Transition Tuesday: All about Inverted-T/T-Anchor Top Surgery

based on a funny comic i saw

top surgery planning / blunt personal venting

*- -*

I think I've decided I'm gonna work to find a surgeon that's willing to do periareolar on a b-cup!

Have been feeling odd and off about the double incision results I've seen lately. They often look great, but when I picture embodying it, I dont feel quite right. I've worked out it's not the scars that bother me, it's the nipples. They look, because I suppose they are, ornamental. Lobbed off and pasted back on.. I don't like that for my body, I don't want to be severed from my nipples.. That makes me tremendously uncomfortable.

I have always felt incredibly awkward and unhappy with my tits but only because they're big and floppy (big for male tits at least. Kinda masculine/man tit looking but way oversized for even male Gynecomastia) Not because of the sensation or general vibe of having a bit of something there.

I can't say I wholey feel alienated from my chest, just greatly unhappy with the size of it. The extremeness.

I don't want a totally lean, totally unfamiliar chest with (most likely numb) little nubby thumbtack nipples. That doesn't feel right, it just feels like it solves a problem. The idea of my chest and nipples as I know them but simply drawn inwards, seems so RIGHT.

They'd maybe be a little puckered and low for a typical male chest - honestly most results I've seen, even if they don't meet the cis or trans male beauty standard - they still look typically male. And I think for my body type and lifestyle I could bulk out my pecs okay to get everything looking firmer anyway.

I think I'm set! Which is a big call because my size would be for sure considered only borderline eligible by most surgeon's standards. So I might end up having to travel because I've been yet to find any experienced surgeons here in Australia..

But I'm gonna chase someone with the right skills and experience because fuck it, it's my one and only body and if I'm gonna front up the bravery and money to change it, I'm not taking a compromise for convention's sake.

SIDENOTE I'm so happy for the people who feel elated and at ease with their DI results! It doesn't ick me on others, just the idea of it on me 🙏

ήθελα να γράψω για την εμπειρία μου με το top surgery από τη μέρα της πρώτης επέμβασης. νομίζω ότι τόσο καιρό δεν έγραφα όχι επειδή δεν ένιωθα άνετα να γράψω αλλά επειδή δεν ξέρω πώς ξεκινάμε με αυτά τα πράγματα, πού είναι η αρχή, η μέση ή το τέλος. θα προσπαθήσω, λοιπόν, να χωρέσω κάπως την εμπειρία μου σε ένα κειμενάκι, ξεκινώντας με το ότι έχω κάνει σε διάστημα ενός χρόνου τρεις επεμβάσεις και καμία δεν έχει να προσφέρει κάποια δακρύβρεχτη ιστορία ευτυχίας -χωρίς αυτό να σημαίνει ότι δε βοήθησαν τη δυσφορία μου. χειρούργος μου ήταν ο γρηγόρης γεωργιάδης στη θεσσαλονίκη και πήγα σε αυτόν γιατί ήθελα να κάνω μία τεχνική που ήξερα ότι έχει ξανακάνει με επιτυχία στο παρελθόν και πίστευα ότι -τι σκατά- θα πάει μια χαρά. επέλεξα να κάνω t-anchor, μία τεχνική με την οποία υπάρχουν περισσότερες πιθανότητες να διατηρηθεί η αισθαντικότητα της θηλής. είχα πάει, λοιπόν, σε δύο ή τρεις συναντήσεις πριν την επέμβαση και τα είχαμε πει και ξαναματαπεί και δεν υπήρχε κάτι ασαφές: θα έβγαζε όσο περισσότερο μαστικό αδένα μπορούσε και θα κρατούσε λίγο πίσω από τη θηλή για να μπορεί να αιματωθεί στο νέο περιβάλλον. μετά από περίπου ένα χρόνο, αφού έχει επουλωθεί και εσωτερικά, θα κάναμε μία επανορθωτική δωρεάν στο γραφείο του και όλα κομπλέ. σε αυτό το σημείο να πω ότι αυτό που θα έμενε για την αιμάτωση της θηλής υποτίθεται ότι θα ήταν ελάχιστο σε σχέση με το αρχικό. το πρωί της πρώτης επέμβασης, ένα μέτρια ζεστό πρωί ιουνίου, πήγα αργοπορημένος στην κλινική γιατί είχε πολλή κίνηση και βρήκα τους γιατρούς να είναι λιγάκι στην κοσμάρα τους. ο συνεργάτης του γεωργιάδη έψαχνε στο κινητό του αν επιτρέπεται να μετακινηθεί από νομό σε νομό, ενώ ο γεωργιάδης με χαιρέτησε ρωτώντας με ταυτόχρονα τι είχαμε πει ότι θα κάνουμε (!) μπορεί πιστεύω το καθένα να φανταστεί τη σαστιμάρα μου. εγώ λέω «μαστεκτομή θα κάνουμε, αυτά που είχαμε πει». και λέμε οκ και αρχίζει να σχεδιάζει τις τομές στο δέρμα μου. εκεί πέρα είχε έρθει και ο συνεργάτης του και του εξηγούσε κάπως τι θα κάνουμε και εγώ επανέλαβα ότι θέλω να βγάλουν όσο περισσότερο γίνεται (το επαναλάμβανα με κάθε ευκαιρία βασικά γιατί είχα ένα κακό προαίσθημα). σε κάποια φάση εκεί που σχεδιάζει κάτι μου φαίνεται περίεργο, οπότε ρωτάω για μία γραμμή αν είναι απαραίτητη αφού δε θα κάνουμε τομή σε εκείνο το σημείο. μου λέει «διπλή μαστεκτομή δε θα κάνουμε;». εγώ εκεί παθαίνω ένα ντουβρουτζά και σκέφτομαι από μέσα μου ότι όλα αυτά τα βίντεο από επεμβάσεις που έχω δει μου φανήκανε τελικά πολύ χρήσιμα. «όχι διπλή μαστεκτομή, t-anchor θα κάνουμε» απαντάω». «ε, πες έτσι κι εσύ», συνεχίζει «γι’ αυτό σε ρώτησα πριν». και παίρνει οινόπνευμα να σβήσει τις περιττές γραμμές. σε αυτό το σημείο να σχολιάσω ότι εγώ με το άγχος που είχα από την αργοπορία και από το ίδιο το χειρουργείο λέγοντας μαστεκτομή δε σκέφτηκα καν ότι θα φανταστεί ότι άλλαξα ξαφνικά τη γνώμη μου και ανακάλεσα όλα αυτά που συζητούσαμε τόσο καιρό. φαντάστηκα ότι αφού μαζί ήμαστε σε αυτές τις κουβέντες και του έχω πει αρκετές φορές τι θέλω κάπως θα το έχει στο νου του. τελοσπάντων. πέφτω στο γλυκό ύπνο της αναισθησίας και ξυπνάω κάποια ώρα μετά νιώθωντας λιγότερο βάρος πάνω μου αλλά σίγουρα όχι αμελητέο όπως περίμενα. όταν με πήγαν πάνω στο δωμάτιο και ήρθε να με δει μου είπε ότι όλα πήγαν καλά και ότι μάλιστα κατάφερε να βγάλει όσο έπρεπε χωρίς να κάνει καν τη μία από τις δύο τομές της τεχνικής. εγώ εκεί σκάλωσα και απλώς ρώτησα «άρα έχει φύγει αυτό;». και με διαβεβαίωσε πως έφυγε όσο γινόταν να φύγει και ότι τώρα είναι πρησμένο και ότι όταν ξεπρηστεί θα φανεί και εξάλλου πρέπει να γίνει και επανορθωτική. για να βοηθήσει στο ξεπρήξιμο και στο να σταθεί το δέρμα μου πρότεινε να φορέσω ένα γιλέκο-ζώνη για ένα μήνα που θα τα πιέζει. αυτό το έκανα και ήταν ό,τι χειρότερο δε θέλω καν να μιλήσω για το πώς είναι να φοράς κάτι τόσο σφιχτό καλοκαίρι στη θεσσαλονίκη.

για τις λεπτομέρειες της τεχνικής, με το t-anchor οι τομές είναι οι εξής: κυκλική γύρω από τις θηλή που κόβεται σε μικρότερο μέγεθος, μία κάθετη και μία οριζόντια. εγώ είχα την κυκλική και την κάθετη μόνο, δηλαδή δεν είχε καθόλου ανοίξει την οριζόντια τομή -την οποία να επαναλάβω εδώ ότι δεν είχα πει ποτέ πως δεν τη θέλω, την περίμενα, ήξερα ότι θα είναι εκεί. ήξερα την τεχνική, εγώ την επέλεξα. να μην τα πολυλογώ έτσι όπως βγήκα από την κλινική δεν είχα πάψει να έχω βυζιά, είχα απλώς μικρότερο μέγεθος βυζιά. και το ξεπρήξιμο που περίμενα τόσο απελπισμένα όλους αυτούς τους μήνες ήρθε αλλά δεν άλλαζε το γεγονός ότι η δυσφορία μου ήταν εκεί, συνοδευόμενη από μία μεγάλη απογοήτευση και ένα μεγάλο άγχος. στην ουσία, ο γιατρός μου αποφάσισε να αλλαξει τη διαδικασία που είχαμε συμφωνήσει ενώ ήμουν κυριολεκτικά αναίσθητο, κάνοντας μία τομή λιγότερη, όχι επειδή κινδύνευε με κάποιον τρόπο η ζωή μου αλλά επειδή πίστευε ότι μπορεί να το κάνει κι έτσι και να «γλιτώσουμε δύο σημάδια». [πληροφοριακά η τεχνική αυτή ονομάζεται lollipop και είναι, όπως και η t-anchor, τεχνική μείωσης στήθους]. όταν του επικοινώνησα τις σκέψεις μου σχετικά με αυτό που έκανε, την ανασφάλειά μου για το αποτέλεσμα και τη διαδικασία επούλωσης δυσκολεύτηκε πολύ να καταλάβει πώς μπορεί να μη νιώθω χαρά που θα «γλιτώσω μία τομή». χρειάστηκε να προσπαθήσω πολύ για να καταφέρω να αντιληφθεί πόσο μη ηθικό ήταν αυτό που έκανε και αμφιβάλλω αν το κατάλαβε και πλήρως. στην αρχή μου έλεγε πόσο δεν έχει και πολύ αδένα και ότι ο όγκος είναι κυρίως πρήξιμο. όσο περνούσε ο καιρός, όμως, ήταν όλο και πιο φανερό ότι ο όγκος δεν ήταν πρήξιμο μόνο και όλα έγιναν πιο ξεκάθαρα στους 4, περίπου, μήνες, όπου μου ανέφερε την επαναρθωτική. μου είπε ότι είχε πολύ αδένα για να την κάνουμε στο γραφείο (θα έπρεπε να πάρω μεγάλη ποσότητα τοπικής αναισθησίας που δεν είναι καλό) και ότι καλύτερα να πάμε στην κλινική αλλά να μην αγχώνομαι γιατί θα κοστίσει λιγότερο από την προηγούμενη φορά. εγώ εκεί τα είδα όλα. του απάντησα ότι εγώ ήξερα ότι δε θα κοστίσει τίποτα, ότι είναι μία επέμβαση ήδη προβλεπόμενη από την αρχή και δεν είχα υπολογίσει κόστος για αυτή. τότε άρχισε να λέει ότι είναι δωρεάν μόνο αν γίνει στο γραφείο αλλά αν πάμε στην κλινική θα χρειαστεί να πληρώσω μερικά και ότι γενικά οι επεμβάσεις γίνονται δωρεάν μόνο αν γίνει κάτι λάθος. εγώ απάντησα σε αυτό ότι φυσικά και έγινε κάτι λάθος, αφού δεν έκανε αυτό που είχαμε πει. τελοσπάντων, κάναμε μία κουβέντα όπου στο ενδιάμεσό της νιώθω ότι κατάλαβε ότι είχε κάνει μαλακία και την αφήσαμε με εκείνον να μου λέει ότι θα ρωτήσει να δει μήπως μπορεί να καλύψει εκείνος τα έξοδα που θα προκύψουν. στο εξάμηνο ξαναπηγαίνω, με ένα φίλο μου αυτή τη φορά. εκείνη τη μέρα μου είπε απ’ ευθείας ότι συνεννοήθηκε και ότι θα το κάνουμε όταν έρθει η ώρα δωρεάν στην κλινική. η ώρα έρχεται στους 10 μήνες και πάμε στην κλινική και παίρνω πάλι αναισθησία και τα κόβουνε κι αυτά. ούτε αυτή τη φορά όμως είναι όλα ρόδινα και χαλαρωτικά. μου έχουν αφήσει παραπάνω δέρμα απ’ ότι χρειάζεται, με αποτέλεσμα να κρεμάει όσο ξεπρήζεται, το ένα στήθος έχει ένα περίεργο σχήμα σα να έχει μέσα κάτι παραπάνω αλλά μόνο σε μία περιοχή, ενώ στο άλλο υπάρχει ένα σκίσιμο στο δέρμα το οποίο μου είπε ότι συνέβη επειδή ήταν πολύ χαλαρό.

δεν ξέρω πώς να εκφράσω τα συναισθήματά μου μέχρι εκείνο το σημείο. πόση απογοήτευση ένιωθα, όχι μόνο με το αποτέλεσμα αλλά και με το γεγονός ότι δεν μπορούσα να εμπιστευτώ τον γιατρό μου. ρωτούσα «αυτός ο όγκος είναι πρήξιμο ή αδένας;» και δεν έπαιρνα κάποια σαφή απάντηση που να εμπιστεύομαι. τη μια μέρα διαβεβαιώσεις ότι φτάσανε στο μυ κατά τη διάρκεια της επέμβασης, την άλλη απορημένο βλέμμα κάθως το ψηλαφεί και αναρωτιέται μήπως κάνει λάθος. η διαδικασία της επούλωσης ήταν το πιο δύσκολο κομμάτι και στις δύο επεμβάσεις, στη δεύτερη ακόμα περισσότερο γιατί είχα μία τομή περισσότερο και η περιοχή ήταν ήδη ανοιγμένη 10 μήνες πριν. συμπληρώνω ότι έπρεπε πάλι να φοράω αυτή τη ζώνη για κανα μήνα. 2 μήνες μετά την 2η επέμβαση κάναμε μία επανορθωτική επέμβαση στο γραφείο του, όπου μου αφαίρεσαν το περισσευούμενο δέρμα. αυτή ήταν μία απλή διαδικασία, στην οποία δεν ένιωθα και τίποτα κάθως τα νεύρα μου δεν είχαν προλάβει να «ξυπνήσουν» από την προηγούμενη εγχείριση. τη στιγμή που γράφω αυτό το κείμενο έχουν περάσει από την 3η επέμβαση 7 μήνες και το αποτέλεσμα δεν είναι ότι δε μου αρέσει αλλά ούτε ότι μου αρέσει. δηλαδή όταν μου αρέσει είναι επειδή έχω μάθει να αγαπάω το σώμα μου με τα όσα έχει ζήσει, ενώ όταν δε μου αρέσει είναι επειδή μου θυμίζει πόσο χάλια ένιωθα για ένα χρόνο. ότι έγινε κάτι πάνω μου στο οποίο δε συναίνεσα ποτέ και αυτό πυροδότησε αυτή τη σειρά ψιλοαπογοητευτικών χειρουργείων που είχαν σκοπό να περισσότερο να διορθώσουν ένα ιατρικό λάθος, παρά να βοηθήσουν τη δυσφορία μου. δε θα περιγράψω πολλά για την τελική-μέχρι τώρα τουλάχιστον- εικόνα γιατί θα ανεβάσω φωτογραφίες όπου θα φαίνεται. αυτό που θέλω να πω πριν κλείσω το κείμενο είναι ότι σε όλη αυτή τη διαδικασία ήρθα αντιμέτωπο με κάποιες από τις πιο βαθιά εσωτερικευμένες τρανσφοβικές αντιλήψεις μου, καθώς και με πρότυπα για το «ωραίο σώμα» ή την «επιτυχημένη εγχείριση». μετά την πρώτη επέμβαση κόσμος με ρωτούσε αν νιώθω χαρούμενο και δεν ήξερα τι να απαντήσω. γιατί ναι, ένιωθα χαρούμενο που έκανα αυτό το βήμα για μένα αλλά οχι, δεν ένιωθα χαρούμενο με το πώς πήγαν τα πράγματα. μετά σκεφτόμουν πώς έχουμε στο μυαλό μας τα τρανς σώματα μετά τις επεμβάσεις, τις ιστορίες επιτυχίας, τα δάκρυα χαράς κ.λπ. που όλα περιμένουν από εμάς. σκεφτόμουν ότι κι αυτά ακόμη είναι σαν μια κάποια κανονικότητα που διαιωνίζεται για να μας καταπιέζει. όπως και να το κάνουμε οι εγχειρίσεις είναι δύσκολες διαδικασίες και δεν έχουν πάντα ένα cis-friendly success story να πουν -είτε οπτικά, είτε πνευματικά. μπορεί η δική μου ιστορία να μην είναι μία ιστορία επιπλοκής -πιο πολύ μία ιστορία ιατρικής αυθαιρεσίας- αλλά με έκανε να καταλάβω τη σημασία της φροντιστικότητας από μέσα προς τα έξω. εμείς για εμάς στα σώματά μας. η επέμβαση κόστισε συνολικά κοντά στα 3500 ευρώ (δε θυμάμαι ακριβές ποσό, λίγο πάνω λίγο κάτω), βάζοντας μέσα τα έξοδα του τεστ κόβιντ, των εξετάσεων, γάζες, τη ζώνη κ.λπ. όσον αφορά την αισθαντικότητα της θηλής, μετά την πρώτη επέμβαση ήταν σχεδόν στο 100% αλλά μετά τις άλλες δύο επεμβάσεις έχει πέσει περίπου στο 40% του αρχικού. νομίζω όμως ότι πρέπει να περιμένω κι άλλο να «ξυπνήσουν» όλα μου τα νεύρα για να κρίνω, γιατί με τον καιρό επανέρχεται η αίσθηση και σε κάποια άλλα σημεία του στήθους.

geoff with t-anchor scars, just like me 🤠🎉

this was the first drawing i did a few weeks ago, about a week after my top surgery!

geoff is so transgender…… 🏳️‍⚧️

Hi, I was just curious how you chose the type of top surgery you got, like your scar shape and such, and if you still remember the pros and cons of each

in terms of the general type of surgery, getting double incision wasn't really a choice – the size of my chest would've disqualified me from most of the other options even if i'd wanted them. as far as i'm aware, the only other techniques that i would've been able to get at my size (t-anchor and fishmouth are the two my surgeon does that come to mind) wouldn't make sense because the main reason someone would pick them over double incision is just to keep nipple sensation, which didn't matter for me. that being said, i think i still might've gone with double incision even if i did qualify for something like peri or keyhole; i don't mind visible scarring and, from what i've seen of other people's results, i like the control that double incision gives the surgeon over the look of the chest overall.

as far as why i decided not to keep my nipples, i laid out my whole thought process in this ask a while back. the tl;dr is this: sensation in my nipples has always been a bad sensory thing for me, i didn't want to deal with the extra healing process of nipple grafts, i can be very picky about things on my body being asymmetrical and knew that nipple grafts aren't guaranteed to heal perfectly symmetrically, going without grafts was cheaper, i liked the idea of having a chest that's visibly different from a cis man's chest, and when i imagined my post-op body i naturally imagined it without nipples. so as you can probably tell, it was a pretty cut-and-dry decision for me, given how many reasons i had to go nipless.

and a few things went into the shape of my scars. the fact that they meet in the middle and go so far into my armpits was just necessary – i had a big chest before, and i specifically had a wide chest that met in the middle and had a lot of tissue in the sides, so my surgeon had to make my incisions wider in order to get all of the tissue out and avoid leaving any extra skin on the ends of the incisions. other than that, i told her during my pre-op that my ideal scars would be mostly straight and not too low on my chest. those preferences are purely aesthetic; i wanted straighter scars because i felt like scars that were too curved would read as boob-shaped in my dysphoria brain, which i didn't want to deal with, and i wanted to keep the scars on the higher side because without the nipples there, i felt like the scars sitting too low would make my chest look weirdly blank.

so those were my reasons – double incision with long connected scars out of necessity, higher and straighter scars because i liked how they looked the best, and no nipples because that just made sense for me on every level. i can't really make a pros and cons list for you because things that were pros for me might be cons for you and vice versa; it's all super personal. but hopefully, hearing about how i thought it through still helps you!

Morning stretches.

[id: Digital sketch Izzy Hands from OFMD. He is kneeling on the floor, looking away and stretching. He's only in black briefs. His normally gloved hand is burn scarred and you can see the missing pinky toe on his left foot. His nipples are pierced and he has t-anchor top surgery scars. His body is hairy, with stretch marks and scars; you can see a stab wound scar where Stede and Ed would also have one. /end id]

only reason for this is because I started T this week and wanted to draw some trans headcanons

(Image Description: A drawing of the Riddler, Penguin, and Scarecrow with their shirts off showing off their top surgery scars in front of trans flag background with the words “Diversity win! The criminals in your city are trans” wrote around them. Riddler has double incision top surgery scars, Penguin has ‘t anchor’ scars, and Scarecrow has the older ‘fish mouth’ style of top surgery scars. )

Top surgery while fat!!!!

I got inverted T/anchor T top surgery on feb 13 2023 after many many years of wanting it. Heres some stuff i learned and dealt with over that process:

I live in a state where transgender healthcare must be covered by insurance according to state law. Despite this, i felt unable to try and bill through insurance. This is because the requirements for top surgery approval involve getting approved by a gender therapist who you have seen for at least a year and then getting approved again by the clinic you are applying to. Almost every trans person i know who did this had to reapply multiple times because theyre were rejected for unclear reasons. And if you get approved you are often waitlisted for at least a year bc there are only so many top surgeons in jn the state

Thats not even touching on how most surgeons have a low BMI barrier here, so i was more likely to be rejected by insurance through that alone (apparently the primary place ppl seek top surgery in my state has since changed this but it was too late for me)

I sought informed consent surgery (read: completely paid out of pocket) with a well-regarded surgeon. This guy was one of my least favorite people because his bedside manner was so dismissive and i was told to lose weight multiple times. If his nursing staff wasnt so awesome and i not so desperate i might have put off surgery to seek out another surgeon. This is a problem i have heard from multiple other ppl who seek surgery from him: he sucks but his results are good

On his initial application form, my surgeon lists his BMI barrier as 36. At consultation, he told me the hard cap is 40. I would be operated on if i was above 36 but turned away day of surgery if my BMI was 40. I spent the five months between my consultation and surgery date losing 30 pounds to make sure i could get this surgery

My surgeon is already able to charge a hefty amount because his practice is so well known, but that combined with a) recent inflation and b) his statement thay i would need an extra hour on the table and therefore more anesthesia meant i was charged even more! Compared to a recent quote from another person who saw him, i was charged about $1000+ more for my surgery

The operaton went without hitch and so far recovery has gone wonderfully. I was finished half an hour before expecred and the anesthesiologist only asked me if i have had past issues w anesthesia. As far as i can tell, my weight has had very little to do with that. It is super weird to feel nerves reconnecting but finally the way i look in the mirror matches the way i look in my head.

Im happy to answer questions ab top esp while im still recovering! Im still a little bewildered that its finally happened and i dont think itll fully hit me until i can actually get dressed on my own lol

Hello I am a bitch with large honkers on a small (ish) ribcage (32DD) and I found mediocre success with tape

Mostly it has to do with your skin and how much tape you’re willing to use, and if your tissues are fucked from binding. I only had mediocre success bc T has made me a greasy little fucker even immediately post shower so the tape falls off super fast (like I get not 4 hours then it’s gone) and I spent a long time binding incorrectly so I have breast tissue in places it shouldn’t be. (Most notably way back into my armpits, so I need to wrap the tape super far back for it to anchor)

That being said I also come baring many a good binder rec for the unfortunately big boobed!! Assuming you’d like said recs :D

Thank you so much for actually being honest 😭

You and I have literally the same size tibbies, so I'll take the advice to heart.

Luckily, I've only been binding for a short while and only intermittently when the dysphoria is hitting so hard I can't stand it anymore. And I did a shit ton of research beforehand on how to do it, so my breast tissue is all still very healthy.

And I'm not on T yet, unsure if and when I'll start T, so I have yet to become a greasy little fucker. I'm super early on in finally acknowledging my gender dysphoria I've had since early childhood, so I'm navigating it all as best as I can 😅

So maybe I'll still give taping a try, especially for in between days of binding or when I wanna wear low cut shirts.

And I would absolutely love some binder recs! Mine is a gc2b I bought a long ass time ago for cosplay, and I only recently started to have the confidence to start wearing it in daily life. So it's a little worn out by now, and I don't know if it'll last until I finally have a decision on top surgery.

EVERY SCAR YOU HAVE, BUSH MAN! AND HOW YOU GOT THEM! PRONTO!

Ok firstly "bush man" reads so much different than "bushman" for some reason that's weird

Anyway! We'll do this top-down

Right side of forehead, just beyond hairline. Got this wrecking an old paddock basher of a '67 Mustang on a mate's property when I was 15. My face hit the steering wheel. And the car caught on fire! So now I'm afraid of fire.

Horizontal scar on eyelid just under left eyebrow. I was 3 years old, jumping on the couch, and slammed face first into the coffee table.

Cut on left side of neck, just under jaw. Had a knife held to my neck. It was pulled away too fast.

Cut on right outer forearm. Blocked a knife. It's barely noticeable now since my arm hair camouflages the scar. Much more obvious when my arm is shaved.

Right inner wrist, oval scar I got while trying to get out of handcuffs as a teen cuz they forgot where I was in mental hospital so I was left unsupervised too long.

Right thumb on the knuckle. Scraped it learning to ride a bike.

Left bicep and left forearm. Bites from juvenile crocodiles during a croc survey in the Top End.

Left middle finger, 2cm vertical line stretching up from nail. Jammed finger in door of Matilda & the skin flayed off when I yanked it on reflex.

Numerous bite marks from different animals on my arms and hands. Scratches too. It's too many to keep track of.

Scarification on right breast from First Nations initiation ceremony.

T-anchor double mastectomy scars.

Right side at waistline to almost centre of stomach is a long slash. Was disembowelled by a pig and almost died.

Barely-noticeable scar just under shoulder blades to right of spine from where the porcelain of my body armour cut my back after I was shot the first time.

Tacklebox is fucked, I'd rather not go into detail about those. I am intersex so the whole area has quite a bit of scarring from alterative + reconstructive surgeries.

Large rectangular scar on right thigh. This was a debrided burn wound I got from falling into a fire while drunk. My jeans melted into my leg and I refuse to wear synthetic fabric now.

Small patch on my right arse cheek where a skin graft was taken for the burn wound on my leg. Only one particularly deep spot needed a graft.

Miscellaneous scrapes and scratches on my legs from years of a rough and tumble childhood in the outback.

Left foot, raised scar over Achilles' tendon. Got razorwire in my shoe, cut me and the wound got infected. This was cleaned by maggots after a debridement.

Right foot, U-shaped scar on underside of big toe at the joint. Stepped on broken porcelain as a kid. Didn't need stitches luckily.

NOT A SCAR: knot on 8th right rib. Was jumped by 3 blokes for being MLM and beaten. One of them kicked me in the ribs and fractured it.

NOT A SCAR: permanent callous at shoulder pocket where my rifle rests when shouldered from shooting so many years professionally.

I actually did go to a consult for a cheapo surgeon once lol - he was offering his for $5k (I ended up paying $8k, but that was plus $2k in travel costs, while the cheapo surgeon would have been local). And he showed me just HORRIFYING photos and was like, “well, we can’t really do anything, cuz you’re fat, so… I can make one BIG incision all the way across, and you won’t have any sensation in your nipples, you’ll get those tattooed back on later.” My jaw was on the ground lol - um, so, I did debate in high school. I had researched this before I went, and this was NOT my uwu soft boy top surgery fantasy - also, nipple sensation was VERY important to me and I wanted a surgeon to talk that out with. Well… I already had another surgeon in mind. So it was a bummer, but you’re not the only surgeon in town, honeybun!

In the end I had t-anchor bilateral chest masculinization - my surgeon said the measurements were on a borderline between him thinking he could retain sensation and not, but he could see what he could do… and, in the end, I was able to keep full tactile and erotic sensation in my nipples after top surgery.

…but also the idea of someone being punished with a lack of nipple sensation is really hot, so…

i loveee my nipples played with they’re so sensitive. but you’re right that being taken away from me does sound hot 🤭

1.25.23 - ‘Anchor’

Hi y’all! Its been a while since we did a proper blog update, so i figured it was time i talk about the thing people usually talk about when i bring up the main character of our fishing game: “whoah, he’s a big dude huh?”

Designing a tough guy

When me and Åge first discussed this project, I told them two things would make me automatically passionate about it. The first was that the main character should be a hot dude, and the second was that he should be transgender. Now, at a glance it doesn't seem that complicated (and it really isn’t). I like hot dudes, I like to draw bulk, and I am a trans man myself. Seeing as we are a two-person team, there’s no CEO to tell me what I can and cannot do, so naturally this was how the basic concept ended up.

Following from there I started designing. I took some amphibious inspiration, building him sort of like a frog- top heavy and with long legs, lending itself well to animating acrobatics. I wanted to make him tall and menacing, with a shadow covering his face to make him seem mysterious. At the same time I couldn't forget his fishing lifestyle. In the end he ended up somewhere between Batman and Popeye, with a sprinkle of elegance for good measure. It turned out to lend itself really well to build him like he was hunting monsters for a living, as that was what the game was turning into.

After settling on a color scheme of black, white and red, and taking inspiration from the simplistic designs of the UPA-revival movement for ease of animation, I figured he needed a tattoo- both to top off the design and hint at his marine connection. The anchor seemed obvious! A symmetrical object right on the middle, plenty of body hair, and our main man was ready for the screen!

The tough guy through a queer lens

I have a huge soft spot for towering tough guys, it's no secret. From Conan to the T-800, this hyper masculine archetype may seem dated and boring to others, but personally I cannot get enough of it. What kind of pressure does it take to make a man two steps from a monster? In an odd sort of way, I suppose I find it relatable. Furthermore, I always find masculinity as a topic lends itself really well to a transgender lens- it's like free nuance! It is one thing to be born into this cruel, limiting role.. But what does it tell of a character, their story, when it is a choice?

Some people express confusion learning that this fisherman is transgender, which drives the question: should you be able to tell? Frankly, I think there should be a hell of a lot more trans men in media before we tackle this question. Assuming someone can’t be genetically tall and bulky due to the gender assigned at birth is an awfully dated idea to begin with, in my humble opinion.

I am out here making what I  would like to see a trans man in a videogame do, which is be huge, wrestle monsters and kiss cute guys. A topic me and Åge started tackling back in the Liquid State days was the concept of a trans power fantasy- which is exactly what it reads on the tin. While there are few men (trans and not) who fit into the shapely mold of a hyper masculine, sword-swinging barbarian god, many admire these characters and live out their fantasies through them.

Besides, you can tell! We specifically make excuses to show off his shark-teeth patterned top surgery scars because we want people to know. Hey, are you a trans guy that likes bulky dudes? This one’s for you!

In conclusion

While my inspirations are deceptively simple and reasons are uncomplicated, I often catch myself thinking about this design. Is it realistic? Is it alienating? Is it empowering? Is it wise? Even if he was designed straight from a trans man’s gut with no worries about the greater question of good representation, I often find myself thinking as though the task of representing all trans men lies solely on my shoulders. It is an unrealistic, unfair expectation. I am not all trans men, neither is he. 

His design and background is a love letter to one of my favorite types of characters, no doubt mixed in with years of queer, man-loving brain soup. He is what I like, and what I want to see in a video game. At the end of the day, I can only hope that what I enjoy also appeals to others.

So far, all signs point to yes. :)

This is our fanart wall, right by my desk at our office. I put them right where i can see them every day. Thanks for the support, folks- it means the world to me.

-Hauk Want to know more? Follow us here or on Twitter for regular updates on this project- or click here to join our discord!

what da heck!! gillion titstrider!!

he has t-anchor top surgery scars. heh. anchor.. heheh..,

hii just thought id let you know that if you plan on getting grafted nipples after surgery theyre likely not able to be pierced ! i have pierced nipples and im getting top surgery soon, my surgeon and i decided to keep a small amount of fat so that i could keep my piercings. id def check w your preferred piercer and your surgeon before making any solid choices if pierced nips are important to you :)

I plan on getting T anchor or buttonhole if possible. Even if I have to get DI (since when I wasn't looking people stopped getting nipple preserving top) I'd probably want to keep a bit of fat to make my chest look natural.

Hey Ik ur very busy and Ik June is almost over but could u draw a catman with top surgery scars for pride month? If u have time of course..

I was initially going to say "no" simply because my 'twos don't have boobs so thered be nothing to get top surgery for.

Then I said "well, that's stupid" and decided I would do it anyway.

THEN I actually came up with a plausible reason for mewtwos in my verse to get top surgery.

So, it's only a sketch, but behold!

Mewtwos in my verse are sexually dimorphic, but it's pretty varied and subtle. I don't really make it a color issue (though someone might guess that based on m1 and six) and it's not even a size thing (though again, someone might guess...).

I tend to express a two's biological sex through their chestplates and sternums, but even then, I pretty well just do what feels right. Generally, my dfab people have more pronounced sternums and chestplates that mimic the shape of the ribcage edge rather than the shape of pectopectoral. Pretty well lines up with the movies themselves, if you ignore m1's appearance in Journeys. It just so happens that neither of them are trans in my verse. If a 'two WERE trans, I imagine any top surgery they got would be to reshape the chestplate and sternum as needed: either make the plate more like pecs and shave down the sternum, or graft bone/cartilage or put some other implant in to extend everything to the desired shape. In this baby's case, we basically get a mix of a t-anchor and one of those big all-the-way-across things. I guess including hints to the stitching is apparently frowned upon as stylizing/fetishizing, but tbh I doubt a traumatized near-feral yet sapient creature really had the tools and support for neat, pretty surgical scars.

Uncolored because this will end up being a canon character in the blog, but 1) I haven't fully redesigned them 2) spoilers and 3) they won't appear story-wise for quite some time. There is maybe one person out there who could guess who it'll be lol

Anyway, enjoy?