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angelhearthb · 2 years

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CPR After Drowning🫀

The freshwater the swimmer inhaled disrupted his heart’s electrical signals, sending it into cardiac arrest. It helplessly quivers, unable to pump.

Note: This is my first time making a resus gif! Hopefully I can improve with future ones. ^-^ I wanted to make a gif of his heart fibrillating to accompany this, along with an AED gif of his heart being shocked back into rhythm, but I got a bit bored drawing. Maybe some other time.

This text from an article inspired the gif.

I also quite like the idea of salt water causing the blood to thicken. The heart is already struggling from the lack of oxygen. Then the blood begins to thicken, straining it until it gives out completely. o///o (Maybe I could do something with this. lol)

Planning sketch of the character. A handsome young man with shoulder length, brown hair.

#cardiophilia #dark cardiophilia #resus #resus art #heart art #male cardiophilia #male heart #resusitation

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terezis · 2 years

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it wouldn't make a very good fic bc i would want literally everything else to remain the same as canon, like sozin and his family still start the war, but i think it is fun to think about an atla au where u swap the elements of the water tribes and fire nation

like at the south pole, southern tribe remains the same, but katara as a firebender... something something family and the hearth, fire cooks your food and keeps you alive in the cold, etc. and then maybe a greater focus on the ocean as a fair/ uncaring (depending on your pov) but relentless force something something azula's speech about the tides

bc while it does make sense for waterbenders to live near an abundance of ice i feel like u could also make the reverse argument, that the people who can keep themselves warm with the *literal fire of their souls* are the people best suited to living in below freezing temperatures. u kno

and if waterbenders can thrive as long as they are near their element (see: the foggy swamp tribe) it would also make sense for them to settle down on a chain of islands, even if the climate there is really warm. they can keep cool using the ice they make with their minds

u kno... is this anything.........

#would be kinda fucked up to give azula healing tho LMAO. maybe u give katara healing still but swing it as like #lightning as like u kno the things u put on a person's chest to resusitate them #restart their hearts #like that...#oh i guess azula would get bloodbending. that's dangerous

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nako-doodles · 2 years

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so im playing the bts world game for the first time and its so fun actually?? but also the amount of work they had to put into this, like the guys deadass really filmed scenes that plays, so they had to act, but also hire other ppl to act to do certain storylines. but i dont really understand the card math lol. its addicting to say the least. i remember in one of the group msgs, me, the manager, suggest BTS as a name & i said its a great name and jin goes: thats your opinion. SIR PLS LMAO

ever since i discovered hotelier jin i have not moved on...........

#they really pulled whole ff cut scenes into the game #lmfao when there were whole YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SCREENRECORD and yet twt still managed to spread vids 🤣#🔥manifesting autumn leaves yoonmin tony montana and epiphany demo vers on top of actor jin 2022 using all my ire from the last 2 years 🔥#*rustles through her long list of used urls* should i resusitate hotelierjin....is it worth it......#ans

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sodabranch · 2 months

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That one Anon back at it again with more thoughts about the handsome fella who deserves the world and a kiss on the cheek. Hope to give you some motivation for your lovely work :)

1. An employee taking off their headgear and Justice getting all giddy from finally seeing a proper human face, after so long! It slowly reaching in to feel their head, because of how soft they always are.

2. Justice daydreaming about a nice future with its buddies, as it watches them sleep. Wouldn't it be nice to return to that life within a proper home for all of them, no more tacky suits, plenty of space, and an actual kitchen?

3. A scenario where Justice comes to realise the gravity of the situation, overhearing the employees talk of the consequences of not meeting quota and the fear for their lives. Already troubled by the loneliness of Dine, it causes a snowballing desperation. It can't go back to that!

There has to be more scrap, than what the employees typically collect, right? If it takes out those turrets, that's extra. If even tattered sheet metal is worth something, how about Justice tears some more off the moon bunkers' interiors? Perhaps, even those enemy nutcracker parts are worth a pretty penny.

But what if they come just short, after already selling all they had? Then, it can... rip out an arm of its own? Whatever keeps them alive for just a few more days...

Justice considering the possibility of if one could override the ship's systems, removing it from Company control, and escaping this hellish job.

And what if an employee dies? Would Justice be in denial, trying to wake them up, retrieve them, or tend to the fatal injuries, or would it understand right away?

4. Ending it sweetly: Justice may or may not understand human relationships, but knows an engagement ring is a great sign of love and trust. It finds one and presents it to its master. And they're keeping it! Never giving it to the Company!

At this rate, I may as well ask you permission to have Justice's hand in marriage.

Anon I'm going to have to give you a name you're like an acquaintance now First off: Justice love is for everyone !!!

OMG yes I literally cannot imagine its excitement after seeing a human face for the first time in many years. Ofc, you can kinda make out what pepople look through their visor, but with the darker tint,, it's just not the same,, It would examine all your factions, trying to remember every little detail it can: the colour of your eyes, how your hair looks, any distinctive marks;; then cherish that image for as long as it can

AHWHHAHSDHSDHDHS AND THE DOMESTIC SCENARIOS <3<3<3 no more worrying about reaching the goal at the end of the deadline,, finally realizing it is no longer serving, but rather being part of the group,, like a found family kind of deal ;;_; Spending time indulging in everyone's hobbies, taking interest for their routines and the things they all have to say and do,,,, OUGHH psychic damage,,

3. AND um this um this ¿¿???? like, first, I still believe Justice doesn't understand human emotions 100%,, but it can sense the tension and dread setting in as time progresses, this is kind of an unlucky week,, so it will do whatever to aliviate the crew's load. From risking it staying just a bit overtime (Careful with the hounds D:) to taking extreme measures and trying to sell its precious rifle,,

And ofc the arm thing :o like, being semi-biological it could theoretically replace it with another one... but this also means it will hurt.. a bit too much;; anything for the well-being of the team

bonus:

and well, death is a pretty complicated topic. It does understand the concept of death, it has witnessed it and has even been the cause of it,, but the difference is in lacking the proper knowledge as to what death really means... If it were to happen to one of its teammates it will first try to do whatever in its power to try to remmediate the situation,, in a state of pure panic like, trying to resusitate them, carrying them to safety or looking for help;;, once it realizes nothing can be made you can only imagine the unbridled rage it will feel. This being one of the only times it has been seen showing this emotion aaaaaaaa

(I can speak more but I don't want to make this too long hhsfhhfhfh)

4. YESS YESS i mean, human relationships have kinda always been present in its life, to taking care of a family to seeing its crewmates interact. This doesn't mean it is that well-versed in the subject, But just finding this shiny object on one of their excursions and thinkign it is really beautiful,, it has already seen something like this before, people gift it to each other as a sign of loyalty and total devotion so someone special in their lives! This made it immediately drop whatever it was doing at the time and go out looking for its master, finally finding them on one of the many corridors of the structure,, dropping on one knee (it guesses this is the proper way to do it??) and giving them the ring AHJSHHSD omg brainrot

#ask #my guys #KJAHJJFHSHJF GOING ON A HUNT LOOKING FOR YOU #I tried to answer this to the best of my abilities #but im tired and my english is not englishing today #LOVE YOU ANON ANON LOVE FOREVER #HASHTAG ANON LOVER

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arrowheadedbitch · 8 days

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People in the batfam having a DNR but they mean don't REVIVE not RESUSITATE

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lesbianspeedy · 8 months

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wait did mia actually die before infinite crisis??? i thought she just got hurt real bad i didn’t realize she ever fully died

depends how u define it

did they SAY she died? no

did she bleed out heavily, stop breathing, fail to be resusitated and then get crushed by an entire apartment building? yes. yes she did (that all happened in one comic btw)

but then a year later after a few broken bones and a coma she was chilling and alive and NOT cringe like a certain other sidekick that died and came back. so like. the report of her death etc etc

despite dc editorial's darndest attempts mia just wont die god bless

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phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 2 months

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I had not met the new neighbours until today

They were so sweet, a young couple who came over and hugged me, brought cold water and a block of chocolate when they saw what happened

The lady said she was so sorry if theyd known kitty was there they would have smashed a window, tried to get her

They came back later with a bottle of pwpsi max,i jave no idea how they qorked kut i liked it, and some flowers from a florist, colours based on these in my garden, and apologised again for my loss

It was lovely and overwhelming

I jad a friend an Ds coworker supporting me, but i just couldnt put my baby down. They tried to resusitate her but she passed in her sleep from inhalation they think.

Its awful and unfair but the kindness of those two

And then when an older lady i chatted with while i gardened came past she immediately asked if my kitty was alright and hugged me when she found out

I used to garden and water it with little zarya ona long lead and harnass so she could wander outside on her own adventure most afternoons

This lady, lyn, would walk her little three legged dog and zarya was initially frightened but grew to tolerate his prescence

She gifted me plants once and i returned some that she commented having issues growing, bc mine werre strong

These little connections built comfort into an awful day alongside support from my friends and coworkers andd family

No one will ever replace my little girl, she was a little spark of joy who loved to snuggle at night. Who was always lose by when i was at home, who liked to playwithher bazillion toys and treat dispensers

She would try to be snuggled up or touching in some way at night. I once woke to her back paws stretched i to my cupped hand, she wanted to touch always.

She was in her teen but muuuum years, so there was grumbling for too many kisses.on her little head, or if i tucked her in or scooped her up

But i know she loved it

I know she knew she was and remains loved

She was just learning Soft Paws after being semi feral i have her bite marks and s ratches on my arm still. I thought they would fade long before ever losing her.

I ordered a really fancy cat tower as a late birthday gift for her, as shes 14mthsish and i wanted to give her something fun... she had several towers in the windows where she slept and watched birds

A little life is gone and it hurts and it feels like the world is moving on too fast, but she lives in my heart and memory forever.

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i-bring-crack · 1 year

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I just had a cute idea!!

Jin-woo taking care of the monarchs who got suddenly transformed into a bunch of chaotic babies.

BABYSITTING MONARCHS AU

AJSBKABS

PS:sorry this took too long! @soulintheskies but this was really fun to do!!!

The monarchs had suddenly resusitated in the bodies of tiny babies?? now how could that be!

Well, according to what the rulers told Jin Woo: A spiritual body cant really die, and once they are "killed" then the remnants of ash will only travel back to the World Tree so that they could be nurtured into another physical form.

The thing is that all of the Monarchs and Rulers have been fighting for so long in the same bodies they forgotten about that teensi tiny absolutely big flaw witin everyones bodies.

Damn you Absilute Being!!-- One of the Rulers curses as he gets a message from the Caretakers of the World Tree that "Congrats on winning against the monarchs! but now take care of them!!"

And no ruler wants nor has the mental state to deal with this, they have fought for eaons and they dont want to kill babies our of rage of their past lives. Some have also started to make plans to live out their best lives so nooo, no one will take on the babysitting a monarch job!

"What About the Shadow Monarch? He has had a family once (but sadly all of them died and Su Ho didnt want to inherit his powers so Jin Woo had to keep on living alone) he can certainly take care of them" The Brightest Fragment of Luminosity while his wings are being chewed on by baby Antares in his tweeny tiny dragon form.

And it hurts.

Meanwhile Jin Woo is out there still mourning as he lives inside his private island, his mana all around said island to hide it from satelites, and just reading novels, getting hobbies or doing small simple tasks in his daily life like a normal housewife. Until a vassal for the Rulers uncerimoniously comes to visit him.

He can see that the man is absolutely nervious, and at the same time almost ready to accept death (what? did the Rulers do something bad? he cant see Earth is hurt in any way) as jin Woo pours a cup of tea for him.

"Mr Sung... there are bad news... and some... good news..."

"Start with the bad." The vassal pales instantly.

"The Monarchs arent dead." and the cup in jin woo´s hand just breaks. and the vassal quickly remarks back "bu- but they- they dont know they are the monarchs!! and they dont even have their original forms anymore--well somewhat-- i mean--"

"Clear Cut, say what happened."

"The monarchs have reincarnated as babies of their original form, they dont know who they are and the rulers are asking for your help in... taking care of them."

"I dont kill babies."

"No! I mean the other kind."

"You want me to babysit the monarchs??"

"The Rulers feel that you are the most qualified."

With a long loooong sigh Jin Woo accepts to go to the World Tree and pick up the babies which... are suprisingly cute! Too adorable!! what the hell ?!?! the beast Monarch is a baby pup sleeping, while Queresha, a human baby girl with a LOT of hair (how??) is using him as a sleeping pillow, then there is the biggest baby legia who looks somewhat human until he sees that he is made of purple rocks. The baby frost monarch, a baby made of ice with big ears is chewing on an ice spike (thankfully round? the World tree´s caretakers made sure to keep the babies safe) like its a bottle. Then there is the Monarch of transfiguration that looks like a ghost with its body all covered by sheets which he wont let go. And on the center id of course a baby dragon sleeping next to a?? sentient rock??? Oh, Iron body Monarch.

"Did the monarchs really look like this before??"

"I cant say for sure since we were seperated at birth. The monarchs lived amongside the common folk, often as poor monster servants while we studied and lived in the Palace of the Absolute Being."

Thus, coming from different backgrounds and circumstance, the Rulers and Monarchs would never be able to understand each other, much less cooperate.

it really does seem like there is no other choice, so Jin Woo grabs them all, using the Ruler´s touch- and opens a portal back to earth.

Almost immediatly they start causing trouble.

The Frost monarch- now named elfie since Jinwoo is still bad at names and forgot his- immediatly starts crying becuase earth is too hot and so jin Woo has to get bellion to use his wings as a fan until the rulers can export some ice to him, or at least until they can move to antartica where Tank is chilling.

Igris is told to keep a close eye on The dragon Monarch, but here is Antares, just sleeping and relaxing with the rock-- oh no wait he just hiccuped and part of the walls fell down due to his breath...

jin Woo on the other hand is trying to keep Legia away from eating so many rocks, he doesnt even know if giants can eat that or not but he doesnt want the literal rock of a monarch to get eaten by him!

The first shadow to come to jin Woo´s aid without the need to command is Beru as he watches Queresha almost make a jump from the window and directly catch her before landed on the water. most bugs arent build for that kind of thing so he guesses she would be either. And the moment Queresha sees him, her eyes lit up and she starts playing with the bug antenas.

For the most part the Transfiguration Monarch- yogummunt as one ruler told him- is idly watching the firework display of Tusk while the Beast Monarch- Jinwoo named him wolfy- keeps chewing on Kaisel´s tail that keeps moving around trying not to get bit!

This has been the most loud Jin Woo´s house has ever been since decades ago when he still had descendants to check upon.

#solo leveling au #solo leveling #manwha #sl monarchs #dragon monarch #shadow monarch #sl rulers #sung jinwoo #solo leveling antares #sl queresha #frost monarch #solo leveling igris #solo leveling beru #sl tank #sl beast monarch

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heartbeatsnice · 6 months

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Unit 04 looked more like a butcher's backroom than a laboratory at this point. I grimaced as I passed through the entryway, my eyes glancing at each of the Company's surgeons — their teal coats stained with shoots of blood, probably from an improperly severed coronary artery. After a moment my gaze found you, in the middle of the room, nude on a cold steel bed and cut open from the neckbone down. Sloppy job too, Company people must have been playing with your tits as they ran the saw.

According to the monitor flatline, you are freshly deceased. But as I moved over you I swear I saw a little bit of light left in those eyes. And your lips quivered, as if trying to speak. But I didn't need a stethoscope to know your heart wasn't beating. I could see it, red and bloody, framed in the center of what probably had been a nice chest ten minutes ago.

"How many rounds?" The first words I'd said since I entered the room.

"Just initial." Someone replied.

What a fucking waste of a woman's heart. The data from the experiments was worthless unless the patient had been resusitated once minimum before termination. I shook my head and slapped on a pair of electrode-embedded gloves. I was determined to squeeze at least one Recov out of your corpse.

I held your heart firmly in the palm of my left hand. No need to be gentle with a dead organ. And the heart is tougher than people think. It's a muscle, a muscle put to work every minute of your entire life. In your case, put to work every minute until a few minutes ago. I massaged your chambers as the electrodes charged. If I can't get this heart going again, it was all for nothing.

Oh yes! I’ve been heart horny and this really gets me going. How my heart would jump in your hands as you blast it with your charged gloves. How it caves in with each squeeze. I can picture all of it. And then my heart coming back to life. Perhaps my heart is the perfect toy for awhile, stronger than any other heart and you plan on putting it through all sorts of tests.

Please indulge me!

#cardiophile #cardiophilia #dark cardiophilia #heart #female heartbeat #dark resus #resus #heartbeat

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falcqns · 2 years

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𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐲

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: with you i serve, with you i fall down. watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: hint of autistic!Bucky, inaccurate medical writing by me (pls dont resusitate someone by hitting and punching their chest ok), internalized homophobia but only briefly, violence, blood, hospitals, nightmares. mentions of murder, and weapons.

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: just me channelling my inner @musette22 honestly. inspired by this convo with @natashasera. will probably include a part two at some point.

to who ever reads this: don't bother asking for a part two, you won't get it. i am the owner of this fic, and this blog, and I, and only I, will decided what fic gets a part two and when. respect me and my wishes or get off my blog. thanks!

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

The Asset collapsed beside The Target's body, watching it's shallow breathing. It knows it should flee, but The Target is important. not just important to it's handlers, but to The Asset as well. The Target knew The Asset, and carried an expression on its face that The Asset had never seen before.

The Target coughed, blood spurting from its mouth. The Target wheezed, and before The Asset could think about his actions, he was pulling on Steve's arm, and rolling him onto his side, maneuvering him into the recovery position.

Bucky blinked, confused. where was he? what had happened? he looked around him, and saw large skyscrapers reaching into the heavens. his breathing was now as shallow as Steve's was only moments ago, which made him look back at Steve, not being able to hear Steve's rattling chest anymore. the same rattling chest that kept him up at night, the two of them crammed into a small twin sized bed because thats all they could afford.

he pushed Steve on his back, and flesh hand shook, trying to remember what Sarah, Steve's mom and the best second parent Bucky could have asked for, taught him to do if her son ever stopped breathing. he choked out a sob, leaning down and listening for breathing. he choked out a laugh, hearing the steady rise and fall of his lungs, smooth and healthy. his eyes roamed over Steve's body, and he slowly began to piece together that had happened since the last time they were in their cozy Brooklyn apartment.

the war, the draft, the serum. the train, the metal bar breaking and plunging him into the snowy depths below. seeing Steve's break out into terror and desperation, and the ground came rushing towards him faster than a leaf falling from a tree.

he looked down, feeling warmth surround one of his knees. thick, scarlet blood was pouring from an injury on Steve's side, and there was too much blood. too much for him, even.

"fuck, Stevie," Bucky whimpered, and rolled him over. Bucky's body almost crumpled seeing the gunshot wound in Steve's side. "no, no, no," he gasped, pressing his hands to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Steve was pale, too pale. paler than when he got tuberculosis, and Bucky lost Steve twice in one night, bringing him back each time with a combination of CPR, praying, and slapping his white skin.

"Stevie, don't do this," he begged, just like he had then. "jus' stay with me. stay with me, i'll get you help. c'mon," he said, pushing all his body weight on the wound.

suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching from behind him. his head whipped around, and his eyes landed on a man in a SHIELD uniform. hope filled his tired body, and he broke out into a smile.

"sir," he gasped for air, feeling 10 years old again, and helping Steve after some playground bullies beat him up. "i need help. i think he's bleeding out," he said.

his eyes were so focused on the other man, that he didn't notice the bleeding stop. he also didn't notice blue eyes gazing up at him, filled with love.

"h-he needs help," Bucky gasped, not understanding why the man wasn't moving. "he's gonna die, and i can't lose him, please!" he begged, and watched as the man groaned.

"man, Pierce is gonna kill me," the man groaned, and walked towards Bucky. Bucky went to smile, but all the muscles in his face relaxed and contorted into terror as the man grabbed his tac suit on the shoulder, and began to drag him away.

Bucky shook his head, a scream ripping from his throat.

"NO!" he shouted, trying to get away. "you have to help him! he's gonna die!"

the man groaned, and reached for his gun. "can't believe i got roped into doing this shit," he growled, but before he could as much as pull his gun out of his holster, he was interrupted by a deep, smooth voice.

"don't even think about it, Rumlow." Steve said, struggling to keep his voice steady, pointing his own gun at the rogue agent.

"it's not-" Rumlow began, releasing Bucky, and letting him crash onto his dislocated arm, pain shooting up his torso.

"it's not personal?" Steve growled, moaning in pain and inching closer to Rumlow, the gun pressing closer to him. "it sure feels like it. especially if you're going after the one person i'd burn the world for if it meant i could save him."

"Cap, i'm just following orders." Rumlow tried to reason, but before he could finish his defence, a gun shot rang out, and Rumlow fell to the ground, dead before he even made contact with the wet grass.

Bucky broke out into sobs, grabbing onto Steve's tac suit with his flesh hand.

"Stevie-" he gasped, and Steve fell to his knees. his hands grabbed onto Bucky, and he pulled him close.

"'m here," Steve said, voice growing weak. "'s all right, you're safe."

"don't leave." Bucky begged, soaking Steve's dirty suit with his tears.

Steve went to answer, but was interrupted by Sam running into the clearing where they were. upon seeing Bucky, he pulled his gun out, but was stopped by Steve.

"don't," Steve said. "he's fine. it's him, not the other one." Sam nodded, and called over his comm his location to Nat, Fury, and Maria.

"are you hurt," Sam asked, approaching them. Steve nodded.

"he is too," Steve said, motioning to Bucky. "his arm is dislocated."

Sam got on his knees and nodded. "okay. Bucky, can you roll over so i can put your arm back in the socket?" he asked, and Bucky looked warily up at Steve, but when Steve nodded, he complied, his hand still gripping Steve's suit.

"3...2...1..." Sam counted down, before pushing on his arm, and popping it back in place. Bucky let out a shout, hot tears rolling down his face at the pain. Steve shushed him and wiped his tears as a helicopter approached. as they were brought inside the helicopter and the door slid shut behind him, Bucky didn't let go of Steve, and continue to cry into his chest, afraid that Steve would slip away if he let go of him.

"no!" Bucky said, readjusting his grip on Steve's suit. "don'! don't take him!" Bucky cried, breathing heavy.

"Bucky," Sam said, his hand wrapping around Bucky's and trying to get him to release Steve. they'd made it to the hospital, and the nurses had tried to wheel Steve away for surgery, but Bucky refused to part with him. "he's gonna be okay. they're just gonna take him into surger-"

"NO!" Bucky screeched, flinging himself ontop of Steve. "you can't!" he exclaimed, and Sam and Nat shared a confused look. "the last t-time he went into surgery he got sepsis and almost d-died!" Bucky sobbed, and Nat sighed, before slowly walking up to him, and gently prying his hand off of Steve, allowing the nurses to wheel him away.

"it's okay, James," she whispered, seeing the terror and heartbreak on Bucky's face as Steve was wheeled away. Bucky tried to pull away, but his body remained where it was, exhausted. "he's strong. super strong, remember?" she said, moving his dirty hair from his face. "remember how he got the serum, and he wasn't sick anymore?" she prompted, and Sam, realizing what she was doing, sat down on Bucky's other side, and rubbed his shoulder.

"he just needs to get the bullet removed, and get some stitches," Sam said. "once that's done, you can go see him again, okay?" Sam said, and him and Natasha smiled at each other when he began to relax into their arms. "he's going to be okay." Sam said, and looked at Nat as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"why don't we go back to my place and get you cleaned up?" she offered. "Steve's going to be in surgery for a while, and he'll be happy to see you clean," she said. Bucky pondered it for a moment, before agreeing, and letting Sam help him stand up, and the three of them slowly made their way out of the hospital, and into Nat's car.

"can you tell me the last thing you remember," Nat asked as she washed Bucky's hair in the kitchen sink. "before the draft?" Bucky nodded, and thought back.

"i remember saving Steve from a fight behind some diner. i guess he had heard someone cat calling one of our old school friends, and decided to give him a piece of his mind. but, like always, he ended up black and blue because he never got the fact that he was 80 pounds and the size of a tree branch through his thick skull.” Bucky said, sighing as Nat’s nails scratched at his scalp.

“is he really going to be okay?” Bucky asked, his eyes focusing on some of the light blue paint on the eggshell white ceiling of Nat’s apartment.

Nat nodded. “he’s going to be fine. he’ll pull through, he always has, hasn’t he?”

Bucky nodded. “yeah he has.” Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat before he spoke again. “has he told you about the time when he died twice in one night?”

Nat shook her head, concerned. “no he hasn’t.”

Bucky chuckled quietly, his flesh forefinger tracing the plates of his metal hand. “he had tuberculosis. he’d had it a few times, but this time was by far the worst. he hadn’t been feeling well all day, and he was getting worse and worse as the day went on. Sarah helped as much as she could, but eventually she had to go to work, so it was just me and Stevie in the apartment.”

Nat helped Bucky sit up and wrapped a towel around his head, drying the freshly cleaned hair. Bucky continued talking while Natasha ran a wide toothed comb through his hair, trying to detangle it.

“it was around 3 when i noticed his breathing change. i monitored it for a little bit, but ended up falling asleep. about 20 minutes later, i woke up, and something didn’t feel right. i looked over at S-Stevie, and his lips were turning blue. i remember starting cpr immediately and screaming for him to wake up. i don’t know how long i did cpr for but eventually he came back, and was weak but okay. i was going to call his ma but he told me no, and to let her work, being the jerk that he was. i stayed in the bed with him, and around 4 it happened again. i’d broken a few of his ribs while doing cpr and i didn’t want them to puncture his lung, so i just started shaking him and slapping him. i pounded his chest, above his heart a few times as hard as i could, and eventually he came back. he was stronger, and his breathing was better and a little smoother, and i knew he’d be okay.

"i just..." Bucky said, looking down at his hand and sniffling. "i just remember holding him and not wanting to let go. i wanted to tell him then," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "th-that i-uhm..."

"that you loved him?" Natasha said, maneuvering his shoulder length hair into a braid.

"y-yeah," Bucky stuttered, tear burning his eyes. "i know we'll never be able to be open about it, or get married, but i just want him to know."

"well," Natasha said, tying the braid off with an elastic. "you may not be able to get married yet, but you're allowed to be open about it," Natasha said.

Bucky jerked his head to look behind him. "w-what?"

"gay marriage isn't legalized yet, but it's legal to be in a relationship with who ever you want, as long as you're both consenting adults." Natasha said as she climbed off of the stool behind him. "so, when he wakes up, you can tell him how you feel." she said, giving Bucky a warm smile.

before Bucky could respond, Sam walked through the front door of the apartment.

"he's awake," Sam said, a smile on his face as he looked at the other two. "he's still a little groggy, but he's going to be okay, and the doctor said we can go visit him."

a smile broke out on Bucky's face, and it grew bigger when Nat patted him on the shoulder to get him to stand up.

"we can take my car," Nat said, swiping her keys off of the counter top where she'd dropped them earlier. Sam made a rebuttal as Bucky walked over to the shoe rack and grabbed his combat boots. did he want to put them back on? no, but it wasn't like he had other options.

he slid the boots on, and followed Natasha and Sam out the door. the ride to the hospital was quiet. Sam and Nat discussed what they needed to do about Bucky, and Bucky kept quiet, trying to present as though he didn't care what happened to him, but on the inside, his stomach was churning violently.

what would happen to him? he asked himself. would the judicial system understand what he went through, and understand that he wasn't a bad person, that he was forced to do bad things? or would they see him as a violent criminal who could snap at any moment and send him back to a cell for the rest of his life?

bad thoughts like that continued to swirl in his brain as Natasha's car slowed to a stop in the hospital parking lot. his stomach started to do flipflops as he followed the couple through the hallways, attempting to find Steve's hospital room. would Steve hate him? he didn't seem to hate him on the riverbank, which must mean he didn't. Bucky really hoped that he didn't. he really hoped that the Steve he was about to see would be the same Steve that went through Project Rebirth, and then infiltrated a HYDRA base by himself just to save Bucky. he hoped to God, that nothing has changed his Steve.

they came to a stop in front of the door, and Sam and Nat looked at him expectantly.

"well?" Nat asked, with a smirk.

"well, what?" Bucky asked, confused, looking between the two people.

"are you going to go in and see your man?" she asked, and Bucky had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"he's not my man." Bucky stated, and Sam snorted from where he was standing beside Nat.

"man, you spent the entire time Nat was washing your hair talking about Steve. you proclaimed you were in love with him, and basically admitted you want to marry him. how does that not make Steve 'your man?'" Sam said, and Bucky looked at him indignantly.

"me confessing my feelings doesn't mean he shares those same feelings," Bucky said, his eyes turning towards the closed hospital door. "as much as I wish he did."

"well, you're never going to know unless you ask him." Nat said. Bucky laughed.

"and ruin a friendship with my longest, and now only, friend? no. it's better to keep my feelings to myself. it'll hurt less eventually." Bucky resigned, and Sam chuckled next to him.

"conceal don't feel, don't let it show, right?" Sam said, and both him and Nat cracked up. Bucky looked between the two of them, feeling as if he'd missed something.

"...huh?" he said, and Nat had to bite her lip to stop from laughing.

"nothing. go see Steve." she said, pushing his shoulder. Bucky nodded slowly, confused, but turned to open the door. he stepped through, his eyes locked on the floor.

"go get 'em, Elsa!" he heard Sam shout through the doorway, and furrowed his brows again, confused on what Sam was talking about, but his face relaxed when he saw Steve, sitting up in bed, reading The Hobbit.

"S-Steve," Bucky said quietly. Steve looked over at him, and Bucky felt nauseous as his eyes lit up and his face broke out into a smile.

"hey, Buck. how are you feeling?" he said, placing the book down. Bucky gulped. he didn't know what to say. what could he say to Steve? the last time he was fully himself and spoke to Steve, it was 1945, and they talked about their trip to Coney Island, and how Steve threw up after Bucky made him go on the Cyclone.

the memory, while there, was extremely fuzzy, the only thing he could make out being the small, skinny, and pale face of his Stevie.

Stevie, the only man he'd ever loved. he loved him when he was small, and he loved him after he got the serum. as much as he loved the thought of him sitting in their apartment in New York waiting for him to come home like a dame would, it made him even happier (internally, on the outside he was still mad) to have Steve with him, fighting beside him. he loved him when he didn't know who he was. he loved him when he didn't know what was love was, because that had been successfully trained out of him. he loved him when he was sitting alone in his cell, confused about the pull he was feeling in his lower stomach. he loved Steven Grant Rogers, and the thought terrified him.

the thought that Steve wouldn't return his feelings. the thought that Steve would be like all those super 'macho' guys that they went to school with, who believed anyone who didn't fit their narrative of a normal person, would go to hell, which made no sense. how was Steve any different from him? yet, he still got made fun of because instead of playing with his blocks, or building a tower, he chose to line them up, or make a circle with them. Bucky felt himself start to spiral, and the only thoughts in his head were "Steve""i love you""don't hate me".

they repeated over and over again. taunting him, begging him to confess, to make a fool out of himself, even though he has distinct memories of the two of them finding a young, gay, couple being tormented by an older man, and despite all the energy Bucky was exerting while beating the literal shit out of this oversized bully, the most prominent image in his head is Steve throwing the first punch, and then Steve asking the couple if they were okay.

instead of rationalizing with himself, his focus shifted suddenly to the buzzing in his ears. the pain in his chest. the black spots in his vision. the last thing he saw before he squeezed his eyes shut was Steve standing up and grasping his shoulders.

"Buck-" he heard. "Buck wha-"

"you sho-" Bucky wheezed, trying to pull in air to stop this horrid pain in his chest. "you should be laying down."

Bucky didn't hear Steve's response, the buzzing turning to ringing, and drowning out any and all noises other than the high pitched ring.

he reopened his eyes when he felt something warm and soft pressed against his forehead. his breath hitched when he saw bright pink, plump lips inches away from his own. his eyes zeroed in on the movement that they were making, before realizing Steve was speaking to him.

the ringing dimmed slightly, and other sounds were finally allowed inside his mind, and he quickly realized that the sensation was Steve's forehead pressed against his own, and why Steve was doing it.

Bucky was having an attack, and Steve was trying to calm him down, just like he always did. a lump formed in his throat and tears welled in his eyes as he felt Steve wrap his arms around him as the pain in his chest retreated slightly, and it became easier to breathe. his breath hitched as he came out from the attack, and tried not to collapse into Steve's arm like he used to. Steve, thinking like a Captain (always one step ahead), strengthened his hold on Bucky, and walked them back towards the bed.

Steve sat down, and brushed a stray hair away from Bucky's face, Bucky focused his eyes on Steve and sniffled seeing the soft and loving look Steve was giving him.

"it's okay," Steve whispered. "it's okay, baby." he said, and Bucky felt himself crumple. Steve wasted no time in scooping him up into his lap, and letting him nuzzle his head into his neck and cry out his pain.

he cried. he cried and cried, feeling 70 years of anguish pour out from his body as he was finally allowed to have emotions and express them. his hands fisted in Steve's hospital gown, curling up as he felt the pleasant warmth radiating from the thin material.

a few minutes later, his tears finally stopped, and he was then fighting to keep his eyes open. it wasn't that he didn't want to look at Steve, it was that he was just so comfortable. he was warm, he felt content for the first time in years, and he felt as if he could fall asleep right there.

"Buck?" Steve asked again, startling the half asleep soldier on his lap. "can you look at me?" he asked, but Bucky shook his head with a childish whine. he tensed once he realized the noise he made, but was pleasantly surprised when nothing happened.

Steve moved past the whine as if it didn't happen. his left hand started to cradle the back of Bucky's head, and his right began rubbing up and down.

"okay," Steve said. "it's okay, you don't have to look at me, but I don't want you to feel ashamed for crying or any-" he said before Bucky cut him off.

"'m jus' comfy." Bucky said sleepily, and Steve chuckled. he felt his right hand leave his back, reaching to grab something before relaxing back.

"okay, bud." Steve said. Bucky sniffled, before he felt a straw poking at his mouth. Bucky cracked his eyes open and accepted the straw, sucking down the ice cold water. he sighed in relief after, and went to stand up as Steve set the water cup down, but was stopped as Steve wrapped both arms around him, and the two of them laid back against the hospital bed.

Bucky whimpered, and snuggled closer. Steve chuckled, and Bucky listened to it reverberate through his chest. "missed you," Bucky said, keeping his words short, feeling the emotions build again.

"i missed you too, Buck. every day." he said, his thumb swiping over Bucky's swollen upper cheek.

"i'm sorry," Bucky said, the guilt returning. "i'm sorry i hurt you, i didn't want to, i-"

"shhh, it's okay. i know you didn't mean to." he assured. "nothing that happened was your fault."

Bucky just nodded, unsure what to say to that. while he knew those words were true, it didn't feel like it. they felt fake, like an attempt at cheering him up. he knew they were the truth, so why couldn't he bring himself to believe them?

Bucky didn't know what to say after that, so he said nothing. he kept quiet, even when Nat and Sam came in. when Maria came in, and told them that Bucky could go with Steve, that her and someone named Fury would take care of getting him a pardon. with a name like Fury, Bucky certainly wasn't going to refuse the offer, not that he would anyways. going home with his Stevie, even though he didn't know where 'home' was, was certainly better than being alone in a cold dark cell.

he cuddled in closer to Steve, and listened to him discuss his living situation with Sam and Nat.

"my apartment's not safe," Steve said.

"it's just a window," Sam said, "we could get it fixed."

"no, it's not that, Sam." Nat said. "Bucky was there, the night Fury faked his death. if Bucky was there, then Rumlow and one of his other handlers was definitely there as well. it's not safe to send them back there, especially when we just brought down HYDRA and Shield."

"he had handlers?" Sam asked, and Bucky involuntarily shivered, thinking of Rumlow and Rollins.

"yeah," Nat said. "don't forget, i knew him when i was still in the Red Room. the handlers changed over time, but he always had 2 handlers with him. if you look at it from their perspective, it makes sense. even as the soldier, he didn't want to be there. they couldn't send him out on missions alone."

"yeah, makes sense." Sam said, with a sigh.

"where are we going to go then?" Steve asked, his hand still rubbing Bucky's back.

"i'll call Stark, see if that offer for a place in that fancy new compound still stands," Nat said, and he heard her stand up, and exit the room, likely to call Stark.

Stark...

that name sounded familiar to Bucky. he just didn't know why it felt so familiar. the thought remained on his mind until he drifted to sleep in Steve's arms, comforted by the sound of his steady, healthy heartbeat.

longing

december. night time. long winding road.

rusted

the roar of a machine underneath the asset. 'look down,' the voice says. it complies. leather seats. the roar. motorcycle.

seventeen

white car. wooden pole. security camera.

daybreak

the asset pulls up beside the car. punches through the window. the car veers off the road, and into the pole.

furnace

target one crawling on the gravel, blood dripping.

nine

'Sergeant Barnes?' the target says. a name. it's name? no time to ponder. target two is crying for target one.

two punches for target one. squeeze of a throat for target two.

benign

hand. gun. security camera. point, shoot.

homecoming

the camera is destroyed.

one

metal case with familiar blue liquid.

freight car

mission complete.

well done, soldat.

Bucky jolts awake. Stark. Howard Stark. he sits up. his head falls into his hands.

he killed Howard Stark.

'but,' he thinks. 'if Howard is dead, who is the Stark that they were talking about?'

his question answers itself when he opens his eyes, and sees and unfamiliar room. he looks beside him, and see's Steve sitting up to comfort him.

"w-" Bucky begins, but Steve finishes.

"we're at Tony's compound." he said.

Tony.

Howard's son.

"are we-" Bucky asked, and Steve nodded.

"we're safe, bud." Steve assured, pulling Bucky close to his chest. "we're safe."

Bucky forgets about the dream by the next time he wakes.

he wakes up before Steve this time, and he just stares. he's pretty. so, so pretty. he suddenly wishes that he had paper and a pencil, so he could draw Steve. he was no art prodigy like Steve, but being in art school when he was younger certainly left him with some drawing ability.

he lifted his flesh hand, and traced it tentatively over his jaw. over his chin, around his lips. a chuckle startled him, disturbing his quiet admiration.

"i can feel that, you know." Steve said, opening his eyes, a smile cracking on his lips.

Bucky gulped. he could back out now, ignore it, pretend he's sleeping.

but he doesn't want to.

he can love whoever he wants now. he can love Steve openly, and without fear of being caught. and that was exactly what he was going to do.

"you're just so pretty, Stevie." he whispered. "wish i had a pencil and paper so i could draw you."

Steve smiled up at him. "i could grab you one. i'm sure i have a spare one somewhere."

"nah," Bucky said, shaking his head. "wouldn't do your beauty justice."

a light red tinge appeared on Steve's cheeks, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Bucky's thumb had a mind of its own, and rubbed over Steve's plump, pink, bottom lip. his eyes flicked up to meet Steve's, and unlike when kissing a girl, he felt no nerves. no uncertainty.

he felt safe, loved, comfortable. he felt at home. tears rimmed his eyes as he looked at the man he loved. the man who was once smaller than him. the man who he wanted to marry. to have kids with, to spend the rest of his days with.

the man who had only ever made him feel safe. the man who risked everything to save him, more than once. the man he'd been dying to kiss since he knew what kissing, and love was. since he'd realized he'd only ever felt it for Steve.

"'m gonna kiss you now," he whispered, his head dipping slightly. "is that okay?" he asked, not wanting Steve to feel uncomfortable, despite the hardness pressing against his hip which proved that Steve was far from uncomfortable.

"yeah," Steve rasped. he swallowed, his heart rate speeding up. "yeah, that's okay."

their lips touched for the first time, and Bucky felt as if he'd been born again.

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fragileizywriting · 3 months

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dl adrien is NOT used to a marinette who gets into problems, okay? marinette is the SOLUTIONER. at NO POINT does he imagine that there's apossibility— in any universe— that marinette is not the solutioner but is, in fact, the problem creator.

then he meets flp marinette.

his life is turned upside down.

because, see, at the surface, flp marinette looks just as responsible. she's soft-spoken and polite and tucks her apron in really well to her waist and makes sure to tie her hair back when she's about to cook food, and things are fine, but one look at chat who is running around with the emotional equivalent of an empty bucket in his hands trying to catch the ceiling leaks in this proverbial relationship, he's not so sure anymore. she lures adrien in with a oh, you're an adrien? wow, it's so nice to meet you, and she's got those warm eyes and glowing, bashful smile; she twists her fingers in her long braids and looks like the equivalent of a cottagecore poster, until she follows it up with have you died yet, or did marinette keep you alive?

and adrien, obviously, like any other man, goes: i'm sorry?

she responds with: oh, i'm so sorry, that must've been such a weird thing to say.

and then he notices that she's not quite there. when she reads, her eyes glass over. when adrien reads through her latin, her pageworks and spellbooks, all of them mention recently-deceased animals and how to resusitate them back to life and bring them into good health. you hear tales from chat noir— who barely wants to talk to you in the first place, some kind of inferiority complex or something— that marinette was one of the worst cooks in existence. she would kill birds and attempt to cook them with feathers still intact.

adrien, who is kind of like a bird, suddenly can't feel his toes anymore.

flp marinette gets in trouble with random thugs— kitty is there to save the day every single time, who is a complete different basket of what the hell?— and spins riddles right around people if they want her to do something she doesn't feel like doing. she's learned that from chat. when something breaks and she freaks out, she'll dump the responsibility on someone else; he learns this the hard way when she breaks a sconce in the library and shoves it into adrien's hands without much thought, hitting him in the rib with the candlelstick, refusing to elaborate to the poor librarian who passes by and catches adrien holding a broken sconse with dark stains on his pants.

she is a problem.

#speakizys #demon lovin #sharks and sugar #fire lily petals #izycrossover

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hedonistbyheart · 6 months

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insomniac spidey spoilers:

something I really adore about insomniac's games is the way they take things from the comics and instead of adapting them wholesale or tweaking them just a little, they recontextualise them so they make internal sense within the story they are telling.

The way Mr. Negative's power can merge with Miles' electricity and let them "resusitate" peter, turning his venom into anti-venom like literal white blood cells driving out the infection is such a cool continuity!

I know the broad strokes of Anti-Venom in the comics and it still has to do with illness in the game on several levels, but the way insomniac makes it both about literal and figurative illnesses at the same time and fully adjusts the creation of anti-venom to the new context is blowing my mind.

Fucking incredible storytelling on all fronts.

#insomniac spidey spoilers #insomniac games #insomniac spider man #insomniac spider man meta

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