#so i'm left with may but 4 months is the perfect amount of time to find a job and still save enough money here to make the move ok
Text
context: my main plan for 2024 in my journal was "figure out the future & what I'm going to do & where I'm going to live" thinking about summer maybe except last friday during a particularly bad work-related depressive episode I went, fuck it I'm leaving here and found a site and applied for cheap studios in cork and dublin basically in the middle of the night. when I got better I started wondering if I REALLY wanted to leave and may have acted too soon without thinking it through as usual but decided that, you know, what's meant to happen will happen.
then this morning when I was washing my breakfast dishes I dropped a bowl on top of my favourite (and very durable) glass and the glass just snapped in half. at first I was upset but then I laughed thinking, guess this means everything is going to work out and I'm moving out, thanks!! and when I got back from work I found out that not only did I get a place in dublin but my top pick at that. I cannot believe this. the fucking glass. and it was actually still stable so I glued it back together to use for a plant or something. I fixed it. I wonder what it means. anyway. looks like things will work out after all
(it's got a dragon and that's why it's my favourite. out of two. the other one I just use for measuring rice.)
#personal#sofi.txt#text#multiple thoughts in my head#if superstition then why does it work?#the funniest thing is that i overthink tiny things but make big life changing decisions on impulse but somehow they're right#it was so random too because the cork apartment (which i wanted but got declined) was available since may so that's the date i applied for#even with the others#so i'm left with may but 4 months is the perfect amount of time to find a job and still save enough money here to make the move ok#the place is basically a shed in a lady's garden the size of my current living room but it's extremely cool and has everything one needs#and more than i have here in some cases. a DESK#it doesn't look unlike my childhood dream home tbh#and. thinking of palestinians living in tents who don't even have the one room and how lucky i am to be able to have that#or leave this small town willingly for the sake of my own wellbeing and go elsewhere just like this & safe 😭#dublin has all the major events though and i feel like i can do more there and actually join ipsc (
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi!! I've never been to Disney in my life but I'm going next month for a senior trip and I have no idea what to expect or look for, do you have anywhere you'd recommend checking out? Or any good places to get good food or cool souvenirs? Orrrrr just some of your favorite places? :0
Disneyland (CA) or Disney World (FL)?
I'm always at Disneyland bc I have a family member who gets me in for freeeee BUT there's some overlap with FL, so maybe this could still be useful! I also didn't realize I had SO MUCH to say so this got very long whoops!
TOP 5 MUST RIDES:
1. Space Mountain - Perfection. Best ride there.
2. Thunder Mountain - Fun and a decently long ride time!
3. Pirates of the Caribbean - Classic
4. Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway - Cute and clever!
5. Matterhorn - Bobsled only in CA, not FL.
Rides that are NOT worth it (imho):
Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run - Glorified VR you WILL be forced to share with strangers if you're not a party of 6
Star Tours - Gives many people motion sickness.
Teacups - The ones in CA have a SPEED CAP! So no matter how fast you turn they're just slow (FL doesn't though so go crazy).
Rides that are worth the wait, but the wait can be 2 hours and not everyone has that kinda time:
Rise of the resistance - Very impressive, even if you're not a star wars fan. However, the wait is usually 80-120 min and if you only have one day to spend at the park IDK if it's worth missing like two other rides
Indiana Jones - Very fun! However, always a long wait and BREAKS more often than any other ride I've ever seen, so there's a chance you could be waiting for an hour, it breaks, and then you don't go on it at all
Weird rides with a usually reasonable wait time:
Mr. Toad's wild ride - one the three original rides still left at the park (only in CA not FL). You DIE and GO TO HELL. Literally Hell!
Rides that are CLOSED or will be closing very soon:
1. Haunted Mansion - This one will be closing soon for about a year because they're re-doing the square and adding a new section of the park. So I'd say go on it if you can, but if not, I personally think it's at it's peak oct-dec when it's dressed up as nightmare before Christmas and I don't miss it too much the rest of the year
2. Splash mountain is still under construction but I don't like getting wet on rides so I never went on that one anyway
Best Places for Souveniers:
Biggest shop is outside the parks in Downtown Disney and it's called "World of Disney." They have everything and, if they're out of an item or size, "Emporium" on Disneyland's main street will have it.
Best Places for Food:
My fav place to get food are the bread bowls (broccoli cheddar) right across from the haunted mansion. However, Hungry Bear and Tiana's Palace will have decent meals as well. Jolly Holiday has passable grilled cheese. I DO think the pizza at pizza planet actually sucks so if you go right outside the park to napolini in downtown disney you'll get a much tastier slice
Genie+ (used to be "fast pass"):
Prices vary by day. I've seen it as low as $17 and as high as $35. This will probably double the amount of rides you can get on, but only if you get there early and you'll only start reaping those benefits during the second half of the day. So if you plan to stay late, worth it. (If you're going with a senior trip though you may not be able to get this, since everyone would need one I assume.)
Have fun!
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
Always Remember We're Burned For Better Chapter 20: We Will Never Go Back to That Bloodshed
Well everyone...we made it. It has taken nearly nine months but here we are. We are at the end of ARWBFB (save for the Epilogue). This has been one of my biggest undertakings and I am so so so proud of it. You guys have followed me through two board exams, applications, and so so so many different speciality rotations during this journey. You have been incredibly patient but also incredibly supportive. I NEVER could have finished it without you guys. I wanted to get this up sooner or at least on the 13th. I failed at both of those, but I hope you will understand when you see that this chapter is the longest by a significant amount. I am so proud of this fic, and I hope you all decide that it was worth giving your time to sharing with me.
The chapter title comes from The Great War. A fun fact would be that this line actually loops back to "we will never go back to that bloodshed, crimson clover" with Crimson Clover being the title of chapter one. It's come full circle (save for the epilogue).
This chapter is designed like Chapter 4 was. Each segment is divided by a lyric that encapsulates the vibes. It is not as happy, but it is the start of happily ever after.
AO3
Masterpost
As always..this is for everyone who has helped me and loved me and supported this story. I cannot even tag everyone but I will try. A LARGE portion of this goes to @ohhowwehavefallen who has talked about MOST things that happen in this chapter with me in depth and has enabled me (VSC immortalized forever with this one, so is Cato buying the academy). @kentwells who actually helped me make major decisions regarding the sequel, which affected the way Marvel and Glimmer ended here. Thank you for putting up with me. @dukeysquid and @mackcoleslaw for the constant constant support. @clarascrabarmy who talks me off the ledge and is my go to night reader (and night validator that im crazy). @mollywog who has tolerated this fic for 9 months. @crookedlyniceperson who comes in with the memes EVERY single time. @cyansadnessI dont even get to talk to you much any more but you were an OG reader and I am giving you kisses for your love. There are so many more who I am afraid I may have missed (and I know I have missed) but i'm emotional and hormonal and crying as I type this.
This is, and always has been, for you guys who have given me your support and love. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I never would have finished without the love and support of every single person who has read this.
Thank you.
How evergreen, our group of friends
The kitchen, despite the literal war that had raged on outside in District One, was quite literally untouched. Untouched, as in, no one had ever used it even prior to the games or the war that should have resolved the house itself to rubble.
They had quickly discovered that despite varying levels of damage to the districts, the Victors Villages were left nearly untouched. Call it symbolism, call it fate, call it making a point, but this was not a fact any of the surviving victors were going to debate or question.
For now they were all just going to be thankful to even have a place to live, especially one that wasn’t an underground bunker in a district that resented them.
It’s Clove, who is opening and shutting every single cabinet in the bright white kitchen. The golden handles and marble countertops are pristine– perfect and completely new. Every drawer is completely stocked with spices and the same sorts of things her own home had come with, but it is evident that these cabinets had remained untouched from their initial stocking. There was no dusting of cinnamon around the pores of the bottle, no slight film of salt from pouring over a steaming pot. They were still perfectly alphabetized, perfectly aligned in the spice drawer, as if the kitchen itself was taken right out of a capitol home decor magazine.
Funnily enough, though the kitchen was clearly new, it was so…Glimmer. Or at least the Glimmer she had been forced to become.
Gorgeous white marble countertops, shimmering golden metal for every door handle and knob on every drawer. The utensils were a beautiful gold, and even the appliances were designed to blend right in with the shining and glamorous surroundings.
In one drawer, she found incredibly sharp knives with mother of pearl handles, in another were soft baby pink pans. It was very much designed for the fifteen year old teenage girl who had won the house as part of her victor’s spoils.
Somehow, even without the Capitol’s influence, Clove still believes Glimmer would have turned out a golden, pink-loving girl. Or at least, it’s comforting to imagine it that way.
Clove curls her fingers around the shimmering handle of one of the paring knives, bringing it to eye level to inspect it. The blade is alarmingly sharp for one designed to dice vegetables or carve into fruits, further supporting Clove’s suspicion that it had never been used prior to well, right now. She weighs it in her hand, feeling the way it settles in her palm. Her other hand comes to run over the couple of inches of metal, evaluating the quality. It was top of the line in terms of cooking, of course, nothing but the best for any victor, but it may even serve well in terms of slicing through-
She drops the knife, flinching only a little at the realization of how the metal colliding with the marble will dull the beautiful little blade. It startles her, not the sound of the metal on rock, no that any District Two girl could sleep through like a lullaby, but by the harsh realization of her own thoughts. She would likely never slice through anything but food again, there would be no more blood spitting on her from pulsing arteries, no more tendons severed.
Clove would probably never kill anyone else ever again. The thought is both disconcerting and comforting, leaving Clove alarmed and settled.
“Are you okay?” A soft, sleepy voice asks from around the entrance to the kitchen. When Clove looks up she sees Glimmer, rubbing at her eyes with her long cream colored sleeves. She shuffles into the kitchen in fluffy white slippers, a sweater that reaches halfway down her legs, and exceptionally messy loose braids that tell Clove that yeah she probably did just wake up.
“Good morning, Princess.” Clove scoffs, gently grabbing the dropped knife and twisting it nimbly between her fingers. “It’s four in the afternoon, Glimmer. Did you have a busy night?”
“I was with Cash and Gloss all night, we’re trying to figure out what to do about our parents.” Glimmer sits herself at the island continuing to rub at her eye with the heel of her hand, exhaustion written all across her pretty face. “I didn’t come back until this morning.”
Clove flinches at her own insensitivity– while she was well used to being, well, alone. An orphan. On her own. Whatever, it was..new for the others. Cato’s family was still in the wind, but Glimmer and her siblings, as well as Marvel, were new to the world of being parentless. “God, Glimmer, I’m sorry–”
At least Glimmer had Cashmere and Gloss, the same could not be said for Marvel, who was the only surviving member of his entire family. Clove could easily relate to that, because even if anyone survived, they were dead to her long ago.
Glimmer just nods her head, acknowledging but not verbally accepting the apology her friend offers.
Nothing had been necessarily right between the four of them since the vote. Cato and Clove, they were perfectly fine, of course. Marvel however had lost any progress he had made with Glimmer, and Cato nor Clove had yet to fully return to her good graces. It wasn’t even like any of them could blame her for being mad. She had been right.
“Thanks for letting us stay with you.” She decides, instead filling the space between them with gentle words of appreciation. “Like..literally in your house with you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, you know that.. It’s nice not to be alone.” Glimmer sighs, resting her chin on her hand and looking across the island to Clove, who is still twisting a knife in her hand. “I don’t know if i’m quite ready to be alone yet.”
They weren’t necessarily far from anyone. Marvel spent the days over here with them, Brutus was in one of the empty houses, Cash and Gloss each in their own and then Enobaria was–
“Is Enobaria staying across the street in the empty one or down the road–”
Glimmer cocks an eyebrow, the littlest smirk making an appearance on her face. “She’s staying with my sister.”
“Oh!” Clove looks nearly taken aback as she opens another drawer, absently sorting through the perfect, unused cutting boards and kitchen aids to distract herself from the awkward tension between her and her host. “I didn’t know they were even friends.”
“Girl..” Glimmer giggles, leaning in closer on the island, nearly pressing her upper body into the marble. “You know Enobaria and Cashmere are..” She makes a gesture with her middle and pointer finger that Clove can’t interpret, and the confused look on her freckled face must convey that to the blonde girl. “Right?”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Do I need to spell it out for you, Clove? They’re fucking. They’re a thing.”
“What! No, I mean just because they’re staying together doesn’t mean–” The heat in Clove’s cheeks at the realization leaves her flustered, and flustered is not a look Clove wears well.
“Well that's what everyone thinks about the four of us.” Glimmer teases, before bringing her hand out infront of her to inspect the remnants of her nails. “Seriously. They’ve been a thing for like…god Cash won sixty-four? So… ten…ish years? Probably? I dunno. But it’s not a secret. I’m shocked you couldn’t tell.”
“Well I didn’t see them together much, okay? And noone thinks that the four of us are all fucking, Glimmer. That’s crazy Capitol type shit.” Clove defends, desperately looking through the drawers for a change of topic. Maybe she could understand why Enobaria got so irritated when ever she and Cato got caught–
Yep. Okay. Makes sense!
“Sure they don’t Clove, you don’t see the looks people give us?”
Clove digs through the drawers, finding the still boxed mixer and the perfect white plates, nothing seeming even a little out of place. She is flustered and the heat in her neck and face won’t even allow her to respond to such comments.
“For fucks sake, Glimmer, have you used anything in this kitchen.”
“Drawer closest to the refrigerator has two little plates and two forks. We used to …uh…we would eat a lot of cake.” Glimmer finds herself grabbing at the skin around her nail with her teeth, tugging at the cuticles until they ripped off. She couldn’t resist the urge to constantly be picking at and degrading something about her body, and right now her nails were all she had access to. “Other than that, not really.”
“How did you survive, Glimmer? Seriously?” Clove rests a hand on the back of her hip, strumming along the top of her hip while also trying to massage out some of the pain of her lower back that never seemed to go away.
“Well, everything I ate was precooked and preweighed, I had to keep a certain look you know?” Glimmer shrugs, kicking her feet just a little at the height of the chair, twisting just ever so slightly to keep herself comfortable. “I wasn’t really allowed to go beyond that. Cooking was never important.”
“You’re gonna have to learn to make something Glimmer, especially if you ever have kids–” Clove teases, but the biting response of Glimmer wipes the smile right off of her face.
“I told you in the Capitol I'm not doing that. I’m never doing that. I don’t want to.” Glimmer snaps before she pushes herself out of the chair so she can make a quick escape if the conversation goes any further south.
“You used to, I’m sorry, Glimmer. That's who I knew you as. The girl who wanted to settle into her life and be someone’s mother. And for what it’s worth, Glim Glam, I think you’d have been good at it.” Clove puts a hand up in defense, before she awkwardly goes back to going through the remaining cabinets, stopping prior to the refrigerator and pantry.
She pauses, and turns to face her friend. She gives a heavy sigh, bracing herself on the counter behind her, when she begins.
“I’m sorry. I am. About the vote. You were right, and as soon as you pulled me into that room– I knew you were right. About his sister and about our friends’ kids and everything. I just wanted to feel like some wrong was made right, Glimmer. It wasn’t going to be me back in the games, and I wanted them to feel what it was like. But then you mentioned Cora, and god knows if she’s alive, but if she is she couldn’t ever go to the games. Or Finnick’s kids, or yours or– I don’t know. All of a sudden it wasn’t just like..nameless kid tributes. It was people we knew. It was kids we knew. It was little girls who looked like you and little red heads in four and! It was kids we love or will love and– you were right. And I’m sorry.”
There is a stunned silence for a few seconds that feels like years to Clove, as Glimmer looks at her with the look of a doe caught in the lights of a car.
“....thank you.” Glimmer whispers in response, but something palpable has finally shifted between them. Whatever permafrost had threatened to take hold on the boundaries of their friendship started to melt away in that moment. Maybe not a heat wave, but a start. “I…thank you, Clove.”
Clove gives Glimmer another once over as they stand staring at each other. The months of this war had taken a toll on Clove of course, evidenced by the aches in her body and the scars along her skin. Her scars would fade, as her bruises had, and even the pain isn’t visible. On the outside Clove still looked almost exactly like she always had.
On Glimmer though, the changes were blatant. The golden glow of her skin was long gone, replaced by pale, nearly gray undertones. That long platinum hair was longer than ever, but now revealed multiple inches of a honey blonde natural color that had been hidden since before she even won the games. Even the actual structure of her face and body had changed. Any capitol enhancement had long since grown out or metabolized away, leaving Glimmer with deep collar bones and sinking skin on her cheeks.
She looked exhausted but she also looked starved. She looked sick.
“Glimmer…you look hungry.” Clove gives her a look that must be riddled with pity, for the blonde looks away and at her hands instead. “Will you please let me make you something? I know there probably isn’t much in here but I can send the boys out…” B
Before Glimmer can argue or decline, Clove swings the door open to what she expected to be a barren refrigerator and is taken back by the fully stocked fridge that awaits her.
Well. Full. And Stocked. Maybe not with actual kitchen staples or ingredients for meals, but definitely full.
“What in the fuck–”
“Marvel does that sometimes. And Cato’s been talking nonstop about your cooking for literal months. They went yesterday, I think. I..don’t think either of them knew what they were doing but they’ve got the spirit. They mean well.,” Glimmer explains, not bothering to put up a fight with Clove and deny her this opportunity. Even if she didn’t eat it– Cato and Marvel sure fucking would. This was their new Hunger Games.
“Good intentions…that's why there’s seventeen tomatoes?” Clove raises an eyebrow, the ghost of a smile gracing her face as she surveys the fridge. Sure it was a little..odd.. Seventeen tomatoes, three bags of flour, at least fifty eggs, a dozen heads of garlic… odd but good intentioned nonetheless. “I’m going to guess they wanted pasta?”
“That sounds right. I think I heard Cato saying something about that, but they lost me when I heard them trying to remember if onions and garlic are the same thing.” Glimmer shrugs, but finds herself going back to sit at the island, no longer on the verge of running out of the kitchen at any moment.
Clove starts grabbing armfuls of the tomatoes to transfer them to the countertop, feeling the soft flesh of one under her fingertips. She probably wouldn’t even need the chef’s knife, but damn if she wasn’t going to take the opportunity to use it. “Do you have a big- you know what, nevermind.”
She decides against asking for a stock pot, knowing fully well Glimmer would have no idea what she was talking about. Instead, she rummages through the cabinets until she does in fact find a blush pink soup pot practically bigger than Clove herself. She immediately sets herself to gently slicing the skin off of the tomatoes, delighting in the way the acidic juice dripped down over her fingers.
“You should give him a chance, Glimmer, he’s a good guy.” Clove suggests, tossing each individual skinned tomato into the giant pink pot one at a time.
“I’m not the one not interested, Clove, you know that.” Glimmer reminds her bitterly, reaching forward to attempt to grab a tomato, dropping it when the acid in the juice burns the raw skin around her nails. “He doesn’t want me.”
“Now that isn’t true and you know it. You two seemed fine and then the vote happened and you shut him down again.” Clove points out, turning to the cabinet behind her to grab her selection of the endless array of unused spices. “Which, I get it, you were hurt–”
“He can’t just make my trauma a personal vendetta, Clove. He can’t advocate for slaughtering babies in an arena under the name of defending me and the things that happened to me.” Glimmer hops off the chair once again, this time letting herself scope out the refrigerator and whatever the hell the boys had come up with to fill it with.
“It happened to him, too, Glimmer. Maybe not as much as it did to you. But it happened to him, too.” Clove collects salt and sugar and various other jars of spices she currently can’t name but knows for some reason she needs to add them. “Glim. Sometimes we care more about avenging the people we love, rather than actually doing what's right. The things that are done to people you love..sometimes that's just worse.”
“You don’t know what it’s like, Clove. To be seen as the girl who fucks everyone. Whether I wanted to or not. And trust me, I didn’t want to. And no matter how hard I try, for the rest of my life, that is how everyone is going to see me. Do you know what the best part of all this is, Clove? That I never have to be seen in public ever again.” She filters through the fruit– half a dozen containers of strawberries, a single mango, an entire box of blueberries– before letting herself grab a single blueberry for a snack.
“We don’t see you that way, you know? Not me, not Cato, and god Glimmer you know Marvel doesn’t either.” Clove assures, using the palm of her hand to measure out the various herbs and spices she’s tossing in. There’s no recipe– she’s just doing what feels right. Such is the theme for all aspects of their lives right now. “And you never have to do that again. Hell, never have sex again at all for all I care, obviously I do but–”
“Yeah, Clove, I know. We share a wall. The wall your bed is on.”
“Oh! Right! Well.. anyway!” Clove fakes a grimace and mouths ‘sorry’ before she places a lid on her creation. “Come on. Let's go find the boys, then I'll show you how to make the pasta.”
“I think they’re laying in the yard.” Glimmer waves off, before grabbing another handful of berries to pop into her mouth.
“They’re…laying in the yard?” Clove raises a dark eyebrow, confusion mapped across her face. “Are they dogs?”
“Something about missing grass and fresh air in Thirteen, I don’t know, I could hear them through the window.” Glimmer shakes her head, but stands in the doorway of the refrigerator. “Do you need anything out of here?”
“They’re fucking weird.” Clove clears off a workspace to knead and roll out the pasta, recognizing that this is probably the first time these counters have been used for anything ever. “uh yeah I need eggs and flour… Honestly, I usually make Cato come do this part because I like to watch his hands knead the dough but…let them…become one with nature or whatever they’re out there doing.”
“Why do you need flowers in noodles? I didn’t think you could eat those?” Glimmer cocks her head, holding out the cardboard carton of a dozen eggs to her, but pausing with a perplexed look on her face as she searches the refrigerator for a bouquet of some sort. “I can go check the garden–”
“What? No Glimmer, Flour not flowers.” Clove wipes her hands on the side of her shirt– Cato’s shirt, actually–, and comes next to her friend to point at the various bags on the bottom shelf. “It’s like..it’s white powder, I can’t explain it. It makes bread. Noodles. Cookies… pizza. It makes all the good stuff you probably don’t eat. But we are going to change that.”
There are a few moments of silence, as Clove measures things. It’s nearly peaceful, with the only sounds coming from the dough being flopping and kneaded into the marble.
Silent, that is, until Glimmer finally breaks.
“Thank you for staying with me.” Glimmer manages to get out, when tears Clove didn’t even know were coming just start pouring out of her friend. “I-i’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be alone yet.”
Clove pauses her hand folding, brushing her flour covered hands on her shirt before she rests her elbows on the counter, leaning in to truly hear her friend. “Glimmer, you aren’t going to be alone forever.”
“But I am! Yeah, Cash and Gloss are here but..they aren’t here. My parents are gone. You and Cato are going to go home, I don’t want to be alone yet.” Glimmer sobs, furiously wiping at her eyes with her sleeves, Mascara from god knows when smearing along them. “Noone wants a girl that everyone has had, at least not for more than a night, Clove! I’m alone and when i’m alone I just..I swear it’s like someone’s going to come in and they’re going to touch me and they’re going to hurt me and–”
“You’re scared.” Clove realizes, and her heart completely and utterly shatters for the girl. She sees her not as the twenty something girl in front of her, but instead a scared fifteen year old victor she never got to grow out of being. “It’s okay to be scared, but no one's going to hurt you anymore.” She nearly reaches for her hand, she nearly reaches to do anything to comfort her, but something tells her that sudden touch is the furthest thing from what Glimmer needs right now.
“Someone is always ready to hurt me, Clove. It’s all anyone wants out of me. Noone wants me but they all want me. I just think about all the things they’ve done to me, Clove. How many times they’ve shot me up with something or gave me a handful of pills and just told me to swallow them. Who knows what they’ve done to me…” Glimmer cries, hot tears tracking down her face and onto the fabric of her sleeves. They speckle her sweater, soaking into the cream colored fabric and turning it dark. The levee has broken within Glimmer, and the rushing waves of grief cannot be stopped. “When I won..my sister and brother used to sleep down here. So when I wake up screaming they could come up to me. And then in the Capitol I was NEVER alone and as soon as I was…Cash would come in. She’d hold me, tell me how sorry she was that she let me become a victor, that she didn’t stop me from trying to go to the games. And then, god, once I had Marvel, he practically moved in and he slept me and I actually felt safe. I could sleep. Even back when we were just friends…he’d let me sleep in his room in the Capitol, he was never touchy or pushy or anything. He just let me sleep and sometimes he’d hold me and it was the best sleep I had since I won.” Glimmer wipes at the tears again, ignoring how messy she had to look right now. It was her own kitchen and really what did she have left to lose? Glimmer rambles on, “And you two are here and so I try to sleep and it isnt working as well as it used to and in thirteen I was so afraid every time I heard someone was in the hall that they were going to come in and —“
“When was the last time you slept, Glimmer? Actually slept?” Clove eases, sliding her a dish towel to use to clear the tears from her eyes. “You have to be exhausted.”
“Probably the games, funny enough. Weird that I felt safe enough there but- it is what it is. I tried in Thirteen! And here! it’s just…I can still feel their hands on my skin a-and feel them breathing on my neck and hear their voices and the sound of their feet coming to get me. If I fall asleep they’re there taunting me and grabbing me and-and-and!“ Glimmer continues to recount her nightmares and real life horrors, her breath catching in her throat and coming out in heaving, panicked, desperate gasps. “I just don’t see what the point of all this was. I don’t have anyone and I’m terrified in my own house and my parents are gone and what did I survive it all for if I’m going to be alone?”
“You aren’t going to be alone. You aren’t, and you can stay with someone or something but, God Glimmer. Out of all of us, all of the things we have gone through, you Glimmer deserve a happy ending. You deserve to feel safe and loved and god, Glimmer, you deserve to be happy.” Clove finally grabs at her arm, gently squeezing her forearm. “You are safe, Glimmer. And no one gets to hurt you ever again. I promise, Glimmer. You are going to be happy.”
Glimmer…does not learn how to make pasta that day.
Ten minutes of egg and flour stuck to her fingers is enough to send her back to the verge of tears and back to a safe distance away where she instead watches only.
Once the dough is chilling and the sauce is stewing, they retreat to the living area, sprawled out on the baby pink couches.
They sit in comfortable silence while the sauce cooks, Glimmer curled up on the foot of the couch, Clove outstretched on the other end with a book of District One history spread out in her lap.
It’s peaceful. Comfortable. Safe.
When Clove notices the Glimmer has fallen asleep, she grabs the fur throw blanket from the back of the couch and tosses it over her friend. Never in her life had she planned to care for some random victor girl from District One, with enough trauma and abuse in her short life for all of them combined, but here she was. War, she supposed, changed the way you see the world.
She doesn’t even need to call the boys in for dinner like a mother calling for her kids to come in at sundown, because like the bloodhounds men tend to be, they all but run through the glass back door like the children they never got to be once the smell of dinner reaches the outdoors.
“Clove? Clove, are you cooking? Do I smell food?” Marvel slips in the door first, literally just edging Cato out to get in before him. “Holy mother of god, that's food. I can SMELL the spice, there's salt in it isn’t there. You’re a fucking saint.”
“You’re a moron.” Cato rolls his eyes, but pushes Marvel out of the way just so he can beat him to the island. “…there is salt and stuff right?”
“You’re also a moron.” It’s Clove’s turn to roll her eyes instead, as she fishes a single pasta noodle out of the water to try it. “If i remember correctly you did talk about my cooking every day for weeks…”
“Months.” Glimmer chimes in as she makes her appearance. It’s only been a couple of hours since she fell asleep on the couch but even the brief nap has her looking noticeably better and more rested. “Every day for months.”
Clove catches Glimmer (but not Cato) off guard with how fast she moves when she reaches out to grab Marvel’s wrist as he goes to dip a spoon into the sauce. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“Clove, I'm serious,this is the best moment I've had in months, let me have this. I need something good in my life.” Marvel half pleads, and the tired tone in his voice paired with the exhaustion behind his eyes is all that it takes before Clove is releasing his wrist and turning away.
“Do NOT go in twice, I will cut off your fingers.” She threatens and has to nearly slap Cato’s fingers away from the pasta noodles where they are cooling. “You two are like fucking children.”
“Oh my god.” Comes from Marvel, but it sounds somewhere between a cry and a gasp. “Clove this is the best thing i’ve had-maybe ever. Maybe that's the war trauma but-” Ignoring her threats he risks it for another dip, and then steps immediately a few steps out of her reach. “Can you stay here? Seriously, can we keep you? Cato you can stay too, if that helps.”
Marvel slides to the other side of the island, safely out of reach of all three of them as he debates just dipping a coffee cup and drinking the sauce. “For fucks sake, Cato, kiss her. Or Glimmer, you do it. I don’t care. One of you..just..appreciate her.”
“I’ll still kill you.” Cato warns, but he is slightly distracted by the handfuls of fresh pasta he is dropping into his mouth. “Clove is very appreciated, thank you very themuch.”
“.....are you crying?” Glimmer leans onto the counter, propping her chin in her hand as she outright smirks at her once boyfriend. There's the spark of light behind her eyes that Snow had snuffed out long ago starting to glow just a little again.
“No!” Marvel defends himself indignantly, but they all hear the sniffle and the stifled“......maybe a little.”
I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want just not home
Two months after their initial arrival in One, at the end of the second great war, after months of Clove feeding them, many tears from Glimmer at their goodbye, and promises of continued communication under the new mechanisms and options– phones communications, along with travel between districts, were allowed once again– Clove, Cato, Brutus, and Enobaria were on their train home.
Maybe it was irony, or maybe it was fate, but they take the incredibly short trip home on the same train they had come to the Capitol on in their prior games. Neither had ever noticed how the high speed trains went from One to Two in under half an hour, but then again, why would they have paid attention when they were young invincible victors with the entire world at their fingertips?
Still, even a twenty seven minute train ride feels like absolute eternity when you do not know what waits for you on the other end.
She is sitting as she always has on these trips– curled up with her back against his chest, settled between his legs, head resting on his shoulder. Her fingers snake up to where his arm is resting on the back of the couch, and she laces her fingers in with his.
Clove sighs as her eyes flutter shut, choosing not to watch the passage of destroyed buildings, burned farms, and mass civilian graves. There was a time in her life where no amount of bloodshed or the loss of life made her bat an eye— it was what they were trained for— but now…something about it made her stomach turn.
“It doesn’t feel like we’re going home.” Cato mumbles into the crown of her head, sliding his other hand firmly around her waist and holding her tighter to him. “It doesn’t feel like we even have one.”
“I don’t think we do.” Clove twists in his arms just a little so that she can see his face and languidly brings her free hand up to graze along his jawline. “I mean, we have a house, but I don’t think anyone will want to see us. Exiled to Victor’s Village ..” Her nails scratch along the planes of his skin gently, as she cranes her neck back to really look at him.
She has spent over half of her life looking at him, learning with him, and ultimately the last six loving him. Looking at him now, though, it’s almost like seeing him through new eyes.
Scars that the capitol would never take from him along his arms from retraining, golden blonde hair that had grown out enough it reached nearly to his eyelashes, the brightest sky blue eyes that harbored exhaustion far beyond that of a twenty one year old man.
And yet. It almost felt new to look at this man right now, in the same position on the same train they had been in time and time again.
It was new to see him in a world without The Hunger Games.
In a world where they would not wake up day to day to train the next class of tribute children, a world where they would not mentor victor and victor to parade home with pride to their district. A world where they would not raise their own children to volunteer for the games, where they would sacrifice them with a smile on their faces for the glory of being the parents of their own victor child, or pretend it did not shatter them to lose that same glorified baby to the games because they wouldn’t want to raise anything less than ideal little victors.
There was a version of them, somewhere, that dedicates the rest of their lives to the Hunger Games.
This is not that version of them. Not anymore.
Maybe it is because she knows what the life of a victor truly holds now. She learned in the confessions of Finnick, in the strangled screams of Glimmer in the middle of the night. She learned in the stories of Johanna, in the depravity of Haymitch. She learned in the desperation of Katniss, the destruction of Peeta. She learned of it in the loss of her mother.
She learns of a different life of a Victor, now. In the disapproving, but secretly adoring, looks from Enobaria when Cato carries her across a room. In the appreciative murmurs of Brutus, when he has pancakes with chocolate chips before him. In the updates on Annie’s growing family, in Marvel’s silly, stupid, but nonetheless endearing jokes.
Above all else she learns of it in the love of Cato, who saw her at the lowest shell of herself, and loved her even still.
Cato raises an eyebrow at her, shaking her just a little. “You’re thinking of something.” It’s his turn to bring a hand to her face, unwinding from her waist so he can tilt her chin up to meet his eyes more properly. “The corners of your lips twitch when you’re thinking too hard.”
Clove smiles gently, allowing the corners of her mouth to come to a soft grin. “I was just thinking about the last time we were on this particular train. On our way to the Quell. I didn’t think we’d be on our way back like this.”
“I also thought we were only leaving that arena in pine boxes. I didn’t think I’d be coming home. I never thought we’d come home together alive. ” He nods, looking past her rather than at her as he recollects the feelings and emotions of that day, leaving their district for what they expected to be the last time. Their days were numbered, or so they had every reason to believe.
For the first time, maybe in the entirety of their short lives, that was no longer the case.
Clove stretches both her arms out to wrap them behind his neck, relaxing fully and truly into his arms. “Is it crazy to say it feels like we won?”
The station is barren and silent when the train stops. There is no great crowd to welcome home the newest victor this time, no officials to celebrate them.
And yet, when the four of them are back on the train platform, surrounded by the rubble of what was once the greatest district in the country, there has never been a sweeter homecoming.
My house of stone, your ivy grows, and now i’m covered in you
The walk home is harrowing. Two months of cleanup had barely touched the majority of the evidence of the violence, especially along the bases of the mountain, where the various villages had to stack their dead. Slowly but surely they had been transported back to their towns to properly be buried under the traditions of each of the different villages.
That, of course, was just for the bodies that had even been recovered.
Nearly half of District Two’s population was unaccounted for, and reconstruction efforts had only barely begun to move the piles of rocks that represent the rubble of what was once towering buildings and neighborhoods full of homes.
The true carnage of the war, the gravity of the loss in this district alone was yet to be understood and tallied. Cato cannot say a word on the walk home, as every time he thinks about the bodies of his parents and sister rotting away under the ash of two, his throat feels like it is going to close on him. Clove by extension says nothing either, only threading her arm around his, holding that same arm with her other hand. There are no words to negate the pain of loss, to ease the ache of the unknown.
The gate to Victor’s Village is somehow perfectly intact, and from what they can see beyond, so are the pristine lines of ornate houses. A layer of ash covers the ground like fallen snow, and the air feels unseasonably cold up here. It is as if the ghosts of the victors, the families, all of the dead haunt these gates, encasing them in a blanket of melancholy as a reminder that they are the survivors yet again.
The chill especially wraps around Clove, sending an ache deep to her joints, a reminder that while she is a survivor, she was a victim, too. They have survived but they do not come home unscathed, they do not come home the victors they left as.
There are lights on in the two houses across the street from their own, and the reminder of life of their mentors is one of the only calming thoughts they can cling to.The rest of the houses sit empty, stale air circulating through them with no victors left to call them home. There is no evidence that there was once life in these houses, no shoes on the porch, no watering cans in the yards. Just like that what was once the fullest victors village has become a ghost town.
The decision to come back had not been an easy one. District One was in a far better condition, and frankly, none of them were quite ready for life on their own after so much time relying on each other for company and sanity during the war. They didn’t even really have motivation to come back– what did they have waiting behind for them. Eventually the announcement came – much to the dismay of many many many citizens– that the surviving Victors would continue to receive monthly stipends (albeit not near as much as pre-war days) as reparation for the torture and violence inflicted on them at the hands of the prior government ever since their victory. It made it easier to know that upon their return they weren’t going to have to assimilate into societal roles (and for Glimmer, the real relief came that she would never have to work in retail in one).
Ultimately, the decision to come back was their own. This place, despite the horrors, the violence, the brutality…it was their home. Maybe it was those things that made it home.
They stand in the charred grass at the very edge of their yard, Clove with her head resting against his body, Cato running his hand over her arm in an attempt to warm her body to ward off the ghosts of pain that the cold brings on. He rests his head on top of hers as they look at the grandiosity of the home they left behind, still frozen in time, as a relic of the time they were eighteen and in love, feeling invincible.
“Hey…babe?” Cato wrinkles his brows together, lifting his head from atop hers. “Do you have a key?”
Well of course they didn’t have a key– it wasn’t like they had considered leaving one under the doormat on their way to their certain deaths.
“Fuck.” Clove laughs against his arm, burying her face in the dark wool of his coat. Her laugh is contagious to him, and he’s shaking his head with a laugh not too long after her. Out of all the obstacles that should have kept them from ever crossing the threshold of their home again, they had not thought to anticipate a key being one.
She flashes him a playful smirk, raising her eyebrows teasingly. “Are we going to break into our own house?”
Sure, Cato could probably just go through the front door. Of course with the current state of Two, that door would not be replaced because a couple of kids broke into their own house.
“We left the bedroom window unlocked.” Cato reminds her, catching her off guard as he grabs her by the waist and throws her over his shoulder. “I mean.. I hope we left the window unlocked.”
Clove nearly shrieks as she ends up in the air, his hands giving taunting pinches on the very top of her thighs as he fully carries her to the back yard. The grass is overgrown in some places, burnt in others, Clove notices as she stares at the ground from her place on his shoulder.
Cato surprises Clove again when he flips her from his shoulder to his arms, one hand under her knees and the other under her shoulders as he cradles her against him. “Okay. You’re going in.”
It’s not even surprising how easily he lifts her to a standing position on his hands, how he can push her towards the bedroom window with such ease. All that to say, Clove's short arms and legs do not make it any easier, with her fingertips barely able to reach the window screen to pry it off. When she does she sends it flying down behind her, and only from the groan she hears from Cato can she tell it hit him. It is using all the dexterity of her little fingers that she is able to slide the window up and open.
“Got it!” Clove calls down to him, and lightly twists her ankle in his palm. “You gotta throw me a little.”
“I can’t throw you through the window–” Cato scoffs, shaking his head adamantly. “No way in hell.”
“Cato I can’t reach, You need to just give me a little boost-”
“A little boost i’m already holding you above my head–”
“Cato! A little toss!” Clove insists, jolting her foot with a little annoyance. “I’m serious, we need to get in–”
“Fine! But if you bust your face open don’t blame me.” Cato grumbles, and grabs her by the bottom of her shoes. “Okay, ready?”
Clove nods, already bracing her hands on either side of the window. When he gives her the little bit of a toss (more than a little, considering the strength he doesn’t even realize he exerts sometimes), Clove is able to flip in through the window.
All Cato can hear is a slight scream from his wife as she tumbles into the house.
“Clove…babe…you alright?” Cato calls up, an edge of panic infiltrating his cool tone. “Baby…”
Clove appears in the window, resting her elbows on the window ledge as she smiles down at him with a coy smirk. “You look like you’re here to beg me to sneak out.”
“If I remember correctly it was me who had the house first..” Cato responds to her smirk with his own, running a hand over the side of his hair. “Will you let me in? I didn’t throw you through the window just so I could still break down the door.”
“Patience, patience, Cato.” Clove teases, but the smile on her face could keep Cato going for the rest of his life. “I’m coming, meet you out front.”
Cato beats her to the front door. Patience has never been his strength, and frankly, it’s fucking cold and she is taking a weirdly long amount of time before she comes down. “Clove open the door, I'm not playing around.”
When the door does swing open to Clove, somehow already changed into one of his shirts and one of his shirts only, she greets him with a dark smirk, looking up at him from thick lashes. “Welcome home.”
The thin layer of dust that covers every surface in their house is a problem for another time.
Later…after.. Clove sits between his legs in the bath, the water as hot as they can possibly get it, soothing every ache in the crooks of her spine. His fingers trace imaginary shapes over the back of her hand, her head against his chest and shoulder. Hot water had been one of the biggest losses in Thirteen. Clove had imagined this particular moment for months. So much so that it was the first- well…second– thing they did once they were back in their home.
Their names were still carved into the bedpost, their laundry still in pre-sorted piles on the bathroom floor. Clove’s skin yearns for the softness of the clean sheets they had left behind (though maybe they were not so clean with the dust and ash layer on every surface). In the morning, Clove will treat herself to tea with the rest of the honey in the cabinet above the sink and to the left.
“You know, I think Enobaria had the spare key.” Cato realizes with his lips on Clove’s neck, and he deserves the light smack to the side of his head once he says it.
“I do not want to think about Enobaria right now, thank you very much.” Clove mumbles, tilting her neck so he can have more more more as she feels his other hand wrapping around her waist and sliding lower.
“We made it home, sweetheart.” Cato kisses into the skin of her neck, pulling her somehow even closer. “We’re home.”
“We are home.” Clove repeats, but the emphasis she places changes the meaning of the statement. Yes, they are home. But they are home.
He is hers and she is his.
They are home.
And If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were still around.
Home is not as idyllic as they may have remembered, but it was home.
The thunderstorms that once lulled her to sleep, jolted her awake with a racing heart. The sound of rain no longer rain, but too identical to the distant sound of bombs in their homeland. When she ends up sitting on the porch in the middle of the night, forcing herself to face it, she is always joined by a heavy blanket being draped around her shoulders, and Cato sitting wordlessly beside her. What they don’t know is that in a district not too far away, another girl screams herself awake from nightmares of the past, and is joined by the innocent affection of a man who slides into bed next to her only to sleep, who holds her only with the intention to comfort her while expecting nothing in return.
The cold hurts more than she imagined it would. It is not just the recollection of nearly freezing to death that frightens her anymore, it is the pain in her body. Their home is somehow always chilly, her wrists and shoulders and back always aching fiercely. Cato knows her, he has her entire life, and is always adamant to add another blanket to the bed or turn up the heat even when it leaves him himself sweating.
Brutus and Enobaria still let themselves in multiple days a week for breakfast.
A few weeks into their return, a knock on their front door long before breakfast startles them both. He’s sitting at the kitchen island admiring the concentration on her face as she carves into something she will undoubtedly transform into something fantastic in an hour or so.
“Who comes to see us?” Clove raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t look away from her task before her. “Enobaria and Brutus have never knocked, and you know Glimmer and Marvel couldn’t be awake this early..”
“They’ll leave.” Cato shrugs, reaching out a hand to nab some of the intricately carved strawberries Clove had already finished with. “Ignore it.”
The knocking only increases in frequency and volume, and Cato rolls his eyes as he pushes himself away. “I’ll get rid of them.”
Clove can’t wipe away the smirk that rises as she watches him walk away, all shirtless with sweatpants slung so low on his hips that it wouldn’t take much effort from her when he comes back to–
She hears the door swing open but does not hear him scare anyone off with a threat, nor does she hear anything at all. “Babe?” Clove calls out behind him, wiping off the blade of her knife with a towel before she lays it down on her cutting board. “Cato?” She calls again, quickly covering the distance from the kitchen to the front door. Cato isn’t even in the doorway, and Clove doesn’t know why that makes her heart race.
Once she makes it to the door, to see what is waiting on the porch, her heart fully stops.
Wrapped around Cato’s torso are the long baby limbs of his baby sister, little arms clinging around his neck, long blonde curls covering where her face is absolutely buried in his neck. He’s got both arms around the girl, one hand holding her head to his shoulder. Immediately to his left, with her hand on his arm, is his mother. War was unkind to her, as the woman Clove once looked up to and yearned to emulate in some ways looked more fragile than ever.
“Hi Clove, Honey.” Cato’s mother greets her with an exhausted, bone tired smile. There is a lack of light in those blue eyes, a sorrow Clove hopes never to imagine.
Clove furrows her eyebrows, tilting her head just a little and it is enough of a question for the older woman to perceive it.
His mother takes in a sharp breath and shakes her head very quickly in the negative and it is all Clove needs to see to know that this is it, this is all that remains of Cato’s family. A mother and a sister.
“I missed you, so so much kiddo.” Cato whispers to the girl, gently running his hand over the back of her head over and over again.
Clove steps forward and gently places a hand on the taller woman’s arm, ever so slightly squeezing. “I’m so sorry.”
The blonde woman presses her lip together and nods, taking her arm off of her son and instead wrapping them around Clove in a hug. “I’m glad to see you again. I don’t think he would have survived it without you.”
“I wouldn’t have either.” Clove admits, allowing herself to squeeze a little tighter to the woman, analyzing her change in body structure.
“He’s been gone a long time.” His mother informs them both, patting Clove’s cheek gently before she goes back to wrap her son and little daughter in her arms.
“Where have you been?” Cato gets out, his voice nearly cracking as he looks down on his mother. “Where did you go?”
“We’ve just been on the move, huh baby?” His mom brushes Cora’s little arm, pulling her attention from where she is hiding in her brother’s arms. “We have just moved constantly, no one could catch us if they didn’t know where we were.”
“Is home…” Cato starts, unable to force the rest of the words out into the world.
“Gone. long gone.” His mother explains, as Cora raises her head and latches eyes with Clove.
“You can stay in my house.” Clove immediately offers out, waving slightly at Cora. “Hi, sunshine.”
Immediately Cora lifts her little blonde head and practically wriggles out of Cato’s arms, nearly running into her once she has her little feet on the ground. With his arms free Cato wraps his arms fully around his mother in a hug, and Clove can see the way he melts into his mother;s arms like a little boy
Clove initially wants to kneel to Cora’s level, to become eye to eye with her. However, this six year old child is nearly to her shoulder’s already, and Clove is taken back by how tall this little girl has become. “You’ve gotten so big!”
“I’m as tall as you!” She cheers, and this bright angel of a child wraps her arms around her sister in law. “I missed you, Clove.”
“We missed you too, Cora Jade.” Clove promises, leaning down just a little to kiss the top of her head. “I think you’re going to stay in the house next to us for a little while!” She can no longer scoop her up, with how tall and gangly she has become in the last year. Clove tries anyway, scooping Cato’s sister to sit on her hip despite the fact they are nearly the same size. Cora immediately relaxes against her, and somehow, some way, Clove feels like something deep inside her relaxes with relief, too.
And though I can’t recall your face, I’ve still got love for you
For kids who had been trained to kill, who have taken lives, they were more surrounded by death than ever before. They hadn’t expected the influx of funeral services and war memorials they would be expected to attend.
His father had of course been the most painful, with the heart broken sobs of his baby sister, asking when she’d see her daddy again. It was devastating for Cato, too, who had to learn how to be an adult man in a world without games without his father to guide him. The loss had hit him harder than he dared to admit.
At the end of what felt like the tenth funeral service they felt obligated to attend, this one of an old classmate and her younger sister, while Cato played nice with another ex-classmate Clove found herself wandering to a part of the cemetery that she had never allowed herself to cross into.
It was sacred ground, really, treated with utmost respect. Perfect lines of simple limestone grave markers stretched in perfect lines of 25, save for the last row. No tribute came home to be buried from seventy five. The victors, they were in a separate area even still, with lavish, over the top headstones. But here, in a well maintained corner of the District Two cemetery, rest every single tribute who did not make it to victor status.
The boy from her games did not even have solid grass on top of his grave plot yet, and the ceaseless bombing did nothing to aid in that process. The girl from Cato’s games is a little further grown over, with a thin but respectable layer of fresh grass that grows in all directions. She can remember some of the others, mildly. The boy who lost against Glimmer, the girl who Johanna took out.
It is not her own peers, though, that interests Clove.
She weaves through years and years of games, of either single or double headstones from every single Hunger Games, from 75 to 62, and finally to the one she had avoided the entirety of her life.
Six feet below her feet was the remaining body of Sevina Kentwell, being the closest Clove has been to her mother in nearly eighteen years.
It is a simple marker, like all of the others. With the name of the tribute, the date of their birth, and what place they came in their games. Somehow, seeing first runner up, though she had known it the entirety of her life, manages to rip her heart from her chest, coating the white limestone with the spray of hot, wet blood.
Or at least it’s how it feels.
There is no mention of the life Sevina had prior to the games. No mention of the daughter she left behind, how she was a mother who loved deeply and to the last day of her life, how she was the daughter of a cruel woman who only became that way after the loss of her child.
Clove does not know when exactly she ends up on her knees, kneeling before the stone that is no taller than her in this position.
It is when she notices the little symbol on every stone– some knives, some stars, some hearts– that she realizes there is some small personalization that makes these tributes people. Children.
Clove’s right hand reaches out, shaking just enough that she notices, as she traces her pointer finger over the etching of her mother’s name. It is then, as she reaches the I, that she realizes the dot over the initial is a clover.
The weight of a war, of physical torture, of two Hunger Games, the destruction of her home, and a loveless, empty childhood hits her. If she were not already on her knees she would have fallen to them, as it feels like she is the one who just had the breath slammed out of her against that cornucopia.
The death of her grandmother meant next to nothing. She had openly spoken out against Clove after her appearance in Two, proudly sharing the narrative that she was a traitor and that her daughter died because of this mistake of a child. Yes, she raised Clove and turned her into a victor with her cold demeanor and cruelty, and for that Clove had no choice but to be thankful, but still, she did not feel a great loss at the news of her death by rebels in Two.
She thought nothing of the news that her father and his entire new family also died in the roles of loyalists. He had been dead to her long before the war.
The entirety of her family would die with Clove. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in sixty years, but there would be no one left to remember any of them after her inevitable death.
Maybe that was the gift she could give to the ghost of her mother– the erasure of the people who treated them so cruelly.
That of course meant the erasure of Sevina Kentwell and Clove herself, as well.
While Clove had spent the entirety of her life to become a victor, to carve her place in history, right now the idea of slipping into anonymity and living a mundane enough life to not be remembered didn’t sound like the worst ending in the world.
Sevina Kentwell died nearly eighteen years ago, but somehow it hits Clove like it is the first time all over again. This feeling– the elephant on her chest, the choking, gagging sobs that she could not control, the tears that felt like burning salt on her cheeks– may as well have been from the little girl whose mother never came back for her.
She felt an overwhelming need to speak out loud– to the air, to the universe, to whatever could hear her– that she couldn’t really explain. It felt silly, to just speak into thin air, and yet she doesn’t have it in there to stop herself.
Clove wipes her tears on the back of her sleeves, rocking back to sit on her heels. She pushes her hair behind her ears, before she crosses her arm over her chest, tucking her hands along her hips on opposite sides of her body.
“I’ve always kind of wondered what was so wrong with me as a baby, if I was so unlovable of a little girl that it was just..so easy to leave me. Grandma always told me thats the case…that I’ve been fucked up since I was born and that it was easy to leave a crazy little girl. That the risk of dying was better than having to spend eighteen years with me. I believed it, too.” Clove leans her head back, squeezing evergreen eyes closed and taking a deep, shaky breath to the sky, desperate for cool morning air to fill her lungs and quench the burning that ravages the back of her throat. “I can’t remember what you look like. I’ve seen pictures but I can’t remember. I don’t remember the sound of your voice, or what it was like to be held by my mother.”
“I want to be angry and I want to blame you for everything that is just so fucked up about me, but I don’t know. I probably wouldn’t have been sent to training if you were a victor, huh?” Clove sniffles heavily, the skin of her face burning from the continued assault of tears that just cannot cease to flow. “And then I wouldn’t be a Victor..And then I never would have met Cato.”
She isn’t quite sure she can believe it, though it is rational. If she had not needed to win the games herself, she never would have been sent to training to become a victor, and by extension would have never crossed paths with Cato.
There is another part of herself though, the far less rational part, the part that let her fall for her training partner, that believes in any universe, in any version of reality, some way somehow, they would always find each other (though that she would never say out loud).
“I married him, you know. I’ve never said it out loud.. I’ve never told anyone about it.” Clove whispers to the universe, words barely falling past her lips. “But I did. I guess I wasn’t so terrible and unlovable after all, or maybe I was, and he’s a little terrible and fucked up too. We’re made for each other in that way. He’s…the love of my life.” She finds that her right hand is twisting at her left ring finger, the empty digit lacking any physical or public reminder of such love. It didn’t matter. They knew. “Enobaria took really really good care of me, too. Like she had promised you. I don’t know if I would have survived without her. Both literally as a baby, but also in the games.”
She exhales shakily. Her breathing is weighty and consuming, as she feels her throat tightening with the burning feeling of exhaustion. “I wish I had a mom these days, not that you’d know what a world without the games is like anyway…but it would be nice. To have a mom for the rest of my life….Whatever it looks like.”
Clove rests her body weight on her hands in front of her, steadying herself as she catches her breath and regains her composure. She raises her left hand again, branching herself on her mother’s headstone so she can push herself to a standing position. She brushes off the grass on her knees, smoothing down the skirt of her formal black dress. Digging the heels of her hand to stop the tears, she is unconcerned with the fact her makeup is certainly smeared around her eyes. Clove takes a shaking, stabilizing breath, gently reaching down to pat the top of the rock.
“I miss my mom. I miss you, and I don’t even know you but I know that I love you.” Clove brushes her deep hair behind her shoulders, standing up straight like the victor she will forever be. She is all that is left of, and all that there will ever be, of the woman who eternally rests deep under her feet. “I owe you, quite literally, for my life. In all senses of it. So uh..thank you. For ruining your life to give me mine.”
Clove takes one final shaky breath, craning her neck to the sky to stop the flow of tears. She wipes at her cheeks quickly, before shoving her hands in the pocket of her coat. Clove weaves back through the tribute corner, and before she even reaches the little gate she sees Cato leaning against one of the metal posts, one ankle crossed over the other, hands in the pockets of his own coat.
As soon as she’s within reach his arm is around her shoulders, using his hand to smooth down the hair at the top of her head before he kisses the crown of her hair gently and swiftly. Of course he can see the tracks of tears, the pink tint under the field of freckles, but he doesn’t comment on it. This was a private moment for her.
“Ready to go home?” He pulls her in closer to his side, body heat warming her against the cool, rainy air.
“I think we have one more stop to make.”
Everything you lose is a step you take
The only thing left of the academy which they met, trained, and ultimately, became themselves is a set of chipped marble stairs. The grand archway is reduced to piles of rubble, the long stretch of the building that was once home rests in various piles of rocks and decay.
Their classmates were mostly dead, either after being forced into roles as peacekeeper soldiers or victims of various bombings. There were no more dorms that they had once snuck around, no more rooms full of knives or spears or dummies to use as target practice. There were no more closets to sneak off too or bad showers with cold water and low water pressure.
All that was left of their childhood were the very steps they sat on now.
Cato sits beside Clove, hand in hand.
“I thought we’d spend the rest of our lives in this building.” Clove admits, brushing the hand that is not interlaced with his over the remnants of the grand staircase. “I imagined we’d be the most successful mentors, well, ever.”
“Spend our lives in the building? I thought we’d own it. Rename it to the Kentwell-Hadley Training Academy, then we could claim every District Two victor forever. It would be like our legacy.” Cato teases, but the longing edge in his voice tells Clove that no, that is not entirely a joke. He clears his throat, shifting so his chin was sitting on top of the crown of her head instead. “Do you ever think about the day we met?”
“Yeah, you broke my collarbone.” Clove smirks, craning her neck so she can look him in the eyes. They would never be back in the place they met, in the place she realized she loved this arrogant, temperamental boy. This, right here, was as close as it would get. “I thought we were going to hate each other forever…that we’d go out killing each other in the most violent, showy way we could.
“And you stabbed me!” Cato indignantly nudges her with his shoulder, but brings his other hand up to cradle her face in his. I never thought, in a million years, we’d be lucky enough to be right here, Clove.”
“Alive?” Clove teases, but takes the opportunity to lean in and press her forehead to his. “On the rubble of the academy?” As much as she teases, she knows what he means. He means hand in hand, far from the enemies they were the day they met. He means the love they share.
“Together. I never thought we’d get to be together.” Cato admits, leaning in somehow closer still, so that their noses also could touch. “All this shit Clove, and the only constant in my entire life, from the time we were actual children, has been you. It has always been you.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not getting rid of me any time soon.” She promises, wrapping her arm around his neck so that she can pull her upper body flush to his as she finally finally finally connects her lips with his. Clove melts in his arms as he fully wraps his arms around her and holds her as close as he humanly can to him. When she pulls back, resting her nose against his once again, she laughs. “What do we do now with the rest of our lives?”
“I could say each other–” Cato taunts, but laughs as he gives the slightest shrug before she can refute him. “I don’t really know. We’ll figure it out, like we always do.”
“Together?” Clove teases, leaning back so she can fully lock eyes, green with blue, as a coy little smile creeps onto her face. “I love you. More than I loved the games.”
“Aren’t I special.” Cato soaks her in. Wet dark curls framing her face, freckles like constellations across her nose. If he got to see this for the rest of his life.. He’d die happy. Hopefully not for many many many years, but happy nonetheless.“I love you too. More than anything.”
“You just have to one up me..” Clove rolls her eyes playfully, but she does not actually move from her place in his arms. “You know, if you want to actually get married again, you do have to ask again.”
“Are you going to say yes?” He pinches her hip playfully, causing her to squirm in his arms which he uses as the opportunity to grab her even tighter.
“Depends on the day.” She warns, but grabs his face in both her hands immediately after. She can see it all in his eyes. The nine year olds they once were, the twenty one year olds they are now. Their entire past lies crumbled beneath them, but with her arms around his shoulders and his around her hips the entirety of their future rests in their arms.
All the uncertainty of this new world, it didn’t matter. The future, whatever it would be, would be okay. Whatever their future held, would be just fine, so long as it held them.
Cato and Clove.
“Always and forever, Cato. It’s you and me, always and forever.”
I had the time of my life with you.
#arwbfb tag#the hunger games#clato#cato and clove#clato fanfic#clove#clove kentwell#thg#the hunger games fanfiction#cato and clove fanfic#marvel and glimmer#marvel thg#glimmer thg#cato hadley#clove thg#cato thg#clato thg#clato tag#clato fanfiction#hunger games fic
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
taz november celebration fic 3: prompt laugh
contrary to what you may think for this prompt, this is sad for like 3/4 of it lol but the end is happy, it’s tres horny boys and about 850 words
Magnus Burnsides's laugh was deep and hearty, but he wasn't used to hearing it by itself; he had always been laughing with Julia. Their life together was perfect, working with their hands and having something to show for it at the end of the day, then coming home to each other. Julia made dinner, Magnus did the dishes, their routine was consistent and comforting. They even thought about having a baby, although they were in no rush. Of course, that never happened, and when Magnus hugged Julia goodbye the day he left town, neither of them knew it would be the last. His friends brought dinners, went for walks, and spent evenings on the porch with Magnus after Julia's death, but he actually chose to bury her alone. The physical act of digging the grave was satisfying in a sick way, it grounded his soul in his body despite its countless attempts to break out through his ribs and fly away. A simple granite slab laid on top, reading: Julia Burnsides, We Love You Forever. His tears darkened the stone in little circles until the sun began to set, and he wouldn't laugh again for some time.
Merle Highchurch always did his best to keep a positive outlook, but it was hard to find reasons to laugh without his kids around. Apparently his sense of humor consisted of a lot of "dad jokes", and those weren't really a big hit with anyone else, especially when he was out trying to preach the word of Pan. He constantly struggled with his choice to leave after he was gone, if it was only the arranged marriage that was the problem, things would have been so much simpler. However, Hecuba and he had Mavis and Mookie, who he loved dearly. That didn't change the fact that he wasn't a very good dad, though, intentions don't count for much in that regard. So, he decided they would be better off without him; if you love something let it go and all that. Cycling through feelings of freedom, guilt, regret, apathy, and more, he wandered the world, presumably to share the word of Pan, but really just wishing to be able to laugh again.
Taako Taaco was very hard to make laugh. He and Lup used to do just that when they were bored, whoever laughed first lost and then they would just be in a fit of giggles for a while anyway. They found things funny between themselves that nobody else understood, but it didn't matter, because it made perfect sense to them. Not that he remembered any of this, of course. The Taako who forgot could be very cynical, and often saw humor from others as an attempt to conceal their true attitudes or motives. On stage for Sizzle It Up With Taako, he laughed and told jokes, but that was about as fake as it got. Hearing the applause and cheers from the audience, seeing the excitement in their eyes, and being complimented as he signed autographs and posed for pictures gave Taako energy and kept him going. He thrived on the attention, but some days, it wasn't enough and there was nothing else. Getting out of bed seemed impossible as his body simultaneously felt heavy and hollow. After Glamor Springs, this set in for several weeks until he suddenly thought: I'm fuckin' Taako from TV, I can go do whatever I want, and if anyone has a problem wit h that, I'll just laugh in their face and keep going.
One night, several months later, in their dorm at the Bureau of Balance, Tres Horny Boys were having a sleepover. Technically, they always did this by virtue of sharing a room, but they had decided to make a night of it, just for fun. Taako cooked the most delicious popcorn the other two had ever had, with the perfect amounts of butter and salt, and he also bought some nail polish from the Fantasy Costco. Magnus realized that Pringles had left some of his stuff in the room, so they had some cool old CDs to listen to, and Merle had found some candles for more ambient lighting. They were all set for the perfect sleepover, and as Taako was painting Magnus's nails shiny silver by candlelight, Merle set down the big bowl of popcorn he had been snacking on and asked, "What did everyone say to the kernel when he finally popped?"
Taako snorted and said,
"Merle, I am not even going to entertain this one," but there was a smile on his face.
Magnus gave in, "I don't know, Merle, what?"
"CORN-GRATULATIONS!"
Magnus immediately burst out laughing, which made Merle join in and Taako shout,
"Mags, you're going to mess up your nails!" although he couldn't help laughing too. It was just so ridiculous and Merle's confidence in the delivery was what really got them. The three of them flopped onto each other, slightly out of breath the way the best fits of laughter leave you, Taako leaning on Magnus's shoulder and Merle leaning on his stomach on the other side. They all smiled, and for the moment, things were okay.
#message from mirph#the adventure zone#taz november celebration#taz balance#taz fanfic#fanfic#merle highchurch#magnus burnsides#taako taaco#mirph’s manuscripts
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chloe's request for assisted suicide
Chloe's request to be put out of her misery in Episode 4 is the only decision in Season 1 I spent a considerable amount of time agonizing over before I chose. I'm not saying that the other choices Max faced during that crazy week in October of 2013 didn't hold much gravity, because of course they did, but in all other cases I quickly had a pretty clear picture of what I would do, and more importantly, what Max would do.
Ultimately, I decided not to honour Chloe's request and I repeated that decision in all subsequent playthroughs.
I'm not ideologically opposed to medically assisted suicide. While I personally am extremely lucky to enjoy perfect health, I realize that sometimes a person's illness may cause them so much physical pain that their existence becomes unbearable and is worse than not existing.
Everything seems to encourage Max to grant Chloe's last wish. Chloe's condition is terminal. Her family is being crushed by debt. She clearly says that she wants to go out on her own terms.
But I couldn't escape the feeling that Chloe's pain was more emotional than physical in nature. How happy she was to have spent one day with her best friend. Wasn't her feeling of hopelessness, which made her wish for death, a product of being abandoned, at least in part? Wouldn't she be more willing to stay for whatever time she had left if she had someone to share that time with?
Overdosing Chloe felt like an extremely cheap way out for Alternative Max. Just one day with Chloe and that's it? It's not entirely clear if that timeline stopped existing when Max undid her rescue of William. When I played the game my understanding was that there is only one timeline, which can be modified by changing the past. But the LiS comics introduced the notion that all the timelines exist simultaneously. So after our Max went back to the main timeline, the timeline where William lived persisted somewhere out there. Assuming that Alternative Max would retain our Max's feelings for Chloe, wouldn't it be better if she spent whatever time Chloe had left with her? Making her lot in life more bearable? Showing her that there's at least a little bit of hope? Spending many more days with her like the one she spent with her on the beach and watching movies? Maybe after more days like that Chloe would stop wishing for death?
We don't know how long Alternative Chloe had left. Maybe a few years? Maybe a few months? But however long or short period of time that would be, I feel it would be wrong to say that there couldn't be any moments of joy, happiness and love in it. I think that Alternative Chloe's request was predicated on her not believing that Max would want to spend any more time with her. If Max refuses to overdose her, she says "You're just bailing on me, like everyone else". Alternative Chloe is so used to being neglected that she instinctively assumes that Max popped back into her life just for a minute. But what if she stayed for a while longer? After refusing to honour Chloe's request, Max says "I am never leaving you again". I'd like to think that this was not only a promise from our Max to our Chloe, but also a promise from Alternative Max to Alternative Chloe. A promise to stay with her and make her days a little less dark.
I don't know and I can't imagine how it is to live with a terminal illness. I don't know and I can't imagine how it is to be paralysed from the neck down. But the notion that the only thing a terminally ill, paralysed person can wish for is the embrace of death felt deeply wrong to me.
Chloe rationalized her decision by saying this is to spare her parents from suffering. But both William and Joyce are adamant to fight for their daughter till the very end. I don't think she gets to decide for them. I recently watched a great movie, "Words on Bathroom Walls". It's about a highschool boy who is diagnosed with schizophrenia. He hides his condition from his girlfriend and when it's no longer possible to hide, he breaks up with her, because he doesn't want her to suffer due to his illness. He assumes she would not want to be with a sick boy. When she finds out why he broke up with her, she's angry. Because it was not his decision to make. She should be the one to decide if she wants to be with him and support him in his illness. And she chooses to be with him, despite knowing that it will not always be easy. I think it's William's and Joyce's decision if they want to share the burden that was so unfairly thrusted upon Chloe. And they decided to share it.
As an aside note, Max sleeping with her head on Alternative Chloe's knees is such a moving picture. It's both cute and sad.
I'm curious, what was your decision and if you don't mind sharing, what swayed you one way or another?
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I went nuts this weekend and planned for 6 recipes. So I'm a little back logged.
This was the basis for two breakfasts. I prepped the dry ingredients the night before and wrapped the mixing bowl to save time. Also cubed the butter for the freezer.
I made my own buttermilk instead of buying it. Might've been why mine were a touch dry, but I may have overworked the dough. I've never been great at biscuits. I forgot to take pics of the dough being mixed...
They baked up in 10 minutes, perfect for a quick meal.
Was really looking forward to this one, but it ended up a little too salty. Would be great as a hangover breakfast. The sausage gravy is literally just 4 ingredients. He says to season it, but I don't think you'll need it. A little black pepper but no salt. For real. I would double the cream next time. Then maybe you can add salt.
The first ones are his biscuits. Mine look similar enough, but I'm pretty sure mine are smaller. I'll have to try again someday.
Very good, but also bad. This is something you should eat less than 3 times a year, I feel. Hard to hate it though.
| Sausage Gravy with Biscuits |
Taste is a 4 out of 5. Too salty, and that says a lot coming from me. Biscuits were nice though.
Difficulty is a 2 out of 5. If you used premade biscuits it would be soooo easy.
Time was about 40 minutes. I did prep a little the day before.
I'll definitely add these to my winter repertoire. Drink some Pepto and have a nap after consuming this.
__________________________________________
It's a two parter! Gotta use up those biscuits...
This one worried me a little. I don't like the idea of making a gravy with coffee. Especially for ham.
I bought a big slice of ham for this, which was a little too thick, but still tasty. He says to soak the ham in water for 20 minutes before cooking, to remove some salt. Never done this before, but it was a smart step.
Other than searing ham, there's practically nothing to this. Add more butter after you remove the ham, then dump in the coffee. Reduce by half, and you're done. He said grape jelly (?) was optional, and I hate it, so I left it out. Intrigued though.
Looks more like soy sauce than gravy. It was pretty good! Didn't taste much like coffee, which I don't understand. Another salty breakfast.
| Country Ham with Red Eye Gravy and Biscuits |
Taste is a 3.5 out of 5. Last thing I thought I would say, but it needs more of the gravy.
Difficulty is a 1 out of 5, 1.5 with the biscuits. Hard to fuck this up.
Time was 35ish minutes. A normal amount of time to make breakfast.
I think I'll make this again, but double the "gravy". The sausage gravy was tastier though.
We're at 18 recipes, with over 100 more to go (though I don't know the exact recipe count). I think I made a good dent for just one month.
#anthony bourdain#appetites a cookbook#cooking#recipe#breakfast#biscuits and gravy#sausage#Ponyo loves haaaaaam!#biscuits
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
This post is more for me, to look back and remember small details about my baby kitty.
This is Nyx. .
Today, Nov 3rd at 11:40 am I held my 7 month old sweet girl in my arms as she slipped peacefully into her final rest.
Monday Oct 24th our vet diagnosed her with Chylothorax, which was heavily fluid on the lungs. They weren't able to find the underlining cause, but told us to treat it with suppliements and they would drain the fluid while they got us refered to a specialist in Nashville. She was to go for a follow up appointment for another lung tap on Halloween, but Saturday we noticed she was having significant trouble breathing and we took her to the ER.
The ER took x-rays where they found a mass in her chest. They suggested we admit her to their Franklin location to get a CT scan to see more info about the mass.
Sunday we take her, they tap her lungs again and keep her overnight to run tests Monday when the proper staff are in office.
Tuesday they call and tell us shes Feline Leukemia positive, and that its likely the mass is cancer. They've drained the fluid from her mass to send off for testing and put her on steriods to stop its growth, but inform us of all the downsides to if this is the diagnosis.
Wednesday we are still waiting, my husband and I have tried to come to terms with the fact that she may not be coming home, but we also try to hold out hope.
Thursday, this morning, we get the call to confirm that the leukemia has caused to mass, which turned into Large Cell Lymphoma. With chemo her life expectancy was 4 to 6 months, maybe less, she couldn't be around our second cat at all, her quality of life would very based on levels of chemo and her lungs would have to be tapped several times a week.
We knew what we had to do, but facing it was so hard. Instead of prolong the inevitable we drove out to her to say our goodbyes.
We got such an awesomeast visit. She was so happy to see us, she did her little happy chirps and gave us head nudges. The steriods and lung drainage had her more active then we'd seen in weeks. We spend a good amount of time with her. Told her, kissing her. Telling her how special she was and how loved she was.
And then it was time. It all happened so fast. She settled in my arms for a cuddle ,purring loudly as the doctor gave her the forever sleep cocktail. I felt as her purring stopped and the perfect little life left her body.
I was the last thing she felt and saw when she closed her eyes for the last time and I have to say, I'm proud of that. Though it killed me to sit there and watch her slip asag, I did it for her and Im glad I did.
Nyx was unlike any other cat I've ever known. She never meowed, but only squeaked or chirped. She loved to be held and to cuddle. She showed affection by rubbing her head on your face, nuzzling your nose. She made the best biscuts, usually on the back of the couch. Her favorite spot was on my husbands chest or hiding under the bed. She always made such a mess of the litter box, flinging the sand everywhere or sometimes not even shoving at the sand but isnt stead the wall, or side of the litter box. She loved water. If I was taking a bath, shed park outside my bathroom door til I was done so when I opened the door she could run in to watch the water drain. Nyx enjoyed relaxing in my sink. She always played with her water bow, placing her paw on either side and teetering back and fourth to watch the water in the jug above it to go back and fourth. She was fascinated with iur fridges ice maker and would come running from any room when it turned on. I had a unicorn squirt gun Id shoot around her and shed attact the water as it hit the floor, and was mesmerized by the water droplets that came from the kitchen sink to floor when I'd wash the dishes.
She was the sweetest kitty. So much so she had made fans out of all the staff at the hospital. She was such a good girl, with the best personality and I will never ever find another like her.
Ill miss you everyday, until we meet again 💔
0 notes
Text
As I Hold You
Pairing: Firefighter! Jongho x Injured! Reader
Word Count: 3.4k
Warnings: character death (not member or reader), ANGST, car accident, blood, injury, fire, v brief description of a dead body, trauma, potential miscarriage (hinted at), let me know if i missed anything!
Authors Note: First fic! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!
You don't remember the impact. The sound of metal crushing, of horns blaring, and tires screeching. Everything just went black.
You had been out running errands all day with your younger brother, Gabriel. You needed to pick up some more supplies for your baby who was soon to arrive. Your first baby shower was scheduled for this upcoming weekend. While you knew that your family and friends would support you and buy you most everything you needed for your baby; you still wanted to buy cute outfits and toys in the anticipation of their arrival.
Your final stop was a new boutique that opened across town, and your younger brother was eager to chauffeur you. He knew that you were a little scared of what the future held and wanted to ease any stress he could, by doing little acts of service for you.
You were living with your family and would remain there throughout your first year of motherhood. You hadn't meant to become pregnant. In fact, you were rather scared of the idea of children and pregnancy. But accidents happen, as they tend to, and your (ex)boyfriend ended up knocking you up.
It was an amicable split when you broke up. You both knew it wouldn't last, and children don't fix broken relationships. He did agree to support you the best he can and you're thankful for that much. It's overwhelming honestly, having the amount of support from everyone that you do. One thing is for sure, this baby will be so loved.
Your brother walked you out to the car, all the bags in his hands, opened the door for you and helped you in. You were only about 4 months along, so you just barely had a visible bump on your small figure. But he held your hand and helped you step into the car regardless. He shut the door and ran around to the driver's side before opening the door and hopping in.
"Thank you for driving me today, buddy. I know you have other things you could be doing," you said as he started the car.
"You know I'd rather spend time with you than do anything else. All I do is read and listen to music in my room, it's not like I do all that much," he chuckled, finding it amusing how appreciative you are of a simple car ride.
"Yeah, alright," you smiled towards him, "Still I know you aren't required to help me out, so thank you. Love you, bubs."
"Love you too, y/n," he said as he glanced towards you with a soft smile.
The car pulled out of the parking lot with the GPS routed 20 minutes down the highway to the boutique. Gabriel took a left out of the neighborhood, and you asked him for the aux.
"Sure," he replied, keeping his eyes on the road but reaching for the cord to hand to you.
You began playing your K-pop playlist, something that's been getting you through the days recently. When you hit shuffle, Love Die Young by Eric Nam started playing. You started to harmonize with the chorus as Gabe pulled the car onto the highway.
"Not this sappy shit, y/n, really?" he giggled as he watched you dramatically act out the song, clutching at your heart as you sing, staring at him with a smile plastered on your face.
"His voice is so smooth I can't help it Gabe," you exclaimed in a sing-songy tone. "So, what do you think I'm gonna have? A boy or girl?" you ask him as the car hits the speed limit and he puts on cruise control.
"Honestly, I think it'll be a little girl. I hope it is at least. We gotta buy so many cute outfits today. I can't wait to help you take care of them. Whatever they may be," he laughed glancing over at you.
"I have this whole idea for their room, I want to do a taupe and mossy green color for the walls. And I think I want a lot of cute pictures of plants and different animals. Ya know, to keep it pretty but neutral, something that can age well with them," you explained to him as he steadily controls the car.
"I think it'll look perfect," he responded. "10 more minutes and we'll be there."
You nodded your head and looked out the window at the greenery. Ideas of outfits and nurseries swimming in your head. You closed your eyes, propped your arm up on the window, and leaned your head against your hand as the car drifted down the highway.
Your eyes jolted open when you suddenly hear Gabe go from a whisper to a shout "fuck, fuCK, FUCK Y/N HANG ON!"
A car had swerved and jumped the median and was driving directly towards you, mere meters away. Showing no signs of stopping, and Gabriel having no real way to swerve to avoid them, he threw an arm in front of you, and you brought your hands up to cover your face, your knees coming up on instinct to protect your belly.
And everything went black.
----
When you came to, the first thing you noticed was the smell. Metallic, and smoky, like something was burning. Then you felt a searing pain in your head. You struggled to open your eyes but when you did you couldn't believe what you were surrounded by. The airbags had deployed, but there was blood splattered across the car. You could tell smoke was rising out of the engine, but you couldn't see much else through the cracked windshield.
You look to your left and see Gabriel covered in blood, eyes closed. And you immediately feared the worst.
"Gabe! GABE!" you reached over to shake him, to hold onto his cheek and try and get him to face you. To open his eyes. To do anything. Your ears are ringing, and you can feel your eyes stinging when he won't respond. Your hands are desperately grabbing at his shirt, and hair, willing for him to wake up, for him to be okay.
"Gabe," your voice barely bubbling out of your throat as sobs begin to overtake your body. "Gabe, please, please, wake up. please, you can't, no, please, Gabe, bubs, you're okay, we're okay, please," the sobs wrack your body as you gasp for air between each word. Tears are streaming down your face and suddenly your focus is on your hands, and you see they're covered in blood.
You hold your hands in front of you and stare at them in horror when your vision redirects to your legs. You're crushed in the car. Your legs trapped under the dashboard. Your hearing is slowly coming back as you hear sirens somewhere in the distance, but from what direction you were unaware.
You remember a car had hit you head on when it crossed into your lane going well over the speed limit. As you glance out of the passenger window to see what happened to the other car (and if you're even still on the highway) you're met with a ghastly picture of your face in the side view mirror. Your forehead has been deeply cut, and blood is dripping thickly down your forehead and has mixed with the tears falling down your cheeks.
You cough when you begin to inhale smoke. Your vision blurring, your head falls back onto your headrest as you pass out.
----
As you come to, a faint knocking sound begins to grow louder, until you can hear a man yelling "Ma'am! Ma'am! Can you hear me! You gotta wake up! Ma'am!"
You cough the smoke out of your lungs, your head throbs from the movement and you wince in pain. You're brought back to the situation you've found yourself in and remember Gabe is next to you. You look over to him and the feelings become overwhelming again, as you stare at what you can only assume is his dead body.
As a sob erupts from your throat, you look out your window at the man who was calling for you, and are met with desperate, soft brown eyes staring at you through a helmet and face guard. He's a firefighter dressed in full gear. He yells something to you, trying to overpower the other noises happening on the busy highway but you can't connect the sounds with words in your brain. You can only stare at him in confusion, tears falling faster down your cheeks, your breathing uneven.
You see him reach for the handle of the car door and try and open it mumbling a quick "fuck!" in frustration. You're trapped in this car, and he needs to find a way to get both of you out before the whole car goes up in flames.
"Get the jaws! The doors are jammed!" He yells at the team of firefighters surrounding the car and the truck.
He looks back down to you and says as clearly and reassuringly as he can, "Hey, it's okay. It'll be okay, we're gonna get you out of there, okay?"
You begin to nod your head in response when a knock is heard at your brother's window. You whip your head around and see stars for a moment. When your sight clears you see a taller man in uniform shouting to your brother, who isn't responding. Your voice is small and cracks as you try and tell the man outside "he can't, he's not-" and you feel your chest become tight once more.
You hear the man at your window begin talking to you.
"Ma'am, please try and stay still. We must make sure your head is okay. Alright? Please don't move too much. Can you do that for me?" he politely asks you, empathizing with your situation.
You meekly nod your head. Your eyes are stinging. You don't know if it's the smoke or the tears, but it's probably both. As you focus on the man in front of you, you hear the man near your brother begin yelling at his team about the window and needing to check Gabriel's vitals. The man in front of you can tell you're not paying attention, so he speaks up.
"Yunho is going to break the glass to check the man next to you, okay? Just look at me, don't look away from me, okay? My name's Jongho. Just look at me, okay? What's your name?" Jongho asks you to keep you preoccupied and focused on him.
"Y/N," you try and get out of your throat. It's so dry and scratchy your voice isn't much higher than a whisper.
"Okay, y/n. Listen to me, you'll be okay. I'm going to get you out, okay? Who is that in the car with you?"
"M-my brother, Gabe, but he, I-I don't thin-nk," you choke out as you stare at Jongho, unable to say the words. That Gabe is dead. But you don't want him to be. You don't want it to be true. You look down at your door, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic, unable to breathe. You hear glass shatter. As you begin to turn your head, Jongho raises his voice, keeping your focus on him.
"Your brother? Yunho is going to check on him and make sure everything is okay." you hear him say.
"Ma'am, are you okay?" Yunho calls out from the driver window. "Try not to breathe the smoke in, Jongho is gonna break your window to get to you, I'm going to take your brothers vitals and make sure he's doing okay. We're going to get you out of here as quickly as possible, okay?"
You glance towards him and nod your head, finding your eyes drawn to the way he checks for a pulse on Gabe, his slender fingers dancing on his throat, his wrist, anywhere he could find a heartbeat. And seeing the increasing worry on Yunho's face does nothing to reassure you. You see his eyes widen, and yours follow. He leans back and yells over to the team, "There's a pulse. It's faint, we need to get him airlifted asap! San, I need you over here!"
While you're fixated on Gabe's pale and limp figure, you hear glass shatter next to you followed by a warm hand turning your cheek towards him. You involuntarily gasp and sputter at the influx of fresh air.
"Deep breaths for me, Y/n. Please look at me." he gently demands. You look into his eyes as he shines a flashlight above them checking your pupils. He can see how bloodshot your eyes are from crying, and he glances over at your brother, then back at you. "Hey, it'll be okay, we're here now. Just look at me, don't look at him. You're okay. Everyone is here to protect you." he rushes out.
His hand rests under your chin as he uses two callused fingers to check your pulse. Then he gently tilts your head to each side to inspect the gash on your forehead as quickly as possible. He glances down your body to check your arms, and torso seeing they're mainly just bruised, when his eyes land on your bump.
His eyes widen as he asks you urgently, "Y/n are you expecting? Are you carrying a child?"
You hadn't even thought about your child. You had been so distraught over your brother; you didn't even consider the health or wellbeing of your unborn baby. Your heart rate rapidly increases as panic begins to set in.
"y-yes I am, I'm 4 months. I-I'm, do you think, are they? god please don't tell me-" you start blubbering as all the possibilities begin to tumble through your head.
Before he can reassure you, he checks down the rest of your body and sees your legs are trapped under the dashboard. And that even when the door is off you won't be able to get yourself out of the car. Jongho defaults to reassurance as he really can't even begin to answer the questions you're asking him, "I-it's okay. Everything is okay. Let's get you out of this car."
Smoke is becoming thicker around the front of the car, and you watch as it blows around Jongho's figure, flooding out the highway from where you sit. Tensions are growing higher as the crew knows there isn't much longer before the car is gone. Four men are teamed together and grab the Jaws of Life from the truck as they begin walking toward your car. Setting up on your brothers side you begin to hear metal cracking and snapping as the four men work to pry the car open with the heavy machinery. You're itching in your skin wishing to jump up and run now that you're trapped, and Jongho can tell. He has his hand braced at the back of your neck, keeping it steady, as you once again begin to panic; he rubs circles on your arm, and pushes your hair back from your sticky forehead and out of your eyes.
You can hear the Jaws stop and in the reflection of the side view mirror you can see Gabe's lifeless body being pulled from the car, his body pale and bright red from blood, blue and purple littering his figure. He's placed on a gurney and run towards the truck where someone begins CPR.
You redirect your eyes to meet Jongho's, whose eyes are looking deeply at you searching for any sign of pain or discomfort, any sudden changes in your condition. "Is he going to be okay? He has to be okay. Please tell me they can fix him." you plead with Jongho, who looks at you with nothing but the heaviest of hearts.
"We're going to do our best. I promise you we will do everything we can. But right now, we need to get you out of here too." he explains. "I'm going to go bring the Jaws over this way and we are going to get you two out of here," he asserts, gesturing at your bump. "I need you to stay still just like you have been, okay? You're doing so great. Keep your arms as close to your body as you can, and don't look at the window in case anything splinters. Do you understand me?" he asks you.
"Please don't leave me. P-please don't, don't go. Please stay." you sob as you realize you'll be left alone in your wrecked car.
"I'll be right here. Remember stay still and close your eyes." he reminds you as he drops his hands from you and gives his team room to operate on the car door.
You sob quietly to yourself. You can't believe this is happening. How Gabe could be here one second and now he's gone. The image of his pale bloody face is burned into the back of your eyelids as you squeeze them tightly shut. You hear the metal of the car frame crunching and cracking once again, as all four men yell commands and directions at each other. Your sobs are uncontrollable as you wish it had been you and not your brother. You wish with all your heart that you could've taken his place.
The door hits the asphalt and almost instantly you hear Jongho next to you, "It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. I never left." He notices how black the smoke has gotten and decides to check your legs to see if he can carry you out before the rest of the car is disassembled.
"Can you feel your legs?" he urgently asks you.
You nod your head as you cough so hard that you gag.
"shit-" Jongho mumbles under his breath, looking all over your figure and the car, knowing he must move now or never. With his mind moving a million miles a second, he makes the decision that your legs are likely not broken and brings out a blade from his pocket to saw your seat belt off you. You watch as the sweat beads down his forehead and across his dimpled cheeks as he grits his teeth.
Jongho puts his arms under yours, pulling you into his chest, getting your upper body mostly out of the car. When your legs are more visible, he puts one arm under your back and the other under your knees and lifts. You slide out from under the dashboard and with your neck cradled by his bicep and forearm he jogs you away from the car towards the firetruck. He gets five strides in when you hear the explosion. You peek past his arm to see your car engulfed in flames. You can feel the heat on your face, and the sound has left your ears ringing once more.
The team must've anticipated the event as hoses immediately start spraying to drown the car fire. Jongho gets behind the firetruck away from the fire and sets you down making sure you are stable, with no further injuries from his manhandling. He gently places a hand on your bump and hopes against everything that this baby is okay. Just as he's about to stand to find his captain and report your status he feels your hands fist into his uniform jacket holding onto him.
"please don't leave me. please don't leave. d-don't go." you hiccup as you stare pleadingly up at him. With the way you're gripping onto him, he knows there's no way he can walk away from you right now. Instead, he stands up and grabs a clean towel from just inside the truck and begins to tenderly wipe the blood and tears off your face, avoiding the gash on your forehead.
He doesn't have the heart to tell you that Gabe didn't make it, his body covered with a sheet on the other side of the truck. He also doesn't know how to explain that if Gabe hadn't reached over to protect you, he might've been in less critical condition. That he died protecting you. So, for now he wipes away the grime; and, after seeing you shaking, unbuttons his thick uniform jacket so he can hug you; until the paramedics arrive and will inevitably pull you away from him. You don't hesitate to wrap your small arms around his waist, and he holds you, pressing your head against his chest where you can hear his steady heartbeat.
"It's okay, y/n, it's going to be okay. You're okay. I'm here. I've got you." he repeats it like a mantra, over and over, convincing he thinks, both you and himself.
#ateez angst#ateez fanfiction#ateez#choi jongho#jongho#jongho angst#firefighter au#oneshot#ashotofeuphoria#fanfiction#ateez jongho#ateez fanfic#ateez imagines#ateez x reader#ateez yunho#ateez jongho x reader#jongho x reader#kpop imagines#kpop fan fiction#ateez au
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Little Witch - Part 14
The Darkling x Reader
You felt fine after dinner, the food quickly replenishing your dwindled physique, but you didn't go back to work. You took Aleksander's advice and took the rest of the day to rest and take your mind off the countless tasks you had. There was one thing you needed to do though and that was thank Zoya for today.
She didn't have to do any of it, in fact, you believed she hated you from the minute you interrupted Aleksander's meeting. You were told by a servant she was out training Inferni's and so you made your way down to the Etherialki training grounds. She stood there, the image of a goddess. Her dark hair fell down her blue kefta in defined curls, collecting small snowflakes.
There was no indication she'd been involved in a deadly attack a mere 4 hours ago. Saints, I think I have a crush on Zoya. Nevertheless, you walked over to her, calling out her name to grab her attention.
'Deputy, how are you feeling?' She looked worried yet relieved to see you standing in front of her on both of your legs.
'Y/N will do Zoya.'
'Alright then'
'Thank you for today. I don't know what came over me.'
'We all have our moments. Some of us just hide them better' You couldn't tell whether that was a dig at you or not.
'You're an amazing soldier Zoya. I'm very impressed'
'Well I didn't just sleep my way to the top if that's what you're implying.' She turned her addicting gaze away from you, studying the young Infernis.
'I beg your pardon?' You were taken aback.
'How's your leg?' She tried to change the topic but you weren't ready to.
'What do you mean Zoya, spit it out.'
'You know what I mean Y/N.' Why was she avoiding the conversation if she brought it up in the first place?
'Are you and Gener-' Is this another thing he had lied to me about? You vaguely remember thinking the two had been involved when you seen them in the same room but it passed quickly, surely he would have told you, especially if it was with one of his most trusted Grisha? The thought was another painful blow to your gut. They just kept on coming. You couldn't finish your sentence for she already answered it.
'No.'
'Zoya'
'Not anymore... Alina is here now' The strong feisty woman was gone now, in her place was a hurt and rejected woman. You were old enough to see it, you had been her before, hell you were her now. You looked at her striking beauty, thought about her incredible skills, and then stupidly compared yourself to her. If he rejected her, you're next. Your silence must have comforted her more than words could, for she shrugged her shoulders and said
'He keeps saying she's his equal, the day to his night' His equal. That's what Alina said.
'You don't need anyone Zoya. I can promise you you'll amount to great things on your own.' Despite the hurt you felt, you focused on her.
'Well as of right now I'm stuck to skiff trips and when you request me' You eyed her inquisitively 'Our dear General's doings.' she admitted.
'What gave you such an honor' you teased.
'I got into a riff with the precious Sun-Summoner after she vexed me.' She shut her eyes tightly as if trying to forget the memory.
'She doesn't strike me as the vexing type-' Your conversation was quickly interrupted when an Inferni accidentally set alight more than just the mannequin and Zoya scrambled to put it out, scolding the boy in the process.
'I'll leave you to it then'
You walked away, hurt and on the verge of tears. You needed to speak to Aleksander, you were sick of him lying to you but you were even more tired of feeling that severe urge to cry every time you thought about him. You came here to do your job and to show everyone you had your powers under control, yet all you've done so far is the opposite. Saints be damned you would walk away from your position because of a complicated relationship, you were better than that. But you also recognized that if you confronted Aleksander about all of this, he would either have to tell you about his plans for Alina or lie again, and you knew he would lie. It was a vicious cycle, one that wouldn't end. It was heartbreaking knowing that the man who claimed to never stop loving you could lie to you so easily.
You were right to question your trust in him, he never gave you a reason not to.
***
He was sitting at his desk, back turned towards you. You hesitated, the thought of running out the door and locking yourself in your room sounding pretty attractive. Maybe a good cry will fix this.
'Y/N I thought I told you to rest' He spoke calmly, his hand never dropping the pen. You shut the doors, not wanting the guards outside to hear what you were about to say. This made him turn around.
'We need to talk'
He dropped the pen and paper and stood up, indicating he was all ears. You glued your eyes to his knowing your vulnerability peeked through but you didn't care to hide it.
'What are your plans for me, Aleksander?'
He cocked his head to the side, confused. 'What?'
'Why keep me around when Alina is here?'
You were never the jealous kind, but you came to realize this wasn't jealousy. It was disappointment and aching after being away from him for almost a century. You had built up this life in your head, one where everything was perfect and Aleksander hadn't changed but you raised the bar too high. The bad parts of Aleksander faded away with each year and the best parts of him enhanced in your mind. You had forgotten what he was truly like, plus coming to terms with the fact that he lived a seemingly happy life while you were gone stung a bit too. With each day, the disappointment turned into hurt and anger.
'Y/N I already told you, I have a plan.'
'So you expect me to watch you and Alina fawn over each other while I stay in the shadows being a dutiful Second in Command? I may be loyal but I'm not going to blindly follow along Aleksander, not anymore.' It's making me miserable.
His hands reached out for you but you moved away. 'You know I love you Y/N' He said as if the foolish statement would make your worries and anger melt away.
'Then act like it'
'It's not that simple.'
'It never is, is it?' You bitterly laughed. What's the point of loving somebody if you're not willing to do everything to make them stop hurting?
'Why won't you tell me?' Your voice was a whisper he barely registered. 'Do you not trust me? Cause I'll admit it right now, I may love you, but I don't trust you Aleksander.'
Your admission hit him like a pile of bricks. He was brought back to when you first met, your shaking body radiating hostility as you rode in the carriage with him. He tried to assure you you were safe, you were one of his Grisha now, but you were having none of it. You didn't trust anybody for months after you arrived in the Little Palace, especially him and right now, it was all back to square one.
'Have I really given you that many reasons to not trust me?' It had been so long since he had somebody to care for and love that he forgot how to act around you. Perhaps he was back to square one too.
'Yes. Your sly comments about killing the King and finding the stag, your relationship with Alina, even with Zoya- Aleksander you're lying to me every day and you think I'll still be compliant. I'm not the same Y/N you remember.'
'You know what I want Y/N. You've always known'
'I do, but I need to know how you're going to do it all. How can I be supportive when I don't know what the hell is going on around me. A goodnight kiss every now and then won't fix this if you're doing the same to somebody else'
'Is this what this is? Your way of saying I'm fucking my Sun-Summoner on the side?'
'I never said that. All I wanted to know was why I'm not in on the plan that's supposed to give us more power. Is it because I'm a loose cannon, are you scared of what I'll do if I won't agree with you?'
You were sure of one thing; while you were gone nobody dared to disagree with the Darkling and he had grown to get used to it. Power corrupts, resistance humbles.
Somehow you still held your composure, albeit it was difficult. Aleksander however, was losing his temperate demeanor. He was pacing the lengths of the room and his hand had brushed through his hair countless times, the image of someone who was backed into a corner they couldn't get out of.
'I haven't told you because I don't want you to get burned. If it goes wrong it would be good to have some of us not hanged for treason would it not?' Bullshit. He must've forgotten you had the power of a heartrenderer. Aleksander was lying right through his teeth.
'You and I both know that's not true. If history is any indication then they'll turn on all Grisha.'
'And you'll be here to make sure they don't.' He tried to reason but you let out a loud laugh.
'Up until 2 weeks ago you didn't even consider giving me my old post back, do you really expect me to believe you changed your strategy in a matter of days?'
He stayed silent and settled against his desk. His crossed arms showed he was in no mood to discuss any further but you weren't done. He was going to tell you everything whether he liked it or not. You were sick of being kept in the dark. You had your title of Deputy back now, yet you still had no idea what truly went on and had no real sway against the top-ranking Grisha who no doubt were in on the plans. Power corrupts, resistance humbles, and you were done being humbled.
'Aleksander don't make me force it out of you' As soon as the words left your mouth you tried to find some part of you that regretted them but came up empty-handed.
His head whipped around with whiplash speed. You could see the internal battle going on behind his eyes of whether you would actually make do on your threat. You didn't know whether it was empty or whether you actually would do it but it was tempting.
'You said you changed, but I don't think you did' He retorted, eyeing you up and down with a look of displeasure. The situation was a shift from the usual, this time he was the one losing control and spiraling whereas you were the perfect example of a calm before the storm. The Little Witch he had grown to love and worship.
'I'm stronger, I can be stronger. I am limitless' You prided yourself on the restraint you'd shown thus far. You were in a palace full of Grisha, of Healers, a Tailor, a Sun-Summoner yet you didn't make any moves to take anything. The old Y/N wouldn't hesitate to take what wasn't hers. Maybe that's why you would burn out, lose as you gained. This time you knew how to do it properly, how to be an Elemental who yielded it all.
'Your quench for power is contending mine, Sweet Y/N.' For the second time in your life, you saw fear in Aleksander's eyes. He always had a feeling you yearned to have a stronger grasp of the Second-Army and for so long, even now, you tried to lie to yourself and deny it. But deep down some voices always whispered 'it's only right to have a leader who represents them all'.
'Wrong. I already have it, I just need to use it.' You raised your hands slowly, showing him you meant what you said. I'm really doing this. Your heart dropped when his raised too. He's willing to hurt me to protect his lies.
'There's no going back from this' You felt weirdly ready. Although you had never used your Grisha powers against Aleksander in a fight, you had a hefty slice of hope in you that you could overpower him. You had what he had and more.
'Y/N stop this.'
'Why? So that you'll lie to me again? Make me the other woman? It's inevitable that it comes to this' Your heart picked up in speed as your breathing became rapid. The influx of power at your fingertips itched to get out and make itself useful and containing it was painful.
Shadows pooled on the ground and around your feet yet you didn't know who they belonged to. Technically they're all his, I just know how to control them.
Panic shot through you as you felt a tendril of the black nothingness grasp around your wrist. No. You let yourself go, snapping the shackle and mirroring it on him. He had never experienced cruelty at the hands of his own power until now and was completely powerless as the black restraints rendered him useless. You concentrated on his pulse, soothing it to its normal rate then into a slow hum, relaxing his mind. This all felt so wrong yet so right.
'I'm feeling merciful today. When you feel up to it, tell me everything, or else I promise I won't hesitate Aleksander. We're the same in that manner.'
You watched as he gathered himself, anger rising onto his face. His moves were rigid and stiff despite your previous soothing.
'Time is ticking' Before he could say another word, you left the defeated Darkling, instilled with a sudden sense of pride.
______
Part 15
Here's my masterlist where you can find previous parts of this series!
Taglist (Tell me if u want to be added to the Little Witch taglist!)
@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal @eireduchess
#shadow and bone#the darkling#grisha#imagine#the darkling x reader#ben barnes#alexander#alexander morozova#fanfic#alina starkov#general kirigan x reader#zoya nazyanelsky
115 notes
·
View notes
Text
❄❄❄
***
*The Best Chocolate Chip Cookie*
Prep Time - 15 minutes
Cook Time - 15 minutes
Chill Time - 2 hours
Total Time - 30 minutes
Yield - 24 cookies
Serving Size - 1 cookie
*Ingredients
1/2 cup ( 113g ) unsalted butter, melted
1/3 cup ( 66 g ) granulated sugar
1/2 cup ( 104g ) packed light brown sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon ( 5ml ) vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups ( 186g ) all - purpose flour
1 1/2 cups ( 255g ) chocolate chips ( semi - sweet or milk )
*Instructions
1. Note: This dough requires chilling.
2. Place melted butter in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment ( or a large bowl if using a hand mixer ). Add granulated and brown sugars and mix on low speed until the mixture is smooth. Mix in egg and vanilla extract and mix on medium speed until combined.
3. Mix in baking soda and salt, then slowly mix in flour and mix just until the batter is smooth and comes together. Be sure to scrape the sides of the bowl during mixing. Slowly mix in chocolate chips.
4. Line a cookie sheet with a silicone baking mat or parchment paper. Scoop 2 tablespoon balls of dough onto the cookie sheet. Spacing doesn’t matter because you will be chilling the dough. Cover with plastic wrap and chill for at least 2 hours.
5. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a second cookie sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.
6. Remove the chilled cookie dough balls from the refrigerator and space them 2 - inches apart on the cookie sheets. Bake ( 2 tablespoon sized cookies ) for 11 - 15 minutes, or until the edges are a light golden and the tops are no longer glossy. Let cool on the cookie sheets at least 10 minutes before removing.
*Recipe Notes
Try using white chocolate chips or a combination of milk, semi - sweet, and white chocolate chips instead of all one flavor. You can even substitute butterscotch or peanut butter chips, or add your favorite nuts. Just keep the amount of add - ins to 1 1/2 cups.
*Nutrition Information
Serving: 1cookie | Calories: 150kcal | Carbohydrates: 20g | Protein: 1g | Fat: 6g | Saturated Fat: 4g | Cholesterol: 18mg | Sodium: 83mg | Potassium: 16mg | Sugar: 14g | Vitamin A: 155IU | Vitamin C: 0.1mg | Calcium: 20mg | Iron: 0.6mg
*Nutritional information not guaranteed to be accurate
***
❄ Three Wishes ❄
***
IV
***
V has been staring at the peanut butter cookie in his hand for the past half hour.
Admittedly, the events that took place earlier during the day in the Red Grave shopping district has been weighing heavily on his mind.
Yes, the atmosphere ( despite the place being jam - packed with Christmas holiday shoppers ) was perfect, the movie ( although the majority of the scenes were not very tolerable ) was eye - candy, the food ( which was uniquely and refreshingly Japanese for him ) was great, even the little trip to the music shop ( which almost tempted him to buy a new violin of his own ) was calm and peaceful.
All in all, it was almost perfect. Almost.
What really took the perfect moment from him was that Christopher Lancaster guy. Again.
After defeating the evil doctor almost two months ago, V seriously thought that it was the end of that fiend. He truly believed that the evil doctor was rotting away in the fiery pits of the Underworld, his flesh being fed to a multitude of famished Demons. Alas, he was wrong: it turned out that he, like you, was reincarnated, and, apparently, he was your former lover.
The ride on the way back to Swan Lane was the most awkward moment that V has ever experienced. Although Nico's driving was normal for once, V, or Griffon, wasn't able to say anything to lessen the tension in the air. In fact, one could safely say that the demonic bird and the noisy Artisan were both tongue - tied for once. Despite knowing that his familiar ( who was still feeling salty after being left alone in the house ) and the Artisan ( who was feeling extra curious and mischievous to know the status of your relationship with him ) teamed up to spy on your very first date with V, the poet just couldn't bring himself to scold either one of them. He knew it would only make you even more uncomfortable, and the least thing he wanted was for you to feel bad.
The one hour ride from the shopping district to your house ended with you nodding to him and entering your house without even saying a word. So, naturally, V was worried sick about you.
What happened between you and that man that made you feel like that? Did he hurt you? Humiliated you, then left you? Lancaster did have strong opinions about your domestic personality. What did he mean by that, anyway?
Wait a second, V thought as some awful feeling made his stomach turn. Did Lancaster - ?!
"WHOA, V! WHERE WILL YA BRING THAT COOKIE?!" Griffon, who was quietly observing V from his perch for the past half hour as his master stared at the said cookie in his hand, squawked and flapped his wings erratically, positively shocked upon witnessing the poet's weird behavior.
V noticed how his actions must have startled the bird, opened his mouth wide, and finally ate the cookie whole.
Hmm, yum,...
V swallowed and turned to Griffon. "That man must've done something that made her feel that way." He said quietly as if someone's listening or spying on him.
"Well, yeah, of course he did! What do ya expect?" The bird answered. "That man is evil! I should've plucked his eyeballs out but, that crazy bitch stopped me and called me a chicken!"
Griffon's words successfully started the fire, making V's eyes widen in both shock and anger. The man grabbed his metal cane from the sofa and started making his way towards the front door, sweater, loose pants, fluffy slippers, and all. The man would've walked outside without any protection from the harsh cold weather if it weren't for Griffon's intervention.
"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! WAIT!" The bird flew towards V at a break - neck speed and yelled at his master's face, desperately trying to prevent the poet from storming outside and killing himself in the process. "WHAT DO YA THINK YE'RE DOIN'?!"
"What I'm doing,... is putting an end to that miserable man's life once and for all."
"I get ya! I get that he may have done somethin' to sweets - HEY, LISTEN TO ME!" Griffon screeched as he tried his best to stop V from going outside by grabbing onto his shirt with his talons, almost ripping the white fabric to shreds.
But, the poet would not be stopped. Despite the demonic bird's efforts, he still made his way towards the door. He grabbed the brass door knob and turned to his familiar one last time before throwing it open. "I swear: if he so much as touch a single strand of her hair, I will send him back to the Underworld where he belongs! I don't care if I die in the process! I want to see him suffer and I don't care if it's the last thing I see before I die!"
"NO, NO, NO, V! YE'RE BEIN' RECKLESS! YE'RE - !"
But, Griffon was too late. V managed to open the door, and,...
The poet and the familiar stared in disbelief at the figure standing before them. Slightly shivering and partly covered with snow was none other than the lovely female that almost drove V to murder.
"(Y/N)?" Both V and Griffon muttered in disbelief.
How long have you been standing there in the cold?!
Were you,...
Were you listening all this time?!
You smiled at him as you held a small container closer to your chest. "Hi, V! Umm, did I, ahh, come at the wrong time?"
"No! I mean," V stuttered as Griffon quietly retreated to his former position near the shelves. Stepping aside to make way for you, he spoke, " ... please, come in. Make yourself at home."
"Ah! There's no need. I won't stay for too long. I,... just wanna ask for a favor, actually."
"What favor?"
Griffon, who deliberately heard this, sneaked back towards V and positioned himself just behind the door next to the poet to listen to the conversation. Shadow, who seemed to have picked up on the situation, as well, only squinted her eyes as if to let her fellow familiar do his thing.
"You see, uhm," You began quite awkwardly. As used as you were to talking to the opposite gender, you still couldn't shake the unfamiliar feeling you have when talking to V. There seemed to be something in the poet, in the way he looked at you, touched you, and spoke to you, that pulled you in like a moth to the lamp, or the lamb to its shepherd, and you have mixed feelings about this, honestly.
However, it was not the right time to be musing about the mystery that was V. Taking a deep breath and inching closer towards him, you spoke once more. " ... I've heard from Nico that you can play the violin."
"Oh! Why, yes, of course!" V, who caught a whiff of your lovely flowery - scent cologne and going internally crazy about it, confirmed with a huge smile on his face. "How can I help you?"
"Can I invite you to work tomorrow? Do you still have that violin of yours?"
"She's asking him out!" Griffon whispered back to Shadow. After hearing this, she stood from the fluffy carpet and made her way to the demonic bird to also listen in on the conversation.
"I'm afraid that - "
"You can't come?" You whispered, feeling sad and disappointed with his answer. "It's okay, though. I understand. It's all too sudden, after all."
"The shy boy is ruinin' it!" Griffon savagely whispered, making Shadow raise her paw in an effort to push her master forward towards you.
"No! W - what I mean is," V stuttered ( at the same time Shadow’s paw almost made contact with his bottom ), wanting to clear out the confusion. " ... I'm afraid I don't have a violin right now. I would love to go but,..."
You knitted your brows, your mind deep in thought. Then, raising a gloved hand and pointing at the ceiling, you looked back at him with your eyes wide open. "My partner has one! I mean, she left it there, I know! You see, we have a thanksgiving party tomorrow, and we're short on participants. My partner was supposed to play the violin during one of the book reading sessions. But, she said she needed to take a break.”
"Is that so?" His confused face finally clearing up and his tensed shoulders finally relaxing, he smiled and nodded. "I can do that, yes. I will come."
Griffon and Shadow peaked just in time to see you leaping in the air in excitement and grabbing V's sleeve with your free hand as you smiled all too brightly at him.
"Thank you so much! Oh, God! You don't know how relieved I' am to know that you'll come."
"Anything for you, my dear." V answered, once again making your face heat up. "What time shall I pick you up?"
Oh, why does he have that killer, adorable, smug smile?! "Oh, uhm, would seven in the morning be okay? The program won't start until eleven but, we still have to prepare."
"Seven o'clock, it is."
"And here, gran insists I give you this."
V received, yet, another jar of cookies. Classic chocolate - chipped, this time. And it's still so warm and looked so delicious,...
"Could you, please, deliver my gratitude to your sweet gran?" V asked, knowing how much Adelaide missed her own grandfather, who looked exactly like him.
"Will do." You smiled at him. "See you tomorrow, V!" Taking a step back, you waved at him and finally went back home.
"Good night, my dear." V said, also waving at you as he was watching you make your way safely to your house. And when he turned around, he noticed both Shadow and Griffon looking up at him.
"Ohoho, someone's gonna get fat this Christmas!" Griffon mocked as he focused his golden eyes on the jar at V's hands. "Hey, we're invited, right?"
***
❄ @la-vita , @clevermentalitybeliever , @v-vic , and @birdgirl69 . ❄
***
❄❄❄
***
40 notes
·
View notes
Note
For months, I've believed and trusted and hoped that God would make a way for something in my life. Now, there's only one month left for Him to do it before the window closes. It has been hard to hold onto hope and believe for it but it was easier when I could comfort myself with the amount of time left. Now that it's getting down to the wire, I'm starting to feel a panic well up inside me. I'm telling myself through this panic that He'll do it..but a piece of me cries out, what if He doesn't?
It’s the LORD that makes the way. Your answered prayer may not always be exactly how you expect it to be answered. If there is a will, then there is a way, and God’s will is perfect and so is His way. You can’t disagree with it, you just have to accept it. Also, perhaps it’s not in His time. There are things that He is purposely making you go through so that you may learn to be more persevering and gain more patience about it. If you comfort yourself in your own way it disregards the LORD and it would be very displeasing to Him. Make sure that if you do comfort yourself that it is righteous, and perhaps you’ll be closer to an answered prayer. Whatever it is, He sees your faith and that will be rewarded. Don’t stop praying now. If you’re losing faith in God, it may be the reason why you feel panic is approaching. You need to hang onto the LORD more than ever. Lay it all in His hands, all your doubts, fears, anxiety. He’s the only One who can give you true peace. You are the only one who can control your feelings, but He is also your help. Keep clinging onto Jesus throughout each doubt, surrendering them to Him, because each time you doubt you’re letting Satan get the best of you. Praying for you, dear friend.
Psalm 33:4 For the Word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; for I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 125:1 Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
1 John 5:14-15 This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.
James 1:6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
By His Grace, Sheela (Via godfirstgodalways)
READ MORE ANSWERED QUESTIONS ON sheelaleigh.com
#godfirstgodalwaysreply#REPLY TO ANON#faith and hope#Christian advice#my Christian advice#christian advice and help#prayers#pray for me#please pray for me#faith over feelings#faith over fear#God's will#Christianity and anxiety#Christianity#stay faithful#praying for you#keep praying
47 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello, i'm sorry to bother you. can you give me a little summary of what happens with brianna and roger im the next books like what can we expect from season 4? thank you so much!
Hello anon! And thank you to @scotsmanandsassenach for having such confidence in me to answer this for you! It’s never a bother for me to discuss Roger and Brianna, it’s actually one of my favorite things to do, hence this blog!
A little less than 50% of Drums Of Autumn focuses on Roger and Bree’s story, so it’s a pretty good chunk of what we will hopefully be seeing in season 4.
I shall summarize the major points in their relationship, but let it be known a lot of great things happen between them and other characters that you should check out.
I am going to put this under a cut to avoid those who don’t want to be spoiled and because it’s really long …
When we see Roger and Bree for the first time it is June/July of 1969, about 8 months after Claire went back through the stones. Brianna is back in Boston and Roger is in Oxford. Bree went back to Boston quite soon after Claire left because she was very overwhelmed with her feelings about Claire leaving and her developing romantic feelings for Roger; she felt she had to get away to make sure that what they were feeling for one another was true and not a product of everything that happened in Scotland.
Roger comes to visit her in Boston because he has a conference to attend. They see each other a bit everyday, but end up spending only one full day together. They attend a Highland games festival, where Roger actually performs, singing old Scottish songs and playing both his guitar and bodrhan. They talk a good amount about her parents, Claire, Frank, and Jamie. It’s still all really confusing for Bree on how to deal with Claire being gone, and Roger offers her support. There are some really adorable moments between them, conversations, kisses and touches exchanged, sexual tension building. Nothing happens, but their relationship is definitely building on its own foundation.
The next day they go to the Abernathy’s to watch the moon landing. Joe grills Roger a bit about his intentions, but he sees how true Roger’s feelings are for Bree. Roger leaves for Scotland that afternoon with major blue balls.
It’s mentioned that over the next six months Roger and Bree talk and exchange a lot of letters, thus building their relationship even more, though they aren’t together.
Brianna then goes to Inverness to be with Roger for Christmas 1969. She stays with him at the manse. Bree gets a letter and Roger finds out that she is looking for her parents. There is an amazing almost sex between them. It’s hot and perfect, but Roger stops it from happening (and so does some burning soup in the kitchen) because he wants to do right by Brianna and this isn’t some little fling for him. (I’d suggest reading this, because I cannot do it justice here.)
They attend midnight mass together, and afterwards take a walk along the river. Roger asks Bree to marry him, but she is taken aback by it and does not accept his proposal. She wants to be sure that he is the one for her. She does love him, but she knows that Claire loved Frank when they first married, and then she found Jamie, the love of her life; Bree doesn’t want that to happen to her. So Roger says he will wait for her, giving her a bracelet as a promise.
In September of 1970, Roger finds a death notice for Jamie and Claire saying that they will burn in a fire in about 8 years time. He is really upset by it and decides to not tell Bree about it to protect her. (I have major issues with this, and a lot of thoughts, but I will not put them here.)
Then in May of 1971, Roger is still at Oxford and receives a bunch of boxes with Brianna’s family heirlooms. He was feeling like she was growing distant from him, so he’s excited that she sent them to him. But then he starts thinking on it and realizes that she sent everything to him because she must have decided to go back through the stones. He calls Joe, and he tells Roger that Bree told him she was going to visit Roger in Scotland. This was at the end of April and lines up perfectly with Bree going through the stones on May 1st.
Roger races back to Inverness and finds evidence that she in fact did go back. He waits to follow after her on the summer equinox in late June and goes through the stones himself then.
We then get some Bree POV. She goes to Lallybroch, meets family, meets Laoghaire, gets some info and then boards a ship for America. Roger gets to the 18th century, also boards a ship and heads for America to find her.
After all the sea voyages, Roger finds Bree on September 1st of 1769 in Wilmington. Bree is shocked to see him, to say the least. She’s distraught about him being there because he was the only one she loved on the other side. Brianna tells him that she is sure that he is the one for her and they end up hand fasting in a barn. Sexual relations happen, and Roger uses the pull-out method of birth control (this is a crass observation to make, but an important one.)
The next morning Bree realizes that the only way Roger would know to come after her so quickly is because he found the death notice that she too had found. They get into an argument and Roger leaves to find some gemstones so they can go back to their time. Bree has a little handmaid at this point and when Bree comes back distraught and smelling of sex Lizzie assumes Bree was raped.
Now, the hard part. That next day Bree is raped by Stephen Bonnet, he uses no form of birth control. We don’t see this moment happen in real time, but discussed later.
Bree and Lizzie continue on their journey to find Jamie and Claire. Brianna winds up finding Jamie when they stop in New Bern. A bunch of Fraser family feels ensue and it’s awesome.
In the meantime Bree is worried about Roger, and they put out word that they are looking for a man named Roger Wakefield. They hear nothing.
Well at this point it’s obvious to most that Bree is pregnant and she tells Claire about the rape and her night with Roger. Bree assumes it’s Bonnet’s child. We get some three-sided conversations happening and Jamie thinks Bree’s rapist is a guy named MacKenzie, because that is the name Lizzie heard when she saw Roger and then assumed her raped her.
So when Roger shows up to the Ridge to claim his wife, announcing himself as Mr. MacKenzie, Jamie and Ian beat the shit out of him and give him to the Indians.
Bree then decides to draw a picture of Roger that they can distribute around and Ian and Jamie instantly recognize Roger as the man they almost killed.
Jamie, Claire, and Ian go on a search for Roger during the winter of 1769/1770. Bree, getting more and more pregnant stays at River Run waiting for them. Bree meets Lord John, they have some cool moments, and then Bree ends up seeing Bonnet again in jail. Some crazy stuff happens here, most importantly Bree tells Bonnet the child is his.
Well, Claire and Jamie eventually find Roger, but some more craziness happens and Ian ends up having to stay with the Indians so Roger can leave.
Claire and Jamie end up telling Roger about what happened to Bree and how she may be carrying another man’s child. Claire and Jamie leave Roger to make the decision on whether to stay or go back through the stones.
Jamie and Claire get back to River Run and Bree has her baby on May 15th of 1770, and then they head back for the Ridge.
In June, Roger comes to the Ridge, accepting the child as his and asking if Bree will once again accept him as her husband. A lot has happened to the both of them in the time they were separated, they are completely new people, and they have to work to get back to where they were before.
But it all ends up good with them all at The Gathering and Bree accepting yet another proposal from Roger, and her answering him to go down and tell them the MacKenzies are here!
#anon asks#kat answers#roger mackenzie#brianna mackenzie#roger x brianna#roger x bree#book talk#drums of autumn
29 notes
·
View notes
Note
1/4 I'm getting worried for Eren. The fact that Isayama confirmed that Eren is not fully himself and not fully in control is startling.I started thinking of who would be behind him, and one of those people is his father and then I thought more. Eren and Grisha parallel each other a lot. Grisha is born into a place that cages him, so is Eren in the Walls. Grisha loses his sister and this sets him on the path of freedom, Eren loses Carla and this spikes his rage and blood lust and need to be free.
2/4 Grisha is forced into a situation where he doesn’t understand anything and is forced to take on a responsibility (become a titan). Eren is injected by Grisha and once he transforms, is forced by the government to take on the responsibility of being a titan. Grisha loses his comrades and first wife, Eren loses his comrades in Trost. And now we come to the end: Grisha loses Carla, his second wife, and so he injects Eren, knowing his time is running out and to hastily carry on forward.
¾ So what about Eren? Where is his parallel? Was it Armins “death” in the return arc? But what did that do for Eren? It can be argued that it deadened him, letting the depression seep in and take over. But what if that parallel hasn’t happened yet? It may never happen, these may all just be coincidences. BUT. Even though SC is doing great so far, in this manga, the second the reader has hope, Isayama destroys it. The first Levi Squad, to give an example.
4/4 I’m just wondering if that parallel will happen. If maybe Eren eats Zeke (Eren ate Grisha in the past, so maybe that’s the parallel?) Or Zeke eats Eren, or something else entirely? Zeke has too many Zekerets for me to figure out, but imagine the irony of Eren eating another blood relative, and one that looks identical to his father. That would be the right amount of messed for Isa. Also, I guess on a lighter note, how cool would it be to have a Paradise flashback for Chapter 104? XD
Hi! I apologize in advance for possibly getting rambly and off topic! :D
I think it’s interesting to note the parallels between Eren and his father for sure, but I don’t think that their stories are really meant to parallel each other 100%. Eren and Grisha did both desire their freedom prior to any major tragedy in their lives (which made them perfect candidates for the Attack Titan and in Grisha’s case, Kruger was able to see that). Said tragedies did exacerbate this desire of theirs… only these tragedies resulted in fueling the both of them with rage and resentment to those who deny them their freedom, and rightfully so.
Grisha, unfortunately, did not really go about this in a good way, although I can’t really blame him given his circumstances. He had little to no room to breathe at all. Eren had a little more freedom to express his desires and hopes and at the time, his anger was pointed at monsters who he believed cornered the last remnants of humanity behind a wall. Grisha, however, already had a larger perspective and knew more about the world. So these are already some major differences in their stories.
Armin’s almost-death in Shiganshina definitely took a huge toll on Eren, but I don’t know that I would consider it comparable to Grisha losing his wife. She was pretty much doomed from the start, while Armin’s life was ultimately spared. Definitely what hit Eren like a brick after Shiganshina was the mind-blowing realization that humanity was thriving, the history of the world, and ultimately the inheritance of his father’s and Kruger’s memories (and who knows, possibly other predecessors). We see it as early as the chapters where he is jailed up that his mind is starting to split. The second Eren learns about his father, the floodgates opened and he started to change. Memories from Grisha and Kruger have become so vivid that he probably doesn’t even know which ones are his and which ones are theirs (we can even see that he’s able to have influence over Kruger in the past). And Grisha and Kruger definitely do not have pleasant memories. I imagine that has taken quite the toll on him over the years, and it’s no surprise that these memories likely influence him in many ways.
While I do believe at his core he is still Eren, there’s no denying that Grisha and Kruger have become a part of him as well. He’s become far more stoic, pragmatic, and in control of himself (and his titan!) than we’ve ever seen him before. And it is awesome!
I am getting off topic, however (I really just want to gush about Eren a lot these days ^^). I do believe that eating Zeke is something that could possibly come to fruition (although I do subscribe to the shifter-merging theory, so I’m biased), but it’s possible it could go the other way around. However, Zeke doesn’t have much time left, so I’d opt to say that the former is more likely, especially if Zeke is genuine in his claim that he wants to save his little brother. I don’t see this as something to directly parallel Grisha’s tragedy, though. As far as we know, Zeke means nothing to Eren on any emotional level.
I think that, unlike Grisha and Kruger, Eren is fortunate enough to be in a position where he has allies who have great strength and who believe in him and go to great lengths to protect him. He also has the memories of two men who’ve made far too many mistakes in their attempt to better the world for their people and I’d like to think that he has learned from them. It’s hard to say for certain what his goals are at this juncture, and Isayama has us in this position on purpose, so I’m really looking forward to seeing where he’s going with it. Perhaps Eren really will be the “bad guy” in the end. Who knows!
Ultimately though, I’m not worried about Eren having to face another emotionally traumatizing loss at this point. It’s possible that things could easily tip to the side for the SC in the next few chapters, but their plan does seem to be going smoothly so far. It’s refreshing to see them be on the offensive for once, and so it would be nice to not see them fall into the same cycle of despair that we’ve had to read over and over again throughout the story. I weep for the warriors right now though.
Also I would give my soul for a Paradis flashback at this point if it will give us some answers. Alternatively though, I’m so into this battle and will be sitting here tapping my finger all month in anticipation for the next line of events. That cliffhanger was cruel!
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
Nocturne Alchemy Vaults: Part One
Originally published on 4/30/2019
I'm on a mission, after completing my month of samples! I've got a good collection of what I call Vaults - perfumes from the early days of Nocturne Alchemy, long before I started collecting. And I tend to hoard these, rather than wearing them. I don't think I have enough for a solid month, but I'm going to try to do a few weeks of these, spread out over the course of a month, and do a bi-weekly update. Maybe it will force me to wear these beauties as intended!
I have a mixture of both LC (limited collection) and PC (permanent collection), but it's mostly LC in these, so I want to go ahead and warn you now, these are probably hard to get, but it can't hurt to put out an ISO (in search of) in the NA Marketplace Facebook group. They age wonderfully, so it might be worth the hunt!
Let's get this shindig started!
Eternal Egypt Summer Crystalline REZ: White Amber Absolute, Limestone Amber Resin, Lime Zest, Saffron, Gold Santalum, Moonstone (African White Vanilla Bean), with the new addition of Crystalline (Egyptian Vanilla Orchid stigma Resin) Absolute aged with Kyphi (a honey, raisin, & wine based incense), Guaiacwood eo, Mandarin Skin, Egyptian Sugar and French Golden Amber Resin. This baby is a favorite of mine, I have several backups of this with varying fill levels that I've nabbed over time from the Marketplace, and from Laura. It came out in 2015, the first year I started collecting NA. It's SO, SO GOOD. Like, my ultimate summer scent, honestly - besides the Tea collection! I will continue to keep an eagle eye out for more. A girl can never have too many, right? Right!! Hah. Okay, so if you've ever experienced Eternal Egypt, this is an enhanced version, with a zip of citrus (the lime is fabulous, seriously) and the beauty of Crystalline vanilla - honestly, it's just the right amount, it doesn't take over the other notes. It's so aged, I don't get really the kyphi, which I love, or the saffron. But that's okay. It seems simple, but there's definitely some complexity. I have raved and raved about this one, maybe one day they'll make a version something like it in the future! PS. If you haven't tried Eternal Egypt, what in the world are you waiting for? Remedy that as quickly as possible! *wink* Seriously, it's a fan favorite, and it's a lovely scent.
SP 8: Sandalwood, Teak, Rosewood, Cedar, Black Amber, Black Musk, Black Myrrh and Black Patchouli in a sea of memory. This is from 2013. This is a beautifully dark scent, the woods and resins are just, at this point, incredibly potent. I don't need a lot. I love to pair this with a vanilla, like Crystal, or Protoceratops, to keep it from going too dark on me. I think this one is pretty unisex, and I think it would be fantastic on a guy too. The sweetness of the myrrh, amber, and cedar is perfect against the heavier patchouli and black musk. I don't know a lot about this collection, but somewhere in my dusty memory I remember that SP stands for Steam Punk, and this was a pretty limited collection, so I treasure having both this and SKL, below.
SP SKL: Damp woods, Aged Velvet Crystal Vanilla (Vanilla Musk), the scent of old linen in a coffin, a touch of graveyard musk and a sentient of mystery. Like SP 8, this is also from 2013. Gorgeous. I have a bottle of Crystal, from the SL section, and I love it. First thing I catch is that vanilla musk, but it's aged and deepened. Paired with the woods, this is so gothic. I particularly love to wear this one in the fall and winter, it feels very cozy and like a warm, dark hug. There's like a dark sexiness lurking under the snuggly vanilla.
Cleopatra Moon: Fresh Peach Incense, Peach Essence, Egyptian Frankincense Resinoid, Egyptian Myrrh Lite Resinoid, Sapphire Amber-Musk, Persian Sandalwood, White Peppercorn Essential Oil and a drop of Egyptian Hibiscus and a breath of Egyptian Hyacinth Petal. This treasure is from 2011, the Pharaoh Moons collection, from what I can see. I got this one from my friend Melissa, and oh, how hard did I fall for this? She's gorgeous. It starts out with their luscious, juicy peach, just bursting out of the bottle and onto your skin. That's followed closely by a melange of resins, so well blended I can barely pick them out, but I think that the Sapphire keeps this bright and helps the peach linger. I don't really get the hibiscus or hyacinth, on my skin - they may be background notes, or as aged as this is, impossible to discern. I do get a little kick of pepper, which is always a welcome smell for me. It adds the slightest spiciness, but it's not obtrusive. Cleopatra Moon curls around me for quite a long time, I get at least eight hours from it. It's enchanting and mysterious, what I imagine her namesake to be.
Selket Anti-Venom Rez: In the new composition I took the old recipe and changed it toward more of an ode to Crème de Menthe bringing up the mint essential oil note and adding nuances of Crystal, Blue Sugar and a little Incense in the shadows before the scorpion Goddess stings with her tail. The Crème de Menthe composed with marshmallow and peppermint eo. This one came out the same year as Eternal Egypt Summer Crystalline REZ, 2015. If I remember correctly, it came out in the summer - and while I absolutely adore my Victorian Candy Cane Crystalline, this is the mint I reach for when I want something cool feeling in the summer. It's like a creamy, mint drink, on a long screened in verandah. There's a crust of sugar in here, as well - I love their sugar notes. But this definitely feels green, it's different than the Christmas VCCC. There's a slight hint of liqueur. Absolutely adore this, and I should wear it more often, but I'm guilty of hoarding it. I will note that in long drydown - this lasts a while! - the mint fades a little bit, and you're left with a sweet, creamy, sort of musky marshmallow, with just a hint of the mint. Just as beautiful as the beginning stages, though.
Bastet's Witching Hour: Black Incense, Black Vanilla, Black Haitian Voodoo Vetiver, Black Aged Cedar, Black Cherry Extract, Black Aged Saffron and Black Amber rests at the death of this hour. I usually store all my Vaults in the same box, but - in order to confuse myself, hah! - I store my NAlloween Vaults in with the NAlloween box. So I'd actually realized when I was pulling out my Sleep Elixir that I had more Vaults than I realized! Anyway. this beauty is from 2011. I have two bottles of it, this was my first experience with NA's cherry and I fell hard for it. This isn't a candy or cough drop cherry by any means - this is a sexy, alluring fruit and dark resin perfume. The incense curls around you, and entwines with the slightly tart cherry. The vetiver is smoky, and the cedar is sweet and woody, they sure do woods right. I feel dark and witchy when I wear this, and I crave it all year. But of course, my favorite time of year to pull it out is fall, and I reach for it often. Incredible.
Hathor's Peach Kaproret Tea: Sensual Peach, Coconut powder, African Kaproret Tea, Fresh morning Apple (subtle), Tibetan Black Tea Leaves and Egyptian Plum. Here's another early one, from 2009. I've got about a quarter of a bottle left, it's one of the beautiful green 5mls. This one is a lovely summery scent, a little bit of tropical feel with the fruit/tea blend. I'm not sure what kaproret tea is like (EDIT: I've since learned it's a black tea type from Kenya!), but I definitely get the black tea, but there's another tea-scent in there that I've never had myself before, and it's almost got a zing to it, and it works really well with the lush peach and coconut notes. Thankfully I don't need a lot of this, because it's so aged, because I love it, and I'm hoarding it. I do have Peach Cardamom Tea from the Summer Tea Service, but that's quite a bit different than this. If you love tea and fruit, and happen to come across this one, I would not hesitate to get it! As with my other Teas from NA, there's never a bitter edge to the black tea, it's smooth and distinctive, and balances so well with the fruits. I've also worn this with a few of the Tea Service, Coconut Milk, Sugarcube, and Rice Milk, and they all pair well with it.
Y'all, I got pretty behind on this - life got really busy! I meant to have it up a week ago, but there's all kinds of stuff going on here in our little corner of the world. I'll try to get on the second half of this with a little more expediency! I hope you enjoyed this first half, though. There are some pretty amazing treasures to be had in hunting these down.
0 notes
Note
Hello! I'm a little new to playing GMS - I've been following it before but was disappointed to hear that it was getting canceled, but apparently not anymore. I just heard that Sebastian is getting a route which made me download the game. For someone who's just starting, do you have any tips? I typically don't spend money in these games so I was wondering if it will still be playable in that case... Thank you!
Hello and welcome!
Okay so I’ve actually been considering putting this information out there so I guess this is a perfect opportunity!
😳That or you were reading my mind.😳
First things first:I get you not spending money on the game, it took over a month before I gave in to it myself. But I must remind all players that the reason (that we know of) that the game was discontinued in the first place was due to it not making enough money. So I really must promote the idea of those who can afford it and really love the game to spend a little to show their support.
That said? You don’t have to spend money to enjoy the game. At least not the main story lines. What it does take is patience and a schedule to get the most out of the game.
So you’re most likely going to have a little stumble near the end of the route as a new player. It’s going to require you to have a lot of Sweetie Points to pass the checkpoint, and it might take a day or so to get it. But then you’re good.
Sure you’re not going to get the premium scenes, but honestly the non-premium are good too! They can be hilarious watching the guys play off each other, or cheesy, or cute, but still a delight in their own ways.
Now for the beginners and people just plain new to “Guard Me Sherlock!”
[undercut link for mobile users]
So you’ve found your way here; either by being a fan of Sherlock Holmes, being a fan of other games done by @shallwedateapps, or by being a fan of dating games in general, but you’re here.
You may be sharing the same thought I did when I first read the game’s title: “that’s a silly name”, and yeah maybe, but the game is more than that.
The Story!
Okay so we have MC and she is:
clever
kind
strangely accepting
naive at the most inopportune times
an actress
and a bit snarky sometimes
So the prologue is her meeting the guys, the male characters in the story:
Sherlock Holmes
John Watson
George Lestrade
Mikah Hudson (child)
Mycroft Holmes
Hercule Poirot
Jeremy Cassel
James Moriarty
Sebastian Moran (his route is up next!)
and Jack Stillman
Though not in that order per say. From there MC works her way to the point of asking Sherlock for help, and the problem is determined by the story you’re starting.
During which there are quizzes throughout the season one stories and getting them correct can result in winning small prizes like extra energy points for Hide & Kiss.
The Characters/Main storylines!
So once you finish the prologue you have to decide which route you’re going to play. Just talking about the season ones we have:
Sherlock Holmes
It’s a sweet story of Sherlock coming to terms with these strange new emotions he’s feeling all the while assisting MC in dealing with threats and sudden attempts at harming her person. All which seems to circle over the fact that she took her current role over after a passing of a dear friend.
John Watson
Sweet and funny story as MC has John’s help in trying to figure out what happened to her uncle. He seems to have gone missing but has left a small trial for his niece to follow. Course being worried for her safety John seems like the best candidate as a bodyguard, though to not arose suspicion they need a reason for him to be with her everywhere… fake engagement anyone?
James Moriarty
While there is not a lot of diversity in scenes, there are some breath taking background drops. MC wanted Sherlock’s help in finding out if everything is on the up and up for the next play she is in. He told her to go through with it unless she heard otherwise from him. Day comes and she is goes to get ready for the play, which will take place in a few days, on a train. With Moriarty as the benefactor. It’s a whirlwind of flirtation and ‘what ifs’.
Mycroft Holmes
Not really one for fake engagements? How about a fake marriage? Mycroft is subtle throughout his story, and there are times MC can be… *flashbacks and kill bill sirens* but this is thought to be one of the most romantic stories within Guard Me Sherlock though the mystery doesn’t come into play until the later act.
Mikah Hudson
~let’s do the time warp again~ Jumping into the future, MC has been living at 221B and seems to have missed the point where Mikah became a man. While helping Mikah’s friend they open up their feelings towards each other.
My schedule to get the most out of my game:
I wake up and use 2 tickets before 7 am
Clear my energy points, and then go to work
At lunch I clear the hide & kiss points out (you get 1 point per 3 minutes, 20 points per hour)
This is also usually when I use my one free slot spin a day
When I get home I decompress and either wait till after the game updates (7pm cst) or before it is there is a biscuit boost, and I spend all the tickets I have (which is either 3 - 4)
This way I keep my tickets at specific intervals throughout the day to make sure I get 6 tickets a day as there is 4 hour wait in between each and it stops counting once you hit 5.
So I asked @cinnamonteaandbiscuits what she would give as advice to a new player:
“You can exit out of the story if you think you’ve picked the wrong choice.” (you just hit on the arrow in the upper right corner, and select home, that will let you do that chapter from the beginning as long as you don’t go all the way to the end)
“Don’t skip the previews. They’re hilarious!” (So true. Also areas where you can learn more about the other guys in between or during times they’re picking on each other.)
Be aware of your room situation when it comes to points.
Hide & Kiss
When it comes to hide and kiss there are a few things to be aware of.
When you start a session and pick a guy your style in your room should reflect their taste.
Sherlock & Mycroft: elegant
John & Mikah: Sexy
James: Cute
The more points you have in that style the more sweetie points you can earn. Up to a point. If you’re hitting 58 - 70 points per magnifying glass in the last room you’ve hit max.
In biscuit collections each tap in Hide & Kiss is one point. So if you’re trying to earn those biscuits you’re better off using the room that takes the least amount of energy points.
Alright so I hope that was helpful!
If you’re looking for a brief history as to what’s going on with the game I did a brief little catch up with releasing routes back on January 5th before we found who out it would be.
And if you’re interested in my headcanons and/or fanfictions please feel free to check out my Masterlist
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Laptop is extremely Slow, Here Is How I'm getting to Increase Its Speed
There is an enormous difference within the performance of a laptop when it's a fresh machine and a laptop that becomes slow after the passage of several days or months. If you're wondering why my pc is very slow then you'll be affected by an equivalent issue.
What might be the explanations that your laptop has suddenly become slow? If haven't changed any of its hardware components and therefore the performance is reducing day by day then you'll increase laptop speed with the ideas given below.
The answers to those questions are simple and supported technical aspects. Fragmentation in disk and registry, too many begin programs, an outsized number of installed programs and disc space occupied by unnecessary files & stuff leads your laptop to run slow.
When my laptop is extremely slow I do perform the subsequent things:
Uninstall the Programs You not Need-
Having a sizable amount of installed programs not only occupies your computer's disc space but also slows down your laptop. a number of these programs run within the background to perform various tasks without your knowledge. If such tasks aren't important for you, then why do you have to keep these programs?
1. Click Start | instrument panel.
2. Click Add or Remove Programs, or otherwise, Programs | Uninstall a Program.
3. Select a software program you not use and need to get rid of from your machine.
4. Click Uninstall or Remove button.
5. Follow the wizard.
6. Do an equivalent Steps 3 to five for other unnecessary programs you would like to get rid of.
Disable Unnecessary Programs from Windows begin-
The term Startup refers to the activity of execution of specific programs whenever you begin your computer. These programs run without your confirmation whenever you begin your computer. an outsized number of programs running within the background makes your laptop slow. a number of them may use high resources.
1. Download, install, and run a System Cleaner and PC Optimizer utility from the web.
2. Click Manage Startups, and disable the programs you would like to get rid of from the Windows begin items list.
Download & Install Latest Updates, Patches-
1. it's a really good idea to regularly install new updates and patches for your OS and therefore the installed programs. Updates and patches include performance improvements. To do so, click Start | All Programs | Windows Update.
Install More RAM and a Graphics Card-
Installing more RAM and a Graphics Card will help boost the performance of your laptop. If you think that my laptop is extremely slow and you're into gaming then you ought to consider this suggestion.
Defrag the Windows Registry-
Windows Registry is the database of user settings, information about software and hardware components on your computer.
Your OS and therefore the installed software regularly access the registry, and thus, the registry gets fragmented. The registry fragmentation causes a delay in retrieving and storing information within the registry for the dependent programs and processes. Thus, your laptop runs slow.
Defrag the Disk Drives-
As just like the registry fragmentation, your disk drives get fragmented thanks to continuous access to the stored files and folders. once you delete the prevailing files or copy files to your hard disc, it results in fragmentation on the hard disc.
1. Click Start | All Programs | Accessories | System Tools | Disk De fragmenter.
2. Select all the drives for the disk de fragmentation process.
3. Click the Defragment Disks button to start out the method.
Change Setting for Best Performance-
What if Windows customize its settings for best performance instead of best appearance? By changing the below settings, you permit Windows to enhance the performance by customizing itself in a correct manner.
1. Right-click My Computer.
2. Select Properties.
3. For Windows Vista or Windows 7, click Advanced System Settings link at the left side.
4. Click the Advanced tab.
5. Click the Settings button within the Performance frame.
6. Click the Visual Effects tab again within the new dialog.
7. Select the choice Adjust for Best Performance.
8. Click OK | OK.
Clean the Disk for Junk-
Unnecessary files stored on your hard disc include temporary files, temporary internet files, cache, etc. which not only occupy an outsized amount of your disc space but also slow down your laptop. When my laptop is extremely slow I regularly deleting these junk files which may be a good way to extend laptop speed.
Here is that the recommended tool to extend laptop speed which can perform most of the functions described above.
That's it! If you are doing the above tasks on a daily basis, then there's nothing that will stop you from experiencing quick, reliable, and healthy computing.
When you will buy a PC or laptop it will be in perfect condition for some days. The PC will run smoothly without any lagging issues in the first two or three weeks. However, after the first few weeks, the PC’s performance will start to slow down. This is where you need PC Tune Up Services. As time will pass the PC will become slow because of several reasons. PC Optimization is required to clean the PC. After you have performed a PC TuneUp on your computer, it will again become as fast as the new computer.
Use our PC Optimization Services for improving the condition of your PC or laptop. Our services are available for all brands of PC and laptops. You can also rely on our PC Tune-Up Services if you have a locally assembled PC. Contact us if you are facing any problems with the performance of your computer.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
yyh-revival
Yoko has returned, they cry.
jaywisterias
ᓚᘏᗢ
kjetter-morket
LAUGHTS OF ABYSS.
dhmislover44
Random shit that I need.
cosmic-perspective
Cosmic Perspective