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#pete has no way to read vegas mind so that's what he's working around... and it's a whole mess
artisdrama · 2 years
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“right now, i feel useless. no, i've always been useless. i never exist. i have no feelings. i don't freaking have anything left within me. i can't take myself anymore, vegas.”
we all kept saying that vegas and pete are parallels to each other to what the same kind of abuse can lead to. it’s almost tiring how many times we analyzed how vegas weaponized his trauma by turning into an abuser in self defense, but we were a little blinded by pete’s smile because we genuinely believed pete was always being completely open about everything. his tattoo says it all, doesn’t it? no legacy is so rich as honesty. didn’t he share with vegas what his dad did? didn’t he follow what his heart told him? isn’t he gentle, a good friend, a good subordinate? that must be who he is.
vegas craves attention, acknowledgement, and he thinks he never received it because he never accomplished anything. pete did, though. he won the fight, and yet his dad still hit him. it doesn’t matter how good he is or how much he contributes to his surroundings, he’s never actually seen. it doesn’t matter how much effort he puts, how much emotional labor he puts in his relationships, he’s still secondary to their choices, a supporting character. it’s not just vegas that was never recognized as a person, it’s pete too. 
it’s pete because he can disappear and people that he holds dear to him wouldn’t even notice until someone dreams about him. because he keeps being the wingman to others, but no one ever falls for him. he solves the problems for everyone, but not only that, his efforts always turn into more responsibility since he’s so reliable - never, i don’t know, a vacation i guess? his work has no emotional return to him, and while he’s loved by tankhun he’s still a subordinate and not a friend. it’s his boss, and he has no say in their relationship like the other does. “my most understanding bodyguard”. pete understands tankhun and shows his concern for him through how he takes care of the other, but tankhun loves pete exactly for that, and not for him. no one sees the true him.
he puts his heart in everything. yes, the honesty is there. and he does everything without expecting anything in return, because he knows that doing the right thing sometimes isn’t rewarding. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t crave recognition, it’s just that he doesn’t feel he’s ever going to receive the type of recognition he so desperately wants. and he can’t show this side to the others, because then he will be a burden and not fulfill the role he wants. he honestly wants to make everyone around him feel ok - and he’s fine with that, in some levels. he thinks helping others is rewarding because you can see the smile in their faces after it.
“i’m sorry. i aim to spread more smiles than tears.”
he’s content. it’s enough to keep him going, to inspire him to keep making others around him happy, because if anything that’s the only thing he knows. he has to live each day by itself, because if he sees the big picture he’ll feel like a side character to his own life. but deep inside, even though he has come to terms with his father’s abuse, he can’t distance himself from the violence. it’s his whole environment, it’s how he learned relationships work, it’s thrilling - and makes him feel alive. after being successful in destroying vegas’ plan, he’s so high on his accomplishment that the torture is almost a recognition on how well he fucked up vegas, and he can take it with a smile in his face.
but after all the violence and the torture vegas puts him through, he still can’t turn his caring persona of, because he’s so used to finding patterns in people in order to make them smile that he easily cracks the code to what’s vegas’ problem is. it’s almost instinctive at this point to only comfort him, not because he actually feels for vegas but because he is simply like that. he opens up just enough for vegas to understand that he’s being seen, but not enough for vegas to see him. he says just the right things at the right time, never giving information about himself or opening up. his goal was never to have vegas obsessed with him, but just to live each passing day and try to handle it as best as it could.
but vegas gets obsessed with him - actually, the idea of him. vegas is so caught up with the idea that someone understood him and didn’t judge him harshly that he completely ignores that pete is not “someone” in the sense of an abstract concept in his mind, but a person entirely separate. he starts seeing pete as an extension of him, projecting his feelings and his desires into the other. but this obsession shows up in the form of little actions of care and attention (in vegas’ way, of course), in the sexual tension, and this desire is so intense that it moves pete’s heart.
because, for a second, pete wants to believe that all that intensity and emotion is for him. that vegas actually saw who he is and understands, and is desiring him. when vegas tells him he’s sexy, is he saying that because he sees pete’s body and thinks he’s attractive or because the sex they had and pete’s submission is sexy to him? vegas proceeds to only talks about him and his feelings, but he never asks pete how he feels. he opens up - “i thought i was a freak”, but it’s not followed by a “have you ever felt something like that, pete?”. vegas finally asks him “how did you survive in this environment?” and pete’s finally smiling, asking back “why, do you think i’m a good guy?”. he’s expecting vegas to give an actual insight on it. but vegas shows how little he understands pete telling him he’s “stupid” - pete is far from stupid and he knows. and it’s not just bickering, because pete realizes that vegas truly believes he has nothing going on inside his mind, that he’s just what vegas wants him to be.
after that, he slaps himself in the face to wake up - vegas isn’t seeing him as a person, he needs to leave. that life is not what he wants. but then why did he say yes to him? why did he kiss vegas? of course there was a previous build-up of desire between the both of them, but what was that made him give in? he has never been into subspace before and he’s still trying to understand himself and what he wants, but right now he’s completely sober. and he blames himself a lot for everything. but when vegas gets inside the room mad, he’s doing it again - he’s trying to help vegas.
vegas still doesn’t sees pete, only what he wants to see. so it’s easy for him to simply act up and vent all his violence on the other when pete shows again how understanding he is (and he switches his emotions as if he wasn’t, a few hours earlier, putting all the care in the world making a dish for him). vegas still believes in what he told pete in the last episode before they kiss, that pete likes that side of him and that it turns him on, so it never occurred to him that acting like that again could have any other effect. not only that, but the line about them sleeping (which was already making pete dwell on self hatred for what he did and what he desired) finally snaps pete, because not only he isn’t in the mindset to enjoy that type of violence, but also because he’s done - he understands everyone, even vegas, but no one ever tries to understand him.
vegas’ obsession isn’t seeing him, but just a toy that will behave how he wants and like him the way he wants. pete wants to be desired intensely, madly and deeply, but he knows this isn’t what’s actually going on. it’s all a lie he’s telling himself, because he had a hard time coming into terms that vegas’ liked what he provided for him - comfort - and not him. he’s once again secondary to someone else’s feelings, and it doesn’t matter what he wants and what he likes, what his pain is, he’s not seen. and now, being punished by something he didn’t do, unable to even comfort vegas with his words, he’s useless too.
pete’s so done that he asks for vegas to kill him, and vegas is so out of his mind that he goes on to grab a knife and actually threaten to do it. vegas isn’t thinking properly but he does think this is just pete’s usual bratty behavior, and in his mind is something that can easily be solved like every other instance between them where he plays abuser with pete and then leaves. but this time, pete’s finally honest about his feelings. he’s done with everything, and he’s done with vegas treating him like that. he feels like shit, and there’s no point on keeping with this if he will still be treated like that. he tells him, he’s lost his humanity. he’s not living as a person, but as something. in this case, vegas’ plaything.
after all that, vegas sees the huge mistake he’s making, and starts begging - and that touches pete’s heart again. because vegas is begging him so desperately to not kill himself, that he’s sorry and that he needs pete so much, that pete falters a little. he knows that vegas still isn’t truly seeing him (if anything, he’s just finding out about him) but the feeling of having him begging for pete to stay with that face creates a bitter taste in his mouth. he wants vegas to desire his true self like that, and not the character vegas created in his mind. and that reinforces pete’s desperation either dying or running and leaving.
“i’m a human, vegas. i have feelings.”
vegas insists on needing him, which pete finally throws in vegas’ face that is not him that he needs but a mirror. he keeps projecting onto him, and never asking what pete needs, treating him like a pet. and pete shows him - if he actually needs him as a person, why the chains? why aren't his needs being met too? and vegas begs him to promise he won’t leave him. the fact is, pete can’t lie to vegas at this point, because he’s opened his heart so much he can’t pretend anymore he would do something like that. and he touches vegas’ face, because deep down he’s still conflicted with all those feelings, but he finally chooses to put himself first and knocks vegas out.
and while they’re apart, vegas never leaves his mind. even though he’s loved by everyone and everyone is grateful he’s back, there’s still a lingering feeling that he only ever felt being with him, and he misses it so much. because now that he had the taste for the obsession, for being almost consumed by someone else that wants them so badly, how can he go back to his normal and mundane relationships? he’s numb, both traumatized by what happened and dwelling in guilt because even though everything was so terrible he wants a little bit of it back. and he feels the shame of the intoxication he feel, unable to open up to anyone about that. him lying and denying to tell porsche is not only because he wants to protect vegas, but because he wants to protect himself from acknowledging that he doesn’t despise him as much as he wanted to, as he should do.
“get the hell out of my life.”
pete screams, but he’s unable to shoot the gun and end it all. when vegas takes the gun to his chest and screams, pete has an automatic reaction of fear that doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but he keeps pushing to try and make his point. but pete can’t say anything, just cry the tears he has been holding all throughout the episode since he left vegas’ house. and again, he is only truly honest in that moment where he lets himself fall to the ground from how painful everything is, and vegas is comforting him. the worst, for him, is that he’s allowing once again vegas in his space, touching him intimately and taking care of him. and his hand goes trembling to the other’s face, unsure if it’s the right thing to do or not, because he’s pained by everything that went down and all the abuse - but also a little bit glad that vegas is still so obsessed with him that he’d follow him there. he’s conflicted because he can’t reconcile the idea that he wants vegas and, maybe, vegas wants him too, because it’s never the case. just like he said, he’s useless, has never existed, has no feelings, no humanity. there’s no point in hoping that vegas would do that to him. but he wants to believe in him so much that he can’t stop crying.
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thepetesimp · 10 months
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Fanfic recommendations about Pete Phongsakorn Saengtham
- Just some of my favorite fics that center around his character, with or without VP elements - Hello people! I've done the same post on Twitter a while back but it needs to be in here as well, where I can actually tag the people responsible for giving me so many feelings about my son (+ no word limit so I can show my appreciation properly). I love all of you, you're the best ❤️
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Deep Dive by @ameliarating I need to start this off with my favorite Pete fic of all time. Zaatar's writing brings so much emotion out of me. It felt like I was slowly suffocating underwater, a sense of claustrophobia consuming me, making my chest feel tight. The mix of good and bad memories Pete has about the safehouse is impeccably utilized in this fic, instances when he wanted the rope, when he didn't, when he wanted to hide etc. He feels conflicted and it's so obvious in its subtlety here, in a good way. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry, truly an incredible fic. I would also suggest you read Civil Hands by them as well, a fantastic character study about Pete and his relationship with violence.
drank every scar by @ginnymoonbeam Oh my lord, this fic destroyed me. There's been only a small amount of instances in which every sentence of a fic made me gasp and need a minute to gather my thoughts and this is one of them. I can't believe how accurately they portrayed Pete here. His total disregard for his own well being, his reluctance to open up to Vegas about his injury, his total lack of self worth. It made me go feral and it's only (almost) 3k words. So much impact, so much characterization, such spectacular work. As a Pete fan, thank you immensely for this, I keep coming back to it a lot.
won't give up these ghosts by @fleet-off This fic blew me away when I first read it. What might sound like a silly, grim idea at first glance actually managed to capture the core aspects of Pete's character and how they bounce off of Vegas' character, showcasing their relationship post canon in a way that felt so real and so them. His need to shut off and be invisible to the world expressed through this weird habit of his captured my attention and never let it go, which was only possible because of fleet's spectacular writing. Go read all of her fics, she's a gifted writer and the VP fandom becomes richer every time she posts.
Once You Are Real by @veliseraptor Oh God, this fic lives rent free in my mind. The "Pete got forgotten" storyline has so much potential post canon and Lise's way of dealing with it blew me away. It was explored wonderfully and Pete's feelings came through so beautifully, it stuck with me after finishing it. It's a concept that's difficult to portray well, keeping characters as close to canon behavior as possible, but Lise managed to pull through and bring us this fantastic fic. I would suggest checking out the rest of their fics, they're a very talented writer.
splinter by @lu-sn Here comes lusn with her mission to cause me emotional damage with every fic she writes. She usually does so with her Macau centric fics, making me an even bigger fan of the cute, little gremlin than I already was, but in this list, I want to talk about splinter and how it devastated me. The relationship between Pete and Chan has captivated me and the way it was showcased here made me gasp by the end of it. It's nice to read fics with a little more realistic approach to Pete's situation once he returned to the main family from the safehouse and Lusn nailed it! Read all of her fics immediately, she's great!
It's There for the Asking by @minorfamilysupremacy I simply cannot express how much this fic touched me. While reading it, I kept picturing Pete from ep 9 and his bubbly, drunk self; Ellie captured that image perfectly in her fic. So many emotions packed in 1.5k words, I don't know how she did it but she gets Pete's character so much and she portrays him so well. His conversation with Vegas was one of the best I've ever read in any VP fic, in regards to being centered around him. I can't thank her enough for this gift. Check out the rest of her fics, each and every one of them is phenomenal.
Winning and Losing by @thelastperformer OMG, pls go read this fic immediately, I don't know why it's so underrated. The concept, Pete's characterization, the other characters, the narrative choices, the writing, all of it is so so good and deserves to be experienced, especially from Pete fans. Pete shines brilliantly here, his violent side, his efficiency, his love and concern for those he loves. I enjoyed the hell out of it and you should definitely give it a chance.
I Ain't Done by @kuipereris This fic punched me multiple times in the face and I said thanks. It isn't for everyone - as it has a MCD - but for those who can stomach it, the concept and how it's executed brought so much emotion out of me (surprisingly, I didn't cry but I felt everything to my core). We see how Pete struggles post safehouse and the choices he made, trying to navigate this new reality he lives in and it's just so effective in its narrative. I hadn't seen Pete's feelings being explored in this way before and I immensely appreciated it. Go check out the rest of their fics, they're angsty af and delicious.
words spilling out like sand by @loveable-sea-lemon VegasPete and poetry?? From Pete's POV?? HELL YES! I keep coming back to it from time to time, the poems are so mesmerizing and pack so much emotion into them. I really liked how Pete's feelings about Vegas were explored in this form, it's very unique. Check out the other poem as well from the poems for pete <;3 series, it's emotional and a very good read.
'cause your hands and lips still know their way around by @waitforthestars This was one of the first fics I read I believe, when I had first joined the VP fandom. I really like it and it holds a fond place of nostalgia in my heart now, even though it's been a couple of months since I read it. The thoughts Pete has here flow like blood, messy and jumbled like his mind. I loved the writing style, it felt like it fit with Pete's mental state once he escaped from the safehouse. Good job!
Of course, I'm sure there are more amazing Pete centric fics out there that I could very well not have discovered or not mentioned in this post. I just wanted to gather some of my favorites so that I can share the love for them with the rest of you. Pls pls pls, if you know of more Pete centric fics and want to talk about them, share them. I can't get enough of my boy, I'll appreciate it to no end. Thank you ❤️
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scoups4lyfe · 2 years
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VegasPete and Stockholm syndrome (part 2)
This episode helped me realize what Pete’s exact relationship to pain is.
Really funny to me that Vegas was right when he said that Pete likes it when he’s moody. Because it’s true. (Saw a post on this earlier which I’ll try and link once my comp is back in working order;; But the the way it highlighted how Pete’s fascination with Vegas is a kind of “tragic lust.”)
Pete likes seeing Vegas be pathetic. When the torture first started I don’t doubt the pleasure or motivation Pete had for being defiant specifically relates to the feeling of rebellion against that abusive trauma from his past.
“You can’t break me. I’m not pathetic YOU are.” <- Pete’s thoughts/motives on some subconscious level.
But then of course there’s a shift from the moment he witnesses the dynamic between Vegas and his father. Yeah he’s still defiant but there’s more to it than that.
It isn’t just “you are pathetic” now it’s “You’re pathetic because you’ve been hurt the same way I have.”
I’m not really gonna touch on it because I’ve already read a lot of amazingly written analyses on it — but when they’re at the safe house, Pete is subtle but he’s trying to convince Vegas that’s there’s a third option, and that he doesn’t have to be stuck in this cycle of abused and abuser. All the way up to his conversation with Vegas about fathers’ —Pete’s doing this. The conversation fully bringing around Vegas’ whole shift in viewpoint.
Which set great groundwork for episode 12. And more specifically how this shared empathy also became a shared fascination.
Vegas is fascinated with Pete’s defiance in the face of pain, and Pete’s fascinated with Vegas’ pain and how he weaponizes it against himself and others.
Getting more into the specifics rather than just “Pete’s into Vegas’ being pathetic”
It gets more layered when you consider that Pete specifically likes giving control / being dominated by someone pathetic.
(Lol why they are both so fked up <333. Lemme study you two under microscopes.)
Anyways,,,
Can’t help but think this is all about projection.
Like the reason why Vegas has a hedgehog 🦔 and why he wanted to take Pete with him to the safe house is because he’s projecting just how little freedom he actually has in his life. He’s trapped in a closed cage (chained up, in Pete’s case).
Except Vegas has been trapped his entire life. Just someone for his father to take his pain out on. Someone set up to always lose, someone that’s never enough. So taking Pete isn’t just an act of defying his father (who told him to kill Pete and doesn’t know Vegas took him with), but it’s also so he can take back an illusion of control in his own life by taking out his own pain on Pete (similar to what his father is doing to him) — that and Vegas is lonely. He would be isolated at the safe house. He would have no one to talk to. Just him and his books and the silence before his father visits.
…..I’ll be honest y’all I don’t think this safe house HAS guards? In my mind he dismissed them once he got to the safe house cause he had Pete to keep him company. He literally says “it’s fine I have someone to keep me company.” In the episode to men in black suits. And then we don’t see a single guard after that. Not on the safe house premises. Just Vegas, Pete, and isolation.
(Lol back to the hedgehog 🦔 projection….this projection is especially fked up when you realize that Vegas having to watch as all his hedgehogs died one after another is just a visual representation to him of his life—given something by his father, but it dies and he fails and loses love and gets hurt. The love —for clarification— being the hedgehogs.
Him projecting himself and his situation on the hedgehog is just all the more poignant when you realize that since his father gave him these hedgehogs it just makes it all the more a reminder that he’ll be trapped in this cage of a life until he, himself, dies. Hence the vulnerability when he asks Porsche not to torture him if he has to kill him one day. He states it like an eventuality. I guess Vegas on some level knows that it is. That no matter how many times he fails, the door of the cage will open, only to put another hedgehog in. His father gives him something — only for Vegas to be immediately placed back into his cage. Rinse. Repeat. Until he “succeeds” or dies trying.
Side note: Lemme also state here that it’s obvious to me that a lot of time has passed. Or at least a good couple of days. Why do I think this? Because when Vegas comes in that second time after being beaten by his father (at the end of the ep/just before the noodle scene), Pete asks if his father did it again and Vegas responded:
“Aren’t you used to it by now?”
(Or smthn similar along these lines I don’t have the episode pulled up rn LOL)
Now, it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for Vegas to say this to Pete
(as they’ve only had one conversation about his dad, and the warehouse scene before that — this would be like the third time total seeing Vegas come back from being hurt by his father— I wouldn’t be used to that kind of situation having only experienced or gotten wind of it 3 times, and I doubt Pete would’ve either)
While watching the episode I understood immediately what Vegas was implying when he said that. “Aren’t you used to it” means that more than a couple of days have passed, and during that time Vegas’ father has come to the safe house more than once to take his anger out on Vegas. Pete being locked up there with Vegas would then be seeing this toxic cycle of Vegas getting beat for no reason.
Which is why Vegas thought Pete had gotten used to it. Used to seeing him come in with new bruises.
Honestly a really heartbreaking implication. The moment Vegas said “aren’t you used to it by now” my heart dropped to my feet.
But I haven’t seen anyone else comment on this line LOL!!! Anyways this means Pete’s been holed up with Vegas for at least a week, maybe longer. So although it’s unseen, the implied passage of time does at least give Pete breathing space to rewire the way he thinks about and interacts with Vegas. Enough for him to be at the point of asking if Vegas was hurt. [End of sidenote LOL]
Then when you add in Pete relating with Vegas via his own abusive past with HIS father?
(Except Pete realizes and knows why his father hurt him —Because he was hurt himself)
Pete’s story not only helped Vegas realize that it wasn’t Vegas that sucked (but his b*tch father >:OOO ) and this rlly impacts Vegas. And yet, when Vegas sees his Hedgehog die, he leaves the key Pete needs to escape right next to Pete, pretending it to be an accident, because everything he likes or loves end up leaving him in the end anyway, right?
But Pete is SO drawn in and captivated by Vegas’ pain. Yes he wants to comfort him —
…. but I wonder if his strong attraction is relating to the comfort Or control Pete wished he had when he was a kid in an abusive situation.
So it’s like he’s living vicariously through Vegas when he *LET’S* Vegas chain him up, when he chooses to let Vegas have that kind of power over him.
At the same time it’s all kinds of fked up cuz Vegas isn’t really in control? Pete is obv still in such control of the entire situation, *he’s* the one giving Vegas permission. (Which is probably why, of the two of them) it’s VEGAS that ends up on his knees in the end…..(God help me)
Hmmm. Anyways I don’t have a lot of intelligent things to say rn. I just think the two of them have an interesting relationship to pain, and therefore an interesting relationship with each other 🤷🤤.
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fishy-xp · 2 years
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KinnPorsche Ep 11 Brain Rot
I only have one thought
Arm moving aside to let Pol share the chair with him.
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The End. Goodbye, see you in a week.
PSYCHE, THIS EPISODE WAS OFF THE WALLS BATSHIT INSANE
The first VP scene ohmygod, the tattoo, the swearing, the pet names. I need Vegas saying 'what a load of bullshit' injected into my bloodstream
Pete giving in as soon as his grandma is brought in is so touching. He obviously loves deeply and will do anything for the people he trusts (e.g. Porsche, his grandma, soon to be Vegas). Having to pretend that everything is fine when nothing is not will always be one of the most devastating tropes.
Something about Vegas playing with Pete's face and hair whilst asking 'who's a good boy' and then pushing his face away like it means nothing GETS ME RILED UP.
Chan having to be there for all the family meetings and listening to their dumbassery is hilarious but did he have to have his gun out like he was about to shoot Porsche on sight. Please daddy, give him a break.
Tankhun saying 'my Kinn' and Kinn being all shy, this is the sibling content we need.
Pol writes Kinn x Porsche fanfic and Arm reads that fanfic, no I don't take critism. Also I don't know if it was just the translation but 'Daddy wants a breakup' I AM CREASING
Safehouse my ass, you mean safemansion
HEDGEHOG HEDGEHOG HEDGEHOG HEDGEHOG
HE CALLS IT BUDDY
Porschay's snoopy hoodie is the peak of fashion, Tankhun's entire wardrobe is crying
I want so badly for Porschay to be lonely around the major family compound because everyone there is a solid ten years older than him and then he bumps into Macau and they become friends and Kim and Tankhun are rolling in their graves because this is the forbidden Romeo and Juliet.
I have a feeeling after their parents died, Porschay had nightmares about it and this time they included Porsche also dying. He probably woke up screaming and crying for Porsche. Porsche rushes in to comfort him, telling him that he's right here and that he will not leave Porschay no matter what. So when they hug, Porsche says it again to remind Chay that he's right here in front of him, he'll be here when the nightmare is over because it's not real, it's only just a dream and Porsche is alive.
I don't care about novel TimeTay, show TimeTay are the most wholesome sexy ass couple and until something happens, I will continue to ship and enjoy them, go argue with a wall.
The way Tankhun introduces himself is top tier
This has been on my mind since Ep 7 but Vegas looks like a really good kisser
Pete's therapy session puts a lot of things into perspective for Vegas. Not only does it provide some comfort for him and make him realise he's acheiving the unachievable because the fault doesn't lie with him, but his father, but it also directly attacks Vegas as Pete is telling him 'you're hurting me, because you can't hurt anything else.' It takes major balls to say that to the guy who has you in chains, has anger issues and has fried your nuts off but it had to be said. It's a very interesting dynamic where the abused becomes the abuser, and then they meet an abused who becomes a protector.
Okay I am not the biggest KimChay enthusiast but Porschay's characterisation has intrigued me. He is the soft, wholesome baby but he is by no means naive or weak. He fought back against those kidnappers, had the balls to ask his idol to be his guitar tutor and also confess, told off Porsche for working in an danger job and confronted Kim about his lies. Porschay is a lot more capable then I intially thought and that is why I think we should give him a gun and see what happens. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.
Kim Kimhan Theerapanyakul, you may be the most beautiful man I've ever seen but you've committed a crime against humanity and you will be eliminated.
So when KP were kissing in the helicopter, I was like lol are they going to fuck in the helicopter as a joke, cut to Porsche giving Kinn the gwak gwak 3000 and I ASCENDED
Vegas' pyjamas <3333333
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bitacrytic · 1 year
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Overheat [41 - 44]
Read Previous Chapters Here
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Vegas arrived not long after with a tight frown on his face.
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“He’s still alive, right?” he asked. “Tell me he’s alive so that I can kill him .”
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CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
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Popping yet another pill into his mouth, Vegas blinked the blurriness at the edge of his vision away. Soon. Once they handled the Porsche’s public presentation and dealt with Tawan, Vegas would get off the pills and fuck a lot of toys. Because, damn if his body wasn’t begging for it. He was angrier, snappier, more prone to raising his voice at his people and after Porsche had smacked him in the head a couple of times, Vegas realized that he was getting snappy with his… friends… too.
He needed a moment away from other people. He needed a moment away from Pete. It wasn’t exactly the best decision to be hanging around him when Vegas’ suppressants were barely suppressing anything. It may have been in his mind, mostly because Pete was on suppressants too and wasn’t smelling anything like an omega. But Vegas could swear that every time Pete got close or passed by him, or even opened his mouth to speak, Vegas could get a whiff of omega pheromones. Intoxicating and pleasant and so, so lust-filling to the point that he’d almost slipped his hand into the back of Pete’s pants.
In public.
Vegas needed a moment.
“You left before saying goodbye,” Pete said on the phone as Vegas walked up the stairs to his room, at home.
“I have some things to take care of. How is Tankhun’s Great Plan coming along? Did you finish?”
“I think we’re ready.”
“That’s…” Vegas sighed. “That’s good to hear.” He really wished Pete was there.
“Cycle break’s started. I can come over-”
“Not today,” he said. “I didn’t get the mouth guards.”
“You’re still on suppressants, right?”
As he entered his room, he realized that was actually a good point. If he stayed on suppressants all night, Pete could-
The light by his desk came on before Vegas closed the door, revealing his father sitting in Vegas chair.
“Um…” he said. “Let me call you back.”
“Should I start comin-”
“No,” he said a bit too harshly. “No,” he repeated, lower and calmly.
“You-you don’t want me there?” Pete asked, sounding disappointed.
“It’s not that…” It’s not that I don’t want you here, Vegas wanted to say, but his father was in the room, looking right at him. “Can I talk to you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Pete said hastily. “No problem.”
Pete cut the call before Vegas could say anything more.
Sighing in frustration, Vegas made his way closer to his father as he reached his bed, but didn’t sit on it.
“You’ve been busy recently,” Papa said.
“I have an opening coming up and Porsche’s stage play will soon start viewing.”
“Hmm,” Papa said, swiveling the chair from side to side as he watched Vegas. “Who was that on the phone?”
Unable to reply, Vegas looked at the ground.
“Was that Pete?”
“Papa-”
“You and Kinn switched employees. You fuck his and he gets to fuck Porsche? Is that it?”
“It’s not like that, Papa.”
“You’re spending so much time with him, people might start to remember that you’re blood related?”
“We’re working on a project together.”
“On a project?” Papa asked, a sardonic smile spreading on his face. “Your actors are working on a project together. Not you and Kinn.”
Vegas eyes returned to the floor.
“While you were busy gallivanting around the place, Porsche was getting exposed.”
“Someone attacked him, Papa.”
“And whose fault is that?” Papa asked. “You’ve been too busy burying yourself in that whore-”
“Don’t call him that,” Vegas said.
“Excuse me?”
Vegas cringed inwardly, realizing that he’d actually said those words out loud.
“What did you say to me, boy?”
Bracing himself, Vegas looked up. “I’m handling the Porsche situation, Papa. It’s all under control.”
“And Pete?”
“He has nothing to do with this.”
“He has everything to do with it. Before you started messing around with Kinn’s people, you had your head on straight. Now, it’s one problem after another. I have half the mind to take that fucking company from you.”
That was what it was all about, at the end of the day. Anything Pete had done to Papa, any insult he’d caused, paled in comparison to the fact that Pete was Kinn’s artist. That alone was enough for Papa to mark him off.
Papa got up and made his way around the table, watching Vegas with as much disappointment as was regular.
“You’re not supposed to be at that production,” he said. “Didn’t you hire a manager for that? Why are you spending so much time there?”
“Some things need my attention.”
“Anything beyond Porsche is bullshit.”
“I’ve been there for Porsche.”
“And the late night meetings with Kinn? The midnight surveillance?”
“Papa-”
“You think I didn’t know about those? What are you always meeting about?”
“Business.”
“What business,” Papa began with his voice rising into anger. “Could you fucking have to discuss with Anakinn Theerapanyakul?”
“I just-”
Papa slapped him.
“Don’t you fucking talk back to me, boy.”
Vegas jolted in place. He’d expected the slap, but it was always still a shock to him. Even as an adult.
Papa dropped a bunch of cards on Vegas’ bed as Vegas dared to look at them. He knew what they were. He thought he’d handled them. He thought they wouldn’t be a problem. But, apparently, they were.
“What business have you been handling?” Papa asked. “If we have dissatisfied business partners.”
Vegas’ lips trembled as he looked down at the cards.
“What has Kinn been telling you?” Papa moved closer, causing Vegas to step back. “Do you think you’re too good for how we do business?” he asked. “Answer me.”
“He hasn’t been telling me anything, Papa.”
“Then explain those cards to me,” he said, pointing at Vegas’ bed. “Do you think that you’re Kinn? Do you think our allies will listen to you if you show up pretending to be your cousin?”
“I’m not trying to be Kinn.”
“You know how we get our foot in the door. You kill someone or you fuck someone and as I’ve always told you, you can’t kill everyone.”
“I was…” Vegas hesitated, not sure how to proceed. “I was going to get back to them.”
Papa smacked him so hard that Vegas sat on the bed.
“Look at me,” Papa said as Vegas obeyed. “You’re only good for one thing, Vegas. I’ve tried to teach you how to be a good business man but you’re as useless as ever. If I ever have to come down here to ask you to fuck someone again, I will fucking castrate you.” He shoved Vegas away.
Vegas hadn’t been hosting any of his allies recently. He hadn’t done it out of anger. He’d started to hate it more than usual and reduced his contact. If they wanted to fuck, he sent them paid boys and girls to take care of business. Sometimes, they wanted him in the room. Sometimes, they were fine accepting the people Vegas sent. Vegas was fine with the arrangement as long as they didn’t have to touch him.
He had no idea how, but ever since Pete, ever since feeling what it felt like for someone else to cater to him, to make him feel good, the mere thought of letting all these other vultures near him was incredibly revolting and Vegas had just opted out of it. Quietly. Without making a big deal out of it.
“Maybe,” he began. “Maybe there are other ways.”
“Other ways to what?”
“Satisfy our business partners.”
Papa looked at him.
Papa belted into loud laughter, bending over like Vegas had said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“You really do think you’re Kinn.”
“It’s not about Kinn.”
“Is it about the whore you’re entertaining in your bed these days?”
Vegas bit his lips to keep from retorting to that.
“What?” Papa asked. “You think you can be faithful to him just because he’s new?”
“We’re Theerapanyakuls. We don’t have to bow to our business-”
“You’ll bow to whomever the fuck I say you bow to.”
“Papa-”
“I thought I made myself clear, Vegas.” He turned fully to face Vegas. “Pick one card.”
Without bothering to look, Vegas picked the closest card.
“Tomorrow, you’re going to call him up, take him to dinner and do whatever the fuck he wants you to do.”
When Papa turned to go, Vegas said, “No.”
One word. Two letters bearing the weight of a billion words, Vegas heard his own voice utter something he’d never uttered to his father. Unable to believe what he’d just said, Vegas slowly covered his mouth, wondering if he’d actually said it or if he’d only thought it. If he could get up from the bed and pretend none of it ever actually happened.
“What did you say?” Papa asked.
��I said no,” Vegas heard himself repeat.
On Papa’s face, shock and anger fought for dominance as he slowly spun back to look down at Vegas.
“I must not have heard you correctly.”
“I won’t be entertaining any of them,” Vegas said, sitting up.
“Who do you think you are?”
“I’m your son,” Vegas said.
“You’re my greatest disappointment.”
“Without me all your business ventures would be nothing.”
Papa slapped him. Before Vegas could recover, he punched him in the jaw, shifting it slightly as Vegas winced in pain. Familiar pain. Because this was all Papa did. One step out of line and Vegas could count on pain.
He knew pain. His cut flesh, his scarred back, his stabbed hand, his broken wrist. Vegas could remember every incident. Because that was the extent of Papa’s wrath. Physical pain.
“You take that card and make that call-”
“Or what?” Vegas asked with genuine curiosity, blood dripping out of his mouth.
He couldn’t help wondering what was beyond the pain because, frankly, the pain was starting to get a bit old.
“Are you going to lock me up? Tie me up? Beat me? Break me?” he asked, sputtering blood in his father’s face. “I want to know what else you have in store for me, Papa.”
Searching his eyes like he’d never seen Vegas before, Papa said. “You must have lost your damn mind.”
He shoved Vegas into the cards on his bed as he wiped his face.
While Vegas waited for his father’s punishment, nothing came. He lay there for a few more moments, wondering if Papa was going to lift the table and drop it right on his head. He’d done it before. Vegas wouldn’t put it past him.
Instead, he heard the door to his room open and close.
When Vegas looked up from the bed, Papa was gone.
-
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
-
When the room door opened, that night, Porsche turned over, burying his head in his pillows as he pulled the covers over his head. They were done with rehearsals and most people were going to go home. Some of the cast and crew had left already. Porsche would have stayed, regardless because he had things to do. He had no idea if Pete had any prior engagements, but seeing as they still had Tawan to deal with, they were both stuck in their rooms. Trying to stay out of trouble.
It was the night before Monday... before Porsche's public presentation and he just wanted to get some sleep, but for some reason, sleep kept evading him. Pretending was going to help. Plus, pretending was going to get rid of any uneasy tension between Pete and himself. Pete wanted space. The last thing Porsche was going to do was make an already hard situation worse for either of them.
Pete didn't waste time getting out of his clothes before he went to take a bath. As soon as he entered the bathroom, Porsche's phone rang. Smiling, he answered the call.
"What now?"
"Did I wake you?" Kinn asked.
"No. Need something?"
"Just checking in. Tomorrow's a big day."
"I know."
"Are you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
The line was silent for a while, as it began to get weird.
"Did you call for a reason?"
Kinn chuckled. "I did. But, it just occurred to me that even though I have a lot to say, you have a digital gremlin attached to your phone."
Porsche laughed, imagining Todd as a tiny, woodland creature pattering around inside his android, struggling to listen in on Porsche's conversation with Kinn like the creep that he was.
"Don't worry, you can tell me tomorrow."
"I doubt I'll be able to say it when we're face to face."
Porsche wasn't very bothered by the way his heart started beating faster. Kinn tended to cause it without even trying.
"Oh, do I make you nervous, Kinn?"
"Always."
Blushing, Porsche moved his phone from one ear to the other as he turned over so that the phone could rest on his head.
"Let me allow you to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow."
Porsche wanted to tell him not to go, tell him that Porsche couldn't sleep anyways. He wanted to press and prod till Kinn stayed and talked with him and told him nice things because he was sure the things Kinn wanted to say would be things that Porsche wanted to hear.
But then he remembered their last conversation in the hospital and his lips went still. any request for Kinn to stay died on his tongue. Because as sweet as it all was, there was still an elephant in the room. 
Sighing, he said, "Good night Kinn."
"Good night, Porsche. Good night, Todd."
Porsche couldn't help laughing as the line cut off on Kinn's laughter. As he quieted, he heard Pete coming out of the bathroom. Knowing that Pete had already heard him, Porsche, slipped his hand out of the covers and dropped his phone back on the side cupboard. He was very aware of Pete's movement through the room. In the past week, they'd become something like revolving doors, knowing that they each existed, but doing everything in their power to never meet outside of work.
That night, he felt Pete move between their beds, something he hadn't done in a while. He sat on his bed, facing Porsche's, silent and unmoving as Porsche waited for him to say something. After all, Pete was the one who dug the pit between them. If there was ever going to be a bridge, Pete had to build it himself. Porsche couldn't get in the way of his stress or healing or whatever he was going through if he'd expressly told Porsche to stay away.
After a few minutes of wondering, Pete shifted back into his bed as he pulled the covers over himself, and went to bed.
Disappointed as he was, Porsche remained where he was. Monday was a big day ahead. He needed to think about himself and not Pete. For a moment, he had to worry about tomorrow.
His relationship with Pete would sort itself out when it was ready to sort itself out.
***
Porsche received so many calls that morning that he handed his phone to Toss.
Ohmovit had rented the Graham Blitz conference hall for the public presentation so the place was packed with reporters in the front, while a line of sectioning tape held back regular people who'd come to watch. Up on stage were three chairs, a desk, a huge monitor for the viewing, a laptop for the technician who was conducting the viewing, and a mic for Porsche and the event coordinator.
Sitting alone in the back room of the conference hall, Porsche closed his eyes as he tried to calm down. On the schedule of things they were about to do that week, the presentation ranked low on difficulty. He was an alpha. He was just going to sit in front of an audience and be declared an alpha. absolutely nothing to worry about. 
His CCD was another issue. But having gone four months out of a six-month project with no slip-ups, Porsche was going to survive this. Especially since Ohmovit already knew. It was in his contract. It wasn't something he was going to lie to future producers about. He could do this.
He could do this.
He swore he could do it.
The door opened and Toss peeped in.
"Uh... Phi?" Toss said, coming with Porsche's phone held out in front of him.
"What is it?"
"Your mother."
"Hey, Mae," he said smiling as he answered the phone.
"How are you, my baby?" she asked. "You haven't started, have you?"
Porsche looked at his watch. "Any moment now. Did you need something?"
"You weren't lying to me, where you Porsche?" she asked. "When you said a stalker attacked you, that was all this story was, right?"
Porsche pinched his nail to keep his voice steady. He hated lying to his mom, so he'd sent a text. Now, here she was, asking for verbal confirmation that Porsche was afraid to give. How could explain Tawan to her without mentioning what they had planned? How could he tell her about Kinn's kidnapping without telling her that he shot people? He was doing things that he knew was wrong. Things that she'd feared he would be too exposed to since they were kids. 
She'd wanted her children to be better, but she'd been too worried about the Theerapanyakul kids to cut the family off completely. How was Porsche supposed to explain to her or his father? How was he supposed to tell her that he had waltzed right into a turf war simply because he was fucking Kinn?
"Porsche?" she asked. "Tell me what's going on?"
"Mae-"
"Vegas brought his brother over to the house, this morning. He asked me to keep him for the week or until he comes to get him. What is going on that he's hiding his brother here, Porsche? I trust that you'll tell me if something is wrong."
Porsche frowned. Tawan was the problem, but Tawan didn't care about Macau. If Tawan was targeting their younger brothers, Vegas would have said something so that Porsche could keep Chay out of the way. Which meant that Tawan wasn't the problem. This was something else.
"I don't know what's going on, Mae."
"He showed up with bruises on his face again," she said. 
"Who?"
"Vegas. I might not know much, but I know Kun's handiwork, Porsche. So, I'll ask you again, did you tell me the whole truth about your incident? Was it just a random stalker, or does this have anything to do with Vegas' father?"
Oh, Porsche thought. His mother thought... oh... but also, how horrid it was for Kun to be causing trouble now that they were in the middle of all this. For fucksake.
"Kun had nothing to do with my attack, Mae. It was... it was-it was just a stalker."
"And Vegas? Did he tell you what happened with his father? Because he won't talk to me. He just dropped Macau and ran."
"I'll ask him what's going on?"
"Ask him," she said. "And make him eat. You know how he is."
"I will Mae."
She sighed heavily. "I miss you. You boys go out into the world and god knows what you're doing there or who's looking at you and wanting to harm you. I have a good mind not to let Macau and Chay leave the house."
"Actually," Porsche said, as it occurred to him. "That might be a good idea."
"I didn't mean that, Porsche. the boys have school."
"They can miss school for a week. If they need anything, have Kim bring it over."
"Kim's been here for a couple of days already."
"See?" Porsche said with cheer. "It's a holiday already."
Honestly, they'd all been irresponsible by not making sure the family babies were safe. Seeing as Tawan was a sewer rat willing to do anything, they should have done something to keep the boys safe. After all, no one had thought Porsche was on Tawan's radar until he was lying on the ground, staring up at paparazzi, with no shirt on.
"Okay," she agreed. "I can call off work for a few days." She sighed. "Take care of yourself, okay? I'll be watching the presentation. You're good with speeches. You've got this, okay?"
"Okay, Mae. Greet Papa for me."
Vegas came into the room. He had on a pair of dark sunshades that barely covered the bruise above his left eye and the one on his jaw, along with the scratches on his cheek. Porsche went to him, picking up Vegas' hand as he examined it.
"Are you ready?" Vegas asked, letting Porsche turn his hand around.. "Sorry I'm late, but they're calling for you."
"Yeah, 'm ready," Porsche replied, noting that there were no bruises on his knuckles.
Knowing Vegas, the only person who ever got close enough to land a punch without receiving one in return was his father. Every fight they'd ever gotten in, Vegas had hit Porsche back, when they were kids. He'd hit Kin back. Even Tankhun. It didn't matter if he was going to lose, Vegas fought back. 
"Let's go."
Porsche wanted to talk about the bruises. He wanted to ask about Macau. But it wasn't the right time. 
At the moment, Porsche had to worry about his career and the part he was about to play in the plan to destroy Tawan.
-
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
-
He didn't want to talk to Kinn, but Kinn had a lot to say to Congressman Apinya. Locked away in his hospital room, the man kept his face turned from Kinn the moment Kinn came into the room.
"I'm here to extend an olive branch."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Trust me, you'll want to hear what I have to say."
"You said you would let me go, yet here I am." He looked at Kinn. "Your word means bullshit to me."
Laid up in bed with his legs still in casts, the congressman could barely contain his fear, but his rage was wading through and Kinn could see it. If he let the man go, retaliation was going to take place.
"Your son and I were never going to mate. He's not an omega."
Apinya scoffed. "Okay," he agreed with a shrug.
"Judging from what you said the last time we spoke, I'm sure you weren't in on it. You have no idea what your son was planning."
"Let's just understand that I will never believe a thing you say."
Kinn had guessed as much. So he dialed Tawan's number.
"Hey," Tawan said as soon as he picked up.
Kinn put it on speaker.
"Your father is giving me trouble. I don't think I can keep him anymore."
Tawan sighed. "Old fucker. Keep him a week and you can send him back."
Apinya looked at Kinn, surprise all over his face.
"He's getting disruptive and my men-"
"Kill him if he's causing you so much trouble. At least that way he won't try to force us to mate again, eh?"
Apinya's lips patted slowly, as his eyes doubled in size.
"You're sure."
"Of course I am."
Kinn cut the call. He'd expected as much. If Kinn killed the congressman, he'd be in trouble with Apinya's allies. And then Tawan would swoop in to save the day. Leaving his father with Kinn had been just another step in his plan to get rid of the old man, but Tawan wasn't going to do it himself. He was going to use that one stone to kill two birds, by placing himself strategically in place to join the Theerapanyakul family.
"Did you hear that?"
"That wasn't my son," Apinya said, shaking his head.
"Your son was never an omega. He only let you believe that so that you'd force us together."
"To what end?" Apinya asked, his eyes clouding with tears as he looked up at Kinn from his hospital bed.
"He tried to get rid of my father too," Kinn said. "That was the end goal. Once you two were gone, he could have me, even though he wasn't an omega."
"That doesn't make sense."
"Think about it," Kinn said, moving closer. "We were both in our cycle and I was tied up. If he was an omega, what was stopping him from biting me?"
"He..." Apinya said, searching for answers in his mind, struggling to understand that his son had just sentenced him to death. "He-he-he couldn't... he wouldn't do that to me."
"Your son has been amassing an army of loyalists without you. How else could I have escaped? He let me go and your men watched it happen from the sidelines."
"No."
"I'm going to make this simple for you, Sir," Kinn said, as he got to Apinya's bed. "You're safe with me and I'm willing to return you to the people who are loyal to you if you help me bring down your son."
"I..." Apinya was shaken, unable to form coherent sentences as he fought to come to terms with all the information Kinn was laying on him.
"He asked me to kill you, Sir," Kinn said. "No matter how I've felt about my father, I've never thought of killing him. You might want to reconsider your loyalties before it's too late."
***
On the day of the presentation, Kinn watched it from his phone, noting how much older Porsche looked dressed so corporately in a grey shirt, a black jacket, and a pair of blue trousers. With a serious set to his face, he sat between the technician and the moderator as the technician pressed the needle into Porsche's neck. The camera zoomed in on Porsche, his face veiled and emotionless in a way that Porsche was never supposed to be.
Kinn wished he could be there, but there was so much to do. the day was going to go fast, so they couldn't all stand around, holding hands.
The technician injected the hormone into Porsche and withdrew the needle as Porsche blinked, shaking his head to clear it a bit. Behind them, the monitor showed the test form with blank readings. The technician took disposed of his needle, took out a biting foam, and waited as Porsche steadied.
When he opened his mouth and the mating teeth extended, the hall erupted in gasps as cameras flashed, taking pictures, documenting the moment that the country had confirmation that Porsche Kittisawasd was not a beta.
The technician pressed the biting foam into Porsche's teeth, extracting what he needed for the test. As he fitted the foam into the machine, setting it to work, the form on the board began to change as, one by one, the test exposed Porsche's readings for all to see. As it became apparent what the reporters and the audience were looking at, the hall started to get noisy as more pictures flashed, with people getting to their feet and moving closer to the sectioning tapes.
"Please stay in your places," the moderator said. "No questions, today." He looked at the monitor, as shocked as everyone else, because he'd also been of the mind that Porsche was an omega. "Alpha," he said breathlessly. "Porsche is an alpha. Who knew?"
But the readings kept going, filling in the spot that was usually blank for others.
"My god," the moderator said, staring down at Porsche. "You have CCD?"
If Kinn didn't remember how badly he'd reacted to Porsche's secrete when he'd found out, he would have been irritated by the way everyone was acting like they were staring at a unicorn.
Porsche sat forward, leaning towards the mic as the hall quieted to hear him.
"Yes," he said. "I am an alpha and I have a Contagious Cycle Disorder. I did not plan to be misleading, I just felt it was my personal life to deal with. Ohmovit was made aware of my condition when I auditioned for the role. It's in my contract and I'm obligated to pay damages if I put the production at risk. I have spent four months on Overheat and there has seen no trouble from me. I hope that now that everyone knows my business, this will stop being a topic of discussion and that you can all respect what little is left of my privacy. Thank you."
He was about to stand up when the moderator waved him back down.
"Please, one question," he said. "Can we expect any legal action against haters who disparaged your name by calling you an omega?"
For the first time that day, anger flashed over Porsche's face as he looked at the moderator.
"Calling me an omega was not disparaging of my name."
"You do agree they did it to bring you down, don't you?"
Porsche inhaled as he went back to the mic again.
"I have worked on thirty-two different projects with hundreds of cast and crew and in all my years as an actor, I have never seen any problems on set that were caused by an omega." He grimaced. "I've seen alphas go into a rut because they didn't check their calendars. I've seen alphas bite their costars during a love scene. I've had productions get pushed back because one of the leads was in a rut. Never, in my life, have I seen the same happen because of an omega. So no," he said, looking back at the moderator. "I will not be suing anyone for thinking that I was an omega."
Kinn had heard Porsche say the same thing a thousand times. He didn't care that people thought he was an omega, but his refusal to deny it only made people believe it more. And yet, Kinn was sure that what Porsche had just said would carry more weight now that people knew he wasn't an omega. Because people tended to listen to allies more than they listened to the victims of hate and ignorance. Half of them were going to romanticize Porsche's statements while the other half pretended that their disdain for omegas was just something that their idol would have to live with.
The world wouldn't be perfect in one day because of one alpha actor.
A loud, pained moan brought Kinn's attention back to his phone. The camera of the reporter that Kinn was watching the presentation from, moved around as the reporter sought the source of the moan.
"What was that?" someone asked in the background.
The moan sounded again. This time, the camera steadied, facing the monitor behind Porsche. On-screen, a video of Pete played as Pete sat in front of bright yellow light that was cast against his body, showing his legs chained apart. Kinn had seen Pete naked a lot of times. 80% of his stage plays featured him nude at least once. Seeing Pete naked was nothing new for Kinn or anyone else in the audience.
But this time, Pete was sitting on a metal chair, placed on concrete, and from where the camera was, everyone could see something leaking from beneath him.
"Pete Saengthem," someone in the crowd of reporters said.
"What's going on?"
On stage, Porsche turned to look up at the screen as he slowly stood to his feet in shock.
"Oh god," the moderator said, running behind the monitor. "How do we turn it off? How do we turn it off?"
The moderator ran off the stage, no doubt, going to look for the person who set up the monitors.
"No, no, no, no," Porsche said.
With Pete's video playing and the moderator absconding, the reporters pushed passed the sectioning tapes, going closer to Porsche as the camera showed Porsche staring up at the screen, unable to move.
"This wasn't..." Porsche said. "This wasn't supposed to come out now." He turned to his left and his right, searching for the moderator. "Turn it off," Porsche screamed. "Turn the fucking monitor off."
There was a laugh on the screen of the monitor. A cackling maniacal laugh that silenced the room, once again.
"Aaaaaaand... cut," the director said on screen.
Suddenly, Time rushed onto the screen of the monitor with a clapper board, laughing like a child. He was wearing his General Bho costume from Overheat. As soon as Time hit the clapperboard, Pete gave a heavy sigh in the background as his body relaxed. Immediately, people walked into the frame, going to retouch Pete's make-up as someone covered him with a towel.
"Why did you laugh?" Pete asked Time.
"You weren't even acting," Time said, faking a moan. "That didn't even sound like a-"
The monitor went off.
Once again, reporters hounded Porsche, looking for answers as Porsche stared into the crowd, looking unsure of what to do next.
***
Many Days Ago
"It's simple, really," Tankhun had said, shrugging his shoulders at the other men in the room.
Pete had looked at Kinn, a slight frown on his face as he tried to understand Tankhun's plan. "I thought the play already released its two trailers."
"This will be a new one." Tankhun nodded. "Director, you'll film another one from Act II, Scene IX." He dropped the folded script on the bed, in the midst of all of them.
Vegas picked it up. "This is the scene where the general interrogates Niran after he's caught poisoning the emperor." He looked up at Tankhun. "How is this going to help us?"
"We tweak it a bit. Have Pete shoot it completely naked, all lubed up and dripping like he's in heat."
"I'm sorry," Porsche said, raising his hand like a kid in a classroom. "Isn't the whole point to hide his... omeganess, not re-record more evidence?"
"Yes," Tankhun agreed. "But if we shoot a scene between the general and Niran for a new trailer, one where the set for the interrogation is exactly the way it was when Tawan took Pete, we can release "leaked footage" and then an actual trailer." He looked at Pete. "You do remember what the room looked like, right?"
Pete wrapped his housecoat around his body and folded his arms in as he said, "I could never forget."
"See? We shoot a fake scene that's just like the real one and the real one loses its power."
"Hunh," Vegas said, looking at Tankhun. "That almost sounds like a sensible plan."
"You can give me a compliment without being a dick, Vegas," Tankhun informed him.
***
Present Day
Cameras flashed in Porsche's face as Kinn watched it online from the back of his car as Kinn checked his guns, loaded up on bullets, and slipped two more knives into his shin guard.
"Porsche, what did you mean by "it wasn't supposed to come out yet"?"
"Porsche, was that leaked footage?"
"Was that Time Ratanapakorn who plays General Bho in Overheat?"
"Are we expecting more trailers?"
"Will this cast be involved in a screenplay?"
"Why was Pete Saengthem's naked body on the monitor?"
"No comment," Porsche said, moving through the crowd as bodyguards reached for him, coming between him and the reporters who were desperate for more information.
The moment Porsche left the conference hall in one piece, protected by bodyguards, Kinn switched off his phone. Leaning back against the headrest, he took a few deep breaths. Almost there. They were so close. There was no wind left beneath Tawan's wings. Not anything he could use against them anymore. But letting Tawan run around was out of the question. Underneath their noses, he'd caused so much trouble already. Kinn was worried to imagine what would happen now that Tawan had nothing to lose.
The congressman had been honest and forthcoming, offering up the warehouses where Gambit kept goods, as well as all possible safehouses where his son would lay low. Coordinating with Vegas and seven other teams, Kinn led his team of bodyguards against Tawan's men. Armed and ready for a fight, Kinn was covered in blood from the moment he walked through the doors.
He wasn't going to kill all of them. He needed leverage against their old bosses. Unlike the Theerapanyakuls who'd been lucky enough to discover their mole, other gangs had remained oblivious, giving their disloyal members more time and many chance to betray them to Gambit, to sell them out to Tawan, giving info on their soft spots and whatever edge they had in the business. Kinn knew the gang leaders were going to want to deal with their moles, personally.
He also knew the shame was going to be immeasurable when they considered just insulting it was for a newcomer to walk right over all of them.
But they were going to owe Kinn. They were going to owe the Theerapanyakuls. Kinn was going to make sure that every one of them knew that it was Kinn and Vegas that brought Gambit to its knees. Not Korn and Kun. It was Kinn and Vegas that saved the Thai underworld from running headfirst into the chaos that Tawan was no doubt going to unleash, in the wake of his success.
So, while Kinn fired his gun and stabbed his daggers, and fought his way through familiar faces that belonged to a multitude of gangs, he knew he had to keep some of them alive. The plan hinged on the old gang leaders who'd been previously hesitant to stand against the older Theerapanyakuls.
He was stepping out from his father's shadow. He was going to be his own man. Do his own thing. If he had to lead, then he was going to lead. And the gang leaders were going to know it. One way or another.
However, after they'd raided and contained six warehouses and three safehouses effectively Tawan Apinya was nowhere to be found.
-
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
-
Pete’s phone was on silent mode.
He wanted to soak himself in the bath while the world went crazy around him. He knew a lot of noise would be waiting for him when he got back to the phone and he just figured he could have a few moments of peace.
Somewhere, not so far away, Porsche was having his presentation, Kinn and Vegas were kicking down doors and Tankhun was poised for damage control. Pete was going to spend the rest of his life worried about all that fucking shit so he could afford to have two seconds of peace.
When he emerged from the bathtub, toweling off his body, he watched himself in the mirror, grateful for the good work his ointments had done. The scars left behind by Vegas’ father were almost gone. Very faint lines remained and even then, Pete could only see them because he knew they were there. By the time Overheat came around, he’d be fresh as a baby.
From the bathroom, he went straight to his wardrobe, humming to himself as he tried not to think of his phone, just yet. He would get to it. Eventually. Not just yet. A moment more. And another moment. And another…
A few moments before contact, Pete felt the presence of someone else behind him.
With the kind of life he’d led, having someone come up behind him wasn’t the strangest thing. Directors did it. Photographers did it. Friends did it. In prison, other prisoners had done it. Pete was delicate-looking. The kind of visage that invited people's imposition. He was used to his space being overrun by unwanted entities.
But he was in his safe space. In his room. He didn’t have to indulge any of it. It took him until the last second to remember that he could move away. He could avoid it.
Pete shrugged his shoulder out of the way as he felt the scratch of a needle against his skin, tearing away at the good work his ointment had fought so hard to preserve. Hissing in pain and annoyance, Pete drove his elbow into the gut of the person behind him as a huge hand tried to reach for him.
When Pete turned around, he saw two men in the room. One of them was right in front of him with a syringe in his hand, while the other remained further away, almost out of sight but not quite. The man with the syringe lunged at Pete, but he evaded, climbing over his desk chair as he picked up the chair, and slammed it against his assailant's face. The man let go of the syringe, grabbing his bleeding face and so Pete jumped at the chance. He rushed for the syringe, very aware that he had almost no idea what to do with it. But the moment he picked it up, he stabbed the man in the neck with it and pressed down the lever, emptying the contents of the syringe into the man’s neck as the man’s body slowly slumped at Pete’s feet.
Breathing hard, he pulled the syringe out and dropped it on the table as he stood up, just as the other man strolled out from behind Porsche’s bed, a tiny gun in his hand, with a silencer attached to the nozzle.
“Honestly,” Tawan said. “I’m shocked at how many times I’ve been able to get away with the same trick.”
“Fool me once,” Pete said, remembering how they’d accosted him, drugged him, and dragged him to a warehouse.
“Tsk,” Tawan said. “I suppose I should have brought more than one man, but he’s all I’ve got now.”
Trying to control his breathing because his heart was still pumping hard in his chest, Pete tightened the towel on his waist. He could feel blood trailing down his neck from where the syringe had cut him, but he couldn’t attend to it, at the moment. Not with Tawan pointing a gun at him.
“What do you want?”
“Seeing as you just knocked out the man who would have carried you out, I want you to get dressed and walk with me.”
“And go where?” Pete asked, remembering how they’d put a bag over his head and manhandled him into the trunk of a car. He remembered how he’d woken up, naked and afraid, shivering with the cold metal bars of the chair digging into his body.
“Does it matter where I’m taking you?”
Keeping Tawan in his sights, he pulled a shirt from the wardrobe, a pair of pants, an underwear from his drawer, and a pair of socks.
While everyone else was looking for him, he’d come to get Pete. Because Pete was the easy target. The easy, bargaining chip. The one that could be bundled into a bag and tucked into a trunk. The powerless omega that could be assaulted whenever.
Then again, Pete’s presentation didn’t matter much to scum like Tawan. He’d abused Kinn and Porsche, as much as he’d abused Pete. If he was fearless enough to go after Kinn, Pete knew that he’d been lucky the first time Tawan had gone after him. It had just been for the video.
This time, Tawan was exposed and on the run. He was desperate and shoved into a corner. If he’d been dreadful before, Pete didn’t want to imagine what he’d be like if Pete walked out of the room with him.
As he put on his clothes, he wondered if he could risk it. If he could make a run for the door and pray that Tawan wasn’t a good shot. He hadn’t come close to Pete since he’d entered the room. He was keeping his distance to avoid Pete attacking him. But for him to do that, Pete wondered if Tawan was also just confident in his shooting skills that he knew he could get Pete if Pete tried to run.
“Pick up the pace,” Tawan said when Pete sat on the foot of his bed to put on his socks.
Pete eyed his phone on the table. He’d been careful not to go near it, lest he draw Tawan’s attention to it. As he wore his shoes, he stood to his feet, looking at Tawan as Tawan nodded towards the door.
“Let’s go. Don’t even think about being funny.”
Stepping over the broken chair and the slumped body of Tawan’s guard, Pete leaned on the table as he swiped his phone from it, heading towards the door. As he got into the entryway that also led to the bathroom, there was a short moment where he was slightly out of Tawan’s sight.
“Not too fast,” Tawan said.
But it was too late. The door leading out of the room opened into the room so that wasn’t Pete’s best option, seeing as the bathroom door was already slightly ajar. He pushed in and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him as he dialed Kinn’s number.
“Get out of there,” Tawan raged against the door as he banged it.
Pete hid in the corner between the toilet and door as he squatted and dialed Kinn’s number with shaky fingers. Tawan fired his gun at the door.
“Hey,” Kinn said.
“Tawan’s here,” Pete said. “Come now.”
“In your room?”
“Yes.”
“On my way.”
Pete’s heart jumped into his throat when the second shot went off, slicing into the air, breaking off bits of the door. He prayed that Kinn was close enough to make a difference because if Pete had taken this chance and it was for nothing, Tawan was going to kill him. No doubt. Pete would have been better off walking into the corridor with Tawan, than jumping into the bathroom and getting caught.
He knew that Tawan had an escape plan. He’d walked into Graham Blitz and no one caught him, so he might have had a way out. If he was planning to carry an unconscious Pete out of the hotel, walking out with him would be less conspicuous and therefore easier to do. If Pete dared to walk out with Tawan, he would be gone for good. Foolish as it felt, he was right to have gone into the bathroom because there was no way Pete was going to be captured again. Not when so many things could go wrong. Especially with a man like Tawan.
The third shot broke the door lock and it burst open.
Pete pounced on the door, slamming it into Tawan’s hand. Tawan shouted in pain as he pushed back. Pete fell away from the door and landed on the wet floor of the bathroom. He rolled out of the way, just as a bullet dug into the tile just beside his head.
He kicked Tawan in the leg and brought him to his knees. Pete sat up and punched him in the face. Both of them shouted in unison as Pete nursed his cracked knuckles, while Tawan held his face. Something had moved in his bones, but he didn’t even have time to deal with it because Tawan’s gun was coming up again. Tired of it, Pete slapped the gun away. Without bothering to go after the gun, Tawan lunged at Pete, grabbing him by the neck and slamming Pete into the side of the bathtub.
Gasping for breath, Pete pressed Tawan’s hand and pulled at the same time, but Tawan wouldn’t budge.
“All you had to do was come with me,” Tawan said through his bleeding lips as he applied more pressure.
Dizzy, Pete used all his strength to land a punch in Tawan’s midriff as Tawan’s hold buckled. Choking on freedom, Pete pushed him but when he tried to crawl away, Tawan grabbed him by the hair and tried to slam his face into the side of the bathtub.
Pete held the bathtub, protecting himself with all his might. Tawan kicked one of Pete’s hands out from under him and he fell, landing on his chest, instead of his face. Tawan grabbed the back of his hair again, but this time, Pete was ready for him. As he lifted Pete, so that he could slam him down again, Pete pushed back, walking both of them into the broken door with all the force he could muster. When Tawan’s hand came loose, Pete turned around and slapped him.
Flustered, it took Tawan a second to recover, but in that second, Pete punched him in the head again, ignoring the pain in his hand as he locked both hands together and brought them down on Tawan’s head. Tawan collapsed on the floor, bleeding from the head as he blinked up at Pete, groaning softly in pain.
“You…” Tawan started to say. “You piece of-”
Pete clenched his unmarred hand into a tight fist and delivered one last blow that sent Tawan’s face into the wall with a loud smack, knocking him out instantly.
Breathing loudly, Pete stumbled back and sat on the bathtub, staring down at Tawan’s unmoving form. From where Pete was sitting, he couldn’t tell if Tawan was even breathing. For all he knew, he could have killed the guy.
And yet, Pete couldn’t even bring himself to care. Because if there was one person who didn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy, it was Tawan Apinya.
And Pete would be proud to put down yet another abusive son of a bitch.
***
Porsche got back to the room first, rushing in like the world was on fire and stopping dead in his tracks as he took in the sight of a bleeding Pete sitting on the bathtub with Tawan passed out against the broken door. He pushed the door aside as Tawan’s body fell in the other direction and entered the bathroom.
He kicked the gun away from Tawan’s body as if he expected Tawan to wake up and use it against either of them. Only then did it occur to Pete that maybe he should have done that, himself. It would have been so annoying to have gone through all this, only for Tawan to wake up and shoot Pete just as Pete thought he’d won.
“Are you okay?” Porsche asked, making no move to approach Pete.
He was being cautious around Pete. Knowing Porsche, if Pete hadn’t pushed him away, Porsche would have run to Pete the moment he entered the bathroom. But he didn’t. Instead, he squatted by Tawan’s body, checking for a pulse. For once, Pete wished Porsche would approach him and engulf him in a hug, but he didn’t know how to say it or put it into words. Not when his mind and body were still reeling from the experience.
“I’m…” Pete cleared his throat. “I’m fine.”
“He’s still alive, the fucking weasel.”
“There’s another guy,” Pete said. “In the room. He came with another guy.”
“For fucksake.”
Porsche left the bathroom and Pete wished he wouldn't do that. He wished Porsche would stay with him for a second. Just sit with him so that he could come back to reality and leave the space of having just fought for his life.
No matter how many times he went through it, Pete would always break a little, afterward. But he had to be strong. He had to stand on his own. Already an omega, people couldn’t look at him and think he needed protecting. That kind of mindset was why Tawan had thought Pete was an easy target, to begin with. Pete couldn’t be weak.
Pete went to sink and splashed water on his face. The blood on his neck had dried and so had the blood on his face. But there would be no scarring. He was going to have a bruise on his face and chest and his back, but bruises wouldn't be an issue. By the time the cycle break was over, Pete would be just fine. Tawan would have caused more damage with his gun than with his weak hands. Pete had been hit harder in his life. He could recover from Tawan’s hits.
The fact that he’d been seconds away from death, though? That was another issue. Because every time Pete closed his eyes, he was staring down the barrel of a gun.
“Hey,” Kinn said, entering the bathroom, as he went straight for Pete.
Pete didn’t even fight him. He just sank into the hug as Kinn held him. Grabbing the back of Kinn’s shirt, Pete tried to calm his breathing, knowing that he’d done it himself. He hadn’t let himself be taken away. Not for a second time.
“I’m going to kill that asshole.”
“Weak asshole. He can’t even take a punch.”
Kinn chuckled as he pulled Pete away to look at him.
“How are you?”
“I have a handful of broken bones. Thanks for asking.”
“You’re going to joke it off till I let it go.”
“Then let it go,” Pete advised as Kinn frowned at him. “I’m fine.”
“You always say that.”
“Because I’m always fine.”
Vegas arrived not long after with a tight frown on his face.
“He’s still alive, right?” he asked, pointing at Tawan. “Tell me he’s alive. I need a moment.”
“He’s alive,” Kinn said, letting go of Pete. “Don’t worry, you’ll get your turn.”
Vegas held Pete by the hand, leading him out of the bathroom where a guard came in to bind Tawan’s hands and feet.
“You’re sleeping in my room tonight. You can’t sleep in this destroyed room. Come,” Vegas said. “Let’s get your things.”
***
Pete ordered a bunch of food that he didn’t need, just because he wanted to put off sleeping. But as they waited, with Pete cuddled up in Vegas’ arms, feeling safer than he’d ever felt, Pete slept off before he knew what was happening.
A black, dreamless sleep. More than he could have wished for, with a day full of activity and agitation. He’d been so scared that he would go to bed and Tawan would follow behind him. Because how surprising was it that the day had turned out as they’d hoped it would? Except for Tawan’s little excursion, the day was fulfilled and successful.
Pete was grateful. Even though a part of him was still a bit on edge.
In the softness of Vegas’ bed, the warmth of the coverings, and the safety of having Vegas with him, Pete slept through the night. Like he hadn’t done in ages. He didn’t have false reports to send to Wan. He didn’t have to worry about being captured. He wasn’t worried about the tape anymore because Tankhun had handled that.
Even if Tawan released the footage, there was nothing on it to do any real harm. He’d been foolish enough to only turn on the camera when Pete was in view and to turn it off before he (Tawan) even uttered a word. There was no other person videoed or recorded in Tawan’s footage. No way to tell that it wasn’t just something that was done by the studio or done as a rehearsal shoot.
No way to ruin things for Pete.
Pete was free.
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ctl-yuejie · 2 years
Text
KinnPorsche Ep.9 - spoilers -
Episode 7 is still my favourite but episode 9 comes in a strong second.
The balance between comedy and drama was excellent, I wish they'd do more straight up sinister comedy. Closest we got was Macau sleeping (innocently) through the sermon all while his brother is intimidating Pete and talking about peace of mind.
The actors did an excellent job all around, extremely impressed by all of them.
PeteVegas
Curious as to what the wound on Pete's wrist is. Did he have a run in with Vegas we didn't see which lead to him being even more trapidacious about tailing Vegas? The whole temple scene was just chefs kiss. How happily Macau helps his brother and enjoys how they work together. You can see how he thinks he knows everything his brother is up to because he has seen a certain amount of violence, but oh boy I cannot wait to have Macau confront some hard truths. How Vegas stood a step higher, then came to Pete's level but placed his hands always in a way to dominate him. Pete's face when Vegas touched his back was another highlight. Perfect mix of guarded, uncomfortable but also kind of into it.
Only thing I am still unsure about is whether Pete really is just this bad at tailing people or if he just assumes that Vegas will catch him so doesn’t put in too much effort to be able to play the innocent card better...Speaking of innocent: I might read too much into it because I want Pete to be a certain way, but I think he was fully aware that Kinn was under that blanket and made a point of returning to the main room and 100% was conscious when they fucked in front of him. He might have been drunk when he entered the room but I like to believe he sobered up quickly after feeling Kinn’s leg.
Bible was just a delight throughout the whole series. I like how he’s trying to get on Porsche’s good side again as a friend: he’s not succeeding but I like the dramatic effort he makes (those wine glasses were comically oversized).
KimChay
Barcode is amazing at acting nervous and flustered, it is so endearing. And a great callback to how Apo plays Porsche: flailing arms and everything. So proud that he had the guts to confess. Reactions to the kiss seem to be heavily devided between people happy that the ship is sailing and others that don’t like the agegap. To me it doesn’t feel like Kim is in love with Porchay, at least not yet. Of course he thinks he’s adorable and definitely has a soft spot for him (which might surprise Kim himself), but the moment Porchay said that there was no reason to see each other again Kim made the decision to play Porchays feelings even further in order not to lose his source of information. Which is the most delicious option and fits with the Theerapanyakul brothers’ mode of operations. He will feel conflicted and possibly really catch feelings for Porchay but that move seemed very deliberate and controlled (bless Porchay for squeezing the dear life out of him though...Porsche and him desperatedly yearning for physical intimicy has me in tears).
KinnPorsche
On paper it might look like we are right back at the end of episode 7 and nothing has changed, but to me it seemed like KinnPorsche had an enourmous amount of character growth and their communication brakedown is much more complicated than a simple “they are doing each other dirty and should talk it out before doing stupid moves”. Mile really made it believable that he used to date Tawan when he was younger: some lingering affection for the memories but it is apparent that he has changed since then, not only because of the breakup but also because time has passed and he is a different man now. He is aware on how dangerous his position is: he cannot allow himself to lose out on the intel but can’t appear to be swayed by emotions in front of his family and the rest of the mafia. The fact that Tawan got poisened on his turf is extremely alarming and a huge humilation to him and he also has to be even more careful on how to act with Porsche in front of others in order not to alarm Tawan or is father as to how much Porsche has become his weakspot. Throwing Porsche into the cell was just dramatics, I very much believe that Kinn does trust Porsche and just tries to fool Tawan (and the rest of the bodyguards). Porsche at the same time is fooling Vegas in order to get more information and I do think Kinn knows that by now. Not sure if his reaction to the pool scene was a genuine flash of jealousy or just a red herring....The only questions that remains is whether they really are on the same page like they seem to assume they are. Both are acting like the other on should obviously know and understand what the other is scheming. Either they really do, or, it is just much more delicious and complicated and they both assume that the other one does trust the other but not on the same level. Apo’s soft “Kinn” is rivaling Kinn’s breathy “Porsche” from episode 7 and it makes me feral. Sepeaking of character growth: Porsche meditating and tolerating Tawan with the utmost patience is the clearest sign on how far he has come.
Conspiracy theory of the day: I believe Tawan poisened himself
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This contains spoilers!!
The only flaw in this thought is Porsche decides to run away with Vegas (but I do enjoy Pete who apparently still really TRUSTS Porsche no matter what). Hear me out:
 It’s all one big trick for Tawan this apparent devilish trickster, who seems a little drunk on power? As in, he’s full of lies and has been someone in charge of something or still working for rival gangs or whatever…but really though it’d be a hardcore flex to think that it was all planned. Sure, just the two of us will go get the evidence. Also, Kinn not thinking for one second that Porsche is going to yes be a jealous lover but BE A BODYGUARD? My heart did a kind of little flip thing, (so got to hand to Apo) because when Tawan made a move towards Kinn in the cells and how quickly Porsche moved, well, shit.
Tawan predicts that Korn is looking at the bigger picture, but he can’t see shit. If anything, Kinn might be the one who is looking at the bigger picture, by resorting back to this behavior the second Tawan arrives. Only for his benefit and we’re seeing everyone especially Porsche looks unaware of the plan, but is he? Okay, maybe we’re being petty bitches all around because it does look like Kinn didn’t decide to go until he sees Vegas and Porsche at the pool. Yet all this water, the mirrors, the pools…what’s coming? HAH. Am I to think of the pool scene as a make up? Or is this “Let me clear things up with him…” aka all of this is one big trick and has been all along?
Or maybe yes, we’ve simply been fooled and it’s a jealous lovers trope with both parties being pulled away from each other? To still only come back together again somehow. Hear me out, (if you’re still reading you’re amazing) but I’m the type of person who hates having someone play mind games with them and people who fuck around with trust…(ooh, am I little bit like hot tempered Kinn with the shitty communication skills as well…I’m working on it) Anyway, what I mean to say is this episode is frustrating because (as we’re presented on screen) neither Kinn or Porsche actually took the time to  COMMUNICATE about Tawan’s sudden reappearance and leverage of evidence…and as the fallback is between them Porsche went immediately to physical intimacy/sex.
Everything just piled on like too much coincidence, orchestration…. like this thing is some musical instrument and everyone is pulling at the strings in such suspicious ways…and for Kinn to suddenly think oh yeah Porsche betrayed me, that’s plain to see ex-boyfriend of mine who manipulated me once before. Sure, he was in love, but Kinn’s guard is going to come down that fast? That wall is going to crumble that quickly? Fight me. I don’t believe any of this episode and that’s what makes it so frustrating.
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bbrandy2002 · 3 years
Text
Fool’s Rush In
Chapter 18
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Pairing: Liam x Riley
Book: TRR AU
Warnings: Language, crude talk, and the usual bad writing.
I had planned from the beginning to end this series after the next chapter and an epilogue, but call me crazy, I love it too much. So while this part of the story will end, I still plan to update with one-shots or stories from time to time. If you’re just done with it, let me know.
Also, this chapter felt a little off to me, so I apologize if it's terrible, but I think I ended on a good note.
Thanks @burnsoslow for prereading.and usage of your girl, who finally got to make her debut.
---------------------------------
"Damn it, Riley! Pick up!" Liam grumbled as he lowered the cell phone from his ear and tossed it in the seat beside him. The royal jet had been in the air for a little over four hours already, and he'd grown frustrated at getting her voice mail each time. Surely, she was home by now. 
Even though it was the middle of the night in Las Vegas, it was worth interrupting her. He had tried unsuccessfully to contact Riley since he packed his bags earlier and hastily headed for the airstrip. By this point, there must have been a dozen or so messages left on her phone without so much as a hint she'd gotten them. 
While time wasn't an issue -- he'd get to Las Vegas one way or the other -- it was the desperation to hear from his new wife and tell her he knew precisely why she left. 
And that he loved her.
Tilting his head back against the headrest, he swiveled side-to-side in his luxury chair while tightly clutching his freshly poured scotch. The security footage he watched earlier that morning replayed in his mind again. There were no doubts about what it showed: Madeleine confronted Riley outside their quarters just minutes after leaving the ball. Without sound, however, no one could ascertain specifically what was said among the two women. It was clear though,  Riley was not a willing participant in that conversation. When they saw the disk held up in the Countess' hands, and the look of sheer horror on his pussycat's face, that told Liam all he needed to know. This was a blackmail situation, plain and simple, that included assault; those flowers he found scattered on the ground when he returned to his quarters last night all made sense now. This act was deliberate and treasonous, and Liam would ensure his ex-fiancee paid handsomely for it. 
After they viewed the footage several more times, the Royal Guard was immediately summoned to Krona to find Madeleine and take her into custody. Liam knew it was a long shot whether his guards could pull that sting off, but he was working with what he had at the moment.
Despite whatever happened next, there was one thing the King was confident of: He was prepared to give up his entire Kingdom to get his girl back. Returning to Cordonia without her was not an option.
Shaking his tumbler of partially melted ice cubes, Liam leaned forward and steadily poured another bottle of scotch into his glass. As soon as he sat back and raised the fresh beverage to his lips, he was startled by the ringing of his cell phone. In a rush to answer, he hastily set the drink aside and snatched his phone up from where he tossed it earlier. 
"Hello! Love?" He answered, hopeful it was her.
"Hey, little brother. Love you too ... Say, do you know if the palace has a Spanish tickler or a breast ripper? Asking for a friend."
Liam furrowed his brows in confusion before rising from his seat, plopping a knee down on its cushioned bottom, and glancing to the back of the plane. "Leo? Why are you calling me? We're on the same damn plane. I'm looking right at you."
"Nevermind that. Listen, I figured out a way to take care of Madeleine once and for all. Behold ..." Leo held up a leather-bound book and waved it over his head while Liam squinted from the front of the plane to get a better look. "... The King Constantine Guide To Fucking Torture In The 21st Century; Father gave it to me after my investiture ceremony. The way I see it, there really is no other option here than to tie her to a tree in front of the palace, invite the public to watch for a modest fee, and do some cool shit with iron rods and spikes. I got dibs on the knee-splitter, though."
"Leo ..." Liam began to warn his brother how ridiculous that plan was before stopping himself and staring off into the distance for a moment in thought. "Wait ... is there anything about flaying in that book?"
"Hell yeah there is! And if you're interested in thumbscrews, my buddy, Pete, has a trunk full of them. He uses them for ass play, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind letting us borrow them to split Maddie's thumbs in half." Leo let out a maniacal laugh.
Liam chuckled, despite the peculiarity of the conversation. "I'm not going to lie and tell you I'm not interested -- to the contrary, actually. And while I appreciate your help in seeing that Madeleine is brought to justice, I think we better stick to more lawful means."
"Boo, you whore!" The line went dead with a click. 
Liam held the phone away from his ear, watching Leo sink down into his chair in a huff. "Really?" He called back in agitation. Met with the silent treatment and a middle finger from his disgruntled brother, Liam rolled his eyes, then slumped back down into his seat. Maybe he'd try to call Riley again.
-------------
The phone on Riley's nightstand buzzed again. She knew it was another call from Liam, and while she felt remorseful for ignoring all of his calls and texts, she couldn't bring herself to look at or answer them quite yet. The sooner all ties between them were broken, she believed, the quicker he could forget all about her and the mess she made of everything. 
But even her willpower was slipping. Riley slid her hand out from under the pillow and reached over to pick up her phone. Holding it to her chest, she contemplated for a second just reading his texts and returning his calls, but Madeleine had warned to end all contact with him. Obviously, she was curious about what he had to say, but it was too risky. I'm so sorry, Liam. 
Hitting the power button on her cell, the light on the device faded to black before she tossed it in the nightstand drawer.
Early the next morning, Riley's eyes flickered open to the sound of a banging on her front door, followed by the incessant ringing of her doorbell. Feeling exhausted from a lack of sleep, mainly because of crying and unable to think about anything other than how she hurt Liam, Riley decided to ignore it. She just wanted to be left alone, and eventually, they'd give up and leave, right?
Except they didn't.
Annoyed, she let out a sigh and then eased herself up out of bed; the pain in her back was still a problem. Tossing a robe over her body, she slowly made her way down the stairs of her townhome -- each step excruciating -- until she finally made it to the door.
Twisting the lock, she opened the entry door, before letting out a sudden gasp at the tearful person standing on the other side. 
"Oh my God, Riley! Y-You're alive! You're really alive!"
"Alyssa?" Riley's best friend from New York pulled her into a relieved hug, nearly sobbing at that point. "What're you doing here?"
"I thought something terrible happened to you, but now that I can see you're still among the living ..." she sniffled before pulling back and narrowing her blazing blue eyes at her friend. "Where have you been? I've been trying to get ahold of you ever since you texted me that you were boarding a plane in Cordonia, and that something serious happened involving Tyler. You promised me you'd call as soon as you landed--"
"I know. I'm so sorry. It was late ..."
 " -- and you didn't. Then I worried, even more, when you didn't answer any of my calls back. I had to book the first red-eye flight here to make sure you were all right." Finished with her rant, a huffing Alyssa's jaw immediately clenched. "Now, what did that shithead ex of yours do? I'll kill him if he hurt you, Ri. I might be small, but I'm scrappy like an alleycat. You know I'll claw his eyes out."
Riley let out a light chuckle; Alyssa was always overprotective of her and had a clever way with words, but quickly, that chuckle faded into a teary frown. "Oh, Lyss," she whimpered as her face fell into her hands.
Alyssa quickly wrapped her arms around Riley and pulled her into a warm embrace. "Aww, Riley. Sweetie, it's going to be okay," she soothed. 
Stepping inside, Alyssa kicked the door shut and led them both over to the sofa. Sensing Riley was in pain -- and not just emotional -- she helped lower her troubled best friend onto the couch. "I want you to start from the beginning and tell me everything that happened."
The best friends had remained in contact over the last several weeks. It was Alyssa's frantic morning phone call over a month ago that alerted Riley to the news coverage of her impromptu marriage to Liam, having saw it on the news. 
And while Alyssa was aware of everything about Cordonia and Liam, and how Riley fit into all that from their prior conversations, she listened intently while it was revealed to her the details of the incident with Madeleine and the video her ex-husband gave to the Countess.  
Grabbing a tissue from the end table, Alyssa handed it to Riley. "So this cow confronted you with that disgusting video and basically blackmailed you into leaving, or she would release it to the press?" Riley nodded somberly.."Ugh, I want this treasonous bitch thrown in the dungeon, subjected to live-streamed daily anal fistings with giant Hulk gloves ... And Tyler, I want to break every bone in his rotten body, one at a time. And I want to leave him there afterwards, dripping just enough water on his lips, so he doesn't die of dehydration, screaming in agony for the weeks it will take to die of starvation."
 Riley's face scrunched up. "God, Alyssa."
Alyssa shrugged. "What? I don't care; it's what they deserve for hurting you. Did you at least tell Liam what happened?"
This time, Riley shook her head. "No. Madeleine warned me if I told him, she would release the video, and then the council would likely force him to step down. I won't allow him to lose everything for someone like me." 
Irritated, Alyssa pressed a palm to her forehead. "Why are you like this?"
"Like, what?" Riley asked in exasperation.
"That whole, 'someone like me,' part. He wanted to stay married to you. He made you the queen of his country. You've said he couldn't keep his goddamn hands off you for two seconds. And more importantly, you told me you have never felt more loved in your life, than you do when you're with him. The fact that you still question your worthiness to him blows my mind." 
Alyssa reached for Riley's shaky hand, able to tell by the tears sliding down her cheeks and the soft whimpers that she'd touched on something. "You're his pussycat, Riley. Liam already lost everything when you left him. Tell me you know that."
Riley wiped at her face., her voice stifled, "I just wanted to protect him."
"I know." Alyssa smiled softly. "But you needed to give him the chance to decide what he wanted. You made it for him because you know he'd choose you, regardless if he lost everything else; that's how much he loves you, Ri. You can't protect someone who loves you by hurting them. Besides, he's the King; he can simply execute the council if he wants to -- Liam’s not going anywhere."
"You just HAD to add that last part in, didn't you?" Riley laughed, feeling a sense of ease as her mood lightened. It felt good to talk to someone who could help her make sense of everything and realize she hadn’t exactly made the best call by leaving and not telling Liam what happened. "But what do I do about this video? What if Madeleine releases it to the public?"
"Yeah, a video of a married woman having sex with her husband -- Oh, the shame!" she retorted. "Look, you'll be famous on Pornhub for a few weeks, and it'll fizzle out. I know that doesn't make it all better, but you have a lot of people who love you ... we'll be there for you if that happens. Besides, it's Gonzo Dick; I doubt anyone will wanna watch anyway."
Riley snorted out at the nickname she gave her ex-husband. "Stop making me laugh." 
Alyssa cracked a grin. "Nah. If I can make you laugh at that asshole's expense and his crooked dick, then it's worth it."
"Well,” she breathed, “ I suppose I should get dressed and call Liam. Tell him what happened, and hopefully, he'll … forgive .." her voice trailed off at tasting an increasing collection of bile in her throat and a familiar rumble in her stomach. 
“What’s wrong?”
Riley frowned. "Damn it, why do I keep getting sick?"  
After rushing to the bathroom with Alyssa's help, Riley came out moments later, flushed and perspiring. Alyssa, who waited outside the door to make sure she was all right, eyed her friend with grave concern. "Ri, are you sure you don't have a concussion? You said that Madeleine caused you to fall, and you complained you’ve been getting sick a lot. Is there any chance you hit your head too?"
Riley considered for a moment before shaking her head. "I don't think so. I mean, it all happened so fast I don't really remember, but my head doesn't hurt."
"OH NO! You have memory loss too, on top of the vomiting and a hurt back? Riley, you need to go to the hospital now. This is serious."
"Alyssa, I'm fine. I don't need to go to the hospital," Riley dismissed and hobbled past her friend toward the kitchen. "You always worry too much."
Alyssa followed behind her, brows bumped together in a scowl. "Because you're a stubborn ass who never listens, that's why. You need to get checked out," she insisted. Riley paid no attention as made her way to the fridge; that reaction only served to piss Alyssa off. "You can ignore me all you want, but you know as well as I do, I'll just keep annoying the hell out of you until you do it … I'll sing every Dave Matthews song ever written -- On repeat." 
Riley shut the fridge door and turned at the threat, giving her a dismayed glare. "You wouldn't." 
Alyssa tilted her chin. "You know damn well I would. I have... so much to say, so much to say, so much --"
"Please stop! I'm going."
---------
At Valley Hospital and Medical Center, Drake sat slumped down in the waiting room of the E.R;  a thawed ice pack covered his crotch. His increasingly irritated self caught sight of a nurse escorting yet another patient back for examination. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
Tired of waiting, he cast the ice pack aside and marched straddle-legged to the triage desk where a beefy nurse with a scowl sat filing her nails. "How much longer is this gonna take?" He demanded bitterly.
The nurse remained focused on her nails and answered in a careless fashion. "You'll get called back when it's your turn, Mr. Walker."
"My turn? MY TURN? I've been here for 15 fucking hours waiting for my turn. I've watched one person after the next walk right in, get treated, and leave. Whose ass do I actually have to lick to get treatment around here?"
Unimpressed with his theatrics, she folded her arms on the desk and looked up at Drake with a glower. "Look. You got kicked in the wang by a hooker. Shit happens. It's not the end of the world. Go home, have a beer, and a good laugh. You'll live." She resumed her filing.
Drake ran both hands through his rumpled hair, letting out a sardonic laugh. "I cannot fucking believe you just said that to me. I suffer trauma on my transplanted dick, and the greatest healthcare minds in the world tell me to have a beer and laugh about it?" his voice shrieked.
The nurse blew on her nails. "That's what I said."
That snarky remark sent him even further over the edge. A red-faced Drake pounded two white-knuckled fists on the desk and leaned down into her space. "Now you listen here, lady. I demand to be seen right now, or so help me, I'll tear this whole goddamn place apart brick-by-fucking-brick! Do you understand me?"
Having none of that, the nurse, who was several inches taller than a startled Drake expected, sprung for her chair and loomed over him menacingly. Drake flinched when she rammed the nail file at him and threatened, "Now, you listen.You can either sit your ass down, or I will sit you down. Do you understand me?"
He didn't understand. He would never understand.
A security guard who heard the commotion casually approached the agitated pair and placed a firm hold on Drake's elbow. "Do we have a problem here, Betty Lou?"
She shook her head, sizing Drake up. "No, just some whiny-ass Karen griping about his dick."
---------------
Several moments later, Alyssa and Riley exited an Uber and wandered into the waiting area, making their way up to the triage line -- or what they thought was a line. It was actually Drake still standing there, continuing to protest his case to anyone who would listen and demanding to speak to someone in charge.
While Riley dug through her purse to retrieve her health insurance card, Alyssa couldn't help but be taken in by the fiery debacle taking place in front of them. She inched a little closer, unable to help herself; it was good drama and sucked her right in. 
Catching a glimpse of Drake’s sour face, she cocked her head introspectively; there was something oddly familiar about the man in the denim shirt going off. Alyssa tapped her chin. Where have I seen him before?  
Before long, the realization set in, and her eyes snapped wide open. She nudged Riley with an elbow and leaned over, whispering, "Hey, isn't that the guy from the news who had the penis transplant? It looks just like him."
Knowing precisely who that was by the description, Riley popped her head up to look. She hadn't known Drake well, only that he was Liam's best friend, and after having spent time together on the plane ride to Cordonia with him, that her maid-of-honor had given him several venereal diseases. "Drake?" she called out.
While Alyssa zoned in on his groin, curious as to what was in there, Drake broke away from the dispute and turned his focus toward the familiar-sounding voice. She was a connection to home and a long-sought-after friendly face. "Riley? Liam's insta-bride, Riley?" 
She let out a light chuckle and nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that's how you would know me ... What are you doing at the hospital? Is your body rejecting the ..." Her embarrassed gaze dropped lower with a gulp. " ... thing?"
"No!" he barked. "I just got attacked by that ... uh, someone."
"You got attacked?" Shocked, Riley placed a hand over her chest. "Why would someone attack you? Are you okay?"
Feeling incensed by the memory, Drake shook his head and muttered. "It's a long story ... What about you? What are you doing here? Thought you were in Cordonia with Liam?"
She inhaled a deep breath through her nostrils and forced a smile. "It's a long story too."
Drake peeked over his shoulder at Nurse Ratchet, giving him a gimlet-eyed stare from behind her computer screen. He groused and turned to face Riley again. "I've got time."
----------------
Nearly 12 hours after takeoff, the royal jet touched down in sunny Las Vegas, an hour ahead of schedule. Liam and Leo stepped off the plane and strolled across the tarmac to the awaiting vehicle, where a smiling man held the rear passenger door open.
"Bastien," Liam greeted as he approached. "Good to see you again."
"Your Majesty." He bowed. "Likewise ... I have the rental car you requested, and the Queen's address is already programmed into the GPS. Should take no more than 30 minutes to get there."
"Perfect,” he replied, clapping Bastien’s shoulder.“Thanks for having everything ready to go."
Liam had contacted the head guard -- who was still jailed for non-support -- and gained him a day-long pass to provide security detail. Bastien was also to stay in contact with his guards to oversee the capture and detainment of Madeleine.
Bastien took their bags, and the brothers hopped into the back of the Escalade. Once they pulled away from the airport, the directions led the group west. The head guard glanced briefly in the rearview mirror as he drove on. “I want to thank you for giving me a second chance. It’s nice to be out of that place, even if just for the day.”
Liam smiled back. “Not a problem, good man. I can’t think of anyone else I trust more for the job than you … though I’m not sure why. Anyway, do you have any updates on the Madeleine situation?”
“Yes, sir. I contacted my colleagues again just before you arrived. Countess Madeleine was taken by surprise when our guards arrived at her family estate in Krona. Once in custody, she was immediately transported to Valtoria for detention, exactly as you requested.”
"That's terrific news ... Wait ...Did you say, Valtoria?" Liam asked with puzzlement in his tone. 
"Yes, sir. As you requested." 
"Man, please tell me Mads tried to fight them off, and they had to use the taser on her," Leo insisted as he held his crossed fingers in the air. "A billy club ... a rubber hose ... something."
"There may have been a brief verbal exchange and some threats, but the Countess promised if they permitted access to her computer to send a quick email, she would go with them peacefully and without further protest. There didn't seem to be any harm in doing so, and she followed through with her word. Sorry to break it to you, Prince Leo, but no tasers were harmed in her capture."
"Well, fiddle shit." Leo glanced over at his brother --who was still scratching his head -- in disappointment. "If only I'd been able to get that shock collar on her while I was engaged to her, you wouldn't be in this mess right now. She just squirmed too much. I’m sorry I let you down, little brother."
"It's fine, Leo; it's not the first time,”  Liam said dryly before turning his head away from Leo to face the front again. "Can we get back to Madeleine being taken to Valtoria? I never requested that. An accused of the Crown is always placed in the palace dungeon. There aren't even cells in Valtoria to hold her in. What am I missing here?"
Approaching a stoplight, Bastien lightly pressed the brakes, then met Liam’s gaze in the mirror. “The orders I was given to pass along to the guards from you earlier were clear in your text: Once she’s taken into custody, she is to be sent to Valtoria and placed in the cage with the monkey until further notice. That’s what they --”
“Mongo! They put her in the cage with Mongo?” Liam exploded before pinching the bridge of his nose, knowing there was no point in asking how that message got mixed up. “Goddamn it, Leo! Why are you, you, sometimes?” He ran a swift hand down his face and turned to glare at his brother. “Do you realize they consider that cruel and unusual punishment? Did you ever stop to consider how much shit I'm going to hear over this if this gets out?" He let out a sharp breath and threw his hands in the air."How? How did you do it?"
"It's simple pimple, Liam. When you went to the bathroom, I grabbed your phone," he replied bluntly with a shrug. "And according to page 24 of Father's torture book: It's not considered cruel and unusual punishment, as long as she has food, water, and clean shelter -- which she does. Or ... if she's housed with a member of the royal family -- which she is. Mongo is the heir to the throne, so we've got that covered too. So just relax, little bro; Leo’s got it all taken care of for you."
Liam dropped his chin to his chest, then let out a weary breath. “Bastien, call the guards and have them move her to the palace at once.” 
As Bastien placed the call, Liam shifted in his seat so that he was staring out the window. He put a palm over his mouth to conceal the curved lips that formed a devilish grin, trying to contain the unbearable urge to bust out laughing. Oh, Maddie ... I hope you and Mongo had one hell of a time together.
----------------
Back at the hospital, Riley situated herself on the gurney while a nurse prepared to check her vitals and ask general health questions. 
In the next bay over, separated by a thin sliding curtain, Drake was finally attended to after Riley reluctantly, but willfully, played up her celebrity status. Once she threatened to have the hospital shut down -- which she doubted was even possible on her end -- the proverbial red carpet was rolled out for both of them; she was still a queen, afterall. 
Steps were then taken to ensure they both received the royal treatment, so to speak. That wasn’t typically how Riley preferred to handle situations; she hated big fusses over her. But in the end, she did help one of Liam’s oldest friends finally get the medical attention he needed, so it was worth trying. 
The blood pressure cuff on Riley’s arm squeezed tighter just as one of the doctors stepped inside and slid the curtain all the way closed. His cheerful greeting drew Riley's fixed gaze away from the changing numbers on the monitor beside her bed, and she smiled up at him.
The doctor was tall and thin, with thick spectacles perched near the tip of his nose. He gave a brief nod to Alyssa, who was sitting in a chair at Riley’s bedside, rubbing her shoulder. Scanning the patient chart, he spoke without looking up, "Queen Riley, it says here you suffered a fall?"
"I'm just Riley,  please," she requested.
The doctor looked up from the paperwork and nodded with an understanding smile. "Of course." 
After the initial exam concluded, Alyssa remained behind after the doctor ordered x-rays and transport had wheeled Riley down to radiology. 
Bouncing her crossed leg as she scrolled through her phone, Alyssa tried to bide her time until Riley returned. An air conditioning vent overhead that she didn’t realize drowned out so much noise around her, suddenly flipped off. Able to catch the conversation on the other side of the curtain better, she listened with a broken heart as Drake reluctantly described to an attending, the worst days of his life. Alyssa shuddered as he recalled the moment his penis fell off, rolled across the bed, and dropped onto Ethan Ramsey’s leather shoe during an exam. “That poor man. I just want to hug him,” she muttered.
Her little ears perked when the doctor mentioned he was “going to have a look at it.” In her curious mind, there were no doubts that she was too. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take a peek at the first transplant of its kind; no way was she going to miss out on that. 
Alyssa slid to the edge of her seat and raised her hand to up to the curtain, easing a tiny portion of it aside. Her blue eyes crinkled with frustration at a nurse who was blocking her view. “Move your ass,” she whispered to herself.
Unable to get a good view, she gave up that spot and eyed the other opening in the curtain at the far end of the room. Sliding off her chair to a crouching position on the floor, Alyssa crab-walked as fast as she could without falling off balance until she made it to the other side. Crooking a stealthy finger along the seam of the curtain, she hoped and prayed Drake’s genital exam wasn’t through yet. What her eyes saw on that gurney when she pulled the fabric aside caused her heart to jolt out of her chest. 
Alyssa cupped a hand over her gaping mouth before stepping back and letting the curtain fall loosely shut again.  Dropping her hand limply at her side, staring blankly at nothing, she mouthed, “Oh. My. God.”
----------------
Down in the radiology department, Riley sat patiently in her wheelchair, waiting for the tech to return to take the x-rays. Enjoying the lighter feeling of having an empty bladder again, she let out a contented sigh; she was about to bust earlier. That mandatory urine sample couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. 
Left alone to ruminate in her thoughts, Riley wondered about those phone calls she ignored last night from Liam. The regret she felt over her actions the last 26 hours continued to mount up. And it took a heart-to-heart with her best friend to really put things into perspective. Her decisions weren’t the best course to take, even if they were done with the most loving of intentions. 
There was a lot to make up to Liam, and she only hoped that it wasn’t too late. Could he even forgive her for all of it?
She wished he was there with her right now. If she knew him the way she thought she did, he’d be standing around telling inappropriate jokes to make her laugh or embarrass her with his silly antics. It was like Liam could be two different people sometimes: Kingly and stoic around everyone else, but the second it was just him alone with her, he was such a big kid. Somehow, she could bring out his true self; the one where he felt comfortable enough to be silly and playful. And as much as she tried to play them off, those little pet names he gave her -- she chuckled to herself as they popped into her head -- were funny. What the hell even was a knucklehead mcspazzatron? 
“Miss Brooks” Riley shook herself of her thoughts as the x-ray tech returned and made her way over. “I apologize that took so long.”
Riley smiled up at her. “No need to apologize… Are you ready for me now?”
“Not exactly,” she teased in such a cheery tone, Riley slightly lowered her eyelids, holding her gaze. “You most likely won’t be getting x-rays today, sweetie.” She held a fisted hand out to Riley and opened her palm to reveal the small object inside. “You’re pregnant.”
--------------------
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littlejeanniebean · 4 years
Text
Ep. 3 | The Marauders: Riddle Records
A/N: “Come to the dark side. We have a solo career.” - Tom Riddle Jr., probably. On a lighter note, I can just see them backstage like this by the lovely artist @theimpossiblefifth​. Read on AO3 :) Enjoy! - J xx
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One look in your eyes
I can read your mind
 You're naughty, my type
Care for a good time?
You could be just like all your high society friends at high tea
You could get with a football player
But there’s nothing like a shot of adrenaline in the morning
You know you want a dragon slayer
“Like me,” James mouthed seductively to the camera and winked.
“I’m Alice Fortescue, these wonderful lads are The Marauders, thank you for joining us this Saturday Night Live!” the actress grinned widely as the camera backed away.
The boys all gathered around her in a group hug.
“Holy shit! That was incredible!” Obviously, this was Sirius speaking.
“You were wonderful, honey,” a low voice whispered.
A smiling man with sweet eyes and a mop of dark hair put his arms around Alice.
“Oh, everyone, this is my boyfriend, Frank!” the bubbly actress grinned widely, “He’s a photographer for GQ.”
“Sick!” James shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you, Frank; lovely working with you, Alice; hope you’ll both come to one of our shows sometime, ta-ta!” Sirius practically dragged the band away before anyone could say anything more.
“What was that?” Remus tutted at his boyfriend.
“Yeah, ta-ta?” the bespectacled boy wiggled his nose to adjust his glasses that had gone askew, “Who says that?”
“Not what I meant,” the pale, mousy-haired boy shrugged off his suit jacket in their shared dressing room.
“Look, I’ll explain later!” Sirius pleaded, “Just hurry up and let’s get the hell -”
“Yoo-hoo! Siri!” a warbling, high-pitched voice giggled on the other side of the door, “This is their room here, Tommy...”
“Christ,” the dark-haired boy covered his face with his hands. 
“We’ll deal with Bella,” James set his jaw and turned to the other two, “Ready?”
Remus and Peter rolled up their dress shirt sleeves and nodded.
The trio filed out of the dressing room, forcing Bella Black and her friend backward, and immediately shut the door behind them.
“He doesn’t want to see you or any of your family again, Bella,” said James sternly, giving the show's new cameraman the stink-eye for good measure. 
Bella stuck her tongue out childishly. 
Her guest grimaced and offered his hand to the boys, “I’m sorry about her. She overheard I was interested in speaking with you young talents and… well, it got a bit out of hand. I’m Tom Riddle, of Riddle Records.” 
Really, the man with chiseled features and dark slicked back hair wasn’t much older than they were. But he was dressed more expensively than they could ever be comfortable with, even with the fresh success of their debut album.
“You’re Senior’s kid,” James nodded, his mother being an agent in the industry. He noted just the smallest flinch at the mention of the man's father. “With all due respect, we already have a label.”
“A label that has you locked into a contract as a group,” Tom gave them each his card and presented James with another one for Sirius, “We would pay any fees associated with breaking your current contract, then we would launch your solo careers - James as the pop prince, Sirius as the rock and roll bad boy, Remus as the R&B god, and Peter as the jazz legend!”
“We’re better musicians together,” said Remus.
Tom leaned in, “Your success now, quadrupled. Plus the potential for high-engagement collaborations among you. The freedom to create in your own style on top of that. Imagine it. And give me a call.”
"Ta-ta," Bella blew them each a kiss in a way that could only be described as menacing. When they were out of the boys' earshot she simpered, "You're such a clever businessman, Tommy."
"Don't call me that," he yanked his arm away and pressed his phone to his ear irritably, "I found us some new business and laid the groundwork. Can I have my allowance now?" 
The Marauders flew back to Scotland that night and rehearsed for months until they were ready to drop before flying back to LA for Night One. 
“Nervous?” Sirius whispered while they waited for their opening act, DJ Dedalus Diggle, to finish his set.
“Why would you ask me that?” James huffed, adjusting his bright red tie for the umpteenth time. 
“You need more glitter,” Molly patted his cheekbones lightly with her pointer finger, which was covered in the golden stuff.
“Five minutes, boys!”
“Thanks, Arthur!” Remus spoke for them all.
“We’ve got this, Jimbo!” Peter bounced excitedly on his heels.
“Easy for you to say. You’ve been performing at recitals since you were big enough to reach the keys from the bench.”
“The jitters never get old,” his baby-faced friend told him, “but we’re all going out there. And with everything we do together, we always have fun.”
James nodded to himself and made sure to check on their drummer for the tour, “You good, Kingsley?”
The man in a rose-red disco suit twirled the sticks deftly in his hands, “Let’s do this.”
“... and now, Los Angeles,” Diggle hyped the crowd, “give it up… for The Marauders!”
The lights went up and the boys looked out at the incredibly emotional fans who’d come to see them.
“Right,” James whispered, reaching for the microphone with shaking hands, “A-one, two, three.”
I don’t have a lot of time
I’m running for my dear life
Can’t breathe without you by
Aye aye aye
It’s a full house
But I’ll seek you out
It’s a wild crowd
But I’ll seek you out
I don’t know how
But I’ll seek you out
James couldn’t help grinning ear to ear as Sirius broke out into his guitar solo.
Remus pointed out a sign that said, “Marry me, James Potter!”
The lead singer laughed and spoke into his mic, “Well, will you buy me dinner first, at least?” 
The girl promptly fainted.
Arthur was by her side immediately to make sure she was alright.
“Oh, dear, you’ve hit your head,” Molly crouched down beside him and handed the young girl an ice pack.
The red-headed manager got his first good look at the videographer and her multi-pocketed fishing vest and cargo pants.
She noticed him staring, “I’ve known these boys a long time. You never know what you’re going to need.”
“Good advice,” he helped her and the fan back up in one go, “I’m Arthur.”
“Molly,” she grinned, hoisting her camera back onto her capable shoulders and focused back in on James.
Under your spell, I like how you play it
Keeping it cool is so overrated
Waiting on you, every breath bated
Hey hey hey
They played LA two more nights before moving on to San Francisco. Then Vegas, then Seattle, and across the rest of the continent, all the way to New York.
“Madison Square Garden,” James swallowed, taking in the iconic jumbotron above their heads and the entire stadium, really.
Just three hours later, he was up on that very stage, sweat trickling down his back and the bridge of his nose as he sang his heart out about a funny story the designer, Lily Evans once related about her sister via Instagram post.
There’s a little house on Privet Drive
Where nothing ever happens
Little curtain twitcher of a wife
And a little boy and husband
But when they leave for their nine to five
And the little boy goes to school
The little old lady with cats ninety-nine
Does what she wills to do
Living next to ordinary no. 4
So much to do, so much to explore
The grocer down the street from me
His daughter left for university
And he needs the comfort of my tabbies
Yessiree, that’s what I’m here for
Your neighbour next to ordinary no. 4
After that, they went all over South America. The streets were typically too narrow to drive a tour bus around, so they often jetted from one country to another and rented a little convoy of minivans to take them to the arenas from their hotels and back.
“Shit, Petey’s got food poisoning!” Remus fussed over the poor boy.
“I’m fine! Really!” the blond insisted before doubling over and retching once more.
“I can fill in,” DJ Diggle adjusted his signature flat cap, “I have all your songs pre-recorded -”
“We have half an hour to get it out of his system!” Sirius declared determinedly, “We’re not going on without you, Pete!”
“I’ve got the doctor!” Arthur came in, followed closely by a middle-aged woman with apple cheeks and curly hair.
“You need to replace your fluids,” Molly handed Peter a bottle of electrolytes.
“Yeah, it’s a common bacterial infection going around among tourists,” said the doctor, giving him a dose of antibiotics, “He’s not in any shape to perform, you lot, so you might as well let him rest.”
“I can - oh,” Peter ran to the bathroom.
“How soon can you give him another dose of that?” Sirius asked anxiously.
“Not any time in the next half hour,” she narrowed her eyes at him, apparently having overheard his earlier proclamation.
“Poppy’s right,” said Arthur, “Peter’s health comes first. Dedalus, isolate the keyboards in every track and queue the set list.”
“Try to keep in time,” Sirius added.
“No improvising for tonight, lads,” Arthur warned the regular band members.
“But -” 
“I’m serious.”
“And so am I!” he could only maintain a straight face for two and a half seconds after he said this.
James sighed as they waited for the DJ to introduce them half an hour later, “It’s not going to be the same without Peter.”
“We’ll make the best of it, Jimbo,” Remus assured him, “and he’ll be back with us for the next one.”
The frontman set his jaw, pushed his glasses up his face and pulled the microphone to his lips.
Do you remember
The games we used to play
Mermaids underwater
Aliens in outer space
Do you remember
The sticks we’d raise aloft
We called them swords and never
Lost the battles that we fought
Peter was back on stage the next night, to much celebration and all too soon, they flew back across the pond for their European leg. Of course, their first stop was Scotland.
“It’s so good to be home,” James sighed happily, pausing to wipe his glasses on the hem of his shirt and winking at a girl who lost it at the sight of his abdomen, “This is our last song. Please join in if you know the words. Or make them up. Just have a good time. Be as loud as you want to. We love you all, thank you for everything you’ve done for us. We’re the luckiest boys in the world.”
Is there a risk to it?
Is it a challenge?
If there isn’t, if it isn’t, I don’t want it
Yeah, I wanna do some damage
I feel lucky tonight
I got you by my side
Seven days in a week
And you spend them with me
So hell yeah, I feel lucky
"That sounds really good, Pete," said James from where he lay on the floor of their stage after the arena emptied, "We could use that."
Peter chuckled, "It's Chopin. A waltz."
James ambles over and his friend makes room for him on the bench.
"It's a split C chord, then F, A flat..." he guides him through the song. It's out of time and messy, but they're having fun. "James…"
"Yeah, Pete?"
"What are we going to do about Tom Riddle's offer? I mean, his dad’s label practically owns half the music industry. And Castle is just this little independent… He could make our lives more difficult than he already has." 
"Unless we join him, you're thinking?" 
"We could ask Arthur to negotiate a group contract just the same. I doubt they'll dislike the idea of paying less upfront."
"But what about loyalty to everyone at Castle? McGonagall? Urquart?" James shook his head, "We're having a successful tour in spite of the ticket bots Riddle set on us. We're looking out into seas of fans all wearing our merch in spite of his shipment hijacking. And we're having bloody good time because we're not letting any of the homophobic slander he's fueled the press with get to us."
"Here, here!" cheered Sirius, clinking his beer bottle with his boyfriend's.
"Right, rest up, lads! You deserve it with all the work you put into this show," James stood and ambled back to the tour bus, where Shacklebolt was already sleeping soundly, being the earliest riser of them all.
“Goodnight, all!” Peter loved his friends, truly. But he was convinced their stubborn sense of the meaning of courage would do them a great disservice.
As always when confronted with a decision to make, he visited the only jazz bar in Scotland, the Leaky Kettle. Immediately upon stepping inside, he let the smooth piano carry away the stress. 
“The usual,” he told the bartender.
“Put it on my tab,” Tom Riddle swivelled around on the bar stool, "Fancy meeting you here."
"You mean you didn't expect to? Didn't plan it?" Peter received his drink with barely more than a sideways glance at their adversary.
"It's just business, Peter. I know you understand that."
"Then why go through all this trouble for one act? There must be thousands - hundreds of thousands - of talented artists who could make you rich."
Tom rolled his eyes, "My father was always… a bit single-minded. He wants to put me through my paces before handing me the keys to the kingdom, so to speak. But don’t worry about that. Just know this: I think your group is talented and I can see that you’re the musical glue holding it all together. You’re the only one with any formal training, after all. And I really can see to your career’s longevity. If you stick with this boyband too long, though…” 
Peter raised his eyebrows, “Then what?”
“Well,” the label executive leaned in, “then you’ll need to think about what that does to your image as a real, serious musician.”
The blond boy finished his drink. 
“Another one for my friend,” Tom told the bartender, took his jacket, and left.
His calling card sat heavy in the keyboardist’s wallet.
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god-hunter · 6 years
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X-Men: Gold #26-30
This was the ‘Til Death Do Us Part arc, and boy was it a drag. Well, issue 30 anyway.  But the adventure was actually pretty good!  I was never looking forward their wedding in the first place though, which means I didn’t really mind the ending, lol.
Issue 26, showed us a neat flashback of Kitty meeting Piotr for the very first time and instantly having a crush on him. They cut to now, where they’re having lunch in South America for some reason and have a half-hearted conversation about why it took so long for them to get here. Almost as if Kitty is having second thoughts..
But then action takes place. Rachel, Gambit, Rogue, Night Crawler and Storm are trying to track down Mesmero.  They end up catching him and have I mentioned that Storm got a serious upgrade in the form of Asgardian Armor, with a hammer and all?  I should have mentioned it last time, but she ended up receiving Stormcaster, while in Prison, which was a big deal and a throwback to an old story, apparently.  So now, she’s basically replacement Jane Foster. (At least for the time being).  [To be honest, if they had made that decision in the first place, I might have actually read the Thor books...]
Anyway, the real premise starts when Nance and the nanite that survived, whose calling himself Alpha now, come up with a crazy plan to abduct Piotr.  Fast forwarding to his Bachelor Party that night, this is where that abduction takes place.  He gets his ass kicked in the bathroom by Alpha and is taken away.
Issue 27 started with another flashback, to when Kitty first made a move on Piotr. That was pretty neat.  Cut to now, the rest of the bachelor party are distraught that Piotr is gone.
Storm talks to Rachel about her cool Stormcaster upgrade while also showing concern that Rachel is getting to powerful, herself. [Hypocritcal, much?  Nah I get it. Rachel has like dark power from the future, or something.] Her whiskers are back and everything.
Kitty, Rachel, Storm & Rogue become alerted to the fact that Piotr is missing. [And we’re given a brief explanation as to why the other guys aren’t around. Something about scouting the area..   Yeah, okay...]
In the Savage Land, that is where Pete is being held captive.  Nance reveals that she wants to extract the Legacy Virus from his DNA or something and kill the rest of the Mutant race with it.
The Gold Team regroups in Vegas, where they all somehow track him down to the Savage Land. [Overpowered Rachel plot device saves the day].
Piotr and Alpha have a talk about how this plan doesn’t make sense and using the logic, Alpha admits that he is a mutation of a sort, too. Which is why he will self-terminate after enacting his plan.  [Jeez]
From there on, it’s action city as the Gold Team infiltrates the facility, fights Alpha nanites, Kitty gets to slam Nance into the wall and threaten her..
And then amidst all the crazy action, the bad guys get away in a rocket ship.
It’s time to go to space.
Issue #28 was the “Space Race!”  This one was well-paced.  It starts with a flashback from Piotr’s perspective, back at Genetech Laboratories, years ago. [I only vaguely know about this story].  He was kidnapped for a long time, and thought he was dead, but then eventually Kitty saved him.
Cut to now, where Piotr yells at Alpha for doing this.
At the Savage Land facility, Nance, thinking she’s already won allows Kitty and the others to leave, unharmed.  The nanites all back down.  “I’m going to permit you to leave this place, get back on your Mutie plane and return home. Hug your loved ones. Make your peace. Say your goodbyes.” “I’m not a monster”.
Ah..hah...  
Kitty decks her anyway on their way out. Hahaha. That was funny.  Then they get on that Blackbird jet and take Nance with them.  Rachel gets scary dark, when she tries to read Nance’s mind which is blocked with Psi-shields.  She overpowers her mind, Nance falls to the ground and hits her head hard.  Then she finds out what she needs.  “Peter’s being taken to a defunct Roxxon Oil Station.”
WIth the help of Alpha Flight, they get there.  A bunch of missiles a flung at them and Storm goes out in Space to destroy them all.  [Storm is WAY overpowered with that StormCaster, but it sure is Hella cool.]
Then in an awesome way, their ship gets damaged and is about to crash right into the station.  But Kitty uses her phasing powers to have the whole ship phase right into the place.  It’s still a messy crash landing, but at least they’re all inside.  That was really cool to see.
More Nanites come after them, but Kitty figures out that Piotr is four floors below them.  [Thanks Rachel].  Kitty immediately phases right down the floors. “Hang on Peter... I’m coming for you.”
That one was actually really touching and exciting. I liked that issue.
Issue #29 starts with a flashback of Kitty hearing about Piotr being in trouble with the Legacy Virus.  They had been done at this time, but it threw her off mid-flirt with a guy and made her cry deeply, making her realize she still has feelings for him, I’m sure.
Cut to now, Piotr is more-less going through the same thing.  Alpha’s vague plan of siphoning whatever remnants of the Legacy Virus that is in his DNA is working.  Kitty phases into the room where Alpha tells her that it’s already too late.  “The procedure completed 0.34 seconds before you arrived.” Then he self-terminates as promised.
From there, the space station itself launched a weapon which shoots out a bunch of pods, I guess contained with the Legacy Virus?  These will apparently land everywhere on Earth, and kill anyone with an X-Gene.
Because they’re in the form of pods, Storm gets to do her cool Stormcaster thing again.  Pyro, who is down on Earth gets to play the hero as well and blast whatever remaining pods are in the atmosphere, while ‘surfing on a jet’.
That was whatever. I didn’t really care.  But the day was saved and Kitty & Piotr just had another traumatic moment which would bring them closer together.  Somewhere in these issues, she vented to Rogue about how she was kind of getting cold feet, because she figured if they were gonna get married, it would have happened already.  Rogue told her to shut those feelings the fuck up, and not let the universe get in the way of her happiness.  They can save the day and still be together. There’s no reason why they shouldn’t.
So...  This basically takes us to the ending.  Issue 30. The Big Wedding Marvel’s been promoting for like, half a year.
I wasn’t looking forward to it. I never asked for it.  And then, in the end...  It didn’t happen!!!
Pay close attention to that cover in Issue #30, where her hand is phasing through Colossus’.
This issue has one last flashback, to them breaking up in the past. Flash forward to now, they are in the same place, by the same hill they broke up on, about to have their Wedding outdoors.  [Why would you ever do that??]
Moreover, there’s a party that takes place. The Rehearsal Dinner. And most of this is whatever, so I’ll get to the point.  Illyana pulls Kitty aside. She’s her best friend, remember and also Piotr’s brother.  And while a little drunk, I guess she does some probing and asks for some deep down honesty from her gal pal.
And then she says it.  Ilyyana brings up what Kitty’s been worried about in the back of her mind for all this time.  “I just think if you two were meant to be together... It would’ve happened by now.”
This simple sentence is enough to spread doubt through her mind.  Come time of the big day, there’s a lot of fan fare, and glory pages of people getting to the wedding. Including Wolverine! Actual Young Logan, who looks at them from afar on a rooftop. “Godspeed kids. Be good to each other.”
Well... simply put...  They’re not!
They get to placing of the rings and Kitty just phases through his hand at the last minute.
She apologizes that she can’t do this and phases through the ground.
Even for me, this is sad, but part of me was going ‘Yes Yes Yes Yes!!!!!!!’
aaaand now Piotr is heartbroken.  Then, Gambit decides to take over!
He and Rogue have been an item again, ever since Astonishing X-Men I think, or maybe earlier.  So it’s no secret that they’re smitten again.  So right then and there, he decides that THEY should just get married.
And Bam!  Someone got married.  ‘Til Death Do Us Part’ arc concluded...
There is an after-talk, but Kitty doesn’t make sense. She doesn’t understand why she made her split-decision.  But Piotr can’t have that.
This book is ending soon, and I’m glad.  I told you I’ve been luke-warm about this thing almost since it started.  The writing is okay, I just don’t know what it is that I don’t love.  The whole Kitty & Piotr thing felt forced to me. It really did.  So I was glad this ended.
But what I didn’t expect was that now Colossus was gonna bow out. And he was actually going to enter a different book that I didn’t expect - Astonishing X-Men, which got WAY better after Issue 12.
I guess I’ll review those, next, but I REALLY want to get to the X-Men Blue stuff. I have been LOVING that book and will be sad to see it go.
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blooblooded · 3 years
Text
Outline Book One
OK this is as good as it’s going to get for now, Rosaline plot needs work
Act One:
1) Kassidy comes home after a long night at work (she is a 3rd shift nurse-- graduated one year ago), just as everyone else is waking up. She is exhausted and talks to Esther and Ayda. Her boss won’t move her to day shift, she has a lot of problems with him. Due to her anger, she broke into his office that night and took something from him-- a BOOK that she had been strangely drawn to. Casey has been out all night and Ayda is worried about her-- make reference to how Casey is wrapped up in working for their dad. Esther is thinking about calling out of work at her shitty job at one of Eden’s recycling centers because she feels ‘sick’. Rosie left early because she is making extra money participating in medical research. They’ve moved in together in this 4 bedroom house (owned by one of West’s private housing companies) fairly recently, mostly because of money reasons, but Casey and Ayda haven’t really hung out with the others since high school so it’s hard to get used to and there’s still some awkwardness. They’ve all been through a lot. Ayda is talking to Marty and Marty acts weird/guilty around Kassidy. There’s always been something that follows Esther but Kassidy can’t see it-- she knows Ayda can. In a sudden flash, Kassidy sees the monster for a second and it lashes out at her. Frightened by this, Kassidy retreats to her room and then, takes the BOOK from her bag and opens it.
2) Smiles and his team wake up and get ready for their shift. He is feeling irritated by them because they are all acting up. They were late for breakfast because Nickels and Johnny were arguing, so none of them got to eat. Their shift that day is in the Sewers, they’re supposed to hunt down and destroy some of the slime creatures that have made their home down there. This is unpleasant. The sewers are disgusting but essential to Eden’s self sustaining infrastructure, filled with rats and monsters. The squad annihilates a few of them, so we get to see them use their abilities and also get some exposition about slime creatures in Eden. The sewers don’t have cameras so Smiles and the gang spend time goofing off. They appear to all simultaneously love and hate each other, lots of weird tension and dynamics. Recruitment is in a few weeks, with new kids coming in to go through the Gauntlet, and Smiles jokes/threatens to get rid of Nickels and Johnny and replace them with A Class agents. Rats start swarming, running, which freaks everyone out.
3) Kassidy flips through the BOOK on her day off. It’s making more and more sense to her, she is really drawn to it. Casey barges into her room and Kassidy shoves the BOOK away. Casey annoys her, there is tension, she wants to hang out but it seems like she is just bored and there’s nobody else around. Casey won’t shut up. Kassidy looks at her bills on her phone and feels resentment towards Casey for having money. Her mind and body are tired from work. Casey says that Esther is acting crazy, that the ‘Thing’ they can’t see won’t leave her alone. Everyone in Eden is vaguely aware of things beyond most people’s comprehension. Casey shows her an ad she put on the internet for someone who can get rid of the thing, treats it like a big joke. Kassidy takes this more seriously because she remembers what happened when Esther’s monster attacked a bully named Ben who was picking on them in middle school. Suddenly she feels like she is in danger. Casey wants to go get lunch together but Kassidy tells her no, she is tired and just wants to read.
4) Kassidy is at work a week later and her boss Cihad Tariq shows up out of nowhere, which is unusual for him since he works during the day. Cihad is a real strange guy, he has a weird accent, he’s huge, and he has red eyes. Tariq asks her if she has been in his office, but Kassidy is an excellent liar and denies it. She asks him why he’s at work so late, since she knows he has a kid, but doesn’t get a good answer. This experience shook her, so she tells her supervisor that she is sick and goes home. On the subway ride home, there is a checkpoint (something that is relatively normal, ever since B-Day made security stricter) where 2 secret police members get on the train and scan everyone’s IDs. Kassidy has an anxious reaction to seeing secret police, and her internal thoughts reveal that this is because 6 years ago, her brother, Kip, was dragged away by them and this was the last time she saw him before he was shot for a crime he did not commit. The secret police scan a guy’s ID and he is the guy they were looking for, they drag him away while he is begging them not to hurt him. Nobody on the train does anything. Kassidy’s hands don’t stop shaking until she gets home. It’s 2am, Ayda and Marty, a guy who is from another Colony, are still awake playing video games. They make fun of Kassidy because they’re edgy dicks, but they aren’t malicious or anything. Kassidy goes to her room and opens the BOOK. She has a hangnail that she picks at, drawing blood, and is suddenly filled with power that she has never felt before, the essence of the VOID. For the first time in a long time, she is exhilarated and happy, euphoric, feeling powerful. From Esther’s room, she hears a scream.
5) Smiles and the squad frantically clean their dorm room because they found out that staff is doing room checks. They have some contraband: snacks (JVP’s), a knife that had not been returned to the armory (Nicky’s), some sedatives that Smiles had not taken because he wanted to save them for when he needed them. A member of staff, Saturday, tosses their room and finds everything, the gang begs her to not turn them in but she tells them it’s her job and she has to write them up for something. They get in trouble and have to clean the bathrooms. As they go over there, another agent named Creedo, who is frenemies with Smiles, tells him that someone was just ‘Retired’ aka shot in the head, because they aged out of the program. I’ll call this person Rally, A-Class, telekinetic. Rally was a person Smiles once had a relationship and he thinks about that. While cleaning, Pete is angry at the others because none of the contraband was hers, Smiles argues that there are worse punishments than cleaning. Johnny is lazy and keeps trying to sneak off and doesn’t want to work, which makes Smiles, still upset about having lost someone, lose his temper and hit him. Pete is mad at him for smacking the kid for no good reason, but Smiles tells them that he is the team leader and they have to listen to him. Johnny acts like he deserved it, which irritates Smiles more. Pete comments that the way he is acting and stepping out of line, he won’t be around much longer. Nickels says he is going to be around long after she is gone anyways, indicates that she has been getting nosebleeds. They talk about what they think they’ll be assigned on their next shifts, about some upcoming training, gossip about their enemies, and allude to stupid politics shit that will come up later, like West being a sketchy problem, and the blood magic cult. They finish cleaning and get Saturday to sign off on it and try to squeeze info from her and triangulate. She tells them some of the missions going on. They go to a rec room and Nickels goes to train with another psychic named Wicker. Division among the team. Smiles leaves to get some training bullshit stuff from their dorm. He sees a guy named Coop and beats him up, transferring his aggression, thinking about how he lost another person in his life.
6) When Kassidy used blood magic, Esther’s monster had lashed out at/attacked Esther. Esther had a breakdown and went to the hospital for 48 hours. Kassidy wonders if there was a connection with the blood magic-- a connection between blood magic and the slime creature. She goes to Rosie, since she knows she is religious-- Ayda is religious too (turned to religion after being traumatized by Bomb Day) but Ayda can be kind of a jerk sometimes. Rosie looks kind of fucked up, Kassidy asks her about the medical testing but Rosie tells her she doesn't need to worry about it. She asks Rosie what she knows about the Red Religion, who practice blood magic, and Rosie reacts with disgust. Wanting answers, Kassidy goes to one of their churches. It’s creepy. She meets a woman named Helen who provides exposition on blood magic. Helen shows Kassidy scans of 15 pages that look like the Book, but Kassidy doesn’t reveal she knows about it. Helen says that they popped up on the internet about 3 years ago and nobody really knows where they came from. There are a lot of people who practice the Red Religion/Blood Magic. Most people can’t do it, their bodies can’t withstand it. Kassidy asks Helen how someone would know that they could use this magic. Helen pricks Kassidy’s finger, mingles the blood with her own, and then grows terrified. Kassidy in turn gets scared and flees. She buys food that she really can’t afford and feels nervous, like everyone is staring at her. When she returns home, she finds Casey and Ayda with a one-armed sketchy looking woman who introduces herself as Tabitha Delmont, the person who is going to “solve their little monster problem”.
7) Detective Sashi Mahajan gets a call from Vega Pelenato (chief of staff and notorious snitch/rat) in the very early morning,  informing her that the CEO of Prosperity and notorious corporate gang leader, Richard Prospas, passed away during the night. They speculate on whether this was murder. Sashi goes into work early and encounters her miserable boss, Dana Nguyen. Dana tells Sashi that she’s going to have to make a statement about a recent case of police brutality (that she obviously thinks was not brutal enough). Dana hates talking to the press, because she feels like they harass her. But then, everyone in Eden hates Dana, including Sashi-- Dana does not work hard, is an alcoholic, and there was some nasty business in her past having to do with how she handled a disaster known as ‘B-Day’. Early in her life, Sashi was involved in the police union along with Dana’s dead wife. Sashi notices that Dana’s phone keeps ringing (Silas?) and she ignores it.. She pulls up information on the case and thinks about how much she hates her job. Sashi later speaks to Rome Prospas about the death of his father. Richard Prospas allegedly fainted into the blades of an industrial meat slicer on his factory floor. Rome states that he has an alibi, corroborated by his bodyguard. But Sashi has several reports filed by social services 6 years ago that state that there was violence within the home. She suspects that this is motive for murder, on top of the inheritance and power grab. Sashi is tired of rich people in Eden taking advantage of poor people and believes that everything is very unfair. When she was young, she used to be involved in union stuff, so this is important to her. She just wants to have enough money to start a family. She submits her report detailing the murder, and more importantly, the unabashed levels of power the Prospas Corporation has, just like the obscene power the Agapama corporation has too much power, and how the economy is about to get hit hard, which will lead to poor people suffering.
8) Tabby Delmont is a difficult person to deal with and Kassidy can spot a con artist. Casey seems to be taken with her though, and is proud of herself for putting an ad for an ‘exorcist’ on the Internet. Everyone gathers in the kitchen. Tabby boasts that she has killed dozens of monsters and that she sells their ichor on the black market for a profit. She has exorbitant prices. Esther, still not feeling well, asks Tabby why she has to kill these creatures, asks Tabby why she has to kill this Thing that follows her because she does not hate it. Tabby tells her that if it isn’t killed, it will kill Esther, because something has riled it up and it is stronger than most of the ones she has seen. She talks about how these monsters latch onto people with Abilities and feed off of their emotions. She says that they eventually drive people insane, and says that her twin brother had one attached to him and he ended up murdering his ex wife. Marty calls bullshit, but clearly wants to be included. This is the longest all of them have been together for a long time, and Kassidy misses her dead brother for a moment, but quickly represses those feelings. Casey tells Tabby to get on with it and kill it, Tabby pulls out a weird Voorst bioweapon and attempts to slice the Thing but is thrown back and it mauls her metal arm. Everyone is freaked out, especially those who can’t see the Thing. Kassidy has started to get flashes of it more often, which is weird because she shouldn’t be able to see it. Tabby says she’ll figure it out, she just needs a better weapon. She bullies and harrasses them into letting her sleep on the couch LOL. Casey is obsessed with Tabby’s charisma and we see how….bored Casey is and how she is drawn to stupid shit that interests her just to not feel that boredom (ADHD alert).. Rosie and Kassidy talk after getting Esther (who had been really negatively affected by this) to bed, Rosie says that Esther’s mom was angry that she was in the hospital again and wants to IVC her for a longer stay, that her mom and the others in her family want her to come home so that they can take care of her. Kassidy hears the Thing whispering to Esther as it is curled beside her in bed, and feels a chill. She returns to her room and the BOOK. 
9) The team (mostly Pete) is still mad at Smiles for being a bastard. It’s Recruitment day (twice a year, new kids are brought in to replace the ones who have died or been Retired) and they decide to go watch all of them compete in the entrance test known as the Gauntlet. They are hardened to this. Going over to the gymnasium, they hear BG and Lady bragging about how they recruited (i.e. snatched kids with Abilities) a bunch of the newbies, which thankfully Smiles is rarely assigned to do since he fucked up too many times. There are 6 newcomers who begin to fight it out Hunger Games style with some volunteers. Smiles jokes about how he and Pete picked out Nicky and Johnny and it’s actually really disturbing to the reader that Smiles is joking so casually about something that must have been brutal to kids who were fuckin...15 and 12 at the time they were taken in. He notices that Nickels and Pete are acting close...too close…. They watch as one new kid gets really badly hurt and starts to cry, and Smiles hears BG and Echo laugh about it. He is bothered by this and dissociates. When he comes to, he’s back in the dorm and reflects on how he doesn't remember going through the Gauntlet. He is desperate to feel like he’s back in his own body, to feel present, so he tells Nickels and Johnny to get out and asks Pete if she wants to have sex. She agrees to this and they bang it out. Afterwards, she tells him that watching all that violence made her feel worried about Nickels and Johnny, since they’re weaker agents and will be Retired faster. Smiles tells her it doesn’t matter. All of them have an expiration date, they’re all going to die really bad deaths, it’s just a matter of when. Bad things happen to weaker agents.  They can’t get out and most of them don’t even want to get out-- including Smiles. 
10) Tabby brings back all kinds of crazy contraptions. Casey tells her that she isn’t going to pay her any extra money. Sometimes it feels like Casey is flirting with Tabby LOL ew. There’s a lot of tension between Tabby and the girls, since this woman is literally crashing at their home. Kassidy tells Casey that this woman is definitely going to rob them blind and is a scammer, and tells her that Casey can’t see it because she grew up so privileged and doesn’t have experience with scummy low class people, but Casey laughs it off, believing that nobody would dare because of who her father is. Marty tells them that where he lives, there are no slime creatures, but there are other...Things…., and Tabby demands to know where he lives. Marty talks about the Northern territories. He and Ayda play video games with their friends from the Colony of Green River, and Tabby asks how that is even possible, since Eden’s internet access is super closed off. Ayda is cagey about the whole thing and deflects. Esther’s sweet father shows up to check on her, he says that the rest of the family is doing good. Esther is not doing so good. The Thing won’t let her sleep. Seeing Esther and Quentin in such a state makes Kassidy scared and angry and she searches the BOOK for anything that might help her solve the problem. She finds information in the BOOK and is unsure of how she is even understanding what is written, because it is all gibberish to her. Something inside of her is hungry. She can’t stop eating. During the night, she cuts herself and makes a circle in the living room with her blood, then gets freaked out and covers it with a carpet. Her wounds heal with impossible speed and don’t scar. She can’t remember why she felt like doing that. It just felt natural to do.
11) In the Northern Territories, Field Marshall Anatole Surkhov returns to the Capital of Ile de Matane after a long campaign. He reports to the Prime Minister, Florence Gauthier, and tells her that he and his men destroyed many monsters in the woods. When he tells Florence that he lost a lot of good men, she doesn’t seem to care. Florence tells him that they need to double their efforts, but that her spies have heard that loyalists are congregating again in the cities and she doesn’t want another war on their hands. Anatole tells her that he would like to stay in his home Territory of Kemenka, which suffered the most losses during the war and where his mother and sisters live, and she denies him that. Florence has knowledge about him that would destroy his life if exposed (he is trans and the Northern Territories are not very progressive-- but they have gotten better under Florence’s regime) and uses that, as well as his family’s/dead father’s history of uh...war crimes...to control him. Anatole leaves, angry. He walks with his manservant, Dog (make implications about Dog’s history/we see parallel between what Anatole’s father was doing and what Silas is doing with secret police), and one of Florence’s little spies approaches them. Anatole tells the spy, Flick, to leave before he beats him down, and Flick just laughs. He asks if the wilderness is getting safer, because Florence wants to re-establish the trade routes with other Colonies. Anatole says that the last time they sent people to Eden, they never came back. Flick says that he doubts that was because of the crawling, twisted flesh creatures in the woods-- he knows about the people of Eden and he says that he wasn’t talking about Eden, he was talking about a different Colony, the ‘Lost Colony’ to the east where something bad happened a long time ago. Flick says that there is a powerful weapon there (talking about the BOOK) that can Make the North Great Again (™ lol). Anatole says that he only knows about Eden because of the witch boy Marty, but Flick says he has been in contact with someone involved in trade (Percy and West…) who want to open up trade routes as well. They walk past the gallows, where Florence has left the bodies of several political enemies hanging. Flick comments that he can’t imagine what would happen if Florence got her hands on the rulers of Eden, who have let the Northerners suffer and starve for 200 years. Anatole tells him not to be stupid, he would never allow his men to die for a pointless war. Flick asks why he thinks he has any say in the matter at all.
12) Kassidy is hungry, she can’t stop eating. She is eating her roommates' food because she is so hungry and they are getting mad at her. She calls out of work again one night, this has been happening more and more often. She is starting to feel worried. Every day, she understands more of the BOOK, even though she can’t read it. She thinks about showing it to Rosie, who she trusts more than Casey and Ayda, and who has proven that she can handle stressful situations. In the living room, Tabby is there, and she asks where Kassidy got the BOOK from in a weird way. Kassidy feels defensive. Rosie doesn’t take it seriously and seems distracted. Upstairs, Esther starts screaming again and Rosie leaves. Tabby tries to engage Kassidy in conversation. They are similar: both survivors, both very poor. Tabby asks to look at the BOOK and Kassidy grows angry at her, pushes down the desire to lash out.. Kassidy tells her that this is stupid, but knows different. Casey comes home later in a confrontational mood because her father’s shipping business is being threatened by Prosperity Inc’s new business procedures. The dark thing is is that Casey has killed two people-- other gang goons who were trying to kill her right back-- and it is hard to reconcile with that sometimes, since Casey does not seem to feel bad about it at all and is actually very open about having stabbed people to death before (so….Casey is actually internally very troubled by this and we’ll get into that in Book 2). She asks Kassidy if she remembers Rome Prospas from high school, since he’s only 20 and now a huge threat to her father’s business. The memories of that time are too painful for her to even think about, and Kassidy returns to her room and stares at the BOOK.
13) Dr. Lily Bellamy is hard at work as a geneticist. She works on contracts, sometimes for Eden’s government, but mainly what she does is create Artificials. The first Artificials were developed 30 years ago, using technology her parents developed. Dr. B imagines a world with no more sickness or disease. She checks on the development of several fetuses ordered by some rich people and we see how cold and clinical she is. She has her own laboratory. A chemist named Yancey Passero shows up to talk about work. Dr. B has been cheating on her husband with Yancey. They have disturbing sex in the lab LOL. Dr. B is worried about her daughter Esther and doesn’t know how to protect her from herself. The two of them look over some clinical trials that they have been working on together and Dr. B recognizes a name (Rosie). Yancey seems frustrated by the trials because there have never been any human survivors. Dr. B tells him that there was one, 7 years ago, but it was an accident and the subject is now insane (it’s Lee…). In Dr. B’s lab, there is tons of ichor from slime monsters that she has procured on the black market. It’s late, and she goes home to her husband Quentin, who is disabled and irritates her. We see that she is motivated in her genetic projects because of her family members who aren’t ‘perfect’. They watch TV and West comes on, we see that Dr B is troubled by him for some reason. She thinks about her project and wonders if she’s just wasting time.
14) Kassidy and her roommates and Tabby Delmont are ready to destroy the monster. Tabby has finally procured the weapon that she believes can kill it. It is unusual for these slime monsters to be this strong and she asks Ayda if she has also noticed that there seem to be more of them, and they are multiplying. Ayda hurriedly changes the subject but Marty tells her that it’s stupid to try to protect herself because everyone already knows that she is a psychic. Kassidy finds herself wishing that she was like Tabby, Esther, and Ayda. They gather in the living room and Kassidy remembers that she painted a circle of her own blood on the floor beneath the carpet. When Esther walks in, Kassidy finds that she can see the Creature that follows her. It’s terrible, a crawling black slimely thing with a white skull face like a stag’s. It looks at her and it is not angry, it is afraid in the way an animal is afraid of a predator, it’s scared! Kassidy feels so hungry when she looks at it. At first, nothing happens. Tabby brandishes the strange weapon and Ayda tells her to stop, that this isn’t a good idea, and her psychic fear affects the group. Esther is like, wait, wait wait! Kassidy wants to see the slime Creature Destroyed, completely and utterly, and has a vision, a memory, of another place, another universe that these slime alien things originated in and a huge hungry presence ripping a hole in their dimension to get at them. Tabby slices into the creature again and again without mercy, Esther is screaming and screaming and Rosie tries to protect her. Ayda begs Tabby to stop, she is empathically connected to the creature’s fear. But Tabby does not stop and the creature is reduced to flesh and black blood. Ayda passes out from the psychic connection, and Marty freaks because he is so worried about her. Kassidy feels energized from the massacre, but everyone is wiped and exhausted. Casey, who was unable to see what happened but now knows Tabby was not just conning them, asks where Tabby got the weapon. Tabby said it is secret police tech, sold on the black market. The gang is chilled by that, especially Kassidy, who has a huge fear of them because her brother was murdered by those people almost 7 years ago. Esther begins to cry. The creature had been a part of her life since childhood. Kassidy stoop to touch the black blood and has to keep herself from putting her finger in her mouth to taste it. Marty asks “what now?”
ACT TWO
1) Kassidy returns from work, exhausted. It’s too much, she is not particularly good at being a nurse, and she has too much to occupy her mind. 8:30 am, she gets home to find Tabby, Casey, and Esther -- since Rosie and Ayda are people who, you know, have jobs. Tabby irritates her and she asks why she hasn’t left yet. Tabby says that she’s sleeping on the couch now and Casey has agreed to let her stay if she pays part of the rent. Kassidy doesn’t like this and confronts Casey  about why she didn’t talk to her about it, and Casey says that her father’s company owns the house so she makes the choices. As they are beginning to argue, someone knocks on the door. Esther, still recovering from her ordeal, and annoyed by Casey and Kassidy’s angry flirtation rituals, goes to open it and says that there’s a homeless guy on their doorstep. Casey yells at the guy to get lost but he won’t leave. Kassidy suddenly feels unnatural interest, she gets up to go to the door. The guy is DISGUSTING, smells like actual shit, dirty, rotting teeth, scrawny, ragged clothes. As a medical professional (lol) she recognizes that the guy has a severe septic infection in one eye and tells him he needs to go to the hospital. The guy is muttering to himself, crazy things, not lucid at all. He Looks at Kassidy with his one good eye and starts talking crazier, trying to comfort himself, calls her Cathy and starts apologizing to her and talking about something inside of her. Casey becomes protective, pushes him away from Kassidy, tells him to get lost before she beats him into the ground. Tabby finally gets her lazy ass up to deal with the problem and tells him to scram. The guy looks at her, calls her by her name, and tells her that he had to find her. He says he had to find her, something’s coming, something’s coming, saying that something is ‘talking to him again’, something from the Rift. Tabby then recognizes him and tells them that this is her brother Tony, who she thought was dead. Despite this reunion, Tabby does not react with huge emotion. Kassidy feels jealous bitterness twist inside of her-- after all, her brother is dead, he’s not coming back. 
2) Smiles, BG, Lady, Echo, and a few other A-Class agents go on a mission to the Prison District to help subdue a riot. It seems that there have been more and more riots and violence over the last couple years. Smiles makes this comment and BG scoffs and says that he wouldn’t be saying that if he had been active during B-Day. Smiles has no memories of the bombings, that was before his time. This riot was in response to an act of brutality by a prison guard against an inmate, and now the prisoners have taken over a cell block. They meet the Warden (Hax...reeeeeeeeeee), who gives off bad vibes and is just as casually cruel as everyone else Smiles deals with. The secret police go to the cell block that inmates have taken over and start fuckin...bashing people, they work together effectively. Lady asks Smiles why he and Pete don’t get rid of the dead weight on their team and replace them with A-Class agents, which Smiles ignores. She gives him the creeps. An inmate gets the jump on Lady and knocks her out (as a psychic, she is physically fragile) and Smiles protects her with his bubbles. BG goes into a rage and kills several inmates, which they weren’t supposed to do. He begrudgingly thanks Smiles, says he owes him one,  and Smiles tells BG he would rather keep Lady alive so that she can make BG and Echo suffer than giving her the mercy of killing her.
3) Kassidy calls on Marty to help her research the pages of the 15 pages of the BOOK that had showed up on the internet in Eden 3 years ago. She is trying to not get involved with the house drama of Tabby’s brother Tony showing up. Casey, generous and curious as ever, took him to a street doctor to get him fixed up -- they had to remove his eye and teeth because of the rot and give him new ones.The rest of the girls are interested in the Tony drama, especially because of the murder that he claims to be responsible for but didn’t actually commit, but Kassidy feels something strange when she looks at him and the way he reacted to her when they first met made her uneasy. Marty is naturally suspicious of Tony and claims that it’s unsafe for them to have let a random dangerous man stay with them, like wtf is wrong with them, but as usual, Casey’s word on the matter was final. Casey is really causing a lot of problems. Why aren’t they worried about living with a guy who may or may not have killed someone? WELL, it’s because they already live with a girl who has DEFINITELY killed people before. Kassidy and Marty haven’t hung out much since they were teenagers and Marty seems glad to spend time researching with her. Neither of them want to mention Kip but Marty drops a few hints that he feels guilty about something that happened back then and mentions someone named Lee-- Kassidy tells him to drop it, it doesn’t matter because Kip is dead. The blood magic religion seems to have spread like crazy over the last 3 years. Marty says that there’s something similar in his Colony, remnants from a nearby town called Blagodat, that was wiped out by the military over 20 years ago. Marty doesn’t know too much about this town, only that they were all blood magic practicing and had a black pyramid and that the owl-masked priest did something to the Princess of the North to make her monstrous. He saw the terrible Princess briefly 10 years ago before she was killed by another blood magic practitioner named Olive. He also knows about rumours about something called the Lost Colony where blood magic stuff was rumored to have destroyed it, which Kassidy has not heard of, but it gives her a chill. Marty says that in the North, there have always been rumors of a weapon there, and that 200 years ago the last democratic leader (Frank Martel….who Silas fuckin let Jerry eat, bitch) went there to investigate and never came back. Kassidy says that it’s hard to get much information about the outside world because of Eden’s political stances, but they’ve learned more because after B-Day, they had to bring laborers in from the Colony of Serenity to help rebuild. Kids in Eden are taught that the outside world is a terrible, dangerous place that is full of monsters (it is) and that the Rift emits weird toxic rays. Marty bitterly says that because of Eden’s trade embargo and isolationism, his Colony has suffered 200 years of starvation and war. He tells Kassidy he will find out more info about the Lost Colony and the blood magic town of Blagodat, if he can. 
4) A meeting of the Central Committee, the people who govern Eden. Sashi, who has filed more charges of corporate corruption against the mega-corporations belonging to West, Rome, and Gena Voorst, is called to give a statement about it. Her findings on how much power private companies have in Eden get a stir from everyone. Dana Nguyen is included in this but hates participating. Mayor Malena talks about cracking down on Agapama shipping to and from other Colonies, as he is concerned about drugs being trafficked in, particularly stimulants. Dana is asked what she thinks should be done about the influx of violent crime, but she is hungover and unprepared. A group of civilians have signed a petition about the number of missing children in Eden over the years, but the Committee does not take this seriously since most of them agree that it is likely due to human trafficking to other Colonies and again blame Agapama-- they want to use this as an excuse to crack down on private corporations. The Central Committee begins talking about the pros and cons of moving to Nationalize the corporations and what it would look like for Eden to be completely self-sufficient, and ways that they can cease trade. They have ceased trade with one Colony (The Northern Territories) before, about 200 years ago. Sashi is told that she can leave since she is done presenting her findings. As she walks out, a quiet and normal looking woman she has never seen before and who said nothing during the meeting (SILAS AHHH RUN AWAY BITCH) thanks her for her hard work.
5) At work, Kassidy goes overboard while assisting with an autopsy and mutilates the corpse. Her supervisor asks her what’s been going on, she looks sick and her work has been getting worse. Kassidy evades the question, her mind filled with images of rotting flesh. Her supervisor asks if she needs time off and Kassidy says no, it’s just her home life is chaotic because of her idiot roommate’s insane decision to bring random people into their home. She has not forgotten that Tony allegedly murdered his pregnant wife and the only reason she has not turned him in is because she’s scared of Casey and Tabby. Kassidy goes on break and practices blood magic, she has scanned all of the pages of the Book (BIG MISTAKE) so that she can look at them anywhere and so that she could share them with Marty. It’s 3am. Esther calls her and asks if she’s heard from Rosie, since she didn’t come home yet, but Kassidy has heard nothing. She tries to be comforting to her friend who is worried, but is not very good at it. At this point, Kassidy can completely understand the Book and looks at a spell that can help you find someone. She thinks about using it, but does not.
6) Smiles learns that he has lost 3 days of time. Pete is beyond angry at him and tells him that Nickels and Johnny are terrified because he snapped on them and treated them really poorly and cruelly and said some really mean things to them. Smiles says that’s bullshit, he would never do that, and Pete tells him that she watched him. The last thing that Smiles can remember is being on a simple surveillance mission, watching the Mayor give a press conference to a bunch of journalists (psycho violin noise...yes he saw Lee Harlan). He does not know why that upset him. He tells Pete again that he would never hurt anyone on the team on purpose, that he didn’t do anything. She tells him that’s not an excuse and that he is responsible for his own actions and says that he needs to go to the infirmary to see someone named ‘Doc’ who is on shift, because there is clearly something wrong with him. Smiles says there’s something wrong with everyone in the program, idiot, they were all kidnapped as children and tortured and forced to hurt others. Pete has a lot of problems with his leadership and believes he is not doing a good enough job.  The staff member October, comes and tells Smiles that he is taking him Upstairs for re-education, because his behavior has been troubling to staff. Smiles does not remember this but knows better than to fight it. As he gets led away, Pete doesn’t look sorry for him at all, she looks like she thinks that he deserves this. October is mean to Smiles as he takes him Upstairs and Smiles fantasizes about how easy it would be to kill him. Smiles gets strapped to a chair in a little room and Lady comes in to hurt him and get into his brain. Lady tells Smiles that he is all fragmented inside, that she knows deep down inside he is vulnerable like a child. Smiles tells her that he shouldn’t be responsible for things he can’t remember and Lady tells him that he’s not special, she can’t remember anything lol and then Lady begins to torture him by bringing back painful memories. The last thing he sees is an explosion contained by one of his bubbles, and he blacks out.
7) Rosie has not returned for 3 days at this point and is not answering her phone, and Esther is beside herself. Despite the Monster no longer following her, she seems really unstable, and she is like well, you would feel unstable too if you lost something/someone who you grew up with. Well, Kassidy does know the feeling of losing someone she grew up with. Esther goes to her parent’s house because she needs support from her dad and siblings. Casey had unthinkingly made a joke that Rosie probably couldn’t deal with Esther being so high maintenance and left her, but they’ve been dating on and off since high school and during short break ups before, Rosie always talked it out with Esther. Kassidy and Marty talk about their theories about the Lost Colony and blood magic. Tony is there, but weird and zoned out as usual, Kassidy thinks he is a huge freak and feels uncomfortable with him living in their attic but can’t fight Casey on it. Marty gets a guy he knows, Anatole Surkhov, to talk to Kassidy about his experiences, because he has explored a lot due to being in the Army. The cast of weird adults Marty seems to live with is well known, especially by Ayda and Casey, they have talked to them all before-- especially Jules and Flick. It is evident that Marty doesn’t have any friends his own age where he lives, and it seems kind of sad. Anatole takes blood magic seriously and seems annoyed with Marty because he is busy. But he briefly talks about what the cultists of Blagodat and their black pyramid did to his territory, destroying the landscape with hideous fleshy pits, poisoning the water and turning people into monsters (YEAH. proof that people are trying to ‘turn people into monsters’ i.e. Rosie, and Lee etc etc), and says that when he was a child, his people eradicated them. Suddenly Tony speaks up and asks if they killed the women and the children as well, a strange look on his face, a sadness. Anatole says that there were many survivors, and that is why the North continues to have problems with blood magic, and it is one of his goals to destroy these people Then he says something to Marty in another language and leaves. Kassidy asks Tony what that was all about, Tony is evasive and tells them to stop messing around with stuff they don’t understand, it destroyed his life and it will destroy theirs as well. Kassidy and Marty, bastards that they are, say that’s probably because he killed his wife. Tony does not deny this (wahhh he feels guilt for Cathy’s death) but repeats that they shouldn’t be messing around with things they don’t understand. He asks Kassidy where she even learned all the stuff about blood magic and Kassidy feels defensive/evasive and says that there are 15 weird pages about it on the internet, that she found out about it from an advertisement from the Church. 
8) While Kassidy was asleep, Rosaline returned. It has been a whole week. She seems guilty and apologetic, saying that one of the medical projects she does for extra money went a little wrong and she had to stay at the hospital. She looks sick. Esther is beside herself and wants to reach out to her mom for help, but Rosaline firmly says she does not want to do that. Rosaline can’t stop throwing up black stuff and her eyes look weird. Kassidy feels strange but has to get ready for work, these days she does not leave the Book around because she doesn’t trust Tony. Tabby takes one look at Rosaline and says that there’s something fucked up about her and demands to know what kind of testing she was doing. Rosie says she doesn’t want to get into it all, but she made about $5,000. Tabby rants about how you can’t trust the intelligentsia, that the scientists in Eden do all kinds of messed up things to people, and basically starts talking about conspiracy theories about how the government steals children and does bad things to people (dude if Tabby was real, she would be like a weirdo Q-anon freak). Kassidy gets out of there and goes to work. Cihad Tariq is still at the hospital again despite it being 11 and he checks in with her and says she looks sick, genuinely worried. Kassidy realizes that his accent sounds like Anatole’s (Russian. The Northern Territories are divided by language-- English, French, and Russian. So CT has a light russian-yaccent, he is scary). Rudely, she asks Cihad where he was born, because she figures that he might be from up there, possibly from the destroyed town of Blagodat, and that is where the Book came from. Cihad tells her that is not appropriate and that he does not appreciate her pushing his boundaries like that. Kassidy has the Book in her backpack and Cihad’s red eyes linger on it. It’s clear that he is about to ask her about it, but then gets a call (from Silas, but Kassidy doesn’t know that) that upsets him, and he says he has to leave. Kassidy, angry at him because she knows that he knows what she has done, tells him that when she was a kid, her mom used to always be at work too, so maybe he should think about his daughter.
9) Kassidy wakes up with a bloody nose and finds that one of her fingernails is flaking off. She opens up the BOOK, and has become really possessive of it. There is a passage in it that talks about bringing the dead back to life. Kassidy fixates on that. She allows herself to think about bringing her brother back from the dead and reads over the passage again and again. She goes downstairs to hang out. Esther is like, “hey Kassidy, did you see Ben got out of prison?” and we see Kassidy get angry but it’s not really elaborated on who Ben is or why this is significant. Ayda is talking about her new crush, the dad of a kid she teaches and everyone roasts her for this LOL. Casey comments on how much Kassidy has been eating lately (like crazy amounts) but says she looks like she’s lost weight and is pushing boundaries again. Kassidy feels irritable and snaps at her by trying to say something hurtful, but Casey is immune to it. She asks Marty if he’s found out anything new about the Lost Colony, and he says no, then asks her if she’s learned anything about it from reading the BOOK, because he is literally autistic he never really ‘got’ that Kassidy wanted to hide that from Tony like everyone else did.  Tony freaks out and says that he knew it, he fucking knew that the BOOK was here, he had Seen its presence on Kassidy. Tony basically loses his mind and starts ranting about Cathy and gets up to go to Kassidy’s room to try and destroy the BOOK, saying that they were all in danger, blah blah blah. Casey thinks this is terribly funny, but it’s scaring Ayda. Kassidy feels rage she hasn’t felt in years and tries to physically take it back from him but Tony is bigger than she is, even though he is weak as shit, he is stronger than she is. He attempts to tear it to shreds, to rip out the pages, but is unable to, then starts raving about how he is going to take it and leave. Kassidy attacks him with blood magic in front of everyone, takes the BOOK back and tells him that she will kill him if he ever does that again. Tony starts laughing hysterically and talking crazy about how this was fate, that ‘IT’ has set everything up because ‘IT’ wants to kill him, that he never should have left the sewers, that this was ‘IT’s’ plan, that they were all going to die because this little girl wanted to mess around with things she didn’t understand. Casey asks Kassidy wtf is wrong with her because seeing someone use blood magic is fucked up, but Kassidy just tells her that she wants the Delmonts to leave or else she will, and that Casey needs to choose between these people who she views as entertainment or Kassidy, her friend of many years. Casey hesitates for a beat too long. Then Kassidy pushes past her and leaves the house.
10) Smiles and the gang all innocently watch the news in the breakroom. An interview with Rome Prospas comes on where he talks about his economic plans and his company. Johnny  is massively triggered by this because Rome looks exactly like him and it is clear that they are related. Johnny, someone who can’t handle rejection, wants to know why his family didn’t want him, like what was wrong with him that made his family not want him. Smiles and Pete are not helpful and tell him that recruits are always kidnapped, so he shouldn’t worry about his family not wanting him. He has a BPD meltdown and leaves. Nickels tells them good job, he’s going to go hurt himself, and Smiles says that he’s sick of having to constantly look out for his younger squadmates and at some point you have to learn how life is. Nickels says he can go fuck himself, because they’re always watching out for Smiles. Pete takes her side, and Smiles is troubled by how close they’re getting (NICKELS JUST WANTS TO TOUCH SOME TITTIES). Smiles goes to work out with Creedo, an old team mate of his. He asks her how she deals with her own shitty teammate, Pills. Creedo grudgingly tells him that she’s the closest thing she has to family and that weaker agents get Retired faster, so it’s better to care about them while you can. Their lives are so bad and so short. They take out their aggression on each other, then go to the dining hall to get a snack because they can’t stand their own teams LOL. There is some weird sexual tension between Smiles and Creedo, but also they can’t stand each other and can’t work with each other. They listen in to some of the missions getting assigned for the next few shifts, mostly recon, but it looks like squads are getting assigned a raid at a blood magic church. Smiles and Creedo agree that blood magic is the biggest problem in Eden right now and they are scared of it and don’t understand it. A staff member passes by and insinuates something bad happened with Johnny. Smiles coldly tells Creedo that people have to be responsible for their own actions. Creedo tells him that he would have never said that when she first met him at 18. Frustrated, Smiles leaves her to go find his teammate. He finds him, it’s clear that Johnny is too young and mentally ill to understand he doesn’t deserve to get hurt. Smiles clumsily apologizes and says that of course his family wanted him, Smiles explains the recruitment process (we see how eaten up by guilt he is for having participated in this in the past). He asks Johnny if he wants to know more about his family. Johnny says no, but Smiles knows he is lying.
11) Kassidy falls asleep at work and has dreams of the planet eating monster ripping a hole through dimensions and of a bright comet shooting through the sky. She wakes up and realizes that she didn’t hear a patient’s call button and that they are dead. Kassidy is not bothered by death, only by the fear that she may get in trouble. She contemplates death and finally allows herself to think about her dead brother Kip and what he would tell her to do. She re-reads the passage in the Book about bringing the dead back to life (Also….this is the spell that Reuben used to bring all of the Immortal gang back permanently…). Marty messages her and asks why she hasn’t just turned Tony in to the police, since he is still wanted for murder. Kassidy hates cops and hates Eden’s justice system-- after all, it is what unfairly got her brother killed all those years ago. She goes home and Tony is there. He apologizes to her. He tells her about his past, about how he abandoned his wife and baby due to fear of the slime creatures and sensing the Book’s presence for the first time in the hospital, his own experience with addiction, then how he reunited with his family and watched as Cathy became consumed with researching the Book and the Void, that it formed something inside her body and was killing her, and that she killed herself, leading to him hiding in the sewers for 2 years. He says that he does not want that to happen to Kassidy, or to anyone ever again. He talks about evil, true evil, evil that is hungry. Tony asks Kassidy if she understands how devastating it is to lose someone. Kassidy does understand. She accepts his apology, but says that she is going to continue looking into blood magic. Tony tells her that he will help her, but that his reasons are different than hers (see if he can do anything to destroy the BOOK/monster).
12) Sashi continues to research bullshit corporate crime going on in Eden. She tries to get one of West Agapama’s daughter’s, Cassiopeia -- a known enforcer in his organization-- to come in for an interview, but typical Casey does not cooperate and will not without a warrant. Still, Sashi has compiled mountains of shit on the corruption within the megacorporations, as well as the economic impact it has had on the people of Eden. She’s working hard. She goes out to lunch with her wife, Kelsey, who is also a cop, but not a detective. They talk about their days. They are thinking about having a baby together. A nice moment. Sashi goes back to her office to work. And then...fucking....Silas shows up. Sashi is very confused about who this person is, exactly, but feels like she is probably high up in the government since she was at the Central Committee meeting. Again, Silas tells her that she appreciates her hard work investigating corruption in Eden. Sashi thanks her and then politely asks her who she is. And lmao, Silas just tells her that she has worked ‘behind the scenes for a long time’, which is...a little unsettling to hear. Silas asks Sashi about her ambitions, and Sashi truthfully says that she wishes she could get a promotion so that her salary is higher, because she and her wife would like to start a family. Silas is kind of quiet and awkward, but nice to talk to. Silas asks if she thinks that Dana Nguyen would promote her, and Sashi sort of slips up and says that she does not believe Dana likes her. Silas, in a roundabout way, asks Sashi in her opinion, as someone whose job it is to research corruption, is Dana Nguyen corrupt/not loyal to Eden. Sashi truthfully tells her that she might be, and talks about some of the stuff she has observed (her behavior, her closeness to Vega, the fact that her son Christopher was part of a terrorist organization)-- she really believes that Silas must be someone very high up on the food chain. Silas just listens, then thanks Sashi and leaves. Sashi sits in her office and thinks about how weird that was. She continues to work, then leaves at the end of her shift, passing a truly miserable looking Dana on the way out. She goes to bed, and when she wakes up, she sees an email that says that she has been promoted from mere Detective, to Detective Superintendent.
13) Rosaline is still sick, so she and Esther travel down to the Lower Levels to visit Rosie’s old guardian, Barbara Church. Kassidy, Marty, and Tony all discuss what they know so far about the Book, the Lost Colony, and Blagodat. Kassidy tells them that she believes that her boss, Cihad Tariq, is involved somehow-- he is a foreigner and owned the Book to begin with, and she believes he brought it to Eden with him. Tony scoffs and says he knows all about Cihad Tariq, that they have a...history and that he needs to be avoided for more reasons than his blood magic. Kassidy is like WTF why is everything connected, and Tony talks about his belief in fate/something bigger than them manipulating/pulling the strings. Marty says that it’s strange that someone could have traveled so far to Eden with the Book and be allowed to live there, and even go to school and rise to such an important job. Kassidy says that she could just ask him, and Tony says that she needs to leave Cihad alone, he was involved with sketchy things (Silas…) and probably still is. Tony tells them that Cihad raised his daughter with Cathy and that they think he’s dead and he wants it to stay that way. When Kassidy mouths off, he asks her how she would feel if her mom suddenly came back into her life. Kassidy says she never told him about her bad relationship with her mom and Tony says that he picks up on things, he just knows things, he can See things, he’s a psychic but tries to give people their privacy. Kassidy thinks about how it isn’t fair that some people were born with Abilities and she is powerless and grows more determined to use more blood magic despite the side effects.
14) Anatole returns to the destroyed blood magic town of Blagodat because Marty would not stop asking him to show it to him. Dog is with him, and so is Marty’s guardian , a witch named Jules. Also along is a survivor of the town whose name is Olive. Jules and Dog have a weird dynamic where it’s clear they like each other, but nothing is ever going to happen. Blagodat is less than 50 miles away from the nearest Territory, but Anatole is watchful. He carries his father’s sword, which is forged of starmetal and was enchanted by Jules. There is not much left of the blood magic town. Marty investigates the place where the black pyramid once stood, and excitedly talks in English to his virtual friends, Kassidy and Tony in Eden. Olive says that she is glad she doesn’t remember living there-- it’s destruction was so traumatic for her that she lost her memory of it all. Jules spits on the ground to guard herself against evil and tells Anatole that they need to leave. Anatole remembers the day that his father led men to destroy this place. When he approaches the ruins of the black pyramid temple, his sword begins to vibrate and hum. He spots something hauling itself through the rubble and tells Marty to get off the phone because they need to leave. It’s a grotesque twisted disgusting hungry creature, a leftover of what occurred to 90% of humanity when the RIFT opened 800 years ago. It attacks them. They (except Marty) work together to destroy it.. Marty is shaken by seeing one of these semi-human things for the first time and asks how many of them there are in the world and if they are the same thing as the slime creatures he has heard about. Anatole does not know the answer to this. He tells Marty that these creatures are the reason that the Northern Territories are so isolated-- The North is very close to the Lost Colony that lies to the east and these things are drawn to it and the surrounding area. Marty accuses him of being a liar, he lied to him and Kassidy when they were asking about the Lost Colony. He gets worked up and has a seizure, Jules asks him what he saw and Marty will not tell her. Anatole tells him that there are things he is better off not knowing about, and he should be grateful for his ignorance and how he has been so protected. His mind is drawn to the Lost Colony and what happened there.
15) Kassidy goes back to the blood magic church in the Lower Levels and finds Helen. She tells her that she has been practicing blood magic and Helen seems surprised to learn that she’s been doing it without a teacher. They talk about power, and lacking power. Kassidy opens up a little about growing up poor and getting bullied by other kids, and Helen relates to this (HEAVILY imply that Helen did something to get rid of a man who had hurt her a few months ago and that is one of the reasons that lately weird things have been happening in Eden, why people are angrier and more violent). Kassidy asks about the possibility of bringing the dead back to life, and classic psycho religious person Helen says that it is a matter of faith. She invites Kassidy to become a member of the Church but Kassidy still finds all religion creepy. She wants to know if it’s possible to become very good at blood magic without a teacher and Helen tells her no, which is why she should join the Church. Helen tells her that things are about to get better in Eden because God is about to come back, God just needs a human body. Kassidy remembers what Tony said happened to Cathy and feels very afraid. She gets up to leave, but Helen grabs her by the hand and asks her if she has seen God, and then talks about looking into the VOID. Kassidy tells her to let go of her, but Helen won’t. She keeps asking her if she has seen God, talking crazy stuff about how society needs to be rebuilt and how every Artificial is an abomination, and how Bomb Day had been a great cleanse and sacrifice. She notices that Kassidy’s eyes have not turned red, despite using blood magic, Kassidy’s eyes are still black. Kassidy attacks her with her blood magic and escapes the Church, then passes out on the train. She realizes that she left her ID there. AND THEN….REPULSIVE SEX SCENE LOL Kassidy just wants to feel in control and bangs some random girl.
16) Smiles and his squad are sent to the blood magic church to take in Helen Guttierez. Information says that she has been causing disorder and is personally responsible for the deaths of 3 people, partially responsible for the deaths of far more. Blood magic did not exist in Eden only a few years previously, and the Central Committee has just ruled that it is illegal and punishable by death. The Squad is uneasy and scared of blood magic, they have seen what it can do. They break into the Church. It’s the middle of the night. Helen is still awake and they find her...doing...something. Surrounded by candles, in front of an altar, naked, covered in blood. There is a mutilated body in front of her. Smiles and co are like wtf. Helen is clearly having some kind of religious euphoria, talking to Something (the god of the rift) saying that she knows it is there, it’s in Eden, and that she has seen it. The Squad interrupts her prayers. Smiles is like, you’re coming with us, lady. Helen tells him that she is done doing what others tell her to do. Smiles bubbles her and she easily breaks it, then summons HUGE slime monsters to come and attack them. Big fight, and the Squad is losing badly. Helen sees Johnny, her face twists in hatred, she says that such aberrations should not exist and that soon there will be no more Artificials. She starts hurting him badly, then does something that turns him against them (setting up the future thing where Artificials all go crazy). 2 of her church members bust in. Pete has her hands full with restraining JVP. Nickels’s nose is bleeding like crazy as she uses her powers and she is growing weaker. Smiles is like, uh oh, I think we’re all going to die...And they are all overpowered by the blood magic. Helen is like, did you really think you could fight the power of god? God is here. She takes off Smiles’s clothes and takes him to the altar, it’s pretty clear that his guts are about to get spilled. Smiles thinks that it’s ironic that he is going to die like this instead of from a bullet to the head. Nickels saves the day by opening her mind to Lady. BG’s Squad busts in and is easily able to wipe the floor with the cultists. BG tells Smiles that he owed him one anyways for saving Lady in the Prison District. Smiles pushes him away and rushes to check Nickels, who looks like she’s going to keel over, he thanks her for her quick thinking. Nickels is not feeling good, because she just had Lady in her mind, and Lady does some psychic shit to help her. BG is like wtf is wrong with Johnny, because he is still acting crazy, Smiles doesn’t know-- this marks beginning of BG and Johnny friendship. Smiles wanders around the temple. He picks up Kassidy’s ID from the hospital that she forgot the last time she was here, and is compelled to put it in his pocket so that nobody else sees it.
17) Ayda tells everyone to act normal because her crush is coming over for tea. They agree to behave. Rosaline is still sick and Kassidy has a conversation with Esther about what they’re going to do if she doesn’t get better, Esther says that she’ll get her family to hire a lawyer and press charges. When Ayda’s crush shows up, it’s fucking CIHAD, but he’s acting blank and weird and confused. Kassidy pulls Ayda aside and asks if she’s doing that to him, because Cihad barely recognized her and she knows Ayda is an empath. Ayda becomes offended. Tabby comes in and her presence seems to jar Cihad from his trance and Kassidy realizes that he sees Tony in Tabby’s face. Kassidy panics and goes to the attic where Tony has been staying and tells him not to leave or freak out because his ex is downstairs. She gives Tony the BOOK because she is in a full paranoia attack. Tony demands she get it away from him, but she leaves him anyway. Cihad shakes himself more from Ayda’s control, sees Kassidy, and asks her where his BOOK is. Kassidy denies that she has it. Ayda grows upset, with the situation and with herself. Casey thrives in the chaos. Cihad tells Ayda to get the hell away from him (he is very triggered by the mind control-- mirroring what we just saw Smiles do), becomes angrier with Kassidy and demands she give him the Book because it belongs to him and has been in his family for a long time. He tells her that he can see she has been using blood magic and that it’s going to kill her, he has always known that she has been using blood magic. Cihad uses his own blood to complete a detection spell to find the BOOK and heads towards the attic. Kassidy tells him he can’t go up there but he ignores her and pushes past her and goes up there. There are screams and lots of noises from the attic. Casey is like, “Good job Ade, you just got Tony killed” LOL because they can’t get up there and it sounds like someone is being murdered. Eventually, Cihad comes down with the BOOK, and they hear him tell Tony to not follow him. Then he tells the girls he never wants to see any of them again, and leaves. They all rush up there to find Tony very freaked out and upset and all he says, miserably, is that he does not understand why he even tries-- there is a fixed, natural order (Fate) in the universe that he can See, and there is no point in fighting what is predetermined. To him, this order/fate will inevitably screw him every time (lol Tony). Kassidy, who is numb and shocked that the BOOK was just taken from her, is not willing to believe that things are predetermined and is not going to give up using blood magic. 
ACT 3
1) Kassidy gets called into work during the daytime. Cihad sits her down and fires her. He tells her that he can’t trust her as an employee because she broke into his office, stole from him, and lied to him. He pauses and tells her to be careful because she doesn’t look well and what she is doing is destroying her body. He doesn’t seem angry anymore, just...disappointed lol. Kassidy feels numb on the train ride home and thinks to herself that now she will have more time to practice blood magic. She looks at her phone and sees that the blood magic church she had gone to has been raided and Helen Guttierez, along with other churchgoers, have been arrested for murder. It is clear that this was secret police and Kassidy feels scared. She almost faints on the train again. She gets home, sits down with Tony, and tells him that she got fired. Tony tells her that he has been fired from a lot of jobs before he got sober. Kassidy already knew he was an alcoholic and thinks about her mother, but doesn’t make the obvious connection to the fact that she is also engaging in addict behavior to cope with her brother’s death. She asks what helped him stop drinking and Tony told her he stopped wanting to die. Kassidy thinks about what CT told her and wonders if she’s dying because at this point what she is doing is compulsive. Esther calls her and tells her that she thinks something’s really wrong with Rosie because they went to see her mom and Dr. Bellamy was acting really weird around Rosie, like she was property, Esther says she thinks she had something to do with it. Little throwaway expository thing about Yancey-- someone Esther already knows vaguely because he works for her mom. Yancey was the one running the clinical trials behind what happened to Rosie.
2) Kassidy goes to her childhood apartment to take some of Kip’s belongings so that she can try to bring him back. The apartment brings back a lot of memories but Kassidy is determined not to feel them. It looks like her mom has not been doing so well, everything is dirty and piled up. She goes into Kip’s bedroom, which has largely been untouched since his death and suppresses her emotions even more. She finds his old jacket, which was very sentimental to him because it belonged to his mom Harry, who ‘committed suicide’. Kassidy also tears everything apart to find his gross old hairbrush that still has his hair in it and an old toothbrush (YES THANK GOD DANA IS DEPRESSED AND A SLOB). She also takes the container that has Kip’s ashes in it, that were given to the family after the execution. She is about to get out, when Dana comes home, extremely drunk, and she is like wtf are you doing here because they have not seen eachother in over 2 years, Dana didn’t even come see her when she graduated nursing school. Kassidy feels disgust and anger towards her mother, she blames her for what happened all those years ago, for not noticing how mentally ill Kip was, for not being around. Dana thinks Kassidy looks like she is dying (she looks really bad) and goes ballistic because she gets angry when she is worried. They get into a terrible fight and Kassidy tells her that she wishes Dana had died instead of Kip. She leaves, wearing her dead brother’s jacket, and allows herself to think about what happened. The BOOK is corrupting and seductive inside of her mind, and she uses blood magic to shove people out of her way. She is angry and full of grief and more determined than ever to be more than the way she was born. She knows she is no longer helpless and will give anything-- even her own life-- to make sure that she does not become powerless again. This is someone who has lost everything and is willing to destroy herself to build herself back up again.
3) Anatole checks in with Florence about the politics in the Northern Territories and grows more frustrated with her. He is tired of the constant struggle and her desire for expansion and believes that their efforts are most useful on their own turf. He is tired of losing people-- the war is over! He wants to go back to his home Territory of Kemenka but she will not allow it. Florence asks Anatole why he made an exhibition to the destroyed blood magic town of Blagodat and asks him if he found anything there-- something that would look like an old BOOK. She has been reading the former leader of the Northern Territories’s (Frank Martel….) journals and heard about it there. She takes him to a room and shows him a glass tank of preservative fluids, where she has contained the corpse of the former Princess of the North, a woman killed by Olive 12 years ago, who was a hideous hybrid of human and slime alien. This Princess had been mutated by the Red Priest (CT’s Dad…) as a child. This body is hideous and repulsive and it is proof that it is possible to create bodies that...Entities….can live in without decay and corruption (we think of Tony and the thing that Helen said about God needing a body) Florence asks Anatole about his loyalty. He knows that she has stopped trusting him and his pride is hurt and he leaves. Flick walks up and tells him that she has sent surveillance parties to both Eden and the Lost Colony and that they never came back. He has a tape recorder with radio transmissions from the party that went to the Lost Colony, and plays it, and they listen to a description of a strange device (figure it out-- this is the device that the BOOK wants to strap Tony in so that it can do the Ritual) and then screams. Flick is like, you know everything she told you is real, think about how we need more power if we are ever going to Make our Colony Great Again. Anatole knows that Flick is a manipulator and answers to Florence and does not understand why he would purposefully add to his mistrust of her. He says this, and then beats Flick into the ground for being an untrustworthy rat and messing with his mind. Anatole’s mind turns to rebellion against Florence. He goes to Jules’s house to find Dog (bc Jules and Dog like each other). Marty is there, talking to his little friend Ayda. Anatole finds Dog and Jules, the witch, and straight up asks them if they would support him against Florence if she has gone off the deep end.
4) It is Bomb Day. 7 years ago, in the morning, a group called the UPLF (United People’s Liberation Front) detonated bombs across Eden, leaving 5000 people dead and countless more injured. That same day, Kip Nguyen was arrested and killed (along with 21 other collaborators) for his involvement, despite his innocence. Kassidy can’t think of a better day to bring her brother back from the dead. It seems symbolic to her. The news is broadcasting all kinds of memorials, it is a highly emotional day. Kassidy empties her bank account and buys 153 pounds of meat (correlating to Kip’s weight when he was 18) She reflects on how if she had not been fired from the hospital, she could have taken a human corpse, but according to the Book, flesh is good enough as long as you have DNA from the person you are trying to bring back (Kip’s hair and his toothbrush and his ashes).. Kassidy does some kind of fucked up shit in her room to prepare this ritual that I will figure out later after some more research into necromancy. She has black slime ichor she bought from one of Tabby’s sources on the black market. She cuts herself and loses a lot of blood because a large component of the ritual is sacrifice. Kip’s jacket is there as an emotional connection, since he wore it all the time and loved it. In the background, the news is playing. It is talking about Kip (and the other UPLF terrorists who were caught), how he was a terrible person, blah blah blah. Kassidy lets the BOOK’s power fill her body, letting it have control. She starts talking in the language of the VOID. She completes the ritual.The flesh, the blood, and the black slime come together to form a crawling, whimpering thing but it is not Kip, Kassidy does not know what it is. For a moment she has hope that she brought him back, no matter how disgusting and fucked up, but it isn’t him. The disgusting form squirms in a repulsive, stinking heap. She failed. Kassidy is full of rage and hurt, hating herself for what she perceives to be weakness and failure (JK Kip is alive and that’s why it didn’t work, there was no soul to yank back into the body). She screams and starts wrecking her bedroom. Casey, the only person who was in the house, comes in and sees what she has done and is horrified by it, horrified by what Kassidy has done, horrified by the crawling crying abomination. Kassidy yells at her, telling her to get out, get out, she hates her. She ‘kills’ the barely alive squirming meat monster with blood magic in a very brutal, angry way.The TV has a picture of Kip’s face on it and she knocks it over. Casey holds Kassidy, and in her grief and rage Kassidy hits her again and again, but Casey still holds her. For the first time in years, possibly for the first time since Kip’s death, Kassidy begins to cry. Casey keeps holding her. She picks up Kip’s jacket and puts it on. He is gone. There is nothing she can do about that.
5) Smiles has just been punished and he doesn’t know why. He’s in pain and just wants to lie down. He walks in on Nickels and Pete acting a little too touchy feely and snaps at Pete, telling her that she’s acting irresponsible, taking advantage of someone younger than her, and putting Nickels in danger because of her pyrokinesis. Nickels tells him that she doesn’t understand why everyone else can get what they want and she has to be alone. Smiles asks her if she would think the same thing if he allowed Johnny to act on his crush on him. Nickels says it’s different and they get in a fight, culminating in Nickes going inside of his mind and ripping out a memory of Smiles when he was a child, in some sort of juvenile facility, being bullied and physically hurt by the other kids. Smiles attacks her, tells her that he hates psychics, that he hates people who go into other people’s heads without asking. Nickels fights back, asking if he still thought she was too helpless to make her own choices. Pete gets them apart and yells at Smiles. Smiles stomps off and nearly runs into a completely ordinary, frumpy woman named Silas. Silas asks him what the matter is. Smiles is terrified of this woman, he doesn’t understand why she is on the dormitory floors. This is the big boss, Smiles knows that she is behind everything and is the reason that his life is shitty and he suffers all the time. For a second, he lets himself fantasize about killing her, but knows that the punishment he and his team would face would be long and brutal. Silas says that she’s there to see BG, but she is acting very nice and  kind towards Smiles. She offers him a piece of candy and he does not take it. They have a weird, scary conversation that Smiles doesn’t entirely get but he starts to feel like his time is coming to an end and does not want to give them the satisfaction of killing him, but also does not want to kill himself.  
6) The gang holds an intervention for Kassidy LOL. Some people take this more seriously than others. Tabby runs the whole thing because she says that she has a lot of practice having interventions for Tony and for her mom. Very funny moment where Ayda is like “So were those interventions successful?” and Tabby is like “Uh. No.” All the bad things Kassidy has done while using blood magic get laid out in front of her-- getting fired from her job, eating everything in the fridge, getting sick, losing weight, smelling like she is rotting,, dragging 150 pounds of meat into her room (nobody but Casey know why she did that though). Everyone tells her that they care about her and are worried about her and want her to stop using blood magic, they say she can keep doing her research. It seems like everyone has figured out that Kassidy has been pouring herself into this stuff to feel a sense of control, except for Kassidy. However, Kassidy was raised by an addict and starts squirming her way out of trouble and turning it back on everyone else LOL. She is honestly such a bitch and is like, well, if you guys are so worried about me, why aren’t you worried about Rosie, huh? And laying out everything that seems weird about the Rosaline situation, the being missing for days, the sickness, the obviously being experimented on by evil scientists thing. Kassidy is really trying to deflect from her own behavior, very classic. Too bad Rosie is a very solid, honest person. She and Esther kind of look at each other and then Rosie is like “OK…” and transforms into this monster thing. AND EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW EXCEPT FOR KASSIDY bc Rosie doesn’t fucking hide shit unless she doesn’t want to stress someone out more. Rosie is like “Yeah, this is a whole thing, sorry I should have told you but the government is doing some fucked up things to people and they did this to me, I didn’t want to bother you because it seems like you're really going through something right now.” And Kassidy just thinks about how she is literally the only person in the group who does not have some kind of Ability and/or is Artificial. She feels determined to keep using blood magic even if it can’t bring Kip back, because it makes her feel better about herself. 
7) Sashi goes to work. She has been watching the news like crazy, working hard, submitting more evidence of corporate corruption in Eden. Because of her promotion to Detective Superintendent,  she is making more money, and she and her wife Kelsey are going to try for a baby. Sashi feels happy. As she is working, Dana Nguyen calls her into her office. Dana looks fucking rough, she hasn’t been taking care of herself. In Dana’s office, we see a family photograph of her and her dead wife Harry and their children, and Sashi looks at it and feels a moment of pity for this woman, because she can’t imagine losing a partner or a child, even a child who was a terrorist lol. Dana is like, you’ve been working hard, I see. They talk about what Sashi has worked on, all the surveillance and all the numbers crunched. Dana tells her that she agrees with what she has been working on, that she also believes that people like West should not have the kind of power that they have. But then she says that she does not believe that the government of Eden should have that power either. Sashi is like...what are you talking about? Dana gets angrier and angrier as she talks, saying stuff that Sashi doesn’t understand, about always being watched, about how her life has been destroyed. She has been drinking. Dana is like, I remember you were involved in the police union with my wife, all those years ago. Sashi is like, “yeah, Harry, before she killed herself.” And Dana’s face grows cold. Dana is like, “so remind me how you got promoted’ and stupid, truthful Sashi tells her about the day Silas came to her office and talked to her, and talks about how she knows Silas is some kind of high ranking official and how grateful she is to her because now she can finally start a family . And then Dana is like, ‘go pack up your stuff. You’re fired.’ There’s this terrible shock, Sashi is like “WHAT?” Dana repeats herself. Sashi tells her that she can’t do that, and Dana tells her that she can do whatever she wants. Sashi doesn’t understand, feels lost and confused and angry and hurt, having just worked so hard only to get cut down for no reason. Dana is like, “You don’t understand, but I’m helping you. I’m protecting you. Get a new job, do anything you want, just get out of here.” Sashi leaves, feeling numb and betrayed. She passes by chief of staff Vega Pelenato and sees her go into Dana’s office behind her. Sashi remembers everything that she heard about Vega’s dual loyalties and can’t help but wonder if Dana is in West’s pockets as well. She starts to firmly believe that West is paying off Dana and endeavoring to maintain control of the private sector as Nationalization closes in on his corporation. It feels like there is nobody who Sashi can go to, since Dana is at the top of everything. There’s nothing she can do. She thinks about Silas again. Hurt and betrayed, Sashi requests a grievance report from HR and fills it out against Dana.
8) Death Squad spends a shift on surveillance outside of the main gang’s house. They are all very bored and slaphappy because this is a boring mission. They talk about why they were assigned this mission: to drag Rosaline back to the Research and Development floors if it even looks like she’s about to go into hiding. Our goons all think that any Research and Development project is automatically disgusting but they have not been given any information on Rosaline other than to watch her. Smiles watches Kassidy (who is…..wearing Kip’s jacket, sob sob sob) through the sights of his rifle and doesn’t feel anything other than curiosity, because he knows that this girl was at the blood magic church. A staff member radios them to tell them that their location is changed and that they need to go observe the AGA owned warehouse that West keeps his trucks parked in. Smiles is like “what, why?” and staff is “big things are about to go down, we need to know about movement, weapons, etc”. They get their stuff and travel through the secret little corridors that are all over Eden. Tension between Pete and Smiles. Smiles’s bad leg is troubling him. They pass by one of the secret ways out of Eden, more of a hatch than anything else. Smiles opens it and they look outside at the world. Smiles is like, what if we just left. Pete tells him that’s not funny. Smiles is like they’re going to kill us all anyways, but deep down inside he knows that there is only one way he knows how to live and that’s in the program. Very helpless scene bc even though they’re all in this bad situation, none of them would dare escape. But they look, for a moment. Suddenly BG teleports in and is like wtf are you people doing? Smiles is like “are they fucking keeping eyes on us or something? Is Lady fucking surveilling us?” BG is like uh yeah obviously you people aren’t trustworthy and now she has a connection to your telepath. Someone tells him something over his radio. BG is like, “I gotta take your psychic back to HQ”. The Squad protests. BG tells them they don’t need Nickels for the rest of the mission. Nickels is like BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. BG is like, yeah but you were thinking it. You thought about it. And grabs her and teleports her out, presumably to be punished for Thought-Crime ™. Pete tells Smiles this is his fault, he is always messing around and getting the rest of them in trouble, he is supposed to protect them. She keeps going. Smiles looks outside again, at the outside world. He asks Johnny if he thinks he is failing to protect them all, if he thinks that he has not done enough to keep them safe. Johnny says no, of course not, and that he knows Smiles is doing everything he can (OW….) Smiles closes the hatch to the outside and hits a hand hard against his own leg.
9) SECOND DR. B CHAPTER, FIGURE IT OUT. Dr. B is troubled by Yancey’s unwillingness to take the only surviving subject of their project in, but he says that it’s better to observe for now. After all, the other living subject from 7 years ago is out living his life. Dr. B tells him that was a mistake and that he should have been terminated. They argue about this in Dr. B’s laboratory. She is worried about her daughter’s connection to the subject. Data has been submitted to Silas. Yancey says that information should have been kept private, but Dr. B keeps nothing from Silas. IDK IDK IDK
10)  Kassidy realizes that there is nothing for her at home and she has nothing to lose. Kassidy is hungry, so hungry. She goes outside at night and wanders around, wondering if she has lost her mind. She comes across one of the slime creatures and kills it easily with blood magic. Hunger overcomes Kassidy. She ravenously eats the gelatinous body of the creature, and for a while her hunger is sated, but she is horrified by her own behavior. This is usually that moment where someone thinks about how they need help, but Kassidy knows at this point there is nobody who can help her. She just kind of sits there, disgusting, black slime all over her face and hands. Kassidy thinks about calling her mom. There is only one person she knows who knows about this and she calls him. Cihad picks up. Kassidy is like, I’m sorry, I know you hate me, but I don’t know who else can help me. Eternal savior complex guy that he is, Cihad gives Kassidy his address and tells her to come to his house. She rides the subway, thinking about how she is going to probably die soon and wonders if she is OK with that. She arrives at Cihad’s house. It seems so nice and normal. Cihad tells her that she is slowly killing herself, that most people’s bodies cannot handle blood magic. Kassidy says she feels like it’s something more than that. She can feel the BOOK nearby. She asks him where he got it and Cihad carefully says that he has always had it. She’s like, you’re from the town from up North that was destroyed, aren’t you. He says he is. He says that she has to stop using blood magic and tells her that 2 years ago, he watched someone he cared about a lot die a slow, painful death because of this same thing. Kassidy tells him that it isn’t that simple. Deep conversation. Cihad is very different when he is out of boss mode. Then, a child who is presumably Cihad’s/Tony’s daughter and….something….come into the living room. The thing is one of the horrible slime aliens, and it can fucking talk in a human voice and calls Cihad ‘dad’. Kassidy reacts in horror, realizing that Cihad is up to some really dark shit, worse than anything she can imagine, if he is treating one of those things, the same kind of thing that tormented Esther for years, as his child. She’s like, you’re a cultist, you came from that place and infiltrated Eden and brought the BOOK here, you’re evil, this is all your fault, you did this to me, blah blah blah. Cihad, with his terrible red eyes, comforting the little disgusting slime alien that is scared of Kassidy, says “Don’t go. Please. I want to help you.” And Kassidy says “I don’t want your help” and stumbling, runs out.
11) The gang realizes that they are in trouble after Tabby discovers hidden cameras in their home-- this has to do with the Rosaline plot. We really see that Rosie is dealing with her monstrous new nature much better than Kassidy/we see the parallel. Esther receives a summons from the court because her mom is trying to get her committed (Dr. Bellamy trying to control her daughter but in her own way, trying to protect her bc she is aware that danger that is about to come down bc she works with Yancey). Esther is like no no no, I’m not going back to the hospital, there’s nothing wrong with me. Somehow (no idk how right now because I am stupid) the Rosie stuff gets bigger stakes. Kassidy is the first one to suggest they leave Eden— she feels no connection anyways and wants to see the Lost Colony and CT’s town/the black pyramid. They discuss Marty’s vision of seeing them with him in his Colony. Discussion of pros and cons of leaving that somehow ends up with the majority saying they want to go. Some people (Ayda, Tabby) take more convincing than others. Tabby wants more money and Casey promises her a crazy amount of cash when they get back, she promises Tabby anything she wants. Some (Tony especially lol) want to get far, far away. The saddest thing is that we see that Marty is very excited at the prospect, even though his friends are in danger, and we see how desperately he wants to have real human contact and connection.
12) Preparing to leave Eden. Asking West for one of his trucks. We find out that West has been in contact with people in the North, bypassing Eden’s restrictions with the help of his technopath Percy. West has a lot of foster kids and says some bullshit about wanting to keep them safe from something. Kassidy finds West sinister. She overhears him asking Casey what’s wrong with her/asking her if she’s sick and Casey says something hurtful about Kassidy just looking like that/being ugly (OW but Casey is not tactful and not the best liar). Kassidy doesn’t know why she feels hurt by this, she has always...accepted that she will never be pretty (ow this hurts I feel it). Kassidy goes into the fancy bathroom and looks at herself in the mirror, at how dull her skin has become, the dark circles under her eyes, the weight she has lost, her teeth turning grey and brittle. She looks ugly now. But she thinks, maybe, she hadn’t been so ugly before, even though she had felt that way about herself. Kassidy scrubs at her face. She looks in the mirror. She sees a flash of...of something else. A flash of the planet eating unholy thing that for a long time, she has suspected has been living inside of her body. She recoils in disgust, but what is she supposed to do? She leaves the bathroom to go sit with Esther and Rosie. She asks Rosie how she’s doing, with the whole...being a monster thing. Rosie says that she isn’t a monster and that nothing could make her act in ways that go against her values, no matter what her body has become, no matter what anyone has done to her. It’s frustrating to hear that, because Kassidy feels helpless. She gets up and wanders around, feeling the urge to use blood magic but having to reason to do so. She thinks about the Lost Colony. Are they really doing this? Some of her friends have no skin in this game, and she wonders why they would even decide to put themselves in danger. The Lost Colony. The Lost Colony. Bodies, being in the wrong bodies. Kassidy feels like there is something so wrong with her body. 
13) Preparing to leave Eden. IDK, this is just like….a logistics chapter…...lol…..a beat of calm nothingness before the climax.
14) The gang packs up and gets into one of West’s trucks. Most of them hide in the back. This should be normal, after all, AGA ships things to the neighboring Colonies of Green River and Serenity all the time. Tabby and Casey in the front, everyone else in the back. Kassidy can feel the thing inside of her grow excited, like it wants to leave Eden. She starts getting sick, leaking black goo from her mouth and ears. They arrive at Eden’s entrance and there is a checkpoint. Secret police. They start asking Tabby questions, Tabby says that they can look at the schedule and that it says that they have prior permission for this shipment. Ayda and Tony start panicking because they can psychically feel that it’s over and they know what’s up. Smiles tells them that there’s a new law and that there are to be no more shipments to or from Eden. He tells them that he knows there are people in the back of the truck and tells them that they’re all under arrest for human trafficking and orders them all out of the truck. They all get out, line up. Vague menacing energy from the Death Squad psychos. Everyone is terrified that they’re about to get shot in the street, especially Kassidy, who has a horrible fear of these people. Scary moment where one of them is like  “Hey, aren’t these those people we were running ops on the other day???” One of them (it’s Nickels lol what a bitch) starts to harass Kassidy, saying that she looks sick and saying that she’s a blood magic user aka shoot on sight, and starts to get rough with Kassidy. Casey is the first one to go ballistic and attack (Casey vs Nickels and Pete, Esther vs Smiles, Rosie vs JVP). Tony pulls Kassidy back into the truck with Ayda, Marty gets into the system to try and force the gates open idk anything about technology I will figure out how later.. Kassidy uses blood magic to incapacitate Pete (because we literally can’t have someone who can incinerate everyone in this fight lol) and this seems to piss the rest of them off. Gate starts to open. Rosaline transforms and beats the shit out of JVP and his helmet gets knocked off and she realizes that this is a 15/16 year old child and is like UH GUYS….Cihad shows up huffing and puffing in his scrubs and crocs out of nowhere, yelling at Smiles and co to stand down and is like WAIT STOP STOP, and this throws them off a little bit. Smiles crushes Esther’s arm in a bubble after she shocks him. Gate opens more, everyone gets in the truck and Tabby starts to floor it. Cihad starts using blood magic to pull them back. Tony is losing his fucking mind, like we have to get out, we have to go, we have to go! They really are all gonna die. This is scary. Kassidy uses her last ounce of strength to lash out with blood magic against Cihad and his hold on the truck is broken. We see in his face that he knows that the Entity is living inside of her body (THIS IS THE REAL REASON HE WAS TRYING TO KEEP THEM FROM LEAVING). Kassidy passes out and stops breathing, her heart stops beating,  and Casey gives her CPR to save her life and ends up snapping her few ribs.
15) Smiles is taken to a room and is interviewed by Silas about how he fucked up and how he failed and how he is stupid and how he sucks. Getting shocked has jarred something loose in his mind, not a memory, but a clarity about a piece of himself that he has protected for all these years-- his sense of self is conflicted. Smiles is thinking oh boy, this is it, she’s about to tell me I’m getting Retired. But nobody ever gets a warning for that. He straight up asks Silas if this is it, if this is the end. Silas tells him no, no, she needs him (IMPLY THIS IS FOR MORE THAN JUST USING HIM AS A TOOL). Smiles fucking SNITCHES and is like, “You know Doc was there, right? He knew about those people and was trying to stop them. Did you know about that? Did you know he uses blood magic? That’s why you can’t pick him up on all your little cameras, isn’t it? Well he is trying to fuck you hard.” (Until this point we were unaware of CT’s involvement with Silas and the secret police too….uh oh Cihad is a mysterious bad guy) And Silas tells him to get out. Smiles returns to his dorm, and it’s clear that his team all thought they were never going to see him again. Heartwarming reactions from Nickels and JVP to show how much they truly love and were worried about Smiles. Pete isn’t disappointed but she had been amping herself up to be team leader lol. Smiles thinks about the outside world and thinks about the people who just got out of Eden. He remembers the things that have been done to him. He remembers the things that have been done to his little family. He tells them all that he isn’t going to let them die here. He can’t lose them. The ID of the woman Kassidy Nguyen is still hidden in his room. He looks at it and to his horror, he feels some kind of familiarity and believes that he must have known her before joining the program. He tosses the ID to Pete and asks her to burn it. Pete does so. 
16) Some random loser journalist named Lee Harlan is bored and depressed and his life sucks. He has chronic horrific migraines and scars at his hairline. He thinks about different stories he could write and really doesn’t have much inspiration. Just a normal guy. Then he goes to sleep and goes into a VOID hallucination where he is tormented by a version of a 13 year old Marty who he beats to death with a rock, he just starts bashing him over and over while Marty calls him a pervert and a creep and he says that he is not. He sees 18 year old Kip who is like, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me. “No I didn’t, I didn’t know what was going to happen, it wasn’t my fault!” He sees Kip getting shot in the face over and over again. He ‘wakes up’ but he is still in the Void. He can’t get out. It’s like this every time he goes to sleep. He wakes up for real and tries to kill himself by slitting his wrists. It doesn’t work. It never works, he always just heals. Pain and guilt. Nothing matters. There is nothing that matters. Lee turns on the news and sees that a bunch of people were shot for trying to get out of Eden. He sees their faces on the news as Police Commissioner Dana Nguyen talks about the incident in a way that is very broken lol. He knows this isn’t real. Lee does some bullshit smart person internet thing that I will think up later because I am stupid and he finds traces of Marty. And suddenly….Lee does not want to die any more.
17) The gang rides down the road in the truck together, shaken by what has happened. There is a 10 hour trip in front of them and none of them have been outside of Eden, this is exhilarating and terrifying. Kassidy is barely conscious and in pain. Technically she just died, her heart had stopped beating, only brought back by the simultaneously violent and loving act of CPR. She is slipping away and nobody is noticing. She is gently held by Tony. She has memories of Cathy, a person she never met, because the Book has memories of Cathy. Kassidy realizes that they have made a mistake by leaving Eden, this is what the thing inside of her wants, it wants to get out. It wants to go back to the Lost Colony and has been making her interested in that place the whole time. She tries to say this but is unable to. Kassidy fully slips away. The Book is in control now. It sits up, despite the injuries in its body and the harm it is doing to Kassidy. IT TAKES OFF KIP’S JACKET. It tells Tony that it is hungry and asks him if he has anything to eat. And from far, far away, Kassidy sees Tony realize that it is fully in control.
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jswdmb1 · 7 years
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Thank You                        (Fallettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)
“Mama's so happy Mama start to cry Papa still singin' You can make it if you try”
- Sly & The Family Stone
There has been a lot of discussion in the mainstream media about mental illness recently. It was unfortunately ignited by the mass murder in Las Vegas, which is a pretty rational way for most of us to make sense of such a senseless act.  There also continues to be much speculation about the mental health of our president. The American Psychiatric Association actually forbids members from publicly diagnosing anyone they have not personally examined. That seems obvious, but was not codified until 1964 when some psychiatrists were offering opinions on Republican presidential candidate Barry Goldwater’s possible afflictions. Some think this helped sway the vote towards electing LBJ, so this practice was further banned to prevent unfair characterizations based on remote observation. This is why you are not seeing any formal diagnosis by a psychiatrist of the current commander-in-chief. Until he submits to an examination, you are not going to get one.  Still, his public behavior, much of which is incredibly bizarre by almost any objective measure, has sparked debate and generated interest in learning more about narcissism, bipolar disorder, and even aging related brain diseases as we again try to rationalize behavior that scares the shit out of most of us.
Then, a few weeks ago on SNL, Pete Davidson disclosed on Weekend Update that he suffers from borderline personality disorder, which can cause symptoms of severe depression and anxiety and often leads to at least one suicide attempt if left untreated. There was also an excellent column by Rex Hupple recently in the Chicago Tribune about teen suicide, which is practically an epidemic in our country (it is the second leading cause of death among teens and young adults). All of this attention on mental illness feels quite peculiar as free discussion of the topic and public disclosure of a diagnosis by a celebrity are rare. This is generally due to the stigma our society has placed on people with mental illnesses that curbs the willingness of those who are suffering to get treatment, never mind discuss symptoms and their effects with family and friends. As such an estimated 50 percent of adults with mental illness go untreated. That percentage rises to a shocking 80 percent for those under 18.
This all results in mental illnesses being considered second class citizens when it comes to diseases. If you have a heart condition or cancer, for example, and need help, an array of heath care services are thrown at you by your doctor and insurance company. If you need time off from work most supervisors will tell you to take all of the time you need and a number of benefits will often kick in to help you through financially. Go to your boss, however, and ask for time to be treated for depression and she or he may not be as accommodating. If you do get help, you’ll likely be looking forward to a prolonged battle for coverage of your treatment, which until the last few years was not acknowledged by most insurance plans as a valid benefit.
So how do we change this and why do I care so much? Well, only people with mental illness talking about it openly and frankly will begin any change in perception by the rest of the population. And I care so much because I have suffered with mental illness for over 20 years. Realistically, it goes back much further but mental illness was rarely diagnosed in adults back in the day, never mind in children. Once I did get help, I bounced around for many years among doctors, therapists, and medications often being limited by what insurance would cover. When that provided limited relief, I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol despite their potential for dangerous interaction with my medications and a genetic predisposition to addiction. This is very common for most people with mental illness and leads to a lifetime of “pressing on” regardless of the pain and suffering because all options seem to be exhausted.
As with any disease, this kind of life can be maintained without adequate treatment for only so long before it takes its toll. That happened for me about two months ago. My diagnosis is technically Major Depressive Disorder with Recurrence and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. While technically these are separate diseases, they often work in tandem to intensify the symptoms of each. By mid August, I had sunk into one of my most severe depressive troughs and stopped taking my medications. At the same time, I continued a pattern of heavy drinking that did nothing but numb my symptoms for a very brief amount of time. I was playing with fire and I knew I was in trouble.
Unlike most people with a mental illness, I am incredibly fortunate to have support people close to me who knew what to look for when my condition deteriorated and intervened on my behalf. In a very short period of time, I was hospitalized through an outpatient program. The doctors, nurses, therapists, and social workers there helped me stabilize my medication, which provided some immediate relief, and then worked with me to develop tools and techniques to deal with my symptoms after being released. You learn early on in the program that you are never cured of mental illness; you simply manage it. Once you accept that fact, treatment really can begin.
They also helped me come to terms with my long-term use of alcohol, marijuana, and prescription drugs, which was interfering with the effectiveness of my medications and causing additional health problems. Alcohol, in particular, has a very negative effect on the treatment for depression since it is, well, a depressant.  I have finally accepted that use of these substances contradicts my treatment plan and I need to stop. I have been sober for over a month and it is amazing how much better I feel. The only side effect is that I now satisfy my urges when I get them with a bowl of cereal (Lucky Charms work best) that has added a few extra pounds. I’ll work through that later, but for now sobriety is my main goal.
So why am I telling you all of this? I mean, this is a lot of personal information and I always promised this blog would not be a diary. I am sharing it because I realized the stigmas on mental illness and addiction disorders exist primarily because those who have these diseases are not able or willing to talk. I am finally at the point where I have accepted this as part of who I am and am not embarrassed to say so. Nothing about this changes my ability to live a “normal” life and I want others out there silently and needlessly suffering to know that there is a way out. My only goal here is to let everyone know I no longer feel the stigma and hope that inspires you to help someone you love, or possibly even yourself, to get treatment of what are often very manageable symptoms. If you think you need help, start with your doctor. If you don’t have insurance or run into road blocks on that path, go to nami.org which is the website for The National Alliance On Mental Illness. There you can find a local chapter that provides a number of services often at no cost (the DuPage chapter is a fantastic resource). If you are lucky enough to know someone who has been open about their mental illness and treatment, they can be a very valuable resource as well. The best part of my hospitalization was meeting other people with mental illness and knowing that I was not alone.
I thank you again for letting me be myself and taking the time to read through this post.  I know it’s a bit personal, but I selfishly admit that it feels incredible to be able to tell my story.  In return, I hope that anyone relating to this can feel comfortable to do the same in whatever forum they choose so they can get the help they need.  While mental illnesses are often treatable, they are deadly when left unchecked and if we can prevent one lost life from simply talking about it, then I’ll consider this time well spent.
On a final note, I leave you one bit of advice: take care of yourself.  Not because no one else will do it, but because only you can do it best.  Besides, you deserve it.  Trust me on that.  
Peace,
Jim
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