Riley: Last night, I was worried that you got human-trafficked.

Farkle: Okay, Riley.

Riley: What? It happens. They snatch girls.

Maya: Okay. You're right. I get it. I understand that as a pretty, blonde woman, I am a target.

Lucas: How did this become a compliment to you?

Lucas: [screams] GET YO FUCKING DOG, BITCH!

Riley: It dont bite.

Maya: [snarls at Lucas]

Lucas: YES IT DO!!!

Riley and Maya: [crying at the bay window]

Zay: [walks in and starts crying too]

Maya: Why are you crying?

Zay: I just like being a part of things!

Riley: We need to go full Rilaya here.

Maya: What the fuck?

Lucas: What?

Riley: Rilaya! That’s our ship name. All of our names put into one?

Lucas: Where’s the Lucas in Rilaya?

Riley: The Lucas is silent.

Riley: Are you laughing at that video of Farkle getting hurt?

Maya: No...

Maya: I'm laughing at the comments.

Maya: What would you do if you saw your mom with a man, but it seemed romantic?

Riley: What?! She’s cheating on my dad?!

Maya: No, no, no. Your dad abandoned you.

Riley: WHAT?!

Maya: I’m sorry, this is about me. I should’ve led with that.

Maya: I love cheating. If you don't cheat, what the hell is wrong with you?

Riley: Have you ever been cheated on?

Maya: I forgot that some people are in relationships. To clarify, I love to violate academic integrity on exams.

Riley, hopped up on pain meds: Peaches, can I tell you a secret?

Maya: Okay.

Riley: You're gay and I love you for it.

Girl Meets Commonism

Maya: [whispering to Riley]

Riley: I'm not asking that

Maya: [whispering some more]

Riley: Dad, would Peaches still be guilty if she was a worm?

Maya: If your dad starts asking questions…

Riley: My dad won’t trace it back to you.

Maya: Are you for real? He traces everything back to me. He traces things I haven't even done back to me.

Maya: Well, I hope you’re happy!

Riley: Aw, I hope you’re happy too, Peaches!

Maya: Someone said something that almost triggered my fight-or-fight response.

Riley: You mean “fight or flight.”

Maya: No. I’m not a flippin’ bird, Riley.

Maya: If I was a famous author, I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ends. Then when they figured it out, I would 'come clean', telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic as they all try to find the last ending.

Riley: Are you Satan-

Maya: Okay, how's everybody feeling? Anyone else have the weird urge to lecture themselves? "Peaches, what are you doing?"

Riley: Peaches, what are you doing?

Maya: I conjured her.

Lucas: It's not working because she doesn't like me.

Riley: That's not true. Maya would throw herself in front of a moving car for you.

Lucas: Maya would throw herself in front of a moving car for fun.

Riley as Morotia: Parties are mere distractions from the relentlessness of entropy. We’re all just corpses who haven’t yet begun to decay.

Maya, trying to cheer her up: Yeah, but balloons!