the thing about abusive and manipulative people is they that will be able to explain their actions and they will sound convincing and they will be genuine about what they say. We demonize these people so much until they fit into a category of evil monsters that are obvious to the naked eye and hold nothing but malice behind their actions. The truth is that they’re just people. Normal people who have failed in their ability to be honest with themselves about anything they do and possess an ability to reframe every event into something that suits how they want to interpret it. And you’re going to fall for it. Someone you love will tell you they didn’t mean something hurtful they said, didn’t you know they clearly meant it in another way? And they mean it, not because they didn’t mean it when they said it, but because they don’t mean it now, after they’ve realized it was a bad thing to say. And they can’t bear the possibility of saying something cruel like that, so they reframe it in their own memories and experiences as a joke, something they didn’t mean. If you had never told them your feelings were hurt, they’d’ve never apologized or realized that what they said was wrong. And that’s a pattern that will continue and only worsen. So many people ask why someone abusive in their life can’t just…admit to mistreating and undervaluing them instead of carrying the charade on, because it makes it so much harder to end things. And it’s because to them they haven’t mistreated or undervalued you. They can’t face a world where they are the bad guy or where they have to improve upon themselves, so they won’t. Or, on the flipside, they’ll switch back and forth between being awful and cheerful or crying and begging and pleading you to stay because they know how awful they are and they’ll treat you right this time they promise. And they mean that! They know what they are. It sticks in their stomach and turns to a pain in their heart. But once they’ve achieved their goal for immediate comfort, once you agree to stay, they don’t have a reason to keep themselves in that discomfort. Why would they want to be continually reminded of how awful they are? It’s painful. They don’t want to go through life like that. So they forget. They go back to normal. They have you again, they don’t need to face that side of themselves anymore. And they won’t see any issues with that. They are capable of reframing every event and action in their head into something that suits them and I don’t mean that in a gimmicky way I mean that they will be able to explain to you in perfect clarity why they truly love you despite their mistreatment and why their feelings of pain and discomfort are more important than how you feel about how they mistreated you. And it will be convincing. You will question yourself because they seem so sure of themselves and they seem to genuinely believe it. And it will lead you down the wrong path. These people frequently stand against abuse and repost ideas you agree with that make you feel safe. And they will mean it. And years later you will ask yourself why they supported such causes and things when they were clearly abusive themselves, and you’ll fail to realize that they saw themselves as a normal good guy the whole time. Just like we all do.

The right person will tell you when they’ve done wrong. The right person will be able to give you space to heal and do the *right* things to help you heal from any pain they cause, not love bomb you until it’s forgotten. I don’t know this wasn’t very coherent but I just wanted to say that abusers and manipulator are so good at it because they aren’t trying to do so and they don’t believe themselves to be doing so. Don’t fall for moral high ground bullshit, it only makes you easier to fall for bad situations.

shes finally coming together!! still got a bunch of hand work to do on the blouse and corset, and of course, style the wig, but annes gonna be ready for mcm next weekend!

something something i will follow you into the dark (comic wip)

I have the smallest crumb of a theory. But what if howdy is mean to Latter because he’s self-conscious of being the only caterpillar (and repressed) and takes it out on his brother as a consequence. Because social expectations at the time gave him an excuse to do so?

no. ok. hoo boy. Allow Me To Be Insane Over The Most Prominent Thought I've Had Since Seeing The Update (about howdy)

i will try to be as eloquent and articulate as possible. ahem:

THAT FRUITY ASS CATERPILLAR IS REPRESSED AS FUCK, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT?? MY GOD. HOMEBOY HAS ISSUES STACKED ON ISSUES. GET HIM SOME THERAPY.

ok. ok ok ok. Now allow me to be articulate and eloquent

so obviously Howdy is almost certainly queer in the men-loving flavor. if i'm wrong about this my confidence will never recover. But I'm Willing To Take That Chance. so he's definitely queer, right? his.. well his everything points to it, but the final nail in the coffin are his rainbow suspenders from the group Homewarming artwork from Eddie's prolonged breakdown.

but this update i think showed us deeper into that part of him. and i take the shipping goggles off for genuine analysis, so when i say this i believe that there is Serious Evidence and seems Genuinely Plausible - if Howdy doesn't have feelings for Barnaby, i'll eat my cat.

the above is important to say because it Directly ties in to how Howdy treats Latter AND Eddie.

so. Howdy is likely gay or bi, what have you. i'm guessing gay. he obviously has feelings for Barnaby. SO WHAT I'M SAYING IS that i don't think Howdy treats Latter the way he does because of the caterpillar thing, I think Howdy treats Latter the way he does because Latter is genuine and Howdy is not.

what does this have to do with Eddie? well. look at Latter and Eddie in relation to each other. they're both... how do i say... Open. and not - not effeminate, but yes, for lack of of a better word, effeminate. just enough to make one go "huh." and Howdy treats them the same way - dismissive, apathetic, one could even say avoidant.

i wouldn't be shocked if Howdy picked up on their queerness (and if Latter isn't queer, his comfort with himself / his behavior & interests) and is on the defensive about it - likely subconsciously.

and with Latter specifically. Howdy could have also picked up on the way his other family members treat him if they're all also dismissive - as Seeya seems to be as well. i mean, it fits right in line with the time period! homophobia - internalized in Howdy's case (again, most likely). the blatant favoritism, the dismissive nature, it all adds up. even if no one outright knows, that subconscious recognition (or outright suspicion!) will do this

i mean, Latter makes me think of two things. 1) being the only queer kid in a family (especially large). 2) being a middle child. there was a third but i forgor. it felt important! it's gone now! anyway it's also Super telling comparing how Howdy treats Latter (emotional, earnest, open) to how he treats Beeya (oozing stereotypical masculinity)

tl;dr so i don't think it's really "expectations giving Howdy an excuse" as it is "subconscious / internalized homophobia causes Howdy to act the way he does"

as always, take all this with a Hefty grain of salt!

get you a girl who can give you everything

this started a long long time ago when I made a joke about how sega should put ringo in more dresses, and then my friend reminded me that oh yeah!! I can do that instead!!! and then one thing led to another and we joked about punk ringo and I drew that too. using ringo like a dressup doll is so cathartic it's kinda crazy

some bonuses (original designs, timelapse) under the cut bc I like these designs!! I might do some more with them!! please disregard the band poster in the first second of the timelapse that's something else!!!

ok the rate at which shows are being canceled after one season is becoming more and more ridiculous and excruciating to the point where they dont even give people TIME to watch the shows anymore!! i will be recommended a good show by a friend and think “ooo im excited to watch when im not super busy” and then just a month later before i even had the chance to watch it, its already canceled.

and these days whats considered a “successful show” has to surpass hundreds and hundreds of millions, sometimes over a BILLION hours streamed to be worthy of renewing but when shows get somewhere between 50 million and 100 million theyre treated like they were a complete flop even though that is STILL MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO WERE INVESTED IN THE SHOW AND WOULD WATCH FUTURE SEASONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was going to watch that show. i was so beyond excited to watch that show. it had one of my favorite actors in it and it was produced by the same creators of my favorite show of all time. but because i have responsibilities from work and school like a normal fucking adult, i couldnt make the time to watch it and now only a week after i was recommended the show, it was already canceled.

i am used to mourning stories that ive become attached to that will never be complete, but this is altogether different. you didn’t even give me a chance to meet these characters or watch this story. a story that an entire cast and crew of probably thousands of people put all their hearts and soul and TIME into and yet you gave it just a fucking month before you decided it was unworthy of pursuing. even though tens of millions of people who were lucky enough to have been available to watch it at the time thought otherwise.

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

OCD will literally remove your brain's ability to register when a task is Complete and then create 10,000 incredibly ridiculous and extremely specific rules for you to follow in every single aspect of your life (to keep you safe, of course, it tells you.) and then tells you that if you don’t do them Correctly and Completely every single time it tells you to (it tells you countless times per day) then the Entire Fucking World Will End and then it’ll do this fucked up thing where it makes you believe that nonsense.

and then people that don’t have it will make silly little jokes about being soooooo OCD and make t-shirts with fun little acronyms on them like Obsessive Coffee Disorder and tell you how much they like it when things are organized and clean, too!!

and then you’re supposed to just. laugh. like you haven’t been robbed of your entire being and potential and been taken over by a mind and life altering disability

so like. how many times do you think smith has heard isami say he doesn’t trust bravern and then tried really hard to change that when he becomes bravern only to wind up with the same outcome every single time

Really shitty sketch of an image I saw. Had to put it on paper

Ignore how scuffed it is and how fucked the proportions are lmao

(Og image under the cut)

Saw it and knew it had to be done.

In the words of Jessica Day, "Work sucked today, my friends"

This might sound defensive but if you're attracted to a 100% binary trans man as a woman then that's straight regardless of what you say, because trans men are men full stop, maybe it's unintentional for you but there's a lot of trans men aren't really men or are women-lite shit going around, reanalyze yourself and your transphobia because that's straight up awful shit and I'm so sick of seeing this being spread around it's fucking conversion therapy shit disguised as something positive reanalyze why you want trans men to be with lesbians so badly when lesbians traditionally mean and is understood by wide society to be women liking women, like actually sit and think about that, maybe it's hard to admit that it's offense but good fucking god

You seem to be under the assumption that I am forcing the tran men who identify as Lesbians to be not fully men or women lite and you are very wrong?? I do not see a trans man as any less of a man for being a Lesbian. He is a Man and A Lesbian. They are both true. They are not conflicting labels just because of societies perceptions of a word that was forcefully adjusted after Lesbian separatism.

Yow however are the one assigning those people a sexuality based on how you see their relationships. Is a woman supposed to break up or change her entire sexuality because her partner came out and she didn't stop being attracted to him? What if she still primarily dates women after they breakup for unrelated reasons? Does she earn being a Lesbian back? Or maybe consider how many trans men are butches in the community who are Men and Lesbians and their femmes love them and are no less lesbian to any of their peers. What about those who are firmly Trans men and Trans Women at the same time? Do they stop being a lesbian on "Man days"? Do they earn it back on women days? You know, to make sure on "man days" they aren't viewed as Womenlite for being a lesbian by their own choice. Where's the line anon?

It sounds defensive because it is. You are not reading a word I've said about any of this and are shoving shit I don't believe into my inbox under the guise that you think I condone any of what the fuck you iust said.

I am a man and spend half my time fighting to be seen properly as one against transphobic Lesbians who insist I have to be a Girl Butch otherwise they have the right to dictate who I can date. I fucking know more than enough about people who want to change my gender to fit their transphobic views. I spend an entire portion of my blog fighting about transmasculine rights if you bothered to look around before you sent this accusatory ask.

Some Trans Men are Lesbians because THEY WANT TO BE. When I talk about Lesbian Trans Men I am talking about ME and THEM. If you cannot understand that then you are not having the same conversation as me.

Also the fucking Lesbiphobia of revoking someones right to be a Lesbian because you don't see it that way is disgusting. Who the fuck are you to think it's okay to tell somone they aren't who they say they are? we got a council that can kick us out of our little clubs since that's how you wanna treat these identities?

Ya'll I'm so pissed off tonight I don't even feel like giffing. Wow. That has never happened before.

my favorite thing to do you ask? reading the updates while completely ignoring the fact that the fic is ending soon 🧍🏾‍♀️

My current mood trying to finish liab:

no wonder missy is insane about him. she just mindmeld trauma bonded with him and got confirmation through him that she was right the whole time about the thing that happened to her, AND then they traded life-saving moments. of course she wants her friend back. she needs him to see her again, as clearly as he did in that moment. she needs him to be like her, because among time lords, she is alone, but with the doctor, she isn’t.

“Amore et Timore” - King Fernando I “El Animoso”