Bless the bottle

Sorry I haven’t posted for a couple of days. I’ve been sick. I’ll try to post more often from now on. It just depends on how much time I have.

🤍 Check out my new song . . . .

At home sick, ain’t this fun

(damn my hair look real cute 😧)

🏥💉🌡

💙💙 Having a chronic illness or more than one not only feels like someone stole your identity, it feels like they stole everything from you as nothing is the same anymore and that is hard to come to terms with! 💙💙 . . Photo credit to @itsmychroniclife . . 💙💙 . . . . . . . . . #relatablecontent #chronicillnesshumor #chronicallyfabulous #sickchick #sickaf #chronicbadass #chronicallyawsome #invisbleillnessawareness #healthmemes #symptoms #spoonielife #chroniclife #sicklife #disabledlife #endometriosis #invisbleillnesswarrior #endometriosisawareness #endometriosisuk #millionsmissing #chronicpainwarrior #chronicfatiguesyndrome #chronicillnesslife #chronicillnesscommunity #spooniecommunity #endocommunity #addisonsdisease #endosisters #addisonsdiseaseawareness #mentalhealthawareness #bpdwarrior (at United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cg2UPJVreO_/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

my body doesn’t know if it wants to be hot or cold, so its decided to just be difficult instead

Bad days vs Good days:

One moment you are like this, all day!! With everything thrown at you: Pain, Nausea, Vomiting, Dysmotility, Joint Pain, Headaches, Fatigue, to the point you have to find the one spot that is like "awwwwhh" you don't want to move.

Then "BINGO" the next is like...

Ah, the sick life. Like drawing numbers when playing bingo but bingo equals those good days.

Welcome to #MySoCalledLife ;)

xoxo

SR

At least it's not my foot this time! . . . . . #chronicillnesslife #lowspoons #spoonielife #spoonie #chronicillness #chronicillnessawareness #recovery #physicalhealth #chronicpain #warrior #spoonielife #spooniewarrior #chronicillnesswarrior #chronicallyill #lifewithchronicillness #lifeasaspoonie #spoons #illness #chronic #sick #sicklife #fibro #fibromyalgia #butyoudontlooksick #bipolar #bipolar1 #mentalhealth #mentalillness #depression #anxiety (at Brevard, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCZcvcfJJVa/?igshid=1cqzbg1vq0p6s

Haven't posted any new pictures of myself on here in ages, so here's a few.

"Você foi, sob todos os aspectos, tudo o que alguém poderia ser... Se existisse alguém capaz de me salvar, seria você."

— Por Lugares Incríveis, Jennifer Niven

A beautiful painting on a horrible wall. Who lets people paint their walls burnt orange?

It is not fun to be alone. + + + + + + #illustration #drawing #looplife #sketcheveryday #baddrawing #sicklife #nofun #lowbrow #gifanimation #motiondesign #extinction #tigerdrawing #sketchday #diyordie #alonelife #globalwarming #zoolife #prisoner #magazineillustration #illustratoreitaliano #hellsandro #666 #minimaldrawing #catlife #tattootiger #submissions #darkillustration #artistlife #graffiti #tigerlife (presso Gorizia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8QgSNmiGsC/?igshid=ychn0bqa5x87

Y'all still think it's great? Reposted from @theunchargeables Isn’t this what you want to ask everyone complaining? This is basically our every day lives! It sucks, and they’re getting a little taste of what we’ve been dealing with for so long. Y’all are welcome to share this to show everyone complaining! 💜 -Meena⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 🌟 WIN unique chronic illness clothes from The Unchargeables Shop. Link to giveaway in bio.🌟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #chronicillness #chronicillnesswarrior #chronicpain #chronicpainwarrior #migraine #fibromyalgiaawareness #spoonieproblems #spooniewarrior ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #chroniclife #autoimmunedisease #chronicillnessawareness #anxietywarrior #sicklife #disabledandcute #invisibleillnessawareness #disabled #zebrastrong #spooniesunite #raiseawareness #butyoudontlooksick #disabilityawareness #invisibedisability #spoonie #invisibleillness #fibromyalgia #autoimmune #endometriosis #disability #raredisease #ehlersdanlos ~GoddessStrong (at Park Hill, Denver) https://www.instagram.com/p/B98EjXmJkdD/?igshid=19lpaqlyvln4

Glasses are now a permanent fixture due to my vision being so bad! I still only have a small amount of vision in my left eye and slight more in my right eye but the small amount I do have is clearer than it was. I actually didn't realise how badly my eyes had deteriorated until I got my new glasses. . . This is thanks to the addisons Disease and is apparently a well know issue for people with addisons which sucks. . . I also spoke with my psychiatric doctor and once again due to addisons I need to have a medication change because addisons can effect your heart too and the medication I'm on also effects your heart so I slowly need to reduce one lot over the next four months and then be put on a new medication in it's replacement over 6 months so it will be about 10 months until I'm completely switched over but it has to be a slow process to not put my body into crisis. I also need an ECG to just make sure that it's doing okay. . . So that was my week last week when I was banned and couldn't update you 🤣 so yeh addisons Disease is making things difficult but unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that. . . What did you do last week? Anything exciting? . . . . . . . . . . . #relatablecontent #chronicillnesshumor #chronicallyfabulous #sickchick #sickaf #chronicbadass #chronicallyawsome #invisbleillnessawareness #healthmemes #symptoms #spoonielife #chroniclife #sicklife #disabledlife #endometriosis #invisbleillnesswarrior #endometriosisawareness #endometriosisuk #millionsmissing #chronicpainwarrior #chronicfatiguesyndrome #chronicillnesslife #chronicillnesscommunity #spooniecommunity #endocommunity #addisonsdisease #endosisters #addisonsdiseaseawareness #mentalhealthawareness #bpdwarrior (at United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXPLWyrY6k/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So it's Thanksgiving morning and I haven’t started cooking and I actually wont till like around twelve. We aren't having a lot of people over I think if much it'll be like eight of us, so we aren't making much or should say I'm not making much. I think I mention it in my last post, this is the first year I am making Thanksgiving dinner alone I told my mom I would take care of it. I'm actually looking forward to it.

So there is that and am grateful and blessed but can't help to feel a dark gloomy cloud over me.

I was thinking about my siblings this morning, like how we are all spending today with our families well obviously my family is theirs but I mean my sister it’s her first official thanksgiving as a newlywed and my brother with the new baby. So it's all nice and I’m super happy for them it;s a year of many firsts. But in thinking of them I also started thinking of how my surgery is this upcoming tuesday.

Now I know today is not the day to be thinking of that but I mean shit just pops up it's not like I was like, oh let me think of this today and feel some type of way.

The way my siblings come into this is because I still haven't told them. I usually don't tell them till like a day or two beforehand. I don't like to worry them and I don't know, I don't really like answering questions sometimes mainly because I don't know how to talk to them without giving away that I am scared shitless.

But in thinking of them and everything that is going on I dont know it kinda started hiting me that oh fuck I’m havning surgery in four days, and yes I know its not major surgery and that this is basiaclly a routine procedure.

I don't know if I mentioned before what am getting done but it's a second surgery to bring up my fistula because the first one went well but the doctors are saying that its to deep and when its actually time to use it, it would be hard to access. So they are going to go back in and bring it up more. Right now I have it like on the inside of my elbow the second one will be more up by my bicep. The doctor said it would be a good size scar I'm like at this point I don't think my scars really bother me anymore. But there is always that fear of going completely under. Like what if I don't wake up what if something happens? see I have such a twisted sense of things that I’m like will any of that even matter? Like if I die ok I die, I mean it's not like I can put in a complaint or fill out a suggestion form. Da hell I'll be dead not giving a shit. at least I hope I won't be one of those vengeful ghosts just haunting people and stuff. Even though I always joke around and tell my friends I will be coming back to mess with them. But see being rational and thinking about it, truth be told what does it matter? Once you go under nothing matters for that amount of time that you're out. Still I think it's normal to feel the way that I do at moments I get scared and others I’m like its okay everything will be fine. What always scares me the most is waking up and the pain, the fact that I’ve had nurses tell me oh it's not that bad I don't know why you're hurting so much. Like I get it you see a lot of these procedures done and most of them are pretty much the same but unless you know my medical history or my tolerance of how much pain I can handle or how my body reacts to pain I don't really think it's your place to downplay or comment on my pain or how I’m reacting. I guess what's also scary from all this is the fact that they are doing surgery with your veins and arteries, this shIt makes you think like what if something happens? I guess that’s the whole point of this entry the “what if’s” I guess this is where I need to walk by faith and leave my fears and worries in God’s hands. I will...eventually. As the day nears I will either drive myself more crazy or accept that everything will be ok. Well beautiful human thank you for reading a crazy girls thoughts today. What scares you? Do you have any fears? Or what makes you nervous? Blessings and light always sent your way