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aotvfilm · 1 year

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Holiday Pal is here! Bringing you presents and good cheer! :D So sorry about my late replies, my late asks.... grrr. I would like things to mellow out, now!

It was quite a short rainstorm, unfortunately! Rain is my favorite too-- do you enjoy doing anything in particular when it rains outside?

I am sorry to hear about family things; not too serious on my end, just that my mother is freaking out over the holidays and my sibling and I must do a lot to make sure things go smoothly for her. I hope that when the holidays are over, I can be here for you if you ever need to vent or just want to chat! :Dsdlkjfskjf!!

I am going to read this fic ASAP it looks so amazing, thank you Becky!!! <3 I have something for you toooo x wish i was good at art, but I was wondering if I could write you a little drabble for when I reveal myself! And that could be a little Christmas gift for you!

If you might be so kind as to tell me some favorite tropes or some prompts, I'd love to give you something genuine and full of love!

Questions!!

Cinnamon or ginger? I loveee ginger, so ginger haha! I did buy nutmeg and cinnamon today for something special hehe!

Jam or buttercream? Buttercream because it's really wonderful-- it's the frosting on certain types of cake!

Favorite kinds of food, either savoury or baked goods? CAPRESE IS SO GOOD OMG! How do you prepare it? Yes riceeee!

My answer is so different lol, because I very much like savoury foods and I like meat a lot ! But veggies are really good too, so I'd say anything salty with meat and potatos and veggies

4. Do you bake/cook any special meals for the holidays? I'm so sorry about your neighbour, that is a truly kind gesture! Yeah, for me it's gingerbread and cranberry sorbet which takes a full day to make, ummm potatoes au gratin, and this year is beef of some kind for the central dish. I did want to make a yule log but I always get shot down because it's "too much work!" haha!

Are you listening to any good music right now or podcasts? How are you feeling about the holidays coming?

Sending you more love, and that you can expect better and quicker answers from me!

<3 <3 <3 xxx

HIII HOLIDAY PAL IVE MISSED YOU <<<<3

i love when it rains because it’s cloudy and dreary and idk it just feels right to me. maybe that sounds sad but i’m a mellow person so the whole atmosphere feels nice. i’m jealous that you had a rain storm! we’ve had an awful lot of snow lately. i love snow too but rain is my favorite.

hopefully everything calms down for you & your family! it’s so sweet that your sibling & you try to make the holidays easier for your mother. have you done all of your holiday shopping?

i hope you enjoy the fic!! :) and oh my gosh i would love a drabble!!! you are the sweetest ever. i’ll have to spend some time thinking of a gift back to you! as for my favorite tropes: i love famous/famous or famous/non famous. i also love any iteration of exes/friends/enemies to lovers! or anything canon that gives like a little peak into what life might be like or was like for h&l. but really i’m willing to read anything though so don’t feel constrained! i’ll be more than happy to read whatever you write x im so very excited :)

what did you buy nutmeg & ginger for? are you making a treat? 🍩 🍰 🧁

i think i’ve only had crappy store made buttercream frosting. i bet homemade is much better though!

i love caprese sandwiches! i toast part of a baguette the put pesto & argula & mozzarella & tomato & balsamic glaze! now i’m craving one haha

haha, we’re complete opposites with our favorite foods! i dislike anything salty & im a vegetarian. what’s your favorite type of meat though? i always loved fish (ik ik not technically a meat but im counting it. i don’t eat it anymore tho ): )

ooo, a cranberry & gingerbread sorbet. i have never had anything like that. send me some in your next ask, ok? and go for the yule log!!! it’ll be a fun experience and maybe a new tradition for you!

as for podcasts/music: i struggle with finding podcasts i like! my favorite is ancient history fangirl though. i’m a history nerd! how about you, what podcasts do you listen to? any recommendations? not gonna lie, i listen to fitf about once a day. when i’m not listing to louis i’m usually playing sam fender. he just released a new live album so i’ve loved hearing some of my favs recorded live. oh and i’ve been listening to a band called mac saturn! i just bought tickets to see them in february so i’m excited. have you been listening to holiday music?

for me it doesn’t really feel like the holidays are coming. my partner & i exchanged gifts already so all that’s left is to give a few to my younger family members. plus, i work the 24th & 25th so it’s like ehhhh. i miss being little & looking forward to christmas so much. are you excited & ready to celebrate yule? :)

sending you all of the love back x i cant wait to hear from you! and i’m so excited for your drabble. xx

also i just reread my answer before posting it and it made me laugh how all over the place it is. we have so many lines of conversation going - i love it!!

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revengerevisited · 3 years

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i found this vanqua fic the other day, it’s only a couple chapters but i like it so far. :3 it does have a ‘creator chose not to add warnings’ label though, so please be cautious. also baby-xemnas aka kotbysleep (nsfw) aka nekokat42 (also nsfw) is a much better vanqua artist than me so please check him out. X’D (heads-up those twitter threads are way longer than you think so make sure you see eeeverything~).

anyway, more wip art below the cut, plus my endless rambling (i talk about 18+ topics, just a warning)—

i’m still working on venqua week and i’ve got 2 more prompts to go, one i haven’t started yet and one i’m halfway done with—

~aaand yeah i’m re-using it for a vanqua pic too... X’D am i lazy, or just resourceful? you decide. ;P

but yeah, both of these pics will have an 18+ version as well. i admit i’m super anxious about posting it next week, as i’ve seen just how absolutely toxic fandom is on twitter. like, you thought tumblr was bad? i’ve spent the last few days preemptively blocking literally hundreds if not thousands of antis just so i can feel a little safer posting my content without some asshat calling me a pedo or telling me to kill myself over cartoons. XU i somewhat worry that i’ve accidentally blocked some people who were just joking around and weren’t actually harassing anyone, but it’s just so hard to tell sometimes. if i’ve accidentally blocked anybody here, just let me know so i can unblock you. :3 (idk why that sentence came out so sinister sounding but i’m legit being sincere X’D).

but seriously, idk when fandom suddenly got such a stick up its ass (around 2016-17 from my guesstimate) and decided aging-up a fictional character by a year or two is such a crime, but i guess that’s just the state of things. :T i could draw vanitas as a centaur or make him blond or whatever and no one cares, but aging him by one year? suddenly big problem! yeah, right. XP like, i know i said every character in kh is 17+ as of khmom (ignoring any weird timeline retcons of course), but heck i could make an honest case for the wayfinder family all being adults. hear me out—

it’s been 13 years since bbs, right? and for 12 of those years, aqua was in the realm of darkness, terra had some awareness while being possessed by xehanort, ven experienced some of sora’s life when he was in a coma, and vanitas was almost certainly in ven/sora’s heart as well, so all four of them could be said to be 31, 33, and 29 respectively. it’s not like their character models were any different when they were young teens as opposed to older teens, so can we really be sure they’re not all 30~ by now? heck, since ven is from the age of fairytales i could say he’s 1000 years old if i wanted too! (psst, it’s almost as if these are all fictional characters living in a fantasy world with time travel and whatnot and their ages are completely arbitrary numbers nomura made up on the spot, numbers which he has retconned before! :P).

now i don’t actually think they’re that old, but if people are gonna hassle me over a goddamn 2-year age difference, i might as well say fuck it and have fun with it, right? ;P it’s not like antis even know what the canon character ages even actually are, like when they try to say that skuld is underage when (assuming she’s subject x) she’d be around 28~ by now, or axel and saïx’s age. (maybe i’ll draw some saïx x skuld art and watch the antis lose their minds. ;P it wouldn’t even have to be nsfw to rile them up).

anyway, i do admit i’m feeling a little burned out on art recently. XP i’ve been trying to get one art piece out per week plus venqua week, and yeah it’s kinda taken its toll. i know this really isn’t anything anyone wants to hear, but i’ve been kinda thinking of moving away from fandom projects to work on my own original work. now, i’m not saying i’m abandoning a heart and a half nor anything as drastic as that! but i have spent like 2 years of my life on it just to get to the halfway mark, and i’m not sure i can spend 2 more doing only that.

i’ve got an original story idea that i’ve been working on-and-off on for the past 7 years or so, and i’m thinking of going back to it again (it does need a pretty big re-write). its main pairing is actually pretty vanqua-ish, now that i think about it. like, imagine the realm of darkness but instead of the heartless it’s infested with demons, and the main characters are the demon-slaying duo of a serious yet kindhearted half-angel and a feral, snarky half-demon. i even aged them up from 14 to 18 so none of my potential fans have to suffer the same anti bullshit that i have. XP

what else can i ramble about... oh, i got these super cute pins for christmas! :D the heartless is by xkirakira, and vanitas and aqua are by maxxmerch. they’re just so cute! X3 i hope everyone had a merry christmas and a happy holiday! i’ll see you guys later. ^3^

*looks around sheepishly* ó3ò alright... confession time. spoilers for a heart and a half for the rest of this post—

sooo~ i’ve kinda hinted at this before, but yeah i’ve always planned on adding a sex scene to a heart and a half; when i started writing back in 2018 i hadn’t realized how hostile fandom had become compared to only a few years ago, and it worries me that some readers might drop the fic because of it, or be angry with me over the underage aspect. :(

idk, i could go on about how i just wanted to explore every aspect of a romantic relationship, or how other disney/square enix characters married or had kids young (ariel, sarah hawkins, héctor, claudia strife, possibly jasmine), or how attempting to apply real-world rules to a videogame fantasy setting is inherently silly and pointless, but really it’s just ‘cause i love vanitas and aqua to bits and i just wanted to write a cute and funny mild sex scene between them (this fic is rated mature, not explicit, so much less graphic than confection affection), and at the end of the day they are just fictional characters, after all.

i guess all i can hope for is that i’m a skilled enough writer to pull it off in a believable way, and that my audience won’t be too put off by it. >_> i know vanitas and aqua have technically only known each other for about 2 months so it might not be ‘realistic’ for them to go so far into a relationship so soon, but i think it’s important to remember that ultimately this is a romantic fairytale, and other canon disney couples haven’t seen nearly as deeply into each other’s hearts as vanitas and aqua have (and this video also helped me feel better about it).

i also wanted to finish that nsfw venqua fic i started a few months back, it’s set just before the mark of mastery so yes ven would be 16. i suppose it’s a way of testing the waters to see what kind of reception i’d get (hopefully positive) before i get to that part of a heart and a half. i was also thinking of including some of the uh, ‘keyblades as erogenous zones’ aspect from this terraquaven fic as well... w-why are you looking at me like that?! it’s funny! *sweats nervously* o3o’

in all honesty, i’m probably just overthinking all this (which, knowing me, is almost a guarantee >_<) and i should just *ahem* let my heart be my guiding key, and just write what i want to write without worrying about it all the time. i just get so anxious so easily... buuut that’s not really news to anyone, now is it? ;P well, i think that’s the end of my endless ramble, thanks for reading if you got this far. X’D and i really hope i didn’t actually upset anybody about a heart and a half. ;_; i just felt like i needed to vent a little, but don’t worry about me, i’m doing fine. anyway, i really should stop typing and get back to work on venqua week, sooo... bye! X3

#wip #rambles #rant #tagging just in case

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elisaphoenix13 · 5 years

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The Doctor Is In

(5 times Stephen took care of Tony and Peter and 1 time they took care of him)

Stephen fled from the Tower the moment heavy metal music echoed through the surrounding floors of the lab. It wasn't that he hated the music, it was the fact that he knew exactly what it meant.

Tony and Peter were blowing things up.

He could meditate through a majority of things that went on in the Tower. Like if Clint and Sam took over their living room to play video games, Peter crawling all over the ceiling, Tony cursing at something he's tinkering with on the coffee table...or Clint crawling through the air vents. Their floor was constantly taken over by the other Avengers, and he had grown used to it, but explosions from the lab was another thing entirely. It was random and had different levels of noise that startled Stephen's astral form back into his body and left him momentarily confused and disoriented. Not a fun feeling.

Stephen sighs when Wong drops a stack of books on the table in front of him and he opens a single eye. "Do you mind?"

Wong ignores him as he sits down. "AC/DC?"

The sorcerer supreme stretches out in his chair. "Metallica."

"Wouldn't blasting music hurt Peter's ears?"

"He's used to it. He's usually the one controlling the volume anyway." Stephen slumps in his chair.

"How's motherhood treating you?" Wong grins.

Strange groans. "Not you too. How did you know?"

"Tony calls you Mama Bear almost all the time. It was obvious." Wong flips through one of the books. "...and I heard Peter call you Mom."

"That boy will be the death of me."

"I thought I saw some more grey hair."

He wouldn't be surprised. Both Peter and Tony had very little consideration for self-preservation to the point that...well...they were blowing things up in the lab. He could confidently bet the Eye of Agamotto that he would go home to at least one of them in need of first aid. Bruce only helped them in emergencies for how often they got themselves into trouble. He was tired of fishing glass out of broken skin because of a stupid idea.

"I'm tempted to cover them in bubble wrap so I can have a minute of peace without having to worry about what trouble they're getting into."

"Your domesticity is nauseating."

Stephen smirks. "You're just jealous."

"Hardly."

Stephen's phone starts ringing and he looks at the screen, sighs, and answers.

"Yes Spiderling?"

"Holy crap! Where are you?! Dad got knocked out by the fire extinguisher--"

Stephen coughs to hide his laugh. He was definitely going to watch today's recording of the lab to see how that happened. "I'll be there shortly."

He hangs up before Peter can utter another word and glances at Wong.

"What's the damage this time?"

Stephen grins. "Technical knockout by a fire extinguisher."

Wong laughs.

_______________________

"Peter I swear--" A Lego smacks painlessly against Stephen's forehead. "Did you just throw a Lego at me?!"

The teen flattens himself against the ceiling. "That was my venom! I'm a spider!"

The Vishanti are testing me.

Peter had just recently gotten all of his wisdom teeth pulled and was on very strong pain killers. Something Stephen prayed he would never have to give the boy again because he was a menace. Peter refused to stay in bed and had taken to the ceiling instead, leaving Stephen no choice but to follow him and try to coax him down. He hoped to whatever entity that was listening that the boy wouldn't fall and hurt himself.

The first thing he tried was Levi but Peter stubbornly clung to the ceiling so he had to wave the cloak off from that attempt. Bribing him with ice cream was a dead end as well.

"Spiderling, you don't spit venom." Then another idea came to mind and Stephen didn't know why he didn't think if it before. "How does a movie night with cuddles sound?"

Peter looks at the sorcerer and seems to think over his offer. "'Kay."

Peter was a sucker for physical contact no matter how high he was.

Stephen sighs with relief when the teen moves down from the ceiling and immediately clings to the older man's front like a baby. The sorcerer wraps his arms around Peter to hold him steady, and makes his way back to the boy's bedroom where he gently deposits his burden. He murmurs to the boy to stay while he leaves to change into something more comfortable, and thankfully returns to Peter's room a couple minutes later to find the boy curled up under his blankets.

"Where's Dad?"

"At an Accords meeting. He'll be back by dinner." Strange slips into bed next to Peter and the teen wastes no time in curling up against him. "What do you want to watch Spider-Baby?"

"Disney movie."

Stephen has Karen (Tony connected Peter's AI to his bedroom) start a Disney movie, and gently strokes brown curls. It didn't take long for Peter to pass out between the ministrations and snuggling. One would think the boy was touch starved.

_____________

The tower was calm. Peter was at school and Tony was at a meeting, so Stephen felt he could relax. He really should have known better. As soon as he stretched out on the couch with an actual book not related to the mystic artes, Tony strode out of the elevator with blood streaming down his temple. The sorcerer sighs when his boyfriend flops onto the couch when he sits up, and he retrieves the first aid kit and some ice through a couple of small portals.

"I'd ask how your meeting went but that would be pointless."

Tony hisses when Stephen applies some antiseptic. "The meeting was fine. The private meeting Ross wanted...not so much."

"Just say the word and I can have him free-falling for a couple of hours."

"That would be counter productive since I'm trying to keep you and Peter out of the Accords. You're both special cases."

The doctor finishes by applying a butterfly bandage and then hands Tony the ice. The engineer did have legitimate reasons for keeping Stephen and Peter away. Stephen was the Sorcerer Supreme, and had a responsibility to protect the world from magical attacks. Peter was simply underage.

"Head feeling better?" Stephen asks softly.

Tony nods and grimaces as he places the ice pack on his head. "I think I'll live."

Scott slips into the living room and sits in an armchair sipping at a juice pouch. "Hey Strange, your Mama Bear is showing."

"That better not be Peter's Capri Sun."

"Case and point." He grins and loudly sucks every last drop.

"Quit raiding my fridge Lang." Tony snarks.

"Quit buying all the good stuff." Scott kicks his legs up onto the coffee table and turns on the t.v.

Stephen simply laid out on the couch again with his legs across Tony's lap and read while the other two watched reruns of Friends. He would take the quiet while he could. It was a rare occurrence.

____________________

"Doctor Strange, you have an incoming call from Peter." Victor calls from his bracelet.

Stephen sighs and puts his tea down to pull his phone out of his pocket. He was at school so either he had gotten into trouble (Not likely unless it was an attack an earth kind) or he wasn't feeling well. Something still unlikely because of the spider bite.

"What's wrong Spiderling?" The sorcerer asks when he accepts the call.

"Uh...Doctor Strange?" That was not Peter. In fact it sounded like...

"Ned? Where's Peter?"

"We're in the boy's bathroom on the second floor. I think Peter is going through a sensory overload."

Shit. That was the one thing that Peter truly hated. "Alright. I'll be there in just a minute."

Stephen hangs up, uses his magic to change into his street clothes, and then opens a portal to just around the corner to the school. With long strides, he shoves his way through pedestrians and into the school and makes a quick stop in the office.

"I'm here to pick up Peter Parker." The secretary looks up, blushes, and reaches for the intercom phone until Stephen reaches out and stops her. "Please don't. He's not feeling well and the intercom will only make things worse. I know where he is if I may go get him myself."

The woman quickly gathers herself. "Of course sir. I just need your name and have you sign him out."

When he relayed his name to her, she looked at him with a mixture of confusion and skepticism, but thankfully cleared him to retrieve Peter. She was probably wondering where his robes were since he was dressed like any other person.

Stephen rushes out of the office and up the stairs and to his relief finds the bathrooms fairly quickly. He wrinkles his nose in disgust as he walks in but says nothing when he spots Peter curled in the corner with his hands over his ears. Ned looks up and relief crosses his features as he promptly moves away from his best friend and the doctor takes his place and gently pulls Peter's hands down.

"I'll get you home in just a second Spiderling." Strange looks up at Ned and accepts Peter's backpack from him. "Thank you for calling me."

Ned nods. "I can call him later and tell him what his homework is."

"I'm sure he would appreciate that."

He then turns and opens a portal, the sound of the sparks drawing a whimper from the suffering teen beside him, and Stephen ignores his breaking heart as he helps Peter through. He closes the portal and leads the teen to his bed where Peter quickly sheds everything but his boxers to, Stephen assumed, get rid of his itchy clothing.

"Karen, Overload Protocol please."

In an instant, the window is covered, the lights are dimmed, and Peter finally relaxes when the room is soundproof and nearly dark. Stephen gently lays the covers over his son and Peter cracks open an eye in response.

"Mom?" Peter croaks out.

"Just relax Spider-Baby."

Peter nods and rolls onto his side before settling against his pillow.

_____________________

An explosion startles both Stephen and Happy from their naps on their respective couches, and both jump to their feet before rushing down to the lab. The sorcerer punches in the code to open the lab door and he looks around the trashed and smoking lab for Peter and Tony, faintly registering that DUM-E was successfully taking care of any fires. He soons spots the engineer slumped against the wall and he rushes over before kneeling down to examine him and tend to his injuries.

"I've got Peter!" The bodyguard yells from the other side of the room. "He looks fine. Just knocked out!"

Stephen exhales when he finds Tony in the same condition. "Tony is the same. It must have been a repulsor explosion."

Tony groans and slowly opens his eyes. "Peter..."

"He's alright. What happened?"

The billionaire stands with the doctor's help and rubs the back of his head. "One of my gauntlets short-circuited."

Happy approaches them with a smirk. "The kid just woke up and he's talking a mile a minute. I'm pretty sure he's fine. I'm going back upstairs to finish my nap."

Tony rolls his eyes as Happy leaves the lab and both parents walk over to Peter to find him patting DUM-E.

"Good job putting out the fire buddy. Now Dad won't have to donate you to a community college." The robot trills at the praise.

"Now FRIDAY is risking reprogramming." Tony says irritably.

"I tried to warn you Boss but you didn't listen." Could AI be annoyed? FRIDAY definitely sounded annoyed.

"That sounds like something you would do." Stephen drawls and Tony throws his arms up.

"Traitors! I'm scrapping FRIDAY and breaking up with you!"

Peter looks up at Tony's declaration and watches the couple in alarm, but Stephen simply smiles and the teen relaxes and turns his attention back to DUM-E. The poor kid really feared that his family was going to fall apart over something trivial and it hurt Stephen. It really showed how much Peter loved them.

"You won't have anyone to kiss your boo-boos then."

Tony stares at Stephen until he barks out a laugh that turns into something hysterical. "That's true. Brucie isn't the type." He finally wheezes out.

Stephen then decided to take it a step further. "Besides, if we break up, I'm taking Peter."

The boy himself pouts. "Don't drag me into your marital problems."

"Okay, first of all kid, we have to be married to have marital problems. Second, Stephanie, he was my kid first."

"You guys might as well get married. You already act like an old married couple." Peter grumbles and the older two glance at each other.

"...and there's the headache I get from dealing with you two." Stephen says and rubs his temples.

_____________________

Stephen groggily opens his eyes when a cool hand finds itself on his forehead and he purrs when he finds Tony leaning over him. Something he would completely deny later because he wasn't even aware he could even make that noise.

"Feeling under the weather Mama Bear?"

"I'm fine."

"I'll believe that when you stop trying to hack up a lung while you're sleeping."

The sorcerer bats Tony's hand away and sits up, only for his boyfriend's hand to settle on his chest to stop him from getting up. It was weird for him to be fussed over and he also wasn't about to let a cold keep him from the research he needed to do.

"If you put one foot on the floor I am going to sic Peter on you."

That actually got Stephen's attention. Tony had gotten sick a few weeks back and when Peter got wind of it, he hovered. The teen took it upon himself to make sure that the engineer took some medicine, fed him, and even checked in on him to make sure he was resting. Stephen found it hilarious and let the boy help take care of Tony as long as he didn't disturb him.

To be on the receiving end of that though? That was a scary thought. He was the doctor in the family. He was supposed to worry about them, no matter how many headaches that might cause, not the other way around.

So he laid back down.

"That's what I thought. The only acceptable reason for you to get out of bed is for the bathroom."

"Asshole."

"I love you too Mama Bear. Now let us take care of you." Tony kisses his forehead. "I'll send Peter in with some water and pills."

Stephen glares up at him. "You're going to let him hover anyway?"

Tony frowns. "He already knows you're sick. He promised not to hover."

"...fine."

After Tony left the bedroom, Stephen expected Peter to stumble in a couple minutes later.

He never did.

Tony was the one to bring him whatever he needed, and the doctor immediately knew something was wrong. It took him a few minutes to think about what happened, but then he finally remembered Peter's enhanced hearing. The boy probably heard his parents' earlier conversation and assumed Stephen didn't want to be bothered by him and decided to stay away and respect his wishes.

Just the thought squeezed the sorcerer's heart painfully.

Precious, wonderful Peter ignored his own insecurities so Mom could rest without disruption.

Tony's cellphone ringing pulls Stephen out of his own head and he watches as the older man looks at the screen. He grimaces in irritation before pocketing the phone and places a glass of water on the nightstand by Stephen.

"Pepper needs me for something SI related."

Stephen waves him away. "I'll be fine. I'll have FRIDAY annoy Bruce if I need something."

Tony opens his mouth as if to say something but seems to think better of it and closes his mouth again. Stephen relaxes against his pillow when the billionaire leaves and allows himself to doze off until a thud and a soft curse wakes him later in the evening. Blue eyes blink open at the disturbance and he immediately makes eye contact with doe-like brown eyes wide with horror.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you! I'm only in here because Dad asked me to check on you. Y-You're obviously fine so I'll...go. Yeah." Peter turns to leave and Stephen quickly reaches out and grabs his sleeve.

"Come here Spiderling."

"I swear I wasn't hovering!"

Stephen smiles softly and pulls the younger onto the bed next to him. "You can watch tv if you want...just keep me company."

The horror slowly eases away as the sorcerer pulls him into a hug, and Peter quietly turns on the tv with low volume. If this wasn't enough to show his son he wasn't bothered, he didn't know what was. He really did need the company though. After living in the chaos of the tower for months, the quiet was unnerving.

Stephen found that he really didn't mind.

#stephen strange #tony stark #peter parker #wong #ned leeds #scott lang #mama bear stephen strange #5 +1 #ironstrange #supremefamily

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dan-alexander-art · 4 years

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Personas

Man it has been a long time since I posted anything. I wanted to apologize for that, things have been hectic. Especially with University but through all that I've been doing a lot of self discovery and realized I'm not one person, but actually six (plus a train of thoughts). Most people might think it's Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID or Multiple Personality Disorder) but that's not what I have. After talking to a therapist about this she's helped me see that they're just different parts of me. I knew it wasn't DID to begin with since I didn't have blank memories. It took awhile but after trying to listen to my different parts I figured out who they are and their own stories. Most have their own tastes of music and that has helped me a lot in figuring out on who they are, what they do and what they're like. So below I their bios as well as a short story of them and how they came to be. This is right to left.

Name: Love and Memories

Nickname: Rose

Likes: Listening to Maroon 5 and songs about love. Look back at happy memories. Giving Lillies or Bonsai Trees to friends.

Bio: Love has been around a long time, he's the second longest persona that existed. When he's around he doesn't care what to wear. When he's present he likes to go back and remember both the good and bad in my life. He has a deeper understanding between a good relationship and a bad relationship. The vines represent a current relationship I have, weather it's a friendship or family relations. When the vines are mostly thorns rather than flowers it means the relationship is toxic and should be fixed. If there are more flowers than thorns then the relationship is healthy. The point where the toxicity has gotten really bad is when the rose on his right eye begins to wither. Whenever we get friends he symbolically gives said friend either a lily or Bonsai tree since these require lots of care, love and patience just like a real friendship. Love isn't too hesitant about forming new bonds but only after a certain amount of time. He's not shy but most people would assume since he doesn't speak much, but in reality he just doesn't know how to communicate well and worries it might come out wrong, misunderstood or offensive.

Name: Beast

Nickname: ---

Likes: Feeding off my insecurities and taunting me

Bio: Beast is a dangerous persona that requires me to have full control of what goes on. Beast can control the other personas. For example Beast can make Love rewind traumatic memories and leave me feeling paralyzed. He is the embodiment of negativity and he enjoys seeing me suffer. If I'm not careful he can and will slowly crawl up behind me. Starting with small whispers of insecurities then building on until he's shouting taunts at me. Shouting all my fears, my worries and my worthlessness to the point of crying.

Name: Hurt

Nickname: Wolf

Likes: Listening to Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Katy Perry and any type of strengthing music. Wearing rings and bracelets.

Bio: Hurt carries a lot of scars and wounds on him that represent emotional and mental scars and wounds I carry. He doesn't mind showing them off, he actually finds them empowering. To him it shows not only what he's been through but even through all that he's still here. Hurt isn't afraid aside from Beast. Beast is the only thing that scares him. Hurt also doesn't mind crying, it just means he's human like everyone else. When he's around he lets me cry when I need to but also reminds me that there's always a better tomorrow. That whatever is going on in my life doesn't mean the world is going to end and this experience is only going to make me stronger. Hurt's nickname comes from his ability to change into a wolf. The form represents the pride he has for being able to continue walking down this path dispite the curveballs life has thrown at us. Hurt is very wary of new people and doesn't open up on the spot. Though he's very kind and is willing to comfort people who are hurting. He always puts other people ahead of himself. The cracked eye shows that Hurt's soul is part broken, since the eyes are the windows to the soul. The cracked has a tendency to bleed every now and then and because of the cracked eye his perspective is warped. What caused the cracked eye is something Hurt doesn't want to talk about or explain.

Name: Ying & Yang

Nickname: Unity

Likes: Listening to NoCopyrightSounds (NCS) and other types of beat music. Wearing a black hoodie.

Bio: Yang has a deep understanding for human behavior and human emotions but doesn't understand his own. When he's around I just have a strong emotion of movement and color. Yang is very powerful, he can alter my reality. He helps me see different perspectives. Yang also has a different side called Ying. Yang is calm, collective and uses his ability to make my day brighter. Ying is a bit more unstable, he changes my reality in order to escape it. Ying doesn't always show up but when he does it's often from stress and a sense of lack of control. Unlike Yang, Ying doesn't see color. He only sees static black and white. This static helps calm my mind by focusing on less. Ying is also chaotic and makes me go through healthy mental breakdowns. Though Ying's mind is also disturbing compared to Yang's. Ying doesn't mind listening to twisted music and watching gorey movies.

Name: Smart Alec

Nickname: Yukio

Likes: Listening to lo-fi and reading music. Reading fiction books. Peace and quiet whenever possible.

Bio: Alec is the first persona to be around, he only focuses on school and is always planning ahead. He rarely makes me forget to do HW. Alec would often scare me into doing HW fast and early. Though it pays off. He loves reading especially the Wings of Fire series. The combination of music and reading helps keep him immersed into the world. He's often very technical and often likes to argue with science. He's all about the facts and research, he sees educating one's self is important especially with the type of world he's in this time around. He's hardworking and studying whenever it's necessary. He use to push me to my limits but is now more lenient and doesn't make me overdo it when it comes to studying. He's not really too comfortable in crowds and prefers to be with a small group or being alone. He doesn't mind a challenge, in fact he actually welcomes it. Alec doesn't see any reason for emotions and he lacks a lot of emotion himself. Although he doesn't see it as bad he does see it as a burden, especially if when I'm upset but there's a task to be done. Though he encourages me to do said task, like he always says: Once you hit rock bottom, the only way now is up.

Name: Creativity

Nickname: Twilight

Likes: Listening to Alan Walker, Zedd and any upbeat music, but mostly music in general. Drawing and painting, especially adding a new drawings to my bedroom walls. Playing videogames, mostly JRPGs. Wearing hoodies and comfortable clothes.

Bio: Creativity likes to turn Yang's vision of colors into meaning. He often translates those colors into drawings. The same goes when he listens to music. When he's around he always compeles me to draw even if it's late. He gives me a drive to continue drawing. He also looks out for my wellbeing by helping me balance between downtime and chores. Creativity is also the one who gave the other personas nicknames. He's mostly shy but that shyness doesn't stay around when he's playing competitively. He won't hesitate to pick up a controller when it comes to games such as Smash Bros. Playing games helps with the ongoing stresses in life but also helps spark new ideas. Creativity also likes to world building and create new characters for his world building. He's always positive and helps me through my hard times by drawing vent art. Creativity is a Walker fan himself, if you're curious he's Walker #37804.

Name: Lust

Nickname: Blaze

Likes: Listening to Ke$ha, Avril Lavigne, Green Day and any type of party music. Think about sex as a means to relieve anger, frustration or irritation. Wearing multiple necklaces and high tops.

Bio: Lust didn't always have free will especially early on. He was always fueled by rage, hate and anger. He often protected me by being cold and learning to fight back. He was present in my early years of starting Elementary school as a way to keep a distance from people who would try to hurt me. Though because of his lack of free will he would often make me feel angry and ready to clock anything even if it was just bothering me. The lack of freewill came from Beast. In fact Beast and Lust use to be one. With Beast fueling his anger with hurtful words. It wasn't until Ying and Yang helped them be their own person that Lust started to control his anger. Now he just likes to display himself as someone against authority when he believes something is wrong. And he uses that anger as a passion to participate in marches and protests. Though Lust hasn't completely shed influence from Beast. He possesses the ability to become a dragon. He can do this at will but not when he's angry. The angrier Lust gets the more dragon like he becomes. Only when he gets enraged does Lust become a full dragon. Lust is very protective, not just protective of me but also of my friends. He cares about other people and displays it as being protective. If anyone messes with my friends, Lust won't hesitate to get even. He's also very raw when it comes to intercourse and sees it as nothing more than human nature and not something to be ashamed about. Though he also holds consent to a high standard. If we're out he'll make sure me or someone there doesn't end up getting taken advantage of or be in a dangerous situation. Intercourse is very secrete to him and not something someone should have the ability to abuse.

#digital art #personas #charcter art #charcterdesign #persona drawing #digital illustration

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #213

"there's a voice in my head, says i'm better off dead, but if i sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, i'll be all right."

Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? No. Ice cream? No. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? Well, two heat lamps for Kaiju and Venus. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Yikes, it's been a long time... Can you name 2 books of the Bible? Uhhh Luke and Revelations? Do people usually think your brother is handsome? I don't know, I haven't lived with him since I was a kid, and he doesn't live in my state. So we don't know the same people. Have you ever crawled thru a vent? Not to my memory. Are there toothpicks in your kitchen? They're in the bathroom. How many living grandparents do you have? One. Do you eat more than 3 meals a day? No; I don't even always have three. Do you know how old your house is? I believe it was made in the '70s. Do you think you have great potential for success? Meh. Have you applied any lipstick, chapstick, gloss, etc to your lips today? No. Would you rather have tan or pale skin color? Pale. Sometimes I hate it, but I like it more overall. Especially when you're a goth at heart know what I'm sayin'. Last time you entered a high school? Probably my sister's graduation. Last time you rode a bike? It's been years, dude. Probably not since high school. Do you drink your water from the tap? You couldn't pay me to. Our water is technically clean, we've had it tested, but dead serious, the hot water smells like rotten eggs. I'm pretty sure Mom said it's something about the salt content in the pipes. But nevertheless, mind over matter would nooot work. Is there any kind of design on your socks? I'm not wearing socks. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, I'm not a fan. Do you use dryer sheets? Yes. Do you like Subway? Yeah. What was your worst mistake in your life? Letting a guy become god, the entire universe, and more to me. Is this year the best year of your life? Oh, hunny- Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? I don't think so. Did you sleep well last night? I never do. I always wake up at least once. What’s the last song you heard? "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon is on repeat. What is your favorite line from a TV show? I don't have a clue. Any current family issues? No. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? Summer and I talked for a while at my niece's b-day party a few days back. What do you think of your mother? Your father? Your siblings (if there are any)? I love them. There's one sister I don't know so can't really say anything on her, then I do have another sister who, if I can assume via Facebook interactions, can't be too fond of me. But I could be mistaken with my habit of said assuming... Who/What is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life? Who: Jason. What: my mental health. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? How isolated I am and void of purpose I feel. What is one band that you find yourself going back to again and again? You mean like, stop liking but then get back into? None, I think. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Idk. Can you see your purse right now? Yes. Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No. Are there products in your hair? No. Have you ever eaten cat food? I don't think so, though I wouldn't be surprised as a kid. How many pets do you have? Six. Do you actually like them? All but my sister's dog. I can't stand him. Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? My girlfriend. Do you wear skirts a lot? I never do. I hate my legs. Do you basically live in jeans? I have zero jeans. Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not really; if I'm not in pjs, I'm usually in dance or yoga pants. How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero. Do you like hoodies? Yeah. Big ones or the form fitting kind? Bigger ones. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think I did. Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I go back and forth, lol. But no, I have regrets. Do you love your computer? It's got a few issues, but yeah. Do friends or family come first? Family of the heart, anyway. Us sharing blood doesn't mean shit to me, honestly. What’s your lucky number? I don't believe in "lucky" numbers. Who were the last 5 people you spoke to? I'll include via technology because otherwise I have no clue. Mom, Sara, Emma, and two women interested in adopting Kaiju. Do you have the same password for everything? No. Do you get shy around the person you like? Sometimes. What color is your phone? Dark navy. Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. If you could live forever, would you? Hell no. Do you talk in your sleep? A lot. What was the last thing you regretted? Probably depression binge-eating something. Are you any good at cutting hair? Never tried. Do you like your yearbook picture this year? N/A What was the last YouTube video to make you laugh? Ummm there was something last night, but idr what. Do you like tomatoes? No. Do you have a pool? I wish. How would you describe your style? Too poor and lazy to be a goth so dresses in whatever is at the top of my drawer tbh lmao. Do you still talk to any of your exes? One. Have you ever been arrested? No. What was the last thing you watched on TV? I don't watch TV by my own volition anymore and there's not even a TV in my room, so... I really don't know. Do you have a tan? Even the Irish are ashamed of me. What was your most embarrassing moment? Who knows. I'm so easily humiliated and affected by it that I can remember times I've been even remotely embarrassed as far back as pre-k. Do you fall for people fast? No. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Are you quick to judge? Depends. Not generally. When was the last time you crawled through a window? I have zero clue. Are you scared of spiders? Most, yes. What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Have a full-blown panic attack despite that being physically impossible. Do you plan on moving within the next year? It'd be nice, but I estimate it'll be around two more years. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Hm. A few, since the parking area behind the house is decently-sized. Are you taller than your mom? No. Are you a cuddler? Yes. Sleep on your back or stomach? My stomach/upper torso kinda to the side. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I don't remember. Though I know I was mad recently. How long has it been since you had sex? Almost four years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a car wreck. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been maaaany months. What facial cleanser do you use? Biore. Do you use a blowdryer? No. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? Dogs and cats lmao. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Still rather be a woman. Favorite underwear brand? Idk. Last thing you bought at the mall? A book. Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. What if an ex asked to be back in your life? Aaron: We've never had issues, we just drifted apart. It'd be weird for him to ask that, but I mean, sure? Juan: I don't know. Probably not. Jason: I REALLY don't know. We could probably be friends at a distance. Tyler: No, I think. Girt: He's still in my life. If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now? It's charging and only tells me the minutes until it's at full charge. Last gift you received? I don't know. Lesson you recently learned? I absolutely cannot work in a busy environment. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What is a field of study that is of your interest? Zoology. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Thinking too hard on what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah. What time of day do you feel mostly at peace? Morning. How has the weather been treating you lately? It's way too fucking hot and humid. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? We've had numerous cats be hit by cars. It was always sad, but I mean, I got through it. Especially as I was just a kid and didn't quite fathom how serious death was, nor did any cats I was SUPER attached to die that way. What can you go a day without doing? Going outside. What can’t you go a day without doing? Using some form of technology. Talking to Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? No one. I'm usually alone. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? A caring heart. Have you ever eaten a zucchini? A fried one that was sliced into chips. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Dark art or fandom-related stuff. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Oreos omggggg. What fruit is too sweet to you? None, I think? How much money did your last vacation cost? I don't even remember my last vacation. Have you ever taken a physics class? Yeah. What are your thoughts on celebrity idolization and ‘fangirling/fanboying?’ Oh boy, I can't talk shit here for obvious reasons lmao. What is the messiest area in your home? I'm not sure... I haven't been in my sister's old room in forever, and I can't remember if it's empty or not. If it is empty - hell, even if it isn't -, the answer's probably the laundry room. Who was the last person you called? My mom. What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror is my favorite game genre period. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Well, Mom had mixed feelings about Juan, but so did I. She didn't not like him, though. Do you take public transportation to work? N/A. Public transport doesn't even come here. What extracurricular activities did you do when you were growing up? Soccer for one season (I hated it), softball, basketball, briefly cheerleading, and dance. Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Idk. I don't think so. Do you like chicken korma? I have no clue what that is. What was the last type of tea you drank? I never drink tea; I hate it. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? Yes. Where is the most interesting place you could go that’s within day-trip distance from your house? Stealing previous answer: Washington D.C. Do you ever rearrange your furniture? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? Lol I'm still financially dependent on them. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I am an extremely fast eater. I'm not messy or anything, I just, eat how I feel is normal? Just chew until you've done so enough to swallow. What room(s) of your house did you last vacuum? Mine. How old were you when you had your first relationship? My first "real" relationship started at 15. I had a middle school bf for just like... a month or so, but that was all puppy-dog love. Why did your last relationship end? I verified that I didn't like him romantically, and I also found I was just too guarded. In our four months of dating, I got no closer to him than I was from the start. I wasn't ready to date a guy again. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? No idea. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Do you live in a high cost-of-living area? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I fucking hate my body and I'm sure anyone else would too. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Do you follow your head or your heart? Both, I guess. It depends. How do you act under pressure? Did somebody say PANIC?!?!?!?! Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? No. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? No. It'd probably depress me. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeah, back as a kid... Are you double jointed? No. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? My first stuffed meerkat I named after Zaphod from MM. Or my moose Brownie. Do you have any trophies? Somewhere. Do you work out? No. What grade are you in? I’m not in school. Do you like screamo music? No. Let me hear words, please. If I learn the lyrics, I can /sometimes/ enjoy the song, though. What does your wallet look like? It's rectangular with a Harley Quinn design. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is weed a drug? *Technically*, by definition, yes Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on? Mom or Sara. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, that's fucking stupid. If you got pregnant right now, would you keep the baby? If I was, God forbid, raped, I don't think I could. If I had unprotected sex willingly, I truly think pregnancy would traumatize me, but I'd probably go through with it and put it up for adoption. I'd want to take responsibility for my actions. Does your family have a secret? No. Are you prejudice against any groups of people? No. If someone gave you a houseplant, would you keep it? Yeah, to be nice. That fella wouldn't live long, though. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are there any exercises that you do regularly? I'm trying to get in the habit of planking every day since it works out your whole body. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? HELL YES!!!! If you had a son right now, what would you name him? Probably Damien. Who names their son after a Markiplier character? Me. But real talk, I like the name. Do you own a desktop or a laptop? A laptop. Have you kissed more than three guys this year? I haven't kissed any guys. Who’s with you? Mom's on the couch outside my door. Can you use chopsticks? I highly doubt it, especially because I have tremors. When did you last go to an amusement park? Oh, wow. I actually think this was shortly before Jason and I broke up. So 2015. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Don't you fucking dare joke about rape, retardation, suicide, or self-harm. What would you do if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both females. We can't. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? I don't have any of my exes' numbers, so I'd answer it and say "hello?". Are any of your texts in your inbox locked? A couple from Sara. If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type? Yes; I don't look at the keyboard when I type. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Twice now. Do you currently have a scar? I have a lot. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? I mean, it depends on what I'm up for. Usually Reese's or something sour. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably a dolphin. What do you order most off the internet? Clothes. Describe the last time you were injured? So I have this awful habit of tearing my fingernails when they get long, and I peeled it way too short. Rock concert or symphony? Y'all know I'm picking rock. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Mark and Chica, and my home screen is Sara and me. Most recent movie you’ve watched at the cinema? Detective Pikachu. Name an actor/actress you’ve had the hots for? Jason Momoa. My straight side is certainly still there, friends. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Have you ever done ballet? No. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you watch Spongebob? I don't watch TV period. Do people consider you intelligent? Those in my life seem stuck on high school me, when I was really smart. I don't think I am anymore. What curse word do you use the most? "Fuck," oops. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Well yeah, I'm probably gonna BE that person one day, lmao. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? It's impossible to mispronounce my name... The only thing that sometimes happens is my name is misspelled.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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darhwolf · 6 years

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1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?dunno lol probably any of the 4 songs from Courtney Barnett that I have on my phone (Elevator Operator, Depreston, Nobody Really Cares if You Don’t go to the Party, and Debbie Downer). Dunno lol

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Well there’s a few people so... @lifecankindofsuck @annoyinglyoptimisticbread @gerards-slutty-jacket, or Markimoo

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.The moat surrounds your fortress, preventing enemies from

4: What do you think about most?Uhhh such a fucking odd queston I honestly have no clue my mind jumps around a lot

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?Imma not include group chats so... some shit from sprint about texting in the UK. I don’t get texted a lot :/

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?I prefer without but I usually wear pajamas

7: What’s your strangest talent?I can slap my thighs really fast I dunno lol

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)With the first thing that comes to my head?Girls just wanna have funBoys will be boys

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nope and it’ll probs never happen so whatever ¯\_(:/)_/¯

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?Never rip

11: Do you have any strange phobias?None that are out of the ordinary

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?A Q-Tip with vaseline

13: What’s your religion?I don’t have one

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?prbably sitting on a bench alone being lonely lol

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?The Beatles

17: What was the last lie you told?I think it was something my dad got angry at me for and then a waiter came up and I faked a smile for the waiter if you call that lying

18: Do you believe in karma?Sometimes

19: What does your URL mean?Absolutely fucking nothing lmao

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Weakness? my cripplingly low self esteem. Strength? My desire to help people

21: Who is your celebrity crush?Probably Maisie Williams. Used to be Ariana Grande cuz she’s absolutely adorable

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?No but it sounds like fun

23: How do you vent your anger?profane language lmao

24: Do you have a collection of anything?not really no. but I do have all 50 state coins

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Video chatting as long as the other person can hold the conversation

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?physically? hell fucking no. Mentally? nope. Emotionally? still no rip. But I am happy that I can help people with their problems.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate? crying. (human crying not baby crying) it makes me cry too ;-;Love? uhhhhhhh rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if I never actually find an s/o?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?I want to believe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.The wall. A rocking chair

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?Cotton (from my blanket)

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?I dunno lol

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West coast, but I’m going to the East coast for College. West cost is more progressive I believe

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?Ariana Grande I guess

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?It’s 42. I’m too lazy to give a full explanation or something like that

36: Define Art.Uhh I dunno lmao

37: Do you believe in luck?Yeah. Either Luck or RNGesus

38: What’s the weather like right now?Sunny

39: What time is it?6:33 PM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes. No

41: What was the last book you read?Pet Semetary

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?it’s OK. Too much and I hate it.

43: Do you have any nicknames?Mom, Dad, A-Dog (from my uncle)

44: What was the last film you saw?Gremlins. In theaters? A Quiet Place

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Smacking my head on a piano bench corner (3 stitches needed)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?nope

48: What’s your sexual orientation?Sexual orientation? Het. but romantic orientation is bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?Nope

50: Do you believe in magic?Hell yeah or something like that

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Nah. Unless they were especially awful

52: What is your astrological sign?Aquarius or Aries

53: Do you save money or spend it?Save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?some micro transaction

55: Love or lust?Love

56: In a relationship?I feckin wish

57: How many relationships have you had?technically, none. One was long distance puppy love, the other wasn’t a relationship

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?yes

59: Where were you yesterday?In Heathrow airport

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Eraser tops

61: Are you wearing socks right now?nope

62: What’s your favourite animal?DOGGOS

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?Wait I have a secret weapon? oooh tell me

64: Where is your best friend?I uhhhhhh @annoyinglyoptimisticbread and @lifecankindofsuck and @gerards-slutty-jacket hey where are you

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.NO SPECIFIC ORDER @annoyinglyoptimisticbread @lifecankindofsuck @gerards-slutty-jacket @umbrellas-and-raincoats @30-minute-memes

66: What is your heritage?Germany I think or something

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?Sleeping lmao

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?Phillips. I dunno some casual last name

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?Yes many times lmao. Has anybody else gotten me off? nah. never probably gonna happen either lmao

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yesssssss somebody I could actually like pull aside to talk about shit in my life

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Can I not fucking choose this kinda question is hard on me

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?I dunno

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?8119

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Trust, communication (bitches fucking love communication), and actual love between the two (or more) partners

77: How can I win your heart?I don’t know this is too difficult of a question I guess just talk to me I don’t fucking know

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?kinda maybe

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?I dunno lmao

80: What size shoes do you wear?don’t remember too lazy to check

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?I dunno leave it up to my family

82: What is your favourite word?Banana

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.love

84: What is a saying you say a lot?I dunno lmao

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Probably Elevator Operator

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?a dark blue like rain I don’t know what shade exactly it is

87: What is your current desktop picture?EEVEES!

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?Some shit named Diego. He was a dick to me all throughout middle school and never apologized once

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Do you have depression?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Sit and wait, but get ready for something to happen

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Invisibility. You can actually do a LOT of good with invisibility like if somebody tries to rob a bank, you walk in, invisible, with a gun and reveal yourself only to shoot them or something like that

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?Eating a birthday cake I guess I dunno :/

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?FUCKING EVERYTHING ABOUT MY DEPRESSION AND SHIT

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?Why music celeb?But it would be Ariana Grande

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Fuckin Japan cuz it’s so cool

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?nope

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?yeah lol

98: Ever been on a plane?many many times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?“Hey stop fucking each other over and lets focus on not fucking making the human race go extinct mmkay?”@annoyinglyoptimisticbread THANKS FOR THE ASK

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totallylesbians · 6 years

Note

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?Lately it’s been, in no particular order…-There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes -Curious by Hayley Kiyoko -Follow You by Bring Me The Horizon-Fuck You by Sleeping With Sirens (pop goes punk cover)-Perfect by Ed Sheeran -Just the Girl by The Click Five (All but Hayley are on my drag list, which is what I’ve mostly been listening to…)

2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Probably Alycia Debnam-Carey, honestly

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. Charlie bit Alex’s shoulder through her coat. “Just admit you love the…” line continues to “city in winter.” From KL Hughes’ The Art of Us

4. What do you think about most?I don’t even know, dude. My mind is so fucking random and scattered. It’s probably not good stuff if I really think about it.

5. What does your latest tattoo from someone else say?“Still”

6. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?I sleep with my boxer briefs on. That’s it though. Unless I’m on my period or sleeping with someone else or at someone else’s house.

7. What’s your strangest talent?I don’t know really. I can manipulate my voice a bit. It usually makes people laugh or be like “what the fuck?” I can bend backwards and make my feet touch my head too. So there’s that.

8. Girls…(finish the sentence); Boys…(finish the sentence). Girls…are strong and beautiful and need to realize they need someone to tell them that for it to be true. Boys…are strong and beautiful, too. Both need positivity and to be kinder to themselves and others.

9. Ever had a poem or a song written about you?No. My first girlfriend said she wrote a poem about me, but what she read me was actually what she wrote about her ex. That was kind of awkward.

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?Earlier today. So like…3-4ish hours ago

11. Do you have any strange phobias?Not that I know of

12. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?Not that that I can recall. Maybe chopsticks or a pencil when I was a kid but that’s about it. And I’m not even sure I did that.

13. What’s your religion?I don’t have one

14. If you’re outside what are you most likely doing? Walking. Or going for a run, if it’s nice out.

15. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?Behind it. Definitely.

16. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?I’m going to have to go with Pvris. They saved my life. Other bands have too. But I have to say them.

17. What was the last lie you told?Probably “I’m okay.”

18. Do you believe in karma?Something like that, yes. For sure.

19. What does your URL mean?Essentially, that is blog is gay as fuck and contains anything lesbian related.

20. What’s your greatest weakness? Greatest strength?Weakness: stubbornness Strength: loyalty

21. Who is your celebrity crush?I have so many dude. Ryan Ashley, Eliza Taylor, Alycia Debnam-Carey, Kristen Stewart, Anna Kendrick, etc

22. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?Not that I know of

23. How do you vent your anger?Usually through violence and aggression. I yell. I scream. I throw things. I hit things. It’s the only thing that truly helps me. I can write and draw but it doesn’t help much at all.

24. Do you have a collection of anything? Movies. That’s the only thing that comes to mind.

25. Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither honestly. But if I had to choose…maybe talking on the phone.

26. Are you happy with the person you’ve become?No. But I hope to be someday.

27. What’s a sound you hate? Sound you love?Hate: high pitches like nails on a chalkboard and similar sounds Love: the sound of rain

28. What’s your biggest “what if?”What if I had been there when he died? What if I had gotten to say goodbye to him? Would I still be mourning him the way I do? Would it have made a difference in how/who I am now? I’ll never know. And it kills me.

29. Do you believe in ghosts? What about aliens?Yes to both. I’m not sure I’d call either of them that. But I definitely believe in both. I’ve had experiences that I can’t explain. And I find it hard to believe that out of the entire universe, we are on the only planet that has life.

30. Stick out your right arm, what’s the first thing you touch? Do the same to your left. Right: the arm of the couch. Left: the folded body pillow that we keep on the couch

31. Smell the air. What do you smell?The candle during. Lilacs.

32. What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?The only place that comes to mind immediately was my ex’s mom’s house.

33. Choose: east coast or west coast?I’ve only ever been on the west coast

34. Most attractive singer of the opposite gender?I’m not sure exactly. But my favorite male singer would have to be M. Shadows from Avenged Sevenfold. I love his voice. He’s got nice tattoos and a great smile.

35. To you, what’s the meaning of life?I’m not sure I’ve found it yet

36. Define art. I don’t think I can. Art is subjective. Describing it depends on the piece. It depends on the person viewing the piece. I believe art is meant to make someone feel something though. It’s meant to express what the artist feels in some way. Whether it’s pain or beauty and anything and all in between.

37. Do you believe in luck?Something like that

38. What’s the weather like right now?Calm. Somewhat cloudy skies. Maybe a slight breeze.

39. What time is it?Currently, as I reach this question, 12:08am

40. Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Not legally, yet. But I have crashed. Just about everything I’ve ever rode/driven. At least once.

41. What was the last book you read?Published book: The Art of Us by KL Hughes

42. Do you like the smell of gasoline?Not really

43. Do you have any nicknames?Spiffy is my most popular one. A few call me Midget. And family members call me one too, but I’m not saying that one.

44. What was the last film you saw?I’m currently watching Salt. But the last one I watched through and through was The House

45. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Probably whatever happened to my wrist. Considering it still hurts over a year later

46. Have you ever caught a butterfly?No. But I remember raising one from a caterpillar in elementary school and releasing them as butterflies.

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?Not that I know of

48. What’s your sexuality?Gay/lesbian

49. Ever had a rumor spread about you?I’ve had quite a few spread about me. I think the ones that effected my life at the time the most was that I was pregnant or that I was trans.

50. Do you believe in magic?I’m not sure

51. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yes. Absolutely.

52. What’s your astrological sign?Taurus

53. Do you save money or spend it?A bit of both, but more so save it. I spend it on necessities for the most part and save the rest.

54. What’s the last thing you purchased?A smoothie, a lemonade, two bags of chips, and two boxes of donuts.

55. Love or lust?I’d rather have love

56. In a relationship?No

57. How many relationships have you had?4, technically. One only lasted like two weeks and was long distance so I don’t count it. One with a boy, 3 with girls.

58. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?Nope

59. Where were you yesterday?I know it’s technically past midnight but I haven’t slept yet so I’m going to say that it’s from the 9th. And I was at work.

60. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Yes. My stuffed dog I’ve had for as long as I can remember

61. Are you wearing socks right now?No

62. What’s your favorite animal?Probably otters

63. What’s is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?I don’t know. I don’t think I have one. I don’t care if people like me or not.

64. Where is your best friend?Probably in bed at home. I don’t know.

65. Give me your top 5 blogs on tumblr.Some that come to mind are @eatmeoutnowbabe@ericajonorris@perksofbeingalesbian@yourgaydarisonpoint@youknow-me-not-my-story

66. What is your heritage?I’m Native American

67. What were you doing last night at 12am?Laying in bed

68. What do you think is Satan’s last name?Probably something cheesy and harmless sounding

69. Be honest. Have you ever gotten yourself off?Never

70. Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?Kind of. To an extent

71. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?Save the dog. Fuck my boss. I can find a different job. That said, my actual boss, wouldn’t do that to me

72. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. A) do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? B) what do you do with your remaining days? C) would you be afraid?A. Maybe a few people, but not everyoneB. Live my life to the fullest that I canC. I don’t think so

73. You can only have one of these things: trust or love?I think this is a trick question. I think they go hand in hand a bit. But I choose trust over love.

74. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Not sure really. Maybe Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks. It reminds me of some good times in my childhood

75. What are the last 4 digits of your cell phone number?7260

76. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Open communication. Trust. Honesty.

77. How can I win your heart?Can’t win what I don’t have

78. Can insanity bring more creativity?Maybe to an extent

79. What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Getting Dexter

80. What size shoes do you wear?Depends on the brand and style. But anywhere from 5-7

81. What do you want to be written on your tombstone?“I’m not easy to kill…fuck”

82. What is your favorite word?Fuck

83. Give me the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the word; heart?Less

84. What is a saying you say a lot?“It is what it is”

85. What’s the last song you listened to?Follow Me by Uncle Kracker

86. Basic question: what is your favorite color/colors?Black

87. What is your current desktop picture?I’ll reblog a picture of it. I posted it before

88. If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?My mom’s ex-boyfriend’s son

89. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?I’m not sure, honestly

90. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find out you are surrounded by mummies. The mummies aren’t doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Tell them to fuck off. Or kill them. Depends I guess

91. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with a superpower of your choice. What is that power?Transfiguration/shapeshifting

92. You can relive any point of time in your life. The timespan can only be a half hour, though. What half hour of your life would you like to experience again?Any time I had with my best friend before he died. I don’t care if it’s us playing. Or sleeping. I just want one more moment with him

93. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Nothing. My past has made me who I am. I am a product of all that I have been through. I may not like myself, but this is who I am. If something hadn’t happened, I may not be the me I am now. It’s up to me to change and become the person I want to be with everything that’s happened.

94. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice. Who will it be?Probably Lynn Gunn. Maybe Lauren Jauregui

95. You just got a free plane ticket to go anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you going to go?I don’t know specifics. Somewhere where no one knows my name or my story. Somewhere where I’m free to be whoever I want to be 96. Do you have any relatives in jail?Probably. I think my cousin is in prison. Looking at like 25 years I think.

97. Have you ever thrown up in a car?Not that I remember. But I heard that I did when I was black out drunk a few years back

98. Ever been on a plane?Yes. Quite a few times. But only for visits to two places.

99. Answered

#anon #ask me

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shadottie · 7 years

Text

Hey my dudes, take care of yourself. Talk to someone, write in a journal, vent on the internet, just do something for yourself.

Anxiety and Depression(tm) are shitters, don’t let them stop you from reaching help or some clarity.

I find myself wanting to vent a lot, and in hand, I want to find a way to battle what warrants that venting-- for not myself, but to help others. For the hundreds of people are following me, if it would mean something to read a post that another is struggling and there is a way out-- that there is a way to help yourself.

There is. There always is.

There’s that part of me that’s like, “I don’t want to be a bother” “My problems are valid compared to someone else’s” “I don’t deserve to have these feelings compared to what others go through”

It’s a difficult thing to deal with. You want to convince yourself that you’re worth it, that you can depend on somebody, but at the same time, you don’t want to worry them unnecessarily. Going to another might look like you’re betraying the trust of another. Venting to the vast space of the internet than any one person in particular may look negligent too. Sometimes? Sometimes you just want to scream into the abyss. If someone reaches back, great.

I’m kind of there right now. I’m going to do it than let guilt deter me.

I’m stressed out. I know I am. I had such a stupid panic attack today, yesterday, the day before that. It’s been consistent sensations like I’m on the verge of like blanking out, when I can feel that flight or fight response kicking in. It’s a little similar to when I get too emotional over situations, and a sudden flip of the switch has me apathetic. Those weird sensations are always tied to stress or an anxiousness. I’m otherwise fine when I get up and do something else like clean or take a walk. There’s nothing wrong with me.

What could it possibly be? Who knows. Anxiety tells me it’s gotta be something. I should check the internet right? Consult for the millions of possibilities of how I might be dying right now in this very moment, when I’ve “”””Survived”””” a couple of other instances that aren’t at all consistent besides when I’m stressing out. I don’t do that webmd shit anymore.

My brain just does this dumb shit where I have a lot going on for me, instead of stressing about that, something starts hurting on my body. I start to feel dizzy. I suddenly lose focus and blank sometimes, or can’t finish my thoughts. Clearly, I’m fucking dying in this very moment. Like, no? No.

I haven’t been taking care of myself either. No wonder I feel like shit. dumbfuck, I’m. eating for the first time at 3:30 in the afternoon and have had like... coffee and a couple cups of water. You’ve been up since 9. Coffee is dehydrating but also pumps your heart rate. Like??? no shit.

Today, I was panicking so hard for the sensation I was feeling, I left the apartment to go for a walk and that fatigue came back instead of rationalize myself and talk it out with Cory. This was before I ate something, mind you, and not drinking as much as I should for water. Like. Duh. But no, Anxiety’s like ‘see, something’s wrong. You can’t run from it. You have something in your brain that’s killing you’

And you know what? Technically, I do. It’s this anxiety and depression bullshit that I’m going to kick the ever living shit out of so I can have a normal life, so I can lead a healthier and happy life with Cory too.

Why do I do this? Why does my brain do this? Why can’t I just apply that stress and anxiety to worrying about a deadline, or if I’m going to get this done by a certain day? Or... ya know, whatever’s bothering me that has nothing to do with my body’s malfunctions. I’ve survived this shit plenty. It started at a tender age of like...preteens, give or take.

Despite everything, my little 4-H club elected me to be their leader. I’ve always been a follower. I’ve never had anyone depend on me. Then this, this happened. Something I was scared to do, being such a wallflower at the time (and I still am, letsberealBUT...). It’s.. silly to think back on now, to think how far I’ve come as a person since then. At the time, I thought my heart was going to stop while I slept. There were nights I convinced myself that my kidney was going to explode, or an organ was giving out. I’d keep a hand to my pulse as if a 12-year-old would have any way to discern a weird heartbeat. My parents would sit with me until I was on the verge of passing out. We’d talk from time to time. I started listening to soundtracks to help put me to sleep. They’d help me think up stories for what was going on depending on a track. They took me to the hospital once when I had an especially bad attack. The doctor asked me if I wanted to take medicine. I wanted to try to fix it myself. (And, honestly, the thought of taking medicine for this scared me and I thought I’d be weaker for it at the time. That’s not the case. Everyone’s different, and as long as that medicine is used how it should be, to help and heal, so you can be your own person again on your own one day.)

I kept listening to tunes. I kept thinking up stories to help me forget, to help me sleep at night. I kept falling asleep midway through a journal entry about how hard I crushed on a boy, or some event at school, or writing my own silly Zelda fanfics, or whatever. It worked. I got over it in time.

This won’t be any different. What I wouldn’t give if those were the feelings I was having now instead. I know that song and dance. I could handle it. But, I’m growing. The body gets older, things are changing all the time. There isn’t any possibility of me actually being hurt, I just need to take care of myself. I’m fixing my sleep schedule, eating healthier when I do eat. I need to eat more. I am getting into better habits about water, drinking it with Miyo or whatever if I’m bored with just drinking water.

I’m stressed.

I’m scared.

I hit lows where I don’t care about eating. I don’t care about ...well, taking care of myself. I’d lie like a lump on the floor all day if my burning will to kick ass didn’t have me obsessing with work after a couple minutes of lying there. It’s... so ridiculously stupid, and I hate that I do that to myself. I’m trying to be better.

I’m building momentum with my career. Things are going well. Something’s going to go wrong, isn’t it? i’m going to be punished for spending that occasional $10 for a book of Nichijou for Cory; or buying lunch out, aren’t I?

What a fucking stupid mindset. I’m just going to keep going forward anyway.

There has been good. Streaming and doing more with Cory-- watching shows like Nichijou and Jojo with him too. Finding inspiration again. A lot.

I have something I’m so excited to share with you guys in December. On another note, I get to work with someone I looked up to and made a friend with, in the FFXIV community. I braved talking to another because I had something to share, who responded rather nicely to me! I’m apart of a weekly static now for FFXIV too, playing PLD, and it’s stressful but I’m trying to have fun. I need to work on a better layout though. Artist hands get crampy with the buttonpressing during stressful moments.

Despite a rather abysmal 2017 con season for us, we made the most with what we had, and actually did much better than our 2016 run through those specific cons. I’ve been doing well off with my work load that I can treat myself and I can treat Cory more. I’m so grateful for the opportunities I’ve had with Patreon and Twitch Affiliate status. Those along with work are helping with bills, living expenses, and making a sane cushion for ourselves again. We’re not living paycheck to paycheck really anymore. Next year will be a great year for conventions, getting out more, getting out of this little apartment more. I hate that winter’s already here. I miss green.

I’ve had a lot of horribly raw feelings lately. Upset about this, super duper depressed about that, and just a whole mix of chemicals that I normally don’t exercise in feelings. I feel like a rotten human being with how aloof I can be. I need to work on having a relationship with the love of my life, balancing that with work and personal time.

I worry if I’m annoying when people don’t respond to me and I keep poking despite that worry to show care. Anxiety whispers that I’m just being a pest. D&D has been fun, but I’ve been worrying a lot about that too. Something happens one way or another where I can’t always be focused, or I’m a depressed mess before hand, and-- I stress out too much that my quiet or involvement is annoying in some way or another. I’m trying harder to jump into things. I always have fun anyway when things kick off.

I’m scared for a friend making a visit to meet some people over this weekend. He’s supposed to be home today, I haven’t heard from him. I’m trying not to worry still.

I think about my parents a lot and my brother. I reflect on my life and where I’ve gone, and how it’s already been 10 years since I graduated high school, five since I walked away with a Bachelor’s. I think about how certain people aren’t here anymore, and that isn’t going to change. Life is precious, and honesty is a gift. I’ve been more headstrong about expressing my thoughts and feelings. More often than not, I just see assumptions causing a mess. I’ve caused a mess and many that way.

I have a lot on my mind than I realize, and when these anxiety attacks hit, I don’t know what to hold onto for what’s causing the problem. All of it’s there, and now most of it’s here in a post. There may be more. I’m honestly going to probably try to be a little more active as a person in tandem with being an entertainer. Honestly, I have days where I stress out about not posting art, and feel guilty about that too.

I was doing so well there, and now I’m literally running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I’ll get over it. I always do. There’s far more important things to focus on, to enjoy, to experience, than this fear.

if you made it this far, thanks. it really means a lot. I hit a point where I don’t know what else to wordpuke, but that gross feeling of mine is gone and I have clarity again.

Have a good night.

#not a lot of pretty stuff in here #I don't even know what to tag other than don't rebagel #thanks #rereading it-- my mind is all over the goddamn place #i'm sorry #I'll be fine

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punkcherries · 6 years

Text

get ready to rrrrrumble

jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh puts it in a read more also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍

Right, so I’ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.

sounds like fun whoever u are

You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).

the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew

The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s “thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.

language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)

SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.

i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours

Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?

dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess

Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.

HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude

Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.

i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude

Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.

youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!

Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.

me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu

While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).

i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.

Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.

literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him

Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.

okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know

In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.

i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.

Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.

yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c

#shut up sombre #drama /#heres to hoping this is the last thing i get abt this bc this is jus really dumb and im tryna move on over here #ask to tag /#submission

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manabingu · 7 years

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When I was recording New Divide earlier on the smule karaoke app, my mom came in with a bowl of pineapple and she made me some tea. She said she came in and wanted to give me something for my throat cuz she felt bad that I didn’t have a water bottle with me. But when I saw her eyes, it was the look of parental concern & her eyes looked kind of misty too.So I dunno if she was lying and came to check up on me because I probably sounded like I was in pain, which I am. I’m using singing as an emotional outlet so I don’t do something dumb. I just took some anxiety medicine too so I can feel reassured.

I dunno how loud I was singing, I honestly can’t feel anything right now tbh, I’m in a somewhat frozen state I get when my brain shuts down a little.

But something I discovered thanks to joining YouTube Idol it’s that one strength I have as a singer is emotional delivery, I may not have been the most technical vocalist, but the reason I won over the others was because I made the judges feel something. Ceonn told me its the one thing he wishes he could master, and I look up to Ceonn, he’s one of the most talented friends I have, I grew to accept that strength of mine but I’m also digging deep to understand why I CAN deliver strong emotional deliveries. And this whole Chester news happened, I feel like Chester’s entire career was talking about the feelings that maybe a lot of us want to express but are too afraid to, or just don’t wanna show in public to “save face” or something like that. But the thing is, honestly we don’t take this stuff seriously enough. That man clearly was pouring out his own soul into the music. And THAT’S why his music resonated with people, because there are so many people including myself who can relate to the lyrics and the vocals that are soul shaking. Chester went through all these dark feelings, and anytime he saw a fan or friend struggling with it, he would talk to them till they felt better. And that’s something I try to do as well whenever I see anyone feeling remotely sad, I don’t want ANYONE to feel this horrible thing, I try to cheer up people when I can. I’ve been looking up vids all day to remember Chester and I feel SO bad such a kind, humble artist like that was feeling the way he did. I wish I had tweeted to him thanking him for being a big influence on me. I feel guilty for not speaking up and letting him know. But I can’t do anything now.

I’ve been growing more and more depressed/suicidal as the years go by. It kinda gets worse as each day passes & anytime something like this happens to a person I look up to, it makes me revert back to square one after so many months of progress. I don’t speak up but there are days when I still remember deaths of people I cared about like...just randomly outta nowhere. And it makes me feel numb inside or like an impending doom kinda feeling. I recently went to go see a family friend with my mom & sis so I can have medication (organic though cuz I hate chemical stuff) to help my metabolic imbalances cuz I apparently have some. I swore I would never do that because ( in all honesty I didn’t wanna become dependent on medicine to feel better. And half of me honestly doesn’t care anymore what happens to me, I am convinced it wouldn’t make a huge difference if I just evaporate or something. I dunno, I’m jut goin through the motions at this point). It takes a LOT of energy for me to feel genuine emotions anymore. But honestly things that make me happy is music, well-written shows/acting, abridging & drawing. My creative outlets are what keep me alive & help me HAVE a will to live nowadays.

But like...Linkin Park was probably one of the first rock bands I ever listened to, and it was that band that me and my friends would bond over a lot. I texted Crystal today and she was just as devastated as I was, I am gonna go see her next week. Because I can tell we just need to be in each other’s company, to watch each other’s back... she admitted she’s been feeling down too. I proly told a few people but you know how some people feel better after listening to soft, relaxing music? Well...for me screamo, metal, and hard rock (as aggressive and loud as it may sound) is what I find makes ME feel better, it’s like a catharsis of emotion. I remember in middle school I kinda started to see the harsh reality of the world. And then, I found myself starting to develop a love for rock music. I didn’t know why I wanted to wear black & enjoyed that whole rock scene (most hispanic people back then that I knew always made me feel bad for not liking hispanic music/customs enough, I dunno? So I felt like an outcast growing up?) But I remember my older sibling said “if you turn emo or dress in those fashions that they’d become a problem student”. And I of course didn’t want that, so I hid my inner musical tastes from them, but I hate the feeling of being restricted. I enjoy freedom of expression through music & art and fashion. But I wasn’t allowed to do that, I had to be prim and proper and act like a lady (I hadn’t yet realized I was genderfluid/ demisexual so that’s another reason why I probably felt socially awkward) . I CAN do that now, but I know I am still silently judged about it. When I sing or record sometimes, I go to apologize afterwards (if I wasn’t home alone. I usually TRY to record when I’m home alone so I don’t have to hold back & be more loose) because that’s just how I grew up. Being self conscious all the time and apologetic of who I feel I really am on the inside. And sure, whatever people keep constantly making fun of this stereotype about “emo kids” and the way the dress or sing or things they like. But honestly we shouldn’t do that.

I think that we need to tell people that it’s ok to express themselves however they want. And IF they like something that seems “unconventional” for their race/gender/other dumb labels, that they don’t gotta be shunned for it. Let people just be themselves man. And if we just give people more love and understanding, they will grow up with healthier self esteems.But yeah. I just, I’m probably just really groggy from crying, singing till my throat stings & just having these heavy emotions all day. I am sending everyone who needs a hug a HUGE hug. And I honestly want you to have a good/day/week/year. You are important and lovely and I care if you’re happy. I’m sorry for rambling tonight But I needed to just vent a bit.

#Mana Blabz #I am gonna try to get back to being productive tomorrow. I didnt get much done today #Time was just frozen still for me. I need hugs but I sometimes become a hermit sometimes Im sorry #Anyhow I hope you all are ok and Im wishing good vibes your way. Sorry again for rambling

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theparaminds · 5 years

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It’s not as though much in Wes Park’s current state makes endless sense to him. He isn’t always sure who he’s supposed to be, what he’s supposed to do or where he’s supposed to go. Yet, through it all, he has found the constant guiding force of creativity. No matter the day, no matter the insecurities, his art is his greatest friend.

He makes art not for glory, opting instead to do so for the health of his heart, for happiness to constantly be within his existence. Every sunrise can be a misguided mess, a day without a pathway for Wes, but, he knows his music will overturn that. He knows his creations will bring him peace. He knows, through all the confusion, that his creativity will guide him to a new plateau, one previously desired, yet never grasped as of the present.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been?

Today was tough. I have midterms this week and I’m starting to get really busy with school, but otherwise, I’m doing pretty well. Could be a lot worse.

Have you been enjoying school and all it entails? Have you found the new city to be enjoyable?

It was really odd adjusting to school away from home at first. I think i got the hang of things and the general rhythm of campus life pretty quickly, but the midwest is way different from so-cal, so it’s a big change. Definitely enjoyable though. It’s nice to see snow in the winter.

To start, how did you find your original location to be influential to your introduction into music and becoming a musician as a whole?

My friends back at home were the biggest influences to me doing music in the first place. I think as early as like 8th grade we’d share cool bands we found. My bud Rohit, he goes by the moniker Dark Tape right now, really got me into a lot of the music I listen to today, so I can only thank him for that. In high school, I met Harrison (Harry Teardrop) and we started a band together called Sundive. He was a huge inspiration and that’s about when I really got serious into writing and producing music. It was kind of like back and forth, sharing each other’s demos and figuring out cool riffs, and from then it was almost like a persistent goal to just get my stuff out there for people to listen to. Also, my childhood friend Tony always backed me up on guitar, so I could always count on him. I haven’t found anyone like these awesome people back in Irvine.

But when was it that you realized music was a legitimate path and calling for you? Was there a moment or spark that you realized you had to pursue this as more than a hobby?

Just watching my favorite musicians travel and get paid to do what they love was always an attractive idea for a future in music. Even still hearing feedback from people about how they can connect to my music is a really motivating and rewarding aspect that keeps me going. I definitely had an aha moment when I met Harry in high school since he really stepped up the production quality game and kind of externally motivated me to get my music online. I think since then when I was 16, I always wanted to be like a rockstar or pop star or something sweet like that. Music is still technically a hobby to me, but I probably spend more time working on music than on studying and doing homework.

As a whole with your music, what is the largest goal and vision? What is it you’re working towards and hoping to build?

My biggest goal is probably to get a large enough following to travel to interesting places and play music for people. Honestly, the dream is to tour with my old bandmates as our own separate projects. Right now I’m just trying to get better at writing/producing cause I want to put out songs that I’m really proud of. The goal is still in the back of my mind always, but I’m just trying to get into a chill habit of working when I feel like working or when I’m inspired to. Not burn me out and get discouraged or tired of making music.

To shift gears a little, where do you find your current artistic inspirations stemming from? What artists, events or ideas have inspired your new pathways?

Currently, I’ve been REALLY into that new Kero Kero Bonito album ‘Time n’ Place’. It really opened my eyes to experimental noise and power pop sounds that I’m trying to incorporate into some of my new tracks. My roommate also got me really into Japanese City Pop. I love how catchy the synth melodies are and I started playing around more with synths. And generally, I have a playlist of current jams that I listen to for inspiration (Mitski, Beach Fossils, Homeshake, etc.) Oh yeah and also my friend Deaton Chris Anthony’s live performances are super inspiring. Like HELLA inspiring.

Those are amazing people to pull from. What would you say of all time is your favourite album and artists and how did they truly affect you?

My all-time favorite album is probably Ella Fitzgerald sings the Cole Porter Songbook. I used to spin it every night in high school before going to bed, and I learned a lot about cool chord progressions and variations from the instrumentation. I also always loved how genuinely sweet and romantic the lyrics are in vocal jazz, which kind of inspired me to experiment with that. I think also Beach Fossils was really influential when it came to guitar music, especially their album Clash the Truth. Their entire discography is great, but the drum parts, driving basslines, and perfect guitar tones are especially dope on that album. I think for like 2 years I was trying to emulate the sound of Clash the Truth in some way.

It seems like you have great care and love for instrumentation, is that something you focus and put special effort within your sound? Or are you more in the base of caring for lyricism and aesthetic.

Definitely. I think I prioritize instrumentation and how well different parts play with each other a lot more than just going for an aesthetic since it’s really satisfying hearing very singular parts come together into something totally new and full. And I think the aesthetic aspect really comes naturally once its all orchestrated, so it was never something I had a primary aim for when writing. I do focus on lyricism a lot, but I still think I'm really lousy at poetry and writing lyrics. I’m trying to practice more and be more honest with myself, so we’ll see where that takes me. But for the instrumentation, do you ever hear like one small part of a song and it makes you shiver? Like all you want to do is repeat that one section over and over and over because it’s so perfect? That’s what I’m trying to do.

Absolutely, those moments are so beautiful, is there one you think of a lot when you talk about those moments?

YES. In one of Deaton’s old songs, Nylon Heart, the ending is awesome. It's just like FM piano and sparkly chimes and cymbal swells while he's saying “I’ve fallen in love, I can't get up” and then it ends on this very pretty chord on the keys.

That song is so good. With specifics to lyricism, where do you draw inspiration for that side of your music and how do you approach lyricism as a whole?

Believe or not, I used to never write lyrics down. I used to freestyle and just use the 3rd or 4th take, like on Washington Square Park and Midnight Low, I literally made those lyrics on the spot. Now I tend to just write about what's on my mind in a journal, then organize them into coherent lyrics for songs. A lot of the time I feel like it's essentially me venting. But again, I gather most of my lyrical inspiration from vocal jazz since it's so romantic and kind of gooey. Like there’s this one Ella Fitzgerald line on the Errol Garner song Misty that always stuck with me, “walk my way and a thousand violins begin to play.” stuff like that where it's very real but also dreamy, imaginative, almost like watching an old movie.

Would you say that’s what you’re trying to do with your new music? Create a film style quality? Or is there a different motive and purpose to the new sounds and avenues?

Yeah, I guess. My music is pretty much a soundtrack to my life at this point, but I’m still very much willing and open to experiment with new sounds. I don’t know, it’s kind of up in the air where I could go next. I don’t really have a definite motive, but I guess subconsciously I’ve been slowly shaping a narrative of my life and the people around me through the songs I’ve been putting out.

Do you have any work set in stone to come out though? And if so, how does it differ from past works?

I have nothing set in stone, but I’m trying to conjure up enough good work for an EP soon. I have a couple tracks finished and I’m pretty happy with the direction I’ve been taking, I just don’t feel like I have enough just yet. For the new stuff, expect a lot of noise and distortion and a lot more synth. It’ll be a big departure from my slower repertoire from past years, but I think it still sounds very much like me.

What fears or anxieties have you found existent while in this next stage of your work and career? What is it you’re unsure or nervous or questioning still?

I’ve always feared that my work wouldn't amount to anything big, and the potential of kind of flopping and falling out has always been a HUGE anxiety of mine. Like watching my friends around me blow up and get noticed is super inspiring, but I kinda feel like I’m missing out, you know? That’s kind of on me since I’ve been severely slacking though. But I think that I shouldn’t really worry about things and just let whatever happens play out. I’m really unsure about how people will react to my new music, but I’m definitely not afraid to do new things since I’m having so much fun and satisfaction on my own just music as it is.

Is there, through this new mindset and ignited creativity, a message or ideal that above all you hope resonates with listeners of your work?

Yeah, I really want everyone to express themselves! To find something, anything, they can use to express themselves and share it with the world. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, there are a ton of people out there who share your anxieties and fears. That’s what I’ve learned myself and it's been amazing. If there's anything you could take from my music, it's probably that.

If money were no object, where would be one location you would play a live show at?

I would kill to go to New York and play a show with a bunch of friends. If money and logistics were completely out of question, then I would want to go to Korea and play a show so my parents can come watch!

That’s so sick, do you find your Korean heritage to be something you draw from? Or is it something you hope to pull closer to with time?

I really want to create a really strong tie between my music and Korean heritage. I think the connection is really lacking currently, which is a bit disappointing since I identify myself so closely with that cultural background. I was raised in a pretty ‘korean’ household, so I’m really familiar with like all the foods, slang, cultural norms and stereotypes. The catch is I’m god awful at speaking Korean, and it’s kind of embarrassing being a phony. But I’m working on it! I definitely want to experiment with Korean lyrics in future songs once I overcome my embarrassment.

Honestly as longs you're trying to get closer to it, it matters. To go back to live shows, what are some of the performances you’ve seen in your life that have had a significant impact on you and your work?

Saw Wavves in 2015 with Rohit. From then on always aimed to have a super fun and hype shows. I also think I said before that Deaton’s live sets are really inspiring. I can’t really say much about his live set, it’s hard to explain and it wouldn’t do justice to how good it is. I saw Homeshake too I think last year around May or something. They play very tight live and Peter uses his sampler creatively live. I’m trying to find a sweet spot somewhere in between really outrageous and really tight and clean.

If you could recommend one film to everyone reading this currently, what would you tell them to watch and for what reason?

I guess not a movie per se, but I’ve been watching Cowboy Bebop lately. you should watch it, it’s really fun and has great aesthetics.

Always meant to get into it, always been a Dragon Ball guy at heart. To wrap up, do you have anyone or anything to shoutout or promote? The floor is yours!

Shout out to my band Sundive, the boys Harry Teardrop, Tony, Dark Tape. Shoutout to my buddy Deaton! New album dropping soon. And listen to my song Holding flowers it came out in February, but it’s the latest single as of this interview. Hopefully, I get around to finishing up an EP. Thanks so much for the interview, oh and let's give a quick shoutout to Christina Applegate.

Follow Wes on Twitter and Instagram

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

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kwamiwayzz · 7 years

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Why I Left...Then Eventually Came Back (Vent)

Geez...I don’t know how I came to this, but I wanted to vent this out after looking at the last thing I posted before I abandoned took a long-ish hiatus from this Tumblr.

It’s gonna be kinda long since it’s gonna go over a bit of history on the way I felt towards shipping Elsanna back when I was still deep in the fandom and why this account was made...

Warning: A lot of personal baggage under the cut [and I guess you could put mentions of suicidal contemplation]

A bit of background on how I even got around to shipping these two in the first place. I’m not the kind of person to ship things so easily; it may come from the fact that I’m partially asexual/aromantic, who knows? I’ve had smaller ships on the side throughout high school and part of college like KiGo, FlutterDash, Korrasami, and Pearlmethyst (and I guess Bubbline sorta counts?) but the only major ships I’ve ever had in the past were Negitoro (MikuxLuka - Vocaloid), YumiKuri (YmirxChrista - Attack on Titan), and eventually Elsanna (ElsaxAnna - Frozen 2013).

In my junior year of high school I had this huge crush on a friend who I thought I could trust with my feelings despite knowing they could never be reciprocated. She said it was fine at first but not long after she kind of turned around and said she was uncomfortable around me and didn’t want to be seen with me. I was really confused as to why she wasn’t honest in the beginning, but as a young teenager who was still getting used to the feeling of constant rejection it didn’t sit well with me and I panicked a lot because I got really scared of losing a friend also. She wanted to distance herself from me which I reluctantly agreed with, the went on a horrible breakdown that nearly led me to wanting to commit suicide. Holy shit...and this happened when the school year was starting also.

I went along my days hoping the year would end. I was honestly so dead on the inside and didn’t think anything would help me get out of that even though my friends were there trying to cheer me up. I came across Frozen and after seeing the way the sisters interacted I don’t know...I guess it came from what I wanted in a relationship; not necessarily romantic, I just happened to ship it in a romantic way also. So, naturally I gravitated towards that and it distracted me and helped me get out of a 2-month long depression. And it really made me happy...for awhile.

Fast-forward, I came across some buddies on what’s now known (and possibly now-dead) as the ECC, the ElsannaCollabCorner, out of enthusiasm for wanting write and collaborate with other people in this ship. It was pretty fun, I met awesome people like canitellusmthin, not-rotting, the-wandering-quill, and many others, despite not contributing as much as I would have liked (I was still iffy on my writing skills for that particular ship so it was difficult for me to actually put something out there).

I ended up making this account, and to be honest, I also may have lied a bit to some people on the ECC when I mentioned this account is my first experience on Tumblr. It’s not. Previously, I had another account which I’ve long abandoned due to it being associated with so much negativity directed towards Frozen/Elsanna. And I thought making this account would be a fresh start being involved in the fandom.

There was a particular issue that I noted to myself time and time again that explains why I kept disappearing, then reappearing again and it mainly came from me trying to distance myself from the ship and the Frozen fandom in general because of how unhealthily attached I got to it. As much as I loved this pairing (and still do to a certain extent) I hated the way I got super stressed out over not being able to find new content or finding out other people who I’ve followed who shipped it, have lost interest/left the fandom. The biggest blow, I remember, was when one of my favorite EA artists, Patronustrip, had packed her bags and left the fandom completely due to her issues with the fandom itself, issues with the movie franchise, and slow disinterest in the pairing. To me, she was a bit like the Frozenmusings of the EA fandom, so having to see her leave on a bit of a bad note was really depressing, especially since I still wasn’t over what happened to me in junior year.

It was pathetic and horrible and the ship that was once seen as something I took comfort in to get away from heartbreak back in high school, from both rejection of that person and losing them as a friend afterwards, ended up turning into the equivalent of me being trapped in a ridiculously unhealthy, maybe abusive, relationship. That was how I spent most of my college freshman days and in the end I knew that I had to get away from it.

Even after my messed up attachment to this pairing started to dwindle significantly, it didn’t feel right coming back to an account that mostly revolved around Frozen/Elsanna. And seeing nothing but that on my dash...I don’t know...stressed me out in a way? In the end, EA stuff just feels like a bit of a chore and it might be due to the fact that I’m so overexposed to it or that I’ve been spoiled enough by it that it doesn’t really feel like EA anymore.

That’s why after I recently started shipping Saber/Irisviel, it really put things into perspective how spoiled I was being in a popular ship like Elsanna. A large fandom can sometimes attract not the greatest people and those people end up making the ship itself look bad. Lord knows how many times I’ve dealt with seeing bullshit Kristanna vs. Elsanna or Helsa vs. Elsanna bitch fights that went on when I was still in the fandom. Like, KA fandom has their stupid moments, but there were times I sometimes felt like the EA fandom would shift the blame away from themselves (some people, not all). So, in a way, the fandom was one of the few things that drove my interest away from both the pairing and movie for a while. It was a combination of that and me getting sick of running into certain NSFW art and fics that would clog up my dash even though I could easily blacklist it (kinda). It wasn’t always on Tumblr, but some people I recall on Reddit have made remarks on just taking whatever even if its low-quality, which I understand in way but doesn’t entirely apply to EA since the fandom is technically in abundance. I have other issues with the fandom as well, looking back as someone who is no longer really in it anymore, but I’m not sure if I want to go into detail about it right now for the sake of not extending this post any longer

I ended up coming back after curiously wondering what’s been up with some people I’ve been following, and after spending time away from my previous fandom, it’s kind of refreshing that I’m no longer really tied down to it anymore.

In the end I guess I came back because I missed the interactions I would have with some followers and having fun with that on Tumblr. I know I have my other account but I tend to be quiet on that one since I don’t focus on a specific fandom over there. I might not be into EA as much as I used to but I didn’t really have to abandon this account entirely...or the people I somewhat talked to on here.

TL;DR: Left because EA was becoming toxic for me, needed to take a break, came back because I wanted to know how y’all were doing :)

#Turtle Speaks #this technically means this blog is no longer geared being only frozen/elsanna anymore #long post #i also want to start idea dumping again cause I miss the 'turtle ideas'#oh and even though I said EA isn't really something i look into as much anymore that doesn't mean ill suddenly unfollow all those EA blogs #overexposure can really do a number on you...#did i mention i have an issue with the KA fandom's obsession with smut for their pairin?#like EA has smutty stuff but they dedicate special weeks to churn out fanart and fanfics #not really a huge fan of that...even though im not in it #geez i still dont know why i wanted to post all this personal stuff but eh here you go #for anyone who cares lol

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foundcarcosa · 7 years

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cxciii.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? >> I’m not sure. I’ll name six songs I listen to a lot, at any rate: Black Out Days, Phantograms; Emperor’s New Clothes, Panic at the Disco; Power, Kanye West; Noll, kent; Some Time Ago..., Dethklok; No Resurrection, AFI.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? >> Oh, I don’t know. Stephen King, maybe. But without the opportunity of long conversations with a couple six packs while sitting in rocking chairs by a river, I don’t see why I would bother.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. >> “Mrs Massey’s real. She leaves pieces of herself. You saw them. So did Mom... and she doesn’t shine.” - Doctor Sleep

4: What do you think about most? >> I don’t think any subject is most prominent.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? >> It was the new router password.

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? >> I usually sleep with some garment or another on. The type of clothing varies with season.

7: What’s your strangest talent? >> None of my skills are strange in my perspective.

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) >> Girls just wanna have fun. [The] boys are back in town.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? >> I’ve had a poem written about me.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? >> I usually play air drums.

11: Do you have any strange phobias? >> No.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? >> No.

13: What’s your religion? >> I don’t have a religion, because I’m an avowed syncretist (not to mention technically atheist, although it’s not that I don’t ‘believe in God’ so much as that I have an indefinable and constantly shifting concept of the numinous).

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? >> Walking, smoking, looking at stars, getting some fresh air, exploring, being nosy, who knows.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? >> In front of it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? >> I don’t have one single favourite band. I lost interest in trying.

17: What was the last lie you told? >> I don’t remember.

18: Do you believe in karma? >> I think the original concept of karma is interesting, and the veracity of it doesn’t really matter much to me either way.

19: What does your URL mean? >> It’s a play on “Lost Carcosa”, although its personal meaning is a little beyond that by now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? >> Curiosity. (Yes, it fits both.)

21: Who is your celebrity crush? >> Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Aisha Hinds, Gillian Anderson, David Duchovny, that guy who played Billy on Sirens, that guy with the great smile who hosts Celebrity Ninja Warrior...

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? >> No.

23: How do you vent your anger? >> I prefer not to vent it. It runs its course much easier when I simply don’t give it any attention, negative or positive.

24: Do you have a collection of anything? >> No. I don’t grok collecting.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? >> I prefer video chatting if I must choose between the two.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? >> I am happy with constantly becoming.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? >> A sound I hate is people sniffling, especially if they do it constantly; a sound I love is the distant roar of traffic on a clear summer night.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? >> Not sure.

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? >> I don’t believe in ghosts personally, but I do believe in extraterrestrial life. I think aliens just interest me more than ghosts.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. >> A beer bottle. A counter.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? >> Nothing specific.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? >> I don’t know.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? >> I’m not familiar enough with both coasts to have an actual opinion.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? >> ---

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? >> The meaning of my life is constant change and constant curiosity.

36: Define Art. >> The meaning of art for me is whatever excites my senses and invites an emotional response.

37: Do you believe in luck? >> I believe in synchronicity, and I think luck falls into that jurisdiction.

38: What’s the weather like right now? >> Sunny and warm.

39: What time is it? >> 5.58p EST.

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? >> No.

41: What was the last book you read? >> The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers. Finally finished it.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? >> Yes, quite. Not in abundance, though, or for long periods of time.

43: Do you have any nicknames? >> Dio, Rev, Eddie.

44: What was the last film you saw? >> The Thing (the 2011 remake).

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? >> A facial laceration.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? >> Nope.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? >> My current active special interests are comparative mythology, the Dark Tower, eldritch stories and concepts, theology and mysticism, social evolution, and supermassive black holes. (I’m watching a show about that last one right now.)

48: What’s your sexual orientation? >> I like dicks and I prefer them to be nonhuman. (I don’t have a solid sexual orientation. The only)

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? >> Not that I recall or know of.

50: Do you believe in magic? >> I suppose I do, don’t I.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? >> No. Grudges don’t interest me in the slightest.

52: What is your astrological sign? >> Gemini Sun (and Moon, and Mercury); Scorpio Rising.

53: Do you save money or spend it? >> I spend it when I can and save some when it’s possible.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? >> Netflix’s monthly payment date was today.

55: Love or lust? >> Both are delightful.

56: In a relationship? >> Am I in one? Yes.

57: How many relationships have you had? >> Enough to know I’m not done having them.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? >> Nope.

59: Where were you yesterday? >> At home.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? >> Sparrow’s mouse and phone case are both mostly pink.

61: Are you wearing socks right now? >> Yes.

62: What’s your favourite animal? >> Snakes, spiders, capybara, otters... dogs...

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? >> I don’t use any special weapons to get someone to like me. I want someone’s appreciation of me to be organic-- based upon a perception of me that’s as untainted by my influence as possible.

64: Where is your best friend? >> In Xibalba, my ‘headspace’.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. >> I’ll name five random blogs I love looking at for various reasons: arashi-of-ota, thisherelight, ruth-threadgoode, arielshepard, and elfyourmother.

66: What is your heritage? >> My father is Black American and Native, to his understanding; my mother is Haitian.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? >> I was probably on tumblr.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? >> Why would Satan need a surname?

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? >> Of course?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? >> Yes.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? >> That depends on how confident I am that losing that job won’t be a huge loss. And honestly, a job has never been of utmost importance to me, so I’d probably end up saving the dog in any case. Or at least finding someone that can, if the canal is too treacherous for my non-swimming ass.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? >> In a case of terminal illness, I’d tell the people in my social circle and then try to come to terms with it in whatever way suits who I am at that time. And yes, I’d definitely be afraid. Hopefully, by that time, the fear would be less of an issue. Hopefully, O’Dim and I will be closer friends by then.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. >> This is such an unimaginative idea.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? >> Seven Years in Tibet by David Bowie has a pretty good track record for this.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? >> 6463.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? >> That depends on the people involved, not my opinion. What makes my current relationship effective is communication, investment, and compassion.

77: How can I win your heart? >> It’s not a prize. You don’t win it, you cultivate it, encourage it, inspire it.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? >> In my experience, my creativity is a direct result of my insanity. However, that doesn’t seem to work in every case, so don’t necessarily expect it to.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? >> It’s an interconnected set of decisions, both mine and others’, that create a life. No single decision is responsible for how my life is.

80: What size shoes do you wear? >> 8.5, I think.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? >> I don’t care. Whatever would please those left behind, I suppose.

82: What is your favourite word? >> I have way too many favourite words.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. >> I imagined an anatomically realistic heart.

84: What is a saying you say a lot? >> “son of a whore”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? >> I don’t remember.

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? >> I don’t have favourite colours.

87: What is your current desktop picture? >> It’s a slideshow. Right now, it’s a still from Interstellar.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? >> No thanks.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? >> I don’t know.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? >> Stare at them for a while, trying to figure out how to proceed.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? >> The ability to manipulate organic and inorganic matter without limit.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? >> No, thanks.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? >> Why would I need this.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? >> One who’s clean, good in bed, and nice to look at.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? >> Meh.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? >> Not to my knowledge.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? >> Nope.

98: Ever been on a plane? >> Quite a few times, yes.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? >> “Whaddup, y’all...?”

#surveysofsamedi

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