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nats-firefly · 2 months

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favorite crime

natasha romanoff x reader

summary: she wanted to sign the accords, you didn’t, and you didn’t see another way out

warnings: angst, some swearing

a/n: i know i originally said no pt 2 but i'm reconsidering (the reason i'm reposting is because i had an idea for a pt 2)

🚩 warnings are clearly stated please do not report/flag :) 🚩

words: 1.5k | feedback is always welcome | masterlist

divider source | gif source

“For the record, this is what making things worse looks like,” She gripped your arm as you walked down the long hallway. “Try not to break anything while we fix this.”

She threw you a hard look and you turned your body to Steve, looking down and playing with the silver ring around your ring finger. Your heard the people around you exchanging remarks, but you couldn’t take your mind off the way Natasha looked at you.

You looked back down at the simple silver ring on your finger, thinking back to when Natasha gave it to you.

“It’s more discreet, so people know you’re taken even when you’re working.”

You thought it was adorable and it gave you something to fidget with on long trips during missions, and it always brought you comfort when you were away. But now it just felt like a weight dragging your body down. Steve bumped your arm, making you look up at his sympathetic smile.

“She’ll come around,” He said. You bit the inside of your lip, turning your attention back down to your hands. You and Natasha hadn’t been able to have a conversation without fighting ever since the accords were brought up. You didn’t want to sign it, she did.

The accords weaved themselves into every conversation you tried having. And you ended up passive aggressively yelling at each other every time before one of you hurt the other’s feelings, the only civil conversation you’d had ended in you lying through your teeth.

“I’m not gonna make you sign it,” She chuckled, running her hands through your hair when you were lying in bed before going to sleep. “But if you don’t sign it, what are you gonna do?”

“I’ll retire,” You said, she scoffed and you looked up at her. You didn’t want to lie, but every other time they were brought up, the two of you ended up in a fight. As much as you didn’t want to. Part of you thinks it’s because you knew they were the start of the end. “What?”

“Really?” You turned on your stomach, leaning up on your elbows and looking at her face, your eyes moving over her lips, her delicate nose, then the arch of her eyebrow. She cupped your cheek, tilting her head and letting a soft smile appear on her face.

“Nat, we’re getting married,” You twirled the diamond ring on your finger, something you had gotten used to doing ever since she put it on your finger. You finally looked into her eyes. “It’s probably time for one of us to start settling down.”

You were pulled from your thoughts as you started being ushered into a glass office, but before you reached the door, your arm was pulled back by Natasha who led you to a different office, one with more privacy and only one glass wall.

“I told you not to do this,” She said leaning both her hands on the table as you sat on the swivel chair across from her, resting your hands on the table and slouching on the chair. You avoided her eyes as you continued to spin the ring on your finger, you legs starting to bounce up and down. She sighed, trying to control her voice. “Not even a day after the accor-”

“You knew I was never gonna sign th-”

“This isn’t about signing the accords,” She interrupted you, her voice harsh and cold. “It’s about letting things cool down for a couple of days.”

“I wasn’t the one who bombed the conference,” You said, your tone mirroring hers as you sat up and looked her in the eyes.

“No, you were just the person helping him get away with it.”

“It wasn’t him,” You said as she sighed turning to the glass wall, making sure no one was paying attention. “And if you listened to me for one goddamn second, you would know that.”

“And if you hadn’t committed an international crime, maybe I would.”

“Look who’s talking,” You scoffed, looking back down at your hand, your attention returning to the ring on your finger. “As if you haven’t committed several crimes.”

“I never said I hadn’t,” Her fingers rubbed her temples as she pulled a chair up to the table across from you. “But I’ve changed since then, I know better now.”

“Really? It doesn’t seem like it,” You said, refusing to look away from her. Her eyes were locked onto yours. You felt the knot rise up in your throat, feeling your chest tighten with her harsh look on you.

“Look what we became,” You mumbled out voice breaking and running your hands through your hair. Natasha took a deep breath, looking through the glass wall to see if anyone was looking and taking the time away from your eyes to wipe the tear that had escaped. You sat back, fumbling with the ring on your finger which made another wave of dread rip through you. You loved Natasha and it felt like your heart was being torn out of your chest by letting this get between the two of you.

“Is this what it’s gonna be from now on? Walking on eggshells all the time? And what happens if I do something, are you gonna arrest me?”

“No, I’m not gonna arrest you-”

“Then what the hell is this?” You mumbled to yourself, but made her pause her sentence, giving you a sharp look.

“Someone will. And this is an office, Y/N, it’s a hell of a lot better than a cell,�� Her eyes were cold and her tone was harsh, it tightened the knot in your throat and you had to swallow hard to keep yourself from breaking apart in front of her. “And what if I’m not there to clean up the mess you make?”

“You’re the one that signed those accords-“

“You’re the one that said you were gonna retire.”

“Then I guess you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” You raised your voice, trying to keep it from breaking. She fought back the tears threatening her composure, it broke your heart. She probably knew you better than you knew yourself.

She was silent as you returned to playing with the ring on your finger, refusing to look at her. Her eyes however, locked back onto on you.

“Where do we go from here?” Her voice was controlled, her eyes also trained on the way you started taking your engagement ring on and off as you were deep in thought.

“You tell me, Natasha,” You looked back up at her, her green eyes burning holes into your skin.

“I want you to sign the accords,” You rolled your eyes, leaning back onto the chair and looking at the wall. “Please, for me.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “I know when SHIELD fell, you took a hit-”

“This isn’t about SHIELD.”

“But it is,” She sighed an exasperated sigh as you looked into her eyes.

“I don’t want to be someone you resent,” She said, your eyes making their way back to looking at her. “I already signed the accords, if you signed it, it would solve the problem.”

“You made that decision on your own Natasha,” You said, barely above your breath but loud enough for Natasha to hear. She stopped herself, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “It used to be different between us, it used to be ‘if you were going down, I’m going down with you,’ but now-”

“It’s still like that,” She said, but you suddenly stood off your chair.

“No it’s not,” You raised you voice again. “Ever since you decided to sign the accords, it turned into you against me. I’m not gonna stop, Nat, am I just gonna be a criminal to you now?”

She was silent, and when you blinked, tears escaped out of the corners of your eyes. “There’s only one way to solve this problem now.”

You didn’t want her to have to watch over you for the rest of your lives. You didn’t want to have to keep things from her, and you didn’t want her not to trust you. You were able to read her like the back of your hand just a few days ago and now she felt like a stranger.

“What are you saying?” She asked, hoping you didn’t mean what she thought you did. “Are you gonna sign the accords?”

Your lip quivered as you swallowed the knot in your throat and rolled the thin silver band across the table towards her. The rolling sound of metal on wood echoing around the room. Your vision blurred and you flinched when she slammed her hand onto the ring and dragged it off the table.

Her face hardened and her jaw squared. She walked out of the room as you fell back into your chair, looking up at the ceiling and trying to keep your tears at bay.

Natasha clutched your ring as she made her way back to the main room, her eyes focusing on Bucky’s video feed, but the sound being drowned out by the ringing in her ears. Her arms crossed around her body as she attempted to keep herself from falling apart. But the look on your face as you refused to meet her eyes was frozen in her mind.

#bonk.nat #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff x reader angst #black widow x reader #black widow x reader angst #black widow angst #bonk.repost

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stararch4ngelqueen · 7 months

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Date Night Blues

—

Time written- 7:48 p.m.

Dick Grayson/fem!reader fluff

—

The sun slowly dies behind dreary, shadowy clouds before you pull your bedroom curtains closed, returning to your task at hand at folding your still warm laundry, munching on crunchy green grapes in between your work, mainly consisting of passive aggressively folding laundry.

To say you were mildly annoyed with a most gracious understatement.

Irritated. Aggravated. Distressed.

Fed up.

Majorly annoyed sounded much better than the very first option.

You would say you were mentally exhausted from the unfortunate routines of planning dates with vigilantes who always got called in at the worst moments. Talk about a crazy schedule.

Your days off remained rather dull without him, leaving you to do your daily chores or run errands on your own on some days. You thought vigilantes usually do their crime fighting at night. Sometimes, that just wasn’t the case in Blüdhaven.

Whilst debating on folding a particular shirt to slip into your drawer, or adjust on a hangar to put in your closet, you ponder over what was left for you to do for the rest of tonight.

Finish up my laundry, recheck my work schedule, make sure laptop’s charged, then debate on what to have for dinner.

Don’t have much, what should I order in then? Eh, don’t feel like going out tonight. It’s Sunday, maybe I’ll google to see if that one place on the corner is still open, see if they deliver—

“Boo."

You jump, turning around with a loud yelp. The culprit, while he wasn’t an intruding thief, smirked like a villain at your amusing outburst, your hand clutching onto that very shirt as if it would service to protect you.

“I- Dick! Oh my God, don’t do that!!”

The man chuckles, not caring if you meant to call him an insult or not, too amused to even care.

"Okay, that was the cutest sound ever." He points out as he steps closer, black gloved hands slowly settling along your shoulders.

He was still in uniform, off on a mission of sorts you cared little to bother about. The bitterness of his line of work came rushing back to you, making you scoff and toss the article of unfolded clothing onto your bed.

“How did you get in here?”

“Uh, the usual way?” Dick replies, the curtains billowing in the late evening breeze making an appearance behind his broad back. Of course he did.

“Jesus,” you mutter, glancing up at Dick in question.

“I literally could’ve strangled you with a pair of socks if I thought you were some thug breaking into my room. You’re aware of that, right?”

"But I wasn't a thug,” Dick smiles as he slightly leans down, his voice lowering the closer he approached your face. “So you don't get to strangle me tonight, babycake.”

He usually leers down closer to your level before giving you a kiss, which is what a part of you so desperately desired.

However, the more stubborn devil on your shoulder grimaced at his approach, controlling your thoughts to lean your head back just enough before his nose bumped against yours.

“Ah-ah. I didn’t hear you say sorry yet, Mister,” You tell the tall man, but you didn’t lean back from him any further than that.

He pouts with furrowed brows, face contorted in feigned shock and distress. He takes his chance to lean close one more, taking your chin with two gentle fingers.

“Sorry," he whispers before moving their faces close together. "Now can I kiss you?"

“Say it like you mean it,” Came his girl’s soft response. “And I just might let you.”

Dick looks at you for a moment as the gears quickly work inside his mind. Then, with a smirk, he answers.

"I apologize with my entire soul,” He begins, his hands working down to caress along your plush hips. “Please, my Goddess, forgive me for all of the mistakes I made by scaring you instead of kissing you the moment I broke into your room."

Nearly deadpanning by his choice of words, you scoff once more before snorting in full amusement, unsure whether to blush or cringe. You always blushed so damn easily with him anyway.

“Wow,” You couldn’t help but giggle. “Fiiine, I guess that deserves a kiss.”

Dick smiles widely, laughing a little at the success of his little trick.

Wasting no further time, his nose brushes against yours as he takes your lips, finally fulfilling the strong need he's had since the moment he left your apartment this morning after answering one of Batman’s calls.

“M’sorry, babycakes,” he mutters against your lips, nearly humming at the soft weight of your forearms resting up on his shoulders.

“I know you don’t— don’t like when I leave.” Talking full sentences in between a gentle, passionate make-out was a bit of a challenge. “Believe me, if I had it my way—“

“We would’ve finished what you started?”

Your interruption made a handsome smile stretch across his face, his head nodding. “We would’ve finish what I started. Exactly.”

What he had started bloomed from you waking up to him absentmindedly massaging your soft tits through your sleep shirt, an ‘absentminded’ habit he obtained over many nights of sleeping in your apartment.

Fortunately for you, you had stirred with a deep, hungry ache in your tummy, desperate for him in all ways he was more than willing to provide. He answered your silent pleas after reading your desires in your sleepy eyes, both hands working on simultaneously slipping under your shirt and underwear, lips trapped against one another in variously passionate, heavy kisses.

Ever so unfortunately, his phone begins to vibrate on the nightstand.

You both learn that not even scam callers were annoying enough to call so early in the morning, unless they were that desperate to steal your credit card info or identity.

You insisted within heavy gasps to not answer it, your fingers firmly grazing along the waistband of his sweats to convince him. His raspy groan echoing against the crook of your neck signified his inner turmoil between wanting to make you scream, and screaming at the person responsible displayed on the Caller ID.

Dick couldn’t scream at Bruce, but he did have an attitude after getting blue balled by the Dark Knight.

Even worse, it was nearly a common occurrence.

“You sound like you read Pride and Prejudice, by the way.” You snicker as you gently peel of his domino mask, peering into his pretty eyes free of their sheer, milky covering.

“Or watched Phantom of the Opera. Have you seen that movie?” You question after setting his mask alongside your folded clothes, especially curious since you may have it available on your current streaming service.

Dick gives a weak shrug and responds with a semi-truth. "No, I haven't. Always heard it's pretty good though."

What he meant by that was Jason invited him to watch it before, but what he could nearly recall was falling asleep after the opening credits. Jason “teased” him about it for weeks after, but he was sort of glad you hadn’t brought it up. Maybe you weren’t even aware of it, thankfully.

What could you say, really? You were dying for a movie night for the past week, pleading to whichever God that listened that Dick had the time to stay a while, without interruptions. Only, you weren’t sure if Dick merely broke into your apartment to stop by for a short spell.

“Maybe, you’d want to watch it with me?" You began to question with hints of hesitation. “Unless Mr. Nightwing has any secret crime fighting missions he’s not telling me about.”

“I mean..” Dick laughs at that, shaking his head a bit.

“What?” Your heart was nearly moments away from dropping into your stomach.

He pulls you closer to himself, warm material smooth against your cotton clothes, peering down at you with pretty eyes and a small, innocent smile.

"I'm not sure how much longer I can last without kissing you again." Dick leans towards your lips, smiling. “I’d much rather be doing this than any secret crime fighting—“

“You can kiss me all you want in a bit,” You insist, keeping your palms braced along his chest for fair measure, dying for your question to be answered.

“You wanna stay? Yes, or no? I want a full movie night this time, Dick. The kind where one of us falls asleep on top of the other, and it becomes an inconvenience.”

Dick, completely enamored by your sweet voice asking such an even sweeter request, nods his head twice without little time to ponder over it all.

Dick wants exactly what you desire, a deal that can be easily struck; to make tonight like every Hollywood romance movie. It deserves to be that special, you deserve to have that memory become born.

“Yeah, I can do that."

“Great,” your lips broaden into a smile, one he wanted to see plastered onto your face nearly every minute of the day.

“You hungry?” You suddenly question. “I need your help deciding what we should order out. Oh, and I’m thinking of making that chocolate, rainbow sprinkle popcorn for the movie.”

There you go again, getting your hopes up in planning ahead for a potentially successful date night. Dick could only stare at you with a content gaze, amused by the giddiness in your eyes, the glimmer brighter than any star.

You dropped your chores to spend time with him, he’s convinced you to skip a day or two of work to remain in bed with him for a few extra hours. It was unfair for him to always leave, putting the wrong person on the top of his priority list, when you should’ve remained the first.

He knew you were annoyed with him and Batman all day, he wasn’t an idiot on that account. Now?

All you wanted was for you both to hold one another underneath a fuzzy blanket, cuddling one another like two multicolored cats napping under the sun, tails and limbs intertwined.

His own tired smile revealed he wanted the very same thing. You were his girl, his babycakes, his short stack with a cute pout and firecracker temper.

Their was a firm chance he would fall asleep after the opening scene like before, but at least it would be in the warm safety of your arms and a large, cream knit blanket.

He’d do anything to keep that smile on your face just a while longer, even ignoring the subtle vibrating of his phone on his person. No doubt another ‘un-likely scammer.’

“Which one will it be, Richy?” You question which of the two movies you listed for him to choose, leading him by the hand down the short hallway towards your cozy living room.

Maybe if neither of you fell asleep, he’d lead you both to make use of your futon. To finish what he started.

“What was the name of the masquerade musical again?”

#Dick Grayson #dick grayson x female!reader #richard grayson #richard grayson x reader #dick grayson x reader #fluff #good fluff yk #sorta based off comic #sorta based off dc titans #but kinda not idk #whatever one you wanna imagine #dc titans #dc comics #dc dick grayson #i actually really don’t like this #it’s not cheesy enough

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sunshine-jesse · 3 months

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In defense of Andrew Graves: Facing Yourself

Alt title: Andrew Graves: The Will to Plow Her

I think my analysis of Andrew is one of the best essays I've written so far. But since then, I think I've expanded my understanding of his character in a way that urges me to add on to my prior essay. What I intend on doing is further fleshing out my reading of Burial, and going deeper in detail on why I think Decay ends up panning out the way it does. This essay will end up sharing a lot of text with my prior one, but will add enough scattered throughout that I think it merits a complete reread instead of just scrolling down and seeing what's new.

I've focused a lot on Ashley in my past writings. She's my favorite character in the story (and depending on how episode 3 pans out, maybe ever) and I'm pretty mortified by how some parts of the fandom have reacted towards her, so I pretty much made it my life's mission to push back against that. From highlighting the ways Andrew mistreats her, to coming up with justifications for her behavior that aren't just being a manipulative bitch, I really wanted to prove that a more favorable picture of her could be painted than most were willing to.

But in doing so, I've left Andrew in the dust.

In highlighting his flaws and the ways he mistreats Ashley, I think I've implied a level of intentionality to his actions that I don't believe he has. When I say that Ashley did nothing wrong, it's in direct response to the idea that she holds the most responsibility and agency in how their dynamic plays out, when in reality, I believe she has very little. Most of her actions in-story are in reaction to a variety of stimuli that come directly from Andrew, that he has control over and are aware of how Ashley feels about. His refusal to use clear and direct language to deny her most toxic tendencies causes her more and more stress as time goes on, and instead of giving her clear answers he opts to be catty, passive-aggressive, or, at his worst, threatening. Never direct and never clear, except when establishing boundaries over his name after the choking scene. Andrew fails to help Ashley be better in some frankly depressing ways throughout the whole story, especially in their childhoods, so we never get to see where she'd fall short if given a better influence.

...

Kind of. More on that later!

In mentioning his thing about preferring to be called Andrew instead of Andy, I also implicitly mention one of the places where Ashley falls short in their dynamic and could stand to do better: recognition.

This scene says a lot. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the game, if you ask me, and probably the single most profound and well-written moment in the entire story. I could write a whole 2000 word essay on it alone, but I've already said most of what I have to say about it through what I've said in other essays, so I'll spare you all that. Instead, I'll use it to highlight something:

"I had fun."

Their dysfunction is fun to her. She's so used to abuse and alienation that even the most awful, stressful (as far as we know) route of the game is still fun to her. And that's not a sign of her being a secret evil sociopath or whatever; that's actually not abnormal behavior to develop for a lifelong victim of abuse. Those highs and lows, those strong emotional highs and lows are -addicting-. They're -fun.- Part of why abuse victims get into so many abusive relationships is because it's easy to pick up on those patterns of thought and take advantage of them, and the cycle of abuse is often furthered when a victim of abuse tries to draw out mutually abusive behaviors in someone with no interest in having that kind of dynamic.

This is where I'm willing to acknowledge Ashley's manipulative tendencies. Not just as a matter of controlling Andrew for its own sake, purely out of jealousy or possessiveness, but as a matter of trying to further the only dynamic she's ever known in her life. Better the devil you know, right?

That push and pull- that emotional rollercoaster- is all many of us know. And it's all Ashley knows. This dynamic is something she's so used to that she reacts incredibly harshly to any attempt to change it, because she doesn't know that things can be better. Because of this, she refuses to engage with who Andrew really is, and tells herself- and him- that she *hates* Andrew:

This scene is almost as heartbreaking as the above one in a lot of ways.

Andrew putting his foot down about the Andy/Andrew name dichotomy wasn't arbitrary and it wasn't just about his comfort. It was about Andrew giving a clear indication about what needs to happen for their relationship to improve. He's recognizing the cycle between them and wants to put a stop to it, because he's confident that things between them CAN get better and evolve into something healthier. Ashley, not understanding that their dynamic can get better, because their "fun" little push and pull of abuse is all she knows, rejects that. She rejects the unknown, and says- in Andrew's mind at least- that she'll never accept that new dynamic, nor will she accept who he really is.

Ouch. No wonder he looks so sad in that screenshot.

They have a conflict of understanding here, and I think it's fair to pin most of the responsibility on Ashley. Andrew was clear in what he wanted, and Ashley just... Didn't. She didn't see the importance of it ("...whatever that means in practice") and didn't really ask. This gap in communication, perfectly displayed in this scene, is likely what causes the Decay ending. He wants things to be better, and wants to treat Ashley better, and whether or not he understands the ways in which she communicates with him is in part what determines what he sees her as.

But there's a lot of evidence that he always wanted things to be better, that he always wanted to treat her better. But external factors have made it very, very difficult, and I think there are two key points in which he started to shed the importance of those external factors and seek that better relationship, both of which happening in the apartment: The killing of the warden and the 302 lady. In the first case, he was forced to do it to protect Ashley in a way he hadn't done before, or depending on how you look at it, since the death of Nina. But the intentionality was the key point here. After this point, he calls Ashley Leyley, which may or may not seem important at this point, but it's something I'll draw attention to later, so keep that in mind.

Next is the killing of the 302 lady, which is the much, much bigger point. We don't learn much about it until later on- as at first he just gives an excuse about the nail gun that doesn't line up with what we see on the map- but during the dream, it's revealed it was a calculated, intentional killing that he did to make sure there was no evidence left behind, and because Ashley (supposedly) would've wanted him to do it anyway. I say supposedly because Ashley herself doesn't seem to ever want Andrew to kill for her past Nina's death, because he only ever kills for her to defend one or both of them. If you want more evidence that violence for violence's sake isn't something she wants, look at this part in the final dream:

A knife isn't what opens the door, despite it being placed on the ground in that very map. While it seems obvious that the knife (violence) would be the key to solving the puzzle, it's put there explicitly to show you that it isn't. It's not what she wants; what she wants is a flower.

So, why is this important? Why am I centering Ashley- again- when this essay is supposed to be about Andrew?

It's because these two killings are when Andrew's self-delusion over who he really is starts to break down. It's still there, mind, as he still relies upon Ashley as an excuse to justify it, but, as well as what I've said before, the name ultimatum is an implicit confession that the normalcy he finds comfort in is starting to lose its grasp on him. There's a lot that's been said about Andy being something close to a "moral impulse" for Andrew, given his child self's reaction to Nina's death being the only thing he does that approximates a normal moral response to his and Ashley's actions, but if you do think that- which I think is a reasonable thing to think even if I don't necessarily agree- there's something you must also keep in mind:

-He- is the one who doesn't want to be called that anymore. -He- is the one who wants to let that moral impulse go, and Ashley is the one making it difficult.

That reading is assuming that Andy is a moral impulse, which I think is... either wrong or too simplistic. Every time I see that reading, it's from someone who's trying to paint him too sympathetically and absolve him of most moral responsibility. I also find it infantilizing to equate morality with childhood in such a way? But that's another tangent that I didn't sign up to talk about. What I do think, however, is that it's a useful framing device to display his own relationship with morality; the allegory to his child self doesn't have to be there for the general pattern to exist.

When Ashley starts to grill Andrew over the killing of the 302 lady, he gets mad. Very mad. Ashley sees it as pointless, as him covering his own ass, but he genuinely did it for her sake, because he thought that's what she wanted, and that it'd make her happy. But what makes her happy isn't violence- or any similarly extreme action for that matter- it's attention and validation. Something he's always reluctant to give her, despite the fact that he always chose her over the alternatives. But despite making that choice, it's always empty and meaningless, because in Ashley's mind, he never did it for her sake.

And hoo boy, does he not like it being framed like this.

He is perfectly willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe... but only for her sake. It has to be for her sake. He still needs that traditional role, and he still needs to have a narrative in which he's the good guy- a protector. Because it can't be for his sake. It can't be because that's what he wants. He has to uphold that romantic (in the literary tradition sense) ideal. His darkly romantic idealistic streak colors many of his actions and beliefs. This is most plainly visible in his quip about a double suicide being romantic, but it's also visible within the symbolism present within his dream, such as how he can only pave his own path in blood unless Ashley lights the way. It's visible within his appreciation for poetry, and it's visible with how the cultist within the dream speaks in Shakespearean English.

But the transient nature of this ideal is also revealed within this dream, because there's never a cohesive, guided path, even with Ashley there to light it up. Contrary to Ashley's dream, where you literally have maps showing you where to go, Andrew's dream has many more dead ends and no map to guide him. The symbolic role he acts out gives him no clarity, and there's no overarching narrative; merely a bunch of disconnected symbols.

This is contrasted with Ashley's dream, which has narratives so clear that the story literally gives the dream an episode title.

In a sense, he wants to view himself as an actor acting out a role in a story. He wants his life to be poetic, to represent something greater, and to have a cohesive narrative. This is why he's so disconnected from his true desires: He's more concerned with acting as a representative of an ideal than a person with agency. But every time the mask drops, every time he stops acting, his true self becomes visible. He naturally settles into being comfortable around Ashley, in treating her with warmth and kindness, and their banter becomes much less toxic. As intent as he is on acting out his role, it does nothing for him, and as his dream sequence shows, it doesn't even form a cohesive narrative, because he can't act one out. It's too contrary to who he really is, and what he really wants. But that idealization doesn't just apply to himself, it also applies to Ashley. Specifically, who Ashley is, vs who he wants her to be.

In his unique dream sequence, he sees two versions of Ashley; the child version of her- Leyley- and the adult version of her- Ashley. And the differences in the ways he interacts with the two of them are stunning. Leyley is an obstinate, annoying child. She's the one he NEEDS to take care of, and he hates that. He hates Leyley for what she did for his childhood. He hates that he needs to provide for her. He has the option of trying to kill her, even, over something as small as a candle!

But in the room with all the murders, the gilded cage, he sees Ashley as an adult. This version of Ashley is stuck in a closet that he himself has to open- and to choose to see. Their interactions are calm and friendly. She teases him a bit, sure, but she's still helpful, and they have fun together. He doesn't need her, and she doesn't need him. He needed Leyley- needed the candle- but here, there are other limbs strewn about for him to take. And, crucially, he doesn't even have the option to kill this Ashley for one of the limbs.

And during the choking scene, he lets her go the moment she acknowledges that he doesn't need her anymore. This is the first time we know of that he seems comfortable enough to set a clear boundary, which is acknowledging that their prior dynamic is dead and that they're now Andrew and Ashley, not Andy and Leyley. It's a bit late to express a clear boundary -after- literally acting like he was going to kill someone, but it's the first time we know of that he sets a clear standard for what, in his mind, would improve his relationship with Ashley.

After all, what he wants is to want her, not need her. He wants Ashley for Ashley's sake. Not for what she can provide him. He doesn't even need her for sleep, he just wants her. But Ashley has trouble acknowledging this, because he's never before shown that WANT. Only a NEED. She keeps trying to find ways to make him need her, because she's never seen what his desire for her is really like. She's only ever seen him desiring someone else, someone other than her.

She's only ever seen him as Andy, because she's never truly seen Andrew, only the violence he can inflict on others. But Andrew can see both:

He can see Leyley, the needy, bratty child who always needs his attention, that he needs to provide for. The one he hates and wants to get rid of. The one he kills for to protect.

And he can see Ashley, the one who engages in friendly and cute banter with him. Who comforts and shows him physical affection. The one he loves. The one he kills for to make happy.

He just can't choose which one he wants to see. Every outside influence- from his parents, to Julia, to Nina- makes him see her as Leyley. Ashley herself makes him see her as Leyley too, whenever she brings up all the things he did for her, and calls him Andy, his child self, instead of Andrew, his current self. And as long as he sees that child, he feels like one too, and can never give Ashley anything that comes from the heart.

But he really, really wants to see Ashley as an adult. He wants to take pride in her, how much she's grown, and how driven and competent she really is.

But god damn, does that bitch ever make it hard, because there IS no real difference between Ashley and Leyley. She's grown and changed over time, taking more adult (and stereotypically feminine) responsibility upon herself, but the fact that her temperament and personality hasn't changed much obfuscates that growth. When you talk to Ashley in the closet during the dream after getting the limb, Andrew asks Ashley to come out of the closet, but she refuses to come out because he won't invite Leyley over to play, which is a pretty strong metaphor for how he interfaces with different aspects of Ashley's personality and refuses to accept others. But the reality is that he needs to accept both, or rather, see her whole self as Ashley, rather than just the parts he likes.

In the end, it's him who has to make the choice how to see her. Ashley can only see what she's been shown, but Andrew can choose.

And in the basement scene, he makes that choice.

If Ashley refuses to leave him alone with their parents, that's it. In one of the most critical and important moments of his life, she couldn't give him the space needed to make up his own mind. She couldn't treat him as an adult. She couldn't see him as Andrew. If she does give him that choice, she chooses to acknowledge that Andrew is an adult who can be trusted to make his own decisions, even though she (perhaps foolishly) believes that this choice lines up with her own interests. And frankly it does either way, but in accepting their mom's offer, her chooses to see her as Leyley once and for all. He chooses not to reciprocate what Ashley showed him. He does it because he needs to, not because he wants to. Because it's his duty, not his desire.

This is what results in the Decay ending. Through his inability to see Ashley as an adult, he surrenders his agency and views all of his actions as an extension of his responsibilities, his role, which he no longer wishes to uphold. He dissociates fully from who he really is, acting in accordance with that disconnected, barely-cohesive narrative that exists only within his mind. The game starts to resemble the heartwrenching tragedy that many seem to take for granted that it is, as their dynamic fully doubles down on its painful toxicity. And, in an example of a poetic book end, Ashley's dream shows a double suicide, closing the book on their tragic tale.

It's tragic. It's heartwrenching. It's poetic. It's beautiful.

...Except it's not. Not at all.

It's actually fucking stupid, pointless, and brutal, and Burial shows us that. When we view their spiral as beautiful, we project the same darkly romantic ideal that Andrew possesses onto the story.

But the actual reality is horrifying.

Ashley spends most of Decay terrified of Andrew, the one person she found comfort in. He acts cold, distant, and aggressive towards her, showing pointless cruelty instead of any warmth. All she wants is comfort; all she wants is to not die. She doesn't want to engage in this death spiral at all, and, in her dream sequence, shows none of the same willingness to die alongside Andrew that Andrew does with her. The moment we stop focusing on the end of the Decay dream sequence, which has very striking imagery, and if you choose not to shoot, one of the most beautiful scenes in the game, we can see it for what it really is:

A scared animal running away from a predator.

The moment you see Decay through Ashley's eyes, and not the perspective of some romantic ideal, Decay becomes terrifying, tense, and painful. There is no catharsis to be had in this tragedy. It's easily avoidable as long as Andrew chooses to engage with reality, and not the empty promises of his mother and incoherent narrative of his ideal.

Finding beauty and meaning in tragedy is how we cope with the harshness of reality. But there is no coherent narrative to the tragedies we experience, just like there's no coherent narrative to the ideal Andrew wishes to uphold. It's something we create- that he creates- but it's not something that actually exists.

And when Andrew casts aside his desire for that ideal, and the responsibilities it shackles him to, it grants him clarity that he never had before. He sees the world for how it really is, and acknowledges that nobody- the least of which their mother- is as different from Ashley as they pretend to be.

They're no better than her, and he's tired of people pretending that they are. People are all the same, no matter what ideals they try to uphold and represent. They still sacrifice others in the name of advancing themselves, still punch down whenever they can, and still lay blame on those beneath them rather than try to take control of their lives. They just use those ideals to justify themselves, but Ashley, and now Andrew, reject even the need for that justification.

This is why I believe the story is nihilistic. Not in that it asserts the inherent meaninglessness of life, but in that it grapples with the ideals we uphold and how they obfuscate the reality of the world we live in. The story, intentionally or not, highlights how ideals are often but a pretense we use to justify what we were likely going to do regardless, and how holding to them too strongly can lead to our ruin- and how monstrous they make us look to those who do not share them.

Consequently, this is how I view the part of the fanbase who thinks Decay is a good ending.

(the characters themselves represent existentialism rather than nihilism but i couldn't really fit that analysis in here without it feeling forced so i might cover that another time)

From that point on, their relationship becomes a lot more friendly, lighthearted, and playful. They ironically start acting more like children, but to quote CS Lewis:

"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence."

He's not ashamed of being playful with Ashley, or showing affection towards her. He's grown up. He finally sees her, and himself, as an adult- although he still doesn't show that in full until much later on (more or that later). But in Decay, he still sees her as a child, and to an extent, probably himself. Let's compare the ways in which he reacts to being called Andy. In Decay, he lashes out at Ashley and gets angry, even threatening her. But in Questionable Burial, he calmly says that Andy is dead and doesn't need Ashley's comfort, but still tries to reassure her that she's still needed. He's not ashamed of or hostile towards their prior dynamic, because he's grown past it. He still acknowledges Ashley's need to feel needed, but here, he recognizes its importance to her, whereas he was hostile towards it before.

It's a display of respect towards her feelings.

This interaction doesn't happen in the Sane ending, however. He doesn't play games with her and is just a lot less fun to be around all together. Why is that? Because he still hasn't yet shaken viewing Ashley as Leyley there. He still views her as a burden, as someone who needs taking care of. He's calmly accepted that, too, mind you, but he lacks respect for her because she's still a child, in his mind. But in Questionable?

The vision did more than just make him extremely embarrassed and lay his deepest desires bare. It forced him to recognize Ashley as an adult. When choosing between "Never" and "Never say never," if Never is chosen, the burden of thought is lifted off of him. But if Ashley chooses "Never say never!", he has to reckon with the fact that Ashley is an adult, someone who can consent to those kinds of things. Someone who MIGHT. Someone who has agency, and can make her own decisions. And more importantly… someone who can trust him to make his own.

Whether he desires sex or not is secondary; he's always had those feelings and has always been ashamed of them. But now that the part of him where that shame came from is dead and buried, there's no childish impulse to grow up. There's no attachment to the hate and bitterness he had before. Look at what he worries about when he picks up that she's uncertain or confused about who he is now:

It's her feelings.

He wants to be fun to be around. He wants to make Ashley happy. He loves her, and not as a romantic interest or even as a sibling. He loves her independent of all that baggage.

He loves her as a person.

Their relationship runs contrary to societal ideals in some pretty huge ways. So contrary, in fact, that it's hard for some to accept it as anything good, that it can ever be best for the people involved. It's incestuous. It involves them killing and eating their parents. It involves them distancing themselves so much from society that it's hard to believe they'll ever fit in it again. It's chaotic, it's messy, it's codependent, and maybe even toxic. And yet, here they are. They're coexisting. They're happy. They're healing. They're navigating the world in the only way they can: together.

Meanwhile, in Decay, Andrew refuses to allow himself to get closer to Ashley. He surrenders all agency to her, buys into his own narrative, drinks his own Kool-Aid, and may or may not condemn one or both of them to death in the process. Like it or not, the only path where Andrew takes ownership of his life is the one where he's closest to his sister. It's the one where he decides where they will go next, the one where he decides his own feelings matter, and acts in accordance with what he wants instead of how he thinks he should act.

His agency, his freedom, and his growth don't happen in spite of his codependency; they're happen because of it. They can't grow alone. They can't heal alone.

In reading the story, one must interrogate how important those societal ideals are in the face of the realities of what makes people happy. Are those ideals worth upholding in spite of this? Can we really allow people to fall through the cracks in the name of social norms? Can we blame people for taking rash actions when the social contract has failed them?

Or are we so blinded by those ideals that we can't see that people can be happy while blatantly disregarding them?

All I know is that in Burial, Andrew, having cast aside normalcy, now appears to be truly happy for the first time in his life.

Who are we to take that from him?

#the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal #gaming #gravecest #tcoaal essay

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maxislvt · 11 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/maxislvt/718963485407576064/pervy-student-wanda-thats-constantly-bothering

oh this! her accidentally blushing her hand against your bulge or sneaking into the teachers bathrooms just to corner professor!r

warnings: smut, unspecified age gap, amab!reader

she's such a freak and a pervert, I have Thoughts about her

She isn't the slightest but shy about her feelings for you and all her friends have to suffer the consequences. I just imagine her as one of those people that call their older crushes like "blorbo" and shit like that. All her friends think she's fucking delusional 😭

wanda: they're so babygirl with their little coffee order and pastry :(

natasha: are you aware that your "babygirl" pays taxes

sam: I hope they're married with at least 3 kids

wanda: I'll be a great stepmom!

You can tell Wanda has feelings for you, but don't really say anything. You've been teaching for so long that you just accept that at least one person you teach is going to want a relationship with that's not entirely appropriate, even if it's just them wanting to be friendlier than they should.

A lot of Wanda's Deranged is from a distance at first. Maybe you caught vulgarly offering you a blowjob but it was in the middle of class and there were 50 other people in the room so you assumed she was joking around into her friends. (it was entirely directed at you)

After a while, she gets really bold and decides to be more up front. However, she's completely insane so this manifests as her "accidentally" sending you a very detailed love letter in place of a writing assignment. You're flustered as all hell but find it actually impossible to stop reading. It's so horny that you end up rock hard by the end of it.

You just email Wanda telling her to resend the proper assignment and don't mention it. Wanda can tell you've read because you can't even look at her. She takes this as you just being shy so she just keeps pressing your buttons. Her clothes get tighter, more revealing, and a lot shorter. You're ashamed to admit it catches your attention every time. Wanda comes to your office hours and you're absolutely useless because you're just a stuttering mess

Wanda can only wait so long before her perverted tendencies get to the best of her. That's exactly how you end up fucking her over your desk the first time. It's literally the last time you have any control in that relationship. You were just so pent up and frustrated — it seemed like the best solution in a weird way

Obliviously giving her what she wants doesn't make her stop. Wanda just wiggles her freaky little way into your heart and boxers but you grow to love her despite how unhinged she can be at times. Wanda does have pretty serious feelings and once you start to accept her affection it just grows. She plans out little dates and trips for when breaks start. They're a bit out of the way for secrecy sake but they're all worth it

The only exception to that secrecy whatever unhinged and deranged information she sent to her friends

wanda: ttyl, gonna take professor ___ on a date later than eat their ass

carol: I asked if you wanted to go see the new mission impossible???

Wanda takes you to an arcade for your first date together. It's technically a little creepy because you've only talked about liking videogames and stuff like that once and it was during the first class you'd ever taught Wanda in. The two of you have fun, especially you because you absolutely smoke Wanda at all the games. (the subsequent ass eating was a little passive aggressive though)

You may be older but Wanda definitely takes the lead during sex. She'll hide under your desk when you don't have a class just to edge you while you're grading papers. Wanda won't let you cum unless you've graded a certain number of assignments before her next period. It does wonders for your productivity.

Wanda wants you to call her some title of authority in bed. She's shooting for you to call her mommy but she'd settle for something like a master/mistress. You refuse to call her mommy because she's younger than you but she makes you see the error of your ways eventually. (she edges you until you give in)

Wanda loves using toys on you, especially when she's pegging you because you get so overstimulated fast. You're normally so composed and professional all the time, and she wants to be the only one to see you an absolutely mess.

She tried putting you in a cock cage once but it lasted all of one day. Surprisingly, she's the hornier one between the two of you and it just kept getting in the way of what she wanted to do to you. Wanda does occasionally threaten you with when you're being too prudish

Unrelated but Wanda accidentally graduates with a minor in whatever you teach because she kept taking your class every year 😭

#panther speaks #anon #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff smut #wanda maximoff headcanons #panthers headcanons

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yandere-toons · 1 year

Text

ANAKIN SKYWALKER

Platonic & Romantic Headcanons – Yandere

WARNING: abuse of power, fantasy violence, stalking.

Based on Clone Wars Anakin.

PLATONIC:

Anakin has tasted loss one time too many to treat this bond as anything other than a closely guarded treasure, one that he will break a great many rules to prolong. But the restrictive Jedi Order takes every opportunity to remind him: "The Jedi Code comes before friendship". Be that as it may, Anakin considers them family and will now guard them with his life.

If his friend claims someone is harassing them or Anakin witnesses what he considers blatant disrespect, he offers to straighten out the problem in a way that seems like a joke but is deathly sincere.

Once the offender suffers a mysterious injury or sudden change of heart, Anakin cannot resist making a cheeky remark that arouses the suspicion of all who hear.

Obi-Wan senses his burning resentment towards the person and confronts him about harbouring forbidden attachments, which Anakin only proves by denying with such fervour.

Chancellor Palpatine enables this volatility, pushing Anakin to take whatever extreme measures he feels necessary to exact justice, no matter how much it alienates him from the other Jedi.

If properly motivated, he will defend his friend's honour with a barrage of lightsaber strikes, cruel for a Jedi, or blows with his cybernetic fist at the hapless fool who crossed the line that day.

The attack ends when he feels he has made his point and not a second sooner, not one punch less, because Anakin is not afraid to beat some people to death if he is not stopped or given a powerful incentive to restrain himself.

For lesser offences and when the object of his wrath is out of reach, Anakin practices passive aggression. He secludes himself in storerooms to tinker with various machinery, lies about his troubles to anyone who asks but Padmé, and later demands that this offender be shunned and distrusted by his colleagues.

Anakin lends his Padawan Ahsoka Tano a disturbing insight into the brunt of his protective fury when his friend comes under fire, whether from battle droids or Republic officials.

He does his best to limit their role in missions he deems dangerous, and his voice of determination to expose and punish the culprit rings out after a threat falls upon them.

He proclaims their innocence in the face of accusations and rages at those who doubt them. Obi-Wan cautions him to have better control over his temper, but Anakin is outspoken about how absurd he finds the charges and will not rest until he has dragged the serpent who wants to scapegoat his friend into the light.

Until the rightful culprit from whom he wrings a confession is dead or rotting in prison, a cloaked menace that assaults and interrogates their known enemies besets the galaxy's underworld.

Criminals are Force-choked left and right, while Chancellor Palpatine feeds Anakin's darkest urges after he storms into the Senate Building in search of guidance and validation.

Anakin will not hesitate to take the leaps no one else will when it comes to the special people in his life, and if his friend is a fellow Force user, he will abuse his ability to monitor them in this way.

Anakin sees this as ensuring their protection from a hostile world hell-bent on making good people suffer, no matter that his retribution against those who try their luck with his friend grows worse with each passing day.

His perception of them holds more value in his eyes than their true nature. Even if they show a spiteful streak or manipulative tendencies, Anakin has long since convinced himself of their admirable character and springs into action to help them whenever possible.

Perhaps he trusts them to make the right decisions after fighting together in the war, but Anakin tends not to think twice about the morally questionable actions they take on or off the battlefield.

Palpatine notices and exploits Anakin's willingness to bend and break the rules for someone, pulling some strings to put Anakin's friend in perpetual danger. He uses his network of cronies to force Anakin to make uncomfortable choices, such as sacrificing the life of another for his friend, which strains his other relationships and reflects poorly on the Jedi.

ROMANTIC:

Every time some piece of scum manages to wound his partner, Anakin relives the agony of his mother's death and drowns in the fear that he will once again fail to save those closest to him. This desperation drives him to steamroll over entire battalions and lay waste to anyone who tries to dispute his right to act, Jedi or Sith.

For Anakin, losing another person he holds dear is far more frightening than any punishment the Jedi Order could mete out.

Suppose he is indicted on war crimes or threatened with expulsion from the Order for leaving a trail of severed heads and limbs on his unauthorised journey to rescue the partner he is not allowed to have. In this case, Anakin calls the Jedi Council blind for not seeing things from his perspective and understanding why he had to defy orders and cut down that Separatist sympathiser.

Chancellor Palpatine informs Anakin that the Council must not trust him if it disregards his argument so thoughtlessly. On the other hand, he commends Anakin's resolve to fight for his emotions rather than against them.

Palpatine even encourages him to follow his anger to its natural conclusions when he spots his partner in trouble, which nurtures further conflict in Anakin as the Jedi Order insists he does the opposite.

Anakin believes he is partly responsible for his mother's death. He blames himself because, as his guilty conscience tells him, he left her behind to pursue his own goals and returned only with weakness and insufficient urgency to help her.

As a result, Anakin struggles with the lingering paranoia that he will make the same mistake twice when he cannot readily locate and confirm his partner's safety.

On the battlefield, Obi-Wan is one of the few people who can successfully talk Anakin out of putting the entire mission on hold until he finds them.

On starships, clone troopers obey without question when General Skywalker gives the order to leave the room while he tortures a prisoner of war for information on their whereabouts and health.

Between missions, Anakin reaffirms that he values this relationship above all else in the galaxy, even promising to abandon the Order if his involvement in it becomes too great a hindrance.

He fights for his comrades more than he fights for some grand peace, and if the options are honouring the Jedi Code or keeping his partner out of danger, Anakin will maim and intimidate his way to victory.

In his younger, more impulsive hours, he gave little thought to who might see his brazen displays, rushing to embrace his partner after long separations.

As the war progresses, he grows more adept at hiding his affections from the stoic eye of the Council, even though his frustration at this leads him to arrange secret meetings and become increasingly defensive towards anyone who suspects the truth.

Of all his confidants, Anakin trusts no one more than his partner, but Captain Rex is a close second. Respecting his orders to comb the area whenever they stray a little too far from Anakin's field of vision, Rex does his part to watch over one of his commander and friend's favourite people.

Captain Rex makes no judgements of his own, though he does mediate between Anakin and other Jedi who might tell Anakin to cut his losses.

The clones under his command are not inclined to rebel when Anakin orders them to round up the populace he believes is involved in his partner's disappearance.

Some troopers may be a little shaken when he starts strangling civilians with the Force until someone gives a lead; however, their training has taught them to follow all orders, even if it means raiding buildings and dragging people to face an enraged Anakin.

Too sick of the Council's deception to subject Padmé to the same backstabbing treatment, Anakin one day broaches the idea of bringing a third person into the relationship.

He pretends not to have anyone specific in mind so that he can dismiss it as simple curiosity, only to betray his eagerness when Padmé asks for details. She wants to see him happy, so she agrees to Anakin spending more time with them.

However, Anakin applies a double standard: he would never tolerate Padmé or his partner being interested in someone else, let alone inviting that person into the relationship. This takes time and attention away from his emotionally starved self and implies to his abandonment-fearing mind that he is not good enough.

Do anything you want with my work, but never make me boring!

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