#ok good bc i can't stop
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love the idea of the Avengers adding new members but being stingy about rooms so the OG Avengers each get their own but Bucky and Loki are forced to share one under the guise of it being 'healthy interaction'
#Bucky and Loki being friends but in a weird way and now Thor is concerned like 'i don't recognise my brother anymore T-T'#and Steve is grimacing and sighing like 'my chemical romance isn't that bad Thor you just have to acquire the taste'#Bucky and Loki bunking in a room together and people just forgot to give them a second bed but it's ok because they both sleep on the floor#they wake each other up from nightmares and when it's done/conscious they look at each other in slight alarm and just give '👍❓❗' '👍👍❓'#aggressive thumbs up before returning to bed still communicating with thumbs up like 'all good??' 'all good??' 'all good!' 'go sleep?!?'#they both are convinced that oily hair is a way to keep it healthy and dandruff free and like they're not WRONG bc it works for them#but people also hate listening to them corroborate such experiences with each other#like you can't deny their hair is healthy and silky when they wash up and get dressed for something. BUT. STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.#they talk about how the bath they share is so comfortable for two people and it's driving people up a wall#Natasha opens the door and sees Bucky in the dark propped against a wall looking half dead with earphones in#(he is watching a nature documentary Loki recommended)#they bond over times they were being controlled and/or suicidal in Tony's lab and Tony who was working nods along absently long used to it#Tony: ah yeah I have PTSD but im managing it okay for now with meds#Bucky and Loki: *making faces* boo 👎
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#ok one more. bc that's such a good pure big jimmy laugh I can't stop smiling watching this <33333#willow#james spader#the office#robert california#*#leaning over showing his cleavage......
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someone cold emailed me to ask if i was going to a writer's conference in los angeles and was putting together a panel or caucus for queer poets or if i knew anyone who was...buddy you are severely overestimating how much i network with other poets (i don't) and how often i attend writer's conferences (never) 😭
#''do you know of any other poets going'' no?? bc i hate networking with other poets????#LIKE ARE THEY LESS ANNOYING THAN WHEN I WAS 23? IDK? MAYBE?#i feel like most things these days are less annoying than when i was 23#or maybe i'm just better equipped to deal with annoying things than when i was 23#yesterday i was talking to someone about my ethos wrt a class i ran last fall and he stopped me in the middle and was like#you're amazing. that class was a hot mess and you still had fun and found the good in it#like no i'm not amazing. i'm just in my thirties and it takes a lot more than other people's mental health crises to throw me off my game#he was pretty ticked off in the fall when i told him the like depth of crisis multiple students were in bc he thought i should have told hi#i was like idk it did not occur to me to ask for help. he was like you're doing daily check ins to make sure your students are eating??#idk!! it didn't bother ME my job was just to make sure they were still alive! i mean my job was actually to teach liberation theology but#like i was not good at that. but i DO know how to be annoying until people feel less like killing themselves and more like killing me#anyway all that to say i can't wait to see how much less bothered i am in my 40s#i hope i have reached such a state of zen by age 50 that my spirit is unruffled by anything and anyone#i hope i float through life in a fine mist of okayness#someone says ''oh my god kasper my life is falling to pieces'' and i say ok 👍 we can get through this together👍#what was this post about??? oh right networking#good networking: librarians bc you just go ''is your manager batshit insane'' and they go THIS PLACE MAKES ME SUICIDAL#and then you're friends for life#bad networking: poets (when i was 23) because all they do is name drop (when i was 23) and expect you to have opinions (i don't)#this post is wildly overconfident in my zen considering i'm so bored of being unemployed that i keep looking at teamworkonline#bhawks are hiring for a social media manager btw. imagine having that kind of access to mr 🥺. i'd literally only do paid advertising#to gay men#i'm not applying bc social media management would actually break my sobriety i am pretty sure#but imagine having connor bedard at your disposal and being like ok kid. we r gonna catfish some gays into caring about the bhawks#basically what i do with the cuda blog lol#ok ok ok i'm done. posting. goodbye. livejournal mode de-activate#fresno oilers.txt
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i dont know what's wrong with me but i always feel so sad and heartbroken when i see Colt.
like i feel so overwhelmed with love for him but i really cannot imagine him loving me back. like. like. he's everything. and i'm just keri. y'know.
augh. it feels... impossible. like i am not Good Enough for him. he would not look twice at me. i didn't used to have this problem until i was abused for so long and now it's like... i cannot imagine receiving love unless if it is through violence. oogh. hurts my heart like a motherfucker. i miss the old me.
#before this year happened i was always SO 100% ready to self ship#i would look at ANYONE. any any ANY character in the WORLD#and i'd be like. oh they'd love me!!! no doubts in my mind whatsoever. they LOVE me!!!! even the worst villains ever!!!#BUT nowadays im constantly like. ok i am not good enough. i am not pretty enough#i am not [insert word here] enough no matter what i'd do to change my appearance or personality to fit someone's desires#i *never* used to look down on myself THIS often and to THIS degree#now i genuinely believe that i cannot be loved unless it is through violence#or that im only desirable if im in a vulnerable position where im in pain or hurting bc i was told it made me 'cute'#and like?? it's stupid? they're fictional? why can't i just... stop thinking that lowly of myself?#my abuser is gone so why am i still believing all of the things they said to me??#i want Colt to love me for Me. i want Ken to love me for Me#but i also feel like. im unlovable to them unless if im useful or... bleeding or beaten up or something. christ#TF f/os are gone. out the window. i lost them. and im so scared of losing my Ryan F/Os too when i need them so badly#idk how to be myself bro i dont know where the old me is!!!#im being stupid im sorry i just gotta throw this into the void 😭#vent#delete later#abuse mention
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different anon here, i came here wanting to clarify something but i saw that your reply took the words out of my mouth HAHAH it's funny seeing some of us shippers sharing the same braincells and having similar opinions. love this small community but i hope it gets bigger (wake tf up people!!! are 15 consecutive canon suspicious homoerotic chapters not enough for people on the international jjk fandom to finally start shipping them?!)
the something being that i don't sense any malicious hateful intent coming from either gojo or sukuna. this is a rare enemies/rivals trope imo. like their whole theme is about teaching love and trying to maybe come to a mutual understanding despite fate cruelly putting them on the opposite sides, as they are really just different sides of the same coin. and that's one of the many reasons why i love this pairing. it's not easy to find a non-toxic enemies/rivals dynamic portrayal in media so i'm glad that jjk is an exception.
p/s: i'm an extremely introverted person so unfortunately i won't have the social battery to continue this conversation, but thanks for reading my ask! i really want to interact more with my people bc yall are lovely and have great tastes but socializing drains me so much
YES YES ANON, they really don't hate each other at all. one thing i was thinking about is how gojo doesn't seem to think of sukuna as this malicious Evil thing that other sorcerers (rightfully) make him out to be. he... really hasn't been shown to harbor any ill feelings towards sukuna, even after all he's done.
and their fight is playful, they're playing, they're having fun, it's recreation. sure the fate of the world is at stake here, but that's not what it's about for them at all.
there's not hate, not even dislike, it's simply. well to steal canon's words. love. an overwhelming sense of pleasure, of satisfaction, of fulfillment.
and i LOVE that u mention "despite fate cruelly putting them on the opposite sides" bc YEAH YEAH, that's part of the tragedy of them. there's too many factors outside their own personal satisfaction at play.
and i think there is also a bit of a paradox in there. they're looking for someone with whom to share that solitude that comes at the lonely top. but... that's something i don't think to be possible. sure they're equals, that's the thing, but at the same time, their existences clash just by definition. bc there can't be two strongest. there can only be one.
both can't live at the same time. if one lives, the other can't live by definition.
no one understands them bc they're the strongest, but once they find someone who might be able to—and who does—dont they stop being the strongest?
#sukugojo.post#(but also scratch all that. we are not gonna think about that bc if either of them die i will be inconsolable they can't fucking die bc tha#would make me. incredibly sad. OTL)#gege should just have them marry each other. why can't they just be TWO strongest why the fuck not. The Strongest husbands.#a true power couple#got kinda sidetracked there haha but yeah! i feel we all just a share a collective braincell that gets passed around hkdfjhsd#'are 15 consecutive canon suspicious homoerotic chapters not enough for people to finally start shipping them?!' SAY ITTTTTTTTTT#and i think what sets them apart is that they're rivals on OPPOSITE sides who are not laden with hate.#bc there's a clear cut good-evil dichotomy. we have the good guys and bad guys who are against each other and whose goal is to stop e/o#sukugo are on opposite sides but still hold no sense of hate or disdain or anything for each other.#there's simply regard and expectation and (i'm sorry for saying it all the fucking time but it's true) love.#dhsjfdfs it's almost like they operate on a completely different plane to the others (which well yeah they kinda do as the strongest)#they don't particularly care about that whole thing.#they only care about their position as strongest and what the other can give them in regards to that#jjk#sukugo#gosuku#u know i mentioned once in a post i made in my main blog how gojo only speaks of sukuna in a cheerful reverent way#which was half just me being shippy but this made me think about that#bc ok that could be said to be simply his way of being BUT we DO see gojo show disdain for people he dislikes. very clearly.#he speaks super ill of the jujutsu world higher ups. but he doesn't ever extend that dislike to sukuna#who's u know. the Embodiment of Evil#while gojo may be an outwardly cheery person when he doesn't like u. u WILL know. he's actually quite honest there#and he shows respect for sukuna. considers it an honor to be sukuna's rival.#(tho he IS still a fucking brat <3)#god sorry i will shut up now cshfhaskdjsakffs#alas!!! it's really alright anon i totally get it. u dont have to answer. that's kinda the great thing about asks haha c:#but if u ever wanna talk more about them well the askbox is always open :D#GONNA END THIS BY SAYIGN THAT I AM SCARED I AM NERVOUS ABOUT THE NEXT CHAPTER AAAHHHHHHHH
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Processing some things
Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)
#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style.#Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look.#Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix#Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3)#<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off'#like...not just handing it to him#I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3#I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!'#I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK???#Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay#In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic#reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be#friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay#Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her#Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes)#just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe#SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS#Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow-#Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz...#literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him#OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism.....#TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme#(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain....#Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but#by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to#do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people.#<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision#and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves#OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM#Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!
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🖤👻🏰🩹
#sooooo i really can't stand living like this any longer. i'm going more and more insane each day and im losing hope and the will to live#i hate every single aspect of my life. and that's not just bc im negative or whatever. it's bc i have mental + physical health issues#i have chronic pain. i constantly keep having new health issues. headaches. muscle tensions. racing heart. heavy body and constantly tired#i dont sleep. i sleep 2 hours then wake up. sleep 2 more. repeat. my sisters havent talked to me this entire year. i have no friends#im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture#spend my whole life in my bed and my soul dies and rots day by day#ok i went on an unintended tangent. point is i have nothing in my life that works or is good. maybe a couple of things but thats not enough#i hate myself sm for being pathetic useless worthless stupid incapabable incompetent lazy avoidant#i cant keep going like this!!! i cant stand it + my mom is talking abt moving (w one of my sisters) so i literally cant keep being like this#my mom's tired of me and tells me to become independent. i hate myself for being 24 and still being a fkn child. but it scares me bc idk#how to be an adult???? i love my mom but she never really taught me how. and i had to be old when i was a kid so now im just stuck#this got too long guess i just needed to vent abt this >.<
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dude...
#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time#i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again#honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually#breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine#hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral#but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits#anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore#actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body#ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold#skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol#OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles
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no
no no no
nononono
#pandora hearts#xerxes break#retrace xlii#may-reads-ph#did he really...lose his remaining eye (sight) bc he overused his powers?#(also first time i am actually mad at sharon i get it she is super worried about break and all#but for once can characters stop hitting and screaming at the ones who are already in pain?? is it too much to ask?#reim's reaction (even oz) to break's situation was way more calmer which is what he needs now )#...ok i need a moment to process this#annnnd ig this is a good point to stop reading here for today#i need a break (pun intended or not)#many things happened before now that i wanted to process#but seeing these wordless panels of him slowly realizing he can't even see his hand made me lose all thoughts#shit i am crying rn#going completely blind is a terrifying thought
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...
#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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coming to you live from the land of poor decision making (four a.m.) to say the final season of never have i ever absolutely RULES
#they stuck the landing!!!#i am so impressed!#i mean aneesa had so few lines i legitimately forgot she existed and fab's replacement love interest still does nothing for me#but ya can't win em all i guess#nhie spoilers#tangentially#never have i ever spoilers#nhie#post#i had such a good time watching#season ranking is def 1-4-3-2#bc how can you beat the first#but it was so good#hence up til 4 cuz i couldn't stop#ok goodnight#im sure I'll have more nuanced thoughts to share later but right now just joy and praise and happy
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I am so mad at this fanfiction which describes a dark-brown-eyed character's eyes as a very attractive light golden brown and stresses how light they are and therefore how pretty. Hissssssss. they have beautiful dark brown eyes are we even talking about the same person. stop it. get some help.
"this character is so sexy! I will write complimentary fic describing how sexy they are! *describes a completely different fucking person*" WHY! WHY ARE YOU HERE!
#fandom#augh#personal (ok to rb)#vagueing lol#for the love of god appreciate brown eyes#anyways venting on tumblr bc I would never say this to their face. or their fic anyways#it has some good qualities but man that one line made me so irrationally angry#he has dark eyes!! shut up!! you don't know what you're talking about! learn to appreciate him the way he actually looks or find a differen#character to write about instead!!! if you can't handle dark eyes!!#edit: shortly later they got the characters height difference with another character wrong also#it is opposite of what they described.#stop it. get some help.#get a different character to write about. lol
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I will shut up about IwaV soon but I can’t stop thinking about the twist and like, giggling at certain points.
Because you KNOW that was not Louis’ idea. Like my guy is passionate but that kind of melodrama is beneath him. But Armand? No. Not at all. That bitch has ALWAYS been the drama. It’s ok. It’s why I love him. Here’s how I imagine the conversation went.
Louis: a lot of time has passed and I’ve been really reflecting
Armand, shoving cherries, a raw steak, tomatoes, and chili peppers into a blender: uh huh
Louis: I think I’m going to give Daniel a call. A lot has changed for both of us and I’d like to retell my story.
Armand, stopping the roaring blender: Do I get to go undercover?!?!?!?!?!
Louis: No. No Armand please. Last time you got way too into it and it was very uncomfortable.
Armand: Ok so my name is Rashid. I’m a 20 year old Muslim man. My parent’s names are Farah and Naeem and I grew up in the countryside outside of Dubai in a small house with four sisters and an alcoholic grandmother. I spent my days bird watching and moving rocks, dreaming of a better life. Until one day you appeared to me like a vision in the clouds and I moved here to the city to be your personal man servant. I HAVE TO GO FIND MY CONTACTS!
Louis: No. No! Armand, this is EXACTLY what I was just talking about. That doesn’t even make any sense!
Armand, dramatically: It is my HONOR to serve a living god!!!!!
Louis: Ok yeah so you’re going to talk to Daniel as little as possible.
#OK HE DIDNT SAY HIS PARENTS NAMES OR WHERE HE CAME FROM#BUT I know he has a whole back story#and it is way too elaborate and sterotypical bc he's not good at humaning#and he never will be bless him#poor Louis has to be so tired sdfgsdfgsdhsd#every night Armand crawls in the coffin tryina rp as rashid#then tries to get louis to validate his performance#i just KNOW it#iwav#iwav spoilers#the vampire chronicles#i'm sorry this is so stupid#and it's probably only funny to me but goddamn i can't stop laughing#ooc#crack#i promise this is the last iwav joke#lestat is gonna drag him so hard for it later sdfgsdfgsdfgsd
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.........sighs
#ok jpstars we all get it. u like to give me me/hajime 5*s in my pulls. it's ok#actually i wanted to log in just bc THRILL ADDICT PREVIEW?!?!??!??? EXCUSE ME HELLO??????????????????????????#gonna be real w u guys i'm OBSESSED w it. like literally i can't stop thinking abt it#man...... finally rinne does smth good in his life smh /j fkshjdjsk#anyways byebye i gotta leave! i promise i'll try to be online in the weekend >:3
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CARING FOR SICK MUSES ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ █ ▌▌▌@aalberich.
accepting
‘ i’m here because i care about you. ’
[ for his big brudder ;~; ]
DILUC something twitches- well, it’s a mass of twitch what happens inside. warbles & warps through the meat of him / slinks through marrow because whatever it is- nameless disgust -has come to call it home. “yeah..?”
the rough of his thumb swipes over the mouth of a bottle of wine. it’s sour, as always. they speak of sweet wines, well. that’s not how diluc tells them apart.
he remembers who he is,
jams the cork back in &
tries not to look like he’s hiding a dirty secret behind the bar. gotta disinfect it or take it home, now-
( oh, no. dreadful. )
“okay.”
thoughtless.
there is only a hollow empty in the concept of kaeya & 'luc. a vacuous core that has consumed the earth that used to keep his feet steady. the notion spiderwebs out in every direction; puppeteers & puppeteered all the many aspects of this horror that is the new truth. nothing can shake it.
nothing can be believed well enough to shake it.
can’t trust he knows what’s what, so.
rather powerful lesson the gods saw fit to teach: trust no-one. not the gods, who forsook his father yet saved the traitorous brother / not the virtue of the virtuous, not the loyalty of the loyal, not the sanctity of good & importance of a light in especially the darkest places. the world diluc strode into that night utterly unmakes the value of all the good fled back to. sunlight is awfully watery in the wake of... no world lead by right over wrong could envelop such monstrous acts- the only way to hold faith in any peace is to be its creator. even if it must come at the cost of someone’s suffering still; does he not forge into the night to kill in the name of safety, then he does not rest at all.
please don’t teach me again. please don’t teach me again, i have learned. please, please don’t-
it’s been that way for years now. it’s, ah. hrm. getting kind of exhausting, really. ( a few feet down & one to the right sits that bottle. ) but there’s no changing it.
change requires an introduction to something new, no? something that could counter what has become the known. & what is known is that ... is not kaeya. & that hurts worse than anything. kaeya himself is the only one to speak to of that night; the only shoulder worth crying on, worth being rejected from -- but kaeya can introduce nothing without paranoia branding him a liar,
& enough trust has been shattered between them. unfairly, unduly. marks that have been left on the wrong body & the wrong heart. the wrong self-image, by the look of it.
telling anyone else that kaeya said he’s not one of ours is simply out of the question. & without that lock to inspect, how could anyone help forge a key-?
diluc ruined what was kaeya’s life.
he’ll not ruin what has been rebuilt in the wake of his mistakes, no matter what kaeya may & may not intend to be.
#aalberich#i put this in the before!reconciliation for pain reasons. c: lmao.#ic#rp ✦ diluc#with: aalberich#i have a massive post to make abt WHY & HOW diluc can't move on & for so long.......... but i can't be fucked to use up my hands on it#u: alcoholic kaeya#me: diluc who becomes an alcoholic roughly 8 yrs after that night bc that's how long it takes for him to be whittled down & stop /caring/#i just realised how unlikely it is for him not to reach for comfort eventually sdjf no matter how tightly wound into maintaining composure#he usually is.#anyway .#inb4 the local vintner is found fitfully asleep in his own puke which happens to also be in his own wine cellar#jfjf lmao good luck with that adelinde.#HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN. BET.#ok ok i'll stop
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im gonna leave im on delivered
#how to ruin a dynamic 101#also does anyone know any chem!!!#like godshit chem#making a spreadsheet of all the people i can go to if i need help w/ assignments (this willl be o rare occassions. i would only ask for help#if my averaga is in the 60s#OK FUNNY STORY#I WAS STRUGGLING W/ CHEM LAST YEAR AND I WASFREAKING OUT ABT IT#AND REG (clamityganon) ALWAYS LIKE. ''NAH BBG IM SO GOOD AT CHEM. i got u girl i am god at chem. literallly ask me for help''#and i DIDNT bc like. he's older and i always feel stupid when i ask for help right#but. in a moment of desperation#i ask him#i am like hysterical at this point like the exam is in two days and i can't read the periodic table#anyways i ask him and he's like#''um i forgor''#SDFKJHDSKJFHDKJAHD#same w/ my friends brother like last week#i was omw to my physics teacher to ask her for help and he stops me and he' slike hey you need help with physics?#and he MAKES ME MISS MY CHANCE. TO TALK TO THE TEACHER.#and im like yeah why not bc this mf is smart. and he gives it a read and he's like ''ahh. yeah uh uhu. i dont know. this was last year''#JKDSLHFDJKSFGHDSFKJD???
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