#she told me again the next day
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Getting told you look beautiful when tied to a bed spread eagle on your stomach, blindfolded with a plug in your ass and red marks from a flogger on your back and ass hits different.
#she told me again the next day#i love being tied to the bed and not being able to move at all#lesbian nsft#dyke nsft#wlw bd/sm#sapphic nsft#lesbian bd/sm#lesbian d/s#wlw d/s#sapphic bd/sm#wlw nsft#sapphic d/s#sub original
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i love having a snzfucker girlfriend so much she makes me feel so attractive and special in moments that i’ve normally been made to feel gross and embarrassed and small, like i should be ashamed of things i can’t control.
not only does she treat me with kindness and patience when i’m having a horrible allergy attack and can do nothing but sniffle and sneeze, she makes me feel pretty and worth loving and even sexy and it’s so special and i’m never going to get used to it
#idk i’m just soft#our first night together i was falling asleep while still having a fit#and i had been stifling but i started drifting off and before i realized what was happening i had sneezed fully and really harshly#directly into the palm of her hand (which she had cupped and ready in front of my mouth and nose the second i started hitching)#god it was so embarrassing and i immediately sprang up and apologized over and over#but she just cooed and shushed me and told me that i had nothing to be sorry or embarrassed about#and got me back to sleep#and then the next day when i apologized about it again#because it really was like#a very spray-y sneeze directly into her hand#she told me how much it turned her on and how adorable she thought it was#sorry i’m so soft and a little tipsy and decently sick so#i sm feeling very emotional and i just have so much to say about my gf#god
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what a fucking week (it’s 2 pm on a monday)
#i’m gonna have a very therapeutic lay on the ground for an hour tonight#i’m so fucking exhausted#also unrelated but vaguely related#the other day i told my supervisor i didn’t know how to do something she asked me to do#which was very hard for me! bc i’m not good at asking for help bc i don’t like to be annoying#anyways i asked her on friday and she never responded and i was like ‘ok she’s probably gone for the weekend and she’ll answer on monday’#then i looked today and she just reacted with a 👍 to my message instead of. telling me how to do it#so i’m still stressed out about that but. girl i am so tired#i also promised myself i won’t get high in the middle of the week this week. so this is a test from god#and i may fail that test#we’ll try again next week#personal
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you know that feeling when youre having a lot of fun but it gets spoiled
#comic journal#autobio comic#VA training#apri does art#she still told me to pratice the lines for next day#instead of saying i woudn't voice that character again#so she either realized she was too harsh and tried to soften the blow#or she thinks I could polish my attempt into something more acceptable#who knows
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forget hot girl summer imma bout to have busy girl autumn and stressed girl winter
#so basically#big rant incoming#next saturday I have to go to verona with my family#my best fríend told me today that in TWO WEEKS she is having a red carpet themed birthday party#and I have to make the dress#I have to do the proficiency c2 exam this year to take#school starts in two days and I have done like 50% of my summer homework#I have to take a tech exam / certification this year too#I have to buy a new phone#I'm starting singing classes again#I have to go find the right gym and go to the gym#I have more internship hours to do#can't forget about my feminist school group#aaaaand my sewing lessons#yes I am going to be busy no don't ask me how I'm doing
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having teenagers be like 95% of your coworkers is so fucking irritating
#testing my fucking patience!#they’re either late to their shifts; don’t show up without announcing it; come in an hour early so i lose an entiee hour off my paycheck and#they never do their fucking chores. one day i am going to severely bite one of them#it’s the second time in a week that two of my coworkers (they’re siblings) come in way too early and take money off my pay so today i told#the girl to fuck off somewhere because i wasn’t done with my damn shift#her older brother fully came in AN HOUR earlier last week without asking me first. he made me leave lmao#next time he’s gonna fuck off somewhere else too#sorry for the rant but i am Very Pissed#same girl fully just didn’t show up for her shift last week because it was her birthday but she didn’t warn anyone or have someone cover her#shift and she LEFT MY BOSS ON READ WHEN MY BOSS TEXTED HER. and so my other coworker had to do a TEN HOUR SHIFT cause the teenage girl#decided she wasn’t coming in#didn’t even ask for a day off lmfao just fully didn’t show up and left everyone on read#but then again what do i even expect from a 14 year old girl and a 17 year old boy#one of my other coworkers is a 16 y/o boy and he fully didn’t show up one time too and forced me to do his shift lmfao
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I'm a dummy
#my girl broke down crying last night#all thanks to me#idk how i didn't realize my effort has gone down so much from when we were just dating#sitting here next morning thinking about how much i shrug this or that off#I'm so stupid#this girl is the best thing to happen to me#ain't no way imma let this get away from me#just gotta get back to the simple things#make sure she feels wanted again#like fr i feel so bad shes been keeping this bottled up#but even worse she had to tell me for me to see it#i always told myself when i get a girl keep chasing her like i don't have her#yet i stopped doing that with her#ughhhhhhhhhhh#thankfully it's not too late#today's a new day and a new chance to show her how much i love her#sorry had to write this all somewhere#text#mine
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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the best part about owning a well behaved elderly cat is she is more akin to having a chill, loving roommate that just so happens to be fuzzy and black bear shaped
#she speaks English literally#i got in the bed and she told me loudly she didnt wanna move. so i scooted into the bed and asked her#dont you wanna lay with me? come snuggle?#and her eyes lit up and shes like oh hell yes. of course!#and now shes laying on the pillow next to me like a human person. her head propped up on it and paws on me#shes so. Smiles#she for the longest time was easily agitated and had issues with her grooming bc she was struggling from diabetes#but now shes on insulin and is her old self again. shes so sweet and cute... snuggliest cat i have ever owned#but shes so independent like she wants her space sometimes and then when shes in the mood she comes to you#she would make such a good therapy cat#we spoon like a romantic couple some days it tickles me how human like she is#im rambling bc i just smoked#rambling Abt how much i love my sweet baby angel lolo#🐈⬛#honey's words
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...
#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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I feel so weird about everything today
#I asked a random guy out on tinder#and mostly I feel I did something to offend my roommate because she just didnt speak a word to me today#honestly Im tired of her because one day she acts like my bestie and the next she seems annoyed at my existence#I dont like walking on eggshells in my own house and no I wont talk to her about it because she already thinks im weird#I told my friends and they were kinda shitty about it#I can feel myself on the verge of closing up again and avoiding contact with everyone
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lifeblogging begins....girl asked me out today AND i don't knowhow to tell her no 😭
#NO OKAY LISTEN RIGHT shes been texting me for a whileeee and she used to like me YEARS ago Literally full on told me and we didnt talk for#ages Then she starts messagjngme again And keeps making like weird things thag we have in common?😭#one time my friends were making fun of me for having rice for breakfast And i wrote rice onnmy friends hand And then she sat next to this#girl in her class and told her about me having rice THE NEXT DAY SHEEEE BRINNGGS UPPP RICE AND SAYS SHE HAS IT FOR BREAKFAST SOMETIMES#ITWAS JUST REALLY LIKE.😭😭😭#BUT I NEED TO TELL HER NO BECAUSE I GOT A GIRLFRIEND BUT LIKEE I CSNT SAY NO she hasnt said its explicitly romantic You know? just said#do you want to go out And well i cant work with that AT ALL. B3CAUSE IT WPUKD BE SO RUDE TO GO ummm No sorry. and it's would be so#self entered to be like Umm i have a girlfriend🤓 YOU KNOW?!#god this blog is great i love lifeblogging
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i used to be really nervous about going back to my hometown because ‘what if i run into someone i don’t like‘ but like. the few times that has happened the people who have done be dirty have just 100% ignored me/run away from me. even despite me trying to be like heyyy. lol. which i guess means im a lot more confrontational than other ppl....
#lowkey bothers me though cause im like bruh you were so rude to me in highschool and youre gonna act like im the bad guy........#can you just own up to it and we can get it over with?? now it's awkward!!!#like im so down to have a positive interaction and not have to have this bitter taste in my mouth anymore..#also the way that multiple of these ppl work at a starbucks that i frequent#and had to take my order#LIKE I GAVE YOU MY NAME YOU OBVIOUSLY RECOGNIZE ME#idk i feel like if it were my me i would just apologize and get it over with#cy says stuff#personal#truth is i am a lot better with confrontation than other ppl but that's cause i was forced to learn those skills at a younger age..#it is kind of cringe that ppl don't wanna face their past or own up to their past mistakes ngl#anyways... my friend invited me to go to starbucks tomorrow and i am probably gonna run into the same girl who would spread rumors about me#and constantly update me on my ex despite me asking her not to#and also called me stupid for not doing well on a quiz i literally wasn't there for........#thing is no one liked her i was just nice to her cause i am a nice person.. and then she was so mean to me... like wtf...#and when i told her i didnt want to sit next to her anymore cause she was mean to me she started bawling#like damn girl okay i still dont want to be your friend though cause you kind of suck#and i guess she still holds that against me to this day lol. or at least the last time i saw her which was like. december#anyways im hella jetlagged and i woke up at midnight again. intrusive thoughts go brr#it'll be fine i am strong
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Read a book today, would not recommend. I have fallen to the "just one more chapter" curse. It is now 5 am.
#lynx thinks#so... eepy#but if i dont finish these books before saturday im gonna be too distracted to properly play my dnd character#i stopped by the library today bc i finished the last one in two days and had to get the next one#but the checkout time is three weeks so i decided to just grab the rest of the series too#and these are MASSIVE fucking books. quite hefty#anyway i pulled up with them to the counter and the librarian had already put my last book back#she must have seen that i returned it really fast and that I'd come back for the rest bc she gave me a pamphlet#its for this reading competition thing for people who read more than 25 books in a year from the library#i think she suggested it bc after seeing the stack if books she told me the policy on extensions and i said i def wouldn't need one on these#... I'm beginning to question if it's healthy for me to read books tbh bc i always do this#maybe i should stick with audio books...#theyre so slow though. my eyes are faster than my ears so i can only speed up an audiobook to a certain point before it's too jumbled#i can usually do 1.5 or 1.75 speed quite comfortably but this one has so many made up words i have to remember that i can only do 1.3 speed#icb I've done this again... send help
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I'm having a bad time at work rn
#im so pissed that they're complaining about me because i still went above and beyond at this damn place#for context i work in a gas station connected to a fast food restaurant#i used to work in the restaurant but i left because it's hell#but then the restaurant manager asked me to cover two days a week for a month while someone else was getting trained#i didnt want to but im bad at saying no#after the second week i asked the general manager if i could get out of it and he said yes#he said i can get out of the fourth week. but the third week was already scheduled so he asked me to do that#so i did the first day of the third week right#and the overnight crew didnt show up. no call either. so i was left alone. and a store manager told me to just shut it down and go home#so thats what i did#but the next day the restaurant manager yelled at that store manager because we should never shut it down#he said that i shouldve stayed until 3am because i was the shift lead#thats four fucking hours after my scheduled shift ended#so i said no. fuck it. shutting down by yourself is hell. and im not working where he expects an extra four hours from me#so i said i wouldnt be working the second say of that week. i was going ti stay at the gas station#BUT I said that if they needed my help they could come get me. and i would take care of the casb registers at the end of my shift#and i ended up working there for an hour so that they could take breaks. and i took care of the registers#and yknow what happened? the overnight crew didnt show up again. im so glad i didnt work there that night#the store manager let everyone go home. but she was told to never let that restaurant close. so she didnt#the lights were on. the doors were open. there were no staff. no one is putting up with the restaurant manager's bs#especially not me. not anymore. but i still fucking helped. and then he wants to go and complain about me? asshole#get staff that show up and be a better manager. then maybe people will be happier with their job there
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