#oh and this is forgetting the car insurance stuff my mom and i talked about and she said she handled but she didn’t so my brother got to be
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Vent art.
At least that's the truest thing my ex ever said lmao.
This is.. long. And not all of it. But just some of the important things I feel like sharing.
Being in love really does just blind you from all the red flags your partner displays. My friends hated him. They also witnessed the abuse and I was just like "oh nah this is normal he's always like this! He means well, he's such a sweetie! He loves me!" Meanwhile I'm getting emotionally abused and neglected being absolutely blinded.. I said yes to marrying this dude. I'm embarrassed. And it's gonna take me so long to recover from the mental damage. "I talk to everyone the same way I talk to you!" and I have people saying "uh, no?"
"I don't want to be perceived as a bad person!" and then treats me like shit behind closed doors.
Every single time I cleaned he shat on me about it "You call this clean, Marie? This is disgusting. If you're gonna clean dishes, just don't. Stick to the easy things." He sent me voice clips to intimidate me. I told him I wanted a ukulele and he sent me like 10 minutes of voice clips saying "no you waste your money Marie you don't use the shit you ever buy for yourself!" and then at the same time "It's your money you can do as you please I don't care what you buy but I know you're not gonna use it." I'll never be able to forget the cruel words and way he treated me. I can probably heal from it, and I could wish him dead. I would love to see him get the help he needs but that's a damn joke. "My mom was right, we're not financially compatible. She always said "wine taste but beer money."" The end of our relationship being a "trial run, welcome to a real relationship, Marie. This is what it's like." and then taking a dig at.. my upbringing? My family?? How I was raised?? "I never once gaslit you Marie. I never once made you feel like you were crazy."
"It's not you, it's me." and then blaming me for "bad timing" anytime he wanted to do anything with me when I was in a depressive episode from something HE would always cause. He never wanted to leave the house. He promised me all these things we'd do when I'd move all the way from Florida to bumfuck Illinois. I don't hate where I live. I hate that I got lied to that things would be different. "You can heal in the environment you got sick in" and then just made me sicker. The engagement ring he got me didn't fit. It was his idea to get me a new one. Who paid for it? My credit card. It took him 2 years to pay me back the $375 that was spent on it. 2 YEARS. He made me feel so undesirable. "Marie it really hurts ME when you say you're unattractive, cause you are. You're fucking gorgeous!" and then proceeds to never touch me. Lol. A whole year without intimacy. Only recently had it dawned on me just how manipulative he was. "I was gonna ask for sexy times but you're upset so maybe another time." It happened EVERY time I was down in the dumps. He said "I dunno if it's you or me who has bad timing." Go to hell. There's another thing I could say but that's his problem that I won't just share to the public. But even then, he never did anything he said he'd do to resolve that. More lies, anything to keep me with him. "You need to learn how to cope." he said to me when we haven't had alone time in months and I was upset about it.
There was a segment in the H3 Podcast where they announced looking for artists for Teddy Fresh. He told me about it and said I should apply. I asked later about my resume and he said "Oh.. I didn't think you'd actually do it. I dunno." Very supportive partner he was!
"When you're in Illinois we're gonna get you health insurance, we're gonna get you a car and your license" and then "I suck as a teacher, my dad's gonna teach you." and he handled all my medical stuff. When I transferred to Circle K up here I had to quit, cause management was super toxic. We worked at the same store and the manager would tell him how she was going to fire me cause I was an awful employee. So I sought out a new job.. and during that.. "You're gonna get your GED Marie!" and he brings home a math book to go over fractions with me. "I don't want to get my GED." "Well how are you going to get a better job??" and when I ended things, YES I ENDED THINGS IT WAS NOT MUTUAL. "Maybe I didn't push you (for the GED) hard enough or maybe I pushed you too hard.." is what he had to say.
I owned a lot of clothes. He bitched at me when I first moved here and said "You were supposed to DOWNSIZE Marie! I just had surgery, my grandpa has a bad hip and this is too much shit!" and so I got rid of my stuff. "I never wanted you to get rid of your stuff, I know you love clothes and stuff" or whatever he said to me post breakup. Are you kidding me?! "I have so much anxiety Marie! I'm a minimalist! This is too much!"
We never went out and kept the love alive. We'd go out to dinner and I'd mostly pay and I guess to him that was emasculating? "I hate that you always have to pay. How do you think that makes me feel as a partner that can't pay for dinner for his wife??" "It's okay I don't mind paying." "I know you don't." We went out I could probably count on my fingers the times.. Cause "it hurts to drive long distances Marie. I never feel good. I don't have the spoons, Marie. My legs hurt when I drive too long. I have anxiety."
"Why not get help for your anxiety?"
"I don't like the way the medication makes me feel!!! Stop asking me. It pisses me off."
Turns out he had "emergency" anti-anxiety meds for a program at his job. No anxiety meds for Chicago, though.
"I'd take a bullet for you, but not go to Chicago. I'd go to PEORIA, but NOT Chicago." For internalized racism reasons as I learned. I get it, black people are sooOoOoOoOOoo scary. They're rare where we live. It's so fucking WHITE in this town! I was told I was going to get TRAFFICKED if I walked by myself at night time. Cause "You're rare, you're Puerto Rican. You'd go for a lot of money. Hahaha." What partner says that? Oh yeah, him. I hope he never gets into another relationship. For the sake of the girl. Try to understand, this was a once in a lifetime event. I won a spot in Kesha's listening party in Chicago. I sobbed I cried I choked on my own spit begging him to go with him. He has NO experience in Chicago so he says "well according to x who lives there, depending on the area, it's BAD. Chicago's BAD." I understood that the timing sucked, the event was on Mother's Day. Y'know, a holiday I don't believe should be a big deal if you truly love your mother every day should be Mother's Day. Also Kesha was there. I got to meet her. A photo with her. I was able to talk to her. I wanted to find out if her PO Box was still available but he rushed me to leave "Marie my blood sugar is super low I'm gonna throw up we HAVE to leave I HAVE TO EAT. Marie come on. Get the LYFT. I don't feel good." at the end of the trip, after the deep dish pizza and the nice hotel, he suggested we take time off to visit Chicago again.. to see more things.. Mind you we argued prior about even going in the first place..?
I have him blocked, but I archived our messenger messages. That includes all the voice clips. I don't know why that was his go to. He also has a smart phone with voice to text, but as I said, he used voice messages to intimidate me. It'd be 5 minutes at a time of just voice clips that could've been a text. "It's just faster than typing, sometimes it hurts to type." I'm disabled, too.. I get it.. but he merely did it so he could raise his voice and have a shitty tone with me. All. the time. If I were a truly evil person those voice clips would see the public. I'm only a little evil with telling my story here. I guess.
I mentioned the tone issue several times and had to eventually give up cause "I talk to everyone the way I talk to you. My mom, my sister, my friends." but I never witnessed that. His mother, yes. Not his friends, though. He'd say to me anytime I'd get upset, "I'm quite literally tone deaf, Marie." "Well you don't talk to your patrons the way you talk to me??" He had to tell me that he comes home to unwind, cause he puts up that fake customer service personality. Where was the good boyfriend personality? He told me anytime that I was acting distant he was quietly sobbing in the bedroom alone. He was so worried about me and our relationship.. But proceeded to do nothing about it. I was merely his property. Someone to demean and control. He couldn't though. I'm no ones property. Sorry!
In June we adopted Gold. She's forever a kitten at heart. Callie hated her, as expected with a new animal in the house. Callie was hostile. Isaac said he was going to give up and we'd have to return Gold cause it wasn't working out. He sobbed on Facebook asking for reassurance and then bitched at me saying how I wasn't reassuring him. Sir, you got that on Facebook. You're standing here yelling at me about the cats not getting along. Why would I want to respond to that? I was sobbing on the floor with Gold rubbing all over me. But it was my fault I wasn't comforting the man yelling at me. Meanwhile another mutual of ours prior to all this had also adopted a new cat and the original cat was doing the same shit. Everything he'd say in confidence to me, but never the people he spoke shit about by the way. "I got you this cat to make YOU happy. I mean yeah I wanted another cat, too.."
For my birthday all I asked for was an Icee. "I forgot." He came home with flowers and candy, but i was coming to greet him at the door and he yelled at me "DON'T LOOK. STOP. LEAVE." to surprise me with what he got. Which I would get but that's how he usually "spoke" to me.
"Despite my short comings, I do pretty good right?!" with candy, a ghost plushie, and flowers. "I'll get you an Icee tomorrow." It was 2 days later. Which sounds petty but when that's all you ask for and get told "Oh I forgot." as if I'm not known for being the Icee Queen of the last 20 years of my online presence.
"I don't want to be perceived as a bad person." The simple solution is to be a good person? He would say "your mom is nice, but she's not kind." He was also indirectly describing himself anytime he said that.
There were a few times when he'd be in a bad mood and completely shut down, refusing to talk to me. He'd isolate, but I was never allowed to do that. Cause as he said before, word for word "you need to learn how to cope."
"You say I need therapy but what about you!?"
"Didn't you tell me you were doing behavioral stuff for BPD??"
Just turned back to me "but you need therapy, too, Marie!!"
It's weird to remember him saying we'd need couples therapy before we ever got married. Was he foreshadowing things? Was he actually aware of the problems? Or was it just me? I had the problems, there was nothing wrong with him.
I rarely argued back at this man. There was one moment I was having issues with my ebay account and bank being linked together. As he's going off on me about how the bank does this weird shit all while opening my mail and reading me what was in it. I think that was the only time I snapped at him. I said "DON'T. OPEN. MY MAIL." and it stuck to him.. but not permanently. He opened mail addressed to me from my aunt. Gifts. I was in the other room and he's opening and spoiling the surprise. And then telling me "we can't use these bed sheets with the pillow topper. We'll have to donate them." Any gifts I got that are no longer in my possession was not up to me. I barely had any say in what we did as a couple.
"Our parents are gonna move to Florida and we'll get the house! But (his brother) will still be living in the basement." I wasn't okay with that. "We don't have much of a choice Marie. We can't afford that house on our own. He'd be splitting rent with us." I didn't want another person living in the basement if we were a married couple.. y'know, I'd like whatever imaginary privacy together. "He keeps to himself we won't even know he's there half the time." It was a "too bad" situation that I had no say.
I want my own house. "With peace and love, good luck getting a house with the housing market." Going to prove him wrong while he still lives in his parents basement. "I'm gonna save up and get a studio apartment."
"You can keep the promise ring. Cause I will always love you." I'm unsure what to do with it, as I still have it in my possession. "We'll always be best friends." I don't want to be best friends with an abuser. Emotional abuse is still abuse. It's fucked with my brain. I was mistreated so much by friends and family. I didn't deserve any of this. "I fucked up. You deserved better." Is the truest shit he's ever said to me. I doubt he ever loved me. He just loved the idea of having someone put up with him. He knew he was unbearable. Blame it on his ADHD or whatever. I don't have the full story, but I do remember his ex girlfriend saying he was abusive, too. I only knew of what he'd tell me. And that she hated me haha. I didn't push or question it, but now I've lived it. Almost 5 years of a "trial run" relationship. "You've never been in an actual relationship, so congrats. This was the trial run! This is what it's like to live with someone!"
Then there was my doctors appointment. The stress had my A1C at a 6.6. My doctor said she could see the light fade from my eyes. I told Isaac what was said. He was just quiet about it. He knew he was the problem. He just had nothing to say. And the stress was the main factor. My A1C now is 6.2 5 months post breakup. So uh. Yeah. Plus probably from cutting out the amount of rice as this man only knew how to make rice dishes.
Speaking of dishes, I'd try and learn recipes. I'd make meals and I'd offer him some food to sample. I wanted to grow as a cook as I'm just a beginner and he always makes meals. Most of the time he refused and would say "I can't force myself to eat something I don't want, Marie. I'll throw up. I will literally throw it up." Instead of anything normal like just trying a bite or saying "no thanks I'm not hungry." It had to be "If I'm not hungry for it I will get sick!" He was.. overdramatic a good chunk of our relationship. I remember being in Florida while we were still long distance, I mentioned Dominoes cause the store was closed and I was ordering food. He mentioned him having an eating disorder when I said he needed to try my favorite thing from there, the garlic parm bites. It was a voice clip as you'd expect over messenger. That "I can't eat something I don't want, I will puke it up. I have an eating disorder." I don't know how true that is. Him having an ED. A lot of the time I just got quiet and gave up. There was no point in talking to him when he would shut down like this.
The final straw was me falling in love with someone else. I wanted to attempt polyamory but "those lips are mine. And that pussy is mine." He also gave up once he realized I fell for someone else. I even told him the day I was questioning my feelings and he thanked me for being honest. But then he questioned if I cheated on him during that time. I'm sure his friends and family got a different story. His dad says polyamory is cheating. His mom scolded him for getting into a relationship with someone whos polyamorous. No fault of mine, he knew this before we got together. I was in a poly with my ex overseas and a girl of 3 months. More toxicity there! I just love red flags!
So there I am. Just vibing in a field of red flags. Cause they're just so charming. And I'm a fool. But I'll get better. I just don't know how long that'll take me. He is still haunting me in my dreams. I never want to see him or his family again.
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I love your trans Stevie au so much! I was wondering were Stevie and billy already together when she came out or did they get together after?
I’m gonna write the big fic I have planned for mtf stevie, so I decided to explore something different than what my plan is for that one
modern
Under the cut for some very brief transphobia and a mention of self harm/vague intonations of suicide, Billy talks about his dad (nothing is graphic, but still thought I’d warn)
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Billy figured he would be the talk of the damn town he stomped out the Camaro and into the school like he owned the place.
He thought everyone would stare at the vintage muscle car, thought girls would whisper behind their hands as he walked down the hall.
And as he looked across the parking lot, he got a taste of what he wanted, saw a few curious glances to his California plates.
But then a sleek black BMW pulled into the space next to his, a beautiful brunette girl getting out of the driver’s seat.
It was like a hush fell over the lot.
Everyone stared at her as she walked into the school, head held high, shoulders back.
Billy followed her into the school, watching her closely.
Her hands trembled as she opened her locker, carefully placing textbooks inside.
He wanted to know what her deal was.
He leaned against her locker.
“You new here, too?” She looked over at him, smiling weakly.
“In a way.” He held out his hand.
“Billy Hargrove.”
“Stevie Harrington.” He took her hand in his, made sure to smirk just so.
“You think you could help me find my first period? I just moved here, and didn’t manage to get a tour before the first day.” She flushed a little.
“Um, can I see your schedule?” She scanned over it.
“Oh man, you’ve got Andrews for English. She was a nightmare. I had her two years ago.” Billy furrowed his brows.
“I thought you were new-”
“Harrington’s a fucking tranny!” Stevie’s reaction was immediate.
The second the shout came from down the hall, she slammed her locker shut, shoving Billy’s schedule at him.
“Have a good first day.” She practically ran down the hall.
Billy looked back at the group of rowdy guys, all laughing as Stevie darted down the hall.
“Hey! What the fuck?” Billy stomped up to them, shoving the one that yelled against the lockers. “Don’t fucking say that!”
“Dude, that’s fucking Alex Harrington. He like, disappeared last year. He’s a fucking tra-”
Billy didn’t let him finish the sentence.
Punched him square in the nose.
“Don’t ever fucking using that word. You’re fucking disgusting.” He glared at each of the guys in turn. “If I fucking see, or hear, or get any kinda wind of y’all fucking with her, I’m gonna break all ‘a your noses.”
He smirked as they fucking cowered.
Yeah. Bow to your new fucking King.
-
He found Stevie back at her locker a few minutes into the lunch period.
He leaned on the lockers next to hers again.
“This place fucking sucks.” She gave him an odd look. “Apparently y’all have to eat in the cafeteria. At my old school, I used to eat out on the football field.”
“Yeah, we don’t really have a football field.” She closed her locker quietly. She was fidgeting with her hands.
“You don’t got a lucnh?”
“I, uh, I usually buy it. But I don’t really wanna, wanna face everyone in there.” Her voice was small, and she was avoiding eye contact.
“I could bring you something. Or stand in line with you, or something.” She looked up at him, biting the inside of her cheek.
“Is this a joke?”
“No?”
“Or like, like a prank?”
“No. I’m really offering.” He tried to keep his face open, wanted her to trust him.
“Um, I guess it would be okay if you stood with me.” They set off down the hall. “But you don’t have to sit with me, or anything.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” She huffed a laugh.
“Did you hear what Tommy yelled this morning?”
“Yeah, I did. Punched him out for it.” Stevie stopped in her tracks, whirling around to look incredulously at Billy.
“You what?”
“He shouldn’t’ve said that.”
“Billy, he wasn’t lying-”
“That’s not what I meant. He shouldn’t have used that specific word, and he shouldn’t’ve fucking outed you. It’s your choice if you want to be out or not.” Her eyes were even fucking bigger than usual as she looked at him.
“I mean, I don’t really have a choice in a town this size. Especially because, because everyone knew me before.”
“Still, it was fucked up. And that wasn’t okay.” They began walking again.
“Um, thank you, Billy. I was wondering who busted Tommy’s face. He’s gotta big mouth. Gets punched a lot.” Billy laughed, and was delighted to see Stevie give him a little half smile.
The smile was gone when they reached the cafeteria.
But Billy stayed in line next to Stevie. She insisted on buying him a cookie, but he split it in half when they found a table in the back corner of the cafeteria, nudging part of it over to her.
She was tense all through lunch, waiting for something to happen.
Billy reached across the table, taking her hand.
“You’re really brave. You know that, right?” She bit her lip.
“I’m so fucking scared.”
“I know you are. And honestly, it makes sense you’re scared. But I’m here for you, and if anyone gets fresh, they can fucking catch these hands.” She laughed softly.
“Thank you. I really don’t think I could’ve made it today without you.” She took a shaky breath. “You know, I came out to my parents a few years ago. They were, it was bad. And I had to, you know stay in the closet. And at the end of last year, in like, Novemner I, I went through some stuff, and I just, I snapped. I tried to hurt myself. And I think it really opened my mom’s eyes that, that I wasn’t faking. So she talked my dad into letting me transition.” She was playing with her napkin.
“Thank you for telling me.” Billy squeezed her hand. “We moved here because my dad got arrested. And he wanted to come start fresh.”
“Do you, can I ask why he got arrested?”
“He broke my collarbone. Pushed me down the porch stairs. Our neighbors saw.”
“Billy, oh my God, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not really, but I just wanted you to know. I get the shitty parent thing.” She smiled at him.
“Would you, would you want to come over? After school?” Her cheeks were a little flushed.
“I’d love to.”
-
Stevie had neglected to tell him that she lived in a fucking mansion.
Billy stared at it as he parked behind her.
“When the fuck were you gonna tell me you were loaded?” She blushed.
“Um, I kinda forget you’re not from here. That you don’t already know all my business.”
She led him upstairs to her bedroom. It was immaculately clean, but so very plain.
“My mom was real serious about designing our whole house. She’s in the process of redoing my room right now. I mean, I didn’t really mind, but I think she’s trying to make amends, really show me she accepts me.” Billy sat down at her desk as she made a home for herself on the bed.
“That’s pretty cool of her.”
“Yeah. She’s trying. My dad still calls me Alex most days, though.”
“Do you mind if I ask you why you picked Stevie?”
“Um, Stevie Nicks, actually. I just really respect her and I always liked the name.”
“God, my mom loved Fleetwood Mac. She had all their albums on vinyl, and we’d listen to Tusk, and just like, scream it.”
“Your mom sounds nice.” Billy smiled tightly at her.
“She was.” Stevie’s eyes went wide.
“I’m sorry.” Billy shrugged.
“My stepmom’s not too bad. And my little sister’s a hoot. She’s such a little spitfire, you two would so get along.” He sat back in the desk chair, looking at the things on her desk.
There was a jar she had written on with gold sharpie. It had a few bills and was about half full of change. Curling handwriting spelled Pussy Fund. Billy snorted when he saw it. He held it up to her.
“Pussy Fund?” She laughed.
“I was gonna call it the Coochie Collection but that felt a little crass.”
“That felt crass?” She laughed again.
“My dad’s insurance covers hormones, but nothing else, really, so I’m saving up for confirmation surgery.” Billy dug through his pocket, found three wadded bills, slapping them through the little opening in the top of the jar. “Billy, wait, you don’t have to-”
“Oh, come on. It’s three bucks. You’re my only friend in this damn town. Gonna support the garbage outta you.” She beamed at him.
He phone chimed.
“Oh, hell yeah. It’s hormone o’clock.” She pulled a black bag out of her backpack. She rifled through it, loading a syringe. “Okay, I’ll be back.” She closed the bathroom door softly behind her.
He peaked at the contents of the back. She had a few pills, needles in sterile packaging, antiseptic wipes, sanitizer and latex gloves. Billy stood up to look at the little bottle of clear liquid, estrogen.
She smiled brightly when she came out of the bathroom.
“How long have you been on hormones?” She cleaned up her little bag.
“Um, since January 6th. So just about nine months now. I was just on blockers for a while, and then they introduced the estrogen. And I though giving myself shots was gonna be a big nightmare, but I actually kinda like it.”
“I think that makes sense. It’s helping you.”
“Well, and I feel like everything changed so fast, like looking at pictures from before, I look so different. It’s like my body was just waiting to catch up to my brain.”
“I think it was. Just needed a push in the right direction.”
“Plus, I was always kind of a pretty boy. Like, once I figured out how to do my makeup, how to soften some of the edges, it was pretty easy to really feminize my face.” She stood in front of him, showing her a picture on her phone. “That was from like, last October.”
It was a nice selfie, and she looked quite similar. In the image, Stevie’s hair was shorter, but still closer to her shoulders.
But Billy thinks there was a huge difference between the Stevie in the picture, and the Stevie right in front of him.
Her cheeks were fuller now, her eyes brighter. Her hair was long, bu it was also way thicker.
She just looked so much fucking happier.
“You look a lot happier, now.”
“I am. A lot happier.” She was quiet, swiping through a few more old photos.
“I’m happy for you.” Billy reached out for her, touching her waist softly. “Would you, would you want to go on a date sometime?”
She took a step back.
“Look, you can say no, and I’ll still happily be your friend, I just, I like you a lot, Stevie.
“I um, I don’t know.” She sat heavily on her bed. “Last year, I was dating this girl. We had been together for like, a few months, and I really, I really loved her. So I came out to her, and she, she called me a freak, and disgusting, and stuff.” She was hugging herself, looking the floor.
“Is that one of the things that made you snap?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to date, that’s okay, Stevie. Focus on yourself. I’m still your friend.”
“I think, I think I do want to date you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I mean, you already know all my baggage. And I’ve known you for like, ten hours.”
“Don’t pressure yourself into something if you’re not ready to date.”
“It’s been almost a year, Billy. And I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy in that year.” She looked up at him, her eyes bright. “Yeah, I wanna go on a date with you.”
And then she did the cutest little wiggle, moving her hips like she couldn’t contain her excitement.
“Friday night? Pick you up at eight?”
“Better make it seven. Things close early around here.”
“You honestly might be the only good thing about this fucking town.”
#yikes writes#tw transphobia#harringrove#harringrove fic#harringrove ficlet#harringrove drabble#steve harrington#steve harrington x billy hargrove#billy hargrove#billy hargrove x steve harrington#trans steve harrington#trans steve#trans!steve harrington#trans!steve#mtf!steve#mtf!steve harrington
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Switching sides
Nolan does not want to do this he is nervous and scared. Not only of becoming a murderer but also if he fails Monroe will kill him.
He sneaks into the hospital and tries to hide his crossbow but its big and doesn’t hide very well luckily for him he doesn’t get questioned because no body notices him. He finds Brett’s room and sneaks in. He leans up against the door his eyes closed and takes a deep breath his body is shaking.
When he opens his eyes he is frightened by a 6’4 werewolf in sweats and sneakers. They had to cut his shirt at the animal clinic he was to weak to take it off. They did manage to take his hoodie off though. When he was sent to the hospital he did take off his hoodie so Melissa could check him out make sure everything was healing. He heard footsteps coming closer to his room but when the door opened he got ready to fight as well he could he’s still recovering but he noticed that the guy that came in his room is not a guy but a teenager who he can smell the fear coming off him in waves.
Nolan looks up at the shirtless teen looking down at him and gulps his body shaking with fear. Brett reaches out and places his hands on the other boys upper arms.
Nolan gasps by the warm touch other boy. “Are you going to kill me?”
“No.”
“Are you going to kick my ass?”
“No.”
Nolan looks up at him scared Monroe has told them all these horrible stories and he saw the bloody wolf on the lacrosse field. Monroe sent him here to kill an injuried wolf but looking at him he doesn’t look injured he looks healed and gorgeous. The other day while he was getting ready for practice he hear Liam and Mason talking about Brett, Mason called him hot Brett with the eight pack abs. He is inches away from them, Mason would be jealous.
“If your not going to kill me or kick my ass why are you holding me?’
Brett looks down at the scared teenager he can hear his heart beating really fast and he smells of fear. “Your shaking, I’m trying to get you to calm down.”
Nolan looks into the other guys eyes he can not understand how werewolves can be so murderous and evil according to Monroe but also be the captain of his lacrosse team and a very handsome guy who is still shirtless and touching him. How can they both? “Your trying to calm me down I was sent here to kill you.”
“Your not going to, now if I let go will you stop shaking?”
Nolan voice gets even more shaky when he says. “She’ll kill me if I don’t.”
“My question first.”
Nolan looks away from him and quietly says. “Maybe but not likely.”
Brett is still healing from being poisoned and he just found out how long he can stand for before he needs to sit back down. He removes his hands from the other boy and goes back to the hospital bed. When he sits back down he motions for Nolan to sit in a chair near the bed.
Nolan misses Brett’s hands on him and whimpers when he removes them. He watches the taller teen walk back to the bed and put his feet on the bed and lean up against the pillow. He stumbles over his own feet to get the chair he had put the crossbow down already and has forgot about it.
“How did you know I wouldn’t kill you.”
Brett holds up two long fingers. “Two reasons, one I remember you from the other day when I helped Liam with the lacrosse players. You were the backup goalie you were scared of the ball. If your scared of a lacrosse ball coming at you can’t turn around and murder someone. Second your heart rate is racing and the fear rolling off you in waves doesn’t insure confidence that you are a killer. Also and I’m guessing here the woman who poisoned me sent you here to either kill me or be killed by me.”
Nolan nods, Monroe feed into his anxiety and manipulated him and a bunch other adults and students into thinking they need to arm themselves and kill the supernatural. The thing is when he looks at the guy sitting on the bed he doesn’t look like he could hurt a fly let alone massacre a group of people same with Liam.
“The ball is coming really fast at my head. Monroe sent me. Her and Gerald want you and your sister to die so Liam will expose everyone.”
“How would our death get Liam to out the entire supernatural community.”
Nolan knows he should not be telling Brett this stuff but he can’t help himself he feels safe talking to the other boy. “They have a theory if Liam gets angry enough he will change.”
They do have a point. Brett wants to defend him since Liam helped save his life but they have a point. He’s seen him on the lacrosse field and they’re are just playing. He has to think quick and all options.
“Does Monroe trust you?”
Nolan shakes his head no. “So there will be backup coming if not already here?”
Nolan nods. “Your helping me up and out of this hospital.”
Brett moves his legs off the the bed then looks at the other boy. “Why me, why not call Liam or Scott or your sister?”
“Your here already and can’t kill me. Liam has already helped enough, Scott has saved my life once already and I’m not making Lori more of a target.”
Brett stands up and Nolan comes up to him and grabs the black hoodie on the end of the bed he will focus so much more if Brett has a shirt on. He manages to put on the hoodie himself but when he’s done he drapes an arm around Nolan’s shoulders. “We have to go next door first then to your car.”
Nolan nods nervously he was sent here by Monroe to kill Brett and now he is helping Brett escape. He is scared of Monroe and if she finds out she will kill him. He was told supernaturals are monsters that need to eradicated and he saw the bloody wolf on the lacrosse field and he was terrified. He looks at the handsome guy who he is helping out of the hospital room and he doesn’t see a monster he sees a teen who is used to being strong and at the moment he is weakened and does not like it.
When they left Nolan did pick up the crossbow. They enter Lori’s room and she’s asleep on the bed Brett nudges her awake. She wakes up and quickly stands ready to fight then sees her brother and another teen helping him sit on the end of the bed. “ I’m going to hide until the coast is clear I need you to find Scott or Liam they will keep you safe.”
“What about you your still healing and who is this?”
“I’ll be fine, this is Nolan he is helping me.”
Nolan’s eyes widen and he looks over at Brett he didn’t know Brett knew his name. The only reason Brett knows is name is he heard Liam say it at practice the other day.
Lori looks Nolan up and down. “My brother dies in your care I’ll kill you myself.”
Nolan swallows nervously to scared to talk only nods. Brett hugs his sister and gives her a kiss on the forehead. “Be safe.”
“I will.”
Xxx
Its a straight line to the elevator Nolan has Brett leaning against him and a crossbow in the other hand. As they get halfway to the elevator there are more hunters entering the hallway Nolan looks up at Brett he is in no mood to run he looks around and there are no hiding place. He whispers up to Brett. “How fast can you move?”
Brett looks down the hallway off their side and see the three hunters with guns coming towards them. His body is hiding Nolan so they can’t see that Nolan has switched sides. “Let’s see.”
They move a little faster but it’s not a run more of a fast walk. Even though Deaton was able to stop the spread of the poison it is still working out of his body. As the elevator doors close they see the guys closing in on the elevator. When the doors close Brett leans up against the wall while he presses the ground level. “Do you know if any are waiting for us in the lobby.”
“I don’t think so Monroe likes to sends the adults out in groups of three while she sends the teens by themselves. She doesn’t care if we live or die as long as she is not being attacked. You did scratch her and left a mark.”
Brett smiles at that he is glad he left a mark on her she is a terrible human and she tried to not only kill him but his sister.
The doors open and Nolan pokes his head out first and doesn’t see anyone. As they past the desk Melissa looks up and sees them. “Oh no you don’t you are you going back upstairs and resting.”
“I need to leave hunters are here in the hospital looking for me.”
Melissa looks between the two teens and how Brett is leaning on Nolan and he has an arm around Brett’s skinny waist. She also notices the crossbow in Nolan’s hand. “A hunter is helping you escape isn’t that against their code.”
“I’m not a hunter and I’m not supernatural I’m just human.”
“I’m just human too but I have ties to the supernatural why the crossbow?”
Nolan gulps and looks up at Brett then Melissa. “ I was sent here to kill him.”
Melissa looks at Brett and he nods. “Go I’ll take care of it.”
Xxx
On the way to his car Nolan unlocks the doors and Brett slides into the passengers seat while Nolan get in the drivers seat. “Where am I taking you?”
Brett puts his hand over Nolan’s on the gear shift. “ Thank you for helping me. I know you could of just left me for the hunters but you didn’t.”
“Your different your not what I was told or seen of the supernatural.”
“I’m not a monster like some people like to believe I’m buddhist.”
Nolan pulls over on the side of the road and turns to look at Brett. “ You don’t hurt people?”
Brett shakes his head “Unless they try to kill me or my sister.”
Nolan looks down at the gear shift and Brett looks down at him, Nolan is precious in a cute way. Brett slides one finger under the other boys chin and lifts it and lays his lips on the other boys. Nolan is shocked Brett is kissing him it’s him that deepens the kiss. Brett is the one that breaks the kiss but still keeps the closeness between the two teens. “Your house take me to your house.”
Nolan’s mind is in a haze after that mind blowing kiss that he for a second forgets where he lives.
They pull into the driveway and Nolan helps Brett out and into the house. Unfortunately Nolan’s mom is in the living room and notices the two boys. “Nolan who’s your friend?”
The two boys looks at each other and Brett smiles “Brett Talbot I’m on his lacrosse team. I’m sorry it’s late we we’re doing drills and I was helping him with his goalie skills.”
“Where’s your gear then?”
“We left it in my car.”
Nolan’s mother still not really believing the story smiles and tells her son. “ Your dinner is in the fridge.”
Nolan nods and as he and Brett are halfway to the kitchen Nolan turns his head back and asks his mom. “Can Brett spent the night?”
“You have school in the morning. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Please we won’t be up late.”
Brett interjects “My parents are out of town so it’s just me at the house.”
Nolan’s mother looks between the two boys and their closeness. “If you go to bed at a reasonable time and will have no trouble getting up for school tomorrow fine.”
Both guys smile at each other while they go into the kitchen. Nolan gets his plate out of the fridge and after he microwaves the macaroni and cheese, green beans and southern style biscuits. He gets two forks and sits next to Brett at the kitchen table and hands him one which he gets a smile. “My mom makes really good food. All you’ve had recently is the bad hospital food.”
Brett smiles down at him while he takes a bite of the macaroni and cheese. “This is really good, I was only in the hospital today I had breakfast and lunch and it was not good.”
Xxx
After they finish Nolan takes Brett up to his bedroom. Brett sits on the bed while Nolan sits next to him. “ As a wolf we can sense people’s chemo signs. When I was helping Liam the other day I picked up throughout all the excitement and nervousness desire I couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming but tonight I sensed the desire again.”
Nolan sheepishly looks up at him quickly then away. “What if I told you I think your cute, I liked kissing you and I want to do it again.”
“You want to kiss me?”
“Yeah unless you don’t want me to?”
Nolan entwines his fingers with Brett’s and smiles up at him. “I want you to kiss me and I want to kiss you too. It’s just that nobody ever wants me as a friend or more.”
Brett lifts Nolan’s chin up and gives a kiss on the lips. “I do.”
Nolan shifts to next to Brett to his lap and since Brett is still healing he gently leans backwards on the bed with Nolan still on him.
Brett arms go around the shorter boys neck while their lips are still attached.
Xxx
They are laying facing each other on the bed when Brett asks. “Do you know if my car is still in the parking lot?”
“I don’t know tomorrow I’ll drive us both to the school and you can see if your car is there.”
Xxx
They wake up the next morning their legs entangled Brett’s arm across Nolan’s chest.
“How are feeling, are you better, worse?”
Brett cups Nolan’s worried face and pecks him on the nose. “I’m feeling better I can walk without needed help, I’m not bleeding black from the eyes. I’m not weak, I’m not one hundred percent but a solid seventy percent.”
“You were bleeding black from the eyes?”
Brett nods as he sits up. As they get ready to go out the door Nolan’s mom calls from the kitchen. “Nolan is Brett spending the night again tonight?”
“I don’t know.” He looks up at Brett who is looking down at him. “Maybe.”
They are on their way to Beacon Hills high when Nolan asks. “Are your parents really out of town?”
“No they died in a fire when we were younger then Satomi took us in.”
“Who set the fire?’
Brett looks over at Nolan and raises his eyebrows.
“Oh. Sorry.”
Xxx
Nolan pulls into the parking lot and Brett sees his car still in the same spot he left it in. Before they get out Nolan leans over and gives him a kiss on the lips. “Your more confident now then when we met what changed?”
He notices Brett’s smirk and playfully shoves him before pulling him back in for another kiss.
Brett sneaks over to his car and drives off towards Davenport.
Xxx
Nolan walks into the school and immediately pulled into a classroom by Liam, Mason and Corey. “Was that Brett Talbot getting out of your car?”
“No there was nobody but me in the car.”
“Really because I saw you kiss someone but if you were alone in the car that means you were kissing yourself.”
Nolan looks around avoiding the looks of the three teens. Mason looks over at Liam and whispers. “Use a wolf ability.”
Liam nods. “Nolan I can hear your heartbeat it jumps when someone lies and your’s jumped when you said you were alone in the car.”
“Ok fine yes that was Brett, Yes he spent the night at my house, Yes I helped him escape from hunters, Yes Monroe sent me to kill him, Yes we have kissed a bunch since I helped him and yes we may be dating I’m unsure of at moment but I would enjoy that.”
Liam, Mason and Corey all look at each they weren’t expecting all of that. Liam and Mason are thrilled Brett is still alive for different reasons. Liam is thrilled because even though Brett gets on his nerves he is still a friend and for Mason Brett is really handsome hence his nickname hot Brett with the eight pack abs.
Xxx
Nolan is walking past the guidance office when Monroe pops her head out and asks Nolan to come in and sit. “You didn’t come back last night some people thought that werewolf killed you.”
“No still here and I killed the werewolf here’s a souvenir.” He pulls Brett’s black hoodie out of his backpack and hands it to Monroe.
“Very good Nolan you might have promise.”
Xxx
Monroe dismisses him and he quickly walks to the boys locker room to catch his breath and take a moment for himself. After he closes the door he leans his head against it and takes a breath. He sits down on the bench to text Brett.
“She bought it, you are dead.”
A minute later he gets a reply. “Good see you tonight and I can show you just how alive I am.”
Nolan blushes as he reads the texts. He’s so focused on the text he doesn’t notice coach come out of his office. “Holloway what the hell are you doing in here?”
Nolan startled jumps up and shuffles to put his phone in his pocket. “Um free period I was going to practice my goalie skills.”
“Good between you and Bryant we haven’t had a good goalie since Danny.”
Nolan looks confused he doesn’t know who Danny is but lets it go since coach leaves.
Xxx
When Nolan gets home he goes up to his bedroom and as soon as he closes the door he is pinned to it it by Brett who is tan pants, white button up long sleeve dress shirt and a purple sweater vest on his school uniform. Nolan smiles into the kiss as his hands come up the bottom of the sweater vest and pushes it up.
They topple onto the bed Brett hovering over him. Both of them are being gentle with the other for Nolan he doesn’t want to hurt Brett he’s not at one hundred percent although the way he’s acting now you couldn’t tell. As for Brett he doesn’t want to hurt Nolan.
Brett leaves a peck on his nose. “How was your day?”
“Long as soon as I got into the school Liam, Mason and Corey pulled me into a classroom and said they noticed you. Then Monroe requested I come into her office and she was impressed that I killed you.”
“Do you regret not pulling the crossbow trigger?”
Nolan rolls them over from on their sides to Brett on his back and Nolan straddling him looking down at the werewolf he smiles as he says. “Never.”
He leans down and kisses him. “You might have to leave Beacon Hills. Yes Monroe thinks your dead but she has a bunch of other hunters what if someone sees you.”
Brett reaches up and brushes a piece of hair off Nolan’s forehead. “I can’t leave. I have too many ties here.”
“Lori.”
“Lori, Liam, Scott, Mason and you my boyfriend.”
Nolan is speechless but also excited. He’s never been anyone’s boyfriend. “Boyfriend?”
“Only if you want?”
“I do. I want you to be my boyfriend too.”
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Busy as a bee
~
*sigh*
I had this big long thing typed up.. it's all gone now. That's twice it's happened. Let's see if third time's the charm.
It was about my trying to figure out how to talk about the shit I've been going through without just dumping it all on someone and having it be totally unjustified too...
I'm mad at my dad. I'm mad at Tevs... I'm mad at myself.
Basically...I'm frustrated that I'm seen as so much lesser than everyone else.
I know it's like 'no you're not!! You only think you are!! They love you!!' ... I've been smacked both literally and figuratively for saying 'you guys treat me different/unfairly compared to x'... But.. gods at this point I. Just. CAN'T keep believing them or telling myself that when the evidence is right in front of me. I feel like I must have done something REALLY BAD and BIG for everyone to pull away so hard... But at the same time... I... Can't figure what it is or how. I've asked too, but the closet I've gotten to an answer is 'You're too much, Meek.'
I know I sorta... Became a worse recluse than I was (kinda I'm response to that. Trying so hard NOT to be too much)... But I kept telling and telling and telling I was available and offering what I could and more... I kept trying to deal- if I need something I would provide in return, just name the price... Did I forget or fail to follow through with something? Or something? No one can think of anything to tell me that didn't have a legitimate reason if ever I did (as good as or better than they have given me) that I shared up front and sometimes in advance with them. I even went into detail about what might happen if I am asked for help on a bad day- I tend to be a bit grumpy if woken up, but will still be there to help and will apologize for any harshness as I am going about it. I do that- but... Nothing.. and every single person has offered and practically forced (in W0lfie's case) all of the stuff I've asked for onto anyone but me. Need help finding/getting a good word in for work! Sure!! *Gives me links to indeed and Job service sites I'm already on/refuses to say my application is in the mix for positions at their workplaces or downright says they don't know if I'm a good worker even though I gave them my sick day and late count and all that fun stuff to pass off or downright doesn't tell me there's a good opening they know about*
Oh such-and-such is happy where they're at? So-and-so Can't hold a job because they keep quitting? *Gives information about good jobs and puts in a good word for them and sticks their neck out to get them hired.. is surprised when the offer is rejected by the family that says they're already okay with their current work or the unreliable friend they got hired quits*... Oh woe is me, I need help and there's no one to turn to!! *Refuses to call me knowing I have the day off, have my phone on, and have said I'm free that day... Asks literally every other person even the ones that demand payment for the job or can only do a part of it.. or just ends up doing it themselves by dropping another important obligation instead of calling me*
:(
The most common excuse for that last one is. 'oh I didn't want to make you more stressed.'
Um... I offered? I was here the whole time? What...?
*sigh*
I suppose I wouldn't be thinking of that stuff or be so upset by it all except for the fact I'm told these things and then I'm shown (and told) this last week people think I'm EXTREMELY lazy...
My dad and everyone else wants me to/thinks I should work more than 3 days a week... Or should get on disability if it's 'that hard.' Obviously they've never tried and seen THAT shit show... I have looked into it. Not only have I gotten treated like something to be disgusted by friends, family, medical professionals, and jobs alike (because it's oh so despicable to be on social security while young and spry- even though I have medically frail on my damn chart I'm apparently 'young and spry'- fuck you) when I've tried to pursue it, also being on it ISN'T a cake walk.. the restrictions. The WORK you have to do (and the work you can't do!! I'm right in the middle and technically can work too much for disability, but not enough for getting by on my own). The shit you have to go through... My own therapist told me some programs I could pursue would put me further behind where I am and I could possibly never get out... And she was the one that pushed me to get foodstamps, so it's not like she thinks they're hooey...
My dad thinks me working 3 days a week and refusing to do more lest I break down all the time is just.. lazy.. unfortunate... Stupid. He wants me to take all these homeowners and car buying and loan classes... Like I'm EVER going to be able to afford a single one of those things.. or think it's a good idea to throw down $25-$150 a pop for a class, let alone spend 8 hours taking one (I'd love to and think they're amazing things, but uh...)... Like somehow it'll 'convince' me to 'work harder'.
DUDE.
What.
The.
FUCK.
Is WRONG with you?!
I get it... I seriously can't work more days a week. If I do, I completely spiral out of control from the pressure as well as the guilt from spiraling and and.. you get the idea. I just do. I know I do. And I found my balance in 3 days on.
It's pretty easy to think 4 days off are, well.. 4 days off. 4 days to play. 4 days of freedom. But... I make things... I've made two blankets already. One more I'm working on.. usually AT work because I'm so busy. Birthday gifts. Christmas gifts. Holiday gifts. Trying to do commissions too to get more money in. Also.. em... I'm usually awake during the day to.. make appointments because my health is just a mess.. helping the friends that HAVE asked for help... Running errands because I can't at night (partly due to Covid changing everything's hours)... Or if I HAPPEN to get to.. I'm sleeping because I'm on a night schedule.. at night if anyone had need of me I'd be right there!! But guess what, THEY are sleeping. If I actually have a night off (which I haven't in nearly a month now because I CAN go over to my friend who needs help's house at 5 in the morning.. after I drop W0lfie off at work or I'd be there sooner.) I'm DOING things. Wednesday itself happens to be dedicated to FIXING my sleep schedule that I screwed doing everything my sisters need or want me to do during the day... It's up to ME to screw MY sleep so THEY can get or have what they need/want... Never mind they refuse (with legitimate reasons) to do the same for me (though I have legitimate reasons I could say no as well, but ooooh I'm the 'bad guy').
*rubs face* I'm so busy my mind and body is screaming at me in pain. Sooo lazy 🙄
But yet I'm shit because I refuse to work more.
Idk what it is, okay? I. Don't. Know. Maybe it's the fact that I'm Autistic and something overloads that hasn't been address like ever and so has only gotten worse (this is my guess), or the PTSD is doing something (my therapist's guess--- which not to derail but WHO ELSE IS IN THERAPY IN MY FAMILY?! you want to guess? That's right, NO ONE... No one is even TRYING to deal with theirs, and I don't just mean the pandemic. Big sister had it as bad, if not worse than I did. Refuses. Dad and step mom knows they do. Little sister scared. Little bro disinterested. 'There's no time' or 'costs too much' despite several having free sessions available to them via their job and Heath insurance- with multiple options- and everyone but little sister making more than they ever have in their lives on top of relying on others to pay any bills they can't keep up on... GRR).. or something else that just makes me become such a wreck. I hate it more than anyone else, you know.. because I have to live with it AND everyone telling me how lazy and lucky and entitled and how 'much' I am.
...
And you want to know what sparked all of this?
Tevs worked a 12+ hour day that ended up having me woken up by the cats that hadn't been fed.
Let me explain... Tevs and I got into it badly after I was continually deprived of sleep because she was working so much and blaming me for 'making' her deal with stuff at home I didn't even know were problems. She continued to explode and explode and treat W0lfie and I TERRIBLY after work as well AND continually told our other friends and family she so desperately needed a vacation and LESS work, and just kept pulling 10, 11, 13 hour days she didn't have to... All while not eating or drinking or having bathroom breaks... and I was DONE with it. I have and had offered to do more, just need to be directed on what needs to be done that I can do while they're asleep (duh) so she had no leg to stand on there... With the rest... She promised to not work more than 10 hour shifts (agreed upon because I have a 10hr shift at work with no breaks too) AND to either let us know in advance if she was going to be late so I could feed the cats, or have someone do SOMETHING to get the cats fed so they weren't deliberately jumping on me to wake me up... You know.. communicate a little more. Do a little better so she wasn't killing herself working. She promised.
Well..
Apparently (new information to me) a promise and Tevs giving her word.. are two different things. Promises don't matter. Giving her word had weight.
What. The. Fuck.
So MY getting upset this last week that not only was she working more than 10 hours... Not only did she not tell anyone about it.. not only did the cats come to wake me up (after I had FINALLY fallen asleep a short while before due to just how BUSY I was that day, and it was Wednesday 😭)... But she also REFUSED to speak to ANYONE and tell her where she was/that she was safe- completely and deliberately ghosting everyone... Until she showed up at my dad's house 12+ hours after the start of her shift in which she didn't eat, didn't drink, and didn't use the bathroom for the entirely duration..
...
I was told to back off. That my upset was unfounded. That I was just like our horrible mother and I was just trying to control her life.
Does that sound right to you?
It does to my dad. I would wager my step mom. All of their friends. And of course Tevs.
Nevermind that W0lfie was just as freaked out and upset... That she actually has a front row seat as to what I go through now/how hard I try to be kind and careful and respectful and relaxed and NOT controlling and finally gets it... And that she's now directly effected by all of it too... And agrees this is MESSED UP as hell...
No.
I'm shit. I need to work more. I need to move out and be on my own. I need to not rely on anyone. I am 'too much'.
Where did it all go wrong?
I now understand exactly why I felt and still do feel unloved. It's because of this stuff... I got smacked and told I was never alone or on my own.. that I had so much support and help... but.. well.. yes I was. My mind and abilities and more belittled or looked over in favor of others to bring up. Everyone is guilty of doing this to me in my family. I won't go into details because it's a lot. Many times.. many bad ones... Often I was told my reality wasn't the truth too. How is that supportive? I appreciate every bit they have ever done for me, but trying to point out where they fell (just like all people do).. I'm suddenly the most ungrateful thing ever.
My own parents rely on each other AND a third party (their son) to pay the bills... My dad's siblings both live with his parents... My step mom's family members live with each other and rely on one another to get bills paid.... Not a single one is forced or really suggested to go room with randos if they can't do it on their own. It was brought up to W0lfie that it's an option for her this last week... But guess fucking what she got that I didn't AS WELL as that.. "We'll always have a place for you here."
I did get that when I was younger and nearly kicked out for refusing to tell my mother I was Trans. I eventually caved, but, HA they didn't believe me. That mess was sorted out.. messily and I got to stay... Lucky me... Not to mention the fact that only NOW I might finally be able to just accept it and not closet myself for the sake of everyone else because I'm THAT done.. yay therapy. I'll accept being non-binary because I can never actually be a man the way anyone around me will ever accept or believe.. but I'm not accepting 'being a woman'. Screw you peeps XP
...
I don't get that kind of support because I'm their eyes.. I'm too much. Should be able to do it on my own. Too lazy. Too awful as Tevs has managed to paint by completely omitting important details.. I can't say things in a few words. I just can't. Because this is exactly what happens... But regardless.. that's all she ever shares. Just enough I'm a monster. I'm sick and tired of it.
Reminds me...
My dad and mom and the rest of our family would never get birthday gifts or holiday cards or anything if I wasn't around. Same with our siblings. I remember. I make. I remind. I push. But... They don't even know about that. About what I try to do for them that gets twisted to look like it's all Tev's doing because I often can't make it to deliver it myself... And when I do idk.. I guess I do it wrong or something because it's so... Blah of a response.. like they think I'm NOT responsible for it and just taking credit... That hurts. A LOT.
...
I'm going to try. One more time. Once more. With Tevs. Give her one more chance to make and keep her word. To not bulldoze and make excuses and talk me up like some sort of unreasonable monster if/when she doesn't... And one more chance for my parents to hear me out. Get the full story. Get my feelings and experiences in return. On Monday I might have a chance to lay it all out. Maybe. I want to try. And if I get the same treatment.. well.. I think they might just be cut out of my life if I finally make it out on my own like they want. (Hopefully something income based will open up for me.. hopefully... I'm considering looking into a different city altogether to well and truly get away from them.. but that would depend on getting a job too.. bluh)
Ah that's a another thing too though.. the thing is.. I CAN work. I CAN pull 7 days a week, 16 hour days without spiraling!!! Making. I am a crafter. If making dresses or cosplays or embroidering or making blankets or trinkets or... If I was able to do THAT.. I could work and work and work no problem... Maybe even drawing..
But with the stress of this job and my other obligations, I can barely touch those things to even get started... Stick in the rut.. and materials are so expensive if I need anything extra I hit a roadblock... Totally locked in... And it breaks my heart...
I'm not lazy... I'm in the wrong job 😞
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i'm here for your Jare and Lana Thoughts
hmm i’m not good at like, coming up with concrete ideas/hcs, or at recalling anything, but yeah they should get to be friends
i mean we don’t know that alana has Any friends, and really even pre-act 2, evan is not an amazing friend to jared, and even if things were better re: that relationship, it’s not really ideal to for jared to have one single friend anyways.......and, again, evan’s not exactly the perfect friend and like, even though i think anyone taking any real note of the material realizes that jared and evan’s relationship being not very close or great at this juncture is a two-way street, it’s easily arguable that evan’s a worse friend to jared in canon than jared is to him. so like, if jared’s gonna have One Friend lol tbh it would be great if he and alana could become friends and like, have someone to hang out with and just have a chill time being Not Alone for once and not having to feel like they have to be maintaining this perfect performance at all times or be dropped
really like it’s a great concept to just imagine them getting to spend time together doing totally unremarkable average Hanging Out stuff.......do homework together sometimes instead of alone in their respective bedrooms, spend time together on the weekend and play video games / watch a movie, just do some chill shit that gives them the chance to have conversations and share interests and personal info and just like, get used to feeling more relaxed in this person’s presence and like this is a real friendship......maybe they spend time together in canon doing tcp stuff ever but we were never shown it, and that’s a bit of a transition from being mostly strangers (distant acquaintances) to being Sort Of friends / at least being more familiar with each other......and maybe they can become closer After the tcp heyday, like, presumably in the timeskip-and-beyond part of things.....like, yeah there's the issue of everything that happened re: tcp and how jared knows more about the inside story while maybe alana just suspects, and natch i don't think jared would be willing to share that Inside Story if only because we all know that he and evan are mutually protecting each other forever, but also i don't think that like, thoroughly discussing the tcp stuff is absolutely crucial to jared and alana getting to be friends. for one thing, they probably can't have gotten That close during tcp, since by act 2 jared is apparently not super involved, and for another thing i think by the finale times both alana and jared might Both just be wanting to pretty much like, move on from all the tcp stuff.
also like, really i don't remember if jared's Extracurriculars like model u.n. was from pre-bway content and/or if it was from "cherrypicking anything worthwhile from the novel" content lol, but also stuff like being a camp counselor can't be completely effortless, and as someone who isn't too close to his parents and for whomst, at least at one point, theoretically, his car insurance being paid was tied to him doing stuff his mom wants him to do e.g. Be Nice To Evan, i get the idea that maybe jared does some academic / extracurricular stuff at least partially with the motivation of staying in the good graces of his parents and other adults / being Approved of via those routes of like, performing well at various Set Tasks like "get good grades" "be in model u.n." "be nice to evan, theoretically, according to jared himself" and etc........anyways this is a really roundabout way to get to "alana might be engaged in like, structured / approved Tasks as a means to being supported, not in the exact same way as jared is but with enough of a parallel that he Understands it".....like, i think yeah we can deduce that alana is kind of Studious or at least cares about her academic performance, but people like, forget that she's Not just doing everything for her college applications, and that most of what the focus is on is alana doing Extracurricular stuff that's more involved with / focused on Local Community than just like, school......she's talking about what she did over the summer, which is sure inherently Not stuff for school, and tcp is only partly about the school, and isn't Academic.......alana probably sees Community Involvement as a means to support / connection / positive attention, which is a bit different from jared who like, yeah might be kinda on that wavelength in Disappear thru Ywbf, but also it might be mostly "oh i can be in this group with evan and alana"......jared mostly seems to regard Attention From Anyone Else as something potentially negative, even though of course he doesn't want to Not get any attention, so on the one hand he's trying to get ahead of that Potential Negative Attention by trying to establish his own Role as [i'm the jokes boy] and be able to Deflect attention away from himself, or at least from whatever aspects of himself he doesn't want to have anyone focus on / question, and he seems to have an even more Defensive approach re: adults (i.e. "literally nothing i tell my parents is true") and it's easy to imagine that he sees it as like, as long as he Does This Checklist of Tasks He's Supposed To Do, e.g. "get decent grades" / "do some extracurriculars (i'm just remembering model u.n. was from Prior Versions Of The Show b/c it was related to that perjury thing and being the ambassador of luxembourg)" / etc and Adults Will Leave Him Alone Entirely Maybe........alana of course doesn't really wanna be left alone, but also she's more focused on her Peers than adults as well, ppl mischaracterizing her as like, only caring about grades & Rules & generally being a killjoy.........but natch if she Is trying to get good grades and Is involving herself in a lot of projects academic or extracurricular or unaffiliated with school at all, and there's gonna be more Work involved in that, and probably hanging out with her will involve doing work Parallel to each other, or at least, alana doing work while you do whatever.......and i think jared would Get that and wouldn't be like, "why are you boring" lol......out here down to bond with evan over basically a writing project......having Computer Skills which he presumably honed / hones on his own time.........this is a mess but im basically getting to "jared wouldn't think alana is boring or anything and would understand pursuing Something through the routes of Projects and Commitments and Approved Activities" look i'm phrasing everything terribly but if i don't just get shit down i'll never answer this ask
meanwhile i think alana would think jared is funny, which is nice b/c despite jared trying to be Humorous evan doesn't act very interested or like he's like "jared you're hilarious and i love that about you" lmao like. obviously people interpret jared's Attitude as like omg so uncaring he has no feelings he also has no problems b/c he Takes Nothing Seriously (which obviously. Humor / demeanor doesn't necessarily reflect taking whatever "seriously" or not.) and maybe evan's misinterpreting it too, but even if he Knows better re: how jared really feels about things, he's not exactly trying to engage with him about it any other way, so.......anyways alana thought connor's terrible joke from probably a while back is funny so. she'd probably Genuinely be like "haha good one jared" and jared would get to be like :o :o :o whoa i made a joke and someone reacted......natch jared's also just trying to like, Provoke evan into paying attention to him sometimes with his Humour / being able to comment on Real Shit without giving away his Real Feelings but like, probably not the ideal form of communication, and jared's out here @ connor like "it was a joke" so he'd probably be fine if any other students like, reacted to his jokes as jokes.........and alana could. also she might Joke sometimes in return lol
there Is that bit of an issue where yeah alana having a tendency to just Take The Lead on things where jared has a tendency to just like, back off if he isn't expressly given space in the first place or if he's pushed back, and this isn't Ideal obviously but like, he and alana don't have to interact via Working On Projects Together alone, especially not tcp, and it'd be an inherently different dynamic if they were interacting solely due to being Friends / wanting to hang out for no especial reason vs interacting to work on something together........and i don't think alana would Want a friendship to be the same as "someone she works on a project with" like, as far as we know in canon, alana only has Acquaintances and jared ends up losing his one friend, so i think if alana and jared become closer later on / start this new Actual Friendship between themselves, alana wouldn't want it to feel the same as like, being involved in tcp together (and neither would jared), and i also don't think jared would necessarily want it to feel like his friendship with evan, which natch wasn't going great, particularly not in those final months l o l .......even though both of them being Friendless would probably make them somewhat eager to make One Friend, they both got burned by their attempts to Get Closer To People (or A Person in jared's case lol) ("everyone needed it for something" like okayyy if you say so, guess we Are just forgetting about alana and jared's existence), and they might not exactly be raring to go about [Obtaining Friendship] the same way again. and since they both had a pretty Transactional approach to getting positive attention (i.e. jared helping evan out and doing shit for him, alana doing the same and presumably doing the bulk of the tcp work when evan ingeniously held jared at arm's length instead of having him more involved but then kind of peaced out of the project himself) it'd probably be nice for alana to have someone who seems to like being around her without it being due to any of the work she does / has done, whereas jared probably doesn't wanna be The Guy Who Helps Out and is only talked to for that purpose..............and them both having a friend who they Didn't make / keep via their respective wtaw-type approaches to things is probably gonna be encouraging re: the fact that yknow, they don't have to put on that certain Performance of what they think people might want from them / people might find Acceptable from them........and of course if they spend more time together they'll get more used to the other / learn about them, and probably ~Learn About Themselves~ since they're finally getting to like, Not be putting on a performance for someone / feeling like they have to play some specific role to be liked or whatever
and like, alana isn't just all Boring and incapable of having fun or comprehending what that is........i like soph's hc that she loves karaoke, jared could tag along and be the audience lol and it's just like, hey we can just have fun together doing shit for fun and not like, feeling like you're having to prove your worth to the other person all the time, just having some confidence that the other person likes you for who you are and they can relax and actually enjoy it
naturally i like the idea that alana and jared become friends (or better friends) in college........the rest of senior year has to be Not A Great Time and just generally more fraught than usual for them, and they could stand to have the summer before college to kinda take a breath (but also maybe feel worried about college) but then yknow once college starts they're In college and it's different from hs (and better), and it being a Different environment with Different people and a Different structure can also help them just like, get more comfortable with themselves and maybe (hopefully) feel more capable of pursuing stuff they really wanna do and just overall be having a better time than, say, in senior year of high school.....would sure be convenient if they went to the same one of course. lol. hang out all the time on campus / between classes, go to Social Occasions together, be in the same dorm / just keep hanging out at each other's, etc
also just like, on its own, i always like the idea of jared also being able to Make Friends / have decent, positive, accepting Social Interactions via joining a club / being involved in some extracurricular type shit, where he Can be comfortable like "oh i'm here to Do Some Tasks so i get to be part of this group of people just by signing up, not by everyone else deciding they want me around" and then yknow, be spending time with this group of people that way, end up hanging out at various points kind of branching off of whatever Tasks are being done, and sort of gradually realize that people Don't Dislike him and can then catch on that maybe he has some potential friends here.........it's fun to think of him doing like, tech work for theatre, and also in the midst of all these theatre people he can like, fully realize Oh I'm Gay (and maybe get to fully process what went down there re: evan and his own Heartbreak there, like the fact that it Was heartbreak).......and to add the idea of Alana Being Friends with him during college, maybe a) she can hang out over in the theatre area sometimes while he's doing whatever and work on her own stuff but also get to interact with everyone else who might be around and b) if he gets any comp tickets she can get one and c) idk she can maybe also be Directly involved in helping out sometimes......
and also anyways getting all the way to This Point in the answer before mentioning that like, of course both jared and alana are gay and maybe haven't figured this out entirely by the events of Canon but sure could during college and could be each other's Supportive Friend, naturally if one of them figures it out first the other one is like wow great i'm such an Ally of that, boy it feels really great to Know i have a gay friend actually, b/c i'm Such An Ally......and then figuring it out for themself as well lmao like aha. hope they don't think i'm copying them lol...........also the one Jared And Alana "Dating" idea i permit is that maybe back in the day when neither of them were Aware of their own gayness they like, vibed with each other and were like "hmm is this Having A Crush?" and "dated" awkwardly for like a month or two or something (or less lol)......naturally they could've had this sort of experience with Anyone but like, the sort of underlying thing that the Affinity they mistook for "i wanna date this person" was them rly having the potential to be good friends and have a significant relationship that way. but then them having this real awkward "dating" experience probably would delay that for at least a little bit lmao like avoiding each other b/c even if it sure was just like, a not-that-dramatic mutual breakup, it's still uncomfortable and it's like "why didn't this work out at all"............but yeah the important part is they're gay and they're friends and if they are also good friends while they're figuring out the Being Gay stuff for themselves then that's just nice for them.....have this person be supportive and glad for you........
also and yknow there's the idea of "what if jared and evan start to make up in College Times and possibly kleinsen happens" and obviously being back in touch with evan would be both fraught for jared and alana even if they're in this place where it's easier to extend him some grace here, but they'd sure understand each other's misgivings and trepidation here even if they don't really lay out each and every Detail of like "yeah here's why and how i was hurt back in the day in tcp times".......and yknow, for jared it wouldn't have to be like "wow after i lost evan i've had No Friends and having him back in my life would mean i'm not completely alone anymore," which might help him take his time in contemplating / reflecting upon the situation lol. and who knows, alana might be down to accept an apology as well at least or something. but regardless of that concept Yeah jared and alana getting to be friends in college would be cool for both of them.
these are all broad sweeping concepts lmao instead of like any fun details or specific events / scenarios lol but yeah here are some Thoughts.......a real tl;dr is that it'd be nice if like, overall, both jared and alana felt like they had some more space in college to figure themselves out and feel less pressure to fit some precise role that will win them approval, and they find some Connection through each other and get to share that like, Figuring Themselves Out territory while being friends and getting some emotional support from each other, and they are gay
#deh#sorry this is kinda Especially this meandering mess lmao but hey....#had to just push through and get it out there or i wouldn't be able to answer at all lmao.......#i'm bad at [Having Ideas] [recalling ideas] [writing anything concisely].....#i mean feel free to send me asks about Whatever i love to interact but you know. they might be a mess &/or i take forever
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Survey #275
i’m anxious and my head is hectic so i can’t think of a single song lyric to put here lmao
Have you ever dated anybody online? Yes, but we met up in person for a week+ at a time multiple times.
Ever been stalked? No.
Ever stalked someone? No. I never got to that point with him because shit’s creepy.
Have you ever been called a slut, hoe, skank, whore? Only playfully by close friends because that’s how we show affection sometimes lmao.
Have you ever snuck out before? No.
Do you eat meat? I wish I didn’t, but I do.
If so, do you like meat? Yes.
If not, do you have anything against people who eat meat? N/A
Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? I went with my old friend and sisters on rare occasions just to hang out.
Have you ever been close to getting kidnapped? Jc no, thank fuck.
HAVE you ever been kidnapped? No. I’d be so goddamn terrified.
Do you listen to Lykke Li? Never heard of ‘em.
Have you ever self-harmed? Yes.
Do you have any eating disorders? No.
Have you ever met a celebrity? No.
Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? Astonishingly with how much I love soda, I am nooot an energy drink fan. They taste like straight-up poison.
Describe the best day of your life? I don’t really know what that would be.
About how many times a week do you skip class or just school in general? When I was in school, I’d fake sick as a kid rarely, then in high school I had quite a few mental health days. College, too.
Have you ever been suspended from school? No.
Have you ever been expelled? No.
Do you role-play? Only on designated forums and in serious stories. I need substance behind it. Irl, sexual, and pretty much any other RP doesn’t interest me.
Do you watch Degrassi? I never did, no.
What is one of the saddest novels you’ve ever read in your lifetime? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Jesus fucking Christ.
Orbit or 5 Gum? Honestly can’t even remember their tastes… but I THINK I preferred the latter.
Have you ever been in a love triangle? No.
How bad are your hangovers? I’ve never had one.
Do you think Taco Bell is nasty? No.
Do you have a jacuzzi? Definitely not.
Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? No.
Do you think vegans/vegetarians look down on people who choose to eat animal products? That’s a very generalizing statement… You can’t say that of them all. Some absolutely do, others don’t.
Do your friendships tend to last a long time or are they short-lived? Definitely the former.
Name the best and worst things about your current or most recent relationship. The best thing was absolutely that I felt accepted for entirely who I was, like I needed to hide not a single thing. The worst thing was easily distance. Fuck distance.
How are you? Aggravated at a lot of things.
What part of your body are you most insecure about? Absolutely my stomach.
What’s one food you would be surprised to hear that someone doesn’t like? Chocolate. I mean I know at least one person who doesn’t, but boy does it catch you off-guard.
Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It’s definitely lower than the average woman’s.
Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Oh, loads! I couldn’t even begin to list them all.
Is there any food in your bedroom? No.
Do you know anyone who has road rage? MY YOUNGER SISTER. GOOD LORD. Riding with her is always a trip.
How far away do your grandparents live from you? My only (barely) living one is in New York with family, probably until she dies. It’s like ten hours away.
What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? We have chocolate Special K, Honey Nut Cheerios, a Food Lion rip-off of Rice Krispies, and… maybe one more?
Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither, really. Given her cancer, high blood sugar, and diabetes though, Mom is much more conscious of what she eats.
Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? Not that I’m aware of.
What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We don’t have any. Mom and I try to keep snack foods out of the house because we know ourselves well enough to know we WILL eat them too fast.
Do you have your mom’s or dad’s hair? Absolutely my mom’s. It’s thick as hell like hers was.
What’s the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? Probably my massive Nightmare Before Christmas poster above my bed.
Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? Yes.
Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Yep. I’m never going to forget my first band teacher; he was a real comedian with a massive heart. We all adored him and got so excited when he would come back to substitute if our instructor had to miss and he was able to come. Oddly enough, I don’t remember his name…
When’s the last time you wore heels? Oh Christ. Maybe Ashley’s wedding? Did I even wear heels?
Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? Neither.
What’s the best date movie? I am such an average white bitch in how my answer to this will always and vehemently be The Notebook.
How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Around three years.
Have your parents ever been out of the country? No.
Do you swear and yell while playing video games? No. I might curse under my breath.
Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Oh I WISH.
Do your pets chase after bugs? YUP. Roman loves hunting flies.
When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Excited? Probably not since I was going to see Sara. I don’t know.
What is your mom’s favorite movie? Oh shit, good question.
How much older is your dad then you? Don’t make me math, please. 30-something years.
Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? No.
Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Probably.
What was the last movie to make you cry? No clue.
Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? I think so?
Who was the main character in the last book you read? Starflight.
Is the last person you said goodbye to single? No, he’s married to my sister.
Who are the last people you saw kiss? Like romantically/on the lips? Ummm probably a couple on Facebook or something.
Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No.
Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who’s the bride/groom? Not anymore.
Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. My high school friend did just announce she’s pregnant with her second child though.
When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom.
Does your best friend get along with their parents? Yes, they’re fantastic.
Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Yes; I was the hideous bridesmaid that just cried all through my sister’s wedding. That was a fucking nightmare.
Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? I don’t really care, no.
Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? Like STUPID fuckin sensitive.
Where are you the most ticklish? Don’t touch my fuckin feet.
What was the last situation to upset you? It was a petty envy thing that shouldn’t have upset me, let’s move along.
Have you ever had an online argument? I’ve been socially on the Internet since I was 11 and am now 24, take a guess lmao.
The general subject of your last text conversation? Asking Sara for permission for something RP-related.
What is just down the hall from where you’re located? There’s not really a hall at all; my room opens up into the living room.
Do any of your friends know you fill out surveys? Well besides the online friends I have here, no.
Do you like the controversial/political surveys? ”It depends on if I have enough opinions (and energy) to give good answers or not.” <<<< Exactly this.
Who/What did you last spend time worrying about? Myself and my future and my newfound fear of ending up homeless and hopeless after my parents pass away because I’m a very sorry Adult™.
What was the last thing you prepared in the oven? Whoa, who knows. The oven scares me, so I don’t use it myself.
When were you last offered something illegal? I don’t think I ever have been, actually.
Did you accept or decline that offer? N/A
When was the last time that you saw fire? On the way home like a week back or something. Someone was burning stuff in their backyard.
Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No.
What are you listening to? “Little One” by Highly Suspect. Gorgeous song.
Do you chew on your hair? Um no????
Can you talk on the phone while having the tv/radio on? No.
What size are all the televisions in your house? I don’t know the measurements, but it’s a large Vizio. One of the few really nice things we got when my parents were together.
Do you have health insurance? Yes.
How many times have you been pulled over by the cops while driving? Zero.
What is one of your favorite movie lines? I don’t know, they’re not really something I memorize.
What is one thing you look forward to every day? My morning Mountain Dew lmao it’s my coffee, essentially.
What is one thing you dread every day? The inevitable part where I’m bored shitless by early evening.
Ever lived through a natural disaster? Lots of hurricanes.
What’s the longest you’ve lived without electricity? I wanna say around two days? Maybe even three? I don’t remember.
Name all the drugs you have tried: None.
Name all of the alcoholic beverages you have tried? Margaritas and sangrias with different types of alcohol that I don’t know. Oh, hard lemonade. Oh yeah, wine too, which was fucking repulsive.
Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried: None.
What is one thing you stand strongly for? Fucking TRY ME on gay rights.
What does your doormat say? We don’t have one.
Who was the last person you were on hold with (on the phone)? I don’t remember.
Who do you know that’s had a baby recently? Ummm I don’t think any *very* recently.
Do you know anyone who got married recently? Again, not very.
Do you know anyone who has died recently? No.
Do you change songs in the car often? I use my iPod to play over it, where I select the songs to play, so I let them play through. However, if I was actually the driver, I definitely wouldn’t; it wouldn’t really matter because I’m so terrified of driving that I need almost no radio at all.
What street sign do you find totally pointless? I’m not familiar enough with them all.
What drinking games have you played? None.
What made you pick up the last book you started reading? Sara got me into the series.
Have you received any bad or troubling news lately? Welcome to 20fuckin20, y’all.
When was the last time you were relieved about something? *shrug*
What about your life concerns you the most? That I’ll waste it.
Is there a common thing most people seem to do without trouble, but it scares you (talking on the phone, driving, interviews, etc)? When was the last time you had to do one of these kinds of things? When I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago, I signed myself in. Yes, that sets my anxiety off because I don’t know how to Talk.
When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Uhhhhhhhh good question. I don’t go anywhere.
What is a situation that makes you feel especially confident? Talking about meerkat behavior ha ha.
If you’ve moved out from home, what was the scariest thing about it? What was/is your favorite thing about it? N/A
Are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” What qualities draw you to a character? BITCH yes. I just like charisma. For villains, I really like when there’s a *reason* they’re bad, too, and not so just for the sake of it. And I am a SUCKER for sarcastic lil shit villains.
What are your thoughts on “forgiving” murderers, rapists, attackers, etc? Do you think it’s even possible to forgive these people? This is a tough question, after I looked past my initial “hell no.” Like, people change. I suppose it varies case-to-case.
What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Actually finished, Ginga Densetsu Weed. I’m sure Sara and I will keep watching Avatar: The Last Airbender next time we see each other.
What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I definitely hate myself more than I did. And that’s the problem: I haven’t developed at all in a year’s time.
Is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? Multiple things.
Do you prefer fake tanning or real tanning? I prefer not tanning at all.
Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? No. I’m not getting into that shit. If the person was recovered, yes, but I wouldn’t hesitate leaving if they relapsed and didn’t seek help. Sounds brutal, but I’m serious about the damage drugs do, and not just to the user.
Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? No. It’s probably best we never do again.
Can you make yourself cry? I’ve never really tried, but I don’t think so.
Are you ready for kids? I’ll never be.
Have you ever woken up crying from a bad dream? Plenty of times. Thanks, nightmares every fucking time I sleep.
Do you eat breakfast? Yes. Cannot relate to people who don’t like wtf that’s the best part of the morning.
Have you ever trusted someone too much? BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did you get your last bruise? I don’t recall.
Last time you got a text message and smiled? Idk.
What was the last kid’s movie you saw? Ummmmm good question.
Have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? Noooo, not into it. Sounds dangerous but also just… weird to me. Like let me clean myself in peace???
Are you bitter about anything? Oh, am I.
Do you use emojis? Occasionally. I’m too biased to emoticons, growing up using those every sentence, lol… but I’m starting to move towards them depending on the platform, and the ones I use are very limited.
Do you have any hidden piercings? (this includes bellybuttons) No. I took my snake eyes out.
Has anyone called you perfect before? *lips against mic* that was a motherfuckin lie
Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship? Yes.
Have you ever gone through a period of mass weight-gain/weight-loss? What was that time like for you? Both, actually. First, mass weight-gain happened due to a medication I was on that murders metabolism + I was a bad emotional eater after the breakup, and those two don’t mix. Then, through recovery, I lost over 50 pounds in around a year from being off of that fucking medicine and my eating habits returning to normal.
What’s one incident that has majorly affected your self-esteem? Was it for better, or for worse? THE BREAKUP. It made me feel like an absolute waste of space and time.
Do you have a close bond with your sibling(s)? Was it always this way, or has it been better/worse? Not really, but I wish I did. Ashley and Nicole are very close, then I’m like… awkwardly on the sidelines trying to find times where I can insert myself and be a proper sister. Ash and I ARE closer than we were as kids, while it’s a harsh opposite with Nicole. We shared a room and were very close, but now I feel like she doesn’t even like me.
Have you used Limewire before? Ha, yuuup…
Who do you envy the most, if anyone at all? I’m uncertain about the most.
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The BH 90210 Rewrite. 1x03: Every Dream Has It’s Price Tag
Rewrite Masterlist
Read the previous chapter here!
Chapter Summary: Y/N pays a visit to Brandon at his new job.
Pairing: Patience is a virtue, guys.
Warning: Swearing, feelings, minimal editing
Disclaimer: My work is not to be reposted or edited without my expressed written consent. (Reblogging is fine and encouraged!!)
Word Count: Roughly 2,700
A/N: Third episode is up! It’s a little short this time, but I enjoyed getting into romance novel territory with the descriptions this time. Next episode is a doozy, it’s one of my favorites. The First Time– Brandon’s old girlfriend from Minneapolis pays a visit.
The bell rings as Ms. Rye finishes her lecture,
“Okay, papers due on Monday. Remember, I want you to explore how…one decision, one event can change one’s whole life.”
You and Brenda both shuffle to get your things in order before standing up. She turns to Tiff as she and Kelly walk out of the room.
“Hey, Tiff, that was really funny what you said,”
“Who was trying to be funny?” She responds, mocking tone in her voice. You weren’t sure who Tiff was, exactly. Rumors say she was best friends with Kelly until they had a blowout over some guy and it didn’t end well. You didn’t have the best feeling about her, whoever she is.
-
“Male, female, root for your school, West Beverly’s team on against Beverly High, no fail! And don’t get lured by that sweet sweet nitro sale s-s-sale sale sale!” Once again, the D.J’s voice calls out, which marks the end of another glamorous day at West Beverly.
You spot Brandon, taking down names and numbers off the corkboard, hair blowing lightly in the breeze.
“You job hunting?” You ask, looking up at the different flyers and ads sprawled out amongst the board.
“Yeah, I’m just doing my bit for car insurance, you know,” He studies the board, writing things down as he goes.
“Anything looking good yet?”
“Well, I got uh, “Garden Graphics, Veggie Heaven Produce, This Town Restaurant.” I think we’re talking slam dunk here, Y/N/N,“ He jokes, tapping his pencil on his notepad.
You laugh, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “Hey, if your mom is anything like mine, she’d kill for a discount at Veggie Heaven,” you jest,“I gotta run, I promised Brenda I’d go shopping with her and Kelly. Good luck!” You tap your hand on his arm before walking off.
“Thank, Y/N/N.”
-
“‘Inverted Nipple Trouble?’ Pass. ‘Are you always attracted to losers? Here’s how to break the cycle,’” Tiff laughs at the magazine in her hand while Kelly searches through the tracks.
“Ugh, here is the cycle,” Kelly groans as she walks past Steve, with David Silver at his side.
“Trust me, dude. They’ll drool over this stuff,” Steve convinces, spraying a little black bottle of cologne on the collar of the much younger boy.
“Aw, finally found someone your own maturity level to play with, Steve?” You tease, joining Brenda at the other set of racks. Steve rolls his eyes and turns away from you.
“Oh, hey Tiff. How is that waterbed?” He smirks, turning back to the gold cologne wall.
“Kelly and Tiffany got nuclear over Steve,” Kelly’s friend gossips. Wow. Steve was the guy that tore them apart? Who would fight over him? Doesn’t exactly sound worth it.
“Details, please!” Brenda leans into her, interest piqued.
“But It was intense fallout. They just started speaking this semester in English class.”
You all grab the things you want to try on, and all five of you scurry into the freshly painted dressing rooms. You find a blue floral mini dress with cropped sleeves. It was so cute. And so two hundred dollars. Bummer.
“Do you really think one event can change your whole life?” Brenda asks, muffled by the white doors of the dressing rooms.
“Sure, like in pretty woman? Sorry Julia Roberts, but I’d wear this on the plane with Richard Gere.” Kelly responds. Such a deep thinker, that girl.
“No, I mean like what Ms. Rye was talking about– one thing you do ruining your entire life… I dont know, forget it.” Brenda continues.
“I don’t know, maybe,” You ponder. Your mind runs through the events of that night at the Bel Age. What would have happened if you stayed? Just being there for 30 more minutes probably would’ve caused you to bang Dylan’s brains out. That couldn’t be a good thing. You barely knew him, for one. You had to handle one confusing crush at a time. I mean, not that your thing with Brandon was really a crush, more of an appreciation… for a friend… that happens to be attractive. You didn’t like him like him.
“Maybe it wasn’t ruined,” Tiff calls out, “Maybe he wanted it that way.”
You change back into your normal clothes, fighting with yourself over the dress. Your parents would kill you if you spent all of your money on one dress. It was a totally cute, show-stopping dress, though. Go for it.
You walk over to the check-out counter with Kelly. You may be smart, but at this very moment you’re feeling weak.
-
The next morning you trot into english class, setting your bag down with a thud.
“Do you remember, Jake kissed like a wall?” Kelly giggles, practically linked at the hip with Tiff.
“OMG yeah, but he was better than the Lizard remember?” She sticks out her tongue, making a gross slurping noise while she walks to her desk.
You sit at yours, next to Brenda.
Tiff turns to both of you, “Hey!”
“Hey,” You give her a half smile, taking your book out from your bag.
“Hey, cool dress!” Brenda smiles, a nervous tick in her voice.
“Yeah, it’s a kick for sure!” Tiff spins around, posing before sliding into her seat. You notice Kelly roll her eyes in annoyance before sitting down.
“How nice of you to model for us,” Ms. Rye jokes.
“Ms. Rye?” Brenda asks, sneaking over to the teacher, “Um, I was just wondering, who’s more guilty– someone like in Les Mis who didn’t want to steal but had to, or someone who wanted to but didn’t?”
“That’s an interesting moral twister, um, and we’ll get to that,” She’s cut off by the bell, “now.”
-
You’re lying on your bed, eyes closed, finally getting some wel deserved peace and quiet. Away from all the gossipy peers, drama, and Tiffany. She exhausted you. You feel yourself drifting off to sleep, but the deafening ring of the phone jolts you up. Who could be calling this late? Why?
You sit up and grab your phone, answering it with a groggy “Hello?”
“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry, I can call someone-” You can’t help but smile sleepily at the sound of his voice.
“Brandon?”
“Yeah…listen, can you pick me up? I took the bus to work today and they don’t run this late at night,”
“So… You need a ride? I can do that. This Town?”
“Yeah,”
“See you in 10,” You hang up, frantically fix your hair, and throw on that $200 dress. You tiptoe down the stairs and out the door, not wanting to wake up your parents. Hopping in your brother’s 1990 Red Mustang Covertible, you slowly back out of the driveway and over to the bistro.
You pull into the parking lot, and see Brandon anxiously pacing back and forth, muttering to himself. You step out of the car, the cool nighttime air almost cold enough to leave you shivering.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Brandon Walsh, Beverly Hills’ own Working Girl,” you tease, a smile on your face. He smiles back, pushing the long blue sleeves of his sweater up his arms. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah,”
Your tired eyes meet his own. You get lost in the blue of them, admiring the way the moonlight looks on his face… Until the clearing of a throat shakes you out of your trance. You both silently get in the car, and you pull out of the parking lot.
“How was it?”
“I’m beat, the job’s a total bitch,” He confides.
“Really? It at least pays well, though. Right?”
“You know, that’s what I thought walking in there…but I make next to nothing, and these guys I work with, these– Vietnamese, Portuguese, Israelites, they’re coming here with no money and they’re getting completely exploited. They’re working for pine nuts,” He explains, a frustrated tone in his voice. He’s always looking to make things better for other people, it’s something you picked up on quickly since moving to Beverly Hls. It’s one of the things you quickly grew to love about him… Something that shines brightly in times like these.
“Wow…is there anything you can do?”
He sighs, resting his head against the seat. “I don’t know,”
The streets are totally dead, totally quiet. Peaceful. Only the occasional car comes around every so often. The crickets are loud tonight, though. Filling up the empty space. You see something as you stop at a red light.
“Hey, Bran? What’s that?” You smirk.
You point over to it, a large automobile, stopped at a red light with “Beverly Hills Transit” painted on the side. He looks over, and a smile– a goofy, nervous one, spreads across his face.
He stays quiet for a moment, the smile sticking to his face, shaking his head slightly. “It’s a bus.” You both look at each other and then back at the bus, slowly. You start breaking into a fit of tired giggles. You slowly get Brandon, who’s majorly exhausted from work, going too. So now you’re both sitting at a red light, giggling ike idiots. At a bus. A bus that wasn’t supposed to be there, according to Brandon.
Instead of overthinking the situation, you just drive him home, both of you giddy from exhaustion. You pull into his driveway, putting the car in neutral. This has been a weird night. Fun, but weird.
“Thanks for driving me home,” he says, his voice soft and barely above a whisper. You give him a soft “mhmm,” in return. And, like earlier, you’re staring into his eyes again, and he’s staring into yours. You’re drifting closer and closer…
And then his mom comes out. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nod in response, leaning back to your normal sitting position.
“Goodnight, Brandon,” You sigh. Happily, sleepily, defeated.
“Goodnight, Y/N,”
-
Sunday night came, and you were getting ready to go out to This Town with Dylan for dinner, to go pay Brandon a visit. You had told your parents you were going to study at the library with a friend, which…okay, this time it was a total lie, but you weren’t doing anything illegal. So it’s okay. You apply your red lipstick before heading out the door. You see Dylan in his black Porsche Speedster ,parked down the street. Just far enough to avoid creating suspicion from your parents. Perfect.
-
“So, was this place any good when you went?” You ask, perusing the menu.
“It was alright. Small portions, fancy plates. Good cumin,”
“Brandon’s been running the entire time we’ve been here, I don’t think I’ve even seen him take a breath,” You chuckle, watching him make his rounds. He was nothing if not a hard worker.
“You really like him, don’t you?” Dylan inquires, watching you watch Brandon.
“Come on, we’ve been over this. Brandon’s one of my best friends,” you insist, setting down your menu. You pause. “Okay. maybe I…I do like him. But I wouldn’t ever act on it. He’s kind of attractive, so what? He’s still my friend.” Brandon makes his way closer to your table.
“Yo, boy!” Dylan gets Brandon’s attention, who’s getting swamped with dishes from other employees.
“Hey!” He calls back, turning around. You admire him in his all-white uniform. It shouldn’t look so good on him, yet you’re breathless.
“'This Town,’” Dylan begins, reading the restaurant’s menu, “'This Town is an eating experience for the morning moments, a medley of sages, cumin bouquets, fragrant vegetable jewels,’” he drops the menu onto the table, then proceeds to drop his head, fake snoring. You and Brandon laugh at his antics, but Brandon’s interrupted by his boss not long after.
“Many people would love your job,” She states, black curls hair-sprayed into place as she moves along.
“Yeah, love that minimum wage,” He remarks, sarcasm rolling off his tongue. An asian man steps beside him, helping him with his work.
“You get minimum wage? Congratulations,”
“Yeah, right, same to you,” Brandon responds, raising his eyebrows.
“None of us do,” The man replies. Brandon cocks his head at that, turning to the man.
“That’s illegal!”
“So? Who’s going to do anything?” His coworker walks back into the kitchen. You see the look on Brandon’s face and you can tell…shit’s about to hit the fan. He stomps over to his boss at the counter.
“Listen–”
“I loathe apologies, make it up to me, Brendon, the cumins need filling,” his boss nags, putting on makeup in a compact mirror.
“It’s Brandon! Brandon Walsh! I’m an investigative reporter for the West Beverly newspaper–”
You watch Brandon rant and rave from your table, not able to quite make out what he’s saying because of the loud music. He starts unbuttoning his white coat while he vents.
“Uh oh…uh oh…Dylan, why is he stripping?” You tap him on the arm frantically to get his attention.
“What, I thought you’d like that,” Dylan jokes, playful grin on his lips.
“Oh, shut up!” You laugh, taking the little ball of paper from your straw and throwing it at his face. “I hate you.” You manage to catch the last bit of the conversation.
“…How you scam your help for under minimum wage! So you can take your cumin, and you can shove it,” Brandon slams his white coat down on the counter, walking back to you guys. Wow. You don’t know whether to be amused, proud, or incredibly turned on. All three?
“Take a load off, Minnesota. ‘Dinner Delectable’ is on me,” Dylan encourages, pulling out a seat for Brandon. You can almost see the adrenaline pumping through his veins.
“Whew, free at last, free at last. Thank god almighty–” he stops the waitress, “Excuse me, can I get a round cup and a round saucer? And I’d like it before the second coming please,” Dylan shakes his head and silently laughs, while your jaw is slightly slack, loving whatever mood Brandon’s in right now. “Come on, let’s get out of here. ”
“Done deal, I know just the place,” all three of you catwalk out.
-
The Peach Pit
Brandon takes a spoonful of apple pie, “The job wasn’t just to support my car insurance habit,” he tells you. “My dad’s always worked.”
The owner of the diner leans in, both hands on the counter, “He sounds as bonkers as me.” You take a bite of your own pie as he continues, “I was 10 when I worked my first big character part in an old bogie film. There was a real pro with a sweet tooth,”
“Now I know why you dragged me all the way out here,” Brandon turns to Dylan, who’s on the other side of you.
“Best pie in L.A., food for real people,”
“Here’s to real cups and real saucers,” you quip, and all three of you raise your glasses. You look around the diner, pictures upon pictures on the walls, pink wallpaper, and rock and roll music.
“Take it or leave it,” The owner, Nat smiles.
“What I like, is you get a real cross-section of people, you know?” Dylan comments, bringing his tea to his lips.
“This really is a nice place you’ve got here,” You smile fondly.
“Listen, uh, Dylan here has been bugging me about hiring someone to help me out, I figure who would be nuts enough to want this bit? Take you, you look nuts enough,” He faces Brandon, raising his eyebrows.
“Take me!” Brandon exclaims. Oh, those were words you dreamt of hearing come out of this mouth. “I’m nuts enough!” Dammit. He’s so cute.
“I’ll vouch for that,” you giggle.
“Me too, I’ll even waive my commission,” Dylan says.
“So, when do I start?”
“How about right now?” All three of you exchange cheeky smiles.
The night ends after a few slices of pie, some milkshakes, and a curfew that’s about to break.
“Thanks for coming out with me tonight, Y/N/N,” Dylan thanks as you slide into the passengers seat. You smile at him as he pulls out of the diner’s parking lot, and turns down the street, his engine humming and the crickets chirping. You look at him for a moment, lost in your thoughts. You admire him, the night sky, and the fresh, cool, nighttime air. You speak up.
“I don’t want to go home yet,”
Tags: @be-patient-be-good @fangirl-imagines @lilo-1988 @bevelyhills90210
#beverly hills 90210#bh90210 rewrite#Brandon walsh#Brandon walsh x reader#beverly hills 90210 x reader#90210#90210 x reader#bh90210 imagine#Dylan mckay#luke perry#jason priestley#beverly hills 90210 rewrite#every dream has its price tag#bh#Dylan mckay x reader#Brandon walsh imagine#Dylan mckay imagine#beverly hills 90210 imagine#90210 imagine#brenda walsh#shannen doherty
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@arissayoo, hey!!! it’s ur atiny christmas angel!!!!!!!! i thought that since you’d be getting to open a bunch of presents earlier in the day, i’d give you your gift a little later. recency effect, you feel? (definitely not a product of my procrastination, no maam, not here. we do not know that word.) i’m gonna be honest—this isn’t my best work. but i tried to write out something that you might like, so i hope you enjoy! i apologize for it not being too sappy or holiday-themed 🥺; i felt like that friendly, comfortable feeling was what worked best. please let me know if you’d like any changes! i hope the rest of your holidays go wonderfully~ (also, your pets are adORABLE oh my goodness…pls giv nala an extra kiss for me….)
LIL PLAYLIST!! 맘 편히 (comfortable). G2 ft. GRAY & Simon Dominic // dancing like butterfly wings. ATEEZ // i swear i’ll never leave again. keshi // LOVE?. ELO & PENOMECO ft. GRAY // she likes spring, i prefer winter. slchld // sims. Lauv // stay with me. ayokay ft. Jeremy Zucker
“I’m so sorry about this,” Yeosang says for the fourth time that minute. “I totally forgot what day it was. I was planning on getting my license before I moved out, but—“
Sira grins, nudging his shoulder with hers as she grabs her keys.
“Don’t worry about. What would I be doing otherwise? Road trips are fun.”
Yeosang glances between her and the garage of luggage on his left, opens his mouth to say something, but then turns back to the luggage to gape for a moment.
When he’s done with that, he looks at her again, eyebrows furrowing. He has somehow managed to look even more apologetic, and Sira lets out a breath that’s stuck somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.
“It’s okay, Yeo. I’m serious. I’m glad you’re with me and not some random moving dude who you wouldn’t even feel comfortable telling the address.”
“I would be totally —“ he starts, but after a second thought, goes silent. When he speaks again, he sounds solemn. “I would be totally screwed. Damn.”
Sira grins, dragging a few boxes over to the trunk, and Yeosang piles the rest into the back seats.
Once they’ve settled in, Yeosang having thanked her another five times, and Sira having asked him to connect his phone to the stereo in a futile attempt to calm his nerves, they finally start the drive to his new house.
That is, until Sira asks if they locked the door and Yeosang notes that their lunch is sitting on the patio floor. Neither of them realize the garage is open until they’re backing into it again without moving a finger. Then Sira heads in to lock the door and registers that the door isn’t just unlocked – it’s wide open.
She reminds herself to check in on Yeosang’s new place at least three times before every other trip. And to remind the other boys to remember to check in on him a lot. And then realizes she’s standing in front of the door, still open, muttering to herself. She shakes her head, widens and then shuts her eyes, then takes a breath and shuts the door.
Yeosang is grinning at her from outside the patio when she looks up, keys on a finger as he steps up beside his old shoe-rack.
“You forgot the keys.”
Sira blinks blankly as he slips past her and locks the door, then lets out a slow exhale and waves at the door.
“Bye, bud.”
She squints, head tilting the slightest bit, lips apart.
“Are you trying to be cute, or are you really gonna do that every time you move?”
Yeosang feigns a sad look, pouting, puppy-eyed, the whole lot, as he heads out the door (forgetting lunch again, Sira notes with a fond grin, grabbing it herself) and he pats the door as it shuts behind them.
“I’m really gonna miss the house. I did all my dumb university stuff here. Like use tuition savings on drones. And then play with the drones instead of studying.”
Sira clicks her tongue, buckling back into the car as he shuts the garage.
“And decide to move out on Christmas eve?”
Yeosang whines, pout back on his lips as he grabs a seat.
“I said I’m sorry. I thought it was November.”
Sira sighs, then nods, lips parting slightly as she backs out again.
“No worries. It’s also why everyone’s getting their gifts late, and why I’m gonna be on the road instead of staring at my beautifully decorated Christmas tree with my even more beautiful babies.”
“I’m sure the cats will be fine for a day.”
“You're forgetting Nala?"
"Not forgetting," he notes, smiling softly. "We both know she already misses you like hell, and we're just getting on the freeway now."
"Well that's reassuring."
He doesn't answer, just looking out the window, but a minute later, he’s slouching again.
“I really am sorry.”
Sira glances between him and the road, eyes flitting around before she declares,
“Every ‘sorry’ equals one episode of Goblin you have to sit and watch with me.”
Yeosang’s eyebrows furrow, head lilting to one side.
“Every sorry is an hour of time? That’s a little—“
“Your sorries are worth less than an hour of your time?”
“Well, no, but Goblin is bo—“
“Stop right there for your safety, Yeo.” When Yeosang looks up and notices the way Sira is trying to glare at him, then the road, then the rearview mirror, and then him again, he struggles to keep from giggling, but breaks off the sentence all the same. He can see a mirroring grin slip onto her lips too, but he pretends her facade's functional.
“Sorry,” he says, and then his eyes widen. Sira stifles a laugh herself, and in a matter of seconds, they’ve both dissolved into fits of laughter.
The rest of the ride goes quick, with Yeosang ricocheting through topics—calling to mind all the new songs he wants to show her, asking random questions about car insurance, and even trying to budget video game money. Sira drives, he talks, Sira listens, and then, somehow, they’re there.
It takes them a few hours to unpack, so despite their attempt at an early departure, by the time the apartment rooms are livable, the sun is setting. Yeosang hasn’t bought balcony chairs yet, so they sit on the balcony floor, clad in parkas and toques, and they keep talking.
When the sun falls past the horizon, Yeosang can see the way Sira stops halfway through sentences, blankly blinking before her earlier topic returns to her, and suggests they head inside—so they do.
Sira’s filter starts waning around then, and she declares, walking into the mostly empty living room, “This isn’t Christmas eve.”
Yeosang raises an eyebrow, and a half-grin rises onto his lips instantaneously. “Really? That’s great news for me. I’m about…” he trails off, pretending to count off something on his fingers. “8 presents behind.”
Sira shakes her head, laughing as she starts scrimmaging through boxes. “You need lights and stuff. Do you have any in here?”
Yeosang hums in thought before shaking his head, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“That’s three episodes so far.” Yeosang tsks, feigning a frown, but he can’t help dropping it for a grin when he sees the way Sira’s smile grows every time he slips up.
“Sorry. That was my bad. Sorry about that.”
She knows he’s messing around, so she stops counting, grabbing her phone and humming in thought.
“We can just watch the whole thing together, since you seem to love it so much all of a sudden. Anyways, it’s late. ‘m tired. Are the pillows in the car?”
Yeosang shakes his head, opening up a few boxes. “There’s some over here, with the blankets. Are two okay? Just one each?”
She nods and he drags over the box, grinning as he pulls them out. “My mom got these before I moved out.”
Sira’s fatigue is fairly visible at this point in the way she nods, pulling a pillow under her head and looking up at Yeosang with a slow-mo smile. Her blinks are slow, but her gaze lingers, steady, around his eyes.
“Mhm. Cute. Real—” a yawn.”—really cute. ‘m gonna sleep. Merry Christmas.”
Yeosang’s eyebrows shoot up, and he’s about to offer her some hot chocolate before he remembers he hasn’t bought a new microwave yet. He decides to just set the blanket over her, mutters a ‘merry Christmas’ back, and tries to keep from looking over at her too much.
It proves more difficult than he thinks – she takes her glasses off before sleeping most of the time, setting them aside neatly, but at the moment, they’re halfway down her cheek, sliding steadily. It's ... cute. He tries to pull them off as gently as possible but she groans and turns over anyhow. Setting them on a box, he grins back over at her before remembering again that she’s asleep and flushing, turning away to grab himself a pillow.
He's giving into temptation within the next minute — setting his pillow beside hers, sliding an arm under it, and letting his cheek rest on the pillow so they’re facing each other.
She looks so cute. He muses, still smiling. He feels dorky, but he doesn’t let himself worry about it too much, preoccupied. Really cute.
After some more silent contemplation, he decides that the jeans he’s in are pretty uncomfortable after his eyes flicker open with every movement around them, and decides to change into what he hopes Sira will accept as holiday-enough.
When he’s back after rummaging through his suitcase and then trying to find a laundry hamper, Yeosang slides onto the floor next to her. A hint of a smile sneaks past his lips and he mumbles,
“Thank you.”
There’s no answer – though it isn’t as if he’s expecting one. His smile only grows in the silence, and he finds his cheeks are warm again. He sets his elbow on the floor, cheek in hand, humming a familiar, unidentifiable tune under his breath. His eyes glide across Sira’s eyes, nose, mouth, hair, and then flutter shut. He grins sheepishly to himself when he finally works out a present he can get her in time for Christmas.
He doesn’t sleep too well, though, after his mind wanders through the different ways to share his feelings, and uses none in the end, but the embarrassed kiss he earns for his groggy confession is more than enough validation for him.
#merry christmas!!!#sorry this is late :[#n for not having been the best of anons :[#ur a super cool person tho n my inbox is always open if you need me!!!!!!#atiny christmas angel#hope u like it aaaa
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Congratulations, Joss! You’ve been accepted to play Aaron Murphy (previously Aaron Khan, last name changed to fit the new FC’s ethnicity). Your request to change his FC to Bob Morley has also been approved. Please make your page and send it in within 24 hours.
Admin note: Joss, you’re absolutely flawless. You make it very easy to fall in love with your writing, and you’ve given Aaron so much depth! I can’t wait to see him on the dash! - Admin V
IC INFORMATION —
CHARACTER DESIRED
Aaron Khan
DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER IN YOUR OWN WORDS
If you told Aaron to turn out his pockets and show what he’s accomplished in life, you might see it as just empty hands, but to him, being a dealer is the only thing he’s ever been really good at. He’s got learning disabilities, dyslexia and ADHD, that prevented him from ever really settling into a normal life or doing well in school, but when it comes to weed, he’s a fucking prodigy. He can tell the weight of a bag just by looking at it or holding it, he can tell from the smell if product is good or not, and he knows how to spot an undercover cop at 100 yards. His greatest skill is in being able to read his customers. He can tell from the moment you approach him what strain you’re going to need, how much, and what you’re willing to pay. He’s friendly, never tries to force you to be his friend, and always stands by his product. If weed were legal, he might be paying taxes and living the good life at a cannabis dispensary. As it is, he’s the guy on everyone’s cell phone under “Aaron Green”.
People usually assume when you say your home life was bad that someone was smacking you around or there was no food, maybe your parents were junkies or crackheads. But it doesn’t have to be that dramatic to be bad. Sometimes your family can just forget you exist. Aaron was one of eight kids and none of them ever really had a chance. He disappeared in among his siblings so that no one ever noticed when he never came home at night. His home was loud, but there was never any real love in it. His parents were immigrants who’d come to America as children and never gotten out of the ghetto neighbourhoods of Detroit. They never had enough money and worked all the time, and when they came home, they would just stare blankly at their children, as if to say, “are you still here?” Aaron doesn’t think they were ever even in love; certainly the photographs never show people who looked happy to be together. Sometimes he lets himself wonder if they were like him, with dreams that they could never achieve and a burning need to do something, and if they just got beaten down by life, but it’s not like he can ask anymore.
Chicago was the farthest Aaron could get from Detroit on the money he’d saved up, and it seemed like a town that still had hope, while Detroit was just dying slowly around him. He had a cousin there whose couch he crashed on (Aaron has cousins everywhere, they come out of the woodwork whenever one of them needs somewhere to crash), and a few job possibilities lined up, but he’d get itchy if he got stuck working behind a counter or washing dishes or shifting mail around, needing more stimulation than entry-level jobs provided. If he’d had the money to do training in a trade or something, maybe he could’ve done something with his hands that kept him occupied, or trained to be a tech expert, since he loves video games and can play them for hours if need be. Instead, he asked his dealer if the guy could hook him up with a gig, and one thing led to another.
Working for the Costellos is mildly terrifying at times, but it feeds that part of him that needs to move and stay active. He doesn’t deal anything too hard, just weed and some party drugs, and he’s a favourite of club kids and college students for the quality of his product and his innovations when it comes to packaging and branding. He’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a brilliant idea about a new line of edibles like peppermint chocolates for the on-the-go buyer who doesn’t want to overindulge, or flavoured strains of CBD oil laced with hash to give a smooth high without any paranoia, or making their own line of e-liquids for vapes (something he’s very into, do not get him started on the unfair legislation around vaping rights), and spend the next three days making it happen only to crash once his latest masterpiece is complete.
He could probably survive without a roommate at this point (though he’d have to live somewhere shady to do so and he’s become a little too comfortable to move back to the hood), but he used the excuse of needing one to let Corinna into his life. She’s the first person he’s lived with that he doesn’t feel anything but uncomplicated affection for, and the idea of having friends that you’re not either also selling to or working for is new and interesting for him. He’s a genuinely nice person (more so when baked but also overall), and he’s always happy to share his groceries or just sit up with her and listen to her talk. He may even someday tell her about his family, though that remains a subject he doesn’t address.
WRITING SAMPLE
“Hey, man-bun!” Aaron turned around by reflex, even though someone yelling anything at you out of the blue was, at best, 50/50 gonna be a shitty situation. “That’s what your mom called me last night. At least I think that’s what she was saying, there was a lotta moaning going o-” Aaron didn’t get to finish his sentence, the punch catching him straight in the jaw. He looked like he could handle himself in a fight, but his muscles were all for show. Staggering back, he checked to see if all his teeth were still there. That was one thing that hadn’t gone wrong yet.
“You sold me bad shit, motherfucker! Gimme my money back, or I’m gonna end you!” If this had been back in Detroit, Aaron might have taken this conversation more seriously, especially because he’d just gotten punched in the face, but this was Chicago, and he worked for the Costellos. Some little trust fund baby wasn’t gonna roll up on him and try and get a fucking refund.
“That’s a shame. You still got the stuff? I’ll trade it in for new shit.” They were outside a bar in Costello territory, and the guy squaring up at him looked like he rowed every day and ate ivy for a living. Sure, he was dressed like he was living that thug life, but c'mon, no one’s teeth were that straight in Chiraq. That was the problem with cities like this, everyone thought they could front. Nobody in the suburbs would’ve even bothered, they’d have probably said please and thank you, but out here, people watched too many movies and thought you had to act like an OG. His friend, cuz of course he had a friend, punks like this never tried anything when it was a fair fight, just stood slightly off to the side and switched between grinning and sneering.
“Are you fucking stupid? Did you hear me? Gimme my fucking money now! You’re lucky I don’t call my boys down and fuck your shit up for giving me lousy stuff!” It had gotten to the point where Aaron wasn’t really a street dealer primarily anymore, he was the guy you called when you needed something. He did deliveries and hung out at parties and clubs. When you were selling a product people wanted, you didn’t have to pound the pavement to sell it. But he was doing another favour for Holden. Aaron always did favours for Holden, no matter how many times the other man asked. He couldn’t help it. And normally he could spot an asshole a mile off and choose to refuse service, but Holden needed his quota to stay up, so Aaron had been a little too liberal with his sales tonight. Figures he’d get punched on his night off.
“Like I said, I can do a trade if you’re unhappy with the product, but this isn’t a Target, man. We don’t do refunds. So hand over the shit, and I’ll give you some primo Afghani Kush. I’ll even top up the bag free of charge, cuz I wanna preserve our relationship.” The kid wasn’t having any of it. “I already smoked it and it did jackshit! I’m not even high! We even mixed it with some coke and it did fucking nothing!” Oh boy. So on top of assholes, they were idiots too. “You can’t mix it with coke, man. That just ruins both highs. If you’d said you’d wanted something to blend with uppers, I coulda-” Aaron was prevented in continuing with his sales pitch when the kid pulled out a gun. The fucking sikik seemed to think he could draw down in public. Granted, it was a shit neighbourhood, but it was still a Neighbourhood.
“C'mon guy, this is a bad move. You really wanna think this one through, you know?” This whole evening was really turning into a bummer. If he got shot by this at hırsızı, he’d never live it down. And he didn’t have health insurance. The kid’s gun didn’t waver, and his friend had pulled a piece too. Awesome. “You coulda just given me the money, now I’m gonna take everything, and I’m gonna kick your ass too, you piece of shit fag-” The conversation ended abruptly with a squealing of tires and bright lights. Aaron jumped out of the way, rolling across the sidewalk and dragging himself up when there wasn’t immediate gunfire. The kid and his friend were now lying in the road groaning in front of a red Ford pickup. The door opened and Holden got out, looking at Aaron with bewilderment. “What the hell happened?”
Stumbling forward, Aaron had the sense to kick the guns away from the two kids as he limped over to the truck’s passenger side. “Just a difference of opinion, don’t worry about it. But I’m thinking we talk about moving you to somewhere a little more high-class. This neighbourhood is going to shit.” As Holden slammed into the car and peeled away, the neighbourhood returned to normal, like it had never happened. It was Chicago, weirder things happened every day. Aaron leaned his head against the glass and dug a joint out of his pocket, inserting it between his lips and expertly lighting it with his lucky Zippo. “Don’t smoke that in the car, you’ll make it reek in here.” Laughing, Aaron rolled down the window. “You’re the weirdest dealer I know, man. C'mon, night’s still young, let’s hit Lake Forest and make some money off the preps out there.” Holden, shaking his head, took the turnoff and headed for the suburb. “You ever take anything seriously, cabron?” Aaron winked. “Not unless I can’t avoid it, kaşar.”
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Goblin Recap Time!!!
We watched episode 2 of Goblin this weekend and it was great, but then I got really busy, and haven’t got around to talking about it, so let’s do this. Hopefully, I can still remember most of what happened. This show is A LOT!
What happened this time:
First and foremost, remember last time, when I predicted that the Kim Shin - Wang Yeo roomies sitch was gonna be off the chain? I am pleased to report that it was, in fact, way, way off the chain. But I am ahead of myself.
So, Eun-Tak and Kim Shin had a nice time in Canada. We learned some things:
- Kim Shin has spent a lot of time in Canada and has a whole bunch of dead servants whose graves he likes to visit. Also he has a fake grave for himself.
- Because Being Immortal + Real Estate Speculation = $$$, Kim Shin is loaded.
- Ghosts are scarier when they speak to you in English.
Also, Eun-Tak brought home a tourism brochure and a maple leaf, these might be somewhat important later?
Eun-Tak finally got a part time job! She finds this chicken restaurant run by a beautiful, extremely bored woman named Sunny. The restaurant has no customers, for no explicable reason. My husband and I are both obsessed with Sunny. She seems like the sort of person who would normally have just huge dick energy, but she’s sort of down on her luck right now. She eats a lot of snacks. At some point, she goes to a fortune teller, who tells her, “Beware of a man in a black hat,” and Sunny replies something along the lines of “Is he hot?” and Wang Yeo is in so, so much trouble.
At some point, Wang Yeo finds Eun-Tak again, and since he has his paperwork in order now, tries to drag her off to be dead again. Kim Shin rolls in and there’s this really cute part where Eun-Tak tries to protect him from Wang Yeo, and he’s like “relax, I know this jerk.” He tells Wang Yeo that he can’t take Eun-Tak because she’s the Goblin Bride, and if she dies, Wang Yeo will lose his chance to take Kim Shin himself. Wang Yeo (apparently) buys this, and bounces. Eun-Tak then yells at Kim Shin for lying to her about him being a Goblin and her being the Goblin Bride and he replies that she’s not the Goblin Bride, he just lied to protect her. It’s sort of been built up that he really believes she’s not because she can’t see his sword (which sticks out of him, but the show thankfully doesn’t show it most of the time). Unsurprisingly, Eun-Tak is really upset about this.
Later on, at home, Wang Yeo and Kim Shin talk it over at home, and Wang Yeo’s like, “maybe she just can’t see the sword yet”, like, good question, dude. How does anyone involved know how this works? Kim Shin didn’t exactly get a copy of The Handbook for the Recently Deceased when he croaked.
After this, Eun-Tak runs away from home so that Wang Yeo can’t find her (he hates it when people move), which causes her aunt to panic. Apparently, the aunt owes some mob-type guys some money, and she’s trying to scam Eun-Tak out of her insurance money, but she can’t find Eun-Tak’s bank book. Eun-Tak has said repeatedly that she doesn’t have it, and it’s slightly ambiguous as to if she does, but it’s implied that Goddess of Children/Old Grocery Lady (who is now young and hot) is involved. Speaking of her, she gave Eun-Tak some Cursed Spinach this episode. Just keeping her hand in, I guess.
Eun-Tak is actually sleeping at the chicken restaurant. Auntie shows up to try and find her, and Sunny destroys her with word play and trickery. Unfortunately, she just sends the mob guys after Eun-Tak directly. They basically kidnap her, and they’re driving around when all the street lights start going out and OH SHIT Kim Shin and Wang Yeo have TEAMED UP to come save her, I AM LOSING IT, I love it when rivals (are they rivals? I can’t even) team up. Anyway, the episode ends here.
Thoughts:
Last time, I was a bit ‘meh’ on Kim Shin. He was too cool and kind of a dick. Well, I am pleased to report that the man has revealed himself to be an absolute disaster and I now ::heart:: him. There is this extended scene of him trying to decide what to wear and what object to pose with the next time Eun-Tak summons him, and he keeps trying to get Wang Yeo’s opinion while Wang Yeo is trying to sleep, and it’s stupendous. For half the episode, he’s wearing a knee-length cardigan over a turtleneck jumpsuit. Oh, and when he’s sad, it starts raining, and Deok Hwa had all these dehumidifiers set up around him. But the ultimate Kim-Shin-Is-A-Disaster-Moment is this: Deok Hwa reveals that he’s known that Kim Shin is a Goblin since he was a kid. “How did you know?” Kim Shin asks. “You used to get drunk and offer me gold,” Deok Hwa explains, and then there’s a flashback of drunk Kim Shin offering Young Deok Hwa some gold bars and my soul left my body.
Wang Yeo is so perfect. He has incredible FML energy, as he hangs around the house, drinking his juice, putting up with Kim Shin’s bullshit, defending the honor of his hat. He meets up with a co-worker at some point and they complain about paperwork. We also find out that Grim Reapers get paid by the money people leave on altars, which is apparently, not a whole lot in terms of maintaining a modern lifestyle. I love this. I love all of this. I love him. Wang Yeo and Kim Shin keep getting in fights where they magically throw stuff at each other while they’re trying to eat. Kim Shin keeps putting a frilly nightcap on Wang Yeo. Wang Yeo sings a song about Kim Shin’s underwear.
Oh, I almost forgot! There’s a part where Wang Yeo takes a husband and wife who have died in a car wreck, and it turns out the husband is the guy who hit-and-runned Eun-Tak’s mom. Wang Yeo gives the wife the forgetfulness tea, but denies it to the husband, saying his hell is that he’s cursed to wander the earth, remembering what he has done. YOU ARE METAL AS HELL, WANG YEO.
At some point, Eun-Tak decides to ask a ghost why all the ghosts think she’s the Goblin Bride. Apparently, another ghost witnessed Kim Shin saving her mom and is huge gossip. So there are all these ghosts gathered around, telling Eun-Tak this story, and in the middle, one of the ghosts starts trying to drag Eun-Tak to her death, Ringu -style, and the other ghosts are holding her back, like, “Oh God, why are you always like this?” and it was perfect.
How are there zero Goblin x Bleach crossover fics on Ao3? Is it so much to ask for one little fic of Eun-Tak and Ichigo eating ice cream and complaining about how terrible ghosts and other supernatural beings are?
This show is real good.
Remember when I said that I was worried my husband wasn’t gonna be into this? At some point, he turns to me and says, “so, I was reading this post on /r/kdrama, and...” I am done worrying.
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14x13 (300th) Commentary
Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)
Hello and welcome:
@purpleskiesandcherrypies (Nat)
@dean-winchesters-bacon (Kat)
@waywardbaby (Zee)
@ain-t-bovvered (Giu)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
“Dad’s on a hunting trip-
[shuts laptop]
Giu: It’s already a no from me
uuugh ok [opens laptop]
“-and he hasn’t been home in a few days “
Zee: That’s when I fell in love
Kat : I fell in love at “easy tiger”
Nat: He looks like a demon
Giu: he does
sign under the register: your baby daddy sitting in jail? Sell your gold and get bail.
wow.
S: we are looking for the good stuff.
me searching for men
Kat : I need that wad of money, And the man attached to it
Giu: SAM
Zee : So done
Nat: Dean's done
Kat : That was so Jared lol
D.”No you didn’t”
Kat: Oh shit Dean. All sexy business
Giu: They not happy
Kat : FIRE
Giu: NOT THE HAIR NOT THE HAIR
[pauses video] TUMMY! [presses play again]
Giu: HE’S A BIG BOY
Zee : Turn his back to dean?
Nat&Kat: They always talk too much
Nat: he stole my line
Nat: PLAGIARISM
Nat: don't put that in
Giu: I’m gonna put that in
Nat: no
The smoke coming out the gun tho. I love that gun.
Zee : Put that down dean
Giu: Dean don’t touch things
In what goddamn dystopian fantasy a theater in 2019 show Beetlejuice? because I wanna live there.
Giu: I want that jacket. Doesn’t it look like the family business jacket?
Zee : I want that car,with everything in it
Giu: ...AND ON IT
Nat: I want that man
Giu: lol it’s like the Winchesters are some sort of the mean girls of town.
The Campbell brothers are scary.
They have two shotguns and a strange silver blade.
I hear the tall one hair's insured for $.
I hear the other one has a tinder account. His favorite music can be heard from miles before coming into town.
One time, they met god.
And he stayed at their house.
One time, they killed Hitler.
It was awesome.
Kat : I WANT THE MEN
-” The Campbell brothers “ [sobs]
D:”Make it double”
Oh look the Family Business stuff again
S:” John Wayne Gacy cigar box”
uh that’s not good.
“Jack and Cass are out with Jules and her crew. When they’re back they can help us cataloging “ [already excited]
D:” aWeSoME”
- “Where did they even came from? them or their weird sidekick with the trench coat”
I love how before the boy Eliot talked about hearing stuff from the trunk of the car and I did not even bat an eye, because.....yeah...probably happened more than once.
Giu&Kat: Dumb bambi look
- Max:” It doesn’t mean they kidnapped bigfoot or whatever “
that could have happened too .
How did I miss all this gay vibes between the girls before?
Giu: anyway that is unrealistic, those girls would be drooling after those two.
Nat: Nah, they're too old for them
me at myself editing the commentary: they lesbian, bitch .
Nat: Max is trouble, isn't she
Kat: Don’t touch my baby’s car teen bitch
Zee : Why is sam so hot here?
Nat: BABY
- D;” No,no, no, no”
Zee : Oh the bitch did
Giu: THEY DED
Giu: DON T MOVE YESSIR
-S *thinks of the kids*
D: “Swear to God if anything happens to that car-” *thinks murder*
Giu: Meanwhile dean is having panic attacks
Nat&Giu&Kat: I don't wanna die. lol
Giu: TRIPLE PLAGIARISM
Kat: Stop Omg
Nat: We should stop
Zee : Look at those puppy eyes
- “So you want me to give you an underage girl’s address?”
Nat: hahahahahahhahahahahaha i like that woman
D:”Marta, how’s that grandson of yours?”
“if you could help us out I would, I would really appreciate it”
“Please”
Zee : I’d melt
Kat: THAT TAP
Nat: I mean...helloooooo
Giu: There goes her values
Nat: I would tell him everything and more
Zee : Giuls the hand gif. Please and thank you
- you want my address too?
Kat: He’s putting the moves
Kat: Their lips are extra pink
-Yeah but like...I would have melt with Sam too honestly.
SKIP DAY! aaaah the memories, we had skip days once a month.
Giu: OH NO
Zee : They dumb
Giu: i wouldn’t touch that creepy fuck teddy bears
Giu: can I slap some sense in those bitches
Giu: GACY FUCK NO
Nat: Baby, please tell me you're not hurt
Kat: BABY BABY
D: “ FBI everybody out”
me : ....arrest me.
Giu: Sam: no fuck clown
Kat: Serial killer clown
Nat: Sammy, I think you need to get away
Kat: Best and worst thing ever
- D:” ‘Cause you love serial killers but you hate clowns”
eh same .
Zee : look how happy he is
D:” Sam....today”
Kat: HURRRY UP SAMMEH
D: “....Hey! “
Nat: Dean Bean
Kat: Adorable bean
Zee: We’re damn good at why we do
Nat: They're going all dad on them
Kat: It’s hot
- S:” You sure don’t wanna call Mom here? or Cass?”
D:” No because if it works , great, if not, why get their hopes up?”
Zee : Hello
Nat: JOHN
Kat: SHIT SHIT. SHIT Kicking their asses lol
Giu: My eyes are sweating
Nat: I got Negan vibes lol
? : “Don’t you move”
[chills]
Zee : That’s another Daddy
Giu: HE LOOKS GOOD
J: “What in the hell”
J: “Sammy, aren’t you supposed to be in Palo Alto?”
Nat: Palo Alto. Oh god.
Giu: Good god [sobs]
J: “What happened to you?” when did you stretch like that
Nat: It's 2003
Kat: It’s very difficult
J:”You saved the world?”
Zee : More than once
Giu: We died....more than once
Zee : Look at that precious face
D:”I think he’d be real happy to know you are finally here”
- Glad they mentioned Henry, I miss him.
S:” We are legacies because of you”
J.” I just wish that I had been there to see it”
Nat: Awww the look on Sammy
Nat: It fucking breaks my heart alright
D:”Non of this would have happened without you”
J:” It’s good, it’s fine. I went out taking out yellow eyes. That was the point. Get the thing that killed Mom”
Giu: im not ready for what.’s coming
Zee : Me neither
Kat: So much sobbing
Nat: What are you talking about. I'm not ready for the whole damn episode
Giu: STOP WITH THE MUSIC
Zee : Brace yourselves
- J [desperately softly]:” ...Mary?”
Giu: OH NO FUCKING JDM
Nat: Oh god NO
Zee : Oh fuck you
Giu: FUCK MY LIFE. FREAKING ACTING SKILLS.
Nat: FUCK OFF
Zee : IM SCREAMING HERE
Nat: THE BOYS...lol
D:” I’m freaking out”
No Dean, I’m freaking out. And I already know, looking at Sam face, what’s coming.
Nat: "I wanted this man"
D:” I wanted this since I was 4 years old”
I CAN T
Zee: One family dinner
Nat: NO DEAN BEAN PLEASE Sammy is right
Kat: He is but it hurts. So much
Nat: TAKE A KNIFE AND STAB ME
oH....Sammy and Daddy time. Can I skip?
Look at John fucking face!! he’s already so proud.
S:” Dean and I tried to make that once” [nervous laughter]
[John’s face falls]
Zee : Here come regrets
J:”i...I remember “
Sam’s like...”you do?”
J: “ I screwed up with you a lot, didn’t I?”
The noise and expression and breathing Jared choose to made here is worth more than any words
Nat: GOD, SAM YOU PRECIOUS BEAN
S:” no, that’s okay”
J:”No, it’s not”
[me bathing into the holy light of jesus] yeeeees thank you
Sam looks so uncomfortable.
J: “You didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left”
ooooh John is trying so hard tho.
S: “..Dad...” [pauses like he can’t believe he can say that again]
me hitting myself : stop doing this to yourself bitch.
S: “ yeah...you know what? you did some messed up things”
S: “When I think about you....and I think about you a lot..[voice cracks]”
S:”I think about you on the floor of that hospital. And I think about how I never got to say goodbye”
Giu: fuck NOPE I’M OUT
Kat: *drags you back*
Giu: *fights it*
Zee: I’ll tie you down bitch just watch
Kat: I can’t i can’t I can’t
Giu: JARED STOP
Nat: FUCK JARED WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD
Nat: JARED STAHP
Kat: JARED IS INCREDIBLE
J: “Sam....[touches him]”
S: [gets almost scared when John touches him]
and now a change of camera so you can see more hurt
Nat: FUCK THIS I'M GOING OUT WITH YOU GIULS
Kat: I’ll tie you down
Zee: Can this fucking music just stop
Giu: CAN SOMEONE JUST GIVE ME MERCY? it’s 8:40am it’s too early for this
Kat: FUCK YOU JARED PADALECKI
Giu: STOP CRYIG
Giu: ahahahaahahhahahahaahah imma have a heart attack
Nat: SHIT NO FUCK THIS
Giu: Im forgetting english and spelling
J: “Son...I am so sorry”
Zee: That’s enough
Nat: YOU FOUGHT FOR US THAT'S ENOUGH
Giu: CLOSURE
Nat: what's english i'll start to groan in german soon
Zee: I’ll swear in Greek
Giu: I’m already gesturing in italian anyway
S:”Want some company?”
Nat: I get the booze you get the food, I want that bumper sticker
Nat: Why doesn't he remember?What the fuck is happening
Giu: The surnaaaame
Kat: YOU’LL SEE THE SHIT IT HAPPENING
Giu: THE FUCK
Zee : Blue steel
Nat: BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Giu: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
Never forget
Nat: WANNA BE TED TALK
Nat: PROFESSOR JARED
Giu: GOD BLESS KALE (Misha wrote that)
Kat: THE TURTLENECK
hot take: that’s Misha’s turtle neck
Nat: THE GLASSES
D:”No, no , it gets worse”
TEDTalk!Sam is an empty shell. I hate it.
Kat: THE SLICKED BACK HAIR
Giu: Lotta beheadings
Zee : Can Jared stop being hotter in this ep?
D:”Well, I’m cool but you are ugh”
Giu: I saw enough doctor who to know what is Sam talking about.
S:” If all is different, then what else changed”
Giu: OH.
Zee : Oh no
Nat: Zach is also ugh
Giu: NO GO AWAY
Giu: HEY BABE
- GUESS WHO NEVER FOUGHT IN HELL AND RAISED SOME SALTY ASS FROM PERDITION???
Z:”Earth ...where you are always stepping in something”
I mean, he’s not wrong
Zee: Constantine
Nat&Zee: I don't understand that reference
Giu: SDEFAFANSBAKWBLENDP
Zee : Control yourself woman
D:”How are we gonna tell Dad?”
S: “How are we gonna tell Mom”
Nat: Why are the teens everywhere are they running out of extras? I can be an extra.... for love scenes
Zee : I can be a fly in the wall
Z:”I need to know who’s been messing with time?” like...I mess with time, that’s my thing, who’s stealing my job
Giu: SQUINTY BOY
Z:”This town is always been a little muddy for us”
Z:” he...murders you all”
Kat: Ugh I want to stab Zach in the face
oh jfc Cass is a fucking murder machine,kinda like the apocalypse world NO
Nat: Zach, just shut the fuck up, will ya
Zee: I’m an angel of the lord AAAAAAHHHHHH
Zee : GIULS IM DEAD
Giu: IS IT BAD THAT IM AROUSED
Kat: WINGS
Giu: FUCK
Zee: THE ONLY LOGICAL OUTCOME. Babe how dare you ?
D:”Cass? “
C: who’s this bright soul , oh no he’s hot.
D:”Cass, you know us”
C: I WISH.
C: “I don’t know you”
Kat: I DONT KNOW YOU
Nat: Ow...a stab in the heart
Giu: NO
Kat : Breaking my heart
- Oh look you can pin point the exact moment HIS heart breaks.
D:” Cass, don’t”
Giu: LAGO DI GARDA!!
Nat: THE GARDA LAKE? IS THAT AN EXPRESSION?
Giu: No , it’s where i live.
- The satisfaction of seeing Sam kill Zach. Sam enjoying it.
Kat: YAS SAMMEH
Nat: Cas, come on!
- I love that Sam is holding the blade to cut and not stab.
ok ok...honestly I’m enjoying this ok? in the sense that I missed seeing Castiel so strong and powerful , and this is as it should be. He’s an angel , a soldier, with eons of wars behind, he was a captain ffs, the Winchester, they can be as strong as you want but they are human. Even Zach was stronger than them, he was just stupid to fall for Sam trick.
Giu: PLEASE DON’T KILL THEM
Giu: please don’t kill Cass, please don’t kill Cass.
Kat: Dudes the bloopers from this scene will be epic
Nat: I SWEAR IF THEY DON'T SHOW IT
Giu: IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK
D:”Cass, Cass, stop it”
....bitch HE HESITATED , Cass hesitated , he just kept Dean there when he could have just snaps his neck with a bit of pressure.
Zee : Sammy to the rescue
Giu: OH THANK GOD
Us: We want Bamf Castiel back!
Writers: OK
Us: NOT LIKE THIS
Zee: Who needs a heart?
oh look, those plates have the same decorations as the cups we saw in older eps. WHY DO I KNOW THAT.
D:”Egghead”
Nat: me vs. your mom that's not even a choice
Giu: JOHN
Zee : Mary is showing emotion
Nat: I know who i would chose
yeah ok...I would choose this John tho, not the one we started in 2005 .
Zee : Me too
Kat: I almost don’t hate her. She’s hurting so bad. But everything else would be fucked
M:” Sam I can’t”
me too Mary, me too.
Nat: that's the thing. she's hurting more about her husband than her boys
Kat: I said almost
-J:” I never meant for this”
Kat: No son
J: “My fight. It was supposed to end with me. With Yellow eyes”
Giu: AGAIN
J:” But now you- you are a grown man and I’m incredibly proud of you”
Zee : Look how proud
Nat&Giu: JOHN, STAY
Kat: He’s waited so long to hear hat
Nat: LET SAM BE INTERNET FAMOUS
J:” I guess that I hoped, eventually,you would...get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family.”
Zee&Giu : I have a family
Nat&Kat: WE EAT
Nat: A man after my taste
Giu: AND MY POOR HEART
Zee : Too much silence
Kat: #awkward
Nat: #sad
Giu: #The last supper
Zee : Stahp
Kat: SHUT UP BITCH
J:” We can be grateful for this time we have together.”
Kat: #AMEN
Nat: sounds like AYE MEN
Giu: ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT
Kat: Fucking Bob Seger
Giu: THEY DESERVE ALL OF THIS,ALL OF IT . MY BABIES
Kat: I WANNA KNOW THE CONVO
Nat: #DOMESTIC LIFE
S: “It doesn’t feel right to have all of this and have to throw it away and I know we have to.”
S:” He just goes back to...to..being Dad”
-Oh honey
Giu: Sam is panicking
Nat: Who would save the world tho
S:” I think it would be nice”
D:” yeah? I used to think that too.”
D:”For the longest time I blamed Dad. I mean I blamed Mom too,you know. I was angry”
D: “Why don’t send him further back , and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world?
oh...OH Dean is woke
D:” But there’s the problem. Who does that makes us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I’ve got to be honest. I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is.”
D:”I’m good with who I am,and I’m good with who you are”
Zee : Does anybody else experiencing chest pain??
Nat: What's a chest. I can't feel anything below my mouth
Giu: what s a mouth
Kat: #too old for this shit
D:”Cause our life, they are ours”
Kat: BAWLING
Kat: THIS FUCKING MUSIC
M: “I hate this”
Giu: WE HATE THIS
Zee&Kat: My girl
-NOOOOOO
J:”I miss you so damn much”
Nat: #make it stop
Nat: fuck this
Kat: NONONONONONONONONONONO I
Giu: STOP IT STOOOOP
Nat: JARED CONTROL YOUR FACE
Kat: THEY BOTH NEED TO
Zee : Fuck this flips table
-What a soft hug omg I can’t. Why is John so soft , whyyyyyy.
Giu: I WANNA DIE
Nat: FUCK THIS
-Dean’s eyes are dead , he’s trying to be emotionless and I can’t deal with it.
Also Sam keeps throwing glances at Dean and it breaks me.
John looking at his sons is PAAAAIN.
J:” You two. You take care of each other”
S: “We always do”
Can I say that I expected some “Yes Sir” here and there and I’m so glad that there were none? Like...yes they grow up and they are their own men and I’m so damn glad. I would have hated if I heard them saying that.
Kat: GOOD TO SEE YOU DAD
Dean said that so softly I can’t
Nat: OMG
Giu: JARED FUCK
Zee : I’m gonna faint
Nat&Kat: I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BOYS
Giu: JDM FUCK U TOO
Nat: FUCK YOU ALL OF YOU
This ....Jared you fucking broke me here, you just ...can’t go and act like this and expect me to still be breathing .
Giu: JAY DON’T
Goddammit Dean still looks like he doesn’t wan’t to break but ...I can see it, your lips are shaking damn you Jensen.
Oh no here comes the hug of pain.
J:”I love you both so much”
why is Sam crying so much this season , JARED !
-oH NO DEAN SAID IT....DEAN SAID I LOVE YOU , I CAN’T , 911 HELP I CAN’T BREATHE
Nat: HEY, FUCK THIS SHIT I'M GONE
I’m so sick of seeing tears ok? And seeing John so emotional??? NAAAAAH FUCK THAT, I saw those tears falling . FUCK U
NOT THE WINK
Zee : Can they all fuck the fuck off???
J:”Sammy...”
Kat: JENSEN FUCK YOU JARED FUCK YOU JDM FUCK YOU
Nat: TAKE MARY WITH YOU
Giu: dean your face
Kat: JENSEN BROKE ME
Dean looked like a little scared kid there and he just broke me once again.
Nat: THIS IS NOT RIGHT AND THEY KNOW IT THE WRITERS KNOW IT I HATE THIS SO MUCH
Kat: Yeah but that one look. Fuck
ok Now....I wanted to make this gif so badly because it haunted me. This....This is when Sam break the pearl. The sound looks like it hit Dean like a bullet or something and I just ....look at him it looks like he wants to scream, his lips seems like they are spelling a soundless ‘NO’ or he just let go, because he wasn’t breathing until the sound ....I need a minute, I’m gonna throw up my breakfast.
Bye John , I’ll miss you fiercely
aaaaand Dean looks like he’s dead again.
Nat: HEY GIULS Lebanon walk.
Nat I’m dead what do you want me to do? Call me if there is a ghost walk of Lebanon-
Also YAAAAAAS THOSE TWO ARE THE CUTEST
Nat&Kat&Giu: CAS
Sam looks relieved
Kat: OF FUCK THIS
Nat: Look at that phone
Giu: OMG NO
Nat&Zee&Kat: One hell of a dream
Kat: So much plagiarism
Zee : This music NEEDS to stop
Nat: NO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS
Giu: THE FUCK
Zee : Can we have a “fuck” count ?
Nat: aWWWW...jACK
Nat: WTF JACK
Giu: Jack honey dont
Kat: WHAT ARE THE DOING TO BABY BEAN
Zee: March 7???
Nat: Yeah no
Writers: heya! we are gonna give you some sweet stuff for the 300th, y’all gonna hate it so much.
after credits brainstorm
Nat: SO GET THIS
Did John remember? Did John know that the boys are happy and he spends the last of his days thinking about how he could get rid of Michael?
Giu: What what . Oh fuck I sure hope so
Nat: He saw that the boys were happy, that Mary came back. That's all he wanted . That's why it wasn't hard for him to let go and make the deal.
Zee: I soooooo don’t need this rn
Giu: im on board. Because he said that he had the strangest dream right? So since their life are fucked up anyway , what hurt could it make to look that shit up?
Nat: He will remember but it's more like a vivid dream and he will do anything to fight for them so that's why it wasn't hard for him at all to save Dean, even though he can't defeat YED. Because he knows that his boys will save the world. And still live. with an angel and lucifer's child.
.
.I have no word , and no answer of how I’m feeling right now.
.
.
If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.
TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc @dammitsammy @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride @destielhoneybee @castiellover20
#14x13#spn season 14#supernatural season 14#season 14 spoilers#14x13 spoilers#300th#supernatural 300#spn 300 promo pic#300 supernatural gifs#lebanon spoiler#lebanon
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Broken Like Me (Part 3) - A New Friend
Summary: The reader gets some news about her recovery and runs into Dean again...
Masterlist
Pairing: Model!Dean x reader
Word Count: 4,100ish
Warnings: language
One Week Later
You raised an eyebrow when you saw Dean’s face on the front page of the news on Saturday.
“Oh God, what’d you do…” you said, clicking the link. It revealed the other part of the picture. One half was obviously from an ad, Dean looking amazing and perfect.
The other...the other showed blemishes, birthmarks, freckles, shit the guy had a fuck ton of freckles. It showed where his muscles had been made more defined in the touched up photo. It showed where he had bags under his eyes, creases at the corner from where he smiled. His jaw was defined but not the same way as the first photo. The first photo made him look like a freaking Ken doll now that you thought about it. The second, the second one was much prettier in your opinion and you figured that was the point.
“Hey,” you said, grabbing your phone, surprised when Dean answered your call.
“You’re not going to rip my head off again, are you?” he asked.
“I saw the news,” you said. “You posted some pictures on your instagram.”
“I lost the biggest contract of my career over posting that,” said Dean. “No underwear modeling for me. Oh well. I didn’t really want people taking pictures of my ass in tight boxers anyway.”
“Dean-”
“I got a shit ton of offers now. Stuff for real guys that you know, drink beer and hamburgers and I’m never eating another piece of fucking kale as long as I live,” said Dean.
“Why did you post the pictures?” you said.
“See, I don’t like the picture on the right. I hate it actually. I see a lot wrong with it because that’s what 12 years in this business did to me. But I’m a person and I guess if I’m going to figure out how to get you to not give a shit what other people think, I should start doing it myself,” he said.
“Seriously? You threw away a big job for that? You’re insane,” you said.
“Ok. It doesn’t change the fact that you got a problem with the way you see yourself,” he said. “I mean I got the same issue but I don’t jump down someone’s throat when they give me a compliment.”
“I told you-“
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, not really, but not everyone in the world is a dick,” he said.
You hung up on him, curling up on the couch and staring at the ceiling. You turned your head and glanced at your phone, wondering if you should just delete his number and be done with it.
A text popped up that told you you wouldn’t have to worry about that.
*Sorry for bothering you. I’ll never talk to you again.*
Three Weeks Later
You swallowed hard when you saw Dean walking out of Dr. Jones’ office with an older blonde haired woman. Dean looked away, the woman giving you a smile. Her hand was out of a cast but a big chunk of skin was gone from the top of it, leaving a bright red patch.
“Make sure to stop by the front desk and we’ll get you ready for the grafting on Friday,” said Dr. Jones with a smile, giving you one as well where you sat in the waiting room. “Y/N, you’re up.”
You caught Dean staring at you in your hat and scarf, his mother whacking him with her good hand.
“Dean, that’s rude,” she mumbled.
“That’s the girl dad hit,” said Dean quietly. Her face changed to something a few shades lighter, Dean shaking his head as you walked past. “She hates me, just let it go.”
“I’m so sorry,” said his mother as you paused. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” you said, giving them a nod before you followed Dr. Jones.
Thirty minutes later you felt even worse than when you got there.
Your insurance wouldn’t cover any procedures beyond the cream since they were considered elective and cosmetic. You could handle not taking care of all of the big scars. The ones on your torso didn’t matter that much, no one saw that ever and you could get by not wearing tank tops anymore. But the scar on your collarbone was high and some shirts wouldn’t cover it. Then there was the one on your face you absolutely wanted gone. It was your face and you hated every time you caught your reflection in the mirror.
“Crap,” you said as you walked out of the office, knowing what you had to do but hating it all the same.
Fifteen Minutes Later
“Mom! We’re not strapped for cash. I’m not asking for the money to go buy a fancy car. I need surgery,” you said, sitting in the driver’s seat, leaning your head against your hand.
“Oh, you don’t look that bad. Put some makeup on and you’ll be fine,” she said. “You could wear makeup more often you know.”
“Mom, put dad on the phone. Please,” you said, trying your best not to get upset while you were sat in the parking lot.
“Hi pumpkin,” he said after a minute.
“Dad, please be the rational one. Let me-“
“You’re not old enough to access your trust yet, Y/N. You’re the one that wanted to be a big girl and make her own way in the world,” he said.
“Dad! This doesn’t have to do with that. I have a job and pay for everything myself. I’m asking my very well-off parents for a little bit of help. That’s all I want. Take the money out of my trust. I don’t care about any penalties. Please, I can’t do it myself,” you said.
“I’m sorry, pumpkin but I can’t do that,” he said.
“Fine. Lend me the money and when I’m old enough I’ll pay you back with the money and-“
“Y/N. I said no,” he said.
“I just-“
“No. End of discussion,” he said. You bit your bottom lip, squeezing the steering wheel hard as he continued to speak. “Your mother and I are going to be staying in Europe until at least April so-“
“So no thanksgiving this week. No holidays. No anything. Again,” you said. “Shocker.”
“You sound like a spoiled child, Y/N,” he said.
“Sorry. I only wanted to see my family but almost dying didn’t even phase you. You probably wish I had so you could just have all your stupid money and travel all the time and forget I even exist,” you said, not caring that you were starting to cry.
“That is not true,” he said. “You need to learn to grow up and realize-“
“Grow up? I am a grown up. You made me grow up way before I was supposed to,” you spat out. “I should call one of my old nannies, you know, the people that actually raised me.”
“You do not need money to fix some stupid scars and acting like a child won’t make me give it to you. You don’t need it,” he said.
“Did mom even show you the picture I sent her? The one on my forehead is huge and-“
“Why do you care? You aren’t that pretty. Get some bangs or wear makeup if it makes you so wound up,” he said.
“Well thank you,” you said with a scoff to try and push down the pit in your gut that was overwhelming you. “I really appreciated that. I was only asking for a tiny bit of help, something that wouldn’t even be a drop in the bucket for you but who was I to think you gave a shit. I think it’d be better if we didn’t talk for a while.”
You hung up on him, tossing your phone in the seat and resting your head against the wheel.
You cried and shook for a few minutes before a knock at your door made you nearly shout. You turned away and wiped your face on your sleeve, turning back to see Dean frowning outside, a cup of coffee in a gloved hand.
“What?” you tried to say forcefully but it came out as a screech and you started crying again.
“My mom forgot her phone here,” he said. You glared at him through the window, Dean still standing there. You threw the door open, the cool air making your cheeks cold and your nose stuff up even more. “It’s caramel.”
He held the coffee cup out to you. You took it without thinking about it and felt your hands warm up, a small sip of it calming you down a little.
“Drive safe,” he said, turning around.
“Wait,” you croaked out, Dean spinning in his heels. “You’re not making fun of me, are you.”
“No,” he said quietly.
“Why do you talk to me?” you asked.
“Because you’re lonely and I’m lonely and you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I think we could be friends,” he said.
“But I’m not gorgeous,” you said.
“Agree to disagree then,” he said with a smile.
“Why are you still here?” you asked. “You don’t live in Lawrence.”
“I told myself I should stick around for my parents until they got better,” he said with a shrug.
“It’s been over six weeks,” you said. “Your mom looked pretty okay.”
“I know. They don’t need me,” said Dean.
“I don’t need you either,” you said.
“Nobody needs me, sweetheart,” he said with a sad smile.
“Don’t say that,” you said, a different kind of ache filling you up.
“It’s true,” he said with a shrug. “All I’m good for is being a pretty face.”
“You know...there can’t be two self-depreciators in this friendship,” you said.
“We could always take turns?” said Dean with a smile. You felt a smile on your face, despite the fact you could feel tears still spilling down your cheeks. “I take it I’m allowed to talk to you again?”
“Yeah,” you said, wiping at your face again.
“Do you want to talk about whatever caused this whole situation?” he said, waving his hand around.
“I hate my parents,” you said. “Oh, and I can’t afford surgery to fix what’s still wrong with me until I’m a lot older so there’s that.”
“Maybe you’ll win the lottery. You’re due for some good luck,” he said.
“I don’t seem to have that,” you said, taking another sip of the coffee. “Thank you.”
“I got to drop off my mom’s phone but maybe we could hang out tonight. Sam’s working on a big case and he’d rather have me out of the house anyways,” said Dean.
“I have...my thing on Tuesday evenings,” you said.
“Therapy? We can go after,” he said.
“Sure,” you said, Dean cocking his head at your car. “What?”
“Uh, I hate to be the bearer of even more bad news but you may or may not have a flat tire,” he said with a wince.
“Naturally,” you said, laughing to yourself. “My day was already going to shit.”
“I’ll give you a ride home if you want. My Uncle Bobby runs a salvage yard. I bet we can find you a decent tire for free if you don’t mind waiting until tomorrow,” said Dean.
“Free is good,” you said.
“Okay then, pretty girl, where are we off to?”
Four Hours Later
“Hm,” said Dr. Bram. You raised an eyebrow at him, getting a chuckle from him. “You had a long day by all accounts.”
“Yeah,” you said, playing with a piece of stray thread off of one of the pillows.
“Yet you seem to be in a much better space right now than I’ve seen you...quite possible ever. Why do you think that is?” he asked.
“Is this some sort of thing where I say I made a friend?” you asked, half-joking, half-not.
“Sure. A male friend too,” he said. “You have plans this evening with him, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” you said. “You’re the one making a big deal out of this, not me.”
“You are allowed to be excited for that, Y/N,” he said. “Going to have fun with a friend.”
“It’s not a date,” you said.
“I know. I don’t want to keep you either so I’m going to let you out a few minutes early and give you a homework assignment,” he said.
“Oh come on,” you said. “I haven’t gotten homework in two years.”
“We missed six weeks of sessions. A lot has happened since then including changes to your appearance which you refuse to talk about,” he said.
“So,” you shot back.
“So I’m giving you homework again until you start feeling safe to discuss it with me,” he said. You groaned but he handed you back your old notebook filled with assignments from over the past few years.
“Dr. Bram-“
“An essay,” he said.
“No! I’m not in school. I don’t-“
“You like to write. It’s one of your hobbies. You work from home too so this will not be a problem for you to find an hour over the next week to whip something up for me,” he said.
“Can I at least type it?” you asked.
“Yes,” he said. “But stick a copy in here.”
“Fine,” you grumbled, shoving the notebook in your bag.
“Five to ten things you like about your physical appearance. Two page minimum,” he said.
“I hate you,” you said, Dr. Bram shrugging. “Fine. But don’t expect it to be great or anything.”
“Mhm,” he said. You sighed as you stood up, following him out of his office as he closed up for the night. You spotted Dean on the couch in the front room, a laugh booming next to you.
“Dean! Good to see you,” said Dr. Bram as he walked over to him. “Are you back in town?”
“At the moment,” said Dean with a smile, giving him a handshake.
“I’m closing up for the night but if you’re looking for a spot, I got a few slots tomorrow,” he said.
“No, no, I’m doing good. I’m just waiting for Y/N to finish up so we can go have some fun,” said Dean. Dr. Bram nodded and gave you a smile.
“You’re in good hands with this one,” said Dr. Bram to you. “Have fun and next Tuesday-“
“Essay. I got it,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Goodnight Dr. Bram.”
“Goodnight,” he said. You walked out with Dean, sliding into the passenger seat.
“I can’t believe you didn’t take this car to LA,” you said, buckling your belt.
“I know. I missed my Baby,” he said with a smile as he sat down, running his hand over the dash.
“So...how do you know Dr. Bram?” you asked. “If that’s okay.”
“What gave it away?” he teased. “It’s cool. I saw Dr. Bram when I was a kid and then when I was a teenager again. There was a house fire when I was little. Everyone was fine but somebody said because I was quiet I was screwed up so I went to Dr. Bram. I liked going, I didn’t have to hear my parents fighting when I was there.”
“When you were older?” you asked, hoping you weren’t pushing too much.
“I got in a big fight with my dad. I think I wanted to join football. I don’t really remember it that well. He got mad and I got mad and it got out of control. My mom called the cops because dad punched a wall and they forced me and Sam to go to Dr. Bram weekly for like...a year. I just sort of kept going until I moved to LA,” he said.
“Both of you guys went?” you asked.
“Well, not together. Sometimes we did but...the cops were concerned we weren’t living in a good environment or some crap. Dad’s a dick sometimes and he makes mistakes but he’s not that kind of guy,” said Dean. “I mean, I think he wouldn’t let me join so I’d be safe. It’s probably why we’re still fighting. He worries too much.”
“You’re very open,” you said.
“No, no. I’m really not. I’m not embarrassed to talk about my problems with you though, unlike you which doesn’t even make sense. You have shitty luck but seem like a relatively normal person,” he said. “I’m the supermodel after all. I’m supposed to be the screwed up one.”
“You’re not that pretty,” you said, rolling your eyes.
“See! Finally, you’re starting to get it,” he said with a big smile.
“Let’s go get a drink, dork.”
“So besides pie, muscle cars and classic rock, what do you like, Dean?” you said with a smile, grabbing the other half of his uneaten pretzel while Dean munched on some of your fries.
“I think I like you which sucks because you really don’t like me,” said Dean.
“What? I like you,” you said, Dean grinning hard. “Oh shut up.”
“I do like you,” he said, looking across the bar. “But I don’t think rushing into this is good for either one of us.”
“Rushing into what,” you said.
“Dating. Let’s be friends first,” he said with a smile.
“Dating?” you said.
“Yeah. We’ve already established that I have the hots for you. It’s bound to happen at some point. Just warning you now,” he said, a smirk tugging onto his lips.
“What about me is so pretty then?” you asked, Dean shrugging. “Dean.”
“That’s a date question. We’re just hanging out,” he said with another smirk, sipping on his beer.
“You’re not going to tell me why you’re attracted to me,” you said.
“Exactly,” he said, pointing his beer at you.
“Why?” you asked.
“Me saying it isn’t going to make you believe it. See, I got to show you and then someday when I tell you, you’ll believe me,” he said. “Make sense?”
“I think you spent too much time in LA,” you said, rolling your eyes, eating the rest of his pretzel. “Again, aren’t you supposed to move back there?”
“I’m a model. I can work from anywhere. If there’s anything big I can hop a ride down to Dallas or Kansas City or St. Louis. I think I might be moving back to Lawrence permanently,” he said.
“Won’t you miss your friends? Your life? Your house?” you asked.
“They have these things called phones to talk to my friends and my apartment I own the lease on until the end of March and my life here is better than the one out there honestly which says something in itself. Any more ways you want to try to get rid of me?” he asked, stealing another french fry and giving you a wink.
“Friends don’t wink at friends like that,” you said.
“Cut me some slack,” he said, wiping off his hands. “Let’s go dance.”
“Dean! I don’t dance,” you said. “People watch other people dance.”
“They do, don’t they?” he said with a chuckle, grabbing your hand.
“No, Dean please, I don’t want to,” you said, trying to pry his hand off but it wasn’t any use. Dean released you though and you pulled your hands into your lap. “I’m going to use the bathroom.”
“Sorry,” he said quietly.
“It’s okay. Can you just watch my drink while I’m gone?” you asked. Dean nodded and you gave him a smile before you were headed for the ladies room. You sighed when you got inside. It was dark in the bar and no one cared that you were wearing a hat and scarf inside. But if you danced, you’d get hot and take it off and then people would see, including Dean and he only ever saw you with bandages covering your stitches so he didn’t even really know how bad you were and he actually probably thought you were hideous if he ever saw them and…
You flipped the toilet seat down and sat on it with your head between your knees, taking deep breaths.
“Excuse me? Y/N?” asked a voice you didn’t recognize. You stood up and flushed, wiping your face off before you left the stall. A woman was standing there, giving you a smile. “Y/N?”
“Yeah,” you said.
“Your friend was getting worried and asked if I’d check that you were alright,” she said.
“Yeah. The greasy food is bothering me is all,” you said. “I’ll be right out.”
When you got back to your table Dean looked a little relieved but mostly concerned.
“Are you okay? You were gone over twenty minutes,” said Dean. You scoffed. It couldn’t have been that long, five minutes max. “You were crying.”
“No I wasn’t,” you said.
“Your face is red,” he said.
“I wasn’t crying,” you said. “I’m fine. It’s getting late. I need a ride home.”
“Alright. I can drive you.”
“Thanks,” you said when Dean pulled up to your house.
“My Uncle said your car should be in your driveway around lunch. No charge,” said Dean with a nod.
“This is why we shouldn’t be friends. I’m a hot mess and you’re nothing but nice,” you said.
“You didn’t sue my parents when you had every right to. The accident was dad’s fault,” said Dean. “You’re the nice one.”
“Like you said, it was an accident,” you said.
“Still though,” he said. He looked at you, really looked at you and it took you half a second to realize he was closer.
He pressed his lips to yours, so soft and gentle and before you could even decide how you felt he was pulling away.
“Sorry. I had to kiss you at least once before you kicked me out of your life for good,” he said.
“I’m not...why would you think that?” you asked.
“I’m good at getting kicked out of people’s lives, that’s why,” he said.
“You didn’t answer my question,” you said.
“I can’t keep going back on this with you. Either you’re my friend or you’re not. Make a choice, right now. Please,” he said.
“We’re friends,” you said with a nod, not really sure what that meant at the moment considering what just happened. You opened the car door, pausing for a second. “Thanks.”
“Next time you’re buying,” he said with a smile.
“Sure thing,” you said.
“Was that okay?” he asked. “Kissing you?”
“It wasn’t not okay,” you said. “You said it earlier. Let’s be friends first.”
“Alright,” he said, catching your arm before you got out. “Earlier today in your car when you were upset...did your parents say you couldn’t come to Thanksgiving or something?”
“No. We aren’t having it is all,” you said. “They’re out of the country right now.”
“Do you want to come to ours?” asked Dean. “If you want. I know it’ll be weird with my parents but-“
“I’ve never actually gone to one,” you said. “Do you really make all that food?”
“I’ll pick you up at 11. Jeans are perfectly acceptable too,” he said. “And we totally make a ton of food.”
“I don’t…” you said, stopping yourself. You could wear makeup and something with a high collar, maybe a turtleneck. “If it’s okay with you family.”
“Yeah, of course it is,” he said.
“I guess I’ll see you in a couple days then,” you said.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
A/N: Read Part 4 here!
TAGS CLOSED
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Chapter 196
Next day
Cammie
I cried in the shower this morning. I cried changing Caden's diaper. I cried after crying because I couldn't believe I was crying. It's crazy even to me. Now I'm thinking about it and feeling like I'm going to cry.
"Jay, did you pack?" Trey asks. I sniff. "Jayla, come on, Love. You said you could do this. Why you making it hard?"
"I sorta think you don't have an attachment to our son."
He rolls his eyes. "We both know why it's easy for me and not easy for you. Has nothing to do with how much we love our son. Jayla it's not even that long. They only have enough breast milk for 48 hours. So it’s impossible for you to stay away for more than a day."
"48 is 2 days."
"They need extra in case of an emergency or theyre wasteful. So really about 30."
I sigh. "I can't be you."
He picks up a bag. "You don't have a dick, you short, and you cry too fucking much. You sure as hell can't be me. Are these your clothes?"
"I figured if it's a day, I won't need clothes."
"Jayla." he says sternly. "We are leaving in 2 hours."
I fall on the bed. "April is not even here."
"Rollie is taking them to April. You know that."
"I think my baby's first plane ride should be done with me."
"Exactly why we are leaving in 2 hours instead of at the end of the day. Cammie, you acting like a brat. We went over all of this. Were you crying too hard?"
I stand up and go get my bag out of the closet. "Maybe. I need some reason to say no."
"Camille! We are going..."
"Tremaine stop yelling." I snap.
He blows. "Im headed to the airport."
I come out the closet. "Already?"
"I can't be here with you going through... Whatever this is. What are you carrying?"
"My clothes." I say dropping the bag then kicking it. "Enough for 2 days."
"You have clothes in VA. 3 days."
I swat him off. "I can wear the same outfit."
He gets really mad. "No, the fuck you can't. What the fuck?"
"I... Whoa now. What is your problem?"
"You not married to no fucking clown. Ain't no way the wife of Trey Songz is going to be seen anywhere with an outfit she fucking wore two days before. What the fuck are you trying to do? Give the fucking blogs some A1 shit to fucking talk about? Fuck no. You put 4 fucking outfits in that bitch after talking like that."
I sit on the bed and cross my arms. "I don't want to go anymore."
"I can't believe that shit. I must be broke as fuck or fucking stingy as a bitch. Hell no."
"I have 3 outfits. Shut up." I say resting my head on the bed.
Trey grabs the bag then checks it. He goes back out of the door. I'm going to just sit here and cry again. I get out of bed to go get Caden so I can snuggle with him. I never usually bother him while he is sleeping.
"Aye, don't even try that nigga. When the last time a song of yours was played twice in the same day? Centuries ago. Back before Benjamin Franklin. He wasn't even a president."
"Why are you running your mouth in here?" I snap standing in front of Trey.
He laughs really hard then grabs my waist. "Not even. No. Aye, what's your name again?"
I push him off of me. He kisses my cheek really quick then he walks away laughing. He so fake. Ain't shit that funny on that phone. Him and his friends annoy me. They will go without talking for months then plan to do something and talk for hours in the days coming up to the event. I bet any amount of money he talking to J. Cole.
"Mommy." Lane cries.
"In there. Don't wake Caden up. Yo? Caden not big enough to talk... What?"
Lane stomps into the room. "Mommy." he says like he angry.
I turn to him. "Lane, how may I help you?"
"Nanma coming?"
"Rollie is taking you to Grandma."
He sticks as much of his head as he could into the rails of the crib. I push his face back. He could really get stuck like that. He falls out on the ground. No crying. No nothing. He just lies there. That fellow is a mess. I look at him until he looks at me. I raise my eyebrows then smile. He jerks his body away to hide his smile.
"You are so cute, Lane. I love you."
"Love you." he says.
He always forgets whatever is going on when I tell him I love him. He makes sure he tells me back. I pick Caden up out of the crib. Lane's face was right there watching. He was looking like I was doing wrong. He was waiting for Caden to cry. He was sure he would. I kiss Caden then take him to the rocking chair. Lane follows.
"Mommy, Nana coming?"
"Yes, Grandma April coming to the car to pick you and Caden up."
"Caden go to grandma house?" Lane asks worried.
I smile. "Yes."
He puts the blanket over Caden. "Caden. Caden sleep?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
I stare at him. "We not starting this. Since when do you ask Why?"
"Cause." he shrugs.
"Okay, Lane. Want to share my lap?"
He starts climbing. "Yes."
I put Caden on my shoulder and help Lane into my lap. He wanted to lay down as well. He didn't want to simply sit on my lap. I start rocking with both of them. Surprisingly, Lane lies there then he starts talking random ass talk. I don't know what he talking about. He not expecting an answer so I let him talk. Trey looks into the room then he grabs a bag by the door. I'm being a bad mom. I didn't pack nothing for either of the boys. Not one thing. Trey has done everything. I'm sure he had help from April.
"Ma, call her yourself. Why?" Trey sucks his teeth then appear back in front of the door. "Where is Caden's insurance card?"
"Why?" I snap.
He disappears. "Why? Cause what? Fuck if I know, April. Oh."
I chuckle. I know why. Just being a bitch. I don't want Caden or Lane to go. This is why it was a good thing for me to keep my baby to myself. I was worst with Lane. Hell I took my fucking infant to Europe. Who does that?
"Jay, just in case Caden needs to go to the doctor. Do we have one for Caden?"
"Is he on your insurance?"
Trey comes all the way in the room staring at me. "Jayla, stop. What do you use... Don't worry about it. I'll look online."
"It's in the baby bag already."
"I changed baby bags."
I raise my eyebrows. "Do you put the clear bag with fingernail clips and stuff back?"
"Yeah."
"Then it's in there."
"Why the fu... You could have said that." he shakes his head walking out. "I swear. The shit I deal with."
I rock my babies.
Amber
"I have absolutely nothing to do."
"Why did you come to Chicago then?" Chris snaps scratching his balls in the middle of the floor.
I shake my head. "You are not cute."
He smells his hand then turn up his nose. "I'm not fresh either."
"Shut up."
"Why you came to Chicago? Tell me."
I lay back on the headboard. "I had something to do. I did it duh. Plus I wanted to surprise you, dumbass."
"Your ass lying."
"Christopher."
"Maurice Brown... Anything else your lying ass got to say?"
I laugh. "What are you talking about? I was thinking we smoke a blunt."
"What happened to you cleansing your damn body?"
"You know how hard it is to eat right and not drink or smoke?"
He shrugs then starts walking to the bathroom. "Cammie does it all."
I chuckle and cross my legs in the air. "Cammie is a perfect ass bitchy goody two shoes. I done said fuck her for a while. Anyway."
"But she does it." he snaps.
"Oh, shut up. Bitter." I say reaching to the end table where I had weed for him.
I scream. He had jumped on the bed scaring the shit out of me. I slap his side. He puts his hand over my face. I fight with him. It was hard as fuck to get his hand off of me. I scream thinking that would get him to get off me. He just laughs. I dig my nails into his side. He only moves out of the way. How the hell he can be so far away yet still touch me. I give up. He continues laughing.
"You smell my balls?"
"Awwwh." I scream fighting him again.
He laughs then moves. "You scared of a little dick and booty on your face?"
"You fucking nasty."
"Huh?" he says coming back to the bed.
I look at him then try to hide my face. It looks like this nigga wiped his hand under his stank ass balls again. He grabs my arm. I scream and kick him then jump off of the bed. He laughs really hard. He so dramatic. He holds his stomach and throws his head back. I run and jump on the bed then jump on him.
"Fuck!" he yells as we both hit the floor. "Bitch."
"Motherfucking bad ass bitch."
He tries to put his hand in my face again. I smack it out of the way. He drops it to the ground and take a deep breath. I fucking won. He puts his hand to his face then drop it again. He had put the blunt back in his mouth. I kiss his face as he lies there with the blunt between his lips. He chuckles.
"You still a bitch." he says.
"Yeah yeah."
He sits up making me back up. He falls back like he didn't have no energy. I watch him. He flicks a lighter lighting the blunt. I grind on him. He blows the smoke at me. I mean I have been not drinking and all that but I'm just not feeling it. I feel like your mind has to be fully committed to something for it to benefit you. I'm just stressing myself out trying to live life like someone else. It's just not me. It's not us. We don't do either.
"So you stop smoking and I'll get back on my cleansing."
"What's wrong with weed?"
I snatch it out his mouth. "Tobacco."
He chuckles. "Oh. Well..."
"You are not even supposed to be smoking if you detoxing from liquor anyway. That's why you can't stick to that either."
"I drink less than I used to."
I roll my eyes. "Trey does it."
He laughs. "Bullshit. Shut up. He never smoked cigarettes like I do. Fuck Trey..."
"You want to?"
"Fuck my fucking brother?"
"Technically..."
He gets in my face. "Technically, shit. You know what I was saying any fucking way. Get your stank ass off me."
"That's how you feeling?" I laugh pushing him back.
"You know what I'm feeling?" he blows smoke in my face. I shrug. "You cool as fuck. I almost felt guilty about being selfish and making you mine. Almost. If I had a bit of that stuff that make you not selfish. I think you perfect. For someone else."
I laugh. "That almost sounded sweet."
"Let's go to Dubai. Remember what happened in Du fucking bai?"
"No." I frown snatching the blunt. "What the fuck happened in Dubai? Between us?"
He lies back. "You know."
I look at his face. "No, Chris, I do not."
"What?" he looks at me. "We fucked in Dubai. I thought you was just fucking with me cause we said we would act like it never happened."
"Chris, we did not fuck in Dubai."
He sits up. "We did. I remember."
"No."
"You weren't too drunk to fucking remember. We were on that yacht with the Olympic sized pool. In the towel room after they left us in the sauna."
I cross my arms. "You remember too many details. Were you even fucking drinking?"
He grabs my wrist and shakes my arms apart. "Come on, we barely drunk anything. We got shit faced after though."
"Christopher that was not me."
"Cammie threw up cause it was her first time on a yacht."
I hit him. "Cammie's ass threw up cause she was fucking pregnant with Lane. She been on a damn yacht with Trey's ass."
"Oh."
"I remember her throwing up. We didn't fuck. We were just..."
"We fucked."
I laugh. "That totally slipped my mind. In the towel room. Oh my gosh."
He chuckles laying back. "It was quick no lie."
"It was like 2 seconds of a fuck. Like a damn movie clip. Bam against the wall dramatically..." I throw my hands up. "Towels falling everywhere. One pump, two pump, three pump... Bang on the cart. Towels everywhere! Bam... Bam against the wall. Dramatic fall on top of towels... Screen cut. Sweating, panting, and dazing into the camera. Wow. Okay let's not tell anyone about. Yeah. Okay. Molly washed down with Hennessy?"
He laughs uncontrollably. "It was not a Molly."
"What the case." I throw my hands up.
"You a bitch yo. I remember it being fly."
"Christopher have you been holding on to that memory? What happened to forgetting the shit?"
He wipes his face. "I'm sitting here sweating from the thought. Forget it why?"
"Cause we agreed."
"I just thought we agreed as in don't fucking tell my fucking girlfriend who bout to come around the corner with Cammie. Best 10 minutes..."
"3."
He grabs my face. "You don't have to be so accurate. In my defense I been waiting for that for a while."
"You a bullshitting lie." I say hitting his arm.
"Sevyn... Amber, Honey, shut the fuck up. I try to treat you like an average ass hoe but you just won't let me."
I stand up. "Am I fucking average?"
"You fucking fine. Perfect."
"Perfectly above average, bitch. Still make you cum in 2 minutes."
"Three!" he spats.
I laugh. "Yeah."
He laughs until he starts coughing with his fucking fucked up lungs. He sits up holding his chest and trying not to cough.
"Breathe bitch." I say hitting his back.
That made his mean ass stop coughing but he comes for me. I hop across the bed out of his way. I slap a balloon across the bed into his face. He smacks it then coughs a little fake cough. I chuckle hitting another balloon. He grabs it.
"Can I stick my dick in this?" he says grabbing his dick and putting the balloon lips to it.
"Are we going to Dubai?"
He shrugs. "If you want. Let's go."
"It's whatever. Stop raping that balloon and come in the shower."
"Don't beg." he says busting the balloon with the blunt.
I suck my teeth. "Really, Chris!"
He shrugs. "That bitch was fake."
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The Joker x Reader - “Monsters”
Monsters are made, not born. Monsters forget they were once loved, nothing in their mind besides darkness and vengeance against the world. Monsters know no remorse, regret or sorrow. Monsters exist inside every person. And they will never disappear.
As soon as you enter the office with your three year old daughter, The Joker signals his henchmen to leave. After the last one exits and the door closes, he gives you a mean glare, definitely not excited about your presence.
“I thought I told you to stay away!” J sneers, tapping his fingers on the glass desk. “Why are you here, hm?” the annoyed tone makes you even more self-conscious about your situation.
“I…I need help…” you gather the courage to speak while Evie clings to your leg, scared by the strange looking man. You protectively hold her close to you with one hand, hoping she won’t start crying: that would certainly irritate The King of Gotham to the point of kicking you both out before you can explain yourself. “It’s not for me, it’s for my little girl,” you quickly add when The Joker rolls his eyes.
“Oh, you need money?” he sarcastically smirks but you know what that smile hides.
“My daughter is sick,” you inform, taking advantage of his momentary silence. “Her medications are very expensive; I work and my insurance covers some costs, but not everything. I only…” and you pause, gulping. “…I only have medications for one more week before she runs out and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Can you please help me? I’ll pay you back,” the desperate mother pleads.
“How? Are you gonna sell your body on the streets?” The Joker bluntly asks.
You really don’t want to be here; it’s so humiliating and you feel out of place.
“I’ll find a way,” you whisper, caressing Evie’s bald head.
The Joker at least realizes you’re not lying; your child does look sick: shaved head, scrawny and pale, wearing a yellow summer dress that accentuates her frail frame.
How would he know how many times you skip meals in order for your daughter to have enough to eat? Or how you struggle to pay the bills and rent, every month one step away from being homeless? How would he know how much you hate being here asking for money when it’s clear he won’t lift a finger to help? You are truly out of options, otherwise you would have gladly used another source.
“Don’t you have a boyfriend or a husband to share the burden with?” J huffs, interrogating the hopeless parent. “Where’s her father?“
He sees the tears coming down your cheeks and your voice breaks when you answer:
“My husband…passed away… a while ago.”
“Well…” The Joker pretends to debate on the reply he received,” …one mouth less to feed, right?”
You sniffle, reaching for your daughter and lift her up in your arms: your only comfort after the cruel remark.
“Let’s go baby,” you kiss her forehead before she wraps her tiny arms around your neck.
Evie whimpers, staring at the plate full of cookies and strawberries on J’s desk.
“No sweetheart, that’s not ours. Mommy will get you something after we visit daddy at the cemetery, OK?” J hears as you rush out of his office, wondering how you’ll actually going to fulfil the promise since you have only 10 dollars left in your wallet for the rest of the week.
“Don’t let me catch you here again or you’ll regret it!” he shouts and you almost start running down the hallway, afraid he might retaliate.
The Clown Prince of Crime is not happy about your visit; he didn’t see you in years and planned to keep it that way until you showed up today, begging for a meeting; it was dumb to allow you to bother him. He should have told his men to chase you away.
J keeps on pacing around the office for minutes until finally deciding to go for a drive, the only thing that can calm him down at this point.
**************
“Where to, sir?” Frost asks, adjusting the rearview mirror inside his boss’s favorite SUV, the reflection revealing a grouchy Joker in the back seat, definitely in a foul mood. J stretches his legs, indifferently muttering:
“Don’t care, just drive.”
“Yes sir,” Jonny turns left on Gentry Avenue while J glimpses at the busy Gotham from behind the tinted windows allowing him to enjoy freedom during day time also. The ride is smooth and there’s nothing The Clown Prince of Crime envoys more when he feels restless. Frost’s excellent driving makes J close his eyes for a few seconds, relaxing after the earlier unpleasant reunion with his past.
****************
“Y/N…Y/N…” the little boy shakes you, crawling in bed by his older sister.
“What?…” you cover him with your blanket, yawning but not opening your eyes. “Did you have another nightmare?”
“Y-yes,” he whimpers, snuggling to you.
“Here,” you search under your pillow and pull out his favorite toy: a small blue car, the kind you find in cereal boxes. “This keeps the monsters away,” you give it to him and decide to open your eyes. “You forgot it here last night before going to bed, that’s why you had bad dreams.”
“Sissy,” your brother tugs on your hair, using the other to hold the toy to his chest.“When’s mommy coming back?”
“Mommy died, Damian; she’s not coming back,” you bite on your cheek, saddened when he starts sobbing.
“I want my mommy,” the 5 year old rubs his eyes, not understanding why his mother can’t return.
“Me too,” you hug him under the covers, crying because there is no one else to fill the emptiness she left behind; the children only have each other.
“I’m hungry,” Damian pouts after you managed to soothe him.
“We don’t have a lot of food,” you announce, making a mental inventory of what you’ve seen laying around the kitchen. “And daddy didn’t leave us any money.”
Your father would disappear for days, forcing a 12 year old and a 5 year old to fend for themselves. Luckily, your mom’s friend kept an eye on you, aware the two siblings were mostly abandoned in the cheap two bedroom apartment bellow hers.
“But I’m hungry,” your baby brother insists, on the verge of crying again.
His sister attempts to distract him.
“I’m jealous you have mommy’s eyes,” you caress his cheek, that clear blue gaze staring back at you.
“I do?!” Damian curiously scoots over in your arms like it’s the first time hearing the statement.
“Yes, the most beautiful eyes in the world,” and you tickle his sides while the young boy giggles, laughing up a storm under the attack. He tries to fight back without success until the growling tummy reminds him he’s famished.
“Y/N, I’m hungry,” your brother whines after you pinned him under your weight, wiggling to escape the temporary prison.
“Ok,” you sigh, releasing the captive since you don’t have another choice. “We’ll brush our teeth and then we’ll eat, alright?”
“U-hum,” he smiles, jumping on the bed when you signal him for his favorite: piggyback ride.
“Come on,” you admonish the impatient kid that keeps on hopping on top of the pillows.” Hurry up!” and he finally obeys while you strain to walk with him dangling on your back. “You’re getting heavy,” you complain, heading towards the bathroom.
After the morning routine, you put together a measly breakfast: a little bit of milk and a handful of cereals in two bowls, adding water to multiply the already poor nutrition, but it’s better than nothing.
Damian gets more because you promised mom you’ll take care of him; the unfairness is striking: a child taking care of another child. Yet what choice a dying mother had but to teach her older daughter to tend to herself and the younger sibling the best way she could? Not too many willing to help or to raise someone else’s kids in a district already ravaged by poverty. Nobody cared, including their father.
You’re scarfing down your food, talking to the little boy:
“I’m gonna go and ask Auntie Jenna (your mom’s friend) if she can give me money so I can buy some stuff, OK?”
Your brother’s eyes lit with happiness, hoping he can eat more for dinner. Usually, lunch is skipped if possible, this way the supplies last longer.
“Really?”
“Yes, be good and behave while I’m gone. The grocery store is one hour away and I’ll have to walk there.”
“Can I come?” he smiles, eagerly waiting for your reply.
“No, just finish your breakfast. I’ll be fast,” you get up from your chair, already done snacking.
“OK,” he bounces his legs, anticipating the moment of your return.
Auntie Jenna was able to give you a few dollars, even if she barely had any money herself and a super excited Y/N bought a few basic groceries from the store, including a can of grape juice, which is your sibling’s favorite.
You run upstairs to let the woman know you’re back and she looks puzzled after opening the door.
“What are you doing here, Y/N?! I thought you went away with your dad and your brother.”
“Daddy was here?” the shaky voice inquires and the plastic bag is dropped on the floor by the weakened hands.
“Yes, he took Damian and a few things from the apartment …Hey, where are you going?” she yells when you start running towards your condo, panicking at the dreadful feeling creeping up in your heart.
“Damian?… Damian?…” you call out his name, searching around the small apartment and start crying when you realizes his clothes are gone from the closet, only yours left on the hangers.
“What’s going on?” Jenna follows you, stunned when it hits:
Did that piece of shit just abandoned his daughter here?
“Oh, no!” you gasp when you see the tiny blue car forgotten on the kitchen table. You snatch it and rush outside, running up the street without being able to see too much from the tears clouding your vision.
“Damian! Damian!” you scream and Jenna catches up with you, pulling on your arm in order to stop you.
“Where are you going, Y/N?” she pants and the young girl shows her the toy that was left behind.
“Th-this is for the m-monsters,” you stutter and Jenna gets down on her knees, hugging a terrified little girl that can’t stop trembling in her embrace. “H-he gets scared at night…”
“Sssttt,” she slowly rocks you in her arms. “Don’t cry honey; we’ll find him, alright?”
In the meantime, your little brother’s whining aggravates an already drunk father driving the beat-up van he stole from the other side of town.
“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” he threatens the 5 year old fidgeting in the front seat by him.
“I want my sister!” Damian sniffles and turns his head towards the bitter parent. “Please daddy, I want my sister!” the boy pleads and the man slams the breaks, fed up with his son’s behavior. “I want my sister!!!!” the painful tone pierces the air and…
Frost suddenly stops the SUV when the car in front of it switches lanes without signaling.
The Joker opens his eyes, abruptly woken up from his dream.
“What the fuck?! “ a grumpy King of Gotham snarls, regaining his grasp on reality.
“Apologies, sir. Some idiots don’t know how to drive,” the trusted henchman patches up the mistake, a bit startled himself. The Joker continues to watch the city from inside the SUV, deep in thought.
“Frost,” he finally opens his mouth after minutes of quietness. “How much money do we have at the warehouse on McCormick Boulevard?”
“Ummm…” Jonny counts in his mind, trying to estimate as close as possible. “Maybe… about a million dollars.”
“I want it in a suitcase, ready to go by the time we arrive,” the order follows and Frost complies, already dialing Nikko’s cell number in order to convey the message.
***************
Getting inside your place was a piece of cake for The Joker; the easiest lock to pick, flimsy and tacky just like the rest of the almost empty building. It’s all you can afford with the hardships you had to endure, one misfortune after the other, fighting to survive like you always did.
How you wish you could have offered your daughter a better life than you ever had! For a while, things were good because you had your husband and even if your baby got sick, the extra paycheck and health insurance were a tremendous help. There was no greater pain than to sink in the same deep hole of poverty after Kent died in a freak accident at work; not a lot of options but to try and make it somehow.
J cautiously enters the apartment, so small and crammed it gives out a claustrophobic vibe: a tiny kitchen with a table and two chairs, no other furniture around. The moldy smell almost makes The Joker sneeze as he opens the cracked door to the only bedroom not having enough space for more than a bed you share with Evie. He notices another door behind the bed, probably the bathroom.
You and your little girl are asleep, exhausted after walking to the cemetery and back home, not having enough money for a taxi.
The Joker quietly opens the fridge: not too much food in there, the pink wrapping surrounding the blueberry muffins you bought for Evie making him bite his lip. He’s very familiar with that color that marks bakery items about to be thrown away, sold at discounted prices a day before their expiration date. He yanks the sweet treats out of the shelf and stashes them in the garbage can, mad without knowing why: the truth is they remind him of things he doesn’t want to remember.
He closes the fridge, glaring at the pictures under the magnets: memories made with your husband and daughter, the ultrasound image from when you found out you were pregnant, the last card your husband gifted you for your birthday before he passed away, Evie’s drawings and an old photo of a 10 years old Y/N, tightly holding a 3 years old Damian in her arms like he was the most precious treasure on the planet.
And he really was.
A long time ago…
*****************
“What the hell is she doing here???!!!” The Joker shouts from behind the bars keeping the detainee confined inside the lower level of Arkham prison.
You look completely terrified, not having seen such violence and chaos in your entire existence.
His men came to get him out after he was captured six months ago during a very ambitious heist at the Wayne mansion: the guy was loaded and The Joker couldn’t stay away from such opportunity.
When you found the suitcase full of money on your kitchen table, you knew exactly who left it there, yet the note on top of it made it difficult to reconnect with the estranged relative:
Come near me again and you’re dead!
And still, here you are, risking your life to see J, aware this is the only chance you’ll ever get.
“Why is she here???!!” he growls while you seem frozen, petrified from what you have witnessed so far.
The goons are working to get their leader out, the electric saw already cutting through the thick bars.
“She paid for the extra mercenaries and insisted we take her with us,” one of them replies, commanding a large group of hired guns to swipe the premises and make sure the area is cleared for takeoff.
“She did what??!!” The Joker growls, approaching the bars and you gulp, jumping each time you hear an explosion. He gestures you to come closer and you drag your feet towards a pissed inmate. “Are you fucking stupid?!” J sneers, intensifying your anxiety.“Take her away before I strangle her myself!!!” the harsh sentence makes you snap out of trance and speak up:
“I…I wanted to thank you for…”
One of his people grabs your hand and you slap it, fighting to stay close to the bars.
“Get lost, Y/N, you don’t belong here! You have no idea what you’re doing!” J rests his forehead against the cold metal and he’s right: you have no idea what’s happening or how to handle these crazy events.
“For you, little brother,” you whisper, taking the tiny blue car out of your pocket and returning it to its owner after so many years. “To keep the monsters at bay,” you close his fist and he frowns, hissing:
“Your brother is dead!”
“My brother is not dead,” you sadly smile through tears and kiss the tattooed knuckles wrapped around the toy before J can reject his sister’s affection.
He backs out, his men moments away from releasing him.
“Frost!!!!” The Joker yells when the latest emerges from the dark corridor. “I want her out of here! NOW!!!”
You know you won’t be able to fight his will and comply, following Jonny’s lead as he’s guiding you towards an escape route outside Block D.
*****************
Your daughter had a hard time getting used to her uncle, but after you two moved at the Penthouse, things slowly improved. She’s always amazed there is so much food around, brand new clothes and toys. Evie’s medications are expensive, but purchasing them is not an issue anymore; she even gained a little bit of weight and it makes you happy to see your child feeling better.
“Honey, you need to take your pills,” you walk out on the balcony where a playful little girl is having fun in her own inflatable pool.
“Ok mommy,” she gets out of the water and you lift her up, making sure to wipe the liquid on your way in with a towel: The Joker doesn’t like his carpets stained.
“You want some ice cream?”
Her eyes get big: the same clear blue as her uncle’s.
“Yes mommy,” she smacks her lips with anticipation and you bump into the glass coffee table, almost knocking down the center piece: an old photograph of a 10 years old Y/N and a 3 years old Joker, lovingly held by his sister.
He really was the most precious treasure to her.
A long time ago…
And he remembered.
Also read: MASTERLIST
http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist
#the joker x reader#the joker fanfiction#the joker imagine#the joker jared leto#the joker#jared leto#the joker suicide squad#the suicide squad#joker fanfiction#joker#joker suicide squad#mister j#mistah j#mr. j#puddin#dc#dc comics
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Survey #143
“i’d rather be in battle than slaughtered like cattle.”
Were you happy or sad when you found out your babysitter was coming? Sad, I had separation anxiety from Mom.
Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No.
Did you ever read the "Junie B. Jones" books? LOVED THEM.
Were you friends with your neighbors? I was friends with a boy down the street.
Did you ever play the "Reader Rabbit" computer games? YESSSSS I LOVED THE BIRTHDAY PARTY ONE.
What kinds of games did you play with your friends during Recess? None really, we just played on the swings and such.
What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Chocolate.
Who were you last in an elevator with? Mom.
Do you know anyone that has a black belt in karate? No.
If you have a notepad in your phone, what do you use it for the most? I have tattoo ideas on it lmao.
Who is the last child that you took a photo with? Aubree.
How and where did you get your most recent cut? On the side of my hand. I was drying my feet off after a shower, and my toenail cut the fuck out of it. ;-; Pretty sure the scar's gonna be permanent.
Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Yeah, sure.
Do you have any locked texts messages? A few from Sara.
Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname? My sisters are just "Ash" and "Nicky."
Which company provides your car insurance? I don't have my own car.
Have you ever ordered from an informercial? Nope.
When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? Tattoo parlor in June to get a tattoo.
Why did your last relationship end? I didn't like him like that, I found.
Do you have any tan lines? No.
Have you ever had any friends with benefits? No.
How old were you when you became financially independent from your parents? Lol I'm not.
What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? Ummmm probs salt and vinegar.
Do you have a lock number or pattern for your phone? No.
What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? What the super fuck even is Latin.
Do you have any food intolerances or allergies? No. Well, without my medicine, bananas give me hellish heartburn.
What’s the most number of people you’ve ever lived with? Five. Mom, Dad, two immediate sisters, and on different occasions my half-brother lived with us, then Dad's daughter stayed here a while.
How many college degrees do you want? Ideally, a master's because that's what is required to be an out-in-the-field zoologist. I can do some things with lower ones, though.
What do you look forward to most in the next two months? Photographing my first wedding, my nephew's and mom's birthdays, going to see Sara in a little over two.
What song explains how you feel about love? "When It's Love" by Van Halen will always be way up there.
Have you ever been IN a wedding? Yeah, bridesmaid at Ash's.
Have you ever been covered in mud? Probably as a kid?
Are there any books you wanna read? I'm always gonna wanna read Rhett and Link's book, and I wanna start reading Wings of Fire 'cuz it sounds like something I'd like, thanks Sara.
What classes are you taking in school? I'm not back in it yet.
What is the last song you attempted to play on an instrument? I don't remember. I took my guitar out months upon months ago to try and mess wi- OH, it was "Sweet Child O' Mine," and it went down horribly lmao.
Could you handle being married to the last person you kissed? That's the plan, buddy.
Do you crack your knuckles? No.
How do you react when people sing “happy birthday” to you in a restaurant? Get really shy and look down, but can't help but smile.
Ever been shot by a paintball gun? No.
Have you ever had a significant other with a mental disorder? Yes.
Are you a moaner, a screamer, or totally silent? The first.
Have you ever tried Nutella? I love that shit.
Are there any activities which are “meant for children” that you still enjoy? Yeah, movies, shows, games...
Is there anything you wish you had started doing when you were younger that would have had an impact on or would have helped you with your life today? Yeah. I should've worked on social skills way sooner. I should've fought back younger.
Can you read lips? Not at all.
Are you part of any online communities? If so, which ones, and how did you get involved in them? Only really KM, and because I've been in the meerkat RP community since '05.
When vacuuming, do you have a set pattern or do you go willy-nilly? Somewhat of a pattern.
What’s your favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel.
Who’s your favorite Muppet? I don't have one.
What’s your favorite monster? (can be Monsters Inc, horror films, stories, or myths, whatever) Probably the Jersey Devil or Mothman. Or the Dover Demon. I like cryptozoological stuff okay.
Have you ever considered shaving your head? Have you shaved it? Noooooo.
Have you ever seen a polar bear in person? Yeah, at zoos.
What’s your favorite school yard game? (4-Square, Kick the Can, etc) I think it was called 4-Square... but I'm not sure.
Have you ever boycotted anything? No.
Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life? Um you have no idea.
Are you against smoking weed? Yeah tbh. However I know there's lots of evidence coming out proving some of its medical uses, but I'm still kinda. Unsure about medical marijuana.
Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about your feelings? Sara.
Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? Jason.
Who were you dating this time last year? Girt.
Have you ever smoked pot? I've only ever been in the presence of people smoking it.
Are your ears gauged? No.
Have you ever played beer pong? No.
Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend or boyfriend? I sure hope so.
Would you hug your ex again? A couple I would.
Do you like to climb trees? I wouldn't know.
Name your three closest friends. Sara, Colleen, then probably Alex? Although she hasn't been talking to me lately.
What is the best kind of Girl Scout cookie? I loved the chocolate and PB ones.
Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? To a degree, I like it. Shows they really do care.
What kind of jelly do you buy? Grape.
Is your dad overweight? He's underweight.
Do you know all the words to “Don’t Trust Me” by 3oh!3? I don't feel like playing it in my head but maybe 'cuz that song was my shit.
What movies have you cried to? Oh yeesh, I'm a fucking baby. The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Old Yeller, Logan, The Outsiders, Titanic, The Hunger Games (I think), and how could I almost forget Forrest Gump. I knoooow there's more tho.
Do you love substitute teachers? No. We would sit around doing nothing.
Does your personality generally fall in line with gender stereotypes? Not really?
What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? Off the top of my head, maybe Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows.
If you could own any 3 fictional objects from any book/movie/show, what would you choose? (does not have to all be from the same book/movie/show) I legitimately want to commission someone to make a wooden model of Lord Emon's mask from Shadow of the Colossus. I want so much SotC stuff, but shit expensive man. Ummm having the Seal of Metatron from SH3 would be an awesome lil collectable. OH YEAH and why the hell not have a hearthstone from WoW so I can go home in a jiffy whenever I want. :'D
How far away do you live from the last place you lived? Like... 10-15 minutes?
Do you know anyone who’s had their kids taken by Child Protective Services? No.
You’re in a food court, what do you feel like eating? Pizza, probably.
Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes, my younger sister. She legit tried to go outside, but I obviously stopped her (I was the only one in the room).
Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? Yes, and I would if I didn't have a damn retainer.
If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick? I'd move in with Sara any day.
How does alcohol affect you? Okay so I handle alcohol extremely well so I've never seen serious changes... but I do know if I'm tipsy, I'm more talkative and outgoing. I don't think my face flushes anymore.
When was the last time you had a cold or flu? Holy shit I couldn't tell you for a cold. I've never had the flu, thankfully.
Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? Girt and I watched a few episodes. It wasn't bad, but the fact still stands that I can't really get into TV.
What is your favorite kind of pasta? Typical spaghetti and meatballs.
What color is your shampoo? Pink.
Is there a special someone in your life right now? Yes.
If so, tell me your favorite thing about their personality and their looks: She's strong as fuck and her smile's to die for.
Ever made a guy cry? Yeah.
Has a guy ever made you cry? For over a year straight lmao.
What’s the worst goodbye you’ve ever had to say? To Jason.
What make up product do you never use? It'd be easier to tell you only what I do use. I only ever wear eyeliner and then sometimes eye shadow, mascara, lipstick, and very rarely foundation.
What is one place you have been to and hated? Uhhhh idk.
Have you ever seen a jellyfish? In aquariums, yes. So majestic.
Did anyone ever draw on your face when you were sleeping? No.
Have you ever done that to someone else? No.
Were you ever chased by an animal? Only pets playfully.
Have you ever started talking to someone that you thought was someone else? Omfg I did this a good number of months back at the tat parlor and the embarrassment will stay with me forever.
Name one person of the same sex as you that you wouldn’t mind dating? Okay so I'm not gonna be a smartass and say "my girlfriend," I'll actually answer this as if we weren't together. I'd date Suzy Hanson in a heartbeat, come at me Arin. Fuckin sweetheart.
Do you know any vegans? No.
What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Sara: Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Buster, Mabel, Doris. Idk the toads' and fishes' names yet. Colleen: Miracle and Maxwell.
When was the last time you were disappointed? Two or so days ago, real bad. Mom put aside buying the concert tickets regardless of how many times I reminded her, and now we can't go.
Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not my thing.
If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? No job.
Do you see yourself married in the next five years? Probably at least engaged. Maybe married.
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well, today was fine, I’m just kinda discouraged right now because of depressing real world stuff related to child rights and how I’m supposed to improve a government run system that is supposed to protect children when the same damn government is intentionally harming children in almost identical situations. Sigh. That’s one more thing I can’t wrap my head around, but hopefully tomorrow I will find strength to carry on. I pretty much have to, really. anyway. today was fine. I woke up at 6:30 am and grabbed my stuff and ubered to the airport. Had a nice conversation with my uber driver, very nice guy, so I sent him a $5 tip with a thank you note afterwards. I arrived by 7:30 with my flight not supposed to leave till 9:15, so I had plenty of time. I got my bag checked in and weighed without any issue, and I guess they were trying to get people through security faster (though it didn’t seem like there was a particularly large amount of people there) so they didn’t do shoes off or laptops out, just said to keep everything in place and just had to walk through a metal detector instead of the full body scanner thing, so that was nice because the full body scanner thing likes to give me weird results that sometimes lead to awkward pat downs or conversations like “is there something in your pockets?” and I’m just like “.....I’m wearing yoga pants I don’t even have any pockets” but thankfully that was all avoided and I was quickly through. Had to walk a bit to the gate, passed the Starbucks on the way and stopped because I needed some caffeine, and of course I can’t have coffee but their refreshers have caffeine. I wanted to try their new one, the mango dragonfruit again, but they ended up being out of it so I just got my typical berry hibiscus one, which is always good. Walked the rest of the way to my gate, they were still boarding the flight before ours, so I doubled back to where there was a little bakery/breakfast place set up and got an bacon egg and cheese croissant from them and I s2g it was like the best thing I’ve ever eaten, lol. So I went back to the gate and ate that, and waited. While I was sitting there this sweet older lady came up to me and was like “can I take a picture of your hair? I want my to look just like that and I can never describe it right to the person” and at first I thought she was talking about the color because that’s generally what garners interest in my hair from strangers and I was like oh boy I have to explain this crazy color regimen to her, but then it was clarified that she actually meant the haircut itself, so of course I said yes and let her take a few pictures from different angles. I’m sure my hairdresser will be pleased to hear her work garnered such positive reviews, especially since I just got it cut yesterday. Eventually we were able to start boarding, I somehow pissed off the airline sufficiently to land myself in group 9 for boarding, I’ve never even know there was a group 9, but apparently I managed to get the crappiest (cheapest) ticket package that put me all the way in the back of the line. I don’t care of course what order I get in when the seats are already pre-chosen, I don’t use the overhead bins anyway so it really doesn’t matter to me. I was sitting further up than I normally do just because it’s what was available, I normally like to sit by the wings in a window seat a few rows from the emergency exit, because that’s supposed to be the safest place to be structurally as well as access to the exit should anything go wrong, but I was in row 6 today with a window seat, and that was fine. I grabbed the magazine first of course and found the sudoku puzzles, and I managed to get through the easy, medium, and all the obvious spots on the hard one before getting into the real theoretical stuff to figure out answers (I’m too out of practice for that tbh) just when they cleared us to use larger electronic devices, so I put the magazine back and pulled out my laptop, and clicked play on the downloaded version of Heathers the musical I ripped from Vimeo last night for my in flight entertainment, and it was definitely entertaining. The volume was kind of annoying because I wouldn’t be able to hear what they were saying in conversations so I’d turn it up but then when it got to the music it would be way too loud so I ended up going back and forth on it a lot. But yeah it was fun to watch through, don’t have too many original thoughts on it from this run through. I ended up getting halfway through “My Dead Gay Son” before they told us to put the laptops away, so that was pretty good. Landed smoothly, the airport is tiny (like it’s legit one hallway) and my aunt was going to meet me outside, so I just had to grab my bag from the baggage carousel. There was a bit of confusion though because they didn’t have signs indicating what flight the baggage was from and apparently there were two flights that came in from Chicago at like the same time so there was a lot of confusion between people and for a few minutes I was convinced they’d lost my bag and was starting to hardcore panic because I know I should keep my pill case in my carryon in case something like this happens but it’s always so bulky and in the way and even if I keep it in a giant ziplock bag it can still get popped open and send pills flying everywhere. But luckily before I got too far along panicking a worker came out and told us where our baggage would be coming so that quickly soothed my concern. Got my bag, walked right out and got in my aunt’s car and headed home. the rest of my family (or my parents and my sister anyway, somehow everyone neglected to tell me my brothers weren’t coming on this trip, which is not something I’m disappointed about, I just felt like this should’ve been something I was told at some point) wasn’t getting in until on a later flight since they were coming from NY. We stopped at Wendy’s and brought lunch back to my uncle and girl cousin (I’m just gonna call them girl cousin and boy cousin because there’s only two of them so it’s the easiest way to do it), the latter of which had to go take a final for her online Spanish college class, so she got sent off to do that for a while. I ate and then settled in on my computer, and a bit after that my aunt went back to the airport to retrieve the rest of my family. While she was doing that I ended up having a nearly hour long phone call (though to be fair at least half of it was spent on hold) trying to figure out if we could get our plane tickets to one con switched to another because of different celebrity appearances that had been unexpected, but the basic answer was no, there’s no way you can cancel or transfer unless you pay a fee of $400 per ticket (so $800) when the tickets only cost under $500 to begin with so like no....I’m not doing that. And it was so stupid because there was literally a flight to the second place that fit the same exact time constraints and was actually cheaper than the original one that they just could've switched us over to at literally no cost to them, and they just refused to do so. I was especially pissed because I had gone out of my way to get “travel insurance” for this trip, only to find out it only covers sickness that had to be proven by a doctor’s note or some other extraordinary circumstance that required extensive documentation to use, and like, I was really pissed because that’s not at all how they described it on the site and I may have thrown a line or two in there about how they’re really just setting themselves up for a deceptive marketing practices lawsuit to be brought against them just for the hell of it, which was the least I could do honestly. But yeah, all in all we were fucked and didn’t have another $500 to shell out to buy the new tickets independently so I guess we’re stuck with our original plans. Oh well. Some time after that we had dinner, and after that I went with my aunt and my parents down to the oceanfront and walked on the pier for a bit then walked a bit on the beach, it was really nice I liked it a lot. On the way home I may have encouraged some thoughts my aunt had about stopping for “ice cream or frozen yogurt or something” and she brought us to this cute little homemade place which was like, seriously some of the best ice cream I’ve ever eaten. They make their waffle cones fresh and like, you can see where they’re folded because the seam part kind of sticks out flat after it meets the other end which is just like super authentic and it tasted so good. They had a lot of tempting flavors, but after tasting it I decided I had to go with the cinnamon caramel oatmeal cookie, which was really just heaven and I was so glad I got it. It was cool too because they had vegan options made with coconut milk (my mom isn’t vegan but she has dietary restrictions that mean she can’t have dairy) and they actually had the same flavor I got made with the coconut milk, so we had the dairy and non-dairy versions of the same ice cream flavor, so that was cool. We sat and ate our ice cream, then continued on the way home. We sat out on the back porch for a little bit looking at the stars (I always forget how many there actually are until I’m out in the middle of nowhere and see them) which was nice, then we moved indoors and I went on my laptop for a while, and was eventually joined in the living room with my aunt and dad (mom went to bed) where we first watched the clip of James Corden doing carpool karaoke with Paul McCartney which was highly entertaining, even with having to deal with my father’s insistence that all of their songs were really about drugs, and then we watched a new Brian Regan recorded live show, so he was always funny. We pretty much started to go to bed after that, after I did my reblogging thing here I went back to the room I’m in (it’s currently the “guest” bedroom, it used to be my girl cousin’s room but when boy cousin moved out (he’s 21 I think) she transferred it to her room, which is where my parents are staying, then I’m in the guest room and my sister and cousin are on the couch/air mattress in the game room because they’re kids or whatever and want to bounce around and stay up late anyway. And yeah, I showered and then started writing this and here we are. Most of the day was objectively good, just a few sore spots bringing it down at times. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better about my drive to actually make a difference in our awful government who very clearly does not know how to take care of children. Alright folks, that’s it for now, it’s past 1:30 am and sleep is calling my name. Goodnight babes. Happy Wednesday.
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