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incarnadinedreams · 1 year

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So I finally finished reading TGCF! (The main novel, I haven't gotten to the extras yet). I watched the first season of the donghua ages ago (right after I watched what was available of the MDZS donghua at the time and before I read the MDZS novel), then started reading TGCF as the first volumes of the official English versions were releasing and fell off.

My original plan was to "catch up" through book 5 and just keep up with the official releases. As soon as I finished book 5 I immediately abandoned that plan and went straight to the fan translations (whatever, I'll still be buying the officials as they release so I don't feel too guilty about it).

Anyway, I am feeling..... surprisingly normal about this book? I enjoyed it and had fun reading it and so far have not felt any inklings of obsessive derangement over it.

(Extremely long and rambling first impressions/thoughts after a single quick read below the cut, probably not that interesting. May contain major spoilers, and sorta comparing it to MDZS and specifically JC a bit just because the comparisons get pushed a lot because of the overlap in the fandoms)

Anyway, as a Jiang Cheng Enjoyer I've fairly often seen people say things like 'you should just read TGCF, Mu Qing is actually what JC stans wish Jiang Cheng was' or 'Mu Qing is Jiang Cheng but done right' and I just....... kinda don't see it?

Anyway... Is it just me? Am I stupid and missing something?

I mean, there are some obvious parallels and MXTX very clearly has a pattern/dynamic/formula she likes with the 'best friend side characters' slot, re-used some similar surface-level descriptions for Mu Qing that had been applied to Jiang Cheng (bad-tempered, sarcastic, unlikable, good looking, etc). So I'm definitely not saying people are totally wrong for seeing a connection there.

But they didn't actually feel all that similar to me beyond a handful of traits? And not only because of the tragic lack of jilfy purple electro-whip.

I think part of the problem is that Mu Qing suffered from a serious case of "tell, don't show" in his portrayal... in the text we're being told by other characters that he's so unlikable or has such a nasty personality or is so untrustworthy... but then rarely or never actually says or does anything "on camera" to show that?

Like, this isn't "he has done nothing wrong!" in the "I shall protect this precious blorbo of my heart" way, it's in the "ummmmmm... he has actually... not done anything wrong in this situation...? And I am confused as to why these characters are reacting to him in a way that is so wildly out of proportion to what has actually happened?"

As much as I love Jiang Cheng, he does at least actually say some mean things "on screen" in the novel to earn that bad-tempered sharp-tongued characterization. I might personally think he was perfectly justified in saying about 98% of them and being pissed as hell, but at least he actually does the being angry and bitter and verbal lashing out that he's characterized with. (Though I think he actually does a lot less of it than people seem to think, as most of the time he's just being pretty normal actually. But there are some scenes at least.) Of course, conversely, Wei Wuxian does also do many more actually bad things to balance it out too and make JC's on-screen anger/reactions make a lot more sense.

But Mu Qing on the other hand... a few snippy comments and some eye rolling? Everything else always ends up being someone else baselessly accusing him based on some accidental circumstances that got cleared up with reasonable explanations. His involvement in the whole turf war over the meditation place was mostly him showing up after the rest of them had already made up their minds and he was trying to de-escalate the situation without losing the job he was using to support his mother with or creating more problems.

The only kinda bad things I think he does (be okay with the idea of using the Human Face Disease against the Yong'an people to stop it from spreading in the Xianle capital city) is one of the few things that nobody actually has any issue with him for! You could argue that it was bad to get Hua Cheng kicked out of the army... but also he was 14 and there are no actual details given and tbh that kid was kinda creepy from an outside perspective (even if I liked him)...

To be honest I'd seen a few people making vague comments about his "betrayal" in the past so I knew it was coming, but "I'm gonna go take care of my mom instead of doing these former rich fuck's laundry" was so deeply underwhelming on the betrayal scale I was like "wait, that's it?"

I mean there was not even a siege involved...? Not a single declaration of hatred? Not even a little bit of threatened torture?

Anyway, I was already still feeling some kind of way about that royal laundry situation when I got to the scene in Mt Tonglu where Mu Qing is all "I was in awe of you, you're a better person than me and I wanted to be your friend" while Xie Lian is like "um well you'd spit in someone's cup but you wouldn't poison it so I don't want you to die I guess."

I just felt sort of vaguely put off by the whole exchange and the sense of a total lack of reciprocity from Xie Lian. His whole vibe is "well I don't dislike you enough to let you die, and saving people is my thing in general so, y'know, here I am saving you."

Because what made the whole dynamic work in MDZS was how (even if the characters didn't necessarily know it about the other) they just cared about each other so much, to an absolutely unhinged degree, and that felt missing here. So even though WWX has some of the same vibe of negative or resentful opinions of JC at points, it hits different because they're laid on the backdrop of an utterly unhinged sacrifice specifically and uniquely for Jiang Cheng (which, unknown to WWX, was needed because of a more standard in type but but still unhinged sacrifice of his own that was specifically and uniquely for WWX)

I don't necessarily mind that specific relationship being different or less intense in TGCF (in fact I prefer that it's not just a copy-paste of the same characters going by different names with a bit more polish, the way some people made it sound like it would be), but the way that specific scene played out given the backdrop of how MQ keeps getting treated throughout the rest of the story just felt icky to me. Idk.

A lot of the way the characters interacted with each other just felt like the action and reactions were a little mismatched or something? Something about the behaviors involved didn't ring as painfully, horribly, clearly true to me as they did in so many MDZS scenes.

Anyway I did enjoy both Mu Qing and Feng Xin as characters, I'll definitely be indulging in some FengQing content (recs/links welcome if anyone actually read this far lol), just specifically their relationship with Xie Lian did not inspire in me even a teensy fraction of the depths of absolute feral obsession that the Yunmeng Shuangjie relationship does. It... just did not resonate that way with me. If I had to speculate (in a wild and baseless fashion, source: my ass), I think that toning down the intensity might have even been intentional on the author's part this go around.

Anyway a lot of that was mostly because the expectation of a strong parallel and deep reaction to the Xianle trio's relationship was pre-planted in my mind, and such expectations are generally always doomed to fall short anyway.

As far as the rest of the novel, like I said - it was generally quite enjoyable, I had fun reading it, I'm certainly not trying to trash it! I'd say I actually overall enjoyed the HuaLian relationship developing in the novel itself more than WangXian, in terms of how the flirting was executed. Like "what if you had an extremely dangerous and fervently obsessed stalker, but also make it cute". I don't dislike WangXian, but for me their relationship was just a fun side-plot and not what I really cared about or kept reading for. I did find the Hong-er and lantern ghost flashback scenes quite touching and sweet.

The first ~200 chapters (by the web novel serialization chapter numbers) I'd say were generally constructed better than MDZS, so I see where people say there was a bit of a level up there. The last ~40ish chapters the pacing felt kind of off to me, like there was just too much crammed in and MXTX just wanted it to be over and done with.

The 'uncovering secrets of an ancient lost empire/kingdom' type of plot is my absolute jam, my favoritest trope of all time, I actually loved the concepts there. It was like a two-for-one, since we got the learn about the fall of Xianle which scratched that itch a little bit, and then the full-on mystery aspect with Wuyong. I wish there had been more time spent on the mystery/uncovering information about Wuyong aspect of the plot rather than the answers coming relatively quickly.

Unsurprisingly in addition to Feng Xin and Mu Qing, I was a huge fan of Yushi Huang, Ling Wen, Shi Qingxuan, He Xuan, Lang Qianqiu (his adorable golden retriever energy is irresistible when combined with a Tragic Backstory), Guzi, Yin Yu, Quan Yizhen

Surprise favs were Pei Ming (I'd only seen through the donghua S1 so I kinda had him categorized in my mind as the offscreen God of Fuckboys, but ended up liking him an unreasonable amount) and Qi Rong

Anyway I had all of these thoughts while I was reading then felt a bit guilty about them when I read the postscript because I am the person she was afraid of coming over to read TGCF after MDZS :x

#rambling about tgcf #and specifically some thoughts I had about the comparisons I've seen floating around between jiang cheng and mu qing #not particularly well thought out or anything

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ginevrafangirl · 1 year

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Who Rules The World Commentary

Several episodes into watching Who Rules The World I created myself a discord channel that is one long thread of my reactions. I didn't keep it up for every reaction and included references to other shows I have seen, but this post shall be a compilation of my favorite comments. There will be SPOILERS!

feng lanxi: we should gather our strength, protect our people, and give people ways to raise profits

entire imperial court: how DARE you spout such utter nonsense

bai fengxi's little cloth is basically ruoye but a little less sentient (tgcf reference)

i do not envy hei fengxi being stuck between two badass fucking women thats like my dream throuple

the sixteenth kunlun disciple is such a dick in this show (eternal love reference)

i fucking love feng qiwu so much she is so cool and pretty and smart and capable and a ministerrrrr

my loml feng qiwu accepted that rejection with CLASS

prince chang i was just starting to like you and now you want darling bai fengxi dead / you're such a jiang cheng sometimes istg (mdzs reference)

huang chao has the best outfits of all the men in this show

i hope feng qiwu realizes she does not need a husband, or finds one she deserves. perhaps she should marry loml huang chao. that would be quite the forbidden romance, with jizhou and yongzhou being rival states

i can tell prince chang is about to fall in love with bai fengxi / oh nvm prince chang is about to find out his brother is a sneaky bitch and isnt weak at all

mULAN??

so the reason there are two questions is xerox copies

he named a restaurant after him and the princess, any other drama and they would be the main couple (👀)

the fate of the state rests on HORSES??

is this whole show just gonna be feng lanxi vs lady baili playing games in court?? / where is the jianghu fighting i thought this was gonna be

HUANG CHAO LOOKING GORGEOUS IN PURPLE AND ORANGE

mommy issues, am i right? / this is textbook gaslighting / i made the jiang cheng comparison impulsively but its coming more and more true (mdzs reference)

more than meng yao, i think feng ju is Er Ge from WOH (mdzs and tyk/woh reference)

i want to be half of a power couple with huang chao so bad / i would fully support him being ruler of the world / why shouldn't he be?? / he is strong, sexy, smart, and seems to be protective and caring to those under him / he DESERVES everything

metal chain riding

where did the candles come from??

i can't believe there's this long plotline centered around horses

the fact that she is not crushed by rocks is a fucking miracle rn

i have never seen a faker wound

so feng lanxi easily got past the murder leaves and moving iron chains?

this would be more hard hitting emotionally if we'd seen lanxi struggle with guilt over his mom's death before

this whole arc is just basically that maze in the goblet of fire (harry potter reference)

they mastered it cause they're in love??? lmao so true this sounds like svsss (svsss reference)

it would be hilarious if Yu wuyuan was the secret head of the soul taker sect (👀)

he gets a map and she gets a flower?? / sexism

wow this beautiful good man too good to be true is evil

i trusted ywy cause he acted a lot like xichen (mdzs reference)

rip Lanxi's boys and the amount of stress they're always under because of his double life and running around

any scene where something is fed in a court drama it's very likely to be poison

Lanxi talks a lot and in higher more mischievous tones that LWJ, that'd why I didn't notice until late it was the same voice (cql reference)

what is the deal with the female love interest being compared to the dead mom

baili is trembling with rage during this whole memorial ceremony / like chill, she's dead dude

another fake token! / who's behind all this is obviously wen kexing (tyk/woh reference)

omg he DREW FANART OF THEM

she's secretly smart as fuck and a talented tactician, isn't she? / oh hell yes she's smart and talented

what is it about tortured brothers relationships that attracts me so??

why can't sisters ever get this deliciously complex of a relationship??

good for him that he got her dead though, he won't have to marry her

does it matter that lanxi has a two syllable name due to him being the legitimate son, and the other princes have only a one syllable name?

where is loml jiang yanli?? i miss her / THERE SHE IS (cql reference)

NO / you attacked MY LOML / I HATE YOU NOW / I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ATTACKED JIANG YANLI / FUCK YOU WUYUAN (cql reference)

"we can't be separated" you ain't slick bitch

WE LOVE GAL PALS

OMG THE HEI-BAI IN BLACK???

so this pill captured the sacred Jade Moon?? that makes no sense

okay so ywy needs to take over the world to break his curse / why didn't his family just stop procreating smh

so true he is indeed the third wheel

you know what my new otp is / the polyamourous power throuple that is feng qiwu/bai fengxi/feng lanxi

are they really pretending like they didnt dance with each other knowingly

wowww thats a double identity inside a double identity

i just KNOW he was kicking screaming about all that pda

now this is just an obvious metaphor for his true feelings

NOT HIM ASKING FOR ROMANCE ADVICE FROM ZHONG LI

its similar to war YOU NERD

now what the fuck is this secret society thats the token keepers

how does this tree still have leaves in the winter when its snowin

this fanfic is going on for quite long

my fave feminist gal pals so true

cross dress and frolick

he keeps getting cockblocked by lesbianism

lmaoooo thats porn

feng qiwu is truly the GOAT for helping her crush and bestie get together

omg is feng lanxi going to be set up with snake spirit princess?? (eternal love reference)

how does everyone know everyones business?

heh that fucking clay statue that was definitely not carved by them on the spot

prom? in candles

chuanyu the cockblock

is there really nothing between ms huan and feng ju??

oooo loml huang chao wants to marry the snake spirit princess (eternal love reference)

love me some cgi rain

omg power couple boxing rocks together so true

she is gonna make him take the floor in his own tent

lanxi: giving you the bed last night was worth it / chuanyu: you WHAT

i hope he accepts her secret royal identity as easily as she accepted his

bai fengxi: if you wanna kill the evil guys... i will definitely help you

general REN fuck yeah chuanyu

court politics, military tactics, rogue cultivators (martial arts equivalent), revenge and redemption, enemies to friends to lovers romance

exhibitionist kink?

yeahhh that was pretty obviously drugged

ACTUAL MURDER PRINCESS

divine fairy?? thats such a cool title

omg i feel like she could be a villain in the future but like she is such a girlboss??

they are both such dorks when it comes to love, much unlike loml huang chao and chunran

omg dage wants to give him a shovel talk

bai fengxi is always hungry, she is just like me

chuanyu cockblocking AGAIN

love how they keep calling this chess even though its very clearly not chess

NO LOML HUANG CHAO YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATEDDD

this is a brother vs boyfriend situation for bai fengxi

i love how they havent even confessed to each other properly but her brother is already treating lanxi as her brother in law

PIGGY BACK RIDING IN THE RAIN CAUSE ONLY ONE UMBRELLAAAA

loml feng qiwu should be queen and empress of all

she is a doctor, a fighter, tactician, a cook, she can do anything

they give off major legolas and gimli energy with their fond competitiveness / or pat and pran (lotr and bad buddy reference)

let us gaze fondly at each other as we treat the many sick people of this town

ooooo this new black and gold robe for qiwu is SEXY

bai fengxi's dad: its not serious, my illness is fine / me: yeaaahhh he is deinitely going to die

the only healthy family so far is the bai father and daughter and the royal family of qingzhou

zhong li is so babie its easy to forget he is also very skilled / a wen ning if you will (mdzs reference)

i can recognize the hit sticks by now

Jesus Christ ep 34 was INTENSE / basically guanyin temple levels of end confrontation (mdzs reference)

And that is the end of a subset of my live reactions! I have some more end of show reactions but they don't fit the mood of this post. If you made it until here, congrats! (lemme know if you enjoyed it and would like more as i venture into other shows)

#who rules the world #wrtw #feng lanxi #hei fengxi #bai fengxi #feng qiwu #huang chao #wrtw commentary #gf originals #this is 50% me simping over huang chao and feng qiwu #loooooooooooong post

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crossdressingdeath · 3 years

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Seeing your post about how JYL has a 'ranking system' in her head when it comes to WWX and JC hits so hard, but honestly, the more I read into the Jiang family dynamics, the more I agree. JYL obviously loves WWX, but I don't know if she's capable of putting him above JC. And we see her defending him, and she obviously gives her life for him, but she was also reacting in the moment. Not to speak lightly of her sacrifice of course, but I just feel like there are certain limits to how 1/7

far she's actually willing to go for him. I was initially one of JYL's staunch defenders, and always said that, unlike JC, she didn't have the same amount of political power as him, wasn't in a position to do anything about the Wens, ect. But...I'm starting to question if that's really true. JYL may not have had much direct political power herself, but she was the sister of a sect leader, and even if JC was unwilling to help, JYL had just married into the richest and most powerful sect 2/7

at the time. It was a love marriage, JZX adored her and would've done anything for her if she'd just bothered to ask him for it. Madam Jin also cared for her and respected her, and between her and JZX, had JYL actually bothered to tell them anything, I'm sure they would have been able to sort something out. Or she could have had it as a condition of her marriage - I'm not marrying into the sect that's trying to kill my brother unless you tell your father to stop. Had it been reversed and 3/7

The Lans were calling for JYL and JC’s deaths, no way in hell WWX would’ve just married into the sect, regardless of LWJ’s involvement. Instead she just doesn’t really do anything. We see no proof that she ever tried to see WWX after the wedding dress incident, which — god I instantly saw it as a sweet gesture, but now it just bothers me, because your brother is living in squalor, and you decide to show if the expensive dress that you’ll be 4/7

wearing when marrying into the sect that's trying to kill him, you bring along one bowl of soup for him, and don't even try to explain WHY you're marrying into said sect. Beyond that, we don't see a single moment up until her death where JYL actually seems concerned about WWX, puts in effort to try to see him - she doesn't even ask him how he's doing the one time she does come to see him. When we compare that to how WQ treats WN, yeah, she's outwardly not as loving or sweet, but she 5/7

goes to the ends of the earth for her brother, even going as far as to betray her sect and risk WRH's wrath because he asks her to. And now we come back to that ranking system you mentioned before - yeah, it really does seem like JYL places her blood family first, which definitely hurts, but in comparison, despite only knowing him for a shorter amount of time, WQ truly grows to think of WWX as a second brother. And she treats him as such, at an equal level with WN - after JZX dies 6/7

WQ doesn't attack WWX for what happened. She doesn't try to come up with a way to sacrifice WWX instead and let WN survive in his stead. She and WN, two people who have become WWX's family, both give their lives to protect both him and the rest of their remaining family members. And it's just frustrating to think that the one member of WWX's adopted family who we all thought treated him like an actual brother, might not have really been on his side after all. 7/7

Yes! To start with the wedding dress thing, because it drives me nuts when people treat that like some super sweet act of love: JYL shows up in the Burial Mounds with no money, no sign of having tried to talk the sects around, no news outside of her own, no food beyond a couple bowls of soup (one of which she gives to the guy who can’t eat), and doesn’t so much as ask WWX if he’s okay. She literally came all that way to have a family meal, ask WWX to name the future nephew it’s becoming increasingly clear he’ll never meet, and tell him about her impending marriage into the family that’s currently doing everything in its power to destroy WWX’s life. Like, if you think about it that entire visit is such a slap in the face; “Here’s a bowl of soup while the people under your protection are starving, oh by the way I’m going to marry the son of the guy actively trying to get you killed, okay bye”. All you can say in regards to her helping WWX is that she does potentially manage to persuade JZX to invite him to JL’s one month celebration, but if memory serves the novel never actually specifies whose idea that was and it was JZX who decided to go get WWX after JGY told him about seeing JZXun heading in the direction of the Burial Mounds. And even then JZX does the same thing JYL does; sees WWX outnumbered and surrounded and tells him to stand down. At least in JZX’s case you could argue that the actual fighting hadn’t broken out and JZX probably trusted in his authority to be able to sort the situation out so long as WWX wasn’t actually acting aggressive (or defensive, rather), and he’s also physically strong enough that he may well have been able to intervene if the cultivators had attacked. JYL, when she does the same thing, has no authority and no physical power to defend WWX with. And yeah, both JZX and Madam Jin adore JYL, and neither of them seem super fond of JGS (JZX respects his father, but I don’t get the sense he loves him); if JYL had asked them for help it’s entirely possible they would’ve started at least circulating her version of events and demanding a proper investigation into what happened. But there’s no mention of her so much as trying, and she doesn’t offer to ask them when she visits WWX.

And yeah, compare WQ to JYL and it’s... well. WQ is so quick to offer WWX her love and care? She’s harsh, but she loves him and views him and WN on such equal footing that she and WN willingly hand themselves over to the Jins for WWX’s sake without her so much as bringing up the possibility of saving WN instead. There’s no ranking for WQ; WWX and WN are her brothers, and she loves them, and she’d do anything to protect them. When it becomes clear she can’t save WN (like hell the sects would let him live, and by this point it’s pretty clear that WWX won’t be able to protect them forever) she throws her whole weight behind defending the brother she thinks she might still be able to save, even if it means bringing WN with her to die. WQ knows WWX for... a year or two? Maybe? The timeline is a little hazy. Not long compared to JYL, anyway. And yet she’s willing to walk all the way to Lanling to die in the hope of saving him. It’s for her whole family, yes, but she makes a point of including him. Basically, I think this fandom needs more stuff wherein the Jiangs and Wens survive and the Wens are fully like “Our brother now, you don’t deserve him”.

The thing with JYL is... she loves WWX, she genuinely does, but he is never going to be first for her. To the point where she outright enables JC’s abuse, in places; she always expects WWX to be the one to grin and bear it. Hell, one of their first conversations involves JYL cheerily allowing WWX to cover up JC locking him out of his bedroom and scaring him out into the woods by threatening to set dogs on him! Let me rephrase that: she allows a traumatized nine-year-old to hide the fact that the kid her dad expects him to share a room with locked him out of said room on his FIRST NIGHT and threatened him with his LITERALLY WORST FEAR, and as far as we know makes no attempt to tell JFM herself. To keep JC out of trouble. That is such a thing! WWX was scared to the point of running away and JFM expects him to share a room with the person responsible for that and JYL goes along with him promising not to tell JFM so that JC won’t get in trouble! And from that day forwards everything is just “Boys will be boys” to her. Like, let me put it this way. Before LWJ (and arguably the Wens before that, although WWX saw himself more as protector than protected there) JYL was the person WWX trusted to protect and care for and comfort him above all others, yeah? She’s the one he thinks of as having his back? He doesn’t tell her about JC trying to kill him. JC tries to kill WWX three times before JYL’s death, and WWX doesn’t say a word to her about any of them. You could argue that he doesn’t want to involve her, but... JYL pretty clearly takes JC’s side every time JC starts having a go at WWX. When he chases him out of their room, when he starts snapping about how annoying WWX is, when he stabs WWX... She never outright says it, but there really does come a point where by staying neutral you’re siding with the aggressor, and she reaches that point a lot. Hell, the stabbing is one of those aforementioned near-murders! JC stabbed him! According to WWX (who downplays serious injuries, he never exaggerates them) he had to hold his guts in! WWX is talking about a pretty fucking serious injury (and JYL grew up in a cultivation sect, I don’t believe for a second she doesn’t at least know what constitutes a serious injury) while JC whines about a broken arm like it’s worse than having to physically hold your guts in until you can reach a doctor and JYL acts like those are equal! JC could easily have killed WWX and has enough training with the sword to know better than to go for a blow like that in a staged fight and JYL doesn’t even suggest he should apologise.

Honestly? The more I think about JYL the more it pisses me off that she’s treated like WWX’s best sister more than WQ is. Imagine WQ seeing one brother stab the other in the gut and take the former’s side because the latter broke the former’s arm. Imagine WQ so much as considering allowing a child to cover up the kid he’s supposed to share a room with locking him out and scaring him into running away. She wouldn’t! Because WQ sees her brothers as equals. She won’t pick WN over WWX just because they’re blood siblings; she loves them both, and will choose based on who she thinks is in the right. And she wouldn’t just stay neutral to avoid rocking the boat, oh no. If WQ heard WWX say that WN stabbed him and did enough damage that he had to hold his guts in... oh boy would WN have a bad day. The thing with JYL is that she seems like a good sister in comparison to the rest of the Jiangs; stick canon JYL into a family that genuinely loves WWX and sees him as equal to their other children, and she would not look anywhere near as good.

#mdzs #lotus sister #i still love jyl but... well #she's not actually a good sister to wwx despite being the only jiang to claim him as family #she looks good in comparison to the rest of the jiangs #but i'd pick wq over her any day #anon #asks

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

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CQL-verse! The characters have the same age gaps between them as their actors and actresses! Wwx and Jyl are the same age, jc is 5 years younger than them. Lxc is 3 years younger than wwx&jyl and lwj is 3 years younger than him. Nmj is two years older than wwx&jyl and nhs is 8 years younger than him and the same age as lwj. (1/2)

Meng Yao is 2 years older than nhs and jzx is 2 years older than MY. I'm leaving the Wen Sibs out of this because otherwise WN would be the same age as wwx and WQ would be 4 years younger than him. But hey! If you want to go with that, go crazy! I was thinking more of Yunmeng Sibs focus, but I will be happy with anything! (2/2)

ao3

Untamed

Nie Mingjue hated the Wen sect to the point of death and war, but he had always had trouble hating sad and gentle Wen Ning.

Wen Ning was technically his peer – there were only two years between them in age – and therefore capable of the same sorts of responsibilities and duties towards righteousness as Nie Mingjue, meaning that he ought to hate him as much as all the rest. But at the same time, Wen Ning was only part of the main branch family indirectly, a ward of Wen Ruohan; he was constantly suppressed and even tormented by Wen Chao, the eldest son of that family. If anything, it seemed almost as if he’d been brought into the family just to act as the family’s scapegoat, the inferior copy that was so hapless that he made that self-indulgent hedonist Wen Chao appear somewhat competent in contrast.

Nie Mingjue couldn’t imagine treating any of his own cousins that way.

He and Wen Chao were often compared, both being about the same age, and their young brothers were of similar age as well, both of them only fourteen; this juxtaposition made sure that every single person in the cultivation world talk of them in the same breath. Nie Mingjue always came out the better in the comparison, and Wen Xu the same for his, which in the minds of most people balanced out, but which caused Wen Chao no end of rage. He knew he couldn’t take out his anger on the talented Wen Xu and so took out on poor Wen Ning instead.

Nie Mingjue hated the Wen sect.

He did not hate Wen Ning.

Wen Ning, who should not be here.

“Please,” Wen Ning said, nearly in tears, as he threw himself down to the floor in front of Nie Mingjue. He’d burst into the room in the inn Nie Mingjue was staying at, the guards that no sect leader could do without no matter what they wanted following close behind in alarm until Nie Mingjue had waved them off with a gesture; he’d been panting so hard that he’d only just now caught his breath. “Please help this useless older brother do one good thing with his life.”

Alarmed, Nie Mingjue reached out and caught Wen Ning by the shoulders, pulling him to stand and even forgetting himself enough to reach forward with a sleeve to dab away the tears staining the other man’s face.

“What is it?” he asked, feeling anxiety curdling in his gut. He’d spoken with Wen Ning before during the discussion conferences, both when he was younger and even, in a few stolen moments, after he became sect leader; he knew Wen Ning had a steady personality, if a weak one from all the bullying he endured, and that he was not given to unnecessary hysterics. If he could tolerate Wen Chao’s endless torment with a faint smile and a don’t worry sect leader Nie once you’re used to it it’s more funny than anything else, then what could make him act like this? “What is that you need help with? I do not understand.”

Wen Ning looked tired. He always had, his health had always been poor, but now it seemed worse than ever; there were circles under his eyes, and Nie Mingjue had no idea how he’d managed to get away from the Nightless City to come find him. The town he was currently in was close to the border the Qinghe Nie shared with Qishan Wen, but it was still an effort, especially for someone like Wen Ning. He might be a member of the Wen family by name, but his freedom was significantly curtailed, and it wasn’t only because he was sickly.

“My little sister is going to be attending the lectures at the Cloud Recesses,” Wen Ning said.

“The - Lan sect lectures?” Nie Mingjue repeated blankly. It was a stupid thing to say; of course it was the Lan sect’s lectures, who else would give lectures at the Cloud Recesses? And yet, at the same time – “The Wen sect hasn’t gone to them in generations.”

“Sect Leader Wen asked A-Qing to look for something,” Wen Ning said. “I don’t know what. He talks to her more than he talks to me, when she’s treating him with acupuncture and other such things – he only wants blood relations treating him now, so she’s passing along what she can do, the doctors all say she’s talented – he told her something, I think, but I don’t know what, he doesn’t talk to me…and she doesn’t talk to me, either.”

“She’s sixteen, they’re like that,” Nie Mingjue said, trying to offer comfort, but he didn’t like the sound of that – Wen Ruohan growing reliant on the medical skills of a teenager, talking with her as if she were an adult…it didn’t speak well to the Chief Cultivator’s state of mind. “So she’s going to go spy on them?”

“She is. And maybe more. There’s – there’s something back in the Nightless City, something Sect Leader Wen is refining in order to increase his power. Whatever it is, it’s powerful and evil.” Wen Ning looked paler than usual, somehow. “It was something that was kept in a cave near our village when we were younger, once. Sect Leader Wen took it away to study, and it made something go crazy, I got hurt, and my parents – anyway, it doesn’t matter. I can’t go near it without losing my senses, so I really don’t know anything about it. But I know that Sect Leader Wen only has a piece – and the Lan sect has another.”

Lan Xichen had never mentioned such a thing, but then again, he wasn’t really old enough that Nie Mingjue would expect him to know everything about his sect – he was after all a full five years younger than Nie Mingjue, three years younger than Wen Ning; he was still only seventeen, having only just graduated from his uncle’s classes the year before. He was only very technically sect leader, in the same way Nie Mingjue had only been technically sect leader after his father’s death, although unlike Lan Xichen Nie Mingjue had fought his way to step up to the task for real early on. He himself was only barely considered an adult at the age of twenty-two; it was no surprise that in the Lan sect, which had Lan Qiren to rely on, Lan Xichen might not know it all.

Or perhaps he knew, and simply didn’t say. Each sect was entitled to its secrets.

“What are you thinking?” Nie Mingjue asked.

“I’m thinking that my sister is constantly afraid for me, even though she’s younger than me,” Wen Ning said solemnly. “I’m thinking that she will break her own principles into pieces to protect me. I’m thinking that she’ll find whatever it is, or find a hint to it, and then Wen Chao will take his forces to burn the Cloud Recesses to the ground in search of it.”

Nie Mingjue could see that.

He didn’t want to, but he could.

“My brother is attending those lectures,” he said blankly. Nie Huaisang was there right now. He could be in danger – no, he would be in danger. Nie Huaisang wasn’t a good cultivator, and at fourteen, he was just a baby. Nie Mingjue had sent Meng Yao with him, nominally as his attendant, but in fact to get the benefit of the classes himself and also bully Nie Huaisang into actually learning something – he’d brought Meng Yao into the Nie sect after Jin Zixuan, full of guilt over how his father had treated a boy only two years his junior, had sent him a letter beseeching him for help following Meng Yao’s public and humiliating rejection from Jinlin Tower – but Meng Yao was only sixteen, of age with Wen Qing; what could he really do?

Moreover, sending Wen Qing and not Wen Xu, even though Wen Xu was the same age as Nie Huaisang and Lan Wangji, indicated that Wen Ruohan didn’t want his more promising son to get involved in whatever it was that he was planning, or maybe in whatever consequences followed. If Wen Chao really were to try something violent, they couldn’t afford to have a weakness already there…

“I need to get A-Qing out of the Wen sect,” Wen Ning said, and Nie Mingjue turned to look at him in shock. “Permanently. I’ve begged her to go, but she won’t leave me, she won’t leave our family of the Dafan Wen, but she has to. Something bad is going to happen soon. I know it. I don’t mind trading my life for hers, but she has to live.”

“Is there any way you can go to the Cloud Recesses as well?” Nie Mingjue asked, his mind already racing. He’d long ago given up on helping Wen Ning because he knew the other man wouldn’t turn traitor against his family, being an upright and filial child, but if his family had reached such a depth of corruption as that, then it was only right to leave them behind. If Wen Ning was finally accepting that, maybe there was something he could do. “You’re sensitive to the – whatever it is. Right? Maybe Wen Qing can suggest bringing you around to help her find her way to it.”

“How would that help?”

“It gets you somewhere safe, while I can rescue Dafan Wen – without a threat to you or to them, your sister would have no reason to insist on staying,” Nie Mingjue said, though it wouldn’t be him, exactly, that did the rescue – he’d need a firm alibi lest Wen Ruohan use it as an excuse to start something with his Nie sect. He might have prepared for war as much as he could, but the Wen sect was still stronger; if war broke out, he needed to make sure that he had the moral high ground.

Luckily, Wei Wuxian, that walking calamity of a head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang, had of late developed the habit of wandering over to visit various other sects, including Qinghe (and Nie Mingjue in specific), at his leisure, and no one ever would think to blame him for such a strange thing as a subsidiary sect of distant Wen sect cousins disappearing.

After all, Wei Wuxian had no reason to know or care about the Dafan Wen, and everyone knew he abjured politics completely, violently and repetitively, so as to make no mistake about anyone who might otherwise see him as competition for the Jiang sect’s true heir, Jiang Cheng. The five-year gap between their ages kept them from being compared – you couldn’t expect a child, and at fifteen Jiang Cheng was still very much a child, to keep up with an adult just turned twenty like Wei Wuxian – but there had always been whispers given everything with Cangse Sanren, and Wei Wuxian had had to work very hard to put a stop to them.

Wei Wuxian’s wandering habit had started back when he’d been trying to find Jiang Yanli a new fiancée to replace the engagement he’d broken by fighting with Jin Zixuan, however shameful it was for him to fight with a boy two years his junior. It was for that that he had come to Qinghe to meet Nie Mingjue, leading to them hitting it off as friends despite Nie Mingjue expressing that he had absolutely no interest in getting married to Jiang Yanli, or indeed to any nice young lady at all; then, in turn, Nie Mingjue had brought him to the Lan sect to meet Lan Xichen. They’d gotten along as well, although the most notable outcome of that visit had been little Lan Wangji developing a crush on his elder brother’s new friend while Wei Wuxian remained blissfully oblivious. His wanderings had continued even after Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan had found their way back to each other, affianced once again through their own choice rather than their parents’.

Said parents had not yet been informed of this new situation, as they were waiting for the right time to mention it. Or perhaps more accurately, the right situation to exploit with it…

Now, Nie Mingjue thought. Now was the time. It would work perfectly.

And not just as a distraction.

“Are you sure…?”

“I am,” Nie Mingjue said. “Whatever it is, Wen Ruohan must be kept from obtaining all of the pieces; he’s already too powerful, and more power will only make him more arrogant. I’ll speak with Lan Qiren. Once I take the Dafan Wen back to the Nie sect, your sister will be able to testify to whatever it is that she was asked to search for, which will give Lan Qiren the evidence he needs to get his sect’s approval for retaliatory measures. Moreover, using Wei Wuxian to help me will force Jiang Fengmian to support me as well; there’s no way he’d ever refuse to back him to the hilt.”

“The Jin sect –”

“Will join us,” Nie Mingjue said, thinking of Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan’s yet-to-be-announced engagement. Once Jin Guangshan realized that he would be pulled into the same boat as the rest of them whether he wanted to or not, any resistance he had would crumble like a structure made of sand being beaten down by the tide. “They won’t have a choice. Is there anything else I should know?”

“There’s a child,” Wen Ning said, biting his lips. “Around the same age as your brother or my sister, or maybe the Jiang sect heir, I don’t know, around that. He helps Sect Leader Wen with whatever he’s doing.”

“A child helps him?”

Nie Mingjue didn’t like the sound of that.

“I don’t know. Some secret his family knows, I think…his surname is Xue.”

Nie Mingjue frowned.

“I don’t know much about him,” Wen Ning added. “Only that he has some history with the Yueyang Chang clan. Bad history.”

“That’s a good start,” Nie Mingjue said. He realized that he hadn’t yet released Wen Ning’s shoulders, and gave them a small squeeze before doing so. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will do everything I can to help you.”

Wen Ning looked at him with admiration in his eyes, making Nie Mingjue feel a little hot under the collar.

“Thank you, Chifeng-zun,” he murmured, and Nie Mingjue shook his head.

“Call me by name,” he said, and tried to smile. “You’ll be here a lot in the future, if all goes well.”

Nie Mingjue hated the Wen sect, but he didn’t hate gentle and sad Wen Ning.

He didn’t hate him at all.

#mdzs #nie mingjue #wen ning #my fic #my fics #count your age #I know you said Yunmeng focus but this is what came out #sorry #full list of ages on the ao3 page

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

Text

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 07 part two

(Masterpost)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Lantern Lighting

Now we have the famous lantern scene, where everybody gets to express their character and have dates, ranging from disastrous to delightful, with the objects of their affection.

Wei Wuxian continues to be ridiculously good at drawing.

We’ve all seen Lan Wangji’s lovely first smile in the show a million times, so...let’s look at it again!

This scene is important not just because of the smile, but because there’s a distinct shift in the way they talk about their growing relationship. In the pond, it was “come visit me” and “never!” “I want to be your friend” “No need.” Basically Lan Wangji firmly saying no to Wei Wuxian’s offers of friendship.

This time, Wei Wuxian says “let’s do this together” and Lan Wangji says “I’m used to being alone,” which is not actually a No, just an explanation. And WWX says, you can change that. And then Lan Wangji DOES change it, sharing the lantern and the promise with Wei Wuxian.

Whoever painted this flower is even better than Wei Wuxian at plein air painting.

(more after the cut!)

Everybody’s wishes

Nie Huasang makes a practical wish. Wen Qing prays for her brother and Jiang Cheng notices how she’s like Yanli. Jiang Cheng isn’t very intense about Wen Qing, which could be a sign of his shyness but could also be a sign of his gayness or aceness. After all, later in life he’s an apparently wealthy clan leader who is hot as fuck, and needs an heir, since his nephew is a Jin. But he’s still not married, 16 years after breaking up with and uh, helping to kill and cremate, the girl he liked in summer school.

The Promise We Made Together

Wei Wuxian makes an ultra-idealistic wish/promise while Lan Wangji watches and falls the rest of the way in love with him, and silently makes the same pledge inside his head. Later they will each refer to this as a promise they made together, which is a really super high level of face-reading by Wei Wuxian, to understand that he really is speaking for both of them here. While making this promise, Lan Wangji brings out his Yin Iron Magic Bag and waves it around in front of everyone, but nobody notices.

Let’s take a moment to consider *why* this moment is so powerful for Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji is a boy whose emotions are always on the boil. He’s 100% upset all the time, at this age, and he keeps it clamped down all the time. His cultivation level is probably as high as it is partly because of all the work he does in emotion regulation. (note: if you haven’t read all the meta at @howpeacefulislwj , go read it; it’s awesome and hilarious)

Wei Wuxian doesn’t GAF about emotion regulation; he just expresses what he feels, all the damn time.

He is openly bored, lusty, playful, hungry, whiny. He straight up tells Lan Wangji “you’re boring and you have a stick up your ass” as part of saying he wants to be friends; no deference and also no falseness.

And he can see right through Lan Wangji’s reserve, barging into his loneliness and isolation without any regard for all of his wards. Wards are made to be broken.

(Unrelated note: Young Lan Wangji's rare moments of contentment seem to come from looking at something beautiful--the moon, falling petals, these lanterns, his mirror.)

But Wei Wuxian is also good. Lan Wangji desperately wants to be good. And here’s Wei Wuxian embodying this awful, amazing, tempting alternative path, in which all the interesting things in life get explored thoroughly, all the sweetness and beauty gets consumed unreservedly, all the pain and ugliness gets confronted and endured without hesitation.

In this moment, Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji “you can change,” and then offers up this prayer/promise that is just pure chivarly, speaking straight to Lan Wangji’s heart. Very simply, I want to spend my life doing right. Not 3500 rules; just one.

This infuriating boy, who breaks rules and who flirts indiscriminately and who pushes and pushes and pushes, reveals himself in this moment to be a hero at the beginning of his journey, and Lan Wangji sees it, and his heart goes right over the cliff.

The Girls’ Room

The girl cultivators all rush over to Yanli to get in her business about her betrothal, inspiring Jin Zixuan to act like a jerk to her and get even further onto Wei Wuxian’s bad side.

Talk Shit, Get Hit

Yanli’s wish was that Wei Wuxian would grow up and be good. He promptly launches his own personal Sunshot campaign, punching her fiancee so hard that the sun falls out of the sky and the previously well-lit scene transitions to full night.

So, in English, “don’t mention it again” is really mild, akin to “I don’t want to talk about it.” Wei Wuxian’s reaction makes it seem like Jin Zixuan said something really shitty, like “don’t you dare mention that woman to me!” So I’m assuming something is being lost in translation.

Lan Wangji tries to calm him down. He grabs Wei Wuxian’s sexy arm muscle and basically holds it until the Jiangs exit the scene.

Nie Huaisang has placed himself between the opposing factions, which is unusually direct of him. In the future he’ll stick to being an unindicted co-conspirator when Wei Wuxian starts trouble.

Ants in my Pants

Lan Wangji thinks kneeling can make Wei Wuxian cry, which is adorable of him.

He really relishes this opportunity to be a pedantic tool to his new boyfriend that annoying boy he hardly ever touches, and it really doesn’t work out for him, poor lamb.

Jiang Fengmian stops by to show exactly how deep his affection for Wei Wuxian runs, and to give him whiplash from constantly changing parental expectations. In a couple of hours he’ll be laughing over WWX & JC’s hijinks.

Wei Wuxian takes this opportunity to fantasize about bad things happening to the other boy in the fight, which is in no way foreshadowing of anything.

Douche Dads Conference

We now convene this meeting of the douchebag council. Jiang Cheng is also invited even though he’s a prick, not a douche. <--important distinction

This is our first time meeting Clan Leader Jin Guangshan. He's actually the most sensible and best parent in this scene, but his smug self-satisfaction hints at his true nature. This actor, Shen Xiaohai, has been active in cdramas for a long while now. I wonder what he looked like 15 years ago?

...Holy mother of god.

Jiang Fengmian is the worst dad and the worst husband here. His clan believes in letting children do what they want - uhh YOUR child wants to marry Jin Zixuan. “I wrote a letter to her mother, who arranged this marriage.” Uhhh she arranged for her sickly, low-cultivation-level, sweet and vulnerable child to marry the heir of a rich and powerful clan, with a powerful mother-in-law who’s looking forward to loving and protecting her. Basically she’s guaranteed her daughter’s safety and comfort, and even potential happiness, since her husband may learn to appreciate her (and in fact, does, thanks to soup and repeated beatings from WWX).

Mom worked hard and probably spent a fair amount of social capital to achieve this. And you’re going to toss that aside because the boy thinks he’s too good for her? What the everloving fuck, how are you a clan leader in the first place?

You can see that Jiang Cheng understands all of this and what a terrible choice his father is making here.

So do the other adults in the room.

Jin Guangshen: our wives are going to kill us

Lan Qiren: I'm looking at a couple of dead men

Jiang Fengmian pointedly won’t listen to Jiang Cheng or let him speak, showing that all his talk about being free is actually bullshit, that only applies to other people’s children.

Jiang Chang vaults off of the deck to tell Wei Wuxian about it. Hottt

Sorry Sis

Wei Wuxian goes to Jiang Yanli to sorta-apologize and sorta ask to be let off the hook for fucking up her engagement, which he absolutely did. He knows it, which is presumably why he bows to her in paperman form while hiding outside.

At no time has Jiang Yanli indicated to anyone that she doesn’t want to marry Jin Zixuan, as far as I can see, or said she wanted to be defended from insults with punching. Look how good SHE is at defending a person from insults, for comparison.

Yin Iron Blah Blah Blah

The senior Lans meet with Jiang Fengmian to talk about the Yawn Yin Iron. Yawn.

Jiang Fengmian addresses Lan Xichen as Lan Gongzi, which is adorable, since he is a big boy to everyone else. His family calls him Xichen and other people call him Zewu-Jun.

Farewell and Fuck You

The three Jiang kids come to say goodbye.

Lan Quiren says goodbye with a heap of criticism for Wei Wuxian and the horse he rode in on, and Jiang Fengmian basically says, yep, that’s what he’s like, all right.

Good thing Wei Ying gets so much verbal abuse at home he doesn’t take it very hard when he finds it in the field.

Wangji doesn’t say goodbye properly, which will be a recurring theme for the two of them.

I don’t know if this is because he has a problem with goodbyes, or is just being a jerk, or because he’s so bad at lying he doesn’t dare talk to Wei Wuxian lest he reveal his travel plans.

Indulgent Dad Continues to be the Worst

Jiang Cheng complains at Wei Wuxian for wanting to say goodbye to Lan Wangji, and WWX says he likes him because he is equal to WWX in fighting, whereas JC sucks. JC hits him tries to hit him--gosh, he DOES suck, comparatively.

Yanli, who has been keeping these boys in line all summer, sighs deeply at her Dad’s tolerance for their hijinks. OP has five brothers and this sibling-hijinks behavior is 100% accurate, except for the part where it is happening at someone else’s house in front of the hosts.

WWX pretending to be Lan Qiren where Lan Wangji can see him doing it, in front of Lan Qiren’s colleague and supposed friend, and just earning a laugh from the patriarch? Good lord. Dad Jiang tolerating this is shocking, particularly in the in-show culture where corporal punishment is as common as tea.

We’ve tried Nothing, and we’re all out of ideas!

Uggghh why are you like this?

Here in the real world, OP uses “positive discipline” with her child, and encourages other parents to consider it, particularly if your child is neuroatypical or asynchronous. That said, JF should be punishing the crap out of both boys for this behavior every time it happens, or should quit being a clan leader. He’s relying on Jiang Yanli to keep them in line while he gets to just be amused by them. And he’s letting Lan Qiren discipline Wei Wuxian instead of doing it himself. He suuuuuuucks.

Lan Wangji watches all of this. Lan Xichen reminds Lan Wangji that without Wei Wuxian, he’s completely fucking miserable. Lan Wangji still doesn’t plan to bring him along on his trip, though.

Time to return to our lives of crushing loneliness

Rabbits

At this same moment when Lan Wangji is staring down the barrel of future loneliness, Wei Wuxian is already deciding to leave the (forbidden) rabbits in Cloud Recesses “In case Lan Zhan gets lonely.” This small decision by Wei Wuxian - breaking the rules of Cloud Recesses for the millionth time - is kinder than he knows. Because what is the job of these rabbits? Let’s have a desaturated flashback.

Lan Zhan spent 3 years in the ice cave. The rabbits kept Lan Yi company in the ice cave. So...did the rabbits sneak in to keep Lan Wangji company in the ice cave as well? I’m going to say yes. By ep 43 they are following him to the gate of Cloud Recesses so they are very attached to him. Well done, Wei Ying.

Where my bitches at? Seriously, our warren needs bitches

(Is Watership Down still a thing people read? If not, just go ahead and assume all of OP’s rabbit jokes are about Watership Down because OP ain’t going to stop making them)

While Wei Wuxian annoys the bunny he has a flashback to the scene that happened 4 minutes earlier. The Untamed editors assume the viewership has the attention span of a goldfish, and I personally appreciate that they understand me so well.

Wei Wuxian figures out that Lan Wangji is going on the road alone, and tells the bunny immediately. The bunny is very concerned.

Writing Prompt: What do next-generation cultivators Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi wish for at lantern-lighting time?

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #wangxian #the untamed gifs #cdrama #chen qing ling #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #the untamed spoilers

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aurora077 · 3 years

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Intervention

Summary: Lan Xichen’s seclusion had gone on long enough, in Jiang Cheng’s opinion. It was time for an intervention. Fem!JC

Author's Note: This work is set in jiucengta ‘s haunting legacies au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716682)which I suggest you check out. Jiang Cheng is female and was married to Wei Wuxian before shit hit the fan. The relationships are not explicitly stated here, it's very background. I just had this idea and wanted to get it out there. I may or may not do another fic very similar to this one but not set in an AU, just post-canon instead.

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Two years had gone by since the fateful Guanyin Temple incident that rocked the cultivation world. Two years (a little more really) since Jiang Cheng’s erstwhile husband had returned from the dead. Two years (a little less actually but who’s counting) since she lost her widowed status and gained an extra love to boot somewhere in the middle. And two years since Sect Leader Lan had gone into seclusion, punishing himself for his blindness and mourning the loss of both his sworn brothers.

Normally Jiang Cheng would not stick her nose in other sects’ business. But Gusu Lan had become more than just another sect to her; it was important to those she loved and so, it was also important to her. And even if things hadn’t turned out the way they did in her personal life, Lan Xichen is someone she would have wanted to help anyway. During the thirteen years her husband had been dead he had been one of the few to show any open support for her.

She would never forget that fateful discussion conference-- the one where she’d been dubbed Wife of the Yiling Demon after she rebuffed Jin Guangshan’s attempt to pressure her into marriage (brokered by him no less-- undoubtedly trying to get her to wed one of his own relatives...control over the Jiang could only work in his favour). Loudmouthed Sect Leader Yao would have turned things even uglier for her had it not been for Lan Xichen’s timely intervention on her behalf. His steady support had helped her in more ways than one over the years despite the fact that they were not ever particularly close. With Gusu Lan seemingly in her corner, the voices that would (and initially, did) loudly decry a young female Sect Leader were forced to whisper instead.

That was why she found herself sitting opposite the man, sipping on a cup of tea as he gazed inquisitively at her.

“Sect Leader Jiang,” he greeted, sounding weary, voice containing only a trace of his former warmth, “What brings you here? As you know I am still in seclusion, technically, I should not be having visitors. Is there something urgent that you need my help with?”

“Yes,” she said, and continued bluntly as was her way, “I’m here to convince you to leave it.”

His eyes widened slightly. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

It spoke to the measure of self control the Lan’s had that he didn’t simply kick her out of the hanshi.

“I beg your pardon but I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

She cleared her throat and tried to measure her words more carefully; she didn’t want to be asked to leave before she had made her arguments and she tried to remember that this Lan Xichen had been hurt too deeply to retain his former magnanimity.

“You may not know it Lan Xichen, but outside these walls you are sorely missed.”

His lips twitched, as if he wanted to smile but couldn’t quite make it.

“I’m aware my family may miss me, Sect Leader Jiang, but I had no idea that you harbored such strong feelings towards me that you now miss my presence.”

She sputtered slightly, not expecting him to joke about it when he looked like he could keel over if she spoke too loudly. “I…” her face turned red, “That wasn’t what…”

Taking pity on her he waved her protests away, voice becoming more solemn, “Why don’t you tell me why you think I should leave my seclusion. You of all people should understand why I need to do this. It was your family hurt the most by my ignorance.”

She drew in a breath to steady herself, “Did you hold me responsible when Wei Wuxian did all the crap that he did?”

“That’s different, he was manipulated,” he frowned.

“Nobody knew that until recently Zewu-Jun. And manipulation or not he still made choices that led to a lot of harm. So I ask you again, was I to blame? Should I not have been able to stop my husband? Is it not, therefore also my fault? Maybe I should join you in seclusion since his demonic cultivation was partly because he gave me his core and had no options left.”

He looked pained, “I have never blamed you for his choices. You couldn’t help what you didn’t know. None of us knew he didn’t have a core.”

“And none of us knew Jin Guangyao was a megalomaniac either. So how can you be blamed for his choices? If you are to shoulder the blame then so should all the rest of us.”

“The rest of you weren’t his sworn brothers!” he almost shouted.

“Mingjue knew. He warned me not to trust him so many times. I dismissed him. I thought he was paranoid and misjudging A-Yao like so many others. If he could see it, why didn’t I? I wronged Da-ge in the worst way because I thought I knew better than him,” His breathing was coming out ragged, “I thought A-Yao was the one who knew me best. Who I knew best.”

It spoke to his state of mind that he even let all of that out in front of her.

“Sect Leader Jiang, the man I considered my closest companion is the man most hated by the cultivation world and reviled as a monster. How do you think I must look in comparison? I am sure there are those out there wondering if I had known and if I even helped him with all of his plans. There are people who will speculate as to the bounds of our relationship. If I did not go into seclusion they would say I had no shame, look what his sworn brother did and he’s out and about like normal. Then there are those who look at my decision to seclude myself as an indicator of guilt and may accuse me of complicity. Or they will look at my mourning and see someone who mourns a monster and who does that? Why mourn a monster? Sect Leader Yao even openly criticised your young nephew for crying at the coffin of his uncle who also helped raise him. A parentless child who saw one of his only remaining close family members die brutally after being exposed as a serious criminal, who even threatened him with bodily harm, could not grieve him without censure. What of a grown man, and a Sect Leader at that!”

“With all due respect, so what?”

“E..excuse me?” Lan Xichen was torn between being confused and insulted.

“You heard me. So. What?” she started, “So what if they think these things? Does that make it true? If Sect Leader Yao thinks that you’re an incestuous troll would that make it true? If Sect Leader Ouyang says ‘hey did you know that Sect Leader Lan likes to visit brothels in secret’ would that make it true? Just because people think something does not make it a reality. Your sect certainly does not believe you are responsible for the actions of Jin Guangyao and would stand by you if anyone insinuates otherwise. You have your brother and your uncle who love you and are worried about you. Your sect has thrived under your leadership and undoubtedly they all miss you too.”

That Lan Jingyi kid couldn’t shut up about how much he missed Zewu-Jun. And she knew Lan Zhan missed his brother and lamented that he could not do more for him. He and Lan Qiren were working themselves ragged trying to pick up the pieces. He’d hardly had time to come back to Lotus Pier and she and Wei Ying missed him dearly. They’d had to make up so many ‘official’ reasons to find themselves in the Cloud Recesses so that they could spend some time together. So yes on the one hand it would be good for them if Zewu-Jun were to leave seclusion but she wasn’t simply doing it for that reason. It was because if anyone could understand what Zewu-Jun was going through, it would be her. And she didn’t think that seclusion was going to help anything. All it would do is make him ruminate on his mistakes over and over again until he likely went mad himself.

“You said that the man you considered your closest companion turned out to be a monster. Gee, I wonder what that feels like? You said that people will wonder if you helped him with his plans, oh gee, I wonder what that feels like?” Zewu-Jun had the grace to look abashed at that.

She continued, softer, “You said people will talk about what kind of person mourns a monster. But you’re not mourning a monster, are you? When A-Ling cried over his coffin, did you blame him for it? Did you think ‘why is this child mourning when he should celebrate the end of the one who fractured his family?’ like Sect Leader Yao did?” Zewu-Jun shook his head but didn’t say anything, letting her continue.

“A-Ling was mourning the loss of the uncle he knew. And you are mourning the loss of the companion he had been to you. The world will only ever view him as a monster because the world never knew him. But you did. Maybe you didn’t know everything about him, but not everything about him was fake. I hate Jin Guangyao, I will not pretend otherwise. But I was there, Zewu-Jun. I was there, and I could see that he truly did care for you and value you. Not everything he showed you would have been fake. You of all people probably got more sincerity out of him than anyone else. And so you, of all people, have a right to mourn the man he was, the same way A-Ling still mourns the loss of the man who gifted a lonely child a dog. Not everything had an ulterior motive. Even monsters can love can’t they? Even monsters had people who loved them. I would know. So if you need to mourn him… then just mourn him.

Who gives a damn what people will say about it? People will always talk, Zewu-Jun. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, people will believe what they want to believe. So why let their opinions force you into repenting for something you didn’t even do? Let them think what they want to think. It is not a crime to be deceived. We all were. Why take the world on your shoulders when you don’t actually have to? And again, with all due respect Sect Leader Lan, if I, a family-less, alliance-less woman whose husband was the most reviled personage in the jianghu, who suffered the scorn of the cultivation world for over a decade, could raise my nephew on my own and build my sect back from literal ashes into one of the strongest and most respected once again, then you, who have a strong sect and people who love you, who believe in you and will support you no matter what… you can manage to live too.”

“Sect Leader Jiang…” Zewu-Jun was at a loss for words. What could he say? It only sounded selfish and petty to claim that he suffered more than she did, because he truly didn’t. She was right after all. Sect Leader Jiang was a remarkable woman. Life had not been kind to her. And...her words struck something within him. He felt ashamed. He hadn’t even thought about what it was like for her before this. He’d never offered her any support, but here she was trying to get him to live his life again without guilt. She, whose family most assuredly suffered because of his inaction, was here telling him to let it go, to not take responsibility. But how could he do that so easily?

“How did you do it? Sect Leader Jiang...” his voice cracked, “Can you ever forgive me, for the harm that my inaction caused you and your family?” Maybe if he heard it from her, maybe he could begin to forgive himself.

She sighed. “On my part, there is nothing to forgive Zewu-Jun. And so I can’t grant you forgiveness because you haven’t done me any wrong. But there are a few people who do deserve an apology from you. And your seclusion is a self-imposed punishment that you feel you deserve but at the end of the day, it does not actually do anything tangible when it comes to making amends to those who have been hurt.”

He was silent for a moment, stunned by her words. He hadn’t considered that his seclusion might have been causing others even more harm than he’d already done to them. Sect Leader Jiang was wise (she would disagree...she’d just learned from bitter experience in her opinion). He felt like he’d done her a great disservice all of these years, by not making an effort to reach out to her.

“Please, tell me. I.. I confess I no longer trust my judgement. I thought I knew A-Yao. I thought I was a good judge of character. I no longer know how to tell what is up from down. All I know is that I was so, so wrong about A-Yao. If you say that I have not harmed you then I am glad. I would hate to be the cause of more pain. You said that I am not responsible for A-Yao’s actions, and though it isn’t easy to believe that just yet, if there are those who I have truly wronged then please...please tell me. I still don’t know if I am ready to leave seclusion, if I even know how to, but I need to atone for my actions.”

Jiang Cheng nodded, “That’s the right attitude at least. So to start with I’d say you need to have a chat with Huaisang.”

His eyes widened, “I… I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Sect Leader Jiang.” His face darkened slightly. He wasn’t pleased with Huaisang at the moment. It felt like he never even knew him.

“And why not? Out of everyone, it’s Huaisang that you unintentionally hurt. And I don’t mean because of not listening to Nie Mingjue. His death was not your fault.” He was about to protest but she cut him off. “It wasn’t. I told you, stop taking responsibility for what isn’t your fault and own up to what is.”

He sighed heavily, “If it’s not about Da-ge then how did I wrong Huaisang?”

“Well for one, you’re still his Er-ge. Yet you seem to have forgotten that in lieu of what happened in the temple. Huaisang… has lost everyone. He may have been acting like a shady shit for the past however many years but… do you know what it’s like to be the last one of your family, Zewu-Jun? To have nobody beside you except subordinates?” He inhaled sharply. “I.. I hadn’t thought of that,” he said mournfully. How much did he just not consider? What kind of a person was he that he resented Huaisang for his deceit but yet did not consider for one moment that Huaisang may have done those things because he thought he was all alone and could not come to him for help? What kind of brother was he that his little brother could not confide in him? He should have been there for Huaisang, instead he had thought so highly of Jin Guangyao, even dismissing da-ge’s claims, that Huaisang had not dared to approach him with his suspicions.

Sect Leader Jiang was being very understanding however, “Zewu-Jun, I know you’re not pleased with Huaisang. I know there are many things that he’s done that are not right. I know there’s a possibility that he lied and forced your hand at the end. Believe me, I know the feeling...more than anyone, I know what it feels like to be deceived by someone you love...to kill someone you love. I know what it feels like when everyone praises you for it. Like you did such a great thing and you should be happy and celebrating with everyone else, except you can’t because your heart has shattered…has been ripped to shreds.

As someone who once loved a so-called monster...as someone who as good as killed that person with their own hands, I understand better than anyone what you’re going through. What Huaisang did was cruel, even though I’m glad Jin Guangyao is dead. It was cruel to have you be the one to end him. Huaisang likely knew that Jin Guangyao valued you. He knew it would be the worst end for him to be killed by your hand. I can’t speak for Huaisang, but I don’t believe he did it to hurt you, even though that’s inevitably what happened anyway. He did it to hurt Jin Guangyao. But even though it was not kind of him to have you be the arbiter of justice, he still deserves to have his Er-ge in his life.

She paused remembering the pain of losing her husband and sister all in one night.

She didn't have to imagine how Huaisang would have felt at losing the last member of his family at the hands of someone he cared about.“You and I aren’t the only ones who were deceived by someone we loved. Huaisang loved Jin Guangyao too, didn’t he? He loved and trusted him. When Nie Mingjue was getting worse, didn’t Huaisang trust and rely on both you and Jin Guangyao? It wasn’t a front. You were both dear to him. He loved him. He loved him and was betrayed by him in the worst way. And then yes, he orchestrated a whole convoluted plan to have him exposed and killed.

But you and I can both attest that justice, and even revenge, doesn’t stop the pain does it? Huaisang avenged his brother, but he lost another in the process, the same way you did. Don’t let him lose you too. You said you wronged Nie Mingjue by not listening to him. I think you’d wrong him even more if you left his little brother alone, without anyone to call family. You don’t have to forgive Huaisang right away, or at all if you don’t want to, but eventually you should at least try and reconcile with him. You’re his big brother... the only one left. And you know, Huaisang would have had the realisation that he was fooled by Jin Guangyao all on his own. But you don’t have to be alone.

Huaisang and you share the experience of being blinded by him. It would be much easier to talk to someone who has gone through the same things, no? Huaisang is there. And I am here. You don’t have to endure this on your own. We may not be very close Zewu-Jun, but we can understand each other, not so? So I’m here if you need someone to confide in. And Huaisang...Huaisang must be waiting too. For his Er-ge. You both owe each other apologies.”

By the time she was done speaking there were tears rolling down his face. She didn’t think it was quite appropriate given their positions, (though she was sort of his secret sister-in-law so really, he counted as family) but she moved over to his side and embraced him. If he was surprised he didn’t show it, only moving to cling to her more tightly and sob with a ferocity that had her a bit surprised. She wondered if this was the first time since the temple that he’d allowed himself to fully grieve what he had lost, without the guilt of letting his sworn brother die, killing the other one, and feeling bad for mourning for someone who he should hate.

Everyone praised him for killing Jin Guangyao however, it was something he didn’t want to be praised for. But what could he say? That he hated the fact that he killed him? He was right about one thing, if he ever said something like that people would most assuredly say he was complicit and probably want to implicate him. Jiang Cheng of all people knew how hard it was to listen to people praising you for a deed you were not proud of. And so she was the only person who would understand. The only person who would, who could, acknowledge the hurt it would have caused him to do what he did, especially if he was tricked into it.

His feelings about Huaisang would be complicated, but it wasn’t too late to reconcile as long as they were both alive.

She rubbed his back consolingly and just let him cry. It must have been no more than 15 minutes, but it felt much longer, before his tears slowed. When his sobs petered out he tried to compose himself. She let go of him and he embarrassedly turned away, sipping his tea. He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry Sect Leader Jiang, that was unbecoming of me.”

“Don’t mention it,” she waved off. She was there to help after all.

“I will give your words due consideration. It was remiss of me to forget that I was not the only one affected by A-Yao’s schemes. I truly regret not thinking of how Huaisang would have felt when he first found out. You are right. I have done my little brother a disservice,” he said, voice croaky from his bout of sobbing.

“You said that there were people I needed to apologise to. Who else have I wronged?” he continued. His respect and admiration for Sect Leader Jiang had grown exponentially since the start of this visit. He would take her words under advisement if he could.

“Oh Zewu-Jun,” she sighed, “What you’re doing with this seclusion, doesn’t it remind you of someone? Because it sure reminds your uncle.”

Zewu-Jun looked as if she had slapped him.

“Nobody would begrudge you needing time to grieve and to come to terms with what happened, it is human nature. It’s understandable. We were all blindsided. And I understand the wish to seclude yourself because I wish I could have as well, though I didn’t have the luxury,” she said, not unkindly but it made him wince anyway, “But it’s been too long. A few months would be okay, though grief will last longer than that, but more than that is just being unfair to others. You are the Sect Leader. Your uncle has already had to watch his brother shirk his duties and seclude himself from the world for the rest of his life.

Your uncle has had to pick up the slack. He raised you and your brother like a father would, while taking care of sect matters. None of those things were his responsibility yet he did it. And now… now he has to go through it all over again. Master Lan is elderly though and he cannot keep up with all of the duties required of an elder, teacher and now Sect Leader once more. And so that leads me to the last person that you have wronged.

Lan Zhan is Chief Cultivator now, did you know? His duties are myriad and yet he has to come back here and help Master Lan run the sect. It pains Master Lan to see history repeating itself. A younger brother once again has to take the reins from his older brother and he does it without complaint, because he loves you. But it is unfair to A-Zhan. He can’t live his own life because he’s too busy living yours. He’s barely managing to keep up with both sets of duties, but he’s doing it for you. It has been two years, Zewu-Jun. He worries so much about you, as does your uncle. It pains them to see you this way. And so Sect Leader Lan,” she pointedly used his rank, “I beg of you to consider leaving your seclusion. You have people who love you waiting for you. Your family needs you.”

His eyes were glittering once more, but no tears were shed this time. He swallowed thickly. The past few months it had seemed as if he was living in a fog. He’d barely managed to keep his routine up, it was only through decades of strict routine that he’d gotten himself off the bed and eaten his food and meditated everyday on his shortcomings. But it seemed that while he was doing that he’d missed quite a few. Because she was right wasn’t she? He hid himself away like a coward and didn’t even think about how it would affect Wangji and Uncle. He hadn’t even considered how hurt his uncle would feel to see him go down the same route as his father.

Her words were like a splash of cold water. It seemed to wake him up; it got him out of the daze he was in. If this woman before him could raise a child and a sect from the ashes all alone after going through more tragedy than a hundred people in one lifetime would...he could get himself in gear and do what he had to do. He felt ashamed in front of her. She was right that she didn’t have the luxury to seclude herself. But he did. He did, and he took advantage of the support system that he had to take time for himself. More time than he should have.

She said it was understandable, and maybe it was, but she was also right that it should not have been going on for this long. He had no desire to be Qingheng-Jun the second. But if she hadn’t come here today… if she hadn’t said all that she had said… He would not have even thought of those things. He was too busy thinking of himself. It was likely that he would have stayed for years in his seclusion, just ruminating on what went wrong and what he could have changed. It was all too easy to get caught up in could-have-beens.

“Sect Leader Jiang,” he said, devastated at the thought of his uncle, the man who raised him when he didn’t have to, who did his best to prevent them from turning out like their father, thinking that he had failed when it was Lan Xichen who failed, “I’ve heard you loud and clear. But…”

“But?”

“But I don’t know if I even know how to go about being Sect Leader anymore. I feel like the decisions I make would be questionable now. How can I trust that I will do what’s best for the sect? I have already failed in so many ways. Now I have failed Wangji and Uncle too.”

“What did I tell you? You’re not alone Zewu-Jun. You don’t have to leave seclusion immediately. You don’t even have to start doing everything right away. Ease back into it. Your family will be there to help you. I’m offering to help you. If you need to talk about things that you can’t with them, you can write to me. Master Qiren should not have to be taking on these responsibilities any longer and A-Zhan needs to have time to breathe...his own position is challenging enough. Besides you haven’t failed, you’ve just had some setbacks is all. Failure would be wallowing in self-pity forever and leaving everyone else to do your duties indefinitely,” she looked at him pointedly. He got the hint.

“Okay Sect Leader Jiang. I shall take you up on that then. But I do have a question if you’ll indulge me,” he said.

“Shoot.”

“I mean no offense at all, in fact I’m actually extremely grateful for your concern, but I am curious….why do you even care? You didn’t have to do any of this. I’m well aware that you have your own duties and worries. Why bother about mine?”

She smiled for the first time since she walked into the Hanshi. He was struck by it. It had been a long time since he’d seen her smile... truly smile. In fact, the last time he’d seen a smile as bright as that on her face was probably right here in the Cloud Recesses when she was a student.

“You may not remember it, Zewu-Jun, but there was a time Jin Guangshan sought to marry me off. It was your words of support for me, against that awful Sect Leader Yao, that saved my skin, though they still called me Wife of the Yiling Demon after that. But at least I was only his wife. I will be eternally grateful to you for that. It was thanks to your words that nobody else tried to make me marry. I was able to focus on my sect in relative peace. It was a kindness that I have never been able to repay until now, though you shouldn’t think that it is only because of repayment.”

She got up and dusted off her clothes perfunctorily.

“I shall take my leave now, Zewu-Jun.”

“Please, call me Xichen,” he said, thinking that after all of the things that were said that day, she might as well.

“Well then, Xichen you may call me Wanyin. Thank you for hearing me out and please forgive me for barging in unexpectedly. I have intruded upon your hospitality long enough.”

“It is no matter,” he said, and for the first time in a long while he was able to manage a weak smile, “I was honored by your company. If you did not give me so much to think about, I would offer you some more tea.”

She laughed, “Thank you Xichen, but I will be missed soon anyway. I do not need to cause an uproar in Cloud Recesses if they can’t find a Sect Leader. Plus the scandal that would happen if someone other than A-Zhan or A-Yuan finds me in here will not be pleasant.”

“A-Zhan?” he raised an eyebrow, “Is there something I should know about, Wanyin?”

She snorted and threw him a cheeky smirk, “If you want to find out you’ll have to come to Lotus Pier.” And with that she saw herself out, leaving nothing but the scent of lotuses behind her.

Huh. Well then. How curious. He’d thought that Wangji had gone off with Wei Wuxian, who he’d been in love with since he met him. How did Sect Leader Jiang factor into this? As far as he knew they didn’t even particularly like each other. It seemed like he missed quite a lot while he was in seclusion. Was his little brother in a love triangle? It would explain why Wanyin said that he shouldn’t only think of her visit as repayment to him. It wasn’t the purest motivation but huh maybe he would leave seclusion after all. His brother might need support in more ways than one. Sect Leader Lan leaving seclusion because he was too invested in his brother’s love life was a hilarious thought, and for the first time in two years, he chuckled mirthfully to himself. Maybe he would be okay after all.

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saberspirit · 3 years

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jiang cheng character analysis essay under the cut! bc he means a Lot to me (its 5 pages im sorry)

tl;dr my thoughts on his relationship to his parents, his relationship with anger and feelings of inferiority, what zidian represents to him, his siblings (largely about what led to him and wwx falling out), and my thoughts on reconciliation between him and wei wuxian in the end.

tw!!! for child abuse and death, also warning for spoilers for the ending.

alternatively can be read on google docs for accessibility

foreword: by writing this it is not my intention to imply this is the end all be all interpretation, or that i know more than fans of colour (especially chinese/chinese-american fans). i’m looking at his character as a white fan and through a western lens. i understand there are nuances i wont understand, but i have tried and continue to look at him w/ an educated view point and i’m always trying to continue my own self-driven education. i’m as always open to criticism and correction, although i understand it is no ones job to do so. it’s purely an interpretation from someone relating to his themes that i talk about here. thank you for reading!

Jiang Cheng has a very complicated relationship with his parents (understatement), though different from Wei Wuxian’s complicated relationship w/ them (some overlaps being given).

It’s obvious to me that JC identifies more as his mother's son than his father's—feels he has to be because surely that’s why he feels neglected and like he’s constantly being found wanting by his father (even if Fengmian does Not mean to come across that way and isn’t a cruel man). He identifies with his mother’s anger and feeling of not being what his father truly wanted or loved and I don’t think he realized the effect she had on him with her constant comparison game—trying to measure him up because Madam Yu used him as a playing piece in her constant warring with Fengmian and instilled a sense of otherness in him and his deep-rooted feelings of inferiority and not being Good enough, not being enough in general. And yet he still deeply loves them even through all that he’s been through because of them both.

He never grew up learning how love should be in a relationship; should be from a parent to a child. The love he learned is a different type of conditional love from WWX's (WWX being that he doesn’t trust it in the first place, knowing it will leave). JC receives love and praise but knows it comes from a silent arrangement: it’s transactional. He upholds what his parents want and he gets…a form of it. Jiang Fengmian loved him in a way that you just kind of do love family, perhaps without a real reason otherwise—not pretty, but it is as it is. Madam Yu loved him in a way one loves a possession: she saw too much of Jiang Fengmian in him and JC was a reminder of how unhappy she was and how much her husband didn’t seem to care about her or what she gave him. (This isn’t to downplay Yanli's role in JC’s life: I think she was truly the only one to show him unconditional love in a way that he understood and recognized but it's unfortunately different from siblings and fell on half-deaf ears when all JC really wanted was his father’s approval).

Madam Yu was (afaik) stated to not be physically abusive (aside from the whipping when the Wens came from Wei Wuxian), but she was one-hundred percent verbally and emotionally abusive (for example, punishing WWX w/ isolation from the family w/ seclusion, or in general just how she talked to JC and WWX). She broke those two boys and it's something that can’t be undone…and Zidian represents that trauma, abuse, and expectation and JC’s anger and resentment that was the product of it. It’s literally lightning in a whip form; able to bind without harm, but it’s primarily used to hurt; it can reveal a true form; control over it is only relinquished to one’s family and loved ones.

JC doesn’t just lash out verbally at Wei Wuxian when they meet in his second life, he literally does. It’s his anger under his skin like static, driving him forward and being unable to rest because he’s constantly looking for closure he can’t have. He resents how his parents and Wei Wuxian made him feel but it’s also the only thing he has of them, and he clings to that (and therefore Zidian). It’s the last thing, bar Lotus Pier, that he has of his family anymore, and he wields it like a weapon…because ultimately it’s the only thing he's known for a very long time. Anger is an easy emotion. He wears it well. It was an emotion he learned from his mother, and he is his mother’s son.

As a side note for Zidian: Jin Ling refusing to take it from JC in the Burial Mounds to me was very much about not wanting a goodbye. He's a stubborn kid—JC mirrored what his mother did to him in handing off Zidian before certain death, and I think Jin Ling realized "take care of Zidian" meant "because I can’t anymore". JC wanted Jin Ling to stay safe and keep a hold on their family's legacy, but Jin Ling refused it and stepped forward to protect JC—JL is tired of goodbyes and afraid of losing more people, but also that stubborn streak to protect his family back. He went into the fray himself even if it’s not what JC was asking him to do (but then to JC’s chagrin the kid never really does do what he asks usually, Jin Ling has a good head on his shoulders and he’s as stubborn and quick to anger as his jiujiu but he’s also as incredibly loyal and caring). And I think it's a good vehicle to show that JL is breaking that cycle for them both.

Back to Jiang Cheng and anger and his siblings though. Yanli is all about showing affection in her words and actions (ie. meal sharing, peeling the lotus seeds, etc). WWX struggles to show it in forthright actions, let alone verbalize it (he’s truly bad at it) so while WWX does love his brother and shows it in actions like giving him his golden core…it’s not something JC picks up on well, or at all because he doesn’t even get told about the core until the Guanyin Temple. Jiang Cheng is someone who needs verbalized confirmation and very obvious action. But then to be fair, JC is also not good at verbalizing his love and care (he and Wei Wuxian are two peas in a pod w/ this one). It’s often behind barbed wire because 1) that’s how it was shown to him and 2) because it’s safer and easier to hide behind anger. He really does use it as a shield to protect his real feelings because he’s used to his feelings being trivial and being thrown in his face, and is used to loss. It’s a buffer.

This leads to a problem: Wei Wuxian does love him unconditionally, but I don’t think JC knows that. When he’s faced with the golden core surgery after everything, it’s definitely obvious, but it’s so twisted up in being hidden from him, in his own fears and feelings of failure and reliance that it’s soured. And he struggles to reach out and be frank with his own worries.

And this leads and lends to the severity of their falling out (not the only cause, but a big player in it).

He deeply loves his brother, but it's also entrenched in his bitterness and fears. If it was initially hard for him to verbalize because of those issues (on top of being a teenager/young adult and his feelings of inferiority irt WWX), he’s now in the current day steeped in sixteen years of loss/grief/trauma. Of unresolved tension between the two of them because WWX never told anyone anything—even if that’s just how he is, nothing personal towards JC except maybe that it’s his little brother, his shidi, and he doesn’t want to put a burden on those he loves—and JC tried time and time again to believe him and in him.

The problem was that his trust got thrown in his face time and time again. His older ‘peers’ (clan leaders) mocked and insulted him to his face for his naivety, pointed out that what WWX was doing was an insult to JC and their family, that WWX’s actions disrespected him and that he should do something about it. WWX’s actions themselves alongside him never letting JC in on anything further isolated them and put walls between them. This sewed the seed of the idea for JC that maybe he was naive. That WWX couldn’t uphold his duty and promises to JC and their family while also upkeeping his own personal code of ethics. (Not that it helped that Jiang Cheng also started lashing out at Wei Wuxian in minor ways for not having Suibian, but he didn’t exactly know why, to his credit).

His trust was him trying to care for WWX through all they’ve lost, but he’s also under the immense pressure of leading and rebuilding his home while also being looked down upon for his inexperience and ties to the man the cultivation world loathes.

Jiang Cheng believed WWX when he said he'd help him, wanted him to and expected him to. That’s his big brother and ultimately family comes first, so it was out of the question that WXX wouldn’t uphold that duty to him. Jiang Cheng is barely an adult as Sect Leader and was still a teen when they lost everything, so of course he wanted to rely on and believe Wei Wuxian when he said he'd help. JC doesn’t usually rely on others—I’d wager he hates relying on WWX especially as a callback to the inferiority complex—but he lets WWX in when they have the “Twin Prides” talk, lets him in when he promises JC to help him rebuild their home…and then WWX lets him down several times.

Post Burial Mounds there are signs that JC notices, if not consciously then subconsciously, that something is off with his brother (the demonic cultivation, the flute, the lack of Suibian, his weakness when pushed, etc), little things that he noted but didn’t have the time during a War to think too deeply on. He’s more relieved to just have him back where he can see him, happy that his brother can help them. Jiang Cheng gives him his vote of confidence in his abilities, in him, because he never thought of WWX or his methods badly (having been a fan until it became a symbol of losing Wei Wuxian to Something Else). Even if he had thought something of it, did have a concern, they don’t easily talk to each other now.

That much is obvious when after various meetings post the Sunshot Campaign as WWX is struggling with his temperament and resentful energy, after WWX saves the Wen remnants from the Jin Clan, and Jiang Cheng shows up at the Burial Mounds. He still believes in Wei Wuxian, still is bound to help him, and wants to help him. He’s willing to sacrifice the Wens for his brother. His actions and words are not pretty, but by god is he desperate. Jiang Cheng wants to save him and hides it with harsh words because once again he’s not good at being forthright with his feelings. He’s at his wits’ end, he’s barely 20, and suddenly he's losing Wei Wuxian too. It’s not about them being Wens because at this point he’s aware they’re helpless—it’s because it’s WWX and he’s supposed to make the right decision and be competent. It’s freshly post-war and he’s scared: his big brother is leaving and he feels powerless and he Hates that. Once again feels like he’s not good enough. Not good enough to save WWX, not good enough to lead, and he’s under intense scrutiny. He tells WWX as much that at this point he can’t help, and it hurts him to not be able to. Jiang Cheng wants Wei Wuxian to help him, help him. It’s an admittance wrapped in hurt and hurtful words, and WWX throws it in his face because he can’t let him in.

It’s not meant in any malicious way. Wei Wuxian is also traumatized, scared and hurting and dealing with the changes demonic cultivation is causing within him. But this is a key moment when JC for once verbalizes his fears and WWX tells him, ‘good, you don’t need to worry, I don’t have anything to do with you from now on’. (And of course, WWX is doing this to protect JC, but this response is what JC is afraid of).

So we have two times that JC has tried really hard in his own ways to let WWX in. To rely on him and be honest with him and WWX ends up…breaking his promises and leaving him and their family behind. And to me, that explains his actions when the last time they speak before he dies (that we’re shown anyways). WWX is sitting down with Jiang Cheng and Yanli. JC is the one that set up them being able to meet him, the one that reached out even after they fought to make his defecting from the Sect look convincing. He was the one that told Yanli that WWX should be the one to give a courtesy name to her child.

And then WWX brings Wen Ning. Yanli is open to Wen Ning sitting in and enjoying their family tradition, but JC can't understand why. Why WWX chose these people over his own family. He resents it. When he says "you might not be able to come back, to your family" I can imagine how much it destroys him to hear WWX say "but the people I’m returning to are also my family". Because what does that make them, WWX’s siblings; what does that make the promises and the years spent raised together, the duty he had to them first. Wei Wuxian might return to the Burial Mounds, but Jiang Cheng has to return to an empty Lotus Pier. The ghosts of his parents and ghosts of memories of his siblings he’s never getting back (because Yanli will be in Jinlin Tai after her upcoming wedding).

Repeatedly over and over Jiang Cheng reaches out, but time and time again it’s like WWX is telling him he’s not enough: not enough for WWX to rely on, not enough to protect him, not enough for him to want to return to, not enough to be family.

Then the cultivation world comes for WWX and his amulet. Yanli is killed, as far as JC can tell, because of the mess WWX made, and once again he’s in the dark about everything. Then WWX dies and rumours swirl that JC killed him, and maybe he did, maybe he is his brother’s killer even if Wei Wuxian would call it a misunderstanding. He’s left alone with an orphaned nephew in Lotus Pier with his entire family, bar an infant, dead.

So Jiang Cheng spends the next sixteen years without answers, with WWX having reinforced his insecurities and fears that stemmed from the abuse he'd suffered during childhood and then died. Yanli died when she never should’ve been in danger in the first place, seemingly because of Wei Wuxian. And he's so angry. He lashes out at memories and reminders, lashes out at anyone who chooses that same path that WWX chose over his family.

By the time Wei Wuxian’s come back from the dead and JC knows it’s him, WWX is still deflecting, still hiding still not telling him the truth. The fact that WWX comes back at all hurts purely as a fresh opening of the old wound, but the fact that he doesn’t come to find JC, that once again JC and his family isn’t a priority and once again is second best (this time to Lan Wangji)?

He doesn’t kill his brother. JC sits him down in a room and tries to talk but old hurts rile up and he reaches for anger again. WWX isn’t forthright and it makes it worse, neither of them are good at communicating: too many things unsaid, that can’t be said, too many misunderstandings and neither of them knowing how to talk about it. JC has Fairy there and it’s a minor act of revenge. JC uses what he knows is WWX’s weakness to intimidate and immobilize him, but it doesn’t help either of them actually talk.

Reconciliation is going to require WWX being able to talk to him without deflecting and JC getting angry so easily. But by this point, he’s given WWX a lot of chances and it’s why I think they could and would easily post-canon. Jiang Cheng's starting to come to an understanding that WWX did and still does care about him. He didn’t give him his golden core for no reason, and JC starts to understand why WWX did it for him and that he knew JC well enough to hide it in the first place.

He started to reach that conclusion shortly after Wen Ning told him—oh the pain of it having been WWX's chosen little brother figure—and Jiang Cheng had gone around asking people to unsheathe Suibian. It's why he brought Chenqing to the temple in the first place.

I think it speaks to his maturity that he decided at that moment he couldn’t say what he wanted to tell WWX in the end. I think he knew neither of them was ready, but I also think it speaks of how much he misses and trusts WWX to have let him go for now…I think he knows they will meet again as long as they both live, and that they'll be better for having waited. After some time to think, digest, they’ll be ready to be family again and all that entails.

#he really lives in my head rent free and i just. well. i think hes a really good example of the ''uglier'' side of the feelings of--#-- victims of abuse and how we deal -or sometimes cant- with it in our lives afterwards and how they affect relationships #BUT the important thing is that hes healing :)#jiang cheng #for my own tagging purposes #caleb meta hours #caleb.txt #i may come back to edit this tbh its 1am and i spent 3 hours editing it

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franniebanana · 3 years

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CQL Rewatch - Ep 17

For once, I agree with Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian probably spends way too much time thinking about alcohol. Yanli is, as usual, completely delighted by him.

I can’t really even imagine what this would be like for Wei Wuxian. Coming back to the place that used to be your home to search for who you consider your brother, having no idea if he’s dead or alive, and if he’s alive, what state he’s in. Every place houses one memory, if not hundreds. Wei Wuxian spent the better part of his live at Lotus Pier, over a decade, and in the span of a few hours, it’s just gone. I want to say that it gets burned in the book (but I can’t say that for certain)—however, that does make more sense when later on in CQL, they talk about Jiang Cheng rebuilding. Honestly, rebuilding doesn’t really make sense if all they had to do was replace a few doors and hang some more Jiang Clan lotuses.

You know what? I actually kind of love how this parallels a later scene. I never really thought of it before: we have Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning, and Jiang Cheng (when later on we swap out Jiang Cheng for Lan Wangji), sitting in a boat near Lotus Pier. Here we get Wei Wuxian, having been forcibly expelled from his home, while very much in charge of Jiang Cheng, who is unconscious. Later on, Wei Wuxian is unconscious, again having been forced to leave what once was his home. In that case, he makes the decision to leave, for one because he is unwelcome, but also because he doesn’t need that home anymore. He has a new idea of home with Lan Wangji, who loves and supports him.

This comparison is interesting because you see that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji (and even Wen Ning, for goodness’s sake) are willing to cradle their loved ones, risk life and limb for them, and Jiang Cheng just isn’t. Even when he goes looking for Wei Wuxian later on, it’s predicated more on his need for revenge than for saving Wei Wuxian. And again there, we see that his motive and Lan Wangji’s motive are very, very different.

Worst hangover ever. Omg can you imagine being asleep for days and then waking up with your head on a wooden table? Can you imagine the back ache you’d have from being hunched over all that time? Oh my god, truly, it sounds horrific. And this is what innocent little Wen Ning did, hahahaha. Not that I feel bad for any of these assholes—they definitely deserved it. If Wen Ning had gotten caught, though, he would have been executed for treason, I’m sure. It shows you what a huge risk that kid took to help Wei Wuxian and his family—a huge risk. And not only did he risk his own life, he also risks his sister’s life, because he begs her to help as well. It’s unsurprising that Wen Qing is so upset by this, since her one goal is to keep her brother safe, and then he goes and puts both of their lives on the line.

I like how this whole little scene, from the moment Wen Qing steps out and sees Wen Ning and the others standing there, to the point when she tells the guards to stand down, has no dialogue. Neither Wei Wuxian nor Wen Qing speak, but it’s clear that Wei Wuxian is threatening hers and Wen Ning’s lives if she gives them up here. They could have added some whispered dialogue or whatever, but I’m glad they did not, because it’s so powerful—seeing Wei Wuxian shaking with rage and fear is definitely the highlight of the scene. Wen Ning looking at a complete loss is also great. Wen Qing’s actress should have done that scene over—she is just not expressive enough, especially opposite someone like Xiao Zhan, who does such a good job in these emotional scenes. Either way, I do like how cool Wen Qing is at the end, order the guards to back off, while still holding Wei Wuxian’s gaze. This woman has no fear.

I hate this outfit. It is the worst thing that Wei Wuxian wears in the entire series, and that includes the bloody rags he’s wearing when he wakes up in Mo Xuanyu’s body. I don’t know where this outfit came from. Did Wen Ning give it to him? Why? Were his other clothes not fit to wear anymore? Everyone else is in the same clothes—why did he have to go through an outfit change? And what is with that cape? What a pain! Jesus, I’m sorry, but I hate this costume. Normally Wei Wuxian looks amazing, but this is a stinker.

This part is pretty hard to watch: Jiang Cheng being so unresponsive, Wei Wuxian putting on a brave face and trying to accentuate the positive. He knows that Jiang Cheng’s Golden Core is gone at this point, but he doesn’t want to dwell on that. He wants to find a way to help Jiang Cheng, even at the expense of his own future. His request for Jiang Cheng to try again is so sweet—try again and Wei Wuxian will act more affected by it—anything to make Jiang Cheng feel even a little bit better. Not to belittle what Jiang Cheng is going through (because that would be awful—he’s feeling his life is over—how can he be a sect leader, how can he do anything without his Golden Core?), I can’t help but truly identify with Wei Wuxian. I don’t think he’d be human if part of him didn’t feel a little responsible for what happened, even though it really wasn’t his fault (the Wens wanted control and the outcome would have been the same, anyway). He’s probably going over and over in his mind what he could have done differently from the moment the Wens showed up, until when Jiang Cheng ran off on his own. Like most people who really care for one another, Wei Wuxian really wishes that it had been him instead. I think sometimes it’s almost harder to watch someone else suffer than to suffer yourself, especially in this case, because Wei Wuxian can’t do anything for him.

I really love how she reacts to being yelled at and told to go away. She’s taken Jiang Cheng and his family in, given him medicine and food, sheltered them all from their enemies—she’s done all of this, knowing that, if caught, it would mean death for her and her brother. And after Jiang Cheng screams at her, she simply leaves, her head completely cool. It’s unclear to me whether she ever felt anything for Jiang Cheng (some people argue that she 100% did—I really don’t know), but at this moment, she stays level-headed while he is blinded by hatred. It doesn’t matter that she has done all those things for Jiang Cheng, because she’s part of the Wen Clan. But Wen Qing isn’t ruled by her emotions like he is. And I love how she approaches the situation, taking the time to tell her brother how they don’t ever kill—they are healers and have been for generations. It’s such a good message that even in the face of such hostility, she can maintain her duty to continue healing him until they have to leave.

What a fucking mess. At this point, how does he even know what he’s read and what he hasn’t read?

I can’t really tell you how much I love this little scene between Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian. It’s hard to even put it in the words, but I feel like I run the gamut of emotions from joy to sadness. Wei Wuxian is doing everything in his power to figure out a way to help Jiang Cheng: he’s hungry, he’s exhausted, he’s depressed, he’s anxious, he’s afraid—and of course Jiang Yanli is all of those things, on top of still recovering from her illness. The joy on his face when he thinks of asking Lan Wangji for help—it makes me smile and breaks my heart at the same time. It’s this fleeting moment where he remembers his old life—their old lives—and then reality sinks in. It seems like Yanli thinks he’s hysterical or something, because as he’s insisting he can reach out to Lan Wangji, she’s insisting that he’s tired and needs rest. She’s trying to ground him to reality, because there’s no way he can get in touch with Lan Wangji with the way things are. Where would he even find him? And Yanli, ugh, my heart breaks for her—she’s just trying so hard to keep her little family together.

And then Wei Wuxian says he thinks it’s his fault, and Yanli loses it. I love her for this insistence that it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. It doesn’t matter—what matters is that it happened and now they have to live on. I mean, she must know that her brother blames Wei Wuxian for this and I think to hear it from Wei Wuxian makes her even more upset. But it’s so true. Placing blame on someone else might make you feel better for a time, or allow you to justify your actions or enact your revenge, but it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change that their parents are still dead. It doesn’t change that Lotus Pier was taken over by the Wen Clan. All of that is still there, even if Jiang Cheng and Yanli placed all the blame on Wei Wuxian.

Sorry this one was super short, all. This arc kind of drags in CQL. I think they should have left more mystery, because it’s pretty clear what they’re about to do here. Anyway, two more episodes until Lan Wangji comes back, I think? Ugh…too many.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |

#wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #cql #the untamed #wen ning #wen qing #wen chao #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #cql rewatch #ep 17

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hamliet · 4 years

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Hey there! I’d like to ask something, if you’re ok with that. In mdzs, a lot of people say that despite JC being so antagonistic towards WWX, he still loves him and misses him. I don’t see how, his actions in any version of the story say the exact opposite to me. Maybe one needs to look between the lines to see it, but I’m horrible at reading others, so if I may bother you and ask what your thoughts are on the subject?

Hey! You are always welcome to ask me questions about MDZS. Especially while we’re all trapped inside.

So I will say I do think Jiang Cheng does indeed love and miss Wei Wuxian. I also think the fandom has a tendency to wipe away Jiang Cheng’s extremely serious flaws (especially in comparison to, say, how they treat Jin Guangyao’s flaws in comparison). Jiang Cheng is very much a foil for Jin Guangyao and for Madame Yu, Wei Wuxian, and Jin Ling (as well as Su She, but that’s perhaps for another meta).

Jiang Cheng’s fundamental defense mechanism is projection. We know already that he is insecure–the way his father treated him is horrible. Madame Yu, in turn, was very clearly projecting her own insecurities onto her son:

Jiang Cheng was stuck between his father and his mother. After a moment of hesitation, he moved to his mother’s side. Holding his shoulders, Madam Yu pushed him forward for Jiang FengMian to see, “Sect Leader Jiang, it seems that some things I have to say. Look carefully—this, is your own son, the future head of Lotus Pier. Even if you frown upon him just because I was the one who bore him, his surname is still Jiang! … I don’t believe for one second that you haven’t heard of how the outside people gossips, that Sect Leader Jiang has still not moved on from a certain Sanren though so many years have passed, regarding the son of his old friend as a son of his own; they’re speculating if Wei Ying is your…”

She’s really asking: I’m here, so why don’t you care about me? Do you really prefer a dead Cangse Sanren to me? But the tragic irony is that the way in which she asks this question only pushes Jiang Fengmian away. And yet, she did love him, which Jiang Fengmian realizes when, in the end, he finds out Madame Yu had taught Zidian to obey his command as well as hers. Zidian is a symbol of her pride and heritage.

Let’s also look at MXTX’s description of Jiang Cheng’s ideal woman. While it’s not in the novel and is extra material, it’s a perfect example of projection:

naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling nicely.

Is he looking for a wife, or is he looking for Shijie to mother Jin Ling? Because he’s 100% describing Jiang Yanli.

Jiang Cheng does exactly what his mother did to him to Wei Wuxian. He projects his own insecurities, the very ones Madame Yu identified (great job mothering there), onto Wei Wuxian. Why does he hate Wei Wuxian? He hates Wei Wuxian for killing Shijie, when it was Shijie’s own choice to sacrifice herself, and Jiang Cheng then rendered her last sacrifice moot by killing his shixiong. So does Jiang Cheng hate Wei Wuxian, or does he hate himself for killing his sibling in a moment of rage?

It goes deeper, though. Because we see that Jiang Cheng’s fundamental issue is that he hates himself, because he is not as good at cultivation nor as strong as Wei Wuxian, and his father doesn’t love him as much as he loves Wei Wuxian. A child’s mind is going to connect that to “if I’m stronger, Dad will love me.” Jiang Cheng never grew out of this mindset. But what is strength to Jiang Cheng?

It’s protecting the people he loves. So Shijie’s death? He blames himself. One of Jiang Cheng’s most vulnerable moments is when he begs Wei Wuxian to turn away from Yiling and the Wens, because “I can’t protect you.” He wants to protect Wei Wuxian because he couldn’t protect his parents, yet he wants to protect himself more. It’s tragic. What Jin Guangyao said to Jiang Cheng in the temple is true, though of course, it’s not so simple as to be Jiang Cheng’s fault solely. But his insecurities did play a role and were indeed exploited by a cruel, calculating society:

“… Back then, the LanlingJin Sect, the QingheNie Sect, and the GusuLan Sect had already finished fighting over the biggest share. The rest could only get some small shrimps. You, on the other hand, had just rebuilt Lotus Pier and behind you was the YiLing Patriarch, Wei WuXian, the danger of whom was immeasurable. Do you think the other sects would like to see a young sect leader who was so advantaged? Luckily, you didn’t seem to be on good terms with your shixiong, and since everyone thought there was an opportunity, of course they’d add fuels to your fire if they could. No matter what, to weaken the YunmengJiang Sect was to strengthen themselves. Sect Leader Jiang, if only your attitude towards your shixiong was just a bit better, showing everyone that your bond was too strong to be broken for them to have a chance, or if you exhibited just a bit more tolerance after what happened, things wouldn’t have become what they were. Oh, speaking of it, you were also a main force of the siege at Burial Mound…”

Jin Guangyao isn’t wrong here, and unlike Jiang Cheng, he’s aware that society sucks but tries to join it anyways. Jiang Cheng grew up privileged despite his sad home life, and therefore never examined whether society was fair or not (as is reinforced by the early conversation Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian have about Jin Guangyao, in which Wei Wuxian expresses that he likes Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng says that, as the son of a whore, Jin Guangyao will only be able to climb so far, yet expresses no deeper concern about this). Jin Guangyao’s tragedy was trying to join society in an effort to prove himself to his father, and Jiang Cheng’s tragedy was not examining himself and his role in society in an effort to prove himself to his father as well, both fathers of whom would be better off ignored. Jiang Cheng did rebuild Lotus Pier, but Wei Wuxian learns that the local people are terrified of Jiang Cheng and hate him, while Jin Guangyao actually did protect the common people, yet Jiang Cheng still has a chance to redeem himself in the end and Jin Guangyao does not, which can be chalked up in great part due to privilege.

This isn’t to argue Jiang Cheng is worse than Jin Guangyao, because better/worse is moot in the world of MDZS. The point is that both Jiang Cheng and Jin Guangyao bring about the death of a brother by prioritizing their own wellbeing and proving themselves to the fathers whose approval it is impossible to win (because the problem is with them rather than with Jiang Cheng or Jin Guangyao themselves), would have/did kill a child on the basis of their parentage (Wen Yuan was rescued by Lan Wangji or he would absolutely have been killed, Jin Guangyao does kill A-Song–it doesn’t matter whether or not either of them did/would have done it personally; at the very least they set in motion events they knew would result in a child’s death), and yet both raised and genuinely loved Jin Ling (as Jin Ling himself concludes in the end).

But in regards to Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng’s insecurities make it impossible for him to communicate well with the people he loves. He warns Jin Ling not to come back unless he accomplishes something on Dafan Mountain, which almost gets Jin Ling killed trying to prove himself. (I wrote more about that in this meta here.)

After Wei Wuxian’s resurrection, Jiang Cheng proves that he doesn’t hate Wei Wuxian several times despite claiming he does. Firstly? When Jin Guangyao accuses Mo Xuanyu of being Wei Wuxian in the middle of a crowd, Jiang Cheng could easily turn him in and be rid of him since Jiang Cheng already knows it. And yet, Jiang Cheng does not do so, even when called upon; instead, his indecision is noted. Secondly, he kept Chenqing with him all these years, when he very easily could have destroyed it (which is another parallel to Jin Guangyao, who kept Suibian, an ultimately useless sword); the flute, on the other hand, is a symbol of demonic cultivation and yet Jiang Cheng does not get rid of it. He went so far as to torture other demonic cultivators to death, many of whom are noted to have been innocent, and yet he kept demonic cultivational tools with him, because it was his brother’s–which also, yes, shows how he hates himself and kind of wants to punish himself, too.

And, of course, there’s the sacrifice that Jiang Cheng never reveals (at least not by the novel’s end). He sacrificed his own life to save Wei Wuxian from the Wens, was willing to give up what he always wanted–to lead Lotus Pier and thereby earn his father’s respect–to save Wei Wuxian’s life. Yet, in the end that led to Wei Wuxian sacrificing his golden core for Jiang Cheng, and in the end, Jiang Cheng can’t tell Wei Wuxian for the same reason Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell Jiang Cheng in his first life: it would sound like an excuse. So, again, Jiang Cheng’s pride is getting in the way–yet, at least this time, he is willing to sacrifice looking good and look worse for the sake of letting Wei Wuxian go.

However, I think there’s reason to hope, as I’ve said before. I did not interpret that ending to mean their relationship was over or could never be significantly close again. Wei Wuxian has let go of a lot of his pride and learned some hard lessons about self-sacrifice and protecting people, and the younger generation is making so much room for nuance and kindness and thereby challenging society. I personally assumed they’d have that conversation eventually, but we didn’t need to see it to assume it would happen.

#ask hamliet #jiang cheng #mdzs #mdzs meta #mxtx #mxtx meta #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #jin ling #su she #madame yu #yu ziyuan

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ibijau · 4 years

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Jin Rusong Lives / On AO3

A surprise visitor comes to the Unclean Realm to see Jin Rusong

Slowly and carefully, Jin Rusong walked to the next cage, inspecting the bird inside. The mynah returned the stare with equal curiosity, always the smartest one among Nie Huaisang’s little friends, and hopped toward the door, knowing there was always the chance of a treat or even of getting out for a bit.

“I wish it would speak to me,” Jin Rusong sighed, sounding like he was the most miserable boy in the world. “Uncle Nie, you swear it speaks?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Nie Huaisang replied, cutting up a slice of apple and handing it to the child. “Here, give it a little treat. This one really doesn’t trust people easily. There’s only one person aside from me who’s heard it speak, you know. But you’ve been so good and so patient, I’m sure it’ll get comfortable with you, given a little more time.”

Jin Rusong nodded, and slid the slice of apple through the bars, which the mynah quickly snatched. Already they’d done great progress with this bird. When Jin Rusong had arrived, it wouldn’t even eat any food the little boy tried to give him.

“Who’s the other?” Jin Rusong asked, still curiously peering at the bird.

“What other?”

“Uncle Nie said his bird speaks also to another person. Who is it?”

The question, however innocent, felt like a slap.

“It doesn’t matter,” Nie Huaisang muttered as he cut another slice of apple. “He’ll never be here again.”

Something in his tone must have been too sombre, alerting the little boy that something wasn’t quite right. Tearing his eyes from the bird, Jin Rusong looked up at his uncle, worry written all over his little face.

"Uncle Nie is sad again," Jin Rusong noted, tilting his head and pulling on his sleeve so he could put his hand on the hand holding the apple. "Is it because of me?"

Nie Huaisang nearly grimaced. This too was innocent, but sometimes Jin Rusong sounded too much the way his father had when trying to use other's pity to his advantage.

Well, not just any others. There was only one man whose pity he had really prayed on, and Nie Huaisang had seen so much of it happen. Present but forgotten, little more than a pretty decoration while Jin Guangyao manipulated Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang powerless to stop it for fear that…

"Uncle Nie?"

Nie Huaisang shook his head and blinked at Jin Rusong, the child now so worried it wouldn't have taken much to make him cry. Only a child, who had no twisted intentions, just a big heart and a bigger fear to lose again the person taking care of him.

"SongSong is the best thing in my life," Nie Huaisang said as he knelt down. He carefully put his knife and apple on the floor before pulling his ward into a tight hug. "Uncle Nie has his own reasons to be sad. I was thinking of a friend I miss a lot, that's all."

He felt the child nod against his shoulder, tightening his grasp on Nie Huaisang’s robes. Of course Jin Rusong understood loss better than a child his age should have. And although he felt guilty for a number of reasons, Nie Huaisang couldn't help being glad to have that quiet moment of comfort.

They remained like this, unmoving among the singing birds, until two sets of footsteps approached behind them. Judging by the changes in the songs around them, one set had to belong to Nie Funyu, whom the canaries had taken a shine too.

"Sect Leader, you have a visitor," his first disciple announced, confirming Nie Huaisang’s suspicions. "As per your instructions, I brought him to you right away."

Nie Huaisang shuddered and jumped to his feet, hoping against all hope… but when he turned around it was Jin Rulan standing next to Nie Funyu. Of course that was one of the other visitors about whom Nie Huaisang had given special instructions. And he had been expecting a surprise visit for a while now, and… Nie Huaisang refused to feel disappointed, because it would have been foolish to hope for anyone else.

"Nie zongzhu, I've come to see my cousin," Jin Rulan announced.

Nie Huaisang nodded, but before he could find something polite to reply Jin Rusong cried out in fright and hid behind him, hugging his legs tightly.

"I don't want to go back! I'm staying with uncle Nie!"

At this Nie Funyu had to fight a smile, while Jin Rulan's eyes narrowed. Nie Huaisang winced, but put on as cheerful a smile as he could.

"SongSong, don't be like that! Your cousin came all this way to see you, and you greet him like this? Isn't that a little rude? He'll think you haven't missed him."

"Uncle Nie…"

"Come say hi at least," Nie Huaisang insisted. "Show your cousin what a polite young man you are."

It felt like a dirty trick to say that, but Jin Rusong had told him a few times that his cousin used to be scolded for his rudeness, partly due to the influence of his uncle Jiang no doubt. Nie Huaisang had guessed that his ward probably liked being the polite one by comparison, especially when it was a quality everyone also praised Jin Guangyao for.

It worked, which made Nie Huaisang half proud and half awful for having guessed right. Jin Rusong hesitated a second, then came out of hiding so he could bow before his cousin with an elegance and restraint that was adorable in such a young child.

"I'm sorry, LingLing. I'm happy to see you, even if you are big now." Jin Rusong paused, and looked up at Nie Huaisang. "Do I have to call him Jin zongzhu now, like people do for daddy?"

"You can call me LingLing," Jin Rulan quickly intervened before Nie Huaisang could answer. "It's fine, I don't mind."

Jin Rusong nodded, clearly relieved to hear that he wouldn’t need to be so formal with his cousin. More than anything else, the fact that Jin Rulan was now nearly an adult really bothered the child a lot, as it was the most visible effect of his long sleep. All the rest he could either process or ignore, but this was hard on him.

“LingLing, are you here to take me back?” Jin Rusong asked.

Rather than to answer, Jin Rulan threw a glance at Nie Huaisang who remained perfectly impassive. The young sect leader sighed, and came to kneel down next to his cousin so they could be at the same level.

“Do you want to come home, A-Song?”

Immediately, the child shook his head.

“I like it here,” he explained. “I get to play with a lot of people, and the other day I fell in the mud and Uncle Nie said it was fine, and there are birds also. Did you see the birds, LingLing?” he asked, pointing excitedly at the caged around them. “I like them, they’re pretty and I can be near them, not at all like the peacocks at home that pinched us. You remember? Daddy was so cross because we had to run to escape from them, and then I was feeling bad again. But I can run now, Wen gongzi says it’s okay, and it’s easier to play like that. It’s really fun here. And if I go, then Uncle Nie will be sad, you know.”

As he said this, Jin Rusong returned to Nie Huaisang’s side, grasping his robes tightly.

“LingLing, Uncle Nie is trying very hard to be good,” he announced, which caused a mortified Nie Huaisang to hurriedly open his fan and hide. “He cries a lot and he is sad a lot, but he is nice and he lets me do anything I want.”

“Not anything!” Nie Huaisang protested, glaring at Nie Funyu who was barely restraining his laughter. “Jin zongzhu, I promise you that I’m not letting your cousin be spoiled or endangered, I know how to enforce boundaries… when it’s important.”

Jin Rulan threw him an unimpressed look before turning his attention back to Jin Rusong.

“Does he make sure you eat your vegetables?”

“Yes. I like how they’re cooked here!” Jin Rusong added. “But Uncle Nie doesn’t always eat his, and then Nie Funyu and Nie Zhilan have to scold him. Nie Zhilan says I have to also scold him if he doesn’t eat well. She’s the doctor here and she says Uncle Nie is not serious, but that’s not true. He works a lot and he really does his best, and…”

“I think maybe we should continue that conversation inside!” Nie Huaisang intervened. “Funyu, could you see to have tea and biscuits brought to my private quarters? And have guest quarters prepared for Jin zonghu. How long does Jin zongzhu plan on staying with us?”

Rising up again, Jin Rulan took a moment to consider the question, his eyes darting a few times between Jin Rusong and Nie Huaisang.

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning,” he said. “I just came by to check how A-Song was settling in, I sadly can’t stay very long.”

“Oh, but then you won’t meet my friends!” Jin Rusong lamented, throwing himself at his cousin and clinging to his robes. “Do you really have to leave? I’m sure they would like you so much! Please, please stay a little, LingLing!”

Jin Rulan blinked a few times. Nie Huaisang, used to the teenager’s volatile temper, steeled himself, unsure what to expect. He let out a long exhale when Jin Rulan smiled and picked his cousin up as if he weighed nothing.

“Maybe I can try to stay until I’ve met them,” he conceded, much to Jin Rusong’s delight. “And at worse, I’ll come visit again anyway. Maybe next time I’ll be less busy and I can stay longer.”

Hiding a grimace behind his fan, Nie Huaisang noted that the other sect leader wasn’t even pretending to ask for his permission. Of course it had been one of Jiang Wanyin’s conditions that Jin Rulan would be able to visit freely at any time of his choosing, but Nie Huaisang would have appreciated it if an effort was made to respect his authority, such as it was. But Jin Rulan probably felt he didn’t owe him even that, after some of the choices he’d made, and Nie Huaisang was in no position to complain, not with his current guardianship of Jin Rusong on the line.

So he simply waved his fan at Nie Funyu who went to make the necessary arrangement and, after quickly tidying what had been moved in the aviary, Nie Huaisang led the Jin cousins toward his quarters. Jin Rusong took it upon himself to describe to his cousin what each building they passed by was, continually going on tangents about whatever idea crossed his mind along the way. Nie Huaisang distractedly listened, mostly out of worry that the child might say something that would be interpreted the wrong way by Jin Rulan. It did not happen, though. By the time they reached their destination, Jin Rulan seemed as satisfied with the situation as someone half raised by Jiang Cheng could be.

Tea had already been served when they came in, and they only had to sit down to enjoy it. As was proper, Jin Rulan and Nie Huaisang sat on opposite sides of the table, which caused a dilemma for Jin Rusong. Usually he would have come to sit on Nie Huaisang’s lap, because his uncle Nie did perhaps like to spoil him a bit, but with his cousin present, he hesitated to take his usual spot.

That there was room for hesitation at all made Nie Huaisang’s heart feel too big for his chest.

“Go sit with your cousin,” he ordered gently. “You haven’t seen him in a long while, and he’s only here for a little bit, you should enjoy his company as much as you can!”

Jin Rusong nodded so seriously that it made Nie Huaisang want to pinch his cheeks, and he forced his way onto Jin Rulan’s lap. The teenager appeared a little startled by it, as if he hadn’t expected that his cousin would want to sit quite so close, but he allowed it easily, reminding Nie Huaisang of the way Jiang Cheng had been when his nephew was younger and cuddlier.

While they had tea, Jin Rusong was still the one to carry most of the conversation, clearly determined to prove that he was very happy in the Unclean Realm and ought to stay there. Here and there Jin Rulan asked questions or demanded details, which always made Nie Huaisang tense. It went well though. The only moment Jin Rulan frowned was when his young cousin explained that, no, he wasn’t working on cultivation at all, but even that wasn’t cause enough for him to get angry.

After tea, Jin Rusong insisted on showing his bedroom to his cousin, clearly very proud that he had his own room within Nie Huaisang’s quarters even though he had never spent an entire night there. Even if Nie Huaisang managed to convince him to go to his own bed sometimes, by morning he always woke up with a guest curled up against him. He didn’t mind. He’d done the same with his brother, after their father’s death.

That night, after dinner, Jin Rusong was the one to proudly announce that he’d be going to sleep in his own room. It made Nie Huaisang want to laugh, and it made him ache. Jin Rusong had always looked up to his cousin, no matter how unruly Jin Rulan had been as a child, and apparently that hadn’t changed. In a few months, a year or two at most, when things had settled down, when Jin Rusong had had time to get used to the changes in the world around him, there was no doubt he would ask to return to Carp Tower to be with his beloved cousin.

It would be fine.

It would be right.

Jin Rusong belonged with his family, not his father’s murderer.

And as for Nie Huaisang…

“Nie zongzhu, could we go talk somewhere?” Jin Rulan asked.

Nie Huaisang blinked a few times, his hand still on the door to Jin Rusong’s bedroom. It was embarrassing enough to space out this way around his ward or Nie Funyu, but to do it around another sect leader…

Maybe Nie Zhilan was right and he needed to sleep more.

He wished he’d manage to sleep more.

“Would Jin zongzhu like to go for a walk in the gardens?” Nie Huaisang offered. “It is nowhere near as beautiful as the ones in Carp Tower, the land here simply doesn’t allow it, but I’m quite proud of what we’ve managed to do.”

Jin Rulan had no objections, so they went that way. Nie Huaisang only paused a moment to make sure that the disciple in charge of patrolling around his house knew to keep an eye and ear out for Jin Rusong, in case he woke up before they returned and became scared when he realised he was alone.

Once they reached the garden, Nie Huaisang started chatting about the choice of plants, as he would have done with any guest. It was part habit and part nervousness. Without surprise, Jin Rulan did not put up with it very long before he lost patience and asked about what he really wanted to talk about.

“You took off his cinnabar dot,” Jin Rulan noted, not nearly as angry about it as Nie Huaisang had prepared himself for. “For safety, I imagine? Do your people even know who he is?”

“My people know I am very attached to him in spite of what his father did, and they wouldn’t dare lay a finger on him,” Nie Huaisang haughtily retorted, opening his fan to hide his affront. “But I know better than most how quick rumours can spread, and how they get started. I thought it would be safer to make his presence less obvious.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t just change his name,” Jin Rulan scoffed.

“I considered it, but he’s still very young, and he would let it slip anyway. It’s safer not to make him lie. Children are rarely any good at it.”

Besides, with such a father and grandfather, Nie Huaisang just did not want Jin Rusong to learn how to lie well. It made him feel guilty that he would even have such a fear, but he could not help it. He did not want that little boy to walk the same path Jin Guangyao had.

“And you’ve been keeping him away from cultivation classes?” Jin Rulan asked, a little more upset about that than about his sect’s mark.

“He is a Jin, it would not do for him to cultivate along the methods of another sect. I know you’ll want him back when things are calmer in Carp Tower,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “And you are his legal guardian, along with Jiang Wanyin. I would not dare to intervene in his learning of cultivation.”

He hesitated. He had been thinking about sending a letter on that topic actually, only stopping himself time and time again because he worried about being accused of scheming.

“He shows promise though,” Nie Huaisang said at last. “If you sent a trusted teacher here… I think he inherited his father’s talent, and considering how skilled Jin Guangyao was in spite of his late start, I can’t imagine how great of a cultivator Jin Rusong might become. It would be a shame to let that go to waste.”

Jin Rulan startled. “Nie zongzhu, you’re the last person I’d have expected to praise my uncle.”

Nie Huaisang lowered his fan to give him a wry smile.

“I believe in justice, Jin zongzhu. Where people fail or act wrongly, it should not be ignored. Likewise, there’s nothing to be earned in pretending even those who do wrong have their own qualities. And your uncle was… all the choices he made were his own. But he should not have been put in front of some of those choices. Whatever grudge I still hold against Jin Guangyao, it is nothing compared to the hatred I have for your grandfather. It is on his order that I lost my brother, as well as one of my dearest friends.”

Jin Rulan stared at him, a deep frown on his face, and Nie Huaisang quickly raised his fan again.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. My point is simply that the wrong your uncle did doesn’t erase the better sides of him. He might have been a murderer, but he was also a very clever man, and a skilled cultivator who only suffered from getting such a late start in learning. Your cousin shows every sign of being equally brilliant if given the chance, and I hope the necessary steps can be taken to let him make the best of his innate talent.”

“Uncle Jiang was right, you’re a complete weirdo,” Jin Rulan retorted.

Nie Huaisang laughed, shocked and delighted to be insulted like this. Most people only said that sort of things in his back, so it was really refreshing to hear such an honest opinion of himself.

“Here’s a secret for you, Jin zongzhu: everyone is weird.”

“I’m not!” Jin Rulan protested, with all the outrage only a teenager could muster at being called weird. “I’m perfectly normal, unlike the rest of you!”

Nie Huaisang only laughed harder, until he became so breathless he had to lean against a tree. He was almost sure he’d had a similar conversation with Jiang Wanyin once, back when they were young and happy in Gusu.

“Ah, Jin zongzhu, I hope life doesn’t change you too much,” he said when he had calmed down a bit. “Normal or not, I think you are exactly the sort of person we need at the head of Lanling Jin. A little honesty will do us all a world of good.”

Jin Rulan glared at him, clearly thinking there had to be some hidden insult in there, but there truly was none. Not that Nie Huaisang tried to protest his innocence.

Even on the rare occasion he had done no wrong, he knew nobody believed anymore these days.

A few weeks after his visit, Jin Rulan wrote to Nie Huaisang to announce he had found a trustworthy teacher for Jin Rusong, a woman who Jiang Wanyin approved of. Jin Rulan had some other business to take care of more urgently, but as soon as he was back in Carp Tower he would accompany Jin Yixin to the Unclean Realm so they could finish organising this together.

As soon as he had received the letter, Nie Huaisang had taken the necessary steps to welcome Jin Yixin as an honoured guest while also ensuring she would have absolute privacy to teach Jin techniques to his ward. Nie Funyu and him spent the day looking for the perfect building to use as a classroom until they had a few options to present.

After such a busy day, Nie Huaisang felt suitably tired after dinner and would have gladly gone to bed. Sadly for him, this happened to be the night for one of Wen Ning's visits. It was short, as usual, and did nothing but confirm once more that Jin Rusong was recovering perfectly well. In spite of the good news, when Wen Ning left, Nie Huaisang found he was now too restless to sleep, unnerved as always by the company of the fierce corpse.

It would have been a loss of time to go to bed in that state. After Jin Rusong was comfortably tucked under his blanket (in his own room, as was more and more frequent) Nie Huaisang returned to the main room of his quarters and decided to wait for tiredness by reading. It could never hurt to brush on the proper etiquette to adopt when dealing with a guest teacher, he figured out.

By the time his second candle threatened to burn out, Nie Huaisang still was no closer to sleepiness. He was starting to consider laying in bed anyway, just for the sake of trying, when he heard a commotion outside, pots falling and wind chimes ringing. His disciples knew how to avoid the careful mess around his house, so only a stranger could have made so much noise. And as to why a stranger who be there in the middle of the night…

Without hesitation, Nie Huaisang reached for his sabre, glancing toward the door to Jin Rusong's room to make sure it was closed.

Before Nie Huaisang could decide what to do next, the main door opened.

Nie Huaisang dropped his sabre and gaped at the sight before him.

Lan Xichen was staring back at him.

Lan Xichen, exactly like in his memories, and yet changed beyond words.

He looked thinner than Nie Huaisang had ever seen him, with dark bags under his eyes and dishevelled hair, his ribbon somewhat askew. He seemed exhausted, breathless as if he'd been running, or perhaps as if he had been foolish enough to make the flight from Gusu without break, his hands trembling so badly it was a wonder he had managed to open the door.

Lan Xichen took a step forward.

Nie Huaisang took a step back, causing the other man to frown at him. Lan Xichen, an almost feverish look in his eyes, opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again.

They stared at each other for a lifetime, or perhaps just for a few instants. Then Lan Xichen, at last, managed to speak.

"I want to see him."

#xisang #jin rusong #nie huaisang #lan xichen #jin ling #mdzs #jau writes #it's been a long time coming but hey :D #here we are :D

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crossdressingdeath · 3 years

Note

JLY will see JC have a full on tantrum and be like “Oh don’t mind him. He is going through a lot. Give him a break ☺️.” but once WWX shows the slightest bit of distress or unhappiness be like “No. You can’t do that. You’re so happy and carefree. Stop that. ☺️”

And yet there are people in the fandom who insist that she loved them both equally as her brothers and that she was the only one who was always there to support WWX. Yeah, okay. 🤡

Yeah, it really is like... I don't think she's being malicious, as such, but her "Oh, A-Xian is always smiling" always has a ring of "He'd better not stop smiling" to me. JYL gives the strong impression that she has zero desire to question her assumptions and biases and does not want to be put in a situation where morality would demand she do so. And that includes anything that involves questioning whether WWX's treatment by her family is good for him or even not harmful. As long as she can tell herself "Oh, A-Xian's fine, see, he's smiling!" all is well, so naturally she does her best to shut down any concerns he brings to her before he shows anything close to distress, which she might not be able to ignore (still not over her calling him a child when he comes to her with a concern that should have been a serious red flag which she then completely ignores) because at least unlike the rest of her family she seems to have something approaching a heart and morals and if WWX showed genuine distress or unhappiness she would probably feel obligated to do something. And yes, the nicest thing I can think to say about JYL is "she's raised WWX to never show any serious unhappiness or distress or concern in front of her because she'd probably actually feel bad enough to try to do something about it if he did so" with an undercurrent of "and she apparently doesn't want to have to... y'know, actually acknowledge that her family is abusing him and he really needs to get out of there as he has the ability to do as a disciple because she wants him to stay and play house with her".

She has no such issues with JC. If darling A-Cheng is at all upset, of course she'll do everything in her power to make him feel better! She's a great sister to him. Absolutely adoring. And of course there's no reason for anyone to take issue with her precious baby brother! He's going through so much! People just have to be nicer to him! Basically... it's not necessarily that JYL is ignoring WWX's suffering, she's just very good at convincing herself he's fine even when anyone outside the Jiangs would be like "Hey, uh, this is fucked up". She has no desire to set aside JC's suffering, so she doesn't. The fact that she sees WWX as a secondary concern at best is... generally extremely blatant. I suspect that WWX is only so "Shijie is the best" about all of her actions because the rest of the Jiangs are so atrocious she looks incredible by comparison. Literally just putting on a brief show of vague concern that she drops as soon as something more interesting appears puts her leagues ahead of any "family" WWX can remember and that is just... so sad.

#mdzs #lotus sister #fuck the jiangs

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Text

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 3 - ao3 -

The closing ceremony of the discussion conference was dignified and serene, as appropriate for an event hosted by the Lan sect, and after it was done everyone milled around to chat a little more before starting to break off into groups to leave.

The leaders of the Great Sects naturally gathered together.

They were an unusual mix. Wen Ruohan was the eldest by an entire generation, technically hailing from the generation of Lan Qiren’s grandfather even if his extraordinary cultivation made him seem as young as Lan Qiren’s brother; after him there was Lan Qiren’s father and the Jiang sect leader, Jiang Menglin, who themselves were a generation above their younger counterparts from the Nie and Jin clans – Jin Guangshan especially, having only inherited his position in the past year.

Lan Qiren’s brother stood beside them, speaking with them with his head held high. Their father planned to slowly transition sect leadership to him over the next half-decade so that he himself might be allowed to retire from the mundane world to focus on cultivation, as Lan An ultimately did. In accordance with that plan, he had allowed him to take the lead on hosting certain small events at the discussion conference, like the night-hunting.

Lan Qiren was there, too.

He was lurking as far to the back of the platform as he could get, trying simultaneously to perfectly reflect his sect’s expectations for proper behavior while also doing his utmost to remain beneath anyone’s notice – Lao Nie had caught his gaze at one point and winked, a friendly older man’s indulgence of a junior, but that was in large part unavoidable given the man’s gregarious personality – and enjoying the rare moment in which he could see his father at something other than a distance.

He usually only saw his father when he was brought before him to report on his achievements, typically once a month. When he was younger, he had been accompanied by one of his teachers, who would report on him while Lan Qiren anxiously examined his father’s face for signs of approval; now that he was older, he went by himself, dipping into a deep salute as he recited anything of interest, and sometimes if he really exerted himself his father would reward him with a word of praise.

Lan Qiren was only allowed to stand with the rest of them on the basis of a technicality – his father hadn’t officially transferred power to his eldest son and wouldn’t for a while yet, so he had brought along both of them on the transparent excuse that they could provide company for Jin Guangshan and Lao Nie as members of the same generation. It was very much a technicality in Lan Qiren’s case, given his much younger age; he fell on the very tail end of their generation on account of the circumstances of his belated birth.

Lan Qiren’s birth was very late to allow him to be considered a peer to those a decade or more older than him, in fact, but that was the way of things.

He was a child of duty, rather than pleasure.

His parents had been very much in love, as was the Lan sect’s way, and together they had had two sons and a daughter within six years, each one of them deeply beloved. But perhaps their joy had been too complete, because the heavens had not permitted it to last: they lost their younger son and daughter both – one to an unexpected illness, the other to an accident. Their eldest, Lan Qiren’s brother, was still there, but it would have been irresponsible to have only a single heir to a Great Sect. Accordingly, under great pressure from the sect elders, they had sought to have another child, only to fail time and time again, enduring countless miscarriages and stillbirths alike.

There had even been some debate as to whether such a situation permitted the sect leader to take on a concubine, regardless of custom or even his own wishes. Desperate to prevent such a result, Lan Qiren’s mother had inadvisedly taken certain drugs to encourage conception and at last Lan Qiren had been successfully born in a slow and bloody labor that had sapped his mother’s already poor health. She had died a few years later, suffering a recurrence of the infection left behind from his birth. Lan Qiren had been too young to really remember her, but he knew that his brother had blamed him for her loss ever since.

He sometimes wondered if his father did, too.

Of course, unlike his brother, his father had never said as much. As the Lan sect leader, he was graceful and refined, educated and reserved, a venerable and venerated cultivator; it was widely agreed that he would never have planned to retire so early if it hadn’t been for losing his true love all those years ago. Perhaps he might even have been another Wen Ruohan, seemingly ageless, striving for immortality – at any rate, he would never be so petty as to mistreat a person due to the circumstances beyond their control. It was something he had heard that his father had said from one of the other Lan sect juniors, and at any rate it was in the rules, and Lan Qiren believed in the rules.

Besides, it wasn’t a surprise that Lan Qiren would be an afterthought in comparison to his brother, the already famous Qingheng-jun, who his father treasured like a pearl cupped in his palm. His brother was the much-anticipated first child of his father’s happy youth, the reminder of good days gone by, a child who had survived the misfortunes that had taken his siblings, and Lan Qiren’s brother repaid his father’s adoration with strength, intelligence, and endless potential. He was a cultivation maniac, yet good at managing the other juniors; he was cold and aloof, elegant, yet capable of being personable and even charming when needed. He was one of the shining stars of his generation, already a powerful cultivator and a respected gentleman even though he’d only just passed twenty-one. Even the name which he was commonly called, Qingheng-jun, was a rarity, a personal title unusual in this peaceful day and age.

Lan Qiren, in contrast, was slow and clumsy, with only average cultivation skills and positively dire social skills. While his teachers praised his strong academic skills and musical talent, the Lan sect followed first and foremost the orthodox path of swordsmanship; once his weakness in that area had been discovered, many of his sect elders lost interest in him as anything other than the inferior back-up plan that he was.

Undoubtedly that was why, when Wen Ruohan turned to Lan Qiren’s father and said, “Your son is a credit to you,” everyone assumed he was talking about Qingheng-jun.

“Sect Leader Wen does him too much honor,” their father said, clearly pleased despite his deprecating words. After all, Wen Ruohan, Sect Leader Wen, was well known to be extraordinarily sparing with his praise for any who didn’t share his bloodline or surname. “My unworthy son is still young and foolish. His eyes are always fixed upon cultivation, never straying – he doesn’t even spare time for girls, despite his advancing years!”

The other sect leaders were smiling, and Lao Nie already opening his mouth to say something teasing, when Wen Ruohan said, “I meant your other son.”

Lan Qiren wasn’t prepared at all for all the sect leaders to turn to look at him.

He shrunk back.

“Qiren?” his father said, almost as if he were checking to confirm that that was the right name, a trace of doubt in his voice even as Lan Qiren’s brother’s face went white with humiliation. “I didn’t realize you’d had a chance to hear him play.”

“Regrettably I have not yet had that pleasure,” Wen Ruohan said, a slightly strange expression on his face. “We merely exchanged some charming conversation, that’s all. Is that his most notable skill?”

“His accomplishments as a musical cultivator are sufficient to rank him among the adults of his already talented sect,” Lao Nie volunteered when there was a brief pause, and Lan Qiren’s father was quick to smile and nod along. “You missed out, Sect Leader Wen.”

“Perhaps another time,” Wen Ruohan said, his return smile still strange and almost subtly displeased, though Lan Qiren would hardly trust himself to know for sure.

At that point, Jiang Menglin spoke up, changing the subject, and most everyone joined in, all of them evidently relieved – not least of all Lan Qiren himself, who had started wondering if there was some way he could become invisible or else fall into a deep chasm that might conveniently open up beneath his feet.

Nothing more was said on the subject until the ceremony was done and the last of their guests departed, when Lan Qiren’s brother tracked him down and hissed, “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Lan Qiren cried out. “We only talked!”

“You mean you talked at him the way you always do – ”

Their father cleared his throat, having come up behind them, and they both turned at once and dropped into deep salutes.

“Do not think about it too much,” he said, voice distant as the cold wind on a winter night. “Sect Leader Wen sometimes likes to make trouble for the sake of making trouble, especially if he thinks he has found a weakness. You will need to be on your guard against that when you are sect leader.”

He was talking to Lan Qiren’s brother, of course. Lan Qiren could count, and had, the number of times his father addressed him directly in a given year, but it was only reasonable – he wasn’t the heir, doomed to take on the burden of leadership, and so there was much less his father needed to say to him.

“Yes, Father,” his brother said. “I’ll remember.”

“Do not trouble your younger brother over nonsense.”

Lan Qiren felt his brother’s angry gaze like a flame against his skin, even if it wasn’t anywhere as weighty as Wen Ruohan’s. He did not understand what he had done wrong, whether to Wen Ruohan to decide to make trouble using his name or to his brother now that had made him angry, but that wasn’t so much different from the usual.

“Very well, Father,” his brother said. “I won’t.”

#mdzs #lan qiren #qingheng-jun #wen ruohan #my fic #my fics #spilled pearls

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imaginaryelle · 4 years

Link

Thanks to @morphia-writes for beta help, and to @miyuki4s for all the brainstorming help that went into this chapter!

An excerpt:

There are some things Lan Wangji cannot doubt: Wei Ying’s love for his sister, and her children. His affection for Jiang Wanyin, and the Wens. His dedication to ensuring that Lan Wangji himself does not succumb to the curse he carries.

Every evening, he creates a fresh talisman to replaces the one on Lan Wangji’s arm. He brews one of three different medicinal teas from Wen Qing, in sequence, and serves it, sometimes drinking a portion or two himself. He invites Lan Wangji to play Rest as a duet for the suppressed, resentful souls they carry, and then other, less spiritually charged music, and asks after his core, after their evening meditations.

Every morning, Lan Wangji takes longer than he needs to to comb his hair, and tie it up, and dress. Wei Ying looks younger in the diffused dawnlight inside the tent. Softer, sprawled carelessly under blankets with his sleep robe twisted out of place to reveal the hollow of his elbow and the line of his collar bones.

It’s an indulgence Lan Wangji shouldn’t permit himself. A few moments, watching Wei Ying breathe and concentrating on the steady warmth of the soulbond under his own skin.

Read on tumblr under the cut!

It takes more than one day for a sect leader to prepare for the sort of journey they’re planning. Not because of the journey itself, Wei Ying is quick to point out, but because of all the things he has to make sure are done beforehand.

“Wen Qing is locking me in my study today,” he says over breakfast on the first day, “but Sizhui, Xiuying and Weixin are meeting with a tailor for new clothes and you should go.”

As he has been wearing borrowed or stolen clothes for several days now, Lan Wangji cannot bring himself to protest. He has no desire to wear extra infirmary underlayers while traveling, and the plain black outer layer Wen Qionglin had brought to his door was clearly intended to fit as many people as possible. Commissioning something new, or at least something altered to fit properly, is only reasonable.

Wei Ying insists that he’s already paid for the service, which Lan Wangji can only thank him for; he has no funds of his own, or reputation to call on.

“Get something you like,” Wei Ying tells him, even as Wen Qing looms over his shoulder. “Anything you want is fine.”

Lan Wangji assumes this event will take place within Yiling-Wei’s walls, as was generally the case in Cloud Recesses, but instead he finds himself following Wen Sizhui, Zhou Xiuying and Liu Weixin through a town that looks much more prosperous than the Yiling he visited thirteen years ago, and is almost certainly louder and more crowded than he remembers.

That impression may be influenced by his company. Certainly he had felt there were entirely too many people in the street when he was surrounded by onlookers with a toddler clutching at his leg, but if anything their small group draws even more attention now.

Everyone seems to know Wen Sizhui. There are street hawkers and shop owners who greet him by name, and press freshly steamed baozi and sticks of hawthorn candy into his hands, and it is clear from their comments that the townspeople of Yiling are close to their Sect in a way that is certainly not true of Cloud Recesses and Caiyi, or Jinlingtai and Lanling. One merchant is so insistent on thanking them for some past service that all four of them end up holding packages of lotus root, despite the fact that Lan Wangji can have had nothing to do with solving the woman’s problems.

The pattern continues inside the tailor’s shop—the young Wei cultivators are being fitted with new black outer yi and trousers designed to the Jiang Clan’s specifications for the upcoming archery tournament, but they are all clearly well-known to the staff. And Lan Wangji has come with the Sect Leader’s express instructions. And also the offer of his purse.

“Wei-zongzhu said you might prefer these,” one of the tailor’s assistants says, his hands full of fine-woven cream and blue fabrics, “but we do have other colors, of course.”

None of the fabrics on display are the shining, pure white of Gusu-Lan, but there is sun-bleached silk and cloud-white cotton and pale wool woven thinner than paper. It doesn’t seem to matter what he says, or how he responds: he is fussed over, and measured, and prodded. Silk and wool and brocade are draped over his shoulders and held up to his face for comparisons of shade and texture, and he leaves the shop—it is much later in the afternoon than he expected—with the black robe he arrived in newly altered and a sash of summerweight wool dyed the blue of a pale spring morning tied around his waist. Travel clothes, he is assured, will be delivered in the next few days.

He could not bring himself to commission a forehead ribbon, in any color; he is already quite certain these new robes will exceed any budget or social standing Liang Feihong could expect to claim. Wei Ying seems unconcerned.

“It’s a gift,” he insists after dinner. “Besides, you’re still a cultivator, and you’re traveling with a sect leader. It’d be weird if you looked like a fisherman.”

Lan Wangji is certain there are several measures of difference between the dress of a fisherman, a rogue cultivator, and the fabrics that were held before his face today.

“Look at this map with me,” Wei Ying says, the topic apparently closed. “I’m trying to figure out which roads are least likely to be blocked by mudslides. Wen Qing says if I get on a boat during the spring rains she’ll kill me now to save herself the trouble of burying me later.”

Lan Wangji may not have any formal responsibilities at Yiling-Wei, but Wen Qing makes it clear that she expects marked improvement in his spiritual power before he leaves her area of influence. He is given a list of meditation exercises and a schedule of daily training sessions for sword and unarmed work with her apprentices on hand to monitor his condition.

This is not a hardship. He had already planned to dedicate most of his time to this task, and the Wei cultivators have a unique style—not quite Yunmeng-Jiang, but not Qishan-Wen either. Wei Ying, of course, is the most practiced in it, and his version does not even involve a sword; Suibian is distinctly absent from their training sessions, but this does not seem to affect Wei Ying’s efficacy. Twice Lan Wangji is not fast enough to avoid the touch of a talisman to his shoulder, or his core.

He takes no actual damage from them—Wei Ying is careful in his craft, and these were written specifically for this purpose, but the failure drives him to train harder, even against other sparring opponents, until whatever apprentice is observing him steps in and orders a rest.

He spends this enforced downtime reading theory texts from Wen Qing’s library or at his guqin, picking out simple practice scores and more complex Lan melodies in the hope of re-training both his fingers and his core in the delicate language required for performing Inquiry. He works outside, in the scattered gardens, whenever the weather allows. A few hours spent alone in his shuttered room during a sudden storm proves detrimental to his focus, no matter how many handstands he does, or what other meditation techniques he tries. It is better to be out in the open air, where he can breathe more easily.

“Lan Zhan!” On the afternoon of the third day Wei Ying leans around the mulberry tree on the other side of a plot dedicated largely to cooking herbs. He looks around as if he thinks they’re being watched, and then all but runs over to crouch next to Lan Wangji. “I want to show you something,” he whispers. He tugs on Lan Wangji’s sleeve. “Come on, quick!”

“Something” turns out to be the paddock, where a 2-day-old foal is taking in the outside world for the first time under his mother’s watchful eyes. Wei Ying drapes himself over the fence and watches them both with a rapt expression Lan Wangji has never seen him wear before. Zhou Xiuying is also in attendance, alongside her wife—Feng Xinyi—who he learns is the one of the Wei Sect’s grooms.

“Xiaoying and Heitu are just one pasture over, if you wanted to meet them,” she says, which is how Lan Wangji learns that Wei Ying intends to travel by mule.

“Do you know how hard it is to feed a horse?” he says as they walk through tall grass flushed green with the rains. “Have you ever tried to train a horse for night hunting? In a Yunmeng summer? The heat is terrible for them. I think the only reason Jiang Cheng still has horses is his grandmother sent a whole caravan of grooms and breeding stock from Meishan when the war ended.” He produces two apples from his sleeve and holds one out to the nearest mule and the other to Lan Wangji. “Mules are better,” he says, his tone flippant as he pets Xiaoying’s long nose. “And almost as impressive.”

Xiaoying and Heitu are undeniably beautiful animals; good conformation, clearly healthy, and their dark bay coats shine red in the sunlight. And Lan Wangji knows that he will not be able to travel by sword for some time yet. Not alone. He cannot expect Wei Ying to transport them both, and walking will be too slow. Riding makes sense.

“Little Shadow?” he asks, of Wei Ying’s mount. “And … Black Rabbit?” They are hardly the sorts of names he is accustomed to hearing for a cultivator’s steed. There is little sense of speed, or power, or even luck in these names. Wei Ying shrugs.

“Xiaoying used to lie in the grass and pretend to be dead. Sizhui tripped over her all the time, and then she’d follow him for hours. And Heitu likes to jump, she hopped all over the place as a filly--ah! Lan Zhan!” He grins, gleeful, mischief in his face. “Do you remember the rabbits I gave you, all those years ago? And now I can give you another one! A bigger one!” Wei Ying laughs, just as he had laughed in Cloud Recesses, depositing two rabbits on the floor of the library, some sort of gift and joke and torment all in one, Lan Wangji had been sure.

Lan Wangji hadn’t known what to do then, with the boy who refused to leave him alone, who insisted on teasing him at every opportunity. Now, he stares at Wei Ying’s hands, at long sleeves pulled back to reveal his wrists, at his lips, and he knows what he wants to do.

He steps closer to Heitu, offers her his hands in a bowl instead of reaching out beyond her.

“I remember,” he says. It’s possible that his brother allowed his pets to stay, after his death.

Unlikely. But possible.

Heitu snuffles at his hands, all warm breath and soft nose in a way that is, in some small semblance, reminiscent of the soft warmth of his rabbits. She bears nothing like their fragility, but she takes the apple he offers delicately, and he keeps his fingers well clear of her teeth. Wei Ying strokes Xiaoying’s face and talks sweetly at her until she takes his sleeve in her mouth, at which point he switches over to annoyed admonishments. Lan Wangji has just stepped nearer to help him when Wen Qionglin appears at Wei Ying’s shoulder.

“Qing-jie wants to know if you finished that letter to Ouyang-zongzhu yet,” he says.

Wei Ying jerks, and there’s a sound of tearing cloth. He sighs.

“Feng-shimei told you to stop keeping food in your sleeves,” Wen Qionglin notes, even as he distracts Xiaoying with a hand on her neck. She drops Wei Ying’s sleeve and nudges her nose into Wen Qionglin’s chest. Both animals seem accustomed to his presence.

“I took it out as soon as we got here,” Wei Ying grumbles. “I wouldn’t have torn anything if I wasn’t surprised.” He sticks his fingers through the tear in his sleeve and wiggles them. The look on his face can only be described as a pout.

“I can fix it for you—” Wen Qionglin actually looks worried. Wei Ying just sighs and flaps his sleeve.

“I’ll fix it,” he says. “Why should you fix it? It’s fine.” He frowns at Xiaoying for a moment, then leans into Lan Wangji’s shoulder.

“I really can’t recommend becoming a sect leader,” he says, low-voiced, as if this will affect Wen Qionglin’s hearing. “The number of letters you have to respond to is too much work. I don’t think Ouyang-zongzhu even reads them, he just sends some new complaint every few weeks, as if I can control the weather, or the river, or how sleepy his cultivators get when they’re on tower duty.”

Lan Wangji has never heard his brother or his uncle make similar complaints, but they are Lans; they would not say such a thing even if it were true.

“Did you not choose the position?” he asks.

Wei Ying’s face scrunches up with displeasure. He shakes his head, though whether it is denial or dismissal is impossible to determine.

“I better get back to it,” he says instead of answering the question. “Before Wen Qing tells the kitchens to put radish in my food again.”

He sighs, and waves aside Lan Wangji’s bow. “I’ll see you both at dinner,” he says, and Wen Qionglin nods. Lan Wangji watches Wei Ying walk back up the hill towards the main compound until Heitu seems to take offense to his distraction and knocks her head against his shoulder, huffing at him.

“Does Liang-gongzi know how to ride?” Wen Qionglin asks. It’s a fair question: Lan Wangji does not actually know if Liang Feihong was trained in riding. He prevaricates. What is true for him is just as likely to be true for Liang Feihong as not.

“It has been a long time.”

“Would you like to practice?” Wen Qionglin asks, and Lan Wangji agrees without hesitation. Practice, and especially practice in caring for his mount without servants to help, can only improve the upcoming journey.

Wen Qionglin shows him to the tack room, and he manages to brush and saddle Heitu with a minimum of fuss. The main difference between outfitting a horse and a mule, he finds, is that Heitu’s tack includes two belly cinches, there is an extra strap that goes under her tail to stop the saddle moving too far forward, and he has to be especially gentle with her long ears while placing the bridle. Xiaoying is the more mischievous of the pair, Wen Qionglin tells him, and has to be watched carefully so she doesn’t puff out her stomach and make the cinches too loose.

Riding is initially awkward, but after a few slow circuits of the paddock he finds his seat and is able to push Heitu faster without losing his balance too badly. She takes direction well, has a steady, comfortable gait, and doesn’t startle as easily as some horses he’s ridden. He will almost certainly be sore later, especially without a dependable supply of spiritual power to speed healing, but the wind in his face and the simple pleasures of riding are more than worth that discomfort. He turns back toward the stables when they have both worked up a light sweat and sees Feng Xinyi speaking with Wen Qionglin. She smiles as he approaches, but doesn’t stay.

“I should get back to the little one,” she says. “But I’m glad to know Heitu will have a rider who knows what he’s doing.”

Wen Qionglin leads Heitu to a water trough and pets her cheek until Feng Xinyi is out of earshot.

“Wei-zongzhu trusts you,” he says. As if this is a fact.

Lan Wangji stares back at him. Wen Qionglin does not breathe, and he does not blink. He stands perfectly, unnaturally still, and waits. Apparently some response is required.

He settles on, “I trust him, also.”

Wen Qionglin watches him for a moment longer, and then nods. Then he says, “If he truly needs help, I will know. No matter where he is. And I am very fast.”

Oh.

This is probably intended as a threat.

Lan Wangji slides off Heitu’s back, so that they are eye to eye.

“I mean him no harm,” he says. In his current state of spiritual power it’s almost reassuring to know that someone else is concerned for Wei Ying's welfare. It should not be at all surprising, but he finds he is often surprised by Wen Qionglin, who has continued to move and talk and physically reside with his family for over a decade when everything Lan Wangji has been taught says he should not even exist.

Those same teachings would object to his own new existence as well; they are, both of them, supposed to be long dead.

“I will not let him come to harm,” he says, “if I can help it.”

He worries for a moment that this will be too revealing, but Wen Qionglin does not question him further. Perhaps he doesn’t need to. They are both well aware of the loyalty Wei Ying can inspire, under the right circumstances.

“I will show you where to find the saddle bags and travel rations,” Wen Qionglin decides, and he doesn’t speak of anything but Xiaoying and Heitu’s care and habits for the rest of the afternoon.

The evening before their planned departure, Wen Qing summons Lan Wangji once more to her study. Wei Ying arrives partway through her examination of his meridians and, surprisingly, sits quietly beside her desk until she’s finished. When she nods he joins them both behind the privacy screen and produces two cloth-wrapped packages—in one, two coiled lengths of red silk string, and in the other a pale jade carving of an endless panchang knot.

“Our hope is to give your spiritual power a new path through your meridians,” Wen Qing tells him as she inspects the strings. “One that minimizes the curse’s influence.” She blocks the meridians at his shoulder with her needles, and then ties one string to his arm, above the curse mark, and the other below it, each secured with a cloverleaf knot and sealed with a touch of spiritual power.

Wei Ying leans in close and presses two fingers to the talisman over the curse mark, but doesn’t touch either the silk or the jade. He keeps his silence. Lan Wangji watches his face and cannot read his thoughts.

“Just making sure this doesn’t interrupt us,” he says when he sees Lan Wangji watching. He holds up a second talisman in his other hand. “Wouldn’t want to have to start over in the middle.”

It’s a reasonable precaution: Tying the new charm is a long process, a progression of knots that covers most of his forearm. The jade panchang knot is tied in just above the curse mark, and another panchang knot of red silk tied below the wound. Wen Qing and Wei Ying both study it closely, and then she removes her needles and takes his wrist again, walking him through a slow meditation, cycling spiritual power through his body.

The flow of power is smoother, though it does perhaps take a little more time than he expects.

Wei Ying removes his fingers with a nod and a sigh. Wen Qing smiles, satisfied.

“The talisman will still need to be reapplied regularly,” she says, “but these charms together should be enough to minimize the curse’s effect on your meridians, so your core can begin to heal.”

It has already begun. He can feel the difference.

“Thank you.” The words seem inadequate, but he has little else to offer. Even this, she waves aside.

“I’m sure you don’t need my guidance for the proper exercises, but I do have many more theory texts, if you wish to read them.”

“We can bring some along,” Wei Ying promises. “Most of the best ones, we have more than one copy.”

Lan Wangji thinks of the library—of the many books that bear the same hand. Some copied by Wen Qing. Some by Wei Ying. Others in a clear, steady hand he doesn’t recognize. Of the single bound copy of the Lan Clan rules he’d found next to a copy of the Wen principles, and the books that he doubts his brother knows exist, copies of texts that were available to guest disciples studying at Cloud Recesses.

He wonders if his brother knew, when he was rebuilding the Library Pavilion, just how exact Wei Ying’s memory can be.

“Thank you,” he says again.

“Get some sleep,” Wen Qing says. “Both of you.” She stares hard at Wei Ying. “I’m not going to be the one dragging you out of your rooms in the morning. It’s no matter to me if you miss traveling during the coolest part of the day.”

Traveling with Wei Ying, and only with Wei Ying, is different from traveling alone, or with other Lan disciples, and different again from his memories of travel during the Sunshot Campaign. Then, Wei Ying had shifted through moods like ripples in water, sometimes predictable but more often not. A laugh like a clash of swords, a glare that pierced like needles. More than once Lan Wangji had found him alone but for the poor company the dead might provide, brooding under a shadow that seemed to cling to him even on the clearest of days. And then he would turn and ask if Lan Wangji knew this or that song, or if he wanted to spar, or if he’d eaten because surely it must be time for the next meal by now, and Lan Wangji would push aside his concern until hours later, when Wei Ying was just as likely to pull a prank as get in a fight with an ally. A fight with Lan Wangji himself, more often than not.

But that was the war. Decades ago, now, for everyone but Lan Wangji himself.

Now, Wei Ying laughs with more humor, and the cant of his eyes is merely sly rather than cutting. He grumbles through his breakfast and morning tea. He bickers with Xiaoying while saddling her and slouches through the morning hours until some unknown precondition is met, and then he begins talking aloud about whatever is on his mind at the moment: the weather, which continues to be wet, with cool mornings and steamy afternoons, or theories on their two investigations, or tales of past night hunts, which quickly shift into stories of Wen Sizhui, or Jiang Wanyin and Jin Rulan, and from there to the other members of Yiling-Wei, and Yunmeng-Jiang, and Lanling-Jin. Once, when they stop and take shelter under a half-repaired watchtower to wait out a storm, Wei Ying says, “Ah, Lan Zhan, do you remember that week we had rain every day, in Gusu?” and he speaks of Lan Xichen, and the Lan Sect, and what little he knows of its current status.

Cloud Recesses has been rebuilt, reportedly exactly as it was before the Wens attacked. Lan Qiren still teaches, and Lan Wangji feels a swell of relief to know his uncle still breathes. The Sect still hosts a year-long seminar for young disciples of any sect, every few years. Wen Sizhui, Liu Weixin and Zhou Xiuying have attended it, and returned with reports of young Lan cultivators who Wen Sizhui described as friendly, Liu Weixin called unbearably rigid, and Zhou Xiuying pronounced worthy sparring opponents. Lan Xichen has, unsurprisingly, built a widely-spoken reputation for even-mindedness that Lan Wangji knows he himself could never hope to match.

There is no bitterness to any of Wei Ying’s tales. No mention of hardship or enmity, over a span of more than a decade that Lan Wangji knows cannot have been easy, especially near its start. But then, Lan Wangji has long known that Wei Ying lies more easily than he tells the truth, omits more than he ever says openly. Even when he was living among the Mass Graves, quite obviously short on food, the only hardship Wei Ying would admit to was a lack of visitors, and news.

Still, there are some things he cannot doubt: Wei Ying’s love for his sister, and her children. His affection for Jiang Wanyin, and the Wens. His dedication to ensuring that Lan Wangji himself does not succumb to the curse he carries.

It’s an indulgence Lan Wangji shouldn’t permit himself. A few moments, watching Wei Ying breathe and concentrating on the steady warmth of the soulbond under his own skin.

He turns away. Steps outside. Rekindles the fire for breakfast.

During the long afternoon of the fourth day, after they have shared a quick lunch beside a clear-flowing stream and are letting Xiaoying and Heitu forage their own meal, Wei Ying draws out Chenqing and plays songs that seem to be purely for personal entertainment; there is no spiritual power behind them at all. Some, Lan Wangji recognizes as common to drinking houses and inns. Others he doesn’t recognize at all. He is considering unwrapping the guqin when Wei Ying’s somewhat random little melodies turn suddenly familiar.

Not just familiar.

Every note is etched into Lan Wangji’s soul.

Wei Ying catches him staring. He’s not certain what expression his own face is making, but Wei Ying looks suddenly defensive. His hands drop to his lap, wrapping around Chenqing as if Lan Wangji will try to tear the flute away from him.

“What?”

“You remember.” Lan Wangji shouldn’t be surprised—Wei Ying has remembered enough of his brief time at Cloud Recesses to reproduce the Lan Sect’s rules and three different treatises, and that’s only what Lan Wangji found. But it had been only once, in the Xuanwu’s cave. That song has only ever had an audience of one.

Wei Ying frowns at him.

“What ...” his eyebrows rise high on his forehead, his mouth forming a perfect circle. “Lan Zhan.” He leans forward, suddenly eager. “Lan Zhan, you know this song?”

Of course he knows it. How could he not?

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying continues. “No one knows this song. How do you know it? Is it a Lan Clan song? What’s its name?”

Words stick in Lan Wangji’s throat. Wei Ying doesn’t remember. Not really. He looks away. At the play of light on water. The swirl of shadowy fish, underneath.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says again, moving closer. “I can never remember where I heard it, and no one ever recognizes it. How do you know it?”

No one ever recognizes it, he says. Which means Wei Ying has been playing it. For other people. For thirteen years. And he doesn’t know.

Lan Wangji swallows back his foolish hopes. The words he might have said.

“I wrote it,” he admits, to the low rush of the spring and the whisper of reeds in the light breeze.

“What?”

When he risks a glance back, Wei Ying is staring. He looks utterly shocked.

“What do you mean, you wrote it?”

Lan Wangji does not want to have this conversation. Not now. Not if Wei Ying doesn’t remember something so important.

At least, it had been important to Lan Wangji.

“We should keep moving,” he says, and stands. Heitu is drinking from the stream, but she only flicks her ears when he touches her shoulder, and doesn’t offer any more protest than a shift of her weight as he unties her hobble and mounts.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying is frowning at him.

“We are wasting daylight,” Lan Wangji tells him. It’s true enough. This break is no shorter than any other.

Wei Ying grumbles. Retrieves his things.

“What’s its name?” he asks as he settles on Xiaoying.

I have already told you. Lan Wangji locks the words behind his teeth. Wei Ying does not speak of the soul bond, never broaches the topic of their battle with the Xuanwu or anything else from their lives that occurred after he left Cloud Recesses months before any other disciple, does not remember this, despite Lan Wangji telling him, despite his clear memory of the music itself and his perfect recall of texts long burnt to ashes.

“Think about it.” He says instead, and urges Heitu into a quicker pace, too fast for easy conversation.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying calls after him, but Lan Wangji does not look back.

When Wei Ying catches up he speaks of other things, and does not mention the song again.

Notes:

For the curious, Xiaoying and Heitu are named as references to famous horses from Romance of the Three Kingdoms. 絶影 (sometimes translated as "Suppressing Shadow" or "Shadow Runner") was one of the horses of Cao Cao, head of the state of Wei. He famously kept running despite taking three arrows, and thus saved his rider from enemies. 赤兔 (Red Hare) was described as "the best of horses" and within the tale people considered him to be too good for his original master. After that master died he was given to a new, more virtuous hero (Guan Yu, sometimes described as an ideal incarnation of loyalty and righteousness), who he was extremely loyal to.

(on to part 11)

#wangxian #mo dao zu shi #lan wangji #wei wuxian #mdzs #mdzs fic #wangxian fic #role reversal soulmate au #turnabout verse #alex writes #the yearning goes on #as ever

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kurowrites · 4 years

Text

This Cursed Broken Heart - Chapter 3

Previous parts. AO3.

Sorry?

(Warning: contains mentions of addiction and some other dark themes, but it’s all in the past.)

---

To Wei Ying’s eternal relief, the rest of the afternoon passes by without incident – as far as Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are concerned, that is. Jiang Cheng fares much worse. The aunties have indeed banded together once more in their quest to find Jiang Cheng a decent wife, and he clearly does not appreciate the interference in his love life one bit. At the same time, he’s completely incapable of shutting them down, so it’s really just a repeat of what happened during the last family celebration. And the one before that. And the one before that. It’s both hilarious and embarrassing to watch.

In general, the celebration is exactly how all Jiang family celebrations are: there’s a lot of noise, there’s a lot of food, one of the uncles gets embarrassingly drunk. Granny Yu keeps her eagle eye on Wei Ying’s plate and makes sure he eats so much that his stomach feels stretched to its absolute limits. Once, Jiang Yanli comes by to check up on Wei Ying and make sure he’s fine. He assures her that he is, a little embarrassed with Lan Zhan sitting right next to him. But Jiang Yanli isn’t like Jiang Cheng; she says nothing unnecessary (or mean) in front of Lan Zhan. She simply gives him a kiss on the cheeks and tells him to come to her if he needs something.

It’s already late afternoon by the time the celebration starts winding down, and though Wei Ying enjoyed himself (if a constant hyper-awareness of Lan Zhan’s proximity can be called enjoyable), he lets out a deep sigh he’s been holding in the entire time once they’re finally back in the car.

“So,” he says as he starts the car. “That went surprisingly well.”

Lan Zhan doesn’t reply, but Wei Ying didn’t expect him to. He concentrates on navigating the early evening traffic, instead. He doesn’t drive much, actually, usually relying on public transport, but it felt right to drive Lan Zhan today, after all the trouble Wei Ying caused him. He’s not the smoothest of drivers, in any case, and with Lan Zhan as his passenger, he drives more carefully and attentively than he normally would.

He remembers before. When they went out as a couple, it was most often Lan Zhan that would drive them around. Lan Zhan never drank, so he was always the designated driver even when they went out with friends.

Lan Zhan must be thinking about something similar, because he suddenly decides to break the silence with an odd observation.

“You have not been drinking today,” he says.

“Yeah,” Wei Ying says, trying to sound casual even as the knuckles on his hands gripping the steering wheel turn white. “I’m driving you around, so obviously I’m not going to drink.”

Wei Ying almost believes that Lan Zhan will accept this as a sufficient explanation, but then, after a short pause, Lan Zhan speaks up again.

“Jiang Yanli asked you if you are okay.”

“My sister always worries about me,” Wei Ying presses out, and he can already feel the waves of panic crashing threatening to crash over him, the terror of Lan Zhan so effortlessly sniffing out the one thing Wei Ying has been wanting to hide from him. “She worries too much, really. About everyone.”

Lan Zhan doesn’t get the hint. Maybe doesn’t want to get the hint.

“You always drank with your uncles.”

Wei Ying grips the steering wheel harder.

“Lan Zhan, if you want to have that conversation while I’m driving, I will crash the car.”

“Come up to the apartment with me, then,” Lan Zhan replies. “I want to speak with you.”

Wei Ying has no idea how to read Lan Zhan’s tone of voice. He used to have a good handle on Lan Zhan’s expressions, but he can’t pinpoint this one. The feeling of not knowing Lan Zhan’s current state of mind makes him go hot and cold at the same time.

He doesn’t want to go up to Lan Zhan’s apartment. He doesn’t want to face this. Any of it.

He shouldn’t have asked Lan Zhan to come with him today. It had been a stupid idea, to try and soothe the worries of his family by involving others in a lie.

“Lan Zhan, we’re not–”

“My favour,” Lan Zhan interrupts. “You owe me a favour. I want to you to come up to my apartment, and you will not leave until I tell you that you’re allowed to.”

Wei Ying shoots Lan Zhan a quick look before he returns his attention to the standing traffic in front of him. Does Lan Zhan realise what he sounds like right now?

He takes a deep breath. It’s fine. Speaking to Lan Zhan will devastate him emotionally, he has no doubts about that, but Lan Zhan would never intend to harm him in any way. He guesses Lan Zhan has a right to know, too.

Still.

“Isn’t it a waste to use that favour for something so meaningless?” he asks, trying to sound unconcerned. “We’ve been broken up for a year. What use is it to talk now?”

“It is important to me,” Lan Zhan replies, and then returns to silence once more.

The rest of the drive is uncomfortable to say the least. There’s nothing to break the looming silence with; it would feel even worse to turn on the car radio now. Wei Ying lets himself be directed to a parking space by Lan Zhan, and follows Lan Zhan to the elevator, and then to the door of his apartment. Lan Zhan lets them in and gestures towards the living room as he vanishes into the kitchen.

Wei Ying gingerly takes a seat on the large, comfortable sofa that’s essentially the focus of the living room, taking in apartment that he hasn’t seen for over a year. It’s the same as it has always been: clean and minimalistic, but with a surprising warmth that a lot of minimalism lacks. There’s a different scroll painting on the wall opposite him, but other than that, not much has changed.

It’s not long before Lan Zhan returns, carrying a little bamboo tray with a Yixing tea set that Wei Ying realises he is very familiar with. The set is not particularly ostentatious, not like some of the very expensive Yixing sets collectors pay a fortune for, but the knob on the lid of the small red clay tea pot is formed into a tiny, tiny rabbit. It had been a present from Wei Ying that he had bought with the pay of his first real job. He had been so proud to finally be able to get Lan Zhan something nice.

That Lan Zhan kept it almost makes Wei Ying tear up. He knows for a fact that Lan Zhan owns better tea sets. This Yixing set cost pennies in comparison to some other sets that Lan Zhan owns. He even owns antique sets that have been in the family for generations.

Lan Zhan starts preparing the tea without speaking, and Wei Ying notices immediately that the tea he’s brewing is a Yashixiang Oolong. It’s one of Wei Ying’s favourite teas not only because it’s objectively good, but also because he can never stop laughing about the name.

“Let’s drink some duck shit!” he often teased Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan would inevitably give him the raised eyebrow, but would always obey and pour some Yashixiang for Wei Ying.

As it has always been, there’s something meditative and calming about watching Lan Zhan preparing the tea. There’s a familiarity in every singly movement, a sense of confidence, control and comfort. If Wei Ying is entirely honest, he always felt that the way Lan Zhan moves while brewing tea is slightly erotic. The way his fingers– He tries not to think about that now.

Once the tea is finally poured and Wei Ying is invited to drink, he takes a moment to enjoy the atmosphere, the familiar calm. He missed this. The ease, the contentment of moments like these, when no dark clouds were hanging over them.

He lifts the cup and drinks. The tea is as excellent, as it always is when Lan Zhan makes it.

“I want to understand, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, finally breaking the silence after he emptied his own cup. “I want to understand what I did wrong.”

Wei Ying looks up from his own teacup in confusion. What Lan Zhan did wrong?

“Lan Zhan,” he says haltingly. “Your mistake was mostly to date me at all.”

That doesn’t seem to sit well with Lan Zhan. He turns towards Wei Ying more fully, his brow folding into a frown.

“I never regretted dating Wei Ying,” he says stubbornly.

“You were constantly stressed trying to hold everything together, at the end,” Wei Ying reminds him. “You sure as hell weren’t enjoying yourself.”

When the lawsuit had happened, Lan Zhan had stuck by Wei Ying’s side, had supported him, had helped him with legal procedures, had kept Wei Ying from succumbing to the stress of the situation.

Without Lan Zhan, he might not even be alive at this point. No, actually, he is sure he wouldn’t be alive at this point. In a sense, Wei Ying owes him everything. Lan Zhan deserves happiness more than anyone.

And then–

“You took Uncle Qiren’s money,” Lan Zhan says, and it’s not a question. It’s a fact. “You took the money, and you left.”

Wei Ying closes his eyes. He wants to make a joke here, wants to lighten the mood somehow, but he can’t. He can’t deny that it’s exactly what he did. And, well… it’s also the answer to the question that Lan Zhan had in the car.

“I took the money,” he says with a shaking voice. “I took the money, and I went to a very good addiction clinic, and checked myself in. And I never touched a glass of alcohol since.”

He takes a deep breath.

“That’s why Yanli asked me if I was okay. She is the only one that really knows where I’ve been.”

He takes another deep breath.

“I have to thank your uncle, I guess. Thanks to his generous offer, I was able to get myself back on track. And I guess it had the additional advantage of removing a walking legal and emotional time bomb from your environment.”

“You won the lawsuit.”

Yeah, Wei Ying thinks to himself. He won that fucking lawsuit, after these people nearly destroyed everything that he ever loved, his family, his career, his friends, and left him bleeding out on the ground.

“Eventually,” he says. “Barely. They did everything legal and illegal they could possibly think of to frame me. I scraped by a life-long jail sentence so narrowly, I’m still surprised I’m a free man now.”

Breathing is getting harder the more he speaks. Honestly, Wei Ying only went to Lan Zhan to ask him to come with him today because he wanted to assure his family that he’s doing well after he put all of them through such an ordeal. He didn’t want to make them think that Lan Zhan left him because Wei Ying’s issues had been too much to deal with. It shouldn’t have been Lan Zhan’s responsibility to take care of Wei Ying in the first place. Lan Zhan was never to blame. But instead of doing that, he’s here, dragging Lan Zhan into his ugly business again.

“As you see, Lan Zhan,” he says lightly. “Everything is fine. I’m fine, and all the issues have been resolved. Thanks for the tea. I should leave now.”

He gets up, and heads for the door, hardly knowing what it is that he’s doing. Before he can reach it, however, Lan Zhan speaks up.

“I said that you will not leave until I tell you that you’re allowed to. You are not allowed to leave.”

Wei Ying freezes.

Shit. Technically, he could still leave. But that would mean breaking his promise. And he can’t do that. Not with Lan Zhan.

Shit.

For once, Lan Zhan has definitely managed to outsmart him.

#kuro writes #wei wuxian #lan wangji #the untamed #wangxian #mdzs #broken heart fic

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ruensroad · 4 years

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could you do 41 from the drabble prompt list? idk if i’m supposed to include a ship or anything... um, xicheng if so?

Bless you, oh my god, YES.

/shamelessly throws this into my current wip au

Prompt is from this list here.

Prompt 41 | “Take notes, sweetheart.” | Xicheng

Nearly six months of marriage and countless weeks spent among the YunmengJiang disciples, coupled with the growing number of nights spent with Jiang Cheng in the sect leader’s rooms and bed, had somehow not prepared him for any of this.

The training grounds at the heart of Lotus Pier were always busy, full of laughter and sounds of constant drilling. Lan Xichen had spent more than a handful of mornings just watching Jiang Cheng train his disciples, taking note of how different they were in terms of swordsmanship, fighting, and dress from what Lan Xichen was used to. It was always a thrill, too, seeing Jiang Cheng in his element, surrounded by his loyal men and not having to worry about court manners, fancy dress, or overbearing Elders. In the moments Jiang Cheng was amidst the disciples, just one violet robe among a sea of violet robes, he was most himself, one of them, at ease in his strength and his place in the world.

But even that too fell short of preparing Lan Xichen for the sight he was greeted with just past lunch. His small plate of tofu had gone sadly cold, forgotten, and he couldn’t even be sorry for it.

Because there was Jiang Cheng without his shirt, without weapon or shoes, glistening and grinning like a wild thing. His hair was pulled back in long braid, no adornments, and Lan Xichen noted that those disciples forming a circle around him looked just the same, from their lack of shirts and shoes to the braids swinging at their backs.

Battle braids, Lan Xichen remembered distantly from an old history manuscript on Lotus Pier Jiang Cheng kept in his - their? - rooms. He’d thought them a bygone product of a bygone age. Not so, apparently.

“Come on, I know my men are more capable than this!” Jiang Cheng goaded, which seemed to be more a part of a tradition than an actual statement. Lan Xichen wished he knew just which tradition it was, especially if it meant seeing Jiang Cheng like this more often, alive with the culture of his home. “Show me what the YunmengJiang are made of.”

A battle cry went up in answer, then two men lunged for their sect leader as ferociously as if he were a walking corpse. Jiang Cheng barked a laugh and dodged them, throwing one, then the other, off his body in calculated, nearly dance-like moves. Those deflected rolled to their feet and rejoined the circle without missing a beat, stomping out a pattern while clapping and laughing, and it quickly caught on around the circle.

A chant started then and Lan Xichen realized he was catching the beginning of some sort of… wrestling ritual? Training exercise? Honestly, he had no idea what to call it, but it was fascinating. Jiang Cheng seemed more animated than he’d ever seen him, eyes bright and fierce. He was grinning even wider now, a wicked, sly thing, and moved between each lunging disciple with the fluidity of the river he was named for, exotic and dangerous and utterly, devastatingly exquisite.

Lan Xichen barely registered that he’d managed to sit on the steps below him, almost missing it altogether as transfixed as he was, and that meant he had an unimpeded view of the training grounds and his grinning, marvelous husband. It also meant he had given Jin Ling permission to use him as a seat, but he had never minded the five year old climbing on him, even without the allure of Jiang Cheng to distract him.

Jin Ling’s hair sported the same braid Jiang Cheng wore, but woven with far more care. Lan Xichen touched the weaves as Jin Ling made himself comfortable in his lap, his plate set aside and immediately licked up by the ever wiggling Little Fairy.

If Jiang Cheng hadn’t laughed right then, brazen and lovely and loud, Lan Xichen would’ve remembered to care about that.

The chant and stomping pattern were far more prominent now, a beat Jin Ling echoed by clapping his hands together. “A warrior sings in the soul of the river,” he crowed with the rest of them, little feet kicking in glee, and when he looked up at Lan Xichen, his eyes were just as bright and gleaming as his uncle’s. “Jiu-mu, chant louder! I can’t hear you.”

“I don’t know the words, I fear,” Lan Xichen admitted with a soft laugh, but soothed the boy’s imminent pout by stomping his feet to the beat, bouncing him. “I’ll need Young Master Jin to chant loud enough for the both of us, if you would?”

“I can be loud!” Jin Ling agreed readily, proving that statement perfectly. Lan Xichen laughed and simply held onto the wiggling boy, eyes once more locked on golden skin, a dancing braid, and laughing eyes.

He’d always found Jiang Cheng to be a beautiful man. Even if he hadn’t looked like his mother, which seemed to be the usual comparison, his sharp features and strong jaw where enough to make any artist cry, or any bard wish to dedicate a song. Lan Xichen himself was guilty of that want, having more than once fond his fingertips caressing his guqin as his mind traced the edges of Jiang Cheng’s face, the slight curve in his nose, the hidden smiles in his lips. Thank the gods they’d found their way to intimacy - new as it was, and still terrifying on all levels - before Lan Xichen could fade away from pining.

Knowing such a gorgeous, complicated, difficult man was his husband and was pleased to be so was a whole new situation for his heart to deal with. This assault to his senses now was not helping in the slightest.

“The song of the river flows in my warrior’s heart,” Jin Ling shouted with the rest and the chants seemed to come to a head. A new contender moved to the edge of the circle, a woman with her chin held high and bells woven in the coils of her braid. A thick purple cloth was wrapped around her breasts, but otherwise she looked no different from her chanting comrades, though her skin had been painted with black inks up and down her arms, showcasing her importance.

“Do you hear the river call?” Jiang Cheng demanded of her and Lan Xichen realized that this was probably the point of the whole strange ritual. He squinted at the woman’s face, trying to recall her, and was surprised to note she had been a guest disciple Jiang Cheng had welcomed into Lotus Pier a few months prior, a wanderer, and had traveled in black.

Now, the robes on her legs were Yunmeng violet. Was this how Lotus Pier welcomed new members?

Lan Xichen leaned forward best he could with a bouncing child, enraptured. The woman lifted her chin even higher, all pride and confidence, and gave the reply, voice thick in her home dialect. “The river has called me home.”

Jiang Cheng nodded once and slid back into a fighting stance. Immediately, the woman charged. As before, Jiang Cheng dodged and tossed her over his shoulder, ducking under a kick, and she landed on her feet, perfectly on the edge of the circle. A cheer went up at the landing and she bowed, low and thankful, smile wide and guileless. Jiang Cheng bowed back. Lan Xichen could read the pride in his stance even without a clear view of his face.

“The river welcomes you home,” Jiang Cheng said and there was more stomping, clapping, cheering, but it was a mess now as all the disciples swarmed their newest member, lifting her onto their shoulders to carry her off. Jiang Cheng was left behind, a satisfied grin on his face, and Jin Ling took that as his cue to leap from Lan Xichen’s lap and latch onto Jiang Cheng’s hip, Little Fairy yipping in excitement behind him.

Lan Xichen realized belatedly he should probably follow, but he didn’t even manage trying. Jiang Cheng’s eyes met his and then the man was moving over, because he clearly had no idea what that smile was doing to Lan Xichen’s heart. Or perhaps he did and that’s why he reveled in it.

“You look a little lost there, Lan Huan,” Jiang Cheng said, breathless and gleaming, and it was cruel, truly, that his husband expected him to be able to form coherent words at the sight of him. Goodness. “I take it GusuLan doesn’t celebrate new disciples with wrestling matches?”

He knew they didn’t and the mental image that conjured was enough to break some of the hold Jiang Cheng had on him, but only just. Lan Xichen managed a soft chuckle and not much else, given Jiang Cheng’s smile only widened at his efforts.

“We should,” he managed after a moment, only because Jiang Cheng was clearly waiting for him to say something, and he was proud his voice didn’t waver.

“The world’s most beautiful men and women, shirtless and wrestling in the dirt…” Jiang Cheng trailed off, considering that with a tilt of his head, and it was disarming how easily this man had captured his heart.

“You promised to teach us the ways of YunmengJiang, Wanyin,” Lan Xichen licked his lips, fighting down a wide, flustered smile as he indulged the joke - the flirting? - even at the expense of his usual composure. His ears still burned brightly despite his efforts.

Jiang Cheng smirked at that and leaned down, as though to brazenly steal a kiss, but stopped far short to be anything but too painful for his foolish heart to take.

“Then I suggest you start taking notes, husband,” Jiang Cheng said, a bit of a dare in that, and a lot of promise. Lan Xichen could only nod dumbly in response and promised himself to find any and all ways that it was possible to make Jiang Cheng smile like that everyday, just for him, for the rest of his life.

#ruenwrites #writing prompts #ahhHHHH #thank you so much for the ask!#this was way too much fun to write #and a perfect break from all my cleaning!#thank you thank you thank you!#xicheng #the untamed #jiang cheng #lan xichen #jin ling #little fairy

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