#should there be any typos and errors feel free to fix it!
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Chasing Stars, Losing You
I'll be damned, cupid's demanding back his arrow
PAIRING: jung jaehyun x reader
GENRE: exes to lovers, slow burn, angst, slice of life, fluff, eventual smut, ceo!jaehyun (yes, we love him), model!reader, mentions of Taeyong, Yuta, Mark and Johnny
WORD COUNT: 14k+ words
WARNINGS: mentions of eating disorder, smoking, usage of drugs, self-harming, toxic relationship (?)
SYPNOSIS: When your relationship got announced, it made noises louder that anyone could've imagined. Of course it will, a pair containing a supermodel and a CEO of one of the most successful enterprise that made a name in both the fashion and business industry. But soon enough, everyone witnessed how the perfect relationship they had been envying crumbled down into tiny pieces until there's nothing left to pick up.
TAGS: @lovingvoidgoatee @jaessunflower214 @fluffyjaes @hopefulchick @clblnz @jaehyunsprincess @haebragi @lorenakaspersen @joepomonerof @sadstuffonthestreet @carelessshootanonymous-blog @iraa567 @ethelia
A/N: aaaand it's finally out! it took me forever to finish this fic as this was the longest one I've written after taking a break from writing so bare with me if some scenes seemed to be missing something. and also, this isn't beta read so excuse the grammatical errors, typos and such. anyways, enjoy reading! like and reblogs with comments are highly appreciated! <3
Walking on soft clouds, that's what you felt every second you were with Jung Jaehyun.
The industry itself had told you to fuck off and go back to little hole you used to hide at. Stomping over you and shouting you shits to make you realize that you're not fucking worthy of everything they had to offer. The modelling industry, despite you being a supermodel, had broke you into pieces more than one could've ever imagined.
But Jaehyun was there to fix you up, every damn time it happened. Jaehyun who was always there to gather you in his loving arms, whispering praises and assurance. Jaehyun who showered you with nothing but affection. Jaehyun who made you a hot chocolate with snow man marshmallows even though it's summer because he knew it was your favorite.
Jaehyun who cancelled an important meeting with a client because you called him, expressing how much you wanted to watch this movie and that day was your only free time. Jaehyun who, despite having a tight schedule, managed to come to all of your fashion shows to support you. Jaehyun who displayed your magazines in his office proudly.
Everytime he's beside you, everyone disappears together with your worries about the world. With all those giggles, cuddles and just overall having him around-- you couldn't ask for more. Jung Jaehyun was the man that you decided you wanted to be with for the rest of your life.
Jaehyun was your own heart.
Your relationship consisted of right balance of public and private. You don't reveal as much on your social medias but also didn't deprived everyone on getting a glimpse of your life. Any special events that happened, they already expected either of you to post a picture of the other.
Jaehyun and you made sure that you still have the privacy you should own while also happily sharing moments with the fans. It was a decision made by the both of you.
Though it was hard to attain a free time, you two always made sure spend it to the fullest. Not by travelling from country to country, no. You spent it by being in each other's arms, feeling the warmth of one another. Bonding over watching movies or cooking together. Because for you, having the other around was enough.
Your manager even suggested that you should make a youtube channel and upload your vlogs with Jaehyun. She was so sure that everyone would be more than happy to see those videos. You shrugged and said that you'll ask Jaehyun about it.
He agreed, actually. And your first vlog was about one of your cooking slash baking chronicles. Jaehyun, much to everyone's surprise, was very good at baking while you, at the other hand, enjoyed watching him and tasting his products.
''How's the mixing going, chef?'' You giggled beside him, pointing the camera at his handsome face. Blush was evident on his cheeks, still not used to having someone take a video of him if not for business purposes.
''Hey, you have to answer my question,'' You poked his crimson cheeks and squished it with one hand lightly.
Jaehyun smiled, ''It's going fine, they're going smooth now.''
Satisfied, you diverted the camera to the mixing bowl in front of your boyfriend. It didn't took him long before finishing it up and moving to the next part which was chilling the dough.
You propped the lenses so it could face both of you and looked at Jaehyun through the screen. ''So, what're we gonna do while waiting for the dough to rise?'' You asked him with a raise of an eyebrow.
''Stare at it 'til it's done,'' Jaehyun replied with a small snicker. You jokingly shook your head and sighed in disbelief of his humor, in which he whined at. He circled his arms around your waist and buried his face on your neck, muttering something about you now have to give him kisses because you hurt his feelings.
You only chuckled at him, ''Fine, I'll give you kisses later.''
You figured that you'll just put a timelapse of you and Jaehyun watching a movie as you waited for the dough to rise. When the time came, you decided to offer rolling down the dough and shaping it to the shapes you like. It varies from simple circles to stars and clouds. After doing so, you popped to the oven and before you knew it, you and Jaehyun were already packing it to share to your friends and kids at the orphanage.
Arriving at the orphanage, you were met by kids rushing towards the both of you as if you were parents who came from work. ''Oh! careful there, Taehee,'' You softly reminded the little girl, catching her just in time.
Jaehyun sat at the floor and you settled beside him, you don't want to risk breaking the little chairs trying to fit your grown asses to them. ''Mister Jaehyun, what is that?'' The 4 year old boy, looked at the packet with shining eyes.
''This is a cookie, Taeho. You told me last time that you like them right?'' Jaehyun smiled widely with his eyes that only a fool could say that it wasn't genuine. Taeho gasped and fell to the floor dramatically, a hand over his mouth as he processed what Jaehyun said before.
''Hey, everyone, listen! Mister Jaehyun brought us cookies!'' Taeho shouted in excitement, jumping up and down. The children went from being scattered around the room to running towards Jaehyun, tackling him to a hug. Some were even kissing his face to express gratitude.
''I brought cookies too,'' You pouted at the lack of attention given, raising your little packets as well to show them. Taehee and some of the others ran to you, ''Don't be sad, I'll try yours!'' Taehee grinned at you while reaching to the cookies.
The staffs wanted to take a picture and video of both of you to show the world how genuine and kind you were to the kids. But refrained themselves because they knew you weren't doing this for publicity. So they just enjoyed watching you taking care of them, giving each child the same attention.
''Wow, who's that beautiful princess I am seeing?'' Jaehyun exaggeratedly said, rubbing his eyes with his fists to take 'double-look' to Taehee who was twirling around in front of him with a crown on her head. ''You look so pretty, Taehee!'' He complimented, even clapping his hands as if he just finished watching some high-quality theater show.
You snorted at Jaehyun's actions, finding it cute how he tried so hard to praise Taehee in every possible way. Your heart was warm watching the interactions exchanged between them. Admit or not, you had imagine how Jaehyun would be such a good father to your own children.
Snapping out of your little bubble, you turned around when you felt a little tap on your shoulder. Taeho was standing behind you, holding a piece of paper. ''Hey, what's that, buddy?'' You pointed at the bond paper in his hands. He sat on your lap and showed you a drawing, one look from it and you could tell it's a vision of a 'perfect' family.
At first, you though Taeho drew what seemed to be his desire. His want to meet his parents again and be with them. But you were wrong. Taeho took a few inhales and exhales, catching his breath.
He first pointed at the two kids, ''This is me and Taehee,'' You nodded at the mention of his twin. ''This is Mister Jaehyun,'' His finger moved to the male adult. ''And this is you!'' Lastly, at the female adult. ''I drew us!'' Taeho cheered happily.
You paused for a moment before grinning widely, ''Oh that's so cool, Taeho! You did so great!''
''Our teacher at school told us to drew our family but I don't have mommy and daddy so I drew you and Mister Jaehyun,'' He explained. You told him how you were thankful that he considered you as a family and complimented his drawing, telling him he have a future for it.
The visit ended with you bringing home the precious masterpiece of Taeho and a kiss from all the kids. It was already night when you and Jaehyun reached your apartment. Once you finished showering, Jaehyun came next.
''I saved some cookies for you at the fridge,'' Jaehyun muttered, giving you a sweet kiss before entering the shower. You only hummed at him. Minutes went by and Jaehyun went on his way to get his pajamas at the living room inside his small luggage-- getting a peak of the kitchen.
And when Jaehyun saw you throwing out the cookies he made, he said nothing.
Weeks had past by, fashion week were coming quicker that you had expected. You're booked to the brim and that was what Jaehyun was worrying about. You rarely responded to his texts, not answering his calls most of the time. He couldn't even get the chance to visit you himself as he's busy as well so he made sure to send flowers and letters everyday to your apartment.
''Oh lord, you're gaining weight, dear,'' The designer, seemingly horrified, whispered to your ears as he stared at you through the mirror, tightening the laces of your top with a struggle. You pursed your lips, of course you noticed this as well. It was the lack of exercise, you thought.
The fitting had come to an end with a sound of disappointed 'tsk's was heard from the designer beside you, a few shakes of his head and a sigh. You remained standing in front of your reflection, staring and observing your body. The man came up to your side again, holding your shoulders and smiled softly.
''Listen, dear. You already look pretty, angelic even,'' That pricked out a single thorn of your throat but what he said next poured a ton of thorns right after the relief. ''But you would suit my designs more-- no, you would be more beautiful if you lose weight. Remember what I told you before? Beauty equals to skinny. You're not beautiful if you're not skin and bones.''
And you agreed. Models who doesn't have their ribs showing through their skin have no place in the fashion industry. The clothes wouldn't hang pretty on you if there were fat getting on the way. He was right. You should lose weight.
Travelling around the city, going from places to another. It was safe to say that you were emotionally and physically tired. Even with all of those you still have to keep a good physical appearance for the paparazzis who were hungry for a snap of you at any given time.
You were done for the day and could finally sleep in your own apartment instead of sleeping on a mattress and sharing a hotel room with your manager. Sighing, you took off your shoes and hang your coat behind the door. Making your way to the kitchen to grab some water.
What surprised you was being met by the back of a man, cooking at your kitchen while humming and whistling to the music being played. You knew that back so well. ''Jae?'' You murmured under your breath but he turned around any way, with that smile of his that you love so much.
''Surprise?'' Jaehyun quirked an eyebrow, smirking at you for a second before placing down the pan at the table, which you didn't noticed was already set. ''Have a seat,'' He gestured and you did.
Seeing all the foods that he prepared, you appreciate it, truly. But you can't deny the nervousness bubbling up inside you, all those comments from countless designers and other models flashing your mind. You gulped as you remembered what they said,
''Lose some weight, will you?''
''You're getting fat, dear.''
''Skin and bones are the only acceptable thing here.''
''Fashion show or laying in your bed with all those fats inside of you?''
''God, you look awful!''
Not being able to take those thoughts anymore, you pushed the plate off the table-- the one Jaehyun was serving you his food. The plate shattered on the floor as your hands shook violently, heavy breaths to accompany your shaky eyes.
Jaehyun rushed to your side, hugging you and whispering comforting things at you like he always did. He caressed your hair while continuously planting kisses on your head, hugging you even tighter. He wanted you to feel nothing but absolute protection in his arms.
A few minutes passed and you still haven't calmed down yet. Jaehyun didn't know what else to do as you haven't panicked this long before. As you tried to control your breath, you felt something coming up to your throat when your eyes glanced at the food in front of you.
Thrashing in Jaehyun's embrace, you ran to the bathroom and threw up whatever you can. It wasn't long when you felt Jaehyun holding up your hair, helping you.
You thought about nothing but the fear of eating the food that has so many calories. Fear of gaining weight and losing validation in your field of work.
The next time you saw Jaehyun was when you came home from visiting another brand, preparing for the nearing show. ''Hi, love,'' Jaehyun greeted you with a hug, ready to smell the scent of vanilla on you but was met with a unpleasant one. ''Why do you,'' You pulled away from him in confusion. ''Are you smoking?'' He questioned with his face scrunched up, not liking the smell one bit.
You chuckled, ''What? Of course not, babe. Why would I smoke?'' You shrugged off his questions just like that, kissing his cheek before walking away to take a bath and get ready for bed.
The next morning, Jaehyun woke up without you beside him and he figured out you've already woken up. He made his way out of the room, stretching and yawning but glad that you two finally have a free time to spend with each other. What happened last night was long forgotten, maybe you were telling the truth. There's no reason for you to even lie to him, right?
Wrong, because the moment Jaehyun stepped a foot to the living room, he saw your figure sitting at the balcony with smoke surrounding you. Clearly, there was an ash tray at the table by your side and clearly, you've finished quite a few already.
He stomped towards you way, opening the door harshly before getting the cig out of your mouth and threw them on the ground. ''What the fu-- Jae!'' You stood up from your chair, shocked and eyes widened. ''Not smoking, huh? Then what is this?'' Jaehyun glared at the remains of your cigarettes that was displayed at the table.
He didn't shouted at you. He didn't forced you to say why and how you've to this point. Only accepting the fact that this was something you used as a coping mechanism.
What he can't accept was he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't bring himself to help you get out of that addictive nicotine because slowly, he was afraid to admit that he was getting deprived of time to spend with you.
Hours to days, days became weeks and weeks turned into months. It has been so long since Jaehyun last talked to you. Scrolling to your conversations only made his friends give him a pat of pity on his shoulder because of how many messages of his was left unread by you.
His father had told him that the Jung Enterprise was already nearing its peak and as the CEO, it was Jaehyun's job to reach and maintain it. But it wouldn't work if Jaehyun kept cancelling meetings just to stay at your apartment. Waiting like a puppy for you to come home, which you never did.
It must be the exhaustion in him because he supposed, if you're not gonna reply, might as well drown himself in work, right? And so, Jaehyun decided that it'll be better for him to just divert his attention.
His schedules became packed, meetings after meetings. Signing and approving papers. Moving places from one another. Jaehyun forgot what the words; 'eat' and 'sleep' meant.
Slowly, Jaehyun was able to get a taste of power. It was like he was getting suffocated by the amount of glory and yet he's enjoying that said suffocation. The pleasure he got whenever everyone praised how Jung Enterprise kept climbing up to the top, never failing even once along the way.
This was something he had been dreaming since he was introduced to their business.
And you bet, Jung Jaehyun would exchange this for anything else.
You weren't exactly sure whether to be happy now that you're once again driving back to your apartment. The apartment where you lived all alone, cold even though you're inside your blankets.
While might say otherwise, you would prefer staying a hotel rather than your 'home'. You're just too caught up with all these castings and fittings that you found your apartment a little too 'unfamiliar'. You didn't know how it started but you surely knew where this was leading to.
Because you've been here before, and you knew exactly how to deal with these. But Jaehyun doesn't.
''Oh now, what-- you're into drugs?'' A scoff behind you was heard. You knew you had to explain yourself but you can't afford. Not you've finally got your stomach to stop grumbling about hunger. You got filled without even actually consuming food inside your body. Bonus points for the euphoria you're in, making you feel like on cloud nine.
You hissed but made no effort to face him, continuing to inhale it as the smell of burning leaves infiltrate Jaehyun's nostrils. He pinched the bridge of him nose before walking to your front and throwing the blunt away. Just like what he did with your cigar.
Seeing your blunt being thrown away clicked something inside of you. Standing up, you pushed Jaehyun away. ''What the fuck is wrong with you?!'' Scrambling to search for the thrown weeds with your bloodshot eyes.
''What the fuck is wrong with me? No, what the fuck is wrong with you! Look at yourself! Are you even sleeping?! Are you even eating?!'' Jaehyun spewed out, looking at you as if you're some ridiculous human being.
You glared at him by the mention of eating, ''Why do you fucking care? Just go play in your little office or something..'' You whispered the last sentence harshly before pushing him and made your way out, immediately going to the bathroom.
There you puked even though you hadn't eaten anything for days, bunch of slimy liquids were the only ones that made it out. Just the thought of consuming those calories and gaining weight was something you couldn't bear.
Jaehyun wouldn't understand the pressure of having to stay skinny. He would never. He was born with 2 loving parents and a company for him to inherit the moment he was born. Jaehyun was surrounded by people who loves him while you only have him. Jaehyun would never understand that you don't want to gain weight.
You can't. You need to stay light. You HAVE to stay skinny in order for you to stay relevant in the model industry. You've done a lot to work your way on the top. You've already had a grip of your dream, and you would never let it slip out of your hands.
''I don't know, man. That sounds tough,'' Mark, a friend of his, tilted his head with the emphasize of 'tough'. Jaehyun had told him about the state of your relationship. Days wouldn't pass by without his mind boggling him about it.
Playing with a pen on his fingers, Jaehyun chewed on his bottom lips. ''Do you think it'll be better if we cool off?'' he said lowly and it made Mark froze. The younger took a breath and ran his hand on his face, ''Dude, I mean- it's fine to take a break once in a while and you obviously need it, yes.''
Mark looked down, ''If you think that it'll mend the crack then go for it, but if you think it'll do otherwise, might as well just- you know?''
Jaehyun's eyebrows furrowed, confused, ''Well?''
The younger sighed, feeling himself get older much faster just by having a talk with the CEO, ''What I'm trying to say is that, talk to her first. She could be going through something right now, and she might need someone to be at her side.''
Mark shook his head, giving him a dismissive gesture as he stood up to leave. The door opened at the same time, revealing Jaehyun's secretary, ''Sir? Meeting at 3 minutes,'' He reminded Jaehyun.
Jaehyun nodded, getting a few of his papers before walking towards the door with Mark following behind him.
Thinking about what the younger said, the CEO could feel himself question his worth for you. He can't give help to someone who doesn't want help, Jaehyun thought. Maybe his efforts weren't enough for you to trust him?
Jaehyun wouldn't admit it any time soon but he knew that the cool off suggestion was just something that covers what he truly had in mind.
It had been a week since you last contacted Jaehyun, ever since then, you hadn't been replying to his texts and calls. It was the epitome of unexpected but welcomed, though. Cutting him like that wasn't intentional but it sure has brought you some fresh air to breath.
Being with Jaehyun these past few weeks was very suffocating for you even when you've only spent the littlest time together. You felt your every move being watched and you actions being limited. Like a child with her parent.
You inhaled and exhaled the smoke, feeling lighter with every hit of the addictive leaves. Smiling to yourself, you felt at ease like this, no one to look at you as if judging every single step you take.
Your attention was diverted when your front door busted open and clear traces of footsteps were heard coming towards you. It was long before it revealed a fuming Jaehyun.
No words were said as he opened his phone and threw it to you without care.
''A week without having any contact with you and this is the first news that'll greet me? What the fuck are you doing to yourself?'' Jaehyun's voice was calm but his tone can be considered as harsher than the last time he talked to you.
Confusion displayed on your face as you stride towards the thrown cellphone that landed at the table, it showed an article. Without even reading the contents of it, you already knew what is was about, looking by the picture below the headlines. Big bold letters accompanied by photos taken as a proof.
Everyone aren't as innocent as they portrayed to be.
And there you are, looking shit as ever. Beside you was someone you know that held a syringe, injecting morphine to your body.
You scoffed at it, ''It's just morphine, why the fuck are they acting like nobody else used drugs?'' Jaehyun couldn't believe what he was hearing, he can feel his ears stinging with every words you say. ''Are you hearing yourself right now? Just because you've seen someone used it, doesn't mean that you gotta do it as well. Be fucking mature for once and think of your health.''
''Ah, you're done with playing as the perfect boyfriend so now you're moving to act as if you're a fucking advisor or something? like a father who 'knows the best for his daughter', huh? Is that it? Or you have an important meeting in about 5 minutes so you're getting rid of me because you couldn't fucking prioritize your girlfriend before you company!''
Every word felt like a thorn stabbing at your heart as you let Jaehyun know what he had put you through when he started to change. That you still have feeling and emotions. That you were hurting as well, just like other normal human being.
Jaehyun let out a sound of disbelief, ''That only happened when you decided it's better to focus on getting high, smoking different shits everyday than to solve things out with your boyfriend like other normal human being. So yes, maybe I did prioritized my company before my girlfriend. 'Cause even drowning myself in work gives me more assurance that I- for the least -worth something than being with my girlfriend who doesn't even wanna fucking talk to me,''
''Oh my god, stop being so fucking far up your ass!'' Screams filled the room as you threw your coat at the man in front you. He was breathing heavily like you are, gripping his hands to a fist.
The way he worded everything, it was like all of these were your fault. It was as if you took the happiness and love away from the relationship who used to be full of it. It was like you've dragged this relationship down with you, ruining both at the same time until they were impossible to fix.
''All these past months, I've been trying to understand all your shenanigans with your modelling! I even cancelled a fucking meeting with a big client for you! And now you're telling me that all I think about is myself?'' It was like venom dripped out of his mouth as he spit out the words. It hurts but you couldn't care less. You're done pretending as if you're still in a happy and healthy relationship.
As weeks passed by, you were falling deep into a hellhole. You, yourself, doesn't even know if you can trust Jaehyun to save you from it. Considering how he was more determined to bring his company to the top rather than helping you out of your cave, you presume that being with Jaehyun further brought you nothing but more pain and suffering.
Yet Jaehyun doesn't know how you both had come to this. Was it so bad for him to want the best for his company? Was it so bad for him to work on his dreams? Ever since you and him became official, his focus was only on you. So how come he became the selfish one here?
''God, that company again-- then go! The door is fucking open for you to leave anytime! I can't deal with this shit anymore. If you continue acting like a fucking God who had done everything to save his people everytime you cancel a fucking meeting, then you find someone else to roleplay with you!''
''Fine then! I can't also deal with someone so narcissistic. So narcissistic that she can't see the efforts of her man to help her because all she sees is herself and how fucking great she is-- fine! I'll fucking leave. Anywhere is better than being here with someone who can't fucking see the value of other people.'' That was the last thing Jaehyun said before walking away, closing the door behind him harshly as remains of him stayed at your condo.
Jaehyun was no longer your own heart. Instead, he was a walking hammer that smashed your heart into pieces.
Social Elite Modelling Agency had announced the break up of the infamous 'perfect relationship' involving Jung Jaehyun and their model, Y/N.
she deserves it
if I was in Jung's place, I would leave her too
she looks like she hadn't eaten for days, hope she's doing okay
Jaehyun seemed like a very good guy, what happened?
first her career and now her relationship, she always ruins everything good.
-> true, I wouldn't be surprised if she was the reason of their break up, she's the epitome of problem.
the guy was like perfect, the problem was her.
the pictures of Y/N are concerning, hope she's gonna be alright someday.
You scoffed as you slammed the newest Vogue Magazine on the table in front of you, diverting your eyes to the screen in front, followed by a small laugh of mocking, earning a look from your friend. ''THIS is what they call news? This was 2 years ago for goodness' sake!'' Your rants echoed across the room eyes burning a hole through the news casted on your computer's monitor.
''You know media. If they can't find something from the present, they'll dig up the past.'' The deep voice replied to you. Looking at the couch not far from your place, you could see the figure of the man being covered by the same magazine you've been looking at for the past hour.
Shaking your head, you expressed disagreement. ''I just don't understand why it has to be me, Taeyong.'' The said man stood up and walked towards you, sighing as he sat at the chair in front.
''It's because you're still relevant, you're still famous. Media wouldn't care about you and he who must not be named if you both aren't known up 'till to this day.'' A smile appeared on his adonis face, crossing his legs while he leaned to your table.
''Besides, you're not still in love with your ex, aren't you?'' His smile turned into a teasing smirk, eyebrows going up and down as his fingers gestured a heart. You rolled your eyes at his actions, ''Ha ha real funny, yong.''
''Kidding aside, don't pay too much attention with it. It's not worth it. People will eventually get tired of hearing the same news over and over,'' With a tilt of his head, he pointed out.
You sighed and nodded, ''You're right, not worth my time.''
Years had passed since your lowest point of life and you could say that you've learned a lot, including how to manage your own schedules and know what's better for yourself, the real and actually better this time.
After the break up, everyone witnessed how you turned into the worst version of yourself, getting off everyone's radar and suddenly being seen, looking as if you're homeless and had nothing to eat.
Everyone can't almost recognize you whenever they see the photos during that era, except Taeyong, a fellow model. The man was an acquaintance, appeared in your life way before you got into a relationship but with a busy life of both, it's rare that you two contacted.
Not until the news broke out and Taeyong happened to stumble upon it at a website. He didn't hesitated to contact you, though he failed a lot, eventually, he succeeded through a friend who knew you as well. Taeyong refused to tell you who.
It was quite a ride when the red-haired model became your best friend and help you to get through. Starting from stabling your mental health to getting your life back together. You never forget to thank him but he refused it everytime you do. According to him, your recovery was all on you and all he did was support your decisions, therefore, the credits should be given to yourself.
There was even a time where you thought of quitting modelling and start your own fashion business, he didn't even had a second thought before agreeing, gifting you art pencils and a sketchbook. That certain pad was used ever since it was bought, containing an adequate amount of your first sketches.
Taeyong, being great as ever, had become your advisor and best friend despite having a busy schedule that required travelling from one places to another.
His appearance in your life was unexpected but very welcomed and appreciated.
''Have you checked your new project?'' Taeyong asked you as he lazily laid on his back, reaching for the painted stars and moon on the ceiling even though he knew he couldn't touch it. ''I haven't, what's up?'' You don't remember checking it yet, more over remembering to plan checking it as you have quite a lot on your to-do works.
The older man let out a bored groan, ''I think it was a skincare brand,'' You hummed to acknowledge what he was saying, a gesture to say that he can continue. ''I didn't know they are putting you on commercial films nowadays, you tryna' act or something?'' There wasn't any hint of mocking, it was pure and genuine curiosity.
Shaking your head, ''Nah, agency said the company's head was a friend of our CEO, said they were asking for someone that made noises.'' Taeyong scrunched his nose and smiled widely, ''Making noises, huh? Told you, you're still famous as ever. You've always been making noises but hearing it now, I feel like a proud dad.''
Reciprocating his smile, you threw your extra lollipop at him, his favorite. ''And I will always thank you for helping me get back on my feet.''
''Stop,'' The man giggled, disagreeing. He got on his feet and grabbed your hands, dragging you with him to the door. ''Let's go, get some ice cream.''
A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you went out of the bathroom, rubbing your hair gently with a microfiber towel to dry it as soon as possible. Rummaging through your drawer, you chose the comfortable yet still presentable looking clothes, deciding with a white crop top and sweat pants, topping it with a black cropped cardigan.
Just as you were putting on a simple and light makeup, your attention was caught by the knock on your front. The arch of your eyebrows furrowed as you didn't expect any visitors nor any deliveries today, a thought of someone finding out about your address crossed your mind but quickly vanished when you saw the newly dyed blonde hair of the one and only, Lee Taeyong, at the peephole.
''What're you doing here?'' Asked by you the moment the door was opened. Taeyong's small smile changed into a jokingly annoyed face, ''Hello to you too, Taeyong. How are you, Taeyong? Are you doing fine, Taeyong? That's really good, Taeyong! I'm glad that you're okay, Taeyong!'' You laughed at his reaction, giving him a light push inside the apartment, the older immediately jumping to lay down on your couch lazily.
''I was bored, I had nothing to do today,'' Grumbling, he answered your question earlier. You snickered getting your makeup and brought to the living room to finish it there, sitting at the floor, in front of Taeyong as you placed the products on the coffee table. ''Shouldn't you be sleeping, then? You always rant about not having enough time to get a proper sleep or something,'' You mumbled, touching up a few areas here and there.
''Do you think I haven't done that yet? Dude, I was asleep for 15 hours straight,'' Taeyong announced to you, emphasizing the word fifteen. You scoffed, ''So you decided to crash at my place and make a mess?'' Pointing at the messy arrangements of his socks and shoes, plus his cap which was thrown carelessly. He appeared slightly abashed with his smile, sending a peace sign and a flying kiss, earning a grimace from you.
Finally done with the makeup, you groaned in slight pain as you stood up, cleaning your things before putting them back to your room and making your way to get your shoulder bag.
''You've already made a mess but don't make more, alright?'' Warning him while you picked the shoes that matches your outfit but not that eye-catching to blend in, tying your shoes for safety. Taeyong quickly shot up, ''Wait- you're going somewhere?'' His eyes followed you as you walked around to check if you had forgotten something, going towards the door to leave.
''Obviously,'' Muttering while fixing the your face mask and cap hid your face, Taeyong scurry to wear his shoes and cap as well, jogging towards you. ''I'll come with you,'' Silence filled the air along with your stare at him, waiting for him to say that he's joking. But none was said, so you presume that he was indeed serious.
Giving you a nod with a bounce, he gestured a hand to tell you to go ahead and lead the way. So you did, closing the door, making sure it was safely locked before making your way to the parking lot of the building to use your car. You didn't hear anything from Taeyong, only following you and sitting at the passenger seat with a jolly vibe.
The only time he talked was when he asked you to play some music and where were you going. Again, you answered with a 'something', gaining a whine from you in which you laughed.
Arriving at the place, Taeyong made a face that showed a disappointment, clearly looking forward to a 'trip', not even a single thought of visiting a grocery store. You chuckled at his expression, ''What? Dude, I need to eat,'' Pointing with your lips, you told him to get a cart while you went ahead of him to start roaming around.
The blonde male would be lying if he said he didn't enjoyed the peaceful shopping-- always being surrounded with crowds and bodyguards, you two doesn't often experience this kind of comfortable vibe, so it's safe to say that this was a breather for the both of you.
It was not until your peripheral caught a sight of someone hiding in plain sight with a camera obviously angled towards you and Taeyong. You hummed, naturally showing back to it as you tugged your best friend's shirt, ''Dude,'' He furrowed his eyebrows at you, questioning your actions.
A brief widening of your eyes was all it took for Taeyong to realize what you were trying to convey, lowering his cap as he pushed the cart away from the lenses. ''Can't have a peaceful grocery shopping, huh?'' Hearing him tsked, holding you by your waist to guide you at a cashier with an empty line and quickly punched your items. Paying for the foods and drinks mindlessly with his card before carrying the bags and ushering you outside the store.
''Let's go, Yuta needs to know about this,'' The car's engine created a sound and before you knew it, you reached your agency's building and you were heading towards your manager's office.
''This is not a big deal but we're definitely gonna have a hard time shutting down the dating rumors,'' Said by Yuta while he scrolled through the news of the spotting of your apparently-- ''grocery date'' with Taeyong.
Yuta had became your manager through, again, your best friend. He was someone Taeyong trusted and knew for the longest of time so the man decided to recommend the japanese. And now, it was not only Taeyong who trusted Yuta with their whole life, but you as well. The japanese had proven many times that he was worthy of your trust plus friendship by how he protected you from further issues and how he supported you with any decisions, not without talking you down about the consequences, of course.
Yuta never pressured you about your body, never been strict about your diet and never limited you with going out with your friends and doing what you wanted. Yuta was a coworker turned into friend in no time.
Playing with your lower lip, you looked up to him, ''So, what do we do?'' A small snort was picked up by your ears beside, ''Let them think that way, it's not like dating me is bad, isn't it?'' Taeyong suggested with a smirk, earning a smack from you that made him let out a sound of pain.
Your manager only sighed at the childish sight of you and your best friend, shaking his head as he relaxed in his chair, ''Denying it immediately would only cause further suspicions, let it die down for a day or two.''
Taeyong shrugged his shoulders while you nodded. Both neither agreeing nor disagreeing with the plan.
''Can you cover up for me? The appointment?'' Rustling and a sound of engine came from the other line, Yuta's voice filled with anxiousness and worry. Nodding even if he can't see you, you agreed to do as he requested-- telling him not to worry.
You were hanging out at Taeyong's apartment when your manager called, saying something urgent came up which was why he couldn't attend the supposed meeting the the CEO of the skincare brand you were going to model for. Handling your own schedules and attending meetings weren't new to you as you've done them for a while after firing your last handler. So you were no way near of fearing to meet the clients, right?
Wrong. When something in you rang bells of warnings, you didn't hesitate to drag Taeyong with you, not even bothering to tell him where you were going. He could only thank the universe for his fashion taste and good looks that whatever he wore made him look presentable and elegant.
Reaching the building of the address Yuta had sent you, you stride confidently inside, making your way to the reception as you informed about the meeting involving your manager and the CEO. Fortunately, the lady confirmed it with no issues, proceeding to lead you and Taeyong to the elevator, you weren't sure if the employees were gawking at you or the man beside you, stifling their giggles as they stole glances.
''Damn, wonder if this is soundproof or something,'' Taeyong whispered to himself as you both stood in front of what seemed to be a door made out of acoustic plywood. Giving him a look, he almost instantly showed a smirk, knowing well that the look you were giving him meant that he should behave and be formal.
It wasn't long before the doors were pulled open, revealing a huge room with high ceiling and minimalistic designs. There were no picture frames of whatsoever, all of it were office related and some were for aesthetic purposes. The lady in charge of assisting you ushered you inside, staying by your side until the man sitting on the chair right at the center of the room turned around.
You held a breath unconsciously when the man with black jet hair faced you, confusion taking over your emotions as your brain processed the image of Mark Lee sitting in front of you, smirking as if he's in some kind of action movie.
''Mark?'' Looking at him up and down with confusion as you observed his stance. Snapping out of your bubble when you heard a snort beside you, you didn't know whether to greet him formally or informally, considering the fact that he was seated on the very chair that clearly was stated to be for the CEO. His lean body doesn't seem to quiet fit the said chair as it radiated massive intimidating vibes, something that you don't get that much from the young man.
Mark's smirk turned into a friendly smile, standing up before walking towards where you stood, offering his hand for a shake. ''Are you the CEO?'' Taeyong questioned with a quirk of an eyebrow, hands on his pockets like some gangster. You nudged him by your arm, sending him another look of warning, pursing your lips as you made a fist with your hand-- hidden from Mark's sight.
''No, he's not,'' A familiar deep voice coming from the entrance of the room rang your ears, it was so familiar that you could feel yourself froze, eyes widening with size where nervous, shock and a lot of mixed emotions were evident.
Soon, a figure of a man taller than the 3 of you made an appearance, pushing Mark lightly out of the way before sitting on where the younger was earlier. Seeing him take the chair, you've now realized why Mark didn't fit it. It was as clear as the clouds outside the building.
His tall and muscular body bent down, settling down as he relaxed against the chair. Just like what other people might say, it fit him like a puzzle. The way he sat with his arms placed on each side, legs open in a comfortable yet formal way and his eyes burning holes through your soul, making you give out answers without him, even asking the questions.
It explained why the chair seemed to have such a dominating and intimidating aura, it fitted its owner. To say the least, it was like the king was finally placed on his rightful throne.
''Take a seat,'' With a nod and a motion of his hand, the three of you sat in silence, as if puppies that had gotten tamed. ''I apologize if I didn't get to greet you when you walked through my door, but I assume, my friend here already did,'' You could feel yourself gulping, you don't even know why this was so nerve wrecking.
You don't know if it was because of the suffocating atmosphere inside the room. Maybe it was the way his piercing eyes panned at you. Maybe it was because of the memories from before started flooding your mind the moment your eyes met his. Maybe it was the longing feeling inside you as you stared at him, not sued to being so distant.
You're not sure which was the reason but you're hoping it wasn't the last. You couldn't afford to regain the longing and despair that kept you tied to darkness in a lot of months. You wouldn't want to experience being so vulnerable and weak that even a small needle would break you apart. You don't want to lose yourself to Jung Jaehyun once again.
The following days consisted of meetings about the contract you'll have with the brand. During those days, you've learned that Jaehyun was able to extend his company to multiple industries and you just can't deny the proudness inside you. By how the employees and staffs around you talked about him, Jaehyun appeared to be so hardworking that many deemed him to spending all of his time working. Comments about his good looks and body image was greatly spread out as well, earning praises here and there with men and women expressing envy and admiration.
''Dude, can you close your mouth? You're literally drooling,'' Taeyong poked to the side, you jerked and pinched him lightly as a revenge. Rolling your eyes, you leaned to him to whisper, ''I'm not drooling, dumbass.'' But your best friend only gave you a mocking smile, ''Sure, jan. Sure,'' Nodding his head as he made an 'okay' sign with his fingers under the table.
Irritated, you slap his hands lightly, making him laugh a little at your pissed facial expression. ''Taeyong, I swear to God, stop--''
''-- important so I hope everyone is paying attention rather than playing games under the table.'' You turned to look at Jaehyun who was talking in front, his eyes boring to you as he gave you an eyebrow flash, clarifying the fact that he was talking to you. He tilted his head when you didn't answered, putting his hands in his pockets, ''Isn't that right, Miss?''
The stares you received from the employees produced a clearing of your throat, nodding and sitting properly, ''Yes, that's right,'' You swear you could feel Taeyong sniffling a laugh beside you. You couldn't believe he just scolded you for not listening like some teacher.
Once the meeting about the plan for the photoshoot was adjourned, everyone proceeded to spend their small break by having coffee, going back to their respective floors and visitors like you and Taeyong, went out to go back to your agency.
You reached for the door handle when you've heard Mark calling you, turning around, you saw him still settled beside his boss slash friend who appeared to be busy reading something. ''Are you busy? Do you have anything to do after this?'' Though a bit puzzled, you shook your head no, curious as to why he was asking you. ''No, I don't have any schedule after this,'' You cleared up, making Mark smile.
''Would you want to eat meat with us?'' He suggested, looking at you like a younger brother asking for a candy to his older sibling. Facing Taeyong, you gave him the same question as you figured out you don't want to join them unless you have Taeyong by your side, ''Would you?''
''Oh, not him!'' The both of you immediately swirled to see Mark seemingly surprised with what he said as well, ''I mean-- it's not like Taeyong would reject a meat treat, right?'' Anyone could sense the awkwardness at the young man's voice but only a few can see how a certain someone shot him a look.
Taeyong hummed, ''I do have something after this,'' You prayed for him to reject the offer, believing that your best friend knew you well that he knew you wouldn't want to join the two. ''But sure, at dinner?'' Your jaw dropped at his request, in contrast to Mark and Taeyong's questionable grin.
''Sounds great! You two have a safe journey to wherever you're going!'' At least the excitement in Mark's voice made you smile.
Dinner came and the four of you were now seated in a rectangle shaped table with Mark at Jaehyun's side, and Taeyong at yours. It actually surprised you that you-know-who agreed to come, considering that his face doesn't seem impressed when Mark suggested it.
Thanks to Mark and Taeyong for the constant chatting about random things that helped breaking the silence, because if it weren't for them, the awkwardness surrounding your and Jaehyun's side would kill you.
Taking a bite of the fillet mignon, you joined the conversation, ''Since when did you two got this close?'' It was pure and genuine curiosity, not laced with any bits of malice nor mocking so you're not really sure why they seemed to be frozen, taken aback by your comment.
''Since we met him? We bumped into each other a lot after that, so we got close, you know?'' Taeyong nonchalantly replied, hand gestures and all to support his claim. You could only hum, accepting the reason as you don't really have the choice to do so.
''I see,'' Nodding, you didn't pay any attention to them again, munching on your food with hopes of brushing off the uncomfortableness. Minutes had passed by and Mark excused himself for a smoke break, pulling Taeyong with him as according to the young man, he still have a lot to share.
While the two departed from the table, you were left with Jaehyun who was busy typing away on his phone. Which was honestly, something that you're thankful for, because ''God, this is so boring-- I felt like dying.''
''Talk to me, then,'' You swivel around, surprised by Jaehyun's mumble, only to see him still focusing on his screen with his eyebrows scrunched to the middle. Tilting your head a little, you convinced yourself that maybe you've heard him wrong.
Continuing to finish your food, you wondered why the two were taking so long, Taeyong doesn't even smoke, he already quited a long time ago. Thoughts kept running through your head as you chewed, and maybe, you should've kept them to yourself. It was too late before you realized that you've voiced out what you were thinking, ''Super awkward,'' Even prolonging that letter 'a' with the urge to express it passionately.
You, then swore, heard Jaehyun mumbling under his breath again, ''Maybe if you didn't bring your little boyfriend with you,'' But when you gave him a brief glance, he was talking to his phone, the speaker directly at his mouth as if to emphasized that he was on a call.
Feeling like he was targeting you, though knowing it was immature, you still replied without even having the sureness that his comments were to specifically attack you. ''Oh who wouldn't love to bring my boyfriend everywhere? He's just so sweet,'' Hiding your smirk behind the napkin being pat to your lips, looking down a second before peeking at his reaction.
Your smirk widened when you saw how his eyebrow raised in question and his facial expression seemed to be irritated. What made you laugh was the way he so subtly scoffed, whispering ''Sweet, my ass.''
A clearing of throat was heard as the two men sat beside you again. The little test of yours wasn't done but it was enough for you to know that Jung Jaehyun was still affected by you.
The night had come after a very long day and you were unfortunate to not bringing your own car, so you were stuck with waiting for a car that you booked online. Yuta had warned you not to use these kind of apps as it will increase the possibilities of having your address leaked and of course, a stalker. But you don't really have a choice right now, given that it's very dark outside and you've got no one to ask help, Taeyong who was your one call away was currently at the other end of the earth.
Almost pass 20 minutes, you've gotten impatient and near to disturb Yuta to come pick you up when a black BMW car pulled up in front of you. Preventing yourself to squeal in glee, you tiptoe to steal a peek through the passenger side's rolling down windows, expecting a driver looking guy but instead was greeted by a CEO with a stern face, looking ahead and not moving at all.
You blinked the confusion away, not believing what you were seeing, only snapping out of your trance when Jaehyun turned to you, ''Does your manager know you're still here?''
Putting up a facade, you replied with your chin up, ''Yes, he does.''
''Is he picking you up?'' You hated how that eyebrow of his was so intimidating.
''Yes.. Of course, he will,'' You almost pinched yourself when you felt your voice almost shaking, wondering you felt so nervous around him.
Hearing him let out a short scoff, you saw him rolled his eyes a bit before settling his left hand on the window he just rolled down, playing with his lips as he looked ahead. His right hand whose fingers were tapping stopped after a minute. Jaehyun faced you again, his arms remaining where they were, ''I'm only gonna ask this twice, is he picking you up?''
You pondered a bit, thinking of the consequences of whatever decision you might follow. Whilst doing that, it appeared that you were taking quiet a long time when Jaehyun thought your silence meant no so he slowly drove away from where you stood.
''It's okay, I still have a booked car,'' Breathing out, you opened your phone with ease inside you, just to be greeted by the word cancelled at the bottom part in massive bold red text, as if mocking you for making the wrong decision.
It was as though you were cursed with bad luck because of how everything doesn't go to your way today. Before you could even wish that someone you know will pull up in front of you and pick you up, the same BMW car showed again, honking once, rolling down his window.
''Get in,'' was all he said, not even giving a glance. You don't want to risk the chances of getting left alone again despite the urge to reject the offer so you climbed up and settled beside the person whom you didn't expect to have this kind of interaction one more time after those years.
You felt his stare, judging and observing you. Gulping, you didn't know how to react, your eyes shaking as you tried to figure out why Jaehyun was staring at you.
Answers were given yet multiple questions appeared when he slowly leaned towards you, getting closer and closer as seconds passed by until you could feel his breath panning against your cheeks. You turned to face him in confusion, reaching out to put a barrier between the both of you using your palms when you heard a click you, followed by Jaehyun settling back to his own seat, placing his arm on the open window again while the other was on the handle.
It was only then when you realized that he was buckling the seatbelt for you, the realization made you clear your throat out of nowhere, ''You should've just told me,'' You declared, wanting to convey that you didn't liked what he did one bit.
''I would if you weren't too busy inspecting my car,'' He said nonchalantly, spinning the handle with his right hand, looking side by side to make sure he wasn't gonna hit something. You might hit him though by how the way he replied to you, it irritated you for no reason.
A pregnant silence filled the car as you watched through the window, it was only broken when Jaehyun suddenly spoke, ''Do you want something?'' Your eyes diverted to him full of accusations and hits of malice.
He raised an eyebrow at your expression, ''Don't be so full of yourself, I'm just hungry. It would be disrespectful of me if I didn't asked you,'' God, why was he acting like this? It was like you're dealing with a teenager going through puberty, hence the annoyance and the endless comebacks.
Rolling your eyes, you were about to shake your head to reject the offer when your stomach grumbled loudly, announcing how you haven't eaten anything since morning. Glancing at Jaehyun, you don't know if your eyes were just playing with you but you might've seen him stifling a smile behind the fingers that was playing with his lips.
''Mcdonald's?''
''Yes, thank you.''
Embarrassment took over you to the point where you just wanted the floor to swallow you and never spit you out. Fronting as something or someone was harder than you thought, especially in front of someone who knew you well. Maybe even more than yourself.
You were definitely more than glad to have reached your building, you've tried to lessen your interaction with that man after the 'grabbing some food' scene but you couldn't avoid it as you had to tell him where you lived.
Mumbling a simple 'thanks' was all you did before getting out of the car and rushing inside the building, sighing in relief when you've entered your apartment. The day was tiring enough for you to immediately washing up and going straight to bed.
Morning came and what had greeted you was multiple calls and texts from your surely angry manager, accompanied by Taeyong's consistent knocks on your door. ''Bro, I swear to God-- if you don't fucking wake up--'' Shooting up, you quickly opened it, scared of what he may do as the last time he said that, he threw a bucket of an ice cold water at your peaceful sleeping figure.
You did your routine much quicker, even skipping a few of them that wasn't crucial to your hygiene before dragging Taeyong out of the couch to your car. Thankfully, you arrived at the photoshoot earlier than you expected, you were still late though. ''You owe me a coffee,'' Whispered by Taeyong before he left you for another schedule.
Bringing Yuta with you to the coffee shop might be a wrong decision as you always ended up paying for the drinks, him reasoning that it was your payment for making him do those extra works, which you agreed to. Zipping your bag open, you rummage through it to look for your wallet but it wasn't where you've always put it.
Tsking, you explored the other parts of your bag, yet no signs of your wallet was seen nor felt. Yuta might've sensed it as he walked towards you to ask what's wrong, you told him about it, resulting in him asking where you've last put it.
''I promise, it was just right here,'' You said with panic, still searching.
''Inside your bag? Where did you put it last night, then?'' Recalling, you've put in on your bedside, given that you were too tired. You still had it when you and Jaehyun brought food-- bells rang inside you as a light bulb seemed to lit up above your head. Jaehyun! You could recall a small tud sound when he buckled your belt, that should be your missing purse.
''I.. I might've left it in my apartment, I'll wire it to you once I get home,'' Giving him a sheepish smile, you received a look full of suspicion from Yuta, nodding at him to assure. With your manager paying for the drinks, you were now left with the problem you didn't want to face.
How were you gonna contact Jaehyun and ask for your purse back?
The sound of a couch rustling barely passed through your ears, getting your attention from the focus of posing in front of the camera to the corner of the room, you slightly caught a sight of someone in a suit with his legs crossed. It was no brainier of who it was sitting with such overpowering aura, there was only one man who you knew could do it.
His were boring to you as you followed the instructions of the director, acting all lovey dovey with your co-model, showing the products through placing them on your partner's face lovingly. ''Can we do more?'' The director requested in which you two followed. Your coworker's, Haechan, arms snaked around your waist, pulling you closer as he rubbed his nose with the product with yours, creating a soft and domestic moment.
The staffs cooed at the actions, absolutely satisfied by the chemistry you're radiating. From your peripheral, you saw the way Jaehyun's jaw tightened, his hands tapping his knee continuously before he made the decision of standing up and leaving the scene.
As if on cue, only a few scenes were took before the director announced the end of the photoshoot, thanking and praising everyone for the job. You made your way to change clothes as the sando and denim shorts were too thin for your liking, the cold breeze of the air condition seeping through the fabric.
Reaching for the hem of your top, you stopped your motions when you heard the door opened, a certain CEO entered. His eyes fell on you, he didn't hesitated nor had second thoughts as he stride to your way slowly, hands caressing his wrist before fixing his cuffs.
Wanting to avoid him, you stepped backwards but was unfortunately met with the edge of the counter where the makeups were placed. Not getting any time to walk away as boh of his hands were settled at either side of your body, caging you in, cornering you as his eyes searched for yours.
The silence thickened, your gulp and breathing were heard along with the buzzing of the AC. Gripping the edge with your hands, you failed to lean backwards as the CEO lowered his head, making you face him directly.
The time slowed down like some disney movie when your brain processed how Jaehyun moved closer and closer, his fingers brushing your waist that electrified your body, pursing your lips as you placed a hand to his chest to stop him.
Not really knowing why, you felt humiliated by how he chuckled lowly at your action, biting his lower lip before bringing his face close enough that you could feel his breath fanning your nose. Your own voice got caught in your throat when you tried to grumble a protest, only producing a squeak.
His lips hovered above yours, forming a smirk, decreasing the distance little by little until there was a centimeter gap left. You gulped for the nth time, it was so close yet still so far. With your hand forming a fist, you scrunched a part of his dress shirt along with it.
Jaehyun's lips moved upwards a bit, stopping once he decided the movement was enough. He observed your face a little, detecting any uncomfortableness. All be damned when he didn't detect anything. Proceeding to place his lips at the tip of your nose lightly and softly, pulling away as the door opened just in time.
''Sir? Have you found your watch?'' Jaehyun hummed at his employee's question, stretching his hand to reach for something behind you, putting it on his wrist and wearing it again.
You heard him whisper before walking out of the room, ''Should've never left something so important,'' It was only you who could sense that he wasn't only talking about the watch.
You left the venue with a lot of thoughts floating in your mind, one of them being what will happen next?
Taeyong's sharp gasp pierced your ears, hand over his mouth as if he couldn't believe what his screen had projected, ''What's up with you?'' You asked him, giving him a glare mixed with wonder. ''Did you just denied our lovely, perfect and healthy relationship?!'' He pointed at you with so much accusations, mouth wide open, it was as if you've been convicted to a capital crime.
''What relationship?'' Eyebrows scrunched to the middle, you reached to peek what he was looking at, there you saw the big bold letters about how the dating issue between you and Taeyong weren't true. ''Dude, I did not deny nothing,'' It was the truth, you're too caught up with your current projects that you even forgot about the said 'scandal'.
You shushed Taeyong when your phone rang, displaying Yuta's name, sliding the answer button and placing the speaker on your ear. ''The photos came out,'' He announced.
With your eyebrows creased to the middle, you responded, ''And so?'' Not sure as to why he was telling you this. ''Well..'' By the tone, your eyes already rolled to the back of your head, knowing that this meant his usual request. Already detecting your reaction, he urged you to listen first, ''Wait wait! To be fair, this is for your another project, okay? Plus, It's a really really good one. If you want proof, I'm currently with Taeyong!''
''He's right beside me, what're you talking about?'' Screaming at your ear enabled his voice to be heard even without being on speaker, ''Dumbass,'' Taeyong muttered under his breath.
You heard him pause, you could almost hear his reasons being picked, ''I mean-- Taeyong's with me in this project, he was the one who told me about this certain someone wanting you on the runway,'' Shaking your head in disbelief, you don't have any clue as why he was lying to you but having so much trust with the man, you couldn't care less.
''Whatever, what favor would you want me to do this time?'' Yuta let out a small giggle, wondering if he asked favors this frequently that you already knew what was about to come.
''Can you pick up the hard copies?''
''Why do we need the hard ones? Can't you just like-- send it through emails or something, it's 2023.''
''Nah, the company wanted a hard copy.''
''Is it necessary? Really?''
''Yes, it is.''
''Fine, where will I pick it?''
That's how you ended up in front of the oak wood door with the word Chief Executive Officer plastered in it, gripping the sling of your shoulder bag as you changed weight from one leg to another in an attempt to brush off the nervousness bubbling inside of you.
Knocking against it, you saw the light on the door handle turned green, indicating that it was unlocked and you can freely enter. Twisting the handle, you slowly stepped a foot after foot inside the huge room, the same placement of things met your eyes, not even one being moved.
Except for the atmosphere surrounding the space, it was more of one where you could focus on your work and one that could tell anyone not to disturb the person inside. You expected him to be surprised as he looked but it seemed like the opposite when his eyes met yours as you took a seat in front of him placing his pen down as he greeted you formally and you greeting him back. Awkward, to say the least. Yet you're certain, he anticipated your arrival.
''Yuta had told me I had to get the hard copy of the outcome as my agency requested it, your employees led me here,'' You explained, rapping the words and almost stutter in the middle. Jaehyun made a buzzing sound with his mouth-- a hum, nodding before standing up and making his way to one of the drawers settled by the wall. He took out a folder, walking back to you and stretching his forward. You received the folder with a 'thank you', wanting to leave the room right away.
''I'm surprised you came alone today,'' Out of nowhere, Jaehyun commented that gained a snort from you, recalling his childish tantrum about bringing Taeyong with you everywhere. He placed his palms on the table as he leaned backwards, giving his legs time to relax while he put most of his weight on his arms.
''What? Were you expect my little boyfriend to come with me?'' You diverted your eyes at him with a challenging look, seeing how he hid the way he gulp made you gain confidence.
Shaking his head no, Jaehyun replied, ''You mean your best friend?'' Ah, so he'd seen the news as well, huh? You could've mistaken the glare of his for something near hope and assurance, as if he wanted you to confirm that Taeyong was nothing but a friend to you.
There was no reason not to lie, given the fact that he wasn't someone important in your life no more but you didn't. Instead, you did confirmed his claim, wanting to see what his next love will be. Your lips curving up to a smirk, ''Yeah, my best friend-- slash boyfriend.''
Jaehyun reciprocated your smirk, he got on his feet fully once again, taking steps closer to you. His torso faced your head because of his height, you didn't looked up-- you don't want to. But his fingers ever so gently brushed against your chin, tilting them upwards so he could see the view of your face clearly.
''Still lying, I see,'' The way he towered over you and his fingers holding your chin with care, it was too familiar. So familiar that what was about to come next was inevitable, your body already giving in without any protest.
The fingers moved upwards, expanding the skinship from his fingers to his whole palm settling at the side of your face. He bent down to your level, facing you directly as he kept the eye contact, not blinking in fear that he wouldn't catch a glimpse of what he wanted to see from you.
Sounds became mumbled, feeling the whole world stopped spinning as Jaehyun's pillowy lips pressed slowly and softly against yours after years. Your eyes, as if instinctively, closed, memories rushing back at you with the contact you knew your body was longing for.
He pulled away after what seemed to be an eternity, his eyes full of fondness and hope met your doe ones, thumb caressing your cheek gently as he heaved a sigh. ''Tell me to stop,'' Jaehyun whispered, gulping for the nth time.
''Tell me you don't want this,'' The CEO's brown orbs plead you to do so, wanting everything except invade your privacy and disrespect you. Instead of hearing what he wanted, his mouth that was slightly ajar were once again in contact with yours, pouring all your unsaid feelings to the kiss as you circled your arms on his neck.
You heard him mumbled against your lips, ''Fuck,'' His hands snaked around your waist, pulling you up with him and making you settle on top of his table, a much comfortable height for the both of you.
The kiss deepened with passion, the urge to have each other close even when there's no gap to decrease no more. Your hands reached the hem of Jaehyun's dress shirt, tugging at it causing a fond laugh from the man. Taking off his top, the muscled body made you drool, it was definitely more buffed than the last time you saw it. Your hands traveled from his neck to his waist, placing kisses to his chest while he reached out behind you, locking the door with a single click from the buttons beside his telephone.
You licked a stripe on his nipples, earning a groan from him as his hand went through your hair, hesitating to grip them-- not wanting to hurt you. But Jaehyun, out of all people, should know how you love pain in sex. It seemed like he remembered that, because with just one look from you, his lips curved up at the same time as his hand formed a fist, injecting pain with pleasure to you. Your smile told him everything he needed to know.
He kissed you one more time before moving his kisses to your neck, sucking and licking but careful enough not to leave obvious marks, although you slightly wished he did.
Unbuttoning your cropped cardigan, his eyes were blessed to see the sight of your breasts barely covered by your bra, he slowly slid it off your shoulder, appreciation seeping through his pecking of your skin along the way.
He, next, worked on your square pants, not having any difficulty in taking it off as it slid so effortlessly off of you, presenting a sight he longed for so long. Jaehyun traced every curves of your body with pressing his lips softly against them, taking a deep breath as he pulled away for a moment, staring at you with so much admiration that you felt blush creeping up your cheeks.
''So fucking beautiful,'' The CEO unbuckled your bra and held the waistband of your underwear between his fingers, with you taking the initiative of getting your bra off. He kneeled down, giving your inner thigh a few kisses before reaching to the center of your two legs. Jaehyun ate your pussy out as if he was making out with your lips, his tongue were all over and his face turning sideways multiple times in an attempt to reach further.
Cursing, you spread your legs open to give him space, yet his hands stopped you, grabbing each side, putting them on his shoulder, not letting it get far away from him in any way. You forgot how Jaehyun loved the thigh burned he got everytime he ate you out.
Deprivation can be shown by how he sucked on your clit, middle finger working their way in and out of you with a squelching sound. ''Jaehyun, fuck,'' God, how he loved the way you moaned his name. He had been wanting to hear that since then, only settling for porn actors as he couldn't afford having you in his arms again.
But that changed today, you're here right now. Caged in his arms, moaning in pleasure, screaming for more with no hints of protest, Jaehyun couldn't ask for more.
Placing your hand in his strands, you pulled a little and Jaehyun knew you too well to remember that this was a telltale sign of you coming close, he maybe can't see it but he knew that your back was currently arched as you squeezed his head between your legs, jerking a few times before he felt your salty juices on his tongue.
He groaned in satisfaction, licking and wanting for more, he just couldn't get enough of it. As much as he loved the taste of you though, Jaehyun couldn't ignore the ache and throb of his cock inside his pants, as well as your pleas of having him despite just coming down from your previous high.
Getting on his feet, he picked you up with little to no struggle, bringing you as he laid you down on the couch. You failed to notice how his hand were unbuckling his belt, throwing it far from you two, moving to his button and taking off his whole pants.
When you've realized that his bottom were thrown away, your hand palmed his bulge through his boxer almost right away, head still quiet caught by how Jaehyun were eating your neck, surely having a hard time not placing marks.
''Come on, Jae,'' You urged him, kissing him in tongues as you circled your legs on his waist, grinding up against his clothed cock, gaining a low moan from him. ''Want my cock, babe?'' The cockiness in his tone and the annoyingly smirk on his face matched the size of his cock. It was way beyond the average, bonus points that he knew how to use it well.
Nodding, you grind harder, expressing your want with your actions causing Jaehyun to chuckle lowly. You soon, felt his bare tip on your pussy lips, teasing you as it slid up and down but never entering you just yet.
You grumbled in impatience, wanting to slap off the smirk on Jaehyun's face, ''Bratty, huh?'' Dominance took over his deep voice, his hand went to grip your thigh as the other caressed your cheeks. You couldn't take the intimacy of Jaehyun's stare so you decided to look where you two meet.
Gulping, you used the begging expression you knew he loved so much, ''Please, Jae,''
He cursed at the sight of you begging for him, again, ''Fuck, you just know how to get me, don't you?''
Slowly, Jaehyun pushed inside of you, his length stretching your walls with its width and girth, you ignored the ache taking over you, pleading him to go all in.
Yet the CEO only shook his head, kissing you softly, stroking your sides inna comforting manner. It reminded you of your first sex with him, always distracting you from the pain and only letting go when it was time for pleasure.
That was exactly what he need, starting with slow pace before picking it up bits by bits, letting you adjust to his size as his hips jerked harsher each thrust, reaching deeper into you. You threw your head back, exposing yourself fully to Jaehyun, giving him access to everything, his hands went to hold your throat but retreated, moving to your breasts as he fondled them, licking and nibbling, giving the same amount of attention to each.
Maybe it was because of your last orgasm or maybe it was due to how Jaehyun thrusted feverishly inside you, hitting directly to your sweet spot, sending you to an overwhelming feeling of addicting euphoria that you don't ever want to escape from. You don't know which but surely, one of them was the reason you felt another climax crashing down on you once again.
Screaming and chanting Jaehyun like a mantra, you unconsciously dug your nails in Jaehyun's back, earning a hiss from the man as lines of red was painted on his skin, giving him extra pleasure other than the delicious clenching of your walls around his veiny shaft.
''Oh my god, Jaehyun!'' You shut your eyes tightly, holding Jaehyun close as you locked his hips with your legs, grasping his biceps when you've felt your climax finally breaking, your body shaking from the intensity. Feeling overstimulated when Jaehyun's hips didn't stopped from moving, reaching his own high. He immediately pulled away, jerking his cock, with him whining your name, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his mouth fell open, white strings coming out of his tip, landing on your stomach.
When he came back to his senses, he stood up from the couch, walking around to grab some tissues, wiping the remains of him on you, mumbling, ''Sorry for that.''
It was hard for you to determine if he was talking about the cum on your stomach or the relationship that failed, caused by pride and greed.
''So.. are you two now dating?'' Taeyong asked with confusion evident in his tone, followed by a nod from Mark, Yuta and Johnny. You laughed with Jaehyun, sharing a look before answering, ''I guess? Maybe?''
Mark's eyebrows furrowed, ''What kind of answer is that?'' The man beside you sheepishly smiled, reflecting yours, ''The kind of answer, we will give you everytime you ask us.''
That was the last thing they've received from your pair as you already skipped away from the scene, hands tangled together, wearing smiles brighter as ever. ''They definitely, are back together,'' Johnny declared.
''Congrats to us, and our efforts then!'' Mark cheered, raising his glass of beer for a click in which the others followed. ''Jaehyun owe us a lot,'' Yuta reminded his fellows with a shake of his head.
Getting back together with Jaehyun, it made you realized a lot of things. Such as your faults, his wrongdoings and the areas you two had lacked to fulfill. You decided to try again, the both of you.
But this time, with much understanding and patience for each other. You've figured out the importance of them in a relationship, playing vital roles in keeping it healthy and functioning.
The love now overpowered the pride.
''I'm so sorry, for not giving you a chance, for not letting you in, for belittling your problems, and for pushing you away.''
''I'm sorry, for pressuring you to open up, for making you feel obligated to share even when you're not ready yet, and for giving up with knowing well how you're going through something severe.''
''I'm sorry for everything, because when you left, it was only then when I realized that-- while I was busy chasing the stars, I was losing you.''
You both decided to try again, but this time, without pride and greed. Replacing it with love and understanding, especially now with Taeho and Taehee officially joining your little family.
#jung jaehyun#nct#jaehyun smut#nct smut#jaehyun hard hours#nct hard hours#nct imagines#jaehyun scenarios#nct 127 smut#prodbymaui
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jay's wee guide to editing fics
by popular demand (five likes on a post i made asking if anyone wants this)
please note this is a loose guide of what works for me and is designed to give newbie fic writers an idea of what purpose an edit has. if you don't vibe with it you don't have to follow it. if you have your own preferences please feel free to add them!
first i should say it is important to do an edit before you post your fic. this can apply to any work of writing (some of the QC details I used a lot in the scientific papers i wrote)
an edit can be generally categorised into one of these: update/style check, QC, consistency check, proofread. this can either be done by you (the writer) or by a beta reader
update/style check: there's probably a better word for this kind of edit but I don't know it. This the most in depth and time consuming method of editing and generally done on first drafts. it is an edit done where you're not happy with the work to be published as-is, where you think parts are missing, parts could be updated, parts might be out of sync or not fit with the flow of the piece. when you're doing an update edit, you should be looking for things like:
- did this feel jarring against the rest of the tone
- did i have to read any of the sentences multiple times to figure out what they meant
- do I have enough elements that reflect the theme i'm trying to build, or was the theme too on the nose?
- are my characters behaving in character
- are there any points where a character knows about something before it has been confirmed in the text - is this intentional, or was it a mistake and the character shouldn't know? This is especially important with longer fics, sometimes the timeline can get messy
note for beta readers/if you are using a beta reader: specify whether this edit is meant to be granular to word choice, or about sentence/paragraphs. I have had beta readers that changed every fifth word I wrote because they thought a different word would fit better (which switched my story to their style, which I didn't actually want), and beta readers who would highlight a sentence or a word and go "this doesn't make sense, consider rephrasing" or a paragraph and go "this felt cut short" o.e. (which was very helpful)
QC: quality check. generally refers to formatting, updating to a style guide, etc. When I am doing a QC I look for things like
- grammar issues (non-intentional)
- typos (non-intentional)
- spelling mistakes (non-intentional)
- language consistency, e.g. going between England English and American English (non-intentional)
- formatting errors (e.g. I tend to add three paragraph breaks between new scenes, and I check that that's consistent throughout)
- tense consistency (switching back and forth between tenses when writing can break the reader out of the immersion, if you're in the present then try to stay in the present unless the character is remembering something. Instead of "She has nothing in the house. She went to the shops.", try and stick to one tense, "She has nothing in the house, so she goes to the shops.")
(- in papers/essays this is also the point where you would fix your referencing)
proofread: a final check done on a final draft that combines the QC and consistency checks. If i've copied to ao3 I tend to do this in the ao3 word editor and make sure all my formatting is in, for example italics, which aren't preserved in the copy/paste into the ao3 editor
consistency check: does what it says on the tin. If there are consistency items you want to keep flowing through your story, such as
- a character calling another character by a certain nickname and then progressing to a different nickname as you move through
- names used in internal monologue are consistent throughout, vs. names other characters use in speech (e.g. I wrote a fic from the perspective of an american, who says "couch", but the english characters say "sofa" aloud.)
- was that character holding a glass? where did it go? were they suddenly on the other side of the room?
- are the times/days correct? was it summer one scene and winter the next? if time is referenced, is it passing appropriately? (also ensuring it's non-intentional, unreliable narrators can switch between times as a stylistic choice)
(- in papers/essays this is also the point where I would make sure my claims are substantiated in the references I have used)
The things to look for are non-exhaustive. In my fics, I tend to do one single edit that combines all of these, or one update/style check and then a proofread if it's a long fic. This is because I don't tend to spend a lot of time on fics. with my original works, I tend to do each check individually, with the update/style check first, then a consistency check, then a QC, then the proofread. 4 drafts (at least, sigh)
A beta reader can help with some of these, especially the consistency check and the update/style check - when you read your own work a lot you do tend to miss things. However I cannot stress enough when you are asking a beta reader to look over your work, set your expectations:
tell them which kind of edit you'd like them to do. If you want a QC and you get back a style check it can feel a little insulting
if you want a more thorough edit like a style check or a consistency check then set expectations for the level of edit. If you want to develop your own style of writing, then specify you don't want your beta reader to be too picky over word choices, only calling out if, e.g. words don't make sense in context. If you want a language check (maybe your first language isn't english and you are worried about writing in english) then ask for more detailed notes on your specific word choice. it's entirely up to you, and knowing what is expected of them can make the beta's job easier!
And some things personal to me:
items/advice about how i write my own fic, these are things I look for in the update/style check to ensure the conclusion is built to in a satisfying way
plot themes, and building callbacks: I like to pick a few callbacks for my characters and have them mentioned a few times throughout the story - enough that readers will notice and appreciate the callback, but not too much that it's all the characters talk about. it's a delicate balance and depends on the length of the fic and the themes you choose. for example in the longfic i'm writing I have romcoms as a theme, where the characters bring up their favourite big romcom lines a couple of times, then joke around finding their own when they finally kiss. in my original novel i have one fun theme of one of my characters absolutely loving bread and always eating it whenever there's bread offered, and also a plot related theme of discussion about poison, poison preparation, and contemporary medical diagnoses of poisoning which leads a character to realise [REDACTED] might have been poisoned (these things are unrelated my character does not die of poison bread lmao) sometimes these callback themes can reflect the plot of your fic, or it can be a fun character thing that keeps coming back, or it can reflect how a character has grown from the start of the story
characterisation through your story: I'd suggest figuring out where your character starts, and the growth you want them to go through to make the characterisation more fulfilling. this can just be something specific you want that character to realise, or the character settling into the role they have and realising they enjoy it and fighting back less, or a character striving for something and either getting it or not getting it and deciding whether they even wanted it, etc. sometimes the simpler the fundamental character arc, the better. it can help with linking the character arc to the plot, and figuring out how minor characters are doing in the background of the fic
have fun and enjoy! don't feel obligated to follow my advice exactly or stick rigidly to one of the edit types, having a mix between them is just as useful and sometimes certain items slip from edit to edit! sharing your work is scary, but knowing you've picked up on typos and minor errors before you share can reduce that fear a bit :)
#fic writing#fic advice#i have no idea how useful this will be but. maybe it will make editing feel less daunting cause it's broken down into parts#again this is what works for me if it doesn't work for you that's compleeeetely okay#and i did not proofread this post so if there are any mistakes well that just proves the importance of proofreading to you#and if you don't edit and post direclty well power to you i have typos every 3 words so i always do at least one read over khfdkjs#also if the edit types have different names then u can also share those! i just use the names i am most familiar with haha
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Hiya! I think this is the right tumblr but a couple years back I printed out the Deca series one. Next year I’d like to finally get into book binding and I wanted to ask if I could maybe try binding / printing the others? Just a courtesy ask
you are indeed in the right place! i should probably brand better... i got a little tired of putting myself in a box. anyway yes you're absolutely welcome to print them/try binding them!! i'm still so honored that you printed series one and i'd love to see what else you try 💖💖
also if there's any like. embarrassing errors/typos you don't want to print, etc., feel free to let me know and i can fix them or you can fix them yourself, i don't mind if u poke it a bit. i know i got lax with the editing around series 3 lol. i've been meaning to go back through those (and to update the formatting) but it sure hasn't happened yet
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Apologies for the incorrect romanization of ガジュラ as 'Gajura’. It should be fixed now (as ‘Gadzulla’.)
Yes, it’s a reference to ゴジラ, which is ‘Godzilla’.
I only now realized this and only due to seeing it romanized as ‘gadzyella’ in the files, wondering what that was about, and then approximately two minutes later realizing exactly what that was about,
(I don’t usually announce changes/edits like this but this one was interesting so i felt like making a post about it.)
Also, as usual, feel free to send a message here or anywhere else if you spot any other errors/typos/etc I’ve missed.
Hope to have something else for all of you to read out publically soon!
[Edit. I am an idiot and did not read the spritenames. It’s ‘Godzylla’. Please forget the rest of this post.]
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Alrighty
WHO AND WHAT I WRITE FOR!!
Do yourself and me the favor of reading this before sending in asks or requests.
Speaking of requests, mine are currently OPEN!
You can find the request status here at all times so you know if you can send one in or if you should wait.
You can find my main Masterlist here.
I'll add anything I write to it so that's the place to go for an overview of my works.
What I DON'T write.
Incest
Bestiality
Pregnancy (Pregnancy is 1. possibly triggering for me and 2. something I have absolutely no experience in. Breeding kink is more than okay though)
Non-Con (CNC is possible but outright Non-Con is a no-go)
Scat and/or urine
Anything involving minors.
What I DO write!
Smut and fluff are my go-to but feel free to throw angst, humor and anything else you can think of at me! I'll gladly try and do it justice. I really want to get better at writing horror, gore and spooky shit so if you have ideas or requests in that area, definitely send them in!
I myself am genderfluid and am completely good with writing Male, GN and Female readers! I am most familiar with the AFAB experience.
Trans readers are also always welcome, and I do have a bit of personal experience in that area. Same with queerness in the sexuality sense - Gay, Bi, Lesbian, Poly and everything else is totally fine by me to write about, either for a reader or a character.
I'm a very kinky fucker and I encourage you all to let your kinks run rampant in my ask box, my comments or tags, as long as you pay attention to my "do not write" list because those things also shouldn't be mentioned in any of those areas.
Gladly send me any type of asks! I'd love to interact with you, geek out about a character or movie together, or give advice (where I can). I want to be a positive presence and will reply in kind.
We support sex work of any kind in this household and any hate for sex workers will not be tolerated. Same as any hate towards marginalized groups - Be that homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism or anything else. Please just shut up and stay away from my blog. Thanks.
Characters I write for!!
Slashers
Stu Macher 🪱 (Scream)
Billy Loomis 🪱 (Scream)
Danny Johnson/Jed Olson 🪱 (DBD)
Lester Sinclair 🪱 (House of Wax)
Bo Sinclair (House of Wax)
Vincent Sinclair (House of Wax)
Thomas Hewitt 🪱 (TCM The Beginning)
Bubba Sawyer 🪱 (TCM)
Buddy Swanson (Stage Fright)
Brahms (The Boy)
Bille Lenz 🪱 (Black Christmas, 1974 only)
The Driller Killer 🪱 (Slumber Party Massacre)
Non-Slasher Characters
TBD
🪱 - Yes please for the love of god ask me about this character
These are all the characters that I am familiar with and feel confident enough to write for at the moment. This list will definitely get more names added over time as I play around with characters and get a better feel for them. Feel free to ask me about characters that aren't on this list (with some context where they're from) and I can still give you first impressions should I not know them at all. But who knows maybe you'll ask me about a character I'm still unsure about that I will end up rambling about!
Here's some characters you can gladly ramble to me about or ask me stuff about
The Lost Boys! 🪱 (All four of them obviously)
Any other Ghostfaces (including the recent movies)
Sidney Prescott
Tatum Riley
Randy Meeks
Freddy Krueger
Leslie Vernon
Jason Voorhees 🪱
Michael Myers
Ash Williams
The Grabber
General info
I don't only write, I also draw! I might post some drawings here and I might not, but I thought I'd mention it just in case.
English isn't my first language so I am aware that there will probably be some mistakes along the way. If you see one, please let me know and I will see to it that I get it fixed. I also have to ask that you aren't mean about it. Mistakes happen and I will not be made to feel bad or be talked down to over a typo, grammatical error or any other type of mistake.
If you send in an ask or a request; Be patient! Sometimes it takes me a bit of time to get into the right mindset to write, and to write confidently. I also have a life outside of this blog which will always take first priority. So if your request or ask hasn't been answered yet, know that I will get to it. And if you send in a request while mine are closed I'll simply let you know, no judgment or anger.
I hope you enjoy my writing, my rambles and anything else I might post.
See ya!
- S. / Disaster <3
#here it is!#who and what i write for#don't be discouraged to ask about characters I haven't mentioned#because there's so many more that I'm still playing around with#i just don't feel confident in writing them yet
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This is weird. My dialogue is awful. I've been writing for over eight years now. I've barely improved. I feel demoralised every time I reread something of mine because it's just plain terrible. Like, there's no way anyone is actually ever going to say that. Let alone two super witty people, you just know would be great at bantering / flirting. I've asked people to beta, they're just too nice to actually tell me the very apparent issue with my dialogue. I'm not exaggerating. What should I do?
Hey, anon! First of all, I'm honoured that you thought of reaching out to me for this question even though I'm definitely still learning a lot of things about writing and what feels right to me myself. But I understand where you're coming from, and I'll do my best to help you out in whatever way I can. If any of my lovely writer mutuals have more to add, please feel free to do so!
1. Before I even start talking about anything else, it's important to remember that we're our own toughest critic, so it's possible (and quite likely) that your dialogues are not nearly as terrible as you think they are. When you've been writing and staring at the same words you've written multiple times, even the most interesting of dialogues can feel lame and try-hard to you. Whenever I write a fic and proofread through it before posting, 9/10 times I feel like it sounds boring or too dragged out. And it's because I already know what's going to happen, what the other person is going to say. Even if something is meant to be witty, I no longer find it to be so because I've written them. Return to your fics a year from now and you may feel differently.
2. Your betas are there to help you. I know it's difficult to broach that awkward boundary where you want them to be brutally honest about your writing vs wanting strangers on the internet to shower you with validation, but if you really, genuinely, want to improve your writing and make the maximum use of your betas, try talking to them about it. From what you've told me, they seem like very nice people, and if you tell them that they should just be as critical with your writing as they are with theirs, I think they'd understand. If they find that uncomfortable, that's fair. You can always ask someone else. I find that having different betas for different fics is always a good idea because you get to see how differing perspectives work.
3. Ask your betas to leave you comments when they're editing. It's easier to just pass on the doc and have them fix your typos and grammatical errors, but ask them how you can improve the dialogue and pacing as well! Tell them to leave some tips for you as they go over your work. This way, it doesn't have to be an one-on-one conversation (so neither of you feel awkward), and you can just return to the doc later and go through the suggestions slowly and imbibe them into your future works.
4. This might sound very simple, but it's important to remember when you're writing fic that these characters are normal humans who talk and behave like normal humans do. Sometimes, the whole flirting/bantering feel of the conversation just comes through from their actions and not their words. For eg. instead of writing something like:
"Hey, Potter! Are you free this weekend?" asked Lily.
"Why? Wanna take me on a date, Evans?" He smirked.
"Maybe I do."
You bring the scene to life through the same words, but more actions. Like so:
"Hey, Potter!" Lily called, her fingers tentative as they fell on his arm. James turned around, one eyebrow cocked. "Are you free this weekend?"
He looked at her silently, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Why? Wanna take me on a date, Evans?"
Lily's eyes glittered with the thrill of a challenge, and she pressed a little closer. "Maybe I do."
5. Make sure that you let your characters talk and breathe like normal humans, too! Let them take those heavy pauses for tense scenes, let them break off in between sentences because they can't finish a thought right or they're laughing too hard or they've just suddenly remembered something that froze them on the spot. Let them fumble and sigh and repeat words like we do IRL conversations. If your character is having an argument, and they're red in the face, they're probably not gonna say: "Why not?"
They're much more likely to say: "Well, why the hell not?!"
You can throw in a couple of "um"s and "uh"s and "er"s for those unsure few milliseconds. Em dashes are your best friends here. Sometimes, even saying that they're pausing to think or breathe or collect themselves can help bring your dialogues to life.
But yeah, don't overdo them either coz then the flow might break lol
6. Read! Read! Read! As writers, we sometimes forget to really read other stories or appreciate different characterizations and writing styles, which can make your writing growth halt. Not saying this is true for everyone, but reading more definitely doesn't do harm. And especially for us fanfic writers, this works even better, because we're writing about the same characters again and again. If you read another writer's take on it, you'll slowly start to hold onto the pattern of how a certain character speaks, or what they're likely to do. This is extremely useful when writing a dialogue. For instance, I know how headstrong and stubborn Lily is, I've read so many takes on this trait of hers. So when I write my dialogues, I know I can't have her backing down easily. She will go red in the face, she will yell, she will be in denial, and say harsh things she probably doesn't mean entirely when she's mad. But at the same time, I also know she's unflinchingly kind, so you know you have to write that she speaks in soft tones when comforting someone. She probably smiles really kindly, tucks her hair behind her ear when she's shy, confesses things with a lot of bravery, watches James from the sidelines with the softest expression (sorry, got lost in the feels for a sec)
Similarly, you've gotta make James be the loudest one in the room, the one who's voice carries over to everyone, who's absolutely unabashed in his dialogues and whose confidence shines through his words. But the same boy then turns unsure and tentative in moments where his heart is on the line. I always write his dialogues as super vulnerable during such scenes (much more than Lily's would be). A lot of desperation, pleases, promises, etc. etc.
I know this got really long, and I'm not sure if any of it was at all helpful. If you're looking for something specific, please do send in another ask! I don't mind helping out!
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Ask Answers (March 3rd, 2021)
Here’s our latest batch of anon ask answers! Thanks for waiting for them.
Will there be a 'Our Life' game for each season? Please say we're getting a winter one!
As of right now we’re only planning on making two, summer and fall. They take quite a while to finish and we’re not sure where we’ll be when the second OL is truly wrapped up. But it’s not impossible we can do a third. Though, four Our Life games is probably not super likely, honestly, aha. Maybe the third game, if we make one, could be switch between winter and spring or something.
What engine/engines do you use to make your games?
We use Renpy for all our projects!
For version 1.2 of OL, did you make any changes to the DLC? If so, could you post a changelog detailing what exactly (or at least a general overview)? If it's not too much trouble, could you also elaborate on the bugs/errors you fixed in the base game?
There aren’t really any changes to the DLCs, except for the voiced name DLC getting an expansion. We fixed very few small typos and added a couple extra lines. Unfortunately, we don’t have a list of exactly what all the little fixes were.
I've been playing OL and I love the characters! As soon as Baxter showed up, I knew I wanted to learn more about him! Would you consider adding him as a prospective LI in the future?
Yep, Baxter (and Derek) will be getting his own romance story as an optional DLC late in 2021! Glad you like him.
Hellooo! First off I'm a huge fan of the game and can't stop playing it. However, I was wondering about how much domestic life with Cove we'll get to see in step 4. Meaning the time before the wedding and the time after. In my game Cove and I talked about having children and I was hoping that would be an option in step 4. Either way, I cannot wait for the release and I send my best to everyone working on the production :) thanks!
I’m sorry, there’s no children or scenes after the two are married. There’s sort of endless possibilities for what that future could be like, so we unfortunately can’t depict it. You only get scenes before they’re married and, if you get the wedding DLC, you can see the day they get married. It ends there, though. But thank you for the well-wishes!
Hello! I was just wondering, so step 4 is going to be similiar to the prologue/epilogue scenes of the game. Is the Wedding DLC going to be one long scene too or will that have moments? (I love the game by the way, its ruined all other visual novels for me in the most wonderful way <3 )
Yeah, Step 4 and the wedding DLC will be like the prologues/summer ended parts of the game. There won’t be separate Moments you can play in any order. I’m really happy you like the game so much!
You said that the OL MC's birthday can't be in summer, but what if you headcanoned it to be?
You can headcanon it as being in summer! There just aren’t birthday events in the game even if you do know your MC was born in summer. We had to leave those out, since some people might not want their MC to be born in summer and then they’d miss out on extra birthday scenes because of it. It wouldn’t have been fair.
Hello!😺 I absolutely love your game!😻 I can't wait for DLS with Derek and Baxter. And I wonder if Baxter could have seen Cove and MC at the party during their first failed dance? Or is Baxter only paying attention to who he's dancing with, or is he not dancing with anyone at the soiree at all then?
Baxter isn’t really paying attention to the couples on the floor. He’s just cruising the outskirts for someone available to dance with him. So he doesn’t get any memories of the MC or Cove at that party if the two just dance with each other. It’s great to hear you like the game!
time-wise/step-wise when does the nsfw dlc take place?
It’s not super strict in terms of an exact of weeks/months, but generally it’s sometime not long after the end of Step 3.
Heya! I'm currently obsessed with Our Life (I played through the entire game on Valentine's Day, hahaha– ha... hah), and I have one silly question: if I start playing Step 3 with the less... "romantically inclined" interest levels (Fond & Disinterest), is there still a chance of getting a romantic ending with Cove? Can Cove and the MC realize "they're the one for me" in just one summer? Or... are confessions off the table completely unless at least at Crush level? Thank you in advance!
So happy you’re having fun with it! In OL1 deciding that Cove is your friend means he’s truly only a friend. You can’t decide you have a crush partway through. But we are considering doing things differently in future games.
hey i have some questions about our life
a) is there a way to be friends with that mean bowlcut kid or is he always... like tha
b. what is coves ethnicity?
A. He is always like that, haha. At least as a kid, he does grow up to be different~
B. Cove’s mom Kyra is white, but Cliff’s race doesn’t come up and players are able to headcanon it. So Cove is half white and half whatever you prefer Cliff to be.
how do you get to the two mc cut-in scenes from the new update?
&
Hiii! I'm doing another playthrough (it's only like my 100th time playing through the entire game) after the 1.2 update, and I was wondering how to get the new art? I also really love all the new stuff, thank you for working so hard and creating such a wonderful game :)
You can check our our CG guide on Steam for that! Thank you for the kind words.
Sorry to bother you, but I have a question about the Patreon moment. Will there be initiative settings there too? And if there aren't, will the MC lead the whole thing or will Cove lead at certain points too? Thank you~
There will still be flexibly in what you’re comfortable with and whether you want Cove to automatically do things or for choices to always be involved :]. And you don’t need to apologize!
Hello!! I wanted to ask a couple of questions about Our Life:
1. Will we able to buy all the DLC via Steam or will there be some of them only available in Patreon? Just to know if I should create a Patreon user XD
2. Will Our Life: Now and Forever be about the current MC, Cove and the other characters or will it be a game with a New MC, new romantic options and new characters?
1. There will be a Patreon-only NSFW bonus Moment. But all the normal planned DLCs will release on Steam.
2. Our Life: Now & Forever is about new characters- new MC, new family, new LI, etc.
just some small bug I noticed: even if you didn't ask Cove to dance, if he asks you at the Soiree in Step 2 later and you say yes to dancing, the MC acts like they got to dance with Cove again even if it was the first time.
Thank you for the report on that! We thought it was fixed, but I guess it didn’t work.
I was messing around with the new update and I noticed that all the hands in the firefly CGs have the same skin tone regardless of what you put in, (with the exception of the really dark skin color) is this a glitch or something?
The skin tones aren’t the same. It’s just because they’re out at night with only fireflies for light that it makes each image look dark and therefore similar. But if you line them up together it’s clear how there are changes in every option.
How long did it take to plan out and write the story for OL? Not including the programming, art stuff, or the DLC chapters, I mean just planning and writing the base game story alone. The base game story seems hefty as is, and then on top of that there's the changes to scenes depending on MC's and Cove's personalities and relationship, I'm curious how long that took
It took basically the full development time, aha. I’m someone who doesn’t fully outline a project before start and instead continues to come up with stuff as a project progresses. There were new parts to the story being created right up to near the launch. So, starting in 2016 or so to later 2020, with some breaks/hold-ups throughout that time.
Hello! I'm really, really enjoying Our Life: Beginning and Always, it was the kind of sweet, wholesome content I needed during these past months. I had a quick question, will you be making any female characters for the MC to romance? In this game or any others like it? I'm a lesbian and I'd love to have a female love interest with such well written romance as yours! Thank you so much.
Thank you for the nice comment! Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t have a female LI since we didn’t want to treat other gender options as second fiddle to the male lead. But we have just started full production on Our Life: Now & Forever, which will have a starring female LI! There’s a silhouette glimpse of her Step 1 self here~
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Thanks everyone for sending the questions :D
FAQ
If you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Bl
#our life#Our Life Beginnings & Always#ask#gb patch#gb patch games#long post#Our Life: Now & Forever
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Hi!
I wanted to get your opinion on something, as you are both a fanfic maven and a writer. I am someone who loves reading fanfic, and also have a sort of gift for spotting typos, grammar errors etc. It pulls me out of a story when I stumble across errors and my inclination is to tell the writer so they could correct the issue(s). (I know if I were a writer I’d want to be sure I was putting out an error-free product). However, it feels presumptuous or awkward to reach out, especially when the author acknowledges a beta who must have missed the error as well. Should I just keep my mouth shut and try to gloss past the errors or do you think an author would welcome some unsolicited feedback? I don’t want to be rude, I just want to help but I acknowledge that no one asked for my help! :)
generally speaking, my answer is always to ignore it and not say anything. it’s pretty widely considered to be bad form to offer any less-than-positive writing feedback unsolicited. some authors will put in the notes that they are open to constructive criticism, in which case it’s fine to provide that kind of feedback (as gently as possible), but otherwise, don’t do it.
anyone who writes fic is doing so for free in their limited spare time, often around the responsibilities of work or school or family, and it can feel really shitty for someone to say, hey this thing that you spent your precious time and energy on and that you put out here purely for fun and that i didn’t have to pay you for, it could be better... like, yes, of course it could be better. most of us are not professional authors—most people writing fic don’t even want to be—and we’re all human and fail to catch mistakes from time to time, even when multiple sets of eyes have looked at it, but most of us are also really proud of the things we write too, even with their flaws, and to have people criticize them in even small ways can be really upsetting. and you don’t ever want to be the reason that someone deletes their fic(s), decides to give up on writing entirely, has a bad day, cries, whatever... it doesn’t hurt you to just not say anything, but it definitely could hurt them if you do. so why take the chance?
of course, there are exceptions. some authors are more gracious about that kind of response than others, even if they don’t have a note welcoming it, and certainly i think you might be able to get away with it if it’s an author with whom you already have a rapport, so while my advice is still 100% just don’t do it, if you decide to do it anyway for one reason or another, i would advocate for treading very lightly. for a start, it’s always better to do it privately if possible. if they have an email or social media account listed in their notes or on their profile, message them there rather than commenting on the fic itself. if you have to do it on the fic, i would encourage doing it in a completely separate comment from your effusive praise for their fic (because if you’re gonna leave them criticism, you better also be telling them the things you loved), that way they (or you) can choose to delete it after they make any edits they might want to make and not lose your praise for the fic in the process. and finally, be absolutely certain that what you’re pointing out is an actual mistake (and that you are correct in knowing how to fix it). i’ve had instances where people have tried to tell me things that were “wrong” with my fics, that were not actually incorrect and were instead just different than the way they personally would have phrased them. don’t do that. the point isn’t to tell someone how you would have written their story. if it’s a genuine typo or a missing word or something like that that’s a clear error, that’s one thing. but if you’re getting into word choice or comma usage, things that are often more stylistic and personal to how an author chooses to write, you’re probably overstepping.
in short, be kind. the kindest option is almost always going to be saying nothing, but even if you choose to say something anyway, do it with as much consideration for the author as possible
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(re: trad authors vs fanfic authors and the “nine levels of removal") Yes. This. Story time! I went to a book event for a well known, critically acclaimed, best selling author once about 20 years ago. He'd never done a proper "book tour" before and as a fan I was excited. Myself and other fans from a Yahoo Group (RIP) met up at the event and gave Mr Popular Author a fan art book we'd put together. He later wrote that he’d had to go off to a corner of the bookstore to hide and cry for a few minutes because he'd always thought he was writing into a void. Then BOOM, there we were, a big group of us, right in front of him, loving his work and giving him feedback (and gifts!) He’d never so much as read a review of any of his books before. The sudden realization that actual humans had read (and liked!) his work was apparently very emotional for him. Fanfic authors don’t have the luxury of that distance. And I don’t envy them for it. The feedback they get is immediate and devastating. Trad authors often won’t even get told how many copies their book has sold for the first six months after publication. Fanfic authors see every single view and kudos and comment in real time.
Yep. This.
I mean, it’s shifted a bit in the last 20 years. A lot of traditionally published authors have websites, or twitter, or other social media. Before I ever came to fandom, I was trying to go the traditional publishing route, too. Heck, a decade later I’m still on author twitter (most of my twitter is authors/publishers/agents/editors because those are the people I befriended when I first started seriously writing). But there is a sense of removall still there between authors and readers. And twitter followers and interactions don’t always equate to readers.
I mean, look at any author’s twitter, and a lot of it is just... like anyone else’s twitter.
Authors can also go look at their reviews on Amazon or Goodreads or wherever else online, and see their book’s daily ranking in sales if they really want to, but trust me on this, everyone involved in the publication of their books has probably told them not to do this. It’s not helpful in any way, unless they’ve shot to the top of the bestseller lists. Learning their new release ranks 32502905 in their genre... isn’t worth bothering, you know? And there’s nothing to do by obsessing over it.
When your agent is sending you all the good reviews, all the positive feedback, and encouraging you to finish the draft of your next book or your next round of edits, you don’t HAVE to think about responding to every comment anyone makes on your work. You’re encouraged NOT to respond. Because those reviews are NOT FOR YOU. They’re for other readers, to help them decide whether or not to make a financial investment in your already published book.
Fanfic comments ARE NOT THAT. Fanfic comments are written directly TO the author. Sure, other readers might see them, and I’ve had conversations start in comments on my fic before so I know it happens. But when a reader writes a comment on a fic, it’s generally to thank the author for the story, for having entertained them for a while.
Not all fanfic authors reply to comments, but I think the vast majority of us TRY to at the very least. Thanking the reader for reading, expressing the happiness we feel that our work has brought someone else a bit of joy (or angst, or whatever feeling we’ve inspired with our words). Or else answering questions the commenter has asked, or otherwise expressing gratitude.
It’s a DIRECT CONVERSATION, the likes of which most people will never have with a traditionally published author. The absolute ridiculousness that anyone expects the works we publish on AO3, for free, can be compared in any way to a traditionally published novel is beyond belief. The conceit that works we write-- again, for free, in our spare time, out of love for doing it-- should be as polished and free of any sort of errors as works that have spent more than a year and often more than two years going through multiple rounds of editing, proofreading, line editing, typesetting, etc. where MANY PEOPLE have scoured it for errors and yet still a few slip by here and there... I mean, HOW can anyone hold writers working on our own, in our spare time, for zero pay, purely for our own enjoyment to the same level of exactitude that we hold commercial novels? It’s laughable.
And honestly, it reaches a point where we’d rather just post the thing and move on to the next thing. I have gone back and done minor edits to some of my older works. If I’m rereading and notice a typo, I’ll fix it, for example. I once switched a character and wrote it as a different character because I felt bad about how the original character was portrayed. But for the vast majority of them I have zero intent of going back and making major edits on anything I’ve written, because I have moved on. I’m writing something else now, and maybe that will be more polished for having written the previous things with the wonky sentence structure or the awkward choice of words.
Mostly I write because I want to tell the stories that are stuck in my head. I need to get them out or they wedge in there like a big old log jam. Enough words build up that if I don’t start lining them up and pushing them out, the pressure builds up and bursts out in really inconvenient and messy ways. I’m personally not writing fanfic as “practice.” Or because I hope to some day be “good enough” to publish original works for money. I came to fandom to write fanfic so I wouldn’t have to deal with the rest of the publishing industry lol. I don’t need encouragement or approval or advice on how to improve. I just need an outlet. And if other people enjoy anything I write, that’s just a bonus to me.
(I had a publishing contract in my hands, stared at it for three days and then cried as I tore it up... I didn’t want to put myself through the publishing mill... I was already burnt out just getting to that point, and couldn’t imagine it becoming my life for years to come. It wasn’t worth it to me, and then I found fandom and AO3 and fanfic, and got all the benefit from writing with none of the angst of commercial publishing. This is where I WANT to be, this is not a stepping stone or training ground for someday becoming a “real author.” Sure, it is for some folks, but for a lot of us, this is just what makes us happy.)
Can you imagine going to a craft show where everyone has spent their time making beautiful handmade things and walking directly up to each artist and critiquing their work? Going up to a knitter and complaining that you saw a nicer hat in Macy’s the other day and pointing out everything about her hat that you don’t like? Or going to a jewelry designer and saying you prefer gold to silver, and demanding to know why they chose to inlay green stones when clearly they should’ve used blue ones?
Same vibe on critiquing fanfic in the comments. Or at the author in general. It’s just rude.
#writing is hard#fandom problems#and granted i don't tend to get negative comments or critical comments#so this dosn't really apply to my wonderful readers <3#but just in general... I know other authors who have stopped writing entirely#after being deluged with negativity or 'helpful advice' that is in no way actually helpful#Anonymous
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QUARANTINE CRYSTAL DEMO OUT NOW!
what started as just an art project to make a retro dex while we have this free time quickly took on a life of its own and is now a crystal hack! find the patch for the demo here! please help us test it and find and eliminate any bugs!
http://www.mediafire.com/folder/xloskjsavrwqc/QuarantineDex
this is the second demo and goes all the way up to just beyond goldenrod and features more than 100 pokemon! we have eliminated the most gamebreaking bugs, but please tear it apart as much as you can looking for glitches and references to old mons that we missed.
current list of stuff we are aware of to fix for the next patch:
-some walking animations in and near goldenrod are bugged
-sprout tower needs new tiles
-game corner needs some new game graphics
-graphical error when you catch a pokemon at the same time as you level up where the ball appears on top of the level up info (thanks to the tester who found this one just now!)
-qwail should learn cut but doesn’t
-dev testing artefact when interacting with sign in new bark town
-hot damn bugsy needs serious nerfing, everyone gets swept
-a few dex typos
-one of the swarm phonecalls says the old pokemon instead of the new fakemon
-a pair of the new card flip graphics are switched, so that two are the wrong colour and the wrong card is assigned to a winning state
-pokefans have old pokemon in their trainer sprite
-when moving pokemon around in your party, items briefly change to the palette of the pokemon
we’d also like your feedback on the adjusted difficulty curve, if the viability and evolution levels of mons feel appropriate, what pokemon you like and what team you ended up with, etc etc. please send me screenshots and general thoughts, dm me or post them and tag me, whatever you like! if you want to draw your mons i’d love to share it when it gets to their day in the dex too!
whenever a new patch is out i will make a note in my daily posts :)
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With the start of the new year, the Christmas market and fair event is now officially over! Please feel free to continue any threads set during the event, but now you can post any open or closed starters set outside of the event too! I hope this will give people more of a chance to plot outside the event, and start new threads set anywhere around London. If you need ideas for open starter settings, please check out the locations page here!
I was considering doing a New Year’s event, but decided against it, because following one event with another just seemed like too many events in a row. But it’s now officially 1900 on the dash! The start of a new year, and a new century. The blog’s title has been changed to reflect this, and the timeline has also been updated. Characters may of course refer to the new year in new threads if you wish them to, or they can simply go about their business if it’s not that big a deal to them.
Other small edits have been made to the Main (such as fixing a glaring typo in the app page, and subsequently on the taken characters page, fixing small bullet point issues on the taken characters page, and updating the wanted connections page!) and everything should be up to date and correct now. If you spot any errors on any pages, do let me know! Let’s start off this new year as we mean to go on. Happy writing everyone!
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Kanroji Mitsuri’s Secrecy
I’M DONE WITH THIS, FINALLY, BANZAI.
Okay, here’s my surprise (and Christmas present) for everyone. This is chapter 3 of the second novel of Kimetsu no Yaiba (Kataha no Chō). Each chapter’s the story of one character, so it’s not like you missed part 1 and 2 of Mitsuri’s story.
I apologize it took double the time I thought it would take me, I honestly thought about giving up many times ohohoho. But hey, here you have it.
This is a mid-quality translation, I do believe it’s readable, but there’re some parts I didn’t give too much thought and left them as short or simple sentences. I tried, okay?
This is a fantranslation, there could be mistranslations. Read at your own risk.
Also, typos, grammatical errors, whatever there is, just leave a relpy and I’ll try to fix it as soon as possible.
Last thing: if you want to put this up on another website or translate it to another language you’re free to do so, BUT LET ME KNOW, OK?
One Winged Butterfly
Chapter 3: Kanroji Mitsuri’s Secrecy
1.-
The first time I met her I thought ‘wow, such a pretty girl’.
Pure white skin and clear violet eyes; stunningly beautiful and delicate; kind and doesn’t discriminate anyone.
But, can create things like poison to kill Demons.
Strong and intelligent, cute, brave… a lovely girl.
I would be very happy if we could be friends. We are both girls, so there should be a lot of things we could talk about…
That’s why, when I heard about it, my head went blank and couldn’t think about anything.
“Kochō-sama’s parents were killed right before her eyes, and on top of that her sister Kanae-sama too… dying in such a way…”
Ah….
I didn’t know.
Shinobu-chan. I didn’t know.
“Well you see, I joined the Demon Slayer Corps to find a gentleman who would marry me for life. For a girl, it’s actually better someone who’s stronger than themselves, no? We want to be protected. Hey, Shinobu-chan, don’t you think so?”
If I’d known, I’d never said that.
Such a frivolous reason.
If I had known Shinobu-chan’s past, I wouldn’t have been able to say it.
Ah, how stupid of me.
When I told her that, how did she feel?
She was a little startled, but then she answered with the smiling face she always has.
‘I see… Who knows. I’m sure Kanroji-san will find someone wonderful’.
It must have been really unpleasant and annoying, right?
Did she think she didn’t want to be together with such a simpleton?
Hey, Shinobu-chan…
I’m.
You see, I…
2.-
“Kanroji-san’s acting weird?”
Kochō Shinobu tilted her head to the side at her coworker who came so suddenly.
They’re currently inside her office at the Butterfly Estate, where she –as the Insect Pillar– lives. This is a place where poison effective against Demons is developed and Slayers are treated or nursed after being wounded in battle. Therefore, most visitors are wounded people.
However, her coworker Iguro Obanai came here without a single scratch and as soon as they met, he started to talk anxiously about the Love Pillar, Kanroji Mitsuri, with a serious face.
“In what way is she acting weird?”
“Everything, she’s weird all around. You haven’t noticed?”
Iguro makes that question and looks at her as if accusing her for something.
As some sort of signal, the snake wrapped around Iguro’s neck sticks out its long tongue. It’s Kaburamaru, the Snake Pillar’s beloved snake.
“Hmm, well…”
Shinobu with the tip of her index finger softly traces around her upper lip. She tries to remember Kanroji’s behavior in the last Pillar meeting, however…
“Nothing in particular”.
“Just where do you have your eyes attached to?” Are those stupidly big eyes of yours blind? Or maybe just decoratives?”
After some nagging, Iguro made a big sigh.
Shinobu stopped herself from speaking her thoughts out loud ‘unlike you, I don’t exchange letters with her frequently’ and just smiled and apologized.
“Oh my, I’m very sorry”.
Even though it’s daytime and Demons can’t move around, each Pillar should be very busy as they shoulder a lot of heavy responsibilities. However, he pushed all of those aside and came here, so he isn’t doing this just for show or on a whim. Despite his appearance, Iguro cares about his colleagues more than others.
“It’s fine if they’re things you saw from your own scope, so could you please tell me what’s so strange about Kanroji-san?”
Once Shinobu asked again, Iguro nodded with an obedient look.
And then…
“Just fifty”.
“Yes?”
“Normally, she would eat a hundred of those dango sticks, but she only had fifty. You hear me? Just fifty. That Kanroji. Her favorite dangos.”
“……”
Being stared fixedly by his bloodshot eyes right in front of her, Shinobu unconsciously stepped back. Contrary to her, Iguro leaned forward.
“Moreover, she replies coldly to my letters. Her letters are awfully plain and seem to be written to a stranger. Why? It’s weird. Anything and everything is weird.”
“Aoi, Iguro-san’s already leaving.”
Shinobu turned her back to Iguro, walked to the room’s door and said “Iguro-san, the exit is over there.”
“It’s not just that”.
Despite Shinobu’s sarcasm, Iguro kept talking.
“In the last Pillar meeting, Kanroji didn’t even try to look at the eyes of any Pillar. And not only the Pillars’, Oyakata-sama’s too.”
Shinobu turned around with a surprised face.
Every Pillar respects and loves dearly Oyakata-sama –Ubuyashiki Kagaya– from the bottom of their hearts. Mitsuri’s not the exception, she also cares about Oyakata-sama. As far as Shinobu knows, Mitsuri has never opposed his will and would even put him above everything else. It was certainly strange for someone like her to avert her eyes from Oyakata-sama .
“And after that, Tokitō picked up a handkerchief she had dropped, but when he tried to talk to her she jumped high enough to reach the roof and ran away.”
“Yes, that seems strange”.
If Mitsuri was herself, her heart would have throbbed and expressed her gratitude honestly by saying ‘thank you, Muichirō-kun’.
“Was it then when you first noticed something strange on her behavior?”
“No, she was already acting weird 12 days before that.”
Shinobu was full of retorts at him answering immediately and with such detail, but that aside, this meant Mitsuri has been like this for nearly half a month.
By all means, this was worrisome.
“There could be something wrong with her health. I’ll try to ask her indirectly, you think about something too. Got that, Kochō?”
After voicing everything he wanted to say and seeing Shinobu nod, he left the Estate. Shinobu, left alone in the examination room, sat down on the chair. There was no need for him to go all the way to visit her, he could’ve just wrote a letter and sent it with a crow. It’s quite charming that Iguro cares about Mitsuri to that extent, but…
“Good grief. When it comes to Kanroji-san, Iguro-san immediately becomes unreliable.”
Relaxing her body, Shinobu let out a short sigh. It came to her mind the cute face of the only other Pillar of her same gender, Kanroji Mitsuri.
“Shinobu-chan, Shinobu-chan.”
She’s older than her, but has an innocent smile and becomes attached to others just like a kitty would. Thinking about the face that had crossed her mind, Shinobu gently narrowed her eyes.
Outside the windows, the wind blew against the cherry blossom trees and shaked its branches, now with only leaves left on them.
3.-
A thin and soft katana ran in a moonless night, almost as if it was alive.
“Breath of Love, First Style: Shivers of First Love!”
A greatly bended sword cuts a huge Demon up to pieces at lightning speed, its head rolled over the ground.
Mitsuri exhaled slightly, for some reason she felt her body heavier than usual and her katana wasn’t cutting as sharp as it should. It was distressing, her head was like in a haze.
“Thank you… thank you very much!”
The couple she had saved was thanking her, the man was bowing his head over and over again while the shivering woman asked her
“Are… are you okay?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Well… You’re hurt…”
“Oh, no, I’m not…”
Mitsuri noticed the woman was looking at one of her cheeks and wiped it with the back of her left hand. There was blood on it. Seeing this, she finally understood she’d been injured.
“For our sake… because you protected us…”
“We’re really grateful, thank you so much…”
The woman apologized while crying and the man lowered his head once more. Mitsuri waved both of her hands flustered.
“Ah! Don’t worry about it! This is nothing at all, nothing! I’m sorry for making you frightened. But, I’m happy you’re both okay.”
Mitsuri smiled at them and the man was suddenly moved to tears.
“To tell you the truth, my wife’s actually pregnant.”
“Uh… really? You’re having a baby?”
Surprised, Mitsuri looks at the woman who finally shows a smile. Her cheeks which were wet with tears shyly transformed into a smile.
“Yes, the due date should be in around 3 months.”
Her belly did seem plump.
“I see, congratulations. Take care of your body.”
“We owe you our lives, thank you very much.”
The man says his thanks again and afterwards, the couple cuddled close together and disappeared into the night.
Mitsuri, while watching them until they were out of sight, lifted her hand to her chest.
Thump thump, her heart pounded.
If that Demon’s attack had cut that woman’s belly instead of my cheek…
As soon as she imagined it, she found herself terrified.
That Demon wasn’t weak, but it wasn’t very strong too. If I had been myself, I’d have saved them without getting a single scratch.
(And everything would have ended well, without that pregnant woman making such a face…)
The wet night wind caressed her cheeks. Mitsuri gently ran her fingers over the wound.
There was almost no pain.
But she couldn’t help but feel like something very important was falling and spilling over from that opened wound.
4.-
“Sigh…”
Finishing her night round and exposed to the brilliant sunlight, Mitsuri dragged her heavy body through the city.
She went in her favorite restaurant and ordered some tempura rice bowl, cold soba with dipping sauce, grilled fish with rice and miso soup.
It seemed quite a lot to eat as a breakfast, but for Mitsuri this amount was like a tenth of what she would usually eat.
Shortly thereafter, tea was brought to her and she sipped it absentmindedly.
She gave a sigh again.
Since that time she became eager in disciplining herself and made sure to not have any superficial feelings towards anyone.
In short, she sealed away her love. She’d to give up finding someone who would marry her for life and committed herself to forbid her heart to flutter every day.
However, it seemed like someone was mocking her because things that would make her heart flutter happened one after another.
(I wonder why… it’s only at times like this… )
The timing was so bad that brought Misturi to the verge of tears. The last Pillar meeting was specially the worst.
That day she and the Flame Pillar, Rengoku Kyōjurō, ended up at the same place by looking for a shelter from the rain and he told her “You’re going to catch a cold! Put this on, Kanroji!!”, covering her with his haori. She also saw an unexpected side of the Rock Pillar, Himejima Gyōmei, saying “Namu. Cats are cute…” while carrying in his arms a kitten. Then, she met by accident with the Wind Pillar, Shinazugawa Sanemi, just when he was feeding a stray puppy. On top of that, she spotted the Water Pillar, Tomioka Giyū, taking a nap in the open corridor and waking up with a sudden jerk. Moreover, she tripped but Uzui catched her in his arms before falling to the ground telling her “be careful, don’t go tripping so plainly.” And finally, Iguro inviting her to a newly opened udon shop.
Mitsuri was depressed because she had to suppress her heart from throbbing every time, but she just couldn’t help it.
… In the end,
“Mitsuri, is something troubling you? If you don’t mind, you can talk to me.”
(I even made Oyakata-sama worry… and when I was leaving, Muichirō tried to tell me something but I just ran away.)
This is the worst.
I got too nervous around Shinobu and couldn’t even look at her face.
(What… am I doing?)
And the final blow: she got hurt while fighting an enemy who wasn’t even part of the Twelve Demon Moons.
Mitsuri dropped her shoulders dejected and restlessly ate her tempura rice bowl brought by the waitress.
(Is it really okay to keep on like this?)
Thinking absentmindedly, she dropped the tempura she had picked with her chopsticks into the bowl. Inside of it there was still more than two thirds of rice left. She should be hungry, but she didn’t feel like eating. In fact, everything she tried to eat was tasteless and felt like chewing sand. She hadn’t felt like this since her first marriage interview was broken off.
“Kanroji-san, your body shape is the same as other people, but you’ve eight times more muscles than them. In other words, your muscle density is quite high.”
The one who told her this was none other than Shinobu.
“That’s why, you have to eat a lot. People who have more muscles have a higher basal metabolic rate. So please, do at least eat eight times more than a regular human does.”
“But, for a girl… to eat that much, um… won’t people be disgusted? won’t I be disliked?”
“You don’t have to forcibly stick with someone who would stop you from taking the nourishment you need. You should just do this to that kind of people.”
Saying that and keeping that lovely smile of hers, she made as though she was hitting someone with her fists.
“Right?”
“Geez, Shinobu-chan…”
Mitsuri had no idea how much those words and smile had saved her.
A few days after this exchange with Shinobu, Mitsuri went with Iguro to have some lunch. She timidly ordered what she wanted to eat. Iguro, who ate the least among the pillars, only asked for tea and something small to eat. In spite of Mitsuri’s fears, Iguro did not reproach Mitsuri for her gluttony, on the contrary, he insisted her ‘eat this too’ and ordered more food.
He was also the one who casually gave her those long striped socks without asking for anything in return when she was too embarrassed to use her uniform, which showed too much skin, and wasn’t able to burn it right in front of the tailor like Shinobu had done.
“Kanroji, so you were here after all.”
Mitsuri lifted her head in surprise at the sound of a familiar voice and saw the very face of the one she was thinking about just now.
She was taken aback by this.
“I, Iguro-san!? Why’re you here!?”
“I was looking for you to talk about something.”
As if it was the most natural thing to do, Iguro took the seat in front of Mitsuri and, for some reason, frowned deeply.
“Kanroji, what happened? That…”
“Uh?”, without thinking, she looked down at her rice bowl flustered.
“Did I drop some rice?”
Or was she eating sloppily? Oh no, did she have food on her face?
Mitsuri was getting really nervous, however Iguro had questioned her because of something entirely different.
His next words were colder than ice.
“Why is there a wound on your cheek?”
“Ah! This? This is from yesterday’s night round… I got careless and…”
As soon as she replied in a flurry, Iguro’s eyes became immediately slanted.
Iguro was rather a cool-headed coworker, but seeing him for the first time making such a grim face made her break out in a cold sweat.
(He’s angry. He must be disappointed with me getting injured when I wasn’t even fighting one of the Twelve Moons. What should I do? Is he fed up with me?)
While Mitsuri was earnestly trying to make herself as small as possible, Iguro suddenly jumped to his feet.
“Where is it?”
“Uwaa!”
Mitsuri could only shrug her shoulders as a reflex.
“Where’s that trash.”
“Eh?”
“The trash that ruined your rosy cheeks.”
“Eh…ah, well…”
Mitsuri was about to answer him she had already beaten it, but Iguro interrupted her groaning with deep hatred.
“That trash deserves certain death. I’ll go now and cut him into small pieces.”
Mitsuri stopped him in a hurry as he was already trying to leave the shop.
“W, Wait, Iguro-san! It’s already gone. Umm… You see, I cut its neck that same night… so…”
“…”
Finally coming to his senses, Iguro stopped his bloodlust and went back to sit in front of Mitsuri again. Then, he covered his forehead with a hand and apologized.
“Sorry.”
And muttered a few words very embarrassed.
“Me of all people…losing my mind in anger.”
“…Iguro-san.”
(So, you were not angry with me…)
On the contrary, he was really worried about her.
She felt her heart slowly getting warmer.
Come to think of it, Iguro has been kind to her ever since she joined the Corps, he would help her whenever she was troubled with something. He, who would awkwardly address her
—Kanroji.
“There’s something troubling you, no?”
“Eh?…”
“If you’re okay with me, I’d like you to tell me.”
“Iguro-san…”
“I want to help you, Kanroji.”
“!”
Her chest tightened and her heart made a loud noise at his sincere voice and serious gaze, but at that instant, Shinobu’s face came to her mind.
“…!! I can’t!”
“Kanroji?”
Mitsuri jumped to her feet and Iguro looked up at her dumbfounded. She couldn’t look at him in the eyes.
“I, I just remembered I have some stuff to do! Sorry. I’m leaving, okay?
Coming up somehow with those words, she thrust her money at the shopkeeper and almost tripped rushing out the shop.
(I’m sorry, Iguro-san! I’m so sorry.)
Even though you are worried about me.
Even though you want to help me.
But, that will only make my heart leap for him…
If that happened, instead of getting help, I would just get stuck in an awful situation. I can’t always rely on him.
She left the shop as if she was running away from it.
Several buildings away, she finally calmed down.
(This is something I have to do alone. I can’t rely on Iguro-san forever.)
She slapped her cheeks with both hands with energy.
However, the haze in her head wasn’t cleared in the least.
And then, a few days later—
“Haaaah….”
Mitsuri’s condition, instead of improving, only got worse day by day. It felt like she was extremely suffocated and her body was as heavy as lead. Maybe this was the reason behind not being able to use the Breath of Love properly. It was clear it has weakened.
(I really wonder what’s wrong with me…)
Can I keep on as a Pillar like this?
In the end, I’ve only been feeling miserable and got a message from Shinobu to boot.
Please, come to the Butterfly Estate whenever it suits you.
Mitsuri would normally be happy with this kind of invitation, but this time it only troubled her even more.
(What would Shinobu-chan want from me?)
It’ll be too awkward to see her now… but I can't’ ignore her.
Just when she had started to walk heavily towards the Butterfly Estate, she heard an “ah!” coming from behind her.
“The Demon hunter… sis*?” (nee-chan*)
She turned back at the perplexed voice.
“Yeah, I thought so! It’s sis!”
Some time ago, Mitsuri had saved a boy and his mother from a Demon. Today that boy was standing in front of her, with a smile in his tanned face.
“I’m glad. I’ve been looking you forever, sis.”
“Me?”
Mitsuri blinked her eyes.
“What is it? Some advice? Is something troubling you?”
“…”
Suddenly, the boy’s behaviour changed and became aware of his surroundings. Lowering his voice he told her:
“Actually, the restaurant where my mom works is close by.”
It seems he doesn’t want her mother to know about whatever he wants to tell me.
“Mom will get mad if she hears this.”
A mere child just talked as if he were a grown up man.
“Oh my….”
Holding back a laugh, Mitsuri decided to take him to her favorite teahouse which was some distance away from there.
Sitting right outside the teahouse, the boy happily stuffed his mouth with dangos.
“Have you been well? You’re all grown up! You’re a lot taller now.”
“I’m like 15cm taller since that time.”
“15cm. Boys surely grow up fast.”
Mitsuri smiled with a wide grin. She had a younger brother around the same age as this boy and couldn’t help but see him in this child.
“So? What did you want to talk with me?”
The boy gulped down the dangos and slowly opened his mouth.
“Y’know, I want to be a carpenter.”
“Oh, that’s good. Are you good at making things?”
“Yeah, kind of. My deceased dad was a carpenter.”
“Oh…”
She wasn’t sure how to reply.
However, the boy was attentive to her and kept talking.
“It’s okay, my dad died 3 years ago already.”
He fixed his deep dark eyes on the sky.
“He got swept away by the river and drowned when he was building a bridge. He was a skillful carpenter, but he was a poor swimmer.”
“So that’s what happened…”
Mitsuri lightly bit her lower lip and looked at the boy’s tanned face.
Her mind strongly recalled his mother when she saved both, holding his son with large tears running down her face. Even now she remembered vividly how she kowtowed, bowing her head over and over again.
“Thank you so much for saving my son. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
Now that she’d heard what had happened to the father, that memory became a heartrending one.
“Because of that accident my mom won’t let me become a carpenter, it makes her remember about father. She says she wants me to become an apprentice and live in a haberdashery or kimono shop… but, I don’t want to become one of those. I want to be a carpenter.”
The boy tightened his grip of his hand and continued.
“I’m keeping it a secret from mom, I’m planning to become an apprentice of a boss who was an acquaintance of my father’s. Everything’s been arranged.”
“… Why are you telling this to me?”
Mitsuri asked him confused. They boy hesitated at first but then answered brusquely.
“‘Cuz, sis, you were super cool when you saved me and mom.”
“Eh…”
She was extremely puzzled. At that time, she had just joined the Corps and was a lower ranked Slayer who only had her strength to boast, but wasn’t competent at all. She got cut all over and it took her a lot of time to chop off the Demon’s head. Anyways, she had been desperate. She hadn’t been in a state in which she should receive some flattery or even be called cool.
“But, y’know, I was really weak then! Like, I could only reach a lame victory and… I wasn’t cool in the sligh-”
“You were cool!!”
The boy shouted, cutting off her words.
“You fought with everything you got, for us, for complete strangers. Despite being a woman, you went so far as getting all battered… sis, you were cooler than anyone.”
The boy’s honest words pierced her heart.
Maybe because of his excitement, the boy’s earlobes were turning red as the sunset.
“Seeing you like that it made me think. I want to be like that too, doing what I really I want and be of help to others. I don’t want to give up or regret anything. That’s why, it doesn’t matter how much my mom cries for it, I’m going to become a carpenter and show everyone I can make a bridge that surpasses my father’s.”
“…”
“I was looking for you forever because I wanted to tell only sis about this. Okay then, thanks for the dangos.”
Saying that, they boy ran off. There wasn’t even time to call him out.
His back grew smaller and smaller until he dissapeared in the crowd.
“…”
Mitsuri stared in a daze at the spot she last saw him…
5.-
“Kanroji-sama, thank you for visiting us. Shinobu-sama’s waiting for you.”
After arriving at the Butterfly Estate, Kanzaki Aoi guided her to the training area with a troubled face. Mitsuri tilted her head while trembling.
(Why at the training area?)
Just as the name implies, that place is a dojo where injured soldiers go through a training regiment to boost their recovery process and also where Shinobu trains herself and her Tsuguko.
Mitsuri had visited the Butterly Estate before, but this was the first time she was called to the training grounds.
With a worried face, Aoi left her alone and she timidly opened the sliding door to the dojo.
“Umm… Shinobu-chan?”
“Hello, Kanroji-san.”
And there she was, at the center of the vast dojo. She was sitting with two bamboo swords at her side. However, she wasn’t smiling as usual.
With a frosty look, she grabbed both swords, stood up and tossed one of the swords to Mitsuri.
(…Eh?)
She caught it with her hand reflexively.
Shinobu, still stone-faced asked her.
“Could I ask you for a match?”
Despite making a request, it seemed that Shinobu had no intention of listening to her answer as she readied her bamboo sword and pointed it towards Mitsuri.
“Eh?… Wha- Eh? Shinobu-chan?”
While Mitsuri was confused and not able to understand the situation, Shinobu gave her a sidelong glance and rushed in without making a sound. In the blink of an eye, she closed the distance between them and knocked the sword in Mitsuri’s hands off.
The low pitched sound of the sword hitting the floor resounded in the dojo.
“Just now—”
Shinobu glanced sharply at Mitsuri who stood still and dumbfounded.
“You don’t even have half of your strength. If you were yourself, it wouldn’t have mattered how low your guard was, you’d have dodged that easily.”
“…Ah… Um…”
Shinobu’s voice had a strict tone, almost as if she was reproaching her. Mitsuri became flustered.
“It looks like you can’t use the Breath of Love properly.”
“Th- that’s… Um…”
What she said was exactly correct and made Mitsuri more and more dispirited.
Shinobu let out a soundless sigh and lowered her sword. She directed a chilly look to Mitsuri’s body.
“You look pale and your cheeks are hollow. You haven’t been eating enough to keep your muscles healthy, have you?
“!!”
“I’m not strong as a swordswoman, however Kanroji-san’s different. What makes you an excellent swordswoman is your talent to use a longsword as it pleases you without worries, your incredible flexibility, the strength you got by birth and, above everything else, your overwhelming honesty.
Mitsuri fell completely silent.
“Kanroji-san.”
Shinobu addressed her emotionlessly.
“Why are you trying to make yourself weaker?”
Her heart jumped from the shock.
She fearfully looked at Shinobu, who was already looking back at her.
Mitsuri gulped, but the sound of it felt like another person had done it.
If she was going to talk, now was the moment.
But—
(No… I can’t say it…. I just can’t.)
If she said it frankly, it would just hurt Shinobu. She would make her remember unpleasant and sad things—
No, wrong. In truth, she was scared of saying it. Mitsuri was deceiving herself by thinking it was all for Shinobu’s sake, when it actually was for her own. She was too afraid of being hated by her precious friend if she confessed, of destroying their friendship and losing a friend.
Mitsuri casted her eyes downwards to avoid Shinobu’s eyes and squeezed her hands.
(What should I do… Something else, I could tell her another rea-)
At the instant she thought that, a voice sounded in her ears.
— You were cool!!
Ah…
Mitsuri lifted her head energetically.
That boy told her she was cooler than anyone when she was still a novice. She had felt a huge relief and was happy they were alive.
She’d thought she finally found a place where it was fine to stay, aside from her family.
Thank you.
It was actually Mitsuri the one who wanted to say those words.
(I can’t….I mustn’t tell lies.)
If I do it, I won’t be able to stay here anymore.
I won’t be able to face Shinobu ever again.
(I have to tell her properly… my feelings.)
She shut her eyes tightly, then opened them and looked directly at Shinobu’s eyes.
“—Shinobu-chan, I…”
Just by saying those few words, her mouth went dry. She knew she was speaking in a shrill voice.
“I… heard it…. from the Kakushi….about Shinobu-chan.”
“….”
Shinobu’d been watching her, still with a cold expression. Even now, there couldn’t be seen any change in her emotions.
If she really had complete control of her emotions, just how much training did she go through to reach that?
A girl whose parents were slaughtered by Demons right before her eyes and whose beloved sister was snatched away too.
The pain and sorrow almost made Mitsuri’s heart falter, but she eagerly fought them back.
“… I, was embarrassed at my reason to join the Corps… to find someone special and love… I felt sorry for Shinobu-chan. I thought I shouldn’t be like this, I needed to pull myself together… But,”
Sealing away her love made her surprisingly weak. The connection between her heart and the Breath of Love was deeper than she’d thought.
“I finally got it now. I can’t do that. I have to become stronger being myself. If not, I won’t be able to protect anyone.”
She became afraid of being hated by those precious to her and as a result she neglected those she was supposed to protect. She unreasonably weakened the power and strength given to her by birth and tried to live in falsehood. All when she’d supposedly decided to live somewhere where lies were not needed and use this power granted by her parents to save as many people as she could…
“This is me! This is Kanroji Mitsuri!! My heart leaps for many kinds of people, I eat a lot and I’m really strong! … But… I, I—”
“…..”
“Shinobu-chan… I really love you, okay?”
Saying that and before she could close her mouth, Shinobu’s pure white throat started to move slightly.
“Aside from me, there’re a lot of members in the Corps who had their parents snatched away from them by Demons.”
Mitsuri’s heart throbbed in pain at her calm voice.
“Aoi, Sumi, Kiyo and Naho too. Their families were killed by Demons and had nowhere else to go, so they live here with me.
Mitsuri was hanging her head again, but a soft voice reached her hears.
“However, me and those girls would never be jealous of your situation or loath you because of your reasons for joining the Corps. But, well, I was surprised at first when I heard it.”
“Eh?…”
Mitsuri heard a giggle slip out in the last sentence, she lifted her head in surprise and saw Shinobu with a smile playing on her lips. Their eyes met.
With Shinobu’s cold expression gone, Mitsuri was warmly wrapped in with her usual gentle smile.
“Everyone here harbors hatred and grief, and despite licking each other’s wound, we can’t move forward. For us, Kanroji-san’s cheerfulness and smile is what always saves us.”
“Shinobu… chan…”
In Shinobu’s eyes, she could see herself ready to burst into tears.
Her deep violet eyes looked the same as the first time they met, they were the most beautiful thing in the world.
“So, please, don’t do things like lying to yourself. I really like you as you are.”
Unable to endure it, she clinged to Shinobu who was way smaller than herself. Lukewarm tears were shedded one after another.
“Shinobu-chanShinobu-chanShinobu-chan!!!”
“I’m sorry for testing you like that.”
“No, it’s fine! Really fine… I was being stupid.”
Still clinging to her Mitsuri shook her head, tickling Shinobu and making her laugh.
“Please, from now on you have to eat properly, okay?”
“Yeah, I will! I’ll eat a lot. And get stronger!”
“Iguro-san was worried too.”
And added a few more words in a whisper.
‘To the point of being a little overprotective.’
“Yeah, I’ll apologize to him too. And to Muichirō-kun…
Wahhhh.
Mitsuri cried like a child and Shinobu softly patted her back with her small hand, in the same way one would do it to a baby.
Then, she murmured.
“—To tell you the truth, I was always jealous. Jealous of your constitution.”
“Eh?”
“If I too had muscles like you, if I was taller… Then…”
“Shinobu… chan?”
“I said too much, please forget it.”
She muttered in her arms.
What was she going to say after ‘then’?
Mitsuri felt like the words left unsaid were full of feelings strong enough to be heartbreaking, feelings which would rather burn down everything.
The only swordsman who can’t cut off a Demon’s head among all the Pillars.
The body she was holding now felt so fleeting, or rather it was like a child’s, that it made her cry loudly once more.
She promised herself again.
That she’d live without making lies.
That she’d kill as many Demons as possible.
And she’d protect as many smiles and happiness as she could.
So that she can live proudly with her cherished friends in this precious place—.
6.-
“Kanroji-san, why did you join the Demon Slayer Corps?”
“Uh? Me?”
In the corridor of Tecchikawahara’s mansion, Kamado Tanjirō asked her a question.
This boy, who joined the Corps to turn her sister back to a human, had fiery red eyes. They were really pretty.
He was looking at her straight into her eyes, it almost made her shrink back.
“It’s kinda embarrassing… Oh, what should I do. You wanna hear?”
Mitsuri fidgeted.
Nezuko, who through her Demon Blood Arts had shrunk her boy to the size of a child, looked up at her curiously. Mitsuri gently brushed her black hair.
“You see…”
— Kanroji Mitsuri continued her story with a smile in her face.
FIN
TL:SoMeBoDY kILL ME
#kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu#demon slayer#one winged butterfly#kataha no cho#translations#Kanroji Mitsuri#iguro obanai#kochou shinobu#pillars#love pillar#snake pillar#insect pillar#hashira
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