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prolix-yuy · 10 months

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Chapter 3: That Was the First Time I Lost Her

Pairing: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x F!Reader “Sugar”

Summary: It only takes a little digging.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: More angst, insinuations of creep behavior, making shit up about Westworld, a million questions and no answers, will be E in later chapters so full series is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Notes: Sugar's got some soul-searching to do, and there are very few people who can help her with that. Where Cognitive Dissonance had a lot more Westworld characters in it, this series is gonna have a few cameos from Kingsman characters and you better believe this is one of my favorites. Enjoy!

Cross-posted on AO3

Decoherence Masterlist || Whiskey & Westworld Masterlist

It takes you three weeks before you say anything about Jack to anyone. Three weeks of going back and forth from your job, sitting in front of the large glass screen your work is projected on. Three weeks of seeing the world you live in - advanced far beyond Sweetwater’s rustic charm - in a new light, knowing there’s someone living in it that feels so out of place. Now, you feel out of place too.

In that time you argue with yourself back and forth over what happened that fateful morning.

He’s a delusional man who violated your trust.

But he didn’t act delusional. Didn’t try to push you to come with him, didn’t try to get your number or find out where you live. He gave you a way to contact him, but didn’t press when you didn’t promise to.

But how did he find you?

That thought twists your stomach. Had he used some database to scour personal records for you? Had he been trailing you and you never even noticed? It clearly didn’t go to plan for him, but what had he planned?

He wants to “explain.”

The most you would do is call him. Only to tell him to be prepared for a lawsuit. Maybe to scream at him a little more about how violated you felt. Definitely not because you want to know what he could possibly say to make this make sense.

Why are you entertaining this?

This is where you always come to a halt. You can reason around most of your internal arguments, make good decisions that would make your parents proud, but it’s when you get to this question - why are you still thinking about this? - that you falter.

Because his plea - let me explain - and the furtive way he looked at you - I am a host - tug at something you hid away for the year since you saw him. That there was something more to Jack, but not this obvious of a betrayal.

I didn’t get to tell you something that night. Something important.

He tried to tell you something that day on the train platform. What was it?

I was a coward, and I wanted you more than anything Sugar.

He was going to tell you he loved you. And it was going to shatter your heart to hear it, so you showed him the photograph. Because it would hurt less to prove him a fantasy. You forced him to reveal the machine behind the man, because he was going to tell you he loved you.

Right?

But if this is the last moment I get to say it before you leave my sight, I have to.

I need you to know.

Was this it?

It’s Dina that helps you gain some clarity, though not in a way you imagined.

“I had my trip to Westworld refunded, ruined my whole vacation,” she says nonchalantly over lunch. The “cool bridesmaids” actually stuck together after the bachelorette, and you see Dina every few months for a boisterous lunch and catch-up. This particular revelation, two weeks after Jack sauntered into your life and left you with a handful of mirror shards for memories, makes you choke on your drink.

“You were going back?” you finally ask once you can breathe again. Dina smiles knowingly, swirling her iced matcha latte loudly in her glass.

“I’ll admit, it’s pretty fun. Only went once since the party, it’s damn expensive, but I was really looking forward to my third visit. Sounds like there’s some operational issues.” You listen with as much nonchalance as you can muster, but Dina smiles coyly at your ruse. “Didn’t see your man there last time. Maybe he was just for you.”

You scoff, a clammy sweat on the back of your neck sending goosebumps down your arms.

“They probably rotate them,” you say weakly, thumb smearing away a drip of coffee from the lip of your cup.

“Listen, baby, maybe this isn’t my business, but if Jack still gets you this fired up, it might be worth talking to someone about it,” she says gently. Your heart leaps into your throat, worrying that your face has given it all away.

“What, like a therapist?” you laugh, trying to put on a bright smile but you’re practically thrumming now. Dina scoffs instead.

“Hell no, my girl Ginger. She used to work for Delos, doing…programming or something. One conversation with her will definitely ruin the magic for you. Like seeing Mickey without his head on in Disneyland.” You both giggle at the image, trying to school yourself into a calm that won’t betray how close to the truth she is.

“She left on bad terms, so she’ll tell you the truth about shit. Doesn’t care about her NDA, or much else for that matter. She’s a badass,” Dina says, scrolling through her phone and typing quickly. “Ask her your questions, get your dreams dashed, and move the fuck on.” Dina means well, but the worry gnawing in your stomach draws much of your attention away.

Former Delos staff could definitely tell her if Jack was a host, or a fucked-up guest, or a host based off a guest that is now playing a terrifying game of switcheroo.

“Promise she won’t think it’s weird?”

“She loves to dish about it, you’ll be making her week.”

Ginger doesn’t want to meet in a public place - I’ve seen a little too much of what can be done to risk it - so she invites you to her condo instead. You almost back out, shame and nerves getting to you, but the need to know grows at a greater pace. So, bringing two coffees and pastries (not from the shop where you saw Jack, you don’t think you could go back there), you climb her third floor walkup.

She’s business chic with a dazzling smile, a collared shirt under a sweater with dark-washed jeans. Her hair is spiked through with honeyed highlights that compliment her brown skin. A pair of serious horn-rimmed glasses frame her face, but look fresher on her than any academic.

“Hi, I’m Dina’s friend,” you start as Ginger leads you into her home. Dina mentioned she was a programmer, and her design aesthetic screams “I care more about my processor chips than artwork.” Stacks of hard drives on tables, large manuals of computer code on shelves, all neat and tidy in a controlled chaos way. She brings plates for the croissants as you sit at her table, rolling your opening remarks in your mind as she settles across.

I had a strange experience in Westworld that made me question everything. Can you tell me if I’m crazy or not?

Before you get the chance Ginger speaks.

“Dina told me a bit about your situation,” she says simply, regarding you with rapt attention and sparking intelligence. The confusion must have slapped across your face, because Ginger barks out a laugh just shy of impolite. “I made her spill the beans, I’m too suspicious otherwise.”

You sigh audibly, covering your face with your hands.

“Great, now I’m just pitiful,” you bemoan, joining in on the laughter. Slouching back in your chair, you share a look that radiates I guess we’re here now.

“So, you had questions about hosts. Maybe one in particular. I haven’t worked for Delos in a few years, but I’ll do my best to help. God knows those assholes keep their mouths shut tighter than their assholes,” Ginger says, waiting for you to lay out your questions. So many bubble up, but you let the most important come to the forefront:

“How can you tell a host is a host?”

Ginger’s smile turns conspiratorial, cocking her head to one side.

“One really got to you, huh? Made you think he - or she - was real?”

You twist your hands in your lap, shoulders tensing for laughter.

“It’s silly, right? A host is a host and a person is…completely different.”

Ginger talks as she darts around the room, gathering items - a laptop from a desk, a silver and orange hard drive, a handful of cords. She gestures with her hands while she speaks, face softening with the passion that shines through,

“It’s a testament to how well we programmed them. They’re supposed to trick you, keep you in the illusion. I was more in design and aesthetics, moved into expressive programming before they culled my team.” When she catches your eye, the first etchings of confusion on your face, she backtracks. “I designed the exteriors - faces, bodies, you know - before I moved into writing code for their facial expressions and body language. Cram years of what we as humans would observe and develop over a lifetime into a little computer chip. They learn too, just not the same sorts of things. They’re designed to interpret our body language, give us what we need before we think we need it.”

What had Jack read from your body?

Ginger plops down at the table, fingers moving quickly over the keys and eyes trained on the glowing screen.

“But Delos axed my team, said something about ‘new coding avenues,’ the assholes. Just didn’t want to pay us if they could automate us. But!” She hits the last key and folds her arms, finally looking at your nervous posture. “They didn’t pay me well enough for my IP, so I took everything I could get my hands on. Most of it’s too outdated for them to care about, but I’m pretty goddamn proud of it.”

She motions for you to sit on the same side of the table as her, waiting until you’re settled to drag a window onto the screen. It looks like tiny image thumbnails all neatly stacked, face after face scrolling by.

“So who is it?”

You steel yourself for whatever answer may come next.

“Jack Daniels.”

Waiting for a confused noise, for a bad search return, for some reason to hate the man who came back to you, instead you get a knowing laugh.

“Ah, I’m pretty proud of that one,” she says, typing in Jack’s name and pulling up a profile. “I was going through a very dashing cowboy phase, wanted something a little Burt Reynolds, a little Robert Conrad, flirtatious but a disaster at it, smooth talker.” As she talks she tabs through sketches, achingly beautiful pencil drawings of his hawkish nose, the pout of his lower lip, the tilt of his head up to look at something.

“Then fucking Sizemore dumped him in that shitty Golden Circle timeline, which was a goddamn waste. Gave him a terribly written, cliched backstory and half-assed his motivation to make a shockingly underthought double cross villain arc seem edgy.” Ginger pauses on a dystopic photo, Jack standing in a glass and concrete cube, hand on his jutted hip and a smile you’ve been in the path of aimed right into the camera. You can almost hear his voice.

You can have all the Whiskey you want.

“Our cowboy deserved better than that,” she sighs. Managing to break from your reverie, you try not to stumble too badly through the most important questions.

“And he’s not…based on anyone else? There’s no Jack lookalike wandering the streets?” You try to make it airy, joking, unsure of your success. Thankfully Ginger skims right over the tremor in your voice, tapping into a file that details every scar and freckle over the expanse of his skin.

“If only. Unfortunately, the best men are designed by women. I’ve never met someone quite like Jack.”

Neither have you, and the implication settles heavy in your chest.

You spent an hour more with Ginger, peeking into the secret workings of Delos and picking at flaky pastries without appetite. It’s more out of politeness than interest. Half of the things she shows you flow right through your consciousness and into the ether.

Jack is a host.

From the mouth of his…creator? Herself?

Maybe that combination of features could find its way in nature, but not his story, or the intimate details you both know in very different contexts. The groove she drew in his lower lip pulled softly across your stomach. The graphite glint in his eyes lifting to capture yours. The thick strokes that built a hand you’d felt hold your face so gently.

Ginger knew him as well as you did, certainly more so, and there was no better explanation for what this means.

He’s not a man. So what is he doing here? How is he here, in a world you never thought he could enter?

Thanking Ginger for her hospitality and her patience, you take the longest way home possible. The rhythmic beat of your feet on concrete lets you ruminate. The air is warm across your cheeks, errant breezes dancing around your aimless path. The “park” has never been your favorite place to soul search, the lack of trees and tightly governed shrubs clashing against what you consider wilderness. Today, however, it’s so stark and blank as to clear your mind.

If not a host in a world built for pleasure, what is Jack? How can he survive in this world without a narrative, a directive, a fucking charging port for his battery? Does he run on batteries or did they slap a solar panel in that gorgeous head of hair?

Dropping onto a bench you bury your face in your hands, fighting the urge to laugh madly. You've seen under the facade and now you’re left with even more questions, and there’s only one person who can answer those.

“Jack Daniels.”

“Hi. It’s…”

“Hey. It’s…it’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.”

“I didn’t know if you would at all, after all that.”

“I wasn’t sure either.”

There’s a pause while you gather courage, but Jack jumps in first.

“Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about last time. I saw you and I meant to sneak out before you saw me, but…it was just a perfect mess, huh?”

Right to the meat of it then. Somehow that makes it easier.

“Did you know I would be there?”

Another silence, but you wait for this one to end. Jack sighs heavily, and your body aches.

“I knew you could be there.”

“And you were…what? Waiting to get up the courage to talk to me?”

“Something like that.” Jack sucks in a breath. “I had some questions of my own. I wasn’t sure I wanted the answers.”

This admission dazes you. All Jack knew of you in Westworld was a lie. The footing feels more even knowing he’s just as trepidatious as you.

You sigh deeply, pressing the palm of your hand against your forehead.

“I think I should let you explain.”

A softer sigh tickles your ear.

“I’d really like to do that, Sugar.”

You scoff.

“You still call me that.”

“Sweetest thing I’ve…”

“Please, Jack. Don’t. Not right now.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not…I’m not sure how I feel about everything yet. This is all frankly terrifying to me, and I need some time to understand it.”

“I understand. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be the same rodeo as before.”

Lips curling up, you warm to his words. Same old west charm. Same teasing lilt.

Same old Jack, but maybe more than you thought.

“Can I see you Friday?”

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#jack whiskey daniels x you #jack whiskey daniels x reader #jack whiskey daniels x f!reader #jack daniels x reader #jack daniels x f!reader #jack daniels x female reader #agent whiskey x female reader #agent whiskey x you #agent whiskey x reader #kingsman the golden circle fanfiction #westworld fanfiction #prolix fics

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the-blind-assassin-12 · 2 years

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writer wednesday #12 - 8/3/2022

Hi everyone!! I hope you’re all having a good week so far and that you’re staying cool during this scorching hot summer. I’m back to my weekly recs after finishing the #fourteendaysofreading challenge (go check out that page for tons of stories from MULTIPLE fandoms!) and I’m super stoked to shoot about these three great stories, so let’s cut yo the chase, shall we? Here are three things I read this week that made me say “wow, that was great!”:

*as always, this list is ordered by length.*

Still Chasing For That Feeling by @something-tofightfor

Joel Miller x various characters / x Female Reader

A look at Joel’s past love life

WC: 2k

Truly understanding Joel Miller means understanding all of the things he’s gone through and chosen and gained and lost - and this piece so perfectly encapsulates those things as they pertain to his former and current relationships. It is heartbreaking to know that he has had to withstand so much pain and guilt, so many touch decisions and circumstances that were beyond his control despite his best intentions and efforts. But the fact that even when he tries to close himself off to these types of relationships (the kind that hurt too much to lose) he can’t resist letting Ellie and eventually Reader in gives me so much hope that he can have the happiness he’s been denied for so long. It means that he hasn’t given up on himself yet, and that’s huge. I love that man to smithereens, heartache and all.

Cognitive Dissonance Ch. 1: Never Realized I’d Been Here Before by @prolix-yuy

Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x Female Reader

Westworld x Kingsman Golden Circle AU (!!)

WC: 2.2k

HOWDY AND HELLO! WHERE ARE ALL MY YEEHAW FRIENDS? ARE YOU READY FOR A ROOTIN’ TOOTIN’ PISTOL SHOOTIN’ GOOD TIME? If the answer to that question is yes, then this one is for you. This is 110% the Crossover AU I didn’t know I needed until now and I am THRILLED that it’s here. I don’t want to give away the premise (because when I got to the first little *insert* within the story I was like “OH HOLY HECK!!” so I don’t want to spoil it for anyone.) but let’s just say I cannot wait to see what happens next. I love all the details and the parallels to WW S1, and I am very much looking forward to seeing more of how these two casts of characters interact as these two incredibly fun universes combine.

Into the Shade Part I: You, The One I Left Behind by @brandyllyn

Ezra (Prospect) x Female Reader

Soulmates AU!!

WC: 3k

The warning for this one includes the fact that Ezra is not a very nice guy. And lemme tells ya: Can confirm. In fact, he is a con artist who specializes in romancing his targets and taking their bank accounts for a ride. Does this make me any less attracted to him? No, it does not - especially when, even though he’s been given a meaner streak here - he’s written so well from his movement to his dialogue. Does it make me even more attracted to him? Maybe, but that’s a topic for another post. This first part has got me so incredibly hooked. I love the concept of this soulmate AU - with pairs sharing identical markings and scars - and cannot wait to see how it unfolds... and if Ezra’s mean streak continues or if his current mark makes him go soft.

#three great things I read this week #writer wednesday #joel miller fic #jack whiskey daniels fic #ezra (prospect) fic #something tofightfor #prolix-yuy #brandyllyn #fic rec fic rec fic rec!

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dreamgirledward · 2 years

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top 5 favorite usages of music in film or tv, can be needledrops or diegetic sourcing or whatever! 🤪

spider-man into the spider-verse: "what's up danger" in the leap of faith scene. seeing that in theatres for the first time was the first time in a LONG time i actually Felt Something because of a needledrop mixed with how phenomenal the editing is throughout the scene (spider-verse's editing is generally phenomenal but that scene specifically still makes me go crazy)

lord of the rings return of the king: "edge of night" sung by pippin during the battle of osgiliath. this is probably. my favourite use of diegetic music in any film. like of all time. seeing this scene for the first time as a child actually altered my brain chemistry. any lotr fan knows exactly what i mean when i say i still hold my breath every single time i rewatch it. the sound design is INSANE. the reverb on billy boyd's voice actually makes me scream. the editing is NUTS and by nuts i mean it's so clean and EFFECTIVE and timed ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY. there is so much conveyed without any exposition. the lyrics (implied by pippin to not have anything to do with war, violence or death) are so insanely eerie as you watch faramir ride to what looks like a needless death paired with the animalistic way denethor eats. i could literally write a 10 page paper on this scene ALONE. it's horrifying. it's beautiful. it's haunting. it's perfect.

inside llewyn davis: "fare thee well" scene. i very rarely feel anything when an entire song in a movie (yes even if the movie's a biopic about a musician!) is just performed diegetically without intercutting of anything else but oscar isaac's voice and how intimate the performance feels is so simple and beautiful i think i actually cried the first time i saw it. it really felt like you were in the audience watching him on that little stage. the first time i saw chuck singing it in spn 11x20, i immediately thought of THIS scene and all i wanted to do was rewatch the film just to experience the magic of oscar's performance again.

shrek 2: "funkytown" in the far far away scene. you probably thought i was going to mention all star at some point! syke! and yes, all star IS one of the most iconic needledrops of all time but i wanted to change this up a little because though i grew up in a household that celebrated a huge array of genres, particularly disco and funk thanks to my parents, i am physically incapable of hearing funkytown and not perfectly visualizing this entire scene despite my ability to enjoy music without fully relying on film and tv to discover it 🥲

supernatural: "renegade" in nightshifter. im sorry but i am going to have to be that bitch because this scene! is so hot!!!!! the buildup is SO SATISFYING because the writing in this ep is just THAT good - you dont know exactly what's going to happen when the fbi agents find the boys and the next time you see them, they're knocked out and their uniforms are missing and that alone would have been cool enough if you DIDNT ALSO KNOW THE AGENTS IN THE BACKGROUND SLINKING AROUND THE CORNER TO 'CHECK IF THE COAST IS CLEAR' ARE SAM AND DEAN MAKING THEIR GETAWAY. like if youre seeing nightshifter for the first time you CANT catch it but then something clicks when the music starts up and you see them making their way up the parking lot stairs and it's just SO GOOD. there's just no dialogue until dean lets out a breath and goes "we are so screwed" and then BAM, in comes in the punchy first verse. sexy. perfect. literally who is doing it like the kripke era needledrops

im cheating! but!! HONOURABLE MENTIONS bc i thought of more in the car: "never too late" in spn 13x5 (ep ending), "hoist the colours" potc: at world's end (opening), "when i kissed the teacher" in mamma mia: here we go again (graduation scene), "free bird" in kingsman (church massacre), "rocketman" in rocketman (pool scene), "epiphany" in sweeney todd, "immigrant song" in thor ragnarok (final battle), "you don't own me" in first wives club (both the ending and the scene when diane keaton gets embarrassed and like screams lolol), and lastly a tie between "our prayer" and "high on a rocky ledge" in ofmd bc i cant stop thinking about both those needledrops, which are very small moments but are still sticking with me !

put “top 5” anything in my ask and i will answer ok go

#rennie i got so excited thinking about my answers #u know me VERY WELL for asking this >:)#stuck with mostly music and not ost bc i think i would have been here thinking about any type of fav uses of music for like. days #im definitely forgetting a lot of examples i love but these are the ones i thought of first !#also #if i were an annoying Film Bro (which i have had the un-pleasure of meeting many times) i wouldve said reservoir dogs or pulp fiction :)#because film bros are boring :)#and they all say the same thing :)#so ur welcome for not mentioning either <3 #deansbarmitzvahtraxx #ask game

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scarlettwitcher · 4 years

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Baby Girl Chapter Three

Summary: Y/n tried to avoid her past with a certain Statesmen but when they’re partnered back up for a mission that could cost millions their lives, Y/n must make the right choice. (This is the Kingsman: The Golden Circle movie basically in writing with reader insert. I recommend watching the movie, it’s amazing! It’s on Amazon Prime Video.)

Characters: Agent Whiskey x Agent Gin(Y/n), Tequila, Ginger Ale, Eggsy, Merlin, Champ, Harry, mentions of Poppy, Charlie, and Clara

Word Count: 5,168

Warnings: angst, really bad insults, fluff, SMUT, unprotected p in v, oral(female receiving), cursing, that’s it, i think.

Author’s Note: This is what started everything. I wanted to write this scene in general ever since i watched the movie, and then it just progressed to me writing this series so enjoy! Shoutout to my lovely @giftofdreams for being an amazing beta! I do need a few betas for a few fics i have, if you’re open to help, send me a message please! As always, thanks for reading and feedback is always welcome/needed.

Previously...

Whiskey knew exactly what Champ meant and he sighed, nodding his head. "I'll try Champ."

"I'm serious Whiskey. That girl has been trying hard to recover. She may be young but she has a big heart." Whiskey nodded as he waved his goodbye, hanging up the call. He was relieved at finally having some time to talk to you, even if it wasn’t alone. Who knew this would be the start of a long, long roller coaster.

Now...

Soon as promised, he appeared in his jet, picking you and Eggsy up, flying you both to where his girlfriend was so you could get your passes to the festival. The whole plane ride you locked yourself into your room, ignoring Whiskey’s occasional knocks on your door. “Darling, talk to me.”

A few hours later, another knock filled the silence. “Sugar, please.” Of course, you ignored it. “You can’t be in there forever baby girl.”

You ignored every one of his advances and you tried even harder to ignore the pet names. Once upon a time, his words would melt you and make you feel like you were the only one in his eyes. Driving up to where Tilde was staying, you sat in the back, watching the scenery pass by as your hair flowing in the air. Whiskey’s eyes kept glancing back at you in the rearview mirror. He didn’t know how you could be more beautiful than you were but here you were, taking his breath away as you always did. Stopping in front of the house, Eggsy jumped out of the car and ran inside leaving you alone with Whiskey. He cleared his throat as he patted the passenger side chair. “Come up here with me darlin.”

You laughed humorlessly as you shook your head. “In your dreams sugar.” He knew you said that condescendingly and he huffed in annoyance.

“Sweetheart, you have to talk to me at some point. We’re on this mission together.”

“Then I’ll only talk to you about the mission.” Whiskey rolled his eyes as he half turned in his seat, watching you. You felt like his gaze could burn through you and you wiggled, feeling a tad bit uncomfortable.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what, darlin?”

“Like you want me. We both know it ain’t true.” You mumbled quietly looking away from him. He felt his next words die in his throat as he tried to think of something nice to say. He really didn’t know the extent of the pain he caused you. Sure, you were in your early twenties and you were considered immature by most but you knew what you felt for the cowboy was real. Whiskey sighed and turned back around before honking a couple of times, alerting the butler nearby. You watched as he neared the car and Whiskey waved him away, mumbling his apologies. A few minutes later, Eggsy appeared with a few bands in his hand. “Got the passes from my contact. You're gonna love Glastonbury.”

“Well, that's the easy part, kid. Take a look in the glove box.” Eggsy popped the glove box open and looked inside, pulling out a tiny container. He opened it and you swore he wanted to laugh. He looked at what looked like a minuscule condom. You remember feeling the same when it was introduced to you. “Fucking hell, bruv. Thought everything was supposed to be bigger in America. Is this why you overcompensate with these massive cars?”

Whiskey chuckled, pushing his glasses back up his nose, as he leaned in, holding his finger up to Eggsy. Whiskey was about to explain its use but you decided to butt in. You leaned in between the two, giving your shoulder’s back to Whiskey as you looked up at Eggsy. “Goes on your finger. The surveillance tracker is in the tip. Apply light pressure for three seconds to release it.”

Your scent quickly invaded all of Whiskey’s senses and it took everything for him to not moan. You smelled sweet, just like he remembered. He was so tempted to reach out and touch your skin, seeing if the way he remembered it was the same or if it was better. “Nice, bruv.” You giggled at his slang and your laugh snapped Whiskey out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat and you sat back as Whiskey drove off in the direction of the festival. You spent the car ride talking to Eggsy as much as you could, ignoring a simmering Whiskey. You made it a point to ignore him and it didn’t take long for Eggsy to catch on.

From the moment you arrived, you were overwhelmed with the people, smells, and the music. Considering you entered the agency at a very young age, you didn’t experience a lot of the “life things”. You didn’t have the typical years any teenager did. Both your parents were Statesmen and they raised you in hopes you would become one too.

Whiskey noticed your excitement as you slipped on your band and he couldn’t help but smile. You were adorable. You walked amongst the people in between Whiskey and Eggsy as he started talking. “Okay, so according to her Instagram feed… Charlie's ex-girlfriend is up ahead at the VIP bar. Which one of us is gonna plant the tracker?”

You came up to the V.I.P entrance where several tents surrounded a large bar. The security guard stopped the three of you, motioning to his wrist. “Bands, please. You’re good.” You passed him with ease as you continued your walk into the area.

“I say we both make an approach. Whoever gets on best, goes for it.” You visibly stiffened at this, not happy with what could happen. Both Whiskey and Eggsy noticed your immediate discomfort but neither said anything. You weren’t included because from research, you were able to conclude she was straight and you wouldn’t be able to woo her.

Eggsy cleared his throat before shaking his head slightly. It didn’t take a genius to figure out you and Whiskey had a past, especially after he noticed your behavior in the car. “Well, it doesn't have to be a competition, bruv. Why don't we just go up to her… shake her hand, pat her on the back, whatever, you know. Job well done.” You commended Eggsy for his kindness. You hadn’t known the brit for very long at all but you took a liking to him and he to you.

“The hand is not a mucus membrane, Eggsy. Neither is the back. They teach you anything at Kingsman?” Whiskey found it amusing that Eggsy hadn’t caught on to how the tracker was applied and he shook his head. You kept your head down, trying not to call attention to yourself. Whiskey noticed how guarded you had become and he wished he didn’t have to take a stab at sleeping with the target. He had just gotten the opportunity to be around you again and he knew this would make everything worse.

“What are you talking about?”

“Our trackers are designed to enter the bloodstream. They circulate harmlessly, providing full audio and GPS.” As Whiskey explained, he made a hand motion with two fingers and for a second, you forgot you were angry with him, remembering how undone you became on his fingers the first time you slept together. Your mouth watered and you felt your underwear dampen at the memories of what happened between the two of you. Eggsy was in a whole other world as he finally started to connect the dots. He held up one of his fingers in question.

“Mucus membrane. That's like up the nose, isn't it? What the fuck am I gonna do? Stick my finger… It's not just inside the nose, is it?” Whiskey spotted the target and he kept his eyes on her. You noticed and you quickly switched from aroused to feeling nauseous. You mumbled quietly about how you needed a drink, making your way to the other side of the bar. You had to keep your eyes on the target in case anything could happen.

“No, Eggsy, it ain't.” Whiskey watched you leave and he sighed, feeling tense about the whole situation.

“Fuck.”

“All right, I'll take the first crack. Watch and learn, buddy.” Whiskey took a chug of his small flask before he was stopped by Eggsy’s hand on his shoulder.

“Are you sure about that bruv?” Eggsy nodded his head towards you. Whiskey glanced in your direction and sighed as he shook his head. He knew if he was the one who had to place the tracker, things would worsen with you.

“No, I’m not but I have to give it a try, no matter how bad it might go.” Whiskey took another sip as he winked at Eggsy. Eggsy just clicked his tongue, shaking his head. He caught on quick that he was going to make the target reject him on purpose for your sake.

“Good luck.”

Whiskey walked over to Clara with a cool swagger to him. You watched him as you downed another shot. “Miss, I beg your pardon. Now, I don't wanna pester you, but I just have to know, what time are you playing?” Because of the comms that you were wearing, you could hear everything and you couldn’t help but cringe at his words.

“Pretty little thing like you come here often?” You had had a hard mission that involved kids and Whiskey found you at a bar, drinking your pain away. You smiled tightly as you ordered another shot, signalling the bartender to prepare one for Whiskey.

“Only when I want to forget.” Whiskey chuckled quietly, drinking the shot quick, hissing from the burn.

“You and me both sweetheart. You and me both.” You looked over at him and it was at that moment that you knew. You were in love with him.

You knocked back another shot as you tried to shake the memories out of your head. You weren’t worried about getting drunk anytime soon. Working somewhere like Statesman, you built a huge tolerance for alcohol.

“I'm not in a band.” Clara grabbed her head in embarrassment. “Oh, God. Who did you think I was? Please don't say someone ghastly.” Her voice echoed through your comms and you downed two more shots.

“I’m sure she plays for Hozi-dead. I mean, geez, sweetpea, go outside.” You heard Eggsy snort and chuckle into the comms as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fucking hell Gin.” You held up a shot in his direction before downing it, letting out a quiet hiss from the burn.

Whiskey wanted to laugh and he had to hide it with a cough as he listened to your sweet voice. He loved it when you were jealous. That’s what he hoped you were. If you were jealous, then there was the sliver of a chance he could fix things. “God damn it, now I feel like a fool. I just assumed that a woman with your charisma…” You felt your insides turn and feel like lava as you took another shot. “Well, she just had to be somebody.” Even though you recovered, even though you swore to not fall for it again, even though you trained yourself to be better, within a few minutes of listening to Whiskey, you were falling back into the same hole that was loving him.

“Right. Thank you.” You downed your last two shots before talking into the comms.

“I think I’m going to go watch some shows, I’ll see you boys later at our tent.” Without waiting for a response, you disconnected your comm and tracker, leaving them on the bar counter, needing some alone time to think. Whiskey wanted to tell you to stay, to just give him a few minutes but he couldn’t, not with Clara staring so intensely at him. He looked away in the direction where you were and took a deep breath.

“No, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to make me feel like a dumbass. So I'll let you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink.” Whiskey snapped his fingers at the bartender trying to get his attention. Clara watched unamused.

She raised her finger as she spoke. “Follow my finger.”

Clara swiped her fingers a few times to the left. Whiskey followed her finger every time before he chuckled and raised his eyebrow in confusion. “What are we doing?”

“Swiping to the left. What, you don't do Tinder in America?”

“Tinder what?”

Eggsy finally approached the pair as he nodded. “Do you know, I think it's probably a generational thing. It translates as "Go away, old man." Whiskey cleared his throat as he filled his mind with thoughts of you to keep his cool and not punch Eggsy.

“Be good, be cool. Bye.” Whiskey took another sip of his flask as he walked out of the V.I.P. area in search of you. He knew it was probably not going to work but he flipped out his phone, pulling up your name. He smiled fondly at the picture he had as your contact, He took it the night you slept together. You were asleep on his chest, resting your head on his heart with your hair flowing across your back. He had his arm wrapped around you possessively. The angle was perfect and he took a picture, a selfie of the both of you, in remembrance. He had taken many pictures of you that night but that was his favorite. He thought back to the countless times he would look back at your photos, staring at the ones he had of you sleeping, of you riding him, of you laying naked and stretched out on his bed. You drove him crazy.

He shot you a quick text, watching for a few minutes, waiting for the read sign to pop up. Fortunately, it did and so did the little bubble indicating you were responding. He felt his mouth go dry and he couldn’t remember a time he felt this nervous. A few minutes later and a message from you appeared on his phone but it wasn’t something he wanted to see.

8:01 PM - Whiskey - Sweetheart, where are you?

8:13 PM - Gin - Isn’t trying to apply the tracker more important than where I am?

8:14 PM - Whiskey - Baby girl, please. Eggsy is the one placing the tracker on Clara. I just want to talk.

Whiskey sighed angrily through his nose as he responded back immediately. You opened the message and you could feel the sincerity. The one thing that Whiskey has only ever reserved for you was babygirl. You used it all the time and so did a lot of the agents but Whiskey never did. He had only ever used it with you. It was too intimate for him. You bit your lip as you stared at your phone.

8:22 PM - Gin - I need some time J

8:23 PM - Whiskey - I’ll be waiting baby girl

Whiskey sighed as he read your text and decided to wait for you at your tent. He walked in, looking around before deciding to sit down on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his chin in between his hands. He didn’t blame you for the way you were acting. Hell, he was expecting worse but he wanted to show you he had changed. He wanted you to see he wanted you. He had asked for a transfer back to the Kentucky offices a few months ago but he was denied by Champ because of you. Requesting again, Champ said he needed your approval to make the transfer. Whiskey knew it was going to be hard but he wanted to fight for you.

Glancing at his watch after a few hours, Whiskey noticed it was going to be close to midnight. He was starting to get worried. He knew he couldn’t get a hold of you so he waited. A few minutes later, the tent door slowly opened and you stepped into the tent. Whiskey stopped his pacing, his head snapping up to meet your eyes. You stood there timidly as you tried to gather your thoughts. You had spent the last few hours trying to get Whiskey out of your head but you couldn’t. You thought you were ready to confront him but seeing him now, every logical argument you had was thrown out the window.

Whiskey felt his heart pump with adrenaline as he made his way over to you, hugging you tightly, holding you as hard as he could. You gave in and wrapped your arms around him as he kissed your head. “I’m so sorry baby girl. I’m so sorry. Fuck, I was so worried.” You took a shaky breath against his chest and you were overwhelmed with his scent. He smelled exactly like you remembered. Leather, Whiskey, and some cheap but surprisingly sweet-smelling cologne. He rested his face on the top of your head, inhaling you and surrounding himself with all that was you.

“Whiskey w-wait.” You were overwhelmed. You pushed Whiskey away as you took a deep breath, wrapping your arms around yourself, feeling vulnerable. “You can’t just say sorry and expect everything to be okay, not after everything you did.”

“I know, baby, I know. But you gotta let me try to fix things. You gotta let me show you.”

“I know enough to know that people don’t change.”

“Gin, I haven't touched a girl in months, since I went to New York.” You took a shaky breath at this and you felt your lip tremble. Whiskey had left for New York a year and a half ago and it shocked you. “You’re all I think about. Your smile, your scent, your laugh, your stupid jokes. The way you moan my name and call me those sweet, sweet things. The way your skin is so soft and the way you say you’re mine. I miss you.” Whiskey slowly started to walk towards you, cornering you between him and the wall. “Champ told me to not try anything but I just, you make me weak, baby.”

“Why wait until now?” Whiskey chuckled as he dragged a hand down his face in frustration.

“Baby girl, you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and when I was in Kentucky, you wouldn’t let me near you. I tried.” You chewed your lip guiltily. He moved closer until he was inches away from you. He reached up gently, cupping your cheek with one hand, and he moved his other to hold onto your hip. He was holding on hard and you knew you would have bruises in the morning. He dragged his thumb against your lip so gently as if you’d break under his hold. Your eyes watered and you looked up at him with all the emotions you kept away. He reached up with his thumb to brush away your tears. You wanted to move. Every part of your body screamed for you to leave, to not give in but your heart was saying you needed to stay in his arms. You believed he had changed and you hoped with every fibre of your being you were right.

Whiskey tilted your head up to look at him as he leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. “Tell me to stop and I will baby girl. Because if you don’t, I won’t hold back. I can't. I crave you too much." He didn't kiss your lips but made his way down, kissing down your jaw. He moved towards your neck, acting quickly to mark you as his. Once he pulled away, there was a large purple hickey on your skin. He kissed down your shoulders, marking and biting you as much as he could. "I've missed your skin."

You whimpered under his touch as you closed your eyes tightly, letting his mouth overwhelm you. You moaned quietly. "J-jack." Whiskey groaned his approval before kissing his way back up to your lips. He kissed you roughly, tangling his hand into your hair, as he held you against him. He moved his hands down your body until they got to your ass. He squeezed hard, pulling you up by your thighs to wrap around his waist. You happily obliged, wrapping your arms around his neck as he carried you to the bed.

"I fucking missed you, darling." He moved to lay you down on the bed, caressing you as he hovered over you, looking down at you, searching for anything to tell him you didn't want this, that you didn't want him. All he saw in your eyes was your love for him. He moved his hand to your shirt and pulled it off as he inhaled sharply. He would never get tired of seeing you. "You're so beautiful, baby." He slowly unhooked your bra, tossing it across the room before leaning down and taking one of your nipples into his mouth. You whimpered under him, moving one of your hands into his hair as he sucked hard, biting your nipple and pulling back, letting it fall. He did the same with your other breast, teasing you. He kissed around your skin, leaving dark marks wherever he could. He pulled a couple of giggles from your lips as his mustache tickled your skin. He smiled against you.

You reached up to tug on his shirt. You needed to feel his skin against yours. Whiskey immediately obliged and took off his leather jacket, draping it on a chair nearby as he started to unbutton his shirt, slowly revealing his dark, tanned skin that you loved so much. You sat up, peppering his skin with kisses before licking from his lower abdomen up to his chest, pulling a growl from him as he pinned you down by your wrists. He held them over your head with one hand as he used the other to cup your cheek gently, admiring all of your features. You blushed under his intense gaze, looking away from him. "Don't look away from me ever again, baby girl." You whimpered as you returned your gaze to him, seeing the lust building in his eyes.

Whiskey reached down to your small, booty shorts that you chose to wear for the festival, unbuttoning them. He was impatient and he moved his hand quickly inside them, rubbing you over your panties. You gasped and slowly rocked your hips against him as he growled lowly from his chest. "So fucking wet. Is all that for me baby girl?"

"Y-yes Jack… always thinking of you."

"Fuck baby." You closed your eyes tightly as you arched your back. He brushed his fingers over your clit and you were a mess. He watched you in complete amazement. This was better than he remembered. He let go of your hands, moving his way down your body before getting to your shorts, pulling them off roughly with your panties. He spread your legs wide, staring at your soaking wet cunt and he moaned. "You have the prettiest pussy I've ever seen, princess. Fucking beautiful." Whiskey dragged a finger from your clit to your hole and you moaned softly. It should've embarrassed you how open and bare you were for him but you craved the attention he was giving you.

Whiskey got impatient and leaned forward, attaching his lips to your clit before sucking roughly, groaning at your state. He was everywhere and you couldn't catch up. He was eating you out like a starved man. Soon, his tongue was joined by two of his fingers pumping into your pussy. He moaned as he sucked your arousal, pulling off with a loud slurp. That made you blush intensely. "Taste fucking better than I remember." Whiskey was very hard in his jeans and it was starting to hurt. He reached down, unbuckling his belt and his jeans, letting some relief get to him as he continued to suck your cunt like he wouldn't ever again. He didn't relent and you knew he wouldn't until you came. It really didn't take long as he inserted a third finger, pumping quick and rough into your pussy, your arousal coating your thighs. With one last suck on your clit, your body was surrounded with waves of pleasure. You cried out Whiskey's name as he didn't relent, sucking even harder, drinking all of your arousal up. You twitched from the over sensitivity, trying to pull Whiskey off of you.

"J-jack, hold o-on." Whiskey laughed as he relented and kissed his way back up to your lips.

"Sorry baby girl. You know I love your pussy. Always get lost in it." You kissed him affectionately as you pushed him to stand, crawling down the bed until you got the edge and you moved down to your knees. You finished unzipping his jeans, tugging them down, releasing his impressive length. "Baby, you don't hav- ah fuck!" You didn't let Whiskey finish as you took his length into your mouth, pushing to take him all the way. You were a bit more than half ways before his cock hit the back of your throat. You suppressed your gags as you pushed to take all of his length. His hand came down to your hair, holding you in place as you choked on his cock. Your eyes watered and you felt the tears fall down your cheek as you pulled back with a loud gasp. You panted as you took his cock in your hand, pumping his shaft as you caught your breath. Whiskey's head fell back from the pleasure, moaning out, feeling like he was getting too close for his liking. You were going to take him back into your mouth but he stopped you. "Baby girl, I'm way too close and I'd like to finish inside of you."

You whined as he lifted you back onto the bed, his body covering yours seconds later. He pumped his cock a few times before lining himself up with your entrance. He looked into your eyes wanting reassurance before slowly pushing into you, the room full of your pants and moans. He slipped all the way in, staying still so you could get used to him. He peppered your face with kisses, leaving you a giggling mess. "Jack, move p-please."

Whiskey complied and pulled back, leaving only the head of his cock inside of you before thrusting back roughly. Soon, he found a rhythm and he was pounding into you. He moved one of his hands down to your thigh, holding you possessively as he pulled your leg up to wrap around his hip. You let him take charge of your body, as he thrust over and over, filling you up like no one else could. "So tight princess. So." With every word he said, he thrusted harder and harder into you. "Fucking. Tight." You cried out in pleasure, raking your fingers down his back, long red strips coloring his skin. Whiskey let his face fall against your shoulder as he started to falter in his rhythm, getting close to his climax. He reached between your bodies, rubbing your clit, wanting you to cum first. "Come on baby, cum for me. I know you can."

Your body jerked at the sudden increase of pleasure and you moaned like a whore being fucked at church. You wrapped your arms tightly around him, feeling every breath he took, every moan that vibrated through his chest. You felt every word he spoke to you and you felt what you did to him. You felt safe in his arms. This was where you always had belonged, with Whiskey, in his embrace. Before you could even prepare, your orgasm hit you harder than you could've expected. Your body was on fire as every thrust heightened your pleasure, sending you to a new heaven. Whiskey moved both hands to either side of your face as he held himself above you, his muscles clenching. He knew he was about to cum and he needed his strength to not fall on you. "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna c- Fuck, I love you, baby girl!" A few more thrusts inside your tight entrance and he was cumming, filling you with his thick seed.

You laid there, frozen and in shock but it had nothing to do with him releasing inside of you. It was the words he cried into your ear as he came. He panted heavily, trying to catch his breath as he hovered over you. You pulled him into you, loving the weight of him on top of you. You felt his rapid beating heart matching yours. You laid there in blissed silence. After you both had finally calmed down and Whiskey let his fingers roam all over your skin, you found the courage to speak, or in this case, whisper. "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what darling?"

"Do you love me?" Whiskey stiffened for a second before relaxing and turning to look at you. You looked so radiant under the candlelight of the tent and he wondered just how he could be so lucky. After losing his first love, he swore he wouldn't love another. He didn't deserve to. That's what he said to himself every day until he met you. You were his second chance at a good life. He dragged his finger gently across your forehead to your nose and then to your lips, rubbing his thumb across your bottom lip. He plopped himself up with his other arm and pulled you under him as he nudged his nose against your cheek, inhaling and humming quietly. Your scents were mixed perfectly and he loved how he could scent his cologne on your skin.

"Yes. I’ll love you until the cows come home. You're all I want, baby girl." You felt your heart soar and you pulled him down for a sweet kiss. You poured all of your love into it. You weren't prepared to say it back just yet but you knew he knew. Whiskey knew you loved him and you didn't need to say it. He slowly kissed down your jaw, covering every inch of your skin with a kiss. It didn't take long for him to harden and for round two to commence. All night, you made love in the tent until the morning.

You were exhausted after the many sessions you both had and you were asleep, tucked into Whiskey's side. His arm was wrapped protectively around you, holding you tightly against him. You didn't expect this side to him but you loved it. You slowly stirred in your quiet slumber, knowing you had to return to the agency to prepare for anything to appear for the mission. You felt a heavyweight against your hip and you smiled, remembering everything from the night before. You never expected things to go this way but you were happy. You turned in his hold for a little, and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful, like all the worries that weighed heavy on his shoulders were gone. You loved seeing him like this and you silently vowed to yourself to try and help him feel like that more often. You leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before deciding to get up for the day. It was going to be a long day and you felt it in your bones.

Forever Tags: @iwantthedean @authoressskr @sorenmarie87 @reigningqueenofwords @goldenolaf25 @giftofdreams @winchesterprincessbride @chelsea072498 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @itakeawfultoawholenewlevel @fictionalabyss @gabby913 @angelkurenai @sea040561 @sleepylunarwolf @smoothdogsgirl @carryonmyswansong @feelmyroarrrr @evyiione @sofreddie @sis-tafics @nitelotus @trexrambling @manawhaat @mermaidxatxheart @winchest09 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @mrswhozeewhatsis @just-another-busy-fangirl @lovebodymindstuff @backseat-of-deans-67chevy @chook007 @akshi8278 @evansrogerskitten @bringmesomepie56 @persephonehemingway @blacktithe7 @donnaintx @queenxxxsupreme @whitewolfandthefox @riviawitch3r

Agent Whiskey Tags: @thesadvampire @le-roman-rose @mcudisiac @someone-take-my-bagelseverywhere @chibi-liz05 @marvel-avengers01 @themandjalorian @floccodineveautunnale @jassiepoohbear @gollyderek @retrobhaddie @wolf-lover74 @paryl @laubeck10 @ithinkwehitametaphor @wizard-b1tch @domino-oh-damn @c-ly-g @rosamedina92 @sunshinepascal @ariespedro @libellule2001 @ohpedromypedro @two-unbeatable-beaters

Tags I think would be interested(please don’t hate): @spacegayofficial @ariasfandom @lannister-slings-and-arrows @sendhoots @stevieharrrr @dindjarindiaries @hiscyarika @qveenbvtch @forever-rogue @jimmythegirl @catfishingmorales @generaldamneron @cptnbvcks @swhiskeys @honeychicanawrites @scribbledghost @thepascalorian @ladydahliawrites @roboboyjinx-writes @zeldasayer @damerondjarin @aint-that-a-mcfreakin-bitch @aerynwrites @mandadoration @absurdthirst @huliabitch @gryffindorwriter @ghostofthebarricade @astrolo-galaxy @siempre-pedro @cherryplasmids @madadlorian @sithlordmando @bubble-tea-bunny @beskars @longitud-de-onda @archieimagines @outfatuating @lesqui @inknopewetrust @menacingmandalorian @softpedropascal @pascalisthepunkest @swimmingbyrd @buckyodinson @everstarry @naivesansa @waywardodysseys @paniclana @tiffdawg @siempre-pedro @fandom-imagines-stories @umbrellasandlassos @kingsmanstories @bucks-angels @the-real-xhorse

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thatdamnokie · 4 years

Text

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

44 notes · View notes

fahhhhq · 4 years

Text

Similar but Worlds Apart: Part 4

Fandom: Narcos + Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Pairing: Javier Peña x Fem Reader

WaRnInGs: Cursing.

Summary: Your heart aches for someone who no one has seen for weeks, but when you get new intel about their whereabouts, you’re stunned by what you find in Colombia.

If you’re new here, start hereee: Part uno, Part kinda dos, Part tres.

Note: Shit is going to start going down in this bitch starting next part. And I’ll post them more together since we’re all under lockdown, so timey off = more timey to writey. Hope You enjoy, xoxo

When you and Javier got to the restaurant, the same lady that had tended to you the last time, just looked at you and Javier with a questioning look. She was confused when she sat you two down in the same table.

“So, what do you recommend this time, Mr. Peña?” you ask as you skim the menu, feeling yourself starving by the second.

You peak up from your menu and he has a small smile on his face, “I pretty much always get the sancocho or the arepas.”

You put the menu down, “I’ll get the arepas since I got the sancocho last time.”

He smiles, “Then I’ll get the same as you.”

“Or am I getting the same as you?” you question.

Javier chuckles and waves over lady. He tells her what we want and orders two beers, too.

You cross your hands and lean against the table. You just stare at him and look at the likeness he has with Jack. Wishing it was Jack there with you eating arepas, but at the same time, you're enjoying Javier’s company.

“So, where are you from?” You ask, trying to pry as much information out of him about his background, as possible.

He smiles, opens the beers that the lady laid on the table, hands one to me, takes a swig from his and then says, “Kingsville, Texas, you?”

You take a drink from your beer and love the way the bubbles and the bitterness graze your throat, “God, that’s a good beer,” you say then laugh. He laughs too and his eyes squint, which makes you feel weak in the knees. “I’m from Southern California, moved a lot, so there’s no specific place.”

“Oh, were your parents in the military?”

“Something like that,” you fake a smile.

He nods, “Ah…”

You take a bigger swig of your beer this time, “Yeah…so do you have siblings?”

“No, just a lot of cousins. And you?” Oh, interesting… you think to yourself.

You shake your head, “No, just me, too. I’d be cool if I had a sibling, though, I wouldn’t be alone.” Shit, you don’t know where that came from, you just shake your head and try to reiterate, “I mean, I wouldn’t have to deal with my parents alone.” You laugh it off.

Javier smiles, “I get it, trust me. I always wanted a brother to do crazy things with, or to fight with. I always got in trouble and I wish I had someone to blame.”

“Oh, that would have been fun! I always got in trouble when I was a kid, so I would just deny, deny, deny,” you laugh.

“And Im guessing your parents never fell for it?” he raises a brow.

“Hey, I can be a good actress…but no, they never fell for it,” you pout, but you notice the way he stares at your lips, like Jack did so many times and then would kiss you and leave you breathless. And you were positive Javier would leave you the same way.

Your food arrives and you both enjoy your arepas in comfortable silence. Every once in a while, you both agree on how good the arepas are and then other times you guys just people watch quietly.

“You OK?” you ask Javier. “We don’t know each other that well but you seem quieter than you normally would be.”

He just smiles and stares down at his food, “Work stuff got me stressed.”

You can’t help but to feel sorry and worried for him, “I mean, you work for the DEA in a country that is consumed by drugs and drug cartels, I would be fucking stressed, too.”

He laughs and his eyes shrink, “Yeah, well I mean you work for a super-secret spy agency, so you must know how it is to deal with assholes like the ones I deal with.”

“Exactly,” you exclaim. “So, is your stress the kind you want to talk about and get it all out or is the kind of stress where you just don’t want to talk about at all?”

Javier chugs the whole beer, “I’m not a huge talker. Especially about work.”

“Ok, so what do you want to talk about?” you ask.

He takes the last bite of his dinner and puts it to the side. He orders two more beers and looks at you, “What are you really doing in Colombia?”

Your heart skips a beat. His question catches you off guard, but you decide to be honest, “I’m looking for my partner. He went missing three weeks ago.”

Javier looks at you curiously, “Your partner? You mean from the super-secret spy agency?”

You chuckled lightly, “Yep.”

He narrows his eyes, “You really don’t want to tell me what you're doing in Colombia?”

You laugh some more and drink the rest of your beer then open the new one, “You don’t trust a lot of people, do you?”

“Not really. Its what I’ve trained for my whole adult life.”

“That must be tiresome, to be on guard all the time, wondering if they have bad intentions.”

His eyebrows burrow, “A lot of people have a lot to hide. Its my job to uncover whatever it is they’re hiding.”

“Did you ever think that maybe people aren’t as bad as you make them out to be. That maybe they’re not hiding any bad intentions, and are actually being honest?”

He grabs his beer and avoids your stare. It looks like he’s thinking over what you said. “In my experience, everyone I've met has had something to hide. Maybe its not as bad as the previous, but they still surprise me.”

“Not everyone has something hiding under their sleeves, bud. Maybe if you’d trust more people, you wouldn’t have to be a ho who sleeps with random girls because you can’t trust someone long enough to have a serious relationship with,” you say. And yeah, it might seem like you're being a hypocrite, but when did you lie? Until that moment, you had been honest about your job and why you were being in Colombia, except for the fact that the person who was missing had a damn twin, but you couldn’t control that fact.

Javier seems to be taken back by your statement. He lifts his eyebrows in surprise and chugs the rest of his beer with purpose.

You reach over the table and grab his hand, he’s surprised by your action, “I’m not lying, everything I told you about why I’m here is true. You can trust me.”

He rolls his eyes, still serious, “Fine, but I don’t like that you called me a ho.”

You laugh, “You are though, I know one when I see one.”

He chuckles, drinking the rest of his second beer, “Whatever.” He motions for another beer to a waitress. “So, what happened to this partner of yours?”

You think to yourself; you mean your twin brother who even has the same moustache?

You finish the rest of your beer and then you realize that if guys continue to drink the way that you are, you're going to spill the beans about Jack. But at the same time, you needed this. You hadn’t “let loose” it seemed in so long since Jack went missing, so relaxing and having a regular chit-chat with someone who looked exactly like him, how could you not want to continue to drink.

You look at him and try to tell him the whole truth, but with some white lies, “My partner went on what was supposed to be a simple mission, yes with dangerous people, but Jack, he’s not someone to get beat so fast and easy…we just don’t know what happened to him. One moment he’s talking to us over his earpiece and then, nothing.”

He lifts his eyebrows in surprise, “You're actually telling me the truth?”

You just smile, “I don’t like to lie, unless I’m working, but I’m being honest, Javier.”

He crosses his arms over his chest and sits back, “Why are you trying to convince me that you’re not lying?”

“So that you can trust me and not be so closed off when we hangout,” you say. “I mean, I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, but we can be friends in the meantime, and you don’t have to have your walls up so high that Mount Everest looks like the wall of connect-four.”

“Ok, I believe you,” he laughs. “So, your partner, Jack is it? How long has he been missing? Maybe I can help.”

You feel your eyes bulge, “No, don’t do that, please. You already have enough going on and I don’t want to burden you with my nonsense.”

“Doesn’t seem like nonsense if you're in Colombia and out of your element.”

You wave him off and wink, “Trust me, Agent Scotch, I got this.”

He laughingly throws his hands up in a protective manner, “Fine, Agent Vino, but I’m here if you need any help.”

“Thank you.”

After you both finish your fourth beers, you decide to head home. It’s past midnight when you both get to your building.

You speak first, “Well, thank you for taking me to dinner. I seriously didn't know it was so late, you saved me.”

“I saved you from starving to death.”

“Starving to death is a bit extreme, maybe from getting a really bad headache and getting ‘hangry,’ but dead, no,” you declare.

He leans against the doorframe of your now open door, “You always have an answer for everything, huh?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t be the agent I am if I wasn’t quick on my feet,” you feel weird saying that you're an agent because you're not completely sure he believes you.

“Right,” he says smiling, crossing his arms over his chest, his leather jacket stretching a bit because of his muscles. “I’ll leave you to continue to work or go to sleep. Dinner tomorrow?”

You feel your cheeks get a bit hot, “Yeah, we can do dinner tomorrow, and this time I’ll be ready.”

“Ok, goodnight,” He just gives a small smile and walks to his apartment. But you don’t go inside until you check him out and make sure that he doesn’t stand outside your door and listen to the call that you were going to make. Nice ass, you think before closing the door.

You walk over to your makeshift office in the kitchen and grab your cellphone. You dial and wait.

“Statesman Kentucky, the best Bourbon Whiskey in the world,” a young woman’s voice answers.

“Get me Ale,” you say.

After a pause there’s an answer, “Ginger.”

“Ginger, I need you to look someone up for me,” you say.

“Go,” Ginger responds.

“Javier Peña, he’s DEA.”

“Give a second here, ok, yes, Peña, born in Kingsville, Texas, went to college at Texas A&I University where he studied sociology and psychology, he was then hired as a Deputy Sheriff by the Webb County Sheriff’s office in Laredo, seven years later the DEA hired Peña as a Special Agent for the office in Austin.”

“Is that it?” You ask.

“Hmm, yeah that’s all there is. What am I supposed to be looking for, Y/N?”

“Just information. Does it show his picture?”

“Let me see…” then you hear a gasp. “What?! Wait, so Jack is going by another identity?”

You shake your head like if she can see you, “No, that’s his brother, Ginger.”

“What the fuck!” that was the first time you had ever heard Ginger Ale curse.

“Ginger, what the fuck am I going to do?” In that moment you just want to leave Javier behind and forget that you found him. In that moment you wish Jack was there and you could both go home and forget about all that had happened. But you couldn’t.

You were in it, deep in it.

Taggity-Tags: @shikin83 @otherthingsinhead @batata-elegante @fleurdemiel145 @maryan028 @igotmadskills @just-add-butter @ghostofthebarricade @fatbottomedcurls @readsalot73 @stxriss

#agent vino x javier peña #reader x javier peña #javier peña x reader #narcos #Pedro daddy Pascal #Take meeee #pedro pascal #max lord #agent whiskey #reader x agent whiskey #statesman #Kingsman

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tefanfics · 4 years

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Changes

Chapter 43

Dinner was amazing. The restaurant was everything I had hoped it would be and more. Food was fantastic and crowd wasn’t too crazy, which meant it was a mostly private experience. No people staring at us. No one trying to interrupt. No one taking photos.

I liked our privacy. I liked not having to worry about paparazzi or the extreme fans. Sometimes it could be too much for me to handle. But not tonight.

We finished up dinner and headed for the car. Outside the restaurant Taron pulled me close and took out his phone. He snapped a quick picture of us, him pressing a kiss to my cheek. Inside the car, I buckled up and sat my phone on my lap as I pulled my heels off.

“You really hate heels, don’t you?”

“Yup,” I answered, flashing a grin at him. “They might make my legs great but they kill me feet. And as you know, I have to cling to you when I walk.”

Taron laughed as he started the car and when driving. We talked and sang along to the radio. I had assumed he was driving us home but when the car came to a stop in front of a building I didn’t recognize, I looked to him.

“This isn’t home.”

“It’s definitely not,” he responded. He undid his seatbelt and reached behind my seat. He pulled a bag from the backseat and sat it on his lap. He opened it and put his hand in the bag then looked at me. “Shoes on. Close your eyes. No peeking.”

I raised an eyebrow before abiding by his instructions. I slid the heels back on and I shut my eyes and waited. There was some fidgeting as I felt something against my face and an elastic band on the back of my head.

“What is this?” I asked. I started to reach up to feel what Taron had placed on me but he grabbed my hands before I could reach it.

“Ah, ah. You’ve got to wait.”

I frowned as I grabbed my phone, trying to be patient. I heard movement beside me followed by the sound of the bag hitting the back seat again. The car shut off and Taron opened his door. I reached for the handle but the door opened before I got to it.

“Keep your eyes shut please,” Taron said as he took my hands. I felt my phone being removed from my hand before I felt Taron’s grasp. “I’ve got you.” I nodded and swung my feet out of the car. My heels hit the pavement as Taron began guiding me out of the car. I took a couple of steps forward and heard the car door shut. Taron put a hand around my waist and started walking. I took careful steps as Taron assured me with each one. I heard a door open and the warm air of the heated room hitting my skin, causing goose bumps to appear on my skin. “Just a little bit further,” Taron murmured.

A few minutes later, Taron stepped in front of me and stopped me. I heard a soft noise, like maybe a door opening. “Can I open my eyes yet?” I questioned.

There was no answer. I asked again but again silence. I reached around me, feeling blindly for my fiancé. When I decided I’d had enough, I opened my eyes to look around me. No Taron. I frowned and looked around. My eyes landed on a sign with an arrow saying This way. I followed instructions to another sign that led me up a set of stairs. At the top of the steps, there was another sign with an arrow. I followed it and found a set of doors. Their sign read Open me.

I raised an eyebrow as I put my hands on each door handle and pulled them open. I was met by flashing lights, music starting to play, a lot of people in costumes with Taron at the front and an exclamation of, “Happy birthday!!”

I stopped mid-stride. My eyes were wide and my hands flew to my mouth. “Holy shit,” I muttered. Taron separated himself from the group and approached me quickly, wrapping himself around me in a giant hug.

“Surprise!” He said with a grin. He stepped back and I could see his costume now. He’d shed the black and white jacket and left him in the pale blue button up. There was now a headband on with a halo above his head and I laughed.

“You’re an angel?” I questioned, giggling at my own words. “Does that make me…?” I rescued up and touched the mask on my face. I could feel the outline of horns on the top and when I could see my hands again, red glitter speckled across them. “You’re an angel and I’m a devil. That’s hilarious.”

“Told you the red dress was perfect,” Taron countered. “Come on. Party time.”

Taron took my hand and led me toward the crowd. I recognized faces from the Kingsman crew and some of Taron’s friends. I said my thank you’s to people as we passed. Taron left my side and went for drinks while I stopped to talk to Jack.

When Taron returned, it didn’t take long to polish off my drink. With a second one in hand, I started toward the group that had created the dance floor.

I let the music take control of my music as I started to let loose. I was having a blast. My eyes scanned the crowd, taking in each costume and who all was there. Taron joined me a little while later. I grew tired of my heels and took them off, running them to an empty chair and returning to Taron. The cold ground felt nice against my sore feet as we moved and swayed, jumping and flowing to the music.

The music slowed down and Taron pulled me close. I draped my arms over his shoulders as we swayed back and forth.

“I still think it’s funny that you think you’re the angel in this relationship,” I said with a sly smile.

“Oh but I am,” he answered. “Red dress, red hair, red lips… Which you’re lucky lipstick is still on. I’ve been dying to kiss you all evening.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“The crowd,” Taron said with a little shrug. He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “If I kiss you the way I’d like to, that would be a show for everyone. And I’m not willing to share.”

I blushed as he stood up straight. I looked away for a second, catching a glimpse of Jack with his phone. I got Taron’s attention as we looked at the camera, both of us grinning from ear to ear for the camera.

I looked back to Taron and smirked. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him, a little rougher than intended but enough to fully get his attention. “Just keep that in mind for later.”

“And that’s why you’re the devil.”

I threw my head back and laughed as the music grew fast and wild again. “I almost forgot!” Taron said loudly over the music. He was close to my ear but the music was so loud it was making the floor vibrate. “One more thing!”

“T, this is more than enough!” I answered, grinning at him. “Presents, lunch, dinner and a party!”

“Yeah but just trust me!” He turned me and pointed me toward where the DJ was set up. Someone was setting up three microphones. Two of them were on one stand. The second microphone was in the middle of the pole, which meant someone was going to be playing an instrument. Taron gave my shoulders a gentle squeeze as I watched the next person walk out.

In full pirate gear, eyepatch and all, a woman around my height and very short and spiky blonde hair came out with an acoustic guitar. I glanced over my shoulder at Taron and began shaking my head.

“I’d like to wish a happy birthday to my partner in crime,” the pirate said. “We’ve been around each other for years and it’s been determined that we are two halves of one brain.”

I threw my head back and laughed as Taron urged me forward. I walked through a handful of people before I reached my destination. “I thought you went home earlier this week, Callie,” I said with a grin.

“And miss your birthday? Hell no!” Callie lifted the eyepatch up and urged me to her. I gave her a side hug as she sat up in front of the mic. “How about a song?”

There was a moment of hesitation as I thought about singing in front of the crowd. But Callie was there to keep me steady and I knew all I needed to do was look to her or Taron and I’d be just fine. I gave her a nod and took my spot behind the mic stand beside her. I didn’t need to ask what song. Instead I just let Callie begin to play. She played the opening chords to Somewhere Only We Know by Keane and I took ahold of the mic in front of me. I shut my eyes and let out a shaky first note but after that, it was smooth sailing.

I sang a couple of songs with Callie before Taron took over. I stood in the center of the small crowd and watched, unable to stop grinning the entire time as my best friend played guitar and sang with my fiancé.

The party went on longer than I expected it to. I drank far too much. I kept dancing until my legs couldn’t keep me upright any longer and my balance was gone. Taron kept me on my feet as we said our goodbyes and he got me back to the car.

“That was amazing,” I managed as I sank into the seat. I shivered against the cool leather. Taron reached behind the seat and grabbed his jacket and handed it to me. I thanked him and put it over my upper body as though it was a blanket. “Thank you. I don’t deserve all of this, really.” I looked at the building as Taron left the parking lot then down to my hand, smiling at my engagement ring.

“You deserve all of this and more,” Taron answered. “You had fun though?”

“Yes!” I answered, flashing a wide smile. “Best birthday ever.”

Taron laughed, reaching over and putting his hand on my leg. “So how about that other kind of celebrating?”

I winked at him as I took ahold of his hand. “Just wait till we get home.”

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shprka · 4 years

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SZPURKA'S FIC RECS 1 – HARTWIN EDITION

I’m starting my #CommentForChristmas bullshit with one of my oldest fandoms - the Kingsman fandom that I watched die after the second movie which I’m forever sad about because Kingsman: The Secret Service is my favourite movie. It was also the first fandom I was active in and the first fandom that made me realize fandoms can be a safe space and most of the people there were lovely and awesome and cool and because there Hartwin was the major ship there was little to no ship wars and hate on ships I could see in some of the major fandoms and I hated it and I hate it now, please we all like fanfics and fanarts and different ships, why must we fight all the time instead of encourage each other?

I hold the Hartwin ship and Kingsman fandom close to my heart and that’s why I started with this. They’re not all the fics from my bookmarks, because I honestly don’t remember some of them, because I read them so long ago, but there are some fics I hold close to my heart and after reading a lot of different fic and being in a lot of fandoms, I still love them deeply and I hope you can find something for yourself and made it read some of the stories I mention and give the authors some more love :D

The Spy who Loved Me (Or so they say) by ToriCeratops/54k/Explicit

In the wake of V-day the world’s economy hangs in a delicate balance, liable to crumble without warning. One man has the knowledge and the power necessary to send it tumbling down, so that only he remains on top.

The Kingsman have been tasked with stopping him before he can carry out his plan. In order to do so, Harry and Eggsy must act as lovers at an elite couple’s getaway to earn this man’s trust. Will they be able to carry out their mission as planned? Or will old wounds and buried emotions cause a havoc greater than anything they could have expected?

Lagavulin and Guinness by Snarfle/164k/ Explicit

Plenty of people had looked down on Eggsy throughout his life. He had gotten fairly used to it. Didn't mean it was fair, but he knew how these things worked. What really sucked was that the new Arthur was worse than the old one.

“Eggsy grimaced. He didn’t know how to explain to Harry – who seemed like he hadn’t been discriminated against a day in his life – that the new Arthur kept giving him what amounted to suicide missions, and that he was currently bleeding out in a warehouse because of the deliberately bad intel she had given him.”

Also featuring: Dean is harder to get rid of than Eggsy thought, his mum is going off the deep end, there are way too many nefarious plots in play, and Eggsy is really beginning to wish that Harry would stop holding his hand and kiss him instead.

The New Age by DivineProjectZero/3k/Teen

It starts with being cursed.

No, scratch that. It starts with a garden and a serpent. And no, it goes a little differently from what you’d think.

Welcome Home by AuthentiKait/4k/Mature

"Eggsy, I've come to take you home".

Warning: It's literally Eggsy dying of old age and then afterlife.

Inherent Violence (and again now, and now, and now) by laudatenium/11k/Explicit

He wants it, all of it. He wants to lock him away forever, keep his warmth and light secluded, reserved only for himself. He wants to posses Eggsy, to own him entirely.

But he can’t. He’s slaughtered men who do the same to others.

On occasion, he finds it funny how he is willing to excuse his own dark impulses, when he would destroy anyone who tried the same. But selective morality is a common feature of man’s.

The Beneficent Gentleman by mongoose_bite/35k/Mature

An act of heroism sees an unusual offer made to one Eggsy Unwin; if he can get accepted he can go to Oxford, all expenses paid. All he has to do in return is pass his classes, and keep his mysterious benefactor informed as to his educational progress via the old-fashioned medium of the handwritten letter.

An AU loosely based on Daddy Long-Legs.

My End and My Beginning by Cqueen/103k/Mature

Eggsy's mission is to go back in time, find his stupid target, and keep the barmy bastard from ruining his life and the world in general by turning the Kingsmen against him or harming Harry. And no one way he's failing Harry again this time, even if Harry is making it even harder on him then he'd expected.

And for the bloody record, Merlin, he really hadn't meant to pick Harry up at a bar neither. It just sort of happened.

Crap.

the mother of necessity by TheSilverQueen/22k/Teen

"How ironic is this?" Gazelle says softly to Eggsy. "I am Arthur’s sword, forged to protect humanity at all costs. You are Athur’s bane, born to destroy humanity at all costs. And yet here we are, fighting on opposite sides."

* * * * * *

An Arthurian reincarnation AU where Gazelle is Excalibur and decides that if two world wars aren't seen as a need great enough to summon her Once and Future King to save Britain, she's going to make a need great enough for Arthur to be reborn - through any means necessary. And so Excalibur draws herself from the stone and goes about doing exactly that.

magic in your fingertips by venvephe/103k/WIP/Explicit

Nearly all of them have left when Merlin ducks close to him, murmuring over the din of the remaining excited students, “Look; it’s your favorite Hufflepuff-Gryffindor do-gooders.”

Merlin says it with wry affection, and Harry glances over his shoulder to the stragglers still exiting the back of the train.

He spots Miss Morton right away, long blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail as always, robe pressed and immaculate - she’d grown taller over the summer, but is as graceful as ever as she hops the gap to the platform, joining her waiting friend. She rightens the sleeves of her robe and then smooths her hands across the young man’s shoulders, grinning as she tugs his robes into place, and he bats her hands away to fuss with the knot of his gold-and-black tie.

Harry’s eyebrows twitch together. “Is that-?” he starts, and pauses abruptly when the pair turns towards them and Harry fully sees the young man’s face.

It’s Eggsy Unwin.

Out of Left Field by VillaKulla/87k/Mature

“Now there was just one more thing,” Merlin said, addressing the sweaty, bedraggled, footballers clustered around him. “There’s been a change of ref.”

Eggsy and the rest of the UK Kingsmen looked at their coach expectantly and he raised his eyebrows.

"Harry Hart."

(Football/Soccer AU)

Eggsy Unwin Body Language Analysis by TurtleNovas/38k/Gen

A meta taking an in depth look at Eggsy's body language throughout the entire film (specifically in relation to the characters of Harry, Roxy, Merlin, JB, Arthur, Dean, Gazelle, and Valentine), using gifs I made as reference points. Very heavily saturated with Hartwin (which is why I tagged it in the Hartwin tag).

Through Time bycoloursflyaway/163k/Explicit

A chronic of Harry’s and Eggsy’s love, following them from their first meeting to the last time they set eyes on each other, through shots in the head and falling in love and finally getting their shit together.

GO GIVE YOUR FAVOURITE AUTHORS AND ARTISTS SOME LOVE THIS CHRISTMAS!!!

You don’t have to post your comments on tumblr like I did or tag me or anything. Just comment on fics you enjoyed on ao3. Or artists on tumblr or tweeter. Or do a fic recs like I did. Or private message someone. Artists and authors need words of encouragment like everyone else. And seeing as christmas can be a sad and preasuring time for some, please send them some love!

#CommentForChristmas #hartwin #kingsman #harry hart #eggsy unwin #fic recs #the magic in your fingertips comment #is from a different acount from my shameful past #pls dont go looking for it #no spoilers for the fanfics in my comments #i thinnk

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sassy-headcanons · 4 years

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Hartwin Headcanons

Who hogs the duvet

I want to say that Eggsy is the one that steals blankets, but really I know it’s Harry. He would absolutely roll over in the middle of the night with a death grip on the comforter and leave poor Eggsy to shiver.

Who texts/rings to check how their day is going

I feel like it would be Harry because he wants to 1. Keep up on his “dear boy” and 2. Because he’s a little worried about Eggsy and dating a man half his age.

Who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Probably both. Harry would buy his gifts, he puts a lot of time and effort into finding the perfect gift for somebody. Sometimes they’re very expensive and Eggsy has a hard time accepting them, and others it’s just something small that made Harry go “Wow, that reminds me of Eggsy” and buys it. Eggsy 100% handmakes gifts. He puts his heart and soul into whatever he makes for the people he loves.

Who gets up first in the morning

I am so on board with the headcanon that Harry is not a morning person and is nearly chronically late to anything and everything. Eggsy I feel like is a morning person to the max. Early morning jog with JB (he’s not dead fight me), shower, shave, attempt to coax Harry out of bed, eat, dress, attempt to coax Harry out of bed for the second time, and head to work. Ain't no way he’s gonna be late for work and face Merlin’s wrath just because Harry Hart won’t get out of bed.

Who suggests new things in bed

Eggsy for sure. Harry is experienced when it comes to sex and every time Eggsy suggests something he’s like “Yeah, I’ll try that again” or “Nope, hard pass, tried that and hated it. Next.”

Who cries at movies

Both. Harry doesn’t care about Eggsy seeing him cry and Eggsy has such a large heart he can’t keep it in.

What are they like when they’re sick

Harry: Merlin calls him a “Whiny little bitch” when he’s sick and that about sums it up.

Eggsy: He’s a power through it kinda guy. He will not admit he is sick until it starts to interfere with his Kingsman duties. Eggsy may be stubborn but he does know when to quit.

Who gets jealous easiest

Harry Hart. He has so many self-esteem issues when it comes to dating Eggsy because of their age difference. He worries about Eggsy running off with someone younger than himself. Not that Eggsy would he loves Harry too much to ever think of being with anyone else.

Who collects something unusual

So it’s canon that Harry loves butterflies and has some pinned behind glass in his home… I personally don’t think that weird, it’s hella cool to me. I honestly don’t know.

Who takes the longest to get ready

Harry is very precise about how he looks and must be presentable at all times. He blames his tardiness on this, but the fact is that he doesn’t get out of bed until ten minutes after he was supposed to arrive.

Who is the tidiest and organized

I think it’s a draw. They’re both equally tidy.

Who gets most excited about the holidays

Eggsy, but only because of his little sister, he constantly wants to make up for the shitty years with Dean.

Who is the big spoon/little spoon

Little spoon Harry for the win!

Who gets the most competitive when playing games and/or sports

Oh my god, that is so Eggsy! Can you imagine them playing Super Smash Bros? Eggsy would be so pissed if he lost to Harry

Who starts the most arguments

I feel like they argue and both start an equal amount of them but they don’t seem like the kind of couple to stay mad at each other or break up over a stupid fight.

Who suggests that they buy a pet

I mean… they already have small dogs, but I feel like Eggsy would beg Harry to adopt a giant, small horse more like it, dog.

What couple traditions they have

Every night before they go to sleep, Eggsy kisses the scars around Harry’s eye.

What tv shows they watch together

I don’t know any UK tv shows :/ … Doctor Who?

Another couple they hang out with

They for sure make Merlin third wheel a lot. Maybe they hang out with whoever Roxy is dating or other agents and their significant others.

How they spend time together as a couple

Missions, fucking like rabbits, dinner dates at fancy restaurants, awkward lunches with Eggsy’s mother and little sister, and even more awkward holiday dinners with Harry’s family.

Who made the first move

Eggsy because Harry refused, having convinced himself he was too old and boring for Eggsy to love.

Who brings flowers home

Harry because he is a gentleman.

“Chivalry is not dead, thank you very much”

- Harry Hart muttering to himself as Eggsy laughs at him in the living room.

Who is the best cook

Harry Hart is an amazing chef and Eggsy is secretly very jealous.

Who snores

Both, but at differing levels. Eggsy is a chainsaw posing as a superspy and Harry is a gentle wheezing sound.

#kingsman headcanon #harry hart x eggsy #eggsy x harry #hartwin #hartwin headcanon

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owlsoldwritingcorner · 4 years

Text

Honey and Oats (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Agent Whisky x Reader

Warnings/Troupes: Not much rn except Age gap relationship for future. + Enemies to lovers. Two cowboys cant flirt for shit.

A/N: This is a bit shorter cus the next one is gonna be a bit spicy, so i wanted to give more room for that chapter!

Summary: “Mucous membrane.” Eggsy’s face scrunched up at the first thought that came to mind as he looked at the two of you.

“That’s like up the nose, isn’t it?”

“What the fuck am I gonna to do? Stick my finger up…”

“It’s not just inside the nose, is it?”

AO3 Link

{First/Previous} {Next} {Masterlist}

And then there were two.

Eggsy had to say goodbye to his girlfriend and get the tickets from his contact first before the three of you could hit the road. And because that damn cowboy refused to take literally any other vehicle, you were stuck in the trunk like a sack of potatoes. If you fell off the car, it’s your fault for not holdin’ on.

The stretch of silence was long and awkward between you two. You didn’t bother saying a single word to the man. Why would you? Boring holes in the back of his head with your stare was much more preferable.

Just as the silence was starting to become insufferable, Whiskey honked his horn to tell Eggsy to hurry the fuck up already. Another second and there won’t be any more Statesman agents on the job. Soon after, Eggsy finally came back out. Three passes right on hand.

“Got the passes from my contact. You’ll love Glastonbury.”

“Well that’s the easy part kid. Take a look in the glove box.” The younger agent opened the compartment to reveal the chip. And here comes the jokes about the finger condom.

“Fucking hell, bruv. Thought everything was supposed to be bigger in America?” Eggsy looked at you both with an amused expression. “Is that why you overcompensate with these massive cars?”

“Well, Whiskey’s dick is the exception to that sayin--”

“Shut your trap, Rum. It goes on your finger,” Whiskey sticks out an index finger to emphasize his point. “The surveillance tracker is on the tip. Apply light pressure for three seconds to release it,” The cowboy then shoves his said index finger in your face.

“And you. What do you have against Jack jr.?” Before you could say another snarky comeback, Whiskey snapped his fingers and shoved the index in your face again. “You wanna ride ole Whiskey horse don’t ‘cha? Young girls like you always got trouble articulatin’ whatcha’ want.” The whole time, he just kept waving that damn finger in your face! Just right when you were about to chomp it right off, he pulled it quicker than any man’s pull out game.

“Not fallin’ for that one again.” He placed his hands on the wheel, looking at you via the rear view mirror with a triumphant smile as if he’s got you all figured out.

Okay.

You had to admit. Whiskey looked really fucking good for his age. You’ll never say it to his face though. It’d be both a hit to your pride and a major boost to his ego. Any bigger and the old man’s gonna pop. But really? It’s just too fucking bad that all that eyecandy ain’t got a good center to match!

“Now, just admit that all this pent up frustration, is cuz you’re into ‘old man’ Whiskey here?”

“In yer fuckin’ dreams.”

“You’re right. You’re less of a god damn brat in them.” He muttered as he turned the key to start the car’s engine.

Ugh. He always acts all cool and oh-so suave as if his back isn’t ready to break the moment he picks something up from off the--

Wait a fucking second.

“Whiskey, did you just-- Oh fuck!” Just as you moved closer to the drivers and passenger’s seat, you were knocked right on your ass. The familiar damn chuckle coming from the driver’s seat. That fuckin’ hillbilly practically kicked the fucking gas pedal just to laugh at your pain!

“You should really hold on kid. There ain’t no seatbelts back there.”

“And whose choice do you think it was to ride this fuckin’ car?! Achhkuot sbanh!”

“Getting the Cambodian out on me already? I’m flattered, querida.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

During the whole trip, Whiskey’s words echoed through your mind.

You’re right. You’re less of a god damn brat in them.

Did… Did he mean for it to sound that way? Like, did he ever actually… Have those kinda dreams starring you?

You tried to mentally wave it off as him just trying to shut you up, but his fucking voice kept popping up in your head.

You’re less of a god damn brat in them.

That buttery smooth, low voice of his accompanying those words. You couldn’t help but overthink what he said.

Sure his glances are a bit longer than what’s considered a normal glance, but that doesn’t mean anything!, and when he gives you a pat on the back after and whenever you’re up in his face, he licks those fuckin’ kissable lips of his like he’s thinking of something he shouldn’t--

Wait.

Did you say kissable?

You meant to say punchable. That cowboy’s face is just… The most murderable, most stabbable, most lickable--

Goddamn it!

What the fuck’s gotten into you?! The guy admits to having, for all you know, one fuckin’ sex dream about you and you’re just readdy to turn to putty in his hands?

Just as the three of you arrived at the concert, you jumped out of the back of the trunk and quickly headed into one of the porta potties. Eggsy looked mighty confused at your disappearing figure as he got out the car.

“Do they know the concert is this way?”

“Well, considering this is a special kinda mission, I’d just say she’s dolling herself up.”

“Why? The target is straight, so it’s just going to be the two of us doing the work.”

“Yeah. But, she really hates it when she ain’t got nothin’ to do on the job.”

Eggsy just shot him a confused look until he saw you come back out from the porta potty. Then everything just clicked into place like a puzzle.

Instead of your previous much cuter looking appearance. You were (admittedly) quite handsome after your change of clothes and other fixings. You wore more masculine looking clothes, cleaned up a bit, and you--

Oh.

You did an extra step.

The three of you showed your bands to the bouncers and waltzed right in.

“According to her Instagram feed, Charlie’s ex-girlfriend is up at the VIP bar. Which one of us is gonna plant the tracker?”

“I say we both make an approach. Whoever gets it on best, goes for it.” You rolled your eyes at the suggestion. Getting a girl in bed really shouldn’t be played like a game.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be a competition, bruv. Why don’t we just go up to her-- shake her hand, pat her on the back, whatever, you know, Job done.”

“Well, as nice and easy that would be, Eggsy. Last I checked, our hands aren't a mucous membrane.” You sighed.

“Neither is the back. They teach you anything at Kingsman?” Whiskey added with an incredulous tone to his voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“Our trackers are designed to enter the bloodstream.” The agent put up his middle and index fingers and made an… Injection motion.

“If the trackers were attached on the back or something, that’d risk getting damaged in case the target decides to do the ole’ late night tumble.” You added.

“They circulate harmlessly, providing full audio and GPS.”

“Mucous membrane.” Eggsy’s face scrunched up at the first thought that came to mind as he looked at the two of you. “That’s like up the nose, isn’t it?” The three of you stop a few feet behind the target.

“What the fuck am I gonna to do? Stick my finger up…” Eggsy paused once he stuck up his finger, similar motion Whiskey did prior. His face contorting into realization as to where else the tracker can be placed.

“It’s not just inside the nose, is it?”

“No, Eggsy, it ain’t.” The oldest agent let out an exasperated sigh as the British man let out a just as annoyed ‘fuck’.

“All right, I’ll take the first crack.”

“You sure you won’t croak in the middle of it?” Whiskey finally popped his lid on that final quip from you.

“Know what? Since you’re so sure of yourself, you get first go.” You raised your hands in faux defeat as you walked backwards towards the target. You heard Eggsy give you a little ‘good luck’.

“My pleasure.” You quickly turned around and placed your elbows on the bar top beside the woman.

“I am so sorry to bother you little missie, but I just have to say you are the most ethereal being I have ever seen in my life.”

“Oh? Is that so?” You’ve gotten her attention at least, she’s skeptical but it’s a start.

“Course! Out of all these stars playin’ today, you seem to be the one outshining them all.”

“You should get better glasses then, it’s only daytime.”

“Are you suggesting the view is even better at night?” You mentally winched at that one. Yeah… Not your best hit.

“Nope,” She popped the ‘p’ before taking a quick sip of her drink. “I am saying that you are clearly blind. You’ve been looking at the sun for too long.” She then turned her head, all ready to ignore you. You rolled your eyes and looked at Whiskey, who looked more than ready to be tagged in, and signaled for him to come over by moving over to give him some space.

Whiskey practically had a pop in his step as he waltzed over to take your place.

He can finally rub a victory in your fucking face! You won’t steal anymore of his targets from him in the future! Take that you sexually confusing minx!

Wait that came out wrong--

“Now, I don’t wanna pester you…” Quickly distracting himself from the confusing thoughts, he got to working his charm.The woman turned her face to the new voice trying to get her attention. “But, I just had to know, what time are you playin’?” She let out an awkward chuckle. Whilst Whiskey kept her busy, you ordered yourself a Blue Long Island cocktail and not so discreetly listened in on their conversation.

“I’m not in a band-- Oh god, who did you think I was? Please don’t say someone ghastly.” she hid her face in embarrassment at the thought. Great, you can see Whiskey’s dumb smirk loom over you now.

“God damn it, now I feel like a fool.” He got a bit closer to the blond and you shivered at the husky tone his voice switched to.

He was supposed to be seducing her, not you! Get your head out of the fuckin clouds!

“I just assumed a woman with your charisma… Well, she just had to be somebody.”

Well… He tripped the landing a bit.

“Right. Thank you.”

“No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to make me feel like a dumbass. So I’ll let you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink,” Wow, gettin’ a teensy bit aggressive there Whiskey. The blond then rolled her eyes as she stuck up an index finger.

“Follow my finger.” Oh boy. She then swiped her finger to her left twice as Whiskey followed, confused. Wait, was that--

“What are we doin’?”

“Swiping to the left,” You almost let out an unattractive snort. She indeed did what you thought she did. “What, you don’t do Tinder in America?”

“Tinder what?” Whiskey still had a dumb smile on and was as confused as a bat during the daytime. God, he seriously is an old man.

“You know what? I think it’s a generational thing,” Eggsy smoothly cut in and leaned against the bar on the woman’s other side. Oh just in time!

You were just about to leave from the painful cringing you felt from both Old man Whiskey and little miss Tinder over here.

“It translates as,’Go away, old man’.”

Whiskey paused just before uttering ‘Be good, be cool’. Yup. You could see the biggest hit to his pride on his face yet as he walked off to a sitting bar at this outdoor concert. He just looked so pathetic and sulky you just needed to do something to fix that. Without realizing, you were already right behind the man and Champ’s words echoed in your head.

“One job together ain’t gonna kill the two of you.”

You mentally wince at what you were about to do for the rest of the day.

You gave the sad man a firm pat on the back, he turned around with hope in his eyes only for that to be extinguished when he saw you.

“C’mon Weepin’ Willow, I’ll play bartender.”

Taglist: @mxndoscyarika, @engineeredfiction

#Honey and Oats #agent whiskey #jack whiskey daniels #agent whiskey x reader #x reader #Pedro Characters #my writing

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