#thank god its gone
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I need stimulation so bad
#like i feel so so fucking braindead 😭#nothing is working drawing watching videos sitting outside#my brain is all just *gestures vaguely* brain fog#thank FUCK i finished my internship today maybe now I'll start to feel like a human again#usual stimulation tactics aren't working time to snort cocaine /j#you know what i fucking blame part of this on tik tok#that app is a disease its destroyed my already crap attention span#adhd + tik tok addiction= disaster for attention span and mental health#thank god its gone#this is a tik tok hate account i hope the app fucking explodes
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luke and biggs… thoughts?
many thoughts + it means luke has a type
#its so insane when u think abt it as a 'they never acted on it' love story#like u finally reunite w ur bestie and childhood crush u think its gonna be great finally flying togehter properly#u think maybe u'll say smthn when u get back from this if u survive#u dont even consider that HE might not survive#and so on the same day u become a hero to the galaxy u lose the one last part of home u had left#and u know its not the same as leia but my god ur planet might as well have just blown up#cause theres nothing left of the place u called home. nobody to share ur childhood memories with#the one escaped tatooine first. the one u always loved. hes gone#and worst of all nowhere to put that overwhelming love you've been keeping inside all this time. it has to stay in ur chest forever#luke skywalker#thanks for the ask!#biggsluke#skylighter#< also it has a sick secondary ship name
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a lifetime of indentured servitude
used this frame from the mv of "femme fatale" by kedarui as ref for this piece ! just thought that it fit them perfectly orz
#clownzy#branzypierce#branzy#branzycraft#clownpierce#lifesteal#lifesteal smp#mcyt#favourarts#TARGET AUDIENCE ???? TARGET AUDIENCE HELLOOOOOO ??????#i trapped him in the safest base vid changed my life#o7 doing my work in Continuing The Fandom as branzy said . np king#idk what possessed me to do a full fledge illust for this like#i usually dont have the patience to work on the same piece for days in a row#but for this one I Just Did . Huh ....#OKAY LIFE UPDATE college is crazy guys im like 2 weeks in and thank god we have a cat in our dorm i wouldve gone crazy by now if#it werent for the little fella#also its like almost 1am n i probably should sleep now ermmm LMAO#idk wat else 2 say my brain is not working rn it rlly is sleepy time#okay gn everyone i hope u enjoy the toxic yaois zzz
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another week.
#girls gender neutral of course.#ashton greymoore#critical role#cr3#cr spoilers ig#LOVE team uthodurn sm but i can no longer dispel the horrors. where is my dear rockboy matthew. why must you hide them from me#orym and laudna too... someone in the last ep said 'kill' in a way that reminded me its been SO LONG since weve had a laudna whisper. kms#when tal was out for two weeks and ashton was gone and i was like 'man i hated that thank god it will never happen again!' .
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hey
#sasori#akasuna no sasori#naruto#naruto shippuden#fan art#akatsuki#naruto akatsuki#its been. a year. no im not dead. no im not back. unfortunately my naruto hyperfix is still long gone. rest in peace 😔#but i thought id leave a little something for old times sake............ i think about yall sometimes yknow. hope you are well#thanks for enjoying the dumb akatsuki content from my god awful teen years & giving me the motivation to move on to greater adventures. il
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@.landonorris: Rough day. Big impact. But feeling okay. Thanks for all the messages
#lando norris#las vegas gp 2023#this fucker😭😭😭#not him uploading this pics#hi jon#again thank god hes ok#its absolutely killing me that jon os taking a selfie. but also they🫶🫶#boy was gone under the painkillers they gave him lmao
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youre literally so attractive like. my god
for that you're getting the restraunt bathroom selfies
#IM VERY FLUSTERED THOUGH THANK YOU!!! compliments have really hit deeper now that im masc#god its so freeing to wear mens clothes and short hair and specifically being plus size#my confidence to exist unapologetically in public has gone up so much.#butch#nonbinary#plus size#dyke
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yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps
#i JUST want to experience high school#without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on#i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades#not... That#i never had that im never going to have that#can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university#fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama#i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates#or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance#i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life#i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones#rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life#and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems#like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation#but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited#i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try#because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health#the MILDEST#i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT#and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough#the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem'#i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over#thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust#thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them#yk?#and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture#i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to
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Spoilers for Alan Wake/Control games and DLCs: one of the things I really like in Alan Wake 2 is the confirmation that, no, Alan can’t create something out of nothing. There were implications in-story that supported that, but it was good to have that be a big part in the sequel. The AWE control dlc easily made it seem like Alan himself had a role in the events of the game and the formation of the FBC, and, personally, seeing it through that lens cheapened a lot of the game and Jesse’s story. Instead, having his writing influence the Hiss and try to manipulate (even out of desperation) Jesse/the FBC to end Hartman and get help, fit right into plot and conflicts of Alan Wake 2, with Alan being sympathetic, but also an asshole for trying to change and control people’s lives in his writing.
#since the awe dlc dropped I was slightly worried that it was going the meta route of Alan writing everything in control#but since Alan wake 2 I’ve been. thank god that wasn’t the case 😭#this way makes everything more complicated and mysterious. which I appreciate. makes everything creepier#will say. it’s still wild how much Alan can influence the narrative.#light spoilers for the final draft but—> makes me think of the writers room video where he doesn’t know what he’ll be at the spirals end#like I don’t think he’ll be Evil or anything. but it’s unnerving#might delete#Alan Wake 2 my beloved#so many times in that game it could’ve gone a direction that would’ve lessened or soured the story but somehow it didn’t lmao#more game spoilers but for ex: Alice coming back at the end instead of leaving it with her demise in the documentary#when I first saw that it was devastating. but also wasn’t sure what to feel if that’s how she’s gone from the story#having her actually manipulate her photos. become art to make Alan think she died. go to the dark place and help him and saga#that last video left me Speechless it was so good.#esp after how much I disliked Control (spoilers here) for quickly ending with Dylan in a coma and not much else.#could not be happier with how the AW2 ending played out and the clear love for all its characters#REALLY hope that Control 2 ends in a good or interesting place. give dylan some focus!#not tagging this bc I’m just yelling my thoughts. but knowing tumblr it will somehow be seen on every tag 😵💫
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haha kmik’s save seems to be corrupted haha i guess i deleted the wrong backup save folder haha i guess the only thing i have is the dan i saved recently for modeling dumbass pics haHA???
#i don’t know what i did i don’t know what mods did it i tried to load it up to build and its just#109 error code 109 error code#i am fucking hyperventilating dhdhf#from what google says it seems like… i don’t know i might have saved and quit from manage worlds and#fuck man i dont even KNOW#I’M JUST GOING TO KEEP TRYING HA HA 🥲#i have a back up save but i thought i had a more recent one#this one is from like… right before the last (and first fuck) elimination#i want to… hmmmmm throw and break things#thank god i’m oo HOO oh man okay HOO#my magnum opus gone because i refuse to play a vanilla game ITS FINE GUYS ITS FINE#i think i accidentally culled the wrong backup saves folder HA HAAAA FUCK#at least DAN SURVIVED GOOOD DAMN IT
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
#rant#i guess#it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever#like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning#i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry#its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too#it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but#a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container#or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside.#it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time.#i hate this survivalistic shit#its not long before i move out thank god but still#he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything#like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice.#i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it.#and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive#at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont#let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know#writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy
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I feel so bad for zephyr, what are some of her happiest memories? Would it be first meeting the members of her local group? I assume they would be built after her, was she excited about them being built or was she not informed at all?
she wouldn't be very... Present. most likely hadn't managed to be there for every Iterator when they first came online. she is very removed from most of her group because she's unable to stick in the chats for too long with all the damage and her endless attempts to conserve herself as much as possible, so her interactions with others outside of the Anemoi (and this one guy called Orion's Pathway) are extremely limited
Boreas, though, ever the life-saver, updates her on any new Iterator projects being build, how are the already existing ones doing- see she is kind of hard to cheer up and as a rule she never really laughs, but oh hearing about successes of others always manages to make her happy. that has been a thing for her since day one!
so Boreas would make a list of the Eo group's achievements with Euros and Orion's help and he'd read them out for her during their routine calls. those calls are probably one of her happiest memories, since she got so much serotonin and motivation out of hearing about her family (n also just in general- their start might've been rocky but Zeph n B really really love each other [platonically ofc])
they might not Know her, only be aware that their senior is called Abet Zephyr and her appearances are strangely rare, but she loves them all. if she hadn't, it wouldn't be called Mission Self-preservation. it'd be way more revenge focused. her number one priority is the safety of her family even if she doesn't know them personally. she puts them above her anger, physical and emotional trauma cuz she just fuckin loves them that much
her other happy memories include some stuff with Sparrows! after Zephyr allows her opinion about the Ancients develop, she finds herself glad whenever Sparrows would show up to do some more repairs and spend some time with the old humidifier. jgklsdmclk just like with a grandma, Sparrows would show her some stuff on her phone/Mechanic's watch and Zeph would be confused about it but she gets to spend the time with someone she likes so it's okay
along with Euros on a call the three of them would sing folk songs from Sparrows' home with Boreas usually listening in, very rarely joining in
Zephyr wasn't given overseers until Sparrows showed up for the first time, too, so when she synced with the eyes and took a peak outside for the first time in her life, that was... that stuck with her as a strong memory, too. can't exactly say it was a Happy memory, but only cuz there was so much happening in her emotionally in that moment that simplifying it to a singular one wouldn't really represent it right
here's her lighting up while Boreas tells her about positive recent events of the group
her antennas are broken- that's why they are always down like that- but Dammit she is Happy we Gotta wiggle 'em at least a wee bit
#Spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#oc: abet zephyr#Sparrows kinda sucks with the organical aspects of the iterators but she did her best to fix up Zephyrs spine too!#so having That portion of the pains elevated at least a little was also a great moment for her. it still sometimes give up n stops working-#-n it hurts again but thanks to that effort from Sparru its at least not a constant thing anymore#every time i think about off the string au with the eo group i think about boreas n zephyr finding each other and then boreas helps her get#-to everyone else to an agreed upon meeting point and then all the Anemoi see each other and euros notos n haboob then run at them and-#-hug the two fiercely.. and zephyr Actually starts laughing and doing her best to hug them all back- shes all clumsy about it but trying-#-So hard. and then she puts her hands on euros' shoulders and fully excited tells him 'euros- oh-! now that we are here free like this you-#-really have to teach me how to dance and play! you know..? just like Sparrows and her family used to!"#and for a second he pauses cuz oh that Hurts to remember they are gone but then he puts a hand over one of hers and with a little shaky-#-voice- but Warm so happy- he tells her ''y-yeah.. yeah of course i will- gods... i cant believe you still remember them.....' n he hangs-#-his head n all that... and zeph smiles n presses her forehead against his head n whispers to him 'of course i do. they were family.'
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girl help i hated almost every second of being in school but now that ive graduated im feeling nostalgic for it
#I HATE IT HERE SO MUCH#i listen to a song i listened to this time last year and im teleported back#and i get nostalgic for just walking around campus and im like Bitch u were miserable. stop it THAT WAS MISERABLE#i hated it so much and yet also that time in my life is never ever coming back. not ever. girl help girl help#should be a good thing bc i hated it AND YET. and yet. i dare say the floating void rn is even worse perchance thats why im nostalgic#hated being a student but ill never be a student ever again. went thru all that and all i got to show for it is a degree#no friends no life experience besides mental illness thank god its over but slso OH GOD Its over all my chances r gone. girl help#x
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happy halloween have a work selfie of my costume<3
#mar.txt#halloween#plague doctor#ive gotten so many compliments and have had 4 ppl ask to take a picture with me and apparently a lot of ppl have gone to the plague doctor#section and one person even bought a costume from there bc of me wearing this#thank god for the mask bc i've been smiling like an idiot for so much of this shift#ive wanted to do a plague doc costume for YEARS so finally being able to do so means so much to me#even moreso the affect its having
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GODD IF I HAD SHOWN THIS ALBUM TO 15 YEAR OLD ME. GODDDDDDDD
#like i cannot stress enough how this is EXACTLYYY the type of music i used to listen to circa 2016-18 like man. i wouldve eaten this shit UP#thank god im listening to it now becuase its immediately gone into my liked spotify albums which is like. an extreme privelege#because i NEVER add whole albums to my liked on spotify#but anyway. wowwww#radio#Spotify
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OK BRAIN WORM NUMB R ONE. WHAT WAS THE THING WITH NEIL N PIERRE ABOUT DYING AND COMING BACK THE SAVE VS LIVING WRONG
i went through. my entire got damn blog trying to figure out WHAT you were referring to where the hell i had said this. and then realized it was the 3rd most recent reblog. im so smart and organized guys
so in reference to this post
essentially you can read it as either neil or pierre, but the perspective of WHO is saying this definitely changes.
for neil, the dying and coming back refers to the cyborg process and the fact that neil has the very unique situation of... being used for intermittent testing for about a year. And then being shut off and kept in essentially storage for about 6-8 years after that. where he was unconcious and did not age at all. so when he gets out, its still just a teenage boy, but suddenly everyone is so much older and everything is different and not only is eveline older shes also. not her anymore. which is not new ground here ajdjdhfjf
but its also worth noting that neil does not get the near instantaneous reconciliation that he did with cherry in WTTW, because cherry is dead. for at least 10 months. so it spends that time not knowing why cherry came to RR or who they are now or anything of the sort. so like if i had to do a line by line breakdown itd look like:
-"i died but i came back exactly the same" neil has not significantly aged and is around the same age he was when eveline knew it
-"you though, i came back and you were wrong" neil is the same. eveline is very much not. it has been a much shorter time
-"did the fact of my dying really damage you this much?" neil doesnt know WHY evelines so different and wonders if them being ripped apart the way they were had anything to do with it
-"was bringing me back worth what it cost you?" neil thinking the reason any of this happened is because eveline came back for him, and it cost her her life. (also the fact that haha um neil is. Kind of the one who kills cherry. oopsie!)
-"would it have been better to just leave me?" neil sees all the new people in their life that they dont know and feels guilty over the idea that He was (as far as he knows. because no one ever tells the kids anything except for vallen but shhh) the reason eveline went back, died, and left all of her friends to clean up the aftermath of it all. tldr neil blames himself for everything bad that happened to cherry and it fucks him up bc i cannot give that boy a moment of peace
pierre is a lot more straightforward. imagine some visage of eveline saying this shit to him. "bringing me back" is less about being brought from the dead and more about, like. taking someone by force and bringing them back home.
pierre sees the moment "eveline" escaped left as the big turning point of his life, when everything having to do with his future life became a lot less clear and what was left of his morals went down the drain in pursuit of Maybe Having Her Back One Day and as such he DOES wonder what may have happened had he just... let her be. so he lives in guilt over what happened because it went So So Wrong and because shes gone with next to no chance of seeing her again and not. the obvious reason he should feel guilt over eveline.
the more things change etc etc
#lies in a pile. On the ground. forever#neil#pierre#meta#worst comparison i could EVER make between these two and it is in VERY DIFFERENT WAYS#but neil and pierre both have issues understanding that eveline is gone and that cherry is not her. although they do understand that -#something Has fundamentally changed.#though neil is upset and frustrated by it because his sister DIDNT come back for him she DIDNT know he was even there#and this person ISNT HER but all of evelines love for him is in them for some reason but its not the same. it just isnt.#but he at least tries to understand how this happened and tries to connect with cherry where he can because. he's still grieving.#evelines been dead for 10 years but hes only been without her for a few months. its not an easy adjustment#pierre on the other hand. his reaction to cherry isnt to make an attempt to connect with this new person or anything#(which yaknow. thank god) but its to 'fix' eveline. to bring her back.#hes still got her memories. all he'd have to do is delete whatever files have filled their place and put them back in.#theres parallels her. both characters are in their own ways grieving and frustrated and upset about the fact that#yeah. shes gone. and this is not her.#but where neil tries to at least understand this new person who he can still see eveline in AND see this new happier person as well#pierre would rather hold onto what was and would effectively kill cherry if it meant having eveline back#yakno. grief and embracing the future vs living in the past and allthat#(except not really because what neils doing is grieving. Idk if i have a word for whatever pierres doing)#i doubt anyones gonna read this far soo uhh im also gonna say. something something ocarina of time on that one neil plot point#asks#down-thedrain
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