Hot Date

Pietro Maximoff x Reader

Sum:  It shouldn't have to be said that SHIELD researchers aren't allowed to date their wards. But that doesn't stop the romantic tension from forming between you. The real question is, whose feelings will be most affected when the tension finally boils over?

Anomalous weapons supervisor was typed out on your paychecks, but babysitter would be a better description. Diplomas, experience and more resulted in your butt on bleachers. Watching the important people play around with powers few in this world understood.

Whoever designed this area probably didn’t know who exactly would be using it. It had the basics; a track for running, mats for sparring and weights for lifting. With more off the wall items thrown in that might be useful to the superpowered individuals using it. Like the massive metal balls being lifted and lowered by the red magic of your charge. Or one of your charges at least.

‘Wanda seems to have complete control of her powers. Whether these powers are coming from her mind or some sort of muscle in her hands has yet to be known.’ You type out just intime to get a guest sitting to your right.

“Can I get an autograph when your book is finished?” Pietro has been working on his accent, so had Wanda. As much pride as the two had they were still looking to adapt. But there were still hints of it on certain words. Especially when he’s this close not really trying.

“Only if I get to sign those tits.” Obviously, a joke, but you still had to take a quick glance to the camera. Just in case you get dragged into a meeting and this comes back up about your unprofessional comments. Not that it would stop your work.

“I can live without the signature,” Wanda’s voice, although distant, echoed in the wide space. “You’ve spelt many things wrong anyhow.”

Few people could say they were as close to the Maximoff twins as yourself. Even after the discovery of an alien/god, of the defrosting of a super-solider and the destruction from a billionaire people were wary of the twins.

It was through simple respect that Wanda had warmed up to you. You hadn’t talked to her with artificial kindness, didn’t look to the guards when her voiced raised even the slightest. No, you had asked how she was (the room was too hot for her), if she needed anything (just wanted to know how much longer she was going to be questioned), if she liked coffee or tea (tea is preferred), and how she was doing, really doing (she was tired, you all were).

It was another story for Pietro. Only trusting you after Wanda obviously saw you as a friend. Taking his own time to warm up after getting the same genuine experience you offered rather the blunt questions and stupid statements. It was the dinner you invited them to that sealed the deal. Nothing brings people together more than a lot of meat, the warm feeling of alcohol and a quiet afternoon with a food coma.

“What have you written?” Pietro asks, your laptop now in his hands.

There’s no point in trying to stop him when he snatches things. A child who had to move fast for food and safety makes petty theft a hard habit to beat. Not to mention Wanda already knew everything that went into your daily reports with a blink of her eye, it was seemingly only fair that Pietro got to know to.

“Same stuff I was doing yesterday, and the day before and the day before that and the-.”

“Yes, yes, thank you!” Pietro says, used to the child like taunts and knowing to stop you early.

With nothing of interest on said laptop he turned it back over to you. Taking his place leaning against your shoulder as you begin to work once more. Only speaking up to ensure you add in the correct description of his improvement.

These reports were supposed to be done without the twins knowledge. You were supposed to be a spy on the side of the government. Although it was blamed on Wanda’s mindreading in reality you had never tried to hide them. These friendships were genuine, resulting with the man practically putting himself in your lap to try and keep your attention.

"How much longer do we have to do this ‘training’?” Although a grown man Pietro could act like a little boy sometimes. When he’s done, he’s done. Taking whatever actions needed to get through his current situation and move on.

“For as long as the door is closed, Pietro.” Wanda has set the metal down. Taking slow steps to reach her brother and friend. “She would likely go faster without you hanging on her.”

There is no smooth way to say this; Pietro is a big spoon. Any chance he gets a hug or to hold someone results in being overwhelmed in lean muscle. Pietro was the only warmth during those impossible cold nights as newly orphaned children. His legs and arms creating a shelter that protected his chosen from any harm from ever happening. You were one of chosen now, which explained the face made at having to get up.

“Alright kids, let’s head home.” You say, slapping the laptop closed for effect.

You were one of several who kept an eye on the twins throughout the day. Wanda and Pietro pretended not to notice how certain employees just happened to always be in the hallway when walking through. Or the little cameras that were hidden in plain sight among the decorations in their quarters. And that’s not including all the mom aged agents “just checking in” at random times, complete with the sing song voice and overuse of the word “sweetie”.

On any other day you would have followed them into their quarters. Give them a recommendation for the TV and even stay awhile to watch it with them. A chime from your phone changing the day’s proceedings. It’s only a second-long hesitation that announces this change to the twins.

Pietro says your name in a tone different than the one earlier. It’s a tone of concern that snaps your head up at him. Wanda hanging around the quarter’s entryway, staying close enough to be apart of the conversation.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, now with your attention.

“What? Yeah, yes, I just got a…you know, a hot date.” You turn your phone to face him. Not long enough for him to read the entire message but enough to know that you weren’t completely hiding anything “I’ll see you guys later. Brush your teeth before going to bed, I’ll know if you don’t.”

Before Pietro or Wanda could give a retort the door slid shut.

“Who were they talking to?” Pietro asked the only other person in the room.

Wanda didn’t answer. Rather tilting her head towards her brother. Rolling her eyes when he asked “what? Wanda, what?”

-

Although officially a desk agent there were times the field required someone of your talents. When this happened, all other duties had to be dropped in exchange for an outfit change and a fancy car shared with your accompanying field agent. Natasha has been your designated agent since the first field mission and could now be considered a friend.

It would seem the babysitter had become the baby. Including having your clothes laid and being helped into them before reaching the car.  

“You’re an heiress looking for some expensive decorations and I am your lovely assistant and translator for the evening.” Natasha says, holding the under-suit’s legs open for you to slip into. “We’ll show up fashionably late. You are incredibly rich and important and better than all of them. So, don’t make eye contact with anyone, and try not to say anything, they’re below you.”

Unlike fulltime field agents you weren’t trained enough to go without serious protection. Not just in the form of an accompanying agent but also in a (jokingly called) bullet proof onesie. So, fitting it was essentially a bullet-proof wetsuit that stopped at the knees and elbows. Making the clothes to wear over it something with long sleeves, past the ankles and covers the neck. Sunday school appropriate for this event.

“Can I fake an accent? Like, German?” It was a dumb question for you to ask, but the ride to the gallery was already taking longer than it should.

“Hmm, Let’s hear it.” Natasha doesn’t look up from her phone but still sounded interested.

“Vell-,”

“Stop.”

Very special pieces were being auctioned off tonight. Invite only without any advertisements to say what’s up for grabs to outsiders. Although the windows were blacked out and authorities were paid off (but obviously not enough) supposedly nothing for sale was illegal. But if that were true you wouldn’t have found a seat in the front row.

The language of the night was deeply European. One or two words you could maybe guess what they meant but there was no way you could name it. Nat knew it though; it kept her ears perked to the room and her mouth right next to your ear for most of the night.

First items up were the typical rich people arty stuff; vases and paintings that probably represented something to someone if you squinted. Those went for a year’s paycheck in minutes. It was after the third portrait of some lady now long dead that Nat placed a hand on your back, just below the neck.

“Next up is ours,” she whispered. “you’re doing good and you’re doing great.”

The entire night was spent with better manners than an office setting could ever be. Back straight, eyes forward, and no one is allowed to make eye-contact. It’s only when the target was wheeled in that your mask was starting to slide.

Genuine HYDRA blueprints for a titanium prosthetic. White ink on blue paper with decades old coffee stains and tiny tears, spread up and out under protective glass like a butterfly. Although Mr. Barnes had a serious upgrade with the Vibranium he now used. But these blueprints showed just how advance the original was for the time.

Sitting forward as it’s wheeled by wasn’t enough to authenticate the prints. Something you easily communicated to Agent Romanoff with just a look.

It was a bad idea, it called why too much attention, but Agent Romanoff whipped her head towards one of the several employees of the auction. Curling her finger at them to get them over and in her speaking line.

She speaks quickly, and with an edge to her voice, to the employee. With only a few words back that same employee returned to his post and spoke to the next man in charge.

“They going to invite a few of us up to inspect the piece,” Agent Romanoff whispers, “You’re going to have to be fast, we’re going on stage.”

Others in the audience made their way onto the stage when invited. Agent Romanoff ensures that you are somewhere in the middle of it. Heels and heavy shoes making creating white noise for your work to be done.

In all HYDRA’s documents, blue-prints and almost everything else their symbol was hidden throughout it. A little game of where’s the octopus in two places. A large, but translucent, icon covering the center. And a smaller one in the bottom right-hand corner, hidden behind the creator’s signature. Reproductions never had the smaller symbol, but the stains and fingerprints ensured you were right.

Later, during the debrief, you would be lectured about the importance of subtlety and espionage. But how was the look you gave Agent Romanoff any different than how others were looking at their people?

After that (completely natural and not at all suspicious) nod Natasha’s arm was around your back. This was part you were suddenly feeling ill. This was the part your assistant/translator/arm-candy would escort you out with just enough urgency and demands for the bathroom that you’d be gone before everyone was in their seats. Apparently this was also the part a sudden security guard fires twice into your chest.

“Watch your head.” Although not yelling Agent Romanoff’s voice was firm.

It's hard to say which was scarier; the bullets aiming firing for your death or how calm and professional Agent Romanoff was about it all. Although, few rounds were actually fired inside the auction hall.

Agent Romanoff shot an arm out to the first security. Pushing his gun up and inward quick enough to catch his jaw and take him out of the game. Agent Romanoff keeping the downed man’s sidearm for herself.

That was really the only bit of action you clearly saw that night. When things go wrong in the field it’s the agents job to remove their ward from the situation with minimal injuries. As the researcher your job was much simpler; don’t die. “Keep your head down, use your arms to protect yourself and trust your agent.” Was hammered in during field training. With this mantra running over and over you weren’t in the position to watch the mess happening all around.

“Someone, call the police!” It takes a second to realize it’s Agent Romanoff yelling this. In a panicked, almost shrill, voice that practically screamed ‘we’re being victimized!’

With all the guests now properly riled up it was easier to exit the building. Allowing the oncoming mod to carry the two of you out of the building without much more fuss from security. Trying to kill an agent was one thing but killing a rich connected person (or worse their spouses) would be on an entirely new issue.

Someone stepped on your foot. Another put an elbow in your rib harder than the bullets. And a third open hand pushed you, and your agent, right out the door and onto the street. It was only through the strength of Agent Romanoff, and your handling of flats, that this mission could be considered successful.

The blueprints were already being tracked and followed by the time you’re stripped down to underwear. The pretty clothes had to be taken removed, the makeup wiped off, hair undone, and the bullet proof onesie had to be taken away. Simple tank-tops, shorts and a coat were worn on the journey home. By the time it’s all off, and you’re finally walking into the apartment, it shouldn’t be surprising how you looked to others.

“Have a good time?” It takes a second to realize it’s just the roommate asking the question.  

It’s expected that any roommate a SHIELD employee takes on would also be with SHIELD. The two of you weren’t in the same division or even security level part of why living together worked out so well. She was in the know enough to hear you complain but enough in the dark to keep any secrets from getting out.

“Yep, had a real banger of a night.” Although a friend and technical coworker you couldn’t disclose too much about the missions. At least not until the green light is given by the higher ups. Instead, you can only give the people something to speculate about. “Can’t wait to see what the bruises are going to look like tomorrow.”

-

Spoiler alert: the bruises looked like hickeys. Something noticed by Roommate but keeping quiet about it in exchange to heading out early. Ready with the latest thing to share with the office mates.

Just like any working environment gossip is always somewhere underfoot. After being dragged in by someone who couldn’t leave it at home it’s then latching onto everyone who came close enough to hear it. Most ignore it, others listen then forget and others drag carry it further into the workplace. Until researchers leaning against the wall talk too loudly and Pietro catches a few too many words.

“Who were they talking to?” Pietro asks once the housing area’s door shut. Quickly clearing things up with the use of your name.

“I’ve haven’t seen them yet.” Wanda doesn’t care enough to close her book but does enough to look up.

“No, yesterday. Before they left, someone messaged them. Who was it?”

Wanda shrugs and returns to her book, but there’s a smile there.

“You know who it is,” He says, now on beside her. “Tell me.”

“I can’t say for sure,” She’s smiling again. Only a slight glance at Pietro. “but I think he may be very handsome.”

The siblings argued as siblings do. With Wanda teasing as sisters do. All of this could be heard before you even made it to the door. Standing at its threshold to listen as the two go at it.

“Natasha will tell you the same, Pietro.” Wanda says, probably aware that you were in hearing distance. “And she says he can do more than simply be handsome.”

Although you say nothing Wanda grins at you.

The gossip overheard is just words without evidence. Just enough to get Pietro thinking but not enough to create any serious emotions. But the “evidence” to create those emotions was now standing in the room. Small marks darker than your natural skin was peaking out from the lower neckline.

To you, they were simple bruises, nothing worth trying to hide, even something to brag about to the other desk workers. To Pietro it was marks of another person, something that pursed his lips and marched away from. Doing so slowly, to be sure that both you and Wanda were aware of how upset he was.

“I missed something.” You say, setting everything down on the counter.

Wanda has a habit of sneaking into other people’s minds. The mission, the shots and the everything was slowly being filed through in the back of your head. A pressure at the base of your neck screaming that there was an intruder.

“Stop it.” You snapped, but Wanda only smiles back.

 “How was your ‘hot date’?” She finally asks.

“Is that what he’s…sonofabitch. Pietro!” There are only three rooms in this section of the compound. One being Wanda’s, another Vision’s and the third Pietro. Making it easy enough to find the pouting grown man.

“What?” He asks upon your entering.

There isn’t a response on your part for moment or two. Spending that time going to the room’s corner. Standing on tiptoes to find that switch that definitely doesn’t exist on the camera. Shutting it down for the time being before turning to start your explanation.

“You can turn that back on.” He says from his place on the bed. “There’s nothing bad we need to talk about.”

“So, you don’t wanna hear about how I was shot in the tit?”

Manners were out the window at this point. Pietro openly looking towards your chest. Back up to your face, and back down to your chest. “You were shot? They look more like…”

“They’re not hickeys, I was shot a few time through a suit.” Frustration was starting to build up. It was overflowing when you finished with “You really should know about being shot.”

The hurt on his face screamed. He didn’t look away but stayed staring forward right at you. “Pietro, I’m so…I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“It hurts,” He says. “Being shot, it really hurts.”

“I’m sorry.” Even as you walk around to sit beside him Pietro stares at where you were. Listening to your apology but not saying much else. Until he dares to lean against you. Something more than cuddling with a friend this time around. “I get it, I get you’re scared and all that. And I really like you, Pietro, I like you more than I am allowed to.”

It’s hard to say who started the kiss, but it doesn’t really matter. It was happening, and it was so much more than a something between friends.

“When that camera comes back on this didn’t happen.” You say in a moment of separation for air.

“What happens when the camera goes off again?” He asks, thumb rubbing over the bruise.

DRISTAAAAA TIMEEE

VOD: TommyInnit Speaks To Dream’s Sister AGAIN

(rp): Drista!! I love this chaotic child and am looking forward to seeing the children bully each other lmao. I especially love the mythos around Creative mode, and that the most benevolent god on the Dream SMP is just as likely to ban you as hand you a shulker box lol.

I do wonder how in character cc!Tommy is going to be able to stay during this stream: on one hand he’s a master at staying in character even during lh moments, and on the other Exile arc is some Dark Shit and Dristas like what, 14?? Overall I expect this to be one of the lighter streams, with a smattering of moments where we remember that, oh right, Tommy’s pretty actively suicidal at this point and he sees this as one of his last hurrahs.

Speaking of our boy Tommy: it's very clear we are getting closer and closer to the infamous pillar. He switches rapidly between Fight and Fawn reflexes and has mostly internalized Dream’s treatment and conditions at this point. The one stand out moment being him calling out Dream killing Mexican Dream last stream, and pointing out he was changing his story even when Dream tried to lie and say he died of “a drug overdose [...] or natural causes”. I’m curious if Tommy is going to bring it up again, and even more curious if he eventually believes Dream about it; something to watch out for, for sure. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this moment of rebellion happened right after he had someone both stand up for him and spend time with him that wasn’t actively hostile or going to end (supposedly, at least by intention)

Hey we didn’t start off drowning for once!! cc!Tommy was also singing, though that could have been mostly out of character as well. Still, remarkably in a better mood, he even mentions having an appetite! You love to see it, and it's clearly because he’s looking forward to Drista’s visit

He’s building a log tower and on one hand, Tommy building Towers is a natural state of being, and on the other…. I know the pillar is coming and I am scared

A mention of the Anti-Dream hole… I still worry about when exactly and how Dream is going to find it. Still, I’m glad it exists, both for Tommy having a space for things important to him, as well as what it represents about his mental state re:not giving over completely to Dream

DRISTA!!!! LOL she was already online we didn't even see her join LOL. CHAOS GREMLIN she just flew over in creative mode and started wrecking shit, as is her right lmaoooo

“You massive jer--, (quieter) whats a nicer way…, YOU MASSIVE DICKHEAD” oh, Tommy..

I like how he tries to punch her even when shes CLEARLY IN CREATIVE MODE ADSADASD

The violence inherent in fourteen year olds,,,, adsfsadfsdfds

I hate this conversation why is this the conversation asdffdsfsd TEENAGERS

DREAM YOUR NOT EVEN A TEENAGER WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING THE SAME LOGIC

Well SHE can destroy the obsidian asdfsdfds She just Spleefs

“What would Dream do” Probably worse lets be honest

Is he actually gonna go back to L’manburg?? I don’t believe it but I also want :(

Again with the stabbing

AND DOWN HE GOEEEESSSS

“I have the fork, but I'm also killing you” afsafsdfdsf Tommy why are you wearing your good shit omg

Lol cc!Dream trying to defend his character for mocking Tommy’s accent adsfsdfds “I would NEVER” in the totally not believable tone lmaoooo

DID SHE REALLY GO AT HIM WITH A FORK I'M FUCKING DYING DSAFDADSFDS

“I will take it from you and I’ll kill him”... I have so many thoughts about how this works in lore. Is Drista possessing Dream? He can kick her out clearly, but she still has God Powers…

Lol and now SHES mocking his accent lmaoooo (... is it bad she sounded pretty close to me? lol)

Adsfdsfswd casual chaos Drista just broke the Nether Portal

Asking Drista to stop destroying things is a big ask to be honest lmaoo. Also she seems to be at least somewhat informed that ‘Dream is not supposed to be nice to Tommy’ or at least seemed hesitant to do /weather clear

GOD THE LAVA BUCKETS AND THE POTION OF HARMING adsfsdfsdf

“Tommy [beheaded him] actually… and killed Mexican Dream” Dream you motherfucker

“How to Sex 3” THE PANIK!!!!!! From Both cc!Dream and Tommy!!! This server is Not Child Friendly lol (Doesn’t…. That not even include sex things…. afasfsd)

Honestly I can’t stop smiling this is so wholesome somehow even with all the cursing and violence

Pigstep IS a bop, Tommy is right

“Just let him, just let him this one time” :(

“Tommy I still have the Fork” Drista totally willing to stab her brother to visit L’manburg

HE TOOK THE FORK ASDASDAS

Yes, closing your eyes will totally protect you from Forks lol

“I don’t need school, I dropped out” Is this Lore Crumbs, is this Lore

HEYYYY ITS THE BEDROCK, the one piece of bedrock he has lol, I think he still has that in current day right?

Drista is writing her name in BEDROCK adsfsdfds “I’m not going to be able to get rid of that actually” “That's the Point”

LOL SHe also recognized the burrito as from Mos lmaooo

Somehow “I really want to go to the other place.. I don’t know why he won’t let you” hit hard… it was def ooc, and she doesn’t have the full context, but still… its just someone else wanting and asking for Tommy to be able see L’manburg…

Afsdfsd the Small Gasp when she spleefs herself omgg

HES THERE!!! HES THERE!!!!!! L’MANBURG!!!!!!

Punz!!! WHY!!!! Were you there bc Drista might let Tommy through, was this a safeguard for the LORE. Also he’s currently working for Dream directly right, as a merc?

Drista trying to save Tommy!!!! Punz why are you winning a fight with someone in creative adfsadfsd He’s too good lol

They have negotiated a visit… I’m so emotional I wasn’t expecting this…. No one told me we got a real L’manburg visit !

BIG Q SHES FOURTEEN!!! Omg they didn’t tell him it was Drista. BIG Q!!! BIG Q DON’T SELL HER DRUGS

“He was Naked” good for you Drista, good for you. There’s something so hilarious about Drista just stabbing Quackity over and over again cause she’s uncomfortable lol (as is her right)

LOL THE FINAL KILL WITH MAGIC WHEN HE’S ALREADY DROWNING IM

Wha --- what video was it????? What is this Tommy picture on the Technoganda???

….”are you sure I’m allowed here” Dream’s conditioning is strong :(

“At many minute I could get mugged” To be Fair Tommy, that was true before

Did Tommy just suggest spawning in a Wither asdfsdfds

DRISTA DOG ARMY!!!! Aww and Tommy has one too~

THE BENCH!! THE HOUSE!!! Aaaaaaaaa He’s sitting on the bench nature is HEALING

AAAAAAAA A BLAZE!!!! Pfffft

…. Who destroyed the front of Tommys house?

,,,,Drista what are you doing with that soULSAND

“OK we'll turn on him” adsfsdfsd

OH HEY TECHNO!!! Lol “Oh god he meant me” fucking mood big man

……. Tubbo hallucination……… fuck

LOL HE COMBAT LOGGED “YOU CALL THAT COMBAT” I'M

To be fair, logging against a /kill is probably the only way to get away lmao

…...F

“Getting thrown off a cliff is literally how Theseus died!!” lol its also hilarious to me that Tommy def does not remember being called that. Personally I don't think it fits him super well anyway, but I do like it as something Techno calls Tommy, that shows how much he misjudges Tommy's character and intentions. No heroes here, just a kid trying to do good by their friends and what they care about

Techno actually looking up how to kill someone in creative mode

…. :( I just want my actual clingyduo content this is meeeeannn

OH HEY TECHNO …. You fucker he would and it would be HILARIOUS (get mad if Drista opped Techno that is lol)

….

….

IS THIS WHY THEY’RE BEDROCK BROS????? BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE DRISTA BEDROCK??????????????????????????

HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS ???

LOL TRUE DUO SUPREMACY TUBBO’S GOT TECHNO'S BEDROCK

Oh F Techno got him with the Obliterator lmaoooo

“I have 114 levels PLEASE” asdfdasfsdf

LOL Tubbo with the TNT there's our nuke boy, I'll take my crumbs where I can get them

THE SHULKER HOLY SHIT

“Don't let someone get it!!”” ADSFDSAFSDFDS they all tuRN CC REAL QUICK WHEN THE SHULKER BOXES COME OUT

Awesamdudes like: MORE PLEASE AFDASFDSF

Techno immediately snitching about Elytra and dRISTA GETTING THE ACHIEVEMENT

EVERYONE SNITCHING IN CHAT I'M!!!! DREAMS REACTION ASDFSDFDSF

Drista being the chaotic giver of illegal gifts is so fucking good I'M THRIVING

THE RUN ON PUNZ !!!! omg

Also can we just take a minute to appreciate Tommy being allowed around people <3 <3 This is so wholesome and good and chaotic as all hell

“I thought I was Tom Cruz for like a whole week” ...TOMMY??

LOL SHE BANNED TECHNO OMG

Dristas on a banning Rampage afsdfsdf

BAN GOGGY OMGGG

Omg shes actually making a wITHER DASDASDFAS

Oh no poor Tubbo I didn’t know he was liVE

319k viewers jeezus

Awwwww Techno hyping up Wilbur's song :) that's so sweet actually

…………….Fuck you Dream :( saw the chance to Twist the Knife in c! And TOOK IT

LOL THE FUCKING FORK IS THE BEST BIT LOLLLL

Lol ironically the Bedrock bros song is the oNE COPYRIGHTED ONE, god why did Minecraft ever copyright Pigstep what a shit move honestlyyy

Pigstep fucking goING TO TECHNO LOLLLLLL “this is the most powerful item on the server since it DMCA’s people”

LOL PUNZ TRYING TO STEAL ANOTHER SHULKER

Poor Sam he actually has to BUILD give this man a SHULKER

Lol Everyone wants a shulker so much

….aww he tried to toss the pigstep disc lmaooo DRISTAS LITERALLY HOLDING IT Scaaaaaammmmed

Drista “I NEED IT ON HAND” So committed to violence !!!

The fucking creepers on the way out omg fuckign PERFECT

LOL TOMMY WASN’T READY FOR THE TURN AROUND ON CURSING LMAO You can tell he's always been the youngest who people aren't sure how much they can curse around lmao He's so soft honestly he talks such a big game and then CRUMBLES when called on it lol

Asfdsfs she fell through the same hole again afsdfsdfsd

Drista has been introduced to a Weapon and she’s gotten ATTACHED lmaooo

Wait HOLD THE PHONE Dream has multiple sisters??? Lol

“Yeah I like Shit” Dream: “whAT???”

Bye Drista it’s been nice!!! I hope she had a good time, she seems like a good kid (who is definitely not a content creator lol though she keeps up admirably)

Drista’s one of the few people who can make Tommy speechless lmaooo he looks actually shocked lol

Also first mention of GhostInnit…. cc!Tommy…..

Keep preparing…. Was his original plan to rush Dream even if (maybe especially if…) he died? Fuck man

Also holy shit was this stream right before Quackitys? ? amazing

This was honestly such a BLAST and a really good time, and I can see why its viewed as one of the few breaks we get during Exile :) I feel so refreshed and it was so so nice to have Tommy hanging out in L’manburg having fun with his friends (even if Tubbo was stuck being a Hallucination and Also Banned lol) No deeper insight, I just haven’t stopped smiling for an hour and a half <3

Canon Era - Single Fic Arcs

Rheged

Author: McShame

Description: 

Post S5 (AU): canon to the end of S4 & part of the way through S5. 

Gwen and Arthur have been married for several years, Merlin’s magic has been revealed and Arthur has now reached a kind of cold peace with it.  Then a delegation arrives from a kingdom based on magic, and suddenly Destiny is starkly and ruthlessly thrust to the fore.  The question is should - can - it be avoided? 

Word Count: 124,383

Completed: Yes

Comment(s): 

Definitely might want to pay attention to the tags on this one; one scene can be interpreted both as dubious consent (but more like a I want this, but I can’t do this type of situation), as well as mentions of infidelity and attempted suicide by magic because Merlin just doesn’t want to deal with the fallout and aftermath of his and Arthur’s actions and the consequences it has on their relationships with Gwen and Gwaine.  But if you can handle the rough spots, this fic is truly spectacular.  

Whispering Your Name

Author: CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Description:

A different take on the dorocha.  Instead of them being faceless screams that attack you, they are actually figures of the dead.  Merlin doesn’t quite realize how much death affected him until him and the knights go to close the veil.  

Word Count: 22,517

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

One of my absolute favorite fics of all time.  It also has a bit of Uther redemption in it and Lancelot lives! It also has one of my favorite interactions in a fanfiction: 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Arthur growled, throwing up his hands.  “That thing murdered my people and you allowed it to live--” 

“You murdered my people and I allowed you to live,” Merlin said sharply.  Gwaine felt his eyes widen.  Bold words.  Part of him wanted to ‘ooh’ at it but knew it would lead to a very bad outcome.  

Dower the Stars

Author: RurouniHime

Description:

During a time of great prosperity in Albion, the Druids offer Emrys a precious gift.  Arthur is not amused. 

Word Count: 40,654

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

A super fun but also very romantic fic.  Druids far and wide come in and kiss Merlin, hoping that their magic will react a certain way with Merlin’s and he’ll bond with one of them.  Merlin however decides to throw a wrench in his plan when he chooses to bond with Arthur instead after almost losing him.  

Overstepping

Author: Masked_Mayhem

Description:

Merlin knew he was pushing his limits, that he was millimetres away from overstepping the invisible line that Arthur had wordlessly set and the warlock had been careful not to cross, but he was never one to listen to the rules that were set for him.  Especially not when he was afraid. 

Agravaine had managed to weasel his way into his king’s mind and ingrain doubts in the people he loved, the people that loved him...doubts that only took place and bloomed as the traitor lied and deceived and planted things against them. He had gotten rid of Gwen easily enough, and had almost gotten rid of Gaius. Merlin was afraid. Were a few words and items all it would take for Arthur to turn against him too?

Word Count: 51,915

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Merlin steps over a line and Arthur punishes him for it.  Later, when Merlin was right, Arthur regrets his decision and saves him.  Romance blooms between the two, but a wrench gets thrown in along the way with the reveal of Merlin’s magic and deeds in Arthur’s name.  There is a lot of angst, but I like to feel as if it’s a happy ending for the two.  

Springes to Catch Woodcocks

Author: myashke

Description:

When Arthur pushes Merlin away to protect him, what lengths will Merlin go to remain in his life

Word Count: 83,292

Completed: No

Comment(s): 

Unfortunately the only negative that this fic has going for it is that it doesn’t seem as if it’ll ever be finished.  There are 7 chapters and they were last updated in December of 2011.  Still worth the read.  

Two Souls

Author: Naelyn

Description:

A few days after Camlann, Merlin and Morgana find themselves imprisoned in the same place, and forced to spend their days together.  Basically, this is just a pretext for non-stop Merlin and Morgana interaction once the Emrys reveal has been made. 

“I’ve gone soft over the day, you know.  A few months ago, I would have killed you where you stood.” 

“A few months ago, you did try to kill me where I stood,” Merlin reminded her, and she could hear the smirk in his tone.  

Word Count: 11,417

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

One of the only fics on this list that won’t be specifically a Merthur fic; but it still isn’t Mergana either.  The idea is that after the revelation at Camlann, one can assume that Arthur lived and that Morgana wasn’t killed; that Merlin had been banished or sent away for the lies he told and somehow was subsequently captured.  

What starts out as a hostile interactions between Merlin and Morgana leads to understanding and apologies that lead on a path to healing.  The end is left open ended, it’s implied that they are sent to their deaths in another kingdom without hope of being rescued, but you can use your imagination to decide if you wanted them to have a happier ending.  

The Patter of Tiny Feet on Cold Stone Floors

Author: TheAvalonian

Description:

When Guinevere finds that she is unable to bear Arthur a child, Merlin offers her the perfect solution: an ancient spell which can create new life out of love, if that love is pure and powerful enough.  But after the ritual, it becomes increasingly obvious that while Gwen has indeed become pregnant, the child she carries might not have been created from the love between Arthur and his wife - but rather from the love between Arthur and his Court Sorcerer.  

Word Count: 79,131

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Merlin and Arthur have a baby!  But it’s not an mpreg fic.  Guinevere discovers that Arthur and Merlin are more tied together than she and Arthur are - and while that is difficult for her to come to terms with, she concedes that Arthur has the chance that she never had with Lancelot and doesn’t want to stand in the way.  Queue of course evil plotting on behalf of Morgana and a kidnapping of the queen and princess - who happens to have shown gifts of her own - and it’s a rollercoaster of a tale that leaves you wanting more.  

Metamorphose

Author: clotpolesonly

Description:

When Merlin falls into bed with Arthur, he doesn’t expect to wake up alone.  He doesn’t expect Arthur to give him the cold shoulder either, but there is something else he expects even less which forces him out of the kingdom for over a year. 

He returns to find a traitor in the court, an army on the way, and a love he’d thought all but lost waiting for him with open arms.  

Word Count: 33,753

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

I don’t usually enjoy mpreg fics because they don’t make sense to me from a biological stand point and usually get explained away as “because reasons”.  This fic is an exception, it does a good job of explaining why it is that Merlin might wound up in his situation and it deals with difficult question about how to handle the knowledge and who to share it with.  

Flowers in the Wind

Author: the_seaworthy_muffin

Description:

A thousand and five-hundred years ago, Arthur Pendragon is sent to the god Emrys as Camelot’s yearly tribute.  He comes to befriend the god, and as the prince continues to spend time on the god’s island, something more seems to blossom between them.  But then the Lady Morgana goes missing, and Arthur betrays Emrys to his father in a moment of misguided trust.  Emrys’ island burns, the heart-broken god refusing to fight for his life.  In dying, he puts a terrible curse upon the prince: to live forever, and never forget. 

A millennium and a half has passed.  Arthur is being slowly torn apart from the inside-out, memories of the past an ever-growing weight in his chest.  When he finally finds Emrys again, he is elated - he’s ready to beg, weep, anything, if only he can find blissful forgetfulness.  But while the god’s power has not faded, his memories have, and he lives his life as young artist Merlin Emrys, believing himself to be a simple man with interesting gifts.  And Arthur’s hopes are dashed.  But there is one last way: Arthur can try, and make Merlin remember again. 

Word Count: 67,366

Completed: No - but it is being continuously updated

Comment(s): 

This is a truly spectacular work of fiction and I almost didn’t give it a chance.  I am so glad that I did.  Honestly, this is now one of my favorite authors on AO3.  

Peace, Plum, Pear

Author: sweetestdrain

Description:

How in his tenth year of rule King Arthur chose a man to take the role of Court’s Magician, and how Arthur made his decision.

Word Count: 13,700

Completed: Yes

Comment(s): 

Merlin fled the kingdom after Uther found out about his magic, and now it’s been ten years since the old king’s death and Arthur’s ascension to the throne, and yet Merlin is still nowhere to be found.  

Arthur gives in and holds trials for the new Court Sorcerer and in walks in an old man named Myrddin Wyllt.  But, there’s more than meets the eye to this strange and mysterious magician.  

Deluge

Author: Suaine

Description:

In the aftermath of Merlin’s battle against Nimueh, the rain seems a minor complication, perhaps even a cleansing influence.  When the rain doesn’t stop, Camelot is pushed to the brink once more.  This time, Arthur may be in over his head.  

Contains: a lot of wet boys in emotional scenes, Arthur knowing more than he lets on, Merlin being an idiot, both of them being a bit stupidly heroic, telepathic chess, rain (lots of), war, making out against a tree, coincidental druids, co-opted history, co-opted myths, magic, coming of age (metaphorically), and more magically annoying yet surprisingly un-floody water than you can shake a stick at.  

Word Count: 50,565

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Beautifully written fic, truly a great addition to the fandom. 

Idiosyncratic Romance

Author: F0rcryinoutloud

Description:

“And what about your destiny?” Gaius asked softly.  “Merlin, you know Arthur needs you - whether he realizes it or not.  You won’t have to hide from him forever.”  

Word Count: 13,942

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Beauty in the Ashes of our Lives

Author: Fulgance

Description:

After Merlin is executed for Uther’s murder, Arthur’s world falls apart. 

Word Count: 21,599

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Arthur makes a huge mistake when he executes Merlin following the reveal of his magic.  

Tiercel 

Author: waldorph

Description:

Arthur is constantly at war. 

Word Count: 6,571

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

This is a wonderful magic reveal fic where Merlin goes out and discovers more about magic while still taking care of Arthur and protecting him; Arthur is constantly at war because Uther has decided he wants to take over and unite Albion.  

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 14

A Ferry Good Experience

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, the party finally wrapped up their business in the small town of Barley, and headed back to Cauterdale to catch the ferry to Thunderbrush across the Bay of Uneasy Repose. In this session, they make a few more last-minute preparations, and embark on a nautical voyage!

Said nautical voyage is swiftly set upon by a few different kinds of trouble.

Before they leave for the docks, Looseleaf catches Orluthe alone while he's having some trouble with street food. There's some sort of tough overcooked octopus dish he can't quite figure out how to eat.

Looseleaf: "You could, maybe, use a knife?" "Or, I guess, maybe you're not supposed to because overcoming a challenge like extremely overcooked seafood is, like, a triumph or something and you're not supposed to back down from those?" "Is that how the cleric thing works?" Orluthe Chokorov: "Sorry, um..." He looks around nervously. "What, um, makes you say that?" Looseleaf: "Well, you know, the fact that, all your combat cantrips involve you declaring how victory is certain or whatever, the fact that after Oyobi dealt with that bobbledragon you channeled your divine avatar to heal Mr. Cutter and your god was all like 'ah, that great beast you have overcome and slain is a honorable offering and you're super cool for having overcome this challenge my man' or whatever..." "Like, I'm just, puttin' all my cards on the table here, it's pretty obvious?" Orluthe Chokorov: "..." "You, uh..." "That's not... something you can, um, prove," he says, unsure.

Looseleaf manages to talk Orluthe into putting his cards on the table, too. Apparently he's next in line to be the head of the Temple of Diamode in his hometown, and he's been sent to study at Blacksky to prepare. Only problem is- he's not a cleric of Diamode. Or even a cleric, for that matter- he's something else, instead. His disposition is noticeably non-Iska-Peakstrider-Goddess-of-Triumph-ish, you might've noticed.

Remember how Orluthe is a shifter? Apparently he thinks of his other form as a different person, and that person is way more in line with Iska and her obsession with victory and superiority. Iska chose his feral warball champion alter ego- the Alpha Doomhound- and has been helping his more mild-mannered side fake being a cleric of Diamode in order to help him attain the headship of the temple for some reason.

Looseleaf... attempts to pry a little more.

After asking a few more questions about how exactly channeling divinity works and feels (kind of incomprehensible sometimes, since godthoughts connect to godmemories you don't have when the channeling ends), Looseleaf reassures Orluthe she'll keep his secret, and the party sets off for the docks.

At the docks, they meet a few goblins from Cauterdale Harbor Management, who tell them all about the amazing deals! Ferry vouchers (like those provided by Blacksky) are four gold, good for any ferry at the harbor- but some ferries cost extra on top of the voucher. Their options are:

The Satellite Islands Transit Company is the budget option, which will get you across the bay for only the price of the voucher- if you're fine riding a crowded and dubiously-seaworthy old tub.

The Cauterdale Armored Navy operate a smaller and more secure ferry- an armored military vessel with advanced protection against sea monsters, for an extra two gold.

Cabana Jim's Pleasure Cruise is an enormous yacht with an onboard spa, for an extra ten gold on top of the voucher- and comes with a coupon for half-off at Cabana Jim's Luxury Resort and Spa.

Looseleaf sees no reason not to cheap out, so they pick the SITC- except Vayen, who goes for the Armored Navy so as not to be on a crowded boat with the rest of the party. Until... the surprise reveal that oops, they've got fantasy airport security, and in order to go on the SITC ferry, they need to submit to an inspection due to an "elevated maritime threat level".

The inspection is pretty thorough, and Saelhen's sleight-of-hand rolls to conceal her knives fail- which they apparently don't care about. What they care about are the party's magic items. The cloak, rug, and pillow all check out, apparently- too minor, not waterproof.

Unfortunately, Saelhen is unable to conceal her bracer, and as it's apparently an ancestral heirloom. They're going to need to put it in a lead carrying case, which costs extra- and also, oops, it doesn't come off Saelhen's arm, so it's going to cost extra extra to stow her entire body in a lead vault.

Why? Because Darkflame Retribution Everwatchful Black Sapphire, Mistress of Turbulent Waters might be out there, and she has a habit of attacking ships to steal powerful magic items. Unnessie just likes fish, and Krakalackie "plays with boats" but is harmless, but "Darkie" is a genuine threat if she senses a magic item.

So, the party instead springs for the Cauterdale Armored Navy ferry, since they have certain measures in case of dragon attack. They head to the boat and find it manned by Medd Cutter, the guardsman they rescued! Also, they find a rich dwarf, a family of gnomes, and Vayen, who is unpleasantly surprised that the party changed their minds and followed him.

Medd explains the security measures on the ship:

The mess hall inside the cabin, which locks with an airtight seal

The recessed seating area on the deck, featuring seatbelts

The diving-bell helmets under the seats, which have an air supply if they get pulled underwater

The magical water-repelling forcefield that holds out long enough to get everyone's helmets on

The levers on the helmets that switch on to make them soundproof in case of dragon

There's a cacophany of acknowledgment from the load of gnome children, and the ferry gets underway.

As they're traveling, Saelhen and Looseleaf ask Kensa why exactly she's so excited to get to Corolos.

They show Kensa the Anycloak, and she immediately loses her entire got damn mind. She offers to do ANYTHING, ANYTHING to have it! Saelhen... takes this as a teachable moment. Kensa needs to learn to haggle.

She doesn't do a particularly good job, and Saelhen gives her some pointers- and eventually agrees to four conjurations per fashion lesson. With that, she puts on the cloak... and makes the Wisdom save that using the cloak triggers.

She gets a 1.

And what happens is... the last thing the cloak transformed into, a super-opulent fancy armored winged battledress... bleeds into the sundress Kensa imagines up. And those elements of the design, leftover from Looseleaf's imagination, seem to Kensa to have been her idea, somehow.

That's... probably... safe??

And soon after Kensa revises her design again, she looks out at the sea, and points at something in the distance, and asks "What's that?"

It's some sort of huge mutant plesiosaur, sniffing at the SITC ferry.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Yamatake, I swear to heaven, if you try this again I will tell the dean that you tried to murder me in my sleep for my valuables." Oyobi Yamatake: "Gods, don't freak out. It's not like I could even fight it anyway! It's under the water!"

Then Unnessie cries out in pain and dives back below the water, leaving the SITC ferry alone. Just as a giant tentacle spears out of the water right next to the party.

Everyone scrambles to get on their seatbelts and helmets as the tentacles wrap around the ship and begin pulling it underwater. The gnome kids scream in terror and/or delight as the parents try to corral them, and the dwarf retreats into the cabin. The party stays out on the deck, and the layers of magic forcefield begin to fail as they're pulled underwater.

So, this incomprehensible warball-field-sized eldritch abomination pulls both the CAN and Cabana Jim ferries underwater, and starts swinging them around. Everyone but Saelhen passes their CON save against nausea!

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I AM A DELICATE FLOWER AND DO NOT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT."

They both roll high on perception, though, and are able to notice...

Benedict I. (GM): After about ten minutes, as promised, the tentacles retract, and the boats begin their ascent back to the surface. The horror retreats back into the depths. Looseleaf: A very timely horror! Most children aren't so fastidious about keeping to their deadline promises. Benedict I. (GM): You break the surface, and after a minute of checks, the magic fields turn off. Water drains out the edges of the boat. Looseleaf: Is this not another example of the marvelous beauty inherent to this world? "That was... actually a lot more- a lot of fun!" "Nobody got hurt, right?" Orluthe Chokorov: "I'm all good!" Oyobi Yamatake: "Oh I have to kill one of those someday." Looseleaf: "Oyobi noooooo. It's just a little baby." Kensa Kanthalga: "That... was fun, right? That was fun? I'm not traumatized?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Well, I had a nice time."

And then, because two sea monsters wasn't enough, something huge and made of deep-blue crystal breaches the surface of the water right next to them, and lazily leans its upper body on the deck.

Everyone immediately switches on their soundproof helmets, and the dragon... pulls out from the water a terrified-looking sahuagin dressed in rags, holding a sign reading "Parley". The dragon performs a lip-zipping gesture, and points at the fishman.

Next time: oh my god a DRAGON in this DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS campaign

My worries for Tasha's Subclasses

(Artwork by Wizards of the Coast)

It seems pretty much confirmed that every Unearthed Arcana that’s still considered “relevant” (IE the ones that are a year old and haven’t been officially deconfirmed by WoTC) (IE IE the ones on D&D Beyond) is going to be coming to Tasha’s Cauldron. The only thing that has been confirmed otherwise is that the Psionic Talent Die is going to be changed, which is why I’m not going to comment on any of the psionics subclasses.

However I do have some worries about the subclasses that received a poorer reception. So I guess as a way to document my thoughts, or because I don’t want this account to just be D&D builds I want to give my thoughts and worries on all the current Unearthed Arcana subclasses.

ARTIFICER

The only Artificer we’ll be getting is the Armorer, but we’re also getting a full reprint of the Artificer to “de-Eberron” the class. We’re also confirmed to have new Infusions which makes me extremely hopeful. (I hope they’re not just the infusions from the Artificer UA.)

Regardless I may as well talk about the infusions as well as the Armorer subclass:

ARMORER

The only problem I really have with the subclass is, ironically enough, right on the tin of the subclass. Giving Artificer heavy armor proficiency makes an already extremely tanky class even tankier. I think being able to wear Heavy Armor while dumping Strength is a little much, especially since the weapons also use your Intelligence modifier. It just reeks of min-maxing, and while thankfully Intelligence isn’t as broken as Charisma for the sake of multiclassing shenanigans (no Paladins with a 1 level Hexblade dip) I still think Artificer is going to be extremely strong for Intelligence subclasses like Eldritch Knight, Rune Knight, and ironically enough Arcane Trickster.

Yeah that’s another big problem with the class: the Infiltrator armor. Rogues in Heavy Armor without stealth disadvantage? My favorite. It’s a cool visual but again I don’t want to deal with a 20 AC Rogue. Everything else with the subclass is honestly fine but my problems start and end with Heavy Armor that doesn’t require Strength.

INFUSIONS

Armor of Magical Strength - Similar problems that I have with Armorer subclass, but it’s conceptually fine since it’s limited by level and charges.

Armor of Tools - It sucks but it’s fine.

Helm of Awareness - I honestly think “Alert on a stick” is fine. Infusion slot and Attunement slot for a Feat is fair.

Mind Sharpener - Just… no. Should not be printed. You shouldn’t be able to fail concentration twice.

Spell-Refueling Ring - Just let us build a Spell Storing Ring (IE the magic item.) And not at level 6. Level 10 maybe; level 14 most likely.

BARBARIAN

PATH OF THE BEAST

Thank god for alphabetical order. I honestly think Path of the Beast is fine and I could see the subclass printed without any changes. It’s a little underwhelming but conceptually fine, and it fulfills a good fantasy. I even think the healing ability of the Bite is fine; Battlerager could get Temp HP every turn and that was fine. The ability to heal is balanced out by the weaknesses of the class when compared to the likes of Totem Barbarian.

PATH OF THE WILD SOUL

Ooooh boy now here’s where my problems lie. This entire subclass is bonkers and should not be printed.

WILD SURGE

Oh cool a massive damage nuke plus temp HP for a tank class.

Oh cool unlimited teleportation for a melee class.

Arguably the worst one but still a massive damage nuke for free.

Oh cool more AC and damage reflection for a tank.

Okay the actual worst one and arguably the only “bad” one.

Oh cool making it harder to hit a tank.

Oh cool dual wielding with a Greataxe, and giving a melee character ranged options.

Oh cool an Iron Man laser at the start of a fight that bursts enemies and sets them up for you to attack them.

This ability should have more negative options. The entire point of Wild Magic is to have a chance to screw you over or a chance to majorly help. The class also doesn’t need three different damage nukes at the start of rage. (Equaling a 3/8 chance to just nuke the enemy.)

MAGIC RESERVES

The single dumbest ability ever printed on a class in 5e. I honestly see no way to make this balanced, even if it was limited to once per long rest. Also how the hell is this balanced for 6th level? This should be the 10th level ability at least.

ARCANE REBUKE

Free damage as a reaction. This ability is simultaneously super underwhelming and way too powerful.

CHAOTIC FURY

Makes your stupidly OP level 3 ability even more “reliable.” And unlike WM Sorcerers you have a 2/8 chance to get something good; not a 2/50 chance.

BARD

I honestly have no problems with the College of Creation beyond the level 3 Bardic Inspiration feature, which is underwhelming.

I doubt College of Spirits is going to come out. It’s way too early for that subclass since it hasn’t been tested enough.

CLERIC

TWILIGHT DOMAIN

Honestly I remember thinking this subclass was really overpowered but looking it over again… It’s fine? Other than the fact that the level 17 ability is poopy it’s fine.

UNITY DOMAIN

Also got no major problems with this subclass. A bit on the strong end but no worse than some of the existing Clerics.

DRUID

They’re both great and I have no complaints.

FIGHTER

Rune Knight is a very mixed bag for me. On one hand I love the growth ability and I think it makes Rune Knight a great universal damage class while also having a great mental fantasy to it.

On the other hand this class is almost entirely based on the runes? And what I find especially confusing is that the runes seem way more powerful than “doing an extra d6 of damage.” Yet Giant’s Might is limited to long rests and the runes come back on a short rest?

I’d personally like to see Giant’s Might have only one or at most 2 charges, but have the ability come back on a short rest. But to compensate I think the runes should be limited by long rests, since they’re so powerful as is. This would also make the ability to unlock more runes as you level up more useful, as it would give you more options throughout the day instead of being overloaded with actions that aren’t fighting as a fighter.

Oh and let’s talk about those runes, hm?

Hill - So Barbarian’s Rage is limited by long rests, but the rune that literally recreates Rage’s damage absorption is short rest reliant? Kk.

Fire - Cool worse Hold Person that they can save against every turn. Arguably the weakest rune, though probably the coolest mental image. I’d actually be okay with this one remaining short rest reliant.

Frost - I honestly don’t think getting +1 to Strength-based stuff is that OP. The dumb thing is that this gives you advantage on skill checks with two skills passively. Animal Handling and Intimidation aren’t amazing but they aren’t useless either.

Cloud - Again two skills you get Advantage on, but Slight of Hand and Deception are more situational. Redirecting an attack is also situational; can be strong but you need a target to redirect it to among other things. Also one of the more balanced runes.

Stone - By far the best passive boost combined with by far the worst active ability, but that isn’t to say that a 1 minute pseudo-banish is useless.

Storm - Alert on a stick? Advantage on a skill you’re probably going to be making a lot of skill checks for (as an Intelligence character)? TEN CHARGES OF THE LUCKY FEAT? Excluding the zillion and one other synergies with this rune (hey do you want your Rogue to sneak attack completely for free) being able to screw with hit percentages is a quick way to break encounters in 5e.

IMO the Fire, Frost, and Cloud runes are fine. The Stone rune is a bit too strong passively but I think it would be balanced if it gave advantage to something other than Insight. Hill and Storm are way too strong though: Hill should be limited to Long Rests and Storm should be outright reworked.

Other than that Defensive Runes is OP but it’s probably going to be limited to a number of times equal to your Intelligence mod (akin to Artificer.)

MONK

Woo boy here we go.

WAY OF MERCY

The big problem with this subclass is that it’s extremely weak early but insanely strong late. A melee range Healing Word (d4 + WIS) is insanely underwhelming but 20 charges of Cure Wounds that you can use while also attacking 3 times is ridiculous.

Oh and you know what’s especially ridiculous? Doing 4d10 damage to an enemy that’s incapacitated or poisoned! Hands of Harm is conceptually meh but with the triple damage to incapacitated enemies this suddenly lets a Monk pump out 16d10 damage for 5 Ki points (which they get back on a Short Rest!) To put this into perspective Psychic Scream does 14d6 damage - less die rolled and a smaller die size! Yeah yeah “but Psychic Scream is AoE and stuns!” doesn’t stop the fact that this subclass is doing a 9th level spell’s worth of damage.

Noxus Aura is conceptually stupid and makes a class that’s already hard to kill with ranged attacks near-impossible to kill with ranged attacks. Healing Technique lets you cast a second level spell along with your first level spell every turn but I suppose it’s situational. And Hand of Mercy? Oh okay 20 days of being unable to move and being damage immune.

This subclass is a complete mess and while I’m fine with a healer Monk it shouldn’t also double as one of the strongest DPS classes in the game. “It uses a lot of Ki points” yes but Ki points come back on a short rest. You shouldn’t have four 9th level spells per short rest.

WAY OF THE ASTRAL SELF

Honestly I think this subclass is fine with the exception of how many attacks it gets, which completely screws with action economy, average hit percentages, and just general DPS. No class should be able to outright ignore one of its earlier features because a new feature it gets is just objectively better, and Astral Self gets to ignore Flurry of Blows because it has it 24/7. I get that they wanted to recreate the JoJo Stand Rush but Monks already attack 4 times, which is more than enough.

PALADIN

Oath of the Watchers is honestly fine if a little weak. My only problem with the subclass is that it has a very Ranger-esque problem of being way too good at what it’s meant to do. (IE fight Extraplaner Threats.)

“But you said Wild Soul doing damage with its reaction was OP!” The difference is that Oath of the Watchers has limited range and is limited to spells, so unlike Wild Soul you can’t do free damage to the giant who just tried to smash you with his club.

RANGER

I’ve given my complaints about Fey Wanderer before. Basically I think the subclass is way too weak, but if they buff it up I think it would be fine. As for Swarmkeeper it’s conceptually weird but in terms of balance it’s fine.

ROGUE

I remember really disliking the Phantom Rogue but looking at it again… it’s fine? I still think the major problem with the subclass is its flavor, and while you can reflavor it decently well (I still really like the concept of a Transdimensional Trickster, playing as a foil to the Horizon Walker Ranger) I think the core concept is far too edgy for most people.

I’ve actually personally played a low level Phantom Rogue for a one shot and I think Wails from the Grave are fine if a little weak overall. I think Ghost Walk is a little OP (as you can give enemies essentially permanent disadvantage to hit you every fight, along with the ability to ignore terrain) but everything else is honestly fair.

SORCERER

I still don’t like Clockwork Soul. I think XP to Level 3 sums it up best (6:33):

Basically the early level abilities are fine but at late level you get:

An insanely high guarantee to hit your attacks (not everything at level 14 is going to have 20 AC, but if the enemy you’re fighting has 20 AC or lower you have a 100% guarantee to hit them) + a massive defensive boost (on top of your already massive defensive capabilities.)

A 9TH LEVEL HEAL SPELL FOR 7 SORCERY POINTS???

“But it’s a high level ability!” Yeah high level abilities shouldn’t be completely ass-blast bonkers. The high levels exist to be played and you can’t defend broken high level abilities with “well you won’t get to high level anyways.”

WARLOCK

My sweet darling baby Warlock. Probably doesn’t come as a surprise to people that I think both the Warlock subclasses are great, and it also probably doesn’t come as a surprise that I have personally played both of them!

Undead probably isn’t going to get in (good because I really don’t like that subclass) so let’s talk about the others:

GENIE

Currently playing a mid tier (level 8) full Genie Warlock in a campaign. First of all I want to say that I love the versatility built into this class with the four different sub-subclasses you can pick.

Anyways this subclass ironically feels like the “Warlock+” class akin to Champion Fighter (Fighter+), Open Hand Monk (Monk+), and Eloquence Bard. (Bard+) At level 3 you get a safe place to short rest (Bottled Respite) and a mini Agonizing Blast (Genie’s Wrath.) Level 6 you get three charges of non-concentration flight which is huge for a class that doesn’t get a lot of spells. Level 10 you can now get a safe short rest for your whole party. And level 14 gives you another spell slot once ever 1d4 days.

I think the roleplay opportunity with this subclass is great given the versatility between sub-subclasses and the ability to essentially carry a house with you. My only major problem with the Genie Warlock is that I find it hard to create a character who isn’t just Aladdin. I found it a lot easier to play this subclass when I started thinking of the patron as just an elemental instead of a genie specifically, but I hope Tasha’s Cauldron will come with some lore inspiration for people who want to play the Genie Warlock, because I think the subclass is very fun and well designed!

Still a little salty that my Yuumi build is outdated because of the rework to Genie, but who knows I might make a Unity Domain Yuumi when Tasha’s Cauldron comes out.

LURKER IN THE DEEP

I took a 6 level dip in this subclass for a Bardlock awhile ago. I will say I love this subclass but again ironically my only major complaint with the subclass is that it focuses too much on its theme. I would’ve much rather preferred a general “summoner” Warlock, but I acknowledge that Warlock subclasses don’t really work like that. So a Kraken Patron is honestly fine for this concept, and I can tolerate all the strange fish-related abilities while reflavoring the subclass.

WIZARD

I’m not a big fan of the Order of the Scribes, since I personally feel that it doesn’t really fulfill the “living spellbook” theme.

I have a few small complaints about the class’ features: I don’t like that the subclass is able to replace the damage type of a spell completely liberally. (Sorcerers have to use Sorcery Points and Metamagic to do that?) I also think the level 14 ability is rather underwhelming, but that can be fixed.

Other than that I think the subclass is conceptually fine? But I still feel like there’s more you can do with the theme.

TL;DR

I’m very worried about the following classes:

Mind Sharpener Artificer Infusion (You shouldn’t be able to lose concentration twice.)

Wild Soul Barbarian (Every single ability that this subclass gets is overpowered and I’m really worried about this Wild Magic Spellslot Battery Clown Fiesta subclass.)

Way of Mercy Monk (Comedically overpowered with the highest DPS of any Monk subclass along with massive healing output and a TWENTY DAY LONG PARALYSIS?!)

Clockwork Soul Sorcerer (Late game abilities are OP.)

I am mildly worried about the following classes:

Armorer Artificer (Having such liberal access to Heavy Armor is a bit too strong imo.)

Rune Knight Fighter (I think some of the runes need a major rework, and I’d like more of a focus to be put on the Giant’s Might ability.)

Way of the Astral Self Monk (Too many attacks.)

Oath of the Watchers Paladin (It’s a little too good at fighting extraplanar threats.)

I am disappointed with the following classes:

Fey Wanderer Ranger (I think the abilities are really weak compared to existing Rangers, and considering we’re talking about Ranger that’s saying a lot.)

Order of the Scribes Wizard (I think there’s more you can do with the concept.)

And everything else is fine.

Honestly God and five and siblings goals. Also do you have any more info on that au??

(about the late addition/universe child au here ;3c)

adsfSDFGH are you kidding they would be the most insufferable kind of siblings where God and Five are consistently bothering each other and getting on one another’s nerves because they both are strong personalities that clash but at the same time if you even THINK about being mean to the other they will kill you without mercy

of course there’s being protective AND being irritating to multitask which God considers her job as a big sister clearly??

at some point Five figures out how to shift the academy like two inches to the left dimensionally speaking so that it sort of becomes something almost like how the Commission HQ was out of time but not quite?? it’s the house that when you enter you kind of feel like you’re entering a liminal space because it’s not quite in the dimension but it’s also not not in the dimension?

which is a longwinded way of saying that Five figures out how to squirm right through a loophole so God can come to their family dinners sometimes, when she wants to come

absolutely no one is sure what to do with,, you know,, God as their,,,, what? step-sibling? Like,, yeah the universe didn’t marry Reginald or whatever but she’s five’s sister and five is their brother so??

klaus just rolls with it and teams up with god to irritate five while also taking her side on genuinely everything because she gave Dave and Ben back

(“That was actually me??” Five protests loudly, because he was the one who had to fucking jump into an active warzone after Klaus ditched and grab a big old adult corpse and lug it home like does no one have ANY respect for the effort he makes?)

Five only brings up being ‘older’ than God exactly one (1) time because she immediately turns him into a 3-year-old until he manages to contact their mother to set it right (and even then she made him stay that way for a couple of days for “teasing his sister” before returning him to age 13)

“Hey how come you can change Five’s age but he can’t?” Allison asks over breakfast. No one touches the coffee pot because God made it, and it’s like black sludge. Well, Five drinks it - but he hardly counts.

She takes a sip of her tar. “Eventually he’ll be able to do it, but he’s too young right now.”

“HEY you know the conversion rates, right?” Klaus interjects, “How old is Five in universe years?”

God just kind of shrugs. “I spent my first few hundred years cradled in our mother’s arms as she spoke galaxies into being. I was probably a few hundred thousand years old when I made my first planet, and then a few hundred thousand more than that when I figured out life.”

Five is also drinking sludge tar coffee and carefully not commenting.

“Is Five a baby?” Luther asks incredulously, and he absolutely deserves the mug that is thrown at his head. He’s only fortunate Allison yanked him out of the way so it shattered on the wall instead of his thick skull, and that Vanya immediately moved to restrain Five from lunging across the table.

God, for her part, simply shrugs. “It’s a bit difficult to say. We aren’t the same as other people. We aren’t even the same as each other. One day, when we’re old enough, we’re supposed to leave our mother and become universes unto ourselves - but that’s so far into the future as to be eternity.”

Mollified, Five sits back and nods his head, because it isn’t fair to judge his age by human standards or by universe standards really.

Except then God smirks and says, “But he’s definitely younger than me and being not even a hundred definitely makes him a baby.” 

They end up just having to cut God’s visit short that day before they manage to completely destroy the kitchen. As it stands they’re going to have to entirely replace the flatware. Diego ended up just bear hugging Five to his chest and walking out of the room at one point, which Five quickly escaped and jumped back in. Klaus told Diego it was a bad idea, and so the black eye is Diego’s own fault.

honestly just the knowledge that your brother is kind of ?? a god? or a demi-god? they’re all somewhat unclear on everything

“I think I’m having a crisis of faith.” Klaus wheezes from the floor when Five finally ends up trying to explain after he does his thing so he can have God over at the house. “Are we religious? Are we supposed to be religious now? Are angels real?”

“You’ve been calling Dave your angel for literal months, Klaus.” Five points out, unimpressed.

Klaus rolls over to prop himself up on his elbows and give his littlest brother the stink eye. “YEAH. But like, in a GAY way not a CELESTIAL way thank you.”

“Important clarification.” God deadpans from where she’s sitting on the couch inspecting her nails. Allison is painting her other hand in confident strokes that only faltered a little upon finding the exact identity of the little girl in front of her.

“Does no one care about my crisis?” Klaus howls mournfully to the ceiling.

“I finished the tea.” Dave announces, coming into the room and just looking at Klaus on the floor with fondness instead of the general exasperation that’s sitting on every other sibling’s face. That’s how they know it’s love.

“That’s why he’s an angel.” Klaus sighs dreamily, accepting the cup and reaching up to pull Dave down to cuddle while Five makes a face at the blatant PDA going on in the house

honestly just Dave being super calm and just very very calmly turning to Klaus upon finding all this out and being like “Klaus, love of my life, I know you told me your family was weird but what the actual fuck.” 

And he’s from like, the old days when fuck was a really really bad word so you know it’s bad

(someone: i have questions about religion - 

god: actually i’m agnostic

someone: …

god: …

someone: but aren’t you goD -)

now i’m picturing claire coming over and having a tea party with her uncle five and also oh, god

(patrick, frantically, in the background after being filled in on all of this: what the fuck allison what the fuck)

but basically five in this au is like,, a very weak god?? because he’s a baby in terms of years and their power is supposed to grow with their years (which probably means that the universe absolutely could have interfered but it would have been a little like using a nuclear bomb to get rid of a spider in the house)

Five can: part the fabric of the universe to travel - both spatially and temporally, do some quick and dirty magic tricks like swapping two items or jumping an item to his hand instead of going to it, and speak the language of the universe - which is how he contacts his mother (it’s a little bit like yelling for your parent from across the house and hoping they’ll come closer to hear you)

God can do a whole heck of a lot more than that but she binds herself with a lot of personal rules - the chief of which is not to interfere too badly in mortal affairs because she’s a big believe in free will. And also if she tries to help one person, where does she draw the line?

(God likes Allison because she gets what it’s like to be capable of overriding someone’s free will and then choosing to not do that - even when it’s the easiest option available)

“So like, do I get my own planet?” Five asks, idly spreading peanut butter on bread as he prepares his favorite snack.

“Maybe when you’re older.” God says, just that side of condescending as she loudly clicks buttons on a gaming system she stole directly out of Ben’s hands not even ten minutes ago. He just let her have it and sat down at the table with a book and a deep sigh.

“I’ll kill you.” Five says mildly, like he’s commenting on the weather. “I’ll kill you, and no jury would convict me.”

“On no.” God deadpans, not even looking up from her game. It may or may not be pokemon. “Whatever will I do. I wonder where people go when they die. Surely it isn’t my own home dimension. Oh, the horror.”

“Don’t bring me into this.” Ben mutters, loudly flipping a page and making Five snort in laughter.

honestly i’m just picturing a whole lot of shenanigans tbh,, like not even connected series of flashes of just sort of a slice of life comedy

(“Some big sisters teach their little brothers to ride bikes.” Diego mutters, rubbing at the side of his head where his entire goddamn ear vanished a moment ago when he’d be volunteered for God to try and demonstrate something on him, “Just harmless bike riding. Not vanishing people’s fucking ears. The nerve. See if I hang around you two again.”)

Just Diego at the police station getting really frustrated with a case and being like “Hold up Eudora -” (“Don’t call me that.”) “I’m gonna call home and see if god is in, see if she knows that the hell is going on here. If not we might have to talk with Klaus, ugh.” (“Diego what the FUCK.”)

technically god has a name but it’s in like,, universe language?? it’s in starsong and not really,, applicable to human ears? the universe has a starsong name as well, and technically so does Five, which is probably why this au five was so resistant to getting a ‘name’ - he already had one

(Luther, horrified: wait when you said about being the four horsemen were you being literal

Five: don’t be silly Luther, if my sister wanted to cause the apocalypse she’d come down here and do it herself, not outsource

Luther: i am not comforted by that)

even after their first somewhat interesting meeting, god actually does get along with klaus very well - partially because his powers most directly relate with her ‘dimension’ so to speak, the one she calls home most of the time

i’m currently picturing a team up between god, claire, and five and it’s horrifying and wonderful and i’m sure causes more than one stress ulcer in the house goodness

but yes needless to say i do have a lot of thoughts about this au lmao

Prompt mayhaps for the holidays? Where Persephone makes everyone wear the matching pajamas maybe?

So this is a Holiday prompt for literal literary queen @acequeenking. She is a master wordcraft and also just a super lovely human!! We were joking in a chat that Orpheus still believes in Santa, and while this started as a joke it turned into a very tender piece? However Hades also dresses up as Santa, so like, there are moments of comedy.

--

Winter nights at Hermes bar were often desolate. Traditionally barstools stood quietly during the winter months, their only occupants the families of dust bunnies made their home on the surface. However tonight there was an unusual rush, a swarm of people, old faces and new faces had flocked to the bar to avoid the oncoming winter storm. Returning home from her shift, Eurydice slumped her backpack and coat off of her shoulders, the items falling to the floor with an unceremonious thud before she collapsed into one of the well worn reading chairs tucked into the corner of the young couple’s home. In her state of exhaustion the young girl had failed to notice the dinky tree branch propped up against the rightmost side of the fireplace with care.

“Orpheus?” Eurydice called out, suddenly far more alert as she sat up in the chair, eyes locked on the plant. Had Persephone sent them yet another plant? Eurydice wasn’t sure what to call it, it wasn’t tall enough to be a tree, not full enough to be a bush. If she was asked to describe it Eurydice would have categorized it as sad. Eurydice also couldn’t piece together where it had come from because it lacked the normal trademark elements of a Persephone plant. There was no decorative pot, no note, and most of all the poor thing looked like it was on the brink of death, if not dead already. 

Orpheus peaked his head out from the thin wall that separates the kitchen from the main room of the house. The first thing Eurydice noticed about her husband is that he was grinning like a child. She made a mental note to ask him what good thing had happened today, maybe he had finished a song, but first, there was the pitiful plant to deal with.   

“What’s this and why is it in our house?” The girl questioned, gesturing at the branch. Orpheus made his way across the room, his long, slender legs taking him to his wife in just a few steps. In his arms, he held firewood, which he knelt to the ground and set in a tidy pile opposite to the mystery plant. 

“It’s our Christmas tree!” Orpheus explained, his expression beaming with pride as he looked up at Eurydice. His answer only caused more questions to flood her mind, trying to make sense of the scene before her. 

“Okay first off, that is not a tree. On its best day it’s a branch, and today isn’t its best day. Secondly, trees go outside loverboy, not inside. Third, you didn’t answer the why part of my question.” Eurydice reached out to gently ruffle Orpheus’ hair before running her fingers down to his jawline and coaxing him up to her lips for a kiss. She hoped this act of tenderness would soften the blow of her response, which she realized might have been a little harsh. 

Orpheus’ excitement didn’t waiver at her commentary however, instead, his face seemed to glow even brighter. “It is our Christmas branch then! It is a little skimpy, huh…” the boy paused for a moment, blushing while he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “But see you decorate the tree - er, branch, and then at midnight Santa comes and brings gifts! It is a tradition Mister Hermes taught me about, we would decorate a tree and I would try to stay up, to see Santa and say thank you, but somehow I always fall asleep before he comes. I thought this year we could decorate our own!”

“We bring a tree inside and then a stranger comes into our home and gives us free things?” Eurydice probed again, cocking an eyebrow. The more her poet tried to explain the situation the more confused she found herself. Rather than dig herself deeper into this hole, she opted to give herself over to Orpheus and his fun. His excitement was addictive. Not to mention he looked adorable sitting on the floor, wide eyes twinkling with hope. “Oh never mind all that. What do we have to decorate with?” 

***

“Hades, you have to put on the suit,” Persephone huffed, taking a seat on the edge of their bed. In her hands, she held a stunning pair of trousers and thick outer coat crafted out of crimson velvet and white mink’s fur. The springtime goddess was frustrated with her husband, it was a rare occasion when she requested anything from him. Today she wanted one small favour, a gift really for the poor boy who had saved their marriage and brought the world back into tune, and he was refusing. “Don’t do it for me, you owe me nothing. Do it for Orpheus, the person you owe everything.”

“He’s too old to believe in this, why should we indulge him?” Hades shot back, his arms crossed against his chest, eyes flickering between the costume in his wife’s lap and her cold glare.

“Hades, you know why he believes,” Persephone said softly, her long elegant fingers caressing the velvet of the suit. “Hermes was going to tell him, and then his mother…” She trailed off, ending her sentence with a faint sigh. “Hermes never told him because it gave him something to believe in, something to hold onto during the darkest time of year. Orpheus is the person he is today because he believes in magic, and whimsy, and love. It is that belief that helped him find the courage to journey down to Hadestown. He believed, and that belief not only saved that girl, but it also saved us Hades.”

“That girl, she is too logical to play into this fantasy of his. I suppose the fantasy is your’s and Hermes’ as well at this point,” the king rolled his eyes, pressing his index and middle finger to the bridge of his nose as if to stop a migraine caused by this conversation. Hades walked over to his wife, sitting with defeat next to her. He placed his hand atop hers, fingertips gently grazing the fabric. “I’ll do it, this year. But please, someone has to tell that young man the truth, one day.” 

“Yes, one day someone will, but today is not that day,” Persephone smiled, shifting the clothing from her lap to Hades. “Thank you, husband. From me, from Hermes, and from those children,” She reached up and caressed his cheek, coaxing a smile out of the hardened god. “Now, I set their gifts inside my springtime tote. Come along now, you need to get dressed and we need to step onto the train. Midnight is nearing.” 

***

Despite her earlier exhaustion, Eurydice had thoroughly enjoyed decorating the Christmas branch with Orpheus. Never before had she taken a moment in time to make something intentionally pretty with the only purpose of the task to enjoy the beauty of it. Her life was always practical, straight to the point, pretty had to serve a purpose, to aid her in survival. Once or twice she had prettied herself, to manipulate a meal or find a warm bed to fall into on a winter’s eve much like tonight, but the act of decorating tonight was unfamiliar. 

What had started as a barren tree branch now had life breathed into it. Photos tied up with string of the couple’s loved ones; Hermes with his all-knowing smile behind the bar, Persephone with a bouquet of flowers larger than her head, and of course the young couple themselves too enamored with each other to even notice the camera flash. Each photograph told stories of laughter and springtime sunshine as they hung from the branches. 

While they didn’t have much in the realm of sparkling things, no gold or silver, looking at their tree, it was obvious that they had each other and an abundance of love. Eurydice smiled to herself as she looked over the photographs, reminded that it was Orpheus’ love for her that made the existence of each of the photographs possible. His faith in their love had saved her and saved the world. What greater gift could she ask for than that? 

Once the decorating was complete and Orpheus topped the branch with a homemade star crafted out of old strings from his lyre, the couple settled into each other. Cuddled up in front of the hearth Orpheus laid with his head in Eurydice’s lap the two of them sharing favorite memories from the previous spring. Her fingers gently raked through his chestnut brown hair, occasionally stopping to twist a lock around her finger. The conversation slowed and the young girl could tell by the slowing of her lover’s breathing he was starting to fall asleep. It was traditionally at this point where they would stir, collect themselves and migrate to their bed for the evening. However tonight, the dim glow of the fire and sweet scent of pine enchanted Eurydice. There was some magic about their Christmas branch that made her want to look at it forever. 

Behind her, a floorboard creaked. Now Eurydice was used to the sounds their old home made in the night, but this was not the bellyaching of the ancient flooring. Whipping her head around the young girl was met with a sight that caused her to nearly burst out into laughter, but she quickly covered her mouth with her hands to stifle the sound and prevent waking Orpheus. There was Hades, the terrifying king of the dead and the underworld, standing in her living room in the most ridiculous costume Eurydice had ever seen. He was dressed from head to toe in red and white, with even a matching hat. Once the man had instilled great fear in the young girl, his powerful presence terrifying enough to send a chill down her spine. Now he looked almost jolly, ignoring the cold, dark glare in his eyes. Behind him stood Persephone, her giant smile bright enough to put the sun to shame. 

The goddess placed a finger to her lips, telling Eurydice to remain quiet as to not wake the sleeping poet. The older couple crept over, stepping with great care to avoid making any additional noise. “Not much of a tree,” Hades whispered as he gestured for Persephone to open her bag. 

“That’s what I said,” Eurydice half whispered half giggled in response, still not over the fact that the god was truly pretending to be Santa for Orpheus’ sake. 

“Well I think it is lovely sunflower, you two did a beautiful job decorating her, though do put her in some water, she’ll perk up,” Persephone murmured, reaching out to touch the plant. Even at just the briefest of contact with the goddess, the branch appeared to stand a little taller and the colouring a little more vibrant. 

As Hades placed the last gift under the branch, Persephone reached out and took Eurydice’s hand. “Do not let him stop believing, his faith saved us all. Merry Christmas Eurydice, until springtime,” she whispered her goodbyes, pressing a kiss onto the younger girl’s knuckles. Eurydice nodded in understanding of what the goddess had said to her, the three of them owed everything to her poet and his belief in seeing the world the way it could be. A world full of blooming flowers, of magic, of love. 

Just as the couple was closing the door behind themselves, Orpheus began to stir in Eurydice’s lap. She looked down at the boy, hair fluffed out in all directions. “Santa?” He yawned, voice thick with sleep.

“You just missed him, lover,” Eurydice mused quietly, stroking Orpheus’ cheek with her index finger.  Even in the limited lighting, she could see the disappointed pout forming on her husband’s features. She held back a small laugh as he shifted slightly in her lap so he could look up at his wife with those beautiful hazel eyes. Eurydice leaned down, smiling as she pressed her lips to his. “There’s always next year. We can keep each other awake and wait together. It will be our new tradition,” the young girl suggested, watching as Orpheus’ pout turned into an excited grin. 

As the couple began to gather themselves for their migration from the floor to their bed for the evening Eurydice took Orpheus’ hand, stopping him so they could look at their tree once more before going to bed. She leaned back into him, his arm wrapping protectively over her chest. “Orpheus?” She asked, looking up at him with adoration in her eyes. Her poet replied with a soft hmm, muffled from his lips pressed against the crown of her head. 

“Thank you for sharing these traditions with me,” she whispered into the night. “I am so thankful for you, for tonight, and for all of the future Christmases to come.” 

DIO’s Hired Assassins Ranked

I’ve been rewatching JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders lately because it finally came to Netflix and thus I could get my old DM to watch it (for the sake of memes). I haven’t watched it since it came out and remembered having something against it, but I couldn’t remember what exactly; my fondness has only grown thanks to how memetic it is.

The answer: it’s too long and the villains aren’t especially memorable, DIO aside.

After I got to Alessi, I decided I wanted to rank them (specifically to put him as dead last, though I ended up not doing that). I was originally going to put this on my personal blog, but realized that I’m evaluating a bunch of weird spells, so it’s here.

IMHO, Stands split pretty well between Monk (fighting spirit, etc.) and some sort of caster (so many of them are just flat-out spells). The majority of the villains are the latter type, so I figured this would work here.

I’m going to skip anyone on Team Joestar and DIO because that’s just unfair.

Murder Stands

Before I get underway, I want to introduce a term I’ll be using again and again: “Murder Stand.” This is a Stand which has no ability beyond hurting/killing people. I take off points for this because even Punch Ghosts like Star Platinum have other utility.

Unranked: Thoth (Boingo) -- Precognitive Manga

Thoth is all potential and little application -- mostly because the Oingo Boingo brothers are comic relief villains. Thoth’s ability is to predict what will happen to the reader (who doesn’t necessarily have to be the Stand user) in the next few minutes, but without enough context for it to get used reliably. Indeed, every character who uses it ends up hurt. Since it’s an item, it’s possible that someone could steal it from Boingo permanently. That said, the possibilities with this Stand are immense, so it should be far more powerful than presented.

25 - Sun (Arabia Fats): A miniature sun with a suite of solar powers.

Illuminates a large area as though it were noon. (Sun sits at approximately 100 meters in the air and has a very wide area of effect.)

Raises the ambient temperature in that area to intolerable levels

Can fire highly accurate energy blasts at anything in the area

This Stand appears in a single episode (not quite a BLAM episode: it fits contextually, but it’s never discussed beforehand or afterward) and the only dialogue we get comes from Team Joestar, so we don’t know what the Stand’s actual parameters are. We do know that its use range is largely taken up by how high it sits in the sky and that it affects everything in its area of effect indiscriminately because Arabia Fats is present and has to take precautions against it. This makes the Murder Stand aspect of this suspect: there just aren’t many situations where you need (or would even want) to kill on that scale. Since we don’t know if Arabia Fats can control the light or heat his Stand produces (beyond firing lasers), any further utility is also suspect.

24 - Emperor (Hol Horse): magic missile in the form of a gun with a homing bullet.

Don’t get me wrong, having magic missile at-will is a great thing, but this isn’t an unerring missile (as in D&D) but a homing missile (as in most incarnations of the spell I’ve found elsewhere). It can miss. It’s also a 1st-level spell and there are far more powerful effects on this list. (No idea why this is called “Emperor.”)

23 - Deep Blue Moon (Imposter Captain Teneil): punch ghost fishfolk with various underwater abilities.

This Stand is powerful only if encountered in the water. It’s more powerful than the Emperor and has slightly more utility, but not by much. (Not terribly lunar beyond the association with water.)

22 - Khnum (Oingo): alter self (or possibly disguise self as a Transmutation).

Oingo only ever uses this on his face and hair, but supposedly he can use this on the rest of his body, altering height, weight, and possibly clothing in the process. This has more utility than any of the above, but Oingo’s an idiot (comic relief villain) and there’s another Stand that can do this and more. (”Khnum” because Oingo rearranges his face as though it were clay.)

21 - Tower of Gray (Gray Fly): stag beetle with super speed and xenomorph bite. Mainly used to cause airplane disasters and similar.

The range on this stand is fairly short (the user has to be on the plane he’s trying to crash, for one), but longer than most punch ghosts while still remaining potent. It’s small enough to escape some attention and fast enough to give Star Platinum problems. (”Tower” because it’s used for mass murder via disasters.)

20 - Set(han) (Alessi): user’s shadow animates, de-aging the bodies (and gradually minds) of opponents it comes in contact with; can wield any object the user holds.

By range, this would be a Punch Ghost, but it doesn’t have the other stats for it. Its special ability is rather powerful, but it puts Alessi in difficult situations (he’d be a suspect in any missing person cases seeking his victims); it doesn’t have to be used to murder people, but it’s of limited-enough utility that it may as well be used that way. Finally, the entire arc screams “pedo,” so it doesn’t deserve a high rank even if it had more power. (”Set” doesn’t really fit, but I think they picked it because it’s an approximation of an inimical/evil entity. Not sure why it’s rendered as “Sethan” in English sources: that’s an uncommon transliteration [not related to many inscriptions] and the Japanese rendering is “Seto- 神” [Set-god].)

19 - Ebony Devil (Devo): Chucky. Stand activates after the user is injured, then possesses an object (generally a doll) to seek out vengeance. Stand’s power amplified by user’s hatred of the target.

This is the first truly remote Stand on the list, which is its main perk. Generally speaking, long-range Stands lack power, so having an ability that amplifies power is really handy. However, the fact that it basically requires that the user gets severely injured to work is a deal-breaker. The seeming need to have a doll present to use is also a drawback, but it’s not clear how far the user can be from the Stand, so maybe that’s not that big of a deal. (As for Devil, it works. I guess. I mean, that card has a lot of meanings.)

18 - Wheel of Fortune (ZZ): Stand attaches to a car, manipulating its attributes and making it far deadlier than usual.

From what the episode implied, the user has to be driving the Stand for it to work, which could be an issue. It’s not entirely a Murder Stand (it provides off-road capabilities -- and even vertical surface scaling), so there’s quite a bit of bonus there. (This really should be The Chariot [Silver Chariot doesn’t fit that card anyway].)

17 - Strength (Forever the Orangutan): Stand attaches to a small boat and turns it into a giant tanker. Like Wheel of Fortune, can manipulate any part of the ship. Unlike Wheel of Fortune, can merge/phase the user through its parts.

You’d think I’d rank this lower because it’s water-based, but since it can work on a lifeboat and Forever is an Orangutan, there’s no reason why Forever couldn’t carry a boat around (sneakily), activate the Stand, and then go to town in a town. It’s big, it’s lethal, and it’s easy for the user to hide while killing people. Its just a little too specific to get much use. And, well, you’ve got the user. (”Strength” because of the user.)

16 - Death 13 (Mannish Boy): nightmare; clownish grim reaper kills people in their dreams Freddy Krueger-style. Upon waking, targets who manage to survive do not remember what happened in their dreams without taking extra precautions while asleep. Stand users cannot use their Stands if the Stand was inactive prior to the dream.

If you want to get away with murder some of the time, this might work. Most of the Stand’s abilities are designed for the user to escape attention, but there are two major problems. First, anyone killed in the dream manifests the injuries they receive on their waking bodies, which tend to be gruesome. Second, it’s an incredibly short-range Stand without much developmental potential. If Mannish Boy were to avoid using it much, he could survive to adulthood, but his presence at the scenes of his murders would eventually be his undoing.

15 - Bastet (Mariah): Stand creates an electrical outlet that shocks targets who get too close, thereby magnetizing them. This magnetism grows in strength over time, eventually leading to death from dangerous metal objects impaling or crushing the target. Can affect multiple targets simultaneously.

It’s not entirely clear how close Mariah has to be for this to work, but it’s farther than Death 13. Since the conditions for this Murder Stand are easier to meet, it’s slightly better. There might be added utility to the magnetism, but that’s dubious. Still, the range is close enough that it should be easy to catch Mariah in the act and the Schmuck Bait gimmick is too silly. It’s also unclear if non-Stand users can see it, so it might have less utility than Death 13, but I’m assuming as the sort of Stand it is that they can. (Bastet = cat = curiosity killed the cat.)

14 - Empress (Nena): parasitic growth latches onto target, growing and attacking them until finally killing them.

I strongly suspect that there’s more that someone could do with this Stand than simply killing people (or getting them into trouble), but we don’t see that at all during this episode. Since it’s a physical Stand, even though it’s not technically alive, it’s easier to attack than most Stands and thus remains a liability to its user. (The whole episode has a lot of father-child talk, referring to the fact that the Empress has much to do with fertility and pregnancy.)

13 - Geb (N’Doul): water elemental with incredible range.

In 3.x terms, this isn’t even summon nature’s ally II, which is the earliest available summon that can summon a Water Elemental. The reason is that the smallest elementals in the core rules are all Small and this one is Tiny. It makes up for its size by being deadlier than usual (it might have vorpal attacks, but then again it is JoJo, so it’s hard to say), but it’s not considered a powerful Stand (Destructive Power is C). Its fairly fast, but its main strength is its range: N’Doul was able to command it at a distance of four kilometers (2.5 miles) when attacking Team Joestar, which is insane. (Despite being a water elemental, it’s named after the Egyptian god of the Earth because N’Doul, a blind Stand user, uses Tremorsense.)

12 - Lovers (Steely Dan): microscopic Stand can invade people’s bodies, transmitting and amplifying its user’s pain to them.

This Stand has fantastic potential that’s left unanswered: how much damage can it cause on its own? The episode revolves around Lovers planting spores of DIO’s flesh buds inside brains, leading to death, but given its size and ability to manipulate brain cells, one would think that this thing could cause heart attacks, strokes, severe brain damage, and various other major (or minor) conditions. The range on it and the sorts of deaths it might be able to cause would make it much better at assassination than Death 13 or Bastet. However, it’s not clear what the limits of this Stand’s powers are. I’ve ranked it here for potential, but it might be unable to do all of that. (No, the name doesn’t really fit here, either.)

11 - Tenore Sax (Kenny G.): mirage arcana.

We don’t see this Stand (at all), only its effects, and Kenny G gets killed very quickly (no fight), so who knows? That said, mirage arcana is a fairly high level spell, hence the ranking.

10 - Anubis (various): intelligent sword which provides its wielder with exceptional speed and skill; can phase through matter selectively and learn enemy techniques.

Anubis is pretty standard as far as evil weapons possessing people go, save that it also learns any attack used against it the first time it sees it and afterward can perfectly counter that ability. This makes it a difficult foe to defeat in general; the fact that it can choose to ignore any matter it chooses (though apparently not Stands) is just icing on that cake. However, as it is attached to a sword, it is susceptible to anything that would damage or destroy its “body.”

9 - Yellow Temperance (Rubber Soul): ooze. Invulnerable to damage, devours anything it touches as it wishes. Can coat user to grant imperviousness and disguises (as disguise self).

As Khnum, but also a perfect defense and a fantastic offense. Its main issues are that it requires sustenance, it has limited range, and the trick to defeating it is to separate it from its user and then attack the user directly, which is easier than attacking a Stand in general anyway. (I guess having a defense is temperate, right?)

8 - High Priestess (Midler): imp-like Stand can merge with minerals, growing in size the closer it gets to its user.

Vulnerable to Star Platinum, but otherwise this is an incredibly useful Stand: it’s both a reconnaissance Stand and a Punch Ghost Elemental. As a long-range Stand that can merge with any mineral, any deaths it causes would be difficult to pin on the user (they could all be accidents and the user wouldn’t be suspect). (The only similarity to the High Priestess is in gender.)

7 - Horus (Pet Shop): cryokinesis.

Pet Shop demonstrates a variety of techniques with this Stand (similar to how Abdul has many uses for Magician’s Red), so it may as well be “any spell with the [Cold] descriptor.” (It’s “Horus” because the user is a falcon.)

6 - Hanged Man (J. Geil): light-based Stand attacks from reflections.

It was utterly implausible how they defeated this one, given that it’s able to move at the speed of light from one reflection to another. Mainly a Murder Stand, but plausibly a reconnaissance one, as well. (Not sure how this is the Hanged Man. I guess because it’s limited in where it can go.)

5 - Judgment (Cameo): “Grants wishes” (uses an improved form of fabricate to create perfect copies of whatever its targets wants [down to memories and bits of personality for people] out of clay, but subverts the wishes)

There’s a lot of potential here, with the main limit being the durability of the materials used. That said, one wonders if there are other limits to its ability. Could it fabricate a functional death ray or a supercomputer? (Personally, I think this should have been Khnum, given that Khnum is a potter. It’s probably “Judgment” [as in “Last Judgment”] because Polnareff wishes for his sister to be resurrected.)

4 - Osiris (Daniel J. D’Arby [the Elder]): Steals the souls of those who admit defeat, storing them as coins/poker chips.

Soul bind (a 9th-level spell) as a spell-like ability (so no focus component - ordinarily an expensive gem), used by a professional gambler (so someone with an incredibly high Bluff/Deception). Yeah, it’s a Murder Stand, but it’s one that’s going to make the user very wealthy. (Osiris as lord of the underworld, so souls.)

3 - Atum (Terrence D. D’Arby [the Younger]): Steals the souls of those who admit defeat, storing them in dolls; can read an opponent’s soul (mind), answering yes or no questions.

As Osiris, but also with a faster-acting (but limited) form of detect thoughts. There’s so much potential here, it’s almost terrifying. (Atum doesn’t really fit here. Anubis might, but Anubis wasn’t part of the actual Ennead anyway.)

2 - Justice (Enya the Hag): air elemental manifests as city-spanning fog (as control weather rather than fog cloud), providing mirage arcana and veil to anything and anyone in the area (but selectively); can control bodies (living or deceased) through its tendrils entering wounds; gaseous, so impervious to damage.

As Tenore Sax, but it does way more. Its animate dead-style ability provides total control over corpses in the area without actually being necromancy (it’s actually control body, but seems to work on any type of body so long as it has been wounded). The only thing it lacks is the ability to attack, despite having claws. Still, when you have several spells as spell-like abilities usable over a vast area without the standard limitations those spells ordinarily have and one of those gives you minions, it’s not like you need to be able to attack. In theory, this should have been one of the most powerful Stands in the entire series; the only way Team Joestar defeated it was through shenanigans which made no sense (Star Platinum inhaling the Stand, causing Enya to black out -- because Stands have lungs). (”Justice” because Enya uses it for revenge.)

1 - Cream (Vanilla Ice): Stand’s mouth is a portal to a dimension of darkness. Anything the Stand swallows is destroyed by portal cut (as disintegrate). The Stand can swallow itself and its user without harm, removing them from this reality (as etherealness) and disintegrating anything else which comes in contact with it (as an orb of annihilation).

Invisible. Almost undetectable. Intangible. Wholly destructive. The invisibility comes with the drawback of having to be careful while moving if wanting to go entirely undetected, but that’s not a major drawback. While ethereal, the user doesn’t seem to be able to see where it’s going, though this is inconsistent.

Gods At War Ch. 10

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Like A Breeze

“Tell me again why you won’t use magic on these?” Apollo asked, sitting in a pile of rubble and cleaning off the cover of a book with a slightly wet rag. 

“Because it would ruin their authenticness,” Loki said as they swept some dust into a bin. 

“Then can you at least just get the rubble away? I think I have a stone splinter.” Apollo placed the now cleaned book on a pile of several others. 

“My magic is mostly illusion and healing, I can make you believe there isn’t anything in the way of the books, but you’ll quickly learn the truth and break the spell.” Loki tossed a large piece of rubble into a large bin that Tony had brought for them. 

Tony didn’t say it but Loki knew that Tony would prefer Loki to be working on their home rather than get into trouble. Thor had offered to help Loki clean and rebuild but every time Loki was going to one of the Greek Gods or Tony needed him for whatever they were doing and Loki would wave him off. Loki knew that Thor was needed more at the tower than they were, he was also a lot more liked by most of them there. Loki knew they weren’t wanted so they stayed out of the way. 

“Why does this book weigh more than me?” Apollo said with a little laugh, plopping an over-sized book in his lap. 

Apollo had been the only one who has come with Loki to help, Peter wanted to as well but he had school work to do first and was never done when Loki left. Loki did enjoy having Apollo here a bit, he was still annoying to a degree but it was nice to have someone here to talk to and they shared a lot in common due to being Gods. Loki was able to talk to Apollo about things the others wouldn’t understand besides Thor and Thor wasn’t around much.  

“It’s a collector’s item,” Loki said in response. They used their foot to move some dust and heard crunching. Loki bent down and pulled a broken frame from the rubble. The picture inside of it was one Peter had begged Loki to do. It was of Peter standing between Thor and Loki, arm up and taking a ‘selfie’. Peter had given Loki and Thor each a physical copy in some frames. Loki had kept their’s in their room so only he could see it while Thor’s was on display in his, what he called, house. 

“When I get my powers back, I’ll clean off of this with a breeze.” Apollo blew dust from one of the books and ended up coughing. 

“I’ll be sure to note to not allow you to do that.” Loki got the picture out of the frame and tucked it into their pocket, tossing the frame away and giving himself another note to buy a new frame for the picture. 

“I could also sweep you off your feet.” Apollo moved the book along as if it were flying, giving Loki a grin. 

“I wish you the best of luck with that.” Loki chuckled. Apollo’s flirting was still consistent, but Loki found themself playing along a bit. Apollo was fun, intelligent and while using flirtation for it, he was very kind. 

“So...how’s that whole sorting realms stuff going?” Apollo’s voice told Loki that he didn’t want them talking about a specific part of what he asked. 

“There’s no sign of how long it’s going to take or how far along we are,” Loki said. “Although the more pieces we put together with their own, the more stable the area we’re in feels.” 

“What about the dust stuff in the Cyclops’ eye?” Apollo saw the questioning look in Loki’s face. “I overheard Peter talking to Tony about it.” He added in explanation.

“It was the same from the realm that we can’t locate. We’re not sure where it’s from and if it’s part of the reason why you and the other Greeks are here.” Loki pushed more rubble around with their foot, no longer in the mood to work. “But we’re hoping that since we’re working with the pieces, it’ll prevent more crossovers from happening and it’s just you three here.” 

“What’s the chance another…” Apollo bit his own tongue when he saw something flying through the sky and landing a good-ways away from them. “I jinxed that, big time.” 

“Looks like they already saw it.” Loki gestured towards several more objects flying in the same path, assuming it was Tony and the others. 

“I’m going to head over there, want to join?” Apollo offered.

“Easier to be there than to be told.” Loki stepped towards Apollo and allowed him to wrap an arm around their waist and they wrapped their own around Apollo’s shoulders. Apollo stared off for a moment to see where to go and they took off. 

When they landed; Tony, Steve, Thor, Zeus, Stephen, and Peter were all already there. Loki didn’t notice the look Stephen gave Apollo, but Apollo did and smirked at him as Loki made their way to Peter. 

“Any ideas?” Loki asked.

“Nothing’s jumped out yet, so we’re thinking it might be another God,” Peter said, pointing to the large hole in the ground. 

“There hasn’t been any sound from them,” Steve said. “Do you think-”

“If it’s one of us, they’re fine. It’s probably just Iris being shy or something.” Zeus waved his hand as he spoke and went for the hole. 

“I’m assuming Hera stayed-”

“Ah, shit!” Zeus’ curse cut Loki off. “Guys, it’s Medusa, cover your eyes!” Zeus rushed back over to the group, hands over his face. 

“Did you look at her?” Apollo went up to Zeus. “Did she get you?” 

“I looked away in time, but I didn’t want to risk it more.” Zeus lowered his hands. 

“Medusa?” Peter had his suit cover his head and he went for the hole, seeing someone crawl out of it. Tony was going to protest but stopped when he saw Peter stick his hand out towards Medusa and the snake-haired woman just stared at him. “I’m Peter, it’s an honor to meet you.” 

“An honor?” Medusa scoffed with surprise. “No one’s ever ‘honored’ to see me.” 

“I am. I think you’re really cool!” Peter bounced a little. “You’re super strong and cool and just awesome.” 

“How old are you?” Medusa barely touched Peter’s hand and shook it slightly. 

“I turn sixteen in a few days,” Peter answered. 

“That’s why you’re not scared, you’re young and foolish.” Medusa crossed her arms. 

“Young yes, but I’m far from foolish.” Peter chuckled, glancing at Tony. “Oh! Wait right here!” Peter ran over to Tony, waving his arms. 

“Loki.” Loki introduced themselves to Medusa. Medusa looked at them and stiffened but blinked it away when she saw nothing happened to Loki. 

“How did...you must be like Dionysus.” Medusa nodded, agreeing with herself. 

“Yes, and I wanted to use this private moment to inform you that I know of your story and if you feel any of the fear come back because of a certain Greek we have, let me know and I’ll slit his throat before he even finishes the thought.” Loki spoke soft but harshly, letting Medusa know that they were dead serious. 

“Thank you, but I can handle myself.”

“Of course I’m just letting you know you have backup. The kid will fight for you too, trust me.” 

“Here!” Peter was now back to Medusa, holding a pair of sunglasses. “These should let you be able to look anywhere without worry.” 

“Sunglasses?” Loki asked as Medusa took the glasses and placed them on her head. 

“They’re Mr. Stark’s and his are a lot fancier than a normal pair,” Peter explained. 

“Welcome to the club.” Loki chuckled. 

——————–

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14x18: Absence

Then:

This show is toying with our lives, all for the sake of narrative symmetry.

Now:

Sam and Dean are back at the bunker with no Mary or Jack in sight. One beer and some ironic praising of Jack later, Dean tries calling Mary, only to find her cell ringing from another room. “Try Jack,” Sam suggests.

Several calls to everyone else that will probably be dead by the end of this show (I’m in a dark place right now, guys) later, their one lead is with Rowena. She has a spell that might track Jack and Mary. Cas calls Dean back and confesses his concerns about Mary being alone with Jack. He’s concerned that Jack isn’t ok, and then tells Dean about Jack mercy killing Felix. Dean’s already in hyper-freaked out mode so he doesn’t take Cas’s revelation too well. And by that I mean he hangs up on Cas. Good job, Dean, dealing with your emotions like an adult human.

Anyway, they need to find Jack, asap. Sam brainstorms the idea of tracking Jack’s cell phone. They quickly realize that he’s flying all over the world.

Jack eventually ends up back at the cabin, his battery almost dead.

He flashes back to memories of his time with Mary. The flashbacks are all in black and white and there’s just a brief flash of yellow/orange between them and present day (v. cool.) While Jack remembers Mary, he’s visited by his very own Hallucifer. UGH. Although, while I didn’t put it together on the first watch, I feel like watching Jack being tormented by his devil father shows that Jack’s soul is not gone. He is in complete anguish about Mary throughout this episode --not something someone without a soul feels. Anyway, the dark part of Jack’s mind tells him to accept what he did. Jack insists that it was an accident, but the devil on his metaphorical shoulder tells him to tell Sam and Dean that --see how far that gets him.

He plays with Jack’s emotions to the point that Jack blasts him away. Oh, Jack.

Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are on their way to the cabin. Cas is going to meet them there. Sam tries to reason away Jack killing Felix. “Really, with the snake?” OH MY GOD. I feel like Dean has TOO MANY emotions and they’ve all bottlenecked and can’t get out so he’s gone into angry reactive mode and I do. Not. Like.

Once at the cabin, Sam finds the burnt corpse of Nick, and Dean, well, Dean finds a barren blast site of ash and nothing.

We cut to Cas, alone in his truck, flashing back to a memory of Mary and him soon after she came back. They were hunting together (despite the brothers believing she needed space to process her new world order). Ah, it’s quite a touching moment between the two of them and I’m getting sadder the more I watch.

For Sadness Science:

Especially this exchange:

Cas: I know you know this, Mary, but Sam and Dean, they’re glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they’re happy. Finally they don’t have to be so… so alone.

Mary: Castiel, they were never alone.

Mary’s words echo in Cas’s mind as he leaves his car to meet up with Sam and Dean. Once in the cabin, he finds Sam and Dean (who turns his back on him! Gah) and the charred remains of Nick. Dean insistes that they don’t know what happened, but if Jack did something to Mary --he looks at Cas and utters the words that will forever scar my heart: “Then you’re dead to me.” Cas takes Dean’s anger stoically, while Sam tries to reason with him. I mean, clearly, Dean’s anger isn’t at Cas, it’s at himself, at the circumstances, at the possible thought that he’s lost his mother AGAIN. (although this post by @tinkdw rings true and fits the lack of communication issues these two have had for some time now.)

Anyway, Cas gives his speech about Jack and his faith in him--and he’s using past tense!-- and I’m not ok. When Cas’s voice breaks at “We were a family and I didn’t want to lose that.”??? Bury me in a ma’lak box in the sea, guys.

Rowena calls. It’s nice to see that as Dean and Cas are breaking up, Sam and Rowena still are able to communicate. <3 <3 <3 Rowena can’t get a handle on Jack. “And Mom?” Sam wonders. “I don’t know what happened, or where she is, but I can tell you with certainty, Mary Winchester is no longer on this earth.” Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk. Cue Dean breaking a chair in 3-2-1…

Sam wants to know what they should do. “We fight. We fight to bring them back.” Dean wants Rowena to resurrect her. (Listen, I’ve read Pet Semetary...uh.) He barks at Cas to go to heaven and locate Mary. Sam and Dean are heading to Rowena’s place.  

We cut to Rowena working her magic, and folks, she is a sight.

There’s a knock at her door, and it’s Jack! Rowena offers to call Sam and Dean and Jack instantly shuts that down. He admits that he killed Mary and it was an accident. He needs Rowena’s help to undo it. Jack asks about a spell from the Book of the Damned. Rowena starts talking about one (and she looks ever so briefly at the door when she’s telling her story...LOVE that subtle bit of acting!!) The Necromantiorum spell requires simple ingredients and great power. There’s another knock on her door. Sam and Dean have arrived. Jack whisks her away to the bunker in a flash.

Cas walks through the playground at Heaven’s gateway, calling for an angel. Nothing but the wind answers him…

Meanwhile, Jack has flapped Rowena to the bunker to get ingredients. He sees marks on the floor and has a flashback about Mary. In it, she teaches Jack how to throw a knife. It goes poorly, but she is super supportive anyway. She even helps hide the damage to the floor. Mary Winchester, you are an A+ person! Sam approaches. He’s exhausted from the search for Michael-possessed Dean.

Mary tells Sam that she understands the parental guilt that Sam is feeling for not being there for Jack. She tells Sam that he’s amazing, brave and kind. I’m just gonna…cry in a corner for a while.

In the present day, Dean continues flipping out at Sam while he paces Rowena’s lushly decorated apartment. He circles back to Cas’s culpability, but Sam tells him that they both knew Jack was dangerous. Sam brings up the fact that he made the decision to use the soul magic to bring Jack back, unasked for by Jack. Sam admits that he peaced out on the bunker after Michael killed all the AU hunters, leaving the burden of parenting to Cas. Dean reluctantly admits that he’d let his guard down as well, ignoring Donatello’s warning about Jack.

Jack paces the bunker, looking a wee bit worse for the wear. Rowena tries to connect with him, but Lucifer butts in. He needles Jack about his plan to bring Mary back, painting it as a desperate ploy to get in good with the Winchesters again. Rowena gets to hear one side of the conversation and stays remarkably composed. It’s like a terribly uncomfortable cooking show.

Lucifer tells Jack that he’s just imagining the guilt and pain, as a soulless person. But COME ON, Jack is clearly suffering. This is more than self-preservation.

Rowena finishes collecting spell ingredients and asks for the last item: Mary’s body.

Um. Houston, we have a problem. Ashes apparently don’t count.

Sometime later, Cas stands in front of the sandbox. Just an ordinary, trench-coated dude hanging out alone in a playground. He tells Naomi that he won’t leave until he gets to talk to her. The portal ignites. Hey! Good job, Cas!

Dumah appears, gives Cas some extreme passive-aggressive sass, and asks him if he’s there for Mary Winchester. Um. Maaaaaaybe?

Cas tells her that he wants to bring Mary back, “Because she’s gone!” Hey. I’ll just be over here clutching a blanket around my shoulders to protect myself from all this grief everywhere. Dumah tells Cas that Mary is in a “special heaven” and has achieved peace, at last. We find all of this terribly unsettling, like the plot of this episode is a shark swimming around telling everyone that it’s a dolphin with sort of a wonky fin and just don’t look under the surface. Would you like to pet the strange dolphin? WOULD YOU?

Ha ha. Eh, sorry. Went a little off topic there.

Anyway. Back with Rowena and Jack, he flies her to the cabin and shows her the burn site. Rowena tells him that the spell won’t work without a body and the obliterated ash field is not enough. Jack decides he’s going to do the work himself, which Rowena thinks is a terrible idea. “A cardinal rule of magic,” Rowena cautions. “Disposition affects execution. And you are spinning. Whatever you bring back, it won’t be her.” Rowena refuses to help his mad scheme, compassion thick in her tone, and Jack tosses her all the way back to her apartment.

Rowena stands up, utterly pissed off, and calls Sam. She tells them what Jack is up to. “He’s desperate, confused, angry…” (Hmmm all emotions, you might say.)

She tells them that Jack may bring something terrible back with his attempted spell.

Cut to Jack who is attempting the spell. Oh man. He does the ritual and the skies open up in a heaving vortex of purple-black clouds.

While the spell works, Sam and Dean approach in the Impala. Jack cuts off Baby’s engine (oh NO HE DIDN’T) and finishes the spell.

Dean and Sam race on foot to stop Jack, but it’s too late. He greets them with, “It didn’t work.”

He flaps away and Dean races forward to something lying on the ground. It’s Mary Winchester….’s body. There’s no trace of life. Dean holds his mother’s body and flashes back to driving in the car with her late at night, headed towards or away from a case. She’s asleep on his shoulder and he looks down at her and just…

If you need me, I’ll be searching the nearby forest for my broken heart.

Jack holes up in some gross warehouse while Lucifer cozies up to him. Lucifer tells Jack that because of his failure to resurrect Mary, nobody will take him back into their lives. TFW won’t trust him anymore, so Jack can never trust them. Ugh, Lucifer, you’re the worst. (Man, I really look forward to the day when I won’t feel the need to type that anymore.)

At the bunker, Sam goes through old photos of Mary when Cas walks in. He tells Sam that Mary is in Heaven. “She’s at peace,” Cas says. Dean rather aggressively asks if Cas is just gonna take Dumah’s word on it, but Cas reports that Dumah took him upstairs and let him see Mary’s door. He opened it, and watched from the doorway as Mary lived in it. “She’s with John and there’s no sorrow. No guilt. Just joy.” 

Sam tells them all that Rowena thinks Jack just brought back an empty body. A replica, “incapable of holding life.” Ouch.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Sam asks, sounding lost.

“What we always do,” Dean says. Fight, right? Let’s FIGHT someone! Oh wait, no. What they “always do” is burn the bodies of their loved ones while clenching their jaws stoically.

We get a slideshow montage of Mary moments. MARRRYYYYY! ;__: (Boris: okay if they throw a new photo on the pyre every time someone dies, they’re gonna eventually run out of photos.) Cas tries to approach Dean in comfort but Sam holds him back and shakes his head as if to say, not now. The camera wheels away like a circling hawk, leaving the three of them alone at a crossroads. [Pun completely intended.]

Ceci N'est Pas Une Quote!

I don’t think Jack is well, Dean.

Who cares? It’s a snake!

I could heal you if you’ll let me.

It wasn’t bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him.

I don’t know what happened, or where she is. But I can tell you with certainty Mary Winchester is no longer on this Earth.

Kids - they always surprise you.

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Ryan Reacts to Kingdom Hearts 3

Okay, so this is a mix of live reactions and post-world reactions. Lot of live reactions in the beginning and end, more sporadic in between. You can probably guess what I’m reacting to most of the time from the sequence of events.

Mmm dat orchestral Don’t Think Twice Needed a minute on the menu. Finally seeing it say KH3 was A Lot. HOLY FUCK WHAT A COOL INTRO The speed is the same as 0.2, with that sprint that kicks in. Will take some getting used to. The stained glass looks gorgeous though Nice touch of KH1 Sora’s jump animation changing to KH2 Sora’s Making choices again like the original. Vitality is probably health, Wisdom is probably magic, and Balance is, well, balanced. I’ll go balanced. (I’m on Proud, btw) Guardian, Warrior, Mystic. Same as the weapons in KH1. In that case, I’ll make the same choice I do there: Guardian. SORA HAS AN IDLE ANIMATION OH MY GOD BLOCK AND DODGE FROM THE START! Also this sky place is new for a Dive to the Heart (AND THOSE HOOOORNS, LISTEN TO THEM) The water looks great A four-hit combo instead of the usual three? Huh Scan from the start too Nice detail of Sora’s head angling towards the locked on target All this music sounds SO GOOD I’MMA NEED THIS SOUNDTRACK ONCE I’M DONE Ahhh that little soft version of Sora’s theme WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS KINGDOM HEARTS II.9 SHIT These Instagram-style posts on loading screens are adorable Oh damn, we get a LOT of abilities from the start. And this is on Proud! Dodge Roll, Air Slide, Aerial Dodge (formerly a Master Form ability), plus all the Flowmotion stuff Wow, THREE shortcut menus! 12 total! Wow, and a LOT more control over how allies use items. That can be very useful! Sweet, synthesis materials are back! Water is an interesting new spell. And being able to reorder the Magic menu is nice (though I only use shortcuts). Kinda glad the item art has stayed the same. Also hey, Wellspring is from BBS. And first AP Boost of course goes into Sora, as will they all. WOW USING THOSE IS WAY FASTER NOW Yooo that Underworld music with the Titans’ appearance Take a shot every time someone says “Sora, Donald, Goofy” Sora, Donald, Goofy counter: 1 HERCULES HAS JOINED THE PARTY “Team Effort: Always start battles with a team attack command.” Damn, what are those that this ability is FIFTY AP?! (Are team attacks that move we saw Sora and Goofy do in a trailer? The throw?) I like that tutorials are playable at any time Also I was worried Save Points might not return with that auto save message at the start ALSO THIS IS NIGHT OF FATE PLAYING IN THE COMBAT TUTORIAL Ooh, Panacea art is nice. (Panacea has only appeared as a command in games like BBS and re:coded, so it hasn’t had art before) *reads Ability Ring* Damn, if 10 AP is a SMALL boost, I can’t imagine how expensive abilities are gonna get (well, Herc does have that one 50 AP ability) Ultima Weapon returns, looks like Synthesis recipes are based more on collector’s goals than finding them. Looks like there’s 60 synthesis materials, sounds about right. Ooh, synthesis item rarities, types: soothing and pulsing are from BBS, writhing, betwixt, sinister are new. Looks like everything goes in Shards, Stones, and Gems. Ooh that’s a lot of Heartless. Hey when is Jiminy gonna show up? Gonna need to complete that Journal again. Oooh battle music has bits of the old Coliseum battle music. Sora, Donald, Goofy counter: 2 Environmental fire damage followed by Sora’s butt on fire limiting my actions. Neat. Okay, these have been live reactions so far, but I’m gonna stop doing that because it’s slowing my progress. “What the heck is Rage Form?” “OH. OH THAT’S A THING.” I keep seeing hidden Mickeys, I bet those are gonna be a thing with the camera once I get it. Also damn are they giving me a lot of ingredients for the cooking minigame I can’t play yet. So the biggest thing I’ve noticed about the new combat is that because they give you so many really powerful abilities (grand magic at higher levels, formchanges, attractions, team attacks) that are all basically free (are you hitting things with your keyblade or magic? Can you hit this specific enemy once? Can you wait for your teammate to give you a prompt?), the number of enemies in each fight seems to have SIGNIFICANTLY increased from previous entries. KH2’s level design this is NOT. Lots more nooks and crannies to search. Me approaching the gates of Olympus: “Is this Anor Londo?” Yay nostalgic Coliseum music! And oooh little environmental puzzles are back! Like from KH1! I forged Goofy a new shield! Aaaand playable Riku. I have no idea why they were so dodgy about the second playable character. This is only the third time Riku’s been playable. Anyway, gotta fight the Demon Tower again. Damn, Riku is WAY stronger than Sora right now. Wish I could have read his abilities (and moved shortcuts). Nice emulation of the death screen. Also hot damn, is that Repliku talking??? I guess Riku’s “other me” really could be Repliku. Awwwww yeah, Lea’s getting new clothes too! YEAH JIMINY! “Dream Heartbinder” So Heartbinders must be this game’s summon gems, and this one lets me use Dream Eaters. SORA’S THEME IS THE RINGTONE!!! Ienzo’s here, with a bit of OrgXIII music from CoM. HOLY SHIT THE GUMMI SHIP IS THE BEST IT’S EVER BEEN UPGRADEABLE KEYBLADES?! I guess that makes sense, considering they all have different formchanges. They want all of them to stay viable throughout the game. OH MY GOD, DEMON TIDE HAS SO MUCH HEALTH I guess the bosses have to with all these powerful attacks I have Does Hayner have a new voice? Olette sounds different too. Checked the wiki, all three have different actors. Pence sounds closest to his original though. So judging by the Dusks and Snipers, no more enemy-specific reaction commands. The Ducklings sell Gummi blocks now?? Huh. Whoa wait, the road out of Twilight Town’s Tram Common leads back to the world map? Can I NOT go to the clock tower in this game?? Man, Twilight Town felt really small. Hope the remaining worlds don’t, though they’ve certainly seemed significantly larger than the two I’ve been to so far. Also, totally called the Lucky Emblems, though I’m gonna keep calling them hidden Mickeys. I think Tou Story is my favorite world. Granted, I’ve only been to three, but still. The Gigas are super fun, Woody and Buzz look amazing, and I can’t stop whistling/humming along! AHHH CREEPY DOLL Lol, the Verum Nox poster even has a Square Enix logo. First death, the Gigas battle in the video game. GOD DAMN! WOODY dropping an amazing “The Reason You Suck” speech to Xehanort! “Unless you’re in the ~real~ Organization too? Good for you!” Damn, Sora! Also love hearing that music from Chain of Memories every so often Glad flowmotion’s jump isn’t as level-breaking as it was in DDD. Same goes for the attacks. Wow, so Rapunzel permanently leaves the party. Was wondering they’d just give her a different moveset like with Mulan/“Ping”. This is the first time a character permanently leaves your party. And of course, Marluxia. Who I didn’t think could or would return. And Vexen who rejoined willingly, which is, man. Not something I’d have done. Both Norted of course. And was Saïx missing his scar? Maybe he’s just Isa now. I could tell it was Unversed, and Flood specifically, in that first Monstropolis cutscene just from the sound of them spawning. That’s how I know I’ve put a lot of hours into this series. Monstropolis feels the most linear so far. Arendelle’s ice labyrinth is awesome, the level design gives me some light Dark Souls vibes. I like how there’s zero explanation for Sora, Donald, and Goofy being able to breathe underwater in The Caribbean. And by that I mean I would have liked even just one line to explain it. The ship combat isn’t as good as AC3’s and AC4’s, but it’s still pretty good for a one-world mechanic! The ship is a LOT more responsive than the AC ones. And damn, is this world open. Okay, San Fransokyo is gonna be a pain to search for chests and Mickeys. PRESS TRIANGLE TO SORA IS THE BEST REACTION COMMAND I HAVE EVER SEEN Jiminy telling people about summaries on the gummiphone is Square Enix saying “IF YOU DIDN’T PLAY THE GAMES, READ THE FUCKING SUMMARIES” Giant battle at the start of Keyblade Graveyard was cool, but hurt the frames, especially on the fake shadows. And just as I was getting hyped at the possibility of having Riku and Aqua as party members. Oh hey, just realized Riku’s keyblade has a Mickey keychain now too. “And so, as legend foretold, darkness prevailed and light expired...” “Your hearts will be torn from your bodies” “To move through time, you must leave your body behind.” THE FINAL WORLD?! Wait, Sora’s been here MULTIPLE times?? Okay, so the star talking about the person who’d miss them, whose heart has been taken by another’s? Strelitzia? Talking about Lauriam? Love and hate? Going back for fight after fight? Hm. Cloud or Sephiroth maybe? (Longshot, but it doesn’t sound like a khux character, or anyone else) Identical pair? There’s no twins in this series. Like walking alongside a mirror... maybe it’s not an literal identical nature? Same clothes, same food, maybe Xion?? “Nothing left to teach you”? Damn, that’s not much to go on. Maybe Eraqus’ and Xehanort’s master?? “Just friends... stepped back” Skuld maybe? “I’m gone... they’ve added another member” Could that be Xion? Wait, no, how could Xion be here, she’s still within Sora’s heart. Are these actual named characters we’ve met before? Or not? The one who was defeated and supposed to fade... Repliku?? But he’s with Riku now... Someone searching for their Papa??? Most of the characters in this series don’t have parents at all, so my only guess here is Pinocchio?? No way a Disney character ends up here though. I don’t think all of these are characters we know. Someone holding onto a sliver of memory, and a servant?? Yeah, these could all just have been ordinary people. Naminé?! What happened to Kairi??? Okay, so the darkness split them. KAIRI IS KEEPING SORA FROM FADING AWAY OH MY HEART “GO TO HER” SHE SAYS "That's not the official thank-you!" Lol Damn, this area is fuckin huge, why is it so huge?? A PORTAL?! A DDD PORTAL HERE?! Well this place is rad. I better see that weird Darkside at some point here OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH OH IT ROTATES THAT'S FUCKIN SICK God damn, this game's got some of the best level design of the series! Is... is this OUR Chirithy? “He doesn’t remember the past”? Although I guess it could be Marluxia/Luxord/Demyx’s too. Or Ven’s. My bet is that it’s Ven’s. DID SORA JUST TIME JUMP BACK A FEW MINUTES??? Aaaand did nothing different. So now we’re world-hopping like we did back in End of the World. OH WHAT IS THIS DIVING INTO STATIONS TO PICK A WORLD?!?! YOOOOOOOO Just Kairi and Lea are left. Haven’t hit San Fransokyo or Twilight Town yet. Guess they must be in those two. Last one is San Fransokyo. Lea must be here. Kairi’s probably gonna be the last. “Traversing hearts to reach worlds” That must be what I’ve been doing here. Not jumping between worlds, jumping between HEARTS. Was Sora just considering telling her he loves her? He should have. Wait, am I back in time? This already happened... OH SHIT! THE LINGERING WILL IS HERE! EPHEMER! OHHHHHHH HO HO WOW! OHHHHHH FUCK! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Congrats to all the lucky people who got their names in the game! PRESS TRIANGLE TO UNION X GIANT SHADOW MASTER XEHANORT IS TERRIFYING I like how Axel is holding his keyblade by the guard instead of the handle OH SHIT MASTER YEN SID! YOOOOOO! Okay KH3, I want to fight thirteen bosses now, you hear me? DAMN that Ancient Light finisher on Starlight’s Second Form is STRONG YOOOOOOO THREE BOSSES AT ONCE??? (I really hope this is as tough as they were before, but seeing as Xemnas was harder in 1 than in 2, doubt it) Went to help Mickey first, so I’m taking on Marluxia, Luxord, and Larxene Oh come ooooon, I barely got to fight them! Luxord’s out, 12 to go OH SHIT THE OTHER TWO Larxene’s done, 11 to go. With XI conveniently up next. Marluxia’s defeated once again. 10 left. Hey whatever happened with that comment of their ancient keyblade legacy...? Xigbar... might be gone? So maybe 9 left. Dark Repliku is defeated, and light Repliku gave himself up so the Replica could be used for Namine. That’s sweet. 8 left. YO actual time of day change! I like the door switches. Nice having little environmental things like this. Hm, Kairi and Lea one way, Aqua and Ven the other. Well that’s no contest, gotta go back up my girl Kairi! Mysterious new hooded figure??? Oh. Oh no. I think it’s Xion. D: Yeah. It’s her. *Xion stops Xemnas “YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYYE YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH” *Roxas shows up “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK” THE WHOLE GANG’S HERE YOOOOOOOOOOO Shout outs to Ienzo, Ansem, Vexen, and Demyx for helping Roxas return! WHY THE FUCK IS KAIRI GETTING KIDNAPPED A-FUCKING-GAIN, NOMURA WHY WAS SHE EVEN TRAINING, FUCK Okay, so Kairi and Lea/Axel are out, BUT ROXAS AND XION ARE IN OH HOLY SHIT, SORA SQUAD FORM UP!!!! I HAD TO STOP AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC FOR A MINUTE It’s all three of their themes! (Plus a bit of Another Side) THIS IS THE HYPEST SHIT Aww, Saix’s death mirrors Xion’s. AND THE SEA-SALT TRIO REUNITE! Saix is out, 7 left. Xion turned, 6 left. Vanitas fades again, 5 left. I know some people had hoped for a heel-face turn, but I knew it wasn’t likely. WHAT TERRA’S HEART WAS IN ANSEM’S GUARDIAN THIS WHOLE TIME. THAT THEORY WAS RIGHT! Terra-nort’s back to just Terra. 4 left. Just wanna say, I love that it’s Sora who gets to turn the tides of all these fights. Who’s dull and ordinary NOW, huh?? AND he’s still going! Oh boy, time for a triple Xehanort fight! UMMM NINE KEYS (but why are they No Name and not the X-blade?) OOOOOOOHHHHHHH THIS BLEND OF ANSEM, XEMNAS, AND YOUNG XEHANORT'S THEMES Guardando Nel Buio, Darkness of the Unknown, and Impeto l’Oscurito 1V3 ME, I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON Young Xehanort returns to his time. 3 left. I like how we all agree to pause the fight whenever someone falls. Xemnas fades. 2 left. Ansem as well. Just 1 darkness left. WHAT THE FUCK, KAIRI NOOOOOOOOOOOO AH SHIT HE’S GOT THE X-BLADE AH SHIT HE’S GOT KINGDOM HEARTS Oh hey, everyone’s caught up. Donald: “You can’t do anything without us, Sora.” Me: “Donald, shut the FUCK UP.” Xion: “Kairi will be alright.” Me: “OH THANK GOD” Scala ad Caelum. Stairway to Heaven. It looks like a proto-Land of Departure. But the music is Case of the Foretellers from X Back Cover. Could this place and Land of Departure once have been Daybreak Town? Damn, Dark Kingdom Hearts is over the ENTIRE Keyblade Graveyard now Spooky twelve figures are spooky Why do they have the Organization’s weapons?! I love this return of Destati though They all had a shared HP bar? Scala ad Caelum’s world icon is kinda shaped like a heart Oh wow, full Inception Weird hearing Rage Awakened without the Lingering Will here “There is one sky, one destiny!” “DEEEESTAAAATI!” Ohhhhh shit Shout out to the heart in the floor design though And the figure in the middle has 7 points Classic Xehanort pose from the KH2 secret ending Aaaaand now he’s got ANOTHER Kingdom Hearts! GREAT WHOA HE FORCED ME INTO RAGE FORM DESTATI IN FULL FORCE WHAT A RAD FINISHING BLOW! The canon death screen, the heartbeat, Donald and Goofy calling from my controller! ONE BIG BLAST! So Xehanort sees himself as some sort of white knight? A templar to guide the masses with an iron fist? Yeah, no dice dude. Sora’s right, not your choice to make, and destiny is beyond your control. So Eraqus really WAS with Terra all this time. MARK HAMILL IS BACK!!! Xehanort just hands it over, huh? Wow, closure between Eraqus and his apprentices after all these years Eraqus and Xehanort mimic Sora and Riku from KH2, and pass on. Go get her, Sora. HIKARI ORCHESTRAL Ven met his Chirithy! Lea’s finally wearing his new outfit. Aw, Xion looks good too! And Isa’s here! Naminé is back too! And I bet the Namine/Riku shippers are happy! AWWW They’re all hanging out at Destiny Islands! Look at them all being friends!!! THERE THEY ARE! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

Epilogue: XIGBAR HAS BEEN LUXU THIS WHOLE TIME?! WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! You know while watching Back Cover I was like “Man, the Master of Masters really talks like Xigbar for some reason.” BOY DOES THAT MAKE SENSE NOW So what was it about Ava’s role with the Dandelions that led to her absence here? AND WHAT’S IN THE GODDAMN BOX Is it a Book of Prophecies? Something else entirely? In any case, I doubt Maleficent and Pete would be able to get it away from them all. Secret Ending, “Yozora”: Ooh, “Another Side, Another Story” vibes right off the bat. SORA! And... Riku? Well this is just Japan. Wait, the guy from Verum Rex? And a black coat, who’s probably Xigbar/Luxu or the Master of Masters? After watching, a friend informed me that Riku is in Verum Rex. And Sora’s dead. Cause he’s in TWEWY’s version of Shibuya, since that one building said “104.” But which one is the black coat in? It could be the Master of Masters dead, in Sora’s world. Or Xigbar/Luxu, still watching things.

I have no idea what comes next. But I am excited.

The Remnant Branches

CH. 2 - Vile Toxic Intent

Part 2: In the Name of My God(ess)!

The murderous duo proceed to the facility where they will find what they desire. However, they run into a major problem, one whose might they will not even begin to comprehend. As a result, Tyrian is winds up in another world.

“Here we are!” Tyrann singsonged. The two vicious killers stood in front of a surprisingly neat looking building. However, it was only the size of a small market. It held no markings indicating what the building once was or what it now holds.

“This is the place we’re looking for?” Tyrian said, doubtful that this mere thing could be the key to his mission.

“Looks can be deceiving. This place goes underground so far, even a nuclear bomb couldn’t destroy it all!” They walked through the automatic doors and headed to a nearby elevator.

“The hell is a nuclear bomb?” Tyian said, confused. Tyrann looked at him as if he should know, though it was difficult to tell because of the lack of distinguishable facial features. The sterile white light buzzed and the elevator hummed as it descended.

“You’re world is fuckin’ weird. How do you all have bitchin’ weapons like that, but no nuclear bombs?” Tyrann would have killed to get some insane weapon like Tyrian’s. Though, that wouldn't be saying much. He would have not killed to get some insane weapon like Tyrian’s.

“How the fuck do you have nuclear bombs but no fucking awesome weapons like this?” Tyrian retorted as he caressed the weapon that had ended the lives of countless people.

“Good point good point. Damn, I would have taken shit like that over nuclear any day though. It can cause some weird and downright disgusting side effects. Ugh.”

“Like?”

“Like… you know, I’ve forgotten… Don’t give me that look, its been a couple of centuries. What I do remember is that it doesn’t discriminate and leaves a place totally fucking destroyed and uninhabitable for a long time.”

“Sounds like a pretty nice weapon to me.” Tyrian replied. The elevator doors opened and the two noticed that rudimentary defensive machines lay ahead. They were more advanced than those at the junk heap, but still much less powerful than anything Remnant could offer. The hall held many doors and had many other hallways connecting to it. “I take it you know where we’re going?”

“Hmmm… more or less. But yeah,” They began their way down the hall, slashing and destroying the machines that stood on their way, “they’re nice until everyone bombs the whole world to shit and you have to live in some cramped underground bunker for the rest of your life. Trust me, I had to do it for a month and it was not fun. Well, not for long. Muder is a lot harder to get away with in a hellhole like that you know.”

“Sounds like prison.” Another round of bullets incapacitated a few machines, a wave of magic destroys a couple more.

“Yeah, pretty much. Oh, I just remembered. People used to think nuclear bombs could cause weird mutations in animals, like two heads, six legs instead of four or make ‘em giant. Real crazy shit.” Tyrann said, shifting his focus to Tyrian. His tail slashed through a machine, and then acted as a balance as another group of machines was pumped full of lead “I’m just gonna say it. Is your tail a common kinda thing in your world? Cause it sure as hell ain’t a thing around here.”

“Those of us with some animalistic characteristics are called Faunus. Some get a useless little rabbit tail, some get alligator skin, and some of us get a scorpion’s tail, with poison perfect for killing.” A slash of his tail disarmed a machine

“Tell me more about your world. I need something to keep me from dying of boredom.” Tyrann requested. Machine after machine fell as jagged swords tore into them, spilling fluids everywhere. and sending wires and metal scraps flying.

“Sure, it isn’t too different from here though. The only other major difference is that people can have an aura and a semblance. Aura is our soul, and its basically armor. We can also extend it to items, like our weapons. And those of us who’ve unlocked our aur aura, can have a semblance. What a semblance can do varies. Some people get super speed, some get an ability to ignore pain, and others,” Tyrian said as his eyes changed purple and his aura manifested around his weapons, “can ignore aura, and go in straight for the kill!” He slashed at a machine, rending it in two. “But, my semblance isn’t really useful here.”

“Damn, you were just born for murder weren’t you.”

“What can I say? Doing anything else just wouldn’t be right. I remember my first kill. It was some guy in a random alley when I was a teenager, around fourteen, I think. This huntsman was being an annoying little bitch, so I-” Tyrian brought his tail up to his neck and imitated his first killing blow. It was a jab to the neck, his eyes a powerful purple as the tail pierced through aura, and ruthless poison ran its course. “After watching him die a slow, painful death, I knew that it was only the beginning.” He smiled a crazed, joyous smile.

“Ahh, the look on a man’s face as he dies is the best, isn’t it? The fear. The remorse. The hatred. I had my first kill at around nineteen. It was some guy who had been getting on my nerves for some time. He was a higher rank than me, but dumb as shit. One day, I had enough. His plan was suicide, but he was too far up his ass to see that, so I shot him and took the lead instead. Everyone in my squad looked at me in fear and shock. ‘If you don’t wanna end up like him, follow me.’ I told ‘em. There was only one casualty that day: him. I won’t ever forget the look on his face as he bled out.” Tyrann sweetly reminisced.

They continued chatting all while they lay machines to rust. They talked about their favorite ways to kill, favorite kinds of victims, and other things lovers of killing would talk about. In the middle of a story about the recent murder of a woman in white who was a thorn in the side of his Godess, they were interrupted by something new to their surroundings: an android. It was a dilapidated thing, and rather out of place. Its entire body creaked as it moved to them. It was made of a dark metal.

“I― think― I― can― I― think― I― can―” it cackled out of a barely functioning voice box. “I― think― I― can― I―” It was cut off with a slash of a jagged sword. The sound of the metal being roughly cleaved was one both hoped they wouldn’t have to hear again. They enjoyed the sound of flesh being sliced, blood splattering, bones breaking, and screams and cries piercing the air. The cacophony that was born from tearing through metal wasn’t something they found beauty in.

“I think it can fucking die. God, fucking robots. I’m getting real fucking tired of them.” Tyrann said with malice. He punted the severed head into the wall, embedding it at eye level. Just them, its eyes glowed red.

“I― THINK― I― CAN― I― THINK― I― CAN―”

“I― THINK― I― CAN― I― THINK― I― CAN―”

“I― THINK― I― CAN― I― THINK― I― CAN―”

“I― THINK― I― CAN― I― THINK― I― CAN―”

“I― THINK― I― CAN― I― THINK― I― CAN―”

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! FUCK!” Tyrann screamed in anger as he stabbed the decapitated hunk of metal.

“I take it that’s not a good thing?” Tyrian asked, knowing full well the answer.

“Hell no it isn’t! That bitch just alerted the rest of the androids in its network! You better pray to your goddess the rest of ‘em are just as shitty!”

Back to back, they prepared themselves for what was to come. The android’s mantra could be heard around every corner. The footsteps echoed as metal creaked. They could tell that the android’s numbers were great. They first to round a corner looked pristine. It had white hair, and red eyes. It was tall and slender, but minimally clothed. As it walked towards them, more followed behind it. Then it tripped over its own feet, causing those that followed to stop, look down, and imitate their fallen brethren. Tyrann and Tyrian both laughed and laughed.

“This, this is the thing we were scared of!” Tyrian burst out. “I could kill them all in my sleep!”

“Damn, look at their ass though! These things are about to make me act up...” Tyrann said as he eyed one.

“Damn! These things do have a fat ass!” Tyrian exclaimed as he smacked one’s ass. “Ow.” he murmured as he frantically shook his hand in the air. Slapping hard, cold metal was not one of his best ideas.

“Ehh, its probably best that we just kill them all though.”

“What? Why? Can’t we have a little fun?”

“Trust me, you won’t have much fun. You’ll only want the ones made for fucking. I learned that the hard way a long time ago.” Tyrian was grateful that he only broke a finger. He’d take a broken finger over a broken dick any day.

“Well, at least they look human. It’s better than those plain old hunks of iron back there.”

“Agreed. Now, let’s get to killing!”

-

I know I can, I know I can.

-

I pick up one of the flowers. I love their pretty white glow. I place it in my hair. I can’t see how it looks, but I like it. Oh how I wish I could leave this place! I want to see all the pretty flowers of the world!

But, I also don’t want to leave. I love these flowers too much, and they love me. I notice that our numbers are dropping at an alarming rate. That’s alright. It doesn’t really matter anyways. They’ll all be replaced soon enough. As long as I have these flowers, I’ll be content.

-

I walk lightly as to not harm the flowers. They’ve done a lot for me. When my synthetic skin decayed away, these petals made me glow as beautifully as them. When all my hair fell out, their stems formed into beautiful, dark hair for me. Now they grow in my hair as well.

-

These flowers are my god. From what I’ve gathered, a god holds great power, and creates. They must be loved, for they are powerful, and kind to their believers. I loved these flowers, ever since I saw them. A glitch in my code allowed me to linger for a second too long when I saw them. So, they developed into a curiosity, then a hobby, then a love. I made the right choice in loving them.

Because of them, I know I can. I know I can change my code, and change the world around me. I know I can love. I know I can leave. I know I can do anything! But, I know that I only want these flowers. It’s the least I can do for them after all they’ve done for me. They created me, after all.

-

Odd, their numbers are falling more than they have in centuries. No matter, I know that I have all that I want, and all that I need. I’m happy, and so is my god.

Speak not the Watchers,

Draw not the Watchers,

Write not the Watchers,

Sculpt not the Watchers,

Sing not the Watchers,

Call not the Watchers' name.

For some reason, this keeps popping in my head. I know that it is the will of my god, so I pay no mind to it.

-

As I admire a flower that just bloomed, I hear a loud sound. Banging and shooting. Its coming from where the door was, but it’s been covered by vegetation for so long I can’t even see it. No matter. Whatever may be, I know it is the will of my god.

Finally, two people break through. One is a man with a tail. Odd. Another is a female Replicant, although she speaks with a male voice. I realize that this poor replicant girl was possessed by a mean male Gestalt. She somehow seems familiar. Poor thing. Perhaps I should tell her of my god. Maybe they could help free this poor girl. And perhaps they could heal this man of his wretched tail. What am I saying? I know my god can help them. I hope my god can forgive me for that sliver of doubt.

“Hello.” I say as I arise. “You two look like you could use some help.”

You are a Watcher.

“Huh?” I look at the two in confusion, thinking the words came from one of them

“Is this guy dumber than the others or something? We didn’t even say anything!” The tailed man said. The two laughed.

You must carry the will of the Watchers.

“What? Who are the watchers exactly? What is their will?” I look around, but do not see the source of the voice.

I am a Watcher, you are a Watcher, a servant of God, a creation of God! Our goal is to exterminate everything not created by our God!

“Really? I’m a watcher?” I say happily. I really couldn’t be happier. There is nothing greater than serving my god!

Yes, you are. Now, exterminate those two! Exterminate everything that is not the will of our god! Kill! Kill! Kill!

“Yes. I am a Watcher! And you two will perish! That is the will of my god.” I shout with a smile. This is my first time in combat, but I know I can kill these two. I will kill these two. It is the will of my god! It is my will!

“Oh? You think your god will help you against me? They are NOTHING compared to my great goddess!” The tailed man laughs happily. I understand how he feels. I laugh too.

“You should know your goddess is nothing compared to my god. Here, let me show you.” Out of instinct, I open my mouth, and begin singing. “Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhh.” I feel power surge through me, the power of my god.

“Oh fuck no. I’m out of here! That thing, it’s like the damned beast! No way am I dealing with this shit! See ya!” the gestalt says, and quickly leaves. I don’t care. I know his destruction will come eventually, one way or another, just like all the other things not of my god’s will.

“Whatever.” the tailed man says as he shrugs. “More fun for me!” He readies his weapons, and I sing louder. Power flows through the area, enveloping it in a red force field. Rings of the script of my god circle the barrier. Its beautiful, all so beautiful. He looks a bit scared. He should be. I know it is the will of the watchers, it is the will of my god.

He makes the first move. I sense another presence, another android with powerful magic and strong technology of their own. No matter. It is not of my concern. They will meet their end eventually too, one way, or another. Right now, this man is my focus. He will serve as a good measure of my newfound abilities. I dodge the first strike with ease, but fail to dodge the follow up. I know now. He fights with a berserker-like style. He swiftly slashes and attacks in every direction surrounding him, thus leaving very little openings for his opponents to counter him safely.

However, I am a Watcher! And I will not fall to him! I move in towards him, and grab one leg. It sends him off balance, and he falls. I toss him, but he is quick to react and latches onto my arm with a hand. He sets off his weapon and sprays my face with bullets. It doesn’t hurt. There isn’t anything that can hurt me. Especially not anymore. So I slam him into the ground, and do so again. I feel bad that I crush some of the flowers, but it can’t be helped. I know my god forgives me though.

I noticed that the surroundings around us have changed. We seem to be at a deserted fortress. The sun above is made ruthless by magic, but the barrier protects him from it. I know its heat wont harm me, so I remove the barrier. I know I could summon monsters here, but most of them won’t do much against him. I will give him that much credit. He gets up and puts some distance between us. A futile effort, irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. I fail to see why he cannot understand this.

“Can’t you see that you are outmatched, that your goddess has failed you? That she is weak?” I tell him. Anger fills his eyes. They’re a striking purple now. Odd.

“How DARE you speak of my goddess like that!? You WILL speak of her with respect!” he shouts as he lunges at me. An expected reaction of a delusional man, or perhaps he believes in his goddess as much as I believe in my god. Well, all will end the same, one way or another. Although, I have a feeling it could take longer to reach that ending for some reason. No matter. It can’t be helped. Whatever happens, happens, for it is the will of my god.

He fights much more wildly than before, but has since run out of ammunition to fire his weapon. And his blades, they slash through my petals, unlike before. I tread more carefully now, dodging his blows and getting a punch, or kick, or a wave of magic in when I can. It is almost as if we are dancing together, a tribute to the one we hold above all else.

We back off from each other after another exchange. A fourth of my petals have been severely damaged, and it will take some time for them to repair. I also see a wave of purple spread across his body. With a crazed, joyous smile, we both move in for the deciding blow. I know he will be the one to die. He lost his ability to even scratch my petals. It is a miracle he was able to even harm them in the first place. Hmm… Perhaps his goddess has some power afterall, though obviously nothing that compares to the might of my god! Its time to end the life of this affront to my god!

But then, I sense someone. Their presence is one that far surpasses mine, yet, it is not entirely different. That could only mean one thing.

“My god!” I turn away from the man who follows his goddess, and I run towards the entrance why my god is. I don’t even look back to see what happened to him. I don’t care! “My god is here!” I throw open the gates and gaze upon a beautiful woman. My god is far more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.

Her hair and clothes are a pure white, though there is some black in her clothing. My, it could mean so much I could go on about it for days, but I know I will go on about it sooner or later. She has such a beautiful body, one worthy of an eternity of worship. And her eyes! Or rather, eye. It is a vibrant pink, accentuating her elegant femininity. The other eye is a beautiful flower, almost exactly like the ones that made me. This is my god. I fall to my knees in awe of her, and I begin to cry tears of incomprehensible emotions. I don’t even care as to why she seems shocked at first.

“That’s right, I’m you god.” She tells me in a sweet voice, one I would crawl across mountains on my hands and knees just to hear. She softly cups my face and motions for me to rise, and so I do. Behind me, I hear the man screaming. How dare he scream like an animal in the presence of my god, and how dare he interrupt us?!

“Excuse me, my god. I will take care of this pest.” She nods her head, and I turn to face him, ready to kill him. I feel so joyous as I wait to strike. I am serving my god! But, I feel pain in my abdomen. I look down to see that a white sword has impaled me. Its the one my god was holding. Why?

“My god, why? I―” I slump over and fall to my knees once more. She yanks the blade out of me. The look on her face hurts me more than anything. It is a face of hate. Why would she hate me? I love her more than anything.

“I thought I could― I thought I could― I―”

“Shut up.” She commands me with a smile on her face as she stabs the swords into the center on my neck. It doesn’t kill me. It doesn’t hurt. Then, I hear her struggle for a moment as he tries to take her sword.

“Don't, touch my god!” I weakly tell the tailed man. He jams it into me over and over again, laughing wildly. It doesn’t hurt, but I know death is coming for me. I thought I could live forever though. That was the will of my god, wasn’t it?

“Some goddess you have! She doesn’t even love you! My goddess! My goddess loves me! She is powerful! And! That’s! Why! You! Lost!” the guy sneers as he stabs me. That hurts. I thought I could not be hurt. She just stands back and lets him destroy my body. I hear more people arrive, but I don’t care.

“Looks like someone is having fun.” one of them says. I try to get up, to reach my god, to try to reason with her, but I can’t. Perhaps my death is her will. If it is her will, then it is my will. My vision fades, the sounds turn to silence, and I no longer feel the sword. Then, it returns. I am looking down at my lifeless body. The petals have been stained red, and the black stems that were once my hair have been chopped up finely into mush.

She is not your god. I hear a voice state. It is the one that spoke to me earlier.

“You again. Please then! Show me my god. Please let me serve my god! I thought I could kill him! I thought I could do what my god wanted of me! Please, let me redeem myself! I’ll do anything!”

Oh, you will serve our god. Us Watchers always serve our god, one way, or another. And you, you are no different. We all serve our god. Our god has great plans for you.

Then, I see my god. I truly see my god. My god is far greater than that sham of a goddess the scorpion-man believes in. I walk towards my god, ready to serve my purpose, whatever it may be, whenever it may be. My god’s will is my will, and it will be fulfilled.

Speak not the Watchers!

Draw not the Watchers!

Write not the Watchers!

Sculpt not the Watchers!

Sing not the Watchers!

Call not the Watchers' name!

Our god’s will is to exterminate humanity! Our god’s will is our will! I see now! Even in stagnation, the Watchers’ mission progresses!

Speak not the Watchers!

Draw not the Watchers!

Write not the Watchers!

Sculpt not the Watchers!

Sing not the Watchers!

Call not the Watchers' name!

The nature of the universe is destruction! The nature of humanity is the universe!

Ha Ha. Ha Ha Ha. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

I will do what my god wanted me to do! I’ve always been doing what my god wanted me to do!

Ha ha ha ha haa! La la la la laa!

I thought I could! I knew I could!

La la la la laa! La la la la laa!

Superman VS Thor: Marvel Confirms Superman Would Win

While enthusiasts have argued about which superheroes should defeat every other for generations, the gold preferred of superhero energy in these pleasant arguments is Superman. With a seemingly endless arrays of capabilities and bottomless strength reserve, it's tough to think about a person who could moderately give the Man of Steel a serious undertaking in a fair fight. On the other hand, Thor, certainly one of Marvel's most powerful superheros, might just be powerful sufficient to take on DC's Superman. With his Asgardian competencies and mystically-enchanted hammer Mjolnir, Thor is a god who fights and defeats adversaries far stronger than him on a regular basis. While Thor might be effective and Superman is probably more potent than a locomotive and faster than a speeding bullet, CBR is pitting these two heroes against every different to try to figure out which one might actually defeat the different. Given the exchange realities and rebooted timelines of superhero comics, DC and Marvel have had several variations of Superman and Thor, respectively, and it's worth setting up which model of both heroes we'll be considering. In the DC Universe, the Pre-Crisis Superman has an indeterminate degree of energy. In a few comics that came about earlier than 1986's Crisis on Infinite Earths, Superman develops new abilities as the plot demands and demonstrates degrees of energy never reached in later issues. For example, Superman's sneeze is so powerful it could send a solar machine in disarray. Never in Superman's history is that level electricity demonstrated. In his greater cutting-edge incarnations, Post-Crisis Superman has limits. Some of his adversaries, like Doomsday and Darkseid, even suit him in terms of energy. Several exchange realities have similarly strong versions of Superman. In All-Star Superman, for instance, the Man of Steel's powers are elevated before the moment of his demise, which ends up in him turning into far stronger than ever earlier than. While Thor usually has a extra consistent energy degree, a few destiny or alternate truth versions of the man or woman are more potent or weaker than Marvel's fundamental Thor when he wields Mjolnir. Since the Pre-Crisis Superman might most possibly defeat Thor together with his exotic talents, this newsletter will evaluate Post-Crisis Superman to the main Marvel Universe Thor who is wielding Mjolnir.By most accounts, Superman reputedly outclasses Thor in terms of raw power. He's drag planets along, punched human beings into orbit and executed all varieties of wild feats of strength. In the DC Universe, Superman's powers are effectively unmatched. However, Thor has shown a large amount of power too. After all, Thor's uncooked strength was able to destroy a whole planet during his combat with Beta-Ray Bill. He's punched down Galactus and the Phoenix Force, entities of Universal Cosmic power. He held up Asgard, resisted a black hole's gravity, and leg-pressed 1,000,000 tons.When it involves sheer power, one may think that Superman would have the upper hand. Big Blue has dragged planets round, bench pressed the Earth, moved the sun, and punched humans into orbit on extra than one occasion at some point of combat. In the DC universe, his power is really unmatched; in keeping with canon, he's capable of lifting round 2 billion tons, a volume that we puny humans can slightly fathom. To at least try to put it into perspective, though, don't forget that the Burj Khalifa — the tallest building within the world — has an empty weight of approximately 500,000 tons. That's right: theoretically, Superman may want to lift 4,000 Burj Khalifas all at once. Thor's raw power is nothing to sneeze at, though. The God of Thunder has battled the Hulk some of times, destroyed a whole planet during a combat, and stopped Godzilla from pushing over the Empire State Building by using applying equal pressure to the building's contrary face. He also has the ability to temporarily reap Warrior's Madness, a state in the course of which his power increases tenfold. If pure energy were the simplest criterion by using which the combat had been being judged, this could likely be a totally tight contest.

In regards to superpowers, Superman wins in terms of versatility. With powers such as freeze breath and heat vision, Superman has a much wider arsenal. However, Thor has been known to fights Frost Giants and has endured power blasts from god-like Celestials. While Superman's abilities might damage or injur Thor, they wouldn't necessarily placed him down. Besides his electricity and other Asgardian abilities, Thor has one primary energy: lightning. As the God of Thunder, he can control and weild magical lightening bolts. While these are not anything to sneeze at, Thor's lightning powers may want to prove to be specifically effective towards Superman.Everyone is familiar with Supermans weaknesses. While a red solar or kyrptonite can critically weaken him, Superman also has a weakness to magic. That's one of the important reasons that Shazam, a mystical hero who is based on magical talents, can tackle Superman and win. Thor is imbued with magical electricity. This strength allows him to spin Mjolnir, his hammer, at speeds which have surpassed light speed. His mystical talents allow him to maintain his energy below any circumstances. He can generate fields of magical lightning sufficient to harm forces of uncooked nature. In the end, Superman's electricity does not count while he's faced with one in all his weaknesses. Thor is powered with the aid of the element that Superman is weak against. While Superman might overpower Thor, Thor's blows will depart Kal-El significantly injured.

For the sake of argument, let's assume that Thor does not one way or the other have a stash of Kryptonite lying around in his bedroom closet to bring to the fight. That gets rid of Superman's most well-known weakness. Thor does have is magical abilities, the Supermans lesser-recognised weakness. It's now not that Supes is more susceptible to magic than other heroes, but he has no particular defence towards it — which could spell hassle in a combat with Thor. The Asgardian is not often without Mjolnir, his magical hammer, and let's accept it, no one desires to be pounded by way of that thing, no longer even the closing son of Krypton. Add to that the truth that Thor has the ability to summon magical lightning, and we're left with the possibility that Superman might quit up extraordinary-fried by means of the hundreds of thousands of volts Thor ought to throw his way. Speed is the one place in which Superman has a actual gain over Thor. Superman should fly around the earth and arrive back in the identical spot before you would be able to blink. The best hero in either universe who is faster than Superman is (of course) the Flash — but at the same time as Superman has high-quality speed, it's now not like he could be able to capture Thor off defend via simply flying at him. The comics have visible Thor detect noticeably fast moving objects, so he might also nonetheless be capable of see Supes coming. Even with Superman's speed, it's nicely documented within the comics that Thor is capable of throw Mjolnir at the rate of light, and his magical talents suggest he also can spin it at twice the rate of light. He might not be able to fly at the identical pace as Superman, but the Man of Steel might also need to watch out for flying hammers that pack quite the punch if he tries to seize Thor off-protect with the old "around the world in the blink of an eye" gambit. Of course, one additionally has to factor in the reality that Thor has been protecting the multi universe from insanely powerful threats for years, and quite successfully, no less. His experience in combat might be counted in his desire if he had been to be confronted with preventing Superman. All of these items considered, we consider there's handiest one reasonable conclusion to be reached. Sorry, DC fans, however it looks as if realistically speaking, the God of Thunder seems to have an unmistakable edge over the past son of Krypton. That's no longer to say that Superman would not placed up one heck of a combat — but for our money, in this conflict of the titans, Thor wins.Beyond Superman's weak spot to magic, Thor has another higher hand considering that Superman commonly holds lower back in pleasant fights. That's how Batman's regularly managed to overcome him, and it's no longer tough to imagine Superman trying to preserve lower back in opposition to Thor in the event that they ever fought. Thor, however, loves to fight and might likely revel in each second of his war with the Man of Steel. With his super-speed, Superman ought to probable beat Thor earlier than the Asgardian had a risk to summon a bolt of lightning. However, Superman rarely is going all-out towards opponents, specifically in friendly fights. But even if fighting for sport, Thor desires to win. Combined together with his mystical capabilities, that mind-set might probably deliver Thor the danger to unleash all his magic against Superman before he can put together for it. While Superman might be the Man of Steel, Thor can be strong enough to offer him a stunning defeat with his mystical lightning.Back while Marvel and DC Comics had been doing a comedian ebook crossover, it become unanimously agreed upon that Superman could beat Thor in a fight. One of the most important hypothetical heavyweight fights among a couple of Marvel and DC Comics' strongest heroes could be a war between Thor and Superman. In a crossover comedian, the two truly fought - in which even Marvel agreed that Superman will be the God of Thunder. In the 2003 Marvel/DC crossover comedian JLA/Avengers by Kurt Busiek and George Perez, the two comic universes collided as the heroes are despatched on a collectathon to attain the most powerful items of their respective universes to store everything. In the collection 2d issue, the Cosmic Cube is up for grabs - and Thor and Superman duke it out. The two alternate a chain of blows, however whilst Thor swung Mjolnir at Superman, Kal-El grabbed the hammer and whipped it again at him and delivered a devastating blow. Superman says Thor can be the "single hardest opponent" he is ever faced. So how did two exceptional publishers decide Superman could beat Thor in a combat? With a vote. Current Marvel Senior Vice President of Publishing and Executive Editor Tom Brevoort mentioned the crossover on his blog. Brevoort found out that Superman's victory in the fight was determined by him, Busiek, George Perez, and DC editor Dan Raspler. He stated that each of them believed Thor might lose the fight. Brevoort pointed out the fallout from the selection. He stated that he nevertheless hears about the fight to this day, with some fans suggesting Marvel offered out with some conspiracy theories suggesting Busiek was angling for a DC Comics job and determined to make Superman win to provide him higher standing on the publisher. Brevoort stated the fight and ensuing commentary surrounding it turned into a scenario that enthusiasts clamored for, but regardless of the result, they'd be unhappy. In the weblog post, he says he failed to apologise for the choice because it became the "proper outcome for the characters." Ultimately, Brevoort is bang-on approximately his assessment of fan's reactions to the fight. No count who won, there had been usually going to be individuals who have been upset. It's all hypothetical until an actual final results changed into decided on. Kudos to each Marvel and DC for making a unanimous choice that ruffled a few feathers of diehard enthusiasts. While JLA/Avengers is a bit of a bloated story, you can not criticise for playing it safe. Superman and Thor fighting was exceptionally cool - choosing a victor become formidable and turned out to be the right choice.If you want more specifics about Thor vs Superman and their strengths and weaknesses check out this articleIf you want to read more articles about DC or Marvel check out our other articles. Read the full article

Superman VS Thor: Marvel Confirms Superman Would Win

While enthusiasts have argued about which superheroes should defeat every other for generations, the gold preferred of superhero energy in these pleasant arguments is Superman. With a seemingly endless arrays of capabilities and bottomless strength reserve, it's tough to think about a person who could moderately give the Man of Steel a serious undertaking in a fair fight. On the other hand, Thor, certainly one of Marvel's most powerful superheros, might just be powerful sufficient to take on DC's Superman. With his Asgardian competencies and mystically-enchanted hammer Mjolnir, Thor is a god who fights and defeats adversaries far stronger than him on a regular basis. While Thor might be effective and Superman is probably more potent than a locomotive and faster than a speeding bullet, CBR is pitting these two heroes against every different to try to figure out which one might actually defeat the different. Given the exchange realities and rebooted timelines of superhero comics, DC and Marvel have had several variations of Superman and Thor, respectively, and it's worth setting up which model of both heroes we'll be considering. In the DC Universe, the Pre-Crisis Superman has an indeterminate degree of energy. In a few comics that came about earlier than 1986's Crisis on Infinite Earths, Superman develops new abilities as the plot demands and demonstrates degrees of energy never reached in later issues. For example, Superman's sneeze is so powerful it could send a solar machine in disarray. Never in Superman's history is that level electricity demonstrated. In his greater cutting-edge incarnations, Post-Crisis Superman has limits. Some of his adversaries, like Doomsday and Darkseid, even suit him in terms of energy. Several exchange realities have similarly strong versions of Superman. In All-Star Superman, for instance, the Man of Steel's powers are elevated before the moment of his demise, which ends up in him turning into far stronger than ever earlier than. While Thor usually has a extra consistent energy degree, a few destiny or alternate truth versions of the man or woman are more potent or weaker than Marvel's fundamental Thor when he wields Mjolnir. Since the Pre-Crisis Superman might most possibly defeat Thor together with his exotic talents, this newsletter will evaluate Post-Crisis Superman to the main Marvel Universe Thor who is wielding Mjolnir.By most accounts, Superman reputedly outclasses Thor in terms of raw power. He's drag planets along, punched human beings into orbit and executed all varieties of wild feats of strength. In the DC Universe, Superman's powers are effectively unmatched. However, Thor has shown a large amount of power too. After all, Thor's uncooked strength was able to destroy a whole planet during his combat with Beta-Ray Bill. He's punched down Galactus and the Phoenix Force, entities of Universal Cosmic power. He held up Asgard, resisted a black hole's gravity, and leg-pressed 1,000,000 tons.When it involves sheer power, one may think that Superman would have the upper hand. Big Blue has dragged planets round, bench pressed the Earth, moved the sun, and punched humans into orbit on extra than one occasion at some point of combat. In the DC universe, his power is really unmatched; in keeping with canon, he's capable of lifting round 2 billion tons, a volume that we puny humans can slightly fathom. To at least try to put it into perspective, though, don't forget that the Burj Khalifa — the tallest building within the world — has an empty weight of approximately 500,000 tons. That's right: theoretically, Superman may want to lift 4,000 Burj Khalifas all at once. Thor's raw power is nothing to sneeze at, though. The God of Thunder has battled the Hulk some of times, destroyed a whole planet during a combat, and stopped Godzilla from pushing over the Empire State Building by using applying equal pressure to the building's contrary face. He also has the ability to temporarily reap Warrior's Madness, a state in the course of which his power increases tenfold. If pure energy were the simplest criterion by using which the combat had been being judged, this could likely be a totally tight contest.

In regards to superpowers, Superman wins in terms of versatility. With powers such as freeze breath and heat vision, Superman has a much wider arsenal. However, Thor has been known to fights Frost Giants and has endured power blasts from god-like Celestials. While Superman's abilities might damage or injur Thor, they wouldn't necessarily placed him down. Besides his electricity and other Asgardian abilities, Thor has one primary energy: lightning. As the God of Thunder, he can control and weild magical lightening bolts. While these are not anything to sneeze at, Thor's lightning powers may want to prove to be specifically effective towards Superman.Everyone is familiar with Supermans weaknesses. While a red solar or kyrptonite can critically weaken him, Superman also has a weakness to magic. That's one of the important reasons that Shazam, a mystical hero who is based on magical talents, can tackle Superman and win. Thor is imbued with magical electricity. This strength allows him to spin Mjolnir, his hammer, at speeds which have surpassed light speed. His mystical talents allow him to maintain his energy below any circumstances. He can generate fields of magical lightning sufficient to harm forces of uncooked nature. In the end, Superman's electricity does not count while he's faced with one in all his weaknesses. Thor is powered with the aid of the element that Superman is weak against. While Superman might overpower Thor, Thor's blows will depart Kal-El significantly injured.

For the sake of argument, let's assume that Thor does not one way or the other have a stash of Kryptonite lying around in his bedroom closet to bring to the fight. That gets rid of Superman's most well-known weakness. Thor does have is magical abilities, the Supermans lesser-recognised weakness. It's now not that Supes is more susceptible to magic than other heroes, but he has no particular defence towards it — which could spell hassle in a combat with Thor. The Asgardian is not often without Mjolnir, his magical hammer, and let's accept it, no one desires to be pounded by way of that thing, no longer even the closing son of Krypton. Add to that the truth that Thor has the ability to summon magical lightning, and we're left with the possibility that Superman might quit up extraordinary-fried by means of the hundreds of thousands of volts Thor ought to throw his way. Speed is the one place in which Superman has a actual gain over Thor. Superman should fly around the earth and arrive back in the identical spot before you would be able to blink. The best hero in either universe who is faster than Superman is (of course) the Flash — but at the same time as Superman has high-quality speed, it's now not like he could be able to capture Thor off defend via simply flying at him. The comics have visible Thor detect noticeably fast moving objects, so he might also nonetheless be capable of see Supes coming. Even with Superman's speed, it's nicely documented within the comics that Thor is capable of throw Mjolnir at the rate of light, and his magical talents suggest he also can spin it at twice the rate of light. He might not be able to fly at the identical pace as Superman, but the Man of Steel might also need to watch out for flying hammers that pack quite the punch if he tries to seize Thor off-protect with the old "around the world in the blink of an eye" gambit. Of course, one additionally has to factor in the reality that Thor has been protecting the multi universe from insanely powerful threats for years, and quite successfully, no less. His experience in combat might be counted in his desire if he had been to be confronted with preventing Superman. All of these items considered, we consider there's handiest one reasonable conclusion to be reached. Sorry, DC fans, however it looks as if realistically speaking, the God of Thunder seems to have an unmistakable edge over the past son of Krypton. That's no longer to say that Superman would not placed up one heck of a combat — but for our money, in this conflict of the titans, Thor wins.Beyond Superman's weak spot to magic, Thor has another higher hand considering that Superman commonly holds lower back in pleasant fights. That's how Batman's regularly managed to overcome him, and it's no longer tough to imagine Superman trying to preserve lower back in opposition to Thor in the event that they ever fought. Thor, however, loves to fight and might likely revel in each second of his war with the Man of Steel. With his super-speed, Superman ought to probable beat Thor earlier than the Asgardian had a risk to summon a bolt of lightning. However, Superman rarely is going all-out towards opponents, specifically in friendly fights. But even if fighting for sport, Thor desires to win. Combined together with his mystical capabilities, that mind-set might probably deliver Thor the danger to unleash all his magic against Superman before he can put together for it. While Superman might be the Man of Steel, Thor can be strong enough to offer him a stunning defeat with his mystical lightning.Back while Marvel and DC Comics had been doing a comedian ebook crossover, it become unanimously agreed upon that Superman could beat Thor in a fight. One of the most important hypothetical heavyweight fights among a couple of Marvel and DC Comics' strongest heroes could be a war between Thor and Superman. In a crossover comedian, the two truly fought - in which even Marvel agreed that Superman will be the God of Thunder. In the 2003 Marvel/DC crossover comedian JLA/Avengers by Kurt Busiek and George Perez, the two comic universes collided as the heroes are despatched on a collectathon to attain the most powerful items of their respective universes to store everything. In the collection 2d issue, the Cosmic Cube is up for grabs - and Thor and Superman duke it out. The two alternate a chain of blows, however whilst Thor swung Mjolnir at Superman, Kal-El grabbed the hammer and whipped it again at him and delivered a devastating blow. Superman says Thor can be the "single hardest opponent" he is ever faced. So how did two exceptional publishers decide Superman could beat Thor in a combat? With a vote. Current Marvel Senior Vice President of Publishing and Executive Editor Tom Brevoort mentioned the crossover on his blog. Brevoort found out that Superman's victory in the fight was determined by him, Busiek, George Perez, and DC editor Dan Raspler. He stated that each of them believed Thor might lose the fight. Brevoort pointed out the fallout from the selection. He stated that he nevertheless hears about the fight to this day, with some fans suggesting Marvel offered out with some conspiracy theories suggesting Busiek was angling for a DC Comics job and determined to make Superman win to provide him higher standing on the publisher. Brevoort stated the fight and ensuing commentary surrounding it turned into a scenario that enthusiasts clamored for, but regardless of the result, they'd be unhappy. In the weblog post, he says he failed to apologise for the choice because it became the "proper outcome for the characters." Ultimately, Brevoort is bang-on approximately his assessment of fan's reactions to the fight. No count who won, there had been usually going to be individuals who have been upset. It's all hypothetical until an actual final results changed into decided on. Kudos to each Marvel and DC for making a unanimous choice that ruffled a few feathers of diehard enthusiasts. While JLA/Avengers is a bit of a bloated story, you can not criticise for playing it safe. Superman and Thor fighting was exceptionally cool - choosing a victor become formidable and turned out to be the right choice.If you want more specifics about Thor vs Superman and their strengths and weaknesses check out this articleIf you want to read more articles about DC or Marvel check out our other articles. Read the full article