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nooo brother elijah youre so sexy don't steal my equipment hahah
#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#craig boone#courier six#boone x courier#nooo dont come in this gold vault and get locked in youre so sexy hahahah#the sierra madre dlc is so fucking. idk what about it is so difficult to me but it is#i get LOST i get STABBED i get LIMB BLOWN UP from radio i FORGET how to save dean and have to reload a save from 2 hours ago#also yeah i imagine if the security systems remove equipment due to radiation... eli's leg brace is gonna get yoinked rip#have fun walking around with your bonk ass leg idiot -brother elijah probably#oc: eli#doodly thingy#fallout tag
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day 29: apart.
#“help me”#if the style looks different its cos im away from home and have no access to my usual software and equipment :')#i get so stressed drawing on android. and idk how to use krita :') *implodes*#*insert this is fine meme*#*spontaneously combusts*#ill be back to my usual stuff in a few days#dca promptober#my art#moondrop#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf moon#daycare attendant#dca fandom#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf
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#as i said i'm only now catching up on what happened at red rocks and honestly i'm just so confused as to#why people are getting hate mail for being at a show???? like unless you were right there at the show you will NOT know what's going on#you can't just ''leave'' a venue because there's security measures ensuring that people don't run and cause a stampede#i get that the team there sucked and should've been much better equipped for an outdoor venue but why the fuck are we blaming the fans????#and then being mad at louis??? yeah i get that his tweet wasn't the best but i'd imagine that he was trying to help out as much as he could#ensuring fans were safe and taken care of. pretty sure he is the one paying all hospital bills and stuff as well#yeah i know he's an artist and he has people doing things for him but also it's louis. he might not have been at ground zero#but i bet he was doing everything he could to help get fans to safety and he had to tweet something amidst all that#just to reassure fans a bit more and he did what he could#besides. i'm sorry but instead of being all ''louis/his team should've done more'' can we all just make sure that the fans#who were actually in that hail storm and who actually got horribly injured and who actually went through such a scary situation#are feeling okay? like why are we arguing about trivial things when what matters the most out of this situation is the fans and their safety#i honestly need people who were not at the venue and people who do not understand how traumatic things can be#to just shut up and log off#anyways to everyone present at red rocks i'm sending you so much love and i'm so sorry something so traumatic happened#i hope everyone is safe and is being treated for their injuries 💌
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*eats six golfballs and coughs up a cricket bat*
AGAIN?? FIRST IT WAS GLAMROCK CHICA, AND NOW IT'S AN ANONYMOUS USER???? FOR THE LAST TIME: MY. GOLFBALLS. ARE. NOT. FOOD!!
*Yeets a golf club at the anonymous user*
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"If Dean is like Mary, then why does Mary have goals similar to Sam?"
Because you're like both your parents. Duh. But also...
Mary wants to be safe, but one critical difference between her and Dean is that she feels like getting out is possible. Dean doesn't.
She can't stand the hunting life, because she recognizes the incredible losses that happen in and around her family because of it. She wants safety and security.
Even though their vocation is horrific and inherently unstable, her parents are present, have routines, and even have family dinners together. From what we can see, Mary's home life is more stable than Dean's. (Plus, Samuel Campbell was part of a network and a pro; John was isolated and in over his head.)
Dean and Deanna seem controlling, but John Winchester was an incredibly brutal and unpredictable parent. (And for Sam, Dean made up for some deficits in John's parenting.) So, although Mary and Dean are similar in terms of their base personalities, their foundations for expressing their needs are not.
Mary, like Sam, feels secure enough to express her desires. Dean isn't secure enough to even get to want them.
#dean + disorganized attachment#dean + the plight of having a mentall ill parent#spn + the ill-equipped caregiver#john + inconsistency#sam's *parent* was dean and than made him more secure#sam was secure enough to express his desire to leave#spn + attachment styles#spn parenting
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my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasn’t very happy with where it ended for them
#just felt kind of incomplete and boring in terms of their getting an apartment arc#like mickey was still genuinely very unhappy about it and they just left it like that?#and obviously i didn’t love how they did the terry stuff.#i think. there’s something to it because you can never truly predict how you’re gonna feel about something like that#even if it’s a piece of shit who you truly hate like. feelings happen.#and that could have been interesting to explore but it wasn’t done in a way that felt interesting#it just felt like a waste of time when we could’ve been doing other stuff with their screentime#and the beginning was so good i was having sooo much fun when ian was like yeah let’s steal an ambulance and yes we can have guns again.#let’s fuck in the ambulance. etc.#that was so hot and then they ruined it both in that scene that i wanted to SEE and with where they took the story after#like how quickly ian jumps back to ‘well we won’t do crimes then :)’ i thought he was having FUN doing crimes#like are they still doing their security shit? are they still working with stolen equipment?? i want them to do crimes :(#(when i lay it all out like that i’m like perhaps ‘ian being exited about doing crimes’ is not a Good Sign for him. but#it really wasn’t presented that way in context. like i don’t think that’s what they were going for there#and he can be doing better and still have fun doing stupid shit#a la their little outing before he got arrested by the military#yes that was like. 5 years earlier but i’m still like what happened to THAT ian he got boring#and i’m not saying like. him being healthy is boring. i’m saying let him be healthy and also have fun.#anyway.)#also like. signing a lease on the spot against mickeys wishes. kind of fucking impulsive and reckless. but no it’s bc he wants#to have a better life or whatever so it’s fine.#idk i just want to see them steal shit and fuck in an ambulance#and i mean like OVERALL ian has not been as much of a Crime Guy as others. certainly not compared to mickey#like he’s DONE crimes obviously but not in a. it’s his lifestyle way. i guess?#so idk why i’m like i want him to go BACK to that if that wasn’t exactly what he was doing in the first place#but he LIKES doing shady shit with mickey and having fun and idk why they bothered showing us that#if they were gonna drop it by the end of the season that i can only assume they knew would be the final season#it just felt like they didn’t know what to do with the two of them all season and they ended the season in a less satisfying place#than they started#r.txt
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i kind of hate every single thing about my new job <3
#like i love the kids i work with but the facility staff and upper mgmt ….#like. we are well over capacity. we are understaffed and the staff all have insane beef with each other#the only people i trust there are the clinical staff and i don’t work directly with them#there is no structure or consistent scheduling#like bbg many of these kids should be at places with at least two higher security ratings#as a facility we aren’t even equipped to handle many of the pt types we have ?#i’ve only been here for a month and have almost cried in-house three times in the past week#i haven’t cried three times in two years#personal /#would love to specify that i work at a foster home for kids w severe trauma and psychiatric tx needs#not a fucking juvie or whatever the hell else that ^ could be interpreted as
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At the end of last week we finally got the last pieces of equipment at the church back up and running from the lightning strike at the beginning of August. Security system, wireless, printer, back-up A/V equipment ... the soundboard was at the repair place but that was the only thing left, and like I said, the back-up was finally working smoothly.
Guess what happened last night when an unexpected and short but very severe storm came through?
I can now confirm that "lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice" is a LIE.
If we manage to keep the church from burning down by the time the pastor returns from sabbatical it will be through direct divine intervention.
(I saw him today. He clearly feels bad for us in having to deal with all of this, but underneath that I can also tell that he thinks it's HYSTERICAL. I can't blame him--in his shoes, I would be dealing with equal parts concern and hilarity that all this is happening now, during his first sabbatical after 14 years pastoring, as well.)
#adventures in church admin work#our facilities guy AND our a/v guy are out of town today#boy is it going to be fun to explain this to them when they get back#at least this time the security system didn't blow#fingers crossed we only lost some of our equipment not all#won't know until the IT guy takes a look#hopefully monday#as superintendent battle says#these things are sent to try us#can't see any other reason for them
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Security Breach - Mermaid Chica decal (main post), (Diver Freddy decal), (Diver Roxy decal), (Diver Monty decal)
progress shots:
#security breach#fnaf security breach#fnaf sb#fnafsb#fnaf#glamrock chica#chica the chicken#mermaid#mermaid chica#HER#MY BELOVED#i love her sm#Freddy is up next#they're all wearing scuba diving equipments lol
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absolutely disgusting the way that the violence on my campus this morning is being talked about on the news. reading articles rn and they keep talking about violence on both sides & fighting breaking out ‘between’ the two groups. call it what it fucking was. it’s not two sides being violent, it’s one being attacked by the other. rhetoric matters.
#mads talks#delete later#classes being cancelled is giving me more time to scroll#so I thought ‘hey let’s see what they’re saying about this online’#idk it’s just making me so unreasonably angry#like basically everyone here who’s bothered to keep up with what’s going on knows exactly who instigated#and it wasn’t the Palestine protestors#posting here instead of talking to the people I know because my roommate has the most dogshit takes on this situation#she’s like ‘they should’ve just shut down the protests from the beginning’#‘they handled it the best they could’#so I’m walking away and taking a breather or else we’re going to get into a bad argument#the best my ass#what the fuck is campus security here for if they locked student reporters out of the buildings that are supposed to be safe for them#what’s your job even supposed to be if you’re willing to sit and do nothing while students are beaten for four hours?#not equipped to handle it? fine then call someone who is! don’t just let it happen#i can hear and see the news helicopters constantly and it’s pissing me off
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my maybe controversial fnaf fandom take is that i really do not care for the cassie's dad theories
#🐰 v.txt#i'm sorry guys i just fail to understand why ppl decided he is the protag of hw2 when we have *checks notes* like five lines of flavour tex#from HIS DAUGHTER???#like yes it's cool that cassie has a dad who was a technician at the plex in the lore!!! it explains why she's so familiar with it!#i think that's all it was intended to mean!!#to me hw2 is supposed to be an ending slash continuation of vanessa's story#since you know. we literally are WEARING the reluctant follower mask in it#yk vanny's mask the mask vanny acquires in the first game#i think that it being called 'security mask' confuses people but also like. 1) ness IS the security guard 2) cassie doesn't know what#- she did!!! why would cassie know abt vanny she just finds this mask and assumes it's security equipment based on what helpi tells her!!#like idk guys i just think the fnaf fandom may have a teeny issue with taking things way too literally#i know scott once said 'everything is lore relevant' or smth to that degree but i dont think that's ever been enforced lol#anyway if u do like the theory this is nbd everyone is entitled to their theories and opinions and i don't think less of u!!
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so I've been seeing my therapist for like 2 months, and apparently never told her I'm queer?? So I dropped that on her in the last 10 minutes of our session and then had to give her a crash course in queer theory all to explain what "I want to be pretty like a boy" means
#cookie speaks#she was confused but got the spirit#lmao#this poor woman is not equipped to deal with my Gender Issues#she was like#could it be that your gender envy is actually due to a desire for power and security?#and I was like no#I just want broad shoulders and massive biceps#give me T for the GAINS#xD
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day 30: waiting...
#he's been staring at the calendar all month#moon has given up on him#i drew like 50% of this in a moving vehicle so i feel unstoppable rn#YOU CAN TAKE MY EQUIPMENT MY SOFTWARE AND MY STABLE DESK SURFACE. BUT YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME MWAHAHAHA *explodes*#my art#dca promptober#sundrop#fnaf sun#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#daycare attendant#dca fandom#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf
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"Oh, Jack. You silly boi. You know that help at the top of the stairs is no help at all."
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Art piece i may delete later about my parents offering money to me and my sisters to pay for either grad school (a thing I don't want and can't do with my disability) or my wedding (also a thing I don't need/want), but not for anything that would actually help me escape poverty and find stable housing and income.
Like, I recognize the privilege of being able to complain that my parents have offered me a bunch of money but in the wrong way.
But also if that money is on top of a flight of stairs that I can't climb (but my sisters can), then I haven't really been offered money, so much as I have watched money I need be placed somewhere I can't reach it. Which tbh feels worse than if it was never mentioned to me in the first place.
I was gonna send this art to them and i wrote this big long message to go with it, but then I decided to wait until my therapy session on Tuesday to talk it thru with her first, since I've literally never regretted doing that.
Besides, both of my parents are lawyers and right now they're providing me and my friends with a lot of free legal advice about this property we're trying to buy together, so I don't want to rock the boat currently.
I just wish I knew if I had access to that money as a poor person in need of stable housing and quality disability care, and I wish my parents weren't world-class hLepers who have a long and triggering history of engaging me in rigorous debate about the kind of help I should be allowed to receive from them as a disabled person.
Nothing like having to provide an argument that would hold up in court every time I'm sick and need help! Love that! Love that I can't even talk about money with them now without having invasive thoughts about it for days to come due to past incidences in which this repeated behavior of theirs literally endangered my life!!
Not like I need that mental capacity for working on the largest and most exciting opportunity of my life that also happens to line up with my hopes and dreams for the future!! It's fine!! What do I even need mental capacity for anyway?????
This wouldn't even be the first time this little Distrust Fund has caused problems for my relationship with my parents. They are very opposed to that money being used to help my disability and it has caused PROBLEMS for us that we have never quite recovered from.
It's just difficult to be reminded that although our relationship has gotten better (mostly thanks to me setting boundaries), that doesn't mean they now actually believe what I need for my disability when I tell them.
They really do love me, and they have only ever acted with the best of intentions . But good intentions cease to matter when the impact is harmful and repeated. And they have proven to be repeatedly incapable of providing non-ableist support for me again and again and again. They've even genuinely tried to learn; and sometimes it really seems like my mom has made progress with her therapist (who is disabled), but who knows when I can so jarringly be reminded of how quickly that toxic ableist thinking can show its ugly face.
It's so clear to me and they don't even know it's there.
It feels like I'm in a horror movie when I try to get them to understand their own ableism, and that is a good good sign that I may want to consider an approach that minimizes my mental damage instead. Even if it means I don't get their stupid, deeply-conditional-and-yet-the-conditions-are-SO-vague-and-they-won't-admit-it money.
#original#diary#ableism#ableism cw#if they actually trusted me they'd just give me the fucking money but WHATEVER#maybe it's cause of all those times i was really reckless and irresponsible with money-- OH WAIT. THAT HAS LITERALLY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED#I GRADUATED BUSINESS SCHOOL WITH HONORS AND HAVE NEVER HAD ISSUES WITH OVER-SPENDING#maybe they subconsciously think I'm stupid w money bc I'm poor. but i doubt my sisters could just get the whole lump sum either.#I HAVE BEEN LIVING FRUGALLY MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE YOU BASTARDS#I would say there's a 5% chance they pleasantly surprise me but I have to be careful not to spend too much energy on it#the invasive thoughts around my family's ableism are super aggressive and constant when they start#and so i would rather have no help than that stinky-ass hLep that hurts my brain and heart so bad for days after#hLep#anyway i don't want their help paying for a wedding bc i am housing insecure with no income and so is my wife#and besides that wedding planning is hard and stressful and involves either including or snubbing relatives i don't like#so like if you offer me thousands of dollars i would be like Great! More savings means more safety and security!#i would NOT be like Okay time to spend $2000 on fucking flowers I have SHIT GOING ON#if i have a wedding then the cost will be the cost of pizza for all the guests.#also govt says i can't get married or i lose my disability payments so ryan and I just decided we are married years ago#i need SO much disability care equipment that i don't have and i am unable to hold a standard full time job#but yeah sure maybe I'll go get another DEGREE despite my interests being completely non academic. fuck OFF.#i have been writing or making art about this all evening this is not how I wanted to spend the evening it is past 4am#hopefully this processing and drawing and journaling will allow me to remove this issue from the very forefront of my mind#it's a careful line to walk between processing and obsessing. but good processing helps you stop obsessing#hopefully I can save some of the more painful parts of this for therapy so I can focus on other stuff for the next couple days#listen if interacting with someone in a certain way makes you feel like you're in a horror movie then something needs to change#and sometimes the change is that we need to make literal and emotional distance between us and those people bc they aren't learning#okay okay time for edibles and a shower i fuckin earned it and even if i didn't I can do whatever I fucking want 👌#and also I deserve nice things by default#and so do you
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The s3 map challenges are rough this time around
I haven't touched emergency mode but it should go better than the challenges went...I hope
#cute girl tower defence tag#I also need to do some runs to finish the equipment out#worlds only stationary security service enjoyer
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