#study what fucking
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just saw a poll debating whether or not cishet aro men are lgbt… yall… yall… cis, heterosexual, AROMANTIC, men… I can’t with this shit
#do you guys need to#study what fucking#LGBTQIA#IS????#lgbtqiA#A#A FOR AROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL#aroace#aromantic#lgbtq discourse#fuckin hate it#btw if it wasn’t clear#yes#cishet aro men are lgbt
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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these two are so interesting to me
characters belong to @canisalbus
#clenches fists. im so sosososo normal about them. i think about them a normal amount (lying)#actually the 2nd image is based on some sort of anime couple pose template(?????) that i saw a while back and wanted to draw them in it#but i swear to god i CANNOT FUCKING FIND IT. i was literally knee deep in yuri and yaoi fanart for hours trying to find that god damn photo#but i dont even know who the characters were and pinterest just shows me bakugou and deku making out sloppy style whenever i try#so i gave up an tried drawing it from memory and cried the whole time. i hate anatomy.. but they look so happy so its fine#god whenever i see Lore or sweet little tidbits for these two i want to tear into something with my teeth and throw something /pos#i genuinely want to study these gay little renaissance dogs under a microscope#what fucks me up is the fact that we all know it ends horribly but u cant help loving them anyway.. they are so. incoherent hand gestures#my art#myart#others ocs#vasco#machete#vaschete#furry art#fur#anthro
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“They’re murderous animatronics” THEN WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY GIVE SUCH COMFORTING HUGS
#inserting myself bc THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEE#the hugs of 87#or the hugs of 93#I LITERALLY ABANDONED MY STUDY FOR MY FINALS FOR THEM#GOD THEYRE REAL WHAT THE FUCK#fnaf#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#fnaf movie fanart#five nights at freddy's#freddy fazballs#bonnie the bunny#foxy the pirate#chica the chicken#freddy fazbear
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Me: how do I study as a neurodivergent person?
Google: how to help your autistic child study
Me: how to study as an autistic adult/teen
Google: teachers guide to how to deal with autistic children
Me: how do I study as an autistic teen/adult
Google: study tips for autistic people(-written by this allistic man that will talk about autistic people like they're zoo animals)
Me: how to study as a neurodivergent adult, tips from neurodivergent person to neurodivergent students, on how to study independently as an autistic person, no reliant support needed
Google: high functioning autism and school
Me: fuck just. How do I focus during this test that I'm in rn as an AuDHD person
Google: ok, so, to focus on this thing that you currently are doing and need to get done TODAY; weeks before the test you'll need to eat healthy and exercise, meditate, study, set timers, take breaks, drink water, sleep, find the secrets to a happy life, adopt five children, sacrifice a goat, take short showers, brush your teeth
Executive dysfunction:
My fucking deadline:
#adhd#actually autistic#im so fucking sick#of the tips for people taking care of people with autism when im sesrching SPECIFICALLY on how to manage my own autism#im so sick of getting infantalized#im so sick of getting alienated from the fact that im human#im so fucking sick of autistic adults getting forgotten#im tired of searching for how to help myself and getting tips for people who dont struggle with what i do#im sick of getting callef high functioning#im sick of getting told when i look for study tips to rely on other people to help me#rant post
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on a real note that bit near the end of the video was genuinely haunting. hearing somerton talk about how gay writers are erased from history was one thing (with all the irony being that he stepped on the backs of numerous underpaid, underprivileged and uncredited queer writers to build his youtube channel) but when h revealed it wasn't even somerton's quote in the first place? the worst, most crushing sort of irony. how do you lament about the erasure of gay people and gay writers in history... whilst erasing a gay writer and taking his words as your own?
#it's genuinely unconscionable and its given me a lot to think about#i found somerton through his video essay on killing stalking#one of my favourite psychological horrors#i was overjoyed to find someone who seemed to recognise it for the dark character study of trauma and abuse that it was#and not a love story#now all i want to do is go back to that video and search up the phrases in google#to see who really wrote those words and phrases that got to me so deeply#fuck man . what a disappointment#james somerton#hbomberguy#veetxt
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the kalosian worms are quickly eating away at my brain, folks.
#enjoy my shitpost doodles i'll do more serious ones later#mjv!calem is so funny to me i want to study him in a lab#the most fucked up lil dude in all of kalos he's so god damn haunted#just girly things : when an evil ecofascist ceo tricks you into almost killing your friends by brainwashing you <3#i actually need to talk about what happens in mjv!xy instead of just dropping wild out of context jokes about plot points aksflj#pokemon#pokemon xy#pkmn xy#pokemon serena#trainer serena#pokemon az#trainer az#pokemon calem#trainer calem#rival calem#pokemon shauna#rival shauna#pokemon emma#trainer emma#hc : (pkmn) mjverse#chara : serena vidal#chara : zephyrathes '' az '' vidal#<- fucked up in that hc post and forgot to write out his full first name oops#chara : calem durant#chara : shauna bellamy#chara : emma khalil#🎨 : mj draws#tw explosion
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yes, yes i know edgeworth’s big wet eyes and loser boy personality have captivated us all, but listen. listen.
phoenix wright
phoenix “genuinely unable to reconcile the girl on the stand with the girl he dated for eight months, a cognitive dissonance so profound it’s ultimately explained by them being literally two different people, but which he first sits with for five years and does not talk about at any point to anyone” wright
phoenix “don’t mention that name to me. i don’t want to talk about it. i don’t want to think about it. i am just going to keep myself in this state of perpetual crisis mode focus on other people’s problems until eventually i die and get to hang out with mia on the astral plane and never have to deal with any of these emotions ever again” wright
phoenix “overnight loses his career and reputation and sense of identity while gaining an adopted, probably pretty traumatized eight-year-old daughter, and rather than leaning on his friends for help, or getting therapy, or taking any time to process any of this, he *checks notes* spends seven years dedicating all his free time and energy to investigating the weird fucking circumstances around it and maintains a friendship with the guy he suspects was behind it all” wright
phoenix "runs across a burning bridge and falls through it, half a day after the game establishes that he is terrified of heights, because his friend is on the other side of that bridge" wright
phoenix “i sure felt surprised. maybe i had my poker face on” wright
phoenix “looking back on it that was actually a pretty dark period in my life” wright
phoenix “don’t ask me how i got started. i don’t remember” wright
phoenix “only you stood still, your eyes calmly watching” wright
phoenix “sometimes, life just sucks” wright
just
phoenix wright
crunchiest man in the world
and all i wanna do is chew and chew and chew on him
#ace attorney#where are all the people gnawing on phoenix's bones so white??#i need to find the phoenix bone-gnawing corner of this fandom PLEASE#this is me asking for the Phoenix Fic btw#where is the fic meditating on phoenix's whole mental state in general?#where is the fic about how it's phoenix's cageyness and poker face and flat affect under stress that is the hurdle?#the relationship ramifications of being actually really fucking hard to read when it comes down to it?#where is the fic about the week of his disbarment?#the one detailing the panicked blow by blow of it rippling through his social circle while he stands in the eye of the storm?#the one that ends messy and anxious and unresolved because it's week 1 of 7 years?#where is the birth of phoenix wright: poker legend fic?#where is the art school/theatre major phoenix fic?#no not the able to art/act phoenix fic but the kind of person who chooses to go to art school/study theatre phoenix fic#where is the supremely disinterested in pop culture phoenix fic?#where is the actually incredibly meticulous and competent phoenix fic?#capcom can tell me all they want that he's essentially an adhd disaster flying by the seat of his pants making it all up as he goes#but that's not what they're actually showing me#they're the ones who created an in-fiction legal system that functionally necessitates that#and the nature of the game is that phoenix is almost always proven right so rather than him coming off as hare-brained#his opponents rather just come off as short-sighted. either negligently or maliciously so#and the choices the writing makes in service of retaining mystery and audience suspense in fact function to make phoenix a person#who is astute and puts the pieces together but is cautious in his conclusions#i will grant them that phoenix does tend to lose sight of his overarching goal in getting drawn into proving or disproving minor points#the fact that edgeworth on the other hand never loses sight of this or where the various arguments stand in relation to it#is his sexiest trait as a character by far#but those minor points are actually functionally critical to the ultimate argument phoenix makes#so even though i do read that trait through the game mechanics i do also judge the other characters for being dicks about it#my point is phoenix wright does in fact have the character of a lawyer and is conventionally good at his job fucking fight me#my point is that you all have had 20 goddamn years to Rotate this man#my POINT is that there should be Intricate Fucked Up Meditations On Phoenix that rewire my fucking brain and i NEED to know where they are!
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Sol
#I’m just gonna put these here so I can rant about all the issues I see in the#so like I as an idiot was like let’s see if I can do a style study on qwille using my favorite boy right#but qwille a brain works in mysterious ways cause like I’m trying to hard to firgure out how they know where to put stuff#and of course the rendering is like that in between fully rendered and that more soft vague#which is gorge#but my brain when I do it is like you need to fix you need to fix this looks bad you suck blahblah#not to even mention the anatomy#which is completely fucked here#I can’t do shoulders to save my life#and he looks so dumb sitting on that box#like what’s wrong with his shoe#I know something’s wrong#I think I need to take a moment#I’m caught in one of those logic loops rn#blahhhhhh
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the rise of AI art isn't surprising to us. for our entire lives, the attitude towards our skills has always been - that's not a real thing. it has been consistently, repeatedly devalued.
people treat art - all forms of it - as if it could exist by accident, by rote. they don't understand how much art is in the world. someone designed your home. someone designed the sign inside of your local grocery store. when you quote a character or line from something in media, that's a line a real person wrote.
"i could do that." sure, but you didn't. there's this joke where a plumber comes over to a house and twists a single knob. charges the guy 10k. the guy, furious, asks how the hell the bill is so high. the plumber says - "turning the knob was a dollar. the knowledge is the rest of the money."
the trouble is that nobody believes artists have knowledge. that we actively study. that we work hard, beyond doing our scales and occasionally writing a poem. the trouble is that unless you are already framed in a museum or have a book on a shelf or some kind of product, you aren't really an artist. hell, because of where i post my work, i'll never be considered a poet.
the thing that makes you an artist is choice. the thing that makes all art is choice. AI art is the fetid belief that art is instead an equation. that it must answer a specific question. Even with machine learning, AI cannot make a choice the way we can - because the choices we make have always been personal, complicated. our skills cannot be confined to "prompt and execution." what we are "solving" isn't just a system of numbers - it is how we process our entire existence. it isn't just "2 and 2 is 4", it's staring hard at the numbers and making the four into an alligator. it's rearranging the letters to say ow and it is the ugly drawing we make in the margin.
at some point, you will be able to write something by feeding my work into a machine. it will be perfectly legible and even might sound like me. but a machine doesn't understand why i do these things. it can be taught preferences, habits, statistical probability. it doesn't know why certain vowels sound good to me. it doesn't know the private rules i keep. it doesn't know how to keep evolving.
"but i want something to exist that doesn't exist yet." great. i'm glad you feel creative. go ahead and pay a fucking artist for it.
this is all saying something we all already knew. the sad fucking truth: we have to die to remind you. only when we're gone do we suddenly finally fucking mean something to you. artists are not replicable. we each genuinely have a skill, talent, and process that makes us unique. and there's actual quiet power in everything we do.
#also pay plumbers more. and electricians. and other devalued occupations#idk that this makes sense#but im like#people being so fucking pleased with themselves about the fact they can ''fake'' art#n im like#sure#but what if we stop making things for you huh#what if we stop giving u this stuff anymore#what happens to ur ai art? does it keep growing? does it keep making choices?#why do u need to see us as machines?#''i want X to exist but i don't have the skill to do it''#okay spend literally years of your life studying#''i don't want to do that''#okay pay someone who DID do that#''no i don't think it's a real skill''#okay so. YOU can't do it. and a LOT of people can't do it. but you think WE should be able to?#FOR FREE?#either it has value or it dont baby make up ur OWN mind#btw studying here is not used academically. i think if ur like. constantly knitting.#thats studying#do u spend hours reading and find urself taking notes and learning about writing#ur studying#do you follow other artists and spend a lot of your time trying new things (even unsuccessfully)#that's also studying#etc#was weird to write this thing about choices and then be like. wait why DO i like that
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[ID: SVSSS fanart of Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge. It's the scene from volume 1 where Liu Qingge is having a qi deviation. He's on the floor, face and clothes splattered with blood. Shen Qingqiu has a hand on his shoulder, and smiles as he says, "You're too hot- I mean too young to die. We should be friends now." Liu Qingge scowls at him, angry and confused, thinking "wtf" repeatedly and with question marks floating around his head. /end ID]
this is basically what happened i think
#really funny how this is like. the lqg introduction scene. can you even imagine what hes feeling rn#anyway this is kind of a study of the original drawing idk#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#shen qingqiu#liu qingge#nik art#misc#the specific part im making a joke of is when sqq says “a beauty fading-- ahem‚ dying so young” like shut the fuck up loser jdhjdskk#liushen#<- I GUESS
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katara sees her brother and bff approaching something that can make them happy and says no interruptions
based on this photo from the live action cast
#my art#i learned SO MUCH about digital coloring while working on this. i can’t wait to try to put it to practice from the start and on purpose#instead of stumbling upon leagues of info when i was already 95% done lol#anyways#zukka#idc about tagging rn tbh i’m tired#fuck backgrounds dude#hate that shit#i need to do lighting studies fr tho#i can’t do interesting light i just. don’t have the knowledge#makes me sad cuz lighting really makes or breaks pieces it seems#also lol i started this then stopped for like two hours and just sketched katara a fuck ton#what i landed on here isn’t my favorite but i liked the soft + gently amused emotion she’s showing#ok whatever i’m done rambling#post
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clouds
#i still dont really know how to draw him#but hes always fun to draw even though i cant quite figure it out yet#ff7#ffvii#theres too many fucking ff7 tags im not gonna tag rebirth and all that even if i referred from the new games#cloud strife#my art#sketches#i should do some more proper studies of him..#idk what happened lower left but whatever it is its probably sephiroths wet dream
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laura & ashley & imogen & fearne in c3e80 or:
#critical role#ygifs#cr3#laura#ashley#imogen x fearne#imogearne#lauras like i'm here so imogen is flirting with fearne and i'm tearing out my hair like i want 2 study u but i keep tearing up the papers#the third gif being literally a pretty woman parallel maybe you can't take that from me#imogen flying over to touch her then going what the FUCK thats HOT like it's about how they’re just so dumb stupid with eachother#heres how fearne choosing to contact burn imogen for the highest damage means long con girlies /🤡
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Very futuristic 👍
#disco elysium#klaasje amandou#ruby the instigator#me before finishing DE: oh man the butch with the red hair looks so cool. I can't wait to meet her#me after DE: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck wyat tyhe fuvk#there is not nearly enough art of them#its a sketch bc im tired but I should do more studies#ah fuvk I forgot to give ruby tatoos#th...ey wanted to run off together..... AUGH
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playing fallout new vegas and having to listen to caesar complaining about travelling and getting to study the languages of various communities living in the wasteland and calling it a waste of time while irl the humanities are constantly disregarded and getting a higher education and opportunities to study anthropology hands-on costs tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars and requires so many connections and he was just getting that FOR FREE from the followers but that wasnt cool enough for him so he decided to use the education he was given to start his little fascist larper group and enslave people
#the followers are so fucking cool man#the way they just take in jerry the punk without needing any money or like references or anything. and can make him an archival assistant#like aside from being anarchists and stuff the way they just openly and freely share as much of their knowledge theyve preserved#thats what makes them so cool to me#considering that in todays world education like that is so fucking expensive#and knowledge is only appreciated when its seen as 'useful' and exploitable like stem studies#i wanna be an anthropologist man#fnv#followers of the apocalypse#fallout new vegas#fallout#caesar fnv#caesar's legion#talking
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