#thank you very fucking little
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love how we learn how to calculate the length of the hypotenuse in school but not how to deal with endless boring administrative phone calls. or how to navigate bills and insurance among other things. or how to figure out adulting,
#the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell#thank you very fucking little#screaming crying on the floor etc#yikes#running away from responsibilities#madameish#madameish says#hypotenuse#pythagoras#pythagorean theorem#high school#middle school#college#university#adulting#growing up#responsibilities#ramblings?
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I made a golem :)
#art#ceramics#golem#Jewish#fucking struggled with the writing on his forehead lol#I poked a little hole on the top of his head for an eye pin#so it could be a necklace or something#but I think he’s a bit too big for that. maybe a keychain#I’m in a ceramics class rn I will post more stuff I made there soon#recently watched the German expressionist movie abt the golem bc I had access to it and bc of Jacob Geller#thank you Jacob very cool#I liked it
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Prequel to this. It was fun at first when he could use being pregnant to troll people and get funny reactions. It's less fun after months of being treated like a science experiment, having your back hurt all the time, and not being allowed to shapeshift under doctor's orders. This baby better be worth it.
Also, extra thing I'm not going to finish:
The gang are happy for them. Or will be once they get over the Mental Images they Did Not Want.
#fluttercord#fluttershy#discord#mane 6#mlp#my little pony#mpreg#strangeart#t4t#I give 0 fucks thank you very much
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second batch of outfit requests!
pattern collage / showfit / clownfit for @koifsssh & candy cardigan Eddie for @jazzzzzzhands <3
#thank you for the Looks! <3#this little Exercise is pushing me out of my comfort zone with poses tbh#in a really good way!!#im learning stuff! im improving day-to-day in little ways#its the small victories i think. good stuff.#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#figuring out dynamic positions and how to balance weight#also its good clothes practice#historically i have very rarely drawn clothes since yk. im dragon-based#but im slooooowwwwwly getting the hang of folds and creases and the mechanics of different kinds of fabric#that candy cardigan was a Challenge tho my fucking god#it was fun! but difficult.#im fairly satisfied with the result#also sorry eddie's bg is very simple compared to the other ones#they were drawn After i watched spiderverse#& promptly decided to live my art life by the rule:#RANDOM BULLSHIT GO!!!!!#its working for me so far. im getting a lil funky w it. emphasis on Little
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#skitty#big number 300‚ and it's a good one! everyone loves skitty! their unopened eyes… blind to the horrors of the world#also very good for the rescue team scene where they say “look into my eyes if you don't believe me!” or something like that#also *also* a perfect pairing to go on a team with cyndaquil. and their tiny little legs are also very cute#this is just an extremely good pokémon. honestly. i love everything about skitty. the pink‚ the ears‚ the face‚ that smile‚ the tail#the way that they have early-gen normal-type syndrome so they can learn like a thousand different moves of whatever-the-fuck types#which is AWESOME‚ seeing a skitty using fucking thunderbolt are you kidding me?? that's badass. the coverage monarch#so thank you‚ to skitty‚ for existing. and keep doin what'cher doin………
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trains :)
this is a very rough and scribbly comic, but sometimes that's all a comic is going to end up being lmao. the guy with the jacket is darren, glasses is andy. not featured, andy's dead brother who nevertheless insists on haunting the subtext
the main thing I wanted to draw was the train tho
bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara.app
#darren and andy's brother were best friends and darren was there when andy's brother died#and made a very normal promise to always look out for andy. unfortunately. it's a little. hmmmm. suffocating! a decade later!#not that darren's been looking after andy for ten years. they were on opposite ends of a fictional planet#but in the way that andy's in love with darren and would be fine with dramatic declarations of 'i have to keep you safe' if they were#not attached to his dead brother. like. if that's the only reason he gets to hear words like that he would like to Not Hear Them thanks!#also andy is an extremely dangerous person in his own right so it's also like. hmm. hmmmmm.#it's messy. the death of andy's brother defined darren in a kind of way so the prospect of having to re define himself#without the absence of andy's brother to shape that is Unpleasant to think about#thankfully they're both going to be stuck on this fucking train for a significant amount of time! for my enjoyment!!! its train time baby!#long post#komiks tag#original tag
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Still drives me absolutely bonkers thinking about the moment you first start to change and become human in Lies of P, is the moment after you fight Romeo and go back to the hotel. Sophia notes you don’t look so good after she mentions the necklace Romeo had— the one that says “To Romeo from your friend C”. It visibly affects you and you’re not sure why just yet.
Where only after that, you hear Romeo’s voice whisper “Carlo” and suddenly you have physically changed. Your hair is longer, your shoulders are broader, you have physically been altered because encountering Romeo and hearing him say that name awakened something deep within you that wants out.
And the menu screen where your very heart sits is now the Opera House in flames with a bundle of white stargazer flowers sitting beside it.
Bonkers, man— BONKERS!!
#Lies of P#Lies of P Spoilers#Carmeo#Promeo#Listen y’all they got me so good. The fact that it VISIBLY AND PHYSICALLY SHAKES YOUR VERY CORE!!!!!#Like holy shit the devs were so insane for this it’s got me RABID#-SHAKES ME GREMLIN CAGE- I just love them. So much. Like holy fuck. Holy shit. Their bond transcends.#Even if you don’t ship it like?? You cannot deny the strength of their bond. It’s incredible. They said so much with so little#I’m picking up breadcrumbs and thanking them for the meal 😭💙
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i know i haven't spoken about the annihilation of gaza here at all yet, i've been more actively sharing posts and information on my personal accounts on ig/twt/fb etc. however, i'll say this here right now—if you support isr*el or are staying "neutral", i need you to actually go ahead and block me this instant. this is actual genocide, actual ruthless murder of innocent people and children. if you are not firmly on palestine's side, i do not want you on my blog, or to even breathe the same air as me. kindly remove yourself from my space. thank you!
#₊˚ପ⊹ soliloquy .ᐟ#free palestine#palestine#i've been feeling so sick and so helpless.#have been using tumblr to tune out whenever i feel too overwhelmed but fuck that. children are dying. little kids are getting killed.#i'm not going to talk about this situation all the time because genuinely i can't fathom it#it's been affecting me so much. i feel so horrified#but i'll be reblogging regularly alongside my usual posts#so if you don't want to see that either#you are free to leave!#thank you very much
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Fluent Freshman - Part 45
PREV
Renee Walker stands next to two of her best friends in the entire world holding up a hand drawn sign. There's an, admittedly crudely drawn, Fox on the sign that Allison had made up.
Renee had seen it and smiled from across the airport as she made her way over to where Dan and Allison were standing waiting for everyone to come. The team had managed to coordinate their flights to land all within about two hours of one another and Allison had exactly zero desire to go back and forth from the airport so her driver was waiting out at a nearby cellphone lot to come and get them once everyone was there.
"Is it nice having a driver again?" Dan asks Allison.
"I sometimes miss driving around in my car but it's a lot easier to do my makeup with him driving." she says with a shrug as they continue to catch up. Renee is holding up the sign since Allison had complained that she had lost so much of the muscle she had previously had.
"Yeah, New York City seems like a major pain in the ass to drive in too." Dan agrees as her phone buzzes. She pulls out her phone and looks at it before a huge smile fills her face, one that means she's talking to Matt, "Oh! They just landed!" Dan says confirming Renee's suspicions.
Allison looks at her watch, "Wow, 20 minutes early. They must have gotten through boarding quickly." she comments.
"Or some good tailwind." Renee offers.
"When are Neil and Andrew due up?" Dan asks looking at Renee who smiles back at her friend.
"Andrew said they're going to take a break halfway here so they'll be here tomorrow morning." Renee says.
"Get it Neil." Allison nods and it had been a wonderful thing last year to watch Andrew and Allison make peace with one another. Their mutual desire to dress Neil up a bridge towards....maybe not friendship but camaraderie.
It warms Renee's heart to see her friends get along.
"The plane got tailwind, Neil's getting tail." Dan jokes.
"I'm looking forward to meeting the new kid that I've heard about." Renee says gently moving the topic on from their friends getting together. It didn't bother her at all, but she knew that Andrew would prefer no one talk about what he and Neil got up to.
"Oh! Yeah, uh..." Dan visibly buffers.
"Dan, you're the only one of us that's met the kid. His name's Smith." Allison says with eyebrows raised in judgement.
"Look, when Coach and I went to recruit the kid my brain was like 90% on the fact that I needed to go to my interview." Dan defends herself.
"So he wasn't that memorable for you?" Allison asks.
"Yeah, I'm surprised that he's getting along so well with the guys." Dan says. "Getting stabbed over Thanksgiving feels more like a Neil move than the quiet kid Coach and I met." she adds.
That had been an interesting phone call from Andrew. Renee hadn't even realized that she had become Natalie describing the best way to get rid of the body until Andrew had clarified that it'd been an accident and Smith was alive. Renee had been a little ashamed.
She was excited to meet the kid who Andrew had spoken to her about. Glad that their strange found family was growing just a little bit bigger.
They wait around continuing to talk about plans for the break together. Allison wants to go shopping and she wants to do it once Neil and Andrew are back. Dan wants to skate at the Rockefeller center. Renee would love it if they could do Christmas Eve Mass.
They're sure that Kevin is going to want to check out an Exy game. They're mostly sure that Matt will want to check out the LEGO store in downtown manhattan and that Aaron will be as excited for that as Matt is but pretending not to be. Nicky wants to catch a drag show and has made it clear that he will be going regardless of what anyone else wants to do.
Andrew and Neil will probably just want to be alone when they have the chance though Neil had expressed some prior interest in the EXITES superstore and Andrew will more than likely enjoy the day Allison has planned to go shopping since she wants to update Neil's wardrobe.
The new kid, Smith, will be a mystery, but they're more than willing to be flexible.
Eventually they hear the tell-tale sign of most of the boy's arrival. "Babe!" comes from across the airport and Dan's head shoots up and spots the sight of Matt Boyd approaching his arms out wide almost clotheslining four different families on his way to Dan.
Dan is not much better as she rushes to him arms as wide.
They embrace like they always do whenever they have to spend time apart from one another and Renee knows that part of the reason that Dan took her job as assistant coach where she did is that the Washington State Congress Team had been looking at Matt the year prior to scout him.
She looks beyond the passionate reunion and sees Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky. She frowns brows furrowing...
Weren't they going to bring-
Nicky throws his arm out and it wraps around a kid she hadn't even realized was there. She blinks startled by his sudden appearance and blank expression as Nicky was pointing them out. He points to her and he can see her name on his lips she gives a wave and a smile.
Smith nods back in greeting.
He seems quite nice.
***
Renee is at the end of her proverbial rope.
This kid is a threat and she doesn't understand how she's the only person who can see it.
Being a threat isn't really an issue when you're a Fox. It's almost a given that there's some part of you that can be dangerous when backed into a corner but no one seems to be treating him like a threat.
She watches as Nicky and Matt throw their arms around him. As Kevin pushes smoothie after smoothie into his hands as he blankly sips. As Andrew and Neil sit with him quietly. As Dan pinches his cheeks. As Aaron ribs him for being bad at MarioKart.
She can't feel anything from him, no joy, no anger, nothing.
She can't even track him.
Renee has always prided herself on her ability to keep track of those around her. Spacial awareness was incredibly important when you're in a fight and it had always been one of her strongest points. She always knew where she was in relation to everyone else.
Except Smith.
The kid had given her no shortage of heart attacks as he appeared and disappeared seemingly at random.
She had finally gotten Andrew alone to ask, "Smith's quiet, non-intrusive." Andrew says with a shrug.
There's just something about him that makes the hair on the back of Renee's neck stand on edge and she hates feeling like she's the only one. She hates it even more that there's no real evidence that there's something amiss with this newest Fox.
So she settles in to watch.
They're out shopping and Allison is doing her best to get Neil a proper wardrobe with Andrew's considerable help, AKA nodding in approval when Neil comes out. She's not skimping on any of them but Neil is her main focus.
"Smith, what's a color you like?" Allison asks as she's looking at hoodies.
"I like purple." Smith answers and Renee barely manges to stop herself from flinching as his voice comes from right next to her.
"Pass." Andrew says as Neil comes out in a charmingly orange sweatshirt.
"I like it!" Neil argues.
"You have 10 sweatshirts that are that exact shade of orange." Andrew dismisses. "Try the blue one." he says pushing Neil back into the dressing room.
"Which one?" Neil asks.
Andrew sighs dramatically in a way that lets Renee know that he's doing exactly what he wants to be doing, "I'll show you." he says going into the dressing room with Neil.
"I still don't know how it took Baltimore for me to realize they were together." Nicky says as he's holding up two different purple sweatshirts to Smith's body. "You look good in a more purpley purple." Nicky says putting the more indigo colored sweatshirt back on the rack.
"Pants are coming up next, I'll get a lay of the land. I know everyone else's but Smith what's your height?" Allison asks.
"Five feet, nine inches." Smith answers as Nicky pushes him towards the dressing room. "Nicky it's a sweatshirt, I can put it on out here." Smith says.
"I know but I need an excuse to go back there and make sure Neil and Andrew aren't defiling a dressing room." Nicky says with a grin that implies he'd be more happy if they were.
"Gross." Aaron says as he takes a picture of himself to send to Katelyn to approve of the new outfit that Allison was pushing for him to get. "Wait," he pauses turning to where Allison was looking through various men's pants, "you know our heights? Like you've memorized them?" he asks.
"Yeah." Allison says looking at a pair of black slacks. "Everyone's measurements." she says nodding to herself.
"Even bust sizes?" he asks, voice not as quiet as he likely thinks it is.
"You're such a boy." Allison laughs not even looking up from the very different rack.
"How much longer are we going to be here?" Kevin asks with a sigh.
"Well, at least the time that it took you to ask that longer. We'll be done when we're done Kevin." Dan says long having given up on stopping Allison when the woman is on a spree.
"She knows that EXITES closes at 5 PM right?" Kevin asks.
"More importantly," Matt leans in, "that the LEGO store closes at 8 PM right?" Matt asks.
"How is that more important? The LEGO store is open later?" Kevin asks.
"Because we're not going to EXITES today, but we are going to the LEGO store." Matt says.
"If we don't spend the whole day here we can do both-"
"We're not going to EXITES today Kevin." Dan says with a sigh.
"But-"
"We're not going to EXITES today Kevin." Renee says with an apologetic smile.
"But-"
"Kevin, we're not going to EXITES today. Just sit down and let me find pants that'll make your pin-up days look tame in comparison." Allison says.
"That's not what those posters were!" Kevin argues with a blush on his face.
"Sure." Allison dismisses
***
Renee is quite happy with the sundresses she found even if they won't do her any good here in New York City during the Christmas break. Their next stop on their shopping day is over to the LEGO store where Matt makes no attempt to hide his enthusiasm as Aaron very valiantly does try to pretend like he's not utterly entranced by the sets and builds.
Renee thinks it's all very charming.
"We could have gone to EXITES." Kevin says with a frown as he looks at a build of an Exy racquet. "Can you take my picture with this?" he asks but he's not quite looking at Renee.
"Sure." Smith says from beside her, where he had apparently been.
"Thanks Smiths." Kevin says and stands next to the Exy racquet of LEGOs and crosses his arms and leans back.
"Kevin, stop posing like this will be for the cover of a Forbes Magazine." Andrew says with a sigh as he comes to stand on Renee's other side.
"Shut up, it's a picture for me!" Kevin says and continues to stand with his arms crossed.
"Oh, can you get a picture of me next Smith?" Neil asks coming up eyes shining in excitement as he looks at the racquet.
"Sure. As an apology for letting Nicky-"
"Don't talk about it." Neil and Andrew say at the same time.
Kevin gets his picture and then Andrew hands his phone to Smith for Neil's since Neil had broken the lens on his camera ages ago.
They wander around and Kevin finds a set to build the National Court that he grabs without a second thought. Neil and Andrew find a little LEGO man of Kevin that they buy as their 'preferred Kevin'. Kevin of course threatens to buy their LEGO figures once they have them and refer to them as his 'preferred Andrew and Neil'. A threat that neither of them comment on but Renee does buy the little Jean Moreau she finds. She'll paint it Trojan colors and send it over to him as a little gift.
As she continues to browse with her purchase in hand she hears Nicky, "Smithy, if you like it you should get it!" Nicky insists.
"Is it the price?" Allison asks.
"Yeah, I don't want to spend that much." Smith says with a nod expression still worryingly blank.
"When's your birthday? It can just be an early or a late present from me." Allison asks.
"March 1st, but really I'm fine not getting it." Smith shakes his head. "It's not that I'd like it just my little brother liked trains." he says and Renee watches Nicky's face turn from joyful teasing to intense determination.
"We're getting this set." Nicky says grabbing it and marching over to the counter even as Smith followed after him.
Interesting.
***
They finish off their day with some ice skating.
Matt, Aaron, Andrew, and Kevin all fall into the 'challenged' category.
They get on the ice and all four immediately fall. Renee stifles her laughter as Andrew and Aaron scowl. "Are you okay?" Smith asks and Renee almost loses her balance as he skates by her.
"Why the fuck are you good at skating?" Aaron asks scowling even as he takes Smith hand. Renee skates over and offers a hand to Kevin as Matt and Andrew are being helped up by their respective partners.
"Oh," Allison says skating by, "have you been up to Canada or something often?" she asks.
"I've been to Canada a few times. It's more that there was a rink I would go to every once in a while." Smith answers before turning back to Aaron, "I can help you keep balanced." he says offering his other hand.
"Smith, I don't want to hold your hand. That's kind of gay." Aaron huffs letting go of Smith's hand only to immediately beef it again when he tried to move forward.
***
Skating was fun even if Aaron kept blushing as Smith helped him skate since he never really got his 'ice legs'. The rest of them all more or less skated on their own by the end or, in the case of Andrew and Matt, seemed fine to keep skating while holding on.
Renee was warming herself by the fireplace in Allison's home enjoying some hot chocolate as Allison took a seat next to her. There was a lot of commotion in the kitchen as the team was working to make dinner together. Renee had excused herself after Smith had startled her while she had a knife in hand and she'd almost stabbed him on instinct.
She's just relieved that no one seemed to notice the near murder.
"You okay? You seemed tense in there." Allison asks.
Well, almost no one.
"Yes, I'm fine." she smiles and hopes that Allison will believe it.
Allison looks at her and Renee does have the benefit that Allison is slightly drunk since she was told firmly not to help with the cooking since she'd paid for the majority of the day.
"I'm glad I got you alone, there's something I want to hear your opinion on." Allison says deciding, apparently, to let it go for now.
Renee relaxes smiling at her friend, "What's that?" she asks wondering what purchase or thing unpurchased Allison was regretting.
Allison looks at Renee, expression utterly serious. "Don't you think there's something...weird about this kid?" she asks.
Renee straightens up glad that Allison had also felt like something was off with the kid that her friends had brought along. "What do you mean?" she asks wanting to hear what Allison thought.
"Look, he seems really nice. I mean a little too nice to be a Fox to be honest but I mean I guess you're a Fox as well so..." Allison rambles slightly taking another sip of her wine.
"Yes, go on." Renee nods.
"Yeah, he seems nice and Matt said he's got his own stuff even if he didn't wanna go into what that stuff was." Allison continues and it's a good thing Allison is drinking white wine considering the white carpet and her gesticulations. "But...it's just.. okay you can't make fun of me. Even though this is about to sound crazy." Allison says.
"I would never do something like that." Renee swears.
"Promise me." Allison says expression grave as she lifts up a pinky.
Renee smiles despite herself and hooks her pinky with Allison's, "I promise to not make fun of you." she swears other hand over her cross.
"I think he's Justin Bieber."
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
#Fluent Freshman AU#I would like to thank Emry#Since I was talking with them about commissioning a pic of Smith#I searched 'bland white guy' and Justin Bieber popped up#and it has been my head canon.... EVER SINCE#So now you all have to deal with the fact that Smith is almost identical to JB#He's got the hair#he's 5 foot 9#Born 3/1#Brown hair#brown eyes#Smith just completely lacks JB's stage presence / confidence / rizz and it mostly renders him very distinguishable#Nicky absolutely bought that train lego set for Smith#and is like 'this summer you and me are gonna fucking build this for your brother'#Andrew and Neil were also like 3 hours later than they said they were going to be#due to late check out reasons#Kevin may have looked for a Riko figure out of habit but didn't find one#Neil and Andrew may have also looked for a Riko figure but they wanted to burn it#different strokes for different folks i suppose#Renee got some nice paints to do her little project for Jean#She's heard from Jeremy that he's recovering from the meatball head injury quite nicely#Jean keeps saying to stop calling it that#Jeremy: “but you almost bled Bechemel all over the place.”#Jean: “For the love of god stop saying that. I was concussed from the meatball.”
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charden scissoring for anon 💙
uncropped version
#alright let's try this for like the 500th time------#charden#fuck it this is going in the tag since i had to crop it anyway#sorry for cropping in the most annoying way possible but it was the only way i could get it to work#tumblr fucking hated this image#eat my entire ass hell-app#anyway this was actually very fun to draw so thank you!#charlie is a little worked up i guess#why is this arguably the best dennis of my career though...#machinegoods#suggestive#machinequarantine
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2011 Japan Post-Qualifying
#dedicated to the anon who asked me if i knew which gp this was from! i ended up being right hehehe#AND thank you so so so much to suzuki-ecstar for finding and sending me the clip!!!! i appreciate it sm!!!! <3#(ik told you already but actually the clip you sent is better than the original archive i had so im very happy)#i know a super old post of this already exists but now pls take my offering of it w higher quality/frame rate!!#im usually not a huge fan of this seb hair era but godddddd he looks so good in this#i will never get over the 2nd gif of jense play-punching him#ive seen it a million times by now but this one is better quality than any of the others and im fucking dying#THEY'RE SO ENDEARING WHY WERE THEY LIKE THISSSSSSSSS#and mark's there too i guess...(kidding hahaha but god his live slug react game is strong)#okay also must say now that im in a different time zone i have absolutely no fucking idea when to post its so confusing to me#jenson button#sebastian vettel#sebson#mark webber#jb22#sv5#2011 japanese grand prix#2011 japanese gp#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#formula one
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Unhinged and protective Keith Kogane my love. I want him to lose his absolute shit when someone he cares about is in danger. Like he’s not thinking critically anymore, he wants blood and his loved one wrapped safely in his arms.
#he’s just a bit protective#just a little#but seriously don’t fuck with his loved ones#it’s very likely you won’t live#he’s basically a trained assassin at this point thanks to the blade#vld#voltron#voltron legendary defender#keith kogane#keith voltron#keith headcanon#character headcanons#broganes#hcs#galra keith#protective keith
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dc holiday special (2017)
*puts on my scholar glasses* is the cookie tiny or are his hands gigantic?
#tiny cookie is tragic but funny but big hands can go from hot to dangerous if you ask to get fingered.#god forbid a misunderstanding in being fisted.... (his strap is still in the mail but hes eager to service top while waiting)#one of my favorite miscellaneous details of clark is he has a strong sweet tooth#like he loves cookies and doughnuts. he has chocolates on his desk. in action comics 434 his downfall was literally eating a mystery box#of chocolates and in the next issue he buys girl scout chocolates while depressed and thinking he has to exile himself#its not a very jarring or overdone theme (thank god) but its so funny when you notice it#same with lois just fucking loving a hot dog in two separate comics#anyways. big man or tiny cookie?#also link is to a post where i transcribed the entire little comic btw.... it's a cute one ......#c: dc holiday special (2017)#crypt's panels#clark kent
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more outfit requests, ft some pretty fellas!
Anna Valerious Frank for @sheriffopossum, & sparkly dress Wally for @wheatlover <3
#thank you for the Looks!#also possum thank you for giving me an excuse to Remember the source of my gay awakening#and the added excuse to try and scribble her banger outfit#i watched van helsing exactly once when i was Small#can't remember anything from that movie except her and the monster thing swooping down#and also van helsing on top of her. dont remember his face but by fuck i remember her in Vivid detail#was that tmi? that feels tmi. oh well#anyway the sparkly dress was fun! im unsure if i've ever drawn an actual dress before!#its always skirts....#in my mind he's having a little trouble keeping his balance. those are some High heels#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#valerious' outfit was tough to draw#twas a Very fun challenge#it was difficult finding clear photos of her outfits' details#since a lot were either low lighting or cosplays or video game things or somethin#also her hair - gorgeous beautiful stunning - covered an important chunk of the fit#BUT I FOUND IT!!! I FOUND THE DETAILS!!!#took me a solid hour but i found it all#it was a nice excuse to gaze respectfully but Directly at her#anna valerious i had it for you before i even knew gay people existed <3
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
#seriously another shout out to my mutuals#id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being#and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting#bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over#and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic#sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals#like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful#so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up#than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess#they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds#so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW#okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE#SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES#if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context#but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic#and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this#ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day
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they'd never put it in the show but I'd genuinely kill for captain to get like really comfortable calling himself gay esp with slurs in the way we tumblr girlies do like. I'd do anything for him to be giving some more decorating advice and alison be like "wow why are you so good at this" and he goes "well it's simply my untouchable faggot swagger"
#like him being like 'everyone listen to me and my incredible gay ideas'#big 'fuck off janet im not coming to your fucking baby shower' 'move im gay' energy#i need him to be a little more cunty and a little more slay#thank you and good night#they would never write it in but im giving ben willbond a personal pass to say the word fag.#they could even make it a funny british joke because cigarette or w/e.#bbc ghosts#pat: how did you know that would happen? cap: hm. simply the queer power of being right all the time.#'what is this homosexual agenda the people on the television are mentioning- i would very much like a schedule'#anyway i love him.
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