#okay I can continue on with my day now
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loveybug and catwalker from @blur0se @pisoprano and @asukiess beautiful minds
#had to draw loveybug. had to see her.#okay I can continue on with my day now#ml#miraculous ladybug#catwalker#loveybug#my art#idk where her yoyo is let's pretend it's on the other side#also I stared at catwalker for so long wondering why he felt wrong before I realized I forgot his ears#I used to constantly forget chat's ears. unsure why#anyway autumn's ficlet lives in me now#loveybug au
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read a post about there being next to no record abt the historic edward little again (we dont even know what he looked like!!!) and now im thinking a lot about how he died in uniform again.
hes far from the only character to die in uniform (the marines die in uniform! franklin dies in uniform!) and he isn't even the only lieutenant to do so (gore, under his slops, was in uniform; fairholme, too presumably; irving famously wore his coat that hickey steals later; george wore something that used to be his uniform when he got eaten but imo atp he did not wear it as A Uniform anymore that were just the clothes that he had on if that makes sense) but at the end, he is the only one where i still felt that it was an active choice to wear it.
almost everyone else sheds their layers along the way or turns into something else, but ned starts in uniform and he stays in uniform and that's it.
fitzjames famously sheds his vanity and dies in his shirtsleeves, without any of the pomp and pizzazz of his uniform.
jopson, another character who is to me really connected with a certain mindset of holding up appearances, dies in his shirtsleeves, believing himself abandoned by the very person that was his reason to even wear a uniform at all.
goodsir as a doctor/assistant surgeon doesn't really have a uniform in quite the same sense as many others but when he dresses himself before his suicide it is not as an affirmation of his role, or at least not a positive one. he has sworn to do no harm, but he was forced to do it anyway and now he will add a final evil to his toll of sins in the hopes to balance the scales at least somewhat and for that to work, he must wear his outfit as always. he ends up with all pretenses stripped bare anyway.
tozer, a man so proud of his uniform in the beginning, again, dies in his shirtsleeves, no rank left, betrayed by someone who had convinced him to give up everything and yet! reduced to nothing but an ordinary man, he tries again where before he had given up. he cooperates, he coordinates, he even calls crozier captain again, he tries very hard to do the right thing in what looks like a no win scenario from the get go!! and he fails, of course, but he tried.
almost everyone else also ends up either dressed down (bridgens, armitage, dundy, des voeux etc) or somehow transformed (blanky, to some extend silna with her patched and bloody furs) or in hickeys case, both (iconic underwear & greatcoat combo). little never changes. he sometimes has a little scarf, theres the bandage for his headwound for a bit, he sometimes wears the full parade uniform with epaulettes and sometimes just the regular one, there are at least two different uniform hats and ofc you can tell that he loses weight by the way his shape chages under all that wool but he is always. in. uniform.
and maybe this is just my mind making up dots to connect but i think he might even be the last character that crozier ever gives an order to in his official function as a captain (in the tuunbaq seduction/boss fight scene he has been stripped of his rank, at least according to e.c.).
before his final scene, all we get is little arguing over the orders they are given, and how to interpret them. and he is still wearing his uniform!!! wait hold on im not gonna check but maybe he might only wear a jumper in the tent where dundy lauches his soft mutiny actually, so maybe this whole post is crumbling like a domino line but!!! ignoring this. moving on. (even if it is a jumper i remember him wearing sth dark blue aka Uniform Colour so im claiming it doesnt even matter bc spiritually that hypothetical jumper still is a uniform. im not going to let anything like "accuracy" and "real details" fuck up my post smh 🙄. im joking. however! Moving On as i said) (edit: i rewatched the scene and it IS his uniform actually, just v rumpled. going insane btw)
he doesnt even dress up for carnivale! the only other characters that are not in costume are jopson and crozier and they were literally too busy keeping crozier from dying to even begin thinking about joining the communal arts and crafts session! little is atp the acting no2 of the expedition so u might say he was busy but fitzjames has the overall command and still finds time to have a little gender moment in private and the imperialism-approved version of it for the Big Crowd!! (u could ofc argue that fitzy Always has time for a gender moment and who would i be to argue but my point is: i have no doubt that man was fucking busy preparing carnivale & beginning to prepare the walkout and there still was time to Express Some Character!! so how come ned didn't do anything?)
the one other scene we get where we can catch a small glimpse of characters out of their element before it all unravels (pre tuunbaq attack on the camp) is the scene at night when morfin gets shot. it shows lots of characters in various states of undress (silna big blanket burrito i love you) that allows us to see them differently, like their costumes at carnivale did, but in an entirely opposite direction. while carnivale was about putting on masks, this scene is about taking them off. and it drives me insane because i know that little must be there. he is somewhere in the crowd when morfin gets shot but so far i havent been able to make him out and i need to know what he is wearing so bad. it is actually for science (my own curiosity) ! i really need to know. and i cant help but feel that maybe it is intentional that he is just ~somewhere~ instead of In Front of the Fucking Camera because, well. that would be just ned little, wouldnt it? and we dont even know who that is.
#edward little#the terror#can u tell i got my brain fried by working on our research project paper all day until we finally turned it in at midnight#we met at 12 and didnt leave the library until it closed and then we went home to one of the members and continued working there#and now i am still sitting in the hallway from when i came in through the door even thought its past 3am bc im just so done#nothing left. no energy no braincells no filter. which is why u get this unstructured wordvomit#and i try to find the strength to get up from the floor so i dont fall asleep here. okay goodnight#cavetext
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my aesthetics :
the second quarter quell generation, pt one (aka the generation with all the principal characters’ parents, and then also haymitch)
#thg#hunger games#haymitch abernathy#Katniss everdeen#Peeta mellark#maysilee donner#thgedit#okay so in order this goes#Haymitch Haymitch’s girl katniss’s parents Peeta’s parents and then the donner twins#i will make a part 2 with the characters if I can think of more than gales parents#if I can’t hazelle and her husband will be retroactively added into this one#myaesthetics#myedit#ya lit aesthetic#ya lit edit#and yeah this may be shameless promo one day for my lil 2nd quarter quell ficcy#which is why the little title for Mr E is confusing !!! because a lot of this is about my made up lore!!! his mom is Maude ivory but she#disappeared when he was a child#which is why Katniss knows nothing about her own gramma!!!#ok anyways if I ever write it all the little titles will make sense but for now they’re confusing because I made this specially for me for#my made up headcanons that make no sense to anyone else lololololol#oh oh oh also I put black eyes in both Katniss’ mom and Peeta’s mom’s edits for a reason!!!#ok so like I always interpreted it that abuse in the merchant class was more common#like what Peeta obviously went through at home was actually normalized in his circle#and it’s also implied Katniss’ mom was shunned by her parents for marrying Katniss’ dad so I figure they couldn’t have been good parents#and then Peeta’s mom Ruby also has blood on her own hands because we know she one day is abusive to her own kids so it’s like#she experienced abuse and then continues the terrible circle#but obviously Katniss’ mom lavender does not! she has other issues though but the young version is so fun to play with#also young Haymitch and his girl here would be the most judgey pretty couple#I have lots of headcanons for them some of which I’ve entwined already into at least one of my fics
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New day, new glasses pics
#😍😍😍🔥🔥🔥#he continues to look ridiculously good with them#if this becomes a habit I AM HERE FOR IT#we need glasses pic every day#only because its good for his eyes if he actually wears his glasses of course#i wonder what changed that he now wears them so often and we get so many pictures? 👀#and yes i know the logical answer is his eye sight being bad but since when we care about logic#my head canon is the new glasses are a gift from olena and thats why he now wears them and we see them so often#friends we are this 🤏 close to getting a glasses pic outside of the office#speech or event with glasses is coming i can feel it#he also continues to look like a hot professor#I AM SORRY OKAY I JUST SAID OUT LOUD WHAT WE ARE ALL THINKING#i did it for you now its out#he also looks so soft with them ❤️#welp i get all kind of feelings over a leader of a country wearing glasses#thats something i would not have believed some years ago but here we are
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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: TUCHANKA (PART 2)
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, Urdnot Wrex, and Dr. Mordin Solus
With: Urdnot Bakara
And a Special Guest Appearance by: Kalros, Mother of All Thresher Maws
I MADE A MISTAKE! I made a mistake... big picture made of little pictures- too many variables. Can't hide behind statistics... can't ignore new data- my responsibility. Need to go- running out of time. Not your work, not your cure- not your decision. Had to be me- someone else might have gotten it wrong...
Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#james vega#EDI#urdnot wrex#mordin solus#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#i'm gonna continue the rambles in the part 2 gifset but one of the things i adore about tuchanka is the scenic shots#there are literally so many gorgeous ones that about half of part two is scenic shots because holy fuck tuchanka is beautiful#the kalros reaper ones especially? like those are so cool i had to include at LEAST a few of them bc that fight is awesome#and when the cure disperses?? literally the prettiest scene in the game#EDI and james have really cute dialogue together too!! i adored their moments towards the end of the mission#although i did say i was gonna give thoughts on mordin in sur'kesh and i think it boils down to him being an okay?? character in my book#like mordin definitely isn't one of my favorites but i will respect that he's definitely a very complex character and he's interesting imo#especially in terms of how he's written and his motivations/how he sort of grows and evolves over both ME2 and ME3#like the quote i subquoted the post with is the one you get when you try to stall him from going up into the tower#(so it's not from soph's canon- but i love the scene so i used it anyways)#and one of the things i really like is that you can see the switch from mordin in ME2 who argues that what he did was RIGHT#versus mordin in ME3 who is starting to see what was wrong in the context of all the new information he has#and for me- seeing a character who can grow to recognize that they're flawed and made mistakes- i can respect the HELL outta that#even if mordin isn't my favorite character in the trilogy i'm gonna give him massive props for his character growth arc#because it's always interesting to see someone grow and recognize their mistakes and find a way to be a better person#to own their mistakes and fix the shit that they fucked up#i don't think i'd ever choose the option to not cure the genophage but mordin will always get props from me for his character arc tbh#i'll stop rambling now! have a good day wherever you are <3
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You have to think things will get better, otherwise what is the point!!! You have to hold out hope that things will get better and then maybe one day things will feel safe and be cool and everything will be fine (at least as fine as it can be)
#misc#rbs okay#I’m just so tired of the state of the world and I’m so tired of feeling unsafe every day#so tired of being tired. I have to hope my body will heal and I will feel better but it’s so hard#change has to come at some point and I have to hope I can make it to that point#I’m having a terrible time coping with the pain and fatigue and mental strain covid has left me with#I want to feel okay again so badly#all I want in the world is to make art and experience art and music and movies and live a little life with my partner in some place nice#I’m scared I’ll never feel okay enough to have that and I’m scared the world won’t ever feel safe enough again to have that#I just keep telling myself something has to change and trying to believe it so hard#if I make it through this pandemic with any semblance of health and stability I will be happy#I don’t even want to think about how much trauma the pandemic has given me and will continue to give me#I grieve everyday for the world that could’ve been and the person I will never get the chance to be because of this pandemic#my health anxiety has skyrocketed in the past four years and just keeps getting worse#I can’t hear people coughing or sneezing or sniffling without panicking for a few seconds every time#I already had emetophobia before 2020 but now I have the same panicked feeling from anyone exhibiting any signs of illness#it’s exhausting T-T everything is exhausting#sorry for vent-ish post on main ik it’s not very professional but whatever this is my blog#covid tw
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okay, FINE, I will catch up on the Fontaine Archon Quest in Genshin.
(so there are, like, a dozen gmvs for Genshin to the song Gods and they are all FIRE??? Literally the perfect song for the game.)
#I stopped in the Fortress of Meropide because I kept getting lost#also because NaNo and no time to play catchup#I have avoided spoilers successfully can you believe it?#well okay fine not really because I have Neuvillette#BUT OTHER THAN HIS SPOILERS I have avoided story spoilers#and I need to do character quests too URG#I love this game I really really do#but I started playing from day 1#and I will tell you that 1.0 update had like 1-2 hours of new content#I cringe now because each update has 8+ hours of new content and I cannot make myself do that#I am currently not streaming my playthrough because my computer is sucky now#please I was trapped for like 3+ hours in the courthouse when I last played seriously#FUCKING TRAPPED I COULDN'T STOP PLAYING BECAUSE THE QUEST WON'T LET ME LEAVE#so now I cringe at the idea of continuing the quest because I don't know if I wanna play 3+ hours at a time anymore#but I really need to catch up#so I will. this week. somehow.
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tormented by demons (← had to redo all the VCs they'd oto'd so far because they miscalculated the base values and has now been stricken by the urge to just hand-stitch all these CVVC samples into plain VCV, as if turning like 80 WAV files into 300 or more six times over is not more work than just oto'ing CVVC)
#i'd still like to experiment with converting one of my cvvcs into vcv someday#but that day probably shouldn't be today sdkjhflgkj#anyway if nothing else this has me deliberately moving the hell reclist i used into a shame folder#like i completely get it now why avoiding redundancy is such a big thing#like YES this format has provided me great alternatives to some poor samples more than a few times#but i think at this point i would have rather just frankensteined fixes on a note-by-note basis#rather than have to oto all of these so i have the option later#or like#okay i know technically i Do Not need to be oto'ing all of these#all i need are the start notes and the continuous notes#and the vcs#which i can get by just fully oto'ing the 7 mora string#and then taking the start of each of the 2 mora strings#but my brain gets So Mad and Antsy at the thought of it kjsdhlfg#very 'What If There's A So Much Better Sample In There And You Miss It Because You Skipped OTO'ing It' skdjfhgjk#im in a hell of my own neurodivergent making
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seriously what the fuck is the avs pr team/front office doing
#i feel like they’re handling this so badly like. the incident report is public now#continuously refusing to comment is just. leaving a bad taste in my mouth#avs lb#all they’re succeeding in doing is making fans distrust them#anyway. i just hope the woman is doing okay and that we can get some clarity on what the fuck is going on in the coming days
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Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚♂️🦄
#i should go to sleep#but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong#but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them#oh well. in the end does it matter?#but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not#that close to like that friend or that fond of#fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom#it's so easy to just be myself#or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and#apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings#(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend)#why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and#definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over#with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it#*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now#i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that#anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them#i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen#okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring#scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good#life can be#mine
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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why can’t I be unconditionally happy for once in my goddamn life why do I always have to be cursed with hardware malfunction or data loss a week before any given deadline
#okay always is exaggerated but I had hardware malfunction last year for the final week of group work on a big project#and now the most important files of my bachelor project are damaged#if I don’t see a recent backup on my computer at uni tomorrow I’m gonna strangle my past self#already strangling my past self for being too lazy to set up git for my cleaned up project#this could have been prevented so easily but I continue to be a dumbass#otherwise life is going great!! like literally hadn’t been this happy in a while!!#that’s probably why this happened tho because I’m not allowed to catch a break#sina’s rambling#uni tag#<- for the last time hopefully…#gonna be so happy when I can get back to my wip drawings#been thinking about them way too much lately#also new chapter soon I’m very excited#and tachi’s big day part 2 on wednesday ^_^#delete later#or tomorrow morning I’m going to bed now because there is nothing I can do today to fix this
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hi. just poppin' to say that I'll be back around the 2nd week of July even tho my exams will be done by the first week. i really can't wait to be back and write again. i miss writing, i miss it like crazy ( so crazy that i eventually gave in and started writing a ran fic. it won't leave my mind till I wrote it. anyways....) but I'm a little afraid to post or continue sharing or even write l like i used to before; since ai going at par with it. it's just makes me sad,,,,
#paradistalks#i was looking forward to comms cuz i need to save money to buy a tab for myself#but ai really kills my enthuuuu#idk how long will i be able to continue writing at this rate#im so sad over this#oh btw i locked all my fics in ao3 and you can read it if you are an ao3 user ( sorry but ao3 scrapping really scared me lol )#i could not delete my works from ao3 or my ao3 account it would have solved my problems better but i just couldn't (:#there was this one thing that made me feel okay ( validated )and now it can be done with ai. woah great#also i'm so sorry to put all these in dash#now a days it feels like i'm coming here just to complain#sad.sad.sad. everything is just so sad !!!!#tw vent#tagging just in case
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sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
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I need to get ready for bed but I’m just sitting here thinking about the things I want to write and draw but just…time…🤪
#first I really should finish my odyssey episode art but I just have not even though I’ve gotten most of the line work done!#I have made two Jade torch memes but I kind of want to do one more…#then I want to draw Jude and Mona from hey Jude carpenter before the book releases so I can maybe post on release day?#BUT I also want to finish and post the ford and Mabel fics I’ve been thinking about/working on#and just work in some fics in general#not to mention continue ocean and Orion’s story…#oh and now I want to draw another lost legends panel because I just need to draw baby Stan and ford again#but when will I have time to?#also drawing Z from the chosen is a possibility…like I just love him so much?#his character growth is so sweet and he’s just so sweet and I love him okay#aceo rambles
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Samsung guy also had the audacity to tell me to "just make a new account" and I got so mad cuz like. my only hope of seeing any of my memories from the past 5 years of my life are connected to that one account, and it's not even a guarantee. But it's still a small hope and I'm not giving it up.
#so I told him my daughter died and my only chance of seeing her again if I was able to log in to the cloud from my samsung account#shitty thing to do? yes ofc.#but also I'm frustrated with people continuously telling me to just make new accounts when my entire life from the age of 10+ is trapped#inside of accounts that I'll never be able to get into again without the help of like. 3 key accounts.#and 2 of those 3 have done fuck all to help#I'm just tired and this entire week has been a nightmare.#and it has been 8 days now. 8 days of damn near endless agony.#I'm gonna get a goddamn ulcer at this rate#anyways. I'm gonna try again tomorrow. My mom will let me use her phone to call a few places and hopefully I can get everything sorted out#please. god. universe. whatever or whoever. the bitch that cursed my ass.#it was funny and I've learned a very valuable lesson of hubris and patience and whatever else I was supposed to learn#can I just be okay now. can it be over. can I get on with my life and go back to being depressed over stupid shit#I'm just soooooo tired now.#flip-flopping between apathy and rage is an exhausting exercise
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