#or whatever that fucking email said
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top five annoying mulder moments <3
okay, i have two lists for you: annoying moments that i find endearing, and annoying moments that make me want to beat him over the head with a chair
annoying moments that i find endearing:
(as of today, these could all be different tomorrow)
1/ "you mean i might get my 29.95 worth after all?" (731)
insane thing to say with 6 minutes to live about the mail-order VHS tape that might save your life. the way he casually cracked jokes in front of that bomb haunts me. unfortunately, this joke made me laugh so hard when i first watched this episode, that it became a core memory of the show to me, and it's still one of my favorite lines
related: putting on a comedy show for the nazis in the pine bluff variant
"ooh, is this the pepsi challenge? how 'bout some fresh air, boys" "you can just call me a cab, that'd be fine" sir they are about to execute you in a field
2/ his general behavior with the neighbors in arcadia
not his behavior towards scully, that's a different thing. i'm talking about mulder showing up in a neighborhood that deeply values regulations and appearances, and dragging out his basketball hoop at 10:30 at night. kicking mailboxes. putting that plastic flamingo in the lawn.
he went undercover in this subdivision to investigate the disappearances of multiple missing families, and his entire investigative strategy, is to fuck around and find out.
the fact that the neighbors start off concerned for him, worried that the monster is going to kill him for violating the HOA rules, and trying to warn him and help him, but eventually are so irritated that they decide to just leave him to die
is without a doubt my favorite thing about this episode.
3/ running in front of a car (colony)
literally made eye contact with the driver and kept running into traffic....busted up that guy's whole windshield.....like he went THROUGH that guy's windshield.....once again, i say, do you have ANY IDEA HOW PISSED I WOULD BE to just be minding my own business driving home from work, and end up with a MULDER-SHAPED HOLE in my windshield.....and then he just mumbled something about getting the wind knocked out of him?? and got up and kept running?? you KNOW he didn't pay for that guy's car. used "i got hit by a car" as an excuse for not filing his report on time??? i love him but he is not serious people
4/ reading the articles in a porno mag at the office (the jersey devil)
the jersey devil my most beloved most watched episode ever....cannot even express to you how funny i find it that when scully got into work, he's just sitting there staring intently at porn and starts telling her about the articles. he turns the magazine so that she can see. kinda the funniest thing that he ever did.
+ scully's lil "workin hard, mulder?" and "sorry to interrupt your serious investigation" ...they're best friends
5/ "why don't you take that gun and shoot yourself in the head like you shot my father" (piper maru)
girl WHAAAAAATTTTT??
BONUS: all of his comments about religion (various episodes)
i put this one on the list and took it back off so many times but i have to speak my truth. every last one of them. i know they're mean and judgmental. i like it.
honorable mention: the mulder ditch™ (too many episodes in too many circumstances to make one of the lists but the way he constantly just leaves scully places deserves to be included. he literally has the object permanence of a 3-month old)
annoying moments that make me contemplate violence:
(only came up with 4 for now...but they're serious to me)
1/ "when he's old enough, tell the kid i went down swinging." (vienen)
me when i'm two weeks out of the grave and have purposefully endangered my ass on a boat full of killer alien goo and my idea of a funny sarcastic joke is to goad my partner into saving me by JOKING!!!! about her having to tell my baby that i'm DEAD!!!
what compelled him to say this. this is my "WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS" infographic mulder moment.
my favorite part is how scully doesn't even address it she just gives that kind of "jesus fucking christ" sigh and tells him to put doggett on the phone lol
2/ “all this because i didn’t get you a desk?” (never again)
literally god forbid a girl have an existential crisis in some FUCKING PEACEEEEE
3/ "diana saw it too. and no matter what you think, she's certainly not going to go around saying that just because science can't prove it, it isn't true." (the beginning)
lolololololol
listen, i defend him for the diana stuff, and i get it. i could write you a dissertation on the complications and emotions of it and why he says things like this or whatever. but it still annoys the ever-loving fucking hell out of me.
this one bothers me more than "scully, you're making this personal" because it's such a direct blow to the core of their dynamic and to what she tries to do for him. this comes so soon after he looked at her in the hallway and told her that her rationalism and science saved him.
which is a moment that meant so much to her and that she references in this same episode. she grabs his hand and she says "you told me that my science kept you honest. that it made you question your assumptions. that by it, i'd made you a whole person."
she has memorized everything that he's ever said and she heard him so deeply in that hallway. she stays so dedicated to offering that science and rationalism that she knows he needs, that she heard him say was best for him.
that moment in that hallway changed them for the rest of their lives, and this is when skepticism and belief start to morph from genuine ideology into roles that they play for each other.
she's doing her part, she's offering him her side, she's playing her role. and he throws it back in her face, says he'll just go play with diana then, because diana would never counter him with science.
LOLLLL okay then spooky, we'll fucking see if it's diana that comes to save your ass in the bermuda triangle
4/ "you act like you're surprised" (three words)
debated putting this one on here because everyone knows i loveeee three words and i loveeee s8 mulder and i'm obsessed with this scene, i've written multiple pieces about the fish in it, i wouldn't change a word of it
but i just have to because this is the other one that grates at me in the back of my head from time to time...because it's not that he doesn't think resurrection is surprising. it's not that he thinks it's a given that he'll always be around.
he just cannot hear and acknowledge how painful and difficult losing him was for her. because it would mean hearing and acknowledging that what he does matters, not because of what he can do or find, but because it matters that he's there. because it matters whether he lives or dies.
this episode is so heartbreakingly cruel in a way that they just aren't to each other, and that's what i love about it and what makes it stand out to me.
she's pregnant with his baby and she buried him. she was ripped off of his corpse screaming and she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery at the same time, alone. she sat in a hospital chair and held his hand for days when she knew he couldn't feel it.
for six months, he was gone. for three months, he wasn't ever coming back. that first day that they were looking for him, she teared up and whispered, "i just can't take the chance that i'm never gonna see him again," to skinner, and then she lived in a reality where she was never going to see him again. for three months.
she prayed and she prayed and she prayed and then she got to cry and laugh and hold onto him and take him home. and she tried to tell him, quietly, about the last six months. about how she doesn't think he could ever understand what it was like. about how she prayed, and about how her prayers "have been answered."
she told him how hard it was to learn he was missing, to search, to find him dead. "and now to have you back...," she smiled and said through tears.
"well, you act like you're surprised."
in less than 24 hours he is going to run towards death again and she is going to be left again with nothing to do but pray, and he cannot hear that it matters.
(y’all, remind me to do a post about mulder + humor in s8)
BONUS: referring to his mother's house as "the vineyard" (various episodes)
this one isn't that deep to me but "scully, i'm at the vineyard" just IRKS me like it gets on my NERVES. just an obnoxious ass thing to say
#mulder just muldering his mulderest#i love him more than anything#and ily!!#someone needs to make me do a nice mulder one next#honorable mention: dearest dana i cannot go on living#or whatever that fucking email said#asks#all of this comes from love but anyone who knows me knows that#kae meta
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If I could kill the reply feature on this webbed site, I would.
#personal#i wish there was an option for only allowing replies from people following you for one year or something#one week is not long enough for me up put up with some people#who are you and why are you replying when you could have just reblogged whatever the fuck it was#and said your piece there#there's like a handful of people who've been here a long time that i don't mind replies from#and then people whose usernames I've never seen in my life#saying stupid shit#that should have been a reblog so it doesn't get emailed to me#i want to keep the people who've been around#I've just started soft blocking people who i don't know that reply to not my posts#to say random things#I'm so cranky right now i should go to sleep#just to be clear if you are saying something TO ME on a post I MADE then this isn't about you
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WHAT THE FUCK.
#bot crisis#ITS ALL BOTS#ITS ALL BOTS ALL THE WAY DOWN#i mean there's probably. ehhh. 30? real people? OUT OF 1000 THOUGH???#WHY THE FUCK --#i didn't do this. i dont know why this is happening. i cannot possibly delete all of these#help#i got an email that said i got 230 new followers#and im like oh boy. something got reblogged by the right person.#and i log in. and its 900. and im. its all. oh my god.#staff pls dont ban me for buying followers or whatever i do not believe in that i want these things gone#this is going to Trip Something#😨
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me: three classes is definitely A Lot but I'm doing fine, I just need to get through this quarter :)))
also me: what if next quarter I took three classes and also got involved in two research projects, one of which I'd be taking a sizable role in, and a separate research group. and what if I learned python in between terms. what then.
#if there's one thing that can't be said about me it's that I've ever lacked ambition.#it's FINE. it's fine. everything's fucking fine. I've already sent this additional email about research. don't worry about it.#one of them is more just like. drop-in meetings and the other isn't really gonna be A Thing for a while so. whatever.#ANYWAY.#I still have to write a novella. FUCK.#would love to not have a job. I could be doing literally so much with an extra 40 hours a week. I like my job a lot!#but it's not writing is the thing. I need to write.#megs vs mlis#i didn't even MENTION THE JOURNAL I'M MEETING AN EDITOR ABOUT THIS WEEK. OH MY GOD.
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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oh wow very upset right now lol
#finally had the energy and courage to call my therapists office to set up an appointment after 2 years#after emailing w mt old therapist to make sure it was ok#and they just. told me no#and i got so overwhelmed bc that’s not how i thought the phone call would go#which btw#i haye phone calls. they make me so anxious i feel sick.#so even calling and not hanging up when i got the robot answering machine or was on hold twice was good for me#anyways#i got so upset i was in complete silence after she said no#that when she asked if i wanted to set one up w someone else i just went i’ll call back later#and said goodbye and hung up#and just burst into tears#bc fuck! fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!#if i had jsut not stopped going and i had taken my meds and i wasn’t a fuck uo i’d be fine i wouldn’t even need to make an appointment#ugh.#ok.#whatever i’m fine#rant over sorry if u read this LMFAO
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I told them.... I did....
#(kinda talked myself through the notes and I'm a little more calm)#shit... shit shit.... its okay hey hey its okay it's gonan be okay you DID tell them so whatever happens its not your fault#fuck. my stomach is now actually hurting- fuck.... heeey hey hey its okay you are doing great#YOU told them and even specified in the paper. whatever happens its not your fault. you said it both with voice and written down#come lets answer you sent the email and you have that ready so lets get to answer them okay? we got this#lets sit beside mom for emotional support it's gonna be okay you got this you can do it#and worst case scenario that something bad happens you already did all of this#you should be proud of yourself for doing so much!#but i should've done it ages ago...#but you are doing it now. and that's what matters.#... sigh.... okay.... okay we got this... lets sit beside mom and answer#seari talks#edit: MOM HELPED SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAA
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i'm deep frying my boss with my mind btw
#listen. this year i actually have a desk in the office which is nice but also not nice in some ways#and one of those ways is that people can now see when i'm sitting at a desk and not running around like a chicken with my head cut off#of course i'm doing lesson plans and writing emails and whatever i'm just SITTING doing work#which to my boss apparently means i am not working ❤️#he's made it his personal hobby to come in and make ''jokes'' about me not working hard enough or not working at all#and today he said ''maddie have you even moved from that desk all day?''#and girl i usually am nonconfrontational but when i tell you i saw red#i said ''yes i have! just not when you've been able to come in and make jokes :)''#and he decided to press it even further and said ''are you sure?''#and i said ''oh i'm sure! you're welcome to check my schedule if you don't believe me :)''#he left after that one kind of offended that i dared to ''talk back'' like that and luckily one of my coworkers was in there to witness it#but girl what the fuck ❤️#i'm so sick of his shit truly!! ❤️ especially when he's never here in the first place so he really has no room to talk ❤️#maddie.txt
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>__>
#talk#i think i'm gonna drop all but one course this semester in order to get properly medicated#+ catch up on some Essential Life Skills that i'm missing (that most people learned in their teens ahaha)#i've gamed it out. given it ample consideration. i'd rather ruin my semester plans than ruin my overall gpa#esp. since i have to maintain a certain number to transfer out of here lmao. if that wasn't the case it'd be 'Cs get degrees babey B)'#some people can make it through college with unmedicated/unaccommodated adhd. but not me! i suck at this!!#have also learned that i actually... miss? in-person classes? at our little downtown campus??#online classes were nice in theory but Once Again My Friends Were Right. some things should not be taken online#... man. i'm still trying to justify this to myself. the guilt of 'failing again' is eating at me#but so is trying to deal with this fuckass [subject redacted] class. worst subject + no office hours + prof won't email me back + L#+ no late work allowed. my prof last semester was right when she said i should pick someone w/ a lax late work policy lmao#... mmm. well! well well well.#my sleep schedule is so fucked. i need a passport. i want to draw again. meds. whatever. it'll be fine
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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.
#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless#I’m not super talky right now#but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless#like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration#like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down#I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true#I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty#one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me#idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing#not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately#and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that#I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life#so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know#asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes#and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A#and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol#but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6#and she was talking about how impressive that is#and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get#I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again#who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting#I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory#anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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GUESS WHO GOT APPROVED FOF THEIR LEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#US BABYYYYYYYY LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#just got the email ab an hour ago now maybe? but it said like 'tenant portal' or smth and we hadnt heard back from the guy we#were talking to so we were kinda giving up hope BUT!! then got the tenant portal email!!!!!! so thatll be fun tmrw#gotta call to get gas/electric/water in our name (which is still a racket that no utilities are included but whatever) and see if i#hear back from my insurance lady today so we know fs how much we're paying for auto/renters but!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#talk tag
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be honest how many of your professors make you go “how the fuck did this man get a doctorate” for me it’s at least four
#honest to god my communication prof is kinda stupid#we will ask him a question and he will say “let me repeat myself then say something he never said before#it’s also bullshit most of the time#he disappeared for like three months where nobody could reach him not even the TAs#then we all got an email from him saying that the exam that would’ve been this morning will be held on thursday#like ????#what the fuck dude#there’s also another one who i don’t really think knows what his course was about#it was online and every monday morning he’d log on and start talking about the most batshit crazy things#i have no idea what i was supposed to learn but i could tell you in graphic detail about his knee surgery#i still got a five in that class though#he told us to write a paper about whatever we wanted and gave everyone a five
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When you’re having technical difficulties with emails and the solution is to send the help team an email :)
#I am going insane#wHY don't you have an online helpline what the FUCK is microsoft#how can a tech company be so inept#I managed to get one email out and the totally-not-a-bot-real-person just said ''outlook storage is in onedrive now hope this helps''#I FUCKING KNOW#OUTLOOK STORAGE IS CLOGGING MY ONEDRIVE WITH EMAILS THAT DONT EXIST I fucking SAID this#he also said 'purchase an account to not have to delete files' and buddy I will never give my money to this scam-ass corporation#I am HAPPY to delete files. I HAVE deleted files. I've deleted THREE THOUSAND emails but it thinks they're still there. LISTEN TO ME.#I sent another email clarifying with screenshots but low and behold it can't send. which is tHE. problem.#... does anybody know if microsoft has an online help chat whatever the fuck where I don't have to send emails?
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Guess who applied for college??
#me! it me#i was supposed to go to college in 2020. but the college i was supposed to go to went bankrupt#seriously. during spring break i got an email that basically said 'surprise! the future you thought you had? its gone! fuck you!'#by this point it was too late to apply to any more colleges for the year. so i decided to take a gap year#that one year turned into four. and here i am#i liked working full time. i had a good job in a kitchen. i was doing well for myself#but i always regretted not going to college#i was going to go to become an asl interpreter. this college was one of the best in the country for asl interpreting#but today i was bored at work. and my sibling has been encouraging me to apply tothe nearby community college#and they have an interpreting program! so i applied#and i might actually go to college in january#thats wild. thats honestly wild. i didnt expect that#after this long i kind of resigned myself to job hopping for the rest of my life#just taking whatever job would take me that didnt need a degree#but i want more than that. so we're gonna go to college!#im worried. scared. apprehensive. etc#but mostly im proud of myself for taking this step#school is hard. and i havent been in school for years. so i guess we'll see how that goes#i hope you're having a wonderful day 💙💙💙
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...
#the thing abt me is that if u complement me in an academic context i will melt#me walking into every interview: fuck this school. i dont wanna go there. im sad. on one is gonna want me. i can hardly function. fuck this#me walking out of every interview: fuck. the project is cool and they said nice things abt me 😭#fuck. the guy from the lab i interviewed with basically said if u wanna be here i can make it happen. i like ur style and i think ur a#super good candidate 😭 and he quoted my wanky writing bc i got a bit flowery and idealistic lol#and hes on the admissions committee so he was like: yea i can support u if u want just let me kno#and fucking hell the project is cool. but the thing is i think id have to be less of a sad sac bc i think he expects a lot and is hands off#but it is a big institution with a lot of creative ppl and theyre good abt supporting interdisciplinary work#so like the opportunities there would be pretty fucking great i think. hhhhhh god. theres no way i could take the uk one now#fuck. wtf am i gonna do abt that? do i bow out now before ive committed so they have a shot with another person#or is it too late for that bc they already put my name forward to the committee#god dammit. this was the one i was supposed to b like yea no shot am i getting this. and now im like fucking considering it like#the opportunities.... but id have to live in new jersey... it would b closer to home i guess. id b back on east coast time#and i could work with Yellowstone organisms. and i bet the classes r pretty fucking rad education wise#god. decisions. im gonna play Choices by the Hoosiers like a million times#thats what i did wjen i was deciding to go for undergrad. and then i didnt even decide. i was just like... well i dont wanna go to the#place all my classmates r going. i will go 3hrs away. then 12hrs by plane for my masters#fuck. at least it went well. everyone was nice and the 2nd guy i talked to was like:#even if u dont go here. email me if u end up working with zinc and i can help. and i was like 😭#i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol#i was way too nervous. but it was ok. but also i dont understand wtf other incoming phd students r like??#like they say im a good candidate and ive got good background and im like ??? what sort of losers r u looking at if u think im good?#i just think maybe what i wanna do is unique and very specific so im like not trying to do just anything. i have standards lol#and apparently im more coherent than i give myself credit for. i talk good sometimes and i have enthusiasm when i dont feel like im dying#god. i was not expecting this. i dont belong at a school working with tech startups like wtf. i come from a place of slightly trash#universities lol. well my undergrad uni wasnt so bad... well i mean the city is the butt of a lot of ohio related jokes tho. im looking at#u klinger. fucking mean streets of toledo. whatever the school im at now is worse. couldnt even keep my boss here smh#anyway what the fuck. and i got a lotta writing done today what the fuck#me being competent???? unheard of. god. imagine if i had my shit together. i could kill god. algae and other scientists would fear me#unrelated
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