I wish my ptsd made me seem shy and delicate and nervous instead of like

Editing to add that while it is comforting to have people tell me like "it's okay if you have an anxiety attack!" to explain they won't think it's a burden to have to comfort me or stop doing whatever. Except my anxiety attacks just look like me being the meanest bitch you've ever encountered, not shaking and crying meekly. Just wish more people understood that anxiety and trigger reactions can look like rage instead of sadness or fear.

I can respect the hater mentality

let's have a toast to the good life; suicide before you see this tear roll down my eyes.

Ngl, I always feel so weird at the thought of actually trying to date other dykes bc I'm disabled. Like...how many other dykes actually wanna date a dyke like me? I can't walk a lot, which is an issue for a lot of people, I'm chaotic as hell and yeah, I'm hot but I've also got a fuck-ton of scars [which scares people] and sex would have to be made accessible for me.

Like, I've got a lot of awesome friends who're dykes but I feel amazed I've even got that? I always feel surprised when people like me so the idea that anyone would wanna date me, especially in the context of me being disabled, is just...I feel like it's absurdly optimistic to think someone would want that with me. But then part of me is also like, isn't that just internalized ableism/insecurity? Or is that me being realistic? I don't know.

“I’m really sorry.” “So am I.”

things I want to be all the time: gracious, smiling, perfectly understanding, a little bit detached, all-knowing, all-seeing, everything to everybody

things I am not: any of those things because I am a real fucking human being

You Pull Away So Easily

It's been two months since Steve ended their two-year relationship with no explanation, and Eddie is trying to get better. It's hard when Steve won't stop showing up.

12k words | complete | E | angst with a happy ending

read on ao3

Me: I am normal. Everything and anything is fine. I don't need to be insane about something. Never again. Never. Ok. Just... no.

Sherlock and Irene:

Me, actually:

do any beautiful women want to enter my life so we can have an awkward cute romance where we figure ourselves and each other out and be lame together and experience a love we never got the chance to in adolescence. any ladies interested

Sorry for ranting but that post really resonated with me,thank you! it aways seemed so weird how everyone was ignoring these themes and focusing only on what they considered badass about the lore. When playing i could clearly see facets of the suffering that afflicts mainly women on each female character,like the old lady who mistakes you for her kid and gives you sedatives to make you forget,implies that "your fathers blood" is to blame when you atack her and remarks that "you were aways the brave one" when the player has no woes to share... it instantly reminded me of stories from older women about what life was like with abusive husbands and sedatives being prescribed freely due to their stress at home with no way out. Adellas negative levels of self esteem due to church brainwashing (that mirrors Adelines) and the presence of the female rivalry that is instilled in many of us,Ariannas entire questline and the questions it makes the player ask themselves in the end, and finally the doll and Marias whole THING,especially if seen through the lens of a lesbian or GNC woman! like how can people be so blind and not realize how womanhood is a core theme here?? I get disagreeing with individual analysis but to outright deny that there is something there is bonkers to me

okay but seriously, all of these insights are SO important!!! the women of bloodborne are so much more complex than people seem to give them credit for. the old woman and adella especially so clearly have biases. but what really gets me is how realistically those are portrayed: tools of the power structure they were born into which serve to separate and isolate each of them in their subjugation.

this got Insanely long… under the cut it goes!

i mean, seriously though. the women of oedon chapel are very different, each from a different marginalized background of their own. in addition to what you described, the old woman lives in central yharnam — which the church has essentially thrown to the dogs. arianna is a so-called “vileblood” who is forced to the margins of society because of that and her (presumed) identity as a sex worker. adella has been groomed within the church (a word which specifically implies a process beginning in childhood) to see herself as nothing but a worthless vessel for “lowly blood”. these women are all subjugated by the church in different ways, and in an ideal world, they would realize they have much more uniting them than they do separating them.

which is exactly why the church has invented scapegoats to prevent that from happening. the church tells the old woman that it isn’t them who has reduced her home to ruin and likely sent her son to die in the hunt; they tell her it’s foreigners and their tainted blood. the church tells adella it isn’t their fault of that she is treated worse than dirt and has no one to turn to when she is abducted and nearly murdered by a branch of the church itself no less; they tell her she deserves it, because she’s only worth how much she can be bled out for others. they tell her it’s the fault of “vileblood” taint turning the world mad, not their own poisoned healing and insane experiments. i mean seriously — the parallel between arianna’s (implied) “vile” blood and adella’s self-described “lowly” blood is not lost on me.

and arianna, who is wholly innocent yet painfully aware of how isolated she is in that chapel, is left to stumble into a sewer and left with nothing but madness and isolation and the wretched thing she birthed when she is raped by a god and forced to bear its child… and based on how we see the upper ward of the church positively crawling with the exact monsters that she was forced to birth, i’m willing to bet that this is exactly what the church wanted.

bloodborne illustrates how prejudice is ultimately used to subjugate and silence all but the upper echelons of the powerful; and how it is the most vulnerable in society who are left to suffer the worst of it, utterly alone and alienated from their would-be allies. it shows how a class of the oppressed can be so purposefully be driven apart, so their oppressors remain unchallenged. it shows how even those like adella who play a crucial role in their grasp on power are still treated like scum. their oppressors enable, orchestrate, and weaponize the pain these women suffer and force them to bear it all alone.

and as for maria & the doll — again, i COMPLETELY agree. lesbianism aside, maria is undeniably, fundamentally gender nonconforming, especially when compared to the other NPC women. the relationship between her and gerhman is something i plan to go more in depth on in a later post — but i will say that i actually see gerhman as more of a paternal/protective figure. that is to say: i think gerhman in the text represents the gender role of men as a protector of women taken to its natural conclusion; not as a role made for service or assistance, but rather for ownership of the woman under protection. he’s an incredibly tragic and twisted man. i want to poke him like bug under microscope etc.

i am so glad my post resonated with you!!! these are honestly the kinds of conversations i want to have with other fans — because they’re so damn INTERESTING to me to pick apart!!!

tl;dr: The Girls Should Unionize.

slightly disappointed - just slightly - that they didn't include fischl in the windblume event because she would fit the legend/fairytale category of the charade so much?!

can't find the emojis but formal, funeral, bad disguise, rad 90s!

👔 oc in what they would wear to a formal event (such as a wedding)

You Cannot pay her to wear a dress. Ever. But she may be persuaded to put on her tie.

☠ oc in what they would wear to a funeral

This is pretty much the same as his formal outfit but with zero chance of a teal shirt instead of purple

👻 oc in a really bad disguise

[sticks a fake mustache on a cat] this is not the shapeshifting vampire you are looking for

💃 oc in some radical 90’s clothes

This is. His usual clothes. He just always dresses like this.

I don't know what this is, but it's somehow correct:

That night he dreamed he was tied to a table in a derelict banquet hall, lying flat on his back amid scattered plates and rusting goblets. At the head of the table, elbows framing his head, sat Lya.

He watched her upside down through wary eyes. Askew on her head sat a heavy copper crown. She smiled at him and brushed the hair from his forehead with lingering fingers.

He smiled back at her. She picked up a golden spoon and traced its tip gently along his cheekbone, over the arch of his eyebrow. Then, still smiling, she placed it against his lower eyelid and dragged it down, wedging the blunt metal between the skin and his eyeball.

He struggled and begged and she spoke gentle, teasing words, slowly and methodically extracting his eyeball. She got it all in one piece, in the end, perfect and shining in the bowl of her spoon.

He could only watch with his remaining eye, paralyzed, as she lifted the spoon to her lips.

          He lets his shoulders drop ( a rare sight ) and takes a heaaavy sigh. 

ALL of my F/Os are trans. EVERY single one. EVEN the platonic and familial ones