#piracy isn’t stealing.
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Just a quick PSA if you want to support the SAG-AFTRA strike and/or screw over streaming services and are a-o-k with being morally grey pirating shows and movies has never been easier and streaming companies make absolutely no money!
Here are some websites:
Primewire - 10/10 would recommend, it works similar to a search engine and it really good for finding stuff
Kimcartoons - only has cartoons but has almost all of them
Hdmo - never used but I’ve heard good things
Kissanimie- it’s for animie if you couldn’t tell
Movies.123 - idk what to say it has movies
There are obviously others but I don’t know/remember them all happy pirating use a VPN
#tv shows#movies#pirates#piracy#internet#free stuff#sag aftra#capitalism sux#screw streaming#stealing isn’t immoral is it’s from assholes
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The take that Ai art is Good Actually because intellectual property bad and communism based is one of the strangest ones I’ve seen yet. As if a machine that steals from the labor of artists of all sizes with no compensation isn’t, like, the capitalist wet dream
#Polly rants#ai art#like wuh. huh#brother I am as pro piracy as the next broke ass tumblr user but there’s a fundamental difference between stealing from large corps and#small artists#no the exploitation machine 7000 isn’t going to give us a Marxist paradise what are u smokin
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We as a society started to collapse when we stopped putting PC games onto discs that you had to insert into your computer and it would download the game onto your device even without an internet connection because all the data was on the disc, and if you wanted DLC that would also come on a separate disc in a snazzy unique case so you should show off to everyone that not only did you have the game, you had a whole bookshelf’s worth of DLC too and it didn’t matter where you were in the world or if you had internet, all you had to do was insert that little disc into any desktop or laptop and you could have that game any time anywhere on any computer device you wanted.
And then Windows 7 came along and decided she was too cool to allow you to play those 🤢old🤮 PC insertable hard disc games and suddenly if you wanted to play the game you had to buy it again on a new platform that required an internet connection called Steam or Origin, but God forbid you have the wrong kind of computer that can’t keep up with all these random updates they have to do every single time you open the program because you might just never be able to play the game you purchased and downloaded until you get a new one! But don’t get a computer that’s TOO new because it probably won’t have a disc drive at all and now no matter what kind of workaround you attempt with the software you’ll never be able to play those precious games you bought 20 years ago again. But also, pirating those obsolete games is WRONG because we have it on a new platform we can make money from!
#Yeah this was brought on by The Sims 2 can you tell#physical media#piracy#piracy isn’t stealing#piracy is moral#preserve physical media#gaming#pc games#pc gaming#the sims#world of warcraft#the elder scrolls#rant#vent
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“If buying isn’t owning, piracy isn’t stealing”
20 years ago, I got in a (friendly) public spat with Chris Anderson, who was then the editor in chief of Wired. I'd publicly noted my disappointment with glowing Wired reviews of DRM-encumbered digital devices, prompting Anderson to call me unrealistic for expecting the magazine to condemn gadgets for their DRM:
https://longtail.typepad.com/the_long_tail/2004/12/is_drm_evil.html
I replied in public, telling him that he'd misunderstood. This wasn't an issue of ideological purity – it was about good reviewing practice. Wired was telling readers to buy a product because it had features x, y and z, but at any time in the future, without warning, without recourse, the vendor could switch off any of those features:
https://memex.craphound.com/2004/12/29/cory-responds-to-wired-editor-on-drm/
I proposed that all Wired endorsements for DRM-encumbered products should come with this disclaimer:
WARNING: THIS DEVICE’S FEATURES ARE SUBJECT TO REVOCATION WITHOUT NOTICE, ACCORDING TO TERMS SET OUT IN SECRET NEGOTIATIONS. YOUR INVESTMENT IS CONTINGENT ON THE GOODWILL OF THE WORLD’S MOST PARANOID, TECHNOPHOBIC ENTERTAINMENT EXECS. THIS DEVICE AND DEVICES LIKE IT ARE TYPICALLY USED TO CHARGE YOU FOR THINGS YOU USED TO GET FOR FREE — BE SURE TO FACTOR IN THE PRICE OF BUYING ALL YOUR MEDIA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AT NO TIME IN HISTORY HAS ANY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY GOTTEN A SWEET DEAL LIKE THIS FROM THE ELECTRONICS PEOPLE, BUT THIS TIME THEY’RE GETTING A TOTAL WALK. HERE, PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH, IT’LL MUFFLE YOUR WHIMPERS.
Wired didn't take me up on this suggestion.
But I was right. The ability to change features, prices, and availability of things you've already paid for is a powerful temptation to corporations. Inkjet printers were always a sleazy business, but once these printers got directly connected to the internet, companies like HP started pushing out "security updates" that modified your printer to make it reject the third-party ink you'd paid for:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer
Now, this scam wouldn't work if you could just put things back the way they were before the "update," which is where the DRM comes in. A thicket of IP laws make reverse-engineering DRM-encumbered products into a felony. Combine always-on network access with indiscriminate criminalization of user modification, and the enshittification will follow, as surely as night follows day.
This is the root of all the right to repair shenanigans. Sure, companies withhold access to diagnostic codes and parts, but codes can be extracted and parts can be cloned. The real teeth in blocking repair comes from the law, not the tech. The company that makes McDonald's wildly unreliable McFlurry machines makes a fortune charging franchisees to fix these eternally broken appliances. When a third party threatened this racket by reverse-engineering the DRM that blocked independent repair, they got buried in legal threats:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/20/euthanize-rentier-enablers/#cold-war
Everybody loves this racket. In Poland, a team of security researchers at the OhMyHack conference just presented their teardown of the anti-repair features in NEWAG Impuls locomotives. NEWAG boobytrapped their trains to try and detect if they've been independently serviced, and to respond to any unauthorized repairs by bricking themselves:
https://mamot.fr/@[email protected]/111528162905209453
Poland is part of the EU, meaning that they are required to uphold the provisions of the 2001 EU Copyright Directive, including Article 6, which bans this kind of reverse-engineering. The researchers are planning to present their work again at the Chaos Communications Congress in Hamburg this month – Germany is also a party to the EUCD. The threat to researchers from presenting this work is real – but so is the threat to conferences that host them:
https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/researchers-face-legal-threats-over-sdmi-hack/
20 years ago, Chris Anderson told me that it was unrealistic to expect tech companies to refuse demands for DRM from the entertainment companies whose media they hoped to play. My argument – then and now – was that any tech company that sells you a gadget that can have its features revoked is defrauding you. You're paying for x, y and z – and if they are contractually required to remove x and y on demand, they are selling you something that you can't rely on, without making that clear to you.
But it's worse than that. When a tech company designs a device for remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrades, they invite both external and internal parties to demand those downgrades. Like Pavel Chekov says, a phaser on the bridge in Act I is going to go off by Act III. Selling a product that can be remotely, irreversibly, nonconsensually downgraded inevitably results in the worst person at the product-planning meeting proposing to do so. The fact that there are no penalties for doing so makes it impossible for the better people in that meeting to win the ensuing argument, leading to the moral injury of seeing a product you care about reduced to a pile of shit:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/25/moral-injury/#enshittification
But even if everyone at that table is a swell egg who wouldn't dream of enshittifying the product, the existence of a remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrade feature makes the product vulnerable to external actors who will demand that it be used. Back in 2022, Adobe informed its customers that it had lost its deal to include Pantone colors in Photoshop, Illustrator and other "software as a service" packages. As a result, users would now have to start paying a monthly fee to see their own, completed images. Fail to pay the fee and all the Pantone-coded pixels in your artwork would just show up as black:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/28/fade-to-black/#trust-the-process
Adobe blamed this on Pantone, and there was lots of speculation about what had happened. Had Pantone jacked up its price to Adobe, so Adobe passed the price on to its users in the hopes of embarrassing Pantone? Who knows? Who can know? That's the point: you invested in Photoshop, you spent money and time creating images with it, but you have no way to know whether or how you'll be able to access those images in the future. Those terms can change at any time, and if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself.
These companies are all run by CEOs who got their MBAs at Darth Vader University, where the first lesson is "I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it further." Adobe chose to design its software so it would be vulnerable to this kind of demand, and then its customers paid for that choice. Sure, Pantone are dicks, but this is Adobe's fault. They stuck a KICK ME sign to your back, and Pantone obliged.
This keeps happening and it's gonna keep happening. Last week, Playstation owners who'd bought (or "bought") Warner TV shows got messages telling them that Warner had walked away from its deal to sell videos through the Playstation store, and so all the videos they'd paid for were going to be deleted forever. They wouldn't even get refunds (to be clear, refunds would also be bullshit – when I was a bookseller, I didn't get to break into your house and steal the books I'd sold you, not even if I left some cash on your kitchen table).
Sure, Warner is an unbelievably shitty company run by the single most guillotineable executive in all of Southern California, the loathsome David Zaslav, who oversaw the merger of Warner with Discovery. Zaslav is the creep who figured out that he could make more money cancelling completed movies and TV shows and taking a tax writeoff than he stood to make by releasing them:
https://aftermath.site/there-is-no-piracy-without-ownership
Imagine putting years of your life into making a program – showing up on set at 5AM and leaving your kids to get their own breakfast, performing stunts that could maim or kill you, working 16-hour days during the acute phase of the covid pandemic and driving home in the night, only to have this absolute turd of a man delete the program before anyone could see it, forever, to get a minor tax advantage. Talk about moral injury!
But without Sony's complicity in designing a remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrade feature into the Playstation, Zaslav's war on art and creative workers would be limited to material that hadn't been released yet. Thanks to Sony's awful choices, David Zaslav can break into your house, steal your movies – and he doesn't even have to leave a twenty on your kitchen table.
The point here – the point I made 20 years ago to Chris Anderson – is that this is the foreseeable, inevitable result of designing devices for remote, irreversible, nonconsensual downgrades. Anyone who was paying attention should have figured that out in the GW Bush administration. Anyone who does this today? Absolute flaming garbage.
Sure, Zaslav deserves to be staked out over an anthill and slathered in high-fructose corn syrup. But save the next anthill for the Sony exec who shipped a product that would let Zaslav come into your home and rob you. That piece of shit knew what they were doing and they did it anyway. Fuck them. Sideways. With a brick.
Meanwhile, the studios keep making the case for stealing movies rather than paying for them. As Tyler James Hill wrote: "If buying isn't owning, piracy isn't stealing":
https://bsky.app/profile/tylerjameshill.bsky.social/post/3kflw2lvam42n
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/08/playstationed/#tyler-james-hill
Image:
Alan Levine (modified)
https://pxhere.com/en/photo/218986
CC BY 2.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
#pluralistic#playstation#sony#copyright#copyfight#drm#monopoly#enshittification#batgirl#road runner#financiazation#the end of ownership#ip
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piracy can’t be stealing is paying for it isn’t owning
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i love bringing tupperware to the dining hall. it’s like piracy for food
#marzi speaks#‘mars isn’t that just stealing’ no. there’s no limit to the amt of food i can take#what i’m doing is taking one meal swipe. and making several meals out of it#AND it bypasses the school’s green to-go box system which limits how much you take with you and costs a meal swipe to use in the first place#food piracy.#anyways guess who just left the dining hall with two sandwiches and a slice of pizza
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Piracy can’t be stealing if paying for it isn’t owning.
Ink: Waterman Inspired Blue
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I agree with you in principle about paying media creators, but the fact is that people who are spreading piracy stuff are often doing so because either 1) they don’t want to give money to the big corporations that control most mass media, or 2) they don’t have the money to give to creators of things they love. I agree that if you have the means to give proper support to things you love, you should, but not everyone has access to library resources (for example, not everyone is American/western and so not everyone has access to online pdfs through a library, or even libraries at all in some places) and it just feels very…. not extreme, but a bit harsh to equate reading a pdf with intentionally withholding money from creators. I’m sorry it this comes across rudely, that isn’t my intent, but it feels very unfair to generalise so harshly on a post about resources for when you can’t access certain things
You aren't entitled to someone else's labor just because it's art.
I'm going to repeat that, because people seem to be confused: you aren't entitled to someone else's labor just because it's art.
Just because you don't have money to pay a creator doesn't mean that you can take what you want and take money out of other people's pockets just because it's art.
I would love to have more art from @fofoart, but I don't have the money to pay them right now, so you know what that means? I don't have more art from them. I would love to read Thistlefoot right now, but I don't have the money to buy it at the moment, and so you know what that means? I wait until I can get it through my library or until I have the money to buy it, because I am not entitled to someone else's labor just because it's art.
There are plenty of books out there which can be read without pirating books. If you sign up to Tor's website you often get emails about free books and short stories. Project Guttenberg exists. Writers often post free stories on websites. There are more legitimate and free books out there right now, in the genres that you like and want to read, than you could ever read in ten lifetimes.
You are not entitled to someone else's labor just because it's art. You are not entitled to fuck up someone's sales numbers or make a publishing house go "your books are pirated too much so we're gonna pay you less" just because you want to read that specific book.
I mean, you can do that, I guess, but you can't do it and be morally correct about it. You can do it and be an asshole, or you can not do it, read one of the many many free books in this world, and not be an asshole.
There are no other choices. You don't get to just say "well I don't have money but I want this" and fucking steal it and then act like this is anything but theft. It's theft! It's not justified just because you really wanna read it!
This isn't "not supporting creators," this is stealing from artists because you feel entitled to do so because "I want it."
That's toddler logic. Grow up.
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okay but listen when you sit down and think about Skybound it is genuinely such a batshit funny season I just
- Kai fucks everyone over by posting selfies in a hospital while visiting a sick child
- this is the only season the ninja are regarded as popular celebrities and it’s immediately dropped and never relevant again
- Nadakhan’s entire plot and character arc is the wildest Shakespearean tragedy. He loses his wife and his friends and get stuck in a teapot for so long and when he gets out he finds his friends frames some random people he’s NEVER MET for crimes and then his father dies in front of his eyes
- let me reiterate HE HAS NEVER MET THE NINJA HE HAS NO REASON TO HATE THE NINJA WHEN HE FRAMES THEM AND GETS THEM ARRESTED HE JUST DID IT FOR FUN
- he’s surrounded by the biggest idiots known to man he looks so confused the entire season
- “Cap’n lets pillage and plunder” “I’m afraid we can’t :(“ “oh why not” “piracy isn’t a thing anymore :(((“
- NADAKHAN HUN YOU CAN RESTART PIRACY???? JUST START STEALING?????
- the fact that he’s like “father I can save you” and his dad’s like “nah I’m good take this sick ass sword tho”
- this is such a funny image he looks SO UNHAPPY:
- during the final fight Jay says something along the lines of “blah blah you’ll be French toast”????? Why does he say this
- Nya. Nya. Why would you suggest this. What
- Lloyd is so bad at acting they tell him to pretend he’s mute
- Squiffy is the BEST name for a background character I’ve ever heard
- Echo
- “I WISH FOR A SWOOOOOORD”
#I have sooo many issues with Skybound but once you get over how bad it is you kinda gotta marvel in how fucking hilarious it is#it’s almost 5am idk if any of this is actually coherent#jay#Skybound#nadakhan#Nya#ninjago#ninjago s6#ninjago Skybound#spinjitsu screams
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I’ve had this in my mind for a while so now I give you
Outlander Pirate AU (feat. Makuu)
-This is definitely one of the Zootopia-esque au’s because who doesn’t love animal pirates?
-The hyenas and vultures are part of one big crew, with Janja as the Captain and Mzingo as his first mate
-Jasiri and Reirei both defied gender roles by being Captains of their crew. Reirei met Goigoi while captured on another ship and she rose to the top. She married Goigoi and her crew grew from there
-Jasiri is actually a privateer who works under newly crowned King Kion. She eventually convinces Janja’s crew to merge with hers and is known as “The Pirate Queen” by everyone else.
Janja agreed cuz he maaay or may not have a repressed crush on Jasiri but he’ll obviously take that to his watery grave
-Captain Kiburi formed a new pirate crew after he started a mutiny against his former captain, Makuu. Makuu, however, had seen it coming and was able to fend off Kiburi and his followers. His crew isn’t as big as the other pirate captains, but holy shit can they fight. They’ve killed more animals than the rest combined
-Kenge was found as a stowaway on Kiburi’s ship, with him against the world and turning to piracy for survival. The crocs wanted to kill him on sight, but Kenge had something they didn’t: venom. So when Tamka tried to attack after calling him “little”, he ferociously bit him and held him at knifepoint. It was then when Kiburi had a better idea: Why not put that anger and those fighting skills to good use? He’s now one of the crocs, being Kiburi’s new friend and best fighter. Everyone thinks they should be scared of the crocodiles when it’s really him you gotta worry about. Kiburi likes to use him as a threat. Either give them all the loot or they’ll sick Kenge on you
-Sumu is an interesting story. Kiburi’s crew found him while exploring a desert island. It’s unknown how he got there in the first place (he doesn’t like to talk about it), but he ultimately joins the crew as a cabin boy among Kenge’s suggestion. Kiburi thought nothing of it until he saw Sumu in action. Turns out he can fatally stab people so that’s fun.
-Ushari was once a great pirate, but after too many near death experiences, he decided to become a grumpy innkeeper with Shupavu and Njano as his employees. They usually act as bartenders who serve drinks to the guests.
-After Makuu started a mutiny against him, Pua stepped down from captain of his crew and resides at the inn, telling all kinds of stories to anyone who would listen
-Hodari is a cabin boy in Makuu’s float. It was always his dream to be a pirate and he was able to prove himself when he helped Makuu steal from Kiburi (after Kiburi stole from him first lol)
-All the captains act like mortal enemies at sea, but put them next to each other in a tavern or Ushari’s inn and they’re acting like they’ve been friends for years
-Out of all the crews, Kiburi’s curses the most. They’ve even done it in the inn when they visited for the night. Ushari had to threaten to bite them on the spot if they didn’t stop driving his customers away. The skinks didn’t do much to help, as Shupavu was too busy laughing and Njano was encouraging them
-Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed are also retired pirates, giving their ship to Janja’s crew once they put the life behind them. They own a tavern, which is another popular hangout spot for pirates
-Njano once snuck onto Kiburi’s ship on his day off. It was a disaster
Kiburi’s realization went like this
#may or may not add more to this but this is all i got#no but i can imagine all the outlanders singing fucked with an anchor and jasiri or ushari just like 😑#don’t be fooled though pirate kiburi still doesn’t sing lmao#tlg au#tlg outlanders#the lion guard
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Giving Them the Moment: How Our Flag Means Death and it's Portrayal of Black Men is the Most Important Thing on Television Right Now
Note: written April 20, 2022
Media is an incredibly distinct way of communicating. It has a wide reach, and each person has their own interpretation of what they see. That’s the beauty of the medium as a whole. However, there are often downsides, especially when it pertains to the West. In the US in particular, there is a trend within popular media to lean towards propagandization. Whether it’s the idea that communism and socialism are products of the ‘Evil East’ or the lingering effects of the Motion Picture Production Code - also known as the Hays Code, the media monopolies have a firm grasp on what we as a society watch and enjoy.
When you begin to play close attention to how the media portrays Black men, this becomes abundantly clear.
It is a rare thing when we see Black men whose characters aren’t portrayed as being the object nor the perpetrators of violence. In fact, only one mainstream popular show comes to mind: The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. But even then, the given circumstances of Fresh Prince revolve around Will’s escape from the violence of the ‘urban’ inner city. This vilification of Black men dates back to the 1910s with D. W. Griffith’s Birth of a Nation, and continued into the 1930s, where Black people were often personified as the monsters, representing the ‘exciticism’ of the world beyond the West. It is the ‘exoticism’ that has played a huge part in the dehumanization of Black men as a whole. But as a Black Queer person watching Our Flag Means Death, it is breaking that mold in an incredibly important way.
The Black men in the show are allowed to have fun.
This show is breaking barriers left and right. Of the major recurring cast of 15, over half of them are people of color. It’s overt and unflinching portrayal of Queerness when so many of its older viewers - myself included - have lived through the Bury Your Gays and Dead Lesbians tropes time and time again is overwhelmingly refreshing. Nearly all characters are Queer until proven straight and represent all parts under the umbrella, including Leslie Jones’ polyamorous pirate queen and Vico Ortiz - a non-binary actor - playing a non-binary character.
But in a world where the narratives of Black men are so often framed around violence and brutality, the Black crewmates of the Queen Anne’s Revenge - Frenchie, Oluwande, and Roach - are allowed to be funny and vulnerable. Each one of them is starkly different from the other with identifiable characteristics that allow the audience to humanize them. The trio quickly became my favorites among the crew, with Roach being the stand-out amongst them. Samba Schutte’s often deadpan delivery never fails to draw a laugh from me, in particular the assertion that “meat is meat”. Frenchie, played by Joel Fry, is the quickest on the draw where his intellect is concerned, being posited in the show’s fifth episode as having had a hand in inventing the pyramid scheme while spouting the wildest of conspiracy theories and being afraid of cats (they’re witches, they steal your breath, and have knives in their feet, you know). The softness and constant vulnerability of Samson Kayo’s Oluwande may be one of the most important aspects of the show, as it establishes him as a reliable and trustworthy confidante to not just Jim, but to Rhys Darby’s Stede Bonnet as well.
They exist in their own separate spheres on the ship, going about their own separate business completely unbothered. While it is implied they lead violent lives as pirates, this violence isn’t used to define them as characters. In fact, Oluwande stated that both he and Jim engaged in piracy because they “had no choice”. The brief mention we get of Frenchie’s backstory implies that he lives a life of servitude, though whether that was as an enslaved person or a freed Black domestic worker is not mentioned. While there is little known about Roach so far, it is implied that his culinary skills are far beyond the levels of what is needed aboard a pirate ship.
The friendships and relationships they form within the crew aren’t built on violence either, but on open and honest communication. Most notably, the friendship of Frenchie and Wee John Feeny, played by Kristian Nairn. Fry and Nairn are an impeccable comic duo when their characters become ‘room people’, and the scene where they begin to design their new space is a personal highlight of the episode. Oluwande and Jim’s romance - played to perfection by Kayo and Ortiz - is one that revolves around both characters being almost devastatingly open with each other. Both actors play the emotional vulnerability of the characters well, and it is important to emphasize that it is Kayo’s Oluwande that moves to meet Jim where they are.
While the show allows all its men to show varying levels of emotional vulnerability - an exception being offered to the emotionally constipated Izzy Hands, played by Con O’Neill - there is something so special about seeing that luxury afforded to Black men. This show has, in just ten episodes, has become a game changer for the television industry. It has proved that a show with explicitly Queer characters can become a massive sleeper hit, and that sometimes the best kind of historical show is one that is historical fiction. But it has also proved that you can create a narrative with Black men that doesn’t include their stories being framed in violence or brutality, that they can be funny, charming, witty, vulnerable, intelligent, complex characters with their own narratives that serve a purpose outside of a device of exoticism. It is this rare thing that makes these characters, and indeed the show as a whole, so important to its viewers.
We deserve more vulnerability, more humor, and more humanizing content from these three men, and this show is one that is truly deserving of a glorious second season.
Sources:
Donaldson, Leigh. “When the media misrepresents Black men, the effects are felt in the real world.”
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/12/media-misrepresents-black-men-effects-felt-real-world.
Kumah-Abiwu, Felix. “Media Gatekeeping and Portrayal of Black Men in America.”
Opportunity Agenda. “Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes.”
https://www.opportunityagenda.org/explore/resources-publications/media-representation-impact-black-men/media-portrayals.
Our Flag Means Death, (2022-). HBO Max.
#not horror but its relevant#our flag means death#ofmd#ofmd s2#roach#frenchie#oluwande boodhari#david jenkins#black men in media#let black men be silly in things!!!!!!#our flag means death season 2
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Ed, Killing, and the Kraken in Our Flag Means Death S1 and S2
This meta contains a whole heckuva a lot of spoilers for Our Flag Means Death seasons 1 and 2. Thanks to @petrichorca who gave it a read through and left some helpful comments!
When we first get to know Ed in s1e4, the episode concludes with him telling his first mate, Izzy Hands, about his plans to murder Stede Bonnet and steal his identity so Ed can retire from piracy. Ed and Izzy discuss the plan in a casual manner, like this act isn't shocking or deviant from previous conversations and schemes Ed and Izzy have had before. This is consistent with how other characters, especially Black Pete, have described Blackbeard in previous episodes (‘when Blackbeard kills man, woman, or child…’). While Black Pete is (probably) lying, Buttons was with him until the flip.
As the song ‘The Empty Boat’ by Caetano Veloso plays, Izzy tells Ed, 'You've still got it' and Ed says, 'I know,' turning away to face the empty deck. Only the audience witnesses his true facial expression - the Blackbeard mask falling, a kind of dead-eyed exhaustion (echoed by the lyrics of the song) taking its place.
In s1e5, we see Ed threaten violence against the French captain, but he doesn't actually hurt the man himself. We also see him act as if he's about to go kill the French partygoers before Stede steps in and 'handles it'. At this point I think we the audience would, if asked, have said that Ed seems to have a casual attitude towards killing that you would expect from 'the legendary Blackbeard'. He's scary ('next one goes through your fucking eyeball') and almost cartoonishly violent ('skin him. And use the snail fork'). So we the audience maybe make some assumptions about where the show stands on violent killing - not only that Blackbeard is familiar with it, but that it's a commonplace act for him.
Then we come to a pivotal moment. In s1e6, Izzy pushes back on Ed for not killing Stede, there’s the conversation about doggy heaven, and Ed promises Izzy that he’ll be the one to do the killing. We see Ed hyping himself up (‘You’re a killer bro. So kill.’) and then holding his knife while standing next to Stede behind the curtain in the captain’s cabin. They’re interrupted by Lucius cutting off his finger. Ed doesn’t go through with it; the moment passes as Stede exits the curtain to announce the entrance of the Kraken.
At this point, I as an audience member fully believed that Ed couldn’t kill Stede because of his feelings for him. I wasn’t yet sure what those feelings were, but I knew that Ed had a deep affection for Stede, and for a moment I believed that was all that was holding him back. Then, of course, we see Ed have a PTSD/panic attack trigger from the Kraken fuckery that sends him into Stede’s bathtub, hiding underneath Stede’s robe, where he and Stede have what I believe is the most intimate moment of the entire first season (a reading supported by s2e3). Ed tells Stede, ‘The Kraken didn’t kill my dad. I did.’ We are shown the flashbacks to the way Ed’s father abused him and his mother, and the Kraken story he told on deck earlier is shown again with the figure of the beast in the water replaced by himself, as a young teen, on the dock.
Then Ed tells Stede, ‘If I’m being honest, I haven’t killed another man since.’ Stede tries to comfort him by reminding him how much he loves a good maim, but Ed is still preoccupied with how the fact that he killed his abusive father as a child means that he’s not a good person, and that this is why he doesn’t have any friends, aka, isn’t loveable. Stede tells him, ‘I’m your friend,’ in essence, To me, you are loveable, and Ed reacts by saying, ‘No,’ and banging his head against the tub.
The next important point happens in s1e8, when Jack invites himself to breakfast and regales Stede (very deliberately, as he’s trying to push Stede and Ed apart) with the tale of Ed setting a ship alight and killing many people. (Also note - the show’s first mention of Hornigold! ‘He treated us like dogs! Worse than dogs!’ and ‘Ground us down into nothing!’) While Jack emphasises the horror and brutality of what Ed did, Ed’s demeanour completely changes - ‘No, Stede doesn’t want to hear about that.’ Jack obviously doesn’t listen to Ed; Stede’s face passes from horrified listening to Jack to squinting at Ed like, ‘Is this - true?’ Ed looks thoroughly guilty as the story continues and Stede asks him, clearly doing his best to preserve Ed’s secret in front of Jack, ‘I thought you’d, uh, given up the killing?’ Ed surges forward in his seat and, not making eye contact with Stede, says, ‘Yeah, well, technically the fire killed those guys. Not me.’ The camera then cuts to Jack looking at Stede with a bit of an incredulous expression as if he’s both gauging Stede’s reaction to the entire thing and thinking, ‘Wow BB’s in deep here if he’s making up some weird story about not being the one who lit that fire.’
I don’t think the show intends for us to believe that Ed was consciously lying to Stede in the bathtub scene in s1e6. Instead, we see the complex way that Ed - who is shown to be both brilliant and possessed of an internal monologue that just cannot shut up - has constructed mental barriers to protect himself from the trauma of killing while still achieving the highest possible status in a very violent profession and existing in a world marred by colonial violence perpetrated specifically against people like him.
S1e9 shows Ed continuing to posture to everyone but Stede as Blackbeard, seasoned killer (for example, telling Chauncey that he barely remembers killing Nigel because he’s ‘a real “life is cheap” kinda guy’). At the Academy and briefly after, in the beginning of s1e10, Ed seems set to have given up killing and violence for real, but Izzy’s threats in the cabin in s1e10 send Ed reeling back to the Kraken persona he assumed when he killed his dad. The season concludes with him pushing Lucius off the ship and Krakening up to sail, rob, and raise hell forever - but the final shot shows Ed crying alone in his cabin, his Kraken makeup streaking down his face. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s one of my favourite scenes from a character perspective. Imagine if the season had ended with Ed fully transformed into the Kraken, rather than clearly miserable and heartbroken under his mask?
Season 2 begins with Ed trying to set a record for most consecutive raids, working his crew to death under brutal and traumatic conditions. His list of crimes on his wanted poster certainly suggests a lot of violence and killing, yet the show is careful to show us Ed himself only seeming to kill one person - firing a gun into a man’s back during a raid - and if you look closely, you’ll see that the man was already dying with a dagger through his body. It feels vital to me that the only direct ‘killing’ action we see Ed taking is shooting a man who we presume he can justify as having been already on his way to death.
In s2e1 and s2e2, Ed can’t kill Izzy, though he does try desperately to get Frenchie to do it for him. He can’t even kill himself, trying to get Izzy to do it instead. When he thinks Izzy has committed suicide with the gun he gave him, he says, ‘I loved you, best I could,’ as if any love Ed could give would by its nature not be good enough.
Ed wakes in s2e3 in the care of his old captain, Hornigold; of course, he’s really in the gravy basket and Hornigold is serving as a Jacob Marley-esque psychopomp. They key to Ed realising that he’s really [Buttons voice] ‘down in the old gravy basket’ is the conversation that concludes his attempts to be Jeff the Innkeeper. Hornigold tells Ed that he’s not good with people - after all, he did strangle his father. Ed reacts first with disbelief then cold fury, saying he never told anyone that; Hornigold reminds him that he told one person and Ed flashes back to telling Stede in the bathtub in s1e6; then Hornigold reminds him that the one person he told left him, and we see Ed crying under his Kraken makeup at the end of s1e10. Later, when Ed (finally, even Calico Jack would have had it sooner) realises that Hornigold represents himself, he says that he’s unloveable. Here’s the crux of it - he believes that he is fundamentally unloveable because he killed his father, because he is the Kraken, the monstrous beast capable of lethal violence. That’s why Stede left, his brain is telling him even as he’s dying.
Then Stede actually proves him wrong by returning, saving him from death, and telling him that he ‘love[s] everything about [him]’ in rapid succession. Whether or not Ed fully accepts this information, we do see him very quickly, yes, melt back into Stede’s arms. Which brings us to s2e6, and Stede’s killing of Ned Low.
Quick digression into killing and Stede: Stede accidentally kills a man in s1e1, is haunted by his ghost in s1e2. He’s so haunted by dead Nigel that he spends a lot of s1e2 asking first Oluwande and Jim for advice on being a ‘mur-der-er’, and then asking Black Pete how his former employer, Blackbeard (!!!) handled killing. (How Pete says, ‘When Blackbeard kills man, woman, or child-’ lives in my head at all times, Matt Maher with the line deliveries of all time.) Finally in s1e2, during his court-mandated therapy with the tribal elder, Stede admits that he doesn’t feel bad about killing Nigel - he was a horrible person even when he was a child! Stede's guilt is coming from somewhere else. We see this again in s1e9, when Stede says it is time for him to face the consequences for what he’s done - it might seem like he means for killing Nigel, since that’s why he’s about to face the firing squad, but we know that Stede’s guilt is about abandoning his family (the people he’s hurt!). Similarly, when Stede kills Ned in s2e6, he seems to get over it very quickly. Ned is clearly a bad guy, and although the act of killing him was traumatic for Stede (much like the act of killing Nigel), Stede presumably reconciles it by knowing that he was protecting Ed and his crew (and avenging Calypso’s birthday). Stede as a character is shown to have a tremendous amount of natural resilience. We later see him immolate a guy and dispatch a number of British soldiers without hesitation. Stede is also one of the two main protagonists of the show, and his attitude towards killing seems to reflect the attitude of the show itself - killing colonisers and torturers to protect your loved ones is ok, actually.
(Side note but I found this idea about how zero tolerance policies actually hurt victims very informative on the topic of why it's ok that Stede killed his childhood bully; I got that link from this very interesting post where several people are in conversation about how Ed is not Izzy's abuser.)
Back to Ed in s2e6. He asks Stede not to kill Ned; when Stede does anyway, Ed is visibly saddened and ignores Izzy telling him to give Stede a moment; instead he goes immediately to check in on Stede in his cabin. He knocks on the door and in that soft voice that he only ever uses with Stede, he starts to say, ‘Hey. You okay? Look, I was a wreck after my first kill as well.’ Then he pauses, before rambling, ‘I mean, well, it was my dad, so there's that,’ which feels like a little moment of self-reflection. Like. Yeah. Ed. Baby. You might be super fucked up about the act of killing because the first guy you killed was your dad, when you were a literal child! Also, Ed has never been to (as far as we know) court-mandated tribal elder therapy, so of course his decision to kill his father fucked Ed up for decades! Also as a very clever friend pointed out, we don’t know anything about what the consequences of that were for Ed - how did his mother react, is that why he ran away to sea, etc.
There's another important thing here that the audience knows, but that Ed has never told Stede (or, we have to assume, anyone) which is that the catalyst for Ed becoming the Kraken to kill his father was abuse. The audience is shown through his panic-attack-induced flashback that Ed's father physically and verbally abused his mother and presumably him too. All Ed has ever said to Stede or anyone about it, as far as we know, was his joke to the crew during scary story hour that his dad was a dick. Stede can probably infer roughly why Ed killed his dad, but he doesn't know the details, and he loves everything about Ed anyway, and now Ed knows that Stede does too.
So Ed and Stede have sex, and as many metas have pointed out (like this one!), it's so meaningful that Ed feels safe enough to give up his Blackbeard/Kraken identity the very next morning. He attempts to get Stede to see that it might be nice to not be pirates anymore due to the high chance of death but Stede manages to completely misread it and laughs it off. (To be fair to Stede, they're both horrible at communicating and Ed is not saying what he wants in any direct manner.) Ed proceeds to have his big beautiful brain start to spiral out of control as Jackie points out how popular Stede is becoming as a pirate; Ed panics, tells Stede he doesn’t even know who he is, and leaves to become a fisherman before he can get left (again!).
As Ed rows away from his failed career as a fisherman in s2e8, his boss Pop-Pop (who he has managed to recreate a fucked up father-son dynamic with that like so many things in his show is played for laughs but has pretty dark undertones) yells after him, 'If you were ever good at anything, go and do that, you bum.' Ed rows back into the port of the Republic of Pirates and sees the destruction Prince Ricky has wrought upon the pirate community. Ed's first thought is, Stede, and then he imagines Stede calling for help before straight up murdering two British soldiers. He remembers Pop-Pop's words and says, 'Have it your way,' before diving into the sea, retrieving his leather, putting it on underwater, and emerging from the waves fully dressed. It's fantastically hot and the exact level of drama I expect from this man. The Kraken musical cue is playing as it happens.
We now see Ed murdering British soldiers in the coolest ways possible, demonstrating his skill at fighting in hand to hand combat. One way to read him taking Pop-Pop's advice is that this is what he's good at - killing and violence.
But you know what Ed’s even better at? Protecting the people he loves. His mother, himself, and Stede. Each time Ed becomes the Kraken, he fulfils that. He protects his mother from his father, himself from Izzy after being warned that ‘[Edward] better watch his fucking step’, and Stede from the invading colonisers who want to destroy their freedom. But something has changed the third time he does it - this time, he can tell Stede that he loves him and he doesn't mean it as a tainted thing, but something that he knows Stede will treasure. He's both loveable and capable of loving. He always has been, of course, but now he knows it. The Kraken, the part of him that is capable of killing, was always a defence mechanism for Ed, but the third time he understands it and himself enough to know that it doesn’t make him a monster.
#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 meta#ofmd meta#edward teach#blackbeard#our flag means death meta#our flag means death
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I’m a bit confused. Your response to that person makes it seem like you’re okay with the AI using stolen art as a dataset to train it. “Stolen” in that the artists did not give permission for their work to be used to train the AI. AI art isn’t inherently bad, but most people agree that it’s unethical to use someone else’s art without permission, credit, or compensation to make a profit.
im going to ignore the majority of your ask because it's stupid and wrong and positively RIFE with loaded questions. instead i an going to zero in on your use of the word "stolen" here. let's look at this legally and ethically.
legally (IN THE US), there is no way to enact what you are asking for without expanding IP law to make "transformative works" illegal. this would make stuff like photo collages and fanfiction illegal. Disney wants this. you do not want this.
ethically, in my opinion, there is no meaningful difference between an AI art program including your publicly posted art in a training dataset with tens of thousands of other pictures and a human artist seeing your art and being inspired by it. unless the AI model is trained specifically on your art by someone else with the express purpose of undercutting you, the idea that you can see "your" influence in a specific piece of AI art is peak egotism on par with accusing human artists drawing in the same style as you of theft/plagiarism.
it's fucking 2023, why are people still getting the definition "steal" wrong? i thought we settled this over a decade ago when we decided media piracy is cool and good
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Ed & Fear
As a love interest and popular character with a tragic past, it’s easy to forget how frightening Blackbeard is.
Sure, we get a sense of his reputation before he appears. A story of his smoking head and glowing eyes, ominous music playing over his flapping flag, Spanish Jackie letting Stede go because she didn’t want to cross Blackbeard.
That all sets us up for the twist once Ed is friendly, but lost like Stede, looking for some meaning in his life. We learn about Ed’s past, and his vulnerabilities, and fall for him as Stede does. He’s still that abused child trying to protect himself.
But those stories and that reputation didn’t come from nowhere. I don’t think it’s an accident that Frenchie, one of the most savvy people in the crew, is the one that asks Ed whether they’re all going to be killed while Ed’s swanning around the deck.
Blackbeard is all about fear. It’s what makes ships surrender at the sight of his flag. His trademark fuckeries are based on psychological warfare. Craft an illusion powerful enough, and no one will dare hurt you.
It’s not just illusions, though. Ed’s one fear is the kraken, i.e. himself. He’s frightened of his own capacity for violence. He can’t evening kill people directly by his own hand.
Others are frightened by that capacity too. It helps to contrast his wrath to Izzy’s. Izzy yells, and everyone ignores him. Ed raises his voice, and everyone lines up to shake Stede’s hand obediently. Fang laughs at the thought of Izzy coming in to see him modelling for penis drawings. He nearly jumps out of his skin at the thought of Blackbeard arriving. Even Lucius, who tries to communicate with Ed and be sympathetic to him, is wary in their interactions.
Cultivating an aura of fear keeps people from getting close, however. Others idolize and/or fear him. Before Stede, Izzy is one of the few people allowed to see behind the curtain to the man behind the myth (”His name is Blackbeard, dog!”).
I actually suspect Stede’s naivety is part of what allowed their relationship to take off. Sure, Stede’s heard stories of Blackbeard, but he’s still a gentleman whose one only venture into proper piracy involved him stealing a potted plant from two defenseless fishermen. He wasn’t clever enough to realize that what a dangerous position he was in with Blackbeard on his ship, so he was happy to treat Ed as a friend.
And for Ed’s part, Stede’s a bit like a child or...well...pet. A dog doesn’t know your insecurities or reputation. It isn’t a threat. You don’t need to put on a façade of ferocity because it won’t stab you in the back.
If Stede had been a proper pirate, Ed wouldn’t have been able to relax with him, or open up. You can’t admit to other professionals in your field that actually you’re bored and you like fancy fabric and it’s frustrating that they all imagine you as more dangerous that you actually are. You want them to see you as that dangerous.
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hi \o/ i mentioned a while ago i was likely going to be posting more wips here--especially if i'm going a while without posting actual fics. this one is a fuga four pirate au \o/
like with the vampire au, i have some information surrounding what is actually written here (backstory + future plot), but i'm unlikely to continue writing it right now due to having other multi-chaptered fics to focus on. anything else at the moment will likely be wip snippets like this one
it's 3k words, but it cuts off pretty abruptly. reblogs appreciated \o/
Honestly, this isn’t Pac’s worst day. It’s pretty up there, but going to jail and losing his leg manages to beat it out.
After all, this is just a local jail. More of a holding cell than anything. For petty crimes or executions. Pac, luckily, is in for the former. Unluckily for him, he’s separated from Mike and hasn’t been able to breathe properly since they threw him in here.
He’ll be spending a week in here, or until bail.
It’s only been a day. And excuse him for being dramatic, but he doesn’t think he’s going to make it.
He can imagine Mike is probably weighing up the pros and cons of staging a breakout. After all, it’s only a week. Breaking out might just put an unnecessary target on their backs, and they’ll have to move towns again.
Logically, he gets that.
In reality he’s in the corner of the cell with his knees hugged tight to his chest. The cell is big enough that from here he can’t see the guard—which is both a blessing and a curse.
He’s fine being alone. But being separated from Mike makes his skin itch. He’s almost desperate for any kind of company, even if it’s just some bored guard not paying attention to him.
And then—like his prayers are answered—he hears two sets of footsteps, and the cell door unlocking. He looks up to see a man being shoved—stumbling, but not falling—and the door being slammed shut again behind him.
“Well…” The man shrugs, and sighs, and turns to inspect his new quarters. His eyes catch on Pac’s. A pretty smile crosses his face. “Oh! Hi!”
“Uh… hi.” Pac uncurls himself from his corner, and gets to his feet. “Nice to meet you?”
“Nice to meet you!” He sticks out his hand for Pac to shake. Pac’s eyes catch on the pirate branding on his wrist. “I’m Captain Felps. To some.”
“To some?”
Felps makes a hesitant noise before admitting, “Felps who crashed the boat to others.”
Pac laughs, and shakes his hand. He should really be more hesitant—it’s always a gamble with pirates. Him and Mike have run into plenty who were perfectly honourable, and plenty who they’d happily watch hang.
This pirate, though, seems like the former. If Pac is a good judge of character, which he’s often told he isn’t.
“I’m Pac.”
“What are you in for?”
Felps takes a seat on one of the beds, and Pac takes the one opposite him.
“Stealing.” Then he rolls his eyes. “Allegedly.”
He did, in fact, steal. He stole a lot more than they charged him for, actually. But they’ll never get him to admit it out loud.
“Allegedly?” Felps raises his eyebrows. “How long will I have your company for then?”
“Uh… six days now?” Pac looks out the tiny barred window—night has fallen—and nods to himself. “Yeah, six days. Well, and tonight.”
“Nice, nice.” His eyes dart out to where Pac assumes he might be able to see the guard, and sighs. “Longer than I’ll have to live, apparently.”
“Oh.” Pac shifts, uncomfortable. He’s interacted with plenty of people on death row before, but he never knows how to react. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s for piracy.” Felps admits. Then, he gestures to Pac. “Allegedly.”
“Allegedly.” Pac echoes back with a slight laugh.
The conversation between them dwindles. Pac is just starting to consider lying down and trying to get some sleep, when Felps stands up on the bed and looks out the window.
“Hello?” He calls lowly, and Pac wonders what the hell his game plan is. A quick look at the guard shows he’s unbothered. Although, admittedly, he’s probably used to desperate pleas for help. “Anyone? Cellbit?”
Pac’s heart freezes in his chest.
Surely he can’t mean… Cell, right? They left Cell for dead. And Felps doesn’t seem like the kind of man to get along with him. He’s nice, for starters.
Ignoring that Pac also thought Cell was nice at first.
No. It’s just a really awful coincidence because the universe likes to taunt him. Cell’s dead. Rotting somewhere on an abandoned island.
“Anyone out there?” Felps continues.
“It’s just guards.” Pac mutters. “The window faces into the fort.”
Felps looks back at the guard. Then he jumps off the bed, and crowds in close to Pac. His eyes search Pac’s face. Pac feels his cheeks grow warm.
“Do you know how to get out of here?” He asks in a whisper.
“No, sorry.” Pac shakes his head. “I just had a lot of free time today.”
“Damn…”
Felps goes to move back, but Pac gestures for him to stay close.
“Do you think your crew will try to help you?” He whispers.
“I’m not going to count on it.” Felps says without even stopping to think about it.
And then he’s up by the window again, calling out for… anyone, it seems. Pac lies down on his bed. At least he didn’t expect to get much sleep, anyway.
“Hello? Anyone out there?”
Pac wonders how he got into this situation. He didn’t respond with an outright no, so it probably wasn’t his crew betraying him.
“Cellbit?”
It could’ve been a single member of his crew, though. A first mate, perhaps, looking to become captain. If Cellbit really is somehow Cell, Pac wouldn’t put it past him.
“Anyone? Hello?”
Or maybe he was just unlucky. In the wrong place at the wrong time.
“Cucurucho?”
That causes Pac to sit up.
“Wait, wait, why are you calling for him?”
Felps looks down at him, something unreadable on his face. Then he shrugs.
“Why not?”
Pac can think of a hundred reasons why not, and he’s surprised a pirate can’t think of a hundred more.
“Cucurucho?” Felps calls again, dragging the name out at the end.
Then he laughs despairingly, and rests his forehead against the bricks.
Pac closes his eyes. As good as he is at escaping, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to help much in the amount of time Felps has likely been given. He doesn’t know enough about the fort layout, or the guards’ patrol routes. It takes time to learn all that. Especially when he’s confined to just this jail cell. And he isn’t about to risk worse punishments and further separation from Mike on a half-assed escape plan.
The bed creaks as Felps—presumably—sits down on it. He’s muttering to himself, but it’s quiet enough that Pac can’t make out any of it.
Pac spins attempts at comfort in his mind, trying to figure out the best one. Nothing seems adequate. All he can really offer is a distraction, so—
—There’s a commotion outside their cell.
Pac sits up enough just in time to see someone skilfully kill the guard that was stationed down here. He’s wearing a navy officer’s uniform that’s splattered with blood.
“Cellbit?” Felps asks, hesitantly. Like he’s not quite sure what to make of the situation.
“Felps!”
The man runs up to the bars into the lantern light, and Pac is seeing a ghost.
The blood turns to ice in his veins. He presses his back to the wall behind him, and tries to make himself look small.
Cell’s eyes haven’t caught on him yet. His entire focus is on Felps—a delighted smile on his face as he watches the pirate step closer.
Pac’s leg aches.
“What are you doing here?” Felps asks.
“I’m getting you out!” Cell replies, almost offended. Then he ducks down to rifle through the belongings of the guard. “Obviously.”
“Obviously.” Felps echoes. He looks back at Pac. “Do you want to come with us?”
Pac’s breath is stuttering in his chest. His eyes are wide as they dart between Felps’ open expression, and a man who should be dead.
“Got it.” Cell stands up.
And pauses.
“Cellbit.” Felps says his name with a tone of despair, and reaches through the bars to try and grab the keys. “Open the door.”
Cellbit dances out of the way.
“Say you owe me one?”
“I owe you one.” Felps responds, easier than Pac thought he would. “Let me out. Please.”
“And I can collect on it whenever?” Cell pushes. “And you’ll have to do it?”
“Well.” Felps stops grabbing for the key, and lets his arms rest loosely on the horizontal bars. “Hold on. How much is one?”
“One is one! We can discuss it later.”
“Cellbit.” Felps sighs. “Just open the door.”
“Fine.”
He does so. Grumbling to himself a little as he tries to find the right key.
He’s not… entirely the spitting image of Cell. His hair is longer. There’s a white streak in it. And despite just trying to bribe Felps, there’s a distinct lack of cruelty in the way he holds himself.
That doesn’t really mean anything, though, when he nods his head in Pac’s direction, and Pac’s entire body tenses.
“Is your friend coming?”
He hasn’t recognised Pac yet. Which Pac chalks up the shadows of the cell. But if Pac accepts, there’ll be no hiding.
If he stays here, though, the guards could take out their frustrations over an escaped pirate on him. Besides, maybe Cell doesn’t even remember him.
“Pac?” Felps prompts.
And Cell’s head snaps up to look at him.
“Pac?”
Well, there goes that hope. Lady Luck once again laughs at him from the heavens.
“Oh, you two know each other?”
“You could… say that.” Cell frowns, and goes back to unlocking the door.
It swings open, and Pac is frozen.
Felps, on the other hand, has no problem stepping out. Even when Cellbit punches his arm, he doesn’t do more than let out an ow, and rub at the spot where he was hit.
He doesn’t seem afraid. At all.
“What was that for?” Felps complains.
“You’re so stupid.” Cellbit bites out. “I was worried.”
Hesitantly, Pac stands.
He really does need to get out of here. They’ll probably charge him with being an accomplice if he doesn’t. Cell eyes him warily as he approaches, so Pac tries to focus instead on the way Felps smiles at him.
“It’ll be better if we stick together.” Cellbit says, and Pac can feel the weight of his gaze lingering on him. “Let’s go.”
They have to follow Cellbit to get out. Pac makes a point of keeping Felps between them at all times, but that’s a false comfort. If Cell really wanted to kill him, Pac doubts Felps would intervene.
Because Felps may be nice, but he’s a pirate. And he’s a pirate who’s friends with Cell.
Man, he really is a bad judge of character.
The alarms start ringing about halfway through their escape. Cellbit curses, and twists abruptly to take them down a different pathway.
This one is narrower. They run through one at a time—Cellbit in the lead, dragging Felps by the hand behind him, and Pac taking up the rear.
He wishes he’d thought to pick up the guard’s sword. Or the gun. Instead, all he can do is look behind himself as much as he can without stumbling, and hope that Cellbit will give him something to defend himself with if someone tries to follow them.
Luckily, though, Cellbit seems to know what he’s doing. They get to a small alcove—where he’s clearly stashed some things—without much trouble.
He quickly throws a cloak to Felps, who puts it on gratefully. Then he locks eyes with Pac. And tosses him the other.
“I only brought two.” Cellbit explains, shouldering the bag, and getting ready to move.
“You take it then.” Pac holds the cloak out to him. “I’m just in for thievery, I doubt they remember my face. But, uh, you—you look like you’ve been stabbed, you know? With all the blood? They might, like, ask questions.”
Cellbit doesn’t move, staring at the material in Pac’s outstretched hand with a frown.
“If they know my face, they’ll know yours, Cellbit.” Felps says.
“Okay.” Cellbit trades his bag for the cloak. “Put this on, keep your head down, and be careful.”
Pac nods, trying to ignore the way his hands are shaking after Cell’s fingers brushed his. He puts the bag on as Cellbit throws on the cloak. It mostly hides the bloodied navy uniform.
“Okay,” Cellbit gestures for them to inch closer, “we just need to wait for the signal.”
“What’s the signal?” Pac asks.
An explosion sounds in the distance. It’s too far away for even the aftershocks to hit them, but Pac still jumps.
“That.”
Cellbit darts off towards the fort wall, and Pac scrambles to follow him. Felps is by his side as he runs.
Another explosion—still far away from them. Pac hears commotion in the distance. They dash up the stairs to the top of the wall just in time to hear the hasty march of soldiers below them.
“Pac.” Cell whispers, holding a hand out. Pac tenses. “Rope.”
He stares back at Cell with wide, uncomprehending eyes.
“What?”
“The bag. There’s rope.”
Pac scrambles to get it out and pass it off to Cellbit. It has large knots spaced out evenly throughout it.
An explosion—even more distant this time—goes off while Cellbit secures the rope for them to climb down it. He forces Felps to go first.
And then Pac.
The distance really isn’t far. If Pac drops it would hurt but he’d survive. So, he tries to ignore all thoughts of Cell cutting the rope and letting him fall. Instead, he focuses on not slipping off of the hand and foot holds.
He lands a little roughly, but Felps’ hands come up to steady him. He restrains himself from collapsing into the hold. There’ll be plenty of time to calm down from the stress of escape, and Cell later on with Mike.
Cellbit lands with a dull thud. He leaves the rope, and leads them through the bushes, and into town.
Once they hit the streets, Pac feels a little safer. A small crowd has formed, staring off at the fire, and smoke in the distance. It’s easy enough to sneak behind them, and once they do, it’s clear that the guards haven’t made it into town yet.
They duck quickly through alleyways until they hit a main road again. Once there, Cellbit encourages them to slow down into a more casual gait.
“So,” Cellbit asks, “where’s your boyfriend?”
“Mike?”
“Yeah, Mike. I’m assuming you’ll want to go to him?”
“Yeah.” Pac shrugs. “He’s either at the store, or at the house.”
“Well, lead us there.”
The thing is, is that Cell always had a tone about him. He had a couple of tones, actually, and all of them felt like they were sticking to you. The sickly sweet promises of safety like being covered in suffocating honey, the low threats rolling over them like waves, and the explosive anger stabbing into them like knives.
Pac rarely walked out of an encounter without feeling like Cell’s words were clouded around him.
This, however, was said so casually Pac doesn’t know what to think of it. It doesn’t feel like Cell’s friendly schtick. It doesn’t have the pressing weight of a threat.
And Pac stumbles into the lead, taking them towards their shop, because it doesn’t feel like revenge. Maybe he’s naive for that.
Cellbit and Felps bicker next to him. The words flow in one ear, and out the other.
By the time Pac gets to the shop, he honestly can’t say whether this is a trap of some kind or not. It’s likely that Cell just wants them both in the same place so he can finish the job from all those years ago…
…But every minute they spend walking together, Pac is sure he’s changed. He’s light as he talks with Felps. And Felps talks back without any apparent fear of angering him. If it wasn’t for his name, and his looks Pac doesn’t think he’d recognise him.
Still, though, he hesitates in front of the door. Cell can change, but also want revenge.
“Cute shop.” Felps comments.
And Pac sends him a shaky smile, and a murmured, “thanks.”
The lanterns are on inside. He’s pretty sure Mike is here.
“Let me just…” He turns to Cellbit. “Let me just, um… explain. Before he sees you.”
“Oh. Uh, okay, sure.”
Cellbit steps away from the doorframe and windows. Pac knocks.
There’s a commotion inside, and then the door is swinging open.
“Fuck, Pac, that was you?” Mike hisses, urging him inside. “I was trying to get ready to leave town just in case, but I didn’t think it was actually you.”
“I had help.”
Pac gestures back towards Felps, who waves.
“Hi, I’m Felps! Nice to meet you!”
“Uh…” Mike scans over him critically. “I’m Mike. Nice to meet you, too.”
“And that’s not all…” He trails off, and winces as Mike frowns at him.
“What?” Mike turns to continue gathering stuff into their bags. “Did something bad happen?”
“Depends. Um… you remember Cell, right?”
“How could I forget?” Mike spits out. Then he turns back to Pac. “Wait-“
“He’s actually like, super nice now!” Pac says quickly—the words pouring from his mouth before he really thinks about them. “He helped me escape, and didn’t even threaten me once! I think he’s changed, you know?”
“He went to therapy.” Felps adds helpfully.
“He went to—wait,” Pac turns to Felps, “did he?”
“Mhm!” Felps nods, an easy smile on his face. It’s… calming. A little. Makes him feel better about the fact that Mike is probably one step away from killing him himself. “I took him there.”
“See!” Pac faces Mike again. “He went to therapy.”
Mike is staring at him, his mouth dropped open in shock. Then he groans, and drags his hands down his face.
“Pac.” He grabs Pac’s shoulders, and shakes them. “You cannot be serious.“
“I am.” Pac confirms, guilt swirling in his stomach. “He’s actually, like, right outside. Sorry.”
--
sorry… that confrontation was going to take some brain power to write, but it's been months and i still haven't written it so i don't think i'll get there any time soon. I hope you guys enjoyed it anyway though \o/
(also: felps and cellbit's conversation about felps owing cellbit one if cellbit lets him out was taken from their federation escape stream because i love it)
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250+ blackbonnet fic recs, part 1
friends, come forward to receive the fruits of my hyperfixation. under a read more to spare the uninterested a mile of post, and so i can update this as i continue to hyperfixate.
update: the hypefixation broke link limit! i’ve split this into two posts so it can continue growing.
contents of part one, below
s1 fix-its
multichapter canonverse
oneshot canonverse (smutty)
contents of part two
oneshot canonverse (smutless)
AUs
rpf
🍊 marks my favorites
s1 fix-its:
Hell or High Water by Mottlemoth 149k WIP E 🍊 🍊 🍊
For a year now, Stede Bonnet has pursued the legendary pirate Blackbeard across the sea. Desperate for a chance to put things right, Stede will stop at nothing to catch up with the Revenge and its new captain.
But who will he encounter on Ocracoke Island: the man he loves, or a monster?
Half agony, half hope by lyricl 34k E 🍊
The first letter appeared only a few weeks after Stede left him alone on that beach. Ed burnt the first, and the second, and the third. But they kept coming.
Or: how Edward Teach gained a pen pal, lost a first mate, reunited with an old friend, and learned something about seagulls.
the knife and the throat by darcylindbergh 35k WIP E 🍊
Blackbeard hadn’t been lying when he’d said he didn’t feel fear. Fear was about having something to lose, and Blackbeard always wins.
Aftercare by perkynurples 132k WIP E 🍊
In the aftermath of some life-altering decisions on both sides, Edward and Stede navigate reuniting, learning what it is that they really want and how to ask for it, as well as surviving in a world that is nowhere near ready to just let them rest. Or, finding their way back to each other is only the very beginning.
we were warnings by mia_ugly 13k E
Stede comes back.
Ed does too. It just takes a little longer.
on the bed of this blue ocean by kirkaut 9.6k T
Ed’s made up his mind: if he ever lays eyes on Stede fucking Bonnet again, he’s a dead man.
Ed’s had six months of Stedeless-ness, and six months of thinking about all the terrible things he’d do to him when they saw each other again.
Somehow, it never occurred to him to think that they’d never have the chance.
[Or: Ed hears about Stede's 'death' and promptly falls apart.]
Take Me With You (When You Go) by SleepsWithCoyotes 11k T
The guard posted on their barracks gives Ed a weird look as he sneaks back in that night, almost like he wants to bolt. It’s not entirely unexpected–though the rest of these idiots may think he’s tamed, this one has sound cause to think differently–but the back of his neck prickles a warning at that look of terror all the same.
There isn’t much he needs to collect, and he’d packed most of it up before leaving to acquire a dinghy. No sense being weighed down with obvious proof he means to escape. Stede’s bunk is already empty, of course, the man himself led off by the guard outside half an hour before, but this is Stede. Best if Ed checks for himself to be sure he didn’t leave behind anything important.
Like his stockings. And his shoes. And every fucking thing else save the piss-poor clothes the quartermaster gave him. What the entire fuck?
A Gentleman's Guide To Love And Piracy by laiqualaurelote 4.3k WIP T
Stede Bonnet's agenda for attending the International Piracy Convention: rebrand, make some industry contacts, steal back his ship without being murdered by the keynote speaker, a.k.a. the vengeful love of his life.
i won’t be falling on my knees to beg you by Hymn 8.8k E (+ sequel)
“You made your choice,” Edward insists. “You don’t get to unmake it, Stede. What’s done is done, don’t you know?”
“Ah. I learned that lesson rather recently, yes,” Stede says, very softly.
The expression on his face isn’t fair, Ed thinks. It hurts to look at, all soft and yearning and difficult to resist. The kind of look that makes him angry because of how it also makes him weak. Ed clears his throat, twitches again. Locks his knees tight and clamps his jaw shut, glaring at Stede. The ship keeps sinking beneath them.
“What I also learned,” Stede murmurs, shifting his weight forward. His empty hand comes up, palm open and reaching. “Is that I can be brave. I can be stubborn. I can fight for the life that I want so very, very badly, Edward Teach.”
Ed’s mouth dries. “Y-yeah? And what’s that?”
Stede smiles crookedly. “You.”
i’m yours, you know by ShowMeAHero 9k T
“I think I’ve fucked up,” Stede confesses.
“Yeah,” Lucius tells him, “but don’t take it too hard. I might’ve fucked up, too, if somebody dragged me out of bed to tell me I’d ruined their family, and my own, and destroyed the love of my life’s entire legacy, and then, like— blew their own whole fucking head off. Like, that— I get that, Cap’n. That makes sense.”
Stede nods, keeping his eyes forward. After a beat, he can’t maintain the calm, and he needs the human connection, turning back to look at Lucius. He actually spills over, then, eyes burning.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Lucius comments, but Stede is already carefully standing up so he can bend and hug Lucius without capsizing their vessel.
heartless by Nanashi07 4.8k T 🍊
Izzy scoffs. “He just doesn’t learn, does he? Tell him Blackbeard has no use for apologies.”
“Yeah,” Edward says. “That’s true. I don’t. But also, unrelated to that other thing, what else did he say about me?”
Frenchie blinks. “Um. Nothing? The message came tied to a seagull’s leg so. You know. Not much real estate on those little papers. Can’t write a lot, can you?” He straightens suddenly. “Oh, I still have it!”
He fishes a crumpled, wind-dampened piece of paper from his pocket and drops it into Edward’s hand. When Edward unfurls it, he sees only a series of poorly-drawn images: The Revenge with a little triangle sail, a rope ladder and an arrow, a caricature of Stede looking like he’s crying.
“We really need to teach you guys how to read,” Edward notes.
i don’t know anything (but i know i miss you) by ShowMeAHero 7k
“What the hell’s happened to you?” Stede demands. It’s his voice, in his body, and he almost seems living, and it’s— It has to be the last thing Ed ever sees. He has to die with him burned on the insides of his eyelids.
Stede’s eyes are tracking over him, rising up to meet his eyes, locking with him. It feels so real. He can’t help the hysterical laugh that comes up and out of him, impossibly grateful for this last delusion.
Without hesitating, he lurches forward, grabbing Stede and yanking him into his arms. Stede makes a confused noise of protest, briefly, but it fades instantly and his arms come up, too, wrapping around Ed without hesitation. He doesn’t smell the same; instead, he’s all salt and sweat and sun, baked into his skin. Ed buries his face in his hair, fingers clawing at the impossibly real feel of him, the hallucination made solid in his arms.
“Thank fuck,” Ed says into his hair, voice breaking. “I didn’t want to die without seeing you one last time.”
a mile of clean sand by Dialects_and_Costumes 3.8k E
It's an accident when Stede finds Ed again.
remissionem by eldritchIdeologist 7.5k G
"Swear it." Ed's voice is a low gravel-growl, heavy with emotion. Stede swallows. Nods. "Swear it to me, Stede."
He doesn't need to ask what it is.
"I swear, Ed," he says, quick-hushed between them, his hands finding their way to Ed's neck, silk against his jaw. Anchoring him there. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying. I'll stay. There is nothing I want more."
"Again." A press against his forehead, Stede's eyes screwing shut.
"I swear it. On anything you want me to, Ed, on my life, I swear it."
Silence in the brig. Ed and his breath coming heavy through his nose, Stede and his breath near-stopped, in waiting. In some desperate, debilitating hope, that he can grab onto this only thing he covets and hold onto it forever.
"...Okay," says Ed after an eternity, quiet as anything. “Okay.”
Message in a Marmalade Jar by stitchy 11k T
I don’t know who will find this, if anybody. Who would even understand it, as Captain Bonnet is long gone?
The crew of the Revenge find a message in a marmalade jar.
Our "Get-Along" Desert Island by Avelera 10k T
Stede and Ed "Blackbeard" Teach have been fighting ever since Stede got back to sea, which would be fine and not totally unexpected after the "breakup", except their fighting now involves full-blown naval battles and their respective crews are thoroughly sick of it.
Naturally, the only solution is to maroon the two of them on a desert island until they work it out or kill each other. Whichever comes first.
He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven by AuntieClimactic 14.5k E
“Here we go again,” he heard Lucius scream over Izzy’s furious cursing.
50 Ways to Kill Your Lover by trinityofone 2.3k E
In his quest to get himself free, Ed begins a list of ways to do away with Stede:
1. Stabbing
2. Harder stabbing
It gets much worse, and then much better, from there.
only got one life by louciferish 4.6k T
Blackbeard pops the cork from the bottle with his thumb and takes a swig, letting the fire of the rum course through his chest, his veins, and keeps his eyes fixed on the horizon. The salt water breeze carries a hint of lavender.
C’mon, then, he thinks, smiling out at the sparkling sea. Chase me.
Stede writes love letters in smoke, blood, and wreckage. That's a language Blackbeard is fluent in, but that doesn't mean he's going to make it easy.
you should be so happy now by waveridden 7.6k T
In a way, Mary supposes she’s lucky that it only takes one day for the pirates to attack her ship.
(Blackbeard takes a hostage, Mary takes some risks, and Stede takes everyone by surprise.)
Important Bits by perkynurples 3.2k M
The first ship they raid, her crew see the amended flag, incorrectly identify it as a lookalike and thus let Blackbeard approach with little more than open curiosity - far too late do they see him standing on the deck, just him and the smoke and the roaring, hungry gleam of fire at his fingertips.
The second ship even goes so far as to fire at them first, some young upstart of a barely-pirate captain or other, and Blackbeard takes special pleasure in sinking that one, the Kraken unleashed, wood splintering and entire lives disappearing down the depths.
The news spread fairly fast after that.
Or, there's Blackbeard, and then there's the Kraken. There's very little in between.
Entirely Onboard by twoseas 4.8k T
Stede and his brigade of imbeciles row back to the Revenge. Ed doesn’t want to hear what Stede has to say. He doesn’t!
He does.
Featuring Ed and Stede as the pirate equivalent of the couple that loudly airs their personal business while one of them is on the ground floor and the other is at a second story window, the crew being The Crew, and dramatic reactions to earnest declarations.
i'll walk through walls into your heart by Hymn 3.8k T
“So like. Can I talk about emotions now, or are you still trying to do that repressed, macho man thing and act like leather and grease on your face is an actual coping mechanism?”
Ed flings his knife into the door of the auxiliary closet where Lucius hides.
cotton, silk, linen, velvet by captainbonny 5.4k M
It’s all gone.
Everything but the auxiliary wardrobe.
Two Graves by trinityofone 1.3k M (note: not really a fixit; features an angsty but beautiful ending)
Stede had once nurtured fantasies, not then fully understood, of dressing Ed again in his clothes.
things to never give the devil by Fahye 15k T 🍊
"Dark Fate?" says Stede, making sure to pronounce the capitals.
"Very effective for star-crossed lovers. And at a bargain price, if I do say so myself. A potent mixture of unspeakably rare ingredients, brewed under a new moon, which will drag you through the depths of your own soul in search of difficult truths, and leave the undeserving to drift forever in a dreamscape of torment and emotional agony!"
"What?" says Stede. "No! That sounds awful!"
fear not the weather by dotsayers 7.5k T
The moon shone through the tree canopy, a break in the clouds as rain continued to pour.
A footprint, rust-red against the earth, gleamed.
“Stede, mate,” he said, as he looked up and saw the line of prints disappearing into the trees. “What the absolute fuck.”
(A rainstorm stops Ed from leaving.)
Always and Forever by stereobone 9.8k E
"There's something you should know," Spanish Jackie says. "You're married."
Ed freezes.
"I beg your pardon," Stede says helpfully. "But I'm not your 19th husband."
"No, you idiots. You're married to each other."
habituation by chinxe 4k T
It takes Ed an embarrassingly long time to realise he's being romanced.
If you love someone by Yuu_chi 13.7k T 🍊
Edward's already lost him once. He won't make the same mistake again.
Blackbeard takes a prisoner. Or he would, if Stede would only act like one.
Magnolia by Fyre 5.2k E
Blackbeard crouched down in front of him, that stupid bright sunshine face still the fucking same, eyes wide and round, as if he had no idea of the monster in front of him. As if he had nothing to be fucking afraid of. Stupid fucking idiot. He brought up his knife, the tip of it pressing under the bastard’s chin, tipping his head up.
To Be Alone With You by Springandastorm 5.5k M
The first time Stede touches Ed again, he feels a bit like he’s been scalded. He has Stede pinned against the wooden railing of the ship, his knife to his throat, but Stede doesn’t look scared, just blinks at him with wide, apologetic eyes and says “I missed you.” Ed feels himself soften despite himself, the burning coals in his gaze shifting, almost going out, and that’s all it takes for Stede to smile, to lift a hand to his cheek. “There he is.” He says, an echo of Izzy’s words that cuts far deeper than it did when he said it.
Break down, it's alright by rowenablade 3.2k E
“Give me a reason not to carve your heart out,” Ed whispers.
And Stede can’t think of one.
He can think of plenty of reasons he doesn’t want his heart carved out, but how could he expect any of them to matter to Ed?
“Stede.” Ed’s voice breaks, dragging Stede’s eyes back up from where they’ve been staring at the floor in shame. “Please.”
There'll Be Nobody Home by soft_october 4.4k T
“Hey. You're Lucius, right?” The voice sighed.
“Someone else sound this charming?”
“Lucius, you’re dead.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am dead. No thanks to you.”
“I pushed you off the boat.”
“Mmm - I was there. I know.”
“Was there any pain?”
Drunk and lonely and hiding in the auxiliary closet, Blackbeard has begun hearing voices. Well, a voice. He entertains it. Even tells it about some of the feelings he's been going through. What's the harm?
And after all, he's got no one else to talk to.
and let the souls wander by one_more_page 4.3k T
In the gold of the single candle Edward looked near divine.
Stede set to work. It was easier than thinking about what was happening. Because if he thought too much about what was happening his lungs were going to swell with that heat that had been building ever since he returned.
If he thought about it too much he would realize this was the closest he’d come to worship in ages.
—
OR
Stede washes Ed’s hair.
Semaphore by komodobits 39k WIP E
Talking things through as a crew is easier said than done, and honest communication has never really been Stede’s strong suit. When it comes to Ed, he is willing to try.
False Dichotomies by BigTed 4.1k E
It’d be simple, wouldn’t it, to put everything he doesn’t like about Ed in a little box marked ‘Blackbeard’ and insist he throw it overboard like so many books?
shades of blue and gray by ThirtySixSaveFiles 1.7k T
Ed and Stede get locked in a closet. Twice.
be still my foolish heart, don’t ruin this on me by Hymn 3.3k T
“I should have run away with you,” Stede says once, the two of them up in the crow’s nest sharing breakfast.
haunt me, then by hyruling 28k E
He releases the ropes slowly, barely registering the burn as they slip through his fingers. Then, fallible as Orpheus, turns to meet his ghost.
Buttercup by mia_ugly 13.8k E 🍊
The thing is, when you’re Blackbeard you’ve got kind of a reputation to uphold. When you captain a ship, when you lead a crew, when people look up to you, tell stories, build a legend – parts of that legend are always more accurate than others.
And maybe you just let it slide, some of the things people say. Some of the things they assume. Maybe you swagger around and wear black leather and are a handsy bastard and let the stories tell themselves.
Maybe you don't want to talk about it.
night shift by foxtails 6.5k M
The man gripping on to Ed’s arm like a lifeline has wind matted hair, a rough jaw, and fingernails blackened with dirt. He’s no longer the same person Ed laid on a dock and waited an entire night for.
He doesn’t know whether to laugh, or cry.
or: Stede and his crew return to the Revenge. Ed isn't quite ready to deal with that.
all you left me was a pearl by JustStandingHere 32k WIP M 🍊
Stede takes in a deep breath and smiles. “Ed, I–” he says, but that’s as far as he gets before Ed’s pulling the gun out of its holster.
He aims, and Stede manages to yelp and duck just in the nick of time. The wood behind him splinters. “Fucking hell!” he yells, and springs back up into standing position. He takes a second to mourn the scarred wood before turning to Ed. “I know I cocked things up, but there’s no need to be dramatic!”
1717. The Golden Age of Piracy. Stede Bonnet sets about wooing the love of his life through any means necessary. Things do not go as planned.
All I Am Is Holding Breath by smallestchurch 7.3k E
“Edward. I didn’t leave because you kissed me. I came back because you kissed me. And I’m hoping you’ll do it again.”
stories we’ve heard, and others we tell ourselves by CrypticSymbol 14.8k T
“One calling card and you come running, is that it?” Izzy had asked, disgust oozing from his voice. Ed noted a hint of disappointment too. He just couldn’t help himself from doing so, it seemed. The renewed adoration that bled out of Izzy just months before had been cauterized.
And it had been more than one calling card, to be fair. Though there was no point in arguing semantics with Izzy Hands.
The previous mysterious parcels had been trinkets and gifts left waiting for him to find, like the least challenging treasure hunt in the history of piracy, but this last one was different.
or, Jeff the Accountant is invited to a masquerade ball, and sometimes it's easier to talk things through when you're Jeff and he's Godfrey Thornrose.
The Blackest Water, the Better Mirror by triedunture 13k E 🍊
Ed isn't sleeping well.
Or: an excuse to have many long naps in the (formerly) great cabin.
COLDBLOODED by Macremae 7.4k M 🍊
STEDE: What was that?
BEAT.
ED: What?
STEDE: Where did you just go?
ED: (less grounded) What?
STEDE: You just… went somewhere.
This is a love story. Just not the kind he's used to.
How Edward Got His Groove Back by MadHatter13 43k WIP M
‘Oh shit,’ says the ghost standing by the cabin’s desk, frantically shoving the food Blackbeard had let grow cold on the plate into his mouth. His voice is a bit muffled, because he’s chewing on a piece of slightly stale bread like a hamster.
He tries to say something like, ‘You’re supposed to be fucking dead,’ but all he can mumble out, inebriated as he is, is ‘Wzzsdghlkjd?’
-
Or, Blackbeard dove head-first into the wrong genre. Let's see if Ed can't find his way back to Comedy.
Above Board by chaya 29k WIP E 🍊
The first time, they don't even have sex.
Stede has just come aboard with Oluwande and the others. Lucius pops out from somewhere, looking haggard but firm, and close behind him is Jim, so that's nearly everyone accounted for.
And peering around the bare light of the deck... the strangest thing to Stede is that Izzy doesn't seem to look once toward the captain's quarters. Neither do his two cronies. Somehow they know that in spite of the initial shouting and stern voices before peace was settled, the captain is not going to make a showing.
Kiss With A Fist by suchgreatheights 16.9k E
Ed knows a fuckery when he hears about one. No death that ridiculous could have been a coincidence.
He leaves Stede a trail of breadcrumbs to get back to The Revenge. When Stede arrives back on board, Ed is surprised to find Stede has a bone to pick with him--and that Ed's got bones of his own to pick with Stede.
love does not compel, no, it converts me by lie_to_me 9.5k E (rape/noncon trigger warning)
Now, naked and intricately bound to the mast, he tries to ignore the way fear quickens his heartbeat. Clearly Ed is angry. This is a game, he tells himself, some kind of fuckery. He can still show Ed his remorse, explain his feelings and his cowardice, and Ed will, eventually, understand.
Ed is, after all, a kind man.
But the man he loves approaches him with a leer, and Stede sees only cruelty in his eyes.
--
Or: Stede goes to find Ed, but first he meets the Kraken. Eventually, he gets through to Ed and they reconcile.
weather the storm by one_more_page 10k E 🍊
Ed runs, Stede follows. Ed stabs Stede, Stede comes back. They duel, they fight, they talk, no matter the encounter Ed wakes the next day with Stede's ship just on the horizon.
He’s being haunted by Stede Bonnet.
—
OR
Ed wakes up on the day Stede comes back over and over and over again.
multichapter canonverse:
Wayfaring by Justkeeptrekkin 34k E 🍊
The downside to being stuck on a desert island is that Stede's not awfully good at adapting. The upside is that he and Ed can finally have some peace and quiet– that is, if Ed ever wakes up from the gunshot wound in his stomach.
Stranded in the middle of who-knows-where, Stede learns the art of reflection and how to embrace the man who looks back.
domestic by Ark 33k E 🍊
Stede finds the house. When he comes back to their room at the inn, he won’t rest—won’t let Ed rest—until Ed’s seen it. His eyes are bright in that way that makes Ed’s guts feel scooped out with a spoon. So Ed hurries into his boots and goes with him.
The once-white paint is stripped by weather and wear, a portion of the roof is caved in, and the spokes of the wraparound porch are all gnawed through by animals.
Ed gazes up at the broken windows and the birds that have built nests there. At his side, Stede is waiting, rocking back and forth on his heels.
“It’s perfect,” says Ed.
to carry home inside me by ShowMeAHero 14k T 🍊
In the Last Year, 1718, the Seas Witnessed the Deaths of Two of the Worst Menaces to Sail. The Pirates Edward Teach, commonly Known as Blackbeard, and Stede Bonnet, also the Gentleman Pirate, once Captained Together before the ultimate Capture of Bonnet in October. By November, the dread Blackbeard was Killed in Battle; not a Month after, the Gentleman Pirate was Hanged for his Crimes at Charles Town. His Majesty the King ends this Curse of Piracy by Sending these Devils back to Hell.
Or not.
Blackheart by angelsunaware 36k WIP E
Blackbeard has decided it is time for him to take a wife, but he finds something else instead.
Chiaroscuro by MenaceAnon 19k WIP T
The Widow Mary Bonnet has a life, and Stede Bonnet isn't part of it. They agreed. There was a leopard and everything.
Then again, Stede has a talent for disrupting plans—for instance, by turning up on your doorstep in the dead of night with a bleeding pirate who turns out to be his beloved Ed.
kissing is what lovers do (and we're not lovers) by afterism 22k E
A vaguely canon-compliant friends-with-benefits scenario where they've been having sex since episode five but still don't kiss until episode nine, because they're both idiots who don't talk it through as a crew.
a very good bad thing by seularen 14k E
“Unhand him,” Stede said.
“Or what?”
“Good point. I can’t say ‘or bleed.’ You’re going to do that already.”
(prompt fill for the OFMD kink meme: "you know ‘Unhand me or bleed” knife!Stede? I want to see that guy coming to Ed’s rescue when he’s in peril. Bonus points if he takes bloody vengeance or needs to be talked down from it.”)
First, we steal a priest by Elisahni 15k WIP M
“I just want it to be said, by someone,” said Lucius, “that grave robbing is very 1500s.”
“We’re not digging one up,” said Ed, “I’m not that barbaric! We’ll want a live one. We’re going to steal a priest from a church.”
“Ed,” said Stede, scandalised. “That’s kidnapping!”
“I guess it is. Okay, we’re going on a treasure hunt to kidnap a priest. That’s the plan.”
though quaking, though crazy by ShowMeAHero 17k M
Stede knows from experience, from a sword piercing his side for far too long, how it feels when your skin starts trying to heal around a blade, when you know you’re going to have to tear it open again, when its only crime was just wanting to save you.
And maybe Stede isn’t some nightmare pirate, and maybe he’s not the vision that Blackbeard inspires, and maybe he’s not scary. Maybe he’s not made of smoke, with glowing eyes; maybe he’s not a hero, or a villain, or anyone but some poor shit who thinks he knows what he’s doing when nobody really ever knows.
But he knows two things: he knows that he will kill for Ed; and he knows that this man knows that, too.
Tomorrow, Certainly by Anonymous_Ostrich 11.5k WIP M
Stede opened the door with enough gusto that it struck the wall with an urgent thud. Ed - who was busy pilfering through the drawers and cabinets of a large cedar desk - glanced up in mild alarm, like he was expecting bad news. Stede sucked in a deep breath through his nose.
“Ed,” he began with all the authority and courage he could muster, “I’d like to do sex, ah, things, with - with you.” Perhaps that could have been a fair bit more eloquent, but alas.
the lovers, the dreamers, and me by ShowMeAHero 63k E
Stede spreads his hands in front of him, and Louis and Alma both grin up at him. “Do you remember the stories I used to tell you about those fearsome pirates who lived out at sea? And, remember how I told you I went on adventures with Blackbeard? Well—”
“Mom already told us you married Blackbeard,” Alma cuts him off, taking— Well, taking the wind right out of his sails, as it were.
“Alma,” Mary hisses at her. “Don’t interrupt y—”
“No, no, that’s fine, it’s— It’s fine, really,” Stede says. “I was— I was, admittedly, a little excited to tell you, but— That’s fine, honestly, we—”
“No, no, do it anyway,” Mary encourages him.
or: louis, alma, mary, and doug spend four days and three nights aboard the revenge, stede's families become one, and his entire heart combusts in the process.
Hello, My Old Heart by LadyKyrin 26k WIP M
In the span of a single second, or maybe even just a half-second, three things happened:
A gun went off.
Ed’s blade sliced deep into Chauncey’s throat.
And Stede screamed Ed’s name.
~
Ed comes looking for Stede when he doesn't show up at the dock. When Chauncey shoots Ed, Stede has no choice but to take him to the one place where there's actually a chance they might not be immediately killed or captured: the house he once shared with Mary, Alma, and Louis.
Working Vacation by MenaceAnon 2.1k WIP T
Captain Richard Bryce is going to make a name for himself as a pirate.
His plan? Kidnap the Gentleman Pirate, and use him to get close enough to assassinate Blackbeard.
And so Richard and his crew steal the pretty beardless fellow wearing a fussy banyan straight out of Blackbeard’s bed.
(Ed has never been an honest-to-god damsel in distress before. He’s going to go ahead and consider this a vacation.)
Come Here, Dressed in Black Now by jessclare 13k E
“I never thought I’d end up being the woman in bed,” Stede says suddenly.
Stede has issues to work through.
An Even Trade by BewareTheIdes15 30k E 🍊
It’s “doesn’t mean a thing,” that gets Ed into trouble. Because, turns out, it means a fucking a lot.
Crossing the Meridian by stitchy 40k E
“Would you like me to pick you up anything special for the crossing?” Stede checks.
“Oh, I dunno. You know what I like,” Ed grins.
Me, it’s me, it’s me! Stede’s heart rejoices. He can’t go wrong with such wind beneath his wings.
“I’ll have to see if I can find a treat for when you get bored at sea,” he tells Ed. “Something to keep you occupied.”
-
Quite simply, Stede and Ed "romance" their way across an ocean.
Stuff of Kings by wordaddiction 13k WIP M
“Your name. I thought you might tell me your name.”
Brown eyes flicker between Stede’s, and he thinks it might have worked, stall though it may be, until the man’s mouth curls.
“Nah. Think I like you this way. Something I know that you don’t - guess books aren't everything.” He smiles, truly smiles, and Stede might think him handsome if he weren’t pushing a knife to his throat. Well. Maybe even then.
________________________
or: Ed boards the docked Revenge, expecting to find it empty and ready for raiding. It is decidedly not.
Shoals of Gold by blacksaltseas 15k E
And so, they lay above the moon-soaked sea and looked towards the heavens.
The time passed like honey, slow and sweet.
-
Two co-captains navigate falling in love on the high seas. There’s not much else to do when the wind stops blowing.
Healing Trauma with the Power of Gay Love! by the_bedheaded_league (giantflyingskelesnurtle) 13k E
Stede doesn't like sex. At least, he thinks he doesn't, because he's never had sex with someone he's actually attracted to before. Ed very patiently teaches him that sex can actually be enjoyable. There is crying. Bon apetit.
he's never gonna make it by muadnait 32k WIP M
Stede would admit to reading a book or two about pirates, but no literature could have prepared him for an actual face to face encounter with said people.
__
Stede Bonnet, wealthy landowner, held hostage by pirates.
Penetrative Gays by Fyre 13k E
“You’re coming with me.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I stabbed you!” Stede exclaimed, stooping to pull Ed’s arm more securely over his shoulder. “I can’t just… leave you. You have a hole through you!”
-
The poor bastard was still pinned to the mast like a nail in a board and gave Ed a weak little wave, his face shiny and pale. “Lucius has gone to get someone to get me down,” he said, as if he didn’t have a fucking sword sticking out his chest.
keep us together by novaeangliae 63k WIP T 🍊
A young Stede's desire for adventure is fuelled when he meets Ed, a boy from the docks who appreciates Stede for his true nature. Only their upbringings come with a ceaseless pressure to conform, and the two must navigate growing up in different worlds. Even with the difficulties posed by their lifestyles, it still comes as a surprise when their paths cross again upon the deck of a Spanish warship.
They always find their way back to each other.
What Wound Did Ever Heal But By Degrees? by poading 15k M
The first time is quick. Ed has been thinking about it for weeks, kissing Stede Bonnet. It is the sort of thing he wants to do right. Though Stede’s never mentioned it in any of their lessons, Ed is certain there is a right way to go about kissing a gentleman. He must wait for the right time, the right place.
But when he finally does it, Ed doesn’t think at all. He is only instinct and hope tangled in a moment where breath is forgotten and the future seems possible.
OR: Five times Ed kisses Stede and one time Stede kisses Ed
oneshot canonverse (smutty):
Bit of a Clothes Horse by Aivelin, Fyre 9k E 🍊
Stede tossed down the invitation card on the couch. “On the contrary!” He scrambled to his feet. “You’re not wearing anything that beastly man owned. You deserve something far better, especially for your first time out. If we’re going to a party, you’re getting all the luxury you deserve.”
when you love it by mia_ugly 5.7k E
Stede’s being kissed before the door fully clicks shut behind him.
Close Quarters by FortinbrasFTW 4.2k E
“The fuck?” Ed manages, instantly getting his foot stuck in a nearby bucket.
“Sh-shh!” Stede pushes two fingers against his lips to shut him up.
Ed goes still and a bit cross-eyed, staring down at the hand on his mouth. Stede moves it away, with a mouthed “sorry!” focusing intently on the sounds outside the shed instead.
In the alley, hurried steps and shouting voices rush past; they catch fragments of: “Where the fuck did they go then?” or “Keep looking!” and even “The short one looks like a bloody birthday cake, how do you lose that—”
in the emerald green by darcylindbergh 3k E 🍊
And Stede likes Ed, here and now, with the fresh smell of the wind and the salt in his hair, stripped down to nothing but an emerald green banyan and the ink in his skin, climbing back into the bed.
we've only just begun by ShowMeAHero 22k E
“Happy anniversary,” Ed tells him. He’s got a smile, but he still seems nervous, and Stede absolutely cannot have that.
and let your hair hang down by Ark 3.1k E
Stede exhales, warm breath stirring Ed's hair. "Again?"
"Stede," says Ed, "I'd sit on your cock all day for a chair and captain the ship like that if the option was available."
in the dark and blue by focusfixated 3.7k E
“What’s this?” Ed says, and tilts the mug towards his eyeline. He’s been doing a good job, so far, of looking everywhere except at Stede.
“Tea in its natural state,” Stede says. “You don’t have to drink it. I didn’t really ask you here for tea.”
Ed hunches like a child, but his hair and stubble is grey as a silverfish. He sounds as bitter as the tea when he says, “What did you really ask me here for, then?”
Or: After Stede comes back to Edward, they both look for forgiveness, and relief.
so good for him by leaveanote 3.7k E
Ed still isn’t used to being vulnerable. But Stede’s praise unlocks a part of him he didn’t know he had.
And fuck, it feels good.
Starcharts by triedunture 8.7k E 🍊
“Do you think I could help in some way?” he asks.
Ed glances at him. “Like how?”
“I don’t know. You seemed to enjoy our little gag of trading places that one time.” Stede shrugs a shoulder. He’s wearing his pink satin waistcoat and matching breeches, no overcoat—too fucking humid tonight. Ed can see the shape of his arm through the thin linen of his shirt. “What if you pretend you’re the one who isn’t in charge, and I can pretend I’m the one who is. That would be fun, wouldn’t it?”
Under your skin, over the moon by por_queeee 7.7k E
“You’ve never been anything but–perfectly considerate, my love,” Stede manages weakly, staring straight up at the ceiling, flexing a hand in Ed’s hair. Ed can be impatient in bed, erratic, firm and greedy in his touches, but he’s always asked Stede from the first– Is this ok? Like this? Is it good? Am I hurting you?
“You’ve never hurt me, or…” His cheeks pinken slightly, “Well, beyond what I imagine is the normal amount of soreness the day after, of course, but…”
Ed grunts, and scrapes his teeth over the bone of Stede’s jaw in a way that makes him gasp and brings him right back to himself. Ed seems to freeze at the noise, fingers digging shakily into Stede’s hip. “But what if I wanted to?”
the taste of you by jaskiers 5k E
The first time they fall into bed together doesn’t go quite the way Stede had imagined it would.
Rough Winds Do Shake by HeckinaHandbasket 4.1k E
He returned with the book, tapping it on Ed’s leg as he reclaimed his seat in the chair. “I’ve always been rather partial to a sonnet, myself. Though they’ve often left me feeling somewhat melancholy.”
They’d often left him filled with longing, left him feeling empty, and strange, as if he were missing something vital to the human experience. He loved them, still. Pain was the price of beauty, after all.
Stede glanced up at Ed, smiling at the effortlessly lovely picture he made, backlit by a dozen candles. “Although, I wonder, now, if it might be different.”
Ed shifted on the arm of the chair, throwing his own arm over Stede’s shoulders to peer at the book. “Different, how?”
Without thinking, Stede bumped his forehead against Ed’s shoulder, joyful honesty bubbling out of him like seafoam. “Well, with you, of course. Everything is different with you.”
A deep, thoughtful line appeared between Ed’s brows as he examined Stede’s face. “Is it?”
Dance Me to the End of Love by stereobone 3.7k E
“I should teach you the waltz,” Stede says. “After all, if you’re going to know the ways of the aristocracy, you should at least have that under your cap.”
“The waltz?” Ed says. “Like a…like fucking dancing?”
“Exactly like fucking dancing,” Stede says.
a laughing matter by mxwicked (SpacemanSpiff7) 6.4k E 🍊
Stede’s never laughed during sex before. Hell, he’s barely even smiled. So when Edward can’t stop giggling during their first time, he’s not really sure what to think.
good game by captainbonny 3.4k E 🍊
in which Ed is (probably canonically!!) sleeping on Stede’s couch, and late night sleepover antics ensue.
Still Waters by Phoenix_Soar 5.4k E
Did people kiss like this? This often? Oh of course they must, not everyone shared his own stilted experiences with intimacy...
Canon-divergent ending to Episode 9 — in which Stede discovers just how touch-starved he's been, while Ed takes full advantage of his first chance to be gentle with someone.
The Biblical Sense by Fyre 2.5k E
“Wh-what’s this?” Stede managed in a strangled croak.
Ed’s eyes creased around the edges. Smiling. One could always tell by them, even if his beard and moustache and everything else hid his mouth. “I know you’re a bit new to the whole… seaman thing,” he said with that rumble of amusement in his voice, “but I thought even you’d recognise a come on when you saw one.”
every morning the world by treescape 1.1k E
“Now there’s nothing to put the marmalade on,” Stede sighs. He stares morosely at the jar that Ed’s holding in one hand, and then lifts his gaze to Ed’s face.
Ed raises both eyebrows in response. “Oh, well, I wouldn’t go that far,” he protests, hefting the jar thoughtfully for a moment. The movement makes Stede’s favourite robe shift a little where it drapes over Ed’s shoulders, revealing another inch of chest.
Or, breakfast in bed doesn't go exactly as planned, but that's okay.
Trick by Desdemon 4.2k E
Stede teaches Ed how to play piquet.
peccadilloes by Badgerette 2.1k T
”Then, what kind of passions do you enjoy in private? Don’t tell me there’s some erotic scribblings hidden in that insane collection of kindling?”
A beat, within which Stede takes a sip of his remaining port.
”You’ve got some fucking raunchy books up there, haven’t you?”
I will own my lover's heart and soul by songlin 2.7k T
Edward Teach considers himself a connoisseur of captors. Without a doubt, Stede Bonnet is his favorite.
spattered colours of ecstatic light by thesoulundone 2.8k E
It's Stede's turn to stare incredulously at him. Ed notices, somewhere in the back of his brain, that he refrains from being smug about it. "You mean you don't-"
"Of course not," Ed breaks in, awkward. "It's - immoral."
"You're a pirate," Stede says, pointed.
"Yeah, but that's different," Ed says, surly.
Silk Touch by NaroMoreau 2.5k E
After a pillaging, Stede finds Ed wearing a dress and shows him exactly how much he appreciates the sight.
Practice Makes Perfect by cracktheglasses (cormallen) 4.3k E
“Lucius said I could practice on a banana, only we haven’t got any on board,” Stede says, and the words take a moment to coalesce into meaning. Ed blinks, shakes his head — a banana, for fuck’s sake, he’s jealous of a banana, get it together, old man — reaches over, and plucks the book from Stede’s grasp.
“Relax. Forget — practice. Forget the book. I’ll talk you through it. When have I ever taught you badly?”
built for luxury by emmett 9.2k E
"Congrats," Ed says, once Stede lowers the mirror. "You've just successfully tied up your first person like a proper pirate. Didn't even take you that long."
"Yes, well," Stede says, blushing a little at the praise and moving to start untying the ropes, "I had an awfully good teacher. Very patient with me."
In which Ed shows Stede the ropes, if you know what I mean.
For a Scoundrel is a Wanted Man by stitchy 4.1k E 🍊
“Well!” Stede smiles and sets down his glass for now, so he can give Ed’s cheek an appreciative rub. “It’s nice to be nice, isn’t it?”
Ed rolls his eyes, but leans into the contact. “Yeah, but don't tell anyone I said so.” He covers Stede’s hand with his own, fingering the lace upon it. “I do have a reputation.”
“I won’t, I won’t! If you don’t tell anyone what a scoundrel I can be,” Stede chuckles.
“You, a scoundrel?” Ed smirks. “You'll have to remind me why, Stede. You haven’t done anything bastardly all day.“
Evening Light by entanglednow 1.9k M
In which there is a commotion, a rousing speech, and a full length nightgown.
Yes, And by triedunture 4.2k E
“And who are we tonight, my darling?” Stede asks once he gets Ed up against the sturdy wall of the auxiliary closet.
“Reckon you’re quite the fearsome pirate,” Ed says into the kiss, “and I’m a fancy lord of fuck-all who’s at your mercy.”
“Oooh, I do like that one.”
----
Ed and Stede try to stick to the script but they keep getting distracted.
You kissed me just to kiss me, not to make me cry by makesometime 3.7k E
“Ed?”
He’s getting distracted. It’s probably a defence or something, against worrying that he’s laying himself bare to someone who might just go and fuck it all up again and leave him, more heartbroken than before.
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’m here.”
'Cause if I love you (then I love you too much) by rowenablade 2.3k E
They’ve been sleeping together for three weeks, and Stede is hopelessly smitten with everything Ed does. He loves the way Ed sighs when he kicks his boots off and the way he can peel an orange with one hand and the way his hair gets in Stede’s mouth about a third of the time when they’re kissing. He’s amazed he hasn’t run the ship aground again, so hard it is to tear his eyes away from this wonder of a man.
the hung man by LogicalBookThief 4.9k M
"This is fucking Blackbeard we’re talking about, man. Maker of widows. Scourge of the seven seas." For not the first time, Black Pete regards him like an idiot. "What did you expect he'd be packing in his pants?"
we came untarnished by propinquitous 5.7k E
Edward finds that clothing can still leave you feeling naked.
The Dread Pirate Bonnet Shows No Mercy (Lord Jeff Doesn't Want Any, Thanks) by Dracothelizard 8k E
Ed throws the book on the floor in front of Stede. “What if I want to be ravished for a change? Ever think of that?”
Stede stares up at him, mouth open, then closes it, then he frowns in thought.
“That’s what I thought,” Ed mutters, shoulders sagging as he drops into one of the chairs.
Despite knowing the man behind the reputation, Stede still wants Blackbeard. Everyone does.
“I’m a pirate captain,” Stede says, picking the book from the floor and brushing some dirt from the cover.
“And?”
Stede smiles at him, cheeks still flushed. “I think that means I’m allowed to ravish you.”
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) by zemph147 4.7k E
Set after some vaguely-defined season two events where Stede proves his love to Ed, and they return together to The Revenge to finally get some time alone.
I just want them to be together, and in love, and having truly spectacular sex, so here we go.
Tonight, Tonight by samwise 8.2k E
Ed wakes Stede in the middle of the night, and Stede comes to the door in a translucent robe. Ed.exe has stopped working.
all of me is a prayer in perfect piety by princesapollobollo 5.1k E
"I've never really—" Stede pants, leaning back a bit from where Ed is pressing kisses to his mouth, hot and dazzling. "Well, I have, but not—"
"With a man?" Ed asks, looking up at him, and there's no judgment or mocking in his eyes, only a faint curiosity underneath all the intensity.
"With someone I was in love with," Stede says, curling a hand over Ed's cheek.
“Oh,” Ed says, even now still looking like Stede is showing him the wonders of the world every time he says that word. “Well, in that case I don’t have that much experience either.”
this kind of love has to be a verb by illimerence 2.9k E
More than anything else, Ed can’t understand why Stede came back.
A Pirate's Reputation by chamyl 4.9k E
After getting back together, Stede and Ed are having a perfectly lovely time co-captaining their ship and becoming more and more intimate. Until the day Stede discovers that, against all his assumptions, Ed has never had sex before, and begins to wonder why.
grand pianos clash together by audenrain 4.3k E
“And you aim to correct that, do you? You’re going to show me the ropes?” Stede says. It’s a funny thing, the atmosphere aboard a pirate ship. In many ways it’s done exactly what years of bullying and abuse never could: taught him to stand up for himself a little better, given him some rudimentary skill with a sword, and most importantly, given him a taste of how it feels to rise to a challenge. He feels that static charge in the air, now, for all that Ed’s body language is relaxed.
Ed is smiling, a little, behind the crystal edge of his glass. “I don’t think we should get ropes involved on your first time round,” he says.
As You Like It by kindofwriter 2.7k E
Stede asks Ed what he likes, and Ed realises he's never really thought about it before. However he does find out Stede has thought about it A LOT.
tell me i'm what your hands were made for by apocryphalia 2.9k E
Ed is still wearing Stede’s cravat.
Sometimes, when they’re in bed, he peels back the leather surrounding it but leaves that little piece of silk in its place, a reminder of how far they've already come in their few short weeks together. Sometimes, he watches the black cloth sway against tan skin, against the scars darkening its surface and the faded ink beneath, in time with the rhythm of their bodies. Other times, he tosses it aside, the better to worship that skin.
This time, Stede has another idea.
Rum and Linen by scarrletmoon 5.5k E
Usually when Ed gets drunk, he crashes on the couch. This time, he doesn't.
be known in its aching by foxtails 4.6k E
Stede manages to be everywhere at once; his mouth pressed to the bird on Ed’s shoulder, his toes tracing the tattoo curving up his calf muscle, his fingers wrapped loosely around Ed’s wrist.
“I should quite like you immortalised in a portrait,” Stede murmurs against his skin. “Not Blackbeard, not the Dread Pyrate. You, Edward. Every inch of you, laid out beautifully like this.”
or: Edward Teach deserves nice things. Thankfully, that's where Stede comes in.
all that ever mattered was you by anthonyjcrowiey 2k E
Sometimes sex goes wrong, but that doesn't mean it has to be bad.
AKA: the one where Ed and Stede are getting old and they are absolutely feeling their age.
Sneak by whiskywrites 2k E
“Your helmsman is taking orders from a goddamn seagull, Stede,” Ed said. “And we are at his birdy mercy.”
you don't need to wonder by spelling__bee 4.6k E 🍊
It’s the only time he’s ever taken orders in his adult life, because with Stede they don’t feel like control or threats - they feel like love. He can always say no. Stede would stop the moment he asks. But knowing that, and asking for it anyway, settling in where he can trust Stede to call the shots for both of them? Well. Ed can’t think too much about it because he’ll get all misty and shit, but it’s strong stuff.
all day long (on the chaise longue) by attheborder 3.5k E
Adventures in interior design.
Cabin Pressure by entanglednow 6.3k E 🍊
Contrary to Stede's insistence there was not enough space for two in the bed, not unless they wanted to get very close indeed.
Fancy by Aivelin, Fyre 7k E 🍊
When a Spanish prize yields a treasure trove of exquisite clothing, Stede can't resist the urge to indulge Ed's fondness for a fine fabric.
Of night and light and the half light by leupagus 2.1k M
What if for Reasons, they need someone to pretend to be a woman, and so the obvious choice is Stede (look, Jim just isn't very convincing) (Stede played the heroine three years running in the school play, of course he knows his way around a skirt) And Ed is very interested in this look. Very interested.
only the light moves by ThirtySixSaveFiles 2.3k E
Stede and Ed, and the slow morning after. Stede still has some things to say, and he’ll keep saying them until Ed can hear him.
Waiting on the Lightning by smallestchurch 8k E
They're co-captains now, sure, that's great and good, but... why is it making Stede so nervous?
this is a home we just don't have a door by newtkelly 7k E
“I just don’t get why Lucius would even propose such a thing.” He finishes tugging his nightgown over his head and sighs, slipping under the covers to join a nearly naked Ed. “I mean, it’s not as if I’m wedding some virginal bride who would blush at the mere contemplation of sharing a bed with a fellow!”
“Hey,” Ed says, feigning offense as he shuffles into Stede’s embrace, propping his head against Stede’s left shoulder. “Are you saying I’m easy, mate?”
june hymn by ripeteeth 3.1k E
“Tell me about this one,” he says. What he means is, where did it hurt?
Breakfast by scarrletmoon 2.6k E
A typical quiet morning between co-captains aboard The Revenge turns into a much spicier breakfast.
quand il me prend dans ses bras, qu’il me parle tout bas (je vois la vie en rose) by SilkAndLeather (SexyCoinkiDicks) 7.2k E
Ed appreciates his new morning routine, as well as Stede's more intimate finery.
Tender, playful Ed/Stede morning sex PWP. Works as a stand-alone but might have a follow-up.
Unhand Me or Bleed by scarrletmoon 4.2k E
Stede Bonnet has an “unhand me or bleed” moment and Ed can't not fuck him.
i'm coming for you, babe (i'm nearly at your pace) by kirkaut 4.7k E
Ed has been trying to be good.
He can’t necessarily say the same of Stede.
(Or: an exercise in self restraint, and the art of giving in)
Renewal by katonline 3.4k E
The fire is blazing cheerfully in the fancy as fuck fireplace in their cabin. It’s a ridiculous folly, it shouldn’t be there, but it is and it’s wonderful. It’s wet and dreary outside and it’s cozy and snug and perfect in here. The cabin is like a friend. The rain is indifferent, blind to their happiness. That’s - whatsit, fuck - ah. Right. That’s pathetic fallacy.
Stede taught him about pathetic fallacy.
Damn the Dark by Serendipity_Stupidity 15k E 🍊
“Feels good,” Ed told him, breathless. “Bliss - love, surrender, all of it - feels so good. Don’t you want to feel that?”
For a moment, all Stede could see was the red flesh of apples, the flickering tongue of a snake, the dark cloven hooves of the Devil. Between his legs, Ed looked like sin itself, with his stormy curls and soft mouth.
Gripping the edge, Stede’s hands trembled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stede and Ed share a bath and work through Stede's inhibitions about being intimate.
World Enough and Time by MayGlenn 6.9k E
Five times Stede and Edward try to have sex and are comically interrupted, and the one time they successfully bone.
rather exquisite by leaveanote 4.4k E
Stede fucks him exactly once and Ed feels fucking wild with it the next day. So desperate to have him again he can barely think, and as nervous and excited as the moments after the first time they'd kissed.
And, given how that wound up going, all the more anxious about losing him.
My Saddle's Waiting by Dracothelizard 5.2k E
He regretfully covers Bonnet with the sheets, drawing them up to his waist. “I am gonna do my best to keep you alive,” he promises, brushing some hair away from Bonnet’s face. “Because once you’re healed up, I am gonna ride you like a pony.”
Bonnet whimpers. “I should be a lighthouse.”
“Yeah,” Ed says, “bet people can see your dick from miles away once we get it hard.” He stands up to find a comfortable chair to sit in so he can keep an eye on Bonnet during the night.
He’s not gonna let the man die before getting that massive dick inside of him.
---
In which Ed catches sight of Stede's cock after saving him from the Spanish and dragging him back to the Revenge, and embarks on an important mission.
Like a Needle to Skin It Leaves a Mark by greatbriton 6.3k E
“Oh! Or we find a nearby port and the whole crew gets matching tattoos, like this one!” Stede says and, without a thought to his actions, runs a finger against a part of Ed’s lower arm where a tattoo of an anchor slotted between stars and crosses resides. Ed's skin is cooler than Stede would imagine, if he imagines such a thing. “It could be a team building exercise! What do you thi--”
Stede finally looks up to see Ed’s eyes focused intently on where Stede’s finger lies against his arm. Stede pulls his hand away as if burned. He’s overstepped. Clumsy and entirely indelicate of him, he mentally chastises himself.
Weird by Skrifores 5.6k E
In which Ed muses on all the things which are just fucking weird about being on the Revenge, especially the cute, strange, lunatic captain.
make sure you bind me (hand and foot) by Hymn 6.3k E
Finally, he looks at Edward.
Stede’s pupils are blown, eyes all dark and hungry. He licks his upper lip nervously. Ed can see the frantic pop of his pulse; can see the clench and flex of his jaw, like he’s struggling. But not in a bad way. No, not in a bad way at all, Edward decides, watching as Stede tugs a little more on the ropes. How his breath stutters, then leaves him in a shuddery exhale.
“Hm. That’s not a bad look on you, Stede,” Edward murmurs.
“I admit,” Stede gulps. “I was not prepared for being so- so affected by this.”
Ed grins, showing all his teeth. “Good.”
The Finer Things by BewareTheIdes15 5.9k E
“Listen, yeah,” Ed says, obviating the entire statement by taking an overlarge slug of his drink. The pink dart of his tongue that follows after is almost hidden by the shadow of his mustache.
“I’ve been thinking. How would you feel about, uh,” the sound of the leather of his glove grating against his trousers seems loud in the quiet as he traces the length of his thigh up to his hip, restless fingers tap-tapping away again against the steel of a fastening. “Lending a hand?”
In which Ed has no chill, Stede has no idea how this happened, and everyone needs to get their shit together.
we're finding new forms by Hymn 6.1k E
“Yeah,” Ed agrees, leaning in, breathing deep. “Yeah, you’re good. You’re fine.”
“Mm,” is Stede’s smiling response, and then between one moment and the next Ed is being kissed again. His shaking hands are in Stede’s hair, gripping at his ear, the side of his neck, trying to hold on to the shape of him while Ed himself feels like he’s falling apart. Heat and tongues and the slick, indecent slide of them take over. Breaths funneling into one another.
Against Ed’s gasping mouth, Stede murmurs, “My dear. You’re shaking,” before sucking in Ed’s bottom lip.
Groaning, Ed doesn’t try to fight it—the tide of panic, of love, of fear that lingers. He hadn’t expected that part, to be honest. All his life and Ed had shown fear the middle finger every time it came knocking. He’s had to, hasn’t he? But then wham, love stomps him to the ground, sets up a home inside his chest, and Ed hasn’t known peace since.
Stede’s fingers trying their damnedest to wiggle under his leather, squeezing at Ed’s ass sure as shit isn’t helping keep him sane.
Harbor by derryday 3.7k E
Ed had spent most of his formative years on ships. By the time he met Stede, the legendary Blackbeard had sea legs for days.
Wooden decks and billowing sails had become almost an extension of his body. He remained sure-footed even when timber strained and creaked. Moving with the push and pull of the sea became as natural to him as breathing.
A ship could heave and buck like an unruly horse as sheets of rain lashed the sails and thunder cracked overhead, and Ed would just shift his weight with the swaying deck, almost smiling at the sea's antics.
The touch of Stede's broad hands, the warm firm press of his thigh against Ed's groin—that storm made even him falter.
Lovers and Madmen by ElapsedSpiral 4.4k E
Ed said "nah, all good" but what he meant was, god as his witness, he was going to marry the [expletive] out of Stede Bonnet.
*
My take on a marriage fic, featuring Stede almost getting cockblocked by his own lack of self-esteem, Ed going full Bridezilla and the poor crew having to deal with them both.
Your Feedback Is Important to Us by ElapsedSpiral 4.1k E
Stede starts holding open cabin hours to allow the crew to air their grievances. It goes about as well as you’d expect.
AKA my “Stede is going to go off like a horny volcano when he finally gets laid” fic.
*
Featuring Stede’s cursed yet sexy moustache, Swede lore and Lucius being altogether too good at his job(s).
Co-Captain Duties by Fyre 3.5k E
He tugged at the hem, chewing on his lip. Subtle didn’t seem to be getting the message across, so maybe it was time for something a bit more direct. Yeah, they’d changed in front of each other before, but that was changing and they’d hardly been paying that much attention. Or he hadn’t, anyway, not with gorgeous silk in his hands.
Fuck’s sake, they were co-captains now, weren’t they?
continue to part two
#ofmd#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#ofmd fic rec#mine#forcing myself to go ahead and publish this instead of delaying it another week to keep reading my marked for laters lol
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