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noyoucannotpushthevoid · 7 months

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Back in Business: Raven Cycle Characters as Things People I Know have Said Because These are Fun to Make

"’You're not gelatinous’ (Gansey with his infinite knowledge) ‘That's so mean, what do you mean I'm not gelatinous!?’ (Noah, a ghost)” "Who made a Candyland wiki?" - Ronan to Gansey at 2 am "One's a family" - Adam "If this is how the session's going to start, I'm going to start [twerking]" - Henry "This [search] is just a speedrun for how quickly [Ronan] and I can get kicked" - Blue "I love forgery" - Hennessey "There's a hamster in here, it's starving and dead" - Adam about his last brain cell "'You get energy from your brain?' (Blue) 'I get nothing from my brain thank you very much' (Ronan)" "Define 'sleep with'. Cause I think you mean teddy bear, but I wouldn't be surprised if you meant sex" - Hennessey "Wouldn't you want back up if the spider monster comes to getcha?" - Hennessey to Ronan "Why is the third image furry porn?" - Gansey: aghast, dismayed, and traumatized "So he doesn't have a little stone rattling around in his big stone?" - Ronan to Adam after listening to him shit talk one of his Harvard professors "Okay, first of all [s]he doesn't have a rat brain..." - Ronan defending Chainsaw "Okay then I would like to fire man chick the chicken chicken" - Henry, very drunk (guess who was not when they said this…) "Cock" - Ronan "Don't cry on an empty stomach" - Gansey "[Noah], do you got squishy bones?" - Ronan "'Are we dumb' (Adam) 'Yea' (Ronan) "Why...but probably' (Blue)" "You can't take the moonshine out of [Kavinsky]'s stomach" - Kavinsky drunk on moonshine "Rejoice my chicken brethren" - Henry fucking around at the Barns "Can I go animal handle?" - Ronan "You're very tall and [she] like[s] to be on top of tall things" - Ronan “explaining” why Chainsaw likes to sit on Adam’s shoulder so much "I've been trained in harassment, I can now harass in the workplace" - Gansey, but unintentionally “You’re like really fucked up version[s] of [Matthew]” - anyone who knew Matthew first to Ronan and Declan “You might see Bill Clinton in hell” - Blue * “You know bugs. You know they always have jacked legs” - Gansey attempting to flirt “Moth-er focker” - Gansey being really unhelpful while the gang is helping Ronan clean out one of the unused barns “It’s my santa skin” - Gansey dressing up as Santa “Why wasn’t I interested in carriage etiquette?” - Ronan sarcastically lamenting his lack of knowledge when he can’t answer Gansey’s incredibly niche question “What about grundle’s mom?” - Ronan intentionally messing up Grendel’s name to annoy Gansey (hc: Gansey fucking loves Beowulf) “If you cannot be a person, be a bodyguard” - Mr. Grey’s personal mantra “He’s fruity…like the juice” - Blue about Ronan

*Shout out to my English lit prof for cheekily saying this and then moving right back on to Paradise Lost without giving us a second to process

#the raven cycle #blue sargent #ronan lynch #adam parrish #gansey #henry cheng #noah czerny #jordan hennessey

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lingyunxiang · 8 months

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Jessica Alba 杰西卡·阿尔芭

She began her television and film appearances at age 13 in Camp Nowhere and The Secret World of Alex Mack (1994), and rose to prominence at age 19 as the lead actress of the television series Dark Angel (2000–2002), for which she received a Golden Globe nomination.Her big screen breakthrough came in Honey (2003). She soon established herself as a Hollywood actress, and has starred in numerous box office hits throughout her career, including Fantastic Four (2005), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), The Eye (2008), Valentine's Day (2010), Little Fockers (2010), and Mechanic: Resurrection (2016).[9] She is a frequent collaborator of director Robert Rodriguez, having starred in Sin City (2005), Machete (2010), Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (2011), Machete Kills (2013), and Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014). From 2019 to 2020, Alba starred in the Spectrum action crime series L.A.'s Finest.

好莱坞女星。1993年凭借喜剧电影《疯狂夏令营》进入演艺圈。1994年出演了科幻喜剧《The Secret World of Alex Mack》。1995年主演了动作电影《维纳斯起义》。1999年出演了爱情喜剧片《一吻定江山》。2000年10月3日，领衔主演的科幻动作剧《末世黑天使第一季》开播，杰西卡·阿尔芭因饰演“麦克斯”而受到关注，并获得了第58届美国电影电视金球奖剧情类剧集最佳女主角提名。2001年主演了科幻动作剧《末世黑天使第二季》。2003年主演了爱情电影《字典情人》。2005年4月1日，出演的惊悚动作片《罪恶之城》上映；7月8日主演的奇幻动作片《神奇四侠》上映，影片获得了3.3亿美元的全球票房。2007年主演了奇幻动作片《神奇四侠2：银影侠现身》。2008年2月1日主演的恐怖电影《美版见鬼》上映，凭借该片获得了第10届青少年选择奖最佳恐怖/悬疑电影女演员奖。2010年主演了惊悚电影《心中的杀手》。2011年主演了剧情片《我的无形符号》。2014年杰西卡主演的《罪恶之城2》在北美上映。2015年主演了动作冒险喜剧片《刺客学妹》。2016年8月26日主演的动作电影《机械师2：复活》上映。2017年主演了喜剧电影《埃尔·卡米诺的圣诞节》。2018年出演美剧《绝地战警》。#JessicaAlba #LingyunXiang

#jessica alba #lingyun xiang

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emetophobiahelp · 23 days

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little fockers (2010) is NOT safe, at the scene when greg is trying to convince henry to eat his lasagna and pam says he’d been feeling s* already, it’s not massively easy to see coming but i thankfully managed to look away just in time before henry pr* v*, visual and audio. just skip the scene bc it’s extremely triggering

#submission #little fockers

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visitorsfromvenus · 4 months

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JESSICA ALBA

Η Jessica Marie Alba (/ˈælbə/ AL-bə; γεννημένη στις 28 Απριλίου 1981) είναι Αμερικανίδα ηθοποιός και επιχειρηματίας. Ξεκίνησε την καριέρα της ως ηθοποιός σε ηλικία 13 ετών στο Camp Nowhere (1994), ακολούθησε το The Secret World of Alex Mack (1994) και έγινε γνωστό σε ηλικία 19 ετών ως η πρωταγωνίστρια της τηλεοπτικής σειράς Dark Angel (2000–2002) , για την οποία έλαβε υποψηφιότητα για Χρυσή Σφαίρα. Η επιτυχία της στη μεγάλη οθόνη ήρθε στο Honey (2003). Σύντομα καθιερώθηκε ως ηθοποιός του Χόλιγουντ και έχει πρωταγωνιστήσει σε πολλές επιτυχίες στο box office σε όλη την καριέρα της, όπως Fantastic Four (2005), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), The Eye ( 2008), Ημέρα του Αγίου Βαλεντίνου (2010), Little Fockers (2010) και Mechanic: Resurrection (2016).[9] Είναι συχνή συνεργάτης με τον σκηνοθέτη Robert Rodriguez, έχοντας πρωταγωνιστήσει στα Sin City (2005), Machete (2010), Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (2011), Machete Kills (2013) και Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014). Από το 2019 έως το 2020, η Άλμπα πρωταγωνίστησε στην εγκληματική σειρά δράσης Spectrum, L.A.'s Finest. Το 2011, η Alba συνίδρυσε την The Honest Company, μια εταιρεία καταναλωτικών ειδών που πουλά βρεφικά, προσωπικά και οικιακά προϊόντα. Διάφορα περιοδικά, συμπεριλαμβανομένων των Men's Health, Vanity Fair και FHM, έχουν συμπεριλάβει την Alba στις λίστες τους με τις πιο όμορφες γυναίκες του κόσμου.

#Jessica Alba #Jessica Marie Alba #Dark Angel #Californian #Mexican #Welsh #Danish #German #English #French #Jessica Warren #Gorgeous #Honey Daniels #Max Guevara

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weareonlyspiritswhotrytobealive · 2 years

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Movies watched in April, 2022

FIRST VISIONS:

Banzai (1997). Directed by Carlo Vanzina

Don Camillo e i giovani d'oggi (1972). Directed by Mario Camerini

The A-Team (2010). Directed by Joe Carnahan

Doomsday (2008). Directed by Neil Marshall

Little Fockers (2010).Directed by Paul Weitz

Snakes on a Plane (2006). Directed by David R. Ellis

The Innkeepers (2011). Directed by Ti West

Land of the Dead (2005). Directed by George A. Romero

Lightning Strikes (2009). Directed by Gary Jones

The Void (2016). Directed by Jeremy Gillespie & Steven Kostanski

Seattle Superstorm (2012). Directed by Jason Bourque

Asteroid: Final Impact (2015). Directed by Jason Bourque

Dahmer (2002). Directed by David Jacobson

The Passion of the Christ (2004). Directed by Mel Gibson

Tropic Thunder (2008). Directed by Ben Stiller

What Dreams May Come (1998). Directed by Vincent Ward

Fauve (2018). Directed by Jeremy Comte

Tiger Boy (2012). Directed by Gabriele Mainetti

Until the End (2018). Directed by Giovanni Dota

Blended (2014). Directed by Frank Coraci

The Cobbler (2014). Directed by Tom McCarthy

Tunnel Rats (2008). Directed by Uwe Boll

The Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone (Director's Cut, 2020). Directed by F. F. Coppola

Intouchables (2011). Directed by Oliver Nakache & Éric Toledano

Peninsula (2020). Directed by Sang-ho Yeon

Pig (2021). Directed by Michael Sarnoski

REWATCHED:

The Visit (2015). Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Nosferatu: Eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922). Directed by F. W. Murnau

The Strangers (2008).Directed by Bryan Bertino

Event Horizon (1997). Directed by Paul W. S. Anderson

A Few Good Men (1992). Directed by Rob Reiner

Train to Busan (2016). Directed by Sang-ho Yeon

D-Tox (2002). Directed by Jim Gillespie

The Exorciccio (1975). Directed by Ciccio Ingrassia

SPORT:

WrestleMania 38 (2022)

NWA/WCW - The Great American Bash (1986)

NWA Championship Wrestling - The Jim Crockett Promotions

TV SERIES:

The A-Team (1983 - 1987)

Battlestar Galactica (2004 - 2009)

#2022 #movies watched in 2022 #april #april 2022 #first visions #rewatched #sport #tv series

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adgridley · 11 months

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(Film number 150!)

🎙️🎥 🍣Movie Sushi - Meet The Fockers

Greg & Pam are engaged, but Pam's Dad, uptight Jack Byrnes, is hard to please. He's Ferberising his grandson - teaching self-soothing, instead of coddling. Greg & his parents conversely want to Fockerise Little Jack - using the Continuum Concept

Starring Ben Stiller. Robert De Niro. Blythe Danner. Rated 12A. Dir Jay Roach. Released in the UK 2004. Runtime 1hr 55mins

https://pnc.st/s/ad-gridley-s-movie-sushi/f552e2bb/movie-sushi-meet-the-fockers

Listen to your favourite films on your preferred podcast platform. Go to pod.link and search "Ad Gridley’s Movie Sushi"

#podcasts #podcaster #podcasting #podcast #cinema #movie #movies #filmcommunity #films #film

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gkdhaka · 2 years

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'Fantastic Four' star Jessica Alba says Marvel movies are 'still quite Caucasian'

‘Fantastic Four’ star Jessica Alba says Marvel movies are ‘still quite Caucasian’

Jessica Alba says Marvel still has a way to go when it comes to diversity in its movies. (Photo: Kelly Sullivan/Getty Images for RH) Before she was the CEO of the Honest Company, Jessica Alba‘s many acting credits included Sin City and Little Fockers, as well as 2005’s Fantastic Four and its sequel, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, two years later. So she worked, but she’s noted in the…

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jesuisgourde · 2 years

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Peter said this in a Dutch interview in 2019: “I always work on something: I come up with songs, make paintings and drawings … I even write a novel. The story is about a blues musician, Ed Belly. He goes in London in search of fortune and fame. But he falls into the trap of drugs, and ultimately only his music remains as a lifebuoy.“

Here’s a couple fragments of that Ed Belly novel, from the Typecast Zine:

Ed Bellys sighed with a dramatic heaviness when Fuddy came into the empty back bar. Fuddy or Fudd or whatever the fuck the fella's name was. Ed had been living and working at The Hand&Racket for 2 years and only in the last week or so had he been formally instructed by the owners of the pub as to policy regarding this shaven headed menacing figure in a stained parka and fingerless gloves. Neckercheif and hobnail boots. Victoriana scumbag chic, except this fella was a bonafide London street soldier and not dressed this way from the fashionista angle. He was in before Ed could shake out of such thoughts. A fingerless glove was thrust into his face. “állo mate, Ed is it?” “You're barred” “The name's Jud” “Hello Jud, you're barred” “You want a fat one?” Jud tipped an oily flurry of white powder on the bar and chopped out two lines with a Thaifood menu. “Er..” “You'd rather pipe it?” Jud looked concerned at the indecision. “ok, fussy-pants. Give us a sec” And was charging through to the disabled toilet. Ed shook his head and reached for the fat red house phone that could only dial-out if you wanted to speak to the upstairs office. There was a rumour that a secret code existed that allowed all calls but noone had ever shared it with Ed. He heard the ringing from the office up the staircase in the small entrance. A furious face appeared over the bannister. “the 'fuck do you want Ed you fucker?” It was Dave , one of the management. “Er, this Jud guy” “oh aye, you fucker, he's just out of prison for Arson, so be nice to him. '' He picked up a broken cricket bat and snapped it across his knee “I was told yesterday..” “Now fuck off, ad if I catch you stealing Ill, well, Ill be after hurting you quite badly. You cunt” Dave disappeared away into the peeling-paint technicolour curiosity of the upper-floors . A thousand half-finished decorating jobs and a million unlikely objects, posters, long-abandoned personal effects.. weapons on every landing. Bats of every sporting kind. Ed muttered to himself and shuffled back through to the back bar. Shyly smiling at Catalina who was on afternoon shift in the front bar , her first and last shift Ed had decided, given that she had already flooded the place twice (with water in the cellar and with the guiness tap behind the bar). Dave had raved and screamed of course but Catalina had just laughed at him and slinked over to her coffee and fag at the end of the bar. “It's no smoking behind the bar” Dave had bawled “O.k, I go home” she had said, knowing Dave needed her today. “Fucksake” He cried “Ed, you fucker, you better mop all this mess up” Dave went to swipe at Ed with a hockey stick he had in his fat fist and shrieked with manic laughter as Ed flinched and yelped. “Yiz focker!”

Ed sat up in the street lamp glow of his lonely little room on the third floor of the Hand&Racket ' s wonky , Escherlike construct. The light-bulb was working part-time , and when it was off Ed's room filled with a grim neon orange from the street lights.. trippy glare trippy care of the street-lamp that stood naked outside his window. He sucked a pen awhile and then wrote: 'I love you like a monkey loves to monkey around I love you like a junky loves to head down town'

Ed Belly tried in vain to see the floor without moving his head, straining his eyes but.. this hurt quite a lot. He was causing himself quite a lot of pain , and said as much out loud: “Am hurting” The bar was all but deserted and no sod heard his strangely worded announcement. “Am hurting ” he repeated and then laughed at his own peculiar behaviour. Ronnie Bowles, landlord Bar manager and long-term observer witness of (to?) Ed's lonely outbursts put down the newspaper down he was flicking through and turned up the volume on the pub stereo. He wasn't sure who was singing but knew it was one of Ed's compilations and as such was a sure-fire remedy Business to any early symptoms of Ed Oddness. “Tune” said Ed as he was immediately arrested by the chiming guitar and sweet, low voice of the singer recording. He sang along “Let the mermaids flirt with me..” Ed's soul was swathed in the sad and sensuous dream of blues oblivion that had left everything else in his life at the mercy of Life as he knew it was a hopeless and dreary burden, unless the it played out to a soundtrack of old blues. He had known this for all time, and became surer everylittle standard turnaround. “I'm a lost cause baby, you gonna have to set me free” He sang to himself now, pissing into the stinking urinal through “St Jude done got the dirt on me, Miss Lucille Lalucilly” He zipped up and dripped down his inside leg. “Piss poor, boy, long way from home” He chuckled and stumbled out of the gents toilet back into the front bar of the Hand&Racket public house. The pub was his home, his employer and his for one night a week– the theatre of his dearest dreams and only ambition. Open mic night, Thursdays. Ten o'clock blues with Lordy Lawd Bawdy Bill o'Wrongs. As Ed had been explaining to a japanese kid in the audience this very night, Bill O'wrongs was a local legend. A postman with a hernia, and a mean finger pickin fluency who could knock out blues from the gut and did, interspersing his role as m.c with songs of his own and a few classics her and there. He had a line in cockney smut that Ed interpreted as mysogyny at its most melodic, given that Ed rarely felt any tenderness in the songs, aggressive porkRind bawd “slimey cunt, she played me like an ex-box had me “was one line from ex-blues” Bill O'wrongs seemed to focus all his angst on one long-lost love that did him wrong and left him forever stricken with a rotton taste in his mouth. Ed was unsuccessful in his attempts to find the facts of the matter, although from the various songs he gathered that she had been a very big girl, from south East London (she had a charlton Athletic shirt too, as sung about in d[illegible] Valley Blues')

#peter doherty #pete doherty #books of albion

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fockers-archive · 3 years

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Hello, you've reached the Fockers. We're not around, so leave us a message. Goodbye. Roz, how the hell do you shut this thing off? I have no idea. Just press a button. I'm pretty sure it's off. Honey, you want a chimichanga? I thought they gave you gas. A little bit, but it's worth it. Worth it for you, but I'm the one that gets the fumes.

MEET THE FOCKERS (2004) dir. Jay Roach

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emeto-film-critic · 3 years

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Meet The Parents - 2002

NOT SAFE - A,V,M•

Approx. 8:01 - 8:05 •A,V• While in line at the airport at the lost luggage counter, a baby s*u* on Greg.

Approx. 32:22 •V• You see tooth paste on Greg's mouth.

•M• Mention of s*u* and t*u* and I think I'm going to be s*.

Meet The Fockers - 2004

SAFE/Caution - A,V•

Approx. 15:31 •A,V• L.J. starts crying for Greg's milk, when Jack informs him that it is breast milk he spits it out down his mouth.

Approx. 32:03 •V• Roz spits her drink back into the glass when Bernie says don't drink yet before his toast.

Little Fockers - 2010

NOT SAFE - A,V•

Approx. 20:17 - 20:23 •A,V• During a family dinner, after a call, Greg has to sit down with his son and tells him that he has to eat the lasagna as his mom worked hard on. Once the boy goes to take a bite, he p*v* and you see it go onto Greg, full audio and visual.

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lucidpantone · 4 years

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Wtfock Fanfic Recommends (Worlds/Lit adapt) Pt.1

What up Fockers! 🤘🏽(am back 😈)

Catch up on previous recommends here.

Worlds/Literary adaptation

Literary adaptation is the adapting of a literary source (e.g. a novel, short story, poem) to another genre or medium.

ITW = In the works

**Given recent events with wtfamers concerned over adult content not being marked properly I will be marking all these fics via the USA film rating system. I am going to air on the side of caution so if am over zealous its in respect to others. These ratings are a combination of my opinion and the author’s tags in Ao3.** Vampires

Open your soul out and let it pour out (oneshot) by orphan_account (PG-13)

Lets call this fic what it is. A bite feast. Do you wanna skip all the vampire lore and exposition and just get your teeth sinked into a one shot? Well here you go a funny little oneshot in which Sander bites Robbe(no turning). Its a quickie but it certainly quenched my thirst.

Dead of night (ITW) by orphan_account (PG)

Can’t say to much about this fic. Its a chaptered fic that started to get it wheels turning but we seem to be stuck in neutral. Author you asked for some HC to inspire you to write so jumping off your last vamp fic I would suggested exploring Sander as a lone wolf vampire and how finding Robbe ignites the idea to mate or to herd again.

Paint me in trust (complete) by themoongirl/ @dearrobbe @dearsander (R/mainly due to violence)

Just completed and what a ride. This is truly a structured love story and though I don’t think the arc will be novel it doesn’t matter because this is such a deep love story about forgiveness, acceptance and sacrifice. I also love how the other characters feed the love story as a whole and how their experiences shaped Sander and Robbe to make decisions about how far they were truly willing to go to be together. The writing is so solid that you will wheeze through this fic. Structurally I think this fic is the author’s best work to date. Alpha/Beta/Omega

Don't you call him baby (ITW) by @ayellowcurtain (R/Mature)

Big big shout out to this writer for doing something that is rarely successful which is creating an entire narrative story via prompts. Anyone out there who wants to start writing a world inspired fic but maybe feels like they would love input in what ideas to explore within that worlds setting should look at this fic as an example. Its really angsty and at times challenges the idea of the typical Sander alpha and Robbe omega love story. Its really unique but in an incredibly intelligent way and once again its told entirely through short form prompts. Its really great to see an author allowing their readers to create the angles of their storytelling.

Rescue my heart (I'll drown without you) (ITW) by @skamsnake & @zaddyskam (Explicit/Mature/NC-17) Kudos to the detailed world descriptions and exposition building that snake and zaddy undertake in explaining concepts around ABO because I didn’t even know what this genre was until I read this fic. From my understanding ABO writers decide what ABO concepts they borrow or chose not to use in the ABO world. This fic is in canon so set during an equivalent timeline to S3. We get an in-depth look into concepts such as alpha space and also how in this society Alphas/Omegas and Betas live and date interchangeably. Of course we have the normal angst ridden love story at the center of s3 but with a twist or should I say a knot.

Holding On Tight To You (Complete) by pinksaltcrystals (PG-13)

Am really happy to have a ABO fic in the mix that stays within a realm that accommodates readers of all ages. There is no explicit sexual content in this fic aside from mentions of heat and rut. It is a really good case study into how heat effects Robbe (omega) and also the very primal instincts the Alpha/Omega dynamic spark between the lovers(R+S) outside of sexual encounters. Also I love to see how other character canons in this fic are developed. Some interesting choices between who is an alpha/omega and beta. Really gripping read that explains the science of omega heat in the ABO world.

Sander & Robbe (ITW) by JesseLblack / @jesyblack (Explicit/Mature/NC-17)

Written in Spanish this mpreg fic explores teenage Robbe getting pregnant after unprotected sex. Scandalous! It’s not complete yet but interesting concepts around teenage pregnancy in the ABO world and heighten fertility during heat. Author I haven’t seen an update in awhile but I would be really interested to see where you were going to take this.

Bring me a higher love (complete) By Skamtrash / @vearthling(Explicit/Mature/NC-17)

An Mpreg fic set into the future in which Robbe decides he wants to be a young dad and he has to convince Sander of that too. Once pregnant this is a cute quirky little fic into the weird abnormalities of pregnancy cravings and adjustments that ring very true to what most couples go through in these developing months. Super sugary and Sander gets no.1 best pregnancy partner in this fic.

Hunger Games

just another dressed up heartbreak (turned his tears to diamonds in his crown) (kinda of a oneshot its part of a volume of works) by aletterinthenameofsanity (R/mainly due to mentions of every dark trope you can think of)

Robbe and Sander victors of the 80th games. Cold blooded killers that fell deep in love during their Victory tour. This is a one shot in a large volume of works for this author exploring the Hunger Games. Milan is our Haymitch, I mean of course he is. This fic is a one shot part of the larger volume but in this part of the story we find out just because you win the games doesn’t mean the competition to stay alive has ended. Its sinister, dark and not for the fate of heart but some very interesting tropes explored and we truly get reminded that the capital always wins in the end. Also be prepared to see our evak couples how you have never seen them before. I like this fic alot but trigger warnings at every corner as this volume of fics are very very dark.

Game of Thrones

I, I Will Be King (ITW) by proawler / @sander-schmander (PG)

Sander Targaryen, First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Six Kingdoms. Sander Targaryen is betrothed to Britt Lannister when Olenna Tyrell invites the king to a party at Highgarden. During his visit he meets Robbe Tyrell and all the tiresome work of politics melts away as he is completely mesmerized by the budding flower standing before him. Author please continue this fic!!! Its so good. I love everything I have read thus far. I beg of you, am a sucker for GOT and you have done a fantastic job thus far capturing this world.

GOT fics continued in part 2....

#wtfock #wtfam #wtfock fanfic #sobbe fanfics #part 2 of worlds/lit adapt coming soon #lucid wtfock fic recommends

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inspired-fandom-writer · 4 years

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Meet the (L/N)s

Characters: Reader, Tom Holland, Reader’s parents

Summary: Taking your boyfriend to meet your parents doesn’t turn out like a normal experience.

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: mentions of sex, my usual cracked out humor, some fluff.

A/N: This story was inspired by @naturallytom and her story. Also, a bit of Meet the Fockers. Enjoy!

Okay, here we go, off to do the one thing you were dreading to do. Bringing Tom to meet your parents.

“Okay, I think that’s everything,” Tom said as he closed his suitcase. “Are you ready, love.” He looked at you with concerned eyes.

Taking his hand in yours, “I’m ready physically, mentally I’m a wreck.” You knew your parents would love Tom. It’s just that sometimes they could be an acquired taste.

“It’ll be okay. You said it yourself that they’ll love me. What’s the worry?”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. It’s that you might run for the hills after you meet them.”

“Never. Now come on let’s go catch our flight.”

The flight and the car ride home did nothing to calm your nerves. Tom kept his mantra of “It’s okay” and “Everything will be fine.” Hopeful he’s right because there’s still one more thing you have to tell him.

“Alright darling, we’re here.” The car had just pulled up the driveway. He turned off the car and faced you. “I know you’re probably tired of hearing me say it but it’s going to be okay.”

You smiled at him. “I know, but there's something I need to tell you.”

“Okay…what.”

“My mom,” you hesitated, “she doesn’t quite have the job you think.”

Tom looks at you confused but still waiting for elaboration.

“She’s a psychologist… who specializes in sex therapy. Specifically, for senior citizens.”

There’s a moment of silence while Tom’s talking in the new information. “That’s unique, but what’s the worry in that.”

You fidget with your hands without making eye contact with your boyfriend “Her job makes her very open about that stuff. So open that she has no verbal boundaries. It’s sorta the same with dad too.”

Well, that put him at a loss for words. How far would too far be for your mom? What questions would she ask? And how would he answer?

“Should I answer honestly?”

“God, no! Wait, well... don’t lie if you think you can’t lie. Just no details, no matter how hard she tries.”

Tom laughs, “got it. No details.” His eyes are caught by the curtain moving in the window. Both your parents peeking out with huge smiles on their faces. “Look love,” he gestures to them, “I think it’s time we head inside.”

By the time the two of you got to the porch, the front door was swinging open and an excited mom standing outside.

“You’re finally here.” Your mom engulfs you in a hug and kisses you as if you’re still five. She turns her attention over to Tom, “You must be the boyfriend.”

Tom nods, “Yup that’s me.” He holds his hand out for her to shake but she goes for the hug. Caught off guard he still reciprocates.

“Oh, he’s handsome and has the accent. You really nabbed a good one.”

Your dad emerged from behind her. “There’s my gorgeous girl.” He lifts you up and spins the both of you in a circle.

“And there’s the man I’ve been dying to meet. Come on bring it in.” He pulls your boyfriend in for a hug.

They usher you both inside, the house smelling like good food your dad rushed to check on. The rest of you settled in the living room

Tom noticed the wall with all your medals, trophies, and childhood photos. It didn’t matter that most of them were for participation, they were obviously proud. You grew up with a lot of love and encouragement.

“How was your guys' flight? I hope it wasn’t bad.”

“No not at all,” Tom said. “We’re quite used to flying though.”

“Oh, that’s right. For work purposes? (Y/N) was vague on the details I was beginning to wonder if you were a spy or something.”

Laughing, you shook your head. “No way, he’s too clumsy to be a spy.”

“Whose too clumsy to be a spy?” Your dad re-entered the room. He sits down next to your mother.

“That’d be me. I got the athletic part of it down. If only I could stop the falling on my face part.”

The whole room laughed. So far so good.

“Then what is it that you do for a living?” Your mom is really digging for an answer.

Tom was kinda worried about this question. He didn't want to be treated any differently, but he answered none the less

“I’m an actor.”

Well that got their attention. Now they were sitting up bombarding him with questions.

“Woah slow down. One question at a time.” You didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed whereas Tom was just glad they were okay with it.

“What have you been in?”

He listed the smaller parts he was in when he was younger. As soon as he said Spider-Man your dad’s eyes lit up.

“No way I love Spider-Man. Didn’t think you’d be English though.”

From there, your dad and Tom went on and on about what it was like to film those two movies. You and your mom just wanted them to continue their geek out.

The oven timer went off

“Looks like dinner is ready.” Your dad stands up. “(Y/N/N) can you help me while your mom and Tom set the table?”

You turn to Tom not really wanting to leave him alone with your mother.

“Yeah,” Tom spoke up. “Go. I can set the table with Mrs. (L/N).” He gave you a reassuring smile. He didn’t know what he was getting into.

You nodded and went into the kitchen with your dad while your mom and Tom went to the dining room.

“Finally, I have you all to myself.”

Letting out a nervous laugh, “Sorry I guess I did get a little wrapped up in mine and Mr. (L/N)’s conversation.”

“Don’t be sorry and you can call us by our first name. There’s no need to be so formal.”

The two set down a couple of plates

“Are you keeping (Y/N) satisfied?”

And there’s the question.

“Satisfied as in…”

Your mom raised her eyebrows practically screaming the word sex without saying it.

“I-um-wouldn’t you be able to tell given your job and all.” He was trying to dodge the question.

“Normally yes but (Y/N) is nervous about this visit and it’s throwing her whole aura off. Which is why I’m asking you.”

He was uncertain if he should tell the truth.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.”

Tom scrunched his brows and stopped in his tracks. “How could you possibly know that? I didn’t say anything.”

“No, you didn’t. But men who aren’t would be embarrassed to say they aren’t pleasing their partners and are quick to lie. You paused thinking of a way to not have to say yes. I see this shyness in all my new clients.”

To say Tom was impressed by how right she was would be an understatement. Your mother took her years of experience and education and read him like a book. Leaving him shocked, amazed, and a little terrified.

Your dad entered the room carrying a pan of lasagna. You followed in with all the sides.

“Mom, why is Tom all red? Did you break him when I told you not to?”

“No, I was just asking if he was keeping you satisfied.”

“Mom!” This is exactly what you were worried would happen.

She throws her hand up, “what it’s not like I asked what’s he into,” she sat, “although if I had to guess he’s probably into blindfolds and light bondage. Nothing extravagant.”

Still a little terrified of how spot on she was about him.

“Mommy, please no more sex questions.” You placed the food down and took a seat next to Tom. His face is still red but still smiling.

“Fine, Tom how did you meet our daughter?”

Everyone passed the sides around as Tom answered. “Oh, I was on a break from filming and just flew home. We bumped into each other causing her to spill her coffee and I offered to buy her another. We sat, we talked, and eventually I asked her out.”

Your mom awed at the story while your dad hummed in approval.

Dinner continued with small questions and some breaks to actually eat. They asked questions about his parents and his siblings. Which led to a cute story about Tom and his brothers getting into trouble.

“Do you think I’ll be getting a grandchild in the future?” Your dad asks.

If you could disappear now you would. All you could do was close your eyes and groan.

“What you said normal questions. And look at this handsome face,” he reaches over and grabs Tom’s face to shake side to side, “I’d have the world’s most beautiful grandchild and they’d have amazing parents/grandparents.”

Tom laughed at your dad’s compliment glad to be thought of so highly. “Actually I’d love kids, but even though we haven’t discussed it, I think we’d want marriage then kids.

You reached over and patted his leg. It was a good answer. “How come your father gets to talk about kids but if I even mention a penis or a vagina then it’s the end of the world.” She dramatically takes a bite of food.

“Because kids are normal. You, however, want to talk about Tom’s and my penis and vagina.”

“Well your mother is right,” your dad interjects, “ you can’t have grandkids without a penis or vagina involved.”

“Why are you encouraging her! Most dads would freak at this kind of talk.” Your eyes go wide.

“Well, most dads are idiots. I know you're old enough and that you have desires.”

For fucks sake, it’s like you’re getting the talk all over again. “Please stop talking about my desires. It’s weird and uncomfortable, I’ve been saying that since I was 11.”

Tom’s eyes are shifting between the three of you, watching this unfold. Of all the ways he thought this visit would go down, this wasn’t one of them.

“Honey it’s not like anyone here is a virgin. Hell, your father and I did it on the couch before the two of you arrived.”

“And hopefully to be continued later tonight.”

They continued their sexual banter while Tom had to bite his lip to stop from laughing at your mortified face.

“Okay, I think that’s enough of dinner.” You got up from your seat. “Tom can you help me get our bags out of the car.”

Tom excused himself from the table and followed you back to the car. You pop the trunk to start getting your things.

“I’m so sorry about that.”

“Darling it’s fine. They’re good people and they gave me a great girlfriend.” He gets the bag out of the car.

“Good because for them that’s considered tame.” Tom lets out a laugh. He pulls you in for a hug and kisses your forehead.

“That’s okay because I’m in this for the long haul.”

You guys brought your things inside. Tom was worried your parents wouldn’t be okay with him staying in the same room as you. You assured him it’s fine. After all, they were cool with past boyfriends spending the night and they haven’t even gotten the grandkid approval Tom got.

“Okay babe, I’m going down to get the last bag.” He made his way downstairs only to be stopped by your mom.

“Oh Tom come here,” she gestured over to herself. “I’m fully aware you two are adults with needs so I stocked the drawer of the nightstand with a little lube and some condoms.” She said with a smile and 100% seriousness.

“I- thank you, but I don’t think they’ll be needed.”

She looked uncertain. “Okay but I’m telling you a dollop of lube will keep the fun going.”

And with that Tom nodded and gave your mom a goodnight.

He set the last bag down with the previous conversation going through his head. Would she really stock her daughter’s night or was she just all talk.

Curiosity gets the best of him, he opens the drawer and there’s more than enough bottle of lubricant and two boxes of condoms. One of them being normal size and the other being magnum with a sticky note on the front.

It read, “I wasn’t sure what size you’d be needing so I got both. P.S. don’t use the magnum if they don’t fit. As long as the motion of the ocean is great, it’ll be fine.”

“Oh my gosh, she wasn’t kidding when she said she stocked up.” Tom turned to you on the bed showing the box and the note.

You read it multiple times as if it’d change the words. “Tom I’m so sorry I didn’t know she’d do this, I swear.”

“It’s fine, honestly.” Debating whether it’d be wrong or not to make a joke, he just went for it. “I know the size of my boat and the motion of the ocean is more than enough.”

That got him a pillow in the face.

“Keep it up Holland and you’ll be docking your boat forever.”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland fluff

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sugakuns · 4 years

Text

𝒕𝒂𝒈 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎

favourite colour(s)?

↳ i definitely prefer colours like white, silver and pink but sometimes ill go for beige colours

last song?

↳ crazy, sexy, cool by astro

last movie?

↳ currently watching little fockers but the one i actually properly watched was the purge: election ??

last tv show?

↳ South Park lol

sweet,spicy or savoury?

↳ hmmm im tied between them. usually it’s sweet but i do really like spicy stuff

bubble water (sparkling water), tea or coffee?

↳ tea 100% coffe is alright but sparkling water is absolutely disgusting idc what u think

tagging: @sophiawithstars @ceeswrites @the-broken-halo-writer @bokukiyoom & anyone else who wants to do it!! :3 (ignore if you’ve done it ✨)

ty for tagging me @kiiyomiis

#anna 😼#tag game

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imamotherfuckingstar-lord · 5 years

Text

No Going Back

Jim Kirk x Reader

A/N: commission for @the--aviator

Summary: Jim and you get into a disagreement, then Jim gets hurt on a mission and nothing matters.

As always, I don’t own any characters.

Loud, thundering footsteps echoed in the long corridors, the walls, on both sides, seemingly never ending as crew members dodged out of the way; your curses and flailing hands warning them to do so. It had started off as normal morning, waking up alone and grumpy; Jim and you had gotten into a disagreement the night prior over nothing that seemed to matter now. You had gotten ready for your shift down in the engineer level with Scotty and Keesner – it was the monthly maintenance check and Scotty had put you in charge this time. So, you had gotten up extra early to run down the list on your Personal Access Display Device and to grab a quick coffee from the cafeteria before heading down to the turbo-lift to work. Everything had gone fine, especially having a cup of coffee and resolving, from the two minutes turbo-lift ride, that fighting with Jim was not worth it sleeping alone.

It had all started with a single lustful glance Jim had thrown at you while in the company of Leonard McCoy and Spock, the four of you dining together in the mess hall. The conversation was not particularly stimulating as you ate a delicious pizza, but then your eyes caught Jim’s; they were so soft and blue, making your heart beat fast as he smirked and gave you that knowing wink of his. Immediately, the two of you made up an excuse about turning in early and left the mess hall holding hands. It was a short walk to his Captain’s cabin, a far cry from your small, but cozy quarters. He held your hand tightly and as soon as you walked into his room, his lips were on yours. Jim’s kisses always felt like drowning, the way his mouth took a hold of yours; it was warm and dizzy, disorienting to its fullest extent and you could never get enough of it. It did not take long for him to have you melting against his touch and it was a long evening of passionate sex that ended in the two of you falling asleep. The sleep did not last long, because Scotty called your communicator nearly six times before you heard it next to you on the nightstand.

“What is it, Scotty?”

“Sorry, lass, don’t mean to wake ya; I need your assistance down here.”

Glancing over to Jim, who was sound asleep, with his arm around your waist; the man was snoring too, and you sighed. “I’m going to be need about fifteen minutes, can you manage without me until then?”

He said yes and you placed the communicator back down on the nightstand, flipping the blanket off your body. Jim groaned when you slipped from his embrace and opened his groggily eyes, asking where you were going.

“Scotty needs me.”

“At this time?”

You shrugged and reached down for your undergarments, slipping on your underwear and bra. “What can I say? Duty calls, Captain. I just have to run over to be quarters to get my PADD and my uniform jacket, it’s cold down in engineering at this hour.”

Jimi nodded and sat up, watching as you finished getting ready; his face laxed as he thought. You zipped up your uniform and noticed the weird expression on his face, asking what was wrong. He said nothing but suggested that he had a solution to the problem of having to run over to your quarters every time there was an emergency with Scotty.

“Do tell.”

He grinned and shrugged. “Just move in here with me.”

You laughed then, sitting down on the edge of the bed to put on your boots. “I need to get down to Scotty, and you obviously need more sleep.”

“I’m wide awake,” he argued. The two of you both got up from the bed at the same time and when you turned to face him, Jim was pulling up his boxers. His face looked slightly annoyed, but he sighed. “What’s wrong with me wanting you to be here with me?”

“The fact that we’ve only been dating for six months, the fact that I have a room of my own, the fact that you are my Captain and – “

“And what? What does all the matter! I could give to shits about what everyone thinks!”

You stared at Jim and sighed. “I know everyone is aware of our relationship and that’s fine by me, but if I move in here ... that's a line that once it’s crossed, there’s no going back.”

“I can’t pretend to understand that, I want to be with you,” he argued, moving around the bed to you. “I want you all the time, I love you.”

“I love you too, Jim, but –“your sentence was caught off by Scotty, this time his voice a little more urgent.

“Lass, I’m sorry, I can’t manage.”

Giving Jim a shrug, you smiled and kissed the side of his cheek. “We’ll talk later, after your mission, okay? Get some sleep, I’ll see you then.”

Jim nodded, but you saw in his eyes that there was much more to discuss later. “Okay.”

That was the last thing Jim had said to you, “okay.” And it was not okay, not as you ran to the Medbay, where Leonard had called over your comm to tell inform you that Jim had been injured on the mission. Your heart had dropped at the thought of Jim hurt and you had left Scotty without a word, moving fast to the lift. When you got out, you just raced to him, not caring that you were like a crazy person roaming the halls. It was with each step, that your boots felt heavier, just as your heart. Losing Jim scared you, it scared you in the most devastating way; he was your best friend and the only person on the ship, in the damn Universe that understood you. He knew everything about you, knew the ways to soothe you on a bad day and how to make you laugh so bad, your sides hurt. Jim was the love of your life and just thinking about rejecting the idea of living with him, it made you sick to your core.

What was the big deal? You spent more time in his quarters than your own; even when he had to be on the Bridge late at night, you’d go to his room after your shift and get into bed, waiting for him to come home. He’d walk in tired, but a smile would appear on his face when he saw you sleeping on your side of the bed. He would try to be as quiet as possible, as he got ready for bed, but you always knew when he got in and wait patiently, mesmerizing his nightly routine until he slipped into bed with you. Then he’d pull you into his chest, kissing your shoulder before falling asleep, and that was all you ever wanted – you knew that now.

Finally reaching Medbay, you rushed in, screaming Jim’s name. Leonard walked out of one of the private rooms and raced to you, getting you by the shoulders, urging you to calm down.

“He’s fine, darlin’, but you need to stop shouting.”

“Where is he, Bones!”

Sighing, he pointed to the room he just left and rolled his eyes as you pushed past him. Bursting into the room, you cried when you saw Jim, battered and bruised, arm in a sling. Taking a deep breath, you walked over to the bed and reached down for his hand, giving it a little squeeze.

“I’m here, Jim.”

His eyes fluttered opened and he smiled with a slight groan. “Hey, baby.”

“What the hell happened?”

You sat on the edge of the bed facing him, cradling his hand in yours. There was a large gash across his forehead, dry blood on his skin, but he just smiled. “Hostiles.”

Rolling your eyes, you leaned down to kiss his knuckles. “Oh, that’s all.”

“I’m alive,” he whispered, and you cried, shaking your head. Jim sighed and asked you not to cry, reaching his hand to the side of your face. “I hate seeing you cry, it’s fine. I’m here, okay?”

“But you could have been killed, Jim. You could have died thinking I didn’t want you enough, that I didn’t want to move in with you – “

“Wait, you don’t want me?” he joked, and you laughed, wiping away the tears.

“If I didn’t, who would?”

“No one could ever compare to you,” Jim insisted, and you smiled, telling him he was right. His blue eyes lit up then and he asked if that meant you’d be moving into his quarters. “But I’ll warn you,” he said with a grin. “There’s no going back.”

Pursing your lips, you shrugged and gently leaned forward to kiss him. “I’m counting on it.”

....

Forever Tags:

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@pleasantdreamqueen @damalseer @10kindsofderp @hennessy0274-blog @jodoethr @s-t-r-i-k-e-us @seeing-but-not-observing @happyskywhale@peekingsunshine @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @cinema212 @geeksareunique @thilbob @hercrazyfandomobsession @wildefire @nosleeptillbucky @grace-for-sale @someonekindalikeyou @space-helen @sorenmarie87 @wickedsingularity @steve-rogers-personal-hell @wintersire @whatshernamemaria @theheadcanonsawakens

@iminlovewithasuperboy @loverbug1123 @sugerquill @starmission @pineapplebooboo @justanotherfangirl272 @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun @liamssmiler @ludwigs-a-monster @mad-girl-without-a-box @k8tie-a-934 @dr-pepper-only @allltheships @showtimeaholess @thxsoldixrrolxplay @esoltis280 @bass-clarinette @sebastianstanslefteyebrow @dsakita @cwar1864 @theonlyparadox @faithtrustandpixiedust95 @theweirdlunatic

@marvhellove @kjs-s @aredlily @sami-raye @lucifersnipnips @feelmyroarrrr @darkshadow3492 @lianasparklezstuff @ajduurikscjsja @morgan-atr @theflowerswillbloom @coffee-stained-tongue @lowkeyxloki @cannonindeez @astro-sim-dog @tardisonthesupremacy @iridescent-gxmora

#jim kirk x reader #jim kirk #kirk x reader #stark trek imagine

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