#school is fucking me up real bad
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Scenes that still shake me to my core more than 10 years later.... god the voice acting in this scene is so good.
#ouran#ouran high school host club#ouran hshc#ohshc#kyouya ootori#tamaki suoh#tamaki suou#kyoya otori#kyoya ootori#god the voice acting and music in this scene is so good#and the entire build up to this scene throughout the entire ep...#its so fucking good god it still hits me so hard#and that fking. imagery thing w the painting they did... 😁😁😁😁🫠#he is gay.... its sm more compelling (and its just. so real lmao he was in love w tamaki so bad) if u read him as gay...#the scene after this when he says 'i thought if i could share his world... id be able to see things id never seen before#UGHHHH IM LIKE TEARING UP JUST THINKING ABT IF#*IT#tamakyou#kyoutama#suou tamaki#ootori kyouya
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PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS
PUSSY.
BIG FLAPPY WET JESUS PUSSY.
JESUS' SOPPING WET PUSS-PUSS
[Edited months after posting to discourage catholics from replying to this post after finding that both the nice and much funnier not-nice responses to this were equally bad for my mental health. I didn't wanna delete it bc I was quite proud of some of my responses and it helps to have a visual reminder of why I left an abusive organization. Also, this means that any catholic who has reblogged this in an attempt to convert me, has now reblogged a post that, if clicked, links back to this. Use MY post for propaganda, will you!]
Thinking about how it was never made clear to me in Catholic school exactly WHY Jesus died for our sins. I just remembered that I was literally never clear on who the dying helped??
I've heard theories as an adult, but basically what I'm saying is pointless martyrdom seems a little pointless, and also with enough propaganda the big logical gaps in a belief system get really hard to see. Especially if questioning anything is blasphemy.
I would have gotten in so much trouble for insisting the teacher explain how Jesus helped us by being tortured to death by Romans even when God could have prevented it! God sent his only Son, they would have said! Be grateful, they'd say! Be guilty! Stop asking why he did that!!!
#original#religious trauma#<- what's up guys why did he do that??? for real i was raised catholic and it is FUCKING UNCLEAR but also the basis of a huge chunk of#my childhood?? like WHY though? my friend madeleine said it was related to animal sacrifices with the lamb of god stuff and all#this was NEVER mentioned in my school. i thought he was the lamb bc he followed god but maybe not#no wonder my impulse as a person is to constantly sacrifice myself unnecessarily#i think martyrdom is a bad gift. but i guess torture your son to death or whatever dude. but it's weird to do that and say it was for me#like...... thanks?? you're literally omnipotent but this is like the worst possible version of a cat leaving a dead mouse on my bed#Christianity#thank goodness i was too much of a fag to stay. i was so unhappy there.#the good place actually addresses a lot of my issues with Christianity as a whole while also not being all about Christianity#like what does it mean to condemn a person capable of change to eternal hell?M#*hell??#the good place#god pays the devil's rent y'all. like in that post that made my long beautiful essay about this irrelevant by#summing it up with 'girl they are in cahoots.' i think about that post all the fukn time nothing i can write longform is as punchy as that
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caught up this week right in time for the start of season 5… we’re so back
#i missed this show so bad it’s unreal#if u were concerned yes rita is describing riverdale plot points and YES they are one hundred percent accurate (source: me im an expert)#frankly rita would fucking adore riverdale. the world should embrace this more#anyhow. falling back into old hyperfixations is what the summer is for innit ^_^ and its nice to draw better than 2020 me could. we have fun#the penumbra podcast#tpp#jupeter#juno steel#peter nureyev#rita (tpp)#buddy aurinko#vespa ilkay#jet sikuliaq#god i stopped listening somewhere when s3 was coming out cause school was too much at the time... relistening made me tear up#feels good feels organic feels like i missed juno steel so bad and didn’t even realize tili had him back#nureyev voice do you think these louboutins are too flashy for a kombucha brewing#<- real line from riverdale. rita could attest to that. i know this in my heart
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#i love all of you#so fucking much#but god this blog feels lonely sometimes. and like i know it's my fault but that doesn't exactly make it better#my dilemma is that i need to talk with people#just. be in contact#in order to function#but actually talking with people is extremely stressful no matter what i do#and i just feel bad for all the people that have talked with me#only for me to end up completely ghosting them#but i don't know how to change and it feels like it's slowly corroding me from the inside#i had friends in primary school. kinda#barely#then i entered high school#first year pre pandemic i had a group that for whatever reason latched onto me as one of them?#but then we moved to online classes#and when that stopped and we all came back i was completely alone again#then i moved to a school focusing on autistics in 2nd and it was like 5 people in my class#none of us ever talked to each other#i just wish I'd had literally any real friends over the past 4 years so I'd actually know how to act. and get used to people#maybe i should just accept that I'll never be able to interact normally with people#even other people w autism clearly#and try to live with that?#but I'm gonna be honest i don't know if i can#so what the hell do i even do#i don't want to be coddled#i don't want to be pitied#i don't want to reach out#which leaves rotting as the only option
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Shipping real people is so gross TF get a life
sending anon hate is so gross TF get a life
#anon#listen babes i have to wake up at 6am on mondays and i am NOT a morning person#so you decided to fuck with exactly the wrong person today#could i just delete this? oh yes and in fact i almost did#i have no need or desire to justify myself to you 🤷♂️#but like i mentioned... i am NOT a morning person. in fact i hate everyone and everything in the mornings#and you've just given me the chance to take it out on you xx#so here goes#the thing about rpf is that it gets a really bad rep but in all honesty it's not *that* different to any other fandom culture#i say this because rpf = real person FICTION. it is inspired by the versions of public figures that we get to see on our screens#(exactly like other fanfic/shipping is about fictional characters portrayed by actors)#in neither case do the characters we are 'shipping' actually exist - and most people are perfectly aware of that#(YOU anon are probably not! but let me tell you this: the versions of celebrities *we* get to see are their public selves and#almost certainly not the same versions as who they are behind closed doors and with no cameras. AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT)#it's still a character of sorts who people are taking inspiration from. and as long as it's never brought to the attention of the real#real person in question; then there is absolutely NO harm to it#let people find joy and inspiration wherever they want; anon!#but you probably don't understand either concept ('joy' or 'inspiration')#because your idea of 'fun' is coming into other people's private fandom spaces and attempting to bring them down#like the worst kind of high school bully except that you are even more fucking cowardly because you don't even have the grace to#say anything directly to our faces. nooooo you have to hide behind the anon function because you KNOW what you're doing is wrong#dickhead.#that is all i have to say to you!#hope you have a properly awful Monday anon - as joyless and inspirationless as you evidently are xx
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guys i saw mean girls for the first time ever today (my schools current musical) and id rather be me is fucking me up soooooo bad <33
#hngngngnhngnnh#y'know#i loved it so much and everyone in it slayed so hard and i was NOT expecting it to actually feel sort of real#i thought it was going to be entirely campy and over the top but some bits just. yeah that is how high school works sometimes actually#and yeah this song fucked me up so bad#apparently one of my friends in the audience looked back to where i was a few times during it <33 love u if you see this mwah#you understand me
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Remus sketch😱😱 (I want him in my life so bad)
#marauders fanart#remus lupin#remus lupin fanart#the day i will actually learn how shadow and anatomy works just wait#i still have to do all my hw for school pls kill me#marauders era#james potter#remus pls why arent you real#wolfstar#why does tumblr fuck up the quality so bad#art#artist on tumblr
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So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.
Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so
I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.
#and then I post this for what? attention?#I dunno… this just made me feel really shitty#like… you can’t just leave me alone?#you know I’m having a rough go at it and you think this is the perfect time to insert yourself into my life?#I don’t care about your puss!#I really really have to reiterate I have never ever had a real conversation with this person#we’ve never talked or hung out and I always avoided them#god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama.#and I want to imagine all this as just someone who never grew up buuut…#they found my phone number. they went looking for my personal information. they’ve been stalking at least one of my social media pages.#probably twitter but who knows maybe here too#this is like… 15-20 years of this. why? why are you still obsessed with this?#and maybe these texts don’t seem so bad but I’ve had to block them on Facebook too#and that was after my ex and I broke up a few years back#it’s like she waits until my life gets extra shitty and then tries to convince me that we’re old friends & she wants to date finally#fuckin… just… not really cool ya know. damn.#stalker lady… I am not worth all this pining. just move on.#lol but I have been saying “my puss is so wet right now’ to myself all day so that’s a positive#anyway… sorry to post this bullshit. just wanted to vent.#sorry if you read all of this#text
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So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.
#ra speaks#personal#watched the most recent quintin reviews vid which like yeah I went in with expectations of the content#and it’s not like I actively avoid stuff that depicts/discusses abuse I’ve been going to therapy long enough to know my most sensitive#triggers and stuff. but…idk something abt when he got to the drake bell section just set me off something fierce.#I’m all nerves and stress and self loathing/misplaced guilt from my own past bullshit#like brain can we please cool it we’ve been over this for years why you freaking the fuck out now? (I mean. logically. I know why#and how trauma works and that I’m just having emotional flashbacks but still. ugh.)#brain please be real niceys to me I have a meeting in an hour we cannot be having a panic attack.#you’re safe you’re good it wasn’t your fault etc etc can we please go back to being an adult more than a decade past all that? please???#survived my meeting so I’m gonna vent abt this a bit more bc. let’s be real.#I don’t rememember a solid 3 years of my adolescence and it fucks w me sometimes.#I remember things before 4th grade. I remember 4th grade. then bam I’m in 8th going to high school. and like#I know logistically what happened. I know emotionally I hated/was so fucking scared of [redacted] until I finally left that fucking school.#it’s just. frustrating bc if I remembered maybe I’d feel more justified letting myself get upset abt it. but I don’t so suck it up buttercup#it probably wasn’t even that bad if you don’t actually remember it so pull it together.#hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life#after meeting [redacted] <- I am not convincing myself unfortunately.
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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can anyone reblog this with something funny or cute? in desperate need of a distraction
#I fucking hate school#and I have just been informed by my therapist that I do in fact have ptsd and wasn’t just making a big deal over something#so.#it’s relieving but it’s also ‘oh. that DID really fuck me up real bad’#robin shut up challenge
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can't even look at myself
#jinx's hijinks#today was baad#first a bus driver is scresming at KIDS AT 8AM#im sorry people are poor or in a rush or didnt know their card was out of charge but its not effecting ur pay#SHUT THE FUCK UP#if were going to school you csnt deny us access to the bus bc thats denying us access to our education#and slso dont fucking yell at random kids#you do not know what other people are going thru idc if ur cranky shut it and dint yell at a 10 yo you crabby bastard#also public transport should be free#but back on topic#yelling is z massive trigger for me#and ive felt not quite real or gere since#i sont recognise myself in the mirror. i look like me but everything is off. and ive just realised how fast the oast 6 monthas have gone.#i need ti die abt it#but i tood a teacher sbt it all abd how im drowning in school work bc all the teschers are piling wirk on us out jf nowhere.#anc i got a well-being referral#thats so fun! <- guy who is terrfied of his parents fibding oit about his bad struggles.
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bad news under the cut
Hey so one of my younger cousins just passed away in a car accident like we just got the call so I'm probably going to be sporadically poofing or manically tied to my blogs as a distraction so just. bear with me for a bit
#cant even put into words how much anger im filled with#not at anyone in particular im just fucking Mad#i wanna kick the shit outta something so fucking bad i got steel toe boots i could do it with no damage done to me#im just#tired#and numb#first my grandma on my birthday in may and now this#kid was only 19 he Just finished school and got a good job#i grew up with him and rn it doesnt feel real because im over 400 miles away#god reality is gonna hit like a fucking brick....#car crash tw#death tw#vent#ooc#im gonna be putting this on all my blogs so sorry for anyone who follows more than one
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Kim Kardashian is not, never was, and never will be a victim.
#ppl bitching about her still being salty over the phone call an Kim's role in everything that came because of it#like you wouldn't be still seething too#why does Taylor have to be the better person tho? put the other cheek and such#no fucking way#she's making sure no one forgets how kim is not a girls girl#we no longer forgive people who aren't sorry and don't apologize#hey i might actually forgive all those middle school girls who would say i was anorexic & are the reason i still cant wear shorts in public#cause they were kids back then#we were kids#I'll probably never be able to let it go cause it's just taken so much from me#BUT KIM KARDASHIAN WAS A FULL GROWN FUCKING ADULT AND A WIFE AND A MOTHER#and you couldn't possibly say she didn't know better#taylor swift#awkwardifying life#honestly they might not be really on bad terms anymore but i feel like kim would definitely act like she's above apologizing and skip it#no bitch you caused real substantial harm and now look. she's got the power to take everything from you#the people you stepped on on your way up? they still can't get rid of the stains#kim kardashian#but honestly it hurts more than what Kanye did because he had a very evident condition even at that point#kim knew better than to stoop to that level#and then kims name dropping her like nothing even happened#now you're switching up your behavior kim#i know there's a parallel to katy perry here but katy was in fact the bigger person in the end#idk i get riled up about it still#yes swifties have issues letting go#and yes we're reasonably vindictive#Taylor's current success? you know for a fact there's a big portion of us just consuming her stuff mostly so scooter cries himself to sleep
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y'all actually have irl friends? like, actually?
#i have one (1) that i am iffy about [you have all seen the annoying thread]#i am sorry that i keep bitching about this but#literally if I vanished the only consequences would be my dad would probably get mad and i'd feel bad for not uploading also my cats sad#i refuse to believe people have ever had friends they just hang out with after school#or go out on weekend adventures with for funsies#those things only happen in tv shows and commcercials. they are not real#awe fuck this is an avierant nw huh#avierant#fuck#but fr couldn't be me#also i remember watching some sappy video on youtube where the guy talked about coming out to his mom and she hugged him#and said i love you and all that#er#that happens?#i just got hit with a “I don't care” and “why didn't you wanna tell me? are you stupid?” and sometimes when he's mad he'll inform me#that i'm actually not bi i'm just gay [i think he genuinely forgets]#y'all have people irl that support you? why? are you stupid?#[i am going to be such a fucked up adu. oh yeah i am an adult. hell yeah i'm a fucked up adult >:)]
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FUCKED UP THAT SOMEONE CAN SEE THEIR FRIEND IN A VULNERABLE POSITION AND THEN USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!! FUCKED UP THAT HE WOULDN'T TAKE KINDLY TO HIS OTHER FRIENDS HELPING HIM GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION SO WE CAN'T HELP AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO. FUCKED UP THAT SO MANY GOOD THINGS WILL BE TAINTED FOR HIM NOW. FUCKED UP THAT HE'LL LIKELY BE SO CLOSED OFF TO EVERYTHING NOW BECAUSE OF THEM!!!!!
#went to bed angry and woke up angry#yesterday was so good because I love my friends but so bad because. this situation makes me so sad.#it's so sad when my friends fucking hate themselves.#and it's a different hate than it was when my friends hated themselves in middle school#like I know how to deal with that sort of self-hatred but this is Different.#and I need to help differently but I don't know How#it's quiet and constant and just little comments that could almost be missed but.#those of us who Did hate ourselves in middle school (loudly and sporadically and yelling about it in the hallways)#we see this quiet hate and I don't know what to do. nobody has ever known when I've hated myself quietly and I don't know what would've-#-helped me so I don't know how to help them.#how much can I hold them until it's uncomfy. how much can I tell them I love them until they stop believing me.#it doesn't help that they're Men. I get how men feel this sadness but I don't know how they can be helped with it#(because again I was never helped with it. I'm so good at helping my Women friends but my Men friends I don't Know what to do)#it's not fair that they're so beautiful and kind and funny and attractive and they can't see that.#and I can't like date them to make them see it because I'm not good for a relationship and one of them is straight and the other just got-#-out of what is a horrible situationship THAT DEFINITELY DIDN'T HELP. with someone I was really close with in middle school and like I-#-didn't Raise them but I was more present and helpful than her parents in middle school and I feel like I raised him.#and I raised him better than this better than hurting your Close Friend by taking advantage of him. using him for the attention your real-#-parents wouldn't give you. leave him the fuck alone.#and like the situation is over but the effects are still present. and will be for a long fucking time.#I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE INTIMATE WITH SOMEONE AND NOT LEAVE THEM FEELING BETTER ABOUT THEIR BODY.#I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE BE SO LOW AND LEAVE THEM THERE. OR BRING THEM DOWN FURTHER.#NOBODY EVER LEFT YOU WHERE YOU WERE UNTIL YOU GAVE US NO OTHER CHOICE. AND EVEN THEN WE KEPT TRYING TO BRING YOU UP.#BECAUSE YOU WERE OUR FRIEND AND WE LOVED YOU. AND WE EXPECTED YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.#HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS. NO HE HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT BUT HE WAS IN-#-MIDDLE SCHOOL. HE WAS A BABY WE WERE ALL BABIES AND WE ALL GOT BETTER. AND YOU DID NOT AND YOU MADE THAT HIS PROBLEM.#maybe you just didn't fucking listen to anything he's ever said maybe you were too busy thinking about how you could use him.#but he cares so much for you and he shares himself with you and you don't notice how much he hates?#AND THE TRUST ISSUES YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON WE USED TO HAVE INSTILLED IN OUR OTHER FRIEND.#HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DATE AGAIN WITHOUT BEING SCARED OF WHAT SHE MIGHT SAY ABOUT HIM.
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