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atlabeth · 3 years

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everything happens for a reason part 11 - zuko x fem!reader

Memories, where'd you go?

part 10 | masterlist | part 12

a/n: alternative name for this fic: y/n gets a crush on every pretty girl she meets. yue, katara, and now suki. she can't help it (and she questions why they're all connected to sokka in some way lmaoo)

anyways, this is kind of filler but it establishes some more with relationships and finallyyy gets us into ba sing se at the end. i know it's a lil annoying because there's a lot of episode-to-text writing, but i promise it'll get more freeform as it goes on

also i know that i just posted something yesterday but i have literally zero patience. like i cant hold chapters i have to post them as soon as i write them loll

wc: 5.3k

warning(s): some feels over zuko as per usual, but overall a pretty tame chapter

chapter title comes from memories by panic! at the disco!

Zuko could barely sleep anymore.

He didn’t know when his life became so complicated, but he wasn’t a fan of it.

Back when it was just him, his crew, and the open sea — it was simple. He had a job, a straightforward mission. Find the Avatar, capture him, return home to the Fire Nation and regain his honor.

Now, the waters were more muddied than ever. Now on the run from the Fire Nation just like the boy he was chasing, all he really felt nowadays was anger.

Angry at the world for setting him on this path, angry at the Avatar for refusing to see what was necessary, his sister and her friends for turning against him, angry at the waterbender for making things so damn hard.

He didn’t want to hurt her. A part of him wished that she had never come back into his life, if it meant he wouldn’t have to constantly be fighting against her. He hated himself for the thought, but maybe it would have been easier for her to remain a memory of a lover than his active enemy.

Late at night, when he was reaching fruitlessly for sleep that would never come, he saw her face. The carefree energy from their childhood morphed into the shock and disappointment from both the North and their fight with Azula, and…

It made him wonder what in Agni had happened to them.

He—

He didn’t know. The way he felt about her, it was different than anything he had experienced before. Zuko didn’t know what it was, but he understood that it was special. And now… it felt like he had just thrown it all away.

Zuko couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened with her in that town — what he had done to her.

He had burned her to try and get to the Avatar, and he hadn’t even allowed a glance back at the damage he had done. He had heard her cry out in pain, pain he had caused, and he didn’t even look back.

What had happened to them? What had happened to him?

He kept telling himself that the mission was the only thing that mattered. And it was, wasn’t it? Capture the Avatar, regain his honor, get his old life back and finally be enough for his father. He didn’t have time for friends, or for these feelings he had, or— or for anything but capturing the Avatar. Because the Avatar was the key to everything, to his honor, and that was all that mattered.

But now…

Now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know what was right, or what was wrong, or what path was the one he had to take.

Zuko just wished things could be like they used to be.

~~~~~~~~~~

She didn’t really know when everything had become a mess again.

It all started out fine, like it usually did. Toph had become fully integrated into the group, any past squabbles put to rest in the name of a stronger friendship emerging between all five of them. Katara continued to work on Aang’s waterbending (oftentimes Y/N joining them in their sessions) while Toph slowly but steadily beat earthbending into him — literally.

They had all been working hard for so long that, by decree of Aang, it was ‘vacation time’. They would all get to pick out places they wanted to spend as a break, and after it was over they would get back to work.

Aang had chosen some sort of field with musical groundhogs, and Y/N had opted to revisit an Earth Kingdom village that she had passed through on her journey to the North. Sokka had complained the whole time about how they were ‘wasting valuable planning time’, but had finally conceded after the promise of ‘all the planning his heart could desire’ from Katara after their mini-vacations were over.

Y/N was actually feeling somewhat relaxed for once, but she had forgotten the golden rule — never let your guard down. Everytime she let her guard down, something bad happened without fail. So it shouldn’t have been any surprise with what happened in the desert.

Because after one trip to the Misty Palms Oasis and a journey into the desert with a professor to a long lost library, Appa had been taken by desert raiders.

It was… less than favourable. During their escape from the library, Professor Zei had insisted on staying behind, and now the five of them were stuck in the middle of the desert with no way out and zero guidance. Add some brewing tensions between Aang and Toph because of her being there when Appa was taken, and they had a recipe for a huge disaster.

And a disaster they had. Multiple disasters, actually.

There was only so much she and Katara could do to hold the group together, but by some miracle, they made it out of the desert with only one Avatar State mishap.

(And an incident with cactus juice, but… she didn’t really want to talk about that.)

....at least they had the information about the Eclipse. That was about the only thing keeping her together at the moment.

They had to get the information to the Earth King so they could formulate an attack with his warriors, but without Appa, they had to resort to more traditional methods of travel. Add in one passport problem, and that was how Y/N found herself braving the Serpent’s Pass alongside a refugee family with a baby on the way.

It was… intimidating, to say the least. Despite being surrounded by her element, Y/N didn’t feel any safer from the challenge that faced them. She took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on her fear the way her mother had taught her, as she followed the group, but her thoughts were soon interrupted.

“Hey.” She turned to see who the voice belonged to and was greeted by the girl that had teased Sokka early — Suki, if she remembered correctly. “I haven’t seen you around; are you with the Avatar or that family?”

“I’m with Aang,” Y/N explained. “I’m from the North, and they offered me a spot with them after they helped us defend our tribe against the Fire Nation. I’ve been with them ever since.” Suki nodded as they settled into a comfortable stride.

“That’s cool. Are you a waterbender?”

She gestured to her waterskin and smiled. “Yeah. I’ve been training with Aang and Katara ever since I left.” Y/N then turned her gaze back to Suki, raising an inquisitive brow. “Your makeup — what’s it for? I heard you talking about the Kyoshi Warriors back there; is that some kind of thing with Avatar Kyoshi?”

Suki grinned, her every expression heightened by the sharp reds and blacks above her eyes. “We’re a group of all-female warriors that use the teachings of Avatar Kyoshi and her partner Rangi to defend our home and the place she founded, Kyoshi Island. I’m the leader of our village section.”

“Wow,” she murmured, her eyes falling to the ground for a moment before finding their way back up to the warrior. “That’s really cool. You’re really cool.”

She laughed and shrugged. “Thanks. I’ve been training as a warrior for almost my whole life, so it just comes naturally. I like being able to protect people, and there’s no better way to pay back my home for all it’s done for me like protecting the whole village.”

“Wow,” she repeated with a small laugh of her own. “That’s really brave. I gotta say, I’m kinda jealous — I would love to see what would happen if Master Pakku met you all. Katara literally had to beat the sexism out of him in order to train to be a master.”

Suki chuckled. “Sounds like what I had to do with Sokka. Guess it’s a thing with Water Tribe guys, huh?”

At the mention of Sokka, she internally laughed. There had to be some kind of connection between the two of them, the way their interests kept aligning. “Sokka… he’s had it hard. I can’t blame him that much for any kind of attitude he had before he met you. Pakku, on the other hand? He had to have had something better to do than fight teenage girls.”

“You would think so, right?” Suki agreed. “And Sokka… I know. He’s got a heart of gold underneath all that, he just needed a little push to get it out.” As Y/N glanced over at the girl, noticing a slight pink tint under the white makeup, she gasped.

“La’s fins, are you two a thing?” she exclaimed with a grin.

Suki flushed even harder as she suddenly became very interested in the ocean around her, but she couldn’t help the smile on her lips. “No! I mean— yes— but… but—” she stopped to gather her thoughts before making eye contact again with a sheepish smile. “We’re not… really a thing, but… I do like him a lot. I didn’t really think I was going to see him again after they left the island, so this is really nice.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Y/N asked. “I can already tell that he cares about you — have you seen how careful he’s being with you?”

“Well—” Whatever kind of excuse Suki would’ve made up was interrupted by a rock falling out just under Than, one of the refugees they were with, saved in the nick of time with Toph’s earthbending.

“I’m okay!” he reassured, but no sooner had the words left his mouth before the Fire Nation ship in the distance started firing.

“They’ve spotted us!” Sokka yelled. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

Aang flicked his glider open and deflected the blast, and Katara grabbed Y/N’s hand as they all began to run. Another blast rocked the mountain, causing several boulders to fall just above Suki. Y/N didn’t even have time to shout out a warning before Sokka tackled her out of the way, but it was ultimately more of Toph’s quick earthbending that saved him.

“Suki, are you okay?” Sokka brushed dust and pebbles off of her uniform as he examined her, and once he was satisfied he grabbed her hand and helped her up. “You have to be more careful! Come on!”

As the two of them caught up to Y/N and Katara, she gave Suki a knowing look. The warrior only blushed once again and glanced away.

After hours of navigating the pass, they were only about halfway through. Sokka made the executive decision to set up camp for the night to give everyone time to rest, and then they would get up at the crack of dawn to finish their trip. It only took a few minutes for Y/N to get a fire going, and soon everyone had settled in with their sleeping bags. Sokka got up from his spot as Suki wandered closer to the edge, and Katara nudged Y/N with her shoulder.

“Hey. How are your hands doing?”

“They’re fine,” she answered with a small smile, flipping her hands over as proof. Where there were once red burn scars on her palms only tiny white marks remained — one benefit to healing via waterbending was that most injuries were able to fade away completely after enough sessions. Her burns weren’t very serious and she was able to heal them almost immediately, so both her and Katara were sure that the marks would be completely gone soon.

The mental scars wouldn’t fade as easily.

“That’s good. And you’re taking care of them, right? Like, you’re not beating up people while we’re not looking?”

Y/N grinned. “No. I think I’ll leave that to Toph.”

Katara chuckled and nodded, turning her hands over in a final examination before nodding. “Good,” she repeated. The silence between them, although comfortable, stretched out for a little too long before she spoke again, this time much quieter. “He did this to you.”

“Katara…”

“I know,” she said. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me, or really at all, but… I’m worried about you. Zuko isn’t good for you. Every time we’ve run into him, he’s hurt you. And you deserve so much more than that.”

“You don’t understand,” she countered. “You don’t know Zuko like I do. You weren’t there when I was. I know you think I’m insane for still believing in him, but I— I can’t let go of him, Katara. I know the Zuko I love is still in there somewhere, and I have to try and find it. For me and for him.”

Katara’s eyes were full of nothing but sympathy as she sighed — it was obvious she didn’t believe her words, but in true fashion she was still trying her best to be supportive.

“Okay. I don’t understand it, but… I don’t think I can change your mind.” Y/N chuckled sadly and nodded, Katara’s piercing gaze meeting her own once more. “It’s just… Why are you playing with fire when you know you’re going to get burned?”

And for once, Y/N didn’t have an answer for her friend.

~~~~~~~~~

The night went by quickly, which Y/N was thankful for. It meant that the nightmares didn’t last as long.

After a quick headcount to make sure no one had fallen off the pass overnight and an even quicker gathering of their things, they set off to finish their journey.

It went just as well as she had expected — a giant serpent, the namesake of the pass, had attacked them while crossing through an underwater section. Thankfully, she was able to aid Katara and Aang in defeating it with waterbending with no casualties

But in the wake of one disaster there was always another, and before Y/N knew it a baby had been born. She was mostly there for moral support — Katara had it all handled, and Y/N didn’t expect anything less.

But finally, they had made it across the pass, and they were so close to Ba Sing Se that she could almost smell the city air. Sadly, though, that meant it was time for them to part ways — Aang to find Appa, and Suki back to her warriors. After some sad but hopeful goodbyes with Aang, it was time to bid farewell to Suki.

“Are you sure you can’t travel a little longer with us?” Y/N questioned, apparently not above pleading to try and get the girl to stay. “You’re— you’re amazing, and we’d really love to have you with us.”

“I can’t even imagine what travelling with the Avatar would be like,” she smiled, causing Y/N to get her hopes up for just a moment before they fell back down. “But I can’t stay. I have to get back to the Kyoshi Warriors.”

Y/N sighed, her gaze falling slightly downcast. “I get that. I just really wish you could stay. Or that I could meet your warriors. You seriously don’t know how cool you are, Suki.”

“Well, if you’re ever in town on Kyoshi Island, find us. I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out and do you one better than just meeting them all,” she said with a grin. “I think it’d be pretty cool to have the first waterbending Kyoshi Warrior.”

Y/N was unable to prevent the heat rushing to her cheeks as she smiled shyly, once again averting eye contact. “That would be amazing. I’ll have to find my way back there after the war.”

Suki bumped shoulders with her, causing a startled laugh to spill from her lips. “We’d love to have you.”

“Wait, why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye to her?” Sokka questioned as he walked up to the two of them. Y/N winked at Suki and gestured at him with her head, walking off before Suki could protest to find Katara.

The conversation the two girls were sharing was an extremely thinly veiled excuse to eavesdrop on the lovebirds, and when they kissed Y/N actually had to hold back a scream.

Sokka deserved this. She knew how much he beat himself up over every little thing that went wrong, and it was about time he got to relax even for a moment. She only hoped that Suki would be in their corner of the world sooner rather than later.

What could she say? She was already fantasizing about life as a Kyoshi Warrior.

~~~~~~~~~

Although they had parted ways, they soon found themselves reunited with Aang to stop yet another Fire Nation threat.

“For the love of Kuruk,” Y/N murmured as she stared into the distance, her eyes wide at the sight of a large mechanical drill. “That was Ty Lee who just took down all those soldiers. And if she’s here, Mai and Azula are with her too. Guys, It’s one thing to stop this drill, it’s another thing to take those three down with it.”

“The question is, how do we do it?” Aang questioned.

“Why can nothing ever be easy?” Sokka lamented. His gaze remained trained on the drill for a moment before he realized theirs were on him. “Why are you all looking at me?”

“You’re the idea guy,” Aang said.

“Wait, so I’m the only one who can ever come up with a plan?” he protested. “That’s a lot of pressure!”

“And also the complaining guy,” Katara muttered, drawing a chuckle out from Y/N.

“Now that part I don’t mind,” Sokka admitted.

“Well, Sokka— you were a huge help in the North, and you figured out a way to defeat the Fire Nation during that eclipse at the library! Plus, there’s all that stuff that Katara told me you did before I joined.” She patted him on the back. “If anyone can figure out how to take that thing down, it’s you.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, his ego only slightly bolstered. “...okay. I think I can do it.”

“That’s the spirit!” she said with a smile.

Unfortunately, that smile faded as a young guard came running up to the wall. “Excuse me, Avatar and friends — I’ve heard that you’ve dealt with that… that pink girl down there before.” They nodded and he continued. “It would do us a great deal of help if you could come down and look at our injured soldiers, then.”

Y/N and Katara nodded in unison and started to follow the guard, the remaining three trailing after them. They ended up inside the wall, in what looked like an infirmary of sorts with all the cots and soldiers lying around, and the two waterbenders exchanged looks.

“You know what to do?” Katara asked.

Y/N hummed in acknowledgment, and they both knelt down next to separate cots. “This definitely looks like Ty Lee’s work,” she murmured as she bent water up from the pot and molded it over the man’s arm.

“What’s wrong with him?” the general questioned. “He doesn’t look injured.”

“His chi is blocked,” Katara explained. “Who did this to you?”

“Two girls ambushed us,” the soldier said, moving his arm as he regained feeling. “One of them hit me with a bunch of quick jabs and suddenly I couldn't earthbend anymore and I could barely move. Then she cartwheeled away.”

Katara sighed as she bent the water back into the pot. “You were right, Y/N. That was Ty Lee — she doesn’t look dangerous, but she knows the human body and its weak point. It’s like she takes you down from the inside.”

As if struck by lightning, Sokka lit up. “Oh, oh, oh! What you just said — that’s how we’re going to take down the drill; the same way Ty Lee took down all those earthbenders!”

“By hitting its pressure points!” Toph exclaimed with a grin.

The breakthrough brought a steely determination to Aang’s features as he looked out into the distance. “We’ll take it down from the inside.”

~~~~~~~~~

Like everything they did, it seemed so simple on paper. But now that she was actually inside the drill, it felt a lot more nerve wracking. Toph opted to stay outside where she could see and try to slow down the drill with the earth at her disposal, which left the four of them to somehow take it down from the inside.

Sokka led them through a hallway with a myriad of valves and pipes as he thought out loud. “I need a plan of this machine — some schematics that show what the inside looks like. Then we can find its weak points.”

“Where are we gonna get something like that?” Aang asked.

Sokka thought for a moment before he took his machete out and hacked a valve off a pipe. Y/N instinctively took a step back and shielded her face from the hot steam. “What are you doing?” she cried. “Someone’s gonna hear us!”

“That’s the point!” he exclaimed. “A machine this big needs engineers to run it, and when something breaks—”

“Someone will come down to fix it!” Katara finished with a smile at Aang, a sentiment the boy returned happily.

It was surprisingly easy to take down the engineer once he arrived — with a little bit of frozen mist on Katara’s end, they had the plans they needed. Sokka’s expertise combined with the blueprints got them to the beginning of the outer shell.

“Wow,” Sokka muttered. “It looks a lot thicker than it does in the plans. We’re gonna have to work pretty hard to cut through that.”

Katara crossed her arms. “What’s this ‘we’ stuff? The three of us are gonna have to do all the work.”

“Look, I’m the plan guy!” Sokka explained with a gesture to himself. “You three are the ‘cut up stuff with waterbending’ guys. Together, we’re Team Avatar!”

Katara and Aang looked wholly unamused while Y/N chuckled. “Team Avatar. I like it.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “At least someone appreciates my genius.”

“Tui’s gills, why do you have to keep boosting his ego?” Katara complained. “Let’s just get this done before it gets worse.”

The three of them got in position — Katara and Aang on opposite sides so they could pass the stream of water between them, and Y/N making the point of the triangle to work on the other side on her own. They were hoping it would be more efficient being able to cut through both sides at the same time, but it was proving to be much more difficult than they had imagined — halfway through the three of them were already exhausted.

By some feat of strength they were able to completely cut through the brace, but their hard work didn’t pay off in quite the way they had imagined — when the beam only shifted a few inches she groaned.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” she breathed as she wiped sweat off of her forehead.

“At this rate,” Katara paused to inhale deeply, “we won’t do enough damage before the drill reaches the wall.”

“I don’t know how many more of those I have in me,” Aang said sadly.

A large creak suddenly rang throughout the large chamber, and they all looked up for the source.

“Did you hear that?” Sokka asked, already backing up to make an exit. “We took it down! We gotta get out of here, fast!”

Just as they reached the door on the other side, a crackle followed by the sound of a man’s voice dashed their hopes. “Congratulations, crew. The drill has made contact with the wall of Ba Sing Se. Start the countdown to victory!”

A collective silence hung in the air between them, the threat now even more imminent as their situation sunk in. Mai and Ty Lee had proven effective in taking down any Earth Kingdom threat posed at them, and despite Toph’s skill they knew she couldn’t take down something like this on their own.

They either had to figure out a way to destroy this drill, or the Fire Nation was going to make it into the city.

Sokka ran back over to the brace and pushed against it, putting all his strength into the feat but to no avail. “Come…. on! Move!”

Katara started pacing around in a small circle, crossing her arms again as she tried to think of something. “This is bad. This is really bad.”

“Sokka, that’s not going to work!” Y/N didn’t mean to snap, but the grinding of metal on metal combined with her nervousness got to her. She sighed and ran her hand over her face. “I— I’m sorry. But it’s still not going to work.”

He groaned as he leaned against the brace. “We’re putting everything we have into busting these things, but it’s taking too long!”

Suddenly, Aang jumped up from the ground with stars in his eyes. “Maybe we don’t need to cut all the way through! Toph — she’s been teaching me that you shouldn’t put a hundred percent of your energy in any one strike. Sokka, get in a fighting stance.”

Sokka complied and as Aang talked through his points, he demonstrated it on Sokka. “You've got to be quick and accurate. Hit a series of points and break your opponent's stance. And when he's reeling back, you deliver the final blow. His own weight becomes his downfall, literally.”

As Sokka fell over from the attack, Katara lit up. “So we just need to weaken the braces instead of cutting all the way through—”

“—then I can go to the top of this thing and deliver the final blow!” Aang finished.

Y/N helped Sokka up from the ground, his spirits not dampened at all. “Then boom! This whole thing goes down!”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Y/N asked, flexing her fingers to refresh them for all the bending she was going to have to do. “Aang, Katara and I can handle the braces. Focus on getting up to the top before anyone sees you.”

He nodded and they all met each other with determined eyes. “Everyone inside that wall, the whole world — they’re all counting on us.”

“Here, take this. You need this more than I do. ” Katara took her waterskin off and handed it to Aang. “Good luck. And be careful.”

Y/N noticed a slight blush on her cheeks and she had to hold back her smile. That was definitely something she was going to tease her friend about later — when they weren’t trying to stop the Fire Nation from breaking into Ba Sing Se.

“I will,” he assured. Aang slung the strap of the waterskin around his shoulder and took off, and Y/N and Katara got to work breaking through the rest of the braces.

With the knowledge that they only had to cut through half of each column and the revitalization that came from having a plan, their work went by much quicker. Just when they finished the final brace, it all went wrong.

“Good work, Team Avatar!” Sokka cheered. “Now we— Y/N, duck!”

She didn’t question Sokka as she immediately dropped to the ground, something she was immensely thankful for as a blast of blue fire seared past her. Her eyes snapped up to the source of the attack and narrowed in recognition.

“Of course they’re here,” she growled as she pulled herself back up. “We gotta go, now!”

Katara and Sokka nodded and they all started running. Bringing up the rear, Y/N was able to hear Azula’s words right before they split off into an intersection:

“Follow them! I’m going to find the Avatar.”

Sure enough, when she allowed a glance back, Mai and Ty Lee were closing in on them. She flicked open the cap of her waterskin and bent some out, managing to freeze it at just the right moment to block the incoming daggers from Mai. Still running, she melted it quickly and let it fall to the ground before freezing it again, creating some ice on the ground that would hopefully give them a few more seconds of leeway.

“That should give us some time!” she yelled as they turned a corner, finally turning her attention back to the path in front of them. “Any idea how we’re gonna get out of this thing?”

“Maybe!” Sokka yelled back, slowing to a stop as they came to a dead end, a large hatch the only thing at their disposal. He started tugging on the wheel in an attempt to open it, and when Y/N joined in they were able to wrench it open.

“Slurry pipeline?” Katara frowned as she read the sign on the wall and looked at Sokka. “What does that mean?”

“It’s rock and water mixed together,” he explained as they looked into the rushing liquid underneath the hatch. “It means it’s our way out!”

Katara nodded and climbed in, Sokka following close after. The sound of metal footsteps got closer and closer, and Y/N ducked inside just as Mai’s knives clanked against the hatch. Never before had she been so happy to be floating in a stream of slurry.

The rest of their mission went by surprisingly easy — at least, on their end. All it took was some waterbending — earthbending, when Toph joined them — and encouragement from Sokka (though unappreciated by Katara). Whatever magic Aang was working at the top of the drill had done its job, because soon enough the drill had collapsed in on itself.

And now, they had reunited on the top of the wall overlooking the sunset. After the chaos that had been their day, it was nice to just relax for even a moment. And there was no better way to do so than with her friends.

“I just want to say, good effort out there, Team Avatar!” Sokka exclaimed as he threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.

“Enough with the ‘Team Avatar’ stuff,” Katara said dryly. “No matter how many times you say it, it’s not going to catch on.”

“I like it, Sokka,” Y/N smiled. “I’ve liked it this whole time.”

“You always appreciate my genius, Y/N,” he mused. “That’s why I appreciate you.” She laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder as he continued to list off names.

“How about… the Boomeraang squad! Eh? See, it’s good because it’s boomerang, and it has Aang in it—”

“Yeah Sokka,” Toph interrupted. “We got it.”

Aang grinned and scratched his head. “I kinda like that one.”

“The Aang Gang. Ooh, the Fearsome Fivesome!”

“You’re crazy,” Toph muttered as she walked away.

“Wait, Sokka—” Y/N pulled away from him and held up her pointer finger. “Aang Gang — what if we combine it, so it’s just the Gaang? But still with Aang’s name?”

And at that moment, Sokka looked more proud than ever. “Oh, you— you are a genius.”

“Oh, spirits,” Katara groaned. “Why do you insist on encouraging him?”

“You’re just jealous of our name-making abilities,” Sokka said haughtily.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “You two are completely ridiculous, you know that? Let’s just get into the city before the trains stop running.”

Y/N and Sokka winked at each other as they all started walking, unable to keep the smile off of her face. She always thought it was amazing — they went through insane things every day, but at the end of it all she was always able to smile because of them. And as her gaze drifted towards the city in the distance, she hoped it would hold true.

She had no idea what Ba Sing Se had in store for her.

shit is gonna happen next chapter so i hope you all are READY bc im not

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snafu-maniac1 · 3 years

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Zuko deserved better

So I rewatched Avatar the Last Airbender recently and let me tell you......

I wanna murder several people.

Looking back on this entire series I’ve come to notice something. I watched the show just like any other audience member and only saw the good and the bad characters. One of these prime examples is Zuko. Zuko’s redemption arc has been praised as one of the greatest in history, succeeding where others have failed. But watching it all again......it wasn’t redemption. Not to me personally.

Before everyone gets angry and defensive at me, please finish reading my post and hear what I have to say. I do not wish to start any fandom wars or discredit or disrespect anyone’s opinion, this is just my personal psychological analysis of Zuko’s character....Sigh and let me give you a warning.

It’s gonna be LONG.

So if you’re not interested or don’t want to hear it or don’t feel like reading something this long that’s fine, you can go ahead and just click away and ignore this post.

Starting from book 2.

Now you may be wondering why I’m starting here and not from the start of Zuko’s childhood but I first want to address the one question everyone had been wondering since the series 2 finale. What would have happened if Zuko hadn’t sided with Azula?

My answer is.....that wouldn’t have happened.

Everyone’s been focusing on the entire arc where Zuko was struggling to accept that the war was wrong and how Iroh was trying to get through to him when he tried to capture Appa and afterwards, but here’s something everyone tends to ignore.

Why didn’t Iroh try sooner?

Why didn’t he try to stop Zuko before Aang came, before he’d gotten so deep and desperate to the point that he continuously committed heinous acts to capture the Avatar? People would justify it by saying Iroh wanted Zuko to realize the wrongs of his father and Nation by himself to shape him into his own person. But that is in no way the appropriate way to approach a physically, psychologically and mentally unstable and abused child. Zuko was a thirteen year old boy when he was burned and banished. This is where we go into his childhood. Zuko was raised like any other Fire Nation citizen. As we’ve seen in book 3 and in the Pirate comic book, The Fire Nation citizens were led to believe that the other Nations were ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’. It villainizes the Fire Nation even more. The very fact that they would spread heinous lies against other people when they themselves were responsible for the war that ruined so many lives. But when you realize, what Sozin and the other Fire Lords did was a solid battle tactic. Making the opposing side out to be these horrendous monsters. Making lies or accentuating every one of their worst traits to dehumanize their enemies so that the people would not have any qualms about fighting them. All of the Fire Nation schools were taught these lies. And Zuko was no exception.

Zuko was a member of the Royal family. And from what was shown in the Avatar series, the Royal family was isolated from the rest of Fire Nation society. Zuko had no way of knowing what the other Nations were really like, no way of knowing the truth about the war and no one had bothered to explain it to him. The one person that could have, did NOT. And yet people had expected him to just automatically know that he was being lied to and that his people were the villains. Zuko’s only social exposure was with Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai, Dragon Of The West General and Crown Prince Iroh, his cousin Prince Lu Ten, his mother Princess Ursa and his younger sister Princess Azula and her friends Mai and Ty Lee. All of whom believed in the Fire Nation propaganda and all of whom had no problem in participating in the war and making jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground. Zuko was under scrutiny and aggression from Ozai. Ozai was Zuko’s ‘handler’, his ‘groomer’. He groomed Zuko into a certain type of submissive and obedient behavior. Zuko was not allowed to show any type of emotion otherwise he would suffer severe repercussions. Ozai and Azula taunted Zuko for having a sense of compassion and with how he was ostracized in a war loving family, he began to believe his behavior and way of thinking was unusual. It was like Azula said to Mai, “Your mother had certain expectations of you and when you strayed from them you were shot down.” In Zuko’s case, the expectations he strayed from resulted in severe punishment. Ozai was willing to permanently disfigure and traumatize Zuko when he was a thirteen year old boy. It’s not unusual to think that his punishments towards Zuko would sometimes very likely be physical and many people even write alternate universes of the Avatar series where Ozai was even more abusive than he already was. He was a manipulative man who brainwashed his daughter into being his perfect, obedient little slave and manipulated his son into questioning his own sense of reality. He would tell him that Azula was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, cementing Azula’s view of herself of receiving everything she wanted and turning her personality toxic while he made Zuko feel inferior and faulty. If there was something wrong with him, his father would tell him and he needed to fix it. But he never could. He strayed towards his mother, who like Iroh, abandoned Azula because of Ozai’s manipulation and did nothing to help her like they ‘helped’ Zuko.

When Zuko was thirteen he wanted to ‘prove’ himself to his father by attending one of his war meetings. Zuko very likely only wished to do what his father wanted because by then, Iroh had abandoned him when he left after the Siege of Ba Sing Se, his mother disappeared and his grandfather and cousin were both dead. The only ones he had left of his family were his father and sister who both abused him and he only wished for their approval and their affection. Humans need mutual affection. Children who do not receive affection from their parents, tend to not take that type of neglect well. Because people need affection to properly function. Our parents love us from when we are young and that emotional connection is something very important to every human being’s mental state. However, Zuko’s only source of affection, his mother, was taken away from him. Azula herself, had no source of affection. Not from her mother, who thought she was demented from her father’s brainwashing, nor from her brother who feared her, nor from her father who used her as a tool. Returning to the day of the Agni Kai, Zuko wished to be of use to his father, he craved his affection because that is what the abuser does. They make you believe they are the only ones who can validate you and if you do not abide by their rules or follow their orders then you mean nothing. Zuko for the most part from what I could see in the flashback, held his promise and did not speak. But when he refused to back down when his people were in danger, Ozai was not pleased. This is because he is an abuser. He is Zuko’s ‘handler’ and when someone who is abusing another person witnesses this type of behavior, they have a feeling of loss of control. They desire control, they crave it, over the abusee especially. So when Zuko showed empathy towards the Fire Nation citizens and did not do as Ozai wished, he decided to ‘rectify’ that. In the most BRUTAL way possible. An Agni Kai. A public spectacle where he would establish dominance over his son, over his pawn and he would make a show of it. He would show everyone that HE was the one in control and NO ONE could defy him. When Zuko refused to fight Ozai, because of his love for his father, Ozai only saw that as a weakness. Ozai is a psychotic man. The fact that he did not have any problem in burning his son so cruelly shows that he does not have any sense of morals. Going back to Zuko, a thirteen year old child at the time, he had just been punished for disobedience, for straying from his father’s expectations, in the worst way possible.

Zuko did what many people would say is the right thing to do. He tried to defend his people from a cruel man intent on sending them to their deaths. But in doing so, he had defied his father and was punished for it. He was punished....for trying to HELP people. His life was essentially DESTROYED and he was thrown out of his home...for trying to help people. For showing empathy towards others. He was punished in the worst way possible for defying his father. His entire perception of right and wrong was thrown out of balance. He was taught that the war was right and that the Fire Lord, his father, was all knowing. And his mother tried to teach him kindness and her lessons of kindness got him punished. The amount of physical and mental damage he had sustained from such a punishment would in some cases be irreversible. Iroh was right there with Zuko and he did nothing. I CAN understand why he did not step in during the Agni Kai. He had been gone from the Fire Nation, his brother had taken the throne and he could have very well himself been punished severely for intervening. However, why did he allow Zuko to continue to believe he was the one at fault? Everyone of us has seen Zhao, has seen the way he treated Zuko during his banishment. Zuko very likely spent those entire two years before Aang’s arrival, being subjected to that type of behavior from everyone around him. All of them blamed him, all of them very likely said that he’d deserved what had happened to him. No one was on his side. He ended up turning aggressive and cruel towards others, because that was the way his father behaved and it was his empathy towards others that got him punished in the first place. He said in The Storm ‘the safety of the crew doesn’t matter’, just like the general that called the 41st division ‘fresh meat’. It was easier for Zuko to lash out at others and be aggressive than to let them see his vulnerabilities and hurt him for them again. It was the same with Song and her mother. Ozai tried to force him to be cruel, he tried to groom him the same way he did Azula. They dehumanized the other Nations and Zuko behaved the exact same way he was expected to. ‘Their compassion would cost them’. It was exactly the way his father wanted him to be. It was what Iroh did not wish for him, and yet despite claiming he thought of Zuko as a son, he did not in any way try to convince Zuko to give up his quest during the two years he had been searching for something that at the time was believed did not exist. The only instance we were shown of Iroh saying anything against his search, and even that is a stretch, was in the Western Air Temple episode where Zuko has a flashback of Iroh telling him that ‘destiny was a funny thing’ when Zuko said it was his destiny to capture the Avatar. Iroh had time to run the White Lotus, an antiwar organization for two YEARS maybe even longer and he did not think of taking two MINUTES to talk to Zuko, to ease him into realizing the wrongs of the war. Okay, yes he could have passed it off as character growth. But how do you expect a person, surrounded by people telling him he was at fault, he had no choice, either obey or never come back, to realize something like that? How do you expect an abuse victim to accept help all by themselves when their abuser forces them to depend on them? Did Iroh take him to some Earth Kingdom villages to see that they aren’t the vicious savages the Fire Nation portrays them to be? Did he take Zuko to the Southern Water Tribe to see the damage done to them at the hands of his own country? No. Instead he acted like an oblivious old man who had no interest other than Pai Sho and speaking proverbs that Zuko could not hope to understand.

Two years Zuko spent looking and looking and he turned desperate to the point that he was willing to do anything to go home. And then The Avatar finally returned. And then the people that Zuko was raised to perceive as brutal savages continued to stand in his way. And did Iroh intervene? No. He still did nothing. He allowed Zuko to continue his pursuit and turn into the worst possible version of himself. People say that Zuko should own up to the consequences of his actions. And he should. But would he have done those actions had Iroh stopped him earlier? Would he have done any of the things he did when the only remaining adult figure in his life had told him otherwise? Would he have listened to Iroh? The answer is yes. He was willing to do what Ozai had expected of him so why would he not listen to Iroh with time and patience instead of waiting till the last possible moment to do so? Children don’t automatically know right from wrong from the moment of their birth. They are taught by their parents, by the adults in their lives and Zuko had Ozai as his parental influence. And Iroh knew that. He knew the type of man his brother was and he did not try to overwrite his brother’s abuse to help his nephew until Zuko was already on the path of no return. When they became refugees Iroh still did nothing until they got to Ba Sing Se and until Zuko, again in an act of desperation, tried to capture Appa. That was when he FINALLY decided to step in. Three years since Zuko’s banishment, sixteen years of his father’s influence and abuse and he decides the very moment his nephew is close to the brink of insanity is the perfect opportunity to DESTROY his entire world view. He had worked day in and day out for two years before Aang appeared, only for his uncle, someone he TRUSTED, to tell him it was all for NOTHING. Two years of TORTURING himself. A year of fighting against his Nation’s enemies and SUDDENLY he’s being told it was all for nothing. When Iroh and Zuko reunited, Iroh told him he found his way again ‘on his own’ like how Zuko told Ozai he had to learn everything ‘on his own’. And they were both right. Zuko had no one to help him. He had to suffer through so much on his own, without anyone’s help and they’re SURPRISED he acted the way he did. When everything came to ahead in Ba Sing Se with Katara, people thought ‘Oh Zuko has changed he’s going to help Katara.’ And when he did not they HATED him for it.

The reason for this is because Katara was the ‘good guy’ and Zuko was the ‘bad guy’. Black and white. Katara and Zuko shared a moment of understanding from both losing their mothers and Katara offered to heal his scar and he chose to side with Azula and both Katara and the viewers saw this as a betrayal on Zuko’s part. This assumption however is completely unjustified and unfounded. Everyone sees Zuko and the Fire Nation as the bad guys. The villains of the story. But Katara and the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom were the bad guys in the Fire Nation’s eyes. Katara was the ‘savage’ standing in the way of Zuko going home. The Avatar was his home’s greatest ENEMY and THREAT. Had the situation been reversed and Katara had to choose between Zuko and the Water Tribe and her brother and father, people would have supported her choice because they were the good guys. Zuko’s people were the bad guys so it had to be the wrong decision and a betrayal to Katara and Iroh. But Zuko was an unstable, traumatized child who did not wish to believe his people were bad, who did not want to fight his home after he spent so long trying to capture Aang, his home’s greatest THREAT and ENEMY. Katara hated Zuko because he represented everything that the Fire Nation did to her family. And Zuko hated her because she was the ‘savage’ keeping him from his one way home. To Zuko, Katara was the bad guy. And looking back at their moment of sympathy where Katara said he betrayed her trust I can only ask one thing....how could Zuko have known that Katara wasn’t trying to trick him? Now, the viewers would automatically respond ‘Katara’s not like that! She wouldn’t do that!’ but the fact is, we the viewers KNOW Katara. We know she’s not that type of person because we got to know her through out the series. Zuko does NOT know her. To Zuko, she’s just another faceless enemy out to KILL his father. He chose Azula’s side because he could not accept what Iroh was saying to him because why hadn’t Iroh said so sooner? He did not want to join Aang’s side cause this was the AVATAR. The one out to KILL his FATHER and take down his HOME. When Zuko returned, he was conflicted about what he had done because he had begun to see how wrong his father and sister’s behavior and The Fire Nation’s war truly was. And Iroh cemented that further by proclaiming Zuko’s struggle was because of Roku and Sozin’s conflict when that was clearly not the case. Zuko was groomed and brainwashed by the Fire Nation propaganda like every other citizen but he was not dispelled from that belief by anyone. No one tried to make him question that belief. Iroh did not try to ‘help Zuko’ until the very last moment in Ba Sing Se. People believe Zuko betrayed Iroh because that’s how it’s supposed to be when Zuko was the ‘bad guy’ and Iroh was the ‘caring’ Uncle and ‘voice of reason’. And yet he did not think to ‘reason’ with Zuko before this entire mess even started. He did not in any way try to disrupt Zuko’s view of the other Nations or his father. In my opinion, IROH was the one who betrayed ZUKO. Iroh KNEW the entire time that what Zuko was doing was wrong. Zuko was a child who was not allowed to think for himself and Iroh KNEW Zuko was brainwashed by the exact same propaganda he himself had believed before he lost his son. If Iroh, who had believed in the Fire Nation for so many years, was unable to realize the wrongs of the war until his ADULTHOOD when he lost his son, how in the world did he expect a 13 year old child to do so? And Zuko became even more unstable and then he chose the Fire Nation.

When he realized it was wrong and went to join team Avatar, they were reasonably mistrusting.

Zuko’s redemption arc from a simple perspective, from team Avatar’s perspective was very well done. Team Avatar did not know what Zuko had been through. To them he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt them. To the audience, he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt the good guys. No one would think that deep into a fictional character’s perspective or psychological and mental state. No one would think past the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy’. But one thing I cannot justify is Katara’s accusation of betrayal towards Zuko. As we have mentioned, Zuko and Katara were enemies who had a mutual hatred towards each other before his ‘redemption’. They had one single moment of shared empathy and understanding and that is NOT the basis for earned trust. What would Katara have done had she been in Zuko’s shoes? Fighting her enemies, fighting people she sees as nothing more than monsters and she has to choose between her long time enemy and her sibling and her home and her family. If she was in that position, she would choose Sokka and Hakoda and Aang and the Water Tribe over Zuko in a heartbeat because those are her FAMILY members and her FRIENDS and people would justify her because she’s the ‘good guy’. The hero. But Zuko is the villain so his actions automatically AREN’T justifiable. I understand Katara’s mistrust towards Zuko because of their history and because again, she doesn’t know anything about him or what he went through. But she cannot expect him to just automatically leave behind everything he’s ever known and ever believed in because of one single moment of understanding. Zuko should have done everything he could to make it up to the group because he owed it to them and they again, did not know any of his reasons for hunting them. But Zuko does not deserve to be labeled simply as ‘a bad guy turned good’ when he was NEVER a bad guy to begin with. When he was never even mentally stable enough to make that type of decision for himself. In today’s day and age Zuko and Azula would have BOTH ended up in a mental institution. And after all of the things he went through, Zuko was the one who ended up going back to Iroh and apologizing when Iroh was the one who abandoned him and then Zuko at 16 years old ended up as the leader of a nearly fallen apart country. He had to suffer through insomnia, assassination attempts and mental instability and abandonment. Iroh left to Ba Sing Se and only made two appearances in a total of SIX comic books after the end of the War and one of those was entirely brief. So while Iroh gets to enjoy the rest of his life selling tea, Zuko has to suffer the consequences for what his family did. He was also abandoned by Mai which brings me to another point.

Zuko’s toxic relationships.

Some people say they dislike Mai because she is emotionally abusive towards Zuko. It never occurred to me before but looking at it now, I have to say that I agree. In the comics after book 2 had ended it was shown that Azula used Mai’s childhood crush on Zuko to manipulate him into going back to the Fire Nation with her. And Mai.....I don’t even know how to get started on the entire mess that is their relationship. Mai is a person who does not like emotion. She doesn’t like to express herself and immediately shuts down anything even close to emotion. The same applies to Zuko. Zuko is a very emotionally unstable and insecure person. And instead of reassuring and calming him, Mai immediately cuts him off whenever he loses a handle of his emotions and just flat out ends their relationship on the spot. She gives Zuko no explanation, just gets angry at him and then all of a sudden when Zuko can’t take anymore and explodes she suddenly says she cares about him. Their relationship is toxic. Mai demeans his problems and things that trouble him. Quote “I just asked if you were cold, I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” when Zuko was nervous about going back home. She demeans his guilt towards Iroh and tries to make him feel better by ordering servants around. And then in the Boiling Rock episode she attacks him for his letter which is reasonable on her part, but there is the problem that despite being Zuko’s girlfriend, up until that point she was Azula’s subordinate first and foremost and she could have tried to let Azula know. Still was a shitty way of ending their relationship, I’m not gonna act like it wasn’t but I still wanted to put that perspective out there just for thought. Not to mention how she ended things in the comic books. The trust issue I understand. But I don’t understand how ONE single mistake would lead to her just immediately ending things instead of at least TRYING to work it out. She could have listened to him and seen why he was so upset and scared of messing up that he went to Ozai of all people for help. She did not stick by him when he needed her and that was what forever ruined their relationship for me.

In simple terms, Zuko was a bad guy who became a good guy and redeemed himself.

In psychological terms, Zuko was an abuse victim who was brainwashed since his childhood, blamed for it and made into a scapegoat while his sister ended up in a mental institution because of her father’s influence and because the same people who ‘helped’ Zuko didn’t think she deserved it too.

So from what I’ve seen while rewatching the series....

Zuko never needed redeeming. Zuko needed help.

And he didn’t get it.

#avatar the last airbender #zuko #zuko deserved better #azula #azula deserved better #zuko needs therapy #azula needs therapy

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mxadrian779 · 3 years

Note

1. Aunty Azula recovering post-canon, but still snarky and still hates 99% of people, but has the softest spot for the Steambabies (Zutara).

2. Azula being completely against Zutara until a certain event ( Kat healing her or defending her or etc) and after which she is Kat’s absolute #1 fan and will fight anyone (noblemen/noblewomen or anyone) who has something to say about her. Bonus, if the 2 gang up on poor Zuko haha

Ps. Can you tell that I have a soft spot for Azula 👀

She remembers the days she walked through darkness. It was like an endless thunderstorm in her mind. She remembers feeling like she no longer knew who she was. Her whole identity had revolved around being the Fire Lord's progeny. She was born lucky. She was born to conquer. The day of her defeat had taken everything away from her.

The world around her had considered her as lost as she considered herself. Hopeless. Useless. Dead. There was nothing left for the disgraced princess.

The only ones who showed her mercy were the ones she'd most betrayed. The Avatar, naïve as he often was, always believed in her redemption. Ty Lee was also convinced that she could find the girl she once loved. The others were more cautious and rightfully dubious, but nevertheless treated her more human than she would often treat herself.

It took years to crawl out of the darkness of her mind. Sometimes she still teetered on the edge, threatening to fall back into oblivion. But she swore an oath to herself that she would regain her honour, that she would redeem herself and make her own own destiny. The further from the darkness she was, the more she understood her brother. They were both such victims of a tyrannical man who used his children as pawns. She thought her father genuinely loved her and favoured her over her brother---and he did, because she was easier to use. He knew how to tap the mind of an overly ambitious child who wanted nothing more than the love of the one parent she had left.

At least Zuko was able to escape.

She shook her head to shake off the thought. Now was not the time for bitterness. That was way behind her. Don't look back. Look forward.

When she had been properly familiarised with the Avatar's gang, she found so many things were different than she had thought. The Avatar was with the blind girl, the nonbender with the Kyoshi Warrior...and the waterbender with her brother.

That was a...tricky demon to banish. That was another wound to heal. Seeing the two people most responsible for her downfall was a deeply-embedded thorn. Even out of the darkness, she still was bothered by it, though logically couldn't understand why.

She supposed maybe it was a deep-seated bias against Water Tribesmen that was a reason for her discomfort. The Fire Nation had not been fond of the Tribes because, unlike the Earth Kingdom, they could neither be bought nor bullied. Ravaged as the Southern Water Tribe was, it never stopped fighting or standing up for itself. Maybe there was something to admire in that.

Whatever discomfort she had about the waterbender was clearly reflected. The waterbender was incredibly protective of Zuko, and was very wary of his sister. She feared the former princess could slip back at any moment...and, to be honest, sometimes the princess feared that herself. She couldn't make that guarantee to herself, much less to anyone else.

She didn't think their union could last. Fire and water mix like...well, fire and water. They just don't.

And yet, by the spirits, they did.

She didn't attend their wedding. She couldn't. She didn't need the attention.

She didn't have the right, anyway.

And then came the kids.

Turned out Zuko's greatest honour comes through his kids. He makes an amazing father, determined to be everything their father wasn't. He's supportive. He's attentive. He dotes and yet knows when to give them their freedom. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't sometimes jealous.

Their first was Rinaya, a studious, dedicated firebender whom the Fire Lord adores. Sometimes she can see a little of herself in Rinaya, and her brother takes notice. He seems to be on his guard, watching for warning signs of history repeating itself. He seems determined never to tell his children about their grandfather; the waterbender believes they have the right to know.

She personally prefers to keep everything where it belongs, but she understands the need for awareness. Her family is a strong cautionary tale.

Sometimes, she helps Rinaya learn firebending. It still catches her by surprise to see a normal-coloured flame coming from her hands. When she lost the darkness, she lost the blue fire. She always considered it her trademark, her pride, but constantly tries to remind herself that it was an ill pride. Imbalance isn't a virtue, after all. It wasn't something to hold up to her name.

She likes to think of herself as bonding with her niece, although Rinaya's mother is never far from sight.

She remembers her brother mentioning his early days with the Avatar's gang, and his struggle to neutralise his relationship with the waterbender. There was something in his heart that made it important to redeem himself to her. His sister never asks him further. She knows he shares her desire to leave history alone.

She didn't know that she'd ever reclaim her honour in the waterbender's eyes. She was once afraid to try, thinking it a lost cause, not that she could blame her sister-in-law.

But something changed when Akiyo was born. He was a nonbender, which was taboo in royal history. The Fire Nation takes badly to heirs and heiresses who are not firebenders; Akiyo couldn't even talk yet and he was made a disgrace in the eyes of Fire Nation society. Through this, she found a bizarre feeling of kinship with him, and swore herself to his side as his protector. Maybe a dishonoured princess guarding a dishonoured prince was where her destiny lay.

Through Akiyo, she grew fond of his mother. She saw the pure courage and passion that she possessed, and came to admire everything she had pulled herself through. Often, she wished she could ask how she kept her strength and optimism, wished she could borrow even a drop of her courage. But she knew enough to keep her distance. She was still not trusted. Someday. Not today.

But she's close enough to what matters most to her, and that means the world.

Today, she looks in the mirror, and no longer sees the girl she once was. She paints the white onto her face, and then the red markings, happily covering the face that often haunted her. She slides the gold adornment onto her topknot, places the personal headband, and climbs into the emerald robes, fastening the leather breastplate and aged katana. She makes her way to the foyer and out the front entrance, where she is greeted by her old friend.

"Good morning, Azula," chirps the other, giving her shoulder a meaningful squeeze.

She smiles broadly in response, briefly pulling Ty Lee into a tight hug. Then, she stands back, assumes her guard, and casts her gaze outward into the world.

#zuko #katara #azula #zutara #atla #fanfiction #prompt #avatar #avatar: the last airbender #fanfic prompt

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

Text

Speak No Evil (Part 23)

Warning on this chapter for animal death: Azula & Mai go hunting and there is some description of the hunt. Nothing hardcore though. But I still thought that I should mention it.

Seicho is still holding her when she wakes. She is surprised to find that it doesn’t startle her to find herself waking in the arms of someone who isn’t TyLee. She is surprised to find that it feels both liberating and refreshing. She gives Seicho a gentle squeeze, something of a test to make sure that she is clinging to something real. When Seicho doesn’t stir at her touch, she makes herself comfortable in the woman’s arms once more, she supposes that it can’t hurt to let her sleep in, they have to wait on Zuzu and the others anyhow.

She finds that it is lovely to sleep in the arms of another once again. She snuggles herself closer, finding it significantly easier to be affectionate when the woman is sleeping. So much easier when she doesn’t have to worry about the woman witnessing her more awkward gestures.

She must have fallen asleep again because when she opens her eyes next, it is to Seicho toying with her hair. She brushes it out of Azula face and strokes her cheek with her thumb. “Did you sleep well.”

Azula feels around for her parchment, not finding it soon enough, she settles for a nod.

“Good.” She squeezes the princess’ hand.

Azula sits up and rubs her eyes. She feels under her pillow and finds her parchment. ‘Have the others caught up yet?’

“We would have heard them if they did.” She waits for Azula to get to her feet before snatching the sleeping bag and rolling it up. “I don’t know what we’re going to do while we wait, we don’t exactly have a camp to tear down.”

‘Breakfast.’ Azula digs around her pack for her pouch of beech and hazelnuts. She is running short on them. They will have to go for a good hunt once they regroup.

“That isn’t much of a breakfast.” Seicho sits down next to her.

Seicho’s hand creeps over hers. Azula spares a glance at it, now cupped over her own. The woman is certainly growing a lot bolder. Though Azula can’t truly blame her; she had been the one to cuddle so close to her in the night.

She looks up to see the woman’s bright smile. Her grip tightens on Azula’s hand and it comes back to her, that light and kind feeling upon awakening in her arms. She thinks that she should be doing something, reciprocating in some way but she isn’t sure how. But what if she has it wrong again? What if she is overthinking and misreading? She stares off into the treeline, glancing over at Seicho every now and again. She should try to make conversation, she isn’t sure why words are so lost on her in the moment.

Seicho rolls her eyes. “For a brilliant strategist, you’re pretty clueless.”

Azula’s face flushes and she scrawls a hasty, ‘excuse me!?’

Seicho laughs one of her powerful laughs, a full body thing with her head thrown back. Azula stares at her until the laughing fit passes. Sehicho’s hand leaves her own, she slides herself closer, and tilts Azula’s head towards hers. She halts there, with Azula’s face inches from her own, “now I’m not going to do all of the work.”

Azula’s lips part. It has been so long--it feels as though it has anyhow--she isn’t sure that she remembers what she is doing. In all likeliness, Seicho probably won’t mind if her affections a rusty and lacking in grace. She closes the space between their lips.

It comes back to her quite naturally; she leans closer and slides her hands along and up Seicho’s spine. Sehicho’s hand is still cupping her chin. Her lips tingle pleasantly when she pulls back, semi-breathlessly. “You’re a good kisser.” Seicho comments. Azula leans in for another. Her second kiss is a greedy thing, really--a self-indulgent attempt to make up what she has been deprived of for some time now.

This time Seicho pulls back, ‘’geeze, you really do put hard work into everything.” She gives a breathy laugh.

Azula nods, ‘no point in doing something if you aren’t giving it everything.’ She folds the full parchment, puts it in her pocket, and takes a new one.

“Have you been saving all of those?”

‘Just our conversations.’ Reading them helps her to sleep at night. Reading them reminds her that someone cares enough to fight her on her death wishes and patterns of self destruction. Reading them reminds her that she can’t actively try to sabotage herself. She clutches her pocket. ‘They are important.’

She doesn’t think that Seicho quite grasps just what they mean to her, it doesn’t matter. She only needs to know that they are important, that she is important. That is enough.

“I am glad that I didn’t lose you.”

‘Because I’m a good kisser?’

“Because you’re you, Azula. I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

For once she thinks that this is a good thing. And, finally, she is certain that she is also glad that she hadn’t given herself to the volcano.

.oOo.

As the days wear on they settle into a comfortable routine; as comfortable as the spirits will let Azula grow. At this point they seem more or less indifferent to her presence, it would seem that pulling at her hair and nipping at her arms and ankles is no longer an amusement to them. And she is thankful for it. Thankful but covered in small knicks and welts from their previously relentless onslaughts. By the time they are through with her, she is spent and worn and Seicho fights to keep her from going under again. She has to fight for herself. Mostly, she manages.

Zuko fares much better than she; he seems to have taken a shine to Zhang-Zin and the pair have taken to helping set up the shelter while she and Mai hunt and Seicho gathers firewood. This is part of their daily routine and Azula supposes that it is what is keeping her sane. To have some semblance of order.

She peeks her head around a tree, the tigermonkey that they have been stalking is just in front of them. Azula lets the lightning dance on her fingertips and gives Mai a nod. Mai confirms it with one of her own. She will send her lightning at the creature, it will fall--dead before it knows that it had been struck--and Mai will get to work harvesting the meat.

Should they have a successful kill, they won’t have to hunt for a good while after this. Azula lets the lightning sail. She hears a heavy thud and Mai steps forward. It is tedious work to carve an animal, especially one so large but Mai does it with an impressive efficacy.

Still, Azula anticipates being there for at least an hour or two with the size of their kill. And she anticipates finding herself bloodied by the end of it. For the time she casts her shirt to the side, she doesn’t have many changes of clothes and shouldn’t like to soil even one. Mai has the same idea. She tries not to make a big deal of it; it is only practical after all, easier to wash blood from skin than fabric. All the same, her face colors when Mai tosses a glance over her shoulder and requests her bigger hunting knife.

Azula carries it up to her and observes in forced silence as Mai puts the knife to use. There is something that she should like to discuss with the woman, but she is up to her elbows in blood so Azula decides to put it off a little longer. Every now and then, she asks Azula for a hand in prying the meat from the bone. Her hands come away sticky with blood and she shudders at it and its uncleanliness. Mai rolls her eyes or chuckles each time she makes a disgusted face or crinkles her nose.

At last, Mai steps back from the tigermonkey carcass and begins packaging the meat. Azula dips her hands into the nearby stream and picks up her brushes. When Mai turns back around she is greeted by parchment. ‘Why did you do it, Mai?’

“Why did I do what?”

‘Kiss TyLee.’ She clenches her teeth, she has roused a nervous loling in her belly. She isn’t sure that she wants to hear the answer. Isn’t sure that she should even be bringing it up, not when they are, at the very least, finally cordial with each other again. Though it would simply rest there, festering beneath the surface, if she hadn’t. She doesn’t think that there can be any real reconciling with such a mess beneath the floorboards.

Mai sighs. “Because I was angry. At you, at Zuko, and I do love TyLee.” Her already quiet voice becomes moreso. “And I ended up hurting her too.”

There is one thing that they have in common. They’re both fools. Hopeless, inconsiderate, and quite possibly socially inept fools. ‘No wonder she left. We’ve all been using her.’

Mai gives a stiff sniff, “yeah.”

‘Are you still angry? At Zuzu and I.’

Mai comes to a stand still. “Yeah.”

Azula swallows, her stomach sinking lower than it already plummeted. “I’m guessing that the two of you are still mad at me too.”

She is right. Azula supposes that it is only fair for her to harbor some resentment of her own. ‘I don’t want to be angry.’ She admits finally. Truly, she doesn’t. It is taking so much out of her and she doesn’t have much energy to exert these days.

Mai’s face seems to soften. “I don’t want to be angry either.”

Perhaps it is time to let by gones be by gones. She wouldn’t have met Seicho if she hadn’t fled. She wants to say that she would never be able to fully heal with TyLee, but she is almost certain that she could have had she been given time--had she given herself time. But that has nothing to do with Mai anyhow.

‘Stop being angry then?’

“That’s not how it works.”

‘I know.’ She replies. Though she doesn’t think that she is angry anymore. She thinks that she is sad. Sad and tired and tired of being sad. She thinks to ask Mai when she thinks that she will stop being angry. Instead she holds up the parchment and asks if she needs help carrying the meat.

Mai’s expression softens though Azula doesn’t know why. “Here take this one.”

Azula makes sure that the blood isn’t seeping through the sack before putting her shirt back on and her portion of their haul over her shoulder.

“Thanks for helping me with the hunt, Azula.” It is still cool and stiff. But it is a start.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #TyLee #Tyzula #Azula/Cupholder girl #Fanfiction

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isazulabaeorwhat · 4 years

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Spill the tea, what's the deal with you and the BSG group (avatar-chang and her squad in particular)?

Ok anon, sorry for taking so long! I wanted to get everything right and honestly collecting the posts took a longass time xD

Anyways, the only ones I have a problem there are avatar-chang, hexful/dykesia/bizukos, catrademption, cardboardseagulls (never seen interacted b4) and bizulas (also never interacted b4).

I’m going to be really transparent about this whole thing so it’s gonna be long as there’s gonna be several links and I’ve included the dates so it’ll be easier to understand. Since I’ll be fully transparent about this, i’ll probably get hate or whatever. Honestly, I just want to put everything out there without being biased or hiding anything. I’m going to disclose everything here.

So, the whole thing between me and avatar-chang started off with this post I made last year on 10 March 2019. Afterwards, she PMed me on the same day and this was the conversation:

After that, I thought the argument was over because she blocked me lmao. The only ones I spoke to about this was nbw and my real life friends (who had nothing to do with ATLA lmao I just ranted to them).

And then the next incident I think was on 16 March 2019 when I made this post about Azula’s abuse of her friends. I was new and 16. I genuinely wanted to know why people labeled Azula as an abuser. It was dykesia who responded to me at the time.

Now, unlike avatar-chang, I had a few conversations with dykesia (who was bizukos then) that was generally civil. I first interacted with her when she made a post calling out Zucest shippers or something?? I was very new. Like fresh newbie baby ATLA tumblr fan new lmao so I thought what she said was too aggressive. I didn’t realize that there were actual Zucest shippers until after some time. And then she PMed me on 13 March 2019, saying that she doesn’t always agree on characters with me but I do write some interesting pieces on Azula— that she’s a huge fan of Azula but she just tends to stay away from her fandom. I apologized about the previous incident of the Zucest thing and it was fine after then. We talked about zuko, the fandom, the comics, Mai etc etc. I thought we were on fine terms.

And then I made a post about the cliff scene in the comics on 16 March 2019. Avatar-Chang made a post that was pretty directed at the post but it seems like she’s deleted it.

On 17 March 2019, I received an anon mail telling me that avatar-chang was talking shit about me behind my back. I censored her name then because I didn’t want to believe without any evidence. No one sent me any screenshots about it so I just dismissed it.

On the same day, avatar-chang answered an anon and talked about the 13 child post theory I made on 9 March.

On 23 April 2019, I received another anon mail about avatar-chang, asking if I’d seen the post she made about Azula. I censored her name again cuz I didn’t want to start any shit over having differing opinions. I’m assuming this is the post the anon was referring to.

On 28 April 2019, dykesia/hexful/bizukos PMed me to ask if I was talking shit about other people behind their backs, and her. I denied this because I hadn’t. This was how the conversation went:

Yes, I didn’t censor any name because as I said, full transparency. I have afp blocked because we’ve clashed several times and he’d still come for my posts last year despite already being blocked. If you’ve followed me long enough, you probably would’ve rmbered that time lmao

Anyways during then, I don’t think I realized that dykesia was actually being passive aggressive. It’d been barely a year since I started the blog and I just didn’t want to full out make enemies. Reading the messages now tho lmao she really was passive aggressive. But yeah then she said this in bsg so I don’t even know why she bothered to ask me if she wasn’t even going to consider believing me.

The 9th of June 2019 was the last time she messaged and it was to ask if I mind her discoursing this Zuko post while ‘hard and drunk’. It was the first time she could apparently agree with me so it was I quote a ‘Yay??’. Afterwards I don’t know when she did it but she blocked me lmao

On 17 July 2019, I received another anon mail telling me that avatar-chang publicly called me a bitch when she was answering an anon about me posting the scans of the EK Chronicles. She mentioned this in bsg again on 19 April 2020 lmao (she’s that petty) it seems:

On November 8 2019, an anon (one of avatar-chang’s friends actually) asked about my thoughts towards the allegations against Aaron Ehasz. I still believe in the system of ‘Innocent before proven guilty’, so I didn’t side with anyone. I tried to be as objective as possible. When I said that I hoped men would also come forward, I said that because I don’t want men to just sit on the sidelines and let the women get the heat if they were telling the truth. At the end of this whole thing, I concluded that Ehasz was a dick of a boss to the girls. Being called an abuser carries more weight than just being a dick. Everyone has been a dick at one point, but being an abuser is something else. Just because Ehasz was a dick doesn’t mean I’m going to stop watching TDP or dismiss his involvement in ATLA.

The next day, BSG brought the issue up despite both avatar-chang having already blocked me by then lmao

On 5 February 2020, after Legacy of the Fire Nation came out, I made a post calling out Iroh’s bs to Azula (guy literally blames Azula for everything that happened to Zuko (something which avatar-chang agrees with apparently, and Iroh even sees Ozai in a better light).

That’s so far what I’ve remembered that involved avatar-chang and dykesia.

Moving on to the next three attackers: catrademption, cardboardseagulls and bizulas.

I’ve seen catrademption around, but I don’t remember if we’ve clashed before. We must have though cuz she’s got me blocked lmao and I mostly only debate back to people when they reply to my posts. For cardboardseagulls and bizulas, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them them before but obviously they’ve seen my blog and misinterpreted everything I’ve written.

But according to them, I’m apparently a Azula apologist, extremist, irrational, toxic, coddles and woobifies Azula, justifies everything she does and invalidates abuse victims.

You can see the posts I’ve made to judge whether I actually am an irrational Azula apologist who blames everything on Zuko. One of the most recent posts I made about Azula’s character is this, and there’s still several more posts like that. Just search #meta or #analysis in my blog search and all of them will just pop up. I can assure you, I have never acted as if Azula has done nothing wrong or did everything right or whatever lies these people are spewing.

If anyone has proof that I’ve talked shit about people in the fandom to other people before, please, present your evidence. I highly think this is impossible because I actually don’t have many friends on Tumblr, nor do I usually initiate conversation because I’m awkward af.

I’ve also tried approaching those I recognized in bsg to find out more about the situation (and at least give my side of the story). Most of them have chosen not to speak to me LMAO but one of them who’s chosen to remain anonymous for their privacy, admitted that dykesia (hexful) forced them to block a blog before (after realizing they were interacting with said blog) and if not, they would be blocked themselves. I can’t post the conversation publicly because they’re afraid their speech mannerism will give away their identity. @space-sword has also shared his experience with avatar-chang on his blog and was pressured to cut off ties with ppb21 just to join the oh so magnificent Ba Sing Gay.

There’s absolutely no reason to judge someone based on their sexual orientation, race, color or age either. They rant about being discriminated against or being generalized or stereotypes but they’re the ones hypocritically committing these actions, and then justify their actions by saying ‘we’re oppressed, they’re not, so it’s not racism or discrimination’. And yet people still wonder why discrimination is still rampant LMAO

I can’t speak for the blogs they victimized in bsg, but I personally don’t agree with talking shit about them on a public server and then criminalizing them as if they’re actually predators. I also don’t agree with involving the blogs’ friends simply because of their association. I also don’t agree with demanding people to block blogs they don’t like because that’s just pure manipulation. That’s wrong and marginalizing people. Unless someone has actually been harassing or literally preying on people, then there’s no reason to actually go around warning blogs about them unless they’re asked about it.

If they feel uncomfortable about something? Then avoid that blog, filter their tags or even block that blog if they’re that uncomfortable—BUT they shouldn’t demand others to do the same just for their own benefit. It’s not up to them to decide what a person can or cannot see or who they can or cannot interact with. They’re not their parents, and they obviously have no right to pressure people into doing things they don’t want to. If they think it tactless that I shared the conversations? Oh honestly, a line was crossed when they spread shit about me so idc. If they actually feel terrible for being called out? GOOD. That’s what they should feel, because in no way was any of what they were doing right or justified. If they’re going to shit on me then expect to be burned because I’m not someone who’ll just shrivel in fear because they have a bigger following.

#ba sing gay #bsg

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presumenothing · 3 years

Text

one more light

ALRIGHT SO this isn’t a new fic but i just realised i somehow never did post this to tumblr, so here it is: 2k worth of atla zombie apocalypse non-au.

no archive warning content beyond the fact of. y’know. zombies

(AO3)

“It’s not your fault, Aang,” Katara says after they beat back the latest siege, and only his sister could still sound sincere even in something they’ve all said at least a dozen times by now.

Sokka feels so proud of her that his heart is almost bursting… or maybe that’s just the effort of hacking his way through dozens of actual damned zombies. A bit of both, really.

Not that the rest of them don’t believe what she’s saying. This whole mess is Sozin and maybe Roku’s fault if it’s anyone’s, and Sokka would gladly repeat that until he went hoarse if he thought Aang would listen.

But Katara is the one who’s always believed in Aang before any of them did, and that sort of thing made a difference.

Or it used to, at least, but today there’s no brightening in Aang’s expression as he stands up, glider having never left his hands. “I’ll take first watch.”

Biting her lower lip, Katara meets Sokka’s gaze as Aang flies off without waiting for any response, and Sokka shakes his head slightly: let him be.

“Twinkletoes fly off again?”

“Yeah.” When Sokka looks over, Toph’s eyebrows are furrowed in what he would’ve called concern if it hadn’t been on someone who could still fling him off the cliff even after a whole day of fighting. “He’s… not doing too well.”

Not that any of them really are, by this point. Toph doesn’t even call him out for stating the obvious, only crosses her arms. “I wish Sparky was here.”

“You and me both,” he admits – and fine, yes, it’s already enough of a lucky coincidence that the four of them had been travelling together when the sudden case of apocalypse broke out, so asking for more would just be tempting fate, but…

Sokka sighs. “I’m sure he’s fine. Jerkbender doesn’t know how to lose.”

Toph’s punch on his shoulder is far lighter than her usual. “You’re a real shitty liar, Snoozles.”

“Doesn’t make me wrong,” Sokka retorts, and he really really hopes he isn’t wrong. Because Zuko has his firebending and his dual swords and a whole palace full of scarily armed guards plus Suki hellbent on protecting the first sane Fire Lord, so there isn’t any reason why he shouldn’t be okay except that there is.

A century of war dead, in every corner of their world. Legion doesn’t even begin to cover it.

ii.

Aang had still tried to be careful, at first – dodging blows from shambling corpses is easier than usual, if anything, and he could call up enough water or earth to freeze a half-dozen bodies in one sweep even if it wouldn’t be fatal (insofar as that applied to the undead).

Not that they really had any other option besides stopping them permanently; Katara had tried healing once, on someone who’d just been turned an hour before, and the way her entire face had gone grey answered that well enough.

But Aang is still their most powerful fighter, and after everything with Ozai none of them had been willing to say anything until they almost lost three people to a too-quick thaw. Toph had been the one to react, a flying shard of rock decapacitating the half-frozen zombie with extreme prejudice right before it could lurch onto the cowering villagers, and later she’d also been the one to say it.

“They’re already dead, Aang! Someone’s going to die if you keep this up, and it’s gonna be one of us still alive!” Toph had shouted, eyes glimmering even as Aang stood too quiet and too still, and even now Sokka isn’t sure which had been the worse sight.

iii.

In a way, taking down zombies as a non-bender is – well, maybe not easier, but at least a sword thrust clean through the throat works just the same on everything.

It wouldn’t have been Sokka’s first choice of target before, but at least he hadn’t needed to change strategies as much as the benders had: internal injuries from blunt force rock don’t slow down an opponent who lacked working organs to start with, and getting frozen in ice probably ranked as a minor inconvenience compared to literally being dead.

Toph had begun hoarding metal after their first fight, and now could bend and fire wickedly-sharp blades in a manner scarily reminiscent of Mai except she never ran out. Katara’s ice missiles aim for the head instead, and Sokka doesn’t need a closer look to know that her ice had gotten denser, heavier somehow, even if he doesn’t quite know how.

At least air still works the same in clearing a swathe through the hordes when they need it, which is just as well – Aang fights almost solely as an airbender, now.

It had taken Sokka a while to realise, since he’d initially sorta assumed that Aang had just been avoiding any use of fire (because the stench of rotten flesh burning is really enough to make anyone consider joining Aang in vegetarianism).

But then he’d paid more attention, and confirmed it with Katara and Toph: Aang really doesn’t fight with anything but air unless he’s forced to. Like he’s not the Avatar at all.

And that makes its own sense, in a twisty sort of way – even after they’d ended the war and brought some sort of peace Sokka knows that Aang still blames himself for having let things get that far, and being the bridge to the spirits doesn’t help this situation at all because it had nothing to do with the spirits to begin with as far as they could tell, so what good is the Avatar?

…just because it makes sense doesn’t mean that Sokka has to like it, and he is going to confront Aang about it one of these days as soon as he’s figured out what to say. Just like how he still needs to talk to Katara about what the heck happened during that fight in the desert.

(All Sokka knows for sure is that Katara had run out of water to bend even though they still had far too many zombies to take down, so instead she had reached and–

Empty bodies had fallen like cut marionettes in a half-circle around her, in the same moment that Katara had turned to the side and thrown up, and if Sokka’s being honest with himself he thinks he can figure out what happened there too even without asking Katara about it.)

(There are many things they don’t talk about, these days.)

iv.

At least it’s a blessing in disguise that Aang and Zuko had already gone through the Air Temples to perform the appropriate rites, because they’ve proved to be the current best option for evacuating people and keeping them safe.

Not that the temples are invulnerable, not by a long shot – but it’s better than staying on flat ground, and definitely way better than it would’ve been if there’d still been century-old corpses scattered around.

Also, it turns out zombies aren’t really keen on higher altitudes. Who could’ve guessed?

Admittedly the temples were never built to host that many people, especially not after standing vacant for this long, but it’s the best they can do for now. Iroh had told them about the White Lotus safehouses, of course, just in case everything went wrong during the comet and they needed some place to regroup, but Sokka has to wonder if those are fortified enough.

He tries to imagine Master Piandao preparing for the zombie apocalypse and can’t help a snicker.

Aang, staring straight ahead, doesn’t notice.

It’s just the two of them on Appa now as they make their way back down from ferrying more people up to the temple, so Sokka isn’t expecting it when Aang shoots upright from his seat on Appa’s head, turning wide-eyed to shout in the direction of the saddle. “Take the reins, I have to get down there!”

Sokka almost yelps in alarm when Aang barely waits for his glider to open before throwing himself out mid-air, but then he looks down and does swear a dozen things that would have Gran-Gran washing his mouth out if she heard, because there’s no mistaking those bursts of blue fire.

He urges Appa down at top speed and scrambles off once they touch land to see Katara facing off squarely against Azula, Aang by her side and Toph a few paces behind.

There’s at least a dozen ice daggers hanging in the air around Katara, but Azula doesn’t even seem bothered. “Zuzu? Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I took you down once, Azula.” Katara’s voice is scarily level as Sokka slows to a stop beside Toph. “I can do it again. For the last time: where is Zuko?”

Azula doesn’t even bother to answer now, only throws her head back with a laugh, and Sokka can see Aang tensing up in preparation to redirect lightning–

–can see Toph twitch in something like surprise, opening her mouth to say something just as another voice roars: “Hold your fire!”

A grin spreads across Toph’s face even as Sokka turns, and there they are: Zuko supporting Suki as she limps up to them, both looking worse for wear but still safe.

Suki waves at them with her free hand, smile a little wan. “Hey. Sorry we’re late?”

Sokka volunteers for first watch before anyone else can.

He’s only just gotten settled in when Zuko comes over to sit beside him, and if Zuko notices that this position conveniently lets Sokka keep a lookout while still being able to see Suki – screw it, okay, he hasn’t seen his girlfriend in ages and he’s missed her like hell.

They’d gotten the chance to talk earlier while Katara had been healing Suki’s twisted ankle, but even now that Sokka knows she’s okay, it’s still good to have the visual reminder.

Zuko doesn’t comment on it, though, so it’s up to Sokka to point out the obvious. “You can rest, y’know. Katara will wake you when it’s your turn.”

“In a while, maybe. I’m not sleepy yet.” Zuko shakes his head even as Sokka gives him (or more accurately the dark smudges beneath his eyes) a dubious look – but then again, none of them are strangers to being exhausted but sleepless, whether from adrenaline or something else. “Suki has been taking more than her share of night watches, anyway, she’s the one who really needs the rest.”

Sokka almost snorts but stops himself. Honestly he might’ve done the same, if he had been sharing a camp with Azula. “So how are things in Firetown?”

“Still standing when we left,” Zuko answers, which Sokka takes to mean possibly overrun and definitely on fire. “I gave the decree to open the imperial bunkers to anyone who needed shelter, right before the Fire Sages burst into the hall and demanded I immediately leave and seek out the Avatar to end this blight upon our world.”

Sokka raises an eyebrow. “That a direct quote?”

“Yeah. I don’t even think I’ve ever seen the Sages literally running, but apparently there’s a first time for everything.”

Like mostly-ending the war only for the walking dead to happen, Sokka’s pretty sure they’re both thinking. “Don’t suppose they might’ve mentioned what exactly Aang is supposed to do?”

“That would’ve been too easy,” Zuko says dryly, before sobering. “Aang hasn’t figured anything out?”

“He doesn’t even think there’s a spirit behind this.” Which had all sorts of disturbing implications that Sokka refuses to consider right now. “So Suki decided to come with you?”

Zuko doesn’t say anything about the blatant change of topic. “Insisted, more like.”

Sokka grins – that’s Suki, all right – before he looks over at the other addition to their group. “And Azula?” he asks quietly.

“She’s my sister. I–” Zuko scrubs a hand roughly over his face, shakes his head. “I couldn’t just leave her behind. She’s my sister.”

And if Sokka hadn’t already noticed how tired Zuko looks, that would’ve been clue enough. Yeah, they’ve all made their fair share of jokes about Zuko being a broken record about honour and capturing the Avatar way back when but really, he’s never been one to repeat himself. Sokka isn’t even sure Zuko realises that he’s doing it.

He takes a page from Toph’s book and punches Zuko on the shoulder. “Get some sleep, hotman,” he says over Zuko’s splutter. “We’ll still be here in the morning.”

“You better be,” Zuko grumbles as he heads off to bed, but when he flops down to sleep it’s right between Suki and anything that might come at them.

Sokka turns back away with a smile.

hell yeah sokka pov

also my other atla fics are here and here if you need a pick-me-up after that, i swear they’re actually like. my usual funny fare

#i feel like this is..... considerably more grim of a take on a zombie apocalypse than you'd expect from me...??#but then again. i did just turn al into a house so yeah #atla #avatar the last airbender #fanfiction #mine

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fangzeronos · 4 years

Text

Fanning the Flames Ch 2

Ch. 1

Over the next three days, Azula waited outside of the healing ward, hoping she’d be allowed to go inside and see Suki. Taking time only to sleep and eat, Azula spent every waking minute outside of the ward, her arms wrapped around herself. She knew that Shei was the reason she was being kept out, and she couldn’t blame Suki’s mother in the least. When she would sleep, the Fire Nation Princess found her dreams filled with Suki, both of them in some compromising positions, sending her already confused mentality about Suki spiraling out of control.

On the morning of the fourth day since Mahu’s attack, Moya walked out of the ward with Shei behind her. “How’s Suki doing?” Azula asked as she stood up, biting her lip nervously.

Moya smiled softly. “Because of her quick thinking, she’s going to be fine. Nothing internally was damaged, she’ll have another new scar to add to a lifetime of fighting, and her shoulder was simply dislocated. It was easy enough to put back in,” the healer said. “She’s asking for you.”

“I don’t approve,” Shei said, folding her arms. “It’s your fault she’s laid in that bed anyway. If you hadn’t come to Kyoshi—”

“If I hadn’t accepted Suki’s offer to come to Kyoshi Island for my own mental health, I’d be laid up in a hospital with healers watching every move I make, analyzing everything I say and do to make sure I’m not going ot hurt anyone,” Azula said. “Ma’am, I have been nothing but respectful since I walked into your home almost a week ago. I have held my tongue, when as little as three years ago I would have burned you where you stood for talking to a Princess of the Fire Nation like you have.” Her hands clenched at her sides, feeling the faintest sparks of fire ebbing over her knuckles, but she quickly tamped the anger down.

Taking a deep breath, Azula continued. “Consider us both lucky that I am making the effort to change my ways, Shei. Suki is laid in that bed because she pushed me out of the way. If she hadn’t, I would be dead because do you know how many people look at me like I’m a leper? Nobody would have come to my aid if Mahu had stabbed me or used that club of his on my skull. Suki took an attack for a friend, something I don’t know that I’ll ever have the strength to repay if situations are reversed.” She sighed, shaking her softly. “You may not like me, Shei, and that’s fine. I’ll add your name to the list of people that would like to see me hanged or locked away for the rest of my life. Right now, if you’ll excuse me, my friend is asking to see me.” She stepped past Shei, heading into the hospital.

Moya looked at Shei, the slightly younger woman looking like she’d been slapped by a badger-mole. “Shei…you had that coming, my dear,” she said, patting the other woman’s arm before walking in behind Azula. “Nicely said, Princess.”

“I didn’t want to start any trouble,” Azula said softly. “Ever since I stepped foot off of the airship, everyone’s treated me horribly. Except Suki and the other Warriors. I know my past is what’s known more, but I really am trying to be better than that. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I want to change to be someone that Zuko can be proud of, someone my mother will love, and….someone that Suki can be proud of.”

Moya nodded, smiling softly before putting her hand on Azula’s shoulder. “Standing up for yourself and not incinerating Shei where she stood was a good start,” she said. “Come on. She’s this way.” She led Azula down the hall, knocking on Suki’s door and opening it. “Captain.”

Suki looked up, sitting up slowly with a wince. “Moya,” she said. She looked past the healer and smiled. “Azula.”

Azula walked over, sitting beside the bed, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry, Suki.”

“Don’t be. If it were anyone else, I’d have done the same thing. Any of my Warriors, Zuko, Aang, Katara. Any of them. I’d do it again if I had to,” Suki said, reaching over and putting her hand on Azula’s arm. “Are you ok?”

“I don’t know. I feel bad that you’re in here because of me. Your mother hates me because you’re in here, and I still can’t go anywhere without being treated like I did something wrong,” Azula said. “I know it’ll take time for everyone to see me as anything but the “crazed Fire Nation heiress”, but…until that happens, I can’t stand the looks I get.”

Suki nodded, biting her lip as she thought. “I know you can Firebend like nobody’s business, but how well can you defend yourself in hand-to-hand?” she asked.

“Fairly well. I was trained by Piandao and several prominent Fire Nation masters,” Azula said. “Why?”

Suki smiled. “After I’m out of here, I’m going to train you. As a Kyoshi Warrior.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. Why not? You’re here, we’re supposed to be training anyway, even on vacation, and it’ll be a way to get people to see you as more than a crazy person,” Suki said. “Besides, you’ve already been in the uniform and makeup once.”

Azula smiled a bit and nodded. “True. When we kicked your asses and disguised ourselves to get into Ba Sing Se,” she said.

Suki smiled, sitting up and wincing as she held her stomach. “Oh, damn…” She sighed, shaking her head softly. “I’m sorry about my mother. She’s adamant that this is your fault and that your being here is only going to cause more problems. She even told me “If that upstart little bitch of a princess so much as breathes at the wrong time, I’m cutting her throat.” That set Moya off. Didn’t do me any favors. I told her to shove it up her ass,” she said.

Azula sighed softly, shaking her head. “I understand why she doesn’t like me. There’s nothing I can do about it. Thankfully, some of the other people around the Island have been more welcoming then your mom,” she said. “Rahin’s been nice to me, and his wife has helped me a couple of times while you’ve been in here.”

“Yeah, Kyorah’s a good woman,” Suki said. “She used to be a Warrior.”

“Really?” Azula asked. “Well, I guess that makes sense. She’s got one of those fans above the mantle.” She sighed softly, rubbing her arms. “I wish you were out of here.”

“Me too,” Suki said with a small smile. “Give it a couple of days and I’ll be back home to stop Mom from giving you trouble. Just…ignore most of her comments. She’s just mad I got hurt and she couldn’t break the man responsible. She’s always been like that. Just give it time and she’ll come around.”

Later that afternoon, Azula finally left Suki in the hospital, returning back to Suki’s house. She could hear Shei in the workshop off the side, and she bit her lip, heading straight for the door.

“Azula,” Shei called, walking out with her apron and face covered in soot and ash, a headed billet of metal in her gloved hand. “Come in here. I want to talk.”

Azula bit her lip, nodding and following Shei into the workshop. She looked around, seeing Kyoshi Warrior fans, swords, and shields hanging on the walls, molds for casting weapons and various bits of metal for guards and pommels laying around the benches. She smiled a bit as she had flashbacks to Piandao’s workshop in the Fire Nation, having visited with Zuko and Iroh a couple of times.

Shei tucked the cooling billet back into the forge, pumping the bellows to get the fire hotter again. “I’m sorry,” she said after a few minutes of silence. Taking her tongs, she pulled the billet and put it in on the anvil, grabbing a hammer and starting to bash it into the glowing metal.

“What?” Azula asked. “Why?”

Shei sighed to herself, the sound of the hammer on the anvil ringing in the silence. “For how I’ve been treating you since you came to Kyoshi. Suki’s putting her faith in you that you’ll keep your calm and there won’t be a fiery explosion if you lose your temper, and all I wanted to see was the psychopath princess who wanted to watch the world burn. I wanted to hate you,” she said, tucking the billet back into the fire. “I wanted to hate you and let that hatred spill into others, running you from the Island. But…listening to what Rahin, Moya, and Suki all said, how she pushed you out of the way of Mahu’s attack…I realized I was the one in the wrong.”

Azula nodded softly. “I can understand why you’d hate me, Shei,” she said. “I’m Fire Nation, I tried to burn the Earth Kingdom down, I took over Ba Sing Se, and I almost killed my brother and his friends a thousand times. The last time the Fire Nation was on Kyoshi Island, Zuzu burned the place down. I understand why you hate me. Honestly, I hate myself.”

She watched Shei try and get her fire going again, seeing the forge wasn’t responding. “Let me try.” She walked over, rubbing her hands together, wisps of fire blossoming to life on her hands before using her firebending, reigniting the forge with blue fire. “It’ll burn a little hotter, so your billet will come up to temperature a bit faster but be easier to forge.”

Shei tilted her head and smiled softly. “Thank you, Azula,” she said, putting the billet back in the fire. “How did you know what to do?”

“Zuko and I spent a weekend with my uncle Iroh when he visited Master Piandao. He taught us how to forge, how to work the machines, the hammers, everything. It’s something I haven’t done since I was, Spirits….seven or eight years old. It’s been a long time.”

Later that night, after becoming exhausted from working with Shei, something Azula didn’t realize she’d enjoy, the Princess laid back on her bed, sighing as her eyes drooped closed. Her mind wandered to Suki, her dreams taking on a rather different tone that night.

Azula sighed as she felt one of Suki’s hands sliding up her stomach, her back arching as she felt the captain’s tongue against her clit, whimpering softly. Her hands tangled in Suki’s hair, biting her lip. “Suki…please…”

Suki giggled as she reached her destination, squeezing Azula’s tits, playfully tugging on her nipples. “What, Azula? You want me to stop teasing?” she asked, pushing her fingers into the squirming girl under her. “Maybe. I just want you to feel good.” She lifted herself up and dug her fingers further into Azula’s depths, leaning down and kissing her. “Don’t you want to feel good?”

“Yes…but you’re teasing….please…” Azula begged, her hips rolling against Suki’s fingers. “Baby, please…” She moaned as she felt Suki’s lips against her neck, her back arching slightly. “Suki…”

Suki nipped Azula’s throat, curling her fingers inside of Azula as the heel of her hand ground against her girlfriend’s clit. “I love when you beg. It makes you get off so much harder,” she said, adding a third finger inside of Azula.

“Ahh! Spirits, Suki!” she whined. “Please, Suki…please…let me cum…” Her hips pushed against Suki’s hand, hearing her girlfriend laughing above her. “Suki…don’t be mean!”

Suki smiled, kissing Azula again as her thumb started rubbing against her clit. “Then cum for me, baby,” she said, her voice low and seductive.

Azula screamed as she felt Suki’s fingers digging against her, her entire body arching as she hit her peak. She sank to the bed, her eyes fluttering in a post-orgasmic bliss. “Holy…”

Suki gently removed her fingers from Azula, bringing them to her lips and licking them clean. She heard Azula groan under her before she laid beside her girlfriend, kissing her softly. “Better, love?”

“Mmmhmm…” Azula whispered. “You are so mean. Why do you always tease me?”

“Because it’s fun,” Suki said with a smile, resting her head against Suki’s shoulder. “Besides, if I didn’t tease, you wouldn’t have as much fun.”

Azula laughed and smiled sleepily, running her hand in Suki’s hair. “That’s true,” she said. “I love you, Suki.”

“I love you, Azula,” Suki said, looking up at her and smiling.

Azula’s eyes popped open, whimpering as she pulled her hands out of her underwear, feeling the slick on her hand. “What…in the hell was that?” she muttered. “Oh, no. No, no, no. Azula, no….” As much as she wanted to deny it, the nagging in the back of her head was cheering “Azula yes!” as she got up and cleaned herself up. “How can I face her now?”

A few days later, after helping Shei with some new weapons for the Warriors, Azula stood in her room at the house, tightening the straps down for her new Kyoshi Warrior uniform. She sighed as she applied the make up, biting her lip as she set the brush down. A knock on the door sounded, breaking Azula out of her thoughts as she looked behind her.

“Hey,” Suki said, walking into the room. Her arm was still in a sling, and she was a little slow, but otherwise she was back up and going. “You look good, Azula.” She walked over, putting her hand on the other girl’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

Azula’s face heated up, her mind flashing back to the dream from a few nights before. She hadn’t been able to look Suki in the eyes for longer than a couple of minutes, and she hated lying to her friend. “I just feel…off wearing this,” Azula admitted. “Like a fraud who doesn’t belong.”

“You’ll be fine,” Suki said, squeezing Azula’s arm softly. “You just have to remember not to use your Firebending. I know it’ll be hard, but this is a good chance to learn, Azula. Phuong, Kim-Li, Kikki, and the others are going to be able to help you.”

Azula sighed softly, looking down. “I wish Ty Lee were here.” She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking her head. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Suki said, putting her hand on Azula’s cheek. “You’re going to be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you. The girls are going to love you. You’ve seen how protective they are already. Remember when we stopped in Omashu? When one of the merchants tried to attack you? What happened?”

“Phuong jumped in and stopped him, breaking his arm and threatening anyone else,” Azula said with a light smile.

“Exactly. If that doesn’t prove the other Warriors are already on your side, then I don’t know what will,” Suki said. She pulled her hand back, Azula swearing that she felt heat on her face from Suki’s touch. “Come on. Let’s get you to the training yard and we’ll see what you can do.”

Azula walked out with Suki, heading down toward the training yard. She saw a couple of older women stop and stare at her, but she decided to ignore them, holding herself a little straighter as she made her way down. The pair walked into the training yard, Azula seeing the other Warriors chatting and having fun, Phuong redoing Kim-Li’s hair while Kikki sharpened her blade.

“Alright, ladies,” Suki said, clapping her hands together. “Let’s gather around. We’ve got a new recruit.”

The Warriors gathered in front of Suki, Phuong smiling. “Azula!” she said.

“Yes,” Suki said with a smile. “I offered her the chance to join us, give her something special to belong to. I expect you all to treat her with the same respect and admiration you’d show any woman of the Earth Kingdom who joins the Warriors. Just because she’s Fire Nation doesn’t mean she gets treated unfairly.” She looked at the Warriors with a cocked eyebrow. “Understand?”

“Yes, Captain!” the group of warrior women sounded.

“And that means no itching powder in her robes, Kikki,” Suki said, looking at her friend.

Kikki sighed dramatically and smiled. “Alright. I’ll behave.”

“Good,” Suki said. “Azula, stand in beside Phuong and we’ll get started. We’re going to start with the basics again, ladies. Always good to have a refresher while showing new Warriors the standards we uphold.”

Azula stood beside Phuong, the other girl giving Azula a smile. She stood and waited for Suki’s instructions, watching the other girls strip off their weapons, setting them aside before moving back into formation.

As the day progressed, Azula found herself struggling to keep up even with the basics of combat. She was doing her best to resist her Firebending, knowing it wouldn’t be good and she didn’t want to hurt anyone. Despite managing to keep up with Kikki and Phuong at various times, she fell to the mat more times then she’d have liked. When Suki called time for the last spar of the day, Phuong helped her up.

“You did good, Azula,” Phuong said with a smile. “You’ll get the hang of it the more you train and practice. It doesn’t come easy at first but give it time.”

Azula nodded, tugging at the skirt of the robes. “I think my problem is I’m used to doing all of my fighting in pants. The robes are throwing a wrench into my usual styles. And it’s so damned difficult not to use my Bending. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I’m afraid that’s what I’d do if I lose control.”

Phuong gave Azula’s arm a squeeze, a reassuring smile on her face. “You’ll be fine. When you start feeling like you can’t do it, take a break and back up. Suki’d understand, and so would the rest of us. Slow and steady, right?”

“Yeah, slow and steady,” Azula said, looking over at Suki as she talked with Kikki and Kim-Li, the two backing up to join the others a few seconds later. She saw Suki look at her, a smile on her face, and Azula felt like every drop of blood rushed to her face, and a maddening heat pooled in her core, her mind flashing back to the dream again.

Phuong looked at Azula and then over to Suki, giggling as she saw how red Azula’s face was under the makeup. “Azula, you’ve got a crush,” she said.

“Shut up. No, I don’t,” Azula said, shoving Phuong and folding her arms. “Just shut up.”

Phuong grinned and smiled, hooking her arm around Azula’s neck. “Awww…it’s adorable.”

“I will ignite you,” Azula said, narrowing her eyes. “Shut up, Phuong.”

“Alright, gather up!” Suki called, the Warriors standing in their rank and file lines in front of the Captain. “You all did good again today. You welcomed Azula with open arms, and some of you took to training her yourselves. You’re living up to Avatar Kyoshi’s standards, and that’s something I’m happy to see. We’ll meet again tomorrow morning. Dismissed.”

The Warriors all gathered their things and walked out, Phuong catching up to Kikki and Kim-Li. Azula sighed as she sat on a bench, pressing her hands to her eyes and shaking her head. She felt Suki sit next to her, and she looked down.

“You alright?” Suki asked, putting her hand on Azula’s back. “Azula?”

“I’m fine,” Azula lied, biting her lip. “Just tired. I was on my back more today then I have been in a long time.” She stopped and sighed, shaking her head. “Not remotely how I meant it…”

Suki giggled and smiled. “It’s fine. I’ve probably heard worse innuendo out of Sokka,” she said. She walked out with Azula, locking the training yard behind her.

“What happened between the two of you?” Azula asked, following Suki home.

“Conflict of interest. He was working on Republic City with Aang and Zuko, and I was guarding Zuko all the time, and we never had a chance to meet up. If we did, it was for a few hours and then we were gone again,” Suki said. “And, y’know, him housing a crush on Toph and me sleeping with Zuko didn’t really help anything.”

Azula blinked. “You slept with Zuko?” she asked. “How did that happen?”

Suki chuckled, shaking her head. “Assassin tried to kill him in his suite. I killed the assassin, doing my job as his bodyguard, and the next thing I knew after Lei Fei and the others took the body away, Zuko had me pinned against the wall kissing me. Next thing I remember was waking up with his arms around me, marks on my neck, and my hips sore as hell from, apparently, nine or ten climaxes.”

“Spirits,” Azula said. “Can’t say I’ve ever had that with anyone.”

Suki hooked her arm around Azula’s, giving her a squeeze. “You’ll find someone. Maybe not on Kyoshi, but you’ll find someone someday.”

Azula bit her lip, patting Suki’s hand softly. “Maybe,” she said. “Maybe…”

“The problem is, I already did. But it’s not like you’ll ever see me that way, Suki. I’ll have to suffer because you’ll never see me the way I want to see you,” she thought.

#Fanning The Flames #Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Suki #Y'all ok #this chapter took me a month #A FUCKIN' MONTH #I've picked and pawed at it since August 9th #I hate that #Gonna try and be better #so anyway #we got sexy Azula masturbate dreams in this one #plus some badass ladies #woo #I kinda pirated Kikki from #Madamezuki #Phuong's my own OC #she's repurposed from Young Justice

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im-a-ramblr · 4 years

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Day 17, Yours

Katara loved her brother. They hadn’t always gotten along at times, but she could always depend on him and he would never wish harm on her. She hadn’t realized had lucky she was to have a sibling who cared about her and let her care for him until she’d seen the wreck that was Zuko and Azula’s relationship. She loved her brilliant, wacky older brother

She remaindered herself of this as she watched as him debate with a young blacksmith apprentice how different types of metal, specifically how they froze and what it was like to get your tongue frozen onto one. “Well, it’s harder to prove here, but….”

She sighed and turned away. Suki stood beside her, hand over mouth. She seemed torn between laughter and horror. Katara shook her head and rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to help with the wounded. Please make sure he doesn’t do anything dumb.” She started to walk away as Sokka reached for a piece of metal and flipped it with his figure.

“Wait!” Suki called, catching up with the waterbender. “I thought you’d gotten all of them in this town. That today was going to be a day off.”

Katara blushed slightly. “I did.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Suki’s shoulder relaxed. “I was worried something bad had happened, or that we had missed something.”

“No, nothing happened. But I figured that it was better than watching that.” The blue-clad girl waved behind them towards the boy.

“Make sense. But” Suki hesitated, “well shouldn’t you stay to help if something goes wrong? I love Sokka but he’s too determined to prove he’s right, and he won’t stop until he does. Someone has to keep an eye on him”

“Yes, but I’m his little sister. Outside of the war effort, he isn’t going to listen to me.” She felt a little bad for saying it, as Sokka probably would have, and to say otherwise felt like slander. He’d come so far from where they’d started, they all had. She amended her statement. “I mean he might, but he wouldn’t like it. You’re his girlfriend. It might be easier for you.”

“He’s your brother.” Suki protested. “That means more, you know that. You take care of each other.”

“Yes, but he’s your boyfriend. That means you take care of each other too.” The darker skin girl protested. “You picked that when you started to date him.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to babysit him. That’s not a good relationship.” Suki folded her arms before letting out a small ‘oh’. “You don’t want to have to babysit him either.”

Katara blushed again but nodded. “I love him but he’s a grown man. It gets tiring to have to watch out for him. I know I’m not giving him enough credit.” She added.

“Neither of us is,” Suki admitted. “He’s a great guy, I’m just so used to having to be on guard about everything.

“Yeah.” They lapsed into silence. Karate shook her head and straightened. “So let’s give him a chance. We can both go do whatever, and he can debate done things with other boys. I don’t think anything life-threatening is going to happen and he deserves a chance to be without feeling like he’s got to act a certain way.”

Suki thought about it and nodded. “Sounds like a good plan. I wanted to try a spa day. We don’t have them back home, and there hasn’t exactly been the time before now.”

Katara grinned, thinking about how her last spa day had gone. “Can I tag along? It can be a girls’ day. I haven’t had one in forever.”

“Sure!” The pair headed off together and Suki bumped Katara’s arm. “Fair warning though, if he manages to somehow freeze his tongue to anything, I’m blaming you.”

“What, so he doesn’t have to yours to unstick?” Katara questioned.

“Well, that too. I was going for more of you deal more with ice than I do so you’d do less damage. After that, I’d spirit him away and he’d be just mine for a while.”

“Eww. Suki!”

The Kyoshi Warrior blushed. “Not like that!”

Katara laughed, and Suki joined in.

#flufftober2020 #atla #katara #suki #sokka #Relila Writes

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tlirswriting · 5 years

Text

Burn Marks

Hi hello I don't know how canon compliant this is it's been a höt minuté since I've watched atla book 3 but I tried n the Point is Zuko being gay repressed and traumatized anyway so. Enjoy? Or don't? Idk! This is very slightly over 1k words, zukka but like it's not Happy, go crazy go stupid like and subscribe. Fuck

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The water swirled and glowed around Zuko's wounds. It was cold, stinging at first but growing more soothing as it healed him.

"Thank you," Katara muttered. "For what you did back there, I mean."

"It's the least I could do," Zuko responded, looking down at her hands hovering above his stomach, a network of jagged red lines spiraling out from the point where Azula's lightning struck him. He tried to redirect it, but it didn't find its way back out through his arms, instead staying crackling inside him.

"We already forgave you for everything a while ago," Katara half-laughed, shaking her head.

"Yeah, but... I don't know, I still feel bad about the capturing thing. And the war thing."

"The war wasn't your fault, Zuko, did you even meet Firelord Sozin?"

Zuko thought for a moment. "I might have been at his funeral, when I was really little."

Everyone got really quiet after that.

Sokka broke the silence with a "That's rough, buddy."

Zuko laughed, then winced at the pain.

"Sokka-- wait, why is that even funny?" Katara asked.

"Inside joke, I don't know," Zuko sighed. "He was talking about his girlfriend, and I didn't really know what to say, and..."

"You had to have been there," Sokka explained.

"Right." Katara rolled her eyes. "Anyway, uh, I think this is as much as I can do; it's gonna leave a scar, sorry."

"Ah well, wouldn't be the first time my family left me permanently disfigured," Zuko chuckled, only to find the same result in his abdomen as earlier. "At least this one looks kinda cool."

Nobody else found this amusing.

"What?" Sokka asked after a pause that felt like an eternity.

"You know..." Zuko sat up and touched the skin around his left eye. "My face?"

"Well, I haven't seen it," Toph pointed out, probably joking but it was hard for Zuko to tell these things sometimes.

Sokka just stared.

"Did I never tell you guys what happened?" Zuko asked, his heart sinking at having to talk about it.

Sokka shook his head.

"My father, ah..." Zuko swallowed and looked at the ground. "Well, when I was thirteen, I spoke out of turn -- it was some discussion about battle plans, and I didn't agree with the General, and I... I told him that what he wanted to do in the Earth Kingdom was wrong."

"Zuko..."

"I was challenged to an Agni Kai. I assumed I would be dueling the General, but when I stood and turned around, I saw my father standing across from me, and..." Zuko trailed off, remembering it, feeling it all over again. The feeling of being a scared kid, barely a teenager, and feeling his father's hand pressed against his eye, flames spreading from his palm, searing his flesh. Being held there, screaming, while everyone just watched it happen.

Sokka put a hand on his shoulder. "You alright?"

Zuko breathed. "Yeah, uh, I... I didn't want to fight him, so I just kneeled, and... Begged, for forgiveness, and he... He just..."

"All because you told them the truth."

Zuko met Sokka's eyes before shaking his head with a sigh and shrugging off his hand. "It was disrespectful," He muttered.

"Don't defend him," Sokka said, raising his voice slightly. "These people are just evil, Zuko, you can't rationalize--"

"Yeah, but they're still my people," Zuko spat back at him.

Sokka paused. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"I can't imagine..."

"It's not that big a deal."

"Yes it is!"

Aang spoke up. "It's not normal for parents to hurt their kids."

"Like you would know about normal parents."

"The monks never treated me like that, and none of my friends were--"

"Things are different in the Fire Nation."

"I knew kids from the Fire Nation, and their parents weren't like that."

"That was a hundred years ago. Besides, I'm royalty, the expectations for my behavior are a little bit higher."

Katara sighed. "Zuko, listen, you didn't deserve what happened to you, okay?"

Zuko ran out of things to say; maybe the lump growing in his throat stopped the words.

"I..." He tried. "Yes, I did."

Sokka put a hand over Zuko's. "No," He said, his voice gentle. "No, you didn't. You didn't deserve any of it, Zuko."

Tears stung the backs of Zuko's eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry you went through that."

Zuko looked down at their hands. He would've liked to hold Sokka's properly. Was he allowed to do that? Right here, in front of everyone? Could it be played off as platonic? Could they all see how he was boiling under his skin? How much was he allowed? How much could--

Fat tears rolled down Zuko's cheeks. He couldn't make them stop, but he was still holding back. Always holding back. Always in vain, but always trying to contain everything.

Sokka put his arms around him. It made it worse and better at the same time. Zuko put his arms over his shoulders and sobbed. He never felt more pathetic, but he knew he was safe here.

"I was just a kid," Zuko choked out.

"I know, buddy."

Buddy. That was what they ended up as; nothing more, nothing less. Zuko supposed it was better than enemies.

Still, as Sokka's fingertips brushed his bare shoulder blades, he couldn't help but remember when he got a taste of what he wanted -- Zuko was too afraid to make any sort of commitment, but he used to sneak into Sokka's tent after everyone else was asleep, and they would talk.

Sometimes more.

Then Suki joined the little group of rebels, and Sokka had a choice to make, and he chose the easier side to take.

Zuko couldn't blame either of them.

It was no one's fault.

That was just how it was.

It couldn't work.

And yet, it still hurt.

"I'm sorry," Zuko said, barely over a whisper as he tried to steady his breathing. He wasn't sure which part exactly he was apologizing for.

"It's okay, Zuko," Sokka answered.

Zuko relaxed in his arms. He would've liked to stay there, but he knew he couldn't, not for long.

#my writing #fanfiction #atla #burn marks #<- yes this means i might make more stay tuned 2 see if theres anything else going in the tag #zukka #angst #zuko #long post

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myfandomrambles · 5 years

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An Analysis of Villianey

( This is Part 1b, Part 1a here)

Section II: Tragic Backstories

This is another super common way to make villains sympathetic. Giving someone a terrible childhood is a short cut to make someone feel bad for someone. Tragic backstories are super common and sometimes making the villains the most compelling character in really good ways. Both to make the characters truly a person who is empathetic or just understandable. There are three ways I think this can be done really well.

You can make them a redeemed character like Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender), Megamind (Megamind) or Peridot (Steven Universe).

An anti-hero/grey characters who don’t join the light side but acts heroically but on their own code. Wade Wilson (Deadpool), Dexter Morgan (Dexter), Punisher (Marvel), Harley Quinn (DC) or Don Vito Corleone (The Godfather)

A bad guy who remains bad at the end, we know why they are bad but aren’t ever fixed. EX: Merrin Meredith (Septimus Heap), Morgana (BBC Merlin), Voldemort (Harry Potter), Bane (DC), Or Davros (Doctor Who)

One important thing about writing these stories is to be done right you do have to choose the end game. How the character acts in relationships during the story changes which outcome is compelling and even feels possible. Things to consider: rather they have any guiding belief system if this backstory includes trauma how the heal from that, their relationship to the power system, and how much they change their actions to move towards saying sorry and becoming better. Not every character is written in a way where a character can become better, or even should. The Diamonds (Steven Universe) keep having their characterization, actions, back story, and relationships altered leaving a confused story arc. The Diamonds are also on a list of characters who should not be redeemed because of the severity of their actions. They are written as space fascists no matter how sad they are it’s problematic to pretend the trauma of a dead love excuses attempted genocide.

A revolting part of this trend is tragedy porn. Stories of violence, poverty, mental illness, child abuse, disability, domestic abuse or sexual assault are exploited for shock value and making money from real pain. This is used to create a reason for a character to be broken or evil. A cheap gritty story of how our villain got there instead of writing an interesting motivation or taking into account the cultural and psychological damage of associating trauma and mental health with villainy. This also plays into the trope of mental illness being dangerous or a problem of morality. If it’s just because they are too broken you can kiss it away and fixing the trauma fixes the problem of horrible acts of violence. If you do write traumatic backstories as motivation for their actions have the behaviours actually track with trauma. Catra’s (She-Ra 2018) trauma is inherently tied to her motivation as the villain and essentially to her role as the deuteragonist of the narrative. But they show how and why this trauma matters, and choose to display the abuse in a way that while explicit and horrific isn’t exploitive and the refrain from showing realistic physical abuse that too clearly mirrors real life trauma. Her narrative of becoming the antagonist makes sense with her history of indoctrination, betrayal, fear of violence, and psychological trauma. It mirrors the narrative of the hero as well throwing off their primary abuser in both instances making it possible for this story to not demonize trauma. Another important thing to keep in mind when writing these kinds of narratives is to do research and represent any mental illness at least mostly accurately.

Another frustration is when people use these backstories to form a “well they could never have done/known better” and therefore they did nothing wrong mindset. This an oversimplified reading of good storytelling and the reading for poorly written characters. The idea that no one could ever know better is used in defence of characters like Kylo Ren (Star Wars), Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender), Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things), Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter). However this excuse really only extends so far it tracks best with children when we see them alter perspective when exposed to other ideas and when the behaviours mirror what was done to them. Abuse and trauma don’t always make angry violent people and the majority of people who do become angry hurt people but not murders. Then you do have indoctrination but there is a reason the Nuremberg defence doesn’t excuse everything.

This excuse also falls apart somewhat when you can point to another character [or real life person] in the same or similar situation who did change. This whole way of viewing things become an exercise in letting people who have hurt others go without their actions analyzed and without being held responsible. In a literary analysis standpoint it’s lazy and in reality, it is dangerous to do this with anyone who was hurt in the past. Empathy and understanding are always important, understanding why people end up where they do is key to life. Some people do horrific things with no trauma, and who did know better searching for a sympathetic reason doesn’t help make things better. And even more so those who have been abused or manipulated and did wrong should be helped to work through trauma and learn to understand and change from they have done in the past not have all of their behaviour excused with a handwave. People shouldn’t be taught that abuse forgives abusing, later on, they should know they never deserve to be treated poorly and they can’t love abusers better. And of course, this is often applied enviable around factors like race, gender, power level and perceived hotness.

Anti Heros I think are criminally underrated wanting them to either be good or be bad. We romanticize the ones we should see as good [usually hot people] or demonize the ones it’s easier to see as all bad. Anti-heroic characters are hard because the lines differentiate these from redeemed people and real villains are connected to personal morality. But making them black and white is rationalizing when they make choices that are truly harmful as part of their “good” actions. Making them all bad strips the way they are often societal outsiders and the way they learned in the stories to move and act in life. This is the grey morality people claim to want in characters, and claim to see in their faves but people don’t appreciate it when they happen.

Constant manipulation of tragic backstory to say a character didn't really do anything bad, or they deserve redemption excuse also strips away truly tragic stories like the life of Inspector Javert (Les Miserables). Fall from grace stories can be really interesting like Walter White (Breaking Bad) or Harvey Dent (DC). Because sometimes life does eat someone up and they can’t find it in themselves to act in a different manner. Tragic stories are still okay, villains aren’t always going to be the good guys because they are meant to be just that villains. That is how they were written and how the best fit in stories and tell the story wanting to be shared. Sometimes villains made to many choices to hurt other people to be capable of total transformation to hero. These characters can still be three dimensional and interesting but they aren’t people who “done nothing wrong”. They did do something wrong and in the story that is fine, it’s what works in the narrative. Not every person can be healed with forgiveness and a hug.

The concept that Deserving redemption is tied to how sad their life was before but it isn't, it's based on the actions they do during the story. a careful narrative that shows the path a person took to get the right place, the ways they changed and what influenced it is much more important. Let's use Tony Stark (Marvel) most of Iron Man 1 and iron man 2 are dedicated to him trying to be a better person, to use his remaining life to make the world better and atone for his wrongs. Tony Stark starts off as an unrepentant war criminal allowing the way he was groomed to ignore harm and gain power as an excuse to never address any of what he did was harmful. He drowned his trauma with addictions, shallow relationships. Yes, his trauma as a kid and during the narrative are driving pieces but why he is so heroic, why his phoenix narrative is one of the best in history is the choices he makes with what to do with that pain, he uses it to be earth's greatest defender. You do have some snapshot redemption stories that are good namely Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (Star Wars) but I think [save the ret-cond Anakin force ghost] this wasn't so much meant to be proving he is a good person, but just acknowledging that no one is truly dark or light side. Anakin’s life is more told as a Shakespearean fall from grace, but even if this arc comes out of nowhere it works because the actions are narratively and thematically done correctly.

People who are obsessed with redemption also often don’t do a real analysis of societal structures, cultural history or context. It’s not that they really are deconstructing societal factors, or understand trauma, mental health or what really causes crime and antisocial behaviour when they try and justify via trauma and no other choice. I think starting to create and analyse content on a wider more holistic standpoint would be a good exercise to apply empathy to real-life crimes of desperation, end the killer = crazy myth, and stop letting people blame hate crimes on white kids being bullied.

[other posts on this topic: Zuko and good redemption arcs, trauma and justification of violence, Catra, Adora & trauma part 1 & 2, the diamonds still suck ]

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

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Ten Sides (Part 18)

This is the reaction he had expected during the fire chakra or even the air chakra, if he had expected it at all. He is certain that he had expected it. How could he not, Azula has kept a lot of things pent up. And with that much to face at once, how could she not reach a breaking point.

He isn’t sure how to console her so he lets her lay there while he rubs careful circles upon her back. Her shoulders shake, her entire body shakes with each soft cry. He wishes he knew exactly which truth is the hardest for her to face--which one has evoked this response. He is reluctant to ask.

“It’s hard to face the truth. Trust me, I know. It took me so long to accept that I’m the Avatar. But now that I have...I promise it’s so much easier.”

“Easier?” She mumbles resentfully. “It was easier because you had to learn to accept glory and a heroic destiny. I have to accept…” She knocks the heels of her hands against her head somewhere between lightly and firmly. He tries to prepare himself to catch her wrists should she hit herself with any more force.

“I don’t know what fate you think that you have to accept, but I think you have some options.” He smiles. “Some really good ones.”

“Good ones.” Her tone falls somewhere between skeptical and bitter. “What good ones?”

Truth be told, he doesn’t entirely know. But he can’t imagine that everyone would just write her off. “I just know that you’re really smart and really powerful and you can do a lot of amazing stuff with that. You just have to choose to do them.”

She doesn't look anymore reassured. If anything she almost looks more distraught and he can’t fathom why. His smile falters. He not only is it that hasn’t gotten to the heart of this issue but he has also made it more unbearable somehow.

She hears the footsteps before he does and her distress amplifies. There is a visible struggle to regain composure. He gives her shoulder a small squeeze before he makes his way up to the approaching feet.

“You ready for dinner, Avatar?”

He shakes his head. “Not yet.”

“What about, you know…”

“Azula doesn’t want dinner yet either.” Reflexively he cringes; torn between knowing that he should ask her before speaking for her and not wanting to risk the man intruding on a private moment. He prioritizes the latter, he can always chase the man down if she does want dinner.

“Should I check back in a few minutes?”

Aang shakes his head, “we’ll let you know when we’re ready.”

He returns to Azula’s side to find her sitting back up with her legs drawn to her chest. Her lips are pressed firmly together, eyes fixed upon a spot on the wall. She has wiped the tears from them but he doesn’t think that they are quite ready to stay gone.

“What is the truth that is so hard for you to accept?”

She only shakes her head.

“I can’t help you accept it if you…”

“I don’t need help.”

.oOo.

And it is mostly true. She has accepted the truth in some manner or another. At the very least she has acknowledged it which she thinks counts for something. But to accept her truth is to accept that she is simply not a good person. At the very least, to accept that she likes being dictated is to accept that she may not have ever made a significant choice of her own in her life. To accept that would be to welcome agency...welcome accountability. Welcome the change she has been trying to resist.

By Agni, she is not ready to acknowledge that she is the central source for her conflict. Not ready to acknowledge that Sangyul and Aang had simply been working with the framework that she had laid out for them and allowed them to exploit. For the most part they haven’t instilled anything new within her, they simply coaxed it out and rudely confronted her with it. She supposes that they had certainly put some thoughts into her head. That Sangyul had certainly imposed his will upon her and to a degree she truly didn’t have a choice even if she hadn’t partially welcomed it.

She isn’t ready but she has acknowledged it all the same and now she can’t stop. And now her head is cluttered and chaotic in an entirely different way. Now she is forced to acknowledge that she can’t just ‘wait for the tampering to wear off’.

She rubs her hands over her face.

“This was a bad idea.” Aang mumbles. “I shouldn’t have suggested it.”

Despite it all, she can’t bring herself to agree. For all of her conflict, insecurity, and reluctance she still has her a sense of honor. A knowingness that it is time to stop shifting the blame and thinking for herself, truly so.

She shakes her head, “it isn’t a bad idea. I...I need this.”

Aang’s smile is back.

She also needs to sort out exactly which things are the product of Sangyuls invasion and which things were already there. She takes a deep breath and lays back. Aang opens his mouth to speak but she lifts a hand. She needs quiet. He gives her quiet.

And eventually the quiet gives her answers; she has cut herself off from her fire. She has come to question her own strength on her own. She is certain that she had started doing so after her defeat. And in her defeat she had started to question her nation and by extension her sense of self. She grits her teeth and shudders.

Sangyul, she decides, is still a vile man. While her inner conflict is not of his making he has certainly exasperated it, made all of those complex facets twice so. He had taken a mess and added more clutter to work through. He added a newfound questioning of her own agency of her own will, her own thoughts…

She concludes that she has already worked through and mended the damage that he has dealt her. Her decisions are hers again, they have been since she’d left that facility. What remains is what was there before. What he dug up and flashed in her face.

The only thing that she is still truly unsure of is whether or not her budding affections for the Avatar are her own. Decidedly, that is a thought for another time.

She almost informs Aang of her new revelations. Instead she asks, “am I a bad person, Aang?” He is probably so exhausted by hearing this same tired question. She doesn’t even know why she is asking, his validation does little to make her feel any less rotten on the inside.

He tilts his head, “what kind of lies are you facing?” He furrows his brows.

“Just answer the question.”

“You know what I’m going to say.”

She has to give him at least a little respect for not caving to her games and antics. She supposes that she is going to have to give him an inch. But she can’t give him that inch without giving him the whole league. “Am I a bad person for...wanting my father to be here to tell me what to do?” She doesn’t have to give him the context after all. He doesn’t have to know...

His face softens. “You’re not a bad person for following your dad’s orders and wanting him around, he’s your dad.”

She shakes her head perhaps she will have to clarify, “I want his orders.”

“You want him to tell you what to do?”

“If he does then I won’t have to.” She mutters.

She thinks that it clicks in his mind, though she isn’t sure exactly how many dots he has connected.

“Why?”

She inhales sharply. “Let’s be clear Avatar, we are having this discussion so that I can open my chakra and get my fire back and for no other reason. I do not have a choice.”

“You always have a choice, Azula.”

That is as good a segway as any.

“Yes well sometimes it is easier to not have one.”

He presses his lips together and nods. “You liked having your father directing your life because it’s easier than making your own choices and facing the consequences.”

She remains quiet.

He chucks, in equal parts bitter and genuine. “That’s why I didn’t want to be the Avatar. Everything I do seems to matter so much because I’m the Avatar and I was afraid of that and so I made the choice to run and…” He trails off. “You know what happened.”

Understanding. He...understands. Her tummy flutters at the notion that she isn’t some feral beast. At the notion that she can connect with someone else...that she can empathize. The feeling is so daughtningly foreign.

“But that’s the thing, in choosing to not make choices a made a choice. A really bad choice. You think that you can hide behind your father’s demands but you can’t. You chose to follow them. That was still a choice and you still have to face that.”

Azula swallows, she supposes that she has already come to that conclusion but hearing it spoken has such an ugly sound. “so it was for nothing?”

“What was for nothing?”

“I. I let him do it, Avatar. The same part of me that liked taking father’s orders liked having Sangyul take his place...” so that she could shift the blame onto them. She doesn’t make it that far into her confession and she has no desire to do so. She is already sick at the realization that she had completely overshared again.

He shakes his head, “it’s not for nothing. He’s a horrible man and he...and I did some horrible things to you. But I have a feeling we would be making progress if he...we hadn’t done those things to you.”

“You call this progress.” She snarls. Frankly if feels like at least ten steps back.

“I do.” He answers firmly. “Even if you can’t see the results yet. You already found the heart of the problems. Now you can start fixing them. I know you, Azula.” He reaches for her hand and she lets him take it. “I know that you like facing things head on because you’re a strong person.” He gives her hand a squeeze.

Even if there had been a push to ignite the feeling, she is beginning to think that her affections for the Avatar are just as of her own making as everything else.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Aang #Azulaang #Fanfiction

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

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Ten Sides (Part 16)

“The next chakra is the water chakra.”

“Wonderful, I just love waterbending.” Azula grumbles.

“I think that you’d make a good waterbender, it’s all graceful and agile.” He notes. “I think that it would come naturally to you. When Pathik and I were doing this he told me that all of the elements were connected. They’re four parts of one whole and that’s why, to balance your chakras, you need to work with all four elements.”

“I suppose that, that makes sense.” Azula agrees. She takes a deep breath. “So what mental anguish are you going to inflict upon me next.”

“Guilt.”

Azula inhales sharply, she supposes that he has plenty of ammo.

“The water chakra deals with pleasure and is blocked by guilt. I think that you can guess where this one is located.”

Azula nods, “I am plenty aware, yes. Let’s just get this guilt tripping over with.”

Aang shakes his head. “This isn’t something I goad you into feeling. You tell me...or tell yourself what you blame yourself for and what you regret doing.”

There are a great many things that come to mind, things that she would rather not think of at all. Things that she hadn’t realized that she felt remorse for until her mind began to wander. And, Agni do they extend far back. So many little things; shoving TyLee over as children, a collection of petty antics done for the sake of making her mother hate her more, most everything surrounding Zuko. Albeit, it was much better to have beat Zuko down than to have let father beat her down. And yet all of these things have come back for her. She thinks of the little things that had led up to Mai and TyLee stabbing her in the back. All of the profound things, the games and manipulatives. It hurts. She doesn’t want them to hate her and yet she can’t see it anyother way.

She sees the scar on Aang’s back, the one that matches Zuko’s. She is a killer, she supposes. And the boy she killed has been going out of his way to help her. She doesn’t understand and she isn’t sure that she wants to.

More than anything she resents herself for letting father toy with her so heavily. Agni, she thinks that she always knew that he was. But, spirits, she wanted him to love her. She needed him to. So she let it all go. She let him shape her into a monster. She did this to herself, she did all of this to herself. Her mind is fractured. She is alone. She is shamed and undignified. And it is her fault.

.oOo.

Her eyes are so downcast. She is staring at her palms but he is sure that she isn’t actually seeing them. He thinks that he should reach out and tell her that, that is good enough, that she can stop now. But he is certain that it doesn’t work that way. Not if they want to do this right.

Instead he waits for her stare to grow less distant. All last she looks up, somehow more drained than before. He wonders if this was a good idea.

“When I spoke to Guru Pathik, he told me that I had to forgive myself if I wanted to do anything good for the world. He said that I had to accept that all of the things I thought of happened and that I needed to let them go.” And how delightful it felt when he did.

“Accept it?” Azula asks, her voice low.

He nods.

“I killed you.”

“But I’m still here.” It feel strange to downplay it, but there will be a time when he discusses that with her. And it might be easier if he allows her to process it and come to terms with it for herself at first. “You were part of a war just like me and Katara and everyone else.”

She opens her mouth and then closes it again. He is curious but he doesn’t push her. Not until it becomes plenty clear that she is struggling to let any of it go. “I’m not happy with everything I did in the war. I killed people too...I think...when I went into the Avatar state.” He shudders. “And if I didn’t, I hurt them badly enough that they can’t fully recover. You’re not unforgivable.”

She shifts and rubs her fingers over the cloth of her pants. “Then why doesn’t anyone forgive me?”

“You haven’t exactly asked for it.”

She stares off into the distance.

“I forgive you.” He smiles. “We’re still going to have to talk about it, but I forgive you.” He hopes that, that makes it at least a little easier for her. “It’ll be so much easier for other people to forgive you if you can forgive yourself.” He might be rambling now, but maybe something will resonate with her. “Don’t you think that it will be easier for you to make friends and heal if you realize that you’re not a bad person so you can stop acting like one?”

“I’m not?”

“You’re not.” I insists. “I know it. I know that you don’t like it but, after working with your spirit energy, I can tell. Your dad’s spirit energy was terrifying and it was really, really dark. Yours wasn’t like that…”

She swallows again. “It wasn’t?”

“No. It wasn’t.”

.oOo.

Aang ventures to the ship’s kitchen and comes back with a cup of what she can only assume is a noxious combination of onion and banana juice. Fleetingly, the thought of stomaching that is more horrifying than whatever chakra the will be working with next.

She takes the cup in her hands and stares ambivalently into it. “Is this going to make me throw up?”

“It’s actually not as bad as it sounds.” Aang promises. She can tell that he is lying, she knows that if she asks him to have a glass as well that he will flinch away. “Okay, so I don’t like it at all, but it’s Pathik’s favorite drink.”

She takes only a little sip first. “What is this supposed to achieve?”

“Pathik says that it helps him cleans his chakras.”

She shoots him a skeptical look.

“And I thought that you could use a little break.” He pauses, “are you feeling a little better now?”

She supposes that she is. It is plenty reassuring to know that at least one person--two, if she counts herself--has forgiven her. Doubly so, hearing that her spirit energy didn’t radiate some deeply rooted vileness.

“We’re going to be working with the fire chakra next.” Aang says. As soon as the smile appears on her lips he adds, “speaking from experience, working with your choice element’s chakra is one of the hardest.” She can see it in his eyes that he thinks that the same will be said for her. “The fire chakra deals with willpower and shame blocks it off.”

Her stomach does a little flop, only briefly before it occurs to her that she has been ruminating on her shame well before this. “I don’t think that this one will be any trouble at all, Avatar.”

All of the indignities that have come with losing control of her own mind--first during the agni kai and then to the hands of Sangyul. All of the indignities that have come from failing to beat Zuko. Zuko who wasn’t never the best firebender. Zuko who was a disgrace in her father’s eyes. What does that make her? She thinks of the indignities of having cried in front of them. She thinks of the indignity of letting Sangyul reap so much of her agency from her, of the gash she’d cut into her face. Mostly her cheeks burn at the thought of gushing over and pining for Aang. Of the night when he had pulled all of the wrong strings and she found herself trailing her finger over his chest until he shoved her away and made his retreat. Thank the spirits that he had… She had things on her mind that night. Things that bring color to her cheeks even without having acted upon them.

Her whole life has amounted to nothing but shame. Shame and humiliation. Foolishness and uselessness. The sheer wasted potential in itself is something to be ashamed of.

Oh it is no trouble. It is no trouble at all. The shame has been running in circles in her mind for the longest time now. And maybe that is partly why it was so easy for he and Sangyul to slip in and put thoughts into her mind.

“The hard part isn’t listing the reasons to be ashamed.” Aang shakes his head. “It’s accepting these aspects of your life.”

Aspects. She thinks that they have become a little more than aspects. And she supposes that he is right, it is significantly harder. Impossible in fact. She would much rather reject them, pretend like they didn’t happen. And yet she can’t. “I am aware that they are a part of my life. Plenty aware. Let’s move on.”

Aang sighs. “There’s accepting them and then there’s accepting them. You’ve stopped denying that whatever happened, happened. You accepted that those things did happen. But you haven’t accepted that it’s okay…”

“Because it isn’t!” She snaps. She feels rather ill. “I let him do that to me…” she isn’t sure if she is speaking of father or Sangyul or of both of them as one entity. “I…I could have been so much. I...” she trails off. In her distress she has already babbled too much.

Aang nods. “Part of accepting that is realizing that, those things don’t define you.” He cups his hand over hers, a soothing gesture--she recognizes--nothing more and nothing less. “That they aren’t the most important parts of you. There are so many other things that outshine them.”

“Like what?” Azula inquires. What is left of her dignity? What is left of the version of her that she actually had respect for?

“Like your intelligence.”

Perhaps she gives him a skeptical look because he continues. “I think that I would have made a lot more progress on tampering with your spirit energy if you were simple-minded. And if you weren’t so strong.”

There is strength in intelligence and intelligence in strength, she supposes. But she isn’t entirely convinced that she has either.

“It takes a lot of strength and resilience and courage to even start doing something like this. Trust me, I know that unblocking chakras is difficult. I suggested it because I figured that you could handle it.”

She supposes that he has a point.

“If you want to fix the things that you are ashamed of, you have to embrace that they happened.” He reiterates.

And another fair point. Truly she does want to move on from these things. She supposes that she doesn’t have to share them with anyone else, that no one else has to know about this moment--this series of moments of weakness. She supposes that it is much better to face them than to run from them. She is a lot of things but she isn’t a coward. She isn’t weak. She, despite it all, has more dignity than that, more pride than that. It would be nice to hold her head high again, if only to spite everyone and everything that has tried to make her feel foolish and inadequate.

She closes her eyes and bunches her fists. But to accept shame is to accept imperfection. Admittedly, she has shed perfection long ago. Admittedly, it almost feels comforting; at least there are no more expectations of her. At least hope and potential have all been wasted to the point where she doesn’t have to worry about upholding them.

She thinks of how much more significant success would be, how much more satisfying, if she manages to achieve it without it being handed to her. How much more glorious glory would be if it were something she earned for herself in the face of adversary. So she can say soundly that she has done it on her own. That it is a product of skill and talent rather than luck and natural born privilege.

There is a depth in shame. A paradoxical pride in shame. In facing it and making something of it.

She inhales deeply, “alright, Avatar, which chakra is next?”

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Aang #Azulaang #Fanfiction

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 4 years

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The Art Of Remembrance (Part 38)

Her world is tainted in purple, she can only see purple. When she closes her eyes it is still there and, though it is a muted version of the color. Purple drips in her eyes, and she sees the world as though she is peering through a window freshly spotted with rain.

And she is cold. So horribly cold. She can’t feel her fire.

They are all around her and this time they have faces. One is Ting-Lao’s ugly bearded mug. The man’s face is narrow and shrew-like. The one next to him is a woman, fairly young and with short hair. And the man next to her is bearded and somehow both burly and scrawny at once. She realizes that it is his chest that is burly but his arms are significantly less so. Those arms reach out to place a gag in her mouth, they have tired over her shouting and infuriated cursing.

She realizes with horror that they aren’t gagging her for the sake of doing so. But rather they are stuffing the veins into her mouth faster than she can safely swallow them. She can’t breath, she can barely even manage faint choking sounds.

Her mouth is filled with the taste of rancid water and fish and a tinge of something more earthy. The texture is slimy and slippery and all around unpleasant. She grasps at the air, reaching for some involuntary snatch for air. They show no mercy and less regard for her humanity as they pile more vines into her mouth. They catch in her throat and tighten her chest. She kicks her feet as far as the restraints will allow.

The purple in her vision fades as tears slip from her eyes, twin trails of agony that closely resemble the trails of saliva and swamp water that leak from the corners of her mouth. She isn’t sure how long this has been going on for but she is well aware that she should be dead having been deprived of oxygen for this long. Yet she continues to suffer and they continue to pile vines down her throat.

They begin to slide unpleasantly down the entire length of her throat, which is swollen and bulging with them. Her mouth is overflowing with them, spilling vine juices and Agni knows what else. She finds that she wants to just suffocate already, if only to be done with this. But slowly, the vines work their way into her stomach and some relief comes to her throat. It is short lived, they are heaping more vines into her mouth to replace the ones that have just left.

She almost wishes that they would begin slicing and cutting as usual. At least she is familiar with that brand of torture. This...this is new. This is terrifying. Like drowning but without the comforts of liquid. She feels bloated and fatigued and utterly hopeless. She knows that no one is coming to help her. She knows that she can’t help herself. She can now feel them coiling about in her belly. She worries that they may erupt from within her.

At some point she becomes desensitized to the vines being forced into her mouth. That sensation is all but gone when she begins to feel wriggling under the flesh of her arms and legs.

The unstrap, hoist her to her feet, and tell her to bend. She eyes them desperately, almost pleadingly but they insist, “waterbend.” But she can’t. She can’t even firebend. She can barely even hold herself upright, she feels so tired and heavy and nauseous.

She falls to her hands and knees and hurls. She doesn’t try to stop herself, she needs to purge at least some of the vines before they kill her. But they fight back, they latch themselves to her innards and cling until she is only dry choking.

She flops onto her side too weak to muster even a tormented moan. Azula lies in a heap, simply breathing. Breathing until a clump of vines sloughs out of her mouth. They are glowing purple. She notices now that her arms are as well and her tummy, and likely her neck as well.

She feels the vines pushing against her as though she is with child. She know what is about to happen. She knows it and she is horrified. She can only manage a small whimper before it does.

She is reduced to a ribboned version of herself, with vines wiggling from the bloody mass. They peer over her as if their experiment has been a success.

.oOo.

For the fifth night that week, Azula wakes in a state of potent dread, her face slick with nervous sweat. She is grasping reflexivly at her throat, a phantom burning lingers within it. The nightmares are back and they are twice as vivid and with real images to play upon. These are more paralyzing than the one she had just awakened from. At least this one she can say is out of the realm of possibility. Not like the ones where she watches them dissect her; a sleeptime replay of the truth. On most nights she wakes with her heart racing and her eyes watery and this time she has no one to reach out to.

Between the nightmares, the re-acquired loneliness, and the real fear that she is being persecuted, Azula’s head pounds constantly. The last time she had slept good was a week or so ago. This time no one has come to check on her, setting in stone that she has burned a very delicate bridge.

She thinks that she may lose her mind at any moment. Perhaps she is already in the process, she certainly doesn’t feel right. A disconnect, similar to what she felt with her memories, is beginning to settle in. She wanders the palace in something of a haze.

She is getting jumpy again, the thought that Long Feng might be sneaking people into the palace is becoming pressing. She can’t imagine that Zuzu will put much thought into thoroughly checking who he newly hires, especially not for her.

Azula notices that she is pacing and brings herself to a halt. The scars on her arms and belly seem to flare up and inch more intolerably than ever. She feels faint and leans herself heavily against the wall, slumping to the floor with her hands gripping her head.

She thinks of Sokka. Of how he had held her so close, of how he could usually talk her out of the chaos in her mind. She decides once and for all that she has made a mistake. Despite it all, despite any history, she is sure that it no longer matters. Not when he had been so good to her in a moment of weakness when he very well could have taken her down permanently. He had been so caring and she had pushed him away over what? Things that happened years ago, a silly feeling that she was supposed to hate him.

Azula isn’t sure how long she’d sat there, mind racing uncontrollably, but there is a sensation of pins and needles in her arms and legs. She is both thankful and distraught that no one has taken notice of her.

She forces herself to her feet, her legs are wobbly as she makes her way down the hall. With a deep sigh she resigns herself to what needs to be done. It will be a whole lot easier to take herself to Dr. Yu-Kang than it would be, to be forcibly escorted. Anyways, she needs someone to talk to.

A tap on her shoulder barely registers.

“You don’t look so good. I can tell, and I’m blind!”

“Why are you talking to me?”

Toph shrugs. “Just because Sokka and Katara are mad, doesn’t mean I have to be.”

The relief she feels is almost palpable, but she refrains from completely unloading on Toph. That’s what Dr. Yu-Kang is for. Instead she replies, “I’m fine.”

“Okay, you’re not even putting effort into that lie.”

“I’ll be fine.” Azula insists. “I just need to...I need to speak with Dr. Yu-Kang.”

“Your therapist?” Toph asks.

Azula nods.

“What for?”

“A lot of things.” She mutters.

“Like how Sokka’s mad?”

“Among other things, I suppose.” She replies matter of factly. The urge to unload everything onto the earthbender persists. But she can’t afford such a display of weakness at the moment. Not when so many people are furious with her.

“You wanna talk about it?” Toph asks. “I’m not a comforting person but I can tell you to man up.”

“I’m not a comforting person either.” Azula shrugs. Evidently she has been trying to tell herself to acquire herself some thicker skin. “I can take care of myself.”

“If you say so.” Toph shrugs. She begins to walk away and Azula wishes she had said more. Though she isn’t sure what to say. Regardless, Toph turns back around. “Hey, if you wanna, I don’t know, light stuff on fire and throw rocks at stuff with me, just ask.”

“I’ll...consider.” Azula says. Though random acts of destruction isn’t what she constitutes as a good time, she is willing to part take if it means having at least one person who doesn’t resent her.

.oOo.

Sokka has long since learned to sense anxiety on the fire princess and she is exuding it very strongly. He has a nagging and impulsive itch to go and comfort her as he normally would but he is done playing games. He is certainly done wasting his time on someone who would throw him aside over things that happened so far in the past.

From the room over, he observes her slip into a chair and wait for her lunch. When it is set before her, she stares at it for a good while before actually eating it. After she finishes it, she pushes the bowl aside, rests her arms on the table, and buries her face in them. He doesn’t think that she is crying. If she is, she is doing so very silently and unnoticeably.

He thinks that she might have fallen asleep.

“You doing okay, Sokka?” Katara asks.

He shrugs, “still pissed.” He folds his arms over his chest and fights to keep his voice low, Raava forbid he wakes that dragon. “I just wasted so much time. You told me so. You all warned me but I thought that maybe helping her out would make a difference…”

“To be fair, it did with Zuko. No one blames you for having hope.” Katara smiles. “And no one is mad at you for being a good person.”

“I am!” He shouts. He flinches and looks in Azula’s direction. She must be out cold.

“I know that Aang was happy to see you so optimistic.”

“And he wonders why I’m a pessimist.” Sokka grumbles.

Katara rolls her eyes. “If you keep crossing your arms like that they’re going to get locked in that position!” Katara declares. She nudges him lightly, “come on, let’s go walk by the turtle-duck pond.”

.oOo.

Azula takes a deep breath as she approaches the guest bedroom. This idea, this new idea is probably a much better one. Yet she dreads it all the same. She gives the door a knock before she can second guess herself.

She hears footsteps approaching and very briefly locks eyes with Sokka before the door falls open and she is beckoned inside. She catches the briefest flicker of something in Sokka’s eyes, it is probably hatred.

She slinks inside and slumps down on the sofa.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Phang asks. “Have the side effects not cleared?”

“The treatment went fine. Perfect in fact.” Azula responds.

He tilts his head in confusion. “Then what are you doing here?” He clares his throat. “I inquire with all do respect, princess.”

She waves the apology off. “I’m here because it went perfectly.”

Again, Dr. Phang looks almost comically perplexed.

“I…” She trails off. “I want you to erase my memories again. All of them if need be.” She never takes her eyes from him.

The man parts his lips but remains silent for a time. “Would you like to speak with Dr. Yu-Kang, princess?”

She swallows, “that is my backup plan.”

“Then it is a good thing that you had a backup plan.”

“I am your princess and I am telling you…”

“Having your mind and spirit energy tampered with just once is extremely dangerous. Twice, is treading very dangerous waters. Thrice…” He pauses. “What you’re asking me to do is to ravage your mind. Forgive me, princess, but I study chi and spirit energy to aid people, not destroy them.”

Azula finds herself massaging small circles on her temple.

“I can contact Dr. Yu-Kang, if you would like.”

“Yes, please.” She says very softly.

.oOo.

Sokka steps back from the door, his stomach fluttering with secondhand sadness. He knows that this is a conversation that he wasn’t supposed to have heard and he doesn’t think that he should stick around and let it be known that he had.

He should just make his way back to his room and forget about it. She made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with him. He lightly raps on his forehead with the heel of his hand. But why would she ask him to wipe her memories again if she didn’t feel some sort of regret? He answers himself with a forward, she doesn’t want to remember what happened in the compound. Still, something keeps him rooted in the hallway.

Just as he makes up his mind that he is going to mind his own business, the door opens and he finds himself looking her directly in the eyes. Exhausted, weary eyes.

He opens his mouth to speak but she shoves past him, Dr. Phang in tow. He has an impulse to catch her wrist but he knows that taking her by surprise is never a good idea. At best she’d jerk away, at worst he’d be met with a faceful of fire. Anyhow, he doesn’t think that he should care.

But he doesn’t like her posture. The way she is almost slouched as though her head is too heavy for her neck. He supposes that he has invested too much time into this, whatever it is, to just let it fail. With a long sigh he catches up to Azula. “Why can’t you just apologize like everyone else does?”

Azula’s frown only deepens and her eyes grow dimmer.

“I’ll stop being mad if you just apologize.”

She presses her lips firmly and stubbornly together.

“I’m serious, I won’t forgive you if you don’t say it.”

He didn’t realize that an expression could get that dark and forlorn. He tries a lighter tone, “You did it the last few times.”

She holds her silence.

With the old Azula reawakened and in the way, he is almost sure that he isn’t going to coax an apology from her, not now that her mind is rooted back in old habits.

She turns back to Dr. Phang and quietly requests, “perhaps I should go to Dr. Yu-Kang.”

“Okay fine, you win!” Sokka bursts out, his hopes plummeting rapidly. “We can talk about things.” He doesn’t think that she will take him up on his offer.

He watches her take a place propped up against the wall. “You’re dismissed for the moment, Dr. Phang.” He isn’t sure how she can still sound so authoritative.

The man offers a slight bow. “I will be in the guest room, you know where to find me.”

He takes his leave and Azula lets herself slide down the wall. For a while she only stares blankly at the opposite wall. He can tell that she wants to cry but she doesn’t He wishes that she just would. She is always calmer when she just lets it out. “Talk.” Sokka finds that he has no dialogue to offer, he didn’t think he’d get this far. He didn’t think that he was going to even try. “You said that you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I didn’t.” She sticks to her word. “Not at that moment.”

“Then why did you tell me that I was wasting my time?”

She is quiet for another very long stretch of time and he thinks that it is his cue to leave. He shifts his weight and she speaks up again. “You made me angry. I wanted to be left alone.”

“And I left you alone.” He points out.

“Not that alone.” She mutters.

“Well then when would you have wanted to talk to me?” He asks. “I wasn’t going to wait forever.”

“I can force Dr. Phang to get rid of my memories again, it will be easier…”

“Since when have you ever taken the easy way out of things?”

“Since the hard way became unmanageable.” Azula replies. “I know when to back out of a fight that I can’t win.” Somehow she looks tireder still.

“You can win this one though.”

.oOo.

Azula swallows. She should have kept walking. She should have just hustled onto that boat and back to Fire Lake. “Can I?” She asks. “It’s been over three years since I started it…” She feels so drained. So spent. “I’m tired of fighting.”

Sokka’s fingers seem to twitch. She speculates that he has just thought better of placing his hand atop hers.

“I think that I lost my memories because the universe knew that I couldn’t deal with them anymore.” Her soul feels as heavy as she had in her dream. She feels just as suffocated too. Each and every instinct she has screams for her to shut the hell up. To stop admitting weakness. But one single, particularly loud instinct pushes her to continue. “I don’t want to be alone again...it only took me a few days with my memories and one conversation to push everyone away.”

Sokka blinks.

“I can keep doing this or I can erase everything again with a note to myself that I don’t want my memories back and then I can move on.”

Sokka rubs his hands over his face. “I can be patient.” He says. “I should have been patient. It takes time to get used to...everything.”

Azula shrugs, “patience wears thin eventually no matter how long the supply is.”

“Do you really think that it will take you that long to get it together?”

He truly does have such a way with words. She rolls her eyes, “yes, I do.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You need to back your claims with proof.”

“You wouldn’t have sat down and talked to me like this before, would you have?”

She considers. “No.”

“Well then…” He nudges her.

“Don’t do that.” She scowls.

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

A part of her almost feels bad, he is trying which is more than she can say. She wants to joke and jest but she can’t. She isn’t comfortable with it anymore. She doesn’t know why she can’t just be comfortable with it. It used to be so easy. She rests her face against her knees. For a moment she clutches her head but then she releases her hold and simply hovers her open hand slightly above her head.

“It would be better if I just…” She trails off. “I was easier to be around. People liked me more when…”

She doesn’t need to look up to know that grim, tightlipped expression is on his face. “If I can’t love the real you, is it love at all? I want to love you, not a half version of you.”

.oOo.

She looks up. Her lower lips seems to tremble. Still she doesn’t cry. He really, truly wishes that she would. He finds himself saying, “just let it out.”

“What?” She utters.

“Just cry already.” He laughs.

She shakes her head, “not a chance.”

“I’ve already seen you cry several times, I can list them off if you’d like.”

At this she cringes and her nose scrunches. “Don’t.” For a moment she looks faintly humored, but this fades quickly.

“I won’t.” He replies lamely. “But I don’t think any differently about you for crying. You’re still the most terrifying person I’ve ever talked to.” She misses the affection in the comment completely and seems to grow dim again. “I mean that in a good way. You’re fierce! You know, like dragons!”

“You’re horrible at this.” She mumbles.

“I’m trying, doesn’t that count for anything?”

She catches him off guard with an affirmative nod. “Yes.”

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Sokka #Sokkla #Fanfiction

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 5 years

Text

Wan High Weeping (Part 34)

TFW when windows updates completely obliterates your laptops drivers and internal hardware and you’re stuck using your mom’s computer until she needs to take it back.

I present to ya’ll Fanfiction: Speed Round. I had to pump this thing out lightning fast so, apologies if the chapter isn’t as good. There was some stuff I wanted to add more details too but my mom was practically leaning over my shoulder.

It was all so overwhelming, really. TyLee felt almost as disoriented as she had during the party itself. Sure she had helped Katara but she couldn’t help but feel as though what happened had been partially her responsibility. If she would have only found the courage to speak up about her own mishap. Then Jet might have been locked up before he even had the chance to start spreading his sabotaging rumors. She wished that she had told someone, anyone. At least one person. And Katara had almost paid the price for her cowardice. She took a deep breath, she had to think about it different, had to focus on what she had done right, lest she eat herself alive with guilt. She had yelled at Chan, she had recorded enough to prove a case.

She only wished that she had caught Chan wailing on Jet too. Take care of two school terrors in one graceful sweep. But she had stopped recording and hid her phone instead. It was becoming apparent that she wasn’t much of a risk taker.

She sat quietly for a long while as the police filled out some paperwork. They let her hang onto her phone but she wasn’t in the mood for texting. She didn’t really have anyone to text. Mai had left her behind again, the girl was on a streak of doing so. Katara was busy in the hospital, probably still out cold. Sokka was in a holding cell, probably next to the one Jet would fill once he got the medical attention that he didn’t deserve. And Suki, she didn’t know her well enough to confide in her.

The door opened and she braced herself for a stream of uncomfortable questions. The man entered with a clipboard and a pen. He seated himself at the other end of the desk and laid his papers out. “Are you fine with answering some questions for me?”

TyLee nodded. Better to get things over with.

“From the beginning, can you describe the incident to the best of your ability tell me what happened last night.”

TyLee thought for a moment. She just hoped that it wasn’t too late. “Last night wasn’t the beginning.” She took a deep breath. “I’d like to report another incident.”

The man inclined his head. “And what would that be?”

“Last year, I was…I was raped during a homecoming party, by the same guy from last night.”

“And why didn’t you report this?”

Her face crinkled unpleasantly. “I was scared.”

The man nodded, “mmhm.” The response of a skeptic. She wished that the police officer assigned to her was female. But he surprised her. “That will complicate things some, but if we can prove him guilty of the most recent assault we can probably get him for past crimes.” He paused. “Did you, by chance, seek any medical attention after your assault?”

“Sort of.” TyLee mumbled. “I bought a pregnancy test. I also went to have a check up, but I told the doctor that it was consensual.” She wanted to cry, if anything she had set herself up to fail.

The man nodded. “I’ll see to it that someone looks into that. It is my understanding that you have recorded evidence that will help us with the most recent case—and by extension, your own.”

“I do.” She replied.

“May I take a look?”

She handed him her phone.

“Sokka isn’t in too much trouble, is he?”

“He is an adult who had beaten a minor.”

“He was defending his sister!” She didn’t mean to take her anger out on the man who seemed to be on her side.

“Yes, this case has a lot of layers and grey areas. Which is why I’m going to need a lot of help here. Is it okay if I pull you out of class, on Monday? Perhaps a few other days as well.”

“That would be fine.”

“For now, we will bring you in as a witness. After this case is settled, we can talk about bringing you to court as the plaintiff.”

TyLee nodded, the offer was better than none at all. At least they would humor her.

.oOo.

Monday morning was drab and then hectic and then dull again. She drove herself to school, dwelling all too much on what she could have done. Homeroom with Kyoshi was a bore and did little to keep her mind from wandering. Wandering and replaying things that were mercifully fuzzy and then things that were so very painfully vivid. The sight of Katara laying topless and motionless haunted her almost more than the muddled sensory tidbits of her own assault. Time had taken at least some of the edge off of those memories. And an unhealthy dissociation from the event, did the rest. But the more she thought about Katara laying there, the easier it was to plaster her face and body onto the memory. She bit her lip and tried to focus on the autobiography assignment.

The assignment!

She had written all about the Halloween party in that notebook. For a moment she was thrilled, she had a paper copy of her account already written, and nearly right after everything had taken place. Her mind brightened again, because she recalled her diary. The diary she had been keeping since freshmen year. The diary she had written about her own case in.

She had dates.

Dates and times and details.

She almost wanted to throw her arms around Kyoshi for giving such a practical and useful assignment. Instead, when the bell rang, she settled for a cheerful thank you that aroused a befuddled expression and a very typically stiff Kyoshi-style you’re welcome.

As promised, she was taken to the office in the middle of fourth hour for more questioning, with any luck, she’d be free to go by fifth hour lunch. She detailed, to the best of her ability, the events that unfolded on Halloween. She watched officer Yu-Ron jot her words down. On occasions he would glance at his watch until eventually he said, “it looks like I’m going to have to send you back to class now, expect to be back for more questioning on Wednesday.” He paused. “Wednesday, we will wrap things up and if we need you for further investigation, we will call.” He pulled out a business card of sorts. “And if you need to call us, feel free.”

“I have something that could help you with your investigation. It’s a diary and it has dates and stuff.” TyLee informed. “I’ll bring it with me on Wednesday.”

Yu-Ron smiled. “Anything helps, you’re making this much easier. From the sound of it, this case will go pretty smoothly.”

At least on her end and Katara’s. She imagined that Sokka wasn’t out of the water and she felt awful for the man who should be back at his university.

She found her spot by the rest of her poms team. She was still getting used to their lively chatter and company. A struggle, but one that she needed to endure. She was tired of isolating herself. She hoped that some of their perkiness would rub off on her, help her get back to the old TyLee. With more intensity, she hoped that her dour attitude wouldn’t have them pushing her out.

But they bore with her.

They reminded her that she was handling things like a champ until she was beaming from ear to ear. Once again, she found herself glad that she hadn’t dropped the poms team altogether.

She did however, drop Mai.

During sixth hour she requested a seat change.

.oOo.

It was nice to not have to deal with police and a barrage of questions. She never thought that she would be so eager to see Zhao for math. Okay, so that might have been a stretch, somehow answering Yu-Ron’s questions was easier than answering Zhao’s. At least Yu-Ron didn’t make her feel like an idiot for wrong or insufficient answers. Zhao had well and earned his reputation as Wan High’s most hated teacher.

When the bell rang she kept an eye out for Katara, but the girl proved to be very elusive. She supposed that she didn’t blame her for not stopping to talk to anyone. She probably didn’t have the energy for it. Hell, TyLee was surprised to see her back in school so soon. But then, it had been easier for TyLee to keep herself busy, and if Wan High was good for anything, it would be that.

She texted Katara to see if she wanted a ride home. It relieved her to find that, in light of things, Katara’s mother was able to get off of work early to pick her up from school. She texted back, ‘well, if you need a ride to school, let me know.’

She slipped her phone back into her pocket and headed for the door. She had nearly exited the building when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

Just the person she didn’t want to see. "Oh, hi Azula." She greeted dryly. The only solace was that she wasn’t speaking to Mai—the very last person she wanted to see. Granted, Azula was only a hair above her on that list.

Azula was quiet for a long while. A long while that TyLee didn’t have time for. But, by all means, she really did want to hear what the girl had to say. She made no comment, instead opting to ask a question. "Why didn't you tell me?"

It sent prickles of irritation in TyLee’s belly. For the first time she considered that Azula had the self-awareness of a rock. "Because, you're you." She muttered. "I saw how you treated Katara and you were close to Jet. Why would you believe me? You didn't even answer your phone. You and Mai…you both left me."

"I thought that you were ignoring your texts." A real copout answer.

"You didn't think that something could be wrong!?” TyLee threw her hands up. “You've known me since we were kids and I always replied to your texts right away—because I knew you would get mad if I didn't, by the way.” She paused. Feeling particularly spiteful, she asked, “wo, were you?"

"What?" Azula returned the question.

"Were you mad? That night. Were you mad that I didn't text you back right away? Is that why you just left with Mai? Well sorry, I was a little busy."

Confusion and confliction weren’t emotions that Azula wore openly. So TyLee was surprised to see such a blunt expression of them. "I don't think that I was mad. I just knew that Mai needed a ride home and that her mother would have a meltdown if I didn't get her home."

TyLee didn’t know how to react to it. There was something wrong about the display. At first she thought that it was because Azula was trying to toy with her again. Trying to lie through her teeth. So she just stared at the other girl. Stared until is started to settle that something was off, because the explanation seemed so sincere.

"I wouldn't have talked to him if you would have said something. I wish that you would have said something…"

And she is vexed all over again. Was Azula blaming her? Was she that socially inept? "I wish that you didn't make me feel like I couldn't." She replied with a venom.

"I also wish that I didn't." Her response was so quiet that it threw TyLee off all over again. There was another drawn out window of silence that almost left TyLee feeling bad for having snapped at her former friend. She could swear that she saw Azula crumbling right before her. Something about the way her eyes dulled. She muttered something and made a retreat.

TyLee sighed. There was something about her that looked so broken. So defeated. And perhaps that is what coaxed her to rush to the girl’s car and give the window a few knocks. She was half-surprised to hear the door unlock. She slipped into the car. Somehow it felt like home, she had been in it so much. It still smelled like Azula. Like extravagant perfume and a tinge of incense. It put an ache in her belly to think that she hadn’t been in this car since that stupid party. It had to have been at least a year and she wondered if Azula was getting lonely. It was hard to imagine someone like Azula getting lonely.

Perhaps one day they could take a drive together, like old times.

Hell, it almost made her want to reconcile with Mai.

Lost in nostalgia, she almost didn’t catch Azula softly admit, "I don't want you to be mad at me."

"I don't want to be mad at you…" TyLee agreed. Maybe she was being a little too hard on her ex-friend. No, not ex, she decided to herself. "I. It's not your fault, you didn't know. If it makes you feel better, I was mad at Mai too for a while." What was she saying, she was still mad at Mai. Still furious? At least Azula was putting in some effort here. She couldn’t say the same for Mai. But then, she didn’t really know Mai to put much effort nor passion into anything that wasn’t fighting with Zuko. "It's Jet's fault. All of this is Jet's fault. I blamed Chan too, but he was just the host."

She hoped that, that at least took a little sting off of Azula. One that she had probably created in the first place. She was putting a lot on Azula.

She was putting a lot on herself.

She almost cracked a smile, who knew that talking to Azula would help her realize that she wasn’t to blame at all for her own struggling. She was a victim, there were things that she could have done differently, but fear could take away logic. What matters was that she was able to save someone else. Maybe they wouldn’t get Jet for what he did to her. But in getting him locked up for Katara, she could have some resolve regardless.

The last of her resentment towards the girl sitting next to her melted away.

There is one thing that she still had to confess. "I think that, that's what Jet wanted. He wanted me to blame you guys because…" That was the one remaining thing that she wished that she hadn’t done. "Because that way, I had no one to talk to. The worst part is, it worked. I was so alone…"

"And then…"

TyLee rubbed her eyes and let her smile spread in full. "I found Katara."

"You saved her?"

TyLee couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement so she replied, "I guess you can say that."

She noticed that Azula was smiling. A very soft, somewhat melancholy smile. But it was there no less. "That counts for something, right? At least you didn't let it happen to someone else." She paused. "From the sound of it you were pretty fierce, glad I was able to teach you something."

TyLee had to laugh, it was the kind of ending statement that only Azula would make. She didn’t just realize how much she missed the girl and her underlying social-awkwardness. "I guess so."

"Do you need a ride home?" Azula asked.

The offer delighted her. It was the offer she was kind of hoping for and she was ready to take her up on it. Her elated mood dropped at the realization that the school would have her car towed or ticketed if she just left it in the lot. "I would take your offer, but I kinda can't just leave my car here over night." She didn’t want to offend Azula or give her the wrong idea so she quickly added, "but, uh, maybe you can come by tomorrow…if the police to pull me in for more questioning again."

Azula nodded, looking wholly withdrawn and she knew that the girl had taken it the wrong way. She wondered if she should let Azula take her home and then get someone else to drive her back to pick up her car. Ultimately, she decided to make a promise to herself to get a ride to school and let Azula take her home tomorrow.

.oOo.

She was eager to hear how things had gone for Katara. Late in the night, the girl had texted her with a promise to tell her about how the investigation was going. She was itching for an update about Sokka too, supposedly he had gone in for questioning right after her on Monday. Hopefully, Katara had some good news.

She had the mercy of escaping fourth hour math again. She held her diary close to her chest. As petty as it was, she almost didn’t want to hand it over for fear that she wouldn’t get it back. Maybe she should just tear the useful pages out of it and hand those over, that way she wouldn’t have to give up her precious and happy memories.

Much of what they talked over was a rehash of the same questions, likely to make sure that her story didn’t change. Yu-Ron then inquired more about Sokka and what she had witnessed. She had to affirm that she had indeed saw him slamming his fist into Jet’s face and then kicking him a few times. But she reiterated that Chan had actually done most of the work.

To be frank, she was afraid of Chan. The man had an eruptive temper. The temper that only Azula could really control. She didn’t know how Azula managed to keep him in check, but then, Azula in her own way was an imposing girl.

The last half hour, which ended up bleeding into her lunch period, was spent discussing a little further, what happened to her at the homecoming party. At which time she had torn the pages from her diary and handed them over. She also turned over a printed copy of her first draft of Kyoshi’s autobiography assignment.

Yu-Ron stood and shook her hand. “Thank you, TyLee. You have been very helpful. Between you and Katara, I think that we have a very sturdy case. Believe it or not Chan has helped too.”

“You questioned him?”

“I am not allowed to say much, but we had talked to him briefly on the night of the incident.”

TyLee nodded, she almost regretted asking, now her curiosity was piqued and it wouldn’t be satisfied. She stepped out of the adjoining room and back into the principal’s office. She only had the chance to her hand on the doorknob when Bumi stopped her.

“We’re under lockdown.”

“Lockdown!?” She jolted. “Shouldn’t we be hiding.”

Bumi shook his head. “Soft lockdown.”

So a drug bust, she thought to herself. She looked into the parking lot to see flashing red and blue. A line of police cars and ambulances and even one firetruck. “What’s going on?”

“We have a student who needs hospitalization.” It was then that she realized that Bumi wasn’t being his kooky self.

“Are they okay?”

“It doesn’t sound too good.” Bumi mumbled and she knew that, that was all she would be getting out of him. Granted news would probably travel around the school pretty quickly.

TyLee glanced out the window just in time to see a gurney being hoisted into the ambulance. Some part of her shuddered.

.oOo.

She found Katara after class. Katara who somehow managed to look more teary eyed and distraught than usual.

“Are you okay, Katara?”

“I…” Katara trailed off. “Too much is happening at once.” Her voice cracked.

TyLee tilted her head. “What’s going on?”

“She killed herself, Ty.” Katara’s voice hitched. And with the hiccup in her voice, she was crying.

“Who?” TyLee asked. An awful knot welled up in her belly. She knew what she was going to hear before she actually did.

“Azula.”

“How do you know!?”

“Teo and I found her.” She replied quietly. “I…she talked to me before…”

“She talked to me too.” TyLee replied quietly. Now she had another regret. Another thing she wished that she had done. She should have left her car in the lot and drove home with Azula. “I was going to drive home with her today…” It was hard to speak with tears flowing so freely. “Is she really gone?”

Katara hugged her. “I’m not sure. It sounded like it, but I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I was going to drive home with her, Katara. We were going to go to my house and I was going to show her my new hamster and we were going to catch up…” Azula didn’t know that, but that’s what they would have done. She wanted to surprise her. She even had a little make-up gift. “We were going to be friends again…”

.oOo.

TyLee hugged her pillow close. She was thankful to have Katara. The woman and her mother were so comforting and friendly, and she was lucky that they were so willing to drop her off at home. But her heart ached for Azula. She hugged her pillow even closer. Azula, who she still didn’t have news of. It seemed that Katara had none either and she didn’t know Teo’s number. She’d only ever met him in passing. Despite it all, she texted Azula, trying not to think that she might be texting a dead girl. She thought that it was her turn to ask, ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ Instead she typed, ‘I wanted to surprise you today, because you looked so upset yesterday.’ She didn’t know where she was going with that so she went to backspace it. Instead her trembling fingers hit send. Adds a simple, ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t a good friend.’

She curled up on her bed and falls to another round of sobs. It was too much, Katara was right. Too much was happening at once.

She woke to the sound of her phone buzzing.

She looked wearily at the screen and the queasiness in her stomach cleared.

‘Can you move your surprise to the hospital?’ The dots appeared again.

‘You weren’t a bad friend…’

#Avatar #TyLee #Azula #Mai #Katara #Sokka #Toph #Aang #Suki #Jet #Chan #Fanfiction

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