#so who knows how dead of cancer i'll be
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Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME
#every single time i praise aomeone for turning a new leaf they fuck me over#my life is continuing getting worse and worse and worse and worse and i really don't know how much longer i want to deal with this shit#if things do not change soon I'm quitting I'll run away and i will never come back#i praise y sister for growing up she steals and then lies about it and i print with out a shadow of a doubt she did it wont admit it#coworker who bums job off onto me dose. one piece of work then fucked off and dowe nothing else all day then spreads rumors i lied about my#moms cancer#like i can pull up her obituary bitch#dad dose 1 nice thing then like let's me go to bed instead of doing all the dishes that accumulate while i was at work#then need day turns me back into a slave#is goin to marry his yandere bitch gf my mother has not been dead a year yet good for him#I'm done#i hate being alive i can't daydream about anything anymore except death#i used to be able to daydream ocs n stories that stopped years ago then it was day dreaming about a better life with my wife#that's hard to believe it'll ever happen in just trapped and my dad constantly discourages me getting independent or doin anything for mysel#no don't get a full time job don't move out you cam never do it no don't try to learn sewing again doing try dnd again doing make new friend#don't do anything to make like nice#I'm allowed Wednesday nights after the kids go to church and that's it and if it clashes with family aucks to be me#and i don't get to make. it up the next day like dad#i cant stand my life i hate it so much#i hate my family minus my four youngest siblings#i hate my job i hate waking up i hate feeling exhausted all the time#being alive is disappointment and work I'm tired of it#I'm tired#i dont want to do this anymore#i need something to change but I'm trapped nothing will change unless i do it#and i hate that I'll probably have to leave ao much behind
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Phantom Limb (Equidistant)
did we come close to having it all?
PAIRING: jeong jaehyun x you
GENRE: slice of life; the hows of us
TEASER WC: 848 words
SYNOPSIS: Between the distance of sorrys and goodbyes, where does 'us' lies?
RELEASE DATE: October 30, 2023
TAGLIST: open !! (you can send an ask or comment your usn)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: if you have questions, you can send an ask. and NO, I didn't re-write the whole movie and replaced Jaehyun's name. the teaser is just a teaser and the actual fic will have a lot more which will be different from the movie.
YOU WERE YOUNG.
''Hmm this is how it feels when you've finally bought something with your own money, huh, Jo?''
''Jo? Is that the name of your ex or side chick?''
''What.. No.'' Jaehyun chuckles. ''Jo in scottish means darling, sweetheart–.. beloved.''
''Pfft, fine. I like that. Jo..''
YOU DREAMED TOGETHER.
''When we're both finally stable and successful in life, wouldn't you be arrogant?''
''Arrogant? Why would I be?''
''Because your boyfriend is the world's most famous singer.''
His imaginations emit a hearty scoff from you. ''Then you're arrogant by then as well.''
''Uh-huh, and why is that?''
''Because your girlfriend, the president of your fansclub, is the doctor who found cures to cancers and rare diseases.''
''And I would be so proud of you when that happens.''
''Someday, love.''
''Someday, Jo.''
THERE WERE UPS.
''Happy birthday, the love of my life!''
''Thank you so much, baby! You didn't have to!''
''Uh-uh, I have to and I want to. You've been juggling studying and working at the same time and I know it has been hard. A great woman like my love only deserves the best of the bests.''
''You're such a sap. I love you, Jeong.''
''I love you, Jo. So much that it hurts.''
THERE WERE DOWNS.
''Jaehyun? Could you maybe wash the dishes before you go? I'm just really short of time.''
''I'm sorry, Jo, but I need to go. All the guys are there and you know how they go when practicing by themselves.''
''Oh.. I'll do the dishes. You take care, hmm?''
''Dude, are you tone-deaf? You're literally fucking out of tune.''
''What do you mean, bro? I think it sounds fine.''
''No, no, you're not fucking hitting the right note. You know what? Get out.''
''Jaehyun–''
''Get the fuck out of my house. What the fuck is happening to musicians nowadays? If they're not taking it seriously, they're fucking tone-deaf.''
''Love, maybe you should rest first.. ?''
YET YOUR LOVE WAS STRONGER.
''Girl, be honest with me. Are you still studying? Your life before used to be all about studying, studying, studying, and a sprinkle of Jaehyun. But now it's all Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun.''
''Rosé, come on. You know we're still waiting for Jaehyun's biggest break. After that, I can focus back on studying.''
''And if that break doesn't happen?''
''Don't be so negative!''
STORMS AFTER STORMS.
''Hello? Do you know anyone named Jeong Jaehyun?''
''Hi, yes. That's my boyfriend. May I ask why you're calling from his phone?''
''You might wanna pick him up, he's dead drunk, been here since last night and won't leave. I'll just text the address from his number, I guess.''
''A-alright, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience–''
''Oh, and you might want to bring extra cash with you. His 7k bill is not yet paid, not even a penny.''
''Rosé–''
''Where the fuck are you? You can't miss this exam!''
''I-I'm coming, I just.. Jaehyun– fuck, he's–''
''Fuck him! Just leave him alone! A few minutes left and we're gonna start. This is a bar exam, get that shit inside your head! Get your ass here if you don't want all your efforts to go to waste.''
''Rosé..''
''Please, you don't deserve this. Think about all those nights you stayed up to study. I'm sure Jaehyun will understand..''
''I.. Okay– okay, I'm coming.''
''I love you, best friend. Jaehyun will understand, okay?''
You cradle Jaehyun's face in your hands, brushing his hair out of his face as if your own isn't a mess along with the tears running. Jaehyun looks through the hazy film of his eyes, he sobs with you.
''I'm sorry, love. I'm so so sorry– God– I'm sorry. Just this one time, please? Just this once, I need to take this exam. I'll call Eunwoo to pick you up.''
Giving one last kiss on your lover's forehead, you quickly catch a taxi and close the door on Jaehyun's face. You bury your face in your hands as you stifle your sobs. Maybe you can stop worrying. Eunwoo will pick him up, he's Jaehyun's best friend.
AND YOU WONDER..
But as you turn your head, Jaehyun with his clothes wrinkled lays on the cold ground, in his own pool of vomit. As he meets your eyes, he starts reaching out to you. For you.
You're just a lover. One that has so much love for Jeong Jaehyun.
The tires screech as you plead stop to the taxi driver, giving him the last of your money before running towards your boyfriend who's grunting and murmuring.
Your heart hurts at the worst state you've ever seen Jaehyun. The ache only gets unbearable as you take him in your arms and carry all his weight. Your heart.. it's as if being squeezed a thousand times, getting pricked with thorns.
''Just leave him alone!'' Rosé's voice rings in your head.
''I'm sorry.. I can't.'' You whisper an apology. Not to anyone, no.
Because as you fix Jaehyun, clean Jaehyun, tuck him in bed– no one deserves an apology from you more than yourself.
IS IT ALL WORTH IT?
#nct#jung jaehyun#nct fanfic#jaehyun fanfic#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun angst#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun smut#nct scenarios#nct smut#nct imagines#jaehyun scenarios#prodbymaui
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CarolMaria/StevePeggy Parallels
Alright, I’m making this post because it's SO insane that CarolMaria can have so many parallels to a canon ship and still be considered just friends especially when there's so much more depth to them than most couples in the MCU like come on... they lived together, they raised a child together!! I don’t even care for StevePeggy but I cannot stop thinking about this and I refuse to let this information go unacknowledged. So, let’s get into it!
Met while training to serve the U.S.
Peggy was assigned to Colonel Phillips’ training base where she met Steve, while Carol and Maria met at the Air Force Academy where they were roommates. During these times, they all faced discrimination from some of their colleagues. This led each pair to find comfort and understanding in their partners which helped them establish a deep connection with one another.
Carol and Steve both risked their lives on a mission that resulted in them being presumed dead.
Steve crashed a plane into a field of ice to prevent Hydra from bombing the U.S. He stayed buried for 70 years, which prevented him from pursuing a relationship with Peggy.
While on a mission to save lives with Dr. Lawson, Carol crashed their jet into the ground following an attack from the Kree. In hopes of stopping them, she blew up the jet’s engine and absorbed the blast’s energy. Yon-Rogg took her to Hala where she spent 6 years away from her home. Carol eventually made her way back to Maria (YAYYY) but left soon after and didn’t come back for 30 years (BOOOO). Nonetheless, they still kept in contact, so a win is a win!
Both of these pairings worked together to save lives.
In the First Avenger, Steve and Peggy worked together to defeat Hydra, whereas in Captain Marvel, Carol and Maria worked together to defeat the Kree. Like yesss, we love a couple who kicks ass together!
Also, I think it’s important to note that in other universes, Peggy takes on the Captain America role and Maria takes on the Captain Marvel role. And best believe, I'm praying to god that Carol & Binary meet and fall in love or something! I'll take anything jUST LET ONE MARIA RAMBEAU LIVE!
Maria & Peggy both founded organizations related to the work of Carol & Steve.
Maria created S.W.O.R.D., an agency dedicated to protecting earth from both extraterrestrial and extra-dimensional threats. I like to think that Maria & Carol worked together on some of these threats and fed each other information and maybe even met up to discuss them amongst doing other things together… who knows!
Peggy helped found S.H.I.E.L.D., a governmental counter-terrorism and intelligence agency tasked with maintaining both national and global security.
Steve & Carol both keep a photograph of their loved one close by.
Steve & Carol both visit their dying loved one.
In the Winter Soldier, Steve visits Peggy in the nursing home. Peggy has aged and is suffering from Alzheimer’s, which will eventually take her life, in contrast to Steve who still looks young and is immune to disease.
In the Marvels, Carol visits Maria back at home. Maria has aged and is suffering from cancer, which will eventually take her life, in contrast to Carol who still looks young and is immune to disease.
Can we just take a moment to appreciate how good Maria looks. She’s 60 something, dying from cancer, and STILL managing to serve face! Black don’t crack fr!!!
Last but not least, the similar lyrics in their songs.
In Captain Marvel, Carol & Maria sing karaoke to "Kiss Me Deadly." The lyrics go as following:
In Endgame, Steve & Peggy dance to "It's Been a Long, Long Time." The lyrics go as following:
In conclusion, CAROL AND MARIA WERE LOVERS NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!!! And if Steve can get his happy ending with Peggy then Carol needs to get her happy ending with Maria! Also, Nia’s initial pitch for the Marvels involved time travel which makes me wonder if Carol was gonna pull a Steve and travel back in time to be with Maria. Plus, in the audio commentary for the Marvels, Nia said she liked their connection so….. I'll just end on that.
#carolmaria#danbeau#maria rambeau#carol danvers#captain marvel#the marvels#marvel cinematic universe#marvel#mcu
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hello how are you? I cane for 2 What if request 1 for Yandere hospital chairperson Xavier,what if reader got sick naturally like cancer,and the isolation just made it worst,how will he cope up with it,seeing reader in pain and crying because she have to shave her hair,and get depressed she loves her hair really and he knows it.
Yandere! Hospital Chairperson x Caretaker! Reader
WHAT IF: Darling got sick?
This one is gonna be short, we're going straight to the point!
Ah god, I forgot I don't know how to write angst.
"Leukemia?"
Your shaky voice slipped past your lips.
"You're saying I have Leukemia?"
It felt like the whole world crumbled under your feet, shooting you straight down to the abyss.
Everything felt heavy. Your head feels numb.
"I-I have so much to live for! I..." You tried to speak more, but your words failed you.
You felt like your body betrayed you one last time.
Your knees buckled, falling down to the floor as tears started to prickle your eyes.
Xavier, who was just beside you, also felt numb.
His beloved has Leukemia?
He looked at his friend who nodded. "I'll go."
With a silent click, the doctor left the mansion. Only leaving the cold, empty mansion to be filled by your loud sobs.
Xavier didn't know what to do at all.
He did everything to protect you from sicknesses of the outside world, but who knew it would be your own body to betray you?
Days passed, and you didn't stop crying at all.
Every time Xavier tries to approach you, you would throw the nearest object to him.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" You screamed, your voice raw and rough. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!"
It's not his fault, but it felt like the whole world was challenging him, taunting him, hurting him for loving you.
With the chemo lab finished being constructed in his home, he knew it was the start of a long and arduous journey to heal.
He heard your muffled sobs from the bathroom and the electric buzz of the shaver.
He could imagine your beautiful locks that you took pride in, slowly fall down from your body as you wept in anguish and despair.
Xavier looked at the men, the best doctors in the world that he could hire. They bit their tongue, knowing that if they failed...
This man in front of them, eyes desperate with your happiness and health, will do everything for you.
Xavier mechanically looked down at the ipad he's holding.
It's all the doctors' families. All of them being monitored.
And all of them will be dead if you die.
Xavier.
A man who was supposed to help heal people,
was willing to kill,
For you.
And he will bring down the world to your feet in order for you to be healed.
#yandere boyfriend#yandere imagines#yandere male#yandere writing#male yandere x reader#tw yandere#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere fic#yandere drabbles#lizzaneiaelizalde
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My ears are ringing, Bob is tilting my face up, looking me in the eye, his lips are moving like he's an angel sent by god, surrounded in haze and sweat, his beautiful perfect part doubled the same as his eyes. I am not a proper prophet. My face is slack, putty in the big moosie's bruised knuckle hands.
He'd signed up to fight me. The others, they've been avoiding it nowadays. They look at me with respect I don't think I've earned and fear I think I have. That kid, that angel faced baby, no one has seen him since I broke the third rule of fight club. It is my proximity to Tyler that protects me from retaliation, I think. Even though I've not seen him in weeks.
Bob is probably the only member of fight club who thinks I don't have balls.
Bob struggled with the sixth rule for a while. The first time I saw him in that basement, switched on over to his perfect heyday of a Tuesday, the first time I saw his tits swinging around you would have thought I saw god. There was the man who cradled me to sleep the past few years. There was the man who cracked open the miserable remains of his life to let me in, right into his large, loving chest.
I'm not sure, actually, if Bob thinks I don't have balls, or if he thinks I've accepted the cancer and chose to let them kill me. The way he looks at me sometimes, like I'm something admirable, like I'm a dead man walking. I wonder if we've become the same to each other. Does he see me how I see him?
Bob, the big moosie, the big cheesebread, he corners me after club sometimes. It's not so much that I let him as that with Tyler gone, no one is tugging me out. These guys, they think every move is purposeful. I'm just some plastic waste caught in the wind. Drifting. I've been left to run all this on my own, I know Tyler's out franchising, it boils something bad in me. And Bob is here, Bob's arms have always let me rest.
Bob, Bob, Bob. He's finally stopped trying to push his testosterone too hard. He says, he's seeking balance. He looks to me and I have nothing. He's not getting his tits cut open. He doesn't want to lose range of motion, he says, doesn't want to risk losing fight club.
He says, "I don't know what your name is. Not anymore. But, Cornelius, Tyler, you gave me something to wake up for. I think about the heat of the stage, now I can go to the dank hell of the basement. I think about my wife, I think about you. I think about how my perfect dehydrated shrink wrapped body wouldn't've been able to beat you to shit fifteen minutes ago."
We are out on the steps of the bar, his voice is still coming in discordant with my ears a half dimension to the left.
I lean into him. I let him tuck my face between his tits, bare, warm and sweaty. I shudder and cry. I cry what's left of my brain out, and Bob holds me like I'm crystal, like I'm an antique glass penguin from the world's most prestigious menagerie. Like if he squeezes my skull too hard, it'll pop open like a zit, crack like an egg from an eagle pumped with DDT. I'm over easy. Sunny side up, he turns my face back to his and lets his tears fall into mine.
"God, you're crazy," Bob says, voice warbling, like it's some realization he's been slowly coming to, something he's not wanted to face, but now he has and he can get over it. "You're like, fifteen different cats in one tiny bag. You're not doing well at all."
I tell Bob, I'm sorry I don't have testicular cancer.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Bob Paulson. I'm sorry I used your misery and sympathy to sleep like a baby. Like one of those little commercial angels.
Bob's eyes are small in his face, wet, crushed up by his cheeks and brows. His thumbs wipe the wrinkles from mine until I'm soft, inert like uncooked porcelain. If he wants me to be, I'll be it. I tell him that. Bob, if you want it, I'll chop my balls off. It would be fair. Fair like us strewn out on the basement floor.
"I already knew," Bob says. "That's why I knocked your head in tonight. It's okay."
It's not, I say.
Bob says, "It is. I told you, at some point, I started noticing. Maybe it was my fault I didn't notice before. You were miserable enough that I couldn't tell, though, and I think that makes the difference."
We cry on each other some more. We're sitting, I'm in his lap, but I push up to cry over his shoulder. It's different. I let myself clutch at his greased hair. Bob, I tell him. Tyler left me, he brought me all the way here and he left me, but I think he's still around. I miss him. He treats me like dogshit, and I miss him.
Maybe it's because Bob's big, warm hand is holding, cradling me in my own head.
He says, "I think I know things about you that you don't like. I don't think you've ever knowingly spoken as much as you have just now, huh."
I'd love to say no. I do presentations at work. I tell single-serving friends on airplanes what I do. I read out the rules of fight club on nights I'm there and Tyler's not. I'd love to say no.
I'm not lying to Bob anymore, though. So I introduce myself, instead, and he says, "Okay." He says, "Okay. Let me bring you home."
#fight club#my writing#wow... bob x the narrator?#perhaps#ficlet about bob realizing some things ahead of everyone else#oh theyre so wet and gross#kind of obsessed with this#this is a new blog if you were following me before you may not be now just fyi
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Don't be scared - Chapter 1
This is the first chapter - Next
A Pennywise X F!Reader fanfic 'cause I need to get these ideas out of my head before they eat me up. I'll post this thing on AO3 when I'm not so lazy to create an account. If I go ahead with it, it'll be NSFW, sexually disturbing, gory, violent, reader is an autistic drepressed suicidal girl… In short, skip it if you're a sensitive soul. For the rest of you, enjoy (I hope).
(Note: It was translated by Deepl, English is not my mother tongue, so I apologise for any mistakes. If you want to correct me, don't hesitate!)
(Note 2: The image is by @fandomscreenshots but you should already know that because what she does is amazing)
You've always lived in Derry, Maine. Well, actually you were born in Derry, went to school in Derry and, like any good citizen, you now work in Derry. You don't like it, you never have, and you know that no matter what you do, you'll never like it.
Firstly, because no matter how hard you try since childhood, you just can't seem to make any friends. Worse, people seem to have agreed to shut you out and hate you. At best, they ignore you, at worst… well, let's just say there are certain people you've learned to avoid at all costs, so you don't have to spend the evening licking your wounds…
Secondly, because there's something unhealthy about the general atmosphere of this town, as if it were being devoured by a cancer that affected not only the surrounding greenery, but also the buildings and even the people. A cancer that could be called suffering, melancholy or despair. And although no one knows where these feelings come from, everyone seems to accept them as an inevitable burden.
Tonight, like most evenings, you're working at the Canal Rouge, a rather quiet bar where people can drink and listen to local artists perform on a small stage. You're a waitress, and it's not the most pleasant of jobs, especially when you're a woman. Fortunately, your boss is a woman too, and she's very strict about the respect customers show her staff, so things could be a lot worse.
But tonight, you're in a particularly bad mood. Fatigue has always been a difficult thing for you to deal with, and lately your nights have been… tormented. You've been having a dream, always the same with little difference, on and off for over a week. It's a hazy, dark, incoherent dream that's hard to remember. What you remember most is anguish, fear… and an unbearable feeling of being watched by something dangerous, making you feel like prey waiting to be devoured. When your therapist asked you to describe this dream, even with random words, you said 'fear', 'red' and… 'clown'. You laughed after saying that last word, a nervous, uncontrolled laugh, like a continuation of the one you always hear in this dream before waking up.
But tonight, the worst is yet to come, because you have to serve Jenny's gang as consumers, young people your own age who, like you, are stuck in Derry and like to pass the time by annoying other people. Especially you, since you met them in kindergarten. You know you won't be able to get home safely tonight…
And your fears are confirmed as you finish your shift. As you emerge into the alley to which the service door leads, you see them laughing at the end of it, looking in your direction. This is the way home. You quickly think of another option, but you know that even if you take a longer route, they'll be able to corner you sooner or later, and that's what they'll do. Unless… you go through the forest…
You don't hesitate, knowing that your pursuers won't follow. Their parents have given them the same instructions as you: never go into the forest at night. Ever. Your father had made it clear that he meant business by emphasizing his order with the back of his hand. But tonight, you're a grown-up, and between your dead father's old superstitions and Jenny and her gang's guaranteed beating, the choice was quickly made.
You head into the forest, at first more worried about your pursuers who, as expected, quickly abandon their target. Then you decide to turn on the torch on your phone, as it quickly becomes very dark between the tightly packed trees in the middle of the night. You recognize the path you're on and follow it to the ancient oak tree where you used to climb as a child to escape the bullies. But even this place, reassuring by day, gives off a menacing aura by night…
All is quiet, too quiet for a forest where animals should be going about their nocturnal lives. You get the impression that a kind of fog is floating around, light but unnatural, and as you look at the thick branches of the oak tree, you get a strange feeling… Like a memory from another life… Like a dream…
Suddenly, there's a sound. A sound you know well, having heard it every night for over a week. A laugh. A clown's laugh… You turn in all directions, shining your phone in every nook and cranny around the oak. And just as you realize that there's nothing there, that maybe it's your imagination playing tricks on you, the laughter starts up again. You jump back against the tree, light pointed ahead, anticipating the appearance of someone, something… The laughter becomes more distinct, closer… But it's not coming from in front of you, nor from the sides… It comes… from above?
With a quick gesture, you point the light towards the branches of the oak tree and there, hidden in the shadows of the leaves, you see it: a clown. No, THE clown. The one who has haunted your dreams, distressed your nights, devoured your sanity. This present moment has repeated itself endlessly in your nightmare and now it's all happening for real, clear as day and just as terrifying.
With a muffled scream, you drop your phone, the lamp face down and your legs buckling beneath you. The little light that escapes from beneath your phone only faintly illuminates the bottom of the tree, but you know IT's there.
And it's not long before he leaps down from the tree. You can only make out a silhouette in the darkness, and as you hear him coming closer, you try to remember the end of the dream. It's all a blur, and all that comes back is a vague memory of a hunt in which you are the prey… Back on the grassy ground, you pull yourself back as best you can with your hands, never taking your eyes off the presence. Is this how you're going to die?
He moves slowly closer, slipping into the shadows. You can make out that he's leaning forward, then addressing you in a childlike voice.
"Hiya Y/N! I'm Pennywise, the dancing clown!"
He suddenly picks up your phone from the floor, pulling it up slowly, light downwards, gradually revealing his appearance as he continues.
"I've been looking forward to meeting you, you know? Don't be scared, I'm not going to kill you…"
As he utters these words, light finally shines on his face, reflected in his abnormally large and sharp teeth, piercing yellow eyes focused on you, and horror fills you.
"… yet."
The instinct to survive gives you new energy. You leap to your feet and flee the way you came, briefly illuminated by your phone in the clown's hands. You run at full speed, ignoring the noises behind you that make you think he's chasing you. If you've got a chance of getting away, you're going to take it. In fact, the forest exit isn't far off. One last push! You close your eyes and accelerate again… when hands often clutch your collar, brutally stopping your momentum.
"There you are, you bastard!"
"I told you she'd come back! She's such a pussy!"
"No way out now, you bitch!"
Jenny and her gang… It was Tim, the big muscular guy who caught you. They were waiting for you just outside the forest…
"Why are you running so fast? Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?"
They burst out laughing, but the sound reaches you distorted. The adrenalin from your run is wearing off too slowly and you can still hear your heart pounding in your eardrums. You struggle on, your brain unable to make sense of what has just happened. Suddenly, you hear a foul noise. A kind of hoarse, inhuman growl, coming out of the depths of the woods like an echo to their pitiful mocking laughter. You feel Tim's hands trembling with uncontrollable fear on your collar and watch their faces disintegrate before your eyes. Tim lets go and they all flee in a single scream of terror, leaving you behind.
You turn around, your body still tired from your frantic run, and you quickly understand what made them flee: golden eyes, shining menacingly in the darkness, perched on a huge, muscular, fur-covered figure, its multiple sharp teeth accentuating the evil growl rolling down its throat. A werewolf.
You barely have time to realize that it's the clown from earlier before he disappears between the trees with a hoot that sends shivers down your spine. Just as you regain your strength to flee, something falls near you. You examine it carefully: it's your phone, and as you turn the screen towards you, you see a message written in a torn red font:
DON'T BE SCARED
You don't wait any longer and run towards town without looking back.
#it 2017#pennywise#pennywise x reader#pennywise x you#pennywise fanfiction#it#horror#damn i'm so scared of posting this why#anxiety my old friend
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-> Music Monday
It's Monday, so you know what that means...more songs!!
I made this post the other day going over the details of how this tag works, as well as linking the playlists and docs! Don't worry if a song you wanted to submit is already there, because adding your own thoughts and interpretations is a completely valid way to contribute!
Today, I have four soundtrack songs, as well as one Tarlos song and one Jace song.
How Did You Love - Shinedown
This song is very important to me, being one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. Lone Star and OG both have incredible music taste, what can I say? It's a very Owen coded song to me.
"What is the legacy that you're going to leave behind? It's a song that is a lot about reflection and understanding that it's better to give love than to spread hate." - Shinedown
In the video that I linked above the band explains that the meaning of this song is about accepting that one day, your time will be up, and that it's important to focus on what we leave behind when we're gone. That is Owen to me. He is someone who is learning to accept his mortality and put all of his efforts into being a good father, and a good captain. In 1x02, the episode this song is from, he is still coming to terms with his cancer and what that is going to mean for him going forward. He has to learn to accept the things he can't control, and focus on the things that matter most.
"No one gets out alive. Every day is do or die. The one thing you leave behind is how did you love? How did you love?"
Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Another god tier song from 1x02. This song reminds me a lot of Owen, Gwyn and TK. It's an anthem for the way they love him. The lyrics “don't forget son, there is someone up above” make me think of how Gwyn is watching over him even after she's gone.
Also, Shinedown did a cover of this song that blows the original out of the water. Just so you know.
Breathe - Fleurie
The lyrics “when will we finally breathe” are on my blog title for a reason. This song reminds me of Push, and One Day (the episode the song is from) which is my second favorite episode in the whole show!
There's a feeling I get when listening to this song that is similar to the way I feel when I watch these episodes, like something is building up until suddenly all of the emotion comes pouring out and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Amen - Amber Run
Such a good song for 3x08! It's the perfect song for TK and Gwyn and the lyrics definitely speak to his struggles with addiction, as well as the way he's feeling after she dies.
"Oh, is there a heaven? You'd know now you've been"
"Are those real stars that hang in the sky?
Or are they man-made, a trick of the light?"
"Cause the devil is raging inside my mind
And is there a moment when it all makes sense?
When saying goodbye doesn't feel like the end?"
"Sometimes I'd rather be dead, at least then I'm with you, amen"
Now that I've gotten the soundtrack songs out of the way, I'm going to share my other two songs!
If It Keeps You Up At Night - The Swoons
I've seen the world on top of your shoulders
You lift me up 'cause you know I'm smaller
When this life's a concert I can't see
When I'm black and blue you paint me brighter
And raise me up just like a lighter
Even through the darkest symphony
And if it keeps you up at night
I'll stay up and learn the words to all the songs that you like
So if your eyes are open wide
I can sing you something sweeter than that devil in your mind
And if it still keeps you up at night
I won't hold it against you
I'll just hold, hold you tight
This song is perfect for Tarlos. It's about them loving each other even through the hard times. The lyrics in the chorus specifically are what I think they are feeling when they watch each other struggle with grief, addiction, and everything else. The first scene it reminds me of is the dining table scene in 3x13, but it could apply to many other scenes too.
Are You Still Waiting For Me? - Vian Izak
Traveling this road alone
Made my heart heavy like a stone
But when I think of you, I feel hope
Are you still waiting for me, love?
I fall so many times, oh no
But standing up makes me strong
I need you in my life, you're the one
Are you still waiting for me, love?
This is the song that reminds me of early Jace. When Judd finally sees Grace again when Tommy is in labor and he's uncertain of whether or not she still wants to be with him. He's wondering if she's still waiting for him.
No pressure tagging: @strandnreyes @nancys-braids @carlos-in-glasses @goodways @lemonlyman-dotcom
@carlos-tk @literateowl @eclectic-sassycoweyes @herefortarlos @thisbuildinghasfeelings
@freneticfloetry @bonheur-cafe @captain-gillian @heartstringsduet @welcometololaland
#fighting the urge to not share all of my songs at once#911ls music mondays#music monday#har rambles#music tag#911 lone star
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the biggest thing about elegy is that it takes all of that unspoken isolation of this arc, and it slowly lets the audience in. the first thing that mulder says about the apparitions, is that they seem to be an "omen." an impending prophecy. and carefully, throughout the episode, both the audience and scully are waiting to see, not who the killer is, but what is being foretold. when they're going over records, and scully's nose starts bleeding, it's the one thing that they can't ignore. she wasn't even there in the previous episode. she was in the hospital. alone. they don't talk about it. she's "fine." she has "always been the strong one." just like in irresistible, years earlier, she does not want him to know how much she is struggling. but she doesn't have any control. it is dripping out of her. the sound of his voice when he says "oh, scully." and how quickly she responds "it's okay. i'm fine."
it's that kind of childlike grimace in him, the same man who flinches away from dead bodies and stares at the ground before his father. and she's so fast to try to restore order. it's okay. i'm fine. don't worry, i'll clean it up. i'll make it go away. when she disappears into the bathroom and sees an apparition there herself...i think she decides to go to the hospital because she just needs space, honestly. she's scared. he offers to drive her, to go with her, twice. asks, "you sure?" and she says, twice, "i'm fine."
elegy builds to two separate climaxes: the first, when mulder comes to scully's apartment. but before that, we see scully in karen kosseff's office, the same therapist that she had gone to in irresistible, and presumably has kept a relationship with in the years since. she tells karen that she's been diagnosed with inoperable untreatable cancer, and when karen asks, "you've kept working?" she answers, "yes. it's been important to me."
she's taken aback when karen asks why, is surprised at the question, and tells her "agent mulder has been concerned. he's been supportive, through this time."
KOSSEFF: Do you feel that you owe it to him to continue working?
SCULLY: (quickly) No. (pauses) I guess I never realized how much I rely on him before this...his passion...he's been a great source of strength that I've drawn on.
KOSSEFF: What happened last night, Dana?
SCULLY: I saw something. I, I don't know what to trust. If I saw it because of the stress, because the image had been suggested to me or if it was a suggestion of my own fears.
KOSSEFF: Your fear of failing him?
SCULLY: (exhales emotionally) Maybe.
this is such a rare admission from scully. first of all, she's being confronted. this is not normal. it is not normal to work to your death. it's like bill tells her, a couple of episodes later, "what are you doing at work, getting knocked down, beaten up? what are you trying to prove?"
(she hadn't even told bill about her cancer. she'd been sick for months. she thought she was going to die in memento mori, she knows she's going to die sooner than later. and she instructed her mom not to tell her brother. from the moment that mulder said "i refuse to believe that," it really was only going to go one way.)
she's being confronted. why are you working? (for mulder). do you feel you owe him? (no, i need him).
she's really alone. she's sick. like, she's really sick. she spent the last case in the hospital. she's having a hard time keeping up. she's thinning, and bleeding, and struggling. but there she goes, every day, at every hour. monster chasing. telling him she's fine.
(so much conflict comes from the way that mulder's ignorance perfectly enables scully's repression)
when he shows up, late, at her apartment, he comes in a mile-a-minute, about how he needs her "help" on the case, before asking her what her doctor said. (her answer, of course, being, "i'm fine.")
he tells her that everyone who has seen an apparition, was dying. every person who reported a premonition, was near death themselves.
SCULLY: Harold Spuller is dying too?
MULDER: Well, that's what I need your medical opinion on.
SCULLY: Well, what if he isn't?
MULDER: I would be very surprised. What is a death omen if not a vision of our own mortality? And who among us would most likely be able to see the dead?
this is one of the most hauntingly isolating moments of the series...he has just told her that she is going to die. and he doesn't know, that that's what he said. she is forced to process it, completely by herself. and she doesn't believe in ghosts, or "premonitions," but she knows that he is right. (when is he not?)
("maybe harold is sicker than we thought he was.")
the second moment that this episode builds to, is the final confrontation between mulder and scully. after the murder is solved. after harold dies.
SCULLY: I saw something, Mulder.
MULDER: What?
SCULLY: The fourth victim. I saw her in the bathroom before you came to tell me.
MULDER: Why didn't you tell me?
SCULLY: Because I didn't want to believe it. Because I don't want to believe it.
MULDER: Is that why you came down here, to prove that it wasn't true?
SCULLY: No, I came down here because you asked me to.
MULDER: Why can't you be honest with me?
SCULLY: (defensively) What do you want me to say? That you're right, that, that I believe it even if I don't? I mean, is that what you want?
MULDER: Is that what you think I want to hear?
SCULLY: (softly) No.
they come really...close here? to talking about it? she almost baits him several times this season. she spends so much of this arc thinking...maybe, this will be it. maybe if she fucks off on assignment, gets a tattoo with another man, he'll say it. maybe if she calls him out for never celebrating her birthday, he'll acknowledge why this is the year he did. maybe if they spend a friday night with a bottle of wine, they'll talk. maybe if she tells him, those things you believe are death omens? i saw it. he'll know.
i can't remember which one of you said that all of their arguments are just how to love each other. she doesn't want to believe. but she's there, because he has asked her to be. even in all of their repressed denial, there is no escaping what's happening. it hangs over both of them.
i love the moments in this arc where she just snaps. in this scene when she says, what do you want from me? do you want me to just believe you? and her quiet resignation, when he makes her answer her own question. no. she knows that's not what he wants.
MULDER: (his voice softens) I know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid of the same thing.
SCULLY: The doctor said I was fine.
MULDER: I hope that's the truth.
SCULLY: (whispers) I'm going home.
"i know what you're afraid of. i'm afraid of the same thing."
except, no, he doesn't. and no, they are not.
but she knows what he's afraid of, just as her therapist had known what she's afraid of ("your fear of failing him?") and so she dodges his admittance with reassurance. she's fine.
that last scene, when she goes out and cries in her car, and she sees harold's ghost in the backseat. she is so alone. she's working on her deathbed. they don't talk about it. she's afraid, and she's not fine, and she is going to "fail" him because she cannot keep herself alive for him, and she can't avoid it. it's in the backseat. it's in the bathroom mirror. it's bleeding out of her.
#here trish#txf.txt#elegy#DANA LOOK OUT!!! YOUR ELEGIES ARE EULOGIZING YOU!!!!!!!!!!#i was saying last night how much i love ‘gethsemane’ as an episode title#and i think that may be my favorite one#but i love ‘elegy’ a lot too#‘a lament for the dead’#this whole episode is sorrow for the dead and dying#how we cannot catch up to them#and our dying girl at the center. seeing the omens. knowing what’s coming. crying alone in her car.#this show was always so so so resonant and impactful when it came to themes of grief and loss#anyway. there is no beyond the sea etc etc#also i noticed last night that scully mentions how long they've been together a lot during this arc#'in the four years i've known you' in tempus fugit#'i would think after four years' in elegy#'everything that we've done over the past four years' in reduxii#she's taking stock
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aaa i finally finished my milgram oc!
Asagiri Fuyuki | 013
"UNDER, How long will we live like this?
I'm going blind, I can't go on"
{ Info dump below! }
→ Profile
Name: Asagiri (朝霧) Fuyuki (冬希)
[朝] morning, dawn
[霧] fog, mist
[冬] winter
[希] rare, hope, beg . . .
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Birthday: July 24 (Cancer)
Height: 165 cm (5'5)
Bloodtype: AB
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Color: Apple Green (#a0c65c)
(Possible) Cover Songs: (Not) A Devil, Ghost Rule, Theory of Negativity (I switched out Parasite for Theory of Negativity since I think it fits better)
-------------------------------------------------------------
-> T1 Voice Trailer
Hello! My name is Asagiri Fuyuki. I'm 15 years-old and in high school. I'll be in your care!
You're the same age as me, how are you even . . . Ah! I wasn't - I mean if you're the warden, then that means you're the right one for the job!
INNOCENT and GUILTY huh . . . well as long as I cooperate, things will be fine right?
. . .
This is tⓗe oNly ch𝕆icE I ⓗavE...
-> Interrogation
Q: Family?
"Just me, my mother, and my father."
Q: Is there something you regret?
"I have a lot of them."
Q: Hobby?
"Growing plants, it's relaxing. Other than that, I like talking to the other prisoners and I've recently got into drawing."
Q. What do you not like?
"Spicy food, heat, clingy people."
What's your type?
"I never thought about it, but maybe someone I feel comfortable with?"
Can you forgive the other prisoners' murders?
"But that's your job Guard-san!"
What is a friend?
"Someone who you understand and understands you."
Is there someone you can confide in?
"No. I don't feel good about doing that to someone anyways"
Any complaints about being imprisoned?
"Well this is a prison and some prisoners are a bit hard to get along with, but it's better than what I expected!"
What is the definition of happiness?
"Being satisfied in life."
What do you think happens when people die?
"I don't think there's any use in thinking about that, it's not like we'd know."
Is there anything you treasure?
"Nothing really."
Is it unforgivable to look down on people?
"Isn't it natural? But you should never act upon it."
Do you have apologetic feelings for who you killed?
"It's too late."
-> His Victim
His former friend and classmate, Miori.
-> Notes + Extras
His flower are white lilies, which symbolizes rebirth, purity, hope and grief. White lilies can be used as "sympathy flowers", they are good to give to those in mourning. Alternatively, they can also represent commitment and be used in weddings.
He's likes talking and being around people, although he is very socially awkward.
Fuyuki really likes outdoor activities, especially gardening. Rumours say that he's so good at gardening, he can resurrect dead plants.
That being said, he really doesn't like being confined in MILGRAM. But hey at least there are people he can talk to!
Fuyuki will probably get a GUILTY verdict in T1. I imagine his mv would portray him in a sympathetic light, but I think people will notice there's something more than what he shows us. I haven't thought about his T2 verdict.
His color is green because if it's not obvious, i like green and i want more green prisoners.
That's all for now, thank you for reading if you've come this far!!
#HE'S DONE AAAAAAA#um... you can ask me about him hehe#i would be very happy to talk more about him!#milgram#milgram project#milgram oc#ocgram#oc#original character#my stuff#digital art#evegram#oc: fuyuki asagiri#<- making a tag for him bc just can feel the ideas coming#green's gallery
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when will you delete your account
Yeah!
Six-up, five-oh, pigs come, I cop 'n' go
The blotter shows they got me on the rocks like Galapagos
Good luck finding critters creepy as me
They shoulda fried me, I'll give ya PTSD
Vodka shots droppin' down the throat that they been stompin' on
Cockin' guns, lockin' up, the quotas all for shock 'n' awe
Drivin's tirin', and I been hotwirin'
To make my get away from the jailbreak riot and
Cellmates scrapin' upon the bricks in the basement
Tryin' to escape this probation generation
Too late, crazy fucker's gotta do the time
Committed to the mental ward, committing all the crimes
I'm alive and kickin' 'til the split ends fray
Maybe plead insane, guilty, but I'm not to blame
I'm a slave to the main vein, sprayin' on the mainframe
Suffering the infrastructure, hoping I can maintain
Oh, how I know, how I go, how I go
Ask me a question, the answer I know
Yes or no options don't weigh out, and so
I don't ever see the cons and the pros
You bear a striking resemblance
(Some kind of semblance of somethin' I been rememberin')
You appear familiar, dear
(You look just like my bathroom mirror)
Please, policeman, no heel-to-toe
Oh please, let me go
Please, policeman, is it a test?
I won't know 'til I'm under arrest
The drunk-tank's blood red, junkie's gonna relapse
Some think punk's dead, me, I don't believe that
Rock 'n' roll gatherin' the moss 'til I be that
Lichen-coated boulder, make you slip, bust your kneecap
Open on the Amazon, hide the cure for cancer
I'm Lance Armstrong, you're the necromancer
Slash 'n' burn, crash into the 42nd answer
All my fellow skeletons adore the army ants here
Flies on my eyeballs, scabs on my elbows
Heaven knows God's sittin' up there like, "Hell no!"
Only one thing comes to those who wait
It's never too late to embrace your fate
May death come swiftly and gently to you
Mayhem, cry mayday, and oncoming doom
Save your convictions, they never will do
What you say's at least one six-billionth true!
You bear a striking resemblance
(Some kind of semblance of somethin' I been rememberin')
You appear familiar, dear
(You look just like my bathroom mirror)
Please, policeman, no heel-to-toe
Oh please, let me go
Please, policeman, is it a test?
I won't know 'til I'm under arrest
Am I being detained?
Am I under arrest? (Yes, you are!)
Read me my rights, please (No!)
I want my phone call!
Please policeman, no heel-to-toe
Oh please, let me go
Please policeman, is it a test?
I won't know 'til I'm (ratatatatatatata!)
Please, policeman, no heel-to-toe
Oh please, let me go
Please, policeman, is it a test?
I won't know 'til I'm under arrest
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inspired by & drawn from a conversation with @accio-ricciardo. truly some incredible minds doing galex scholarship rn! we are blessed
"No, right, I get it," Alex says. "The Queen was..." There is a small pause while he considers exactly how far he's willing to compromise his principles in order to get his dick wet. Quite far, as it turns out. "The Queen was an incredible woman, and a very, um, long-standing pillar of the... international community." Certainly one way of putting it. "It's just, and I don't want to underplay her accomplishments here, but I'm not quite sure why that means we can't have sex?"
George lifts his head, and oh god his eyes are teary. Alex loves seeing George cry, but like: in a sex context. Not because he's having feelings about the fucking monarchy. "Seventy years, Alex," George says. His voice is hoarse. "Seventy years of service."
"Yes," Alex says. "That is... many years."
"Seventy years of self-sacrifice. Of putting her country first." George draws in a long, shuddering breath, and there it is, he's properly tearing up now. "This is the end of an era."
Alex steps forward and wraps his arms around George, because he's a good boyfriend who wants to comfort his partner in his time of emotional need. George turns his face into Alex's neck and they stand there for a moment, Alex holding him while he snuffles wetly.
Then George pulls back, disbelief writ large on his beautiful tear-stained face. "Mate, are you hard right now?"
"Um." Alex tries to look innocent. "Yes? But don't worry about it? Unless you want to worry about it." He discreetly adjusts his dick. "And actually, you know, thinking more, maybe this is a great opportunity to celebrate life. And the, the beautiful... circle... that is life. In a way, having sex now would be a celebration of Queen Elizabeth's reign." Alex is talking total shit, of course, but really it's George's fault, for looking like that and liking Alex's dick so much and generally making Alex insane.
George shakes his head. His expression is dispiritingly resolute. "No, Alex. I'm sorry, but it feels disrespectful. I think we need to observe the national period of mourning, and then we can." He clears his throat. "We can... resume, after the funeral."
"Ok, right, hang on, let me just—" Alex takes out his phone and does a quick search. "September 19th? Georgie, my dick will fall off. I'll shrivel into a husk. Do you want to be responsible for the total collapse of Williams's points-scoring hopes?"
"Alex." George sounds almost pitying. "It's not even two weeks. We've gone much longer than that without having sex."
"Yeah, but not when we're in the same place." Alex palms himself. He doesn't want to sound desperate, but he can't not have sex with George for ten days, that's absurd. "Look, how about—ok. What if I just jerk off on your tits?"
"No," George says firmly. "We'll wait until after the funeral."
"Can I jerk off while I lie next to you and you have your eyes closed?"
"Alex! We're in mourning."
Alex shuts his own eyes. For a moment, he finds himself genuinely considering meeting George where he lives and making a "why we should have sex even though the Queen is dead, and also, here's why colonialism is bad actually" PowerPoint.
@grievewatch on twitter is doing a stellar job of noting other things that are disrespectful While We Mourn. the list includes guinea pigs, food banks, and cancer surgery. love 2 live in a sane country!!!
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The Salem Song
Salem: Oh, Zwei~! I heard there's a song about me, and I want to hear it!
Zwei: Are... Are you sure?
Salem: Zwei, put the song on!
Zwei: It's... It's not very nice.
Salem: Zwei, put it on!
Zwei: Alright. (Presses scroll)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Music plays to the musical tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're a mean one, Ms. Salem~.
Salem: That's me~.
You're a fugly piece of shit~!
Salem: What?
You bring bendy straws to bathrooms 'cause you like the taste of piss, Ms. Saleeeeem~!
Salem: No. No, I- No, I don't.
I wouldn't suck your tits if they were dipped in honey and could cure cancer.
Salem: Monty Oum! Who wrote this?! Who wrote this song, Zwei?!
ALSO YOU HAVE NO TIIIIIITS~!
Salem: Zwei, stop the song.
Zwei: I can't.
Salem: What do you mean you can't?
Zwei: It's broken.
Salem: What's broken?!
Zwei: I dunno, it's jammed.
Salem: What do you- Fine! Can you at least turn it down?
Zwei: I can't. I... I'm a dog.
Salem: ZWEI!
You're a dipshit, Ms. Salem~.
Salem: (Sighs) Okay?
Even babies want you dead~!
Salem: ...Wow.
You've never bring home a man 'cause you're scared you'll wet the bed, Ms. Saleeeeeeem~!
Salem: I wish they weren't so good at rhyming.
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:
BITCH!
Salem: I'm not.
DUMPSTER!
BITCH!
Salem: No, no, no, this is not how it goes! Like, I knew they changed it, but I thought it would be like a key change, or maybe a guitar solo! But this is... This is just degrading. This hurts.
Zwei: It's pretty detailed, yeah.
Salem: What happened to the Beowolf part? I actually liked that part! It was kinda funny!
Zwei: It was a Beringel.
Salem: No, it was a Beowolf!
Zwei: It was a Beringel.
Salem: Was it a Beringel?
Zwei: Yeah, "Two Left Foot Beringel".
Salem: Oh.
You're poor, Ms. Salem~!
Salem: Didn't leave a stone unturned.
You can't afford the bus~!
Salem: Lower middle class, maybe!
You're deathly allergic to treenuts, and your exact address is thus,
Ms. Saleeeeeeem~!
Salem: What? Nonono! I-!
1482 Black Dragon Island Blvd.
Salem: Holy shit...
Remnant, Nevada.
Salem: That's my address! Wh-What are you gonna do?!
I MAILED YOUR BITCH-ASS A BAG OF NUUUUUUUUTS~!
Salem: This is a song that kids sing? Every year, they sing this same song around the Non-Descript Winter Holiday decorations?
Zwei: Yeah
Salem: A song that says "bitch"?! It has said "bitch" three times!
Zwei: Yeah, that's... That's too much.
Salem: They know I saved humanity, right?! Like, at the end of the series, I saved them all! I'm a good guy now! I pay my taxes! I go to church! (Epic solo) Oh, there is a guitar solo. ...Okay, that actually is a really good solo.
Zwei: Yeah.
Salem: Just a shame about the rest of the song.
It's not just that you are inbred~!
Salem: I'm fucked.
Miss Salem~!
Salem: This feels bad...
You don't know how to read~!
Salem: This feels really bad...
I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH YOU LOVE TO SUCK DOWN PEE, MS. SALEEEM~!
Salem: ...
According to an anonymous poll, with a sample size of more than three thousand people of Remnant who are asked to rank you on a scale from one to a hundred...
Zwei: ...Ms. Salem?
Salem: (Gone from her seat)
...based on variant traits such as likeablility, general odor, and your physical attractiveness...
Salem: (Standing over a cliff, Music muffled)
...THE HIGHEST NUMBER WE GOT WAS THREEEEEE~!
Zwei: What's wrong, Ms. Salem?
Salem: ...You ever feel like no matter how hard you try, people will always see you as your past self. Just as this one thing. This one, unchangeable thing.
Zwei: ...Like a dog?
Salem: (Sighs) I guess no matter what I do, I'll always be this black, white, and red monster.
Zwei: You're red?
Salem: Yeah, I'm red.
Zwei: Oh. I always thought you were gray.
Salem: You didn't know I was red, too?
Zwei: No. Dog.
Salem: (Smiles) That's right.
Zwei: ...I love you, Ms. Salem.
Salem: (Pets Zwei) I love you, too, Zwei.
Zwei: Happy Non-Descript Winter Holiday.
Salem: Happy Non-Descript Winter Holiday.
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not to continue being an emotional bitch on main but I was thinking about The Last Unicorn (the film, mostly, as it was Baby's First Hyperfixation) and how it is a film about growth and grief, at its very core, and that's why it resonates so strongly.
At the end, the unicorn says, "I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, although I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret." And I wanna focus on those last lines.
There comes a time in all our lives, I think, where we experience that loss of innocence, and it feels like the first time it's happened in human history when it's happening to you.
This isn't a story I've told many people but I'll share it with you now. When I was 12, my grandmother, who I was extremely close to, died of cancer. It had spread to most of her body, including her lungs and brain. Her last days were spent in a hospital hooked up to a morphine drip.
The last time I saw her, it was in the hospital, and she was begging my father not to leave. We had to return to our home to pick up my mother for the impending funeral. And I just remember my grandmother crying out for my dad, telling him not to go, and I remember how utterly crushed I felt in that moment. Death was inevitable. I couldn't escape it, not when it was directly in front of me. At my grandmother's viewing, I could hardly look at her.
For years, I was severely thanatophobic. Death has always kind of hung over my life. My maternal grandmother, only a few months after I was born. My maternal grandfather, when we went to his apartment and found him dead. My grandmother's friend, who we found dead in his house. My grandmother herself.
That was over ten years ago. I've grown quite a bit, and I think working in a nursing home has given me a little more of a "unique" perspective, if you will. Death is just part of life. It happens. And sometimes, it is merciful.
But the grief remains. There are times I'm 12 again, and a scared little girl, watching my grandmother, who could hardly recognize anyone, cry for my dad not to go. I feel regret for not being able to look at her body at the viewing.
And even beyond death... I grieve the girl I lost to abusive boyfriends. I feel this lingering regret at the loss of my innocence, not that I could've stopped it. I think of the sweet little girl I was, and I want to cry for her, but I can't. All I can do is look to the future and try to grow and be better for her.
It's a human experience. We don't like to admit it, but grief is quintessentially human. When it happens to us, it feels like the first time it's happened in history.
And then we grow. We have to keep getting up, and going about our lives, and trying not to trip on our grief. It doesn't go away, but it tucks itself into a corner, where it'll catch us off guard when we least expect it. Then it goes back into hiding.
I think The Last Unicorn is a really beautiful example of all these ideas coming together. The unicorn must come to grips with the fact that she is not innocent anymore. She has grieved, she has loved, and she knows the bittersweetness of regret. Her journey is self discovery, but a tragic one, one that we all go through at one time or another. It's a film that still resonates deeply with me because the notion of grief and growth has always been present in my life.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Was just thinking about it quite a bit today.
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Gideon the Ninth audiobook, through to the end of Chapter 31
Cytherea is described as having "biscuit-colored curls" which I kind passed over the first time I was reading. She's described elsewhere as having light brown hair; American biscuits aren't any kind of brown, if they're made right, but Muir isn't American, either. In Britain, it's my understanding that "biscuit" refers to any hard flat cookie with a stamped design, but those come in all sorts of colors. Does "biscuit" mean a secret third thing in New Zealand?
Gideon says "it's stupid for a cavalier to watch their necromancer die" which I think sort of foreshadows Gideon rejecting Harrow's instruction to survive her
Gideon asks Cytherea why she came to Canaan House in the first place, and I feel like Cytherea's answer is about when she came the first time, nearly 10,000 years ago? She talks about how the Seventh wanted her to die beautifully and she though the Emperor had her best interests more at heart than they did
She says: "If they could figure out how to stop you when you're mostly cancer and just a little bit woman, they would" about the Seventh, but that's exactly what John did to her, isn't it?
And then: "I'll probably live forever, worse luck, whatever happened to One Flesh, One End?"
Palamedes pronounces "golem" exactly like "Gollum" and that amuses me
Harrow thought the secret to Lyctorhood was a secret power source in Canaan House they were supposed to discover - I guess to the extent that the consumed cavalier's soul is a power source, she wasn't exactly wrong
Camilla: "The last thing the Warden needs is an introduction to Lady Septimus" - pretty funny in retrospect
Palamedes after Harrow removes the plug Cytherea put on the Seventh lab's keyhole: "Did you hide the last key, too?" He was right about that
Colum is described as having a "perpetually scratchy voice" which I missed the first time, but it does match up with his voice here
Mayonnaise Uncle thinks Gideon's red hair might have come from the Third, which is I guess some extra information about the distribution of phenotypes in the Empire, but the only other redheaded House character we know of is G1deon (I almost wrote "Pyrrha") (who, ironically, is not biologically related to Gideon Nav unless he was like John's cousin or something). Mercy had "pink" hair, but I don't know if that means like, strawberry blond, or like, literally dyed pink. I guess it's been 10,000 years, so things might be a bit different now
Colum: "The next time we meet, I think it's likely one of us will die." Well, it wasn't the next time they met, since they both showed up to hear Cytherea tell a very fake story about why Protesilaus was already dead just after this, but I think it's the next time they are both in the same room together than Colum dies, so, yeah
Teacher says something about a "poor child" and Gideon doesn't know who he's referring to and I don't either even on the second readthrough. I guess it's possible that he's just talking nonsense, because he's a weird construct, but he's been saying things that consistently make sense in the current context throughout the whole book, so I don't really buy that
The scene where Corona is practicing with a sword and challenging Gideon to a duel feels kind of like she's anticipating being left behind by Ianthe and is trying to lean into the idea of becoming a cavalier after this, since she can't pretend to be a necromancer without Ianthe. We know from the Fourth teens that Ianthe has been sneaking into all the locked doors and reading the theorems at this point
When Naberius comes to collect her, he says "I won't tell her". I guess he means Ianthe?
Is that really how "beatified" is pronounced? I don't think I've ever heard it spoken before. Wiktionary seems to agree that it is
If I had listened to the audiobook first, I definitely would have misheard Gideon talking about "narking" on Harrow as "knocking" and been confused
Palamedes: "All I ask is that you put some pen and flimsy in my cell so I can start my memoirs." Yeah, that's not what you wrote when you were actually confined to the River bubble for months, haha
Narration: Suddenly [Cytherea] seemed impossibly old.
Cytherea claims that John was against soul siphoning. So, the thalergy siphoning that was a fundamental part of Mercy's challenge, and which the Second House uses regularly on enemies, is totally fine and cool, but Mayonnaise Uncle send Colum's soul away temporarily to generate power is wrong. You know, Mayonnaise Uncle is actually a lot more sympathetic on the second readthrough
Mayonnaise Uncle also really had Cytherea's number in this scene and no one listened to him, he was the only one saying that Cytherea was suspicious and everyone else was disgusted by this, including Judith. No wonder he was so sour in Harrow's River bubble
Harrow wants to use Protesilaus' head for necromancy and everyone else is unhappy about this. But this isn't strange for the Nine Houses - the Canaan House skeletons were made from the dead just like the Ninth skeletons were, and just like the Sixth skeletons were in Dr. Sex, not to mention Ianthe's use of Babs' body. Like, if we are going to start complaining about the desecration of dead bodies now, I think that starts to call into question the entire way that the Nine Houses uses necromancy and has been using it for the past 10,000 years. I'm not sure any of the other necromancers really have that high ground
Palamedes says Cytherea only has days left to live, she definitely giggles at that
In the pool scene, Harrow says that the calculations for the deaths of the 200 children were very precise, and that the babies contributed the most thanergy. Now I'm wondering if Gideon failing to die might have messed up those careful calculations in some way? Obviously Harrow was still born a powerful necromancer, and it still worked overall, but now I'm curious
Harrow about John's blood ward: "I knew it had to open for me" because she was the descendant of Anastasia. She never questioned that there might have been some other reason it opened
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Okay, I know next to nothing about FNF (except that the little blue-haired dude is bisexual and used to be in a relationship with the little orange-haired dude, but is now in a relationship with the brunette girl) (and that's all very cute). So what exactly is the story with this Yourself character? Also, is he the same as Silly Billy?
OKAY so there's a lot to unpack with this question here-- first I'll give a little background on FNF itself:
The blue haired dude is named Boyfriend, and the brunette girl is called Girlfriend, the ginger guy is called Pico (but he's not important to this question). GF and BF are obviously together, hence their names (even though in their view it's merely coincidence).
Now, as you know, BF is in a relationship with GF, right? In their own universe, yes, but Yourself (AKA Silly Billy as he's so commonly nicknamed (due to the name of the song he appears in)) is an alternate universe version of BF. Yourself is from a universe where his GF (AKA Herself) died in a tragic accident of some kind (of which we don't know) and is left in tatters, quite literally. He is shown to be a tall, lanky version of BF who appears to have lost himself when Herself died, no longer taking care of himself.
BF is normally shown as short, and this is to show off his innocence, to make him appear cute and nice. Yourself has lost that innocence, appearing at his full height, his true height. He shows that he can still be seen as innocent in the middle of the song he sings with BF as he shortens down, but that doesn't last too long as he soon grows back to his full height with a nasty laugh.
In the song Yourself sings with BF there's a cutscene near the end of the song that includes a lyrical portion, and as Yourself sings you can see Herself for a split second as he sings the line "So stay awake just long enough to see my way". He's singing with her as she appears, and you can even hear her voice in the song- and this is because her spirit resides in Yourself's mic, you can even see it glow in the beggining cutscene of the song. These lyrics are also a nod to the original mod's creator that had first created Yourself, Divide, who sadly died in his sleep due to cancer.
Yourself sings to BF with such passion, such pain, it's almost like he's warning BF to cherish GF and not lose her like he did Herself. Here's all the lyrics in the song:
I'll make you say
How proud you are
Of me
So stay awake
Just long enough
Too see
My way
My way
Yes, these are a nod to Divide, but I also like to view them as a nod to Herself as well. Like Yourself wishes for her to be proud of him even if she's no longer with him, to stay awake just long enough to see how far he's come, and how far he's fallen.
Also, in the frame where you can see Herself behind Yourself you can also see that Yourself has tattered angel wings, possibly to infer that he's practically dead, or some type of fallen angel - possibly as a metaphor for how broken he is without GF.
Now, a good chunk of this is simply speculation as there isn't too much info on Yourself or his story. Though, I do hope we get more on him someday.
I hope this clears some things up!
#ask#jkl-fff#friday night funkin#fnf#fnf silly billy#fnf yourself#also worthy to mention that yourself is NOT a canon character! as said he's from a mod of the base game#also worth noting that all songs in the base game of fnf have no lyrical portions save for the tutorial song#so lyrics are RARE and for them to be sung so WELL? insane#please give the original song a listen!! it's SO worth it!#so uh. yea. this is the character i'm currently. obsessed with rn hehe#silly billy is just the name of the song he sings with bf and it's implied that the name silly billy is what herself used to call yourself
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in the end it's him and i [nell jackson x reader]
Summary: captain jackson turns out not to be dead
Reader is love quinn kinda crazy
This is just a quick story non-smutt. im working on those requests i never got to writing bc of life (i got a crush)
ao3 wattpad
God, these stools are uncomfortable. I look at nell behind the counter as she pours me a drink.
"Here you go." she slid the glass to me and smiled. This situationship has taken more of a toll on me than i expected. "Thank you" i smile at her. "You're welcom dear" she responds with the slightest smirk
The bell above the door rings, and i draw my attention to a man around the age of 28 stepped into the pub. I glance over at nell
Her face dropped as if she had just seen a dead man. "Nell!" the man exclaimes and nell runs towards him, i mean she basically jumps into his arms
Who the fuck is this?!
"Roxy! george! Come down here!" Nell shouts, and about 30 seconds later, her 2 little sisters are in the room with us. "This is my husband, captain jack!"
Excuse me?!
"I thought he was dead?" Roxy being the one to speak wha-
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"Hello?" George waved her hand in front of my face "yes?" "You were totally zoned out?" I stare at the small ginger girl for a few seconds before regaining myself and turning my attention towards nell and her husband
"You should come over for dinner tonight! The two of you!" I smille and suggest "that would be lovely" captain Jackson answered before nell could respond. She looks at me with a strange pitying look.
I don't quite remember exactly how i got home, and the next few hours went by. But when my butler sir humphrey comes to inform me that the guest have arrived the anxiety starts kicking in
"Lead them to the dining room and tell them i will be right with them" i tell him and quickly walk towards the garden, i thank god every day that he decided to give my brother cancer, leaving me the only living descendant for my fathers estate and wealth, such a tragedy that my father drowned.
Im not impulsive. Just because i decide to grab wolsbane last minute before dinner does not mean im going to poison nell or her husband, and i certainly would not do it on impulse.
Oh who am i kidding?, when i get to the kitchen where my cheff is preparing dinner i add the wolfsbane to captain jacksons plate. Oh my god i haven't thought this far shit
"Give this plate to that captain jackson" i tell the maid and hurry to the dining room. "Sorry to keep you waiting" i smile and sit across from nell and her husband. "It's fine" nell smiles at me
"I hear you and nell are great friend?" Captain jack says to me as the servants brings us our food. "Yes, we're great friends" i glance towards nell. "Well im glad that nell has found someone to spend time with. I feared she might be lonely without me" fucking ashole
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"Are you feeling alright honey?" Nell asks her husband with a concerned face. "Im fine im just a bit drowsy" shit i need to get nell out of here. "One of my servants amber is great with medicine im sure she'll have somthing for you" i say to them "really?" God she sounds hopeful "yes i just don't know where sir Humphrey has ran off to" i look around the room. "I'll go get her myselfs" nell quickly gets up and walks off to find amber.
Amber was my brothers mistress, she jumped in front off a train 5 years ago
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Captain jackson falls over with his face in his plate. Shit okay. I quickly get up and dragg him down to my wine cellar. I still dont know why my father had a cage put in here but atleast it comes to my advantage today.
I quickly putt him in the cage and run back up the stairs to the dining room exactly 5 seconds before nell walks back in. "I cant find her- where's captain jackson?" I look up at her "oh he went to lie down" i smile at her "where?" "In the guest room" for once stop being so pushy nell jackson "I think it's best if we go home, for him" nell sighed. "Do you love him?" She looks me confused "of course i do he's my husband"
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"You should take some wine with you!" I smile "i have plenty" nell smiles "thank you" i return the smile and lead her to the wine cellar and open the door following down the stairs behind her.
Shit how do i always find myself in these predicaments. How do i do this without nell dropkicking me againts a wall? To say my anxiety grew as we walks down the stairs is an understatement.
It takes nell an entire half of a second to see her husband in a cage. Stopping dead in her tracks. Time to act fast. I quickly grab a full wine bottle off of the racks lining the walls. I can see her slowly starting to turn around to face me.
"No one will ever love you like i do nell"
Not a fluent thought goes through my mind as i hit her ever the head with the bottle, knocking her out cold.
#renegade nell#nell jackson#nell jackson x reader#fanfic#im not insane#captain jackson#roxy trotter#george trotter
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