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local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti · 9 months

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hello! I just wanted to know your thoughts on orcas living in accredited facilities. are they thriving, or are they too smart to be 'locked up' as ARAs say? I've been debating myself on this for a while, and I wanted to ask someone ^^^

Are captive killer whales doomed and depressed? Was it right to end the breeding program?

Hi there! Thank you for being curious and asking these questions!

I can tell you that current welfare data of killer whales in accredited facilities does suggest positive welfare eg. demonstrating optimistic welfare states and demonstrating healthy social and reconciliation behaviours in Loro Parque orcas. (source) (source)

Unfortunately we just don't have a whole lot of welfare data for killer whales the same way we do for bottlenose dolphins. But that's sort of a generalised answer.

I want to address your questions specifically though.

Are orcas "too smart" for being in human care?

I'd say that the intelligence or the supposed hyper intelligence of cetaceans has been overblown and has been the source of contention since John Lilley came on the scene in the 60's making wild claims about hyper intelligent dolphins that speak their own language that still persist to this day (never mind the guy killed dolphins in his experimental brain scans and gave them LSD... the 60's were wild).

The people claiming orcas are too intelligent are people like Dr. Lori Marino - a neuroscientist who makes unsubstantiated claims about cetacean intelligence and draws conclusions about intelligence and cognition from brain scans. Can brain structure give you some data to make educated guesses on intelligence? Sure. But you can't then draw conclusions about welfare about animals you've never examined or done a welfare assessment of.

None of the people making these claims have done objective welfare assessments with access to health and veterinary records.

Lori, as well as other lobbyists like Naomi Rose and Ingrid Visser, have been called out by the scientific community more than once on publishing papers that make unsubstantiated claims about welfare.

My colleagues published this paper refuted their claims that orcas were being "damaged" by captivity (using human comparisons of prisoner of war camps despite human and killer whale brains being separated by millions of years of evolution) . But the media had already picked up the catchy, shocking paper that got published by a journal with no cetacean experience ( the Journal of Veterinary Behavior who also refused to retract the paper despite letters from cetacean welfare scientists)

There is unfortunately a huge problem of lobbyists who are lobbying governments to change laws on cetacean welfare who are using science to skew data for their personal beliefs. And they are absolutely shameless and will block any other scientists that try to refute them.

If anything, intelligence creates adaptability. There's a reason we have bottlenose dolphins in human care around the world but not harbor porpoises. Bottlenose dolphins are socially intelligent and more easily adapt to new environments and bond with human care takers. Orcas are similar, though environmental change has been reported to upset them a lot more. They are very socially intelligent, which makes them very interested in learning and being curious and bonding with human caretakers.

If captive orcas were truly so utterly broken the way they're depicted by media and these "studies" they would not be able to learn new behaviours, they would not eat and play and socialise and they would not engage with the trainers and guests.

See a whole playlist of SeaWorld orcas in their free time - it really helps you look beyond those 10 second "sad SeaWorld orca" videos (it's usually just Keet resting because that's what he prefers to do in his spare time)

Are orcas in accredited facilities "depressed" or suffering in any way?

Now when it comes down to actual welfare of orcas in accredited facilities - based on anecdotal and scientific evidence, statements from trainers I've talked to who work with the animals every day (no they're not getting paid any more than minimum wage and speak freely), what I've witnessed through many hours of observation ect.

I can say with a fair amount of certainty that these orcas are not abused, depressed, doomed or going insane. They have a robust enrichment program, get the best vet care in the world (I'm sure @orcinus-veterinarius can attest to that), are engaged and motivated to learn regardless of satiety (though they'll have their off days of course) and they have good stable social structures that rarely see any hyper aggression (but aggression is normal in social groups too).

Could it be better?

Absolutely. If it were up to me, they would have the Blue World project done and built, bigger habitats, more novel enrichment ideas to encourage hunting behaviour that's not just Big Ball TM (they love it and it's easy but we can do better), more autonomy of habitat eg. being able to turn on water jets when they want to.

And waterwork would still be a thing trainers can do - not for shows but for the unmatched relationship building and desensitisation that it gave these animals. It actually made them safer to be in the water with (look at Kamagowa Sea World orca waterwork and how blaise they are with their whales - those whales will allow any sort of nonsense and someone falling in their pool wouldn't worry me at all)

What about the breeding ban:

I understand why they stopped breeding to appease the public but unfortunately it has introduced other welfare problems. Female orcas cannot be on Regumate - birth control - for longer than a year or it'll destroy her body very quickly. So separation of females and males occurs. And that can be really stressful - especially for matriarchs like Katina who had to be separated from Makaio.

Breeding bans are not done with the welfare in mind. They're done as a sanctimonious "save the babies" effort to "protect" them from no actual documented suffering. While denying animals the natural and very instinctive behaviours of reproduction.

It's amazing how much a calf can enrich a pod. Everyone pitches in to babysit and watch out for them, to teach them how to play and how to learn. It's really sad that the orcas of SeaWorld have been denied that now and it'll be very sad to see them die off one by one until there's only one very lonely whale left.

Anyway I hope that answers some questions. Happy to answer any more you might have.

#cetacean welfare #cetacean #dolphin #orca #blackfish #seaworld

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helianthus-tarot · 9 months

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Hi there, do you have any tips on how to have a better 'sense of self'? Or better self image/feeling worthy? I'd like to be more at peace with myself if that makes sense lol. How do you come to terms with other' critique of you without letting it get under ur skin? (Could be how u deal personally or just general advice you have) Also my personal fave running man was ep 37 i think? It was when kwangsoo was doing a grieved dae han min guk and it makes me laugh everytime lol, or the dancing queen episode!!!

I got this ask from an anon on my second tumblr, and sent it here.

General

Know yourself. Your traits, what you think your flaws are, beliefs, behaviors, motivation. If you don't know what you believe in or what your values are, decide. Take a paper and write them down in a list.

Don't 'lie' to yourself, because if you do, and people catch on that and use it, it will hurt.

Example: Avoid telling yourself that you are pretty when you are aware that you don't fit the beauty standard and are insecure about it. This is not addressing the root problem of that self-image issue. You can understand that beauty is highly subjective but it will still be difficult to make yourself believe your own words when there's an entire system and a huge number of people out there adamantly telling you that you are not pretty. Tell yourself it's okay not to look like those people, that each part of you deserves to be loved anyway, that your body is a proof of your own history and ancestry and should be celebrated at least by you, stereotypically 'pretty' or not, desirable or not. And show this love to yourself in the form of actions, which brings us to the next point.

Self-love and acceptance.

Remember the list. Accept everything about yourself. Accept here means acknowledging it is what it is and make peace with it; your nose is big, you are not a fast learner, you think you are not worthy of love, and so on. Admit that you don't feel good about yourself, or that you have XYZ fears and insecurities.

And love yourself the way you love someone you love. Or better yet, imagine you are talking to the child version of you. That's who you are dealing with, that 6 years old child. Show compassion to traits that are harmless and let them be, stop picking them apart in your head. Have enough self-control not to sabotage yourself. Change traits that are harmful, like bad habits, fears, insecurities, but show compassion and understanding to these things first; understand why they happened, what events in your life contributed to them, accept that it's time to change, and lead your 6 year-old self with patience.

Good self-image isn't something that happens instantly and magically the moment you decide to love yourself more. Self-love is a series of actions. It's not just a feeling. So take actions. You need to keep doing it, especially when you are feeling bad.

Example: Let yourself wear that pretty dress that you know you want to wear, because you deserve good things and deserve to feel happy, whether or not you are stereotypically pretty, even if you feel like a troll trying to look pretty in the dress. This is a better way to fight; radical acceptance of yourself and determination to shower yourself with your own love regardless of what the world has to say.

Do not depend on other people to tell you who you are.

Who you are, what's good for you, what isn't good for you, what you should want, what you shouldn't want, etc. It makes you more vulnerable to their opinions. You have access to your mind and heart, other people don't. So trust your own judgement. The topic is you, you are the authority. Remember that list again.

I'm not telling you to be stubborn and think you know best in every situation. You can consider other people's perspectives, sometimes they are right and you are wrong. But always use critical thinking and assess whether or not their opinions should be considered. This teaches mental independence, mental independence will help you feel more secure with yourself and your decisions, which can make you less affected by other people's comments.

Plus people make arbitrary decisions all the time. A lot of things can affect people's decisions and judgment; their background, their preference, their bias, etc. You can't control those things. You won't be enough for everyone, not everyone will see your worth, not everyone will understand you. That is certain. The sooner you accept this reality, the sooner you stop judging yourself based on other people's opinions or based on how they act towards you, the better your life will be.

Look deeper into your insecurities.

See what needs you are missing. Fulfil those needs, don't wait for other people to do it for you because this will make you dependent on them and upset when they don't give it to you.

Example: If you feel like you don't deserve love from other people, first tell yourself you at least deserve love from yourself, and work from there. You may not be enough for other people, fine, they have the right to decide that, it's their life. But you also have the right to decide what is valuable and good enough in your life. Be enough for yourself. Act like it. Once you have gotten used to loving yourself, you will eventually allow yourself to accept love from others. You also need to look into why you feel like you don't deserve love from other people. Is it because of your looks? This means you base your worth on superficial things like looks. Dismantle the belief that supports this behavior and replace it with a belief that's better, like the above example for 'don't lie to yourself'.

How do you come to terms with others' critique of you without letting it get under your skin?

If their critique or insult is not true, not relevant, unimportant, highly subjective:

Some things just don't make sense to the point that it doesn't make me feel anything. Like someone calling me a stupid bitch.

If their critique or insult is factually true, but immature or it's about something that is out of my control:

Things I was born with/into, or things that happened to me. These things hurt, but they will hurt less if you know, accept and love yourself. Some days they don't hurt you, some days they do. Some days they hurt more, some days they hurt less. Some days you need to put more effort to wrap yourself in your own love, you may need to do it over and over and over, but some days you don't have to do much to move on. It's normal, just go through the process. The feelings will disappear eventually.

I usually ignore comments like this, but I'll search for something to hit them back with if I'm feeling particularly generous. There are two general types of shitty people, those who get emboldened by your reaction and those who back off when they become your target. Ignore the first group most of the time, unless they get particularly nasty and you can handle it if things escalate. The second group will only back off when they get hurt.

If their critique or insult is true, and it's within my control, e.g. my actions, choices, shortcomings that I can improve:

If I agree with what they say, I'll usually admit it.

Even if it's only to myself. For example, they called me dumb when I did something dumb. I mean, yeah they are right, touché. Sure, they could have been kinder, but it's true that I need to improve. It can feel shitty of course, mistakes don't taste like a five-course meal. Sometimes I let myself feel bad about it for a few days, but I eventually get over it and focus back on my life and what I can change/improve.

If what they say is factually true, but I also understand why I do what I do.

For example, they called me selfish and uncaring for hurting someone and I actually did hurt that person, so technically they were right. But I knew I had a valid reason for hurting that person, I would just take the insults. There's nothing else to do. It is what it is.

If I disagree with what they say.

This is usually related to different opinions and perspectives. It's when people arrogantly believe they are right AND they actively disturb other people's lives (or my life). Out of all things I think this one pisses me off the most lol. Especially when they act like they are superior yet I can see their psychological projection as clear as the fucking sun.

But then again there's no good solution to this besides coming back to yourself and your initial goal and what you know is true (the list). People can disagree all they want, most of the time they are not exactly tying your limbs to a pole and preventing you from doing what you want. You can argue with people until you are blue in the face, but some people still won't change their minds, especially if it gives them a position where they can look down on other people.

Keep in mind

You can't avoid pain. You can minimize the possibility of it happening, but when something hurts you, it hurts you. Feelings are things that happen, actions are things that can be controlled.

If people scream at you or humiliate you in front of other people, of course it will hurt. Being negatively affected by it does not mean you are weak or your self-esteem is fragile. It's human. What matters is whether or not you bounce back, and how fast you do it. Admit to yourself that it hurts you, that you don't deserve to be treated like that, limit contact with those people, and face the next day like you always do. Love yourself through what you experience.

Again, I know this is cliché but your best defense is your self-love and self-acceptance. If other people cannot love you, then you have to do it. Also, avoid shitty people and shitty environment as much as you can a.k.a don't spend more time than necessary in those places. No matter how strong a plant is, if you keep pouring toxic shit on it, it will wilt.

#other topics #asks #what a long ass post

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godsporncollection · 3 years

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So… you’re asks are on so I assume it’s okay to ask for help or advice but if not please just ignore, no worries ^^

I was raised by very Mormon Mormons and had a bit of a mental breakdown yesterday about if or not it was okay to say I was traumatized or had been in a cult. I know it’s fucked up but those are some pretty heavy labels to use and I don’t want to intrude or trample.

I’m not asking you to diagnose me cause that’s a fucked up to put on a stranger and don’t think anyone but a therapist/psychologist and myself can figure out if I’m traumatized. (I know other people have been traumatized by but my experience hasnt been horrifying so much as misleading and addictive, thinking praying healed my illness but I still get to watch not-gospel approved things and go to medical doctors and therapists and stuff. It’s not affected my life much beyond not smoking or drinking which i wouldnt do anyway for medical reasons.)

Basically, is the lds church a cult or is it just regular religion pain? Sorry for the rambles, I’ve never talked about this before and have zero basis for where I am vs where other ex-members are.

I love getting asks! I'm not often good at giving advice - mostly because my experience of leaving was 15 years ago and predates my queer identity, which means I really don't know what most of the kids leaving the church these days, especially those on tumblr since most of them appear to be queer, are going through - but I'll usually encourage my followers to suggest stuff if I don't feel like my answers are adequate.

Short answer

The word 'cult' has a fairly simple and neutral definition, but you're likely asking me if I think the church is a dangerous organization. I really, really do.

Long answer

I think that the fact that you've had a breakdown over this question is something that could help you find the answer for yourself. Obviously our gut feelings aren't always right, but you clearly feel something is wrong with the church. If it weren't a cult, or at least a big bad organization, do you think they would do so many things that make people suspicious of it? I know we were taught that those feelings come from satan, but I feel it's nothing more than a mechanism of control.

So, what is a cult? The word 'cult' actually has a pretty innocuous definition. Merriam-Webster has a few, the most relevant being:

"a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious."

"great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (such as a film or book)."

"a system of religious beliefs and ritual."

I'm sure there are many innocent organizations that qualify as cults with those definitions, but most people ascribe negative connotations to the word. Wikipedia touches on this, saying, "This sense of the term is controversial, having divergent definitions both in popular culture and academia, and has also been an ongoing source of contention among scholars across several fields of study."

When people say that the lds church is a cult - and many people agree that it is - they mean that the church is a harmful, controlling, and manipulative organization. That is the definition I intend when I use the term.

Now, how do we identify a cult? There isn't an official test, but we do have the BITE Model (Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control). The BITE Model is a list of recruitment and control tactics compiled from research done by psychologists and psychiatrists in the fields of mind control, brainwashing, indoctrination, organizational culture, and cognitive dissonance. It's generally accepted that if your organization meets most of the criteria listed in the BITE Model, it's a cult.

Many of the points within the BITE Model regard personal experience, and personal bias can influence your interpretation. Those who are within the mormon church may only consider the worst possible interpretation of each of the BITE Model points, and neglect to fully appreciate how to apply them to the actions of seemingly innocent church members. By minimizing the responsibility of church members, and the church at large, they invalidate the damage done not only to others, but to themselves.

I haven't written out my own assessment of how the BITE Model applies to mormonism, but John Dehlin, a prominent exmo, has shared his. Dehlin colored the bullet points in the following ways:

Green: “I don’t think the Mormon church does this in modern times.”

Orange: “I see this happening sometimes in the Mormon church (like on Missions), but not as a general rule .”

Red: “This occurs regularly within the Mormon Church.”

Having it 'easy' can make it difficult for us to realize just how insidious certain acts and doctrines of the church can be; it really makes us doubt ourselves and think we're just overreacting. But whether or not the church's teachings were used to abuse you, classifying mormonsim as a cult is pretty straightforward: it is. It alienates it's members, harms those who try to escape, and offensively bewilders those who come across it. It's missionaries and leaders are charismatic and dangerous. It hoards wealth, paying the leadership very well, while still demanding that 10% from it's poorest members. It preys on our weak moments, dangling the carrot of eternal peace if only we suffer and give enough, only to leave us tired and in pain.

No one else can give you permission to feel what you feel. That's something that belongs to you, and your trauma is legitimate.

#if this sounds like a much more in-depth explanation than is necessary #it is #but since this is a public answer i figured i might need to lay down the groundwork for potential attacks from tbms #because yes this is very much personal opinion #it's just a very popular opinion within the community #AND mormonism is pretty harmful to pretty much everyone #exmo #exmormon #ex-mormon #apostake #cult stuff #cults #is mormonism a cult?#resources

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mc-critical · 3 years

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Something I can never bring myself to understand is the MY fandom’s seeming obsession with *proving* Mahidevran or Hürrem as the more morally correct, more noble, more respect-worthy etc sultana. Or measuring whose actions and beliefs were the most justifiable or who suffered the most unfortunate circumstances. It seems to completely ignore the fact that most characters in the franchise, sans a small handful of characters, fall into the category of morally questionable or ambiguous. I feel like both Mahidevran and Hürrem are both victims to the same terrible circumstances and the enviornment in which they both lived and were forced to adapt to was a catalyst to a lot of their deplorable actions and beliefs. They both came to the palace as concubines with no family nor money to their names (I can’t recall if this was held consistent in the TV series for Mahidevran’s case or not but I know this is the case for her historically as well), both of them had their worth and their livelihood tied to their ability to produce princes and please the Sultan (who will take any opportunity to remind these women that they are a mere piece of property to him anytime they attempt to assert themselves in any way.) Then there’s the looming threat of the principle of fratricide that basically haunted them throughout the entirety of their motherhood. I’m in no way saying the immoral decisions they made was justifiable or somehow okay (Mahidevran killing Mehmet, Hürrem killing Mustafa, etc.) I just feel that there’s a lot of black-and-white thinking at play whenever the Mahi/Hürrem discourse comes up. What do you think?

Thank you for bringing this up, because it's probably the thing that bugs me the most about this fandom (outside of Tumblr currently). You voiced my overall thoughts into words so well!

I think these double standarts come from many places that can be both the only reasons for a person or just one of the many. In my experience, this "black or white", "all or nothing" attitude stems from the absolutist belief that people should pick sides and root for only one character (usually the protagonist) in a narrative. They're using the standard, superficial narrative roles of the protagonist and the antagonist in terms of Hürrem, thinking that for some reason the protagonist is always morally right in all she does, simply because she's the protagonist and we're supposed to unconditionally root for her. And if they don't like the protagonist, they choose root for "the other side" instead. They're better than that anyway, so of course, we should root for them!!

To be honest, the earlier seasons of the show make an attempt in justifying this assessment, with them having the narrative voice be rooted in Hürrem's favor, despite of all possible problematic actions that tell a different story altogether. MC Hürrem was given very understandable and sympathetic motivations, thorough character exploration, gradual character development and the privilege of far too obvious Plot Armor (make no mistake, every historical figure in the show has Plot Armor, but with the many attempts at her life, Hürrem's in particular, was way too glaring at points, sometimes to a ridiculous degree.) and the writers making her enemies doom themselves by their own failings, with her seemingly only enduring the "charade". (Valide's flanderization post-E38 is the most egregious example of this.) People I've encountered that are excusing Hürrem's behavior, are citing precisely the first episodes to present their arguments, often refusing to go beyond that. Mahidevran's motivations, while as nuanced as Hürrem's, don't seem as delved into in comparison at first (the origins and backstory of MC Mahidevran are shrouded in ambiguity, and while this is thematically appropriate for her character arc, as I explained here, it definetly doesn't help her case in bringing in more vocal sympathy.) and it could seem that her character is simply antagonistic to Hürrem, doesn't go anywhere and later revels in the depths of her ambition and wounded pride earlier than Hürrem began that similar development of hers. Some Mahi stans could see that probable difference of treatment in narrative and support her simply because of that, as well.

Assessing moral ambiguity isn't all that easy in the grand scheme of things, but it especially falls short when the narrative voice seemingly doesn't support it at first. But many miss that there's a very thin line between the actions and the narrative voice, that only turns into a very deep incongruity as the series progresses. I don't know, perhaps determing the moral ambiguity is indeed so complex, confusing and conflicting, since the whole story could get too complex and many might wonder who they'll root for now when everyone is so problematic. And that's a show that began as a simple soap opera, no less! Why would they even put in the effort in this case?

Not many people are used to ambiguous and questionable character development and are still trying to prove that there is one main positive characters in the show, which is why they try to make Mahidevran or Hürrem more morally right and justifiable than they actually are. They are so passionate about the debates they engage in, because this time period and MC is truly so ripe in analysis and it could be very fun to figure out where these characters come from and go through their 4-seasons long evolution in one chosen context, but by doing this, they so often miss the depth and nuance of the subject at hand and it all turns into a one-sided discourse that drives me nuts.

There is a historical context of the issue is also important to note, in my opinion. Both Mahidevran and Hürrem are historical figures and quite a bit of facts and deeds of theirs are now widely known. Most people in the fandom have opinions of them in advance or could've gained opinions of them a while after they began to watch the show. (There are also numerous fictional interpretations of the events during Süleiman's reign and the players in it, which may also play a part in the overall judgement.) Either way, the known historical facts about them (and other fictional interpretations one could've read, of course) could influence their points of view by a certain amount and use these general impressions to present them while analyzing the characters in the show. I've heard numerous arguments that this Hürrem isn't like the Hürrem the history knows about, that she isn't "their" Hürrem and what they read about her isn't depicted all that much in the show, which takes a lot away, according to them. I especially hate when they call MC Hürrem a one-dimensional "evil" caricature that only has vileness and smug about her, no conscience, no complexity whatsoever. (no, MC Hürrem isn't as simplistic and is much deeper and more nuanced. As far as fictional interpretations go, what they're describing is Hürrem in "The Sultan's Harem" from Colin Falconer, not MC Hürrem! In the MC/K franchise's terms, all they're doing is reducing her to the level of MCK Turhan Sultan, which is disrespectful to this character, to say the least. Turhan is the exact thematic contrast to Hürrem smh while Falconer's Hürrem is the most absurdly evil caricature imaginable, at least IMO, please and thank you!) Or even more unbelievably and outright hilariously, considering Hürrem's actions and the Sultanate of Women overall the downfall of the Ottoman Empire o.o and that's why Hürrem is so ruthless, so cruel, always intentionally, of course. This is plain ridiculous. Mahidevran, on the other hand, is presented by this clique as her "victim", as a completely innocent victim that had everything taken away from her. That Hürrem had stood between her and Süleiman and "ruined" their family. This take ignores every other factor of this falling out (Süleiman, that is) and a part of the nuance of Mahidevran's character. Reducing her to a simple "victim" doesn't cut it at all. Conversely, we have fans that simplify MC Mahidevran's character beyond every belief, loving the historical figure, but claiming they made her an "evil" and "stupid" bitch that cries and whines all the time. It's limiting and one-sided and even if it appears so, there are way far more layers to her character, that develop consistently throughout the narrative. The historical context of the time period itself is usually brought up in the debates, too, justifying whoever they want to justify by "It's a war, only the strongest ones survive!" or "You eat or get eaten! We should understand their time period, not judge by our contemporary times !", which is understandable and valid, but the only thing they end up doing is applying this logic only to their preferred characters when it should be applied to everyone. They try their best efforts to make one more morally right than the other, but they continually fail in the process, because the metric they judge them from is plagued by double standarts.

I wholeheartedly agree with you that excusing one of them, but not the other for most situations is wrong, because Mahidevran and Hürrem.... aren't all that different. What most people seem to miss, is that their character arcs are so contrastingly paralleling, because both of their endings were far from victorious and they got it for the exact same character reason, gained in a different way and in a different time. The persistent insistence of the fandom wanting a main character necessarily having a triumphant grand finale fails flat immediately, because there is no true victory in the franchise. They also miss the negative character development of both of them, them having to do the exact same stuff in many instances, both of them letting go of their pasts and/or former attachments, becoming vicious and ruthless in order to adapt to the circumstances, both of them had to make moves out of desperation because they felt threatened and they both protected their lives and the ones of their children at the end of the day. Heck, they're way more alike than they're different in my book. There is no morally right, no more noble here. Both of them had no qualms to do whatever it took to secure their own future and as you said, the narrative presented very neat motivations for them to do so as a whole. There is always a shade of grey and yes, who has the lighter shade of gray could be up for debate due to differing sympathies and perceptions, but that mustn't stop people to at least try looking at the "bigger picture" and try to view their characters with a bit more criticality, depth and respect.

Rooting for both conflicting sides is still seen as questionable and contradictory by some, but there really is nothing wrong with exploring their motivations without justifying them, no matter where your sympathies extend. I think it creates a more unbiased outlook on the both these characters and the themes around them and it's always awesome to see people doing that in any fandom, really.

And both Sultanas are worthy of respect, I said what I said.

#magnificent century #mahidevran sultan #hurrem sultan #ask #stuffandthangs #again this is all in my experience #there could be many other reasons for the double standarts #but they're all equally wrong and one-sided and one-dimensional and transparent

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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I was on Arthur’s wiki a while back and one of the secrets said that Arthur doesn’t actually like Dazai. I’ve only just started Arthur’s route so I was wondering if that was true or not?

Sure thing! I can offer what I know about the two up to this point!

To my knowledge it is indeed true that Arthur harbors a great deal of disdain for Dazai, though in other routes he can be more subtle about his feelings towards the man. Before I can really speak to why Arthur dislikes him so much, I feel like we need to establish two really important reference points in terms of their understanding/view of the world.

Arthur, like it or not, has one fundamental belief about the world he inhabits. And that is that the world is an evil place. It is a place where good cannot survive, and as such that means every single person he comes into contact with must be marred by some kind of wrongdoing or ill intent. It is his justification for his largely selfish behavior, the reason why he deems it okay that he lives with no thought for the future or hope for better.

Dazai, believe it or not, does not exist far away from this understanding of the world. For all of the man’s silliness, he does not live in some kind of la la land where everything is perfect and fun all the time. To the contrary, he has seen and known a great deal of tragedy; he knows how unforgiving the world can be, how unfair and overwhelming the weight of everything is.

Knowing this, one might not be so surprised. After all, they both deal with so much of their trauma/pain with humor--the classic comedic misdirection to force attention elsewhere. Why then, does Arthur feel so much dislike? Aren’t they kindred spirits, in a way?

This is where one absolutely key difference comes into play.

The difference is that Dazai does not take a deterministic stance in regards to the misconduct and cruelty that tends to plague human society. The difference, in other words, is surprisingly simple: hope. Dazai may feel hopeless about all of the difficult things that exist in the world, and in the ways people hurt each other--but he still wants people to be happy. He still wants to work to alleviate people’s unhappiness, show them ways to smile and laugh, to forget their pain and ease disagreements. It’s...a little cliche, but if I’m being honest, Dazai understands one of the hardest things a person has to learn when they reach their lowest points.

Hope is something that you give yourself. You have to be the one to decide to want better, to work for better. And when things don’t improve fast enough, you have to carry those broken pieces with as much courage and grace as you can muster. Dazai I must admit, does this with more finesse than anyone gives him credit for. He is something of a chameleon, taking on the colors of others as he weaves in and out of their view, never betraying his true desolation. (The problem in that, however, is that he never asks for help until it’s far too late--and in the case of Ikevamp, never asks for help at all for the vast majority of his screentime.)

This isn’t to play a game of moral superiority. Dazai’s approach isn’t a perfect one by any means; it is simply the only way he knew how to engage with the world and remain true to himself and his love for others (whether he is consciously aware of this fact or not is none of my concern, he’s an idiot and I love him). Arthur’s approach is flawed as well, but it’s flawed in a much more harmful way. To assume that every course of action you take is a justified one without taking into account the people you are engaging with is just asking to step on people’s comfort zones. You fundamentally cannot be sensitive without context; it is the prerequisite of any form of compassion or kindness. The reason people like Leonardo or Comte succeed at making friends and gathering others around them is that they are very active and attentive when it comes to interacting with other people. They pay close attention to a person’s sensitivities. What subjects bother them? What is their body language telling me? How do the circumstances contribute to what they’re feeling, and how can I distract or alleviate in a way that is productive? While this seems like a robotic process--an obvious one--when laid out like this, it’s much more complicated and requires a great deal of experience to perfect in real time. Their charisma is absolutely hard won; it took them hundreds of years of trial and error to get there.

And, more than anything, Comte and Leonardo and Dazai practically exude good will. They aren’t just skilled at dealing with people and that’s why they don’t debacle as much as Arthur does in his attempts to reach out. Those three truly want nothing more than to see people at ease. When others are in distress, they feel it as though it were their own. They don’t assess pain in terms of false equivalence, to my understanding--they think that everyone’s experience is different, but no less troubling for that fact. Arthur, on the other hand, tends to be a lot more focused on himself. I’m in so much pain, I’m so upset about how the world is overwhelming me, I’m the one that should be angry/crying/upset right now not you. One thing I want to highlight here is that I don’t mean to belittle Arthur’s suffering; I have no doubt that he’s seen his share of heartache and that he needs real help (therapy for the love of god). But that doesn’t make his constant insistence on making things about him okay. It doesn’t make his bitterness with people that choose to look after the feelings of others okay.

And here, is where we get to the crux of this reply. It is my understanding that the reason Arthur harbors so much resentment towards Dazai is what I have just stated two sentences ago. Arthur sees how Dazai copes with similar crippling fear of the world’s difficulties, and not only does he manage to conceal it better--he also just sincerely gives a damn about people. And not only does it show, it makes people feel a great deal of warmth for Dazai, even if he’s crazy weird. I think Arthur really does envy this capacity for flexibility, the impressive way Dazai can move with the flow of things. Arthur is so set in the past, is so desperate to find happiness that he will strangle what little he has between his own two hands. Dazai knows happiness is never guaranteed, and has given up trying to claim it. Instead he just does his best every day, even if he feels like a failure by the end of it all.

Perhaps yet another reason Arthur is upset at Dazai could be Dazai’s easy willingness to give up on himself without listening to the protests of others in regards to the subject, much like how Dazai hates it when Isaac gives up despite so much well-meaning potential...

So yeah! That’s how I understand their similarities and differences c:

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp meta #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp dazai #a lot of their differences honestly just have to do with maturity #i respect arthur stans but arthur is fundamentally a jaded middle schooler with no concept of reality #dazai is just a sweet but stupid noodle that has no concept of his own self-worth ;-;#it honestly makes me really sad that he's so profoundly motivated by other people's happiness #and he's still convinced he's a disgusting fake that deserves nothing #it really hurts to watch...#in conclusion: we care Dazai but Dazai does not care Dazai and so love is war

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 3 years

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CPTSD and Core Beliefs (Your lens, built on traumatic fuckery)

Alright, so you know I have this Patreon thing that I try to make worth your while in return for your economical help. One of the benefits is the good ole’ monthly ask me anything. And I love it. Because the questions are great. And they push me to dig into topics that I was procrastinating. This month’s AMA is a particularly good one! A question that needs to be addressed, anyways. So it’s perfect. Let’s aim for two birds with one stone.

Our good friend Cassie - you know her by now - asks, how do you identify core beliefs and start to change them? Which is a very simple and very complicated question.

So, to take a step backwards, what she talkin’ bout?

Well, one of the internal issues that complex trauma sufferers have to rectify is their belief system. Between our core beliefs and our inner critic, we have a lot going on in between our ears to keep us downtrodden and destitute.

We’re talking about what I call Fucked Up Core Beliefs here… which are your trauma-born core beliefs. Again, called FUCBs because when you discover them, you’ll likely whisper to yourself, “wow, that’s actually really fucked up.” These sentiments are like the lenses that you surgically stitched onto your face several decades ago in response to your upbringing, as your little mammal brain tried to understand its place in the global hierarchy and how to be chill about it.

The framework you built from your early development and beyond, that all information still filters through today - both on the way in and on the way out of your head. The words that stream through your brain consciously or subconsciously to shape the ways you appraise… everything. Yourself, your life, your past, your future, other people, and everything that happens in between.

So, essentially, talking about the ways you interpret your existence and the collected pool of knowledge from where you make decisions, and therefore the ways you act. If this is starting to sound like a big deal - it is!

But it don’t come with a big flashing sign. The Challenge

These beliefs are challenging to figure out because:

One, they were adapted early on in your life in an effort to understand the circumstances around you or directly downloaded from the sentiments expressed in your environment. When you were first establishing your perspective of the universe and trying to figure out how to navigate it based on the clues presented.

Plus, the harder part is… because of the early adoption, you’ve already accepted the idea for so long that it doesn’t even seem like a “belief” to you - you’re not choosing it and it’s probably not apparent to you - it’s just the secret narrative running in your head that corrupts all later data. Not cognitive thoughts that you’re directing on purpose. You probably don’t have recollections of the time before you believed such and such to question what you believe - these ideas are solidified in your head with as much certainty as the alphabet.

So, you might believe you’re a worthless piece of shit as a function of the neglect and abuse you experienced, a way to explain the mistreatment to yourself from a young age… OR you might believe you’re a worthless piece of shit because mom, dad, sister, and society directly told you so. But either way, many years down the line, it’s difficult to pinpoint either of these originating factors as memories fade or to even question the validity of the thought… or to even notice the thought.

Two, if your family of origin was always repeating the same sort of thoughts and you later associate with people who make you comfortable to be around (i.e. probably have some similar views of the world), you have nothing to compare your beliefs to.

Your environment teaches you what’s normal. There’s no reference for what is and isn’t healthy, fair, or functional if everyone is drinking the same kool aid. And, unfortunately, in traumatic environments, folks seem to congregate around the fucked up beliefs to protect them with a mutual unspoken agreement. Accept the accepted narrative of the group or be outcast. The same story is replayed on repeat from all ends of your social circle, so why would you even begin to think there’s another way to look at things?

So, if mom, dad, cousin, uncle, grandma, neighbor, peer, teacher, and media are all telling you the same reality exists, how would you ever even begin to have the wherewithal to think otherwise? The thought probably never crosses your mind. The sky is blue, grass is green, and the world is a miserable place where everyone is trying to take advantage of you.

Three, again, I cannot over-express how insidious, subtle, and generalized these things can be. Fucked up core beliefs affect how you see and process everything. Again, like lenses or an instagram filter permanently applied to your corneas. So, there’s not necessarily one life-effect linked to one-FUCB for easy detection or one event that will cause a clear-as-day defined belief to come shooting to the top of the pile. More like, you very slowly realize you have an unhealthy view or twenty about yourself and the world that have sorrrrrtof impacted every single area of your life now that you spend years considering it.

Thinking you’re a worthless piece of shit, for instance, has led to you taking low-level jobs with chaotic schedules, living with an abusive partner, and settling for living in the same environment with the same behavioral patterns that you’ve known your entire life. It’s also allowed you to give up exercise, eating right, staying sober, and trying to make any life-improvements. Why bother spit polishing shit? And here you are, wondering why you feel awful about yourself and don’t enjoy anything you’ve created in your life.

But. It’s not that simple to sort out, or else we would have done it already. You probably haven’t ever purposely considered how commonly this impression is operating below the surface of your actions. Realizing that the belief “I’m a worthless piece of shit who deserves nothing” and trying to change it would be like pulling out the wrong Janga block - everything it has been supporting suddenly comes tumbling down and you’re left with a real fucking mess to rebuild from the bottom up. And, to top it all off, no one ever even taught you how to create a sturdier structure in the first place.

Fourthly, from some of my own learnings, I’ve come to the conclusion that the core belief, itself, doesn’t even have to present itself at any point to be making a difference in your life. They are so deeply ingrained in my brain that my thought center just naturally uses them as a jumping off point, without even directly touching on the words that might ping my brain as unusual. Just like we can subtly detect risks in our environment that set off our warning bells without ever creating a conscious thought to go with the arousal, I feel like I can apply a core belief to my world without ever noticing the accompanying stream of consciousness.

Sometimes I feel like fucked up core beliefs have become so accepted over time that they’re feelings more than cognitions. As if they’ve become so reflexive through repetition that you have muscle memory - an intuitive response that bypasses your logical brain recognition threshold and jumpstarts shittily-related thoughts… and those will actually register on your thinking scale. But at that point, you accept the novel-feeling thought and never note that it was actually spawned by a very old recording.

Which is to say, you might have to work on identifying your fucked up core feelings before you can get to the thought deeply buried underneath. Taking a meta break from the episode to tell you, I’ve never thought about that so thoroughly before. But Fucked Up Core Feelings definitely sounds like a solid description of my world. I guess we also have FUCFs to go with our FUCBs from now on. Anyways.

With all of this in mind, I’m sure you can start to see why these fucked up core beliefs are a big problem. Hell, if you’ve listened to this podcast for more than a few episodes, you’ve definitely heard that I’m still challenged by my own. Like, when I say that I’m freaking out because no one should listen to me and I feel like an imposter - I believe that I’m not good enough to share information with people. That I’m too flawed to even express myself. This is a problem for, say, podcasting. Or, living. And I have to fight it all the time.

Long story short.

Your core beliefs are sneaky, they can be comprehensive, and they are hardwired into your brain as your default system for analyzing everything on the planet. Again, kind of like looking for goggles strapped to your face, but in reality you had lasik surgery about 30 years ago.

So, if you aren’t constantly on the lookout for core beliefs and actively working against your pre-programmed ways of assessing yourself and the world around you… they will get out of control, cause a fair amount of avoidance and defeat, and set you back several steps in your mental health management… plus, potentially your entire life, if you make any big decisions out of this unhealthy mindset. Which you will, because that’s how the brain works. I’m almost certain that you have some experience with this already.

If you ever think things like: The world is a dangerous placePeople are cruelI’m not good enough I’m not smart enoughI’m not enoughI’m brokenOther people don’t like meThere’s something wrong with my personalityI’m not allowed to… (live like others, have nice things, be happy)I’m not one of those people who… (has money, has good luck, gets what they want)Shit is just harder for meNothing ever works outLife is always hardI can’t.

Then you’ve had some fucked up core beliefs floating around in your head.

These are some super broad ones for the sake of demonstration, so don’t disregard highly specific beliefs that might relate to your particular circumstances or upbringing.

If you haven’t ever noticed yourself thinking these big shitty picture things… check again in all your deepest nooks and crannies. I think a lot of us TMFRs operate from some version of the narratives above - plus, much worse. Like I keep saying, these beliefs might not be in your conscious thoughts, so much as they’re directing the show from behind the curtain.

How do we pull it back? Discover the beliefs ........

Keep reading or listen up at t-mfrs.com

https://www.t-mfrs.com/podcast/episode/532f2b1c/core-beliefs

#cptsd #complex ptsd #complex trauma #complextraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma #complextrauma #complexptsd #cptsd problems #cpstd #just cptsd things #actually CPTSD #cptsdsurvivor

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fluffyferalkacchan · 3 years

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Kacchan & Deku: Win to Save and Save to Win - A circular path of parallels (part 1)

Okay so it had probably already been talked to death by now, but i'd like to write a detailed list of how Midoriya and Bakugou's respective paths are and had always been paralleled since the beginning. And it's not just with the whole "save to win and win to save" thing, which is the most obvious textual part of it, but there are a lot of more subtle hints along the way too. I mean in nearly every single arcs, for each of Midoriya development, Bakugou had one too (albeit in a completely opposite direction).

This post is also partly in response to some anime-only fans who complained about Bakugou's development in the Joint Training Arc coming from the left field... Which actually isn't? Like Kirishima said it had never been as obvious before but there were definite hints about it and I'll try to show them as thoroughly as possible in this post.

Warning ! This post will be quite long and will contain Manga Spoilers up to chapter 317 in part 3!

¤ From the Pre-UA era To Deku vs Kacchan: their starting lines

(more under the cut)

When I said that the parallel started early, I really meant early. In fact, it started as early as the very first panel they were in.

I think it is very telling that the first time we saw them, Midoriya is trying to defend another kid, while Bakugou is seen using his quirk (and actually introducing the reader/viewer to the whole concept of quirk in the first place). It tells us right here, right then on the very first second, that Midoriya Izuku is physically weak but a savior at heart and Bakugou Katsuki has a strong quirk but is a bully asserting his dominance.

This of course led to diametrical beliefs on what a hero is and should be and we've got those two very iconic moments to illustrate:

And of course it reflected into their behaviors, even as kids.

What I find really interesting in the way those flashbacks were presented is that Midoriya's saving moment was told through Bakugou's POV, while Bakugou's winning side was seen through Midoriya's eyes.

Those moments were deemed important because they deeply impacted the witnessing party and not actually the "wining/saving" one.

(I think someone commented once that while the river scene was highly pivotal for Bakugou, Midoriya probably doesn't even remember it. And likewise Bakugou probably doesn't remember fighting and winning against some random older kids, but Midoriya definitively does. And I totally agree!)

At those moment both Bakugou and Midoriya saw in the other something that they were clearly lacking and their reactions to this realization were wildly different as well.

"He doesn't take himself into account, you know. Something doesn't feel right. It makes me wanna keep him at arm's length. Back then, I ignored my own weakness, so I ended up bullying him" - Bakugou Katsuki

"You who had so many things I didn't have... To me, you were an amazing person much closer than All Might! That's why I keep chasing after you!!" - Midoriya Izuku

Midoriya saw this amazing kid kicking ass with his strong quirks and his first reaction was admiration and wanting to get as close as possible to this person, because he was all too aware of his own weakness and shortcoming.

Bakugou saw this selfless kid trying to help him and displaying qualities that he didn't have and his first reaction was to lash out and push that kid as far away as possible because he didn't want to recognize his own weaknesses and shortcomings.

Which, you know, probably describes their entire childhood dynamics haha...

... and then the sludge villain happened.

And it brought with it the iconic "My legs moved on their own" and "Your eyes were begging for help" moments which we all know about of course, but this scene also had another more immediate parallel that I'd like to talk about.

Bakugou tried to fight the sludge villain on his own but ultimately failed to win.

Midoriya tried to rescue Bakugou on his own from the sludge villain but ultimately failed to save him.

The sludge villain was a reality check for both of them, in a "Nope kiddos, you might aspire to be heroes, but you still have a very long way to go. Here let's insert an All Might to show you just how far away your goal is," kind of way?

Anyway fast-forward 10 months of intense training to prepare for the UA entrance exam.... and really do I even have to mention this?

I mean the only way it could have been even more textually obvious is if Midoriya had been ranked sixth instead of seventh so that his name would be right next to Bakugou's... like there's even this panel explicitly pointing everything out.

So yeah... nothing to add there, *shrugs*

After that came the Quirk Assessment Test:

I'm going to come back to this later on in a more detailed way, but regarding their personal development; Midoriya's development is external while Bakugou's is internal. And I don't quite consider the quirk assessment test as "progress" for any of them yet because both of them sort of completely miss the point.

Aizawa told Midoriya "How can you save anyone if you can't move after one hit?" which had the underlying message of "It's not okay to hurt yourself"... But Midoriya totally went like, "Okay then I'll just hurt myself in a way in which I can still move afterward!" So yeah he is just sidestepping the problem here, but well there probably wasn't anything else he could do here.

As for Bakugou, he had always feel threatened by Midoriya's presence, but not in a fighting skills context. They are not really competing on the same field and it had never occurred to Bakugou that Midoriya could really beat him in a one-to-one fight.

As hilarious as the thought of Bakugou truly believing that somehow Deku had managed to take head on building-high robots quirkless is, I think what really happened is... Bakugou saw his own 0 rescue points and thought "Oh... so that's how Deku got in. Damn nerd probably went and save shitty extras left and right!". Which is a more realistic feat to manage quirkless. Anyway my point is, Bakugou realizing Midoriya isn't quirkless should have been a "Shit! He's leveling the field and standing on my playground now!" moment...

But no, what overpowered him here is the thought that the whole time Midoriya had been hiding his quirk from him and went like "What? Am I not good enough for you to use your quirk on me?! STOP LOOKING DOWN ON ME!!! EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, SHITTY DEKU!!"

So yeah... kind of missing the point too.

Which is why the quirk assessment test wasn't really their starting point but more like them trying to look for it but missing it?

Speaking of starting lines... Let's move on to the Deku vs. Kacchan first round.

B"From watching the match, it appears Bakugou acted n to surpass Bakugou, All Might pointed that those were the first passionate emotions Midoriya had shown other than "I want to be a hero!". This was the very first moment where Midoriya's desire to win was stronger than his desire to save.

As for Bakugou, this was the moment where he truly he realized that Deku is a threat and not just through his natural heroic/saving disposition like before but on the battlefield which used to be 100% Bakugou's area of expertise. And if even with his non-existent control of quirk Deku had managed to win to such extent, what would happen when Deku managed to truly master his own quirk? Total defeat?! Bakugou is self-aware enough to realize that while his own fighting skills and quirk mastery could still progress, they were already near the top with a not wide enough margin for improvement.

This was the moment where Bakugou realized where he truly stood compared to everyone else around him and that if he wanted to reach the very top again, then only relying on his fighting skills and his quirk control would never be enough. This is what prompted out his feelings of "I have to change or I'll be left in the dust".

And since Deku went and encroached on Bakugou's playground and beat him in the process, there's no way in hell Mr Complete and Irrefutable Win over there wouldn't aim to do exactly the same at some point.

Anyway the two gifs above showed us their motivation to reach their respective Win/Save side of the spectrum, but they both have big issues they need to work on in order to do so.

"From watching the match, it appears Bakugou-san acted on his own because of an obviously personal grudge. As as All Might-sensei said previously, it is foolish to launch a large-scale attack indoors.

In the same way, taking into consideration the damage he received, Midoriya-san's plan was also rash." - Yaoyorozu Momo

Yaoyorozu's analysis was super spot on and hit straight where their weaknesses lie: Bakugou needs to stop acting on his own and learn to cooperate with/trust his teammates and Midoriya needs to stop hurting himself/self-sacrifice and learn to properly control his quirk.

Both of them also have these super heavy shackles that keep pulling them down and impeding their progress at every turn:

Bakugou's complex feelings and emotionally explosive baggage towards Midoriya that makes him go feral and irrational at the drop of a hat and clearly prevents him from properly considering Midoriya as the rival that would keep pulling him up

Midoriya's total and utter idolization of All Might that gives him a tendency to imitate his idol and clearly prevents him from properly realizing and unlocking the potential of his own quirk

And at that point, they clearly don't realize how cumbersome those shackles could be if left unaddressed too long.

Anyway... this episode/chapter was called "Bakugou Katsuki: Starting line", but I think it can be considered both their starting lines, because this is when they were made aware of what they are lacking and showed their resolve to change.

Midoriya's progress and development is intrinsically linked to his quirk mastery and fighting style, which are inherently physical skills (which is where Bakugou's excels in). It stands to reason then that his progress would therefore be very flashy, hard to miss, and highly praised due to the external aspect of his development.

On the other hand Bakugou's progress and development hinges on him properly getting in touch with his emotions and connecting to other people in healthy way, which are inherently inner-strength qualities (which Midoriya has no shortage of) . It stands to reason then that his progress would therefore be very subtle, mostly unnoticed, and hardly taken into account due to the internal aspect of his development. (Like it'd probably only takes him having a full meltdown or throwing himself in front of someone else for other people to notice how far he had gone!)

#bakudeku #bnha #bnha manga spoilers #kacchan & deku #meta #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #win to save save to win #all the parallels #bnha re watch

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pagan-witch-chronicles · 4 years

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Shadow Work and My Experiences With It

When it comes to witchcraft, there comes a time where you must face your own shadow.

“Each of us is like Dorian Grey. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world, a kind courteous demeanor; a youthful intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy - hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame - and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture - addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency - thereby creating shadow content. Like Dorian’s paintings, these qualities take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life or just beside it.

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us and makes us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and often “see” these disowned qualities in the world around us. “

When we do not want to acknowledge traumas, events, or parts of ourselves - the brain tends to automatically categorize these pieces and fragments of our selves and our memories into the dark, far corners of our minds where they may be forgotten. These are things that simply happen unconsciously, causing the growth and production of our “shadows.”

Shadow work is a typically intense practice in which we delve deeper into the self in an attempt to embrace these lost pieces of ourselves. I typically tackle my shadow work by practicing mindfulness and through meditation. There are many reasons why one would want to try shadow work - one of my own reasons being to tackle a trauma that was affecting my every day life.

Trauma can cause the mind to shatter, splintering off into several pieces. When someone becomes ashamed of these parts of themselves, of course they actively try to hide and shield these fragments as a form of protection. In order to begin my shadow working journey, I needed to acknowledge these fractured pieces of my own soul and accept them - no matter how “broken” I wanted to believe they were. But this idea of these fragments being separate from myself was just an illusion - of course these pieces were still part of me. I just needed to learn that and accept it myself.

Shadow work is by no means, easy. Through meditation, I allow any and all memories and past traumas to revisit my conscious mind so that I may hope to learn from them and accept them. It is different than reliving painful events for me, rather I am freely and consciously allowing myself to feel the emotions tied to each event in the hopes that I may begin to heal from them. Shadow work is not for the faint of heart. It comes and goes, and not always when I have the time or want to acknowledge past traumas. We do not always have control of when our subconscious minds cry out to us, begging to be heard and that’s okay. When the strong waves of emotion come, I do my best to acknowledge what I feel and let it take its course. I try to understand where the feelings are coming from, and make attempts to mindfully acknowledge them so that my shadow can be heard. When I practice shadow work, I practice extreme self care. The emotions and feelings my subconscious may bring up can sometimes be very painful, and I treat my self very carefully. I prepare a bath with lots of bubbles and different herbs, and on the particularly bad days I also add a few drops of essential oils and bring some crystals with me. Candles are optional. I take care to be gentle and patient with myself, and if I feel the need to cry then I let myself cry. I let my self be vulnerable, which can also be very difficult - however by being vulnerable with my self, I find that I am often able to learn and accept more about myself than I had known before. I meditate on these feelings, and assess where they are coming from and why. Usually when I practice shadow work, it is because stressors in my present life are subconsciously reminding me of previous situations or scenarios I have been in before that I have not fully accepted or moved past just yet. You cannot rush the healing process - assuming you have moved past traumas or forcing yourself to forget them is what dooms most of us from the start. The first lesson of shadow work is to force nothing. You have to let your thoughts and emotions flow free, without limiting them. Now obviously you don't want to let your anger run rampant and take it out on others, but you want to let out all those emotions in healthy ways without simply burying them. When you bottle up your emotions, you only do harm to yourself. Instead of avoiding them, working through them has helped me grow in leaps and bounds. I was able to work past some of my rougher childhood traumas and understand them. I was able to understand and in some cases, forgive some of my aggressors. Not forget them or what they’ve done to me, but forgive them. This has also done wonders for my self confidence and mental health. The process takes time, and it’s never really over. Once you start, you’re never really done with it.

In my experience, shadow work can be incredibly liberating given time and patience. These things just do not work or happen over night. In fact, more often than not my deities will send me shadow work because I am avoiding issues that I allow to keep reappearing. That happens, it’s normal. Shadow work is not always pleasant, and I do not, by any means, encourage baby witches to practice it without at least some experience in the craft and stable support systems. Shadow work is so much more than practicing mindfulness, because the state of your self and your mental health is incredibly important. You cannot simply wish the pains of your traumas away or banish them so simply; there are layers and layers of effects and learned behaviors that usually need to be worked through. This also does not come over night. In order to practice shadow work, you need an extreme and in depth knowledge and understanding of yourself, and an open mind. More often than not, you come face to face with thoughts and aspects of yourself you have not faced in far too long- parts and sides of your self that may be surprising or startle you. Know thy self. You must be firm in your belief and identity to face your shadow and remain unscathed. This is not some simple thing to address, and it is not something to make light of. Your shadow will break you given the chance, especially after prolonged ignorance. If you refuse to accept your shadow self, it can and will kill your spirit. It will poison your soul. But when practiced and done safely and correctly, shadow work offers you all that you need to heal your wounded soul and liberate the self. Yes, it’s daunting. Yes, it’s dangerous. No, if you have a history of mental illness or other illnesses, this probably isn’t a great idea for you. This has simply been a post on my own feelings and experiences with shadow work, and hopefully a useful new perspective on the workings.

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pinkesthoney · 4 years

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Howling at the Full moon (pt. 2)

Summary: Commodus is done waiting and now it’s your turn to be tortured. (read part 1 here)

Warnings: Smut!! some bondage, a lil blood from a bite

Pairing: Commodus x Reader

"Now. Since you've seen fit to taunt me endlessly with that divine mouth of yours, I think it's only fit to return the favour–wouldn't you agree?"

oh shit...you'd been waiting all night and loved teasing Commodus but now he was done waiting. He studied you from the foot of the bed, eyes hooded a snarl pulling at the scar on his upper lip. Your pulse jumped at the sight, feeling your fear and desire rush between your legs.

"Don't. Move." Commodus snarled at you, pining you in place with his eyes until you nodded frantically.

He turned his back on you, stalking over to the glossy black and gold dresser on the far side of the room. You eyed the distance from the bed to the door, getting an idea in your mind to cause a little more mischief. You watched Commodus' back. He was removing most of his formal wear, leaving only a waist draping in rich bloodred that hinted at his lower physique. His back muscles rippled as he finished setting items away. You could see the carefully controlled tension that needed just the slightest nudge to snap...

You tensed your thighs, readying yourself to make your move. You waited as Commodus pulled some fine silk ribbons out of the drawer, holding your breath. Finally just as he started to turn back to you, you bolted off the bed and sprinted for the door.

You had timed it perfectly and Commodus seized you just as your fingers brushed the doorknob. You crashed to the ground in a pile of limbs with Commodus caging you in. He snarled at you, biting down hard on the nape of your neck. You felt yourself go slack instantly.

"Mine" He growled, grinding down on your ass so you could feel his erection through the layers of thin clothing. You loved the sharp pain of his grip on your wrists, digging into the cold stone floor.

You lunged again, as if trying to escape his grip, which earned you a howl of rage and his grip shifting to your middle, draping you over his shoulder like you weighed no more than a shoulder bag as he carried you back to the bed. He dropped on the foot of the bed, having you stand as he tied your wrists to the solid wood bed posters, followed by your ankles.

You were completely spread out at his mercy. You were still wearing your new gown, but in this position it was hardly covering your most delicate area.

"There's no running away now. I plan on showing you exactly what I think of this dress on you." Commodus growled as he stalked around you, a predator assessing his prey.

You loved the way he looked at you, loved how it made you feel. There was fear there, sure, but also power. You were what held his gaze and made his eyes dark as the sea at storm. You felt your pulse so strongly in your wrists, neck, and ears. The adrenaline was overwhelming.

Commodus stopped his pacing and stood in front of you. There was a predatory smile now on his lips and he looked starving.

He approached you, coming so close you could feel the warmth of his skin without touching. You couldn't tear your gaze away from his eyes, which is why you jumped at the first caress of his calloused, barbarian hands.

He stroked gently along your exposed belly around to the middle of your back. He loved feeling you shiver beneath his touch and drank in your sharp gasp. He let his hand skim back to your belly, dragging his nails softly as he did so. You wouldn't have stopped your moan even if you could.

Commodus bent to kiss and bite along your neck, lavishing you in attention. You longed to run your nails along his scalp and encourage him, only to be reminded of your restraints. You groaned in frustration and Commodus looked up at you with feigned innocence.

"is something the matter Princess?" as he asked it, he licked and bit his way up your jugular to the sensitive spot behind your ear, where he couldn't resist nuzzling and breathing in your scent.

"N-no, my King." You whimpered, knowing the best way to get what you wanted was to give him total control.

"Good. I wouldn't want my Empress wanting for anything." He purred, closing the distance between your hips, rubbing himself against you. You couldn't see his expression with his face still buried in your neck but you could feel how his mouth was hanging open, desperate pants huffing against your vulnerable skin.

You shivered at the sensation but didn't try to steal any friction for yourself. Commodus' hands, which hand been settled on your hips, were now consuming you. one hand settled on the wide open space allowed by the gold ring while his other hand cupped against your vulva, using the slick black silk to deny you his skin and taunt you with the new sensation. The hand on your ribs suddenly dug its nails in, biting sharply into your skin. Your head lolled back, taking the pleasure he was willing to give.

Commodus took this as the only invitation he needed to latch on to the juncture of your neck and shoulder, sinking his teeth into your skin. You gasped, feeling his teeth break skin. The burning sensation filled you with delicious warmth.

Commodus forced you to meet his gaze, and you couldn't help the needy while at his painted-crimson snarl. He kept eye contact while licking his lips clean, savouring the metallic taste.

You could feel every look shoot right down to where he was still holding you. His strong fingers played with you through the silk. His thumb found your clit and stroked over it with the lightest pressure. It wasn't enough and you whined with need.

You would've stomped your feet in frustration if they weren't currently bound to the immovable posts.

"That's alright, carissima, just let me take care of you. You'll get what you need." Just as he said it, he slapped your pussy, causing you to scream. He did it again and you could feel the intense pressure all the way in your core. He moved a hand to your throat, holding you in place while he plundered your mouth.

Commodus' kiss wasn't sweet or gentle, it was the kiss of a conqueror, a gladiator. He would claim you just like he had claimed Rome. His tongue lashed out and his teeth bit at you. You were helpless against him and melted under his attention.

When he was satisfied, he dropped his hand from your throat, letting your head drop. You were gasping, trying to regain your breath. Commodus didn't give you the chance before sinking to his knees. He nuzzled at your pussy, rubbing at you through the black silk. He didn't even seem to realize the whimpers and moans he was making.

You were overwhelmed by feeling of slick silk against your clit. Commodus took his time inhaling your scent, groaning as he did so. You were his prize and he loved worshiping you. He pulled aside the fabric separating him from what was his to claim. He skimmed the pads of his fingers up the inside of your thighs. You tried to hide yourself from the sensation by squeezing your thighs together but you were held bare and vulnerable.

You felt every slight touch on the delicate skin leading to your center. You couldn't even get any friction of your own since you couldn't clench your thighs–and Commodus knew it.

He took his time torturing you the way you had tortured him. He let his hot, humid breath ghost against your clit, driving you mad with the lack of pressure. When you were whining and moaning with need, he finally let out his tongue, gently stroking from the base of your clit and up one side to the crest. He repeated the action on the other side, savouring your taste, your needy moans.

He licked deeper the next time, starting from the top of your entrance and licked all the way up the the peak of your clit, flattening his tongue as he went. You felt every minute movement and couldn't think of anything else.

Commodus moved one hand from gripping your thigh to play at your entrance with the flat of his thumb. He wouldn't enter you...not yet. Instead he placed soft kisses on you, first on the soft skin on top your clit, then on your clit itself–surrounding it in the warmth of his lips. And that's when he started to suck. You couldn't even recognize the howling noises you were making but you couldn't care. The pressure of his mouth was beyond belief. You felt your entire awareness condense down to the spot where he was sucking at you. Your skin was on fire and your blood seemed to be electrified. Commodus continued the suction on your clit and flicked at the sensitive tip with the tip of his tongue, following every now and then with a sharp broad stroke. You were gasping and couldn't catch your breath. You felt the electricity of your orgasm building, but Commodus didn't seem like he was stopping any time soon.

Oh looking down was a huge mistake. Staring back up at you with eyes like ice on fire, Commodus was devouring you like his first and last meal. You could barely squeak out a warning before your orgasm took the words out of your throat, making you vision go white and your body lax against your restraints.

Commodus, still attached to your clit hummed in pleasure. He gave a final swipe with the flat of his tongue and a gentle nip, causing you to spasm again, before releasing you. He stood, fully in your personal space.

"honeybee, I don't believe I gave you permission to come. That was very rude of you. Perhaps I can forgive it...if you show your honest remorse." He growled, voice vibrating through you at this proximity.

"Please, my Emperor, I'm so very sorry. I couldn't stop myself, not once I looked at you. I'm sorry, my emperor is just too attractive for his own good." You said, putting on your best pout and puppy eyes. This earned you a smirk from your Emperor.

"Too attractive hmm? I don't think that's any excuse for bad behavior or I would've made quite the scene at our party tonight. Do you know what a sight you are, suckling on my fingers and moaning as I give you the richest foods to savour? No, I think you're just a spoiled little princess who's accustomed to getting whatever she wants and getting away with the rest. What do you think of that, hmm?" His voice dropped to a dangerous whisper.

"I-I" You were at a loss for words, cheeks flaming red. you loved when Commodus treated you like a brat. "Sir...I am sorry. I would make it up to you if you would allow me?" You bat your eyes at him. Commodus chuckled.

"How can I ever say no to you?" as he said it, he released your ankles and wrists of their silk bindings. Sitting you down on the bed he rubbed out the stiffness in your joints. He started at your feet, digging his thumbnails into the arches of your feet, drawing soft moans from you. As he massaged the red marks on your ankles you sighed in bliss. As much as Commodus pretended to complain about your brattiness, he was the one who spoiled you.

When he was satisfied with your comfort, he moved to the headboard, pulling you against his chest and massaged your wrists. You sank into his chest, practically purring. You couldn't help nuzzling at the soft spot behind his ear as he owned you with his touches.

"Whose are you?" he growled

"yours" you whispered

"And whose am I?" he crooned

"mine." you playfully growled.

"that's right, princess, all yours" he chuckled. And he was far from done with you...

#commodus x reader #commodus #i write sometimes

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berryshiara · 3 years

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Interview with an Ardat-Yakshi Chapter 1 Unexpected Things

AO3 Link How best to approach a problem? And by the Goddess... What to wear? Fen makes good on her promise to visit Vanguard XPress in Kari's behalf... Our story continues... Sleep… when she awoke despite the interruptions by Kari, Fen felt good… really good. With a sigh she stretched leisurely and sighed, there was something cathartic about making her home a better place.

During the stretch she found a companion in bed with her. Ludis…

“Hey…” She said rolling towards them and pushing on broad shoulders. “What do you think you are doing in my bed?”

A paw came up on the far side as Ludis rolled on their back towards her, pushing with one paw on the bed, offering the other in a submissive gesture.

“Don’t you play nice with me buster.” She half heartedly grumbled when they rolled over and pushed their face against her, giving Fen a light buzz. The buzz grew in intensity as they expressed their excitement for her to finally be awake.

“Wah!” She pulled her face away with a frown, pushing the over exuberant hulk back with both hands. “Stop, stop it… Goddess.” She grumbled but just as quickly sighed when her Fenris thumped down on the bed beside her, resting the curve of it’s big face on her shoulder.

Fen stared at Ludis only briefly. “You really should not be up here.” Rolling towards her captured arm she wrapped the free one around Ludis and let her body rest against theirs, cheek pressed against a warm shoulder. “I’m in too good of a mood to be upset.” She admitted with a deep sigh. Ludis lay there seemingly content in Fen’s embrace, their mechanical legs stilling on the bed, the red glow of their face softening. She sighed again pressing her brow to their short neck.

For a long moment they stayed that way, Ludis laying quietly as Fen held them… a learned behavior that Fen was grateful for. “Where were you when I was invaded this morning by a giant?” She asked, her fingers playing over the pocked marks on Ludis’ paws, time left its mark on all things…

Ludis remained unforthcoming to her question. With a tight squeeze to the barrel of their chest Fen unrolled and pushed the FENRIS mech just enough to free herself. She didn’t have the heart to bully it off the bed, something that wasn’t a worry any way. The moment Fen’s feet made the floor Ludis was up, in fact Ludis beat her to the door. Its face glowing intensely bright with excitement. As if to prove her belief in its anthropomorphic performance, Ludis did a little dance against the door, putting a paw on it then backing up and spinning in a circle before looking back at Fen expectantly.

“Okay, yes. I got it.” Reaching for her omnitool and slipping it on as she made for the door. When another paw came up to the door she barked discouragement at him. “NO!” Grumbling softly afterwards “Don’t do that” Already the door held marks of their passing, gouges where mechanical toes had scarred the cheap material. “I swear, between you and Kari I can’t keep a decent door.” She was still grumbling about it when they made it to the kitchen where the early morning meeting had been held. Her cup of cold coffee on the small table a reminder of promises made…

Pursing her lips she plucked it up, swirled it thoughtfully and then turned back to the bedroom. Ludis sat back on metallic haunches as she brushed past them again.

“What does one wear to impress a Batarian business man?” Fen asked her four legged friend as she took a long drink of the cold coffee and inspected the wardrobe objectively.

Honestly did she really care to impress him? Was she looking to beguile him into doing what she wanted? Did she wish to have him beholden to her? Or terrify him into compliance?

Setting the coffee down she let her fingers run through the choices, feeling the fabrics as she thought about what it was she wanted to accomplish in this meeting?

“No… no…” Blue fingers paused, slipping against silk that drew a smile, pulling the dress out she held it against her body as that smile grew. Fingers caressed the black silk, down her body to the short hem of the dress. Her mind jumping to that night in Afterlife, when a certain someone approached her with an almost unheard clearing of their throat. An uncertain request by an unsure maiden… Fen had almost dismissed her without even looking up, she remembered feeling annoyed that the hulk that stood in front of her blocked her view. That is until she focused on what the wall was… powerful thighs, leading to slender hips, strong abs, broad shoulders before finally meeting hesitant blue… eyes.

Her skin tingled as she thought about her friend, gorgeous, powerful… perfection.

Pressing her lips together Fen put that dress back with a shake of her head “I don’t want to ruin that memory.”

Giving the dress a final caress Fen sighed. Really what did she want to do to this Batarian besides make it clear that Jessa was her own person? But was she? Batarians were known to be slavers… did she have the information needed to approach this objectively?

Gold eyes shifted to the slim shoulder of that little black dress, awakening a shimmer of dancing fish in her chest and stomach. Honestly, when it came to Pallikári could she be objective at all?

Just as promised Foínix came to Vanguard XPress; who’s motto was Anything, Anywhere, for the right price. On Omega that really did mean anything… Like most businesses on this shithole it had two faces. That which provided a legitimate service - moving goods and messages, the second.. included bodies - living and dead, drugs of all kinds, … in hell, nothing was sacred.

Dressed in a black on black outfit pants suite she stepped through the front door with Ludis at her side.

Jess was at the front desk to welcome her, her smile warm and genuine.

“Can I help you?”

“Hello.” Foínix took up a comfortable pose on the desk leaning a little in towards Jess resting an arm on the low partition to one side. She took up a posture that both exposed herself and displayed it. With just the right tip of her jaw she greeted Fen’s, Jess.

Jess blinked at her, no doubt trying to figure out what about her body language was bothering her... and how best to politely decline; but her request was not for the woman at the desk, but rather to her Batarian boss. Like a peacock with extravagant plumage spread, Fen waited for him to take notice. That she was offering this display to the lowly front desk worker would make them respond to her silent offer all the quicker, after all… they were the master, anything offered in their establishment, belonged to them first. Batarians were fun like that… the wrong twitch meant the difference between insult and matrimony…

Jess blinked at her even as she leaned in, a confused look touched the humans eyes and ever so briefly her lips just before she returned the smile. “I’m good, and you?”

Though she was not there to test Kari’s human, it sort of worked out that way, and her response was heartening. A human who was not so easily enticed by another Asari meant that they were not doing it for the novelty.

“I am doing well, thank you.” A little impatient she gave a final silent request, shifting off the partition Fen leaned forward into Jess’s space.

As if reeled in, the back door opened… she gave a brief glance to Vath, assessing him and their safety. He carried himself strong, with exposed arms, and a form fitting top.

“What is it we can do for you?” He interrupted Jess, standing as a man in power to her right. His chest was puffed up, his head held high. He was strutting back, showing this was his domain, and that it was to him she should appeal. Not to his hired help.

Raising a brow she resisted the urge to cant her head the wrong way. Instead she gave an easy smile and lowered her chin in response. “Were I to guess, you were a man in charge. I was hoping to speak to you about a lucrative venture. There is many things I need moved… and I have little desire to do so myself. If I…”

He raised a hand as he moved from the front desk to the side gate, motioning her to come around. “Please, let us continue this discussion in my office.”

Giving a brief look to Jess she bowed her head ever so slightly. “Thank you.”

Fen wondered how much Jess dismissed in her job… but left it alone. She would be setting some clear boundaries soon enough for the Batarian business man.

"Wait..." He held his hand up when he caught sight of her FENRIS.

"Ludis, sit." Pointing to a spot just outside the gate. Her mech came to that exact point and looking up at her, plunked its haunches right on it. "Stay." She rubbed the rim of his head and let him buzz the back of her hand as she rubbed the back of her fingers against his face.

Looking up she gave a look to the Batarian before he dropped his arm and then led the way to his office.

Vath’s office was surprisingly… perfect.

It’s presentation was so well done that it left very little to imagination... There was a picture frame on his desk, its contents rotating through several captured memories, most of them very proud men showing their overly large guns, and the poor animals they had hunted to death.

A few personal items, not one of which had anything to do with his big game hunting. That actually surprised her. There were no stuffed animals or pieces of them mounted as trophies. . . His desk was tidy but showed a functioning work space rather than a picture perfect one. The furniture was not ostentatious, nor something that would have made clients uncomfortable.

The space was so maintained it felt like it belonged in a magazine.

Vath stepped into the room and turned sitting on the desk while motioning for her to take a seat.

While giving the illusion of being courteous he was taking a very dominant position, both by remaining in her space, and by keeping his head higher than hers. Honestly though, being a short woman, it was not hard to do.

Playing the game, Foínix took the offered seat.

“Can I get you anything? A glass of water? Or something stronger?” He motioned to the neat little set of decorative decanted alcoholic beverages sitting in an alcove.

“Thank you, no. I am not here to play a perfectly poised game. I want to make a deal that will benefit us both, but I have very specific conditions that must be met before we can get down to making money.”

The Batarian shifted, his body expressing reservation, and a little curiosity.

“I thought about ways I could get what I want. Beguiling you does not appeal to me, nor does appealing to your vanity, which I would quickly find exhausting. I also thought about terrifying you to get what I want, but I feel that is a shallow one time trick that will do little good unless I am truly willing to kill you and replace you.” She looked at him as she revealed all this. A quirk to her lips when he stiffened. She made a soothing gesture. “I was merely covering my options. I have no intention on following on any of the aforementioned ideas. While you are not the best of men, you are what Father calls a necessary evil… Having covered all that, I come to but one option, I want you to give me what I want, so that you can make lots of money doing what I want you to do.”

To his credit Vath remained perched on the desk, studying her. Thick lips pursed as he chewed on her words. Like his room he was very careful in studying the case presented to him, before he laughed and then stood up to circle around the desk, plopping into his chair he leaned forward, elbows on the desktop.

Fen had a feeling she would have lost a week’s worth of credits if she had made the bet that this was not Vath’s true office.

“Well, you have my attention. Tell me what these conditions are so we can get to the good bits!”

“I want to know if you actually own papers on Jessa Pell, and if you do, I want you to tear them up.”

“Pell…” His brow furrowed, all four of his eyes narrowing as he struck a haughty pose. Slave ownership was a touchy subject with the Hegemony, most Batarians felt it was their ancestral right to own, buy and sell others as a commodity. “Why Pell specifically? I have slips on nearly all my workers.”

“I have a vested interest… I am not here to say you have to give up your slaving ways, but I do need Jessa to be released from any contracts you may have on her… and I need her to be free in every way imaginable.”

“Ok, those are the conditions, what is the business opportunity I was promised that would be worth this… investment.” He sat back stroking the coarse hairs on his chin.

“I have lots of merch that I have no need for. I sell it to you at a considerable discount, and you take whatever profit there is to be made.”

“What merch.”

Fen raised her omnitool leaning forward so that she could share the information with Vath.

Looking over the list for a few minutes, he grunted. “How often do you get these… shipments.”

“When I do you will be the first to know.”

“Payment?”

“Thirty percent.”

“Twenty.” He countered, his eyes narrowing.

She shifted. “Twenty eight.”

“Twenty five.” He came back quickly, a playful smile touching thick lips.

Fen pretended to think about the number before speaking. “And Jessa’s papers.”

“Deal.”

“You will add a note to your personal file after you send me all you have on Ms. Pell.” Opening the screen up on her omni-tool Fen flicked a file in his direction.

Vath grunted, his brows drawing tight before one set of eyes raised to look at her over his device. “Is this a threat?”

Fen stood up and straightened her bodice. “To a successful & wiley business man such as yourself, it is a friendly reminder. Who owns Jessa Pell now?” She asked.

After a moment of silence and moving of documents between their devices he gave nod to her. “You do.” Standing he leaned forward on his desk, hands placed flat, neck extended jaw at a sassy jaunt as he wore a toothy grin. “And before you destroy those documents, I would gladly tell you why you should keep them… over drinks and dinner.”

Fen looked up from her omni-tool to see the offer he gave her, surprise touching her face before she could hide it.

@maskydoolovesmasseffect @maskydoo-main id like to thank masky for their kind encouragement, and what seems unending generosity. Thanks~

#interview with an ardat yakshi #ardat-yakshi #mass effect #Foínix Éleos #Vath Bak'daroh #mass effect fan fiction #asari #omega #batarian

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babysgarage · 3 years

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disclaimers: * i don’t know what the fuck i’m talking about ** i did not want him redeemed, so i’m not actually gonna write him a new redemption arc, i’m just gonna add canon compliant scenes to the existing one to make it easier for me to swallow *** you’ll notice that i don’t mention a certain topic at all and that’s because it’s the main reason why i don’t want him redeemed so i’m going to pretend it doesn’t exist so that i can write this at all. Also there’s a wholeass debate about it and i don’t feel competent enough to weigh in rn

So the problem i have with this whole thing is that it feels so unearned, he didn’t do a single redeemable thing before, during or after, he faces 0 consequences, he showed 0 changed behavior and his change of heart felt very sudden, there were no signs of him second-guessing himself at all, and this post is only gonna change that last point ..ok no wait, i honestly thought that his beef with cherry was supposed to show there were still traces of the old adam left somewhere

… and that him smacking cherry in the face with a skateboard in the end was meant to show he willed himself to do the ultimate cruel move and prove to both himself and cherry that their bond was a thing of the past that means absolutely nothing to him now and that he is more powerful now that he’s on his own and other sasuke-esque things yadda yadda but then the smack turned into a ‘technique’ that he uses against everyone like he’s a videogame character and that’s his signature move, and now it just looks more ridiculous because it lost the shock value and the potential meaning behind it

next up i gotta address that i get that the way he acts is obviously the result of this;

obviously the way he was raised gave him a completely distorted, fucked up view of what love is- aka it made him equate love and abuse

plus this scene

he also thinks love is earned by performing well and rising up to your shitty relatives’ expectations

so my suggestion is: add a scene after the end of Reki & Adam’s beef. Reki lost, but everyone at S is cheering for him, all his friends are huddled around him in support, and also there’s Langa, tending to Reki’s injuries, maybe adding a band aid in the exact same where Adam running his fingers on his forearms (like in the screencap above where he’s talking to Miya), where the ruler marks used to, and then it hits him – maybe that’s what love is actually supposed to be like-

Just use what you’ve already established in the story- that Adam notices there’s a strong bond between Reki and Langa that he’s kinda jealous of maybe. but also i don’t mean the focus is just reki&langa, it’s a big detail in a bigger picture of the *power of friendship* w/ other skaters

Of course, when one comes across a realization that could shatter their entire world view and disprove everything they were taught from a young age, their first instinct usually isn’t to immediately accept it, but to clamp down on their long-held beliefs and fight the doubt – that leads him proceed to that poor tailor’s shop and continue on with the events of episode 12, but except that whole internal struggle thing makes it a bit more understandable now why he’s spinning out

He still has his beef with Langa who makes him confront the fact that he is full of shit and obviously doesn’t wanna be alone his whole life

now onto his issues with tadashi

The dude obviously has some abandonment issues, and Tadashi feels really guilty and bad about Adam’s life in general, in the end he was like ‘I’m not gonna take your only escapist mechanism away from you, i’m gonna let this teenager remind you of the joy you used to find in it’

and this is where i verge off into this-will-never-happen-in-the-show territory but what if after their whole ‘you’ll take the fall for me’ convo, Tadashi decides to go with that plan and to take the aunts down with him by planting false evidence or something. Now ainosuke is free from people trying to dictate his every move like forcing him into a marriage (Tadashi always pulled a face when they mentioned it). Now Adam’s a bit more free and can hopefully lead a happier life. One problem tho is that Adam’s all alone now (which he doesn’t really want as we established) and being all alone after going thru some stressful shit and earthshattering revelations isn’t a winning combo for mental health in my experience so guess who finally gets some therapy! And since he’s still a corrupt & rich politician, he bribes someone to get Tadashi a very short/light sentence and when they meet again he hires him back immediately because ‘where else are you gonna get a job as a convicted felon’ and you basically have your ‘be my dog forever’ moment without anyone being called a dog and no, idk what any of this would do to his career

also maybe cut the scene where he crashes langa’s party in his matador costume

Also yknow how Adam obviously invests in that building where Miya trains at? What if he partners up with Cherry and he makes mini Carlas for the trainees like in those high-tech gyms where they assess your movements and enhance your performance using advanced scanners and robots and yadda yadda. That comes after they mend their relationship, idk how, but i doubt the sk8 writers would be vehemently against making them make up so

#long post #this is the longest thing i've written i hope readmore works #cw: ad*m #sk8 for ts

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empmoniitor · 3 years

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INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION: WHAT ARE THE BARRIERS AND 09 WAYS TO IMPROVE IT

The Quarantaniversary is here- it’s almost a year since the COVID-19 pandemic dawned upon us all. And we all witnessed a TREMENDOUS change in our workplaces.

Nevertheless, remote work surprisingly assisted globalization, and companies are hiring more people from abroad than ever. With people ready to telecommute, workplaces are getting more diverse. Sure, this scenario isn’t going to last same forever- but we can already witness a lot of challenges that follow remote work- intercultural communication being one of them.

It is no secret why communication tops the list of priorities that a company needs to inculcate among its employees. Intercultural communication makes it trickier to accomplish, especially with people literally working miles apart.

Many organizations are opening their gates soon, and the cultural differences may intensify if you don’t start working on it now. Do you wonder if your employees are happily interacting despite these differences?

In this blog, we will discuss how to-

1. Assess your staff’s intercultural communication skills;

2. Identify the hindrances;

3. And rectify them for good.

BONUS- READ, HOW TO CREATE AND DEFINE A WORK FROM HOME POLICY FOR YOUR COMPANY

WHY IS INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION IMPORTANT?

Differences in culture are inevitable, and it takes a lot for people to bridge the gap. Lack of management in intercultural communication paves the way for misunderstandings and a feeling of being left out.

I’ll explain my point by citing an example. The west urges its people to leave their parents’ home and start a family at a very young age, while the east encourages a culture of living with parents and grandparents. It is one of the very few differences that you will find even when working with employees belonging to different cities in your own country.

A workplace that understands the diversity in traditions, customs, and cultures make its staff feel welcomed. It leads to better team communication, which ultimately develops a healthier and dynamic work environment. To be successful in any sector, organizations must understand and meet the communication patterns of their clients, employees, investors, and other associated people.

HINDRANCES IN INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION

KNOW WHAT YOUR TEAM LACKS

Now that you understand the why, let’s get into the what part.

There are four broad cultural differences that you’ll spot among people around you. Your employees are no exception. Improve your intercultural communication by identifying their weak points. Look for the ones that they lack so that you can rectify them ASAP. After all, acceptance is the first step to betterment!

Here are the key cultural aspects that your staff may lack:

1. EDUCATIONAL

School is the second home of a child, and it plays a vital role in shaping our thoughts, mannerisms, and problem-solving skills. Our background depends on our school, teachers, locations, and the associated national and district laws.

Companies hire people for different positions based on their qualifications. When they work together on a project, they implement varied methods based on their backgrounds to tackle the same set of problems. The results can either be pretty cool or a disastrous mess.

2. RELIGIOUS

An employee’s religious and spiritual affirmations have a significant impact on their priorities and behavior. Religious and spiritual beliefs have the power to impact a person’s perception, analytical abilities, and decision-making skills. As a result, they may even have a difference in ethical behavior.

Everyone has a right to express their religion. There could be a possibility of differences in opinions at the workplace and cold wars. Beware!

3. ETHNIC

Ethnicity is different from race. It is not biological and depends on a person’s learned behaviors due to their culture, nationality, religion, ancestry, heritage, and linguistic backgrounds. Jewish, Tamil, Pashtun, Cambodian, Sindhi, etc., are a few examples of ethnicity.

Naturally, separate ethnicities have a different train of thought and exposure. For instance, people who grow up in a spiritual and sacrificing environment avoid conflicts at all costs. Others may be direct in communication.

4. RACIAL

The race is a biologically defined term. Black, White, Asian are a few examples, for instance. Races have NOTHING to do with the person’s ethics and working skills. But they do have an impact on their accent, day-to-day behavior, and stuff like that.

While racial diversity is no big deal in the modern workplace, racist slurs, biased behavior, and mixed perceptions are still prevalent. Strong intercultural communication intertwines people and prevents this from happening.

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5. GEOGRAPHICAL

The location you grow up in defines the environment you are exposed to- leading to developing varied dressing, speaking, eating, and living habits. Working with people from different geographical upbringing may sound cool and all, but it is actually the primary cause of stereotypes.

People who dwell from the same place tend to bond faster. And while that’s no big of a deal, it may lead to groupism and people feeling alienated.

6. LINGUISTIC

Some countries have an official language for their state, while some don’t. It is plausible due to the languages spoken by the natives. While English is the most acceptable among them all, people also come with different accents.

Long story short, language remains a barrier in any workplace that doesn’t stick to hiring only the locals. Paving the way for a friendly yet strong intercultural communication promotes bonding among all and keeps conflicts at bay.

7. GENERATIONAL

The generation you are born in has a darn tootin’ impact on your ideas on professionalism, ethical behavior, collaboration, creativity, and overall communication. Gen Z, for instance, prioritizes career and stability, while Boomers have a softer spot for their home and family.

Different generations are going to look at stuff with different glasses. A GenXer’s creativity and Baby Boomer’s experience may yield the best results. But it requires constant understanding, respect, and fair inclusion of all.

8. SOCIO-ECONOMIC

A person’s income and socio-economic status (SES) speak a lot about the privileges, opportunities, and resources that they usually get. Contrary to popular belief, SES has a major impact on our behavior and analytical skills.

SES contributes to an employee’s functioning, mental & physical health, stress level, and morals. If left to perish, it leads to judgments, biases, and information silos.

IMPROVING INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION AT WORKPLACE

There are cultures within cultures, and communication is the only path to collaboration. There’s nothing worse than a lack of understanding among people due to their misaligned assumptions and cognitive biases.

The strategies listed below are vital to creating cross-cultural harmony. However, I have witnessed points 4, 5, 7, and 9 making the maximum impact on intercultural communication:

1. AVOID USING SLANG

The non-natives of your place may understand what you say but may not understand the exact idea and context behind it. Slang, phrases, and idioms are cool, but why not keep it simple? Even the natives may get confused if your language gets too complicated.

Everyone has an interpretation of their own. And it is natural to read between the lines when things are not clear. An inaccurate interpretation, in such cases, will end up confusing or may even offend your staff. Play safe ALWAYS.

2. HANDLE HUMOUR WITH CARE

Cracking jokes is no big deal, and you don’t always have to be a grumpy boss. But remember, not everyone understands humour. So if you decide to go for it, make sure everyone understands it clearly. Cultural appropriation is a prerequisite, and you cannot compromise it for a few fake laughs. Go for neutral jokes that seem appreciated and accepted in all cultures. (for instance, a knock-knock joke)

HRs and management need to understand how culturally leaned behavior affects communication. Fixing it reduces intercultural communication conflicts to a humongous extent.

3. ORGANIZE GAMES & ACTIVITIES

Collaboration is the key to better communication. And what’s a better way to collaborate than to organize non-work-related activities. When people talk about stuff other than work, they feel more connected and start opening up despite their differences.

As a matter of fact, people with a different culture are more interested in a place’s native culture. Games and activities are a perfect way to cheer things up when trying to improve intercultural communication.

4. HOLD DISCUSSIONS & DEBATES

Debates might be the last thing you’d want in your organization, but hear me out- when you encourage people to present their conflicting thoughts professionally, they learn how to be opinionated and yet hold back the offense. Debates are healthy, and they bring sportsmanship among the peers.

Group discussions are also an excellent way of teaching the employees how and why it is crucial to keep things clear and simple in a conversation. Intercultural communication can only strengthen when people polish their verbal as well as listening skills.

5. SPEAK SLOWLY

An intercultural workplace would definitely have employees with varied accents and familiarity with the language. When you speak at your usual pace, you become vulnerable to miscommunication, misinterpretation, and misunderstandings.

Modulating the speed will ensure that your words are loud and clear. But make sure you’re not too slow, or else people would drift off while listening, let alone improve the overall communication. And that’s a bummer!

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6. KEEP NON-VERBAL MISINTERPRETATIONS IN MIND

Your body language is always a part of communication. And it doesn’t matter what your words say- your tone and posture add meaning to it. Focus on keeping your facial expressions and body language very neutral. You don’t always have to smile, but maybe stop crossing your arms and looking at your phone.

Sometimes the non-verbal misinterpretations are not very obvious, and you have to dig a bit deeper. For instance, the Japanese find it rude when someone points a chopstick at them while eating.

7. WORK ON COGNITIVE BIASES

Everyone is biased- that’s natural. But it’s very unethical to let the biases interfere with our decision-making processes at work. It doesn’t matter how you feel about stuff- you have to take a rational and practical approach to get an unbiased and appropriate solution.

Your cognitive bias stems from a lot of reasons and has a direct impact on your conversations. If not taken care of, it may make things bitter between people with a difference in opinion.

8. NEVER FRAME CLOSED QUESTIONS

Avoid direct questions that need an answer in yes or no. Some people find it rude to answer such questions without an explanation. They might as well go with a yes instead of saying no to someone’s face. It might sound a little absurd, but such behavior is also an influence of their background.

Open-ended questions that require a plausible explanation are better in such cases. As a bonus, you always get to understand the thinking process of your team. And you can always assign the right tasks to the right person in the future.

9. ENCOURAGE ACTIVE LISTENING

Out of the two fundamental parts of communication, people tend to only work on their speaking skills. Well, we all know that won’t work. After all, who likes sharing their thoughts with someone who won’t let them finish their sentences? To ensure a healthy and happening relationship among all, you have to make sure that people like each other’s company.

Intercultural communication is a responsibility. Encourage people to come up with doubts, suggestions, and queries. It helps break the information silos, and nothing gets missed or misunderstood.