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chaos-and-sparkles · 8 months

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In Which I Ramble About Pavitr's Character Design and the Indian Cultural Stuff Related to It

DISCLAIMER: I'm an Indian, and these are all my thoughts and analyses, but I'm also just one person and by no means am I speaking for everyone. I am not all knowing, and I am not immune to being wrong sometimes. These points are all my own thoughts and stuff that I know through my lived cultural experiences and some history and book knowledge, but I've not particularly researched any of these. I'm just out here giving my take from what I know. This is mostly just going to be me rambling, okay? Okay. Let's go!

Anyway okay so I just wanna go from the top down:

No. 1:

First of all his hair

His fucking hair

This is one aspect that i k n o w I'm overthinking and probably wasn't as significantly thought out in the design but it just Spoke to me and by all accounts I'm not the only one

But I'm so glad we have him with his thick gorgeous fricking hair, especially them being like curly/wavy and slightly long instead of straight and cropped or whatever

Like. Indians usually have very thick and luscious hair, not everyone ofc but generally it's a thing, and it's considered a point of pride to have long dark thick hair.

And the thing is for the longest time the beauty standard in India was to have very straight and shiny hair, all the actresses and heroes were doing it, even though that's literally not the realistic case for a lot lot LOT of Indians. There's a pretty big variety of hair texture in India; some of it is regionally concentrated too, eg. in South India you get a lot of frizzy, tightly coiled hair that's rough textured, whereas curly hair is usually silkier and looser curled as you go Northwards,, Bengalis tend to have very wavy thick hair,, etc. By no means a rule or anything, it's just a thing that there's a lot of curl variety and a lot of it was for the longest time considered ugly and unkempt (there are some classist/regionalist elements to this stereotype also unsurprisingly) still is by some people,,, bc the standard was Shiny Straight Hair. It's a standard that's slowly shifting. It's currently leaning more on the wavy and voluminous side. But it's def a thing still.

All that to say, it makes me so so happy to see Pav with his curly-ish lush hair that he wears with such pride and style,, that are a symbol of his own pride and self care too!!!

Also the line about "coconut oil, prayers and good genetics" - I LOVE THAT REFERENCE AHAHABSSK, using coconut oil for the hair is a very common thing here, it's so so good for the hair and the scalp alike and it's relaxing to massage it in too.

I've seen people try to write Pavitr in fics as "quickly brushing some coconut oil through his hair" as part of his morning routine and. Um. That's not how it's done askaskjas, I don't mean to be rude to the writers at all, everyone does the best with what they know and no one knows everything, but also practically speaking that would be greasy and awful.

There are multiple ways to apply coconut oil, ofc. Coconut oil is often massaged into the scalp and rubbed into the hair like an hour before washing, sometimes with lemon juice mixed in, and then washed off when bathing. Some people, especially those with drier and finer hair, apply it as a regular after-hair-wash thing, too, but even so it needs to be rubbed in.

A really beloved thing we have is coconut oil champis, too! This is basically when you sit down cross legged in front of youe mother/grandmother, and she massages the coconut oil into your scalp and hair in a way that literally cures all tension and headaches and leaves your head reeling and is so so good for hair and stress and everything. It's a family bonding thing more than just a hair routine. It's not always done by the mom/grandmother ofc, it's just how most of us first experience it, and they have a technique that none of us can ever quite replicate to the same effect later. As we grow up, we often do it for ourselves and for others. It's a weekly or monthly or even just occasional thing depending on who you ask. But yeah that reference was great I love it dearly!

Also about the hair length

So in the current modern "civilized" standard (Indian schools and society in general tend to do a lot of shit trying to assimilate us into western culture and stamp out our own,, for example all my life I've been in schools where speaking Hindi and Telugu and stuff in class or in the hallways was Wrong and Forbidden and We Must Speak Only In English Bc We Are Educated And Cultured. This is so fucking hypocritical bc they would also have Hindi and Telugu classes and then criticize us for not getting it right or whatever), boys are meant to have short hair. Teachers literally single boys out in class for leaving their hair longer, not the exact length they set as the limit. This was my entire school experience; thankfully it doesn't seem to be the case in college, but that may just be bc I'm in an artsy college. In the workplace it's less stringent but it's still a thing.

HOWEVER, historically and culturally, long hair was considered good and even Important for both men and women. There's huge regional variations in this ofc; Maratha peshwas and higher classes and stuff for example wore a "pilaka" (idk what else it's called), which is the head shaven clean except a tuft in the middle that's sometimes braided. Brahmins still do it too.

But my point being, long hair was considered good for the most part, at most it would be worn in a bun for fighting and working,,, braids are a pretty big deal too. Having to cut your hair short=a symbol of dishonour and/or exile, or reserved for menial workers and so called "low classes".

(This is not stuff you even get explicitly told btw. This is stuff I've mostly inferred and studied from history and mythology and stuff , so there's no guarantee I'm 100% right)

Also, in Sikkhism (I'm not Sikh myself so correct me if I'm wrong, this is just what I know) having long hair is super fucking important for men. The hair is wrapped up in the turban, and the turban is a symbol of honour and pride and literally considered life. The long hair is considered sacred.

Removing the turban is basically a symbol of literally losing your honour pride and sense of self,, not just in Sikkhism, just generally at this point. Cutting your hair? Insult on injury.

Pavitr doesn't have particularly long hair ofc

But having grown up with such rigidly enforced things abt boys having very short cropped hair, it makes me so happy to see an Indian character who defies that.

Also!! Quick tangent about braids and their significance,, they're considered very beautiful and another symbol of pride, intricate buns and what not too! Just wanna drop this to give you an idea of what i mean:

In the Hindu myth of the Mahabharata, Draupadi, the wife of the Pandavas (she's a very interesting and important and beloved character, regionally also considered a goddess, she was a princess born of fire married to five princes and the vengeance for her honour literally fuelled the war for righteousness etc etc) vows never to braid her hair again until she has washed it in the blood of Dushasana, a man who forcefully tried to disrobe her in court (it's a whole myth of its own). At the apex of the war, Bheem, her husband, brings her his blood. She washes her hair in it and then for the first time in thirteen years, she braids it.

Braids are not as significant now but it was basically a Pretty Big Deal and I just wanted to talk abt it.

In Hinduism too the gods are portrayed with long hair, it's a Thing.

No. 2:

Okay so moving more downwards,, I have a bunch of Thoughts abt Pavs mask design!

Okay so obv we have the spiderweb-pattern that's a given.

But. The interesting parts are these:

The bindi-like design on his forehead.

Bc my point is

Sure that looks like a bindi. And that's beautiful in itself but I HAVE ANOTHER TAKE

Bindis are traditionally worn by women as a symbol of beauty, prosperity, and again, pride. But while nice, that's not quite a symbolism that fits imo

You know what else is ver similar where my mind immediately goes? A tilak.

The shape is kind of off for a tilak actually, a tilak is more of a U or a V with a dot or a flame-like stroke in the middle. So in that case it looks more like a bindi

But i really like thinking that it's inspired by a tilak too, bc

While a bindi is a decorative mark stuck or painted on a woman's forehead as a symbol of beauty and prosperity

A tilak is basically a mark that's finger-painted on the forehead of , usually a man but there's a softer smaller version for women too and ofc there are women warriors who got tilaks, for auspicious and blessing reasons. So in a Puja or ceremony, a tilak is put as a blessing and an auspicious thing, also meant to impart strength. The head of the household usually gets the most striking or biggest one.

Pandits usually wear tilaks for blessing purposes too, although their design is different and more elaborate than the ones given to others

Gods and goddesses had their own tilaks, some of them very distinctive like Shiva's

The part that applies to Pav is the warrior tilak

Basically before a king or warrior went to battle, it was customary to do a small sending off ritual and for the wife or mother to put the tilak for them and say "Vijay bhava" (may you be victorious)

It's still done for big undertakings and challenges like exams and new jobs and stuff.

It's basically for strength, bravery and victory

The main difference in a bindi and tilak is the intent:

Bindi is for beauty

Tilak is for valour

Which. For a HERO. Just. Chef's kiss.

2. the markings around his eyes!!

I'm sure this has been said before, but it's very very reminiscent of kathakali makeup.

Regionally there's a lot of eye makeup stuff also btw. There are some absolutely beautiful tribal designs and regional designs with a lot of colours but I cant remember specifics rn

Also!! The very distinctive black lines around Pav's eyes?? I love them sm bc they feel so so based in kohl and kajal. Another huge beauty and often pride related thing.

There's even a whole thing where a mother or older sister will often rub a bit of her kohl off on her fingertip and press it behind their loved one's ear so that "buri nazar na lage" (no one's bad gaze catches you). It's called a kaala teeka

The idea being that you're so beautiful and/or cute and bright and lovable and nothing should jinx that and nothing bad should happen to you. It's very rare now and I've never experienced it myself but it's so so precious <33

3. the white markings on his cheeks!

I've seen that explanation of how it's reminiscent of Ganesha, the elephant headed god who is kind of a symbol of new beginnings, intelligence, prosperity, and a ton of stuff I don't even know how to explain honestly, but he's very cool and beloved and has a lot of Good Vibes™ and i love him basically.

I personally am reminded more of kathakali makeup again!! But that explanation is very cool too and i like it!! I don't know if I agree bc i think it m i g h t be a blasphemy to have that imagery on your face, afaik no one here does it for any reasons and we have literal festivals and pujas dedicated to Ganesha

But then again I am a human with limited knowledge and i don't know everything

I personally think the tusk like designs are very cool. However, I also think it would be a bit of a No No for religious reasons. I also think it reminds me more of classical dance face makeup and stuff.

I also think if they meant to make it a Ganesha reference, then he should only have a tusk on one side, bc there's a huge deal about Ganesha being "ekdanta" (transl: one toothed) bc he has a well known myth of breaking off one of his tusks to write a mythologically and culturally significant epic.

There are also a lot of actual cultural face painting things in India that are way cooler than the Ganesha thing in my opinion. So while that theory is cool, I don't personally agree with it. I could be wrong, again, idk what the design intent was exactly.

No. 3:

Next thing: this is a very very small thing and i only have a sentence on it, but i really appreciate Pav's neckline in his suit.

The neckline here? That's the kind of cut that's most typical of kurtas. Especially more ceremonial, kingly, wedding sherwani, or generally festive attire; a regular kurti might have a v-neck or something, but this curved collar? Very Indian and classy in a way I can't fully explain.

No. 4:

This next thing I'm going to go completely ballistic about, everyone hold on to your seats!!!

THE FUCKING MOTIF ON HIS UPPER ARMS. IT'S EVEN ON THE MEHENDI-ISH PATTERN ON HIS WRISTS AND HANDS. THE SPIDER SHAPE TOO. I AM NOT NORMAL OKAY

LISTEN.

LISTEN TO ME

TBIS IS CONFIRMATION THAT KRISHNA PAVITR IS CANON

HE IS SO SO KRISHNA CODED

Idc if I'm delusional, i DARE you to look at that blue design and tell me it doesn't look like a peacock feather

THE SHAPE OF HIS FUCKING SPIDER IS OH SO SUBTLY CURVED TO BE PEACOCK FEATHER SHAPED TOO

There is no human way for me to be normal about this i need a minute

Okay for context:

Krishna is a very important and beloved god in Hinduism. I cannot overstate the love I have for him, even being mostly non religious myself.

There is SO MUCH about him he is such a big deal and thanks to him being made a character in popular Indian cartoons and so many animated and live action movies being made about him, he is literally woven in the fabric of our collective consciousness and love for our culture

He's a mischevious and fun and chaotic and lowkey antiestablishment kid deity. He contains the literal universe. He has a deep abiding love for his people and his family and loved ones and the world he serves. He is a dancer, flute player, sweetheart, lover of life. He has a thousand wives, yet one Radha who he never married but is his literal immortalized soulmate. He guides heroes to duty. He is full of wisdom but also silly hijinks. He is so so beloved.

The peacock feather is his symbol! You could see the peacock feather anywhere and it's immediately OH KRISHNA! He wears a peacock feather, famously. In all his iterations, from childhood to adulthood. Peacock feather is his emblem.

Krishna is depicted through the peacock feather. It's become a very common motif in arts like mehendi and various textile arts to have peacock feather and peacock patterns; I'm sure that existed before Krishna too in several cultural circles but he is definitely a huge part of it since. There is a chikankari motif that is very recognisable that's reminiscent of peacock feather but I'm mostly unsourced on that, going off my own interpretation

But there's a definite link between peacock feather=Krishna=inextricable part of culture and art.

At least in North India. He's less of a big deal the further south you go. Still very widespread and overall loved tho.

So anyway seeing that peacock feather type motif on Pav?? Mixed with his Spiderman identity??? Is so amazing to me.

Krishna coded Pavitr real ✨

(Also yeah people have already pointed out that Pav's hand designs are based on mehendi so I don't need to go into that askjasjkas)

No. 5:

Also. Huge fan of his arm cuffs. It's just another Indian warrior thing; often in ye olde times and in mythology, the cuff would be a lot simpler, often just a thread with an amulet to grant you protection. But it steadily became fancier, and now it can be decorative or a valour thing or both

Very often just decorative now actually. Often seen in weddings and ceremonies too

No. 6:

Okay about his bangles now:

I absolutely LOVE THEM I love them so much I am so obsessed with them actually!!

So. First of all

I remember there being a confusion in like earlier fics especially on whether they were bracelets or damrus or bangles or what

And i have Thoughts

So first of all

They are not damrus/damarus.

Damarus are a musical instrument made of wood and with two beaded ropes to beat on the small drum-like ends. They're also symbols of lord Shiva who uses a damaru.

They are very different from what Pav wears and i remember my fucking whiplash when earlier fics called his bangles damarus. I think i choked on my maggi.

I don't mean to be rude to the writers ofc, they were doing the best with what they knew. But it's just very jarring to me to hear that

I think an explanation I heard was that Pav's web shooter design was inspired by damarus? Which yeah I get that and I actually wanna talk about it bc I very much see it. But they are very much NOT damarus themselves

First of all i personally have never seen nor heard of the kind of bangles Pav wears which appear to have a strip of cloth in the middle? While being gold cuffs on both ends? Which is new and interesting actually and opens up aspects abt his character that i find really interesting

Bc first of all: that implies he made them himself from stuff he already had inspired by things he saw. It seems, at least to me, like he used bangles/kadas he had to make the shooters he uses, which are designed the way they are for easier slinging and his cool tricks with them which would be harder if they were solid gold, and also the shape when he does the cool yoyo-y trick and hits The Spot with it and everything is very damaru shape. Which is also pretty cool if it's meant as a reference to Shiva and his damaru (he's a very fierce god with the damaru) or a reference to the street performers who use it nowadays.

Either way - and also additionally the fact that PAV LITERALLY DOUBLED HIS BANGLES AS WEB SHOOTERS WHICH IS SO CREATIVE AND SMART - and developed his own whole signature skillset with it?? And made his own bangle/shooters as I said before????

My boy is PEAK jugaadu

He is the embodiment of jugaad

Never has anything been so true to the Indian spirit than jugaad

Okay so for context, the jugaad that I keep talking about:

It basically means makeshifting and/or inventing stuff you need from the limited stuff you have. That's a very simple way of explaining it. Just imagine that, but up the silliness level x100.

For example, a guy jugaaded a showerhead by poking holes in a sprite bottle and putting a hose in it and routing it to the tap.

Jugaad can be both very smart, and very funny and silly

And it usually involves combining useless stuff/trash/just stuff you had lying around to make smth that you didn't wanna waste money buying, and often ends up having more functions than the stuff it was meant to replace. This but it's also very crackheaded. Like idk how to explain. It's basically makeshifting, but it's just developed into such an Indian Spirit Thing™ that we have a word for it

So i love that Pavitr's bangles do all of that. He is a true Indian boy to his core!

No. 7:

Okay I have thoughts on his dhoti too!

So.

Blue.

I know why they used blue for his dhoti, what with the spiderman colours, the need to complement his bright red with smth softer, and everything. I get it and i love it so so much. What I'm about to say next is not a complaint against this at all, it's very good design imo

But.

Everytime I look at him in his fucking blue dhoti

I just remember all the times my grandmother has apprehended me and made me go and change for trying to wear blue or black at a Puja

Bc they're apparently unholy colours ;_;

Basically yellow, saffron, red are the appropriate holy colours. Now that i think about it, I've never seen a god or mythological king depicted in a blue dhoti or generally blue clothing either - farthest they go from the three i described is pink or green

I never really thought about it until my Nani pointed it out. I'm still not sure if anyone except her even knew or cared about it.

But that is the memory that bonks me on the head every time i Perceive the blue dhoti

Bro upgraded from funeral colour (white, which is his dhoti in the comics and absolutely infuriates me on a visceral level) to unholy colour askaskjjska it's so funny to me

Purple was still a luxurious colour, but generally warmer and/or lighter colours are The Done Thing. It's an old notion and the cultural connotations are now very diluted by Western influence and also none of us Caring about a lot of it anymore (not necessarily a good or bad thing particularly)

Indigo also has. Loaded connotations.

Because Britain did a Colonialism and a lot of Indians suffered for it. It's a whole history lesson.

I would rather not get into the whole details but basically Indigo (the plant from which the dye was made) was a valuable commodity and Britishers essentially forced farmers to grow only that, ignoring their need to grow food or sustenance or care for the land in general, especially in the Bihar-UP regions. There were eventually a lot of revolts where many people, esp farmers, died.

Basically a double whammy of starvation and death as a direct result of colonialism. It was a major part, historically, that sparked rage for the freedom movement

If you wanna learn more abt it you can search up Champaran farmer revolts!

Also about the drape of Pav's dhoti:

I've seen a couple of memes and reels abt how Pav, in an emergency, suiting up for Spiderman duty, would be taking an hour to drape the dhoti and stuff

And those are hilarious and i love them

But also

That's literally not even a proper dhoti -

So the thing pav wears is basically more of dhoti-pants with a cummerbund.

So okay I need to explain this better hold on

A dhoti is basically a sheet of fabric that is draped around the waist and down. The elaborateness of the cloth can vary vastly from intricately patterned silk and brocade, to plain white cotton with a thin gold border optional

The drape of the dhoti varies even more depending on region, occasion, occupation, and status. You can have everything from the casual simple towel like drape and tuck that some men wear to relax on a daily basis, to an intricate thing with many folds and pleats and tucks and the middle part that hangs (I forget the name for that) that would actually legitimately take hours and is often adorned with jewellery . To a thing that's flexible to move in and also looks very pretty and is genderneutral some dance forms call for.

Basically. The drape varies vastly. And it's all one cloth, maybe a second one for a separate cummerbund sometimes, I'm not that well versed abt dhotis tbh.

But the thing Pav wears?? It doesn't seem to me to be folded the way I've ever seen any dhoti

The way it's folded and shaped is not how those style of dhotis work. There would be a lot more pleats and folds, for one. But it's not shaped the way to match the less-folded dhotis either.

Now, I'm no dhoti expert, but that leads me to believe that's not a full on dhoti. What it's more likely to be is dhoti-pants

Dhoti pants are this fusion thing. It's in the name. I haven't seen it much but I know/think/am pretty sure its a thing, bc most Indian guys now don't know how to drape a dhoti either and it's a good solution. Worn like a pant, looks like a dhoti. Simple. A cummerbund for the middle drape, and you're set!

Also side note: the fold with the distinct two legs and the middle drape that Pav has? Is the most commonly depicted warrior and king drape,, at least in North and Middle India, I'm not as well versed about the South but I think it's the case there too. The gods are depicted in that drape too

I have fewer comments on his leg design, I like that it's reminiscent of mehendi even on his feet bc yeah that's also done on the feet, although rarer now and also a bridal thing

No. 7:

He has gold cuffs on his ankles that I really like!

Okay so here's the interesting thing:

I could be wrong, but

But that kind of thick ankle cuff is not actually an Indian thing?? At least not in the warrior hero context that a lot of his design seems based on. At least not of that shape and width.

What we do have though are very simple metal ankle cuffs put on (I think) one ankle of young kids for protection,, again a tradition I'm not very familiar with, it's more localised

The other thing we have that's more interesting tho:

We have payals and ghungroos!!! Which opens up so many exciting prospects to me because those are both dancer things

Like. The payals are ornamental. They are beauty things as well. All women would wear them, their elaborateness and style depending on status, money, and region ofc

They double as dance and performance things too ofc

But ghungroos are specifically dance things

Very very sacred and honoured to the dancers, too. Quite personal

(These are all little bells on the ghungroos btw!! Hundreds of them. They ring out when the dancers dance)

This is what Pav's ankle cuffs most remind me of. It's not the same thing ofc, and idk if the designers were even thinking of this.

But it would be really cool if he was inspired by ghungroos to have cuffs of similar thickness and placement on his legs. Perhaps even familiar to him hmmm?

This is me theorizing HARD to support my headcanon, but combined with Pav's classical dance-n-martial-arts-y moves, i present to you: Pav learning classical dance when he was younger (a thing that a lot of Indian kids do and only a few seriously continue for their lives) is real.

I rest my case

Like yeah it's known at this point that Pav's moves are based a lot off the martial art of kalaripayattu. Which is SO AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! But I also think this would be a cool influence alongside that, bc it really feels visible too.

No. 8:

The fact that Pavitr is barefoot is so so important and dear to me!!!

In Indian culture, you're supposed to take your shoes off as a mark of respect, before entering the ranabhoomi (literal transl: battleground, but not in an actual war with swords and shit ofc)

Being barefoot for pujas and in temples and on sacred ground in general is very important

As is being barefoot when you're walking onto a kabaddi or wrestling ground,, basically any fight that's supposed to be important and/or with honour. It's a respect thing for the opponent and for the earth you fight on.

There are a lot of contexts where being barefoot is important or a given

There's the prayer ground bc it's sacred and holy and you can't be dragging your dirty ass shoes there it's super disrespectful. You gotta enter with clean feet specifically, dirty feet are considered disrespectful too. that's also why there wil often be feet washing areas outside of temples here

Then there's the ranabhoomi that I just said, which is more of respect for your opponent and the earth. Respect to the earth especially is very important in the combat forms and sports I know of at least

Then there's the basic respect and tbh the hygiene thing too, of always taking off your footwear before entering another persons house. That one is more flexible, sometimes you can take it off inside, but the done thing is to take them off outside generally. Especially if you're a guest who's not particularly close. You'd be considered really rude if you didn't take them off at all. But again that still varies by person,, the older generations are way stricter abt it

Then the bride thing,,, it's actually a whole small ritual. The bride and groom will enter the groom's house for the first time,, which is considered the bride's new home bc misogynistic tradition so yeah. But basically it's supposed to be an auspicious beginning to a new home and life. (Btw being barefoot during the wedding ceremony is also generally required)

Usually, at least in North Indian tradition, a small vessel of rice is kept at the threshold that the bride must tip over with her foot when entering. It's for prosperity. Then she steps directly into a plate of a red liquid I forget the word for, but it's basically a sindoor paste type of thing. Her first steps into the house must be taken leaving those red footprints behind. That's for auspicious beginning

So Pavitr being barefoot is so so cool from a cultural and a character building standpoint

He takes his job seriously, he does it with respect and honour!!! He seems so chill and happy go lucky, but he's deliberate and respectful abt it!! And he's super connected to his culture too, bc you could just Not and no one would care, but it's so important that he does!!

So yeah!

That has been my full ramble askjasjkas. If you made it this far, have a cookie! Thank you and I hope this was interesting <33

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reflectismo · 4 months

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In reflecting on Ringo’s comment about going to each Beatles’ house in 1968 to say that he felt the other three were closer and then each of them responding that they thought it was the other three, it’s peculiar how this crucial moment remains largely overlooked. I feel like this exchange speaks volumes about the band’s evolving dynamic, because it offers a peek into the shifts/sentiments that influenced their overall unity and break.

#(Whereas they had always seen themselves as a unit)#(A crack in the armour began to emerge)#(I’m rambling)#(But as always: Ringo is everything)#The Beatles #Ringo Starr #John Lennon #Paul McCartney #George Harrison #(Pour moi)

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palisadewasp · 1 year

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This one fucking image from Rise From the Ashes reminds me of those weirdly sensual "female bullying" stock photos, for some reason

like. this

is the same as this

EDIT: Thank you to @/kurapikaschai for the IDs below!

[ID 1: Angel Starr smirking while she pins a struggling Lana Skye's arm behind her back. The two women are standing side by side. A flip phone can be seen falling to the floor in the foreground.

ID 2: A stock image of 3 women bullying another and holding her close. End Descriptions.]

#i can't be the only one #one of the photos made its way back to my dash so now im thinking of this #my favourite stock photos on the internet #ace attorney #aa1 #rise from the ashes #rfta #angel starr #lana skye #stock photos #stock images #poggay rambles #THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING

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fangswbenefits · 6 months

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Not to be dramatic, but I think Neil has a shot at winning this, too 🫡

#ruby rambles ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾#I know Ben Starr is a fan favourite but I feel like Neil's perfomance as Astarion has an overall bigger impact #or maybe I'm just biased LOL

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grievetherat · 3 months

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I feel like rambling a bit about the Beatles; they have been my special interest for a while now but recently I've become especially hyperfixated.

I'm in college right now but my experience goes back to the 2010s when my father brought me trinkets from his trip to Liverpool some of which were Beatles-related. Living in a Eastern European country was a bit of a bleek experience as a child if you grew up being influenced by Western media. Being glued to the family computer or the TV, all I could do was admire the ways decade's leading up the the 21st century was shown in media, times which I was told were the darkest for my family (no electricity, no running water, the looming Soviet Union).

As such I was a yearning middle schooler, jealous of the Western world and their ability to create media that I admired. Don't get me wrong, I have gone back since then to realize even my home country had its charms and memorable breakthroughs in our culture of music or style but for me, as a kid being infatuated with the West, I was jealous of people who had their parents pass down cool records to them because they lived through the times when such music was popular, have access to merchandise or memorabilia, or the ability to visit certain historical places because I was worlds away from them.

As such I became fixated much of my teenagehood on the prospect of "what it could have been" for me, If I had the chance, I was basically a westernboo, I was chronically online most of the 2010s, exploring the emerging internet culture, the online sphere, youtube (because who else would have been the perfect subject to develop a parasocial relationship with British vloggers ahem dan&phil), but I also began to develop taste in music. As such it coincided with my father's visit to Liverpool, which fascinated me, the trinkets he had brought back along with the LOVE album CD, were mesmerizing. I mean I enjoyed my fair share of 2010s pop music, but by the end of that CD listen, needless to say, I became a pretentious prick.

To say I was interested in them is an understatement, I was obsessed; but I couldn't really explore my Beatles obsession with anyone my age so I paraded my hyperfixation to my father (a beatles fan, who took pride in me developing this interest) and the adults in my family, as simply an infatuation with the decades (the 60s-70s) to seem smart and sophisticated. They would praise me for being a history nerd and ask me to tell them fun facts about the Beatles which i pretended to simply comply with, but in reality, I just wanted an excuse to bring up the Beatles. Of course, those fun facts needed reading-up so i consumed as much reading material online (or from the few english history books my school library housed) as I could. I read of their contributions to music, their history, rock n roll, the pre-Beatles, post-breakup, their solo careers, the hippie counterculture everything ( i guess as much as a i could comprehend at them time lol) but most importantly, i read of John's tragic passing as well as the many articles, hypothesizing on 'what it could have been' for the Beatles.

My undiagnosed brain had melted at that one singular possibility.

Truly, in modern internet slang, the alleged/hypothesized Beatles reunion has been my Roman empire since the day I graduated middle school to today simply because I think of it every day at least twice. Eventually middle school obsession had matured into a primary interest, a personality trait, more of a "hello, I'm Nym, and I'm a big fan of the Beatles" and it would automatically tell the type of person I was. Only a few things after the Beatles had the same lasting effect on me (Gravity Falls as an example lol).

It also didn't help that I listen to them and their solo releases on the daily and that they're actually everywhere, being the greatest band in the world, but I think it's only in my tism brain that can't scratch that itch that makes my enjoyment of the Beatles such a surreal experience. Perhaps I could finally put it into words to give middle school me some sort of closure:

There has always been something so devastating to me about John's and George's passings. humans come and they go but for them it was abrupt, cruel; living in the 2020s now, there's something so poignant to me that begs the world why they never got to experience the next century to its full potential.

We knew the Beatles were over in 1980, the tale isn't as obscure as the Roman Empire because it feels like it has only just happened, it's part of modern popculture right? And yet we live in the 3rd decade of the 21st century, completely shifting the perspective to a type of lingering wound from such a long time ago that it never really heals anymore.

At the time, I had told this to my mother, how it bothered me so much. She had assumed I had realized the concept of sudden death and become afraid of it, and to her credit, she had tried her best to help me 'overcome it' as well, but it was never death that bothered me, it was the unfairness, the lack of closure and I guess the bittersweetness that lingers with me every time I turn on a Beatles song.

Being a Beatles fan has been a surreal experience really; I believed this weird, almost para-sociality with the closure that never came that I yearned for so long as a middle schooler would dissipate over time and I could enjoy the Beatles legacy as every other adult had around me, enjoy a fun fact now and then, get a trinket from a trip. I never really achieved that, I'm in college and they still essentially function for me as the fall of the Roman Empire. Especially with the release of Get Back a year or two ago and Now and Then, it's essentially gotten worse. Sometimes I can't bear to think about it anymore and sometimes I can't help but reminisce on what it could have been.

Anyways, I still treasure them in such a weird way, I think it takes a lot for a human tale with all its flaws to be this compellingly tragic and bittersweet to keep up a gen z college student at night over half a century later. Idk

#the beatles #paul mccartney #john lennon #ringo starr #george harrison #get back #60s icons #rambles #dad rock #autistic things #i guess now and then could potentially be that closure that i longed for #but also calling it the last beatles song kinda made my eye twitch #kept me up at night even more #not sure where this came from #peace and love

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starr-vivs44 · 2 months

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Happy Birthday Hyrule!!

just wanted to say happy birthday my favourite fae!!<3<3

#starr rambles #linked universe #legend of zelda #lu hyrule #no freaking way 38 years already!?!? 😭#that’s crazy-

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paulmcclocky · 5 months

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thank you beatles for invading the rock band search results on google /lh

#fr though i was NOT expecting to see them #it makes sense though honestly #the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #george harrison #ringo starr #clocky’s rambles

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starr-ofthevoids · 1 month

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Of Voiddust and Starlight book 2 spoilers:

Xisuma: *absolutely going through it*

Doc: *from the other side of the server* “something just happened”

#i think they’re silly #silly and goofy #bro just k n o w s #I think that Xisuma isn’t on the hurt side of the hurt/comfort tag enough and I plan to fix that #ao3 fanfic #hermitblr #hermitcraft fic #of voiddust and starlight #fanfic #starr ramblings #docm77 #xisumavoid

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sehtoast · 4 months

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My Boys (Depowered Homelander x OC, Meeting His Mother)

1.8k | angsty but sweet | Fic Directory

Request: Can I request a fic where Ben and homelander travel back in time to see his mother.

I’m not going to go into how they managed to time travel– only that they did– and it’s gonna have to be non-canon to my depowered homie's mom content bc time travel can get goofy, but here we go~

God, this was a bad idea from the start. Neither one of them were prepared for the complexities of doing this– let alone simple things like the post time hop nausea they’d been warned about. They’d been cautioned against overstaying their welcome. Don’t step on any ants, definitely don’t sneeze around people, and absolutely no altering anything no matter how fucking terrible it is in the moment.

That’s all there was in that poor woman’s life. Terrible, terrible things. Horrific experiments and abuses. It would be a fucking challenge for both of them not to kill the head doctor of that time, but…

Homelander needed this. John needed this. The little boy who never had a parent, who never thought he ever would, who only met her through a patchy reconstruction of her patient file long after she was dead– he needed this.

He needed his mother.

Ben’s powers made it easy to bypass security. He was a supe, obviously he was affiliated with Vought. Homelander got by entirely as Benjamin’s plus one. Things only got hairy as they broke in deeper through the facility's laboratories. Stolen badges paved the way, guards were strung up in cocoons of webbing, knocked out and hidden from the grainy security cameras…

It was messy, but they’d managed not to trip any alarms. They’d both donned lab coats to pass by unnoticed to whoever may be monitoring the cameras. By the time they stood outside of her door, the same one listed in her files, Homelander was shaking. His hands were balled in fists and held tight to his sides, eyes set with a determination that swirled with fear.

Benjamin was no better. This was… quite an undertaking. The risk of altering the present was dangerously high. Every single action was volatile, though the effects couldn’t be determined until the end. One thing, though, that would be okay…

They’d touched down in the year 1982. No matter what happened, John had already been born, so they couldn’t fuck up too terribly . Of course, Ben also worried there was a tingling of opportunity in his love’s head to go save himself during this trip of theirs.

“Remember,” Ben breathed. “We go in, we meet her. You guys talk, we leave. We can’t change anything.” He shook his head at how he’d delivered the reminder. “Sorry, that’s… I know this isn’t gonna be easy…”

Homelander simply nodded and swiped the badge. The door to her room opened slowly as if it were a bulkhead shifting. Given what Ben knew about her powers and documented volatility, it made sense; however, she’d been kept sedated for years and there was simply no need. Still, precautions…

As titanic as the situation was… the reveal was anything but. In the center of the room was his mother, reclined and restrained in a hospital bed. Ben grimaced at the sight, but Homelander stilled entirely. The web-head pressed a hand to his back, rubbing soothing circles.

“We got this,” Ben whispered. “ We got this…”

Immediately following his voice was a deep, breathy exhale from inside the room.

The wall crawler took Homelander by the hand and walked forward slowly, hand out in a surrender-like gesture toward the woman.

John stood there, stunned out of his own body. He felt like he was watching a movie scene play out. His head felt light but his body was so, so fucking heavy. He felt as though he could crumble if he heard so much as a pin drop. He focused on the breaths coming from her– from his mother – and he gripped Benjamin’s hand with all of his might. His knees began to quake, but somehow he managed to utter that one fucking word he’s never been able to call someone.

“M-Mom..?” A chill ran down his spine when her eyes flickered up to him, gazing at him with the same vibrant blues that stared back at him in the mirror.

She was gaunt, nearly fucking malnourished if not for the IV lines keeping her alive. It seemed a miracle that she could so much as breathe on her own. The woman was clad in a hospital gown and a thin blanket that draped down her legs. Streams of long, tangled gray hair fell over her shoulders, littered with strands that still retained her natural dark brown color.

The photo Benjamin had found in her patient file had made her look far older than she was. The web-head would be surprised if she was any older than sixty-five…

“I… It’s me, mom,” Homelander rasped through the tightness of a bitten-back sob, hand hovering just above hers. He cracked a smile. “It’s me, I– I’m your son! I’m Ho– I’m John…”

Ben watched with a broken heart as Homelander began to falter and shatter, falling to his knees with tears rolling down his face as he sputtered through the same declarations twice more. At one point, he laid his hand on top of John’s to finally nudge him to take his mother’s hand.

The woman watched with nearly lifeless eyes, breaths huffing out loudly through her mouth. She’d been kept heavily sedated, per her file, since the day she’d been injected with a trial of Compound V. If she was conscious of what was going on… chances are it wasn’t by much.

Ben watched Homelander bury his face against the bed and bring her limp hand to rest against his hair. The sight was enough to break his heart all over again… Listening to him weep, being powerless to make it better… He chose to change the only thing he had any control of in that moment– something to keep him from crumbling too. A glance around the room and he spotted a dusty hair brush resting on a metal tray. Many of the bristles were worn down or missing, but it would do.

Benjamin started from the bottom of her hair and worked up, just like he used to do for his Gran… He listened and worked while John told her all about his life, telling her how much he loves her and wishes he could’ve known her.

“I hate them so fucking much for what they’ve done to us…” he laughed miserably. “Think the only good thing I ever really got out of all of this was Ben,” Homelander continued, gesturing to him. “He’s good to me, mama, I promise you don’t have to worry about that. That’s him brushing your hair…”

To the sheer shock of both, her head twitched the slightest bit to the side– just enough that her gaze could meander toward Benjamin.

She fucking moved…

“See,” Homelander rasped. “He’s sweet… See how he’s not even tugging your hair with that brush, mama? You’d have never even known he was doing it.”

Ben shivered under her unrelenting stare. There was something unsettling about it, but not in a bad way. It was like… like she had no other way of saying what she wanted other than through her eyes. Benjamin was no mind reader, but, if he had to guess, he imagined she was telling him that he better not hurt her baby. At least he’d like to think so, anyway.

“I don’t have my powers anymore but… he used to make me eat even though I never really needed to all that much.” Homelander continued, voice wavering and tight. “I went through some… real bad stuff when I lost my powers, but Ben saved me. He always makes me take my vitamins… He helped me learn how to cook, too. I’m really good at making macaroni and cheese,” he chuckled through his tears. “He’s there for me when I’m sad and he always cheers m-me up, mama, I promise he does! And he got us here from our time so I could meet you…”

Ben swallowed thickly around a sob threatening to break free. A few tears escaped, but he still tried to blink back the rest.

“He’s exaggerating,” Ben murmured. He tilted his head to smile fondly at Homelander. “I’m actually a total thorn in his side, y’know? And he whines about the vitamins.”

“They taste terrible!”

“They taste like watermelon candy and they’re delicious!” Ben retailed playfully, and the two began to giggle. “I could always sneak them into your–”

Benjamin’s eyes shot wide open and, if not for John’s expression being identical, he’d think he was entirely fucking insane. A weak grip landed on his wrist, just above the hand that still held a lock of her hair. His eyes flitted slowly to look at her, but, instead, she was looking down at Homelander.

The room would be dead silent if not for her wheezy breaths. Her lips twitched, and each of them stared at her in sheer shock and awe.

The first sound she ever uttered to them was more of a rattle, but… she did it. Over and over again, she did it, pushing herself to build upon each noise.

“Ma…” Was the sound she worked the hardest on– the first she made. Over and over again, following with, “Buhs…”

She pressed her lips hard together and strained, pushing the words from her throat in a tight, hoarse tone. The lightbulb clicked in both John and Ben’s minds simultaneously.

My boys.

They stayed with her for a while after that, talking to her, finishing brushing her hair, telling her about their lives. Where they came from, what they do, all of the good things they’ve been through together. She faded in and out of wakefulness and varying degrees of awareness, but she seemed to enjoy their little tales of the world– of the future.

Leaving was the hardest thing either of them had ever done in their lives, but they had no choice. Benjamin, rule breaker and quick thinker that he was, ended up revealing that he’d brought his phone. It didn’t take much convincing to make Homelander willing to have his first ever photo taken with his mother, nor one shot of all three of them together.

Each of them left her with a hug and a promise.

“I’ll keep him safe.”

“I’ll be good, mama.”

The days following their return to their own time proved normal as ever, save for the trillion-pound emotional weight thrown upon their shoulders. Ben spent his spare time making changes to a very special little stone, modified based on a paper he’d snagged just before they left her room.

They’d decided to take a visit to the graveyard where they’d had a headstone installed for her. Standing there, having finally met her, spending time with her… it felt different. Like a part of her lingered there with them, brought home to finally rest, guided to peace by her boys.

Gone was the nearly nameless stone, replaced instead with…

In loving memory of Patricia L. Gillman.

#homelander #homelander fanfiction #homelander x oc #the boys #antony starr #the benlander agenda #idk what exactly made me want him to call her mama but I feel like he would #I feel like he'd get all tripped up in his feels and start rambling like he did abt Ben #SHIEEET i wish i wasn't so emotionally numb to everything atm I feel like I could've really milked the angst #fuck it we ball #request

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starrspice · 4 months

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Not sure if this will mean anything to you but my sister has always had trouble viewing y/n s in the dca fandom as anything other than masculine due to how people draw them. Your y/n s are some of the few where my sister genuinely views them as nonbinary without issue.

When it comes to designing visually nb y/n s i think you probably do some of the best ones.

I hope you have a good day/night dear. Take care

Aaaa thank you QwQ

I get that a lot tbh

Like I've heard a couple people say they see a lot more femanine atyle Y/Ns while others say its a vast majority of masc y/ns

I feel like androgynous or more nonbinary designs make it a bit easier to project different gender identities (for me at least) and I don't want it to feel like it leans too much one way or the other usually so that its easier for people to enjoy it and not be kinda turned off by a more gendered design

But I appreciate the affirmation a ton!! 💕

#sorry if i sounded to gripey in the last ask #i just want everyone to feel represented and included #and making unique and interesting but limited feature designs like that is kind of hard #i just worry things dont come out how i intended #but also enby Y/Ns my beloveds #anyway im rambling #oops #nerves got the better of me #maybe i came off too defensive #anyway bye #scuttling away #askbox #ask starr

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chaos-and-sparkles · 6 months

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All the outrage about "chai" as Pav's ship abbreviation was fucking stupid

Ok so. I may be late to this discourse but by gods am I going to put this out there anyway bc this shit has been FRUSTRATING me for a while okay.

USING 'CHAI' AS AN ABBREVIATION FOR PAVITR IN SHIP NAMES IS NOT FUCKING PROBLEMATIC OR STEROTYPING OR WHATEVER DUMB SHIT I'VE SEEN (mostly non-Indian)PEOPLE SCREAMING ABOUT OUT HERE ON MY DASH. GO TOUCH SOME GRASS, Y'ALL, FIND BETTER PROBLEMS IF YOU'RE SO PRESSED TO BE MAD ABT SOMETHING!!

I'm Indian and I am so so sick and tired of, from what I can tell, mostly white people getting mad about Pav's ship abbreviation being chai??

No no. Go on. Find me my fellow Indians spearheading the conversation about 'chai' being a problematic name. Show me where the droves of offended desis are. And I don't mean just a few Indians agreeing with the "chai is stereotypical" thing while non-Indians lead the conversation, I mean the Indians being the majority of the conversation. Since, you know, that's how it would and should be if it's actually such an offensive deal to Indians, right? We all have social media. It's not like we're waiting to be spoken for. Surely there should be at least as many, if not more, offended Indians about the chai thing as I've seen white people on here. I'll wait.

Obviously I don't speak for all Indian people, I'm just one person, but from what I've seen and what I can tell, there don't seem to be any actual Indian people getting offended or claiming his name being 'chai' is Bad and Evil and Offensive and Stereotyping?? All I see are non-Indian people getting so damn offended on our behalf???

I loved his ship name being chai. I loved the representation. I loved the desi tadka, I remember when I exited the theater after ATSV and scoured through my social media and saw "chaipunk" and "chaiflower" and everything with chai going around. I was so fucking elated to see an ethnic word being used in the tagosphere!! It made my Indian heart so happy to see an Indian character who is so so close to my heart be represented with an Indian cultural word.

But nooooooo apparently we can't have nice things, because people just had to white knight about it. Apparently it is harmful and stereotypical to be using chai as his ship name.

Clearly, we gotta change it to golden. Or something similarly English and white-sounding and you know, inoffensive.

So, because I want to nitpick all the arguments I've heard as to why using "chai" is bad, let's go point-by-point:

It's reductive, you're describing a character by just one thing - yes well noted, that's literally what ship names are for. They are shorthand for characters to remember them by, they're supposed to be memorable one-liners to go by for them. It doesn't "reduce their whole personality to one bit" or "define them" or whatever - by that logic, is Miles' entire personality "flower", or Hobie's entire personality "punk"?? Gwen's just a "ghost" then, huh?? The whole POINT of a ship abbreviation is to be short and memorable. And chai is a whole fucking lot more memorable than "golden" or "shine" or whatever - those alternatives aren't even based in canon?? They are just purely fanon interpretations. Meanwhile chai is actually based in canon and a really memorable line from it too. I've had friends who were so confused as to who the golden abbreviation is for and then asking me how it's related to Pav when they browsed through the tags, but whenever they heard "chaipunk" and stuff they got it without me having to explain shit. Also, y'all are reading the Indian reaction to the chai-tea thing very wrong if you think we are offended by chai being a memorable bit about him - we are literally the ones most hyped about the chai-tea thing? You have no idea how loud the Indian theaters cheered at that line and how many Indian-made edits have been circulating. Again, with the caveat that I speak for my experienced social circle and not every Indian to ever exist, WE LOVE THE CHAI THING. It is a really lovable and memorable bit to us - one that has endeared his character to so many of us so quickly! So I have no idea where the idea that we're offended by the chai-tea line being memorable came from, but y'all really need to go out and talk to some desis before speaking and getting mad for us.

It's stereotypical - Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize an Indian character named with an Indian ethnic word about an Indian cultural drink is stereotyping, now. Just say you felt called out by the chai tea bit or got tired of how much people were talking about it or didn't like having to learn and use an ethnic word and be done with it. Now, to be completely fair, this is the point in the argument that holds the most water. I have seen a lot of fanart and fanfic in the very early days of ATSV fan content, quite far down the tag at this point, that reduced Pav's entire personality to chai, just made him the tea guy, made him so chai obsessed it was quite OOC and annoying and yes it did feel pretty stereotypical. That kind of thing is extra obvious in some NSFW arts I've seen around, that really give me the ick because that is not necessary, that is actually just weird and smells a little like fetishizing. But long story short, yes, Pav's character did tend to be reduced to chai in the early fan content. But guess what. That kind of thing happens to every side character in beloved media until more creators get their hands on them, adopt them as their blorbos, and make more developed characters and content out of them!!! Every side character that has a memorable bit gets overused in that bit until more creators get on board to flesh them out! Or have we forgotten "AND PEGGY!", "Honor", "ONIONS!!" and other miscreants? Surely those are ALSO stereotyping then, right? Also. Even if Pav's early fan content with chai was veering towards overuse and maybe stereotyping. Let's assume that's right. HOW EXACTLY WOULD THE SHIP NAME CHANGE THAT, THEN? The ship name changing wouldn't have done diddly squat about that - he was already getting more developed character in fics and in art before people pushed for his ship name to be changed to something less ethnic sounding. I should know, I was one of the people writing him even then. The tag changing wasn't going to magically change the content. The fan creators did that.

It's unrelated to him, it's stereotypical specifically in that flavour - bitch what. Did we watch the same movie. This point in particular frustrates me so much, because I remember someone on here - I don't remember who - talking about how it makes sense to use "flower" for Miles because his favourite song is Sunflower but in that same sentence saying it's ridiculous to use "chai" for Pav. What logical hoops are you jumping to get to this conclusion, my sibling of the sea? If we can use "flower" for Miles - which was literally a song he sang once, maybe twice, in the first movie, never even saying it was his favourite but just showing us he liked it - then it makes just as much sense to use "chai" for Pavitr? Pav literally says he drinks chai every day with Maya Aunty, it's linked to his life and family, and he clearly liked and thought of it as important enough to put it in his intro speech. Also, as an Indian, in my experience at least chai is a very important and yet casual cultural thing for us, that a lot of us have a connection to in our everyday lives and it makes sense for him to have it too. It's not like people are just seeing the Indian character and automatically labelling him with chai - he talks about it, he likes chai, it's not out of nowhere. Also, if we're talking about how related the abbreviation is, HOW is "golden" related??? That is even more out of nowhere??? Everyone I've asked seems to have a different justification of why golden is used. From bc he's a golden boy to golden bc of his bangles or vibes - they're all speculative and based almost entirely in fanon. Like. Chai is so much more related.

Also. Using chai? IT'S NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL. It's just a word. It is normal to me, to us Indians, as normal as using any other word in English, or Hindi, or our regional languages. I don't see why it's such a big deal that it needs to be changed to something English. It's literally just like if you made his abbreviation "tea" - except now you've taken the desiness out of it. Congratulations.

This isn't a cause I'm going to die mad about or anything. It's just been slowly annoying and eating away at me to see so many, again from what I can tell mostly non-Indian people, being mad about chai being his ship abbreviation. It feels like a bit of a gut punch to the part of me that was so happy to see this tiny part of myself and my language and culture represented in a character I love. As my friend once said, "chaipunk sounds like a cool punk movement I'd join. goldenpunk just sounds white."

The straw that finally broke the camel's back and got me posting about it is this realization that I had:

All the hue and cry to change Pavitr's ship name from "chai" to the more 'acceptable' "golden"? It reeks an awful lot of whitewashing.

People literally got so offended about an Indian character having an Indian ship abbrev that they clamoured till it got changed to something English. It leaves a very off taste in my mouth when I think about it like this.

So yeah.

#pavitr prabhakar #spiderman atsv #chaipunk #goldenpunk #chaiflower #goldenflower #spider man: across the spider verse #atsv pavitr #across the spiderverse #pavitr my beloved #indian stuff #desi starr being mad about desi stuff #starr rambles #long post #i think?#for the record use whatever ship name you like i wont yell at you for using golden or whatever #but im so tired of the people yelling at me and others for using chai

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