The thing is that the ways in which dean and sam need each other are both compatible and parallel in their nature.
Dean needs sam to stay with him (let him take care of him look after him and be with him) and sam despite all his need for autonomy and freedom which he does desire of course (he needs dean to respect his choices and see him) also needs dean to need him—choose him. It’s always been that way—something we see from the very pilot itself. He goes with dean in the pilot after dean admits that he doesn’t want to do it without sam even if he is capable for it.
It affects sam profoundly when dean gets close to other people—especially men because it threatens the idea that dean could need people other than him (even the mere desire to want for others apart from him is distasteful even if he doesn’t want it to be—he just can’t help it, it’s the way they are.) Of course dean has never needed for anything more than sam, that sam and just sam has always been more than enough but sam needs that from him, constantly and actively.
In Sacrifice (8x23), when he reveals that the fact that dean chose to turn to people (an angel, a vampire) apart from him was unbearable to him was just so.. much. And it’s interesting because we know that sam too is friends with cas, has never been shown to consider him a rival in any sense (but just the mere possibility of sam and just sam not being enough for dean is devastating for him.) He doesn’t harbour any resentment or competition towards cas, it’s just that he needs to be the choice over everything else from dean. He needs it because he chose that too, even when he had a chance to get out—multiple times over. And yes, the circumstances shaping his choices are often not ideal, are sometimes not even entirely choices but he always stays because of the knowledge that dean will always choose him.
The conflict then is often caused by doubt—dean, deeply insecure about sam’s loyalty. For him, it’s a given—that sam will always be first, has always and forever been above everything else but he expects sam to know it too. Despite everything he puts on him and says to him, despite the fights and the anger and the mistrust. None of that will ever change this one fundamental thing.
But Sam doesn’t (!!) Maybe at one time he did, before the demon blood and the soullessness and the countless countless ways he thinks he fucked up but somewhere along the line it became clear to Sam that he could not trust it to always be Dean’s first choice, can’t know it for sure.
Doubt again, Sam—unable to know if Dean will always choose him over all else and Dean unable to verbalise that enough because of said insecurity (the fear that he needs sam more than sam needs him) and unable to understand why Sam would feel this way because he expects him to already know that Sam will always be above all else, at the end of the day despite whatever happens because that is who Dean is.
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With the shrine Joel made in his newest episode, fleshing out more of this au I made of Cod Priest Grian (what I'm calling the au (link is to the first post I made)
Grian: Almost a high priest, he just needs the mending book and he'll be one. Worships the Codfather in a very casual manner, being one of few able to properly hear his voice vs just feel his intentions from the waves
Scar: Traveler who sells animals and accidentally grabs the mending book meant for Grian. Because of this, he technically counts as a high priest, despite never praying to Jimmy ever. He'd heard of the Codfather in his travels, but only the myths about his role in the end of the world, a la Ragnarok
Jimmy: God of sea creatures and disasters, told in stories to be the destroyer of the world. Main source of worship is the hermit folk, but has other churches elsewhere. Can communicate fully with Grian, Gem, and Joel
Joel: Reincarnation of Joelious, god of pottery and sacrifice (He knows, but the others don't). He occasionally prays to Jimmy, but it always feels weird, so he doesn't do it often. Prefers to try to gain the attention of the blue axolotl, though it's unsure as to why he does to the other hermits
Gem: High priest of the Codfather, she constantly laughs at Grian's failed attempts. She's aware of the joke, where as Grian only thinks he's being unlucky or Jimmy thinks he should've chosen a different symbol. Worships the twin gods of magic and power but out of a familial thing more so than a true belief
Lizzie: Side, Blue Axolotl, god of the ocean and battle. She seems to have disappeared from worship about 500 years ago, and her temples that survived look frantically ruined. Joel's trying to get back in contact with her via prayer as a human, because all godly attempts have failed.
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Okay but from the clip released a month ago in the teaser 'Danger'...
Who are they??
Is this Hunter with his armour painted fully black??
WHAT ARE THEY DOING
I HAVE TO KNOW
Teaser vid below these boys appear at 23s
(Lightened brightened below cut please excuse my non-existant editing skills)
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Hear ye!!! LET’S GET THE HYPE TRAIN STARTED PEOPLE!!! See you on Saturday for the BIRTHDAY BALL!!!!!!
(Huge thank you to my sibling Lev for making this little piece for me - they are such a talented artist and can be found @/owofruit on Insta. Their commissions are open currently, give them a follow!!)
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