#replaying da2 and having a lot of Thoughts
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obsessed with the names in da2. carver's namesake is a man who granted his father freedom despite being the one who should have jailed him. other disciples came up with anders' name because he kept the one he had away from circle and templars and it is how it's been since then. fenris' name comes from his former master but he reclaimed it because he doesn't run away anymore. isabela adopted the name given her by a man who never took her seriously and then she became a captain isabela after she killed him. hawke is hawke because it's the way people refer to them and they're defined by people. all of their names. they tell a story
#carver became a warrior and watched over his mage siblings beliveing he's never been good enough and he had no idea who maurevar carver was#anders got everything taken away from him by the templars but they never found out what was his name. neither did anyone else#fenris left behind another name and a family and a whole life. but does it matter anymore. is it worth taking it back#isabela was just a joke for her first captain. but who's laughing at the queen of the eastern seas#hawke is a symbol of the people and for the people. names and titles do not matter. they're hawke and that is enough#replaying da2 and having a lot of Thoughts#gonna dissect every little part of this game#dragon age#dragon age 2
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Ltleflrt's Writing Year In Review
Not a lot of writing got done this year, but considering the level of burnout I've been experiencing in the last 3-5 years, I'm very happy with what I've gotten done :)
Total 2023 Wordcount: 67,799
Total 2023 Kudos: 247
Total 2023 Hits: 2,734
My 2023 Fics:
Peace: 18,643 (WIP)
Fenris didn't have much reason to smile and laugh in his life, until he came to Kirkwall and Hawke gives him a reason to. Fenris doesn't want to disrupt the fragile sense of peace he's found by putting his heart in the hands of another mage, but Hawke's flirting and kindness are difficult to resist.
This is a rewrite of my very first fic Peace Begins With A Smile, and technically most of the wordcount is from there. But I've got many more chapters written than posted, and I know for a fact that I added AT LEAST 10k words to the original story, so I'm keeping that posted wordcount for this year's stats :D
Peace began as a writing exercise, just to keep my creative muscles from atrophying. I had replayed DA2 early in the year, and fell down the Fenhawke rabbit hole again, and it made me want to re-read my own story. I hadn't read it in like 10 years, so it was very eye opening to see just how much I've improved and how much my writing style has developed in that time. I wanted to rewrite it with my new skills, and wow it's a BIG difference.
Reaching Out: 22,825 (WIP)
Everyone knew Malcolm Hawke was a good man. A hero in the eyes of his wife and children, and a respected pillar of the community. At least until rumors of magic started to circulate, and he had to move his family in order to protect them. He'd do anything to keep his family safe, a responsibility he passes on to his eldest son when illness takes him away.
Mal Hawke not only bears his father's name, but also the weight of his father's legacy. Everyone, including himself, expects him to step into his father's role, to pick up those responsibilities and carry them with the same steadfast strength. An expectation that is tested when the Blight hits Lothering, and is strained to a breaking point by the lawless and chaotic City of Kirkwall.
This is my biggest 2023 project, all original words. Once again, DA2 infested my brain, and I got an idea for a new version of Hawke that has me really excited. Plus, I have always wanted to write a Fenhanders fic, so this is going to be it! I got stuck, and have been distracted by BG3, but I still have big plans for this fic. (SO big, omg this story is going to be so long lol)
Something to Hold: 14,733
He did not hear the telltale clank of Templar armor behind him. It was probably a local. All Anders needed to do was act as if he were a simple traveler passing through. Nothing remarkable. Nothing worth mentioning to any searching Templars who might follow.
Don’t run, act natural, don’t run, act natural, he thought firmly as he forced himself to keep an even pace. The only sign he gave that he recognized he was no longer alone on the road was to move to the edge to give the approaching stranger space to pass him.
His heart beat like bird wings against the cage of his ribs as the sound of horse hooves and cart wheels grew closer. His fingers began to tingle with magic, and he curled them inward to hide any wayward sparks. Anders tried to keep his shoulders loose instead of tucked up tense around his ears. When the wagon drew up alongside him, Anders kept his eyes forward and prayed to the Maker that the stranger would ignore him.
As was the case with most of his prayers, the Maker didn’t listen.
On one of his many escape attempts Anders meets the Hawke family. And forms a special connection with the eldest son.
This was an excuse to write porn lol
I love "what if they met before canon" fics, and I decided to write one of my own. It turned out longer than I thought it would (shock!), and planted the seed for Reaching Out. It can stand alone, but I'm treating it as a prequel :D
Bathed in Starlight: 3,336
“You should have brought a torch,” Gethin scolds lightly as he comes to a stop next to Astarion’s discarded armor and clothing. It’s folded neatly, the armor stacked methodically. Astarion affects an air of carelessness, but he keeps his few belongings tidy and organized. Gethin suspects it’s his way of exerting a modicum of control over his life. “Or stayed closer to camp.”
Astarion flashes a fanged smile at Gethin over his shoulder, seemingly unsurprised at his presence. “You know how much I enjoy a nip of danger, darling.” When Gethin’s lips tighten with disapproval, Astarion’s smile droops into a pout and he sighs dramatically. “There was nothing to worry about, was there? Here you are, with enough light for both of us.”
OMG a new fandom! *excited bounce*
I picked up Baldur's Gate 3 on launch day because the bear sex scene in the trailer hooked my interest (yes, I'm a closet furry), and the game has taken over my life. I did not expect to fall in love so hard, with the characters, the story, the gameplay, with my OCs, and one particular elf. But here we are, and I'm gonna fic about it.
This is just a canon conversation that I needed to write from the POV of my Dark Urge OC. Nothing special about it. And of course it had to include bathing. If I never wrote anything else for BG3, I needed to make sure I added my signature to the fandom :D
The Sun, The Moon, and The Night: 8,262 (WIP)
Caelnir and Kestrel are half brothers who were swept up by the mindflayer nautiloid at the same time. When they crash back to Faerun, they meet a pale elf who manages to snare both of them with his charms.
This is the bastard that has distracted me from my other WIPs. Yeah, yeah, I'm mad about it too, but I'm also gonna keep writing it lol
I don't normally create OCs. Like, there's Gabe Hawke and JM Shepard, but they've got more of a canon framework than most RPG playable characters. I have no emotional connections to any of my Dragon Age wardens, and the one inquisitor I care about has just the baaaarest hint of backstory. I can't even think of OCs I've created for other RPGs, because I don't care.
But oh boy, I care about Kestrel and Caelnir. A lot. Mostly because I created them with the same face shape, and I thought it would be funny if I somehow made them brothers even though one is a high elf, and the other is a drow. But they're half elves. What if their mom was just a slutty slutty human who traveled a lot? BOOM. The boys came to life, and now I'm writing fic. And since they both romanced the same character in the game, it's a poly fic. I love the challenge of poly fics, and I also hate the challenge, WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF??
Oh yeah, because Astarion is my blorbo, my boys are precious and special, and I'm the self insert slutty slutty human mom ;D
My writing in 2023 has been nothing like previous years. The fics I've written have gotten very little attention compared to what I'm used to, even going back to my very early days of posting, but I'm having fun and I've got a few friends who are intensely interested in the stuff I'm creating. I'm just happy to be writing!
My plans for 2024 are to keep plunking away at the WIPs in this post. I don't see myself going back to any of my Destiel WIPs, posted or otherwise, any time soon. I think my brain needs a break from the Winchesters for now.
(Of course, there's a shitload of Winchester Inspiration in some of my new OCs, but like...they don't have American accents, so they're TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE LOL)
Anyway, Happy New Year! Here's to many more fics, both written and read, in our future! 🍾🎆🥂
Previous Years
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listen I love DAO, DA2, and DAI very much and will replay all three on repeat but DAO really spoiled me with the whole "origins" part, something DA2 and DAI severely lack.
In DAO, you get to play through one of six origins that show how you got recruited to the Grey Wardens and affects how you play. I play as a Tabris and that plays a part in every decision she makes from how she views the Grey Wardens as a whole, who she romances, what she does with Loghain at the landsmeet, etc. It's incredible because that origin you get adds so much to the immersion each playthrough.
But then there's DA2 which I do adore with all my heart, but I can't lie, the first time I played it was very much "Oh, I have to be this human named Hawke? and the only differences in backstory really come from whether I'm a mage or not ...Ugh, okay, but only because you showed me Carver and now I'm attached, I'll keep playing, I'm sure nothing bad will happen to him."
And then DAI, which I also adore, comes along and just, "Okay pick who you wanna be. Great, here's a paragraph detailing your backstory, but you get to start in the same spot no matter who you make your Inquisitor to be, have fun."
It's not like it's a deal breaker that we can't play through an origin first before jumping into the main story. The player can take that element into their hands to make up for it. We see it all the time with players sharing the upbringings and family dynamics for their Hawke, or fully fleshing out their Inquisitor and why they were at the conclave in the first place.
I think DA2 does this a little better since at least it feels like Hawke had a life before Kirkwall. Your mother and survivng sibling are reminders of that life, as are every mention of your dead sibling and father. You're always reminded that you're a Fereldan refugee. You lost everything to the blight and now you have to rebuild yourself up in a new city.
But the Inquisitor? A lot of times it feels like the Inquisitor didn't even exist until they fell out of the sky. Sure, Cassandra can ask you where you're from or Josephine will ask you questions about your life prior, but that's about it. it's so unfortunate because DAI was the perfect set up for a origin stories the same way DAO was; what lead the Inquisitor to be at the conclave? What specifically put them there?
The first time I played DAI, I didn't put much thought into my Inquisitor. It took me playing through DAO and DA2 and starting a replay of DAI to actually figure out my Inquisitor and you know what I ended up doing?
I used a DAO origin.
Yeah, we know that all the wardens exist and the player picking their character decides where Duncan will be to recruit them and the others are just shit outta luck. I decided my Lavellan's actually Surana who escaped the circle with Jowan and she eventually joined the Dalish and adopted a new name after he died. Lemme tell you, roleplaying that as my Inquisitor's backstory makes everything in DAI just 10x better.
Every staff Ash crafts is named after Jowan. She wasn't born Dalish but her cover story says she was, and she slips up a lot. Her accent doesn't sound typically Dalish. Threnn tells her "Loghain was super cool actually" and Ash flashes back to when Jowan was taken by Loghain's men and when she tracked him down to Redcliffe only to find out Loghain planted him there to poison the arl, he was caught and tortured by the arl's wife, she begged a pair of wardens to let him go if they found him.
Ash is very against blood magic after it eventually killed Jowan and she isn't shy about expressing it. So you know Varric pulled my Hawke, a blood mage, aside like, "Listen, keep the blood magic stuff to yourself, the Inquisitor has a thing about it." and Edgar just gives a thumbs up and keeps going, "man, blood magic bad, amirite?"
Every conversation Ash has with Solas and Vivienne is just her biting her tongue and forcing out, "...yeah, okay." She knows the Chantry and Circles are bullshit but can't go off about it because hmmm, you know an awful lot about this for being Dalish?
Ash and Cullen see each other again after ten years and both just, "Hmm... you look famil...liar.......... oh no."
But that's my point: If I'm going to replay DAI, I boot up DAO first. I play through the mage origin as Ash, and as soon as Jowan runs off screen, I quit out of the game to boot up DAI with a little "Ten Years Later" mumble to myself, and it's so much better.
Honestly if I could find a way to incorporate an unused origin into my Hawke's backstory, I probably would! Because DAO knew what it was doing and it's super effective. I can't gush about DAO enough, I swear.
I can only cross my fingers that DA4 y'know, goes back to it's origins.
#dragon age#dao#da2#dai#dragon age origins#dragon age 2#dragon age inquisition#dao surana#dai lavellan#dao jowan#dai has it's issues but this has fixed a lot of them for me#i just have a lot of feelings about dao okay#i mean i have a lot of feelings about dragon age in general but you get me
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I've been replaying DA trilogy for the last several months and finally reading all DA books and comics. And in the light of DA4 leaks and news about one of the locations there being Grey Warden's Weisshaupt itself, I thought about how little of Grey Wardens we've actually seen despite them being such a well known faction in Thedas.
I mean, yes, HoF is a Grey Warden, but they are one of the two Grey Wardens we get to know throughout the whole game and they're just new recruits and know next to nothing about Grey Wardens as do we. Reading codex entries here and there doesn't help much. Awakening gives us a better glimpse of how they work and what they do. Then in DA2 we barely meet them until Legacy DLC. In DAI they're shown as just one of the Big Bad Stupid of the game, honsetly.
If you truly wanna see what Grey Wardens are, what they sacrifice, what they go through and what the Blight is, you might want to read The Last Flight. The book is the most tragic depressing piece of Dragon Age lore I've seen so far though. Hard to read through calmly, hard to not care. The 5th blight from DAO was a light pleasant stroll through the woods compared to more than a decade of the 4th Blight in the book. Grey Wardens did a lot of questionable things throughout the history, but without them that world wouldn't have even survived that long - a fact many people forget about.
I kinda understand people who's first game in DA universe was Inquisition and they decided that the Wardens were corrupted and that they were not needed anymore. But when you remember that there are two archdemons, Razikale and Lusacan, who are still sleeping somewhere under the Deep Roads (and possibly even the 8th Unknown one), you sorta understand that banishing Grey Wardens completely, for whatever reason, is a potential death sentence for the whole continent.
#dragon age#the last flight#grey wardens#I will always defend Grey Wardens they're such tragic heroes
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I'm replaying da2 as a rogue Hawke who is going to romance Anders because I've never done that nor have I had a playthrough with Bethany.
Thoughts so far?
Aveline hits different when you don't have Carver as your surviving sibling.
Bethany, I would kill for her. I do want to redesign her hair though.
Varric is Varric.
Also I've noticed there is a lot more head coverings and like satchels around people's necks in da2 than I remember. I'm playing on console so no mods to be mucking with things.
Also I resent that mages can't lockpick. Feels like a scam. Especially apostate mages.
Oh, also they reused so many assets from DA2 that they just upped the textures on. Like I knew this from digging into the game files of Inquisition but it is kinda funny seeing them in their original state.
I found the bucket and table toilet in DA2. Sometimes DA2's scaling is as inconsistent/hilarious as Inquisition.
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Tell me any thoughts you have on your Trespasser fic?
oh gosh! i have so many thoughts about this story, so many directions i want to go in it. i want to see what a healed inbar looks like, how that gap of time between dai and trespasser allowed her to really grow in the ways that chasing corypheus did not allow. any time you write a relationship of any degree between the inquisitor and dorian, you have that bittersweet separation, and with the added element of iron bull in the middle of them, there is a lot of me that is very eager to get back to their post-coryphipiss lives. i want to see what the future looks like for them, and how the events of trespasser both usher that in, and interrupt it. i toyed around with a lot of very self-indulgent ideas regards their chosen family situation, and i am still undecided as to whether or not i actually want to do any of it. time will tell, and there is no need to hurry on it.
i also want to see if i can fit in an actual redemption arc, or even a moment of it, for sebastian, since he has his fingers in so much of inbar's story. it feels unfair to him, as a character i truly love digging into the nooks and crannies (good and bad) of, to leave him hanging to wallow in his (very large) mistakes, and i want to really let that peripetea following hawke's (alleged) death have its way with him. he said a lot of terrible things following adamant, and i can't let that be the last word on it.
and then there's anders. oh, anders, where are you? how are you managing? he's been so silent and absent since leaving miriei behind. even if there's no room for a proper narrative arc (and i don't want to over-stuff the story) i want to set up a third act for him in my universe. i touched on it a bit in a warden's penitence, but it was an in and out sort of thing because i didn't want to make the story about him.
what will probably happen is there will be another story that ties up all of the mess that da2 made in my story canon, because digging into sebastian and anders re: hawke is honestly too much to ask of one story that, honestly, is not about them. mirei deserves better.
i very very much do intend to go back and write this eventually, because i had so ding dang much fun writing inbar's story, especially the relationship(s) between inbar, iron bull, and dorian, and i love them all so much. i genuinely miss the, because i am pretty gosh darned proud of how i wrote their little triangle. it's the healthiest relationship i've ever written lol. but, two things have to happen before i can do this, the first is replay trespasser, which requires me to finally switch all my ea games over to their steam-clone, and i have to stop being mad at bioware so i can get in a dragon age headspace again.
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Now that I’m on my (xx)-teenth replay of DA2, I’ve been having thoughts on Marian Hawke’s relationships.
Varric (Rival): They’re not exactly friends. Oh, Varric tried, but Marian’s extremely antagonistic and selfish attitude made it pretty hard to stick up for her in a lot of situations. He doesn’t like how her instinct is always to fight first; like seriously, the woman has no sense of tact. Sure, there are times he finds her fun to have around (mostly when she’s threatening someone he doesn’t particularly like), but on the whole, they don’t get along. Doesn’t stop him from basing characters on her, though, and that’s Marian’s main gripe with him. The thinly-veiled “Marielle” character from Hard in Hightown is absolutely nothing like her; she’s more like what Varric wishes she was like (though Marian is more upset at how Varric portrayed the characters based off of Carver and Sebastian). Don’t get her started on “The Tale of the Champion”, she absolutely despises it. She never gave Varric permission to write down her life story, much less sell it so OTHER people can read about her, and the fucker made a lot of shit up because she barely had him around enough for him to know what really happened. After the book comes out, she refuses to even speak to Varric. The only thing that manages to break this is when Varric writes to her about Corypheus, but even then, she prefers not to speak to him at all when she’s at Skyhold. To Varric’s credit, he gets it. He finally leaves her alone.
Anders (Rival): She’s immediately on edge around Anders since the first thing he wants her to do is fight Templars and break a mage out of the Circle. And, you know, he's also technically an abomination. Marian, someone who looks out for herself and her family, doesn’t give too much of a shit about the plight of mages (or rather, she’d just prefer to not think about it), so naturally Anders finds her frustrating, especially since she herself IS a mage. They’ve gotten into a lot of arguments over the years, mostly started by Anders pestering her; Marian is content to ignore him whenever possible. She also hates his whole “you were luckier than most mages” thing he keeps telling her. She knows she was, but he doesn’t know her life, and even if things were better, they still weren’t good. The one point of credit she does give him is that he offers free healing to the downtrodden — Marian acknowledges he’s better than her in that regard (she’s a healer, and a better one than him, but she’d absolutely charge money for her services). However, after the events of "Dissent", she can't stand him anymore and sends him away.
Merrill (Rival): Honestly, Marian found her a bit annoying at first, and Merrill’s use of blood magic didn’t help improve her opinion of her. But for the most part, Merrill’s sort of a neutral presence to have around, and Marian gets used to her over time. For her part, Merrill finds Marian fascinating but equally aggravating. Since in my headcanon, Merrill becomes close friends with Sebastian, she can’t really understand why he likes Marian as much as he does, but she acknowledges that they both seem good for each other. Also, because Marian softens up towards Act 3, she makes more of an effort to befriend Merrill, due to her being Sebastian’s best friend. She takes a more active role in looking out for her — they’re still by the game’s logic “rivals”, because there was no way Marian trusted that whole eluvian thing so she didn’t give Merrill the tool she needed to fix it, but they have a lot of conversations afterwards that sort of mend that rift.
Fenris (Friend): He’s actually Marian’s best friend. They’re both brooding, aggressive assholes. He’s the only person who doesn’t give her shit for her attitude and even encourages her at times, so she finds him easier to talk to. Fenris likes having her around, too, since she never gets on his case about his feelings towards magic unlike some OTHER mages he knows. Soon enough, Marian is confiding in him, and he in her. He’s the first person she tells about her growing crush on Sebastian (though he knows her well enough by that point that he already guessed she had a Thing for him). They can communicate pretty much exclusively through grunts and eye contact, to the confusion of most people around them.
Isabela (Rival): They got along well enough, at first. Isabela thought Marian was a riot, though like Varric, she though she could use more tact. Marian thought Isabela was fine, she just wished she would stop flirting with her. Then the Tome of Koslun thing was revealed and Marian was PISSED. She hates that Isabela lied to all of them for years, she hates that she was stupid enough to steal a religious relic from the fucking Qunari, she hates that she was inadvertently protecting the reason the Qunari were stuck in Kirkwall for so long. Marian absolutely despises the Qunari and hated dealing with them (though ironically she earned the Arishok’s respect), so she ended up blaming Isabela for that, too. So it was kind of a shock that Marian didn’t let the Arishok take Isabela when she returned with the Tome. She was tempted to, but she didn’t want to give the Arishok anything else. They never really recover from the incident. She also doesn’t help Isabela get her new ship (I’m not letting a goddamn slaver walk away just so you can have a new ship, seriously.)
Aveline (Rival): Honestly, they don’t interact much, because I think it’s weird that the captain of the guard would go traipsing around old dwarven ruins and the sewers with Marian and her gang of rabble-rousers. They have more a professional type relationship, with Aveline calling in Marian if she needs something done that the guard can’t normally handle on their own. Marian doesn’t care because she gets paid. She helps Aveline with Donnic, though, because at the time she was asked, she was still dealing with her apparently “hopeless” crush on a certain chantry brother. So she figures, shit, someone in this shithole city deserves to be happy, even if it’s Aveline. She’s (rightfully) furious with Aveline after the whole “All That Remains” incident, but I think she doesn’t take it as personally because they’re not friends. She does start charging more for her services afterwards, and I think Aveline feels guilty enough that she doesn’t protest that.
Sebastian (Friend): I think I’ve gone on enough about Marian and Sebastian that I don’t really need to elaborate on how they feel about each other. I will say, that due to Sebastian’s influence, Marian becomes much more “diplomatic” (though not completely. She’s still a bitch at heart ❤️). She lets herself be vulnerable and remorseful, in large part thanks to his counsel. Maybe enough so that she tries to repair some of her bad relationships (like Merrill, and I think she tries to smooth things over with her mother and later uncle Gamlen, too). On his end, I think Marian’s influence makes Sebastian bolder and more assured. I like the idea of these two polar opposites finding each other and helping each other heal, even taking on some of the other’s traits (though ultimately remaining themselves at their core).
(Bonus) Tallis: Marian hates Tallis. You can’t say shit like “I think you’d be happy under the Qun” to a mage (you know, they people whose mouths they sew shut) and expect her to just be chill with you afterwards. Plus, you know, she misled Marian about the Heart, got her captured, and still had the audacity to ask for her help without explaining what was really going on.
#marian hawke#female hawke#pardon the word wall i had a lot of feelings when i woke up this morning lol#so yeah she rivals just about everyone save three people#her brother her bestie and her lover#sometimes i alternate between friend and rival for sebastian bc i love both paths#but if you friendmance him you get married and he gets the very funny 'brother' banter with carver soooo#sebhawke#gonna tag this as#varric critical#isabela critical#anders critical#aveline critical#tallis critical#just in case
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yeah so
salty dragon age thoughts i guess
i think november last year, when I realized I was okay with parting with all the dragon age shit i'd collected over the past decade, really marked my departure from dragon age as a top-tier fave. i don't think I can ever drop it completely, but nothing about dragon age has gotten me really excited in a few years. i replayed DAO at the beginning of 2020 when I needed a comfort game, but I haven't touched any of the other games since 2018? and I don't really get that "aww i miss thedas" feeling i used to get when i'd take a break for a while.
the more time passes from inquisition, the more I just find it deeply unsatisfying, and a big part of that is the solas/high fantasy ancient elf/fade lore crap. i just don't care. solas is a condescending prick and I find everything about him extremely unappealing. he's not even fun to hate, I just want him to go away. and I just check out as soon as I encounter hardcore fade/veil lore and theories. like obviously I enjoy some degree of this stuff--i do like fantasy and magic and weird shit, and I think there are some interesting metaphysical things to consider--but it's just answering questions I don't care about. DAO and DA2 work for me because they're still so grounded against the fantasy backdrop.
today's announcement just kind of solidified for me that DA4 is gonna be a buy-on-deep-steam-sale game for me. solas was obviously always going to play a main role in it, but having the whole ass game named after his fursona just tells me DA is just not for me anymore. and yanno, that's fine. there is a part of me that does find that a little sad and disappointing, but i mean it's been 7 goddamn years. a long 7 goddamn years. (hawke knows what I'm talking about.) I got a lot of good things out of the 9ish years i was deeply invested in the series, and i'm grateful for that, but we're just on separate journeys now, i suppose.
and while i'm very glad they dumped the online service game model or whatever the fuck, I gotta say that logo reveal is super uninspiring and is ironically reminiscent of MMO aesthetics lmao. i saw someone say it looked like they were announcing the next season of fortnite, and yeeeaaah. i hope the actual cover art is more interesting.
anyway. if you're happy i'm excited for you! i just can't help but feel a little bitter, I think.
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A random list of related things:
1. Sometimes I wish that dreamwidth had a more modern user interface with a cell phone app. I would blast randomness over there more often.
2. Vaguely disgruntled but also personally relieved (like giant sigh of relief) that various Creative Direction And Voice nonsense is suddenly resolving all at once in my head, much like putting together a puzzle and being confused for a long while until suddenly it all of the pieces start clicking together. Well, almost all. Still have a few more holes in this puzzle to fill in. But ffs, the disgruntled aspect comes from how slllllloooowww this has all been. I don't know why so slow, so long, so ???? But there is no sense banging my head against the wall over that fact when the smartest thing to do is take this mostly finished puzzle and run with it as is.
3. The exact moment my body no longer feels so exhausted by so many many things, I suspect an explosion of words will come out of me. My DW account will be the recipient of some of those words (actually, that very much includes my ongoing/upcoming thoughts on slowly replaying DA2 and also replaying/rewatching/rereading a lot of my comfort food).
4. I have a lot of thoughts about bullshit in various creative communities (which crosses over with bullshit that crops up in various fandom circles). There is a lot of psychology behind it and some interesting (or depressing, or illuminating, take your pick) academic research on some of it. The tl;dr that is blindingly obvious to anyone who has been around the block at least once is keep that bullshit at arm's length while quietly parallel playing with your toys (or blorbos) amongst a smallish circle of uplifting friends. (Not always easy in fandom and, worse, not always 100% possible in the professional realms of creative careers).
5. Have been noticing how, for the past few years, my creative brain and all of the rest of me is nonstop desperate for comfort food. Comfort food fiction, art, games, etc. And, to state the obvious: one person's comfort food is another person's YUCK-NOPE and a third person's yaaaaawwwn-boring. That said, the specific brands of comfort food I have been craving for the past few years have conflicted with and affected my ability to approach my own creative projects with a sense of assuredness. hard to explain. Just... idk. It has been very ????
6. I need more coffee.
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spare some facts about cillian? 👐 i think "retconning" ocs and making new ones is such a fascinating process
oh anon im so sorry i didnt see this wth !!! thank u so much for asking abt my mans ive been so excited to introduce him and talk abt him over the last couple days !
like i said before cillian is heavily inspired by my last hawke, emeraude, mainly in that they're both half elven. cillian is technically bethany & carver's half brother, and not related to leandra by blood. he was malcolm's first child with an antivan elf who ran away to ferelden (disclaimer i havent played mota and im a lil rusty on the lore so this could still be up for changing lol). she died when cillian was about 2, so he doesn't remember her much and as far as he's concerned leandra is his real mother
all he has of his mother is an old green onyx pendant of hers which he wears under his clothes. he doesn't like letting people seeing it including his fam bc he doesn't want them to think they aren't "enough" for him if that makes sense
he's a rogue! tossing up between shadow & assassin but def another dual wielder like elspeth.
he's a very talented painter as well! though he doesn't do it a lot because after his father's death he became the main breadwinner and he felt obligated to put his energy into more practical stuff. so when he was doing crimes he mainly worked whatever capentry jobs he could find. after act 1 when he comes into the amell wealth he begins painting again.
he and carver both fought at ostagar, and cillian nearly died. the iconic red slash hawke usually has is, in cillian's case, a keloid scar from a darkspawn blade that nearly took his damn nose off :/ that, plus carver's death, plus just the horror of the blight itself and losing his home, TRULY traumatized tf out of him and when he does begin painting again, the blight is a strong inspiration for him. he finds a new appreciate for nature, flowers and plantlife, untainted by the blight. he also misses the forests of ferelden and it takes him a while to get acquainted with city life.
he's always had the lifelong nickname ciller like. like killer lol. it started innocently enough but when he got into his shadier line of work it really stuck. ironically varric is the ONLY person (with anders later) who doesn't use that name, because he notices straight away how uncomfortable and unhappy it makes him. varric just calls him hawke :)
he's very self conscious of his elven heritage. for most of his life he hides the tips of his ears under his hair, until about act 3 when he's accumulated enough power and cynicism confidence to not really gaf anymore.
he's primarily a blue!hawke, although it's a bit murky especially as he becomes more of a mythical figure to kirkwall and less of a person. he's also very reserved and likes hiding vulnerability behind humor. so with a few exceptions most of his friends think of him as a purple hawke, whereas the city sees him as red. at his core though, he's very gentle, thoughtful and selfless to a fault. he can be a complete pushover and really doesn't know how to say no to people, because he's so desperate for love and approval and acceptance. being a half-brother and also being half elven has always made him feel a bit like an outsider everywhere he went, and he compensates by doing the MOST for people who arguably dont deserve it.
speaking of that, cillian is an anders-mancer like i said the other day. after the chantry mess cillian is so broken up over it, but he forgives anders anyway and continues to protect him. he does that by lying and telling everybody that he killed anders so that nobody will look for him. varric and isabela are the only two who know the truth, and subsequently the name "ciller" inevitably sticks even though its. literally not true :(
sorry this was so lengthy but i have so much to say abt him and im thankful that you asked! i havent played da2 in years and this is actually gonna be my first full replay, so if there are any lore issues i'll get around to adjusting them eventually
#oc: cillian#TY FOR ASKING MWAH#honestly the whole half elven thing was inspired by me resenting the way leandra treats hawke in a lot of dialogue#i appreciate her as a complicated character and i dont wanna condemn her as a bad mother or anything but idk i sensed a lot of resentment?#so the 'bastard' narrative kinda makes sense for me even though there's still a lot of love between all of them#it also adds for extra angst that hawke loses two mothers. god. whyd i do this hhhhhhh#rapidly realizing over the last two days how absolutely tragic all my da ocs are#i hope the misery opportunities in da4 are just as lucrative
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How many times have you played each Dragon Age game? Do you have a favourite protagonist/OC from your pt(s)?
The first DA game I've played was DAO several years ago (with a female elf mage). I didn't like the combat at all (still don't) and that combined with the mute protagonist didn't manage to interest me enough so I didn't give the other games much thought. And I forgot pretty much most of what the game was about.
Then last year I played DAI (with a female elf mage) and that actually did spark my interest, so I replayed DAO again (with a female elf mage), and then DA2 (with a male purple mage). Then I played DA2 again (with a male red warrior) bc I love it! The protagonist and their personality traits, the combat (hands down one of my fav combats ever), the atmosphere, Anders <3, etc. One of my fav games in general.
I tried relaying DAI but I just can't. The first time I went in blindly mostly (pretty much only remembering that mages had it shitty so I was happy that they have rebelled) but a lot of the nasty shit just didn't register back then and now that they do, I just can't power through them anymore. Not with such a lengthy yet empty game, and with the horrendous loading screen time! So I've started my 3rd DA2 (with a custom male blue +red mage) playthrough lmao
So: DAO - 2, DA2 - 2 and playing again, DAI - 1
As for favourite protagonist - I'd go with Hawke in general if I have to, simply bc I'm way more into handers than I am into any of the other possible ships in the games. But I love all my characters. Now I would definitely play Lavellan differently. And my Surana as well, not in her romance or choices, but rather I'd make her more snarky in certain situations.
I don't have a fav Hawke exactly. All personalities can be great imo. Purple is funny to play and made me laugh but is disappointing to me in Act 3. Red is great and makes me feel like my Hawke actually takes a stance about mage oppression but it's written extremely inconsistent. We'll see about blue. The beginning of the Anders's romance felt nice with a blue!Hawke tho, that much I can say so far.
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I LOOOVE THE DESCENT!!!
i completed and it’s def up there as being prob my fav dlc right now? the environments were soo beautiful you can really feel the awe and scale of the Deep Roads. there was so much extra info i had no idea but idk when bioware will ever address it again. DA: A had maaajor implications but in 2 whole games nothing was ever addressed so idk how long it’ll take for The Descent to be relevant since DA4 seems like it’s gonna be about Tevinter and slavery mostly
linear writing is so good damn how i wish JoH had this angle in which you explore ruins and slowly discover Ameridan’s companions and Ameridan himself without all that extra side shit of baby quests like running here and there for silly things. i was so glad to not see an open world i missed this style of writing and story exploration a lot
#i haven't played da2's dlcs of course i'll get it on my next round of replay#and i forgot a lot of trespasser i can't remember what i thought of it#but yeah descent was wonderful i had a great time it was lovely and the combat was enjoyable without being irritating#osman trevelyan#dragon age for ts#that part where u have to take back the thaig and the music kicks in BOOOI I WAS HYPED ingotta find that track
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Dragon Age Origins Mod Recs
Hey! So I thought since I’ve now modded all three games pretty successfully, I thought I’d drop my fav mods for my followers, starting with Origins. All are from Nexus Mods. I’ve marked the ones I deem ‘essential’ as **.
Character creation Mods + Outfits
More Hairstyles - exactly what it says on the tin, this mod adds more hairstyles into the game for you to customise your warden with
Pineapples Vibrant Colours - This adds extra eye, hair and skin colours to the character creator
**Grey Wardens of Ferelden - This mod is just completely essential for my playthroughs. It makes all grey wardens wear the warden armour seen in da2 and dai (Duncan, Alistair etc.), and adds grey warden armour to your inventory once you participate in the joining. It does the same for the Grey Wardens in awakening. I love the design of these outfits, and I hated that they weren’t present in DAO
**Neutral Female Armour - sick of the weird boobs on all the armor when placed on Wynne, Leliana, Morrigan and female warden? This mod gets rid of them and makes everyone look so much more natural/battle ready.
Gameplay Mods
**Improved Atmosphere - this mod changes...a hell of a lot. It’s amazing, and really adds life to the game, particularly at camp where it shows your companions actually moving around and doing their own things, rather than just stood stock still. Be careful though, it has a lot of incompatibilities. There’s a few YouTube videos that go over how to make it the most compatible with other mods, but you won’t get the full IA experience, so do what works for you. Here’s the YT video I used
**Zevran ASAP - exactly what it says on the tin, you get Zevran around Lothering instead of having to do a main recruitment quest first. I always struggle to pick which recruitment quest I’m going to do without him, to get him, and with this I don’t have to make that choice.
Skip Fight - I love the fighting in DA2 and DAI, but Origins fighting just feels very clunky and unfun for me. As such, it’s nice to have this mod for when I get sick of fights. This mod adds in an extra ability which - when triggered - kills all the enemies you’re currently fighting. The fact that it’s optional is great, because it means that when you fancy doing the fight scenes you can, and when you’re in a rush you can skip them
Skip The Fade - yeah so...the fade isn’t for everyone. This mod allows you to still see your companions nightmares, but skip all the puzzle bits. For replays, this mod can be really useful.
Extra Cutscenes
**The Rescue at Ishal - adds an extra cut scene of you being rescued by Flemith from the tower at Ostagar after you light the beacon. If you’re an Alistair Romancer this one is particularly great as it shows Alistair dragging himself through his own blood to get to you and then cupping your dying face in his hand to see if he can wake you
Sleep Until Dawn - adds a repeatable cutscene where you cuddle with your LI at camp. When you wake up, the camp is in morning light, rather than it’s regular nighttime light. Won’t work until the romance is locked in.
I’m a hoe for Alistair Section
Alistair Romance Evesdropping - adds a bench at camp where you can get some extra cutscenes where you overhear your companions talking about yours and Alistair's romance.
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CONFESSION:
I replayed DAO: Awakening recently, and I thought a lot on Anders' characterization in DA2. During my first playthrough I was quite disappointed how he changed for the second game - I liked his friendship with the Wardens in Awakening, his humor, and even though he had an interesting arc in DA2, and I really enjoyed his romance with Hawke, I somehow felt that the change in his personality was lazily written. But during the replay, I noticed that Anders is much more problematic, if you look carefully. First, literally everyone who knows him warns you about him - not just the templars. They all come up with the same reasoning - that he is not trustworthy, he tends to lie, and he values his freedom above all else, including his loyalty to the Warden.
Even he himself admits, that "he is a lot of trouble". He does have a certain nihilistic attitude, but if you go through his whole banter with Justice, it can be seen that he really tries to understand him, apologizes for several thoughts that could have been alarming, and they talk a lot about the mages' freedom. One of the templars also mentions, that she doesn't understand how Anders inspires such loyalty in people - the whole DLC is full of signs that something is not okay with this guy. I certainly won't complain about that change anymore.
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I feel like I've been criticizing dai a lot lately and probably will again as I replay the games so I thought I'd make a list of things I really enjoy about it. this is obvs my opinion and probs not a comprehensive list.
with one or two exceptions, I think they did a really good job making each area feel very unique. regardless of the quests or people within those areas, the design for most of them was really pretty and interesting to explore. the vivid and lush green of the emerald graves is such a contrast to the hissing wastes, which has its own beauty despite how stark and bare it is. the western approach having all these signs of the blight, like the griffon wing keep perched right on the edge of the blighted lands. the visual of the rift in the lake in crestwood.
the unique designs of each high dragon! I wanna see more unique dragons that we don't have to kill and whether there's a pattern at all to their appearance
the fade. it was so different from what we've seen in the other games and wasn't a strain on my eyes either and I really liked that fears of the dreamers side quest. it was just overall a really good bit for me
archery is actually fun - the little thwick noise each time you fire and being able to move while you shoot was a great change. also the lil draw/put away animation
each companion having a different outfit style while also being able to give them armour was a really nice blend of dao and da2 even though I wanted to dress like Vivienne
being able to play as a qunari!! this better be in da4 pls with better hair options
in the same vein, the concept of the vitaar and some of the designs were really cool
iron bull and the chargers. I wanted more with them. I would die for krem. I wanted to be a charger
skyhold. like yeah I would've liked to customize it more and repair it completely but overall I love it. the little areas especially scattered throughout (the little mage study library thingy beneath the castle is a fav). seras little room and viviennes balcony area are some of the better areas I think just because they feel v lived in.
most of in hushed whispers. I mainly like the whole going to the future and seeing the Worst future though I wish we'd been able to talk to our companions about it and as an intro to dorian it's really good even if fiona pledging the mage rebellion to tevinter was stupid
wicked eyes and wicked hearts. I guess I mainly like the idea of it? it's a very different quest to anything we've really done before (maybe the landsmeet is the closest?) and honestly running around climbing the trellises right in front of the nobles was a lot of fun imo
some of the main quest cutscenes were really good!! emerging from the chantry to see the breach for the first time, corypheus appearing through the fire at haven, clarel blasting the red lyrium dragon and causing the pc to fall into the fade, mythals (?) image rising from the well of sorrows to stop corypheus from following the pc through the eluvian though why she was human I'll never know, taming mythals guardian (who survived we now have a dragon friend 😌) um. I'm sure there's others but I'm blanking
the music
honestly I like the combat. never use the tactical view or w/e it's called but I generally have fun during the fights. I like the lil animation effects some of the abilities have.
the reaver specialisation is super fun
also the knight enchanter
vivienne. she gives you a friendship ring!
introducing someone from tevinter who knows it's messed up and wants to change it though wish dorians attitude on slavery wasn't so. u know, bad
tavern songs
josephine's romance quest where u duel for her hand I still can't believe I've only just discovered how cute her romance is
there's a couple of like mini map / dungeon areas that I feel like show how much better the writers do with like a smaller scale rather than the giant open world they tried to give us. like the lost temple dirthamen, the haunted mansion in the emerald graves, the cradle of sulvein, I think there's a couple more I'm blanking on but yeah I think because they were smaller they felt more packed with stuff i guess?
tarot cards!
repeatable kisses for romances. also being able to have roof time with sera. I think they should've given us repeatable friendship scenes like that for all the companions actually because it was a fun touch
okay that's all I can think of for now maybe I'll add more later. basically I do love the game it's just hard when you start to become aware of it's like. issues
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“I never thought I’d hear you say that, fuck, that’s hot.” for Isabela/Fenris, or if you're feelin it, a concept: Isabela/Fenris/Zevran
🎶 This is the smut that never eeends, yes it goes on and on my frieeends~ 🎶
This took two weeks and grew an entire plot, but it's DONE!! This is uh... there's a lot going on here, but I swear the prompt is in there somewhere, haha.
For @dadrunkwriting
~*~*~
Fandom: Dragon Age
Rating: Explicit
Characters: Fenris, Isabela, Zevran
Main Relationship(s): FWB Isabela/Fenris/Zevran (with pre-romantic Fenris/Zevran)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut
Word Count: 6555
Content Warnings: Explicit sex and kink (notably pee play, light D/s, and consensual voyeurism/exhibitionism), Gagging (in the context of deepthroating), Passing references to past slavery and torture, Brief mention of nausea, Strong language, DA2 spoilers, Passing mentions of minor character death (canon death of a villain)
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36584092
~*~*~
“Buttons?”
Fenris feels the weight of a hand rest on his armored shoulder. It’s comforting. Grounding. He knows it’s Isabela – she’s the only one who calls him that – but he can’t turn to look because he’s frozen in place, staring at the sight in front of him: what remains of Meredith. What remains of Kirkwall.
Where did Anders run off to? Anders and his spirit. Justice. He saw them leave. Something tells him they won’t be back. The memory of his failed attempt at kissing them – at kissing Justice, really – replays over and over in his mind. It feels strangely distant, like it was years ago even though it happened just the night before.
Stupid stupid stupid.
He should have known better. His cheeks burn with some kind emotion, though he’s not entirely sure what emotion he’s experiencing.
Everything is so much.
His head spins and his vision blurs. There’s so much to think about that he doesn’t even know where to start. Doesn’t know how to stop. Doesn’t know how to peel his eyes away from the gruesome scene in front of him. Nausea threatens to overwhelm him, not for the first time that day.
“Hey,” Isabela coos, voice shaking as she moves her hand to the middle of Fenris’ back, “let’s get out of here, okay? No use in standing here staring at everything that went wrong after it’s all said and done.”
“Go where?” Fenris asks, his voice raw and raspy.
Zevran steps up to his other side and offers him a waterskin, which he gladly takes and drinks a few gulps of water.
“Your mansion didn’t get hit directly by all… this, I don’t think,” Isabela muses. “Are you up for a couple guests?”
“Assuming the guests are you and Zevran, I think I can arrange for that,” Fenris forces a weak smile. In truth, he’s relieved at the prospect of Isabela and Zevran following him home. He doesn’t want to be alone right now.
“Alright, just let me let the others know where I’m going so they don’t worry.” Isabela waves over to where Hawke, Merrill, and Varric are gathered, not far from where Aveline is helping patch Carver up. “Mo! Merrill! You good?”
Hawke gives a shrug and a shaky thumbs up.
“I’m going to Fenris’ place to decompress with him and Zevran,” Isabela calls to her friends. “If you need me, check there first.”
Hawke and Varric both nod while Merrill waves, so Isabela returns her hand to Fenris’ back and gently guides him away from the horrific scene and towards his house with Zevran in tow. None of them talk much, which is unusual for Isabela and Zevran.
“Would anyone like a bath?” Fenris blurts out as soon as they enter the mansion. He’s not sure if he’s offering to bathe together or separately. All he knows is he wants to wash the grime from his body so he can stop thinking about where it came from. He’ll figure the rest out later.
“Yes please,” Isabela responds.
“Desperately,” Zevran echoes. “To be clear, are you inviting us to bathe with you, or…? I’m alright either way, just making sure.”
Fenris takes a deep breath, trying to clear his head. His thoughts have stopped spinning wildly and are now encased in a thick layer of nearly-impenetrable fog. He’s bathed with Isabela many times before, but never Zevran. While the assassin isn’t a complete stranger, he’s still… new. Nevertheless, right now his company sounds welcome. Fenris feels safe around him, and right now loneliness feels more painful than the awkwardness of bathing with someone who’s never seen him naked before. So, cautiously, he replies, “Bathing together sounds like a welcome distraction from…” he waves his hand in the air, “everything.”
“Agreed,” Isabela says, already walking in the direction of the baths. Fenris and Zevran follow.
Once they get there, Fenris wastes no time filling up the largest tub with water. As it heats up, they all strip out of their armor and clothes. Or rather, Isabela and Zevran undress while Fenris strips down to his smallclothes and hovers awkwardly nearby. He politely averts his eyes from Zevran, trying not to inadvertently stare.
Which the other elf apparently picks up on, because he says, “I don’t mind you looking at me, you know. If I didn’t want you to see me naked, I wouldn’t have undressed right beside you.”
Fenris forces himself to look up and is struck – not for the first time – by how handsome Zevran is. He’s small, hardly taller than Merrill, and built of wiry muscle and scar-crisscrossed skin. The faintest hint of arousal tugs at Fenris’ gut and it might be the only good feeling he’s had all day.
“I suspect the water is warm enough, now, if you boys are done gazing longingly at each other,” Isabela interrupts.
Zevran coughs and averts his eyes, “I was merely appreciating a handsome friend.”
“Right, of course,” Isabela chuckles, then turns to Fenris. “You’re sure you want to do this, buttons?”
He takes a deep breath and then releases it slowly before slipping out of his smallclothes, “Yes, I’m sure.”
“Then let’s go,” she says impatiently. “The sooner I can wash this day off my skin, the better.”
So without further ado, the all slip into the warm water, sitting in a circle around the large, round tub.
The warm water washes over Fenris’ over-sensitive skin, filling him with much-needed relief from the excruciating pain that has been plaguing him all day. He’s so used to the pain that he can almost forget it’s there in the heat of the moment, but it all comes rushing back in the quiet moments. Sometimes he doesn’t know how much pain he’s truly in until something, like this warm bath water, alleviates it. He sinks into the water up to his chin, closes his eyes, and lets out a pleased sigh.
Isabela hums softly beside him, “You must be really hurting, huh buttons?”
“This is helping,” he responds.
“Do you have any Epsom salts around here?” Zevran asks. “Those help when my joints are acting up.”
“Perhaps,” Fenris says. “If I do, I would guess they’re in the cabinet over there,” he opens his eyes and points, “but I’m too comfortable right now to get out and check.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Zevran declares with a grin, clamoring out of the tub and padding wetly over to the cabinet, opening it and rummaging through its contents. “Aha!” He victoriously holds up a box of Epsom salts and returns to the tub. “Want me to add some?”
“Please do,” Fenris replies, so Zevran tosses several handfuls of Epsom salts into the bath before setting the box aside and climbing back into the water.
“How are your joints feeling, by the way?” Isabela asks. “I saw you get thrown across the battlefield at least once out there.”
“I’ve been better,” Zevran laughs, reaching up to massage an aching shoulder. It’s very clearly an understatement.
Fenris eyes the other elf’s heavily scarred skin and wonders where each scar came from. Some are clearly run-of-the-mill battle scars, but others look familiar in a different way. They almost look like…
Torture.
Shit.
The realization hits him with a pang of sympathy, but it also fills his belly with that pleasant warmth that comes with knowing someone has been through something similar to him. Knowing that they get it.
Suddenly, all he wants is to curl up with Zevran and hold him and be held by him.
Which… he realizes is probably a very real option. But taking the steps to initiate it is so intimidating that it feels impossible.
“Out of curiosity, what are we planning to do once we get out of this bath?” Isabela asks, snapping Fenris out of his reverie. “I’d rather not sit quietly with my thoughts tonight, if that’s all the same to you.”
“I don’t think any of us want that,” Fenris says with a bitter laugh.
“I may have an idea, but only if it sounds nice to Fenris,” Zevran gives him a look that is so agonizingly gentle that he nearly melts.
“I’m listening,” Fenris says.
“When we first met, you said you were not interested in sex because we don’t know each other well enough, but that you may be later on,” Zevran says. “Now that we are on, ah… bathing together terms, I was wondering if your stance on that has changed at all.”
Oh. Apparently Zevran is more than happy to do the initiating. That tracks.
Sex is a bit more than just holding each other, but also… it sounds nice. Sex with Isabela has been his way of letting off steam for at least a year, now, and thinking about Zevran joining them no longer fills him with a prickle of terrified apprehension. Instead, it fills him with almost giddy anticipation, threaded with just a hint of anxiety about the newness of it all.
“I think I’d like that,” Fenris manages a lopsided smile.
Zevran outright beams, “We’ll make it good for you, don’t you worry!”
“I have no doubts about that,” Fenris chuckles. “Isabela always does, and she speaks quite highly of you.”
“She speaks rather highly of you, as well,” Zevran says with a mischievous smile.
Isabela giggles, “You two are cute, you know that? How about we plan while we soak in the bath, because it’s cozy in here.”
“Well, I suppose the first question is what do you like?” Zevran asks.
Fenris likes many things, but the second he’s asked to list them, every last one of them falls out of is head. He scrunches he face up as he thinks, but nothing comes to mind. Eventually, he lets out a frustrated sigh and says, “Perhaps you should tell me what you like, first.”
“Oh, we’ll be here all night if you two start listing off every single thing you’re into,” Isabela chuckles. “Want me to propose an idea and you two can go from there?”
“Please,” Fenris replies.
“An excellent idea,” Zevran agrees.
“Well,” Isabela starts, “you’re both switchy boys, though Zev would really rather be a sub most days—”
“Correct,” Zevan confirms.
“Fenris doesn’t have a lot of experience as a Dom, but the instincts are there. If you two want, we could use this as a learning experience where I watch and help as needed as Fenris tops Zevran.”
That sends a spark of arousal down Fenris’ spine and directly into his groin. “I… like that idea, I think.”
“Oh yes, sign me up for that!” Zevran grins.
“As long as you’re aware that I have no idea what I’m doing,” Fenris adds.
“That’s why I’m here, buttons,” Isabela assures him, reaching out to stroke her hand over his half-wet hair.
“I really don’t mind,” Zevran assures him. “Bela was a beginner once, too. I had a lot of fun teaching her.”
Right. Almost everything Isabela knows about sex and kink came from Zevran once upon a time. Fenris relaxes. “Alright, then, what can I do for you Zevran?”
“Ah, well… ordinarily bondage is a big favorite of mine, but my back and shoulder aren’t feeling well, and I’m not sure we even have the right supplies here…”
“I don’t think we do,” Isabela interjects. “I have some back at the Hanged Man, but I don’t use them much with Fenris, so none of them made their way over here.”
“Right,” says Zevran, “so that is out. I’m also rather a fan of wax play, but that is… not a great beginner activity, especially if we don’t have proper wax play candles around. Let’s see…”
“You, uh…” Fenris grabs at the words and pushes them out of his mouth before he has the chance to second-guess them, “you mentioned something about pee. In passing, the last time we met.”
Zevran dissolves into nervous giggles, “Ah, you remember that, do you?”
“I… wouldn’t be opposed to learning more,” Fenris offers.
“Is that so?” Zevran quirks an eyebrow, a cautious smile on his face. “Alright than, ah… my whole thing is me desperately needing to pee and then being held or touched when I finally let it go. Sometimes sitting in a someone’s lap, sometimes letting them touch me intimately… there are a bunch of variations, but… you get the idea.”
“Ah,” it’s hard for Fenris to ignore the tell-tale tingling in his groin, “consider me interested.”
Zevran lights up, “Really?”
“Buttons, did we just discover a new kink for you?” Isabela chuckles fondly.
“Perhaps,” Fenris lets out a bark of laughter.
“That works out nicely, because that one’s easy to work around you two being in pain tonight,” she points out. “We just cover a spare bed in several layers of spare towels and then throw everything in the laundry and deal with it all tomorrow when we hopefully feel less like absolute shit.”
“It does mean we need to bathe twice in one night, though,” Zevran points out.
“We could just call this an Epsom salt soak and then take a proper bath after we’re done,” Fenris points out.
“I like how you think!” Isabela grins.
“If we’re going to do this, perhaps we should get out soon?” Zevran requests, “Because to be honest, I already kind of need to pee.”
“Okay, everybody out,” Isabela shoos them out of the tub. They all take a moment to make sure the worst of the day’s grime is rinsed off, then climb out of the tub and start drying off.
“Other than, uh… pee, what would you like?” Fenris asks as he rubs his hair dry with a towel.
“Ah, well, I do love some good old fashioned praise,” Zevran reveals, much to Fenris’ delight. “Power play is nice, but I prefer a bit of a soft touch. No punishment or humiliation or anything like that. You’ve played with Isabela, so I suspect you have an idea of what I like already.”
Fenris nods.
“Also, ah… this relates back to pee a bit, but I rather like the idea of having someone or something inside me while my bladder is full, whether it’s your fingers or your… hmm, we haven’t told each other what words we use for our bodies, have we?”
“Just… cock, for me,” Fenris says.
“I use clit and ah… just ‘inside me’ mostly,” Zevran says, “and then breasts. Which you are allowed to touch, by the way! I know some men like me don’t like that, but I find it rather nice. Anyways, I doubt either of us has the energy for you to properly fuck me tonight, but… has Bela introduced you to cockwarming?”
Fenris chuckles, “She most certainly has. And yes, I can do that with you.”
“I’m going to go get a room set up while you two keep talking,” Isabela interjects, making her way over to the closet and pulling out a whole stack of towels before heading for the door.
“Thank you, Bela!” Zevran replies.
“See you soon,” Fenris adds, then turns back to Zevran, who is now dry and simply wearing his towel around his shoulders. “Do we need safewords?”
“To be perfectly honest, I don’t think I have the mental energy to come up with words tonight. Does Bela use nonverbal signals with you ever?” Zevran asks. “I’m sure she does, right?”
“We can just use two taps for pause and three for stop, if you’d like,” Fenris offers, wrapping his own towel around his waist now that he’s dry.
“Perfect!” Zevran grins. “Perhaps if we do this again later, we can come up with a more robust system. But this should be fine for what we’re doing tonight.”
“In a similar vein, do you want to… call each other anything in particular?” Fenris asks.
Zevran ponders for a moment, then quietly speaks up, “I rather like the idea of you calling me something sweet. Like… dear. Is that a strange thing to request when we are not in a relationship?”
Something flutters in Fenris’ gut. Part of him knows they’re playing with fire. There’s a reason they’re not in a relationship, and that reason is that they live nowhere near each other and probably won’t see each other for months if not years after this. But now that Zevran has mentioned it, he can’t get it out of his head. He wants this, even if he knows it’s going to hurt afterwards. And so, against his better judgment, he responds, “I like that, actually.”
“What should I call you?”
“I… am not sure. Is my name alright?”
“Of course!” Zevran grins. “A name can be a very intimate thing, after all.”
“Alright then, dear,” Fenris feels a shiver run down his spine as the word leaves his mouth, “how are we planning on getting each other off?”
“Want me to suck you off?” Zevran asks before placing his thumb in his mouth and giving Fenris a coy look.
“Fuck,” Fenris reaches up to wipe a hand down his face, then squeaks out, “Yes, especially after that demonstration.”
The other elf pulls his thumb out of his mouth and flashes a shit-eating grin.
“What about you?” Fenris asks.
“Mmm… is it strange if I kind of just want to cuddle while I touch myself?”
“Not at all,” Fenris replies. The thought of it makes warmth pool in his belly.
“I’d quite like that, then,” Zevran says.
“How’s the planning going, boys?” Isabela’ voice startles Fenris. He looks up to see her poking her head back into the room.
“I believe we’re ready to head upstairs,” Fenris declares, so the three of them proceed to the spare room Isabela has tidied up for their scene.
“Alright you two, I’m here if you need me,” Isabela says, taking a seat on the half of the bed with minimal towels, “and if you don’t need me, then I’m here for the show. Either way, I’ll be over here watching.”
Fenris sits down on the more heavily towel-padded side of the bed, followed soon after by Zevran, who kneels in front of him and looks at him expectantly.
Fuck.
He’s beautiful.
“Alright, my dear,” Fenris says, trying to keep his tone gentle but commanding, “I could use some help…” he misses a beat, tripping over his words, then finishes in an awkward whisper, “getting myself hard.”
“Of course, Fenris,” Zevran says with a sweet smile that melts his heart. The sound of his name makes him shiver. “Would you like me to use my mouth?”
“Yes. That would be perfect,” Fenris confirms, so Zevran gets down on his belly and immediately picks up his half-hard cock and lazily pumps it in his hand a few times before pressing a soft kiss to the tip, swirling his tongue around the head, and taking it into his mouth. Fenris thanks him with a pleased hum and a series of muttered praise.
His body is feeling uncharacteristically cooperative tonight, apparently, because it only takes a few minutes to get him fully hard. At least something is going well today, he thinks sourly. But he pushes the bitterness from his thoughts and focuses on Zevran. “Such a good boy. I think I’m ready for you to come sit in my lap, dear.”
Zevran gives one last swirl of his tongue before pulling away and resituating himself over Fenris’ lap.
“Check your bladder, Zev,” Isabela reminds sweetly from across the bed.
“I will, don’t worry,” he responds, then gently takes Fenris hand in his and guides it over his bladder. He tilts his head, “This alright?”
Fenris nods.
Zevran smiles and lightly presses down on Fenris’ fingers. The face he makes as he does so – mouth slightly open and eyelids drooping – is enough to tell Fenris that it feels very good.
“No pain?” Isabela asks.
“No pain,” Zevran confirms.
“Alright then, you boys do your thing,” she smiles and returns to watching, her cheek resting in her hand and a look of fond interest on her face.
Fenris takes his cock in his spare hand and gives Zevran a lopsided smile, “Get yourself ready for me, dear.”
“Yes, Fenris,” he reaches his own spare hand between his legs and spreads some slick around before holding himself open and giving Fenris a coy smile.
“Alright, come here,” Fenris says, taking his hand away from Zevran’s bladder and placing it on his hip to help guide him down onto his cock, slowly and gently. “There you go. Does that feel good?”
Zevran responds with a shuddering moan and buries his face in Fenris’ shoulder, wrapping his arms around him.
Fenris returns the gesture, holding Zevran close and tracing his fingers over the scars that cover nearly every inch of his back – some raised and knotted, others just a bit smoother or rougher than one would expect skin to be. He wants to tell him he’s beautiful, but that seems like too much. Instead, he opts for, “You feel so good around me.”
“You feel so good inside me,” Zevran responds, his voice quivering like he’s trying to hold back tears.
Fenris tightens his hug, burying one hand in Zevran’s hair as the other massages circles over his lower back. This earns him a soft moan as the other elf clenches around him. They stay holding each other like that for long enough that Fenris loses track of time. Isabela is either antsy or turned on – Fenris suspects both – because several minutes in she begins idly touching herself. She chuckles and gives a little wave every time Fenris glances over. Her presence is comforting. Grounding.
“Fenris?” Zevran asks, finally breaking the silence. Fenris silently thanks whatever part of his brain asked to be called by his name, because every time Zevran says it, sparks crackle through his groin.
“What is it, dear?”
“I’m almost ready, but can I touch myself for a bit first?”
“Go ahead.”
Zevran reaches a hand between their bodies and presses down lightly on his bladder with a blissful sigh, then dips down to pick up some slick and massage circles over his clit. Before long, he’s slowly and gently fucking himself on Fenris’ cock, punctuating each movement with quiet grunts. It’s not exactly what they’d planned, but Fenris decides not to intervene. He trusts Zevran to stop when he’s ready.
And sure enough, a few minutes later he slows to a stop and sits up straight, his cheeks flushed and his hair ruffled, and announces, “Alright, my bladder is too full to keep doing that. Where would you like me for the next part?”
“Mm… perhaps I could lay down and you could straddle my waist?” Fenris suggests.
“Might want a pillow under your head for that, Buttons,” Isabela points out, using the hand that isn’t coated in slick to move a pillow closer to Fenris and haphazardly tuck it under the edge of the stacked towels, “or I guarantee you’ll get piss in your hair.”
“Isabela is correct,” Zevran confirms, “speaking from… mutual experience. But yes, that position sounds lovely!”
“Duly noted,” Fenris chuckles, then leans back until he’s laying on his back with his head on the pillow. Zevran lets out a quiet moan as Fenris shifts inside of him, likely pressing against his bladder from the inside. “Okay, off my cock. Come kneel over my belly.” He can feel his face grow hot as the words leave his mouth.
Zevran does as he’s told, whining slightly as he slides off of Fenris’ cock. Once he’s in position he tilts his head and waits for directions.
“Where do you want my hands, dear?”
Zevran lets out a little puff of nervous laughter and wordlessly picks up one of Fenris’ hands. He places it between his legs, pressing one of Fenris’ fingers just barely into himself, enveloping just the tip in slick warmth. “Want to know a secret? Not a very well-kept secret, but still… I only tell people I actually like.”
“Tell me.”
“You can make me feel incredible if you lightly brush over my urethra and the spot right in front of it,” Zevran explains, gently guiding Fenris’ finger a little further between his folds until he feels his urethra.
“Like this?” Fenris rubs his finger in a gentle circle.
Zevran winces and chuckles, “Just a little bit lighter.”
Fenris gives a feather-light flick of his finger through Zevran’s slick, doing his best to hit both his urethra and the tender spot in front of it. That apparently does the trick, because Zevran responds by relaxing every muscle in his body, bliss written across his face. Fenris smiles and repeats the motion, “Ready to pee for me, my dear?”
Zevran nods eagerly.
Isabela moans from across the bed and Fenris glances over to see her biting her lip as she touches herself, far less lazily than before. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, buttons. Fuck, that’s hot.”
He flashes her a slightly feral grin before turning his attention back to Zevran, flicking his finger again, “Alright, go ahead. Pee for me.”
He can see the effort on Zevran’s face. Feel the way his muscles tense and relax.
“That’s it. Come on. Let it out,” he coaxes, flicking his finger over Zevran’s urethra again.
This time he’s rewarded with a tiny spurt of pee before Zevran tenses up, shrinking into himself and tucking his face into his own shoulder.
Fenris looks to Isabela for… he’s not sure what. Advice? Reassurance?
“You’re okay, buttons,” she says, a little breathless. “He’s not hurt, just a little shy. Keep going, he’ll get there.”
Reassured – and amused at the thought of the assassin being shy about anything – Fenris turns back to Zevran and gently flicks his finger through his slick again, “Keep going. You’re doing so good, my dear.”
Zevran lets out a small whimper, then takes a deep, shuddering breath.
“You alright?” Fenris asks.
Zevran nods, his eyes squeezed shut and his face still tucked into his own shoulder.
“Okay,” he trusts Zevran’s judgment and continues what he’s doing with his finger. “Just let me know if anything needs to change.”
Zevran nods again and takes a few more deep breaths until his body relaxes and his back straightens. He keeps his eyes closed, but only loosely.
“Perfect,” Fenris praises, “I want to feel your pee on me, can you do that for me dear?”
Zevran answers with a small trickle, cut off by nervous giggles bubbling to the surface. Isabela’s increasingly heavy breathing off to the side tells him she’s still watching.
Fenris did not expect to be quite as aroused by this as he is. “That’s it. Just relax and keep going,” he coaxes, his voice a bit shaky now.
Zevran stifles his giggles and once again tries to relax. Another spurt of pee escapes, but it’s once again cut off abruptly as he dissolves into uncontrollable giggles. This time he doubles over, drool dripping onto Fenris’ chest as he laughs.
“Feeling a little nervous tonight, Zev?” Isabela asks. “You only get giggly like this when you’re nervous.”
“We’re all a bit on edge tonight, to be fair,” Fenris defends on Zevran’s behalf.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Zevran pants, a few more giggles slipping through the cracks before he sits back up and clears his throat. “I’m good to continue.”
Fenris smiles up at him and resumes the gentle flicking of his finger, earning a pleased hum from Zevran. “There you go. Just relax and let go, my dear.”
It takes a moment, but eventually Zevran succeeds in his task. At first it comes in short spurts and thin trickles, but soon enough his stream evens out and pee begins to pool on Fenris’ belly, cascading down his sides and onto the towels below as smaller rivulets travel down his forearm and drip onto his chest. And before they know it, it’s over, leaving all three of them panting with arousal.
“Ohhh, fuck, that’s as hot to watch as it is to be under,” Isabela murmurs in awe. The sound of her touching herself is loud and wet and doing things to Fenris. Between that and the overwhelming intimacy of letting Zevran empty his bladder over him, he feels almost like he’s drowning but in the best way possible.
“Fenris?” Zevran asks, his whole body is shaking slightly and Fenris can feel how hard his clit is as he retrieves his dripping hand from between his legs.
“What is it, dear?”
“I would quite like to go down on you now, if you’re still interested,” a few more nervous giggles bubble to the surface as Zevran grins down at him.
“Go ahead,” Fenris says, so Zevran climbs down from his belly and resituates himself between his legs, nuzzling at his cock and looking up at him with the sweetest smile. When Fenris nods his permission, Zevran takes the base of his cock in his hand and licks a stripe up the underside before engulfing it in the wet heat of his mouth.
Fenris closes his eyes and lets himself melt into the sensations of Zevran’s mouth on him – bobbing and sucking and swirling his tongue – until several minutes in the assassin’s posture shifts and breathing becomes increasingly labored. Fenris cracks open his eyes.
“Zev,” Isabela interrupts softly, “is your shoulder okay?”
He reluctantly pulls away from Fenris’ cock to reply in an obviously-strained voice, “I’m alright, don’t worry about me. I’m having a lovely time!”
“I’m sure you are,” Isabela responds, “but you could not more clearly be lying about your shoulder. Up up, let’s find you a new position.”
“I will be perfectly fine like this for a few more minutes,” he insists, returning his mouth to Fenris’ cock.
Isabela shoots Fenris a concerned look, “If you safeword, he’ll stop.”
“Stop,” Fenris grunts, tapping twice on Zevran’s forearm. “Sit up.”
Zevran immediately does as he’s told, shooting a pouty look in Isabela’s direction.
“I’m not going to let you hurt yourself just to make me feel good,” Fenris insists.
For a moment, he thinks he sees fear flash though Zevran’s eyes, but it’s quickly replaced with a sulky expression, “I do want to make you feel good, though.”
“Has it occurred to you that you can do that without fucking up your shoulder?” Fenris retorts.
“Well, when you put it that way,” Zevran responds with a slightly forced laugh. “I don’t suppose you have any ideas?”
Isabela clears her throat, “I might have a suggestion, if you two are interested?”
“Please do,” Fenris says.
“Well,” she says with a smirk, “I could always join in. Zev, how were you planning to get off?”
“I was thinking of touching myself while being held,” he replies.
“Aww,” her face melts into a fond smile, “well, that should still be doable. What if you two do that while I go down on Fenris? And then you, Zevran, can eat me out while I sit on your face. Everyone gets off. Everyone gets to make someone feel good. Any objections?”
“I can work with that,” Fenris agrees.
“As can I,” Zevran grins.
“Before we start: how’s everybody feeling about the pee situation over there?” Isabela asks. “Keep the mess or clean up before we continue?”
Fenris isn’t really sure what the right answer is, or if there even is a right answer. He doesn’t want to offend by picking the wrong option. He’s never done anything like this before.
Thankfully, Zevran steps in and answers, “Perhaps we should at least remove the soggy towels and pat Fenris’ belly dry?”
Fenris nods, “I… wouldn’t object to that.”
Isabela grabs some spare towels from the foot of the bed and the three of them work together to swap out the towels under Fenris and give him a quick pat dry. He still smells very much like Zevran, which makes heat pool in his groin when he thinks about it. But he’s relieved not to be laying on soggy fabric anymore.
Once everyone is situated – Isabela sitting between Fenris’ legs and Zevran tucked against his side – Isabela tilts her head and asks, “Everyone ready?”
“I believe so, yes,” Fenris replies, hugging Zevran’s head towards him.
“I am if you are!” Zevran confirms, burying his head in Fenris’ shoulder and reaching a hand between his own legs.
“Alright then, here I go,” Isabela says, oozing down and turning her attention to Fenris’ cock. His erection has dwindled amid all the fuss, but she seems unfazed. She patiently coaxes him back to full hardness, then takes the full length of him into her mouth and throat, gagging around him slightly. She then pulls off, sniffles her now runny nose, and flashes him an I meant to do that grin before she resumes fucking her throat on him, getting snot and spit and tears everywhere and very clearly having the time of her life.
Zevran, meanwhile, has found a good rhythm while touching himself and is now gasping and whimpering against Fenris’ shoulder as he works at his clit with a slick-drenched finger.
There are so many sensations and emotions coursing through him at once that Fenris has no room left in his head to think about any of it. His mind is both pleasantly and terrifyingly empty. He can hardly feel the bed under him because his senses are too tied up in the wet slide of Isabela’s tongue and throat, the sound of her intermittent gags and sniffles and gasps of breath, the rhythmic sounds of Zevran’s finger moving through his slick, his desperate whimpering inches from Fenris’ ear, the residual scent of his pee. Nothing else exists at that moment in time. Fenris is floating.
He’s only faintly aware that he’s making his own cacophony of sounds. He has to struggle to make his voice cooperate enough to gasp out “I’m close!” when he senses an orgasm on the horizon – Isabela has no qualms about him finishing in her mouth, but he doesn’t want to catch her off guard. When he does come, he feels a split second of bliss, followed by the lightning-like sear of his lyrium brands lighting up, and then… nothing.
His senses come back incrementally. First, he feels a faint buzzing in his head and muscles, like he needs to shiver but can’t. His skin feels raw, and his throat is dry and scratchy. Then the world begins to fade back into focus. Where there had been frenzied activity before, there is now stillness. Isabela is sitting up, wiping drool from her chin and smiling, and Zevran has melted into a motionless puddle against Fenris’ side.
“You okay, buttons?” Isabela asks, barely above a whisper.
He takes a moment to assess himself, then nods. “I’m good,” he rasps. “Water?”
Isabela smiles, “Yeah, I’ll get you some water.”
She gets up and grabs him a glass of water from the bedside table, which he immediately grabs for and tries to drink, lifting his head as much as he can without disturbing Zevran… and promptly pouring water all over his chest and Zevran’s head in the process, causing both of them to sit bolt upright, sputtering and laughing.
“Sorry,” Fenris says after his laughter subsides.
“Don’t worry about it,” Zevran chuckles. “That was just what I needed.”
“Did you finish, by the way?” Fenris asks before taking a long drink of his remaining water.
“I did!” Zevran confirms. “I had quite a lovely time watching you two.”
“I’m glad,” Fenris gives him an exhausted smile before taking another gulp of his water. He still feels shaky and raw and not-quite-real, but… good.
“By the way, Bela, I’m ready whenever you are!” Zevran announces. “That water to the face woke me up rather efficiently.”
“We should probably rehydrate a bit, too, first,” Isabela laughs, handing Zevran a glass of water and sipping at one of her own, “but after that I will be quite ready.”
Fenris glances over and notes that her inner thighs are visibly drenched in slick. He smiles to himself and continues sipping at his water.
“What’re you smiling at, buttons?” Isabela asks playfully between sips of her own water.
“I see you’ve been enjoying yourself,” he responds with a smirk.
She laughs, “That goes without saying.”
“Well, I’ve finished my water,” Zevran reaches to put his empty glass back on the bedside table, “so I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Thirsty, are we?” Isabela observes with a snort.
Zevran just laughs.
“Alright, scoot this way before you lay back down,” Isabela sets aside her mostly empty glass and motions Zevran away from Fenris. “I suspect Fenris is a little overstimulated right now, so let’s give him some space.”
Zevran scoots to the other side of the bed and lays down as instructed, and Isabela wastes no time hefting herself onto the bed and straddling his jaw, looking down at him with a fond smile and stroking her fingers through his hair. Zevran caresses his palms over her thighs and ass and lower back before letting them rest on her hips and tugging down, letting her know he's ready. She lets out a chime of laughter and drops down so he can eagerly lap into her.
Fenris watches as he continues to sip his water, first with cautious intrigue and then with open delight. The one time he tried this with Isabela, he felt like he was suffocating and instantly panicked. They haven’t tried it again since. But watching Isabela and Zevran do it is different, in part because Zevran is so clearly having as good a time as Isabela is. Fenris can’t help but smile as their breathless laughter and muffled moans. He could tell just from looking at them that this must be something they’d done dozens of times before and would likely never tire of, which fills his belly and chest with a sleepy sort of warmth.
Isabela doesn’t last long. Which, all things considered, isn’t much of a surprise. In very short order, she’s clutching at Zevran’s hair, gasping and twitching with drool trickling from her mouth as Zevran continues to flick his tongue over her clit with mischief in his eyes. She taps his head three times and he stops immediately and lets go of her hips, allowing her to climb off of him and flop down on the bed between him and Fenris.
Zevran sits up, licking his lips and breathing heavily, “Ah, it’s been a while since I got to do that for you! I’ve missed it.”
“So have I,” Isabela laughs breathlessly.
“Now,” Zevran turns to Fenris, “how about that second bath? These messes are a good bit more fun than the ones we accrued earlier in the day, but I think they’ll lose their appeal rather quickly if we try to sleep without cleaning up first.”
“I thought we decided what happened earlier was an Epsom salt soak?” Fenris says with a tired but mischievous grin. “So that would make this our first bath, would it not?”
“I stand corrected!” Zevran laughs. “How about that first bath, then?”
“Ah, this was nice!” Isabela sighs contentedly between them. “Today was… a lot. But this helped. Thank you both.”
“You can thank us by coming downstairs to take a bath with us,” Fenris chuckles, then softens his voice, “but… thank you, too. I needed this, I think.”
#fenris#isabela#zevran#zevris#fenbela#zevran x isabela#isabela x zevran x fenris#lemon#da drunk writing circle#nuri writes
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