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sarcastic-bubble · 4 years

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Remembering the Past

Pairing: Obi-wan Kenobi x Reader

Word Count: 4.2K (It got a little long... oops... )

Warnings: Just so much fluff

Summary: Obi-wan and reader talk about some of their favourite moments together while avoiding an important conversation. Sequal to Blame it on Blood Loss

A/N: Yeah this is super self-indulgent, I may have a problem.

It had been two weeks since you had returned to the temple. The wounds that you had acquired during your latest mission were healing nicely and you had been promised that you would be able to return to your own quarters that day. Two weeks in bed had driven you absolutely crazy. The first four weren’t so bad, you had slept the entire time. The fifth day hadn’t been so terrible either. When you had woken up Obi-wan had been there with you, but after that you were bored. Obi-wan had been unable to visit, the council were already upset over the five days he had spent by your side ignoring his duties, but once he knew you would be fine, he did not want to risk angering the council even more. This had left you alone for the last nine days. The first few were spent catching up on reading but there was only so much time you could spend staring at the datapads before all the words would start to meld together and focus became impossible. Your mind would then wander to Obi-wan. You really hadn’t thought you were going to make it when you told him that you loved him. Yet there you were very much alive and that posed a bit of a problem. Now you had to talk to him about, you needed to work out the nature of your relationship and decided how to move forward. Your mind didn’t want to wait for that conversation, you’d dream of things that could never be as you tried to read. It was a future you so badly wanted yet there were rules in place for a reason.

You couldn’t have been happier when the doctor finally discharged you. The walk to your quarters was slightly painful but thankfully short. You carefully showered, doing your best not to reopen any wounds and then dressed even more carefully. Every time the rough fabric of your robes brushed over a bandage you let out a short hiss. Despite the lingering traces of pain, you felt ready to start your day. There were a few odds and ends here and there that you had meant to clean as soon as you had returned but that had been impossible. Then there was the matter of finding Obi-wan. The sooner you spoke to him about what had transpired the better. You feared it would end in more heartbreak the longer you waited. The dusting had waited this long, it could wait a few more hours. ------- After wandering the halls of the Jedi temple, you came to the realization that you didn’t even know if he was here, you also realized you were terrified. The longer you had to think about what might happen the more the anxiety built. You knew a relationship was out of the question, but what about your friendship? He was your confidant, you turned to him whenever you were trouble and he did the same to you. It was something you held so dear, and what was to become of it? You couldn’t help but think maybe it would be better if you just returned to your quarters. There was always the possibility that you could just pretend it never happened, or that you didn’t remember.

------------------

You were returning to your quarter when you found him. You hoped to sneak past him, your resolved had faltered half an hour ago and yet you found yourself approaching him. You would never figure out what pulled you to him then. Maybe it was the way his sandy hair reflected the sunlight. You had always loved his hair. Maybe it was the way he absent-mindedly stroked his short beard as he watched the Coruscant traffic speed by. You stopped when you were by his side.

You stood next to him silent. You were sure he knew you were there, but you didn’t know what to say to start a conversation. The silence was comfortable, though. Thankfully the peace you always seemed to feel around him wasn’t affected by your nerves. There was no way to know how long you too stood there before anything was said. “I see they’ve let you out of bed,” he said softly.

“They did, finally. I am still confined to the temple until I fully heal,” you replied as you looked up at him. He looked far more rested than the last time you had seen him, you noted. His hair was neatly done as usually and the dark circles that had been under his eyes were gone. He was still looking out the window and the city below. You weren’t sure what he was looking at by his never seemed to move from that distant spot.

“And is that such a bad thing?” he asked now turning to face you.

“I suppose not, I’ve been told I’ll be helping with the younglings and a few of the younger padawans.”

“You have always a soft spot for children, (Y/N).” His gaze returned to the far-off spot in the Coruscant skyline. “It’s hard not to love them. They are so full of hope and so eager to learn and help. It’s refreshing compared to the bleakness of the galaxy right now.” There was silence after you spoke. Your gaze turned to the same spot that Obi-wan was so intently watching. For the time being, you were content just standing next to him but after some time a question quietly slipped from your lips. “Do you remember when we were padawans, Obi?”

The small smirk that danced across his lips as you asked the question was unmissable. “I remember you being quite the troublemaker,” he teased. His body turned to face yours and his eye’s focused on yours as he gave you his full attention.

“You got yourself into plenty of trouble too Master Kenobi,” you teased in return.

“It was only when I was with you, darling.”

There was no stopping the smile or the blush that formed at the nickname. He had called you ‘darling’ before, it was common when he teased you, but there was no mistaking the adoration in his voice as he spoke it this time. “I did bring out the worst in you, didn’t I,” you said with a smile.

His lips parted in a small laugh and then his hand gently brushed against yours, “and the best.”

“Do you remember our first solo mission together?”

“I remember you complaining the entire time.”

“I did not!” You playfully hit his arm. Obi was right, you had complained a fair bit. You couldn’t remember exactly what you had been tasked to do but you didn’t think you could ever forget the bitter cold of Hoth.

“Are we almost to a village or something, I’m freezing,” you grumble as another violent shiver shot through your body. When the council had said they had an exciting opportunity for you this was not what you expected. You were almost certain that you could have gone your whole life without visiting this frostbitten plant and you would have been all the happier for it.

“I did tell you to pack warmer clothes, did I not?” As much as Obi-wan teased you there was no denying he was cold too. He had his cloak wrapped tightly around him and his short hair was beginning to collect frost.

“I fail to see how a warmer coat would stop my eyelashes from turning into icicles.” You gestured wildly to your face. It had only taken ten minutes in the cold for a thick layer of frost to form on your eyelashes.

Obi-wan didn’t answer, he held out a hand motioning for you to stop. He was trying to see something through the blizzard, but you weren’t sure what. You squinted for a moment and then you saw it. It was a shadow of a building, this had to be the shelter you were promised. You grabbed Obi-wan’s hand and pulled his behind you as you ran for the building.

-------- It didn’t take you long to reach it. The building had turned out to be a small cabin-like structure. The door opened without much trouble. The inside was small but cozy. Against one wall was a neatly made bed against another was a small kitchen with a generator tucked in a corner.

It didn’t take you and Obi-wan long to get everything in working order. A small meal was made with the food you had brought, and you found yourself dozing in one of the chairs placed around the small heater. You felt a gloved hand on your shoulder. “We should get to bed, we have an early morning,” stated Obi-wan.

You stood and removed some of your outermost layers of clothing. When you only left in your usual robes you climbed into the bed. You took the spot next to the wall. After a mission where you had shared a bed with your master that had ended with you getting shoved off the bed, you made a point of sleeping next to the wall. You buried yourself under the blankets, it was warm. Not quite warm enough but it would work for tonight. Obi-wan stretched out next to you.

“I certainly hope you plan on sharing,” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“And if I don’t?” You continued pulling more and more of the blankets on top of you, leaving Obi-wan with nothing.

“Well I suppose I’ll just have to use force,” mused the young man next to you. A rather mischievous smirk was evident on his face. Before you could react a very cold hand was placed on the back of your neck. Goosebumps covered your body and you yelped as you tried to escape the cold. “I’ll take that.” Without you guarding your precious pile of warmth Obi-wan was able to pull a portion of the blankets over his body.

------ You glanced around the dark room unable to sleep. It was just too cold. You were contemplating getting up and putting your cloak and gloves back on, but you didn’t want to disturb Obi-wan. He was peacefully asleep and the last thing you wanted to do was wake him.

When you couldn’t take it anymore you carefully untangled yourself from the blankets but before you could begin your slow crawl to the foot of the bed a warm calloused hand gently grabbed your much smaller one.

“Where are you going,” Obi-wan mumbled. It was hardly more than a whisper, but in the quiet cabin, it wasn’t hard to hear.

“To put on something warmer, I can’t sleep,” you replied just as quietly. “Come ‘er.” He gently pulled you to him. Once you were laying back down, he pulled the blankets back over you. Then the unexpected happened, you felt his weight shift on the bed and once he stopped moving you feel his warm breath on your skin, he was much closer than he had been just a moment ago. His arms found their way around your waist and pulled you flush with his body. Maker, he was warm. His breath tickled your ear as he spoke again, “Is this okay, (Y/N)?”

“Yes,” you responded quietly as you enjoyed this new type of warmth. You had never been held by anyone like this. Of course, there was the expected physical warmth radiating off his body but there was also an emotional warmth that you felt grow in your chest. It was then you realized you were in love with your closest friend.

It didn’t take long for sleep to claim you.

You sighed quietly as you remembered. Things had been far simpler then. Back when you were padawans the rules hadn’t seemed like they applied to you but now you had a responsibility to the order and in turn the galaxy. It crossed your mind that maybe reminiscing about the past like this wasn’t the healthiest thing to do. It would only make you love him more after all. But you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking once again. “Do you remember our first kiss?”

“I do,” he replied with a quiet laugh, “as I said before, together we were quite the troublemakers.”

It was your first assignment after being knighted. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. Which was why you had requested Obi-wan come along. Negotiations weren’t where you excelled yet the council wanted to send you anyways. You more than thankful when the council had told you your request had been approved. Yet bringing the best negotiator you knew wasn’t enough to make everything go smoothly.

You were currently changing out of your very telltale Jedi robes into more common clothes. The negotiations had gone poorly to save the least and you and Obi-wan had decided to lay low until things calmed down and you could safely return to your ship. “Does this look okay?” you asked showing your companion your simple outfit.

“You look wonderful as always, (Y/N)” Obi-wan was currently tucking his lightsaber into the jacket he wore. “If you’re ready we should find a place to stay. The less we’re seen by the public the better.”

You followed him out of the small shop you had purchased your clothes in. For the most part, the streets were busy enough for you to seamlessly blend in with the crowd but the further you got from the center of town the emptier the streets became. A bright light caught your attention. You found the source quickly; the sun had reflected off of a polished blaster pistol. That in itself wasn’t a reason for concern but the person that pistol was attached to made you nervous. You immediately recognized him as one of the men that had been sent after you when the negotiations had gone south. Obi-wan must have recognized him too because you felt him pull you up against ta building and out of the street. The man hadn’t noticed you yet, that much was obvious. He was still speaking with a small group asking if they had seen anyone that matched your description.

“If he comes to speak to us, he’ll recognize us,” whispered Obi-wan a sense of urgency creeping into his usually calm voice.

It only took a moment for you to come up with a plan. It was a ridiculous plan, there was no denying it. You could only pray to the star above that Obi-wan was a good actor and would be able to go along with what was about to happen. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course, but what-“

“No time Obi just trust me,” you said quickly cutting him off. One of your hands grabbed the front of his jacket pulling his closer to you, the other went to the back of his head. Your fingers buried themselves in his short hair. You pushed your lips onto his, kissing him passionately. It wasn’t too hard for you to be convincing with the kiss. You had more than enough pent-up romantic tension towards this man to last a lifetime. You were pleasantly surprised when he returned the kiss with just as much passion. You had dreamt of kissing him like this, but they were just that, dreams. His rough lips moving across yours was more incredible than you could have imagined. His hands had found a home on your hips and they were pulling you even closer to him. It must have been more than convincing because you heard a disgusted scoff and the man you were trying to avoid mutter something about how kids had no decency these days.

You pulled away from the kiss, lips slightly parted and a blush rising on your cheeks. Obi-wan had a similar expression. “When you asked me if I trusted you,” he started his hands dropping from where they had been on your hips to his side, “I did not expect that.”

You lowered your eyes for a moment, you hadn’t really expected that either. “It worked, didn’t it?” You let go of his jacket and reluctantly took a step back. “We should get moving. That man might come back.” You ran your hand through your hair, it must have fallen into your face during your kiss.

“I wouldn’t mind having an excuse to kiss you again,” he said pushing a lock of hair behind your ear that despite your best efforts continued to fall in front of your eyes. Despite the romantic gesture that accompanied it he said it in the all to familiar joking tone that was reserved for teasing you. After all, it was a joke, wasn’t it? You both knew he meant it but life was simpler if you pretended that he didn’t.

You two continued to walk down the street keeping a watch for anyone that might mean you harm.

“That was hardly out first kiss darling,” you hear Obi-wan say with a breathy laugh. At some point, you had both taken seats on the floor. The hall was empty so there was no worry about getting in someone’s way. You leaned against him and his hand had taken yours in his. You weren’t sure when you ended up like this, but you weren’t complaining.

You looked up at him very confused, “What? What do you mean?”

His thumb traced small circles on the back of your hand, “do you not remember that night in the Cantina, when we were still padawans?”

Your mouth formed into a silent ‘O’. Of course, you remembered that, but you hadn’t thought he did.

“I wasn’t nearly as drunk as you thought,” he said with a chuckle.

It had been a long day followed by a night where a few too many drinks had been consumed. You were giggling at everything and your face was flushed red from the alcohol. Obi-wan was feeling a bit tipsy too but had stopped drinking long before you had. He sat with his chin resting in his hands. You were telling a story; he wasn’t sure what about though. It wasn’t from lack of interest or attention. You were the only thing in his world right now, for the moment nothing else mattered. But at some point, throughout the night he had gotten distracted by the little things about you he didn’t usually have the chance to notice. He had always believed you to be the most beautiful thing in the galaxy and with every passing second, you continued to reaffirm that belief. He had been focused on the adorable way you would scrunch up your entire face whenever you took a sip of the bright blue liquid in front of you. He hadn’t noticed when you realized you’d lost his attention and were trying to get it back. He felt a hard poke to his cheek and his name loudly called directly into his ear. “Sorry, (Y/N). I just got distracted for a minute is all,” he said rubbing the sore spot on his face.

“You must have fallen asleep with your eyes opening because I’ve been trying to get your attention for ages!” you said with a rather adorable giggle. “Well, I guess I’ll save you for once and help you to bed!” You stood from your chair and staggered.

Obi-wan was quick to stand and catch you. “I think you might be more drunk than me.”

“Nope, no way. Not possible at all,” you said. You lightly tapped the tip of his nose. You were definitely drunker than him but that didn’t stop you from trying to lead him out of the cantina. You see seemed so happy and proud that you were helping him get back to the temple safe that he saw no reason to tell you that he was all but carrying you down the sidewalk to keep you from falling over.

------

It didn’t take long to arrive back to the temple. He brought you to the door of your room. “You should get to bed. You’ve had a lot to drink tonight,” he said gently releasing you to lean against your door.

“I can’t go to bed in there,” you giggled, “that’s your room.”

He smiled gently and brushed back your hair that had become wild in the night wind. “This is your room, (Y/N).”

Your expression filled with concern as you looked up at him. You were still convinced that you were the one helping him get home for the night. “But what about you? I don’t want you wandering around alone while your drunk. What if you get hurt?”

“I’ll be fine, trust me. Just get to bed.” Your concern for him brought a warmth to his chest and a subtle blush to his cheeks. He did not deserve you; he was convinced of that. Your concern may have been irrational but none the less it made it feel loved and made him realize that all this time he loved you. He had been trying to find the right word for his feelings for you and as he had watched you worry over his safety and try to take care of him even when you were unable to take of yourself he realized the word he was looking for was love.

He felt a hand take his and bring him out of his thoughts. “Well if you’re sure you’re going to be okay I guess I can leave you alone. Goodnight Obi.” You stood on your toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. At first, he was surprised but it didn’t last long. One of his hands rested on the back of your head, deepening the kiss. He could feel you humming happily against his lips. The kiss lasted only a few seconds longer before he gently pulled away, his hand gently stroking your cheek as it came to rest at his side.

The smile you gave him then had to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was brighter than all the stars and filled him with more warmth than any sun could. You yawned and stared sleepily at him for a few more moments before entering your room, closing the door behind you. Yes, he definitely loved you.

You felt your face warm-up and you looked down at the ground in embarrassment. “I really didn’t think I was that drunk. Gods, Obi, why didn’t you say anything to me about it afterwards? I’ve spent close to the last twelve years believing that you didn’t remember.”

“You didn’t seem like you wanted to talk about it. We both know that it’s easier to ignore our feeling for each other. That wasn’t any different when we were padawans, we were just very bad at hiding them back then,” he said. The way he looked at you then told you that he was ready to go back to how things were. He was right, it was simpler just to pretend they didn’t exist, to pretend that all those precious moments you had shared in the past had never happened. But you weren’t sure if you could continue like that. You had known that this was what would happen, that nothing would come out of your confession, yet you felt like your heart would break if it ended like this. “Obi, maybe we should stop hiding how we feel from each other. I know the code forbids it but throughout all of our training, we have been told to trust in the force. Every time I meditate about you, about my feelings for you I find nothing but peace and light. I know the council worries that romantic attachments will bring fear and anger yet when I’m with you I find it impossible to feel those things. You bring me peace and you make me a better Jedi.” You felt tears gently roll down your cheeks as you spoke. His blue eyes watched you intensely taking in the beauty that you were.

While the words you spoke warmed his heart the tears had broken it. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen you cry. His hands gently cupped your cheeks and his thumb wiped away the tears. “Don’t cry, Love. What your proposing would be difficult. We’d have to hide our relationship from everyone. We’d be risking our positions in the Order. Am I worth it to you?”

You answered firmly and without hesitation, “Yes. Am I worth it to you?”

You hadn’t noticed that he had been leaning closer, but you could feel his lips brush against yours as he spoke, “Yes.” His lips met yours in a gentle kiss. It was tentative at first, you were hesitant. This was different from when you were padawans. The few kisses you had shared had always been rushed and then forgotten. This was far more intimate and intimacy was a foreign feeling for you both, but it was an incredible feeling. You smiled into the kiss and let him guide you into his lap. His lips left yours and you almost protested until you felt them against your jaw and his beard prickling your skin in the most wonderful way.

You would have stayed in that moment forever if you didn’t hear footsteps down the hall. You put a hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. “Seeing as we’re trying to keep this a secret we should probably continue this somewhere more private.”

He took your hand and as he stood, he helped you up. He kissed the tips of your fingers, his eyes filled with equal amounts of love and lust. “Agreed.”

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