Hello guys!!!!! Aforementioned project is finally finished 🫠 It was meant to be just a simple weekend project, and ended up being 30+ hours over the period of like four days. I don't think I'm an actual normal human anymore. This is the project that caused everyone in my life to question my mental and physical wellbeing and health. But I'm super excited to share this all of you!!!! Please enjoy!!!! Even if you don't like vettonso, I hope this is still interesting????

If you make any, please reblog this or tag me in it! I'm excited to see what other people, other than just me suffering alone in my bedroom, make out of this!!! <3

[video description: a 53-second video montage of scenes from Black Sails set to the last strains of 'Inkpot Gods' by The Amazing Devil. The lyrics "If I don't make it back from where I've gone, just know I loved you all along" are sung on repeat.

The montage consists of the following clips, in order:

Episode 3.05, the corner of Flint's mouth is turned up in an almost-smile as he looks at Silver after they are freed from the cages.

Episode 4.10, the gates to the Savannah plantation swing open.

Episode 4.04, Flint gazes fondly at Silver in the governor's mansion.

Episode 4.10, in the dark hallway of the plantation mansion, Flint is silhouetted by the bright exterior light as he passes approaches the doorway out to the fields.

Episode 4.03, looking melancholy, Flint gazes at Silver as he reunites with Madi offscreen.

Episode 4.10, silhouetted in profile, Flint walks down the dark hallway of the plantation mansion, light from the closed shutters flickering over his face.

Episode 4.10, in the forest on Skeleton Island, Silver's gun is pointed at Flint who, facing the camera, gazes at Silver with an expression of profound grief.

Episode 4.10, Silver wears his hair pulled back in a ponytail as he gazes out over the sea from the sand dunes on Maroon Island. As the video fades to black, he looks down at his feet.

/end description]

feel like a lot of old patrons left so

HI TRIGUN fans, consider throwing a coin or three at me, I draw blushing plants and priests feeling good https://patreon.com/blushnik

(this is as cropped as this site will let me :<)

AvPD & The Relational Self

There is one core aspect of AvPD that get's severely ignored imo, and which might be a key to actually solving it: The Relational Self. I'll be quoting from this article (Some people feel so utterly alone it’s as if they don’t exist by Kristine Dahl Sørensen) a lot, because I've been thinking about it a lot.

What is the Relational Self?

It's essentially the part of ourselves that forms in relation to others. We all grow up getting feedback from those around us, parents, friends, teachers, bosses etc... And this feedback reflects back on who we are, who we become and who we understand ourselves to be. It is vital for forming a fully-fledged "self" that is able to independently interact and go through life. We develop it through in person interaction with other humans, it completes us.

Most of all, we believe that our findings underline how the way we humans come to be ourselves is always relational, [...] We grow and develop our sense of self in interplay with others; through acting, reacting, talking, telling, and listening. Source

What does this have to do with AvPD?

My belief is that us with AvPD never actually managed to form this Relational Self properly. Something went wrong as we were growing up and derailed us from our path. And there are many reasons: overly critical parents, peer rejection and bullying, discrimination, any kind of abuse that is relational and focused on a person's self essentially. Our skills to interact healthily and properly either wither or don't have the chance to form in the first place.

I think that then also breaks with our ability to relate to our selves and others, we form anxieties, shame, avoid relational activities, mask and pretend, spiral into depression.

For those who struggle to participate in these exchanges, the self that doesn’t become shared can become unknown, unnamed and hidden, frightful and considered as something that can’t be accepted or trusted. Source

And then we are left as empty husks of ourselves, unable to relate and interact truthfully (without masking) with other people. It's not even that we are lying, it just feels empty without a mask. We as AvPD's lack(ed) something pretty crucial that Sørensen puts very well:

Aloneness was more than loneliness. They longed for something never experienced: the felt sense of being yourself through another person. Source

Conclusion

And I think I can truthfully say that this is true for me. I have had periods where I've had friends, but because I always mask (without knowing it) they don't know me. Hell, I don't know me, as dramatic as that sounds. And sooner or later I ghost, because pretending is exhausting.

I have come to close to experiencing myself through someone else, but I've always avoided (lol) it. Because the fear is that there is nothing here to see or experience. I remember when I had little crushes and they gave even a hint of reciprocating, aside from gently rejecting them or self-sabotaging, I always wondered: What do they see in me? This was not low self-esteem, because ironically enough I have quite high self-esteem (not sure how that works either tbh). I just genuinely did not know what it was they exactly wanted or saw in me. I was empty and they would find that out eventually and be disappointed. And I think that this feeling of emptiness, that drives all our other avoidant actions, is an atrophied Relational Self.

It also explains the infamous symptom list that I always found harsh and kind of not helpful. All those things on that list (whether it be the ICD or DSM-5 one) all lead to the Relational Self issue.

Now, the question is, how do I heal with Relational Self? Does this make sense to anyone else?

I want to apologize to anybody who ever send me an ask that I didn’t answer, I am offering you a little kiss on the forehead

Yes hello coming on here to say that everyone should try drawing in the mutant mayhem artstyle AT LEAST ONCE

IT IS SO MUCH FUN

Wip of Mikey to prove my point!!!

I have a student who wears glasses. They’d been my student for just over a year and I had no idea they wore glasses until I rocked up to class at the start of this year wearing my new glasses every week. And then they started coming in with their glasses.

Some time a couple months ago the same student asked what my background was and when I told them, they were like “oh, that’s the same as me!” They look a lot like my cousin did at that age.

Today they pointed out the pimples on my forehead and we talked about our how we have acne in similar places—they had one on the tip of their nose today and begrudgingly told me their friends are calling them Rudolph because of it. I shared with a laugh how I used to get pimples on the tip of my nose every now and then, and how my brother would call me Rudolph too. I have a yellow silly face mug sitting right next to me right now actually that has a little red dot on its nose, like us. They laughed at that.

They’re at that age where they’re insecure about their abilities and skill level. It’s so hard to get out of that headspace once you’re in. I don’t think anyone really gets past that past high school. I wrote them a card at the end of last semester saying I’m proud of them and how I admire their persistence even when things in class get hard. Some small part of me wishes I had something like that when I was a kid but I think me doing this for them is sort of doing that in a way. Like I’m living vicariously through them or something. They haven’t made a single comment at their own expense since the card. I’m not waiting on it either.

Idk what I’m trying to say here. We’re both people living on this rock with similar experiences. We look the same. We laugh the same. We dress the same. Idk. The only difference is they’re 12 and I’m 25. We should be worlds apart. There have been so many technological advances and changes in the school system between the two of us. I have no clue what school is like nowadays. I have no clue. But I do, at the same time. I know what school is like. It sucks. It sucks so much. We should be worlds apart, but we’re not. We’re the same. Idk I’m just feeling something about this. We’re the same, y’know? We’re the same.

fixed andymike’s photos to match those other two dramatic hoes

"you have to reblog this post even if it doesnt match the theme of your blog" my brother in christ no i don't. i do have to murder you though. because of your guilt tripping. you understand, right?

🎶 share 5 songs you actually listen to and then tag some followers you want to know better 🎶

ooo, thanks for the tag @little-deathly-goose! apologies to those i've tagged who may have already done this. i saw i got mentioned and started my take right away! (those who haven't, please don't feel pressured to do this, btw!)

After The Storm - Kali Uchis (feat. Tyler, The Creator & Bootsy Collins)

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

Candy - Doja Cat

More Than Words - Little Mix (feat. Kamille)

I Want The World To Stop - Belle and Sebastian

I tag @baynton @goddesstonythetiger @fckedupnerd @sighingrae @the-illuminated-one @toomanyfandomsneverenoughtime @ensign-ancic

could you please tag things based on the live action atla?

I’ve been tagging everything related to it with both ‘natla’ and ‘atla live action,’ but i’m not going to tag the art i just did with that because it’s not actually related to the live action at all. however, i edited the description leading to the link to clarify that it’s leading to a photo of the live action cast, so people who don’t want to see any of that will know not to click. sorry for not considering that originally!

Every time I have a knee-jerk reaction to clarify "oh I think this is cool but I'm not ~one of them~" I have to stop and think for a moment about why. What about being perceived as part of that group bothers me? Why does it bother me? What would clarification acheive, other than alienating a group I'm trying to say is interesting? It's very informative

“Men prefer curves!!!11!11!!!”

Has only ever been said to me by fat women. Usually after insulting my body by insinuating that I look like a boy, a child, or any other comparison meant to invalidate my femininity. This very long post sums up my thoughts about this “men prefer curves” sentiment.

First of fucking all. These are the same cunts that screech about feminism and “women supporting women” that are the QUICKEST to police my appearance in the name of appeasing the Straight Male Gaze™. Which I’ve never given a shit about. Every man on the planet could find me repulsive and I’d be relieved, not upset. Seems like the same women always preaching online about how happy and beautiful they are care a lot about what hetero men think of them.

Secondly, this is not a “hUmBLe bRaG” because I, again, genuinely couldn’t care less if men find me attractive or not. I have a sixteen inch difference between my waist and hips. I gave up on pants a good 7 years ago. I have a true hourglass figure naturally, regardless of my weight. A wide-ass pelvis which gives me a thigh gap at any weight/size. People are constantly pointing out my ass and how disproportionate it looks to my body. Which I don’t appreciate. I don’t appreciate any random body related comments. Point is, my body type is what almost anyone with functional eyeballs would call curvy. I have a lower waist-to-hip ratio than Beyoncé for fucks sake.

But apparently my body doesn’t count as curvy to these brainless asshats because my body fat percentage isn’t high enough (???) As if someone’s huge gut spilling over their sweatpants, shrouding whatever bone structure they may have underneath is the only thing that counts as “curves” 💀

Third, I have been fighting off men with a proverbial stick my whole adulthood and most of my adolescence because of the way I look. I’m hit on and leered at every time I leave the house. Sometimes I cannot make it to the end of my driveway without strange men pulling over in their cars and rolling down the window to ask for (or demand) my number (I wish I was exaggerating, this happening more than once is what prompted me to put another camera on the side of the house). If I’m having a particularly irritating day, I wear giant over-the-head earphones and dark sunglasses to discourage suitors from interrupting my day. Sometimes this isn’t enough. Boys as young as 12 and men as old as 70 approach me regularly and make comments about my body and proposition me for dates/sex/whatever. Occasionally women approach me to ask for my number too. It might sound really strange but I have spent years dressing down and wishing that I looked more average or invisible. Wishing for a more peaceful life and to be left alone. I’m not the type of person that’s ever enjoyed receiving any attention, especially from people I don’t know. It makes me anxious and puts me on edge. I want nothing more than to blend into the background and to not stand out.

So obviously when an overweight woman brazenly utters the phrase “men prefer curves” to my face in an attempt to put me down and imply that I’m unattractive, it’s clearly coming from a place of insecurity. I find it pathetic that so many women operate under the assumption that every woman who’s not overweight must be taking drastic and dangerous measures to keep thin with the goal of being more attractive to men. Which by the way, I strongly hold the belief that MOST straight men simply prefer whoever has the largest ass and breasts, which typically is overweight women (or surgically enhanced women). So I don’t even fully disagree with the underlying message of those words in and of themselves. It’s the context in which they are said to me which is so backwards it’s laughable.

God, if only they knew how badly I want to be left the fuck alone by men and the general public. To be able to move through life undisturbed. To not be viewed as a piece of meat that lacks autonomy and humanity by both men and women. If I could suddenly overnight put on 100 pounds and be invisible to society, I’d be crying with joy and relief.  I DREAM of the day when I’m finally considered “old” looking enough to no longer be conventionally attractive. Fuck, what a heavenly, PEACEFUL existence that must be. It’s really not the soul-crushing bingo they think it is to imply that men won’t want to fuck me because I’m too thin. It’s just a toxic, vain, contemptuous lashing-out from people who are desperate for male validation.

for anyone confused as to why gunchamber is following you again… I will never have a side blog on a primary blog ever again.

- @multi-royalty , @hellsurvivr

Look y'all, as a person who will 100% take advantage of every chance I get to shit on trump... I gotta point out ablesim in our movement in the form of the whole teasing him for needing a diaper.

Many people; older children, teens, adults and seniors, need to wear diapers at some point in their matured lives and they live with a constant stigma attached to this thing they need. From people assuming they are doing it for kink reasons or cause "their weirdos", assuming they must also be mentally disabled and pull out all the fun mental ablesim/sar, assume they must always stink or must be constantly relieving themselves, assuming their constantly dirty or unable to care for themselves...

Incontinence is something many people deal with and are HEAVILY embarrassed about because of ableism. They feel like they have to hide that a big pad to fully just diapers are something they need and there's nothing to be ashamed about. People who suffer from incontinence don't deserve to be shamed over it.

Here's where we circle back around. Trump needing a diaper for whatever reason is neutral. It's not a funny ha ha baby man needs a diaper moment, it's someone in old age who suffers from incontinence. Is he a really horrifically shitty and bigoted person? Yes. But just cause the villain needs a wheelchair doesn't mean your a-ok to suddenly start calling them a vegetable or a cripple or joking about them getting dumped out their wheelchair and laughing at their helplessness. Just cause you begrudgingly add alittle disclaimer whining about how this only applies to trump and doesn't apply to others who need diapers(not that any of you have. You ignore people with relatively invisible disabilities that aren't stuff like diabetes or autism.), dosent mean that those with incontinence cant see the ableism in your comments.

If you went out of your way to shit on a republican who didn't get sarcasm or had autism and specifically making fun of their autistic traits, as a person with severe autism, I'm going to fucking take offense. Enjoy this quote: "Vengefulness still sours the life of the crowd despite the eye of your ire being on one whoms foul." Aka hate is still hate and can affect the innocent even if you all know it's aimed at a bad person. People with autism are still harmed by your allism even if your aiming it at a really shitty autistic person. I'm not black nor am I fully white but I've been around multiple racist white people who justify calling certain black people the n word "if they act like one" and don't think that's racism. Is that an extreme form? Yes but it's the same rhetoric.

Don't make fun of donald trump for needing a diaper. Needing a diaper or pee pad or anything to help with incontinence isn't funny or embarrassing. Incontinence is a neutral symptom that doesn't make someone good or bad or anything else you attach to it. It's a body process that many people suffer from and it's not funny to make fun of what is often a stigmatized bodily function. When you make fun of one person for having incontinence, you make fun of them all and many have disabilities.

There are so many other funny and embarrassing things you could make fun of trump for, like his fake tan or shitty toupee. You could spend that energy on talking about his many crimes and bigotries. You could talk about his scams and schemes that fell through hilariously. You don't need to make fun of incontinence. You don't need to make fun of people who need adult diapers. You don't need to drag many disabled people though the mud to make fun of donald trump.

Take a different route and ask yourself why you find a body function, which should be normalized and not further made fun of, a good target for harassment. There's so much there to work with, pick something that isn't already stigmatized. I promise abled people, it's very fucking easy.

You can say I'm taking this too seriously and it's not that deep but disabled people have asked for YEARS that y'all don't use people's disabilities or health problems as the basis for their punching bags cause it just normalizes that talk towards every person with that disability who pisses you off. If you can see how it's not ok to make fun of someone for being diabetic due to their weight because it's based in fatphobia, you can see how it's not ok to make fun of someone for needing diapers due to incontinence because it's based on ablesim. If you agree that it's wrong to misgender/be transphobic towards someone because they are a bad person who happens to be trans then you can agree that it's wrong to be ableist towards someone because they are a bad person who happens to be disabled. If you lose the ability to not be bigoted towards someone when they piss you off or do something bad then your just a bigot whose nice first. I'm not a trump supporter and I'm not saying we should go easy on him but I am saying there are so many other things to call this oversized orange with a comb over that ARNT based in a stigmatized health condition faced by many people that is so stigmatized, they feel mortified when someone finds out they have incontinence.

Abled people/people without incontinence are legally required to reblog. Y'all never listen to disabled voices when we point ableism in the community.

most annoying people in every fandom are the people who are like sorry this is cringe 😅😓 sorry for participating in this fandom i know it is cringe. like maybe for you it is. idgaf. that's between you and your own shame complex

hi editing the original post (but not touching the reblog version with my addition that i like more) because i want to clarify that this does not mean fandom is above criticism. feeling constant self shame doesn't help anybody, let alone yourself, and we're not going to get anywhere near a rounded discussion on fandom and fandom culture if people tie their self-worth so extensively to a media and the way people criticize it, as that has tended to happen in recent years.