy controls.

The Western Blot is the 2nd phase of the CDC's suggested 2-stage screening. This test is also an antibody test, however gauges several antibodies related to Borrelia infection. In 40 years of research, we have actually found out that some antibodies specify to Lyme, while others are not. The existence of 23, 34, 39 and 93 kd antibodies are strongly associated with direct exposure to Lyme and might suggest infection. But since antibodies may spend time for several years, and also years, the existence of antibodies does not always indicate a present infection.

The Western blot is also very prone to incorrect downsides, ie, negative for antibodies regardless of energetic infection. This occurs due to the fact that it may take weeks for the body to develop antibodies versus Lyme, which is why the CDC does not advise doing a Western Blot test on any person whose disease happened within the previous month. Other labs tests, consisting of PCR screening and direct discoloration, have bad level of sensitivity and poor dependability in screening for Lyme condition.

So, the bottom line is that an unfavorable examination does not leave out the possibility of having Lyme disease, but a positive examination verifies exposure to the microorganism causing Lyme disease. It is important to evaluate lab testing together with a person's clinical signs. A person might have been subjected to Borrelia and never created Lyme illness yet might still have antibodies in their bloodstream. This is why it is needed to constantly consider your client's symptoms prior to starting any type of treatment.

Naturopathic Treatment.

In line with the tenets of naturopathic medication, the treatment of Lyme illness need to include the whole individual, consisting of diet, lifestyle routines, comorbid problems, immune standing, and environmental direct exposure, along with dealing with active infection. A whole-body method to Lyme disease addresses a number of the hidden variables that keep individuals with Lyme condition ill.

Diet plan.

Although numerous diet regimens have been reported to assist people with Lyme condition, I have actually personally discovered an alkaline diet plan to help most Lyme people. This includes eating foods that advertise cellular alkalinity. There are no specific studies on an alkaline diet as well as Lyme condition, but minority researches published on alkaline diet regimens, as a whole, have actually observed health and wellness advantages, including lowering swelling. Note that adhering to an alkaline diet plan does not transform blood pH, as has actually been supposed by some people.

I advise removing all refined foods, sugar, and coffee, and mainly consuming organic fresh vegetables, legumes, and nuts. It is also necessary to limit animal protein to less than 20% of overall nutritional intake for the week, as pet protein breaks down right into acid-forming by-products. For people that have difficulty making dietary modifications, it might be useful to have them collaborate with a nutritionist for dish preparation as well as guidance.

Intestinal Health and wellness.

Study shows the intestinal tract accounts for 70-80% of immune feature; thus, keeping healthy and balanced digestive permeability, balanced microflora, and optimum digestion is vital for getting rid of any type of chronic infection. It is very important to guarantee correct intestinal tract mobility to prevent dysbiosis and mucosal inflammation, which consequently may disrupt regular intestinal feature. Comprehensive stool analysis and/or organic acid screening may assist offer understanding right into certain areas of digestive tract feature that are imbalanced. The treatment around must be specific to your patient, but I typically consider herbs as well as nutrients that aid promote far motility, decrease inflammation, rebalance digestive tract microflora, and deal with overgrowth of pathogenic microbes. Some specific considerations include magnesium salts, probiotics, glutamine, curcumin, and also fish oils.

Deal With Active Lyme Infection.

A number of herbal protocols have been used to deal with both acute and chronic Lyme condition, a lot of which I have made use of successfully in my medical method. I have also located that natural herbs are typically much tolerated than antibiotics, and also come with fewer adverse side effects. The 2 organic procedures I have made use of the most are Dr Zhang's Modern Chinese Medicine method and an adjusted kind of Dr Lee Cowden's method.

Dr Zhang is a Chinese medical doctor and certified acupuncturist in New york city City that established a collection of Chinese herbal formulas to help get rid of Lyme, enhance immune function, improve blood circulation, and regulate autoimmunity. When I myself had Lyme illness, his protocol helped me to leave antibiotics as well as drastically boost my wellness. Dr Lee Cowden, a cardiologist in Dallas, TX, prior to retired life, created a collection of fluid casts made from plants from the Amazon.com rainforest in South America. His protocol has been researched at the College of New Place by Dr Eva Sapi as well as has been located to be much more reliable than prescription antibiotics. His procedure additionally aids eradicate infection, lower swelling, and boost detoxification.

I have likewise utilized protocols from Stephen Buhner, Byron White, and also a specialty herbal formula firm with one-of-a-kind items. I prefer the other protocols, as I have actually observed higher medical efficiency with Dr Zhang's and Dr Cowden's methods; I've additionally seen fewer die-off responses using these procedures, which prevail with any type of Lyme therapy.

Way Of Living & Environmental Protection.

In addition to taking anti-biotics or natural herbs to deal with the active infection, it is also crucial to handle lifestyle habits than may undermine your individual's immune system, making it more challenging to conquer an infection. Obtaining good-quality rest, obtaining plenty of exercise (as endured), and also handling anxiety all play substantial functions in body immune system feature. I urge any individual with Lyme illness to get rid of from their residence as well as workplace all contaminants and toxicants that are recognized immune disruptors, in order to optimize their immune function.

Among the biggest outside factors influencing Lyme condition is mold. Mycotoxicity and also mold allergy may cause symptoms that are nearly identical to Lyme illness, and many individuals with mold issues are unaware of their direct exposure. I extremely advise Lyme individuals have their house tested for mold making use of spore-trapping and ERMI (Environmental Relative Moldiness Index) to aid determine surprise resources of mold, to make sure that it may be remediated if present. Furthermore, pee mycotoxin screening or mold allergy testing may help establish whether mold and mildew is adding to one's health and wellness problems.

Immune Inflection & Cleansing.

Research study reveals that Lyme condition may trigger an autoimmune reaction against particular neurological healthy proteins, which might account for most of the symptoms of post-Lyme syndrome. Therefore, therapies that help regulate the immune system are optimal for remedying immune disorder. I have utilized low-dose immunotherapy (LDI) efficiently with thousands of my Lyme people. Created by Ty Vincent, MD, LDI uses homeopathic dilutions of a Lyme nosode to downregulate Th2 actions to Lyme, essentially "switching off" the autoimmune response to Borrelia spp. This isopathic method has actually aided countless Lyme clients overcome their signs. To find out more regarding how to do LDI, please see progressivemedicaleducation.com.

Various other types of immunotherapy, such as sublingual immunotherapy (SLIT) may assist modulate regulatory T cells (Tregs) versus mold and mildew, plant pollen, dirt, or foods, and also lower the total body immune worry. I have located this to be a beneficial adjunctive treatment in dealing with Lyme condition, especially in those with a history of allergic reactions before being infected with Lyme.

Detoxing is a limiting barrier for lots of chronic Lyme people. Although some patients are genetically predisposed to being slow-moving metabolizers, several naturopathic therapies may still assist promote much detoxing and removal. Research study reveals infrared sauna may aid eliminate hazardous steels and also chemicals stored in the tissues and also organs. The temperature level and length of treatment need to be customized for each individual according to what they may tolerate, however normal sauna treatment may enhance many Lyme symptoms.

I also very recommend colon hydrotherapy, for most of the exact same reasons that I advise sauna treatment. It is a method to promote far digestive tract function and also enhance mobility as well as removal. I have had some Lyme people that failed every treatment they attempted other than colon hydrotherapy, which helped them improve. I recommend 1-2 sessions weekly for the very first 4 weeks and to after that readjust the routine based upon scientific action.

Recap.

Early detection and treatment of Lyme illness gives your person the most opportunity of recuperation without future complications. Many naturopathic therapies may be as or extra efficient than standard antibiotic therapy, as antibiotic therapy only deals with elimination of the organism as well as falls short to address underlying immune, autoimmune, and also detoxification dysfunction. Lyme illness is an intricate disease with greater than 100 connected signs, as well as its occurrence continues to climb. Many naturopathic doctors in North America are most likely to see Lyme people in their method at some time, and also they are well suited, generally, to deal with Lyme. Adhering to fundamental naturopathic principles, together with some understanding of Lyme-specific protocols, may significantly improve the health and wellness of Lyme patients as well as help them to conquer their disease.

The post “ LYME DISEASE: A WHOLE-PERSON APPROACH “ was first appeared on ndnr

Want to know more about the different naturopathic treatments? Dr. Amauri Caversan ND is a naturopathic service provider in Toronto, Ontario. Check him out: https://dramaurinaturopath.com/

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bibliosexxual · 7 years

Text

(s)he

This is that fic I was talking about the other day, the one I wasn’t sure I wanted to post. I ended up writing TWO similar but distinct fics (different POV, different ending) based on the premise of this fic because I just kept tinkering with it, so this is the second version. The first one... idk, maybe I’ll toss it or maybe I’ll post it later for the curious among you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sterek high school AU, G, 1.7k words

Stiles thinks Scott is joking at first, mostly because he’s laughing so hard he can barely get the words out. "There's a guy backstage asking for you by name. He's got flowers."

Stiles rolls his eyes and goes back to wiping the lipstick off his mouth. After four performances, he can get in and out of the dress and the wig in no time flat. He can even walk in heels without too much wobbling. But the lipstick? Bane of his existence. It still takes him a good five minutes of careful wiping and rubbing with petroleum jelly, and even then his mouth always has this odd orangish-coral tinge by the time he goes home for the night. By that point he’s usually too frustrated by the whole thing to even begin to bother with cleaning off the mascara.

Thank god this is closing night, and in a minute they can all go out for tacos and Stiles can set to work forgetting about lipstick for the rest of forever.

Scott’s still hovering at the door, anticipatory. "I think he likes you. Like, like-likes."

"Ha ha," Stiles says flatly. He tilts his head to the left and then to the right in front of the mirror, angling his face up into the lights. "Do you think I got it all?"

Scott gives him a careless glance. "Yeah, sure. Looks fine. But no, seriously, the girl who sells the tickets told me he's shown up to every single performance."

Scott isn't joking. He’s laughing at Stiles (and okay, if their positions were reversed, Stiles would totally be laughing at Scott, too), but he isn't joking. Fuck. Not even Stiles' dad has come to every performance.

And why would he? After you've seen one, you've seen them all. It's not like they change the script between shows.

"Well, who is he?" Stiles doesn't know any guys who would want to give him flowers. All the guys in his social circle are either straight or definitely 100% not into Stiles' weird dorkiness, and anyway, none of them would think the way to Stiles' heart (or his pants) was through a fucking Valentine's Day cliche.

"I don't know! If I knew, don't you think I would have led with that? He's just some guy lurking around asking where you are."

"Well, what does he look like?"

Scott shrugs unhelpfully. "He has black hair, I think? I don't remember what color his eyes are. And… oh! He's wearing a dark grey shirt."

Stiles mimes beating his head against the dressing room wall. "Oh, yeah, that totally narrows it down. Now I know exactly who you're talking about."

“Hey, I never claimed to be Sherlock Holmes, dude. That’s more your thing.”

Which, true.

Scott's smile fades into something more serious. "Listen, if you don't want to talk to him, I'll go tell him you left already. I'll stand guard until I'm sure he's gone."

And okay, Stiles isn't especially keen to go talk to a random stranger, not after a full day of school and the play and the fucking lipstick, and not when it’s going to delay taco night, but... he’s going to do it anyway, duh. He's never been able to walk away from a good mystery.

There’s a guy sitting right where Scott said he'd be, on the paisley couch near the back door that always smells weirdly like old-lady perfume. Whoever he is, he has his head down, fiddling with the flowers, which are pink roses. He looks pretty normal. Athletic, kind of tan, probably about Stiles' age. Grey shirt, like Scott said. Black jeans. Black sneakers.

Stiles clears his throat, and the guy looks up. Stiles still doesn't recognize him, but damn. How did Scott manage not to mention the eyebrows? They’re seriously impressive.

"Uh, I'm looking for—" the guy starts to say. Then he pauses, seeming to really look at Stiles for the first time. "—Stiles?"

"Yes?" Stiles says.

Maybe this guy isn't very smart, because he just stares at Stiles for an uncomfortably long time with his mouth slightly open. Stiles' mind starts drifting to the tacos in his near future, and he forcibly corrals it back.

The guy stands up and takes a hesitant step forward. "You're Stiles Stilinski."

"I know?”

“You play Amara in the play.”

Stiles snorts. “Again, man… I know.”

Apparently that’s enough talking for now, because the guy doesn't say anything else, like, oh, who he is or what he wants. He looks... well, kind of embarrassed, really, as his eyes slowly fall from Stiles' face to his Iron Man t-shirt and plaid hoodie and all the way down to his worn red Vans and then back up again to his face. It’s not really an “I’m checking you out” kind of meandering, more like… verifying something. It’s weird.

“What’s your name?” Stiles says. Seems like a good place to start.

“Derek,” the guy says absently. And nothing else.

Stiles decides to get this show on the road, because tacos. "Okay. Word is you were looking for me. What’s up?"

“I was going to—” Derek cuts himself off, tapping the flowers in a nervous beat against his thigh, not meeting Stiles’ eye. A few bruised petals fall to the floor at his feet. “I thought— Never mind. It was stupid.”

Stiles grabs his arm before he can walk off. “Wait, wait. Are the flowers for me?”

“Well… Yes, but— I thought you were a girl,” Derek says in a rush, then cringes.

Stiles isn’t proud to admit it, but it takes a good ten seconds of them awkwardly staring at each other before it clicks. Stiles’ character in the play is a girl. Derek thought Stiles, the actor, was a girl. Derek was bringing flowers for a girl.

Except, when he’s out of his costume, Stiles is very obviously not a girl.

That’s probably a deal-breaker.

Derek adds, almost more to himself, “At least now I know why my sisters were laughing at me when I told them about you.”

Stiles goes and sits on the couch, elbows on his knees, and after a moment of obvious hesitation, Derek sits down beside him.

“That’s a new one,” Stiles says. “I’m guessing there’s an implied ‘I was going to give you flowers before I knew you were a boy’ to that story?”

Derek shakes his head, though, and holds out the flowers until Stiles takes them, gingerly. Inexplicably, he can feel himself starting to blush. He’s never thought of himself as the kind of guy who liked flowers, but here, now… he kind of does like it.

“You know,” Derek says, “when I saw your name in the playbill, I thought ‘Stiles’ was an odd name for a girl, but…”

“It’s an odd name for anybody, yeah.”

“I thought it sounded quirky and artistic.”

“Ah.”

“Look.” Derek shifts his weight a little, looking intently, seriously, at Stiles. “I got the flowers for you. I thought your acting was great. And—so it turns out you’re a guy, so what. You’re still that person, you’re still Stiles, and I still think you did an incredible job. The flowers are still for you. And—” He takes a deep breath. “—I’m not straight. I like guys, too. Just for the record.”

Stiles raises his eyebrows. “Is that your roundabout way of saying you thought I was hot as a girl and now you still think I’m hot as a guy? I have to warn you, I don’t normally go around in eyeliner.”

Derek’s serious face cracks a little. “That’s okay.”

It hits him then: Derek is still here. Still looking at him like… like that. Like Stiles is interesting. And… he’s kind of waiting for Stiles to give him an answer.

“Okay, well.” Stiles thinks. “I think you're attractive.” Might as well admit it, given the circumstances. Because yeah, Derek is attractive. Unfairly so. So much so that, if Stiles didn’t trust Scott with his life, he might’ve assumed this was some kind of prank, that no one that good-looking could actually be into him. “But I have this bad track record of getting huge, ill-advised crushes on hot people that never pan out. It’s just a lot of pining and it’s not pretty. And I’m probably going to do that to you if we keep hanging out, unless you’re some kind of huge asshole. Although even that might not be that much of a turn-off, to be honest.”

“I definitely like you,” Derek says, all earnestness. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

Stiles laughs a little. “Okay, but. I just mean, you’re hot but I really don't know anything about you, and you don't know anything about me. I don’t get how you can be sure. Like, you don’t know this yet, but I’m kind of weird and clingy, and I can be super annoying. Also, I’ve never dated anyone before, so there’s definitely got to be some kind of learning curve there. For all you know, I could kiss so badly it traumatizes you for life."

“I doubt it,” Derek says, eyes dropping to Stiles’ mouth. He doesn’t look troubled at all.

Stiles clears his throat. Fuck, it’s hot in here, and Derek is staring at him like that, and this is really happening. Okay. “And,” he goes on, as Derek continues to watch him, “what about you? What if I start to like you, only to find out that you, oh, I dunno.” He casts about for something really horrifying. “That you think the Mets suck or something.”

“I don’t think the Mets suck.”

“That’s a start.”

“Well,” Derek smirks, “they kind of suck, but they’re not the worst.”

“Okay, we’re entering dangerous waters here, just FYI.”

Derek snorts. “Okay, new subject. Will you go out with me?”

Stiles’ phone buzzes—of all moments, while Derek is staring at him, all nervous and expectant—and like a reflex Stiles’ eyes dart down to it.

Scott: whats going on? are you still coming to taco night???

Stiles looks back up at Derek. “Do you like tacos?”

“No,” Derek says, straight-faced. For a moment Stiles is stunned into silence, but then Derek laughs. “Kidding! Your face, wow,” and Stiles whacks him in the shoulder with the flowers. “Yeah, I like tacos. Who doesn’t?”

Stiles smiles.

EDIT: I’ve now posted the alternate version here.

#my fic #sterek fanfiction

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anotheranotherloner-blog · 5 years

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My mind on the succubus situation and my self

My last post I made when I was about 17 maybe, well now im 20 and life has been fucking crazy and completely nothing like I expected. Suicidal thoughts , mild psychosis, acid trips, love romantic and platonic. So well start off by venting about a girl who I fell in love with, we had an amazing relationship or at least that's what it felt like, we had loads in common we never argued, but I always felt something was off, after we told each other we loved each other through a night of mandy which was the best night of my life, I started to realise who she was more fully, it became more of a reality, she started to belittle me and flirted with anyone who was around me, after she went away abroad for a month my anxiety and depression kicked in to full gear, I realised she was fake she told so many lies it was impossible to verify what was true and what was fake. I split up with her and through many tears , spiritual belief and drugs , I got better I looked at the people around me,, my family and friends and realised what true love was, I appreciated them more. I loved them. Whenever this girl contacted me I experienced anxiety and ear like nothing else, this was my body telling me to stay the fuck away. but my desire to love kept me coming back. im writing this post after spending several nights with her talking to her about her psychology. she no doubt has a personality disorder and nothing about her life can be seen has true, she is the most corrupted and troubled individual ive eve met, I hate her for what shes done to me, ive fantasised about beating her, about giving her the pain shes given me, since i think she doesn't feel emotional pain, she feels no remorse for what shes does, shes a snake bitch, a succubus, a siren. But shes human she cant help who she is and she suffers from it . being around her is emotionally draining and when im away from her after seeing her im left with intense emotions of pain and anger. with her im going to get her psychiatric evaluation then go from there . whatever I want to dead her off or use her one last time in a night of hard drugs violent sex and end it by causing the most emotional pain I can, attack her insecurities threaten her and make her feel terrified of me. but that isn't gonna happen I could never do that to another person. This whole time I have used her, to feel an emotional connection, to to feel love , so that hasn't really changed, I want to buy in to her lie of love because that s all ive ever wanted but its fake its not real, when I look at her its like a mirror she reflects everything I say to her. I just need to remember the truth, im an amazing person, my heart is good, I feel great emotional love for everyone in my life, and im more conscious now then I ever was. im funny, im intelligent, people around me love me and cant say anything bad about me, im proud of who I am. Many people have told me how strong I am and its true, ve gone through a lot of shit and im strong enough to take anything the world has to throw at me. so fuck it bring it on do your worst world, ill spit in your face and ask for more. although its difficult ill keep going with a positive attitude in seeing the best of everyone and everything, although now a part of me in gonna be cautious ive stared into the abyss, its affected my soul that knowledge of the heart of darkness, but that just equips me even more, to be le to see whats true and trust my instincts going forward. its a big world out there to explore and see, most people aren't my people, they are corrupted by their unconscious mind, but I don't need people, I have a world to explore, vast vistas of natural beauty to see, experiences that get my blood pumping and make me feel alive, rich sensory experience, im human and I cant forget what that gives me, and when I die, I can be happy that ive made a difference that people have cared about and loved me, that ive experienced and seen a lot. I can join cosmic consciousness

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centralkvetchmonolith · 7 years

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The following post is in its entirety a transcription of the images from the post linked to by these words, which images are screenshots of a twitter monologue.

@gravislizard retweets @Avik (a verified account for someone named Avik Roy) saying "I'm very open to thoughtful critiques of the Senate bill from the left. "MILLIONS WILL DIE" is not it."

They react to it with the following 38(?) tweets, which have been formatted into paragraphs for, hopefully, ease of reading: over the last century our shitty politicians fucked up politics so much that people forgot that decisions can have serious consequences. the american people got completely inured to the idea that politics is about tariff disputes and inconveniences. (white, straight, etc.) americans came to believe they have no real problems, that society is a solved problem if only politics would stop. politics!!! BIG eyeroll for THAT shit, folks. a waste of time, ugh! we have to listen to these BUREAUCRATS just talk and talk and talk

meanwhile, we didn't have any civil wars. and we continued to not have any civil wars.

americans don't actually think that mass death is real. this is a fact. they have abstracted life itself. they have abstracted disaster, in fact. because, by and large, we don't die in floods. our children aren't killed by epidemics. the idea that people can die on a large scale is not real to most people. so any form of panic is 'hysteria'.

the most relevant onion article in existence portrayed it thusly:

[screenshot of the Counterpoint half of a Point/Counterpoint article from The Onion, where fictional white man in a suit Bob Sheffer says "No it won't. It just won't. None of that will happen. You're getting worked up over nothing. Everything is going to be fine, okay? You're really overreacting. 'This war will not put an end to anti-Americanism; it will fan the flames even higher'? It won't. 'It will harden the resolve of Arab states to drive out all Western (i.e. U.S.) influence'? Not really."]

The problem with the healthcare shit is in fact that millions will die. They were slated to, and then we fixed it. We took a ton of peoples heads off the chopping block and now the GOP is trying to put them back on. There is no nuanced argument and /that is a huge fucking problem/ for us. The problems that we are facing as a society /do not seem realistic/ to the right. They think these things can't happen.

[Note: the following three lines are sarcastic imitations of conservative reactions] Millions dead of preventable disease? Oh come on. Are you even listening to yourself? Look nobody's going to kill you for going into the women's bathroom if you have facial hair. That just doesn't happen. Are you kidding me? We're going to heat up the *entire planet* and cook ourselves? What is this, a comic book?

I...maybe I'm being naive here but I feel like these arguments would have been MUCH easier back when people died en masse constantly. "You remember when the entire city of East York died? 4,300 people all killed by a plague? they say this will be ten times this bad" (no i do not think this is a realistic number for any single mass tragedy but anyway)

Anyway the point is what we're up against is a lot of people who have never faced adversity worse than double billing by the power company. There are a ton of people in this nation who *literally* have never suffered any worse than "I had to argue with a clerk". how do you convince that person "no, no, you don't get it, there are people being shot right now. RIGHT now". how do you convince them that random acts of violence are real? that people are born with horrible illnesses and have *no* solutions?

The entirety of reality has been abstracted in their eyes, reduced to a lot of squabbling and he said she said and who wins or loses. But life ALWAYS goes on. Politics just means the gas prices might go up and your tax return might be smaller.

Politics never means watching your sister die in a hospital bed while the drugs that will save her are locked up in a cabinet 10ft away. Politics never means a person watching their lover bleed out on the pavement while the cops huddle and get their stories straight Politics never means entire cities being swallowed by the ocean.

It took us less than a century to forget, culturally, that bad things are real and that we have to work to prevent them. That's WHY Americans are so quick to blame black people for their own deaths, addicts for their suffering, queer people for persecution. Because they ALWAYS see it as "everything's fine for me and everyone I know, i've never seen any of this. YOU must be doing SOMETHING"

It's not where these prejudices started but it's why they're so easy to keep alive. Keep all this in mind before you tell somebody "but if we don't fix this then people will DIE." they literally don't believe that's possible. death isn't real to americans. Death is something that happens to other people, or happens when you're old.

I don't have a solution. I'm sorry. But you should at least understand the scope of the problem, why we keep failing to sway people. This applies to so many problems - the "i don't see it so it can't be THAT common" phenomenon. I've still never seen a catcall but every woman I've talked to swears to me they're regular occurances. It was so hard to accept this. A lot of gay people who live in gay-friendly cities don't think homophobic violence is real.

It's just so easy to become convinced that this shit only happens in movies and to other people in other places

#gravislizard #police brutality #republican wankery #ahca #global climate change #lynching tw #transmisogyny tw #homophobia tw #terminal illness tw #long post

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jorgethomasus · 7 years

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Excuse Doctor Return to Work Slip – the Do’s and Don’ts

Does not matter how devoted you are to your work, there will be a period where you have to call in sick. Regardless of whether you have come down because of flu or you have serious headaches or you are simply faking a sickness to relax and loosen up, in the event that you work all day, you’re likely qualified for paid time off with wiped out days.

However, while you might need to remain home, you may feel forced to come into work, either on account of the heaps of work around your desk or due to remarks your manager has made before. Or maybe you are afraid of the situations that you will have to encounter while returning back to work. There is a single alternative to get rid of all these worries and that is a doctor’s return to work slip.

What Is a Sick Call Slip?

When you’re required to inform your boss in writing that you have missed work or won’t have the capacity to come to work, it’s essential to compose an email message or letter with the points of interest of why you were or will be absent.

Organizations may require that employees give a written excuse letter or send an email message when they miss time from work in view of any reasons. Similarly, you may need to ask for a formal time away in writing. When you express a medical reason in your letter or email for your non-appearance, you need to demonstrate a sick call slip from the doctor along with it. A sick call slip from a medical practitioner is a proof, that the medical reason you are expressing is genuine. A slip from a specialist sometimes includes a prescription or a letter from a doctor stating that you are ill and under his/her consideration because of which you will not be able to attend work or school.

Information to Include on a Dr Slip

As you know, sometimes patients need to give specialist’s notes to their bosses, either to come back to work or to approve a demand for leave. Specialists can assume an imperative part in helping patients by including adequate and appropriate data on specialist’s notes.

Commonly, employees present specialist’s letter to their managers that are impeccably supportive and satisfactory. However, there are also different circumstances when the data on a specialists’ note is excessively unclear or general, and eventually, not supportive to the business when attempting to decide the arrival to work status of the worker. It is suggested that the specialist’s letters incorporate the accompanying data:

The full name of the person who was seen i.e. the patient or employee.

A depiction of any sensible settlement required because of the disability, including leave.

A depiction of the debilitation that will influence the person’s capacity to work, if any.

Period of time for which the person should be on restricted duties.

A portrayal of any limitation created by the disease.

The name, phone number, and address of the treating doctor and hospital.

Even though a specialist cannot call and verify the details on your medical record, the contact number contained in it must not be a dumb one. As per HIPAA laws, an employer can contact the number to verify whether the specialist or clinic exists or not. So never include a dead telephone number on a doctor’s letter.

Where Can I Get a Fake Doctor Slip?

The best response to this question is ‘on the web’. However, you shouldn’t forget that some free specialist excuse papers that you can discover online are of a truly low quality. In the event that you utilize a phony dr letter this way, your supervisor/educator will comprehend that it’s fake and you will get in a bad position. On the off chance that you need to download credible looking fake formats of specialist’s notes, you have to set aside some opportunity to do a careful online research and ensure that the quality of the documents you download is high. I recommend doing this research on one of your free days as it may require a considerable measure of your valuable time. Here is the way in which you can find the best artificial dr notes or specialist excuse letters on the web:

Find Details about Genuine Medical Papers.

As a matter of first importance, you have to comprehend what a genuine dr’s document or a healing center excuse letter looks like. You can discover a lot of free examples on the web, so this won’t be troublesome. Simply make sure to utilize reliable online sources.

Look at the Fake Dr Note Layout Cases.

There are many online administrations that offer phony restorative excuses and specialist notes, and you can check whether they can be trusted by comparing the specimens of their items with that of a genuine one. On the off chance that they offer no free specimens, the quality of their documents will be very low.

Download the One Online

Download the best forged document after the analysis from a specialist or a letter from a healing facility that you require.

Can I Make a Phony Doctor’s Slip Note by Myself?

Unless you are an expert with the product, skills, and knowledge which is important to fake a complex formal medical archive, you shouldn’t attempt. Keep in mind that even the smallest misstep can get you caught in trouble. Would you truly like to hazard losing your employment or getting ousted from school just because of the free Dr excuse? You likewise need to comprehend that if you get caught with a phony specialist or a healing facility note, you may confront charges of fraud.

Every one of these issues can be effortlessly kept away from in the event that you download just the best-forged specialist pardon papers from a reliable website. To make them more bona fide, the online administrations that offer them furnish you with layouts that can be changed in accordance with your correct needs. This is the thing that you have to do so as to utilize the best fake specialist letters to get some leisure time without getting caught:

1) Go on the web and download the best restorative reason template.

2) Make the essential changes:

Embed your name.

Embed the name of a genuine specialist.

Print out your restorative layout.

Include the specialist’s signature and different points of interest that must be filled in by hand. Approach another person to do this for you so that nobody perceives your penmanship.

3) Enjoy your leisure time.

Give the excuse note to your supervisor when you come back to work and make certain to look feeble for two or three days.

As should be obvious, finding the best phony specialist note or hospital letters online is simple, and utilizing it is considerably less demanding. Simply be watchful and remember to utilize a sensible and believable excuse. Look at these basic tips, and with the correct phony specialist’s letters, you’ll have the capacity to appreciate some extra time without going out on a limb.

Risks In

volved in Making Your Own Excuse Slip

Phony letters are made by experts and in the event that you utilize them, you won’t get caught as they contain all the fundamental components like watermarks, logos and marks. But, there are a number of dangers involved in making your own specialist’s note. While manufacturing a note you should remember that the results of getting caught with the specialist’s letter are serious. Also, that is the reason you should not take the chance of making your notes by yourself.

In the event that you get caught while utilizing a fake letter the situations can deteriorate, and you will have to face the penalties. Remember, your employer can even fire you for this. Additionally, an instance of fraud can be recorded against you. That is the reason, it is exceedingly endorsed that you use a document which looks absolutely certifiable and convincing. Rather than squandering your significant time in making these notes, spend some money and get it from a strong and dependable source like BestFakeDoctorsNotes.net.

What Is the Need of Return to Work Slip?

When coming back to work from a restorative leave, a worker must give the administrator a slip from the health care provider expressing that the representative is discharged to come back to work. This slip may likewise contain limitations the worker has when coming back to work. On the off chance that a representative does not have a return-to-work slip, the worker cannot be permitted to work until he or she has one. Giving an employee a chance to work without a return-to-work slip puts both the worker and the organization at risk.

But, from where you will get a return to work slip when you were not by any means sick? Try not to stress! These days there are a number of sites that offer these fake specialist’s slips. You can head towards the web to get the one. As specified above, don’t attempt to make your own slips or get it from a free site. I repeat, you will regret over it.

Free Excuse Doctor Return to Work Slip

When you scan for artificial or forged specialist letters on the web, you’ll find many free excuse letters for you to choose. But, you’ll have to look for the site that requires a little fee, because these will be the best fake notes you can find on the web. Never go with the free ones.

You should find the best site online that provides you these phony letters at reasonable prices and gives you many advantages. The excuse letters that you find on the web will be the best decision you make, and not only will you get one fake note, you will get more than thirty fake Dr Outlines and various other free points of interest.

So, go and get the best quality phony documents, visit our site now!

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from BestFakeDoctorsNotes.net https://www.bestfakedoctorsnotes.net/slip-excuse/ from Best Fake Doctors Notes https://bestfakedoctorsnotes.tumblr.com/post/161017410211

#Best Fake Doctors Notes

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gordonwilliamsweb · 4 years

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Two Navajo Sisters Who Were Inseparable Died of COVID Just Weeks Apart

Cheryl and Corrina Thinn were almost joined at the hip. The sisters, both members of the Navajo Nation, shared an office at Arizona’s Tuba City Regional Health Care. Cheryl conducted reviews to make sure patients were receiving adequate care. Corrina was a social worker. Their desks were just inches apart.

They lived together, with their mother, Mary Thinn. They helped raise each other’s children.

And they died just weeks apart, at ages 40 and 44, after falling ill with COVID-19.

Close friend Lynette Goldtooth, a registered nurse and case manager, won’t go near the area of the hospital where they worked, knowing she’ll break down if she sees their empty seats.

“That’s where I used to go to see Corrina every morning,” Goldtooth said. “I used to sit in Cheryl’s chair. Corrina and I would just start talking, catch up on what we did during our time off, laugh and joke.”

Cheryl and Corrina are among hundreds of U.S. health care workers who died after helping patients battle the virus. The Guardian and KHN are investigating more than 1,000 of these workers’ deaths in the Lost on the Frontline project.

The Navajo Nation was ravaged by COVID-19 this spring. In May, it reported the highest per capita infection rate in the United States. As of Aug. 21, the sisters were among 489 members of the reservation who had died of the virus, according to the Navajo Department of Health.

Experts attributed the spread to the prevalence of multigenerational housing and poor sanitation infrastructure — many homes lack running water. Like medical centers across the country, local hospitals across the Navajo Nation experienced shortages of personal protective gear.

In early March, Corrina, without personal protective equipment, saw a patient who was showing symptoms of COVID-19, according to her sister Chris. Corrina made sure the patient was comfortable and asked what else she could do to help. A couple of days later, that patient died, and a test for COVID-19 came back positive.

“Within days after that, she got sick really fast,” Chris said.

The sisters’ employer declined to comment for this story.

Corrina’s first concern was for Cheryl, who started showing symptoms of the virus around the same time that she did. Cheryl’s job as a utilization review technician required face-to-face interaction with patients to verify their insurance and discuss workers’ compensation. She had underlying health conditions, including rheumatoid arthritis.

“Corrina worked with people with RA when she was on Pima reservation, so she knows the effects of having it,” Mary, her mother, said. “I think that’s what worried her the most, because she thought it might make [Cheryl’s] immune system weaker.”

Chris remembers calling Cheryl on her 40th birthday, March 19. Cheryl joked about how, as the baby of the four siblings, she was “still young and pretty.” But she also complained that it was difficult for her to breathe. She was admitted to the Tuba City hospital the next day.

Corrina’s condition worsened as well, and she checked herself into the emergency room at Tuba City on March 21. Hospital staff tried assisted-breathing treatments on her, to no avail.

Cheryl was airlifted to Flagstaff Medical Center on March 24. She never knew that Corrina was briefly in the hospital with her.

Corrina was airlifted to Banner Thunderbird Medical Center in Glendale later that night.

Chris said that the last time she spoke with Corrina, she was still in the ER. “She just messaged us saying she was going to get flown out, that she loves us and that she was going to be back,” Chris said. “That was the last time we heard from her.”

Because of shortages, the sisters weren’t tested for COVID-19 until they were transferred out of Tuba City. They both tested positive and were then intubated at their respective hospitals. Cheryl died on April 11, and no family members were allowed to be with her.

“I couldn’t even hold my baby,” her mother said. “I couldn’t even hold her hand when she passed.”

The family had a small service before burying Cheryl next to their father, Navajo Police Sgt. Jimmie Thinn Sr., and Cheryl’s ex-husband, who died in January. Even after their marriage ended, the two remained close and co-parented Cheryl’s son, Kyle.

Chris said the whole experience felt “very lonely.”

Numbed by the pain of Cheryl’s death, the family shifted their focus to Corrina.

“You tell yourself that we just need to get her healthy enough to come home,” Chris said. “And then all of the sudden, she’s gone.”

Corrina died on April 29 — 18 days after her sister’s death and two weeks after her birthday, which she spent on a ventilator. Although she was unconscious, her nurse sang “Happy Birthday.”

Corrina’s oldest son, Gary Werito Jr., had tried for weeks to take leave from his Fort Bliss Army post in El Paso, Texas. His superiors declined his requests out of concerns he might contract the virus while on leave.

Separated from his mother by hundreds of miles, Werito tried to reach her through prayer.

“I would burn cedar,” he said. “I was trying to talk to my mom. I was telling her, ‘Mom, you’re going to get through this. You’re going to come home. You’re going to meet your granddaughter.'”

Werito and his wife were expecting their second child. The baby would have been Corrina’s first granddaughter.

Werito remembers his mother as a “model Navajo.”

“She left the reservation to get an education, and then she came home,” he said. “She could have worked anywhere else as a social worker, but she chose to help her own people.”

Before becoming a social worker, Corrina worked for the Tuba City Police District for more than 10 years. She ended her law enforcement career as a senior police officer.

Goldtooth, the sisters’ friend and colleague, said Corrina was particularly effective at the hospital because she spoke English and Navajo fluently. The Native language, which helped the U.S. win World War II as a secret code for communications, is not written down.

“A lot of people aren’t fluent in Navajo anymore,” she said. “When elderly people would come [to the hospital], they don’t speak a lot of English. She was there to talk with them. It would really surprise people.”

Cheryl was more soft-spoken than her sister. Mary remembers her as empathetic and insightful. Her siblings often sought her advice.

“That’s what we miss about her,” Mary said. “She might be the quiet one, but she always has important things to say to us.”

Both sisters left behind young sons. Corrina’s son Michael is 14, and Cheryl’s son just turned 12. The cousins are keeping each other company, reminding Mary of the way her daughters behaved.

Honoring her former service with the Tuba City Police District, law enforcement escorted Corrina’s body from Flagstaff to Tuba City. Her family was humbled by the outpouring.

“We had people lined up honoring her return,” Mary said. “They paid their respects, flying their flags. Some officers were standing along the road saluting her.”

Since June, the Navajo Department of Health has enforced strict curfews during the week and lockdowns over the weekend. Those measures have been effective, as they’ve seen cases decline over the past two months. The Navajo Nation began its first reopening phase in mid-August, allowing most businesses to operate at 25% capacity.

In late July, Werito left the Army for good and came home to Tuba City. His daughter was born on Aug. 5 in the same hospital where his mother and aunt worked. Her middle name is Lois, the same as Corrina’s.

Werito said he sometimes forgets his mother is gone and expects her to come home from work.

“My grandmother told me it’s a little peace of mind that I’m home now,” he said. “It kind of fills that void that my mom and my aunt left.”

This story is part of “Lost on the Frontline,” an ongoing project from The Guardian and Kaiser Health News that aims to document the lives of health care workers in the U.S. who die from COVID-19, and to investigate why so many are victims of the disease. If you have a colleague or loved one we should include, please share their story.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

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This story can be republished for free (details).

Two Navajo Sisters Who Were Inseparable Died of COVID Just Weeks Apart published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

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dinafbrownil · 4 years