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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Jimmy & Janis Pt.1

Jimmy: You gonna go?

Janis: 🤔

Janis: On the one hand, do I wanna kms today

Janis: on the other, she blatantly doesn’t want me there so bad

Jimmy: 1. it ain’t at hers, might not be worth doing 2. it’s at Tammy’s so you could hack her tiktok and 💀💀💀 on a full stomach

Janis: 4. Well rude you ain’t invited when you wanna be Tam’s BFF so bad

Jimmy: it’s like they don’t even wanna get their insta engagement up!!! ❤️👍✔️ I’d get in them matching pink pjs

Janis: 🥺 when the group only needs one slag

Jimmy: You got time to train me in the race against Asia to see who gets lost on the way there first, or what?

Janis: Last I knew you needed no help in that regard but

Janis: I could go

Janis: if we 💭 of enough ways to fuck with them to make it worth how many braincells I’m gonna lose

Jimmy: finding #goals 🎄 jumpers ain’t the same as finding 🦍🌃 before her BFF remembers where it were, unless she’s still got her christmas decs up outside and they’re all 🌭🍩🍔🍭🍟🍦🍕 shaped

Janis: 🤞 keep the CG on side after your thievery

Jimmy: I get it, gotta craft myself a 🐩 costume with the leftover cotton wall balls before you’ll 🏃 with me

Janis: Would it kills you to put some effort in, babes 🙄

Jimmy: UGH fine 🙄🙄🙄

Janis: Fat, lazy, slag

Janis: leave SOMETHING for the rest of ‘em, honestly

Jimmy: leaving them that fringe, you heard

Janis: 😂

Janis: only in your baes, yeah

Jimmy: I reckon you should go

Jimmy: but if you're too knackered and 🙀🙀 she'll come at you with ✂️ when you 😴 I get that an' all

Janis: I ain’t scared

Janis: I’ll go

Janis: though you’re gonna be double behind now so are you 🙀🙀

Jimmy: Piss off am I

Janis: 🙀🙀 or behind?

Jimmy: neither obvs

Janis: you’ve got to get us out of detention and you ain’t gotta survive this sleepover so yeah you are

Jimmy: 1. I will do 2. I could do

Janis: 1. I know 2. I told you before you don’t pass like that, also they’ll probably notice a new gal so how?

Jimmy: got myself invited to friendmas, didn't I?

Jimmy: nowt challenging in convincing the rest fuck all else'd be a right laugh over chick flicks and face masks, just be #2

Janis: I don’t know what Tammy’s parents are like, I’ll ask Grace

Janis: might not just be #2 who wants a #lad free zone

Jimmy: might do til give other dickhead barista #lads a bell and bring them and ☕🍪🥪🥐🌯🥯🧁 round with me

Janis: like really shit strippers

Janis: That’s probably worth doing though

Janis: 💀👑 can’t afford no more trouble after xmas

Janis: Tam clearly reckons she LOVES it 😈

Jimmy: loads on rota with tiktok hair, have her dead keen and her keeper off scale FUMING, even if we don't have right long before her parents shut it down

Janis: I’ve 👀 your coworkers and the gals’ thirst in action, tah 🤢🤢

Janis: Gracie reckons they’re ‘normal strict’ whatever the fuck that means

Jimmy: just saying it don’t need to be #apronsonlyvibes to get the job done

Jimmy: and whatever bollocks Gracie reckons that means, it means I don’t give a shit about giving Hollie the trouble she’s after

Janis: Why you trying to give me nightmares when you know I ain’t slept

Janis: give a shit about Hollie is right

Janis: it’s a good idea, ain’t said otherwise

Jimmy: I give a shit you ain’t slept before I get this party sorted and started, lightweight, that’s why I were checking you’ll be in a state to keep up

Janis: Have you ever met me? Shut up, I’ll be fine

Janis: which ones are you gonna invite anyway

Jimmy: ❌ Pete DUH but whoever else replies and ain’t a lass, unless it’s a lass Ella’d fancy

Janis: Typical 😒😞

Janis: reckon she’s only got eyes/the hypothetical stamina for her 👑

Janis: 💔 we ain’t gonna get her to out herself though

Jimmy: Challenge accepted

Janis: you’re pretty off-putting, yeah 😏

Jimmy: so were her diary

Janis: puts our fake 😍🥰😘 to shame, really

Janis: why you’re 😤

Jimmy: *😭

Janis: must be true 💕

Janis: can’t argue with that

Jimmy: You sleep talking or what?

Janis: this lesson is fucking boring but no

Janis: you’re sleepy

Jimmy: you

Janis: Shh 😴 baby

Jimmy: getting well creative far as telling me to piss off goes

Janis: Use your 📖 as a pillow

Jimmy: you’re alright, ain’t the kind of #lad who needs to use bits of uniform for a ⚽️🥅 got no shortage of pillows

Janis: and you just love whipping off the layers for any excuse so

Janis: win win

Jimmy: 👍✔️

Jimmy: You not on the clock for 🏊‍♀️ tonight then or you gonna have to wait and have your pillow fight with the gals after?

Janis: 😱😱 how will they know what toppings I like on my 🍕?!

Jimmy: I’ll drop it in the groupchat for you, babe

Jimmy: but that weren’t why I were asking

Janis: Ah

Janis: you reckon I should sacrifice my workmates too?

Jimmy: wanted to know if you needed a hand with [insert relevant dog walking deets because he has her schedule from when she hurt her ankle] but letting them piss and shit all over 💀👑’s pity 😴 party is a better shout, crack on

Janis: nah, it’s alright, I just wanna take your dog to a 🥳 have ‘em back by 12 🚩🚩🚩

Jimmy: I’d let you

Janis: Yeah, poor Twix

Janis: don’t care if she gets her water bowl spiked or nothing

Jimmy: if it’s her or you, she can fall on the ✂️

Janis: Proper 💘 that

Jimmy: [obvs draw a doodle of Twix with the hair and then after you’ve sent that add Janis so they’re #twinning]

Janis: I hope you can turn these in as work for your art lessons, like

her 🤞🥺🤞 Jimmy: Hang on, I’ll@

Janis: I’m just saying, I’ll feel bad if I keep taking them

Jimmy: alright, I’ll put your proper one in the bin

Janis: Don’t

Jimmy: can’t have you feeling bad, you’re already SO tired

Janis: Maybe I am tired stop being mean, dickhead

Jimmy: poor baby

Jimmy: [but do give her whatever actual drawing of the day you’ve done ofc]

Janis: You take the piss for someone who kept me up all night

Jimmy: Bit rude to call my 🎨 a pisstake, took me ages, that

Janis: and you know that weren’t what I was saying

Jimmy: what I heard is you want me to put you to bed

Jimmy: come on then, I’ll walk you to your nan’s

Janis: We only just got back

Jimmy: and what?

Janis: and, idk

Janis: aren’t you tired too?

Jimmy: not gonna crash before I get you there if that’s why you’re asking, it ain’t that far, my dear

Janis: I’m asking if you’re gonna come sleep too

Jimmy: You know what our 🐕’s like

Janis: take her for a piss first, obviously

Jimmy: steady on, there’s a massive scale between not being too knackered to walk you home and knackering her enough she’ll let me go a kip

Janis: She can do fetch if you bring treats too, I know

Janis: and I meant I’d come with, obvs boy

Jimmy: stop pissing about and let’s go, girl

Janis: are we coming back for detention

Jimmy: What kind of question’s that?

Janis: A valid one, dickhead

Janis: it’s fun to fuck with him

Jimmy: there you go then, nap for a bit it is

Janis: It’s also detention so I thought I’d ask

Janis: you and your aversion to questions

Janis: I gone out [another gate you aren’t meant to that isn’t the front ‘cos always a thing]

Jimmy: Dunno what you mean

Jimmy: [and show up like 😏]

Janis: [can’t help but do it back even if we were trying to 🙄 for comedic effect]

Jimmy: [do the thing people do when they are trying to make a dog come to them like let’s go]

Janis: [gonna swing for you boy but not actually punch you properly tah]

Jimmy: [if you can’t playfight when you’re leaving school when can you lads]

Janis: [at least you don’t live far from this place lads]

Jimmy: [such a short walk but obvs during get the actual doodles you did out of your bag to give to her]

Janis: [just admiring as per, ‘how long’s it take you?’]

Jimmy: [imaginary watch time + a shrug because even if could answer a question he wouldn’t tell her cos he’s shy about it]

Janis: [‘Not saying it looks rushed’ in an lol kinda way ‘cos realizing that must’ve sounded like that but definitely not what we meant we’re still worried he’s wasting loads of time doing these daily doodles over here really]

Jimmy: [a look like what are you saying but not in a v shady way like we think she’s slagging us off here, though we clearly don’t ever think she’s really that impressed]

Janis: [when it sounds well dramatic to be like OMG YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THESE FOR ME so you don’t wanna say that either so you’re like gah idk ‘just curious, haven’t done art since I was a kid’ not a lie]

Jimmy: [‘one of them dickheads’ in a pisstakey way meaning who don’t think graffiti is proper art because they’ve done loads together by now but we’re not elaborating]

Janis: [‘charming’ and bumping into him as you walk, like just calling me a dickhead ‘cos I ain’t an art hoe]

Jimmy: [an expression like excuse you but still pisstakey we’re not actually offended obviously]

Janis: [we all know it was a glorified feelsy lean honey]

Jimmy: [loves it, but obvs teach her some signs for getting people to get the fuck out of your way as if she’s just going about barging everyone lol]

Janis: [‘how’s that work then? People ignore you if you say ‘scuse me’ ‘cos tea good luck with that deaf people the world is oblivious]

Jimmy: [‘you tell me if you can get it to after you’ve let me deafen you’ like maybe it’ll work with other deaf people but our tone and expression is making it clear we doubt that]

Janis: [covers our ears like let you what?!]

Jimmy: [loling as we enter his gaff because it probably took a sec for this sign language lesson so we can say you’re there and heading to the kitchen to free poor Twix who’s shut in there ‘be chuffed you can’t hear this’ cos she wilding]

Janis: [swag in like the dog whisperer ‘cos you wanna be #impressive and helpful]

Jimmy: [cleaning up whatever carnage she’s already caused while you were at school because she’s just a bored baby with a look like gutted I’ve not blinded myself so I could pretend I don’t see this and then after gesturing like is there anything I can get for you before we go on this walk]

Janis: [just assessing the carnage like oh Twix ‘she’ll grow out of this’ which is true for some of it tbf ‘cos puppies are just puppies but we’re not downplaying how much Ian should not have got her for y’all with it, and shaking our heads ‘cos we’re good ‘barely just had breakfast’ 😏 like how many lessons did you even manage lads]

Jimmy: [‘not if it’s dead’ and chasing Twix like we’re gonna murder her which totally won’t help her be any less hyper but he’s a nerd so we care not and then helping himself to a biscuit like the fat bastard he is and as a throwback to last night obvs doing a 😁👍 vibe but mouth closed cos it’s very full since the whole biscuit do be in there]

Janis: [dramatically stepping in like I’ll save you from him hun, Twix is probably so feral now, getting her to sit and giving her her own biscuit ‘saving you from yourself’ in a proper Mia passive aggressive impression there as we look for her lead and whatnot, but we are v amused at you nerd]

Jimmy: [OTT dramatically horrified at the Mia impression like crossing himself and flicking water about like they did with the holy water at church etc but then obviously helping her sort all that stuff out and get ready because we’re effortlessly domestic together]

Janis: [obviously getting him back with whatever you have at your disposal like ‘I should’ve brought some incense’ like what a rookie error, get out and to this park before this dog pisses everywhere again]

Jimmy: [yes do go please lads, poor Twix, at least again it’s not remotely far, I vote for some kind of weather though be it rain or snow because a #mood frankly]

Janis: [Probably a rainy January day, because always, hope you got hoods, find a bench or somewhere you can wipe down ‘cos he didn’t wanna walk and set her up with this fetch treat system]

Jimmy: [you are both the type to actually have practical coats unlike the gals, but we can still do the ‘here’s some clothes of mine get out of your uniform and I’ll dry it for you’ cliche when you get back so]

Janis: [always appreciated yes but for now just being like ‘did you have a good shift?’ ‘cos in my mind we tried not to talk to him much when he left until now because we’re giving time and space]

Jimmy: [that was my vibe too like he blatantly could’ve talked to her because we know she was up but had the excuse of being busy so did not in case she likewise wanted a chance to get her head together after everything, but anyway, a look that’s the equivalent of what kind of question is that? because when has he ever had a good shift at the CG ‘you get your head down for a bit or what?’ cos we know it wouldn’t take her hours to get ready for school so she would’ve had time to kill]

Janis: [an OFFENDED look like ‘you’re holding out on the goss, with me?’ and shaking our head like how dare, as if that shift is anything but people on their way to work and opening up and we don’t know that ‘Libi wakes up at the crack of dawn’ like there’s your answer ‘cos we blatantly didn’t even if that isn’t all Libi really]

Jimmy: [after doing a feelsy lean of solidarity and there there style pats because annoying kids and being so hard done by because deprived of the good goss, obvs gotta make up a story about his manager but tell it like the style of a ghost story/urban legend because we’ve got the atmosphere and the long running joke that he’s a ghost too and Jimothy is a nerd]

Janis: [just loving that and acting like you’re ‘round a campfire with how hard you’re reacting ’this my bedtime story?’]

Jimmy: [‘it might do alright for the first’ because kids always want so many stories]

Janis: [‘can see why he needs you in with him now’ like I’m TERRIFIED rn]

Jimmy: [‘busted’ like he was doing it so they’d have to sleep together and snuggle, we’re joking but where’s the lie that he never wants you to go]

Janis: [closer to this 🤭 than this 😳 because likewise half-joking but also can’t fake all that]

Jimmy: [resting his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes like we’re going to sleep rn jk jk but also cos we just want to]

Janis: [stroking his hair in a way you would a baby but again you’re not not doing it now lol]

Jimmy: [a happy sigh we can’t help]

Janis: [‘I’m not setting an alarm’ mostly to ourselves but still out loud like idc if we miss detention you need to sleep boy]

Jimmy: [‘you never answered me’ + a yawn as we finish saying it like do you have work and do you have dogs that need walking while you’re there if the answer is yes, also just kind of thinking/worrying aloud but]

Janis: [‘What?’ ‘cos that was ages ago boy what]

Jimmy: [‘about either of your 2 jobs’ still not that helpful boy but okay]

Janis: [you can be with it enough to connect that though like ohh, ‘yeah I did, said I wouldn’t be there for tea’ like remember the pizza and nudging him ‘at the pool’ like that doesn’t feel awkward at all mentioning that]

Jimmy: [‘weren’t all I asked though’ like do you need my help walking these dogs or not gal because we wanna help always and also obvs feel bad that we’ve put her in this position even though you didn’t tell her to pick a lad from work who happens to look like you but still]

Janis: [just shaking our head like nah ‘you can chill out’ pausing for a beat ‘and I can handle my own shit anyway’]

Jimmy: [shaking his own head because 1. No he can’t ever there’s always a million being a mother and housewife tasks to do and 2. That doesn’t seem very fair when she also has to go to this sleepover without him for however long before he turns up, moving so he can properly look at her get that not at all dangerous eye contact going on ‘I know you can, dickhead’ but in a softer tone than those words suggest, SUCH an unspoken ‘but you don’t have to’ happening with this everything rn]

Janis: [just shrugging like well, I tried and the fact still remains either way, and forcing ourselves to maintain this eye contact even though we don’t want to, before getting up from the bench to do a better throw of this ball ‘didn’t need you before, and I’m not gonna rely on you now to screw myself over after’]

Jimmy: ['not gonna fuck up your other ankle to have another go at proving a point' and a shrug like fine have it your way babe even though we are supposed to be a team, and lighting a cigarette that we have to shield against the rain but none for you since you don't need us]

Janis: [a petty move we love to see it, well we do but she does not lmao just like really 🙄 and walking progressively further away to throw this ball even harder get you a workout Twix]

Jimmy: [letting her go for once because we're not that much of a dick we are gonna start a full confrontation and also we are both tired]

Janis: [this is his dog though so you can’t just take it and leave, do this ‘til she’s sufficiently worn out then just drop her at his feet basically like done]

Jimmy: [when you're literally about to walk away and leave it up to her if she comes or not but you remember the lunch room moment so you obvs don't wanna repeat that mistake 'you coming or what?']

Janis: [genuinely really pondering that like do you just want to go to your nans, or go do something to be stubborn and not sleep to piss him off or what but then deciding ‘may as well give her more attention’ like if you’re gonna be gone tonight better make sure she’s all sorted]

Jimmy: [walking now cos he’s buzzing but we don’t need to let her know that]

Janis: [just walk and chill out, just showing he isn’t the only one who can pull back and have doubts here because true and we know we’re already in too deep and it’s going to be shit again when you leave, s’not happening babe but you don’t know that; anyway, after a while being like ‘you gonna give me that cigarette you owe me?’]

Jimmy: [I love to see it because very legit, but anyway, Jimothy obviously stopping her so we can put a cigarette in her mouth and lighting it and that whole hot charade instead of just passing it to her lit or worse passing it to her and making her light it herself in the pettiest way ever because he gets it and it will be shit when he leaves as he’s still in the period when he thinks that’s gonna happen too]

Janis: [such a thinly-veiled LOOK ‘cos can’t help it regardless and fuck it ‘thanks’ when we exhale to just prolong the moment]

Jimmy: [always gotta return the look and likewise can’t help but make it into more of one than she did because the feelings are still there honey]

Janis: [‘fuck’s sake’ under our breath but in a 😏 way not fuming]

Jimmy: [pull her along like come on why have we stopped it’s literally still raining but in an equally playful way]

Janis: [‘thought you was meant to be well hard’ like Northern whomst, trying to run from this rain, but obvs getting a razz on like let’s go girls]

Jimmy: [looking round like Ian is that you? But we’re not making the point hard enough to actually stop because she’s already getting a razz on and so is Twix and we don’t wanna get left]

Janis: [get inside huns, dry Twix off like she’s a big baby]

Jimmy: [I like to think they’re doing it together because that coupley and domestic and he’s being too much of a soft nerd for how much we act like he hates this dog lol]

Janis: [literally swaddling this dog like nbd, she loves it ofc because is baby yes yes]

Jimmy: [also make the bae a cup of tea because it’s your turn boy but also make Twix one because my mum used to make Tyson and Bruno tea and toast and honestly that’s your energy]

Janis: [we love that, it’s very cute, just be drying your hair but not on Twix’s towel lmao, probably using your jumper or something]

Jimmy: [see that and obvs go get her a towel and dry clothes like SO soz we gotta wait for the rain to stop before I can walk you this REALLY long distance to mcvickers house so I’ll obvs dry your uniform for you xoxo nbd, throwing the clothes at you but coming at you with the towel because if we don’t dry your hair for you who are we]

Janis: [just getting changed in front of you ‘cos we’re such #mates but also blatantly to silently test that soz but not, and giving him a Gracie style #tutorial on how to deal with afro/curly hair here]

Jimmy: [there’s no world in which he’s not just FULLY watching her do that even though looking away would be the polite thing to do or we could easily pretend to busy ourselves with something but we don’t because we aren’t embarrassed and we never will be, likewise not remotely considering putting on dry clothes ourselves until we’ve dried the bae’s hair because priorities]

Janis: [gotta front this out too obviously, so I like to think you’d only got the top of whatever he gave you on before he started doing your hair so that’s how you’re chilling right now]

Jimmy: [it’s totally fine and casual]

Janis: [not at all checking you out]

Jimmy: [going to the window like it’s still raining babe and checking the imaginary watch again ‘you wanna just kip here an’ all?]

Janis: [‘sofa?’ like that’s probably your best bet and nodding like yeah, ‘cos it does not matter ‘cos we would’ve been like you wanna come with anyway]

Jimmy: [going and sorting that like getting pillows and blankets and stuff]

Janis: [trying to get Twix in a sleepy mood by giving her some chill fuss like bedtime bitch]

Jimmy: [just loitering because you don’t know if she wants you to sleep here too or go upstairs to your bed and you don’t wanna ask]

Janis: [just looking up at him like ? and then patting the sofa, whilst we’re sat on the floor next to Twix’s bed, like go on then]

Jimmy: [do go on boy and get comfy]

Janis: [just chill here for a bit like so casual but you can’t sit there the whole time obvs so then try and situate yourself in a totes casual and chill way]

Jimmy: [even though his eyes are closed and he’s probably half asleep we can feel you faffing about gal so a quiet soft amused sound and saying ‘come here’ in the same kinda tone]

Janis: [signing something sweary at his closed eyes like testing how that works rn but actually getting in and getting comfy ‘how here?’ like how close do you want to be]

Jimmy: [‘you heard’ when she sasses him because he’s like one of those mum’s who have eyes in the back of their head and just know, but we’re obvs amused and obvs happy when she does get in and comfy and equally as obvs pulling her close to us how we always do in answer to that question]

Janis: [😒 but in a jokey way obviously ‘you’re not a fair test subject’ like you got that deaf sixth sense, a lull in our joking as we just stop breathing for a beat there before acting like it didn’t happen, but not because we’re obviously whispering now because no need to talk any louder with no space between you ‘gonna have to try it out on the general public, like’ just swearing at everyone like move bitch]

Jimmy: [‘you’ll have your hands full if some dickhead’s drowning’ which is as close as we’ll come to acknowledging the awks at her workplace and our jealousy about this boy rn because we’re basically saying please don’t be better mates with him than you are with me without saying it]

Janis: [‘hands busy’ you mean with the signing at them whilst they drown but doesn’t sound any better actually lmao but you didn’t get the hint, or are ignoring it]

Jimmy: [likewise ignoring that as we silently lie here wishing we could say a million things that I won’t let you]

Janis: [big sigh ‘I know it weren’t a good idea but-’ but what, we don’t know how to put it into words]

Jimmy: [‘it weren’t yours’ as if we’re finishing the sentence because he blames himself and obvs thinks she also blames him]

Janis: [‘picking him was’]

Jimmy: [‘didn’t give you chance to have proper auditions’ because we know damn well you had to do it then and couldn’t hang around so]

Janis: [a noise like yeah well, because you can’t really say anything to that]

Jimmy: [moving about like we’re settling down to sleep because likewise]

Janis: [‘it didn’t work though so’ in a what more can I do tone]

Jimmy: [‘am I a shit mate if I can’t fake an apology for that bit?’ because we’re really not soz you didn’t fall in love with our lookalike]

Janis: [an amused noise like no, obviously not]

Jimmy: [‘alright then’ confirming again how not soz we are in a way we absolutely did not need to]

Janis: [‘we don’t get to be jealous, do we?’ fully asking, not rhetorical even if we can make it sound it]

Jimmy: [‘of what?’ meaning there’s nothing to be jealous of both our dates were clearly shit but we’re keeping it deliberately vague just in case here]

Janis: [‘what do you reckon’ ‘cos two can play at this game lol]

Jimmy: [‘what do you?’ because 1. You asked but also 2. What are you jealous about 3. Are you jealous lol]

Janis: [nudge him under these covers like oi]

Jimmy: [depending what spooning position y’all are lying in, either move her or you so that you’re facing each other and you can look at her like answer me then because we’re dying to know how jealous she is]

Janis: [😳 but you’ve got to answer now obviously ‘of her. Them.’]

Jimmy: [‘I don’t reckon you’ve got owt to be jealous of there’ because true in every sense]

Janis: [‘do I or don’t I’ like get specific]

Jimmy: [‘you don’t, I just said’ like are you really gonna make me spell it out rn lol]

Janis: [‘you make me say everything else the rest of the time’ like it won’t kill you]

Jimmy: [‘she’s nowt and you’re-’ stopping because it will kill him to literally say you’re everything]

Janis: [‘you’ with everything we got right now ‘cos mean it]

Jimmy: [‘you’ likewise and we’re honestly lucky it’s an actual word and not just fully a noise by the end of it cos how much we wanna kiss her rn]

Janis: [‘I wish you wanted-’ like we all know what but shh]

Jimmy: [‘I do want-’ we’re not gonna lie to you girl and we clearly do want to]

Janis: [can’t literally have you say BUT NOW like a brat so just 🥺 instead]

Jimmy: [run your thumb over her bottom lip how you always do, it’s not gonna help at all but we can’t help ourselves]

Janis: [noise soz can’t not]

Jimmy: [we know the drill if you make a noise you get one back]

Janis: [‘stop it’ in a kinda aggressive way but like saucy aggressive lol]

Jimmy: [‘you’ but v much in a tone that’s like don’t stop it though]

Janis: [‘you can’t make me’ with all the challenge emphasised obvs]

Jimmy: [can’t ever back down from a challenge so gotta just touch her a saucy way and pretend like this isn’t totally crossing a line, there’s simply nothing I can do about it]

Janis: [my boo says sorry there’s no logical cockblock here, at least you can try not to touch him for a fun lil challenge here]

Jimmy: [you two love things like that and yes, then it’s obviously TOTALLY FINE that makes sense except not at all boy and we all know it]

Janis: [obviously got to make all the noise to show he can’t shut you up, totally fine]

Jimmy: [as fine and casual as when he ends up touching himself because she’s not doing it even though she’s literally right there 👀 like a ramped up version of when you were both undressing in front of each other]

Janis: [literally going to feel how that affects us so there’s that, and we are fully just 👀 you because we’re trying so hard not to ‘lose’]

Jimmy: [so soz to you gal, I am very evil]

Janis: [‘I hate you’ because yes]

Jimmy: [saying 'don't' but not clarifying if we mean please don't hate me or no you don't because either way he's doing THE MOST with touching her again and using his other hand not to shhh her because obvs 1. we've forgotten about ourselves and 2. love the reaction when we are giving it our all to give the bae all the orgasms she deserves so using it to touch her throat and feel these noises as they happen too almost like we would if we were deaf]

Janis: [The way we are DYING right now, like truly, ‘please let me touch you’ ‘cos we gotta]

Jimmy: [SO much soz to Twix who he has totally forgotten is in here and snoozing for how loud you both are being rn, ofc you gotta let her touch you now because we've held out for ages and it has clearly got past the point where we are thinking about the bullshit that was stopping us, so put her hand there like okay cos what are words atm]

Janis: [she must’ve legit zonked ‘cos like, soz girl we don’t have time for you right now, we are way too into this and each other and we’d just have to shut you out]

Jimmy: [you two are blatantly gonna crash that hard when you're done here, very #relatable of you Twix]

Janis: [I do vote that you actually just wake up for your shift ‘cos necessary]

Jimmy: [yeah I vote the kids wake you when they back from school because that won't be awkward and Cass won't be livid at all haha]

Janis: [awkward much, go put your uniform on in casual disgrace haha, soz children]

Jimmy: [I picture the scene like Cass having a go at Jimothy immediately before he’s even properly woken up because she picked Bobby up cos he’s meant to be in detention and Jimmy being like it won’t kill you because tbh it won’t hun to do a bit more meanwhile Bobby’s just signing at Janis like hey asking her if she’s ill because that’s when he snoozes on the sofa in a blanket and he’s 1. An adorable babe and 2. Like I saw Libi at lunch and she wasn’t ill I hope she doesn’t catch it, poor Janis just like ? because y’all are too busy having a little row to translate, all before anyone’s had a chance to move lol]

Janis: [trying our hardest to pick up what we can, because sometimes you can guesstimate but some of it no clue so you’re like um so soz bub, signing drink and snack because I reckon you could have those down so you can take him through to the kitchen and distract him because kids love an after school snack]

Jimmy: [none for you Cass cos you’re doing your brother’s head in and it’d get to the point where he’d be like piss off and take this bloody dog for another walk because obvs doesn’t want this to escalate any more than it is, especially when the bae is here to witness how out of control she can actually be]

Janis: [at least you’ve got this child situated and tried to do sign 101 with him best you can before you awkwardly gotta peace]

Jimmy: [such fun cos you know Cass is fully shading Janis like she better not still be here when I get back and poor Jimothy is just like oi she’s not deaf because she can blatantly hear you gal which is 100% why you did it, there’s drama in the gaff]

Janis: [we know you’ve said worse to many a person and we ain’t gonna fight you ‘cos you’re a kid, soz babe lol]

Jimmy: [at least when she storms out with Twix he can awkwardly come through like hey my two besties how are we, just signing at you both asking if you’re alright]

Janis: [being like he was saying something about Libi ‘cos you don’t wanna ignore Bobby just ‘cos you can’t understand him yet like ask for that translation now]

Jimmy: [a pisstakey but not shady eyeroll like of course he was cos they’re so in love, but obvs we gonna get that info and tell her what’s up but add a bit about how you’ve told him she’s all better now whether you actually did say that or not cos we gotta make reference to that sauciness earlier even though we could literally just not sir]

Janis: [not knowing whether to curl up and die or fully cackle like OH but keeping our composure really and just looking at Jimothy like did you really just]

Jimmy: [he’s just there like 😏 + 😉 energy]

Janis: [thank God you have somewhere you definitely have to be bitch]

Jimmy: [gonna give you the longest ever hug when you leave because it might be awkward at work and also we love and will miss you]

Janis: [going to let it be okay but yeah like for a bit here, just like why did I do that lmao]

Jimmy: [Bobby signing bye and whatever his adorable sign name for you is gal because he likes you too, soz Cass you’re really outnumbered here]

Janis: [when you realize she’s not his ex 2.0 and your situation gets better, you’ll get over it, the pool is probably near the school kinda vibes so not far to go but still posting the #goals art and such on this walk]

Jimmy: [cue an extra post about how much he misses her that’s not at all fake]

Janis: 🏆

Jimmy: It’ll be a 🥇 when you see the 🎨 #content our kid’s cracking on with now he’s heard about your new job

Jimmy: [post on your story for everyone to see this child making a congrats card but with no spoilers of the end result]

Janis: [he’s such a cutie tbh]

Janis: You should bring him here when you’ve got time

Janis: can he swim yet?

Jimmy: 💔 it’s a bit short notice to ask his missus if she fancies it an’ all, could’ve brought you this masterpiece himself when it’s done and her 🔊 for the hip hip hoorays 🥳🥳🥳

Janis: Have to be a hero with a 💔 from that lack of applause

Janis: kids get in cheap [probably Saturday mornings I imagine]

Jimmy: 🤞 it’s a date for them ASAP

Jimmy: he’s 🤏🙀 but he’ll wanna impress her obvs

Janis: The feeling’s mutual so she already thinks he’s dead impressive

Janis: How long am I gonna have to suffer the sleepover before we can sabotage do you reckon

Jimmy: Up to you that

Jimmy: I’m all yours once he’s in bed

Janis: I better 👀

Janis: get them hyped

Janis: the ones I can, anyway

Jimmy: I’m still trying to scroll past all the bollocks we 😴 through

Janis: you’ll fall asleep again

Janis: they 💬 so much shit all the time

Jimmy: our kid’s not having that, needs as much attention as you, him 🥺🏆

Janis: go get ½ your big brother 🥇

Jimmy: 👍✔️

Janis: tell you when I get to Tam’s

Jimmy: in a bit then, Jade

Janis: 👍✔️

Jimmy: have a good shift

Janis: can’t count casualties as easy as 🐄💩s but should still be alright

Jimmy: should be easier to count if owt, athlete like you

Jimmy: you forgot you’re not meant to be on a killing spree?

Janis: oh that’s right

Janis: bummer

Jimmy: hang in there, baby

Jimmy: bloodbath starts at Tam’s

Janis: 🧛‍♀️💕

Janis: I could float the idea

Janis: if you don’t reckon it’ll be weird

Jimmy: I were thinking more like 🔪🔪

Jimmy: but I get it, you need her blood sugar levels to stop yourself crashing, I should’ve fed you before you pissed off

Janis: Ugh, no, that weren’t what I meant 🤦‍♀️

Janis: I meant seeing if my coworkers will crash and bring their mates too

Janis: get numbers up without blatantly leaking her address

Jimmy: 🥇💡

Janis: just tell ‘em the deal so they don’t think I’m shit craic

Jimmy: Yeah

Janis: or not

Janis: just an 💭

Jimmy: you had me at lads in 🩳 mate

Janis: ❌ going home and getting changed, lads

Janis: there is another girl, what about her?

Jimmy: can’t really leave her out, can you?

Janis: I meant she might wanna get changed 👗💄💅💃

Jimmy: so chuck her at Gracie, that’ll have her on side quicker than owt and means I get to go without french tips

Janis: you taking notes from her or what

Jimmy: ?

Janis: before she joined the cult

Janis: we had to share mates like everything else 🙄

Jimmy: soz, didn’t realise she were your new best mate an’ all

Janis: She weren’t on my first shift so no, I ain’t met her before

Jimmy: Alright

Janis: Yeah, it is

Jimmy: sacrifice who you want and leave it out with the dickheads who you don’t, nowt to do with me

Janis: I won’t invite him it’s alright

Janis: I just wanted to do something too

Jimmy: What are you on about?

Jimmy: you’re doing loads, it’s me who’s just turning up for the proper fun bit

Janis: they’ll be 😁😁😁😁😁 to hear that from you

Jimmy: it’s a 🥇💡 I said

Janis: there’s other people I can@

Jimmy: there’s no need

Janis: you wanna fuck this up or not

Janis: as many random associates as possible, boy

Jimmy: it were you saying you didn’t want her address leaked

Jimmy: make up your mind, girl

Janis: like I ain’t gonna leak it for every party person in dubo

Janis: still trying to wreck their shit

Jimmy: I got that when we 🗨️ about it before

Janis: what you 💬 now then?

Jimmy: just admit you don’t wanna look like a 😍💘 twat in front of your new co-workers

Janis: I meant I don’t want them to think I’m inviting them to a sleepover with the gals

Janis: I don’t care about that

Jimmy: Okay, tell them to come after I’ve got the CG dickheads there and it won’t be a sleepover no more

Janis: Yeah I know

Janis: why’s it weird I don’t want them to think I’m ☕️💅💄👗😘

Jimmy: I never said it were

Janis: You implied it

Jimmy: when did I?

Janis: Saying I was embarrassed by 😍💘

Jimmy: What else you not inviting him for?

Janis: For your sake

Jimmy: piss off is it

Jimmy: *for yours

Janis: It ain’t

Jimmy: one of us is embarrassed at the idea of having him about and it ain’t me

Janis: I’m not embarrassed

Janis: I thought it might be awkward, that’s it

Jimmy: you said he agreed to being just mates, shouldn’t be for him unless that were bollocks

Janis: Quite a quick turnaround, nah, might be nice if I gave him longer to get his head sorted with it

Jimmy: crack on being nice to him then

Janis: fuck’s sake

Janis: I already look like ☕️💅💄👗😘 ‘cos I had to say I asked him out on a rebound

Janis: How else do you think I was explaining my hitting him up immediately and binning him off 10 seconds later

Jimmy: I don’t 💭 about him, he ain’t my mate or rebound

Janis: Oh whatever then

Janis: you’re being a twat

Jimmy: How am I?

Jimmy: you were bothered about them not seeing you as one of the #gals and I gave you a way round it

Janis: Wow, thanks

Jimmy: I can’t do nowt else

Jimmy: I can’t fucking undo it

Janis: neither can I

Jimmy: I’m not asking you to

Janis: I’m not saying it for you, it’s done now and there’s nothing wrong with trying to do damage control

Jimmy: I’m not stopping you either

Janis: Fine

Jimmy: 👍

Janis: You don’t have to get pissy just ‘cos I asked if it’d be alright

Jimmy: You don’t have to bang on like you’re doing bollocks for my sake when it’s for yours and his

Janis: I care if you want him there or not

Jimmy: nah, you want me to care if he’s there or not

Jimmy: but as it’s a houseparty and I weren’t planning on doing body shots off him, I’ll live

Janis: Bullshit

Janis: I actually give a shit but fuck that now

Jimmy: Why would I give a shit if he’s there or not?

Janis: You tell me

Jimmy: you told me you don’t want him

Janis: It could still be something you don’t wanna deal with

Jimmy: and what, I REALLY wanna deal with 💀👑 and her mates?

Janis: don’t need to doubledown on the shit

Jimmy: stop being a dickhead

Janis: I’m not

Jimmy: I can do it

Janis: Okay then

Jimmy: just

Janis: just tell me

Jimmy: Don’t get loads more mates til after I’ve gone, making me look right ungoals on my own

Janis: I haven’t got any more mates

Janis: I just work with them

Jimmy: yeah, you work with them and you ain’t spending the shift thinking of ways you could frame them for your killing spree, that’s 🤝 and your fave emoji 🤗🤗 shit

Janis: Fuck off is it

Janis: I’ve met them a few times, if it don’t have to be 😣😖😫😩🥺😢😭😤😠😡🤬🤯 then I’ll take it

Janis: don’t mean nothing

Jimmy: means nowt but you’re SO bothered what they 💭

Janis: I don’t want anyone 💭 I’m anything like my sister, that’s not news

Jimmy: You couldn’t be ☕️💅💄👗😘 if your life depended on it

Jimmy: you’re too

Jimmy: so leave it out

Janis: You’re my only mate

Janis: don’t be jealous

Jimmy: that ain’t very nice to my lifeguard lad clone, is it?

Janis: He’ll survive

Jimmy: He better had do, I can’t have him hanging about as a 👻 an’ all

Janis: I don’t care about him

Janis: not like that

Jimmy: I know

Janis: so stop being a dickhead

Jimmy: It ain’t 📰 either that I am

Janis: you were being nice earlier

Jimmy: I never said I were an utter bastard, Judith

Jimmy: you needed it earlier

Janis: how’d you work that out

Jimmy: you gave me a few clues, like

Janis: 👍

Jimmy: that your review then?

Janis: of you ✔️ me off your to-do list again

Janis: sure, we’ll go with that

Jimmy: Come on, you know that’s not what it’s like

Janis: what you just said

Janis: we’re done playing nice now, that’s fine

Jimmy: but not what I meant

Janis: I heard what you said

Janis: forget about it

Jimmy: Shut up, no you never

Jimmy: I’m just not gonna be the kind of dickhead distracting you at your new job, alright

Jimmy: I’ve already 🗨️❌🤝🤗

Janis: Like I do you, all the time

Janis: alright

Janis: have to turn my phone off soon anyway, I’ll be main

Jimmy: that’s different

Janis: it’s not always fake shit

Jimmy: it’s different ‘cause I hate mine

Janis: Give me a chance, like

Jimmy: I don’t want to fuck this up for you

Janis: Like you could

Jimmy: I nearly did 🤏

Janis: Not really

Janis: I could’ve blueballed him on my own time, it’s not important why

Jimmy: Alright, forget I 🗨️ owt about it

Janis: ‘Course

Jimmy: 🤐

Janis: Business as usual then

Jimmy: *😎🚬

Janis: If you like, babe

Jimmy: I can’t help what business as usual means, you’ll have to take it up with another 👻 if you’re mardy

Janis: I know the deal by now

Jimmy: me an’ all, don’t worry

Janis: If we all know where we stand does that mean we’re done here?

Janis: 👍 thanks

Jimmy: Fuck's sake

Jimmy: can't win with you since you pissed off from here

Janis: I’d quit trying if that’s been what you’ve been doing

Janis: I’ll just see you at the party

Jimmy: 👌

Janis: [Oh lads, better skip then]

Janis: [photo of Hollie’s house like going in]

Jimmy: 👍

Janis: give you directions before you need to come, don’t worry

Jimmy: I weren't, could literally ask Asia and she'd never work out why, but tah

Janis: I get it, you don’t wanna be here

Janis: pick a less obvious excuse than trusting Asia with fuck all

Jimmy: if I were that bothered I wouldn’t come

Janis: alright, if you wanna act like it’s that simple

Jimmy: that bit is, I don’t do nowt I don’t want

your besties with that compliment Janis: okay@

Jimmy: [something in the group chat that has the energy of miss y’all and hope you are having a good night ladies]

Janis: [make them take a group selfie ‘cos Mia and Ella will be fuming and that’ll be amusing for us all]

Jimmy: [obvs hardcore complimenting the bae but slagging the rest of you off really subtly so it still sounds like a compliment because you two are both great at that]

Janis: [#sobrave]

Jimmy: [we love it]

Jimmy: 😁?

Janis: Too busy 😍 at Asia to see my face or what

Jimmy: It’s the 🦷🦷 whitening strips in fairness, been blinded

Janis: gotta double up on the front ones

Janis: dead pricey so she’ll be buzzing it’s working

her many 🌟✨ as the limit allows Jimmy: hang on, I’ll@

Janis: Crack on, loverboy

Jimmy: 💕

Janis: She’s only mentioned 5 lads she fancies so far

Janis: got a couple slots available, like

Jimmy: OMG! Dead proud she can count that high

Janis: I’m keeping score

Janis: fuck all else to do whilst they do their face masks

Jimmy: what do you wanna do?

Janis: what do you mean, I’m cracking on convincing them this is 💡

Janis: what are the names of your coworkers they 🤤 at

Jimmy: that’s what you have to crack on with, I could be doing owt to do their heads in

Jimmy: 👻 perks

Jimmy: [give her these cringe lads names so I don’t have to]

Janis: you can move their 👜👠 about if you like

Janis: what’s your suggestion though, clearly have one

Jimmy: if I had a 🥇💡 you’d have heard it

Janis: 👎

Janis: I know from Tam’s description I’ve NEVER seen [one which is clearly high-key emo like hello]

Jimmy: Oi, I were asking you and you’ve got nowt either, dickhead

Jimmy: but I get it, bit busy being 🧛💔 after that, you

Janis: nothing I’m telling you, maybe

Janis: um, keep your mouth shut about me stealing him ‘til they’re here or she won’t let ‘em come over, idiot ❌🩸

Jimmy: His and hers 🤐

Janis: gutted for you there’s no gimp mask emoji

Jimmy: [draw some options for what that could look like boy]

Janis: using your powers for good for once

Janis: 👍

Jimmy: bit rude

Jimmy: When have I not?

Janis: 🤔

Jimmy: least wait til I’ve chucked our kid’s card at you before you tell us you don’t want no more 🎨

Jimmy: I’ll leave it out starting tomorrow

Janis: if you like

Jimmy: you obvs would

Janis: you obvs don’t get fuck all

Janis: if it makes your life easier, go for it

Janis: there’s easier shit to fake

Jimmy: nor do you

Janis: least we don’t need to

Janis: or what a headfuck

Jimmy: you’re in the wrong 🗨️ for total bollocks

Janis: no shit

Jimmy: stop it then

Janis: you

Jimmy: you

Janis: you started it

Jimmy: How did I?

Janis: You made me sound as desperate as I feel now

Janis: so you started it

Jimmy: you’re such a twat

Janis: fuck off

Jimmy: I dunno what else I can do to show you I want you that I’ve not

Janis: just to shut me up

Janis: what else is there to say

Jimmy: you don’t speak for me, for a start

Janis: you said it, not me

Jimmy: I fucking didn’t

Janis: I just made it all up, cool, sure

Jimmy: ‘cause we’ve never misunderstood each other’s 🗨️ before

Jimmy: that’s a totally new headfuck, is it?

Janis: Maybe I’m over it

Jimmy: and what, your 🥇💡 is 🚫🗨️?

Jimmy: 👏🌹

Janis: Oh, so you’re only allowed to call it?

Janis: convenient

Jimmy: you can’t do owt about it if you’re 🔇

Janis: I can do whatever I want

Jimmy: do it then

Janis: don’t need your permission or timeline

Jimmy: if you don’t get why I did that, or owt else I’ve done that literally contradicts the bollocks you reckon I said a bit ago, you’ve got my permission, want it or not

Janis: there’s a reason this doesn’t work, clearly

Jimmy: it does work, we’ve both said

Janis: or nothing else has yet

Jimmy: I don’t want nowt else to

Janis: me either

Janis: but

Jimmy: no, I picked you, I want you

Janis: I hate feeling this fucking stupid all the time

Jimmy: I’m sorry

Janis: Don’t

Janis: apologise like I’m a fucking nightmare

Janis: just

Jimmy: I told you they’re bollocks, but there ain’t another way to go about it so

Jimmy: just take it, it’s my fault

Janis: it’s just

Janis: a mess

Janis: neither or both of us can take blame but like you said, what’s the point

Jimmy: you know what the fucking point is

Janis: they’re driving me insane

Jimmy: Give me directions

Janis: Okay

Janis: [do that]

Jimmy: do you want them to know when I’m there or just you for a bit?

Janis: I’ll come out

Janis: bring 🚬

Jimmy: [picture of 🚬s with her name on, except it’s obvs different J names written in sharpie because we’re on our way]

Janis: I’m sorry

Jimmy: You’re alright, won’t ask you to bring ☀️ rain’s stopped now any road

Janis: that was always the biggest joke anyway, far as fakery goes

Jimmy: I dunno what you mean

Janis: You picked me for my cheery disposition then I probably need to call someone

Jimmy: found out about it after, obvs

Jimmy: better 🎄 bonus than the CG offered, that

Janis: I assume that was the out of date mince pies so

Janis: can take that small of a compliment

Jimmy: got other 🎁s for you if you can't

Janis: You didn’t rip up the drawings then

Jimmy: #notallsantas remember

Jimmy: be a bit rude to make our kid 😭😭 an' all

Janis: right, don’t wanna end up on the shit list, do you

Janis: even if it’s 300 some days away now

Jimmy: More bothered about not ending up on Libi's shithead list, me

Jimmy: you can have 🎅

Janis: bit creepy but

Janis: works for me

Janis: she’s been doing my head in as well

Jimmy: reckon she could be if she were right pissed off with me and it's bad enough when you are

Jimmy: go on then, what's happened?

Janis: well Chucky and bride of, them two

Janis: more than a 🤏 rude to call me creepy as well though

Janis: s’nothing

Janis: everyone’s been pissing me off more than usual, your fault

Jimmy: I just meant it's a 🤏 shit when you don't wanna talk to me

Janis: Sure

Janis: 😏

Janis: anyway, I always wanna talk to you

Janis: I just can’t sometimes

Jimmy: Ask Asia for us where she went ginger, I'll get Bob booked in for the full Chucky treatment before the wedding

Janis: He’ll never go for it ‘less you do

Jimmy: 💔 you ain't at 💀👑's it'd be such a piss easy way to fuck up her bathroom having you do me a #transformation

Janis: Hols clearly had the dye, babe

Jimmy: no point doing it at hers, she'd never 👀 no difference to the state of her sink or towels

Janis: you can say you don’t wanna be 🎃🦊🐯🦋🐜🐙🦐🦀🐠🦧

Janis: you aren’t pulling off the 🌈 like [emo boi]

Jimmy: Ask her what other colours she has

Jimmy: nowt I couldn't pull off, dickhead

Janis: reckons she used it all on her neon barnet

Janis: gutted, mate 💔

Jimmy: 🎻🎻

Jimmy: Don't be surprised if the 🌧 starts again, like

Jimmy: actually that 💔

Janis: Poor boy

Janis: however will we cheer you

Jimmy: you’ve got a bit to work that out, I’m still walking

Janis: You’re bad at this

Janis: porno scripts should be easy to follow

Janis: you’re coming to a sleepover, you ain’t got nothing to say about pillow fights?

Jimmy: didn’t bring no pjs accidentally on purpose if you have owt you fancy saying about that

Janis: 😱 well you can’t possibly stay in your clothes, that would be RIDICULOUS

Jimmy: you get changed or what?

Janis: asking what I’m wearing?

Janis: now you’re getting it

Jimmy: where’s my answer then?

Janis: [loling you would’ve had to have your uniform and PJs in your backpack today but obvs you’ve had to so selfie]

Jimmy: [get one back because you’ve obviously had time to put a #lewk on]

Janis: 😍

Jimmy: *🥳

Janis: you’re bringing the party, I get it

Jimmy: just that chuffed to crash it, DUH

Janis: 🎉

Jimmy: Challenge accepted getting that out your hair for you

Janis: filth, you are

Jimmy: it were you asking for a porno script

Janis: they don’t do aftercare

Janis: unless it’s that #forwomen shit

Jimmy: that’s our audience, last I heard

Janis: girls, yeah

Janis: and they probably are that lame, you’re right 🙄

Jimmy: only probably?

Jimmy: SO generous, you

Janis: I was banking on no bitch watching that shit but then I thought about it

Jimmy: 💭 about your excuses to piss off for a bit without #2 following you

Jimmy: I were gonna 📞 but they’ll be dead keen to 👂

Janis: I don’t care

Janis: she can’t show Mia she’s that bored of her shit she needs to hear what I’ve got going on

Jimmy: alright, I’ll 📞 when I get there

Janis: what about my 🚬

Jimmy: come get it, I’ll direct you

Janis: in my pajamas?

Janis: alright

Jimmy: I’ll keep you warm, be alright

Janis: yeah?

Jimmy: kind of mate I am

Janis: [come find him]

Jimmy: [I like to think he’s still a bit away because slow bastard but that’s good because y’all can chill somewhere the gals can’t see you like a bus stop or neighbour’s garden]

Janis: [mind ya biz ladies]

Jimmy: [obvs gonna give you Bobby’s card but as importantly the other gifts he has brought you which are 1. Your half of whatever he’s stolen from Ian’s stash just for you, cos blatantly will probably go to a shop before the partying starts but had to, and blatantly drank his ½ on the way here and 2. A little packed lunch he has made you like the big brother/mum he is because you left without any food and went straight to work so we’re obvs worried you’ve literally eaten nothing or at the most something from the vending machines on your break and we care]

Janis: [Obviously this card is adorable and we need the booze but we’d be so confused about the lunch like what you nerd but just sharing that like there you go]

Jimmy: [the shrug that’d happen like if you don’t want it don’t eat it because ngl we’d assume she’s offended like when she wouldn’t let us help her during anklegate and when we made the dog walking suggestion, and obvs we don’t need to share this like it’s a picnic because we actually have had fuck all to do but feed and care for our sibs so we’re fine]

Janis: [a fake #shook look ‘cos you’re a known fat bitch like what]

Jimmy: [busying himself with the usual smoking rigamarole that we very much know the drill of by now]

Janis: [‘that is what I asked for’ like #bants]

Jimmy: [also shrugging off a layer so she won’t freeze to death like oh right yeah there you go too]

Janis: [‘they won’t come look for my body’ like they don’t give a shit, don’t worry but not attempting to give it back or anything]

Jimmy: [gonna say there’s a zip that you reach over and do up because you literally did that on the school trip and it was a moment then and it is now and what better way to say you’re not doing it for them without actually saying it]

Janis: [just looking at him in response, not quite a LOOK but not totally not, wondering if he’s going to say anything ‘cos we’re not babbling like an idiot the whole time]

Jimmy: [always gotta return a look even if it’s not a full LOOK and then drawing a ? on her hand like what/are you okay bae]

Janis: [‘what are- are you- were you-’ and then UGHing ‘cos you don’t know how to phrase anything you want to say/want him to say and shaking your head and going back to smoking silently like forget about it]

Jimmy: [a soft nudge that’s supposed to express it’s okay if you wanna have another go at saying any of that and also okay if you don’t and an equally soft ‘hey’ because he literally hasn’t said anything lol]

Janis: [just like oh hey, like you’re here then but not going too hard with a pisstake ‘cos not in that kind of mood hens, have a ‘hey’ back]

Jimmy: [‘feels like ages’ obvs meaning since they saw each other last/ all of that stuff happened earlier but we never offer any clarification of any kind and it’s lowkey like are you talking to her or to yourself sir]

Janis: [but we feel the same so we’re immediately like ‘what have you been doing?’ because clearly been angsting our whole shift]

Jimmy: [a nod to wherever Bobby’s card is because we’ve just been looking after him and probably having another row with Cass because of the mood we were in tbh but she doesn’t need to know that]

Janis: [nods like makes sense but, not really what I meant but you didn’t ask like YOU BEEN STRUGGLING TOO so fair enough]

Jimmy: [doing the ? a bit bigger and with slightly more pressure from our fingertip because we know there’s something but we don’t wanna be like WHAT? PLEASE TALK TO ME!]

Janis: [‘you made me feel like shit’ but there’s a question at the end there like do you feel anything or am I the only one struggling here]

Jimmy: [‘me an’ all’ do we mean we made ourselves feel like shit or you made us feel like shit too, the answer is both ofc, because suffering always ‘I thought we were getting our heads round who each other were’ because true, like can you honestly not see how I feel and why I’m doing what I’m doing]

Janis: [‘yeah’ because whatever is happening here, we know you aren’t living your best life either boy, and then taking the longest pause genuinely thinking ‘I thought so too’ such a sad little shrug ‘probably just wishful thinking, eh’ like that’s not gonna happen for either of us, lies]

Jimmy: [the MOST resigned sign ever like yeah okay, you must be right because we’re full of self doubt always, thanks for that Ian, and we’re not gonna fight any of that when you’re confirming it for us]

Janis: [we’re there too, oh guys it doesn’t need to be this drama stop]

Jimmy: [tuck the other cigarettes you wrote her not name on into the pocket of the jacket you lent her because you know she has the lighter you gave her before she gave you yours as a gift like okay I’m just gonna piss off to the shop for party stuff nbd]

Janis: [‘what are you doing?’ a fair question]

Jimmy: [a nod in the direction of what’s left if anything of the bottle he gave her like there’s your answer]

Janis: [‘what’s the point of doing that now?’ like are you cray, where’s your head at ‘cos mine is not at this sleepover]

Jimmy: [a look like what else am I supposed to do because if we sit here in awkward silence or worse try to act like that wasn’t just said, I will actually die]

Janis: [the levels of fuming we are like oh OKAY and just leaving in the direction of Hollie’s]

Jimmy: [not letting you try and stop or go after her and make this worse, walk away thank you and go get lost such is your lack of a sense of direction]

Janis: [this is such a bad idea you simply should’ve left girl]

Jimmy: [fight Mia tbh]

Janis: [honestly I do not know what’s gonna go down but you cannot invite work boy now that’s for sure lmao]

Jimmy: [lord no]

Janis: [not having you bang him when we’re meant to come back from all this...heh]

Jimmy: [not having Jimothy beat up this poor boy]

Janis: [it’s fine because even if you’re talking to him such is the drama, you’d figure it’d be cringe to invite him to this mess so we can avoid that without just avoiding it because we don’t want to]

Jimmy: [could invite Harry we’ve done that before on previous jj attempts]

Janis: [that works better because we don’t care about you even a bit like you’re a dickhead we don’t wanna be mates with in any sense so you can come and bring god knows who else]

Jimmy: [please bring your brother even though Mia’s busy banging Hollie’s because will amuse me]

Janis: [why not honestly, may as well show him out the gate what you’re like ‘cos that’s going to be a drama in and of itself]

Jimmy: [he must be a messy bitch too so god knows what he’ll be doing]

Janis: [maybe trying to get on Ella]

Jimmy: [loves it]

Janis: [evidently your type of energy so]

Jimmy: [how am I gonna get Jimothy here though hmmmm]

Janis: [clearly we’ve fully just put the address out there now ‘cos we don’t give a shit so you could see that and map or see a group of peeps evidently on their way from school; either way, it’s already gonna be 0-100 by the time you show]

Jimmy: [good idea boo, do you wanna have him walk straight into the Harry situation or is there anything you wanna do first?]

Janis: [even though we’re like FUCK IT ALL, we aren’t going to make it that easy/that obvs to the gals that Harry is there for us/like omg she’s cheating!!!1/!? So you probably will see her amidst this chaos first]

Jimmy: [the locked eyes across the carnage cliche, because he’s obvs fully blending in and ignoring everyone and everything like the ghost boy he is but she #sees him huns]

Janis: [we do, because you do know each other fgs, but for now we’re just bowing like ta-da/you’re welcome ‘cos obvs you’re so buzzing about this party babe, you just couldn’t wait]

Jimmy: [actual sarcastic slow clap because we don’t give a shit either rn]

Janis: [lord knows what every gal is doing but just pointing out the ones you can see with your eyes like there, night’s ruined, happy now?]

Jimmy: [just signing ‘I don’t care’ at her because we truly don’t but we’re not gone enough we’re gonna shout that across a party, I assume it’s something he would have taught you because flatwhite shade without them knowing so]

Janis: [just looking at the door he’s barely coming in with his haul like mhmm like neither of us needed to be here but that’s not a convo we’re ready for clearly boy, walk off now and find some other source of drink]

Jimmy: [raising the bottle he’s drinking out of like a cheers in answer to why you’re here because true what are you gonna do go home and chill with Ian and his nearly gone stash, I think not]

Janis: [I think we could all find better parties when we have nothing else to do boy but you know, life sucks and y’all don’t wanna not be at the same party, even if we’re just dancing and dranking with anyone rn]

Jimmy: [I’m cackling imagining some CG peeps trying to talk to him and he’s just fully blanking them like he’s a real deaf mute]

Janis: [we’re not here to make friends tonight babes, I’m thinking you probably didn’t invite your colleagues hen because the time? You’ve not had it]

Jimmy: [I wanna spare you that because they are probably decent-ish and you could get some mates out of it eventually and you deserve that babe]

Janis: [likewise Pete or any other decent colleague does not need to be here, just the people we can throw to this mess happily]

Jimmy: [agreed because the levels he is not gonna try with any of y’all tonight when he barely does anyway, regretting his #lewk now because he looks great and I’m sure plenty of girls are trying to get his attention, soz boy]

Janis: [another reason to be fuming at you, like fuck you boy, straight up here in our PJs ‘cos lord KNOWS we’re not changing into anything Hollie has I’m sorry]

Jimmy: [we all know damn well she looks incredible, gonna say he goes to smoke outside and escape everyone but obvs there are just different girls out there to notice you so you can’t cos I’m evil and it’s legit when they’re running around looking like models]

Janis: [y’all don’t intentionally go around pulling focus yet here we are, like there’s so many people here, leave them alone lmao]

Jimmy: [fully will just have to hide like when Cook popped out of that wardrobe with that vodka or whatever it was]

Janis: [clearly going to bump into each other whilst trying to hide, such is your vibe]

Jimmy: [and he totally will give up said hiding place for you because a gentleman underneath it all]

Janis: [being like ‘wait’ but then just taking some of his drink ‘cos you ain’t ready to say nothing]

Jimmy: [only not fully letting her have that as well because he doesn’t wanna walk away]

Janis: [‘this is shit’ in a tone that sounds like you’re talking about the party even though you clearly are not]

Jimmy: [‘yeah’ likewise and taking the bottle back because you’re a fat bastard who ate too much earlier to be drunk enough for this]

Janis: [‘I don’t know how they can all be so boring’ again, you mean literally everyone at this soiree but you could just be dragging the gals]

Jimmy: [a shrug and a big drink because he was gonna say something complimentary about how she’s the only person who isn’t and that’s not something he’s drunk enough for either ‘will to live?’ like maybe that’s why they’re looking on the bright side and making mems]

Janis: [a pfft like I think not ‘not a brain cell to kill between ‘em, more like’]

Jimmy: [a nod like yeah, once again you’re probably right]

Janis: [‘least some of them are better to look at than the gals’ as if you didn’t find him hiding and your jealousy isn’t totally unwarranted lmao]

Jimmy: [his own I think not noise and facial expression as he looks around like um where but then looks at her ‘one of them is, more like’]

Janis: [making you say ‘who?’ like an idiot before you can stop yourself because clearly you stormed back and got on it immediately like honey]

Jimmy: [just loling before we can or would stop ourselves ‘should’ve done you more sandwiches’ because affectionately have to call you a pisshead/lightweight always]

Janis: [pushing him like shut up but not in a fully pissed off way ‘cos we did that to ourselves there]

Jimmy: [a lock and key mime for his lips and chucking that imaginary key into the chaos we left because obvs need to go harder than a zip now that we feel like we just keep fucking up today]

Janis: [do a sad thumbs up that’s barely worth faking honestly]

Jimmy: [a thumbs down of course because we hate that and everything rn]

Janis: [pushing the corners of his mouth up ‘not your party, only they’re supposed to cry’ at least y’all only needed to do this much and Mia is gonna take it from here messing up everyone’s evening but you don’t know that yet lol]

Jimmy: [I love how personally she would take it even though nothing they’ve done this evening has actually been about her in the slightest, but meanwhile Jimothy’s just looking at his bae, blinking away fake tears and trying not to cry in an OTT way but it’s too real because he is that sad and would like to]

Janis: [‘pussy’ but in a soft as hell way, which we have to cover by dramatically wiping away said imaginary tears like get a grip hun but just looking at him sadly ‘cos he looks so sad]

Jimmy: [opening his mouth as if to say a million things but saying none of them as per before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and opening them again then shaking his head/himself all like he’s pulling himself together for the lols if anyone asks but we are also actually trying to]

Janis: [the BIGGEST sigh as this all transpires like okay and getting up and putting out a hand to pull him up like ‘can’t hide forever then’]

Jimmy: [not taking her hand but not in a petty king way but like a sad child when they just don’t want to]

Janis: [‘it’d be a shame to waste your outfit’ like you look great boy and we aren’t going to pretend]

Jimmy: [looking down in such genuine confusion/almost like we’re in a dream because it feels like another life since we wanted to serve a #lewk for you gal ‘bit late’ cos it already is a waste and a shame obviously now that we don’t have the bae on side and everything’s fucked]

Janis: [‘what else can you do?’ Echoing what you didn’t say but we very much got the message from earlier boy and just shrugging helplessly]

Jimmy: [‘what else can I?’ like tell me how to fix this because I tried explaining and apologising and not talking and walking away and all the things]

Janis: [‘it’s-’ and stopping ourselves like UGH ‘-how can I say it without throwing out a it’s not you it’s me?’ like let’s not hit that cliche ew]

Jimmy: [‘just-’ his tone is just pure desperation and frustration at the situation they find themselves in, goodbye ‘tell me’]

Janis: [‘every time I forget this is fake, you remind me that it is’ just blurting that out so fast, like, hope you got that boy because we’ve shut our mouth like no more]

Jimmy: [a look like yeah same because I let myself think it was real and then you left and then earlier I let my guard down again in an intimate way and look where we are ‘don’t just put that on me’]

Janis: [‘I didn’t call you a job after-’ and a look just like what ‘cos we don’t understand our role in this right now problematic queen]

Jimmy: [‘I’m not doing you a list why you’re as bad’]

Janis: [just shaking our head and gesturing like there we go then, there’s nothing more to say]

Jimmy: [a gesture like off you go then]

Janis: [‘fuck you’ but do leave]

Jimmy: [gotta let her go boy even though I wish you wouldn’t]

Janis: [‘cos we know you’ve gotta go let Harry snek flirt on you now ugh]

Jimmy: [how do you want this to pop off? When we did it before I think they were grooving and another time I think they were just talking/flirting]

Janis: [hmm, I kind of want to do dancing because the gals are that messy and as are we but also no one but him would need to notice because of said mess so it wouldn’t fuck everything]

Jimmy: [the awkward moment Jimothy’s reaction might direct attention to this but I agree, it’s a good shout when everyone is clearly dancing with everyone and being a state]

ella & mia, how’d your night go babes] Janis: [well couples have domestics and if you wanna say shit@

Jimmy: [the way he’s gonna just push Harry away from her not in the !! way of fuck off I’m gonna beat the shit out of you immediately that everyone would be living for but just really dismissively like who the fuck are you, move]

Janis: [The way that rat is gonna be like I’m here with her, like she invited me, we’re dying we want to throw up lmao]

Jimmy: [he’s just gonna be like ‘piss off bellend’ in a tone that implies not a single person would or does believe that thank you, even though we secretly do obvs, gotta keep it dismissive and unfazed unless he makes us smack him lol]

Janis: [we’re just here also trying to bring that casual energy despite how far from it we feel like ‘can you just give us some space, like’ to Harry like the politest fuck off so he doesn’t go and chat shit on you but also does leave, hopefully]

Harry cos you know he’s a twat who won’t go in a chill way ever and there’s only the slightest threat in his voice despite the fact he wants to murder you] Jimmy: [give Jimmy his oscar tbh, thanks Ian for helping us bring an energy we definitely don’t feel to a shit situation, because he’s just gotta be like ‘you heard’@

Janis: [Starting this drama that’s only gonna escalate when he feels like you do this to him again, yay, can just make some comment about seeing her later as you go now though ‘cos we ain’t brawling here and now not like this]

Jimmy: [Jimothy you’re not as hurt as you’re gonna be soon but you still have those OG rib injuries so no brawling for you thanks, once he’s gone just saying ‘fuck you’ back to the bae but quiet because we’re livid and hurt ‘I would never-’ like this is one of the reasons you’re as bad since you asked and walking away]

Janis: [Starting to nod like, yeah, I know, I know that was bad but then he’s gone before you can commit to anything more than that nod]

Jimmy: [fully just walking out and leaving this house with no thought to anyone or anything like]

Janis: [I’m like don’t you dare follow him bitch, don’t you dare, going outside but stopping you from doing that because we can’t, let him go]

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