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#please don't take fandom too seriously
larentslovechaos · 1 year
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so fucking sad when people struggle so much with their mental health because of fandom like omg
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bakasakana · 17 days
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hi i also make maymays sometimes
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pandolfo-malatesta · 10 months
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Obsessed as I am with names, I’ve been thinking about how to categorize characters’ names in A Song of Ice and Fire, since some are common in the real world and some are much more fantastic.  I’ve come up with the following categories (using a small fraction of the approximately 1.5 million people mentioned in A Storm of Swords).  They’re kind of a spectrum from most common in the real world to least; and if I put the name into Google and most of the results were about ASOIAF, they’re probably in the penultimate (or ultimate) category.  NB: This does not include nicknames, epithets, noms de guerre, etc.
Level 1: Yeah, That’s a Name. Jon, Robert, Brandon, Catelyn, Tom, Joanna, Sandor, Gregor, Robin, Arthur, Duncan, Preston, Manfred, Jason, Ben, Simon, Pia, Hildy, Meera, Val
Level 2: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades. Jaime, Oberyn, Joffrey, Aegon, Brienne, Ramsay (real-world surname as given name), Margaery, Walder, Addam, Gilly, Petyr, Lysa, Osmund, Garlan, Gerold, Alyn, Lyonel, Cedrik, Gwayne, Steffon, Sumner, Rickard, Eddard, Arya, Elwood, Robb, Donnel, Robar, Emmon, Kevan, Genna, Jeyne, Podrick, Brynden, Ryam
Level 3: I’ve Connected the Two Dots. Cersei (Circe?), Ellaria (Hilaria?), Tytos (Titus), Myrcella (Marcella), Melisandre (Melusine?), Samwell (Samwise), Olenna (Elena), Ronnet (Ronald), Hyle (Kyle), Drogo (draco), Ygritte (~Ygraine), Benjen (Benjamin), Rorge (Scooby-Doo pronunciation of George)
Level 4: IDK GRRM. Tywin, Tyrion, Tommen, Gendry, Stannis, Vargo, Loras, Renly, Missandei, Varys, Boros, Osney, Osfryd, Meryn, Barristan, Mandon, Balon, Theon, Lormelle, Lewyn, Oswell, Sansa, Rickon, Edmure, Arys, Syrio, Jonothor, Parmen, Qyburn, Euron, Davos, Mance, Tormund, Jojen
Level 5: Targaryens.
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hoffmanstits-enjoyer · 7 months
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my brother in christ, you need to stop hating what people are posting about mark hoffman and start posting all the deep character analysis your heart desires or something because being pissy at the fandom won't achieve shit, i'm being sincere
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ikosburneraccount · 8 months
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an update
Actually I am still upset a majority of the people in the fandom just ignored my pinned post. Like me posting again isn't me suddenly forgetting or anything, I'm just genuinely trying to carve out a space for myself again in this fandom again but I'm genuinely struggling to do that knowing that a majority (overwhelming amount actually) of people in this fandom continue to stan her and are okay with alienating me and other black and fans of color as a result. Which is ironic given the fact that this series is hailed as extremely diverse in its setting and characters and yet the fandom is still so racist and overwhelming white (or subscribed to white supremacy) that their go-to artist for their playlists for characters is a woman who dated a neo-nazi because "she's an amazing songwriter." I promise you Iko and Cinder would not be streaming (or even give a fuck about) Evermore.
A similar thing happened in the fandom in 2015 when Taylor Swift started feuding with Nicki Minaj because she mistook Nicki's critique on the music industry marginalizing Black female artists as an attack on her. Swifties (and lunartics) reblogged on my dash calling Nicki Minaj a g*r*lla and other antiblack slurs I'm not going to list and that caused me to distance myself from the fandom.
So seeing 7 years later this fandom, with brand new people, who are still Swifties, ignore and pretend Taylor never dated who she did, and then continue to openly stan and love characters who are of said race that were harmed by her, displayed extreme cognitive dissonance and made me lose my fucking mind respectively.
I just don't want anyone in the fandom to look at themselves and have the audacity to call themselves an ally to ANY minority if they GENUINELY continue to stan Taylor Swift at this point. You had an opportunity to openly support a black woman who was hurt by your actions in this fandom and not only did you ignore me, you kept stanning this woman who has, to this day, never addressed or taken accountability for who she dated.
And if you run to that blogger asking her opinion on this, I don't care. At the end of the day, other women of color who continued to ignore TS actions implicitly side with her racism and her racist fans and continue to harm and marginalize black women.
And if you see this post as me "complaining," fuck you.
Thank you to the 2 people of color who reached out to me and talked to me about this. It means so much more than I could put into words and thank you for holding space for me.
Ultimately, I've chosen to stay and continue being active because I refuse to let a fandom overlap ruin my experience while I'm here, and know I can still find and build community here that doesn't interact with TS.
Gaia
edited: 17/09/23 all edits are bolded
EDIT: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LMK IF YOU SEE A SWIFTIE BLOG INTERACT WITH MY POSTS. I HAVE ALL OF THEM BLOCKED BUT AFTER THE IS SITUATION I WON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES HAVING THEM ENGAGE WITH MY POSTS. JUST SEND ME AN ASK/MESSAGE WITH THE POST LINK LETTING ME KNOW. THANK YOU!!
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if-loki-was-a-fox · 1 month
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As much as I love any life series content, ngl this whole real life thing has me just a little bit anxious for its discourse potential
I reeaallly want people to have fun with it and move on, and not turn people not taking it seriously into A Thing because it is objectively not at the same scale as any other seasons
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cryinginyourwalls · 1 year
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Hello Tumblr, don't forget to omegaverse your Twilight on this holy day. xoxo <3
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thyandrawrites · 10 months
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so amused because once you (I Think it was you) said that you saw more gaycoding for other characters than you did for nagireo and my exact thought was "oh boy, just you wait." and your reaction didn't disappoint lmao. they literally became thst "These gays, they are trying to murder me" meme and it's glorious
Lmao yeah it was me. I had yet to find out about the existence of epinagi, so to me they were simultaneously a strong nakama bond and a subversion of it. In the main series, that is. But the spinoff reads more like a slice of life shounen ai and if I was hesitant to call it gay coding at first, then chapter 12 and 13 flipped that on its head, lol. You can't deny that the art gives off a strong romantic subtext, if not the deeper dive into their dynamic itself. The shoujo paneling in certain scenes is definitely very suggestive, as it is the choice to show the chains of Reo's ego coming straight from his heart. His ego, which is making Nagi the number one. Jeez, you two, get a fucking room already
I wonder if Kaneshiro is using the spinoff to better explore things that would be much harder to focus on in the main series. Beyond Nagi's personality itself, I mean. Blue lock ia still a spokon, so it's not like I ever expect romance to have a place in it, let alone a romance between two boys. But the spinoff can do its own thing, and boy does it deliver lol
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sucre-sanguine · 7 months
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Is Lucille Sharpe a pimp? discuss
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cutter-kirby · 2 years
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okay so it’s tuc week!!! wahoo! 
problem? i forgot to plan out what to do. and @tucweek  said it could be analysis... but did not specify if it had to be serious analysis. SO.
day 1 (Past): mareth and hamnet were gayandinlove. here’s why.
(obligatory this is just for fun and in no way am i saying this is intentional and you don’t have to agree etc. etc.)
Exhibit A!!! they mention each other
first and foremost, they tell gregor about the other!! gregor brings mareth up to hamnet two times in reference to the supplies mareth packed for him, with hamnet saying this after mange died:
“Mareth?” said Hamnet. “Has he managed to stay alive all these years?”
(...Gregor) realized Mareth and Hamnet must be about the same age. “Were you guys friends?”
“Yes,” said Hamnet. He turned the bottle of water over in his hands, but didn’t elaborate.
and later, post the hesperides story:
“Why?” asked Hamnet. “Mareth is one of the few people I do not mind being in debt to.”
And Mareth mentions Hamnet near the end of the book...
“(Hazard)’s a nice kid,” said Gregor. 
“So was his father,” said Mareth sadly.
and then in code of claw mareth and nerissa tell gregor abt that time hamnet got locked in a dungeon but nothing too personal there.
what can we gain from this? well... they were friends!!! but based on the way the narration describes hamnet’s actions... they were close. hamnet is clearly thinking about mareth despite not telling gregor anything more. and hamnet likes mareth and doesn’t mind owing him something!! there’s real trust there!! on mareth’s side... he’s sad when he brings up hamnet (who is dead now)!! one thing about tuc is a good chunk of the dialogue is usually just described with “said,” but “sadly” is present here!! there’s a relationship there... romantic or not!!
Exhibit B!! they have history...
from ripred, we know mareth saved hamnet’s life! during the drowning of hesperides, mareth pulled hamnet out of the water and knocked him out (like he did howard in PoB... hm...) to keep him away from the “lake of corpses.” 
other than that... nerissa and mareth recount when hamnet was locked up. this doesn’t really prove anything, but it’s notable!
either way, they were the same age!! they clearly were in the regalian army together and trusted each other enough to save lives and not fear repaying debts! there’s history here! and maybe... something more????
Exhibit C!! i said so.
yeah that’s pretty much it. this whole essay was really just me trying not to mention how much i am fascinated by mareth. despite being a character that shows up and talks in every book, the fandom never really focuses on him!! and he’s interesting!! and hamnet is a part of his backstory too!! could they have just been friends? yes. absolutely. but i think it would be nice for them to be lovers... just because.
In Conclusion
yes, in this someguy’s opinion, hamnet and mareth are gayandinlove. or. they were. until hamnet died for real. well.
take my favorite rarepair for all your angstlord needs <3 happy tuc week
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eachlittlebird · 1 year
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I really enjoyed that episode of The Mandalorian, which I’m sure means there’s something terribly wrong with me.
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nebulaleaf · 1 year
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heehee hoo hoo procrastinating things so i rant here
#this is all on my mind because recently i interacted with one of those like... twitter akechi stans who are in an echo chamber of#akechi/akeshu. and its just impossible to talk about anything because a)the characters can't be divorced from each other. akira only exists#to prop up akechi and be his cute bf and in a way vice versa for akechi but at least he's allowed to be a bitchy asshole/have more emotions#and its considered 'cute'.#b) in those circles there's a very specific interpretation of akechi that really grates me which makes it even harder for me to take things#seriously or speak when whatever we're talking about is completely at odds.#and its not like I'm inserting myself into akeshu convos and going 'wow youre wrong' we were literally just talking about akira and akechi.#no romance. just them as characters and about the persona awards and its just bah bah bah bah bah shipping#and akeshu is a good pairing but man some of y'all make me go 'damn its not That good'#UGH and that's another reason why i find it hard to hold a conversation about anything regarding royal. because it all fucking boils down#to akeshu and 'maruki being the no.1 akeshu shipper hehe!!!' thats WEIRD you know thats really weird right#and so tiring. i know 3rd sem focuses on akira n kechi's relationship but like. you can talk about it in a way that isnt sosssososohggtgrgh#running out of steam for this rant i forget my original topic i just wanted to yell#idk man i just want nuance. please. i think this ends up being true for any fandom that gets too steeped in shipping#but Fuck nuance is one of the core themes of persona 5 and yet people don't have any
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peninkwrites · 2 years
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.
#i never make vent posts or anything like this but I am just. so torn up about all of this#please don't take this too seriously this is my personal ramblings not a statement on some important part of the situation#ok? my feelings are my problem when there are people out there being tangibly hurt and harassed for coming forward about a serious thing.#i don't think finishing my fics would be supporting him as a cc. that isn't really my concern?#but right now i am disgusted by his very name. i can't write right now.#i don't know what to do.#i wish i had started the Mafia AU sooner. That fic is over 6 months in the making and I had/have so much story I wanted to tell.#it would be easier to cut him out of that series#but the community is so torn up who's gonna read it? I know I should write for my own sake too#but the people I met#the damn server I set up#it's because of this.#this fandom existed so independently of the ccs for so long in reference to their characters#i don't know why we have to lose that#but at the same time I understand people's discomfort. I both can't blame people for leaving and wish they wouldn't.#I don't know where I'm at comfort-wise too and maybe we're all just waiting to feel less horrified#but i already miss people just writing meta and random days with the whole dash rambling about a specific character#i know it hasn't been long.#but I guess I'm more worried it's gone forever.#i didn't feel like what we did had anything to do with him until his presence ruined it.#the cc had been on thin ice for me for a while i just. ignored his presence and focused only on rp characters.#like. why should I abandon talking about c!Wilbur and c!Quackity etc etc because one motherfucker turned out to be terrible?#this stuff is not a priority right now of course considering the reason this is happening is a matter of justice and accountability#which is why im sort of just rambling here instead of making a proper post#i've wrapped so much of my life around this fandom for the past two years. probably an unhealthy amount. but i don't know how to let go#i didn't realize that the running backtrack of my brain has been my fics. these characters. CONSTANTLY#i literally don't know what to think about. I've been writing almost nonstop about this stuff for 2 YEARS.#I've lost my joy of creation. my emotional crutch. hopefully temporarily but my god.#dream situation#vent
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lenievi · 1 year
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When you think about it, Kirk probably didn’t actually have friends when he was at the Academy, and that’s why he sought out a friendship with his instructor.
I know it’s popular to hc that him and Gary were classmates, but Gary was at the Academy when Kirk was a lieutenant and an instructor. Not a cadet/midshipman.
And these guys who were only jealous of Kirk and his success were still lieutenants like ten years later...
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queers-gambit · 8 months
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Curiosity Killed The Cat
prompt: after rescuing you from kidnappers, you overhear your boyfriend-turned-savior complain about how clingy you've become.
pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x female!reader
fandom masterlist: Marvel
word count: 5.1k+
note: author wants things out of her drafts! also don't take this fic too seriously, it's not much at all - just me writing for the fuck of it until i'm ready to focus on my bigger projects.
warnings: modern AU, Mafia AU, obvious cursing, small hurt and comfort, brief depiction of physical violence and self-destruction in the form of: loss of appetite, lack of sleep, other symptoms of depression. NOT edited! author is ashamed because she knows she can give you something better but oh well.
browse the Clingy Baby collection masterlist here
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Your feet planted, jarring you to a halt the moment you heard your name in a conversation you were not apart of.
You heard the hammering of your heart, echoing beats of your blood pumping with harrowing desperation. Hands turned cold and clammy, sweat breaking out on your brow and then freezing, feeling as if your throat had swollen to a new restriction and you were anchored in you in place.
Rooted.
But for now, all you could identify was the paralyzing anxiety that anchored you to your spot and made your heartbeat thunder in your ears. You stood outside the lounge, unable to comprehend relevant thought; still listening to low, docile tones continue their conversation, but you couldn't hear real words.
You were stunned. Panicked, confused, hurt - so very hurt. That seemed to register, too; you were really, really hurt.
This was perhaps why curiosity killed the cat.
You reprimanded yourself for listening in - transporting back to childhood during all the times your parents would scold you for eavesdropping. You knew it was wrong, you knew this was a private conversation meant to be shared between trusting confidants, but you couldn't help it - you heard your name and stopped. It was natural, right? To feel curious regarding a conversation seemingly about you that you, yourself, was not apart of?
Curiosity, indeed.
Blinking rapidly, you remembered the only other time you felt such mounting, pressurized fear, and while it might be dramatic, the only other time you could remember this level of anxiety was from about two months ago...
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"Yes, baby, I got the bacon."
"And the jalapeños?"
"Uh-huh, the biggest they had."
"Cream cheese?"
"Do you know who you're talking to?" You laughed into the phone. "I'm a professional housewife by now, you can relax. I got all you needed for your fancy little dinner experiment."
Bucky laughed down the phone, "Oh, please, like I didn't see you salivating when we watched the segment on Top Chef."
"Hush," you laughed, too. "I'm leaving the store now," you told him, pushing out of the heavy glass doors, "and should be home in, like, 10 minutes?"
"Lemme pick you up."
"I have legs to walk with, so, no thank you."
He sighed, "Well, I'll open the wine to let it breathe. Red's still good?"
"Let's do a white tonight, please."
"Good deal," he mused softly. "Hey, I was thinking earlier - "
"Hang on," you pleaded.
"What's wrong?"
"No, nothing. There's just a van slowing down, I don't want to get hit," you chuckled some, looking up and down the street before crossing. "Sorry, so, what were you thinking?"
"We haven't been to Paris in months."
You smirked, "I'm sure our plants in the apartment are dead by now."
Bucky laughed, "Oh, I am, too. But, look, how 'bout it, Peach? You, me, all the croissants we can consume this weekend. I'll take Monday and Tuesday off, we can leave tomorrow night."
"Oh, that sounds nice," you moaned. "Paris in the spring? Baby, that's so dreamy!"
"So, is that a yes?"
"It's a hell yes," you grinned. "Do you know the weather?"
"Supposed to be nice and sunny, not too warm or cold. Figured this would be ideal," he chuckled. "But does the weather matter if we're in bed the whole time?"
"No, we're not wasting our time!" You laughed. "We're gonna go do shit, okay? Stereotypical tourist-couple shit."
"I'll bring the camera."
"And I was hoping we could have dinner at that little place we love?"
"I wouldn't take you anywhere else," he mused.
"I think it's - FUCK!" Bucky froze when he heard the screeching of tires; a van coming up to a skidding halt, flurry of voices all yelling but he heard yours clearly. "No, no, no, hey, hey, what the hell's happening? Hey! What's this - hey, hey! Don't touch me! Ow, shit! No! Hey! Fuck's sake - oh, my God! Ow! Hey!"
"Baby!? Peach! Hey! The fuck's going on!?"
There was a thudding over the phone, and Bucky listened to more struggling - more fidgeting and fighting - and then the slamming of a car door. Still calling your name, Bucky heard a scrape over the line before a different voice answered your phone, "James Barnes. On behalf of HYDRA, you're overdue on your payment and we warned you there would be consequences. Deliver the full amount of 17 million - "
"It's 15," he growled.
"Two million more for the inconvenience of stalking your woman."
"If you even so much as touch her, I swear to God - "
"17 million at midnight, at the pier, or every minute you're late, she'll receive the brunt end of our frustration."
"Don't hurt her - "
"Midnight, Mr. Barnes, at the pier - you know where. Don't be late, she looks like she won't last long."
The line went dead after he heard your screech of pain, confusion, and fear. The moment the line cut, he dropped his phone and slowly lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor, shock coloring his system. It wasn't that he didn't have the money, quite the opposite - but he and his men had a plan in motion to take out HYDRA, their org's competition, and this was totally against all they anticipated. After a minute to sit in his own worry, Bucky jumped to his feet, grabbed his phone, keys, wallet, and two handguns; holstering them both before shrugging his suit jacket on.
He made every phone call he could, gathering the men he trusted most to (one of) his warehouse(s).
For hours, you were strung up by your wrists in a joint-pulling position while the Brooklyn Mafia formulated a plan of attack. It was the most pain you've ever known, but then the abuse started and you were blinded by this new pain. You had bruises most places, cuts that wept blood; scars that would never heal, wounds that wouldn't ever close. You were delirious, miserable, confused, just dazed and confused; praying to a God who didn't listen.
"Oh, look at that," your captor mocked, holding a thick-bladed hunting knife in hand, "it's one minute til midnight, and I don't see your loverboy anywhere."
You sniffled, unable to respond.
He stared out the lone window, tisking and narrating, "Nope, I see not a soul - and with how protective he is over you, you'd think he'd want to ensure your safety. Not leave it to chance, huh?"
You whimpered as the clock struck midnight, your heart hammering in heavy-hung worry. You had tears in your eyes, heart nearly beating out of your chest, feeling incredibly nauseous. The desire to scream never lessened, just fearing what was to come; the men in the room making you fear for the state of your life, their knuckles cracking. You only begged, "Please. Don't."
The main captor laughed, "You can do better than that! C'mon, give me the satisfaction of tellin' ol' James you begged for mercy - but it wasn't enough to sway me. I'll lie, for sure, and say it happened but it will be so much sweeter if you actually do it."
"Please," you shook your head, avoiding eye contact. "Just don't do this, please."
"Oh, honey," he mocked, "it's not our fault he's late. Lads! Have at her, but leave her face for now - she's still real pretty."
You listened as he gave commands in Russian, understanding after the years at Bucky's side; whimpering when the first blow landed to your gut and knocked the wind out of you. The minutes drug by and you felt your resolve crumbling, heart still hammering to a never-before-felt speed that made it feel as if it were jumping out of your very body at every single pulse point. You struggled in your restraints, but it was futile by how tight you were bound; unable to protect yourself.
At 12:03 am, the doors blew open in a resounding blast; concrete crumbling and sprinkling the floor. You cried out as the smoke choked you, coughing through the haze; only barely able to make out certain figures to know Bucky had brought his best men. However, despite the sting to your eyes from the swirling dust and smoke, you saw a lone man stalk through the blasted wall, through the fray, and straight up to you.
"Bu-Bucky!" You choked in relief as he reached to untie your feet first. You dangled for only a moment as his metal prosthetic ripped off whatever held your wrists to the torture contraption. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bucky, holy shit, baby, please, please, please," you rambled as he freed you and instantly caught you on his broad shoulders.
"I got you, Peach, I'm here, I've got you," he promised in your ear, hoisting your legs around his waist so they latched and then wrapping his arms around you securely. "Don't let go and don't look up, okay? Hear me, Peach?"
You nodded into his neck, only able to cry.
Bucky jolted and jerked slightly as he moved through the fight again, but not a minute later, you were stepping outside into the sobering, brisk spring air. This was the moment you understood how dangerous and fleeting life with Bucky could be, making a promise to yourself that if he says take the car, you'll take the fucking car.
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And now, here you were, outside the high-rise apartment's lounge (which was just a converted bedroom), listening to your boyfriend complain about you some 2 months after the whole fiasco. HYDRA had been all but wiped out, and in the weeks since, Bucky's men had gone on smaller missions to eradicate the HYDRA members they heard rumor of being local. Yet you didn't feel safe, yet.
You didn't feel safe if you weren't around Bucky.
Everything made you jump: the beep of the done-dryer, that spritz of the automatic fragrance mister in the bathroom, the "duh-dunnn" of a loaded-up Netflix. Keys jingling, car horns, the barking of the dog in the apartment a floor below you... Everything.
Being around Bucky was just like holding a safety blanket. He would always protect you, and for about a week after your rescue, he laid in bed and around the home with you; being lazy; time off work to simply hold you and assure you were safe. Safe in his arms. Safe in his embrace, his presence.
So now... To hear this... You were devastated.
You didn't mean to eavesdrop, it just sort of happened. It was still earlier in the morning, but Bucky hadn't been in bed beside you and based on the feel of the sheets, his body hadn't been there in a while. So, you made some coffee and then ventured around the home in search of your lover; coming upon the lounge and hearing voices from within.
You knew it was common for Steve Rogers and / or Sam Wilson to stay late or visit early, so, you weren't shocked by that, but did falter in announcing yourself when you heard Sam ask how you were doing since the kidnapping. He used your name specifically, making Bucky sigh, and for your curiosity to peak.
"She's different, man."
"How so?" Sam wondered.
"She doesn't like being without me now," he chuckled without humor. "I'm serious, she won't go to the gym until I do, waits to have meals together, won't leave the house if I'm out, and," he scoffed to himself, "you can forget going to the grocery store or anything - she's even stopped going to work - "
"You told her to stop working, like, two years ago when y'all first moved-in together," Sam deadpanned.
"I know," Bucky shrugged, "but it feels tenfold now that she's so reclusive."
"It's normal," Steve sighed gently.
"Yeah? Is it normal that I can't even go take a shit without promising her I'll be right back?" Bucky snapped in exasperation. "It's that bad, she's that fucking clingy, man. I go in the kitchen to make dinner, she's in there 30 seconds later to 'help' me. I take a shower, she finds a reason to linger in the bedroom, but that was better than before, when she wouldn't even shower by herself. It's just a lot, she's everywhere I look. I'm starting to find new reasons not to come home, man, she's always fucking here - and when I walk in the door, she's on me. I need to fucking breathe, but I can't tell her to stop, she'll get her feelings hurt and then I'm the bad guy."
"Man," Steve laughed, "you can't be the bad guy if you go to her in a calm and collected manner, but it's only been two months. She's still recovering."
"Exactly why if I say anything, no matter how calm and collected, I'm the bad guy. I get she's hurting and tryna recover, but Goddamn, does she have to be in every room I'm in? Do everything with me? How do I tell my traumatized girlfriend to back off? Let me breathe?"
Sam laughed, "You don't! You just said it - she's traumatized! Cut the girl some slack, she's got a lot to fuckin' deal with!"
"I'm not negating from that fact," Bucky argued, "I'm just trying to say, the way she's clinging onto me like she can't function without me is just grating at my nerves. I just need to breathe and recharge, but I can't tell her that - fuck's sake."
"Buck," Steve smirked, "you're worried Peach isn't gonna listen, but that's her literal superpower. Just communicate, she can't read your mind, but you need to remember how traumatic all of that was for her to experience - she's scarred from that kidnapping, man. So, sure, you need to recharge, but she needs the support."
"Is it wrong to ask for a day here and there to do that? To recharge?" Bucky asked quietly.
"If you communicate, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for," Sam assured softly. "And whatever you do, don't tell her you think she's clingy. Chicks hate that, that word is, just, like, taboo or something. Real heavy, negative connotations."
"But she is," Bucky growled quietly, "'s like she's afraid to let go 'cause I'll disappear or something."
"Oh, noooo," Sam mocked, "I'm Bucky and my girlfriend loves me too much and trusts me too much and actually feels safe and dependent on me too much - ohhh noooo!"
There was a thump, Sam's cried, "Ow!", and Bucky telling him to shut up. You slowly backed away from the door, trying to settle your breathing as you made your escape down the hall. When back in the kitchen, you whimpered and let the first tears fall... The first of many you shed in the hour it took you to prepare breakfast for everyone; doing your best to eat as you cooked so you didn't have to linger around the men. You took Bucky's words to heart, and maybe you were too sensitive, maybe you should venture outside again.
So, when the lads came out, you set the table without making eye contact with any of them. "Here," you directed, setting the pancakes down, "I made breakfast, come eat, it's still hot."
"Wow," Sam smiled brightly, "thanks, Peach!"
You hummed, still avoiding their eyes as you just set the abundance of food to the table. "You... Cooked without me?" Bucky asked you with skepticism.
"Mhm," you hummed, setting the coffee pot down to a hot pad, "and I'm going out shopping with Nat, so, eat up, lads, I'll do the dishes when I get home. Love you, boys, bye," you waved them off, snatching your keys and then moving to the door to stuff your feet into your sneakers.
"Woah, woah, woah," Bucky left the table, approaching you urgently, "hey, what do you mean? You're goin' out?"
"Yep, figured I've stayed in too long, might as well get out and remember life doesn't stop just 'cause I'm sad."
"Peach - "
"I'll see you when I get home, Buck, okay?" You mumbled, slinging your purse on your shoulder.
"Well, here, here, hey, wait, hang on," he pulled his wallet out, handing you over a wad of big bills. "Spend it all, okay? Have fun, call or text if you need me, yeah?"
"Sure."
Bucky leaned in to kiss you but you just opened the door, ready to leave. He frowned, watching you, barely managing to call a quick, "Love you!"
You didn't return the sentiment, feeling hallow and all too silly to return the affection. In your purse was your laptop, headphones, chargers, and whatever else, so, instead of meeting your friend, Natasha - being just a ruse to avoid Bucky - you started small and just went to the local café. You used to frequent it back in the day, but times were changed, and yet, they were all the happier to serve you the same as before. Getting cozy in the corner, you set up camp and ordered your favorite coffee basically every other hour - letting the day waste away as you caught up on work emails.
Might've wasted time on Instagram and Facebook and Pinterest. Got shopping done on Amazon. Browsed through Target's online selection. Checked out the sale items at Kate Spade. Perused Fenty Lingerie because you could.
Before you knew it, a message was coming in over your MacBook from Bucky, asking where you were - why had you turned your location off?
You packed up and with a to-go cup, made the short trek back home. When you got back, Bucky was pacing in the living room; staring at his phone and typing, then deleting, retyping, groaning, glancing up, typing again, then doing a double take. "Where've you been, Peach? Huh!?" Bucky demanded. "You're late!"
"Out with Nat," you eased.
He huffed through his nose, nodding slowly, "You have a nice time?"
"It was okay," you answered. "I'm gonna go to bed after I shower."
His brows furrowed, "I have a meeting tonight."
"I know."
"O...kay?" He let you go, wanting to ask why you didn't ask him to join like you had so often in the past few weeks.
And it didn't stop there, in fact, it got worse. When Bucky got home from his meeting, he was actually shocked to see you nestled in the bed; teetering on the edge of the shared space while snuggling a weighted body pillow.
When he tried to give you a snuggle, you stirred to life and pushed him back, muttering, "Too hot."
The following morning, he was relatively surprised to see you up and about before him; barely getting a word in before you were slipping out the door to go on a morning jog. He was confused by how all of a sudden, where you were once everywhere he looked, now, you were disappeared and distant and gone. You worked out alone, cooked alone - but always left him a plate, but long gone were the cute little sticky notes you left for him. You once haunted the apartment by never wanting to leave, and now, ghosted in and out of it on a daily basis.
You never bothered to go far from home. You liked hanging at the coffee shop and luckily, your job let you work from home most days, and the rare time you were due back in the office, it was only about a 20 minute walk. You got better at lying, couldn't even remember the last time you and Bucky had sex, and even now, the last time you had a meal together. You didn't text him about your day; where you once might've told him about an adorable dog you saw on the street, now, you only ever texted him if he asked a direct question.
Food lost appeal, your appetite vanished.
Sleep evaded you, plaguing you with nightmares when you did rest.
Interest dulled, passions were snuffed, and only fearful, confused anger remained. It showed in the way weight seemed to shift around your body, thinning; the lack of sleep creating dark rings and bags under your bloodshot eyes.
After two weeks of this, Bucky grew irritated and short with everyone around him. It reflected in his work, the way he spoke to everyone; even Steve and Sam getting the brunt end of his anger. Without you to assure him, Bucky was off his rocker; losing his cool; his patience stretched far too thin. So much so, the two mates approached an outside associate, Natasha Romanoff, after a particularly snappy meeting to plead for her to talk to Bucky.
"James," Nat greeted as she strode into his office without knocking.
"I know you're my oldest friend, but you don't have that privilege yet," he mused, never looking up.
"What?"
"Not knocking. What is it, Nat?"
"Just came to check on you, you know, like friends do."
"Hm," he chuckled without humor, "and what did Peach say to you?"
"About...?"
"Me."
"Nothing, I haven't gotten ahold of her for weeks."
Bucky paused, slowly lifting his head in confusion; brows furrowed and mouth set in a firm, straight line. "What?" He grit.
"Huh?" Nat wondered.
"She's been telling me that she's hanging out with you for the past two weeks," he revealed.
"Nope, not since the incident with HYDRA."
Bucky's (right) flesh hand crushed the pen in his grip, taking a long breath. "All right," he sighed, "so, why come today?"
"What's really going on, Buck?" She worried softly. "Is it really whatever's going on with Peach? You're this pissed off? What'd she even do?"
"She just..." He cut himself off with a long sigh. "It's nothing."
"Bucky," Nat gave a pointed look.
"She's just avoiding me," he muttered. "It's like she's barely home, almost like a ghost."
"Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Yes, and no," Bucky snipped, rolling his neck out. "I'm just worried about her now, she's never not communicated before."
"Something's bothering her," Nat shrugged. "She probably needs you right now, Buck."
"I can't do it all," he whispered. "I can't be who she wants and run this organization at the same time."
"She doesn't need that, she just needs you to be her partner," Natasha spoke softly. "She needs to feel loved and supported, and surely, she maybe felt weird about whatever you were projecting. Instead of taking it out on your men," she smirked, "why don't you just talk to her? 'Cause I hear you're bein' a more-than-usual asshole lately. You need to ease up or get laid, 'cause you're taking it out on good, loyal men, and that's entirely unfair."
"They can take it."
"Sure, but they shouldn't have to," Nat rolled her eyes. "Look, since you won't answer me, I'm assuming the sour mood is in regard to whatever relationship issues you have right now?"
"Sure," he tossed the pen away, opened a skinny drawer to his right and select an identical one.
"Bucky," she growled.
He sighed, "She's lying to me, Nat. Saying she's with you when she's not... Is this an affair? She's gone all the time now."
"No way," Nat laughed. "Baby girl doesn't have the energy to entertain anyone - let alone two men. You're just the exception."
"Why lie, then?"
"Maybe she didn't want you questioning her..."
"No shit."
"Well, did you get into a fight?"
"No."
"Any reason she doesn't want to be home?"
He shook his head with a sigh, "Not that I know of."
"You had to do something."
"Honest, I haven't. She was being all clingy, but then one day, a switch flipped."
Nat frowned, "You think... Your girlfriend is being clingy... Because she was kidnapped and beaten up... Because of your fucking job... And is probably scared...out of...her mind...? I get that correct?"
Bucky paused for a long moment, muttering, "Oh, my God."
"Yeah, you asshole. Think of it that way! She's afraid!" Natasha snapped. "And probably picked up on your energy, so, she made herself scarce."
"I didn't mean - "
"I don't care, go home, apologize to that sweet angel - she doesn't deserve this."
Bucky paused, "What is 'this' exactly?"
"James. Focus on the present - your woman. Go make this right. We all know you're this big, bad dude - but it's okay to be a little sensitive towards the woman who loves you without condition!"
Bucky relented, figuring the redheaded Russian mobster was right.
The entire drive home, Bucky considered the ways you had changed in the few, short weeks since he vented to Sam and Steve about your clinginess. You didn't take meals with him, didn't cook, work-out, or do anything you used to do together. Sex? Forget it. Dates? Nope. Cuddling? No, you're always 'too hot'. And when he thought about it, he remembers seeing the wads of cash he'd leave for you stuffed in his sock drawer - surely trying to make him think it was just another emergency fund he had hidden. You never spent his money, feeling humiliated by his choice of words.
Clingy...
You didn't text or call him when he was gone, you hadn't even so much as kissed him in what felt like ages... Well, more like you hadn't initiated any kisses...
His heart weighed in his chest as he realized he hadn't even so much as hugged you in days. You were rarely in the apartment together, and when you were, you were just silent and busy with chores. It was as if you operated on the exact opposite schedule as he did, went to new extents to avoid him, and his heart clenched in his chest.
When he got home, you were caught cooking in the kitchen - being obvious that you weren't expecting him. The door slammed and his baritone voice snapped, "Peach!"
You gulped, holding the sauce-covered wooden spoon to your chest. When he rounded around the corner, he found you and slowed down, sighing in relief. "What's wrong?" You worried in a timid tone.
He panted lightly, relaying, "Needed to find you."
"I'm here."
"I know," he relented, charging up to you and engulfing you in a tight, heavy hug. "I needed to talk to you, Peach," he whispered.
"What's wrong?"
"You. You're what's wrong."
"What the fuck does that - "
"No, no," he pulled back to stare down at you fondly, "I don't mean it like that, just that... You're struggling. I can see that. But you're not alone, I'm here with you, and I got a little caught up in my head when I realized someone was so very dependent on me - it fucking scared me. But then... Then you just shut yourself off and hid away from me, and oh, my God, it's so much worse, baby. Don't do that," he breathed, "okay? Don't ever shut me out - don't stop loving me, don't stop talking to me, don't give up on us. I can't read your mind, you can't read mine, it's not an excuse - but we understand better when we trust each other enough to communicate what's required. I'm so sorry I got caught up in myself, I didn't know what you needed - but I'm here now, I'm here - I'm not leaving you."
You collapsed into his chest, taking a shuddering breath.
"Don't ever stop talking to me, Peach," Bucky whispered, kissing the top of your head; keeping you close. "I'm so sorry, baby, if I - "
"If?" You snapped, pulling back to glare at him through your tears. "I heard you, Bucky. I heard you talking to Sam and Steve, and about how clingy I am."
"I was wrong," he insisted. "I was overwhelmed and tired and just stretched thin, the easiest thing to do is attack those closest to me, and that's you. It's not right, it's the worst I could do to you after all you've been through, and I'm so sorry. I was wrong, you're not the person to take this out on - and I'm so sorry, Peach."
You sighed, "I don't mean to be... I don't mean to cling - "
"Nah," he chuckled, caressing your cheek, "you cling as much as you want. Cling as tight as you want, baby, don't let me go. I'm sorry for what I said and the way it made you feel, it was wrong - so fucking wrong of me, and I see that. When you pulled away from me, I just... I couldn't think. It felt so wrong, and I knew it was my fault." He took your face in both palms, promising, "I'm so sorry, Peach."
You shrugged meekly, "It's okay."
"It's not."
"No, but apologizing is a step in the right direction."
He nodded, "What else can I do?"
"Nothing - "
"Peach."
You paused to think, smiling shyly, "Movie night?"
"Whatever my pretty girl wants," he nodded.
"Hmm... Get a bath with me?"
"All right... Sure, okay..."
"And face masks."
He sighed, "Okay."
"And mani-pedis."
"Baby."
"You said you were making it up to me, right?"
He smirked, "That's right... All right, yeah, sure, fine, we can..." He sighed again, "We can do all that, Peach, whatever you want."
"I just want you," you told him softly. "I didn't mean to be so clingy. I was just afraid... I felt afraid everyday, just so very unsure in this life. You're the only thing that makes sense to me, Buck, and when I heard you, I just... I guess I realized how dependent I'd been and wanted to give you space. Last thing I want is to smother you, to drive you away from me."
"Not ever gonna happen," he promised softly. "I just didn't handle it like I should've. I'm sorry, Peach, but I'm here now - for whatever you need. Want me to take a few days off, just be together? I'll arrange it. Want to get away for a bit? We can go."
"I just need you," you whispered. "Only you and I should be okay - I can be okay if I have you, but feeling like I lost you? Even a fraction? Buck... James, it was such a harrowing feeling, I wasn't sure what to do to move forward. So, I think I just panicked, shut down; thought if I could just get back to normal, you'd love me again..."
"I never stopped loving you," he swore, "I just had a bad lapse in my own judgement. Nothing against you, baby. Nothing."
You nodded again, letting him tuck you into his chest; perfectly snug under his chin as he coiled his arms around you. He let out a long sigh, his guilt swelling to new heights, but for that present moment, everything seemed okay.
Felt okay.
Appeared okay.
And you'd both do whatever it took to remain as okay as you possibly could.
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mrsdarkandyandere7 · 5 months
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No Way Out
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Pairing: Dark Tangerine x (female) Reader
▶ This is a yandere/dark work and it may contain triggering content so please READ THE WARNINGS before. Do not read if minor.
More at Masterlist
SUMMARY: Escaping Tangerine was never an option.
WARNING: Implied Kidnapping.
AN: Please, reblog and give me feedback.
I dug this out of nowhere to feed to Tangerine fandom. Probably one of my lasts drafts about him :(
--
“Love…don’t you fuckin’ dare.” 
You swallow hard, fear building in your throat as Tangerine appears in the room, stiffly standing near the door. 
The gun threatens to slip from your sweaty grip and you increase the pressure, struggling to keep your hand steady despite the very obvious tremor.
It's not like you know how to use the revolver that you somehow managed to find in one of Tangerine's office drawers, but you thought you could use it to get out of this unwanted situation.
“Give me the keys and I won’t shoot.” your attempt to have an authoritative voice fails miserably, both you and Tangerine realizing your terrified state.
“Y/N, darlin’…” He takes a cautious step forward, approaching you and you sniff, terror flooding you.
“Please! Please, give me the keys…” you beg, taking a few steps behind until you bump into the kitchen aisle, trapped between the furniture and Tangerine.
You panic as he keeps moving forward in your direction. 
“Stop! Just stop moving or…. or I swear I’ll shoot.”  
“Listen, love, how about we talk this through’, yeah?” he raises his hands in the air, assuring that he wasn't going to try anything but you still keep the gun pointed at him.
“That’s a fully loaded gun, love, you can seriously hurt yourself with it and we don’t want that, do we?”
Tangerine takes another small step towards you as you shake your head, tears blurring your vision and your hand slightly lowers. 
“I just wanna go home.” you sob, shoulders shaking.
Your blurry eyes makes you miss the small step he takes towards you, his cheek twitching with anticipation. 
“I know, love, but this is your home now.” his voice is smooth and calm, placating you and you look at him, eyes begging him. 
“Please…”
“You’re not leavin’ this house, love, you know that.” his confidence scares you and he extends his hand, nodding towards the gun. “So why don’t you gimme' me that gun and I promise I won’t get mad, how ‘bout that?”
You don’t reply and Tangerine sighs. 
“Cause did ya know that the door also needs a finger print scan to open up, right?”
Your eyes dart towards the robust front door, already protected with several locks whose keys you still don't have.
Big mistake. 
By the time you realize that there is no scanner, it’s too late. Tangerine lunges forwards and next thing you know, you're pinned down between the counter and his body. 
You cry out as he expertly twists your wrist, taking the gun away from you, carelessly throwing it to the floor.
His anger is visible as he roughly turns you around, slamming you face down on the counter, pressing his lips to your ear. 
“Looks like you’re in a big fuckin’ trouble, love.” 
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