i am so in love with Once-ler, it's unbearable. im too obsessed with him, i just cant describe how much i love him. you will never be on the same level as me, u call urself "delulu" ;-; mkay
how many tears have I shed for Onceler? how hard did I tried for him? but I'm so glad that there are people who support me, they respect me and my comfort!!!!!>_< and I also react so hysterically when ppl draw him and me together!!!!! I just squeal with joy!!!!! they drew me and Once-ler!!!!! with their art style!!!!!! *explodes* ok im way too delusional BUT THIS IS HOW I REALLY FEEL
I dknt think I could find ppl who has the same problem with obsession, but with another character....... 😭😭😭
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jason's stressed.
well, perhaps stressed isn't the right word. he has trouble admitting it to himself much less anyone else and that's exactly why he's staring at kyle, draped across his chest, like a creep.
just before kyle's mission jason had the strangest thought.
they were sitting in his living room. jason on the couch with a book and a tea on a table next to him, kyle a bit further with paint on his hands and cheeks as he created another masterpiece. there's a soft melody in the background and it's peaceful in a way it only ever is with kyle.
and jason thinks that it wasn't supposed to happen.
the peace.
warm and loving and made out of feelings so sincere - of feelings he once thought were unreal.
it wasn't supposed to happen, he thinks, there was pain which lead to even more pain which lead to death.
and there wasn't supposed to be anything after that.
but somehow there is.
huh.
there was pain and death, but now there's peace, warmth and... love. such pure and sincere he sometimes worries it will leave the same way it came.
across the room kyle starts humming the melody that's filling the room. it was such a minor thing in the background and now it's all he can focus on. he relaxes back into the couch and reads.
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
and oh.
i love you, he thinks, marry me.
and suddenly he's so terrified.
he was sure it would pass by the time kyle came back from space.
and then he catches himself thinking about what ring would suit kyle best. if he would cry or laugh.
he doesn't notice just yet, but not even for a moment does he wonder if kyle will agree. like it's obvious, like it can't end in a way other than a "yes".
the fear doesn't leave, not really. it's there, but - jason thinks - it has always been there.
and it's no longer about losing what he has now.
god only knows kyle is too stubborn and too loving for that.
no, he's not afraid of losing kyle.
rather, about how much he wants it. craves it, longs for it. he's terrified of how much he loves him.
so clearly, the decision was already made for him.
then he remembers. a memory, a small store in saudi arabia and jason is across the country before any of his siblings can react. he's back the next week with a small box in his pocket and is sure, absolutely sure that this is it.
it's so much bigger than anything he has ever done.
when kyle returns there's a feast waiting for him. after that, he insists he's not tired and jason stares for a long, long moment before thinking one intense "fuck it" and dragging him out of the apartment.
they end up on a field and suddenly jason has no idea what to do.
so kyle, the love of his life, puts his arms around his shoulders, leans on him and hums the same melody that played in his apartment that day.
and jason thinks that this is actually the end. because there's just simply nothing else. there was nothing before kyle and there will be nothing after him. jason can only feel his heart if he has kyle in his arms.
“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
there just simply won't be any "after kyle". this is it.
there is no power in any world, any universe that could make him stop loving this man.
he isn't doing this right, he thinks, he's supposed to be on his knees offering kyle his heart.
instead he takes kyle's face in his hands, looks him in the eyes and offers him everything he has, everything he is and will be.
offers him his heart, his soul and his life. gives and gives until he has nothing left.
"marry me"
he already owns him, might as well make sure everyone else knows that.
kyle smiles, so beautiful and sure. jason feels the acceptance pressed into his lips. he will feel it for days, weeks, months after this moment.
and that's, he thinks, that's the reason. that's the reason it's so easy.
because he looks in his boyfriend's, fiancé's, future husband's eyes and sees everything he feels mirrored in them.
he does not believe in god, never has, but - he thinks - he's quite sure this is what salvation feels like.
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