don't think about me I can hear it

lrb i literally never send anons about like anything ever can i even consider myself a true tumblr user like this.. Because im so scared always like what if my anon ask sound too mean and it angers the person so much they somehow find my IP and also dox me and also kill me? what if by sending the ask into the tumblr void somehow the assassins find it and so on ..

[01000110 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000]

this is unironically the kind of shit I become obsessively desperate to make all the time when the illness hits because I believe everyone is out to get me 24/7 and everynight I think im gonna me murdered by someone breaking in for some reason so the only way for me to fall asleep is to wait untill I throw up from adrenaline and pass out from fear. how did I think that this is a normal thing to experience and how everyone lives. help

waves violently i wanna hear about it i wanna hear about it :D it sounds super cool

- pots:3

POTS POTS!! hello helloo !! /vpos

alright, so

it's about a secret and non governmental organization that was previously called "ordo veritatis" (from latin, "order of truth/the order of the truth). their goal is to strengthen something called "the membrane". the name was changed to "ordo realitas" (order of reality) due to some events.

the membrane can be seen as a veil, a "limit" between the human reality and the "other side", a dimension filled with everything that's paranormal. the other side shouldn't be able to come to the human reality easily, but the thinner the membrane gets, the easier it might be for those creatures to access "our world"

there are many ways one can make this veil go thinner, and it all revolves around fear. using rituals to bring those monsters to our 'this reality', spreading horror stories and making up scary rumors. paranormal creatures can be created from simply being feared (which's happened on the series before to the work of a horror novel writer).

and then there are the elements of the other side! they're.. kinda hard to figure out. there are five of them: fear, blood, death, knowledge and energy. each has something called a "relic", a bridge between the source of this element on the other side and the human reality.

blood is strongly tied to strong emotions (specially hate) and the one that currently holding it's relic is the devil.

death is linked to time, and i believe the god of death currently holds is relic? all that's known is that, when not used, a city called "saint cradle" (or many other names) will evolve around it. its citizens are grey people with black stripes on their faces. they have no electricity (since the element of death is countered by energy) and they refuse to evolve, being a medieval-like society. some citizens are used as a fuel to this city, locked in white rooms inside of a cave and being forced to forever worship the "spiral symbol". being formerly made out of something called "sludge", everything on this city is deadly scared of fire (the only thing that can effectively kill it) and the city itself will be extremely hostile towards those who light fire there. time there is faster than outside, so a week there can be hours outside of the city. leaving it is extremely hard, specially when you're marked with the spiral symbol. the comforting idea of a cozy city with everything you need and the addiction to worship that symbol can lead to insanity, like an extreme abstinence. they use crystals for healing, heating things and a sludge crystal is used to permanently turn someone into a citizen. i could go on soo much further about this tbh.

energy is the element of chaos and luck, formerly held by "the host". he pretty much did what he is called. he hosted death games and imprisoned people to deal with luck, riddles and plasma-like creatures by themselves. there were a LOT of them and they're linked to the story of the roman coliseum and the emperors of rome.

knowledge is the element of balance. its relic is held by the sect of masks. the sect is an all-knowing hivemind that strives for balance between the other side and "this side" of reality. they're extremely mysterious on their ways.

fear is the one element we know little to nothing about. all we know is that "the god of fear is watching" and it'll apparently be further explored on the upcoming game. we've only seen two rituals of fear being used this far, and it is unclear what the element revolves around.

rituals are basically "powers", and are performed by people who "transcended", linking themselves to an element of the other side and sacrificing a bit of their sanity by increasing their "paranormal exposition", now called "nex" (that stands for "nivel de exposição", which means "level of exposition").

every character has a nex, and it ranges from 0% to 100%. when you have zero, you've never experienced anything paranormal. 50% means there is more of the other side inside of you than yourself. at 100%, you literally no longer exist. you're taken completely by the other side.

⠀

all of this is just THE BASICS, i didn't even get started on what each season is about.

To all the people telling me "I'm in your walls" is a harmless meme and "if you are sensitive enough to be triggered by it you shouldn't be on the Internet", please read this and then tell me it's a meme that has nothing to do with schizophrenia, it's a harmless meme, and if me and other people with schizophrenia get 'triggered' by it we are too sensitive.

It was literally made to purposely trigger people in psychosis/ people with schizophrenia specifically. Me and many other people who post about our schizophrenia/psychosis online get spammed with this type of thing, I get anons pretty regularly. I actively try to avoid it but it doesn't matter. I can't think of any other popular "meme" that purposely triggers people online who are already vulnerable. It is blatant sanism/ableism.

There is no way you can divorce the "joke" from its original intended purpose. And why do you guys fight so hard to justify this "joke"? It's not ever funny, it's not clever or creative, it's just bullying a minority, that's literally it.

Those of us with schizophrenia/psychosis deserve to be on the Internet just like everybody else. It's not our fault that there is a popular meme made specifically to target our vulnerabilities. Even if we try our hardest to avoid these types of jokes, people will seek us out and harass us regardless.

Notice on the Know Your Meme page, all the other related searches that are more "memes" meant to trigger, harass, or make fun of people with psychosis/schizophrenia. A lot of these memes have only started/become popular in the last few years. And yet no one seems to be speaking up about how fucked up that is. Not even neurodivergent/mental illness awareness online. And when those of us with schizophrenia try ourselves to call it out, guess what kind of comments we get 🙄

starting a band called Smoked Too Much Weed and our top songs are called You're Going To Die, There's No Hope For You, and You're Fucked

As someone with paranoia related to being watched and/or listened to, the antivirus popups my computer gives me that say crap like “Someone might be watching you” or “Could someone be listening to you?” should be illegal.

you didn't impress me or Miss Venus, prepare for your trials

♫In Our Home, We Love You So, So Don't Let Go, And I'll Hold You Close♫

Thought I saw Grandpa Chris from the corner of my eye…

I’ve been seeing my family more and more as of late… Most of the time, they keep their distance. I keep mine.

But I don’t like when they’re close enough that your gut’s telling you to look behind you.

- 🥘

THEY DID THE "LIVING IN WALLS" JOKE AGAIN I MIGHT ACTUALLY GO ON A RAMPAGE

white noise live at the vermont hollywood, will wood / once in a lifetime, talking heads / from all hail west texas liner notes, the mountain goats / #2122, houses at night series, todd hido / welcome to night vale episode 244, liminal spaces / homecoming, green day / mabel episode 8, the freeze

Nobody is watching.

2 ppl say no. tch. its ok. i handle rejection well

but he can’t ^