#star wars crack
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Today, I fought a Scout Trooper to reclaim my eyeliner and caf mug. Now Tarkin is after me for punching his boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know TK-421 entered the Scout Trooper program posthumously?
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trust him, he's a professional
#he's had far worse plans#and they worked too#don't have to be a genius when your opponent is an idiot#star wars crack#obi-wan kenobi#han solo#sorry anakin but it's true#you are a dumbass#going to the dark side did not help with that
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#the mandalorian#themandalorianedit#the mandalorian spoilers#swedit#starwarsblr#xuserannie#userelio#userkosmos#usernik#userconstance#useraurore#tuserpris#tuserpolly#tusernicky#tusermarissa#userjoanne#*edits#star wars crack#this was so funny to me idk why. like when youre on the phone & start standing on random things
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struck by the idea where, For Reasons, plan saddest desert hermit doesn't get off the ground and team proto-rebellion have to pivot and pivot fast.
chucking the conspiracy equivalent of a uey at 100mph on the highway, and everyone involved is sleep deprived, stressed as fuck, and experiencing y'know, several levels of Devastating Grief.
the person with the brain cell is bail organa, a man who in canon spends like 20 fucking years playing ding dong ditch with a genocidal psychic space wizard and his boss, an even more genocidal space wizard. This man is not lacking in gumption, one can say. he is possessed of life threatening amounts of chutzpah, one might also say, except that he spends twenty years winning the ding dong ditch match with, again, a genocidal fascist dictatorship which includes two genocidal psychic space wizards who literally know he was in tight with the genocided group of space wizards plus the [mumble] number of other murderous genocidal space wizards, plus the rest of the non-space wizard space fascist cohort.
So. What does a man with a spine of steel, a heart as big as a planet, and more gumption than anyone should possess do, when plan 'split up the kids and hide the most famous man in the galaxy on the saddest hell planet' is a no go?
lie. lie like a fucking rug.
What's palpatine going to do? day one of the empire, his super awesome chosen one space wizard makeover project is still in progress and not yet wheezing his way into the galaxy's nightmares, and bail fucking organa strolls into the imperial senate with:
one (1) baby (female)
one (1) baby (male)
several (~20+) aides and various hangers on, including;
one (1) brown haired blue eyed man who could, if you squinted a bit, probably get third place in a general kenobi lookalike competition, were those now not super duper illegal
Sidious, of course, could be like A JEDI KILL HIM TRAITOR ETC, but, crucially, his wheezing attack dog is still on the lab table getting seven inches added to his height and cup holders installed, or whatever the fuck skeevy sheev added in as extras. Palpatine is an old guy who is still trading on being A Beloved Grandfather who was Reluctant To Take The Throne, and is still easing the galaxy into the whole, y'know, we're a fascist empire now, kneel or perish.
Palpatine, on day one of the empire, can't point at bail fucking organa and be like HABOURING A TRAITOR unless he is really, really sure, like 110% sure, because it's bail fucking organa and every goddamn senator will baulk like a horse at a plastic bag if he accuses, again, the senator of alderaan of high treason on day one of the empire.
A secret rebellion is fine, if not ideal; you can theoretically stamp it out, and, also, it's small, percentage wise.
The entire fucking galaxy thinking that, hey, if the guy in charge is going to go after fucking alderaan, what's to stop him going after us? bigger problem. huge problem. original trilogy kinda touched on that one. Day one of the empire, everyone is still basically on war footing, and fuck man, if alderaan is copping it....maybe this empire isn't great after all. maybe we can make our OWN empire, with a different emperor.
Would palps win? eh maybe. would it destroy all credibility forever and ever amen? yeah. the difference between a 'legally installed emperor' and 'a dictator we must overthrow' is how willing the galaxy is to lick boot, and there's not yet the fear of The Empire black bagging you to keep those tongues going.
so. palpatine can't say shit. palpatine can imply shit, palpatine can get his lackies to say shit. but, crucially, palpatine himself can't say fuck all about the goddamn kenobi lookalike that is now following after organa and wiping his kid's little butts and playing gofer and whatever else.
and what's more believable? bail fucking organa is hiding a traitor, or bail organa and his wife have a situationship with a guy who looks sort of a bit like a former general? the same kind of situationship that like, half the senate has had at one point or another with a guy (or guys) who looked sort of a bit like said ex-general. go to any high level business and/or political building, you'll find half a dozen guys who look vaguely like said hot ex-general, and many of them will have a more or less (often less) accurate coruscanti-ish accent. or will develop one.
(hey, it's a niche. gotta pay the bills somehow, and if you get the job because you dyed your hair and grew a beard, well, you're still using your political science degree, right?)
of course, that only holds for so long, but by that point it's been, y'know, a while. and that looks worse in a different way -- what, kenobi was fucking walking around in front of the whole imperial senate, and none of them noticed? absolutely not, all credibility is gone forever.
which means. that palpatine and the organas are stuck in a full on staring match about this guy who is 100% for sure not kenobi, because -- well. he can't be kenobi. becuase that would look bad. but also. it's kenobi. but also. it can't be kenobi.
(vader takes one look at this guy who looks like his master kenobi and then rolls his eyes, because he has already met aproximately 90,000 people who look vaugely like his master and he got very good at picking out how the newest one was not kenobi his master by the time he was a senior padawan.)
#bail organa#star wars#bailbrehaobi#like. implied#sort of.#star wars crack#coats originals#the plot here is not thought out. if you are like BUT THIS WOULDN'T WORK sssshhh it's for the bit#the bit of bail organa making skeevy sheevy's life miserable#bail like what're you gonna do. arrest me? for having a kenobi fetish? you gonna arrest half the galaxy too?
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every once in a while i think about ✨them✨ again (usually when the og post gets a few notes again lol)
Fox is getting carted off to the bunk he's literally not seen since the start of his career
and the Daughter is proud she's getting a good grade in girlfriend
#they hold a very special plac in my heart your honor#the start of my crackship carreer#foxdaughter#fox/the daughter#commander fox#the daughter#mortis gods#my art#star wars#random boli thoughts#star wars fanart#star wars crack#star wars rarepair#im too lazy to color this dont @ me
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I just realized that there's a Star Wars Time Loop concept with GREAT hilarity potential that I don't think I've seen anyone attempting in a fic.
PALPATINE BEING THE ONE STUCK IN A LOOP THAT WON'T END UNTIL HE LOSES.
I mean you know how eventually there's always that one point where the trapped person gets driven completely NUTS? Imagine how SATISFYING that part would be when it's dear old Sheev that keeps getting to the precipice of all he's ever wanted getting realized, only to get it snatched away again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And ag-♾️
Imagine the impotent fury. The inevitable Rage Ranting. The eventual moments where his careful facade starts fraying around the edges and one of his carefully crafted spider-web strands... slips.
A time loop where instead of needing to win one time, he needs to win, and keep winning and the MOMENT he loses, just ONCE - the loop will end.
#sheev palpatine#darth sidious#chancellor palpatine#emperor palpatine#star wars#prequel trilogy#clone wars#time loop#fix it#star wars fix it#terapsina rambles#terapsina's star wars rambles#star wars crack
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For Chiss all humans look the same...
Thrawn, texting Eli: Eli! Help I’m being kidnapped
Eli: Where are you?
Thrawn: I’m with some strange person. In a shuttle. Help.
Eli: I’ll call Faro.
Karyn, answering the cell: Hello?
Eli: Where’s Thrawn? He texted me that he is being kidnapped.
Karyn: Thrawn? Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-
Karyn:
Karyn: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*
Karyn: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!
Thrawn: WHO ARE YOU?!
#star wars#incorrect star wars quotes#star wars memes#thrawn#eli vanto#karyn faro#incorrect thrawn quotes#star wars crack
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shoot, uhhh kriff
Sabine and I are vibing right now
original idea from @chaoticdumbassrogue
#why did I draw this#ghost crew#rebels#star wars rebels#kanera#star wars rebels art#kanera art#star wars crack#star wars art#hera really just likes the piloting and drama but anything to mess with the imps#singswan-springswan art
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Din: How do you know each other?
Ahsoka: She tried to stab me in the face.
Bo: She pushed me in front of a speeder and ran me over.
Din: … 😐
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Maidenless behavior.
#thrawn#star wars crack#star wars thrawn#eli vanto#grand admiral thrawn#timothy zahn#heir to the empire#star wars shitpost
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Imperial Officers with Realistic Lifestyles Only - Rebel Scum and Captain Needa DNI
#admiral piett#galactic empire#star wars crack#firmus piett#parody account#captain needa#ghostly polls
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Ladies, if your strong female character...
is a skilled pilot
can use force lightning without turning to the dark side
hails from a force-sensitive lineage
her weapon of choice is either a blue or a yellow/orange lightsaber
That's not your strong female character! That's Plo Koon!
#star wars#star wars eu#star wars legends#plo koon#rey of jakku#star wars sequels#sequel trilogy#star wars sequel trilogy#prequel meme#prequel trilogy#pro prequels#star wars prequel trilogy#prequel memes#prequels#sw prequels#star wars prequels#rey#rey palpatine#star wars meme#star wars memes#star wars crack#sw crack#starwars#Kel'Dor#Keldor
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#lmao#i understood that reference#also why’d vogue do her dirty like this?#dua lipa#vogue magazine#utapau#revenge of the Sith#star wars crack#Twitter
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Order 66 au
Where most of the Jedi survive order 66 because the Mandalorians get a heads up about order 66 and decides to adopt the Jedi. It starts off with just wanting to adopt the younglings. Then it escalates to adopting the padawans and the younglings, then the knights, then they wanted to adopt the masters for some reason, and you can't forget to adopt the temple guards, so before they know it they've adopted the entire Jedi order. The Mandalorians' adoption senses just keep on increasing and become stronger during order 66. It ends up becoming a competition to see who can adopt the most amount of Jedi. So the temple still looks the same with it being on fire, but there is a huge swam of Mandalorians coming in to surprise adopt a jedi, then coming out with as many jedi as they can carry. Yes they really did adopt Master Yoda.
Or
The Kaminioans had a feeling that Palpatine was going to betray them, so instead of the inhibitor chips making the clones kill the jedi, it gives a strong boost to their Mandalorian instinct to adopt, so basically they adopt the jedi instead of killing them. So when order 66 is issued they adopt the first jedi they see. Obi wan was confused when his men started to shout "adopt the jedi", then even more confused when he is called a foundling.
Or if both scenarios are happening at once, it could be a competition between the clones and the Mandalorians to see who can adopt the most amount of jedi. The bad batch also joins in, they are confused as to why Crosshair wants to adopt the padawan so bad, but they decide to adopt the padawan too, Caleb Dume is now their son, Omega gets a space wizard brother and is happy that they too got a jedi. Depa got adopted by her squad.
Palpatine is confused and is fuming. He has even more trouble in the senate because the senators want to adopt the jedi too, where's their space wizard? They want one too! Then it gets even more problematic because republic citizens also want to adopt jedi. Instead of order 66 being called the purge, it was called the great adoption. Also Padme doesn't die.
#star wars#obi wan kenobi#padme amidala#jedi#jedi order#Mandalorians#clone troopers#star wars: the clone wars#revenge of the sith#order 66#star wars crack#au#adoption#master yoda#caleb dume#jedi younglings#foundlings#bad batch
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have the star wars fan artists already seen this vid of the pjo cast at galaxy's edge, reinacting the mustafar standoff with 'annabeth' literally channeling her inner Ahsoka??
#walker sounds so much like Anakin it's insane#and aryan has ewans intonation down to a t!!!#i love this vid it's so skfnndjs#leah being all 'hey guys :D'#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#ahsoka tano#pjo cast#star wars crack
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Star Wars Characters at a Family Wedding in Ireland
ANAKIN - Gets extremely nostalgic about his own wedding and makes his adult twin children groan in embarrassment. Is in such a good mood that he isn't even mad when Leia calls him a fascist for voting Fine Gael, and manages to give his grandson an effective pep talk.
PADMÉ - So resplendent that the bride is almost jealous but honestly how could you be upset with her she's just so nice. Gets giggly tipsy over dinner and waltzes with C3P0 afterwards. Touches up literally everyone's makeup for them throughout the night and does a better job than the actual makeup artist.
OBI-WAN - Waits til the night is winding down then magically locates a squeezebox, fiddle, a guitar, and a tin whistle and hands them out to start a sessiún. The sing-song goes on until 5am and it's all his fault. His signature song is 'The Lass of Aughrim' because it makes him feel all literary.
R2D2 - Has at least four too many double Jamesons and literally starts arguing with the wall. Shmii finds him passed out under a table the next morning, wherein he swears he's not drinking until Christmas.
C3P0 - Wrecks the heads of the hotel staff over dinner with all his requests, to the point of embarrassing the other people at his table. Conducts impromptu ballroom dancing lessons while the band plays and charms the pants off everyone with his patient explanations of how to foxtrot.
LANDO - Pulls out a deck of cards and starts a game of 21s in the corner. Absolutely swindles everyone. It's okay though because he puts his winnings behind the bar so nobody has to pay for their drinks after that.
AHSOKA - Brings enough weed to share with a chosen few, like an absolute queen. Ends up hanging out in the loo for ages rolling for herself, Sabine, Maz, Kanan, and eventually Ben. Despite her relative stillness and quiet, she enjoys the music more than basically anybody else and people will quote her fondly slagging Anakin over dinner for the next 20 years.
SABINE - Camera queen who tries to look like she isn't enjoying herself. Fools nobody because she keeps grinning and snort-laughing. Her photos are a thousand times better than the photographer's and are the ones that the couple use for their album.
HERA - Helps Leia gang up on Anakin about politics because goddamn it, Leia isn't wrong. Hands out isotonic powder sachets and paracetamols to everyone before they go up to bed. They're gonna need it.
EZRA - Gets so hyper after consuming so much 7up that Hera has to send him to bed before the DJ takes over from the band. Sneaks down later for the cocktail sausages.
DIN DJARIN - Couldn't get a babysitter so he's tucked up at home watching The Late Late and hate-tweeting it.
GROGU - fell asleep in front of The Late Late. Delighted when somebody brings wedding cake to the house the following day.
KANAN - Literally will not be at peace until the DJ plays Kenny Rodgers' 'The Gambler' because it's not a wedding without it. Once that's done he insists on 'Come On Eileen'. Somebody's gotta be the keeper of the flame of tradition, after all.
CHEWBACCA - Requests all the group dances. Rock the Boat, The Siege of Ennis, The Macarena, The Walls of Limerick, Chain Reaction. Bullies everyone into joining in, except Ben who is the absolute antithesis of craic.
LUKE - Every wedding requires at least one merrily drunk uncle and Luke does not disappoint. Suit jacket? Gone. Top buttons? Open. Tie? It's now around his head while he stands on a chair playing air guitar to 'Hotel California'. Ends up puking in a flower pot. Iconic.
LEIA - Would have been okay if she stuck to wine all night but a single gin and tonic on top of the shitty hotel merlot and suddenly she's having an hour-and-a-half political argument with Anakin. Embarrasses the hell out of her parents, brother, and son by smooching Han repeatedly while dancing.
HAN - Organises the pre-ceremony pints. His sotto-voce asides are funnier than anything in the speeches. Quietly sings along to 'Brown Eyed Girl' by Van Morrison in Leia's ear while they dance, prompting all that smooching.
FINN - Sneaks into the hotel's public bar to check the hurling scores on the telly then reports them back to all the lads. Keeps his wits about him regards alcohol so he can take care of Poe later but eats so much cake he feels sick.
POE - Holds court in the bar, telling long anecdotes about his life that are only 75% true. Dances and flirts with all the aunties and nanas and makes them feel great about themselves. It doesn't convince Ahsoka to give him a spliff, though, because she is immune to his charms.
ROSE - The boomers yell at her for getting the DJ to play 'Celtic Symphony' by the Wolfe Tones, but she calls them hypocrites who are oozing postcolonial shame. Anakin offers to adopt her because now she's the centre of the politics argument. Knocks it out of the park at the sing-song because she knows all the words to at least 20 rebel songs.
MAZ - The first to place her handbag down on the dancefloor so as to coax the other nanas onto the floor. Jovially flirts with every man over 18 and under 60 that isn't her blood relation. Asks Poe to marry her.
REY - Finishes at least three other people's dinners. Sings along very loudly to every song that the band AND the DJ plays. Can't dance at all but it doesn't stop her. Should probably check on Ben because she knows what he's like but decides that tonight he's his family's responsibility. Loses her entire shit when ABBA plays.
BEN - Zero craic, God help the poor craytur. Drinks brandy as an affectation and starts quoting James Joyce after four of them. Gets extremely mopey after brandy number six and ends up having a long heart to heart with his Grandda Ani. Cries then throws up. Auntie 'Soka gives him a joint to settle his tummy. Subsequently feels better and then knocks everyone's socks off singing 'Raglan Road'.
SHMII - Begs off the party at 10pm because she's 97 years old. Still makes sure that everybody takes their hangover down to breakfast the following morning for a Big Feed of rasher-sausage-and-pudding, and maybe hair of the dog if they're desperate.
#star wars crack#star wars humour#irish culture#tw: alcohol#tw: weed#star wars sequel trilogy#star wars prequels#hera syndulla#shmi skywalker#reylo#ben solo#han solo#leia organa#princess leia#luke skywalker#ahsoka tano#sabine wren#obi wan kenobi
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