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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 8*

Chapter 7

Chapter 9

I know, I wait almost 4 days and now you gotta go through this bullshit. I can already hear your cries of anguish and suffering.

I love it so much. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

That being said I promise regular chapters for the rest of the week! Okay I don't promise but I promise to do my best.

Note: Alright it's a fanfic people, alternate universes and all that. So you know what we're saying that all the Carisi sisters are younger, and Sonny was the big bro. Kay? I can't deal with all the continuity stuff.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

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Sonny was watching TV with Amanda when his phone went off. He paused the movie and answered the phone:

“Barba it’s kinda late--”

“What's wrong with your cousin?” he flatly said.

“Excuse me?” Sonny asked. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just answer the question, Carisi,” Barba insisted.

“Well it's a loaded question, Barba.” Sonny replied.

“Okay then just answer me this,” Barba sighed. “Why did I come back to my apartment to find her halfway through my once full bottle of vodka and pouting on the couch. Oh, after she had gone through all of my things of course,”

“Aw shit,” Sonny muttered under his breath. “That's kind of on me, Barba,”

“One second babe,” He muttered to Amanda, while he got up and went into his kitchen.

“Babe?” Barba asked.

“It’s just Rollins,” Sonny dismissed it.

“So you have feelings for me, but you’re fucking Rollins?” He asked in a snarky tone.

“What, are you jealous or somethin’ Barba?” Sonny smirked.

“No, don’t be stupid,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Why is it on you?” He changed the subject.

“I should have never filled her head with doubts and suspicions and then sent her back to your place; when I should have known that you would keep a full bar in your apartment,” Sonny sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Well of course I would keep a stocked bar in my apartment Sonny, I entertain people and I'm a grown man,” Rafael scoffed.

“Yeah, again it's on me,” Sonny repeated.

“Okay so what is wrong with your cousin?” Rafael asked.

“I think that pretty much answers it, don't you think?” Sonny asked in a “duh” tone.

“... I see,” Rafael glanced at his bedroom door wearily.

“Where is she now? Did you send her away? Please tell me you didn't send her away,” Sonny begged.

“No I didn't send her away, she's sleeping it off in my bedroom,” He got up and walked to his bedroom door. “I didn't want to just kick her out because she was upset. I'm not that big of a dick,” He whispered as he watched you sleep. You looked so calm and peaceful, that’s the girl he remembered.

“ You know, this should probably be better explained in person,” Sonny walked back into his living room where Amanda glanced over at him. He motioned for her to get her stuff together.

“Can I come over?”

“Yeah okay, not like I have anything else to do,'' he rolled his eyes as he shut his bedroom door and walked back to his living room.

--------------.

Sonny showed up to Rafael's apartment with a loaded head and a semi heavy conscience. He knocked on the door and Rafael let him inside.

“Okay so what kind of long story is this,” Rafael asked while he poured himself a glass of scotch. He noticed Sonny giving him a weird look.

“What? It's not like she's in here now,” he rolled his eyes.

“True,” He nodded. “Do you have beer?”

“Yes, dark or light?” Rafael made a disgusted face while he asked. He couldn't stand the taste of beer but he always had it on him just in case he had barbarians over such as Sonny.

“Shiner Bock, if you have it,” Sonny requested. Rafael nodded as he went into his ‘party fridge’ and handed him one before sitting on the couch across from him.

“Alright so where do I start?” Sonny thought out loud.

“Well I guess first of all I wanted to say I don’t wanna say I told you so, but this is exactly why I didn't want you and Y/N to get involved in the first place. It had nothing to do with my feelings for you. It’s because I know that you tend to keep relationships with guys and girls chill and casual, but Y/N is a special case and special to me,”

“Yeah.. I wish you had expressed that before,” Rafael groaned.

Well what was I supposed to say in front of her, Barba? ‘Oh hey by the way, you probably shouldn't get involved with my trainwreck of a cousin? Sonny asked defensively.

“Maybe? I don’t know…” Rafael sighed as he put his head in his hands.

“Look, Rafael,” Sonny put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like she’s some kinda degenerate junkie,”

“Oh well, that’s great--” He started to roll his eyes.

“I’m serious Rafael!” He pounded the table.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry Sonny,” He finally used his first name, trying to be as soft with him as possible. He could see how much you meant to him, and it was really endearing. “Go ahead,”

“Alright,” Sonny sighed, ready to tell your life story. You would probably kill him later for it, but there was no hiding your...issues now, he might as well get the whole context.

“Well, first of all-- her dad died before she was born, overdose,” He began. “Then she was stuck with her junkie mother, my auntie. Who by the way at this point, nobody had heard from in years,” He took a sip of beer.

“So anyways,” He began again. “One day, she showed up at my mom’s doorstep with Y/N, and told her that she can’t take care of Y/N, or that she didn’t want to,” He sighed. “She was three years old by then, I don’t even wanna think about what happened before then,”

“Jesus…” Rafael muttered.

“I was eight years old at the time, my sisters were even younger. My mom and dad had enough on their plate with just us. So, I kinda took her under my wing,” He went on.

“We became so close, she wanted to go by “Sunny” just so she could be like me. I told her it would be confusing for the two of us, so I called her Sunshine, Sunny for short. That way if I’m calling her sunny, then obviously it’s not myself,” He chuckled. To this day, he still called you Sunshine.

“But as she grew up, she just...kinda had a rough go. She didn’t really interact with kids her own age, she was really defensive and untrusting with anybody but me. Not even my parents. And then we got the call that her mother died, and it ripped me up inside to see her body at the funeral. It was so fucked up, she was so fucked up. That’s why I-- I think something really bad happened to her when she was with her mother, Rafael. Like-- really, bad.

“Fuck..." Rafael muttered while glancing at his bedroom door. He didn't want to imagine what you had been through at such a young age. He wanted to run in his room right now and just hold you, but he kept his composure.

“So then I went off to college when she was ten years old, just about to start junior high. She begged me to stay, but I told her she had a good family and that my parents and sisters loved her as much as I did, and to stay out of trouble. But...kids are cruel. They made her harder, and harder. Without me there to be her-- I dunno, her guiding light or her-- protector, she just kinda fell into a bad crowd by the time high school rolled around,” He sighed while taking another swig of beer.

“...Right,” Rafael nodded.

“So when i came home from school my mom told me she was going to kick Sunny out. I asked her why, and she went on and on about how she had gotten in with these local girls who were like, I dunno some kinda girl gang, and they’d knock over liquor stores and then get drunk and stoned. She said she was never around anyway, unless it was to steal money out of her purse; And she just didn’t wanna deal with her anymore,”

“...But she was only fifteen at the time,” Rafael was stunned.

“Yeah, and that’s what I told her!” Sonny exclaimed. “Look Barba my mom is the salt of the earth, but like I said she had a lot on her plate and my dad wasn’t around a lot-- and she had three other daughters to watch out for,”

“Three of her OWN daughters,” Rafael clarified with a judgmental tone.

“HEY,” Sonny warned. “I know how it sounds. And maybe-- maybe you’re right, maybe that’s why she washed her hands clean of Sunny. Because she was just a by-product of her fucked up sister. But I-- I’m not gonna condemn her for it. And you sure as hell don’t get to judge her,”

“You’re right,” Rafael nodded while sipping his scotch.

“So I took Sunny in,” Sonny finished his beer as he wrapped up his story. “I took her in while I went through the police academy. I made sure she got sober, quit hangin’ out with those girls, I got her to do well in school, hell I got her to graduate high school!”

“And…?” Rafael pressed.

“...And when I started bouncing around precincts, she was finally a productive member of society so she started living on her own. She had a few jobs, but never really going anywhere. So once I got placed here in SVU and started making better money, I started helping her out with rent and her car, as long as she promised to start going to community college. Which she agreed to because she really does wanna make something of herself,” He half smiled thinking about how far you had come and how proud he was to call you his cousin now. You were so full of life with dreams and ambitions he never saw in you as a scared little kid.

“Okay so-- how does all of this lead to what happened tonight?” Rafael leaned back and crossed his arms.

“Because she’s still an addict, Barba!” Sonny tried not to yell, but didn’t understand why Rafael was still so flippant about you.

“Just because she got her life together-- I got her life together, doesn’t mean that she just got ‘better’. She’s on a daily see-saw of sobriety. I do weekly ‘drop ins’ just to check on her. It’s gotten a lot better as time goes on, and the less and less I worry about her, but--” He took a breath and looked at the floor.

“....Deep down she’s still that little girl with all of her walls and her distrust. She doesn’t have friends, I really don’t think she’s ever had a stable ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend,’ I mean she-- she doesn’t, talk to people,” He paused before looking up and into Rafael’s eyes.

“...Which is why it has been yankin' my chain tryin’ to figure out just why in God’s name she was so-- open, to you,” He finally admitted. “She’s never been that close to anybody else but me, not in her entire life,”

“Wait,” Rafael put a finger up. “So...you haven’t actually been jealous of Y/N this whole time, you’ve been jealous of me?” He half laughed.

“I mean, it’s a little of both,” He shrugged with a small smile, able to joke about his feelings now. “But I meant what I said when I first got here, I know the main thing that Y/N needs in her life right now is stability. And you-- you are not stable, in the least,”

“Oh I’m the unstable one?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Relationship wise, yeah,” Sonny pointed out.

“....Fair point,” Rafael nodded as he finished off his scotch. He knew the longest relationship he had ever had was with the cute barista he saw every morning who knew how to make his coffee just right. And that relationship only took him five minutes a day to maintain.

“So…” Sonny knocked Rafael from his thoughts.

“So...what?” Rafael quirked an eyebrow.

“So, I think that--” Sonny took a deep breath, knowing you might hate him for this. But it was for the best, and it needed to be said.

“I think that if you care anything about her, or me for that matter, that you let me take her home, and forget about this whole weekend,”

“....I mean…” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to let you go. Well, he didn't want to let go of the girl he had met at Forlini's. The girl who made him laugh, who he could be his true self around, the girl he might---

“Look the bottom line here Barba is that Y/N is-- a lot of work. I should know, I’ve been taking care of her for 19 years. But I don’t mind it, because I love her more than anything else in this world. Well, her and the rest of my family. But still-- I love her,” Sonny now stood up.

“And I get that you like her, but she--- she has gotten way too serious about you way too fast, and way too hard. And this?” He gestured around the room, referring to the whole night. “This ain’t even the tip of the iceberg with her, if she’s really fallen off the wagon,”

“...God dammit,” Rafael stood up and began to pace in his living room. He thought about every single second he had spent with you since he met you; you had never seemed so...broken, as Sonny was describing you.

“What I’m saying is, unless you’re ready to-- ‘deal’ with her, and everything that comes with that, please for the love of God, just walk away now,” Sonny pleaded.

“Because she won’t listen to me if I tell her to stay away from you. And if things get too ‘real’ for you, you’re just gonna freak out or-- or get bored, and throw her away. Her self worth will drop to shit. And if that happens, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get her back from that,”

“I would never just throw her away, Carisi,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“You can’t say that, Barba,” Sonny debated.

“And why the hell not?” Rafael narrowed his eyes.

“Because you’ve never NOT just ‘thrown away’ someone,” He chuckled. “That front door might as well be a garbage chute,”

“You son of a--” Rafael started to yell at him but Sonny cut him off.

“Tell me I’m wrong, Barba. Look me in the eyes and tell me I have no idea what I’m talking about, and I’ll leave here and let you deal with her the way you want to,” Sonny looked at him pensively. Rafael looked at him for several seconds, then softened his glare into a sad concession.

“....Take her,” He muttered softly while looking at the ground.

“Thank you,” Sonny mumbled softly as he turned to go retrieve your passed out self from the bedroom. However, he was instead met with the most unsettling sight:

You were standing in the doorway of the room, glaring at the two of them.

“...H-Hey, Sunshine--” Sonny tried to appease you with an awkward smile.

“Don’t,” You growled, stomping into the living room and began packing your bag.

“Y/N, what are you--” Rafael went to put a hand on your bag but you snatched it away before you shot fire out of your eyes into his gaze.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I misunderstand what you just said?” You barked at him with tears in your eyes. “Because I’m pretty damn sure I heard ‘take her’. You know like I’m some sort of defective Amazon package,”

“That’s not what I meant---” He softly spoke, the guilt of his words being heard by you was quickly eating him alive.

“No I know what you meant, Rafael,” You zipped your duffel shut angrily.

“I heard the whole god damn spiel. Which, by the way, thank you so much for detailing my entire little sob story, cousin,” You glared at Sonny as you started walking towards the front door, shoulder checking him.

“But neither of you have to worry about anything anymore, okay? You’re released from your ‘duties’. This trainwreck is leaving the station, so you can relax,” You looked at the both of them with pain in your eyes, tears cracking your words.

“Sunshine--” Sonny started after you.

“DON’T,” You glared at him while putting a finger up. “Don’t ever call me that again,”

“At least let me drive you home--”

“No,” You shook your head. “And you know what, cuz? I didn’t realize I was such a financial burden, so you know what? Cut me off. Because I’d rather be homeless again than take any more money from you,”

“What did I do?!” Sonny was now angry. “All I did was come over and try to protect you, that’s it!”

“I don’t need your protection!” You screamed. “This whole time...this whole time, I thought you were proud of me. That you trusted me,”

“I do trust you--”

“You don’t!” You stomped your foot while tears streamed down your face. “Y-You think that if . one single thing like a boy not liking me is gonna set me off, like I’m some kind of bomb you’ve kept from detonating for years. My life is not your responsibility anymore, Sonny! I don’t think it ever was!”

“Well who’s else was it gonna be?!”

“NOBODY’S!!!!” You finally dropped your duffel bag and kicked the wall, leaning your head against it. You were strangely quiet for a long pause before you spoke again in an eerily calm voice.

“...Do you know why my mother “dropped me off’ with your mother?”

“Because she couldn’t take care of you--”

“No I heard what you said,” You sniffled with a sad smile. “Because she didn’t want to,”

“Sunshine--”

“But leaving me with your mother, was her plan b,” You cut him off, still looking at the floor.

“What do you mean?” Sonny asked cautiously while looking at Rafael who had a terrified look in his eyes.

“She didn’t want to ‘burden’ her sister with me, but she had to when I wouldn’t die,”

“...W-What?” Rafael almost choked on the words in disbelief.

“She tried to smother me with a pillow, but I wouldn’t die. I kept screaming and crying, and I guess it touched her strand of humanity, so she stopped,” You rolled your eyes with the same sad smile.

That memory was forever imprinted in your brain. The terror of being woken up in blackness, unable to breathe. The smell of the cigarette smoke covered pillow being shoved into your throat and nostrils. Your mother crying and telling you it would be over soon, just to let go. And finally her sad, pathetic whimpers and sobs when she finally lifted the pillow from you, disappointed in herself that she couldn’t do one good thing in her life. That now she was going to have to pass you, her problem, onto her sister.

“Y/N, baby girl--” Sonny stepped towards you again.

“I wasn’t supposed to be raised by anybody, Sonny. I’m not even supposed to be alive!” You stomped your foot again while tears continued to flow.

“That’s not true!” He ran over and grabbed you in a hug. “You are not a burden,”

“Really?” You laughed sarcastically into his shoulder as you pushed him away from the hug. “You just said your mom didn’t even want to deal with me. Nobody did,”

“I did!” He argued. “I do,”

“Yeah well, maybe I’m my mother’s daughter. I don’t wanna be your burden,” You picked up the duffel and opened the door.

“Okay well you have no choice in that so you’re gonna have to let that go,” Sonny grabbed your hand before you could walk away.

“Fine,” You finally conceded with a blank expression.

“Guess I’ll just have to let a lot of things go, won’t I?” Your voice cracked as you looked at Rafael one more time with the saddest eyes.

He stared back at you with a stone cold face. He wanted so badly just to go and hold you in his arms, telling you how you didn’t deserve any of what happened to you, and that you deserved everything good and all the love in the world. But Sonny’s pleas were still in his head.

He didn’t know if he wanted the responsibility of your entire self worth and happiness, let alone your sobriety on his shoulders. He didn’t even like to get close to clients with that many issues, the pressure was too much. So instead he just stood there, trying not to show how much this was killing him, sending you away like this.

“Come on Sunshine, just-- let’s go, okay?” Sonny pleaded with you softly, pulling at your hand. You didn’t answer, you just nodded and started walking down the hallway towards the elevator, leaving Sonny at the door.

“...Thank you, Barba,” He mumbled softly, nodding at Rafael. Rafael barely nodded back before Sonny closed the door.

As soon as it was closed, Rafael dropped on his knees and began to cry. He didn’t know why exactly, was he crying because he felt horrible for all the shit you had gone through? Was he angry at himself for not being able to get over his own bullshit to actually open up and care about someone for more than a week? Was he really that big of a hypocrite, showing empathy to clients all the time but shutting out the one person he felt he might-- he couldn’t even think it. He wouldn’t let himself think it. He just composed himself and poured another scotch while turning on the TV, trying to forget what just happened.

His NETFLIX menu popped up; it asked him if he wanted to continue watching Bojack Horseman. He closed his eyes and muttered obscenities in spanish while memories of the night before flooded his brain, making him cry angry tears once more. He finally decided just to go to bed, maybe his brain would release him from torture if he could turn it off.

He wasn’t sure he could ever turn it off now.

#rafael barba #rafael barba angst #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #law and order svu fanfiction #svu fanfiction #sonny carisi #weird secret friends #rafael barba imagine

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qvid-pro-qvo · 3 years

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headcanon: “what meeting the boys’ families feel like”

gender neutral reader. tw: food mentions. created in conjunction with @hurricanejjareau.

rafael barba -

lucia is a powerhouse, a whirlwind you can’t help but follow with your eyes and laughter as she teases her son about his high school hair. his abuelita is a memory, but one you get to share and cherish fondly with photos you drag your finger over, the three barbas with the same smile.

the three of you (four of you, really — you feel catalina in every inch of the apartment) sit on wooden chairs around the dining room table, lucia’s love for her son in every bite you eat. she teases, of course, and nags a little - how can she not? she’s close enough to pinch rafael’s ear when he rolls his eyes, and you hide your smile behind one last bite before insisting on the dishes, the only way you can think to immediately repay a delicious meal.

it’s then you feel her touch, your hands scrubbing in foamy water as rafael uses the bathroom. she squeezes your shoulder, lightly.

“my son loves you,” she says firmly. you’re caught in her gaze, not daring to blink. “but he doesn’t love himself. don’t let him chase you off, you understand?”

in the moment, only just. because you see rafael and there’s confidence. there’s bravado. there’s self-assured smiles and smug smirks. where’s the doubt?

you nod, firmly, and feel her squeeze her shoulder again. she pulls away from you, to get to drying, and when rafael pushes into the kitchen her teasing starts up all over again, leaving you with those private words. and her words come back to you again, and again, as long as you are lucky enough to love rafael barba right back.

sonny carisi -

sonny gives you plenty of forewarning.

“they’re a little loud,” he says, shrugging, hand moving. “and aggressive. and definitely overbearing.” he lists off the adjectives like they don’t all mean the same thing, that the carisi family won’t bombard with questions you feel wildly unprepared to answer. “but it’ll be okay. i promise.”

and it is. it really is. because there’s something about the carisis, the way they envelope you in a flood of bright love and laughter that makes your heart warm. something about them that makes your stomach ache from laughing so hard. you can’t catch your breath with the carisis, you can barely think with the carisis, a rush of warmth and love and family that makes you think i could get used to this.

it’s right when you think that when the dinner table goes a little silent. you’re holding sonny’s hand, running your thumb over his knuckles, looking at him with a little daze and maybe even little bit of love when you hear his mother clear her throat.

“so,” she says, when you turn to face her, watching as bella and teresa both bicker to themselves. “when’s the wedding? i assume he’s gonna ask you.”

“ma!” sonny’s face is perfectly scandalized, bright red and reddening even more. gina snorts at the sight, and you try to ignore the way your hands get sweaty, the way that the silent mr. carisi is eyeing you. you start laughing a little, despite yourself, and glance over at him, swallowing.

“well... whenever he asks me?” you offer as an answer, and the delight on mama carisi’s face is only matched by sonny’s at your response.

nick amaro -

you meet cesaria amaro on accident, really. you’re a last minute addition to family outing, nick and zara pleading with you to tag along. and you can’t say no to one of them, let alone both of them, even though their reasons are... different, to say the least. you know nick’s childhood was complicated (the topic of his father is basically blacklisted) and so some company to a day with his mother isn’t unexpected.

what you don’t expect is to like cesaria so much.

see, the introductions are seem like they’ll be shaky. you’re a tag-along, and so his mother isn’t expecting the new face. she squints at you a little, as nick waves over at his mother and daughter, and her hands are protective on zara’s shoulders right up until the moment zara sees you.

your name is nothing more than an incoherent screech. she bum rushes your legs, and you’re laughing with delight as you do your best to lift zara onto your hip. it only lasts for a second, but by the time she’s settled back into the group, bouncing on her toes at the thought of the park cesaria seems to look at you all over again, with a little smile.

the rest of the day goes on. zara and nick end up running ahead, her eyes a little big for her stomach as she sees the opportunities for ice cream around you, leaving you with his mother, alone.

“you’re good with her,” she appraises, and you can’t help your little smile.

“she’s easy to be good with,” you respond, and your eyes are on your boyfriend, on his daughter, on the sight of their laughter.

“you’re good with him, too,” she remarks mildly. “i know he’s stubborn —”

“he’s worth it,” you say with a shrug, and her laugh is the brightest thing that day.

mike dodds -

“he’ll love you.”

it’s mike’s constant reassurance. his overwhelming certainty in that one simple fact that only thing stopping you from booking it. because you’ve heard about his dad, chief william dodds, but now you’re meeting him. and you can tell that even with all of his affirmations, mike, too is nervous, fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he drives.

william, as he insists you call him, smiles bright and kind when you get there. william is charismatic and shows off with every dad joke why he’s deputy chief but there’s one thing that’s so abundantly clear — he loves, loves, loves his son.

“y’know, he’s been through a lot,” william tells you at the end of the night. “been through enough for ten men. but he comes out the other side of it. always does, always does.”

“dad,” mike says. it’s the end of a long dinner, a long night. his ears match his cheeks, a pretty shade of pink, and you feel his hand squeeze yours.

“well, you have, son,” the deputy chief says, and mike just has to sigh. his eyes meet your gaze with an intensity that makes your breath catch. “and i’m just trying to make sure that you’re not... put through more hurt.”

mike looks indignant, starts to argue, but when he looks at you he realizes you’re standing tall, that your eyes haven’t left his father’s. “i’m not going to let that happen,” you say, and it’s so firm that chief dodds can’t help but laugh.

“you’re a fighter, kid. take care of my son.”

and you promise him then, and again, and again, that that’s exactly what you plan to do.

peter stone -

“it’s a pleasure to meet you, mr. stone.” your feet shift as you stand there, a little anxious, but you glance behind you to see peter. he gives a smile, a raised brow, and you’re sure enough to wave him off.

you’re fine. you’ve got this.

“mr. stone, i -” you start, swallowing tightly. “i really care about your son. and i know you did, too, in your own way. i know it was hard, to watch him grow from a distance, but. i’m here to say that i’ll be there, up close and personal. for the both of us.”

your laugh is a little choked up, looking down at the plot. “you know, i understand that your relationship was complicated. but i also know that you loved him, and... he knows that, too. if you’re wondering. it took time to forgive, time i wasn’t there for fully, but. i was able to see how much he admired you, even after... everything.”

your fingers play with the plastic on the flowers, ripping it gently so all that’s left are the buds. “i just wanted to say thank you, with these. thank you for giving me a chance to love your son, and i promise i’ll do right by him.” you lower the flowers to the ground, place them right beside the engraved headstone. “the cubs play today, by the way, and. jack said you’re welcome to stop by.”

you smile, then. look up at peter, who leans on the car as he watches you. you start making your way back to him, a kiss when you make it to his side.

and later that night, in jack mccoy’s house, the place feels warm and full even with just the three of you. he greets you both with a hug, turns on the cubs game. and the house feels warm and full of love, from fathers past and fathers present.

#my fic #law and order svu headcanons #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi #nick amaro x reader #nick amaro #mike dodds x reader #mike dodds #peter stone x reader #peter stone #gender neutral reader #law and order: svu #tw food mention

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potionsprefect · 3 years

Text

They Gave Today for Their Tomorrow

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: Ethan goes to visit Danny and Bobby’s bodies in the morgue

Category: angst

He had promised her he would be there when she wakes up, that he would not let her take her last breath. That she would come back to him and be able to hug him without a plastic barrier.

Ethan slipped out the room for just a few minutes to check on the team. They were working as fast as they could. Developing cures took months. But tonight they had only hours.

The maitotoxin was spreading rapidly through Victoria’s body and with Rafael slipping into a coma within the last few hours, time was running out. The team were determined not to be beaten. They knew what is was, now it was all about putting their minds together and finding a cure.

As Ethan headed back to Victoria’s room he suddenly stopped by the elevator. He glanced at it, debating silently whether he should go see them. He had visited many dead bodies in the morgue before, but when it’s one of your own it hits differently.

Before he could change his mind, Ethan entered the elevator and pressed the button. The doors shut and the elevator headed down.

Ethan took deep breaths to try and calm himself down. The last few hours had been the worst moments of his life and the worst could still be around the corner. He tried not to think about it, but the longer the minutes crawled by, the more he couldn’t get it out of his head.

If Victoria didn’t survive this, Ethan wouldn’t know what he would do. He was sure as hell he couldn’t move on from her death. Not being able to see her everyday would be torture.

He knew that his life wasn’t worth living if she wasn’t in it.

Ethan didn’t even register the doors of the elevator opening until they nearly shut. Prying them open, he slowly walked down the hall. He regretted this path the minute he saw the nurses station.

He saw Sarah and Marlene sat by the desks, their tear streaked faces looking up at him. Ethan couldn’t bare to look them in the eye. He couldn’t save Danny.

And because of that, Ethan believed he could never earn their forgiveness.

He headed down the stairs to the morgue, each step feeling heavier than the last. The required protection was stationed outside the door. Ethan slowly put the clothes on, his hands trembling, his breathing becoming heavier.

Desperate to try and regulate his breathing he leaned against the wall and sunk to the ground. Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes and Ethan couldn’t care less about holding them back. With a strangled cry, the tears overflowed, rolling down his cheek one by one.

How did it come to this? How did any of this happen? One minute Victoria was in the diagnostics room helping solve the case, then she was trapped in her own bubble, fighting to stay alive. How did she become entangled in Travis’ revenge plan, his desire to hurt the Senator so powerful, he put other lives in danger?

Ethan wasn’t sure how long he had been sat on the floor until he saw a figure out the corner of his eye sit down next to him.

“They were not suffering Ethan, no matter what you might think.” Naveen said quietly, laying a hand on Ethan’s shoulder.

“They... they were innocent. They should never have gotten mixed up in all this.” Ethan sobbed.

“No one should have. This is all one tragic situation. But you need to stay strong. There’s someone upstairs who needs you. Who needs you to stay strong for her.” Naveen said softly.

Ethan looked at his mentor, his outline blurry due to his tears. No matter how much of an impression he puts on for the hospital, for two people, he breaks those walls completely.

And right now, this person was crumbling right before Naveen’s eyes.

“What if she doesn’t make it Naveen? What am I going to do without her?” Ethan said.

“She has seen and experienced a lot since she came to Boston. And I think this is just another obstacle in her way. But obstacles are there to be defeated and Victoria has seen off many obstacles before that another one won’t hurt her.”

“But this is different. This obstacle is life or death. And this might be too big a hurdle to climb.” Ethan said wiping the tears from his face.

“No matter how big the hurdle is to climb, there is always a way over it. If you have hope, then cling onto it, as if it’s all you have left.” Naveen said.

The words sank into Ethan. Victoria had dealt with many issues since arriving in Boston a year ago and she faced them all with her head held high. She was a fighter and if she was allowed to give up now, she would never forgive herself.

Ethan wiped his eyes and put on the protective helmet. He slowly opened the door to the morgue.

They looked so peaceful, Ethan thought as he gazed at the two bodies in front of him. As if they were about to wake up from a deep sleep.

But he knew they were asleep for eternity now. No one could try and hurt them anymore.

“I’ve never properly said thank you for what you did.” Ethan said quietly. He knew they couldn’t hear him. Or maybe they could. Maybe their ghost was in the room right now and Ethan was oblivious to it.

“You should never have gotten caught up in all of this. You and Victoria and Rafael are innocent victims to a terrible crime.” Ethan could feel his eyes filling up with tears. “You were brave, you looked Travis in the eye and took him on.” He looked at Bobby. “You wouldn’t let him win and he didn’t.”

He then looked at Danny. He had always thought of Danny as a brilliant nurse who was kind to his patients and the newest recruits to Edenbrook. “You were there for Victoria when others weren’t. You were kind to her when the rumours got out of control. For that I’ll always be grateful. You were there for her when I... when I couldn’t be.” Ethan didn’t even try to hold back tears. He took a deep breath and continued. “You made patients feel safe and calm, when things were complicated. They always said to me how nice you were. I’ve never really understood it until now. Now that you’re... not here to tell me yourself.”

The silence echoed throughout the room and there was a pounding ringing sound in Ethan’s ear. He could feel his tiredness catching up with him, it became difficult to stand on his own two feet.

He had said what he wanted to say. He wanted them to know how grateful he was for their sacrifice. That them putting themselves in the way of danger was the bravest thing they had ever done. And there was an entire group of staff and other friends and family who were eternally grateful.

Slowly, Ethan opened the door and took off the protective clothing. He made his way back to Victoria’s room, ready to hold her hand throughout the rest of the night and ensure she woke up in the morning.

He sat down in the chair next to her bed and smiled at her sleeping form. She was still breathing. She was still here.

— — — — —

He held it in his hands. The cure to save Victoria. He tried to steady his hand as much as he could.

“Ready?” Baz asked.

“It’s now or never. Let’s do this.” Victoria said, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

Smoothly, Ethan dispensed the serum into her vein. A sense of relief washed over him once he removed the needle.

“And now we wait. And hope.” June said.

The next few hours crawled by slowly. It was as if time was playing a game with him, making this ordeal drag out far longer than it should be.

For what felt like the 50th time that day, a set of results printed out. Ethan practically ripped it from the machine as he scanned the results. He read it through a couple times, making sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.

She was in the clear. There was no trace of the toxin left in her system. Not wanting to keep the results to himself for long, Ethan sprinted out the lab and down the hall, he passed June and Baz and a simple nod of his head told them the answers they wanted. He couldn’t stick around for the reaction. He had to get to Victoria.

He reached the outside of her room and strode through the decontamination tent with newfound confidence. “Get up.” He grinned.

“You mean?” Her eyes widened with hope.

“It worked! There’s no trace of the toxin left in your bloodstream. Even if there are still traces in the room we now know that we can- oh!” Ethan didn’t get to finish his sentence as Victoria ran straight into his arms.

“What you’re saying is I’m now finally free to do this?” She grinned looking up at him.

“Yes.” He grinned back tightening his arms around her.

He could feel fresh tears of relief rolling down his face as he hugged her. He looked up momentarily, he wasn’t the most religious person but he knew they were watching with relief as well. He simply mouthed two words.

Thank you.

— — — — —

All aboard the angst train!

This idea came to me at 12am and I had to write it.

Tag list: @ohchoices @openheartfan

#open heart #open heart book 2 #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #play choices #pixelberry #angst #fanfic

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thatesqcrush · 5 years

Text

Transparency

CW: angst/language. For @madpanda75 who wanted jealous baby Rafi. Related story: Study Buddies

Tags: @southern-magnolia @madpanda75 @ottosuricato @delia26 @dreila03 @sass-and-suspenders @glimmerglittergirl @melsquared79 @mommakat32 - anyone else just ask.

A knock on the door interrupted your studies. Your study partner looked at you and you shrugged as you jogged towards the door and opened it. To your surprise, your boyfriend, Rafael was on the other side. Rafael was clad in his typical uniform: a maroon Harvard hoodie and jeans. His hair was mussed, a tell tale sign that he had been stressed.

“Rafi? What are you doing here? I thought you had that big international relations paper?” You cocked your head in confusion.

“I finished my first draft,” Rafael replied with a shrug. “I figured we could go to the hall and grab some dinner.” He looked past you and saw you weren’t alone. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked nervously.

You looked at your study partner and excused yourself, stepping out into the hall and shutting the door almost completely, leaving just a small opening.

You looked at Rafael quizzically, before bursting into laughter. “Mike? Oh, we’re just studying for our property final next week.”

“Again? That’s like the third time this week. Can’t anyone else help him?” Rafael questioned, shifting his weight. He shoved his hands into his back pockets and rocked on his heels.

“Babe, it’s finals,” you reasoned.

“So, no on dinner?” Rafael ignored your reply.

You frowned, shaking your head. “No babe. I’m sorry. We’re probably going to be at it for a couple of more hours. Rain check? Tomorrow?”

Rafael swallowed hard and looked back at your study partner once more, who was going through some flash cards. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

You smiled brightly. “Thanks for understanding. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.” You pressed a kiss to his lips, but Rafael didn’t return the kiss. You could sense something was bothering him. “Babe, is everything okay?”

Rafael looked at you, his initial expression was stoic but then his face relaxed, as if all the tension just magically disappeared. “Yeah; just stressed and tired. Hungry.”

You ran your hands through his hair, down his cheeks and then to hood of his sweatshirt and tugged on the collar. “Go eat and get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Rafael nodded and kissed your cheek. “Tomorrow then.”

You smiled, before turning and ducking back into your room.

****

The following day, you and Rafael spent almost every waking moment together. You walked along the quad towards the student center, hand in hand. Whatever tension was there yesterday, was gone. Rafael seemed to be in a better mood.

As you approached the student center, Mike came into focus. “Hey y/n! Thanks for your help last night.”

“Sure thing. Oh, by the way, this is my boyfriend Rafael. Rafael, this is Mike Reddick. You sort of met him last night.”

“Hey. Nice to meet you.” Rafael greeted.

Mike nodded. “You’ve got yourself a great gal,” he acknowledged. “Really knows her stuff. Saved my ass.”

Rafael wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close. “She really is. I’m a lucky guy.” His comment was clipped and you could sense the return of that awkward tension. You looked at Rafael quizzically, before returning to Mike.

“So let me know if you need anymore help, but I think you’ll be okay. I feel like you understood the materials.”

“Thanks. Oh, hey! By the way, my roommates and I are throwing a huge kegger tomorrow night. You should come. I live on 285 Third Street. Nine o’clock.”

“Awesome, we’ll be there, right Rafi?” You looked up at your boyfriend. He forced a grin. “Wouldn’t want to miss it.”

You said your goodbyes and continued on your way to the student center so you could check on your mail and grab some coffee.

***

“Jump Around” blasted on the stereo so loudly you could feel the room vibrate. You wore ripped denim shortalls with a black crop top underneath. Your hair was pulled back in a Dutch braid. Rafael wore his standard, except this time he wore a New York Yankees hoodie. You teased Rafael that he had a target on his back in the heart of Red Sox Nation.

You and Rafael made your way through the crowded house, filled with party-goers. You recognized some classmates and said hi, as you led Rafael through the sea of people. The two of you made your way to the kitchen where Mike was chugging back a beer with some other guys.

Mike’s eyes lit up as he saw you. “Hey guys! Glad you could make it. Want a beer? Just tapped this beaut,” he shouted over the loud music. He banged on the barrel, the metal clanging.

Two red solo cups made their way to you and you skimmed off the foam, flicking your hand towards the floor. “Thanks,” you half-shouted in response.

Rafael was miserable. He knew he had no reason to be jealous of Mike but something about seeing you with him unnerved him.

A few hours later, Rafael found you talking to Mike, your head thrown back in laughter. He couldn’t make out what you were talking about, but it was clear you were interested in whatever was being discussed. The two of you were oblivious to Rafael’s presence. Deep down Rafael truly believed you wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, whether on purpose or not. But still, watching you with Mike brought up his insecurities and unresolved anger with Yelina.

Rafael turned around and headed outside to breathe. Outside a young couple was making out while another group played beer pong along the porch. Rafael bummed a smoke off another student and he let out a long puff of smoke, trying to get out of his own head.

“Rafi? You out here?”

Rafael turned at the sound of your voice. “Yeah, I am here.”

Seeing the cigarette bud in Rafael’s hand, you frowned. Rafael only smoked when he was upset. You had two new red solo cups in your hands.

“Whatcha doing out here? I’ve been looking all over for you?” you replied as you handed him a beer. “I missed you.”

“Missed me? O-kay,” Rafael replied, the “o” was drawn out, and the “kay” was clipped. “You seemed to be having tons of fun with Mike,” Rafael sneered. “Why don’t you be with him since you like spending so much time with him? Shouldn’t you be studying?”

You felt as if all of the air was sucked out and your cheeks felt hot. If Rafael was honest with himself, he would have seen a flash of hurt in your eyes.

You reacted without thinking and you threw your beer in Rafael’s face. Rafael appeared momentarily stunned. The beer pong crowd murmured and whistled at your actions. Even the couple that had been making out stopped to stare.

Rafael reached out for you but you shirked back. “No. Nothing is going on between him and I. Mike is just a friend. What? You can’t trust me?” You replied angrily.

Rafael opened his mouth but found himself at a loss for words. Instead he averted his eyes, and looked at the ground. He took a long drag of his cigarette.

Your eyes narrowed. “So that’s how it is? Fine. Do NOT follow me home. I can get on all by myself,” you hissed.

As you walked back to your dorm, your mind reeled from Rafael’s comments. You didn’t turn around but you knew Rafael followed you back to campus.

Rafael watched as you swiped your keycard back to your dorm. He then made his way back to his dorm. Once in his room, he removed his soiled sweatshirt and t-shirt and tossed them into the hamper before changing into his pajama bottoms and a clean t-shirt. He ran his hands through his hair before rubbing his face. “What did I do?” he groaned, trying to sleep. Sleep was futile and he tossed and turned the whole night. He couldn’t get the hurt look on your face out of his mind.

***

The next morning, you sat in your common room, on the crappy futon your roommate, Sheila had found secondhand. You spooned and stirred your cereal, willing yourself to eat but you didn’t have much of an appetite.

“That’s so unlike him. What gives?” Sheila asked as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. You shrugged in response. “Maybe finals are getting to him.”

“That still doesn’t justify a cheating accusation. Has he ever been jealous before?” Sheila asked, taking a place next to you.

“No,” you sighed. “He had one other girlfriend in high school but that was it. He’s never really talked about her though. To be fair, I’ve never asked. I’ve never had reason to...”

“Until now,” Sheila finished for you.

You nodded. You stood and put your bowl back on the table in front of you. “Not hungry. I still smell like a frat house - I am going to go shower.”

You made your way back into your room and changed into a wrap-around towel. Grabbing your caddy and shipping into flip-flops, you headed to the door to shower. When you opened the door, Rafael was there - his fist raised to knock on your door.

“Hey,” you greeted coolly.

“Y/N - can we talk?” Rafael asked softly. “Please?” He added for good measure.

You shook your head. “Now isn’t a good time. I’m going to shower. Can we meet in 30 minutes at the coffee shop?”

Rafael nodded. “Sure. Love you.”

You sucked in a breath. “Do you now?” You shook your head sadly and headed to the communal showers, leaving Rafael once again.

***

Rafael sat at the coffee shop, two coffees - a drip for him and a soy latte for you, accompanied him. Glancing out the window, he spotted you bounding up the stairs, wearing a flower print babydoll dress with a black t-shirt underneath.

His leg twitched nervously and he took out the photo he had brought with him from his pocket. It was a picture of him, Alex, and Eddie on graduation day - the three Musketeers of Jerome Avenue. Yelina was in front of him, his arm was wrapped around her and she held onto the arm that was wrapped around him. Yelina was beautiful and she knew it from early on. She had all the boys of Jerome Avenue wrapped around her finger and Rafael couldn’t believe that she she chose him - the scrawny kid that was always getting picked on. In hindsight, Rafael knew she was just trying to get to Alex, the more popular one of their little trio. But still, Rafael was not immune to the naïveté that accompanies first love.

So when Rafael left for Harvard, they tried to make it work. Yelina broke things off, during winter break his second year at Harvard telling him she couldn’t handle long distance and that all she needed was in New York anyway. And then, at Eddie’s family’s Nochebuena party, he caught Alex and Yelina hooking up on the fire escape. Eddie eventually confessed that the pair had been hooking up the entire time Rafael had been away.

After getting his heart all twisted with Yelina back at home, he threw himself into his studies - he was ready to prove everyone wrong. That he too, could accomplish great things and give back to the community. Then, by happenstance that spring semester, in Economic Analysis, he saw you. You were the prettiest girl in the whole class. So when your professor said that you needed help with finals, he jumped at the chance to help.

To his delight, you had a crush on him too - you made it known when you kissed him in the library. You were the complete opposite of Yelina. Unlike Yelina, you were unbelievingly kind and didn’t seem to have a mean bone at all in your body - not that you were a pushover; you held your own. Rafael knew that from the times you and him did argue. But you both always talked out; things never lasted long. But there was something about this - he wasn’t sure if the two of you would recover from. He hoped he was wrong.

Your heart pounded as you approached the table. Rafael looked remorseful and he stood up, as you got closer.

“You look nice,” Rafael replied softly.

You cocked your brow at him. “That’s what you’re opening with?” You sighed in frustration and sat down. “Thanks for the coffee.”

You wrapped your hands around the still hot mug and lifted it to your lips.

“I'm sorry,” Rafael apologized. “I'm sorry that I acted like a prick. I'm sorry that I lost my cool. And I am sorry for accusing you of something and not talking to you about it.”

“I’m sorry for throwing my beer at you,” you apologized in return. “So, what do we do now?” you asked softly. “You hurt me.”

“I don't want you to leave. I wanna make things different,” Rafael replied.

“What the hell was that by the way?” you asked.

Rafael reached for the picture and with his index and middle finger, pushed it your way.

“That’s Yelina. We broke up last semester. She cheated on me. I thought I was over it. Really, I did. But then I saw you with Mike. I don’t know. It brought up a lot of unresolved issues. He kept going on about how what a great person you are-.”

“He’s not wrong you know,” you replied, with a wink.

“I was afraid I’d lose you,” Rafael exhaled.

“I need transparency. You need to tell me about these things, so we can talk to them like adults,” you replied staring hard at the picture. “Besides, I was only helping Mike with finals. You can trust me. He has a girlfriend at Bowdoin, by the way.”

Rafael nodded. “I’m sorry. I know I can trust you.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Are we going to be okay?”

He reached for your hand and you let him take it. He squeezed your hand and you squeezed it back. You looked at him, and then back at the picture. “You know what they say right?”

Rafael furrowed his brows. “No, what?”

You spun the picture back at him and tapped on Yelina’s face. “The bigger the hoop earring, the bigger the hoe,” you winked as you took a large gulp of coffee. Rafael coughed, and sputtered coffee all over the table. He wiped himself and and looked at you incredulously.

You sighed and ran your hands through your hair. “Look, we’ll be okay.”

Rafael squeezed your hand once more. “I love you.”

“I know you do. I love you too,” you replied with a small smile. “Want to get out of here?”

Rafael nodded and gave you a lopsided grin. Standing, you reached for his hand and Rafael took it. Standing, he pulled you into a hug. Rafael breathed in your scent and pressed a kissed to the top of your head.

You pulled away to return the coffee cups. You nodded your head towards the exit. “Come on, let’s go.”

Rafael followed you and quickly caught up with you in just a few strides. The two of you interlocked hands. Rafael pressed a kiss to your fingers. Rafael and you were both happy to have your relationship moving forward and that this was all behind you. You both knew with each others love and continued open communication, you could get through anything.

FIN

#my fics #my writing #rafael barba and reader #rafael barba fanfic #barba and reader #rafael barba x reader #barba x reader

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eclecticminded · 5 years

Text

Stripping Bare

@madpanda75 asked: Ok! I finally picked an idea for the giveaway story request! What if you’re working undercover as a stripper during a stakeout and Barba (who you’ve always had a thing for) sees the footage which leads to the two of you hooking up 😉 Maybe the reader shows Barba some of her moves??

Girl yes! This was fun to write, and makes me want to invest in a pole for my fat ass. Here we go! Hope you like!

Words: 1940

You go undercover as a stripper, Rafael likes what he sees.

Warnings: Sex. Brief mention of torture and murder. Creep guys.

Tags: @southsiderepresent @glimmerglittergirl @madpanda75 @southern-magnolia @katmstanton @esparza-army @sweetsummertime99 @obfuscateyummy @lifeisbetterwithbarba @lyssa1385 @hux-me-up @bowieisawizard @sleepylunarwolf @mrsrafaelbarba anyone else ask! Also I have a Kofi (link in blog description) if anyone wants to donate!

When you took the pole dancing for fitness class while in college, you never expected to love it so much. Never expected to have one installed in your apartment. And you sure as hell never expected to be going under cover as one. But you had the skill set and could kick ass, so here you were. Ricky Rogers, Double R as he was known on the street, owned a less than reputable strip joint. He was selling his girls to be a part of torture snuff films, and one of them barely made it. Barely.

Elise was no longer able to speak but she wrote pages upon pages of what happened to her, and what dirty dealing Double R was up to. Only problem, you needed cold hard facts, not just her words. Fin was trying to use his old vice connections to get a girl to go under for the squad, but no one wanted to work Double R’s joint. That’s where you came in.

It started off as a joke, you mentioned you took a pole dancing class and befor you knew it you were out buying pasties and fishnets. Fin went undercover with you as a patron, you had a camera in the necklace you wore, but he was there for back up and additional surveillance. He was essentially your handler. Every night you worked, Fin got a private lap dance and you updated each other on the situation.

Rumor had it that Double R was posting about having a new perky toy for sale, and wouldn’t you know it, the ad fit your description. After that night you noticed Nick, Mike, and Sonny occasionally in the crowd. All four men had camera glasses, and Liv was watching nearby with Amanda. Hell even Rafael was there, making sure everything was by the book. At least that’s what he said; really he wanted to see you in action.

Towards closing before your set, Double R told you there was a special private dance for you after you left stage. It was go time. Once you were on stage with Lana Del Rey blaring around you, that stress faded away. For the next thirty minutes you got to live it up one last time. You spun around the pole teasing the audience, getting them ready. Climbing to the top of the pole, you slowly slide down while money fell around you.

Once you were back on the ground, you bent over, grasping the pole and shaking your ass. With a leap and a little luck, your legs held you up while you leaned backwards and spun slowly. The bright flashing lights made you dizzy and you dropped to your knees during your second to last song. Fin caught your eye and you sexily crawled towards him, he raised and eye when you pulled him forward by his tie.

“I’m meeting a special client after this, its go time,” you whispered in his ear and he nodded.

“Liv says be careful and remember we got your back,” he tucked a few ones in your thong and you went back to performing for the crowd. As you put on your grand finale, you saw Mike head to the bathrooms, and back entrance. Nick was hanging by the private dance booths. Sonny was by the front at the bar. And Fin stood his ground next to the stage.

After you were off stage and the money tucked away safe, Double R came for you. His grip was rough and made your skin crawl. Every instinct said to punch him and run, but you pushed forward. Had to keep all the other girls safe that could fall into his trap. He pulled you past Nick, past Mike even, and out the back door and shoved you into a waiting SVU. It pulled off and you internally panicked.

“Even better in person,” a venomous voice called from the dark, it made you want to vomit.

“You must be my private dance, can’t do much in here baby,” you batted your eyes and calmed when you saw the van holding Olivia, Amanda, and Rafael follow you. Behind them were the guys and you knew you’d be fine.

“Thought we’d take this somewhere more private,” the greasy man licked his lips and your stomach turned. What a gross slimy mother fucker! He pulled you onto his lap and you spent the ride grinding against him, trying not to throw up.

Thankfully it was a short drive to a warehouse, upon entering you knew it was his torture chamber. Cameras, medical equipment, medieval torture devices, and the like all lined the floor space. There was even an audience. Perfect, you’d get to bring down more skeevy motherfuckers.

“What the hell is this,” you popped your hip and tried to form a plan, “I wasn’t told about an audience.”

“Doesn’t matter what you want,” the man gripped your hair in a panful fist and jerked you to the table. You were strapped onto an exam table and people circling when they finally burst in to save you. It all went by in a blur. You were freed, people arrested, and Rafael had you in a NYPD wind breaker.

“Saved this one for you,” Fin had the skeevy man on his knees and handed you a pair of cuffs.

“What took you so long,” you glared.

“Had to wait for SWAT, they were dragging their feet,” Fin laughed.

“Figures, probably jacking off to my dancing,” you rolled your eyes and read the man his rights. It took several hours but everyone was processed and awaiting arraignment, it was Friday night and they had to wait until Monday. Perfect, it meant you got a break.

After the initial checks in, everyone gave you space to decompress. Except for Rafael, but you didn’t mind; you’d had a thing for him since you’d met. He insisted on riding home with you. Insisted that while you showered he run around the corner for takeout. Hell he nearly invited himself to spend the night, he didn’t like that you’d been put in a position to almost be hurt. He had a thing for you too, not that you knew.

The trial flew by and everything back to normal, Elise was thankful you’d avenged her and you were back to dancing on your own pole. You and Rafael had grown closer since the operation, best friends even. Neither of you admitting to the other your feelings, afraid it’d ruin what you had.

One night you dropped past his office to ask if he wanted to grab a late dinner and you caught him with his pants down. Literally. He was at his desk, cock in his hand, jacking off to something on his computer. You both stared at each other frozen while Lana Del Rey played from his computer.

“Are you jacking off to me stripping Rafi,” your hand clamped over your eyes while he put himself away.

“Noooo,” he slammed his laptop shut and fumbled with his pants.

“You can’t lie to me,” you peeked at him.

“Maaayyybbbeee,” he was reduced to one word responses from the embarrassment of being caught.

“Ah screw it,” you marched across the room to him and kissed him. His stubbled cheeks were rough against your palms, his lips soft and warm.

“You’re not slapping me,” Rafael raised an eyebrow when you pulled away, clearly confused.

“Nope,” you pecked his lips again, “I like you Rafael. Like like you. I want to fuck you.”

“You what,” his eye widened and you started back peddling.

“Forget I said anything,” you stumbled backwards to escape, but he pulled you back to him.

“I want you too,” he kissed you, his hands roaming your body, gripping and grabbing whatever he could latch on to.

“I came to ask you to dinner,” you panted, “But I don’t want food anymore.”

“Food after,” he nipped your neck.

“Come on Rafi,” you rushed him through grabbing his things, “I’m giving you a private dance.”

The mood was set with Christmas lights and flickering candles while Lana Del Rey played. You came strutting out in tall black heels, a fishnet body suit, red thong, and heart shaped nipple tassels. Rafael nearly came in his pants right then and there. Using the pole to hold you up, you spread your legs and danced down to squatting. A quick turn and you were standing up, your ass shaking in his face. He grabbed at your hips and you swatted him away.

“No touching,” you pulled away and jumped onto the pole to spin. Holding yourself up with your thighs, you humped the pole and palmed your chest.

“You interrupted me before I finished,” Rafael growled, “I want to taste you.”

“Come get it,” you dropped to the ground and leaned backwards against the pole. Rafael dropped to the ground in front of you and spread your legs. Staring into your soul, he ripped the fishnets and pushed the thong aside. His broad tongue lapped up and down your folds, sending shivers up your spine.

“Hold on,” he demanded and lifted your leg to lay over his shoulder. You gripped the pole behind you to stay upright, the other hand tight in his hair while he ate you to completion. He was spinning you around the second your foot hit the floor, his pants dropped, and the sound of a condom being ripped open made you smirk.

“Fuck me papi,” you wiggled your ass and he did just that. He slipped into you so effortlessly; it was like you were made for each other. He hammered into you and you pushed back on him, giving as good as you got. While you held onto the pole for dear life, one of his hands bruised your hip and the other rubbed furiously at your swollen bundle of nerves. All too soon he was cumming, but his fingers didn’t stop until you were clenching around him.

“Rafi,” you were drawing circles on his chest while you laid in a heap on your living room floor. Half eaten take out was on the coffee table while you recovered from round two. Or was it three?

“Yes,” he kissed your temple.

“I don’t want this to be a onetime thing,” you sat up abruptly, “I want all of you.”

“I’m yours. All of me. As long as I get all of you too,” he pulled you back down against him.

“Of course,” you breathed a sigh of relief.

“You gave Fin really bad dances,” Rafael was laughing hysterically.

“I wasn’t trying to fuck Fin,” you poked his side and reached for your phone, “But if you think I should give him a better show…”

“Don’t you dare,” he snatched your phone and threw it onto the sofa, “You’re mine.”

“What was that,” you played innocently.

“You. Are. Mine,” each word was punctuated with a hard bite to your neck, chest, and stomach. He kept the bites and chanting of ‘mine’ up until you relented.

“You’re mine too,” you growled and attacked his neck with bites and sucking.

“No private dances for anyone else,” Rafael was back to his sweet self.

“Of course not,” you stood up and stretched, reaching for a forgotten container of rice.

“I need a shower,” he groaned as he climbed to his feet beside you.

“Shower and cuddles,” you dropped the rice to the table.

“Sounds perfect,” he helped you gather the leftovers and followed you to the shower. You never expected the pole dancing class to bring you the love of your life, but here you were.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba fanfic #law and order special victims unit #law and order special victims unit fanfic #law and order special victims unit imagine #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #law and order svu imagine #svu imagine #svu fanfic #mine #my writing

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ofthingschanged · 5 years

Text

Bunch of Hope wanted plots. Like if you like to talk doing one of these plots

College au. Hope jumped into Malivore and when she comes back no one remembers her. Freya was trying to find Rebekah (who had been kidnapped) only to be lead to HOpe because she did a spell to call her to Mikaelson blood. Hope ends up back at the compound and starting college/ Landon and Rafael finished the Salvatore school and ended up finding a home in New Orleans. Landon working at a local restaurant that Hope always comes into for lunch, the two of them flirting and at some point, Hope asks him on a date. It isn’t after the first kiss but after the first time sleeping together does all memories coming back to everyone. The angst of it all and them going about their relationship now.

Also, presidents party girl daughter who has been assigned a new secret service bodyguard. He has no idea what he’s in for or the trouble she attracts. She has a problem with the word ‘no’ and he likes to say it a lot.

AU on 1x05 of Legacies: Hope turns around, kisses Landon and then decides to go with him

someone take Hope bowling and let her win or better yet, take Hope bowling and get her drunk

I want a twisted what if plot where Hope and Roman went to a witch in Mystic Falls and bound her werewolf side, her mother was let go and Hayley finding out her daughter did the unthinkable.

So this is cheesy but assuming Klaus rarely comes back to Mystic Falls it could work. Normally, I never have Hope anywhere near Mystic Falls if she never knew her dad but au on an au where Hope goes to the Boarding School or goes to Mystic High and Klaus comes to town to see this kick-ass red-haired girl that has eyes that shine bright golden when she is angry, does magic freely, and has been sipping blood for days and he can smell it

Freya going to Hope’s parent-teacher conferences and Alaric saying that she doesn’t listen to him. “What do you want me to do?” Freya asks. “Maybe if you stop treating her like some magical little pony that can be used and thrown away she would listen better.” Hope sitting in the chair next to her aunt texting on her phone pretending not to listen to everything that is going on.

I love verses where Hope grows up not knowing one of her parents because she is different there and it is like magic. But in canon, Hope deserved a hell of a lot better like KNOWING her father instead of having to guess the little things. She didn’t get to ask questions about his likes and dislikes, instead had to read about him to feel connected to him. She couldn’t ask him what his favorite drink was or what he likes to do besides painting.

So I have a private verse of Nashville based but another verse based on it would be amazing. Handon, Hosie, Hizzie. all with Hope being Juliette

I still want Hope going dark full tribrid and Hayley coming back to life because someone has to stop her daughter and angsty feels

AU Handon: Reincarnated lovers, again and again, these two always find each other again. Set more if Hope had been born after her father broke the curse (If he had done it back when Katherine was still human) and Hayley was born much earlier. Anyways, immortal Hope chasing after her not so immortal true love and all of the angsty moments. Flashbacks of Landon and Hope in different eras living completely different lives doing their thing, Landon dying young for some reason or another until he ends up being born a phoenix (or golem. I need to research both of these really) and just this whole thing is cheesy and overdone but still going to put it in my wishlist tag

A verse where Landon was pushed into the pit would be interesting or even one where Landon was pushed and then Hope jumped in to destroy said pit and two years later both Landon and Hope come back and find themselves in a middle of a field

So plot idea. Hope and Landon go about their lives and Hope becomes pregnant. She has the baby and with that, she uses the 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢 to bring back both Klaus and Hayley. Like how Davina used Hope’s birth as a 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢 to bring back Mikael.

Hope would bring back Mikael just to torture the fuck out of him, She hates the fact that Mikael brought her family pain for their immortal lives. Hope would make him beg for death. He thinks her father is an abomination so keeping him in a nice cellar for her own pleasure would be fine by her.

Davina and Hope should draw together! Aunt and niece quality time

I really don’t need to do the whole let’s rewrite the Originals with Klayley but man, now since watching the first episode I want to do it differently. Starting with Klaus being the one there for Hayley when Agnes does her shit, him in the pool with her. give them the freaking pregnancy they should have gotten even with Klaus being Klaus. I blame by sudden Hayley muse on rewatch and reading fanfiction. So while this isn’t a Hope plot it is a plot

You know, why didn’t they just bring Finn back from the dead and shove the Hollow into him? He didn’t want to be a vampire and that way he could stay together forever. Instead of taking Hope’s mom and her dad from her.

No, but for real. Klaus flipping the fuck out when this teenager comes claiming he is daddy. Hope throwing her phone across the room and shattering it when she sees her mother’s name pop up on the screen. Klaus doing the same thing he did to Hayley in canon of pinning her to the wall by her neck, Hope knocking him on his ass with magic. Hope being locked in the place that Roman had been in when it comes to canon. Hayley showing up and threatening to rip apart Klaus’s hybrid army if he doesn’t start talking about where her daughter is. The two of them getting physical upstairs and Hope hearing the yelling and screaming. Marcel sneaking down to take a peek at this teen that claims to be Klaus’s daughter and ending up distracting her from the fighting. Hope ending up bonding with Marcel from the start. They play tic-tac-toe with different colored rocks (one color for o’s and one for x’s). Hayley throwing a royal fit to find her kid and Klaus ordering Elijah to go get the defiant teenager. Hope coming back up, having to be physically dragged by Elijah and the moment she sees her mother start’s crying her eyes out. Hayley finally hearing a heartbeat that isn’t Hope’s because Hope had cloaked it with magic until she was out of state going to find her father.

In just a Marshall. Hope running to find her father when she finds out she is pregnant. I can just see it in my head. Plot idea for sure here!

Muse A is a single parent of a very young child, just getting back out there and dating because it’s terribly lonely sometimes. They’re out at a bar and meet Muse B, who’s got a reputation for being a heartbreaker. One thing leads to another and Muse A invites Muse B home for a one-night stand. That morning, Muse B awakens to Muse A’s very small child sitting on their chest, asking if they are their new parent.

A thread or verse where Gretta killed Hope right in front of Hayley and spent two hours torturing and taunting the mother that just “lost” her child. Hope laying on the floor the whole time and all of a sudden Hope wakes back up in transition and hungry, enough that she r breaks the chains and sends both Gretta and Roman onto the ground with magic, pinning them to the floor as she frees her mother and Hayley kills Gretta by taking her heart out while Hope shoves a piece of wood into Roman. Give me Hope dealing with that she died, give me Hope killing someone when feeding and becoming a full tribrid. give me Hayley dealing with the fact that her daughter had kidnapped her first.

So in the adopted or so they hoped verse. I had this idea of how they had Marcel down in the basement and only Mikaelson blood could know where he was and hear him. What if Freya spelled a room in the house for only Mikaelson blood could enter and or hear what is being said and Hope sits down in the kitchen when they all come down and Hope asks, “So what are we going to do about BLANK.” asking about the thing the Mikaelson family just talked about before they came down.

Okay but a college au with Lizzie, Josie, and Hope sharing an apartment that has three bedrooms. Hope meeting Landon later in life and brings him home one night. Lizzie stopping to admire his backside. The girls fighting over the bathroom, struggling with homework, going out partying, paying bills, and just everything that goes with it. Each of them having their own lives but coming together sort of thing.

Give me Hope going back in time to help her mother find her family. Give me Hope appearing in Freya’s dreams when Freya was with Dahlia. Give me Hope going back in time to the very day she met Landon or even when Landon was locked in the transitional cellar. Give me Hope collecting blood every day and taking it with her when she goes to save Landon and instead of her jumping into Malivore, she dumps a hell of a lot of blood into the pit. Give me that it works and she saved the day. Give me when Josie lit the fire in Hope’s room and Hope goes back in time to spot it. Give me Hope deciding to take a different path and becomes friends with the twins after the events of the Originals (After going back in time). Give me Hope going back in time to when her father is human and using magic to show him the life he is going to have for him to have hope for the future. Give me Hope going to the future where she has kids and is married. give me normal Hope going to see Ripper Hope. Or Mikaelson Boarding School Hope going to the normal world.

Princess Protection Program AU because why not?

Once again Supernatural royal but freaking everyone wanting to be in the favor of the Mikaelson family so wanting their kid to make Hope fall for them so that way it has protection for life.

So I am so freaking cheesy but royal aus ONLY supernatural. Two rival kingdoms that have been fighting for thousands of years decide to stop the war if there was an alliance so the parents get together and decided that the firstborns are going to get married

So I want an au where Hope is kidnapped by Greta instead of Hayley. I want Hayley and Klaus saving their baby girl instead of Hayley dying. I want Hope binding her werewolf side or even worse, them binding her witch side and Freya has to figure a way to fix it.

So thread based on Hope turning Rafael back into wolf form. Bonus points if he found human (that he couldn’t harm for some reason? Didn’t exactly chase her down sort of thing) and she is living off the land in this old crappy cabin and Rafael comes back often. He tells her about this school for people like them. Hope going by her middle name and Rafael just finding a really good friend in her. Could turn Rafael x Hope romantic or stay platonic.

Hope has been in a mood for the past couple days. Give her children! Give her angsty pregnancy threads. I mean, she fears having a child but wants them. She doesn’t want her kids to be feared like she is.

Hope body painting Landon would be funny as hell. “Stop moving.” “I swear to god if you tickle my side one more time Hope!” I can see these two spending a lazy Saturday together like this. Hope painting his back while Landon lays on the bed with his head turned watching scifi movies. It wouldn’t be something she would do if her dad was in the house because she doesn’t need him barging in saying, “Alright! Party’s over!” even if she is an adult.That gives me a good idea for her way to tell him she is pregnant if they were together. Alright, so I can see it as Hope sort of using her nursery for inspiration. Hope painting a beautiful sort of nursery set up with a rocking chair that holds Landon and a blanketed baby in like a yellow color so it isn’t that traditional pink or blue thing (even more so because at that time they wouldn’t know what they are having). A sign that hangs on the wall above the crib that says something really cheesy like “Loading…” and see you in ten months (Or maybe even like thirteen? Since Hayley had been pregnant longer with Hope but that most likely was an error in the continuing of the storyline). Hope taking a few pictures when it is all dry that she will edit on her laptop and send out in emails or if they decide to make a social media announcement that they could use the painting as a way to say, “Get ready for another Mikaelson!”

Handon freaking teen pregnancy; young parent au with everything being the same with them being supernaturals.

Handon only a twisted thing sort of based on the drabble I wrote. Hope ending up like Landon’s mother (pregnant) after coming out of the ashes of what would be Malivore. The moment Hope sees Landon again, all his memories of her flash before his eyes.

Okay but the just pretend world for me but with instead of Landon going to Mystic High when he finds out about Hope being supernatural. It being kind of legacies where Hope goes to stop the Catholic church to save a werewolf (Rafael), without her dad knowing and well, instead she drives them to New Orleans with Rafael sleeping in the back seat and somehow Hope manages to convince her dad to let them stay just for a few days which turns into a few months.

So writing Legacies? A thing I want, starting from the moment Landon asks her to stay with him. Her crawling into bed with him to keep him calm because of small spaces. Alaric deciding that he can stay. The knife still ending up being taken by him like in the show but instead of finding a fire breathing witch / dragon in the woods, it comes on campus wanting the knife.

Handon first apartment though. Hope and Landon painting walls, getting into a paint fight. Moving day. the first night at their new place. Give me them buying furniture and fighting over silly things. Give me soft kisses in the room that is going to be their room even.

AU where Hope goes with Landon to find his mom. So drinking coffee every morning with him at the coffee shop with Landon while his mom works. Going to motel rooms and just giving her a taste of what could have been. Plus, I mean imagine Hope with Landon when he was given drugs, she would be still standing and his mother would be all, “What the fuck?” Just Handon road trip really.

Okay but an au where Landon’s mom kept him. Where when Landon’s mom woke from being in the pit, she ends up working for the Mikaelson family. Landon and Hope growing up together and ending up being the best friends to lovers trope. Landon’s mother being hired to keep Hope safe from threats of the Mikaelson family. Even though she thought of supernaturals as monsters that shouldn’t exist, it was good money

Okay but Hope starting a school of her own when her kids are growing up with Landon. They set up the school in New Orleans for Hope’s pack, the witches, and the vampires that come back into town. Headmistress Mikaelson and Headmaster Kirby.The two of them raising their kids together without shame of being this completely unheard of species. Everyone treated like they should be. Just feels. Married Handon with a school though?

Dark Hope and Landon. Blood covered, murdering couple of the year, I am totally seeing Mr and Mrs. Andreason episode of Criminal minds. The couple fucked near the dead body and just killer couple trope right there. Totally twisted and fucked up, tribrid and her boy. Just give me darkness. Two people that will kill anyone but each other.

So, in general, the idea of Hope wanting to murder Roman being a thing. She clearly wouldn’t know her mother is either at the school or lurking about able to sneak into her world undetected. My thought is he is like his mother (because there is no way he is innocent in my mind) so if there was even a thought she was pregnant he would suggest getting rid of it or even trying to kill Hope himself. Either way, I have this image in my mind of Alaric holding Hope back from killing him in the middle of the field at the school and someone (Namely Alaric) mentioning that Hayley wouldn’t want Hope to become a murder and well, of course coming in and making her opinion known on the subject, maybe even killing Roman herself. The whole thing of watching your baby grow up almost overnight and is going to have her own kid that she is willing to protect

Struggling actress that gets to work with a child actress that has always been the center of attention.

Makeup artist and actress/model were they are dating but have to pretend not to be

two costars that are dating in real life but on their show, their characters hate one another so when they come home from work they are all sort of hot and bothered because wow those words your character said to mine left me wanting you.

Actress/Actor relationship where they hooked up and opps three months later the other is at their door crying because they are pregnant and what is the press going to say?

Reckless rich kids that have never been told no that secretly wish their parents bad attention to them so they start dating their parents rival (could be an actress/model/instagram famous person as well)

Honestly, just give me all the angsty human aus

or even make these not human and have them be their supernatural selves as well.

So Hope coming back to the school as Andrea Marshall and makes friends with Lizzie and Josie, starts dating Landon Kirby, asks for fight training with Alaric Saltzman. Just a big do over

Handon, Hizzie, Hosie plots set after the season one final are something I am living for in the moment! But also anything with the Mikaelson family in general really.

#** ❰Out of Character❱ She signs her letters with X’s and O’s #** ❰Wanted Plots❱ When she wants something she gets it

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poipoi1912 · 7 years

Text

Barisi Episode Tag, 19x01

(4.4K. Inspired by that deleted scene. Fluffy and angsty and smutty and playful. Please enjoy.)

~~~

Rule Number Five

~~~

“Did you think I needed your help?”

Sonny stops in his tracks.

“Is that why you did your own research on my case? Because you ‘heard about my setback in court?’”

Sonny wishes he knew the right answer to that question.

The right answer to any of Barba’s questions.

Barba always asks him, asks things of him, and Sonny never knows what to say, except ‘yes.’

The questions keep coming, the questions keep piling up, and Sonny has no real answers to give, only ‘yes,’ and one of these days Barba is going to get bored and stop asking.

Not today, though.

Today, tonight, Barba is standing in front of Sonny, and he’s moving closer, and he looks tired and irritated and alive, and Sonny knows these questions are just the beginning.

Barba is nowhere near done with h-

“Is that why you dug up Baker v. Carr? To help me? You know, that's advanced reading material, detective. I’m fairly certain they don’t cover that in night school.”

Sonny gets the urge to defend his alma matter against yet another of Barba’s condescending smears, but then Barba takes another step and Sonny forgets what he was going to s-

“Is that why you were so excited you didn’t even bother knocking? Because you came up with that case, all by yourself? Because you couldn’t wait to gloat?”

That’s not why.

Sonny was just excited to share his theory. To lay out a hypothetical argument. To present his idea on a potential strategy for the defense, and to see what Barba thought.

And to gloat.

A little.

A lot, maybe, because coming up with that theory took a lot of work, and Sonny isn’t too proud to adm-

“‘Are you mad you didn’t think about it first?’ How long did it take you to come up with that line, by the way?”

About ten minutes.

Not that Sonny was counting.

Sonny is counting now.

Barba’s steps.

Sonny is counting Barba’s steps.

Barba has taken two more steps, just in the last minute. One step for every new set of questions.

Sonny wishes he knew the right answer, but he’ll settle for Barba’s assertive, heavy steps every time he gets it wrong. Every time he stays quiet, instead of t-

“Is that why you barged into your Lieutenant’s office and tried to offer legal advice to an Assistant District Attorney? Because you thought I needed your help?”

Another step.

Heavy.

Sonny doesn’t even bother trying to come up with an answ-

“Because you thought I needed a nudge in the right direction, courtesy of an Italian cop who thinks he’s God’s gift to the New York Bar Association?”

Sort of, but Sonny wouldn’t go that far.

And Barba, he’s not going far at all.

Barba is near.

Near Sonny.

Barba is the one doing the nudging now.

Literally.

Barba’s knee nudges Sonny’s legs apart, and the movement is softer than it should be, it’s feeble, it’s barely a bump, because Barba is assertive but never aggressive, Barba only nudges, never pushes, and Sonny’s feet shouldn’t even be moving but he spreads them all the same.

To make room.

Barba easily fills the space.

The tip of Barba’s shiny leather shoe makes contact with the side of Sonny’s cheap loafers, and it’s almost playful, and Sonny remembers being thirteen and walking home from school with his best friend Joey, Sonny remembers how they used to try to trip each other up as a joke, but it was more than a joke, Sonny remembers how he used to kick the backs of Joey’s brand new Nikes, because that’s all he could do, because Sonny couldn’t do what he really wanted, just like Barba isn’t doing what he really wants.

Maybe Sonny can do it.

What Barba wants.

What he wants.

It’s the same thing.

Barba takes one more step, and this time it’s not confident, it’s not heavy, this time it’s a light, tentative step, because there’s no more room left between them, because there’s nowhere else to go from here, and if Barba were to move even an inch he’d find himself in Sonny’s arms, and Sonny isn’t that lucky.

Maybe he can be.

Barba is staring up at him, eyebrows raised, eyebrows always raised, like a dare, like Barba wants him to move, like Barba wants him to do something already, and Sonny has half a mind to do it, Sonny has half a mind to take a tentative step of his own, Sonny thinks he should take that last step separating them and g-

“Did you want to prove you didn’t pass the bar on a fluke? Did you want to make yourself useful? Help me out of a tough spot? So I’d owe you a favor?”

Yes, yes, yes and maybe.

It’s remarkably easier to answer Barba’s questions when Sonny does it in the comfort of his own head.

He doesn’t know what good it would do, if Barba were to owe him a favor. Sonny doesn’t think he’d ever collect. It’d be too much pressure. Sonny wouldn’t know where to begin. What to ask for.

Barba is the one who’s always askin-

“Is that what happened?”

Barba’s breath is warm against Sonny’s neck.

Sonny doesn’t even remember the original question.

Barba has that effect on him, sometimes.

Sometimes Sonny thinks he could answer Barba’s questions, if only Barba would give him a chance. If only Barba would let him. Sometimes Sonny thinks he has the right answer, sometimes he thinks he’s had the answer all along, but then Barba will touch him, and Sonny will forget.

Everything.

The answer, the question, where they are, who they are, one of these days Sonny is going to forget who they are and he’ll reach out and t-

“Is it?”

Barba is touching him, right now, hands on Sonny’s waist, fingers playing with the edges of Sonny’s vest, tugging at the tails of Sonny’s shirt, sliding under Sonny’s waistband, and the right answer slips further and further away every time one of Barba’s fingertips presses against Sonny’s skin.

What was the ques-

“Is it, Sonny?”

Oh.

Sonny finally knows what to say.

“Yes.”

Barba nods.

Takes that last step.

The one Sonny couldn’t take.

Barba looks smug.

Gleeful.

He does not look surprised.

Barba never looks surprised.

Sonny always says yes.

Only yes.

Except tonight.

Tonight, Sonny has it all figured out. Sonny knows the question, Sonny remembers it, and Barba might be doing his damnedest to make him forget but Sonny remembers the answer, too.

“Rafael.”

Barba’s hands freeze.

Just when it was getting good.

Barba’s face shifts.

Motion.

Barba’s face is suddenly in motion, Barba’s eyes widen, and his nostrils flare, and his left cheek almost twitches, and his lips almost move, they almost move, Barba’s mouth almost opens, but it doesn’t, and just like that Barba’s face is still again.

Barba is trying to keep his expression as blank as possible.

It’s not.

Blank.

Barba’s face could never be blank.

Not when he’s looking at Sonny.

Not when Sonny is looking at him.

Sonny always sees something in Barba’s face.

Right now, Sonny is seeing amusement, and exasperation, and desire.

Sonny is feeling Barba’s desire, too, Sonny is feeling Barba, hard against his thigh, and it’s more th-

“Have I given you the impression that you’re allowed to use my first name when we’re in public?”

Sonny smirks.

This isn’t like Barba’s other questions. This isn’t meant to scold him, or confuse him, or make him doubt his decisions.

This is a game, and Sonny may not have all the answers but he’s always ready to play.

It’s his turn now.

Sonny reaches for Barba’s tie. The blue one, with the funky shapes and the French name Sonny can’t pronounce. The one Sonny borrowed, a couple of months ago, by accident, on a hectic morning.

No.

The one he stole, when Barba wasn’t looking.

The one he wore, on a visit to Barba’s office, later that day.

The one Barba practically ripped off his neck, later that night, before ripping off the rest of Sonny’s clothes, too.

Barba still brings that up sometimes.

Not the clothes-ripping. The tie-stealing.

Barba brings it up.

Acts all mad.

Barba is not mad.

Right now, Barba is not mad.

This is a game, and Sonny plays along, every time.

Sonny might be a little more gentle, because that’s just how he is, and ripping off articles of clothing has never been his style, but the end result is the same.

The tie is off.

Barba’s tie is off, and Sonny drops it on the floor, on Barba’s fancy hardwood floor, and the lights are dim, so he can’t really see it land, there’s only enough light to see Barba’s face, but that’s all Sonny ever needs to see.

“You won’t let me call you Rafael in private. Public’s all I got.”

It’s true.

Barba won’t let Sonny call him Rafael in private, or in public, or anywhere, but he’ll let Sonny undo his tie, and his shirt, Barba will let Sonny take off his undershirt, because Barba gets cold a lot so he always wears a jersey undershirt, Barba will let Sonny drop everything in a messy pile on his bedroom floor, but he won’t let Sonny call him Raf-

“That’s a weak argument, detective. Try harder.”

Harder it is.

Sonny reaches for Barba’s belt.

Barba’s face has never looked less blank.

Barba’s expression is so easy to read, eagerness and satisfaction and curiosity, all right there for Sonny to read, and Barba’s mouth finally falls open, Barba licks his lips, and Sonny knows this harder approach is greatly appreciated.

“Why? So you can tell me to give myself another Kewpie Doll?”

Barba doesn’t laugh.

He breathes.

Barba won’t laugh at Sonny’s jokes, but he’ll moan as Sonny lowers his zipper and reaches insid-

“Try. Harder.”

Sonny thought he was trying pretty hard already, but it appears that Barba wants more.

Barba wants an argument.

Not a fight.

An actual argument, structured and eloquent and compelling.

Barba wants to be persuaded.

That’s how it is.

Their game.

The pretext changes, but the rules never do.

Sonny always says yes.

That’s rule number one.

And Barba says no until he doesn’t.

That’s half the fun.

All the fun.

Getting Barba to say yes.

Coming up with the most creative angle, deciding which trick to pull out of the playbook, or the textbook, trying to guess which legal argument might appeal more to Barba’s sharp and unpredictable mind, it’s the most fun Sonny ever has that doesn’t involve Barba’s tongue.

It’s the only time Sonny knows exactly what to say.

“Alright, counselor. How about, we weren’t in public. We were in the company of friends. If we go by the reasonable person standard, I did nothing untoward.”

Barba grins and starts undoing Sonny’s tie.

Preliminary approval.

Rule number two. For every solid legal argument, someone loses a garment. Like strip poker, but better.

Strip moot court.

Sonny’s tie is off, which means that Barba likes Sonny’s line of thought, and he’s curious to see if Sonny will stick the landing.

Even though Barba’s grin is a little too smug for comfort, Sonny feels pretty confident. Barba clearly knows something he doesn’t, but Sonny’s hoping he’ll figure it out as he goes along. The glint in Barba’s eye, it tells Sonny he’s off to a good start.

That glint, in Barba’s eye, every time they do this, it tells Sonny that Barba will never get bored.

Barba will never stop askin-

“Care to elaborate, detective?”

Yeah.

Barba wants more, and Sonny is always happy to oblige, even if his reasons are selfish.

Sonny wants to win.

Barba always rewards him, when he makes a good case. Citing sources, if possible. Sonny had a hard time believing it at first, Sonny thought Barba would be a sore loser, but Barba loves it when Sonny wins their little game.

Barba also loves it when Sonny keeps his strokes hard and fast, so Sonny does just that, Sonny starts stroking Barba purposefully as he speaks.

“Well, if we consider the behavior of a person who exercises average care, skill and judgment, we’ll find that it’s perfectly standard for colleagues to use each other’s first names when they’re in the workplac… Wait.”

A stroke of genius.

And Sonny doesn’t even stop stroking.

Which is probably why Barba doesn’t stop grinning.

That, or Barba is glad Sonny finally figured out what he already thought of, about three minutes ago.

“Wait, do-over. We’re… I’m a cop, you’re an A.D.A., we’re held to a higher standard of care.”

That’s it.

That’s what Barba wanted to hear.

Sonny knows, because Barba starts thrusting into his fist.

A reward.

Barba steps out of his pants and leans forward, Barba nods as he leans against Sonny’s chest, and Sonny is practically holding him up, now, and Barba is naked, now, and pushing his hips closer and closer, and faster, and Sonny d-

“Hmm.”

Barba can’t even speak.

He’s just urging Sonny along with a moan, because Barba still wants to hear more, Sonny knows it, Barba still wants to hear Sonny’s reasoning, fully articulated, Barba wants to grade Sonny’s work, like a professor, Barba wants to grade Sonny, and Sonny really wants to kiss Barba, but first he needs to win.

“We’re held to a higher standard of care, which means it’s still acceptable for us to use each other’s first names when in the presence of friends, but not in the presence of… Of third parties. Civilians. People who visit our workplace on official business. Now, that, that would give off the impression of impropriety. Since I only called you Rafael in front of Liv, my behavior was appropriate by any standard.”

Barba starts unbuttoning Sonny’s vest.

Sonny’s still in his damn vest.

Barba is naked and Sonny is fully dressed except for the tie, but not for long, because Barba is sliding both the vest and the shirt off of Sonny’s shoulders, and his hands are moving a little faster than usual, a little more desperate, which means he must have really liked Sonny’s argum-

“Better.”

Sonny tightens his fingers around Barba, looking for another moan, and he gets it, and he also gets to feel a huff of air against his chest, and he wants to feel it against his mouth, Sonny really wants to feel Barba’s exhales against his mouth, Sonny really wants to kiss Barba, but first he needs to w-

“Except Liv is not your friend. She’s your superior. A reasonable person in your position might refrain from demonstrating such familiarity with a colleague in front of their boss.”

Sonny laughs.

Sonny loves it when Barba goes along with it, throwing out serious-sounding counterpoints to combat the bullshit arguments Sonny pulls out of his ass.

Sonny also loves it when Barba grabs him by the hips and pulls him in.

Right now, Barba is pulling him in, Barba is looking at him, and he’s waiting, because apparently Sonny hasn’t stuck the landing just yet.

“She’s your friend, Barba. That’s enough to satisfy the conditions of my argument.”

Barba smirks like he always does when Sonny gets it right.

That smirk, it’s Barba’s way of giving Sonny a proverbial cookie, or a gold star, or a Kewpie Doll, because Barba is a dick and he always uses sarcasm when he wants to pretend he’s not actually impressed.

Barba is impressed.

Barba was impressed in Liv’s office, too, and Sonny knows it, because that’s the whole reason they’re doing this tonight.

Sonny knows it, because Barba finally undoes his belt and pulls, hard, until Sonny’s pants are around his ankles.

Barba smirks like he always does when he gets Sonny naked.

It’s the exact same smirk. Sonny doesn’t know if that means his junk gets a gold star or what, but that’s how he chooses to interpret Barba’s express-

“It would have been enough, had I been the one to use your first name.”

Sonny can’t believe Barba is still trying to come out on top. Not when they’re both naked and hard and within three feet of a king-size bed. If Barba wants to be on top, all he has to do is ask, and Sonny will gladly let h-

“But I didn’t.”

Sonny would roll his eyes, but he’s too busy watching as Barba wraps a hand around them both, strokes slow and deliberate, because Sonny has the reputation but Barba is the real tease.

“Of course you didn’t, Barba. Hell would have to freeze over.”

Barba raises an eyebrow, and he tugs a little harder, and Sonny does roll his eyes but for a very different reas-

“Why do you say that, Sonny?”

And just like that, the game is over, and Barba wins.

Sonny is not ashamed to admit that he gets a kick out of hearing Barba use his first name, even when it’s a joke. Jokes are all he has, since Barb-

“I call you Sonny. Sonny.”

Barba squeezes, tight, his hand sliding easier now, wet, and Sonny just wants him to shut up and get down to it, but Barba seems to have other plans.

Sonny just hopes Barba’s plans aren’t too ambitious, because he’s about three strokes and a kiss away from coming.

Wait.

Barba stops.

Barba grabs Sonny by the hips again, but only for a second, just long enough for him to push Sonny backwards and onto the bed.

Maybe this is Sonny’s lucky day.

Lucky night.

Sonny is flat on his back, just the way Barba likes him, and Barba is quiet, Barba looks one hundred percent ready to get down to it, finally, and maybe they can st-

“I call you Sonny all the time.”

Fine, Barba shutting up was clearly too much to hope for, but Sonny will take it.

Sonny will take anything Barba has to give.

Rule number thr-

“Sonny.”

Sonny laughs as Barba lands on top of him, Sonny laughs as he spreads his legs to make room, Sonny laughs as Barba starts kissing his neck.

Barba likes it when Sonny laughs.

“Yeah, right, counselor. You only call me Sonny when I make you mad.”

Barba snorts as he licks at Sonny’s collarbone.

Sonny can’t believe they haven’t kissed yet. They’ve been doing this for s-

“Fair enough. I do. I call you Sonny when you make me mad. Sonny. When you do something aggravating, like calling me Rafael in front of Liv. Or yapping on and on about your brilliant hypothetical strategy for five minutes straight, just to impress her, and me, without bothering to read the room first. See, if you had waited a couple of seconds before bursting into your little class presentation, you might have seen that Liv and I looked concerned. You might have even seen the judicial notice in my hand.

“But no. You were too busy flaunting your research. Sonny. All proud, like you were working on a midterm paper. Meanwhile, out in the real world, Dworkin was working on setting a dangerous criminal free.”

You’d think Barba’s rant would lose some of its potency with his hands firmly attached to Sonny’s ass for the duration, you’d think it’d be less hurtful to hear, with every single sentence punctuated by a deep thrust of Barba’s hips, but that’s surprisingly untrue.

This is pretty hurtful to hear.

Sonny has stopped laughing, he’s stopped moving, and his hands are resting on Barba’s back, completely still.

“I didn’t…”

Sonny didn’t.

Didn’t notice.

Sonny didn’t notice any of that.

Barba is right.

Sonny did want to impress both Liv and Barba. Sonny was all proud. Sonny totally used his old password to look through the Fordham Law database, just like he used to do when he was working on a paper for one of his classes.

Aggravating.

Of course.

Sonny was an excellent law student, but he’d make for a terrible lawyer.

It’s not enough to observe a trial for the experience, it’s not enough to study international law jurisprudence out of academic interest, it’s not enough to treat everything as a learning opportunity.

Sonny isn’t in school anymore.

Sonny has his license now, even if it’s gathering dust.

All those cases, from the textbooks, they’re real.

Real people.

Real victims.

Sonny is happy to twist the law in his favor as a thought experiment, he’s happy to play devil’s advocate as a way to impress Liv or get into Barba’s pants, but he’d never be able to do that out in the real world.

Sonny is a cop.

Sonny knows right and wrong, he knows fair and unfair, and he’d never exploit the law to serve injustice, and that’s basically in the job description for a lawyer, and Sonny is not prepared to do that, Sonny is not cut out for that, and Barba is right.

Barba is also kissing his way down Sonny’s chest, seemingly content now that he’s said his piece. Barba is grinding down, right now, faster and faster, and he’s hard and eager and totally unaware of Sonny’s inner turmoil.

“I’m sorry, Barba.”

Barba’s hands clench, fingers digging into Sonny’s hips.

Barba stops trying to lick a path to Sonny’s left nipple and looks up.

Sonny is kind of scared to see the expression on Barba’s face, Sonny worries that it might actually be blank this time, but he looks anyway.

It’s not.

Blank.

Barba’s expression is so easy to read, surprise and affection and guilt, all right there for Sonny to read, and Barba frowns, Barba looks into Sonny’s eyes and Sonny knows this isn’t a game anymore.

For the first time, Sonny considers the possibility his own face is easy to read, too, and Barba can see everything he’s been trying to hid-

“You should be.”

Oh.

Maybe Sonny got it wrong again.

Maybe it’s all a gam-

“You should be sorry it took you so long to present your theory. If you had barged into Liv’s office even a few minutes earlier, you would have beaten Dworkin to the punch and you would have given me a heads up. Not to mention, you would have saved me the hassle of having to read his ridiculously verbose notice. Your breakdown of Baker v. Carr was far more concise.”

Oh.

Guilt.

This is an apology.

Affection.

This is not a game.

Not for Barba.

Not anymore.

Barba has stopped teasing, he’s stopped asking, and Sonny was afraid of that, Sonny was afraid that the end of Barba’s questions would mean the end of this, the end of them, but it doesn’t.

It just means that Sonny doesn’t have to worry about finding the answers.

Barba isn’t asking, he’s just talking, now, Barba is talking and Sonny is listening, and there’s no pressure, no uncertainty, no right and wrong thing to say, and Sonny knows this is not the end.

Barba starts moving his hips again, and Sonny knows this is the begin-

“For future reference, next time you come up with one of your great ideas, forget about your showboating, forget about teasing me ‘in the presence of friends,’ and just call me immediately.”

Sonny laughs again, and only then do Barba’s hands relax. Sonny hadn’t even realized Barba was still holding onto him, tight enough to leave a mark.

Barba is right.

Again.

Sonny likes teasing him in front of the others. Sonny loves messing with him in front of Liv, especially, because she doesn’t know yet, not officially, but Sonny is sure she suspects, and Barba’s pointed, pained looks when they’re alone in her office never stop being hilarious.

Wait.

Yet.

Liv doesn’t know yet.

This is the first time Sonny has ever thought of it that way. Dared to put it in those words.

Rule number four. No thinking about the future.

Then again, the game is over.

The rules no longer apply.

Sonny puts his arms around Barba’s neck, he puts his legs around Barba’s waist, and Barba lets out the deepest moan, and Sonny feels it against his lips.

They haven’t even kissed.

Yet.

Barba grabs Sonny’s thighs, Barba spreads them until Sonny winces from the stretch, and he pushes down, Barba pushes d-

“It was a great idea.”

Sonny blinks.

Sonny blinks and considers all the possible scenarios under which he could tell Barba to shut the hell up and still have an orgasm.

The odds are not in his fav-

“And I was kind of mad I didn’t think about it first. You’d make a great lawyer, Sonny.”

Barba is not mad.

This is another first.

Barba, calling him Sonny without being mad.

Without it being a joke.

Sonny smiles.

“No I wouldn’t.”

Barba smiles back.

Sonny always sees something in Barba’s face.

Right now, Sonny is seeing affection, again, so much affection and tenderness and encouragement, and the last thing Sonny needs is encouragement, the last thing he needs to hear is that he’s wrong, and that he should reconsider, because Sonny knows what’s in his heart, and he knows what he’s willing to do and what he can’t, and th-

“No. You wouldn’t.”

Oh.

Sonny thinks that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to him.

The world hates lawyers, and Sonny hates lawyers too, sometimes, sometimes Sonny even hates himself, but never Barba.

Sonny loves Barba.

And Barba can definitely see it in his face.

Sonny doesn’t mind.

Barba doesn’t mind either.

Barba kisses Sonny, finally, Barba leans in and finally puts his mouth to good use, and Sonny could think of a few better ways to use Barba’s mouth but he’s not about to complain.

Barba kisses Sonny, softly, and the affection in his lips rivals the affection in his eyes, and Sonny feels weightless, even though he has all of Barba’s weight on him, Sonny feels unburdened and open and free.

Rule number five.

Sonny never asks questions.

The game is over.

“So, Rafael, can I come now?”

Barba gets that glint in his eye again, and Sonny knows the answer alread-

“Yes.”

#barisi #sonny carisi #rafael barba #svu #episode tag #GUYSSSS #NEW FIC #posted literally seconds before the new episode #go me #btw i tried something new in this fic #with rhythm #tell me if you liked it #also #there is a callback to snapping #so yeah #please please enjoy #and #as always #i love you all

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"Broken" A Sharky ANGSTY O/S

So I made a one shot called Baby Shark where Sharky and Rafael get pregnant and after some bumpy conversation, decide to have the baby and she grows up to be a great kid, and you love being a mother.

However, at the time I also had an idea for the OTHER outcome of the pregnancy. But I let it go, and then I got a request from-- someone, I don't know if they want this out in the world-- to write a fic about a miscarriage. So, I figured I'd go with the idea I had already planned out.

AND SO,

I present to you, the alternative outcome of "Baby Shark".

Warning: VERY angsty, dealing with abortions and miscarriages. Also religion, if you're sensitive about that.

Read at your own discretion.

If you would like to read the happy version of this story, it is here.

Tag List

@objection-argumentative

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

You stared at the four pregnancy tests on the counter, waiting on the fifth. Plus signs and “Pregnant” words were sitting there, mocking you. You heard your phone alarm go off and picked up the last test.

Positive.

“Dammit!!!” You threw it across the bathroom. This was your worst nightmare. You didn’t want kids right now, you weren’t sure you wanted kids EVER. But you knew Rafael did, he probably wanted them as soon as possible.

“Mi Amor?” Rafael slowly opened the door.

“Raffi!” You spun around angrily. “Don’t you knock?!”

“Well I heard you yell…Oh my god,” Rafael suddenly noticed all the positive tests. “Y/N, are you…are you pregnant?”

“Yeah, well obviously,” You scoffed, gesturing to the many positive tests. You weren’t trying to be mean but he walked in just when you were trying to wrap your mind around this.

“…Why are you angry about this, carino?” He looked at you confused. “You…you do want kids, don’t you?”

“We really should have had this conversation before we got married, god why didn’t we have this conversation…”

“Oh my god,” Rafael stepped back. “You DON’T want kids?”

“I don’t know!” You threw your hands up. “Rafael I had given up on being a wife a long time ago, let alone a mother,”

“I can’t believe this,” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Look I just don’t want to have to make this decision right NOW,” You tried to act softer, lowering your voice. “You know we JUST got married, and we JUST started the practice. I just wanted some time to BREATHE,”

“So…you want to abort it?” Rafael’s voice was soft and sad.

“Christ Almighty Rafael it’s not ‘aborting’ it’s…” You paused, noticing his face was getting more horrified. “What?”

“I thought when you were defending me, your whole ‘cold medical’ argument was a tactic…”

“Yeah well,” You ran your fingers through your hair. “Look, baby,” You took his hand again. “If I…got rid of it,” You saw him flinch. “It would just be taking a pill that rips apart cells and tissue. It doesn’t disintegrate arms or legs, or a tiny beating heart,”

“Yeah I get it, Y/N” He dropped your hands and walked out of the bathroom, you ran after him.

“Rafael, come on!” You chased him through the apartment, grabbing his hand and making him face. “At least hear me out,”

“Why? Why should I? You clearly won’t hear me out! You’ve already made your decision, I bet you weren’t even going to tell me about it,”

“That’s not fair,” You replied, hurt. Of course you would have told him, wouldn’t you?

“And…it’s not just this,” He sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you don’t want kids right now is one thing, if you don’t want kids EVER, then…” He wiped his eyes. “Then we’re just delaying the inevitable,” He said softly, you could hear the tears in his voice.

“What?” Your heart fell into your stomach. “What are you saying?”

“I want kids, Y/N,” He looked at you very seriously. “I want kids and I’m not going to give up that idea,”

“So, you would just walk away from me for some hypothetical kids you might have some day?” You were getting upset now. How dare he threaten you like that.

“I don’t…” He ran his hands through his hair, tears still falling from his eyes. “I don’t want to,”

“Then DON’T,” You crossed your arms.

“Why should I appease you when you won’t even THINK about it?” He suddenly went from sad to angry, matching your attitude.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t think about it, I said I really don’t want to decide NOW,” You yelled back, as you sat down on the couch. All of this yelling was making you dizzy.

“Then when do you want to decide, Y/N? When-- when our baby actually has fingers, toes? Is that going to change your mind about killing them?”

“Oh my god, you are so--” You stomped out of the bathroom and through your living room.

“Where are you going?” He called after you.

“To prove to you I’m not a heartless bitch!” You yelled back as you stormed out, slamming the door behind you.

=====

You drove to the clinic that Dr. Ramoray worked at, pulling into the parking lot and rushed into the waiting room.

“I need to speak to Dr. Ramoray,“ You informed her.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but we’re old friends,”

“Excuse me?” She looked at you quizzically.

“Can you-- can you just tell him Y/N is here and really needs to talk to him?”

“....Okay…” She looked at you skeptically but stood up and went to find the doctor. After a few minutes Dr. Ramoray walked out and greeted you.

“Hello, Y/N. Nice to see you,” He shook your hand. “Don’t tell me you have another case--”

“No, it’s personal this time doctor,”

“Personal?”

“I...can we…?” You motioned towards the rooms.

“Well...sure, Stella hold my appointments,” He informed his receptionist.

He walked you back and into a patient room. It was lined with charts of the different stages of pregnancy, lists of do’s and don’t during pregnancy, things like that. You took a seat in the regular seats as opposed to the patient stirrups.

“So, how can I help you dear?”

“Well, you know that man I defended?”

“The ADA? Well of course, that’s one day I will never forget,”

“Well he’s my-- husband,” You looked down, hoping that wasn’t a lie.

“I see,” He nodded. “Well, that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it,”

“Right,” You nodded sheepishly. “Well, see we uh-- I got us in a...situation,” You put a hand on your stomach.

“Ah,” He nodded again. “I see,”

“Yeah..”

“And guessing by your argument in court, you’d like to get rid of the...zygote?”

“I don’t know,” You shook your head. “I...I didn’t have the greatest role mode of a mother growing up, and I have no idea how to--” You rubbed your temples. Too much detail.

“Look my husband has the opposite stance on my...views, of a zygote,”

“Well that’s ironic, isn’t it?” He chuckled.

“Yes haha. I just want you--- I just need a picture of this thing to show him it’s just cells, it’s not a--”

“A baby,” he finished for you.

“Right,”

“Well, as you must know due to your research Ms. Y/N, depending on how far along you are it might be impossible to even see the zygote,” He explained.

“Well that’s even better,” You half smiled. “Then it will really prove to him I’m doing nothing wrong-- if I decide to get rid of it,”

“As you wish,” He nodded, gesturing for you to get on the patient table. You laid down on the table and pulled your shirt up, while the doctor got the gooey gel and rubbed it on your stomach. He pulled up a screen that recorded the sonogram, as he ran the scanner over your uterus.

“....Hmm…” He studied the screen intently.

“Hmmm?” You asked. “Hmmm doesn’t sound good,”

“I...well, there seems to be an...issue,”

“Excuse me?” You sat up. “An issue? What kind of issue?”

“Well Ms. Y/N according to this, your uterus is what we would call-- hostile,”

“Hostile?” You half laughed. “Why does that not surprise me…?” You shook your head. Of course you, the cold hearted shark, would have a hostile uterus on top of everything else hostile in your body.

“Yes, see all of this extra tissue? It’s not ideal for a fetus to grow and develop,” He pointed out clouds of white almost filling your uterus. “To be completely honest with you, it’s a miracle you even got pregnant,”

“...Oh Jesus…” You put your hands over your face. “Why...God why…”

“If you decide to terminate this pregnancy, there’s a slim to none chance this will ever happen again,” He continued.

“Great,” You chuckled sarcastically. “So now even NATURE is forcing me to make a choice right now,”

“Well,” He pushed the screen away. “If it helps your decision, there’s an 75% percent chance the baby will even survive full term,”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You laughed harder. “So, even if I decide to concede to my husband and go ahead with this, there’s a 25% chance that he’ll get attached to it, and then it will die anyway?!”

“Look Ms. Y/N,” He put a hand on your shoulder. “In my experience, more often than not women with hostile uteruses that do actually get pregnant, end up having perfectly healthy babies. Granted most are preemies, but with today’s technology that’s almost never an issue,”

“...Right,” You shook your head with a dry sarcastic smile, still in disbelief this was all happening.

“And if you don’t mind me saying,” He added. “I really think this is something you should discuss with your husband,”

“I actually really do mind you saying, Doctor,” You said curtly. “I just...I need a minute, can I have a minute?”

“Sure, take a minute. Call him, maybe ask him to come down,”

“...Yeah, right,” You shook your head with a smile as you walked out of the room and down the hall through the waiting room and outside in front of the clinic. You walked over to a small bench off to the side of the walkway into the clinic and sat down, and before you could think your body just erupted in a loud, angry scream.

“....Do you think this is funny, huh?!” You yelled up at the sky. “Is this, what is this, some kind of TEST?” You stood up now as you continued your rant.

“Are you-- are you trying to test how much I love Rafael? Testing just how much I’ve REALLY changed? Or are you just trying to prove to me that I can’t be happy? I can’t have the nice, perfect man, with a perfect family? That I’ll just lose anything good that I touch? You’ve turned my own BODY against me?!” You started to cry in the middle of the grass.

“Why would you do this, huh?” You asked Him. “You know the kind of mother I grew up with, you know I have nothing GOOD to reference on being a mother!” Tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Why would you do this to me? Have I been that shit of a person? Really? I went through...I went through hell and back my entire life, and then I fought like hell for Rafael, for someone who actually loved me, for the very first time in my life! And now-- now you want to take that away from me? Or are you giving me a second chance? TELL ME! TELL ME WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!!!” You screamed, falling to your knees sobbing.

“....Y/N?” A soft voice made you leap to your feet and spin around to see Rafael standing there, his mouth slightly open with a confused look on his face.

“Rafa,” You quickly sucked the rest of your breakdown back into your body, wiping tears away and clearing your throat. “W-What are you doing here?”

“I...I came to support you,” He said softly as he walked closer to you.

“Support me?”

“Well I figured, you came down here to--”

“To what, kill our baby? Without even discussing with you?” You scoffed.

“No!” He cried. “Well, maybe..”

“Right,” You shook your head with a dry laugh.

“But I was going to support you no matter your decision!!” He defended himself.

“Oh well, that’s really big of you Rafael. Coming down here to hold my hand while I abort our child and then breaking up with me as soon as we walked out of here,” You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

“That’s not--” He shook his head. “Look, I think-- I think that what matters right now is your little...soliloquy there,” He gestured towards the bench where you were having your screaming match at God.

“...Right,”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me about your mother, carino?”

“Why would I, Rafael?” You rolled your eyes with a laugh. “I already inadvertently told you I’d never heard the words ‘I love you’ in my life before you, I thought that was pretty obvious I didn’t have the greatest parents,”

“...Fair,” He closed the gap between you, taking your hands. “I’m sorry, I should have taken that into account when were...talking,”

“Arguing,” You clarified.

“Right,” He nodded sadly. “I just-- I ...I’ve always--”

“Yeah, I get it. You’ve always wanted kids. I should have taken that into account when we even started dating. I should have thought this could happen. I’m usually so level headed and ten steps ahead of things, but with you--”

“It’s different,” He finished for you with a sad smile.

“Yeah,” You nodded softly, looking at the ground.

“Well,” He tilted your chin up. “I don’t--I don’t want to impose anything on you, but--”

“But…”

“But...you did just ask the big guy what to do, and I was here,”

“...So you’re saying, God is telling me to go through with this?”

“All I’m stating is facts, Sharky,” He rubbed your cheek with his thumb. “I’m not telling you to do anything, I’m really not. I swear,”

“....Well, you should know all the facts then,” You sighed, leading him back to the bench where you both sat.

“All the facts?” He asked you curiously.

“...Dr. Ramoray says that I have a…’hostile uterus’,” You shook your head with a laugh, just saying it sounded absurd.

“A hostile uterus? You? I’m shocked,” He joked, trying to ease the tension.

“I know right?” You chuckled. “Anyway um-- he said, that it was a miracle I even got pregnant,” You said softly while you played with his hand in yours.

“...A miracle?”” Rafael’s voice perked up a little. Did that mean you were considering it? Surely you wouldn’t have told him that if you were going to get rid of it.

“Yeah,” You nodded. “And um-- he said, he said if I terminated this pregnancy, there was a slim to none chance that I’d ever get pregnant again,” You looked at the ground.

“I see,” He squeezed your hand softly. “So...basically, even mother nature is forcing you to make a life decision right now,”

“That’s what I said!” You looked up into his eyes; you really were so in sync.

“...Which is why you were yelling at God,”

“...Right,” You looked up at the sky. “But there’s another thing,”

“Oh?”

“The doctor said that even if I decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, there’s a 25% chance that it will die anyway,” You looked into his eyes sadly. “Because of course, my body would be just like my mother, rejecting it,” You looked away from him with another sarcastic laugh, thinking of the irony of your situation.

“Hey,” He put a hand on your face, making you look at him. “You are NOT your mother,”

“You didn’t even know her,”

“I know she wouldn’t be wrestling with this decision, would she?”

“No,” You shook your head. “She definitely would not. She made it very clear that my father MADE her have me, because he didn’t believe in abortion,”

“....Like I was trying to do,” He said sadly.

“No baby,” You took his hands. “I know you weren’t trying to force me to do anything,”

“....But I kind of was, when I threatened to leave you,” He looked down in shame.

“No, uh uh,” Now it was your turn to pull his chin upwards. “It’s not the same. Not even close,”

“....So,” He took a deep breath. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“....Well,” You gave him a small smile. “I can’t exactly argue with God for giving me what I asked for, right?”

“Wha--you mean me?”

“I asked him what to do, and here you are,” You pressed your forehead against his. “I’d say that’s a pretty big red flag of an answer,”

“Carino,” His lips curled into a huge smile before they were on yours.

-----------------

----Six Months Later----

You were in your last trimester, and were finally starting to breathe about your impending labor. Every month, every doctor’s appointment, you’d walk into the office with the worst expectations, and every time you were proven wrong. In that time, you had grown attached to your little girl, who you decided to name Isabella. Izzie, for short.

Rafael would talk to Izzie as much as he talked to you, always speaking in Spanish thinking she’d pick it up in the womb. You’d just shake your head with a smile, it was adorable the way he was so excited. It made you even more excited, just seeing him so happy. You had never been so invested in someone else’s emotions other than your own, especially not someone who hadn’t even been born yet. But you loved Izzie already, you would smile to yourself when you’d feel her moving around inside you. It was like she was snuggling you in her own little cocoon inside you.

However, on the day of your baby shower, all of your new hopes and dreams came crashing down. You were doing your makeup, humming and bouncing along with the Spotify playlist you had playing-- when you felt it. A sharp, overwhelming pain struck your abdomen, causing you to hunch over, falling to your knees.

“RAFAEL!!!!!” You screamed as your insides felt like they were being stabbed everywhere. Everything you had feared was coming true.

Rafael sprinted into your bathroom half dressed and instantly was down next to you.

“Y/N, baby what’s wrong?” He asked frantically, checking your body everywhere as you writhed in pain and began to cry.

“It’s...Izzie,” You sobbed, knowing what was happening. “I’m losing her,”

“Oh God,” Rafael dialed 911 while he tried to help you stand. When he saw your pelvis however, he stopped moving you.

“What?” You asked in a panicked tone. “What is it?”

“You’re...You’re bleeding, Y/N,” His eyes began to fill with tears as he watched you quickly begin to bleed out in front of him.

“What?” You tried desperately to look down at yourself, all you saw was a pool of blood running down the floor to your feet. Everything started to go fuzzy, you could barely hear Rafael screaming on the phone for someone to hurry up and come to your rescue. Pretty soon, you blacked out completely.

----------------------

The next thing you knew you were waking up in a hospital bed with a nurse taking your vitals.

“Welcome back, Ms. Y/N,” She smiled sweetly. “We almost lost you there,”

“...Lost me?” You looked at her in confusion before looking down at your stomach. A huge bandage was wrapped around your torso, covering several stitches and tubes coming out of your pelvis.

“Oh my god,” You whispered, beginning to panic again. “Oh my god, oh my god--”

“Whoa whoa calm down sweetie,” The nurse tried to keep you from squirming around. “You’ll pop your stitches,”

“Where’s Izzie? Where’s Rafael?” You asked her as you started to hyperventilate.

“Your husband ran to get a coffee” She assured you. “And um, your-- your baby is…”

“She’s dead, isn't she?” You began to sob. “I killed her,”

“No! No ma’am,” She shook her head. “Well, I mean she-- she is-- gone,” She said sadly. “But you did NOT kill her,”

“No, just my hostile body,” You continued to sob.

“Look I’m-- I’ll be right back,” She rushed out of the room, leaving you crying and screaming in horror and guilt.

After a few minutes, Rafael was bursting into the room, instantly at your side and taking your shaking body in his arms. He was still covered in your blood, he hadn’t dared to leave your side since they had gotten you there.

“I killed her, Rafa,” You sobbed into his chest. “I knew it, I knew this would happen. I’m broken inside, I told you I was broken,”

“Shhh, no no no mi amor,” He whispered as he tried to not start crying himself. “Shhhh, you’re-- you’re not broken,”

“I am!!!” You sobbed harder. “I killed our baby, just like I knew I would. It’s the one thing I was supposed to give you,”

“...Shh, baby I know. It’s okay, it’s alright--” He looked up at the sky as he began to cry himself.

“No it’s not, it’s not okay!!” Your sobs became heavier, you could barely breathe. All of your fears were coming true, you were being punished. You lost your child and now you were going to lose the love of your life. “Please don’t leave me, Please please please,”

“What?” He suddenly looked back down at you, pulling you from his chest. “Why would I--”

“I KILLED OUR BABY!!!!!!!!” You screamed. “That’s the ONE thing you asked me not to do!! The one thing! And I did it anyway!!!”

“NO, you did NOT,” He took both of your shoulders. “You did not kill our baby, do you hear me? You tried so hard, you took such good care of Izzie, carino--” He started to cry again as he said her name.

“She’s dead, Rafael,” You had just started to get your sobs under control until you saw him cry. You hated seeing him cry. You hated being the reason he was crying. “She’s dead!”

“And so were you!” He said through his tears. “You died on that table, they told me. But you came back to me,”

“....What?” Now you started to control your crying in shock from this new information.

“We may have lost Izzie, but I almost lost both of you. And I-- I don’t think I would have survived that,” He was still crying. “I...I’m devastated about Izzie, but I’m grateful you’re alive,”

“....Even though I’m broken?” You sniffled.

“You are not broken, mi amor,” He shook his head as he kissed your forehead, getting his own emotions to calm down. “...And if you still don’t believe me, then I promise you, I will spend the rest of our lives putting you back together,”

“....Okay,” You whispered, finally relaxing into his arms as he laid back against the wall.

“I love you, Y/N,” He whispered as he stroked your hair. “I will always love you, no matter what,”

“I love you too,” You sniffled as you started to fall asleep against his chest.

You wanted to believe him, but you knew deep down inside: You’d always be broken.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba one shot #rafael barba angst #rafael barba x you #rafael barba fanfiction #angst #tw abortion #tw miscarriage #law and order svu fanfiction

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

“Sharky” *Part 9*

Okay it might end up only being 10 chapters, DEPENDING on what happens in the next chapter-- which guys, you’ll never see coming. Never in a million years. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Also-- I don’t know if you care but the beginning scene/paragraph was written based on the scene in Grey’s Anatomy when Burke leaves Cristina at the altar and she has a panic attack/breakdown in her wedding dress. Just for reference, that’s what it’s supposed to look like. Don’t know who will understand that or not, but if you wanna YouTube it it’s very powerful. [To me.]

TAG LIST:

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Chapter List Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Part 10

-----

You made it halfway down the street before you felt your breathing increase, your body temperature rose by the second. In seconds you were hyperventilating, stuck in a damn leather trap of a dress. You were having a full on panic attack and you physically couldn’t breathe in the tight leather bodice. You had no idea what to do, you had literally never felt this panicked and scared and upset in your entire life. You tried desperately to rip off your sleeves at the very least, clawing at them while sobbing like a crazy person. But you were fighting a losing battle, and you felt yourself falling down to your feet.

Your eyesight was blurry through tears but you managed to crawl into a nearby alley, still sobbing loudly and trying to breathe. You really thought you were going to pass out, and some creep would probably come and find your unconscious body in the alley and do sick stuff to it, and you’d be on the news at 11.

You kept gasping for breath, now wrestling with the zipper on the back of your dress. You needed this OFF, and you needed it off NOW. You felt yourself losing consciousness, when a pair of hands caught you from behind.

“What do you need?” The voice asked. You were certain this was a rapist, but why was he asking what you needed?

“I...can’t….I can’t….” You sobbed, flailing your arms towards your back. You felt the hands unzip your dress just far enough that you could pull it off to rip your arms out of the sleeves and just hold it up over your breasts so you weren’t standing there half naked. Finally able to breathe you finally just sobbed while this person held you from behind, their head was pressed into your back and you could hear their words muffled but clear:

“I’m so sorry...I'm so sorry…”

You finally looked down and realized the pair of hands that were holding you, and your panic went straight back to rage. You broke free from their grasp and spun around to see Rafael hunched over, clearly surprised by your sudden turnaround.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” You screamed at him, causing people walking by to look in concern.

“You were having a panic attack! You nearly collapsed in the street! What was I supposed to do just walk back into the party and leave you to die?” He said loudly so people would know he had been trying to help you, not rape you.

“YES!!!”

“Oh come on Y/N---” He tried to help you steady yourself on your heels, but you ripped them off and tossed them at him.

“No!!!” You screamed. “I told you to leave me alone, Rafael for fuck’s sake! Just go back and be with your girlfriend--” You started to walk away.

“I don’t want her, I want you!!!” He yelled, making you stop in your tracks.

“Well you sure have a hell of a way of showing it!” You turned back around and yelled angrily.

“Look, Y/N...God, I don’t know how this got so fucked up…” He shook his head as he paced the alleyway.

“Right because nothing is ever your fault,” You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

“I’m not saying that! I--” He sighed and stopped pacing to look at you. “Look, I was really low, and upset about you, and Liv and I were drinking, and--”

“So your solution to getting over me was to bond with the person who sabotaged us in the first place? Real sound logic there, counselor,” You said in a mocking tone.

“Look I get what she did was wrong, but she’s also been my best friend for a very long time, and I just-- I don’t know, I focused on that part,” He looked down.

“How? How can you just sit there and make excuses for her--”

“I’m not making excuses for her, I fucked up okay? I was drunk, and sad, and I ignored my angry feelings at Liv and one thing led to another…”

“Oh for Christ’s sake Barba really? One thing led to another? You PURPOSEFULLY slept with the ONE person you knew I’d never forgive you for!”

“That’s not true!!!” Rafael argued. “I’m not dismissing my behavior, but I swear to you it was NOT my intention to hurt you--”

“Really? So what did you just think I’d never find out about you and her?”

“No I just-- look the next morning she was just so happy, and I was too much of a coward to tell her that I was just missing you and--”

“For fuck’s sake Barba are we in 10th grade? You ‘accidentally’ sleep with your best friend and then just date her because you can’t tell her the truth? And I’m just supposed to believe that?”

“It’s the truth!” He yelled. “I’m not proud of it, but it is the truth. I will go right back into that party and I will end it with her right now Y/N I swear it--”

“It doesn’t matter!” You cut him off. “I don’t care what you do, or don’t do with Olivia, Barba, I really don’t. Date her, fuck her, break her heart. Because you and I are off the table, permanently” You started to walk away again, but he grabbed your hand.

“No, come on Y/N there has to be a way we get past this, there has to be. I mean, look how upset you are. I know you still care about me--”

“OF COURSE I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU, IDIOT!!!” You screeched. “Yes, I’m having a fucking nervous breakdown over you because yes I do still lo--like you, but it’s irrelevant!”

“But why…?” He asked in a soft voice.

“Do you really think that I can EVER look at you without seeing you and that bitch with her legs in the air?” You asked. “I mean, even right this second that’s ALL I can think about!” You started to cry again as you once again tried walking away from him.

“Y/N, Please...please I am begging you…” He grabbed both of your hands this time and got down on his knees.

“This isn’t a negotiation, counselor. There’s nothing you can do, no penance you can give,” You sniffled. “It’s just...it is what it is,”

“Please, Y/N....,” He clung to your waist like a child as he whimpered into your stomach.

You placed your hands over his back and looked to the sky, pleading to whoever was up there to make this stop. It was absolutely true, everything you said. Even though you could see that this whole situation was just a fucked up series of events and misunderstandings, you really couldn’t look at him without seeing her. You wanted to forgive him, you wanted to pick him up off his knees right now and just kiss him until the pain went away, but you couldn’t.

“No,” You did your best to keep a stern tone as you pried him from your body. “I’m sorry,” You whispered as you put a hand to his cheek; you noticed he had started crying as well.

It took everything you had to pick up your heels and walk out of that alleyway with your sleeves tied around your neck so it kept your dress over your breasts.

------

After several minutes of trying to compose himself, Rafael finally walked back down the street and into the bar where his friends were waiting.

Rafa! Where the hell did you go?” Oliva cried.

“I went after Y/N,” Rafael simply stated.

“A-Are you serious? Why?” Olivia asked in disbelief.

“You know why, Olivia” Rafael replied with a straight face.

“I cannot believe you--”

“Look, Liv. You are my absolute best friend in this entire world, I hope you know that,” He sighed. “But this has gone too far,”

“Excuse me?”

“Why did you do everything you did to Y/N, Liv?” Rafael crossed his arms. “ Is it because you’ve known how I’ve felt about her from the start?”

“I...Maybe…” Olivia looked at the ground as Rafael sighed deeply.

“Olivia I have tried so hard, SO hard to be there for you. To care about you, to love you. I have chosen you over and over again, but I won’t do it anymore. What you did was wrong, and you really hurt me,” He said sternly.

“How did I--”

“By hurting Y/N, Liv! By hurting us! Now, it’s so fucked up that I will NEVER be with her, and yeah that’s my fault and I have to deal with it now but--” He took a breath. “I need space, okay? I need to face what I’ve done to someone I cared about very much, and I need to do it on my own, and not with the person who helped me do it. I’m sorry,”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the party, alone.

------

The next Monday you walked into work with your head held high, despite all the whispers and snickers as you passed by each desk.

“Hey there, Cobra,” Your colleague Stacy waved.

“Cobra?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know like a spitting cobra?” She smirked.

“Oh lovely, is that my new nickname then?”

“Could be worse,” Stacy shrugged. “We could just call you ‘chum bucket’,” she added with a laugh.

“Pithy,” You chuckled mockingly.

“Y/L/N,” Buchanan suddenly walked up to your conversation. “May I see you in my office?”

“Um, Yeah sure…” You muttered uneasily as you followed him back to the office. You could hear Parker humming “The Death March” behind you. Vultures. You finally reached Buchanan’s office, he let you in first as he closed the door behind you.

“Sit, please,” He gestured to a chair. You obeyed as he went around and sat at his desk chair.

“So, I heard you had an interesting Halloween night…” He raised an eyebrow.

“Listen, sir I am so sorry--” You started to beg for forgiveness.

“Y/N, you are one of the best lawyers I have here,” He cut you off. “You’re a Great White among those Tiger Sharks,”

“Thank you…?” You scrunched your face.

“But you’ve been spiraling,” He sighed. “I mean, spitting on a sergeant in the middle of a bar full of NYPD, that’s…” He shook his head with a laugh of disbelief. “That’s ballsy. Do you know how many cops have called here today asking for your head on a stick?”

“I know sir and I--” You started to apologize but he put his hand up.

“But do you know what I love most about being a lawyer?”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t work for the NYPD,” He smirked.

“I’m sorry sir...what are you--”

“That took guts, Y/N. Putting ‘Saint’ Olivia Benson in her place like that,” He went on. “You know those schmucks at the NYPD think they are so high on the moral ground, but just look at what Barba did to you,” He came around and put a hand on your shoulder. “Lying and manipulating you like that, just for that self righteous Siren,”

“Yeah…” You shifted uncomfortably in your chair.

“And I would like to reward you for your courage,” He smiled.

“Sir?” You were sure you heard him wrong.

“I know that those three idiots tried setting you up at that party to tank your career, but unfortunately for them-- it did the very opposite,” He gave you an evil smile. “I’d like to offer you the position of partner,”

“R-Really?” You blinked in disbelief.

“Yes really,” He chuckled. “Is that a yes?”

“Absolutely, John! Thank you!” You went to hug him but he put his hands up.

“Ah...just the thank you is fine, Y/N,”

“Right. Sorry,” You put your arms at your sides. You knew better than to show emotions at work.

“Well then, let me show you to your new office... partner,” He smiled as he led you out of his office. You walked proudly behind him as you raised a high middle finger to the glaring looks of your co-workers.

Maybe things were turning around….

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #sharky #angst

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"Baby Shark" (Doo doo doo doo)

Well I DID it, folks. Since at least THREE anons asked me for a "baby shark" one shot, it's pretty long though.

I said it before but it makes me so happy that people love "Sharky", she is the "Reader" character most similar to my own personality out of all of my series, [ESPECIALLY in this installment] and I love her. <3

Tag List:

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@gibbs274

@milkshqke

@chasingeverybreakingwave

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@aprildecker-blog

Positive.

“Mi Amor?” Rafael slowly opened the door.

“Raffi!” You spun around angrily. “Don’t you knock?!”

“Well I heard you yell...Oh my god,” Rafael suddenly noticed all the positive tests. “Y/N, are you...are you pregnant?”

“Yeah, well obviously,” You scoffed, gesturing to the many positive tests. You weren’t trying to be mean but he walked in just when you were trying to wrap your mind around this.

“...Why are you angry about this, carino?” He looked at you confused. “You...you do want kids, don’t you?”

“We really should have had this conversation before we got married, god why didn’t we have this conversation…”

“Oh my god,” Rafael stepped back. “You DON’T want kids?”

“I don’t know!” You threw your hands up. “Rafael I had given up on being a wife a long time ago, let alone a mother,”

“I can’t believe this,” He shook his head in disbelief.

“So...you want to abort it?” Rafael's voice was soft and sad.

“Christ Almighty Rafael it’s not ‘aborting’ it’s…” You paused, noticing his face was getting more horrified. “What?”

“I thought when you were defending me, your whole ‘cold medical’ argument was a tactic…”

“Yeah well,” You ran your fingers through your hair. “Look, baby,” You took his hand again. “If I...got rid of it,” You saw him flinch. “It would just be taking a pill that rips apart cells and tissue. It doesn’t disintegrate arms or legs, or a tiny beating heart,”

“Yeah I get it, Y/N” He dropped your hands and walked out of the bathroom, you ran after him.

“Rafael, come on!” You chased him through the apartment, grabbing his hand and making him face. “At least hear me out,”

“Why? Why should I? You clearly won’t hear me out! You’ve already made your decision, I bet you weren’t even going to tell me about it,”

“That’s not fair,” You replied, hurt. Of course you would have told him, wouldn't you?

“And...it’s not just this,” He sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?”

“What?” Your heart fell into your stomach. “What are you saying?”

“I want kids, Y/N,” He looked at you very seriously. “I want kids and I’m not going to give up that idea,”

“So, you would just walk away from me for some hypothetical kids you might have some day?” You were getting upset now. How dare he threaten you like that.

“I don’t…” He ran his hands through his hair, tears still falling from his eyes. “I don’t want to,”

“Then DON’T,” You crossed your arms.

“Why should I appease you when you won’t even THINK about it?” He suddenly went from sad to angry, matching your attitude.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t think about it, I said I really don’t want to decide NOW,” You yelled back, as you sat down on the couch. All of this yelling was making you dizzy.

“Look, Rafael,” You sighed. “I don’t want to be my mother, okay?!”

“What?” He walked towards you.

“My mother was a shark,” You looked at the floor.

“She was a lawyer too?”

“No-- NO,” You chuckled sarcastically. “No she was...disturbed,” You shook your head sadly.

“Sharky…” Rafael sat down slowly beside you.

“I say my mother was a shark in the sense of-- Do you actually know what sharks do to their young after they’re born, Rafa?” You looked at him with the side of your eyes, but not moving your head.

“No…”

“They ABANDON them,” You laughed sarcastically, tears choking your throat. “Right as soon as that baby is out of them, the mom just takes off. Literally, just SWIMS AWAY,”

“Baby…” He took your hand.

“And you know why she did that, Rafa? Because she wasn’t ready! She wasn’t ready to put anything or anyone before herself, and her needs,” You moved your head back up to face him, tears now dripped down your face.

“And I don’t know if I can,” You finally admitted to him and yourself. “And if I can’t, then what if I leave you? And them?! I’ll just be my mother, which is something I vowed I would NEVER do,”

“Hey,” Rafael took both of your hands. “You, are NOT your mother,”

“You don’t know that,” You scoffed as you wiped your tears away.

“Yes I do,” He stroked your face. “A mom who would just abandon her kid is....” He shook his head. “Someone without a heart,”

“I mean just because she didn’t want a kid doesn’t make her a bad person, Rafael--”

“But abandoning one does!” He argued. “You would never abandon our baby,”

“How do you know that?” You looked at him skeptically.

“Because you didn’t abandon me,” He pulled you closer. “You could have just let me go to prison after everything I did to you, but you didn’t,”

“Because I loved you,” You put your head on his shoulder.

“And you’ll love this baby!” He half smiled.

“What if I don’t?” You said in a soft voice.

“You love ME, and...if you have, ‘trouble’,” He took your hands once again. “I’ll love them enough for the both of us,”

You had to smile at that; it was true even if you were the worst mother, you knew Rafael would be a good dad. A great dad. The BEST dad.

“Okay,” You gave him a small smile.

“Okay? As in...we can do this?”

“I mean I’m the one who has to grow the thing so I don't know what this ‘we’ business is,” You teased.

“Oh my god, Sharky,” Rafael responded by picking you up and swinging you around. “We’re going to have a little baby shark!”

“Oh god please don’t call it that,” You rolled your eyes with a smile, thinking about the viral song. But you had to admit, seeing how happy Rafael was about you being pregnant made you pretty happy.

Maybe you could do this.

-------

One Year Later

“Maaaaammaaaaaa,” The voice rang through your apartment.

“It’s your turn,” You rolled over and hit your husband.

“Don’t you hear her Sharky, she’s calling her ‘maaaaaamaaa’,” Rafael chuckled, imitating your daughter.

“Only because she doesn’t know how to say ‘daddy’ yet,” You rolled your eyes, making yourself sit up and walk to the nursery.

“What is it, sweetie?” You yawned as you entered the room to see your daughter Joanna standing up in her crib.

“Maaaaamaaaaaa,” She cooed as you picked her up.

“Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. You like me,” You shook your head with a smile. You couldn’t believe you, the best damn defense lawyer in New York City with the most successful firm, had a child. And you didn’t want to toss her against the wall, or send her away.

You looked into her deep green eyes, her daddy’s eyes. The same eyes that made you fall in love with him, made you fall in love with her. It was a dirty, dirty move. And now, you couldn’t see your life without her.

You rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair as she nodded back off to sleep. When you were sure she was in a deep enough sleep, you placed her back into her crib and gave her a kiss before walking back into your bedroom and getting back in your bed.

“She alright?” Rafael turned around and spooned you.

“She’s fine,” You nodded. “She’s just an attention whore,”

“Just like her mommy,” Rafael chuckled, nuzzling into your neck.

“Ha Ha,”

“Now are you SURE you don’t want me or daddy to stay?”

------

4 Years Later

“Yes, mommy,” Joanna nodded.

“Because I don’t want us to get halfway to work and have your teacher calling me saying you’re having a meltdown, JoJo,”

“What’s a meltdown?”

“It’s when mommy’s head looks like it’s about to explode, mijita,” Rafael explained to her, causing you to hit him.

“Thank you daddy, we don’t need any help,” You shooed him out to the car.

“Alright, Alright,” He laughed as he kissed Joanna. “Have a good first day baby girl,”

“Bye daddy!” She waved.

“Alright, now-- do you have everything?”

“Yes,”

“You’re SURE?”

“Yes….”

“Then why did I find ‘Sharky’ in the floorboard?”

You presented her with the plush shark Rafael had given you many years ago. Even after you had tossed it when you found out what he had done, you had fished it out and put it in a drawer, just in case. And now, you were glad you did.

“I don’t need Sharky mama, I’m a big girl,”

“Really? Just in case?” You looked at her a bit more hurt than you intended, why was this hitting you so hard? So your daughter didn’t want your hand me down toy anymore, why should that bother you?

“Okay...just in case,” She agreed after a long pause. You smiled and gave her one last big hug and a kiss.

“Te quiero mucho, JoJo,” You whispered in her ear.

“I love you too mommy,”

You watched her run into the school with her other friends as you walked back to the Uber that was waiting on you and Rafael.

“She ok?”

“She didn’t want Sharky!” You made a pouty face. “I practically had to beg her to keep him with her,”

“Aww, honey,” He chuckled as he pulled you into his body and kissed your forehead. “Well, don’t you worry-- I will ALWAYS want Sharky,”

“You better,” You smiled as you both got into the car. “You’re stuck with her for life,”

“And then some,” He grinned, pulling you into a kiss.

Who knew 5 years ago, you’d be here? You sure didn’t. But here you were, married and with a kid. Happy. Running your own firm while your husband ran for governor. Everything was bliss.

You were sure there was only smooth swimming ahead.

#anon ask #rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x you #drabble requests #rafael barba drabble #sharky

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

“My Fairy Abogado” *Part 10*

Dammit I usually like to keep my stories around 10 chapters, but the whole ice cream banter was too good and the crescendo I want is way too long to not have it’s own chapter. Also, some Barisi thrown in there for ya. LoL.

I suppose it’ll be one more chapter and an epilogue? Maybe?

Tag List:

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@objection-argumentative

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Master List

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

FINALE

-------------

After stitching you up, and after a long conversation convincing the nurse that Rafael had not done the number on your body, you two were finally leaving the ER.

“Alright buddy, you promised me ice cream,” You hung on Rafael’s arm as you walked out to the awaiting SUV.

“You really wanna get ice cream without the kids?” Rafael asked as he helped you into the backseat once again.

“Uh are you kidding? I don’t have to fight with them over what flavors they want, or if it’s too expensive and they have to share, and not worrying about Chloe getting it all over herself, doing ANYTHING in public without the kids is a luxury I miss the most,” You felt guilty about rambling about your siblings, but it was awesome being able to just vent.

“Alright Alright, I get it-- having kids sucks,” Rafael laughed.

“I mean don’t get me wrong; I love my brother and sisters. I’m just not...cut out to be a mother. Not right now, anyway,” You looked around the car awkwardly, kicking yourself for bringing up kids so soon.

“Yeah, I never really saw the point in kids,” Rafael chuckled.

“So you don’t want them, ever?” You were a bit taken aback. It shouldn’t be shocking to you really; Rafael was getting up there, and he seemed to like his things nice and tidy. He must’ve seen the look on your face because he quickly added--

“I mean….” He gulped. “I guess, with the right person…”

“You know for a lawyer, lying is not your strong suit,” You snickered.

You finally arrived at a nearby ice cream place; Rafael helped you out and you both walked inside while your copper stood outside.

“Doesn’t he want anything?” You nodded to the man.

“He’s fine,” Rafael replied, not even looking back at him.

“Hey guy, what’s your name?” You turned to talk to him.

“Carisi ma’am, Sonny Carisi,” He nodded at you.

“Sonny do you really not want any ice cream, or is Big Bad Barba being a tyrant?”

“I could go for a scoop,”

“See?” You smiled triumphantly.

“He’s like a puppy baby, you feed him once he’ll just keep coming around,” He nodded at Sonny. “Trust me, I know,” He rolled his eyes.

“You can get ice cream but you wait in the car Carisi,” He looked at him sternly.

“Copy that, counselor,” Sonny replied very seriously.

“Jesus Rafael, what is this guy your bitch or what?” You hit him softly.

“Oh no ma’am, I wanna be a lawyer just like Mr. Barba so I spend as much time with him as I can,” He looked at Barba with puppy dog eyes. “As a mentor,” He quickly added, looking at the ground.

“Oh um-- yeah okay, cool?” You smiled awkwardly at him, then noticed Rafael was getting very uncomfortable the more he talked.

“....Wait… feed him once...Rafael!” You whispered so Sonny wouldn’t hear you.

“ONE night, ONE time,” He rubbed the back of his neck looking around the place awkwardly.

“Mmmm...both sides, noted,” You winked.

“Sonny go ahead,” Barba nodded to the woman at the counter.

“What can I get you?” She smiled at the three of you.

“Two scoops of Rocky Road, please,” Sonny beamed.

“Um I’ll have a scoop of chocolate mint,” You decided.

“A scoop of vanilla for me,” Rafael added.

“Why is that not surprising to me?” You rolled your eyes.

“What? I have simple tastes,”

“Uh huh,”

Rafael paid and the three of you waited for your ice cream at the other end of the counter. Soon enough the woman handed out your ice creams and bid you a good day.

“Thanks Mr. Barba, I’m gonna go call Amanda and see what’s up at the station,” Sonny smiled and headed back outside with his ice cream.

“See? Now he has a new master,” Rafael chuckled.

“Yeah I doubt that-- you’re kind of hard to top, counselor,” You nudged him.

“He didn’t have any problem,” He smirked.

“OKAY, I think we’re good in the ghosts of sexual past portion of the evening,” You declared rather loudly as you sat in a booth near the door.

“Sorry Y/N, I didn’t know you were such a prude,” He smirked.

“I’m sorry if I don’t want to picture mi novio being topped by a dude,” You rolled your eyes.

“Your boyfriend?” He asked in amusement.

“I mean...I did save your life, twice,” You pointed out.

“Mmmm true-- I suppose that’s girlfriend material,” Rafael nodded with a smile.

“Damn straight,” You nodded back, as you both continued to eat your ice cream in snarky matrimony.

“So, no kids, no pets?”

“I don’t have any currently, but I could see maybe getting a cat, or a small dog,”

“Oh my god could you be any more of an old lady?” You giggled.

“Hey! I live in an apartment in New York City, I don’t want some huge dog cooped up in it all day!” He defended. “That’s just cruel,”

“Fair point,” You licked your ice cream. “No kids I can live with, no pets is a deal breaker though,”

“Really now?” He raised his eyebrow as he ate his own ice cream. “Noted,”

“So do you have any?” You nibbled on your cone.

“What?”

“Deal breakers,” You replied in a “duh” tone.

“Just one,” He replied nonchalantly.

“What’s that?”

“If they’re not you,” He grinned.

“Oh gaaaaaaggggg,” You made gagging noises with a giggle. “Be more cheesy, please,”

“Okay okay, one deal breaker--”

“Go on,” You were on the edge of your seat.

“Wearing socks during sex,”

“Are you serious?” You cackled as you swallowed the rest of your cone.

“Yes! I am very serious,” Rafael nodded as he finished his cone. “Ask Carisi,”

“Oh God,” You shook your head with a laugh as you both walked back out to the car.

“Hey uh, Mr. Barba Amanda says they might need you down at the station,”

“Really? Now?” Rafael ask, annoyed.

“It’s what she said…” Sonny replied with a shrug.

“It’s fine, baby I need to go check on the kids anyway, they’re probably freaking out by now,”

“Yeah alright,” He sighed sadly.

Soon enough you were pulling back up behind your back door. Rafael helped you out of the car and just held you in his arms for a moment.

“You sure you’re ok?”

“Are you kidding? The Diablo’s are gone for good, I got a boyfriend AND ice cream!” you giggled, pulling him into a kiss.

“Boyfriend?” Beto’s voice bellowed.

“Ice cream?!” Chloe’s high voice chimed in.

You both turned suddenly to see all three kids standing at the back door slack jawed.

“Are the Diablo’s really gone?” Yaz asked, being the only one who hadn’t joined in yet.

“Yes, they are gone-- THANKS to Rafael,” You eyed Beto while Chloe took off for Rafael’s arms.

“¡Gracias, Rafael!!!” She squealed.

“De nada, princesa,” He kissed her cheek.

“...Did you really get ice cream without us?” Chloe looked at him with the saddest eyes.

“Blame your sister,” Rafael nodded at you.

“Y/N!!!!!” She yelled angrily.

“Gee thanks,”

“You insisted!”

“I got sh---a boo boo!!” You covered your tracks, causing your siblings to finally notice the shape you were in.

“Oh my God what happened to you?!”

“Diablo’s” You said softly.

“Because of HIM?” Beto clenched his fists.

“NO, Rafael saved me Beto,”

“Actually, to be honest Beto” He put a shoulder on Beto’s shoulder “She saved me.”

“We saved each other,” You laid your head on his shoulder.

“Gag,” Yaz made gagging noises behind you.

“Anyway, Rafael is leaving now BUT-- maybe if you guys do all your homework and eat all your dinner AND go to bed early, we’ll see if you can convince him to take you to get some tomorrow,”

“Really?!” Chloe exclaimed excitedly. “I’m gonna go do all of it RIGHT NOW,” She gave Rafael one more hug and ran inside.

“Chloe’s easy to buy off vato-- me, not so much,” Beto approached Rafael.

“I’d be careful Beto, he used to be a Chico Grande,” You warned with a sly smile.

“Wha-- seriously?” Beto’s eyes widened. “No way….tu suaves,”

“Oh really, too soft? You wanna go, ese?” Rafael licked his lips, playing into Beto’s game.

“BOYS,” You stepped in between them.

“You, go do your homework,” You looked at Beto, then turned to Rafael, “And you-- stop picking on my little brother,”

“He started it!”

“esto no ha terminado, vato,” Beto warned, making the “I’m watching you” sign as he walked back inside with Yaz who just rolled her eyes. As soon as they were gone you turned and slapped Rafael across the chest.

“What?! What did I do?” He threw his hands up innocently.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“And you love it,” He smirked.

“God help me, I do,” You shook your head as he pulled you into a deep kiss.

“Te amo, mi angel,” He whispered as he stroked your hair.

“Yo también te quiero, Rafa,” You stared lovingly into his beautiful green eyes. He gave you one last kiss and hopped in the front of the SUV. Sonny waved goodbye to you as they drove off and you headed inside.

------

The next few weeks went by pretty uneventful. You decided to rip out the booths that had the bullet holes behind them and put in a stage, starting Karaoke Nights every Friday night. It was a great money maker to your surprise, since it had been Ash’s idea. She was a pretty good business woman, you wondered how much Rafael had rubbed off on her over the years.

One Friday night, Ash was getting ready to host the usual Karaoke Party, when Rafael came through the front door. He was casually dressed, in his jeans and t-shirt with the leather jacket. He had learned very quickly that you much preferred him in paisano, plus he didn’t look like he had taken a wrong turn at 5th avenue. This was the first Friday he was able to make, and when he had come and seen you over the past few weeks Ash had found ways to avoid him. Tonight though, she was right up front when he walked in.

“Ash...can we talk?” He gestured to the side.

“Go ahead, start talking,” She gestured, indicating she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Ash I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the whole story behind the money I gave you,” He put his hand out. “I should have been honest with you right up front but, you were SO young,”

“Yeah….I get it,” She reluctantly took his hand in return. “You did get rid of the Diablo’s, I guess that gets you some points,”

“Well I brought you something,” He pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Ashtawnja. She took it and unfolded the paper, her eyes grew wide.

“Really? You still want me to have this? Even after I yelled at you?”

“Yeah, but it’s not guilt money anymore,” He nodded at the check. “Look at the ‘reason’ line,”

“Creo en ti” She read with tears in her eyes. “Do you really? Believe in me?”

“Si, Claro,” He smiled, pulling her into a hug. “Of course I do,”. Pulling back from the hug, Rafael felt his phone going off in his pocket.

“Barba,” He answered, listening to the other person. He nodded as they went on, then his eyes began to brighten. “Really?! Are you sure? What time?” He looked over at Ash who just looked at him in confusion, the more excited he became the more she was confused.

“Right right, yeah I’m on my way!” He hung up the phone and hugged Ash.

“Whoa whoa whoa there abogado, you know I hate mushy gushy,” She pushed him off with a laugh.

“Right,” He smiled.

“So who was that?”

“Oh right--- tell Y/N I had to go, I’ll call her later I swear!!” He told her as he ran out the door, just as you were walking up.

“Was that Rafael?” You asked.

“Yeah, he got a phone call and ran out of here, said he’d call you later,”

“Wha--Why?” You looked out the window but Rafael was long gone.

“I don’t know, but he was pretty happy,” She shrugged, putting her check into her pocket.

Who had called him and why was he so happy about it??5

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #my fairy abogado

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