#oh AND I was on a trip with friends I’ve had for 16+ years and they all were so happy to be together
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Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Six
Chapter Six: Road Trip
Plot: Joel, Y/n and Ellie continue to make their way cross country, and Joel and Y/n’s truce is heavily tested.
Warnings: tlou ep.4 spoilers, language, insinuation of killing, mention of a p*rn magazine, guns, (16+)
Word Count: 7.1k
A/N: This chapter feels like filler, but there’s still lil’ nuggets that will come into play later. Thanks to HBO for throwing that curveball of a Friday episode, now I gotta hustle to get the next chapter out within two days 😂
As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be tagging anyone who does not have their age in their bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀
I hope you all enjoy this one and prepare for the next one because….anyway, enjoy!
———————
June 2nd, 2002. Austin, Texas.
——————
Joel and Y/n had gone out for three weeks, equaling a total five dates. Between their respective work schedules and Joel being a parent, they had to get creative if they wanted to see each other. They’d meet on their lunch breaks or, if they were too busy, Joel would stop by the hardware store in dire need of help finding something and only Y/n could possibly help him. It gave them a good twenty minutes or so to wander the aisles together.
On a particularly slow Tuesday afternoon, Y/n was doing inventory. Joel and her had made plans to grab coffee on his way home and she was counting down the hours till he came through the door.
A small voice broke her out of her daydreams, “Excuse me?”
Y/n turned and met the face of a girl, no older than maybe thirteen. She had dark skin and a head full of curls pulled back with a scrunchie. She looked slightly out of breath, but determined.
“How can I help you?” Y/n asked curiously.
“Are you Y/n?”
She confusedly furrowed her brows, “Yeah…”
The girl huffed with a grin, “Okay, good. I asked, like, three other people where you were and they had no idea.”
Y/n awkwardly smiled along with her, “C-can I ask how you know my name?”
“Oh,” the girl snapped back to the current conversation, “I’m Sarah.”
“Sarah…” Y/n repeated, wracking her mental index of high school friend’s kids, before it hit her. Her eyes widened, “Wait…Sarah…Miller?”
She nodded, “Yeah.”
Y/n’s body locked up, to say she was surprised was an understatement. Joel had told her that he wanted to wait a while before introducing her to Sarah. He hadn’t had a serious girlfriend since Sarah’s mom and was trying to figure out the best way for them to meet. Y/n hadn’t taken any offense, she’d supported it, actually. She’d never dated anyone with a kid and she wanted to do everything as close to perfect as she could.
“D-does your-“ Y/n braced herself against her inventory cart, “Does your dad know you’re here?”
Sarah’s mouth twisted, “Not exactly.”
“Uh-huh,” Y/n replied, suspicious, “And not exactly means…?”
“Not at all,” Sarah nervously smiled.
Y/n gathered the little oxygen left in her body and laughed. “How did you get down here if you’re by yourself?”
Sarah shrugged, “I took the bus.”
“Ah,” Y/n nodded, “And you ride the bus alone without your dad’s permission a lot?”
The girl gave a guilty smile and balanced on the heels of her Converse. It was all the answer Y/n needed.
“So, why are you here?” Y/n asked, feeling like she was doing something wrong.
Sarah sighed, “I got tired of waiting for my dad to introduce me to you. I’ve asked him, like, ten times and he keeps saying no. I knew you worked here so…I figured this was the only way I could meet you.”
Y/n couldn’t help but be a little touched, and also terrified. She was more nervous about impressing Sarah than she had been Joel.
“I mean,” Y/n rubbed her forehead, “Yeah, I knew your dad was waiting to introduce us but…I didn’t realize his daughter was a secret mastermind.”
“Oh, you have no idea,” Sarah smiled, resting a hand on Y/n’s cart, “So…you’re dating my dad.”
Y/n nodded, “Seems that way, yeah.”
“Well, he really likes you,” Sarah replied, “Like, really likes you. He’s in a way better mood than usual.”
“Is he now?” Y/n inquired.
“He’s smiling all the time, he’s cooking,” Sarah’s face turned serious, “Which never happens ‘cause he kinda sucks at it. He’s even singing.”
Y/n raised an eyebrow, “Singing?”
Sarah nodded, “Uh-huh. Just under his breath, but still…”
Y/n was trying hard to restrain her grin, but Sarah was making it difficult. It was nice to know Joel was as uplifted by their short time together as she was. She’d practically been floating down the aisles.
“He’s just never this happy and…” Sarah shrugged one arm, “I really wanted to meet whoever was responsible.”
“Well,” Y/n smiled, “Your dad’s pretty great. And he loves you, never stops talking about how well you’re doing in school and in soccer…”
Sarah’s posture visibly improved upon hearing the compliments.
“Look, my dad’s never going to work up the nerve to let us all hang out together,” Sarah began to explain, “But the county fair’s on Friday night, me, him and Uncle Tommy are gonna go and it would be really fun if you came.”
Y/n inhaled deeply, a family outing. Was she ready for that? Were her and Joel at that point?
“I don’t know, Sarah,” she hesitate, “I should really talk to your dad first.”
“No,” Sarah urged, taking hold of one of Y/n’s hands, “He’ll just get all squirmy and frown and say that it’s not time yet.”
Y/n thought for a second, “He does frown a lot.”
“A lot,” Sarah chortled, Y/n joining in soon after, “Just think about it. Please?”
Y/n was between a rock and a hard place, or rather, the guy she was dating and his crafty daughter. She wanted Sarah to like her and they were already a step in the right direction. She didn’t want to blow it.
“Okay,” she relented, “I’ll think about it.”
“Yes,” Sarah cheered under her breath, still holding onto Y/n’s hand. “I gotta go, the bus is gonna be back any minute.”
As she moved to go, Y/n took a step forward. “I-I really don’t like the thought of you on the bus by yourself,” she objected, “Why don’t I drive you?”
“But you’re working,” Sarah replied.
Y/n gestured to the empty space around them. “I think they’ll survive without me for twenty minutes.”
Sarah gave a small smile, she was getting to spend more time with the woman she had a million questions about. Sneaking around had paid off substantially.
“Come on,” Y/n removed her apron, draped it across her cart and pulled her keys from her pocket, “You can tell me what your dad’s been singing on the way.”
The two girls headed out of the store, giggling to themselves as Sarah did an impression of her father humming old country tunes to himself while washing dishes.
—————————
Later that afternoon, Joel arrived to pick Y/n up for their quick coffee. When he arrived, she was nowhere to be found. After asking around, and finding out she had stepped out momentarily, he decided to wait at the empty checkout line for her.
Y/n walked back into the store with a new spring in her step. Sarah had not only spilled a lot of dirt on Joel, but she had talked about herself a lot. Y/n felt like she’d already been able to make a connection.
Joel spotted her before she did him, waving a little to catch her eye.
“Hey,” Y/n greeted, apprehension taking over.
“Hey,” Joel replied, his smiling fading the closer he got, “What’s that look?”
“What look?” Y/n asked, unaware of how nervous she appeared.
“You look like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar,” Joel smirked, taking her hand lightly into his, “What’s going on?”
Y/n sighed, she’d been trying to figure out how to broach the subject of Sarah all the way back to the store. Joel’s gentle touch was only heightening her nerves. “Why don’t I drive us to coffee?”
Joel squinted in confusion, “Okay…”
The two of them drove off in Y/n’s old Toyota, but she waited until they had their drinks in hand and were walking down the main street to start talking.
“So Sarah came by today,” she blurted out.
Joel nearly choked on the sip he’d been taking, “My Sarah?”
“Uh-huh,” Y/n nodded, anxiously holding the cup close to her chest.
“H-how’d she get down the-“ Joel began to ask before pressing his lips together and shutting his eyes, “She took the bus, didn’t she?”
“Yep,” Y/n answered.
Joel sighed, he was already starting to find grey hairs across his head. Sarah was going to turn the whole thing silver before she was 16.
“She said she was tired of waiting for you to introduce us so she was going to do it herself,” Y/n retold the story.
“Yeah, sounds like her…” Joel replied with a loud sigh, “Look, I know you wanted to meet her-“
“Yeah, but I was perfectly fine with waiting,” Y/n was quick to say, “You said you wanted to do this the right way.”
“Yeah, well, the right way was decided for us,” Joel sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “So what’d you two talk about?”
Y/n smirked over her coffee cup, details of the conversation still fresh in her mind. “Girl stuff,” she answered, quickly taking a drink.
“Why don’t I believe you?” Joel asked with an eyebrow cocked.
“She, uh, she invited me to the fair this weekend,” Y/n changed topics, “With you guys.”
“Ah,” Joel nodded, he didn’t know whether or not to thank Sarah for speeding his relationship up. Lord knows, he was too nervous to do it.
Y/n held a hand up to Joel, “But I didn’t give her an answer. I wanted to talk to you first.”
With the obstacle of Sarah’s approval out of the way, there was nothing to stop him from saying yes. And he didn’t want there to be, he was just used to using excessive caution around his family that anything else felt unnatural.
“You should come,” Joel answered, turning to Y/n with a shy smile.
Y/n inched back a little, placing her hand on Joel’s arm, “Are you sure? Joel, I don’t want to insert myself anywhere.”
“How can you insert yourself somewhere you were invited?” Joel replied, settling his hand over Y/n’s, “Come.”
Taking a deep breath, Y/n knew that this was a big step for them. Joel’s daughter was his world, and Y/n was being given the privilege of being a part of it.
She blew out her cheeks, “Okay.”
Joel’s smile was earnest, rubbing his thumb over the back of Y/n’s hand.
“If all goes well, I won’t have to hide you so much,” he said.
“Yeah, I don’t think you’re doing that great a job,” Y/n chuckled at Joel’s confusion, “Johnny Cash?”
Joel’s face turned sour, “Can’t believe she told you ‘bout that.”
“Hey, I thought it was a cute story,” Y/n held her hands up in surrender, “Your daughter thought it was a laugh riot.”
Joel lightly rolled his eyes, letting them rest afterwards on Y/n’s face. A stray bit of hair had fallen in her face, thanks to the breeze, and Joel brushed it away, cupping her cheek.
Joel and Y/n had made the decision that they wouldn’t take their relationship any further without having Sarah’s approval. They had yet to even kiss.
“If this works out,” Y/n started, “You’re not gonna be able to get rid of me.”
“Who says I want to?” Joel muttered, their close proximity allowed him to lower his voice.
They both knew if they stayed in the moment a second longer, their wills could cave. Y/n shoved her coffee cup between their mouths, allowing them both a breathy laugh.
“Come on,” Joel reached down and clasped Y/n’s hand, “I gotcha for a little while longer.”
The two of them walked off into the Austin evening, savoring every short second they got together.
—————
2023. Somewhere in rural America.
Joel, Ellie and Y/n had been driving for one day and no one had yet to end up in a body bag. A win if ever there were one.
That wasn’t to say they hadn’t come close. Joel and Y/n’s truce was an uneasy one and with the promise made to Ellie that they’d get along, their arguments had phased to thin lipped smiles barely concealing their disdain for one another. Still, their guns had stayed in the holsters. That was progress.
Joel pulled over at an abandoned gas station somewhere, needing to refuel. Ellie headed off to the bathrooms while Y/n and Joel went about setting up the siphon.
As Y/n handed Joel a rag, she noticed the state of his hand. It was still healing, and after using it so much in one day, it was beginning to shake.
48 hours ago, she would have let him suffer, but in the interest of a truce…
“Here,” she scooted closer, taking the siphon into her hand.
“I got it,” Joel protested.
“I know you do,” she placated him, gently prying his hand off the device, “Now move.”
She inched him out of the way and took over attaching the device. Joel crouched next to her in the dust, he felt useless if he wasn’t working.
Footsteps signaled that Ellie was coming back. She glanced over the abandoned car at Y/n and Joel.
“We have to do this every hour?”
“Gas breaks down over time,” Joel answered, “This stuff’s almost water. Back in the day, we’d drive 10, 12 hours on one tank. You could go anywhere.”
“So where’d you go?” Ellie asked.
Y/n continued working, bouncing the memories off that threatened to stick in her mind.
“Pretty much nowhere,” Joel answered, it was technically the truth, but so there was unclaimed life resting in his ‘pretty much.’
Y/n huffed a large breath into the siphon, the gasoline dripping into their canister.
“Nice,” Ellie complimented, “How does that work?”
“It’s a siphon,” Joel explained as Y/n monitored their levels, “It’s when liquid…travels against gravity because pressure-“
Ellie nodded smugly, “You don’t know.”
“I know it works,” Joel quickly replied.
Y/n smirked and looked over her shoulder, “Please teach us more about physics, professor.”
Joel frowned at his ex before turning his attention back to a walking Ellie, “No wandering.”
Ellie thought a moment, “Okay,” she went into her backpack, “This is your fault then.”
She whipped out a small paperback that made Y/n shut her eyes in exhaustion. “Oh, sweet Moses, not that book…” she muttered.
Joel started to speak, “Wha-“
“‘It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope,’” Ellie recited, “‘It’ll still be stationary.’”
Joel blinked, Y/n let her forehead rest against the car.
“‘No Pun Intended: Volume Too’ by Will Livingston,” Ellie held up the book to Joel, “Volume Too. Look, you get it? Too? Like t-o-o?”
Joel mumbled something under his breath and got up.
“‘What did the mermaid wear to her math class?’” Ellie asked her captive audience, building tension in the silence, “‘An algae bra,” she laughed, “Like algae bra. ‘I stayed up all night-“
“No,” Joel shook his head, like that word carried an ounce of power with Ellie.
“‘Wondering where the sun went,” the girl continued, “‘And then it dawned on me.”
“Feel free to wait in the truck,” Joel suggested, crossing his arms across his chest.
“Well, Y/n thought it was funny,” Ellie retorted, she’d tested the jokes our on her watcher back in the QZ.
“I laughed at one out of, like, fifteen, Ellie,” Y/n grunted as she got to her feet, “That’s not the win you think it is.”
“Okay, but just know,” Ellie held up the book again, “You can’t escape Will Livingston. He’ll be back. There’s nothing you can do to stop him.”
Ellie took her backpack and her jokes and walked back to the Chevy, leaving Joel and Y/n by themselves.
“You get that book,” Joel started, trying to break the silence, “I’ll roll down the window.”
“Oh, that’s not even the worst of ‘em,” Y/n replied, wiggling the toe of her boot into the ground, “But they make her smile. Like I’m in any position to put a stop to that.”
Joel glanced over at Y/n, taking a temperature reading of her once again. It was hard to see so much of the person you’d once loved with your whole heart mixed with who they’d become. Every once in a while, he got flashes of his ex-girlfriend in the light she used to radiate. But something inevitably came through and blew out her flame. More than often, all it took was his mere presence.
“We should be good,” he said, changing his train of thought and kneeling down to pack up the siphon.
Y/n took the gas they’d collected and carried it back to the truck. Heavy as it was, she wasn’t about to ask Joel to help her. She’d lived through twenty years of their dystopian hell-space, a gas can wasn’t about to best her.
Once the truck was filled up, Joel and Y/n hopped in the front seats with Ellie sitting in the back.
“Must’ve been some truck,” Ellie commented, staring out the back window at the fleet deserted vehicles.
“Yeah, they used to stick big-ass plows on them and clear the roads for their tanks and such,” Joel said.
Ellie spun around in her seat, “I wanna see a tank!”
“You will,” Joel replied, “Tanks, choppers, all that stuff. But they’ll fight the wrong enemy. Just scattered around now.”
By now, Joel was background noise to Ellie as she dug around the back of Bill’s truck.
“I got somethin’,” she announced proudly, waving another cassette tape in between Y/n and Joel. “Here, does this make you all nostalgic?”
Joel took the tape from her, it was Hank Williams. Y/n and him shared a sideways glance, if Ellie had any musical knowledge, they’d have been insulted.
“This is actually before our time,” Joel handled the cassette.
“Great,” Ellie settled back in her seat, unamused.
“Doesn’t mean it’s not good,” Y/n stated, watching Joel pop the tape into the player and adjust the volume.
The speakers flooded with the warm sounds of the country legend. Something about it made both Joel and Y/n relax into their seats a little more.
“Oh, man,” Joel mumbled to himself, briefly closing his eyes and letting the music wash over him.
“Yeah,” Y/n absentmindedly replied, staring out her window.
“Got somethin’ else,” Ellie announced, the sounds of magazine pages flipping behind Joel and Y/n, “It’s, uh, light on the reading, but it has some interesting pictures.”
Y/n and Joel peered into the dashboard mirror, catching a graphic cover. Their protests overlapped.
“Oh, no, no, no, put that back.”
“Ellie, don’t read that.”
“That’s not for kids, Ellie.”
“There’s nothing you need to see-“
Ellie opened up the centerfold of the x-rated magazine, her jaw dropping at the sight, “How would he even walk around with that thing?”
“Ellie,” Y/n unbuckled her seat belt, flipping around in her chair and stretching into the backseat, “Put it back.”
The girl slid to Joel’s side of the truck, too far away for Y/n to reach. “Hold you horses,” she argued, “I wanna see what all the fuss is about.”
While Joel watched nervously through the mirror, Y/n was not so easily defeated. She kept clawing at the air, trying to rip the magazine out of Ellie’s hands. Ellie turned away just enough so Y/n’s fingertips barely touched the paper.
“Why are all the pages stuck together?” Ellie asked.
“Uh,” Joel elongated, unsure of what to do, “The-“
“I’m just fuckin’ with you,” Ellie burst into laughter, reaching past Y/n and slapping Joel’s shoulder with the magazine.
Y/n slid back into her seat, moving as far away as she could from Joel’s shoulder.
Ellie unrolled the back window, the whipping winds blowing through the truck. She tossed the magazine out with a grin, “Bye-bye, dude!”
Y/n sighed and put her hand to her temple, nearly laughing at the absurdity of the moment.
They drove for most of the day, answering Ellie’s occasional question, but mostly sitting in silence. Somberness would fall over the truck whenever they passed by some piece of the old world, ruined and rusted by time. They drove by an abandoned amusement park, a rickety coaster still standing. A sign for what used to be a Love’s truck stop. A bridge that had collapsed at some point in the last two decades. To Ellie, it was a lost future. To Joel and Y/n, it was the world they didn’t know if they’d ever see again.
When the skies grew began to grow dark, there wasn’t much driving left for them to do.
“All right,” Joel announced to the truck, “That’s enough for the day.”
One part of their agreement was that Y/n would trust Joel’s ability to get them to Wyoming. Her rebellion against his every word made her want to argue that they could go a little longer, but she was trying to keep up her end of the deal.
Joel pulled off the main road and drove them into the nearby forest. They set up camp deep enough that they were hidden, but close enough to the road to escape quickly, should the need arise. Joel and Y/n took care of preparing dinner, using a portable stove and cutlery they’d taken from Bill’s house.
Eventually, they all sat down to a lukewarm meal of ravioli. Ellie practically inhaled it while Joel and Y/n tried to make it last.
“Slow down,” Joel cautioned.
“This is slow,” Ellie replied with a full mouth, “What am I even eating?”
“That is 20-year-old Chef Boyardee ravioli,” Joel answered.
“That guy was good,” Ellie complimented, stuffing another piece in her mouth.
Joel stared down at his meal, “I actually agree.”
Y/n swirled a piece around her plate, “It’s technically food.”
“How long are we staying out here?” Ellie inquired.
“I figure I sleep tonight,” Joel answered, “And drive tomorrow, all day, all night, and get us to Wyoming by next mornin’.”
“You know I can take a shift, right?” Y/n asked, Joel’s stony silence served as his reply, “Ah, so you do know and you’re choosing to ignore it.”
“In the interest of gettin’ us there the quickest, it’s better I drive,” he stated.
“Yes, navigating a highway,” Y/n retorted, taking a sarcastic tone, “That’s men’s work.”
“What happened to getting along?” Ellie smirked as she watched the exchange.
Joel and Y/n glanced over at her and backed down. They had to watch themselves.
“So can we start a fire?” Ellie changed the subject, “I’m freezing.”
“Now, why am I gonna tell you no?” Joel replied shortly.
Ellie shrugged in defeat, “Because Infected will see the smoke.”
“No, fungus isn’t that smart,” Joel said, “This is too remote for Infected, anyway.”
“People?” Ellie came back with.
Joel nodded.
“So what are they gonna do? Rob us?”
“Oh, they’ll have way more in mind than that,” Joel answered, never once looking up from his plate.
Y/n had lived a vastly different life than Joel had, post apocalypse, but she knew the horrors people willingly committed against each other. Being cold for a night was the ideal.
Once the sun set, the three of them rolled out their sleeping bags, another courtesy of Bill and Frank, and set up for the night. Y/n laid her head next to Ellie’s, while Joel stayed on the complete opposite side of them.
Ellie took a whiff of the inside of her bag, “Actually smells kinda good.”
“Well, that would be Frank’s then,” Joel quipped.
“If mine smells like gunpowder,” Y/n held her sleeping bag up, “I’m gonna assume-“
“Bill,” Joel took no time in answering.
Y/n nodded, “Copy that.”
Before they could lay down for the night, Joel and Y/n made a point of each checking their shotguns and laying them at their sides.
Ellie and Y/n nestled into their accommodations beside one another, Ellie pulling something out of her backpack before switching the lantern off and turning on her flashlight. Y/n’s back was turned, or else she would have put a stop to what was about to happen
“Joel?” Ellie eventually called out, “Y/n? Joel?”
“What?” Joel jumped to attention, he still moved with the urgency of a father.
Y/n turned over, “What is it?”
“Can I ask you a serious question?”
“Yeah,” Joel said for both of them.
Ellie sighed deeply, “‘Why did the scarecrow get an award?’”
Y/n and Joel both looked over at the same time to shoot Ellie a glare. She kept a straight face as if she really needed the answer.
“Because he was outstanding in his field,” Joel answered.
Y/n groaned, “Oh, God, there’s two of you.”
“You dick,” Ellie laughed, “Did you read this?”
“No,” Joel turned over, smirking only to himself, “Now go to sleep.”
Ellie victoriously smiled, having successfully chipped away at a little bit of the ice man’s exterior.
“Admit it,” Ellie whispered to Y/n, “You like them.”
“I will smother you in your sleep,” Y/n mumbled into her pillow. She’d never admit to cracking a smile.
They had just settled back into the sleepy silence when Ellie spoke up again, this time truly serious.
“Those people you said…there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? No one’s gonna find us.”
Joel and Y/n both stiffened, they could only guarantee so much. Where they were was as close to safe as they could get. But that wasn’t something you told a scared kid who wouldn’t admit to being scared. You gave them hope, confidence.
“No one’s gonna find us,” Joel confirmed.
“Okay,” Ellie accepted the answer and flipped over.
Y/n lay on her back, staring up at the stars. Her paranoia had softened the longer she survived, but laying in the middle of the open woods with a big flashing red sign above that read ‘FREE KILL HERE’ was resuscitating it.
A few feet away, Joel was feeling the same thing. He couldn’t pretend like he was fearless leaving himself completely vulnerable. And now that he knew Ellie was nervous, it only woke him up further. He eyed the shotgun, calculating in his head how little sleep he could make the drive on. If he counted on Y/n to take one of the shifts, they could still make good time…
They both unzipped their sleeping bags at the same time, turning to one another in the dark. No matter how hard they tried, they were on the same wavelength.
Y/n sighed, “You take the first shift?”
Joel’s nod had a heaviness to it, “Yeah.”
Y/n settled back onto her side, this time facing where Joel was heading to take up his post. She fell into an uneasy sleep, only after keeping watch over Joel until her exhaustion forced her to stop.
——————
It was a few hours later, Joel eyelids were beginning to droop. His ears were beginning to ring. He needed sleep.
After doing one last scan of the area, he walked back to their campsite. He came over to Y/n’s sleeping bag, ready to wake her, but stopped.
He stared down at her, her lips slightly parted, her hair framing her face and her lashes fanned across her cheeks. The frown she carried throughout the day faded in sleep, softening to a content expression as if she was between the bliss of unconsciousness and the evil of the waking world. It was the most at peace Joel had seen her in the last few days.
He couldn’t bring himself to wake her up.
She’d be mad at him in the morning, he knew it. She’d berate him for thinking he didn’t need her and probably make a crack about him falling asleep at the wheel. That was fine, he thought as he went back to his post, he’d take it. Anger and nostalgia were waging a battle within him, and right now, he was allowing his wistful memories to win.
——————
Y/n woke up to the smell of coffee brewing and the rustling of something in their truck. Seeing that Joel wasn’t in his sleeping bag, she grabbed her shotgun and bolted upright. The barrel of the weapon found Joel, packing up the truck, cocking a brow at her.
Y/n exhaled and set down her gun, running a relieved hand over her face. “You didn’t wake me up,” she said when she came to fully.
“I had it covered,” Joel said softly, not wanting to wake Ellie yet.
“I didn’t ask that,” Y/n replied as she stretched, already annoyed with him. She rolled out of her sleeping bag and got to her feet. “Well, I’m driving this morning. I’m not ending up dead just because you’re stubborn.”
Joel didn’t look up as he tied his sleeping bag up. Right on cue.
“Coffee’s on,” he changed the subject.
Y/n felt like Joel knew that would distract her enough to move on. He wasn’t wrong. She reached over to grab her backpack, feeling around for her travel mug. Her hand graced the plastic butterfly she’d taken from Joel’s apartment, freezing as she did.
Grief, much like heartbreak, had to be danced around. If you got too close, self destruction would swallow you whole. Y/n collected her thoughts and led them back to where she was, quickly finding her mug and zipping the pack up again.
Ellie rolled over, awake finally, and sniffed the air. She scooted over to where Joel had the coffee boiling and carefully opened the lid.
“Ugh,” she gagged, “What the fuck is that?”
Joel turned to her, “You don’t like coffee?”
Ellie grimaced, watching the bubbling brew a second longer before throwing the lid back down and rolling back onto her pillow.
“Uh-uh,” Y/n shook her head, nudging Ellie with her boot, “Up and at ‘em, come on.”
Ellie stuck her middle finger out, “Fuck you, man.”
“Up,” Y/n repeated, tugging on the bottom of Ellie’s sleeping bag.
The girl moaned and sat up, glaring at Y/n, who went to pour her mug of coffee. Whether it was the first sip of caffeine shifting her mood or she simply was making an effort, she wasn’t sure, but when Joel walked over with his mug, Y/n poured it for him.
“Thanks,” Joel mumbled, “Why don’t I drive for three hours, you take over after?”
“Two,” Y/n countered, “Those bags under your eyes make you look like you’re in a fucking Tim Burton movie.”
Joel sighed, remembering the truce. “Fine.”
Y/n and Joel finished packing up their supplies and the three of them were back on the road in minutes.
“Is that what the Starbucks in the QZ used to sell?” Ellie asked, eyeing Joel’s mug.
“Well, there’s was a lot fresher than what Bill saved up, but yeah,” Joel answered, “This is what they sold.”
“The world used to run on this stuff,” Y/n added.
“Smells like burnt shit,” Ellie mused, smirking over at Joel.
Joel, straight faced as could be, raised his mug and took a big slurping sip. Y/n bit down on her lip to keep from rewarding him a laugh.
“Eyes on the map,” Joel ordered.
“76 west and then 70 west for, like, ever…” Ellie read, Y/n had taught her how to navigate directions and she was still getting the hang of it.
“Where in Wyoming did you say your brother was?” Ellie asked Joel.
“Last contact came through a radio tower close to Cody,” Joel answered.
Ellie scanned the map, “Cody. Cody…Cody…ah, man. That is deep up in there.”
Y/n peekd over Ellie’s shoulder to take a look, “Do you know where he would have gone other than there?”
“Odds are he’ll be near a settlement,” Joel answered, “Probably close to another city out there. Ain’t too many of ‘em in Wyoming.”
The second part of his reply was meant more for Ellie. She was getting a crash course in geography.
“Chee-Yen,” she read off.
“Cheyenne,” Joel corrected, he’d studied that map so intensively that he could have found his way around the state blindfolded.
“Chey- really?” Ellie double checked before reading again, “Cheyenne…Laramie…Casper? What’s his name?”
“Whose name?” Joel asked, avoiding the question another five seconds.
“Your brother,” Ellie replied.
Joel paused, “Tommy.”
A wave of nostalgia crashed around Y/n, hearing his name made her think of cheap beer and belly laughter.
“Younger or older?” Ellie continued to question Joel.
“Younger.”
“Why isn’t he with you?”
Joel sighed, stretching his neck out slightly, “A long story.”
“Is it longer than 25 hours? ‘Cause I think that’s what we got,” Ellie asked, turning around to Y/n, “Do you know?”
“No, I don’t,” Y/n clocked Joel in the dashboard mirror, “And if I’m risking my life to find him, I think I deserve to know.”
Joel met her eyes in a fleeting glance, she was backing him up against a wall.
“Tommy’s what we used to call a “joiner,” he began to explain, “Dreams of becomin’ a hero. So he enlisted in the Army right outta high school. A few months later, they ship him off to Desert Storm,” he allowed for Ellie’s confused gaze, “That’s what they called that war, it doesn’t matter. Point is, bein’ in the Army didn’t make him feel much like a hero. Cut to twelve years late, outbreak happens. He convinces me to join a group makin’ their way up to Boston, which I did…mostly to keep an eye on him, keep him alive.”
Y/n’s stomach turned, she wasn’t just hearing about what had become of Tommy…she was hearing about what had happened to Joel after they broke up. Gaps she’d wanted filled for twenty years.
“It���s where we met Tess,” Joel continued, breaking for a sip of coffee, “And that whole crew, we, uh…well, for what it was, it worked. And then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him into joinin’ the Fireflies. Same mistake he made when he was eighteen,” Joel’s tone turned bitter, his voice quivering an almost undetectable amount, “Wants to save the world. Pipe dream. Him. Fireflies, all of ‘em…” he didn’t dare meet Y/n’s eyes, “Delusional.”
Y/n lifted her feet up and hugged her knees, she knew the remark was meant for both her and Tommy. And while her anger with Joel hadn’t lost its momentum, she let him continue. He needed to get it all out.
“‘Course last I heard, he quit the Fireflies too,” Joel went on, “So now he’s on his own out there, and…I gotta go get him.”
The car was washed in a somber silence. Only one of them was brave enough to break it.
“If you don’t think there’s hope for the world,” Ellie said, “Why bother going on? I mean, you gotta try, right?”
“You haven’t seen the world,” Joel said, a little wistful, “So you don’t know. You keep goin’ for family. That’s about it.”
The five words pierced through Y/n’s heart, the wooden arrow splintering inside the chambers. Each syllable was like taking a knife to the carefully placed stitches around her soul.
“I’m not family,” Ellie said, blissfully unaware of the situation surrounding her.
“No,” Joel agreed, “You’re cargo. And I made a promise to Tess. And she was like family.”
Numbness set in and Y/n rested her head against the window, focusing on the rolling fields of rural America. If Ellie wasn’t in the car, she would have let herself go off on Joel, but it wasn’t the time.
“What if you don’t find him?” Ellie asked the man.
“I will,” Joel replied,
“How do you know?”
“I’m persistent,” Joel stated before switching gears, “You got up pretty early, if you wanna grab more sleep.”
Ellie scoffed, “I’m not even tired.”
Within a few minutes, Ellie was beginning to doze off. Y/n gently tapped her shoulder, gesturing for her to climb into the backseat. She helped pull her through and Ellie settled against the opposite window.
Joel drove them for an hour in silence before Y/n couldn’t stand being still anymore.
“Pull over,” she told him, “Let’s switch.”
Joel was tired enough to listen to her, stopping the car in the middle of the road. They unbuckled and got out, meeting at the front.
“You’re wrong, you know,” Y/n said once they were face to face, “About Tommy, about the Fireflies…all of it.”
“You wanna prove me wrong, have at it,” Joel replied, disgruntled by the whole idea.
“Tommy wanting to be a hero is him wanting to help people,” Y/n kept going, “To fight. To do the right thing. When has that ever been a bad thing?”
Joel nearly scoffed, “Maybe when it gets him killed.”
“If he’s still here after all these years, maybe you need to stop looking at him like he’s some idiot kid. You don’t get to judge the people who are trying to get some of this,” Y/n spread her arms out to the wide open space around them, “Any of this back. It’s a hell of a lot more than you seem to be doing.”
Joel rested a hand on the truck’s hood, “Maybe I don’t feel the need to waste my time on a pointless cause. Last time I checked, that was all the Fireflies ever accomplished.”
“At least I’m doing something,” Y/n fought back, “I’d rather spend the rest of my life on a pointless cause and go to sleep with what’s left of my soul than sell it to the devil and not recognize my own damn reflection.”
Joel felt the last part of her sentence push into his gut like the tip of a spear. She was hitting too close to home without knowing it.
“‘Keep going for family,’” Y/n repeated, practically spitting the last words, “When was the last time you fought for anything?”
Joel reached out, grabbing Y/n’s arm roughly as she turned away and spun her around. If she hadn’t dug her boots into the asphalt, she would have fallen right into him.
“You don’t know what I’ve fought for,” he growled, his eyes boring into hers.
Y/n’s chest rose and fell rapidly with rage, inching her face closer to his to show him she wasn’t afraid of him. “Neither do you,” she seethed.
Their breaths mingled in the few inches left separating their mouths. Neither one of them were making any real threats, there was simply too much tension between them to ensure a safe car ride. They needed to let it out.
Joel realized his fingers were digging into Y/n’s arm, it had happened when she had moved closer to him. Habits were tricky to break, but the body didn’t hold grudges like the mind.
The close proximity wasn’t lost on Y/n, but she was able to free herself from it before muscle memory took over. She yanked her arm out of Joel’s grip and took the keys from his other hand, stomping around to the driver’s seat and getting in. Joel unhappily followed, and their wordless journey continued…
—————————
Joel caught maybe thirty consecutive minutes of sleep while Y/n drove them. It wasn’t that she was a bad driver, he just wasn’t used to not being in control of a situation. He gripped the map tightly as they drove into downtown Kansas City.
Surrounding them were rusted abandoned vehicles, but the tunnel in which they needed to go through was blocked entirely by a semi. Y/n brought the car to a halt, glancing over at Joel knowingly.
“Wait here,” she told Ellie, who had just woken up.
Joel and Y/n got out, Joel grabbing their shotguns from the backseat. He handed hers over and the team took calculated steps towards the tunnel. Joel crouched down to get a peek at the open road waiting on the other side of the mess. The semi was parked that way deliberately.
Joel walked back to the truck, Y/n only a step behind him. They got back in their seats seat, Ellie squeezing over the glove compartment.
“Where are we?”
“Kansas City,” Joel answered quickly, taking the map from her. The three of them studied it.
“How far back do we have to go to get around this?” Ellie asked.
Joel traced their route with his fingertip, Y/n tugged the map closer so she could study it too. There weren’t a lot of options if they had a prayer of getting to Wyoming within their time frame. They could either go back, costing them a few more hours, or take their chances passing through the city.
Y/n sighed, everything she was about to say went against what she wanted to say….
“It’s your call.”
Joel was honestly surprised that she had relented so quick. “Screw it,” he muttered, “Head back ‘round the tunnel, get on the next ramp. We’ll be back on the road, minute tops.”
Y/n put the truck in reverse and backed them up, swinging around a shoulder of road that would take them into the city.
“You guys are my eyes,” Y/n said as she navigated the first set of streets,
“Tell me where to go.”
“Look for any signs,” Joel instructed while Ellie read the map.
They drove for about five minutes, having gotten no closer to finding the open road.
“Where the fuck is the highway?” Joel complained.
“I can’t tell from this,” Ellie let her hand fall against the map, “I’m all turned around.”
Joel was trying to help Ellie navigate while also keeping an eye peeled for potential threats. “Well, don’t look at the state map, look at the inset,” he directed.
Ellie groaned, “Well, I don’t know where we are in that either! This is my second day in a fucking car, man. I mean, I think we’re heading north?”
“I don’t even see any fucking signs,” Y/n mentioned.
“It’s gotta be the right,” Joel said, shaking his head, ”What the fuck?”
“Y/n stop,” Ellie exclaimed.
Y/n threw on the brake, bringing them to a halt in the middle of the street.
“Is that the QZ?” Ellie asked, her eyes wide as she peered over Y/n, “Where the fuck is FEDRA?”
Joel and Y/n got a look at where the Quarantine Zone should have been, zero military presence. That was unfathomable.
“Hey,” a voice called, their attention was drawn to a man limping towards their truck, “Please help.”
Y/n and Joel’s blood ran cold, they knew exactly what was about to go down.
“Put your seatbelt on,” Joel told Ellie, throwing his on as well.
“Aren’t we gonna help him?” Ellie asked innocently.
Y/n said a silent prayer to anyone who was listening for survival.
“No,” Joel answered, looking to his ex, “Drive. Now.”
Y/n pressed her foot down on the gas pedal, the “injured” leaping out of the way. The man cried something out she couldn’t hear over the blood pounding in her ears.
“Y/N!” Ellie screamed.
Y/n was too busy driving to see what Ellie and Joel were watching, but the message was received when a large object got dropped on their windshield. Y/n swerved, Joel reached over to steady the wheel as she regained control. In their mad dash effort, they didn’t notice the strip of nails ahead of them. The truck shook as its tires began to deflate.
“Fuck!” Y/n yelled, “What do we do?”
“Hard right into that building,” Joel shouted, there was another guy in their path, “Now!”
Instincts ignored, Y/n pulled to the right, holding her breath as they smashed through the glass windows of the nearest building.
——————
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#joel miller x reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller imagine#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#the last of us imagine#the last of us fanfic#the last of us fanfiction#twenty years later
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ok ok rockstar!ellie x actress!reader ,, ellie being like obsessed with reader and her films / shows and says smth about u during an interview. reader seeing it and talking about it in another interview. even better if readers a bit older than ellie and ellie had a poster of reader in her room when she was younger sjshsg
the blades
rockstar!ellie x actress!reader
part one (two pending)
summary: ellie’s band did a song for your upcoming movie and you both mention each other in interviews.
warnings: reader is like 5-6 years older than ellie but they’re both in their twenties
author’s note: i love this concept so much i want to write more rockstar!ellie x actress!reader in future!! tysm for the request, i hope you like it 🖤 wc: 800
“so let’s talk about your latest single, caves, which is for the new movie end of beginning, right?”
“right,” ellie nodded at the interviewer, twisting the rings on her fingers which rested in her lap. she was usually pretty nervous doing interviews, still only feeling truly comfortable in front of a crowd when she had her guitar hanging from her shoulders.
“it’s an incredible song and goes so well in the movie, i mean…” the interviewer’s voice trailed off as they turned to the audience who were whooping and cheering at the compliments. “well they certainly agree!”
“thank you, we’ve had so much fun getting to be a part of it,” dina beamed her award-winning smile.
“so were you able to meet the stars? what did they think?”
“we did briefly which was amazing,” dina carried on, “and i think they loved it!?” she turned to jesse.
“yeah they thought it was great which for us, you know, was crazy as they’re super talented people so that recognition was uh, was amazing. ellie especially loved it,” jesse said, sneaking in a jab at his band mate and best friend.
“really ellie?” the interview seemed keen to know more.
ellie stretched her arm up, nervously scratching the back of her head and tried to fight a smile off her lips. “yeah, i mean i…oh man, thanks jesse.”
“anytime.”
“i’m a huge fan so it was a trip getting to meet them,” she finally settled on.
“meeting y/n?” the interviewer pushed.
“yeah, meeting y/n was great.”
“why do i feel like there’s more you’re not telling me?” the interviewer joked.
“well,” she awkwardly laughed, “no, i mean she’s an insanely talented actress and i’ve loved her movies for years so it’s always pretty crazy meeting someone like that.”
“that, and the posters,” dina leaned into ellie’s shoulder. ellie tried to refrain from swearing on tv.
“posters?”
“yeah,” she admitted, “i had a poster of her on my wall when i was like 16.”
“was she a bit of a celebrity crush for you?”
“something like that, yeah.” ellie’s cheeks had gone bright red and they felt hot under the bright stage lights and mini interrogation she was experiencing.
“oh it’s all coming out now,” jesse laughed and dina laughed with him. ellie chuckled, embarrassed, whilst shooting them a glare.
she ran her hands down her face. “oh, i can’t believe you just made me admit that on tv.”
“she’s probably going to see this,” the interviewer said, “and she’s on here next week.”
“oh god, don’t even mention it.”
— a week later —
“so, y/n! thanks for being on the show.”
“thank you for having me!” you shot your best smile at the interviewer and the crowd, who cheered.
“you’re new movie end of beginning is out now, is that right?”
“yes it’s out now and we had the premier last week which was an incredible night!”
“it looked amazing, as did you, so stunning!”
“thank you so much.”
the interviewer went on asking you more questions about your role in the movie before bringing up ellie’s band, the blades.
“you might have already seen but last week we had the blades on our show and they said it was amazing to work with you.”
“yes! i loved the music they made for this movie, they’re all beyond talented. it was great to meet them as well, super lovely guys,” you praised.
“were you a fan before?”
“yes i am actually, i saw them live on their tour last year so yeah, i’ve been a fan for a while.”
your cheeks felt hot all of a sudden as you had a feeling where this was going.
“well, i think they were definitely fans of yours, or at least one of them was!” the interviewer prodded, smiling. you laughed shyly, not wanting to be the one to admit to anything in front of a live audience.
“ellie said you were her celebrity crush.”
“i heard, yeah,” you smiled down into your lap, trying to compose yourself.
“i think you’d made a cute couple,” the interviewer beamed and the crowd cheered. “they think so!”
“i um,” you stammered, “yeah she’s cute.”
you thought she was more than just cute! you had been a fan of her band for a couple of years and had swooned over the way her skilled fingers plucked her guitar strings over and over again. the outfits she wore. the way she sits with her knees apart and hands clasped together in interviews. the smiles and smirks she has whilst on stage. the tiktok edits you had saved.
“well make sure to invite me to the wedding,” the interviewer laughed. you shyly nodded, trying to stifle the wide grin that wanted to take over your face. you almost hoped ellie wouldn’t see this but there was no doubt that she would… she did, and she had a shit-eating grin on her face the entire time.
#anon requests 🌷#ellie williams drabble#rockstar!ellie x actress!reader#rockstar!ellie williams x actress!reader#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x female reader#ellie x reader#ellie x you#rockstar ellie williams#ellie williams fluff#spaceshipellie asks#ellie x y/n#ellie williams blurb#ellie williams oneshot
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seeing you tonight... it's a bad idea, right?
content: ex!gojo x reader, language, suggestive (16+), mentions of sex w/c: 1.4k
♬ bad idea, right? by olivia rodrigo.
“hey, shoko invited us over for drinks and gossip.”
you hardly hear what utahime suggested, too busy typing away on your phone. your eyebrows furrow at the latest text sent, nearly outright ignoring your coworker and friend. “can’t,” you say after a moment’s pause. “plans.”
it’s not very often that you and utahime get sent out on missions together, let alone in tokyo. she hardly gets away from her teacher work in kyoto, but the curse you’d been sent to exorcise today in tokyo was perfect for her technique and yours. since the trip back to kyoto is a bit long, you’ve both opted to stay the night. it’s pretty standard that you would stay with shoko on a night in tokyo. but recently…
utahime raises an eyebrow at you curiously, standing behind you to peek over your shoulder at your phone. “plans?”
“yeah,” you say, clearing your throat. “i have something to do.”
“i think you mean someone to do.”
“what? hey!” you exclaim, trying to sound indignant. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“oh, so gojo didn’t just send you his new address?”
“stop snooping!” you say, locking your phone and holding it close to your chest out of view. the look utahime gives you, however, is unavoidable. damn her and that damn teacher look of hers. you sigh, shoulders deflating. “i really don’t wanna hear a lecture right now. can you save it for the train ride back?”
“i’m not gonna lecture you.” but the look she gives is really enough to have you feeling like a scolded child. “but i thought after last time, you said you were done with him.”
“i know he’s my ex,” you say, picking at your nail. “but can’t two people reconnect?”
since your break-up a year ago, you and gojo have avoided each other at all sorcerer events. it’s kind of funny, seeing the lengths the two of you will go to avoid each other. but nonetheless, in the end, you always find yourself with him in tokyo behind closed doors. up until now, you thought you’d done pretty well at keeping it a secret… guess not.
“you don’t reconnect with gojo satoru of all people. i still can’t believe you dated him, he’s a selfish prick.” that much is true, you think to yourself. but despite how self-involved and cocky he might be to everyone else, he’s… not so selfish in bed, to say the least. “he’s not even that hot.”
“i’ve seen hotter,” you hope that maybe agreeing with her in hating gojo will lighten the load on you. instead, she narrows her eyes at you and says, “you’re not getting back together, are you? because i’ll slap some sense into you right now.”
“i only see him as a friend.” biggest lie you’ve ever said.
utahime actually snorts, very uncharacteristic of her. “sure, sweetie. let’s see how you feel after a glass of wine and a lay with gojo satoru.” you groan and shake your head, refusing to admit to yourself the truth of his words.
“nothing will happen.”
“yeah, sure,” she says, completely disbelieving of you. “and what’ll be your excuse when you wake up in his bed?”
you bite the inside of your cheek. “tripped and fell.”
-
when you pull up to gojo’s new building, a penthouse on the top floor of a tall apartment complex, you’re not surprised at the text that tells you to just come on up. stupid satoru, not even bothering to walk you up.
he’s stupid, rude, and hardly chivalrous. you know that this is a bad idea, and you’ll probably regret it in a few days when the mortification settles in, but for now, who cares?
you don’t even knock, because satoru already has the door open. he leans his tall figure against it, arms crossed over his broad chest wearing a smile on his face. his hair is a little disheveled, glasses hanging low on his nose, and you can already smell the familiar scent that tells you he just had a shower.
“satoru.” you remember your words with utahime earlier. you’re sure you’ve seen much better looking men than this white, gangly string bean, but for some reason, you can’t really remember when.
“hey, beautiful. mission went okay?” the care in his voice makes you remember the way he used to fuss over you when you were dating. you roll your neck out, nodding. “yeah,” you tell him. “neck hurts like a bitch, though.”
“let me help you with that,” he says, stepping aside to let you in. you place your stuff down and already as the door shuts, satoru brushes your hair to one shoulder. quickly, his hands work on your shoulders to massage the small knots out from your muscles, even without you asking. it feels good; for someone whose technique revolves around not touching people, he’s still surprisingly good at massages.
“thanks,” you say, voice soft.
“anything for you. you worked hard.” his voice is low, and after a few moments, you feel soft kisses pressed to the back of your neck. on your jaw. down your shoulders. you nearly shiver beneath his touch.
“seriously, satoru? straight to it, huh. i can’t shower, first?” you laugh, voice a little breathless as he brushes his tongue over your sweet spot on your neck.
“i figured we could do a second round in the shower.”
you laugh and close your eyes, relaxing into his touch as his hand comes around to pop open the button on your jeans. your last thought before you give in is, here we go again.
-
you wake up in the morning to the light shining in through the windows, but also to the buzzing of your phone. as you rub the sleep from your eyes, you curse. shit. four missed calls from utahime. she’s so gonna kill you at the train station.
stifling a yawn, you start to shuffle in bed, standing to gather your clothes. before you can swing your legs over the bed however, you feel a tug by the waist. over your hips, satoru has a strong arm to pull you back in. a sleepy groan leaves him. “don’t leave,” he whines like a kid.
“i have to go back to kyoto,” you tell him, trying to tug yourself free to no avail.
“stay.” a strong pull drags you back to bed with him, and your back is pressed smugly to his chest. his chin hooks on your shoulder and you feel him poking at the back of your thigh. “i’ll teleport you back later.”
“satoru,” you say, tone chastising. “i really don’t have time for a morning quickie.”
behind you, he sighs. the mood seems to have dropped now, his playful childish tone now gone from seconds ago. “i’m not talking about sex. i just want you to stay. i’ll make you breakfast.”
“you know that’s not what we do. we agreed that when we were gonna do this, it wasn’t gonna be like before.” before, when you were dating. before, when you had so many problems that couldn’t be solved with just sex. now, at least you can still have the sex without the relationship baggage.
“i miss you.”
a sigh leaves you, and you turn to face him, his arm still around you. when you meet his eyes, they’re no longer sleepy, but serious. “satoru,” you call his name, sounding serious. “you shouldn’t say those things.”
“but i do. miss you, i mean.” he sighs. “i miss seeing you more than just every few months for a fuck. i wanna see you in the mornings, and on the weekends.”
all you can do is sigh. he goes on, “we were good, weren’t we? i miss you, and i know you miss me too. i wish we could give it another try. i’m not just saying it because of last night, but… i’ll be better. i’ll really try. i’ll come every weekend, we can go on dates all the time. i’ll be less annoying.”
“that might be hard for you,” you mutter. it’s an insult, but it shows to him that you’re beginning to open up to it, and that brings a smile to his face. a beautiful one, his blue eyes filled with mirth and not obstructed by glasses or a blindfold.
“and you’ll work on not being mean to me, right? we’ll be good together. will you give me a second chance?”
the two of you never worked out, and you know that for yourself. you know the problems behind it all, but what a fool you were to think you could be satisfied with just this. the two of you butt heads always, but maybe it’s worth it for moments like these. it’s a bad idea but… you’ve never been fond of good ideas.
a heavy breath leaves you, but you can’t hold back the smile. “okay.”
he grins, and it’s wonderful. oh, utahime’s going to kill you.
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#i'm soooo into this man and i just had to write jjk x guts#i need him so bad!! you don't understand!!
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summer loving (two) ⎸ t.h
⌙ summary: your mom and tom’s mom grew up together, swearing that their kids would be life long friends. and it was true, the holland boys were a special part of your life. but on the annual trip to their beach house this summer, everything feels different. and that’s because it is.
⌙ au: based on the book and tv show ‘the summer i turned pretty’ by jenny han. childhood friends to lovers
⌙ wc: 2.2k
⌙ warnings: swearing, tom being an asshole lowkey, sam being sweet as ever, some fluff and ANGST as hell. a special guest appearance that’ll be important later on!!!! it’s lowkey driving me crazy.
⌙ pairing: tom holland x fem!reader
masterlist ⎸ chapter one ⎸ chapter three ⎸ listen
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
you sat on the sofa in the living room, absentmindedly scrolling through netflix. you had been on the beach earlier with sam, the two of you catching some waves at sunrise. watching the sun come up as you sat on your board was another one of your favorite things to do during the summer, the view alone being breath taking.
you were about to click on a show in your watchlist as nikki sat down next to you, two cups of coffee in her hand as she handed you one. you smiled at her, sitting up as you grabbed the mug.
“thank you.”
“of course,” she smiled, “figured you’d need it since you had to deal with sam so early.”
you chuckled, “it was my idea, so i had no choice but to suffer his wrath.”
she let out a giggle before taking a sip of her coffee, “hey, i’ve got a question for you.”
you hummed back, sipping your own coffee, “what’s up?”
“so, my friend carol at the country club was saying that this year one of the girls who was a big sister for this year’s debutante ball got sick and she can’t do it this year. i was wondering, since you did it when you were the other girls’ age, would you be interested in doing it?”
you cringed at the mention of the debutante ball. you had agreed to do be a debutante when you turned 16, wanting to give nikki the opportunity to see you, who she considered a daughter, live out the same experience she had when she was at that age. you actually had a good time, but the thought of going back with cut throat girls who care way too much about what dress they’re wearing made you cringe.
but, you knew nikki would want you to do it. so, you felt like you couldn’t say no. plus, you had a great big sister when you were going through the program and the idea of being that for another girl kind of made you excited.
“uhm, sure,” you shrugged, “why not?”
she smiled as she let out a squeal, hugging you. you laughed, hugging her back, “oh my god, thank you! thank you, thank you, thank you!”
you giggled as she rose from her seat, “i’ll call carol right now.”
you nodded, sighing as you mentally slapped yourself. you knew what you were signing up for, but the idea of getting all dressed up again was a plus. you watched as harry entered the room, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his mom who happily ran back to the kitchen before looking back at you.
“what’s that all about?”
you sighed as he took the seat next to you, “the curse of rich people, that’s what.”
“i’m gonna need you to elaborate.”
you were about to speak when your phone started to buzz, looking down you saw an incoming facetime call. you sprung up from your seat, taking the coffee from the table before running to the stairs, “i’ll explain later!”
he shook his head, grabbing the remote from the arm of the couch as he mumbled under his breath, “girls, man.”
you shut your bedroom door, answering the call as you smiled, “hey! i’ve been meaning to call!”
“shut up and tell me all the spicy details right now.” your best friend, kat, laughed. you smiled back, rolling your eyes. the two of you had been friends since elementary school, a life long bond. besides the hollands, kat was your only other longest friend.
“what details?” you asked, playing dumb as you propped your phone on the vanity that sat in the corner of the room.
“oh my god, don’t play dumb! the tom drama!”
you sighed, “well, nothing’s really happened besides the fact that we almost kissed-”
“you guys almost kissed?!” she cut you off. you laughed again, shaking your head.
“it was nothing, nothing happened! we didn’t kiss, we didn’t do anything at all… thanks to sam.”
“sam?”
“yeah, he came down to the beach when tom and i were about to kiss and made us jump apart. he didn’t really look happy about the whole thing, either.”
“i told you, y/n! i told you, sam has a thing for you!”
you shook your head, “or maybe he just doesn’t want his big brother kissing one of his best friends.”
“oh, come on!” she laughed, “sam has a thing for you! trust me!”
you shrugged, “i don’t think so, kat.”
“okay, whatever you say. but tell me about this kiss, though? when? where? how?”
you began explaining the story to her and she gasped, you nodding your head as she sat in disbelief. of course she knew about the fact that you’ve been totally crazy about tom ever since you were younger, she knew about everything in your life. she was literally your right hand man, someone you could tell anything and everything to.
you spent the next 30 minutes on the phone with her, catching up. just as you had ended the call, there was a knock on your bedroom door.
“come in,” you answered as sam poked his head in through the crack.
“wanna go into town with me? kinda craving a bagel.”
you smiled, “is that even a question?”
“downstairs in 10?” he smiled back at you. you nodded as he closed the door behind him. you grabbed a tank top and a pair of shorts, quickly changing as you grabbed your wallet and sunglasses. you slipped on your flip flops before making your way down the steps. you stood in the living room as you watched the boys sitting on the couch, standing next to sam as you took in the sight in front of the both of you.
harry, austin and paddy were all a sniffling mess on the couch, wiping the tears from under their eyes as they looked at the tv.
“what’s wrong with them?”
“the notebook.” sam smirked back.
“it’s a great movie!” austin defended, handing a tissue to harry. you bit back a laugh, covering your mouth to avoid the laugh from slipping out. sam grabbed the keys from off the table, shaking his head as he looked back at you.
“ready for a delicious bagel?”
“always.”
“wait, you guys are going to ken’s?” paddy asked, looking up at his older brother.
“yeah, want something?”
“my usual, please.” he smiled, wiping his face with the neck of his t-shirt. you let out a giggle as sam nodded, the both of you making your way to the jeep in the driveway. you hopped in the passenger seat, snatching the aux cord from the cup holder before sam could get to it.
“okay, if you’re gonna play music, at least play good music.”
you let out a fake gasp as you held a hand up to your heart, “rude! my music taste is better than yours!”
“debatable.”
you smacked his arm playfully as he pulled out of the driveway. you watched the scenery go past as sam made his way into town, the music playing in the background. you bit the inside of your cheek as you internally debated bringing up what has been up with tom recently.
if anyone would tell you, it’d be sam.
“what’s up with tom recently? i mean, he’s been a little… distant? i guess.”
he shrugged as he looked over at you, “i don’t know. i know he’s been down ever since he found out about alexis, but he’s been this way since he got home. i think he’s just trying to process everything.”
you nodded, “‘m just worried about him, you know? i know he works hard, but i think it’s really taking a toll on him.”
sam nodded, “yeah, i don’t know. he’s just been drained recently. he’ll be alright, though. i feel like this summer will pull him out of it.”
you nodded, “yeah, i hope so.”
he pulled up to the bagel shop, parking the car before the both of you got out. he opened the door to the shop for you, making you smile as you walked in. sam followed behind you. the owner of the shop smiled, seeing sam as he greeted him.
“mr. holland! welcome back to the island!”
sam laughed, “‘sup, ken. can i get-”
“your usuals? i’ve got you, sam.”
“thanks, mate.”
“of course, anything for my favorite customer!”
you and sam made small talk, smiling as ken called sam’s name.
“anything else for you, son?”
“that’ll do it, ken. thank you.”
“of course! you enjoy it! tell your mom and dad i said hello.”
“sure thing.”
sam paid for the food before grabbing the brown bag. you opened the door for him, making him laugh.
“wow, thank you, miss.”
“of course, sir.”
the ride back to the house was quiet, nothing but the sound of your summer playlist playing through the speakers. you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on with tom. you knew that he was having a hard time with things, but to go MIA for hours a day, it wasn’t like him.
which is why you were surprised that you saw his black audi parked outside of the house when you got back. your heart beat quickened, the two of you walking inside as you followed the commotion coming from the kitchen. you smiled, placing the bag of bagels down on the island as everyone settled down. you and sam shared a look at everyone’s sudden quietness, wondering what it was that they didn’t want you two knowing about.
“hey, sweetie,” your mom smiled, “we were just talking about what we’re going to do for your birthday in a couple weeks.”
“nikki’s talking about having a party.” harry blurted and austin elbowed him. you laughed, handing out the bagels as you shook your head.
“we don’t have to have a party, nikki.”
“no, but it���d be fun! we haven’t had a party here for you since you were 21.”
“plus, haz and tuwaine could come in, and kat. i’m sure they’d all love to come.” tom suggested, everyone nodding at the idea. you shrugged, opening the foil wrapping of your bagel before taking a bite.
“it’ll be fun, y/n,” sam said, agreeing with the others, “let us celebrate you.”
you sighed, knowing you were going to lose this fight, “god, alright! fine, but i don’t want anything big. us, maybe a few girls from the deb if any of them aren’t unbearable, kat, tuwaine and haz. that’s it. nothing big, please.”
“the deb?” austin asked, “aren’t you a little too old for the deb?”
you rolled your eyes, “not too old to be a big sister.”
“you’re gonna be a big?” your mom asked and you looked over at nikki who smiled.
“i asked her this morning, one of the girls they had as a big can’t do it because she got sick. i told them that y/n would fill her place. i think it’d be fun, y’know? having a little sister, being a mentor for a girl. it’s exciting.”
“you don’t have to go to the ball do you?” paddy asked, scrunching his nose at the memory of you going to the deb ball. you shrugged, looking over at nikki.
“no, she doesn’t have to. she’s just there to be a mentor.”
“good, deb balls are bullshit, anyway.” tom mumbled. the boys agreed and you locked eyes with tom.
“they’re not bullshit.” you said back.
“really? being around girls who are too worried about the price of a dress and the way their hair looks than anything else?”
“so you’re saying i suddenly care about the way my hair looks?”
“clearly not.” he shot back, looking at the messy bun on the top of your head. you narrowed your eyes at him as sam let out a whistle, widening his eyes at the fact that he knows his brother is about to be in deep shit.
“y’know what, at least i actually converse with the family and i’m not always off doing god knows what.”
everyone fell silent, listening to the both of you hash it out. you weren’t sure where his sudden outburst came from, but you knew it was kind of uncalled for.
“just saying, the deb isn’t your scene. never was, never will be.”
you rolled your eyes, “right, because you know what’s best for me.”
“okay, let’s chill out for a second, guys.” nikki interfered. you got up from your seat at the island, throwing your trash away as you made your way out the back door. you didn’t mean to, but you heard the slam of the door on your way out. you walked down the path to the beach, finding comfort in the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. you sat with your hands in your lap, taking in the view once more.
suddenly, there was a golden retriever running up to you. you smiled, greeting the dog as you pet his head. you laughed as he licked your face, hearing someone call for the dog.
“oh my god, i’m so sorry.” you looked up and smiled, meeting a pair of brown eyes. you smiled back at the boy. he had a head full of brown curls, a perfectly sunkissed body, and a small scar on his cheek. you hadn’t realized that you’d been staring at the stranger, a blush forming on your cheeks as he scanned over your facial features, also.
“no, it’s okay,” you smiled, “he’s just a boy who doesn’t get any lovin’, huh?”
the boy let out a laugh, “yeah, we can say that.”
“what’s his name?”
“tarzan.” he smiled.
“hi, tarzan,” you giggled before looking up at the boy who looked to be around your age, “sorry, i’m y/n. nice to meet you.”
“shawn,” he said, “nice to meet you, too.”
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Young American - Part 16**
Hello friends! I finally finished this chapter! It's kind of a filler to set up for her meeting his family next! I haven't decided if their trip will just be one or two chapters, but that's what's coming next! Also, a visual of her dress for the wedding will be posted at the very end! Thank you for your patience I've had the longest week!
Series Masterlist
Warnings: unprotected sex (p in v), a little dry humping moment, breeding kink
WC: 8K
Today was the day in which Y/N would finally be able to tattoo her aunt. She had been looking forward to this for years and the time had finally come. Harry had offered his place for a bit more privacy now that he had brought over all of his equipment, but Julie insisted that they do it at the shop. She took the final appointment of the day, at 5:30pm, so that they would kind of have some private time as it would kind of be big tattoo. Harry drew up the stencil while Y/N introduced Julie to everyone she hadn’t met yet. They had been super sweet and bought her a healthy cake, well as healthy as cake could get, balloons and flowers. Julie really enjoyed getting to know everyone and finally when it was time to get on the table she greeted Harry and chatted with him while Y/N got set up.
“Alright, ready?” Y/N asked.
“I’ve been ready.” Julie said with a grin and Y/N, G, and Harry chuckled and just like that Y/N was going over the first line of the stencil. G started asking her about why she wanted this tattoo and Julie explained her interest in it and what it meant to her. Harry listened on as well, but was more assisting Y/N is she needed the supplies or more ink or vaseline, like the good boyfriend he was. It was such an intricate tattoo that Y/N was just quiet and focusing on keeping to the stencil of the flower of life pattern, but also to keep her emotions in check; she couldn’t start to tear up in the middle of this.
The rest of the crew did hang back and they ordered some dinner as well, wanting to wait and show their support for Y/N’s first large tattoo, but also such a special one to her. They did take a little break to eat before Y/N jumped back into it with Julie and Harry at her side while everyone else socialized a bit in the lounge before they started to head home. Now Y/N was starting to work on the outer elements, which were inspired by some mandala art that Julie really wanted incorporated.
“How are you feeling, darling?” Julie asked Y/N and she just exhaled a bit shakily.
“Honestly, just trying to keep it together.” She admitted with a soft smile and Julie sighed.
“Me too.” She confessed through a giggle, “H, can I bug you to take a vide for my instagram story?” Julie asked.
“Yeah, of course.” He said turning back to the counter where she’d set her things down.
“The password’s 1983.” She said and he typed it in before finding her instagram app and starting to record the story. Harry actually had a great eye behind the lens and so Y/N didn’t question it when he started to record but crouched down and then made his way around to show Julie smiling at the head of the bench. He then let it replay for her to see, “Oh, that’s really good! Save it, and then type “getting tattooed by my lovely niece, and tag her, and then put dream come true.” Harry did just as he was told and then posted the story. He also snapped a few pictures for her and was messing around with them, editing them to make them stand out a bit more until Y/N needed help with other things. It was reaching the 3 hour mark as they approached the final elements of the tatoo.
“I think it’ll be another 30-40 minutes. You doing OK?” Harry asked Julie who hummed. She enjoyed getting tattooed and she hadn’t been tattooed in ages for fear of exposing herself or risking her health. She knew tatoo shops were clean, but sometimes people still came in if they were sick and things like that, so it had been a while. She wasn’t in pain or feeling any discomfort because she was just so happy to finally be doing this with Y/N. “And you, baby?” Harry asked Y/N, “How’s your hand?” He asked. This had been her longest tattoo ever.
“It’s alright. I took a preventative Tylenol after eating.” She said quietly and he smiled before he gently kissed her head while she dipped into the ink cup.
“It’s looking really good.” He assured and she glanced up at him with a smile.
“Thank you, baby.” She responded before she got back to it. After another 20 minutes she was just shading around certain areas to make them stand out more and Harry was just looking over everything else one last time.
“That’s so fucking sick. It looks really good.” Harry grinned happily.
“I can’t wait to see it!” Julie squealed in excitement and Y/N and Harry both chuckled. He snapped a few more pictures on his phone of the work being done and soon he started cleaning up everything that Y/N was no longer using.
“Alright, I think we’re just about done.” Y/N announced.
“Here, my love.” Harry said placing down some clean paper towels down for her with his now gloved hands.
“Thanks, baby.” She responded quietly and Julie was just smiling at their interactions. She was obsessed with the way he doted on her. Soon she heard the machine power off and Y/N sighed. “All done! Let me just clean you up a bit.” She said before dabbing at the area she’d just tattooed with some paper towels to soak up the excess ink.
“Here’s some more, baby.” Harry said handing Y/N another wad of the paper towels. “S’gonna be cold.” She warned Julie as she squirted a soapy water mix onto the paper towels Harry had just handed her and then she gently dabbed against the area she had just finished tattooing. The cold of the damp paper towel was a nice and soothing contrast against the hot and stinging sensation that was taking over now that the tattoo was done. “It looks so good.” Y/N gushed and Julie squealed excitedly before Y/N helped her up.
Harry started to clean up a bit as Y/N took Julie over to the mirror and started to show her the tattoo. Julie started to cry tears of happiness as she inspected the work on her body. Harry could hear her telling Y/N how much she loved it and how proud she was of her. He did give them a bit of space and then Y/N showed her the bathroom so that she could get her shirt back on, as she was currently just holding it against her front.
“Ahhh.” Y/N groaned quietly as more tears pricked at her eyes and Harry smiled at her and pulled her closer.
“S’alright love. I’m so fucking proud of you.” He said quietly as his hands landed on her lips and she smiled.
“Thank you, baby. And thanks for helping with the design too and everything you did today. It means a lot to me that you were also here for this.” She sniffled.
“I’m happy I was able to be here too.” He smiled before he kissed her forehead. They finished cleaning up and were soon locking up the shop. “See you tomorrow?” He hummed as Y/N leaned into his hold and she nodded.
“Yeah. Love you.”
“Love you.” He hummed before their lips met in a sweet peck, “Bye, Julie. I’ll probably see you tomorrow too.” He smiled and she nodded as they kissed cheeks before he got on his motorcycle. Y/N hadn’t ridden on it and as much as she wanted to, she was nervous to try so she wouldn’t be going home with him when he rode on it for the time being, but maybe someday is what she had told him. She and Julie got in Y/N’s car and made their way home. Julie was being very mindful of not resting against the seat, which was proving to be difficult and they were having a laugh about it as she said that hovering the way she was, was a killer ab workout.
“So Harry was telling me something about you maybe going to visit England with him.” Julie brought up and Y/N smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, his cousin’s getting married in like mid May.” She smiled.
“What’s stopping you?”
“Well, nothing really anymore. Like I said I’ll go, but it’s just expensive.” She explained, “He said he’d take care of the tickets, but I feel kind of bad.” She sighed.
“Well if you need help I can certainly pitch in.” she assured and Y/N sighed.
“I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s not an imposition, darling. You love him, he loves you, and he wants his family to meet you and get to know you. This is a big step!” She said with a smile and Y/N sighed.
“It is, isn’t it?” She asked with a slightly nervous smile.
“Yeah! I don’t want you to be worried about anything except showing his family how lovely you are.” Julie said and Y/N smiled.
“You know, a few weeks ago at your little remission party?” Y/N reminded, “We kind of started talking about marriage.”
“Oh…” Julie said quietly and Y/N hummed.
“Yeah, he asked if I ever wanted to get married and what would it be like, big or small. He said that he had envisioned it while we were washing the dishes together after dinner.” She smiled as she recalled the moment.
“And…have you thought about it too?” She asked Y/N and she smiled.
“I mean…yeah.” She confirmed, “I thought about something small. I’d invite you, grandma, and my parents and hopefully they show up. The people from the shop and some friends from college.” She shrugged, “And just doing something tiny like that. We probably won’t feed you guys, sorry in advance,” she said and Julie chuckled, “and we’d just drive away in the Ferrari to wherever we feel like going.” Y/N finished with a smile.
“Oh to be young and in love…makes you feel invincible.”
“I’d like to think that we kind of are.” She hummed softly and Julie smiled.
“I mean, I think you kind of are.” She added and Y/N couldn’t help the giddy giggle that poured from her lips.
“Thank you.” She said joyfully.
“Do you see yourself staying here? Or what if he wants to move back to London?”
“Wherever is fine.” She said, “I love it here and he does too, but if for any reason he needs to go back there I mean, I’d go if he asked.” She stated wit certainty.
“And bring me with you?” Julie asked.
“Of course.” Y/N grinned.
“You know, I genuinely feel like if I ever had a kid they would be exactly like Harry.” Julie said, “I think that’s why I’ve taken to him so well. He feels familiar in a way, he fits right in.”
“He really does fit in well…though I’m really glad he’s not my cousin.” Y/N said and Julie laughed.
“Well, in all honesty I feel like you’re both my kids and it makes me happy that you’re both this happy.” Julie said, “I’m just especially really proud of you, darling. You’ve come a long way and you’ve really grown up since you’ve been out here with me and I know that it hasn’t always been easy, but I mean, it all has been worth it, hasn’t it?”
“It really has. Thank you for always supporting me, it’s meant the world.” Y/N glanced briefly to her aunt before she focused back on the road. After some more discussion about her trip Julie decided that she would be contributing to her trip to England by helping her buy a dress for the occasion. It was a black tie wedding, so a proper, formal gown was mandatory for the event, and well she was excited to be able to go dress shopping with Julie in the near future.
As she lay in bed Y/N couldn’t help but feel so incredibly nervous over meeting Harry’s family; it was really starting to sink in. She had never met a partner’s family before and she’d never even been out of the country! So overall, everything she was about to do was new. He had talked to her about them before and gave her some idea of what they were like, she’d seen a few pictures he’d shown her, but that was about it. She didn’t doubt that they were a lovely and welcoming bunch, much like he was, her concern came in when it came to her. What impression would she make? What had he told them about her? Would they not support their relationship in fear that he’d move out to LA with her? There were just so many things that were racing through her mind. The buzzing of her vibrating phone and the soft ringtone playing pulled her from the chaos descending in her mind and she saw it was Harry.
“Hi baby.” She whispered as she pressed the phone to her ear.
“Hi.” He hummed.
“Is everything OK?” She asked.
“No. It’s damn near impossible to sleep in my bed without you.” He said softly and then she heard something that sounded like a door closing in the background.
“Did you go somewhere?” She asked in concern.
“Yeah.” He said.
“Oh, a midnight snack?” She asked with a knowing grin.
“No, just a short drive, baby.”
“Oh. Are you just getting home?” She asked.
“Yes, baby. Now come open the door, s’cold.” He said and her smile grew wide as she sat up.
“Yes, OK! I’ll be there in a tick.” She hummed before hanging up and getting into her slippers and quietly padding through the house and to the front door where she quietly turned the locks and slowly opened up the door to reveal Harry in a hoodie and shorts with his overnight bag hanging from his shoulder. “Hi.” She smiled.
“Hey.” He grinned happily as she moved aside to let him in. As soon as she closed the door he turned her around by the hips and pressed her back into it as he he attached their lips in a sensual kiss while turning the locks. It made her knees weak and entire body spark up with excitement as he once again, effectively took her breath away as their lips moved together, “Missed you.” He mumbled against her mouth before sneaking in a bit of tongue, “Can’t. Sleep. Without you. Anymore.” He muttered between kisses. It felt like they were in a never ending honeymoon stage, they couldn’t get enough of each other. The obsession they shared from the moment they realized they had feelings for each other continued on just as intensely.
“Neither can I.” She admitted softly and he hummed, quite content to hear that, “C’mon then, let’s get to bed.” She whispered and he nodded. As soon as they got into her room Harry threw off his hoodie and laid it on the little bench at the foot of her bed before climbing under the already warm covers. She climbed in behind him and he was quick to settled himself against her chest and she pressed a kiss to his head before he shifted to lower his head closer to her chest.
“Tickle my arm.” He said quietly and she hummed in confirmation before she started gently running her fingertips over the expanse of his arm. “What were you doing awake?”
“Just thinking about meeting your family.”
“Oh, what about it?”
“I’m just a little nervous I guess, never done that before.”
“Oh I see. Well, they’ve only met one really awful person, so you already have that advantage over the previous person.” He said and she giggled.
“Nice. But ummm, what if they’re concerned that you’ll be too busy to visit because of me or that I’m like…holding you back from moving back home?” She asked. Harry was smiling, she was adorable, her concerns about meeting his family weren’t even about her, it was about how his family might feel about certain things. Before Y/N he literally couldn’t understand when people would say that they fell in love with their partner over and over again, every day. She showed him just how that was possible and moments like these played a part of it.
“Well first off, “home” is wherever we’re together. Here, there, the middle of the ocean, the death star, literally anywhere you are is my home.” He said quietly as her smile grew, “And second, well my family just how much I was struggling in London. I wasn’t in a good place in my life, I wasn’t myself, I was miserable, even though they were there.” He explained, “Being here, with new people, new opportunities, you…it’s helped me find myself again and my family loves that for me, even if that means there’s a whole country and ocean between us. They just want me to be happy and even though they don’t know you personally, they know of you and they know how you’ve helped me and been there for me and encouraged me to be my best self, so they already love you for that. They understand why I needed to leave and will certainly understand it if I chose to stay.” He explained softly. “Do you think I’ll be able to meet the rest of your family?” He asked and she sighed.
“I hope so.” She whispered, “I want you to, for sure. Maybe for my birthday? I’d like to do something here, but maybe it’d be best to go over there.” She said and he smiled.
“Yeah, that’d be nice. Show your dad you’re trying.”
“Yeah.” She sighed.
“Also, I’m extremely proud of you for tattooing Julie. I know it was a big moment for you both, and you kept it together.” He smiled.
“Barely. Thank you, baby.” She hummed softly.
“Of course, my love.” He responded. “Do you know what you’re gonna wear yet?” He asked, “Wanna match with you. I have like regular black suit; which I can also use as a tux.”
“A tux you say…” she hummed with a smile and he chuckled.
“Yeah, baby. Every guy should have a good suit handy.” He said and she smiled. She’d never seen him in a suit, he was always very casual, but she was looking forward to seeing him in a new light. It would give her a sneak peek as to what he would look like when they got married.
“Well, Julie is gonna take me dress shopping soon. Just wear what you have and I’ll match to you, You can just match your tie with me if you really want to, like for prom.” She decided with a quiet giggle.
“Prom…” he chuckled, “Those were the days. I mean, I more had like a spring formal, but we called it prom amongst ourselves because well, it’s iconic, you know? The only good thing about America.” He said softly and she scoffed, “Apart from you, of course. And the beaches here…” there was a pause, “Oh and the Mexican and Italian food…” he added and they fell quiet again, “Oh! And the snacks. I had no idea I was conforming until I moved here.” He said and she laughed quietly, “I’m serious! There’s less flavors I think, but they taste better somehow?”
“Yeah, it’s called chemicals & preservatives.” She mumbled.
“So? They’re superior, besides it’s not like I’m eating snacks all the time.” He said and she chuckled.
“Sure thing, H. I know you’re the one fucking up the barbecue flavored lays and spicy nacho Doritos at the shop.” She called him out and his body shook with his laughter, it was the truth.
“Just…let me have that.” He sighed and she smiled.
“Wait until you try pizza-flavored Pringles. You’ll be buying them by the pallet.” She said and he chuckled.
“Then maybe don’t introduce me to them.” He said with a chuckle and she smiled.“You know, we’re gonna be out there for a week and a half…there are tons of places I want to take you to and people I want you to meet. We can visit Eddie too, of course. Ummm…we might be put on babysitting duties at some point.”
“That’s fine, I’m great with kids.” She assured.
“Oh excellent, I am too!”
“That’s cute.” She hummed.
“I’m just excited to have you out there with me. I already know everything’s gonna be perfect.” He smiled.
**********
This was now the second trip Y/N and Julie had been on and still, Y/N had not found a dress that she loved. She realized that she was just a guest to this wedding and that she didn’t have to look breathtaking, but she also didn’t want to look plain and like sh emailed minimal effort for this. She wanted to feel and look pretty and to make a good impression on Harry’s family. She wanted to show that she was interested in putting effort in for their stuff too. So with another “thank you” called out to the shop keeper she and Julie made their way out of the boutique.
“Let’s try one more place.” Julie said and Y/N sighed.
“I’m kinda over it to be honest. Everything is so basic.” She huffed in some disappointment.
“Yeah…well just last one of the day and then we can get lunch, yeah?”
“Deal.” She said as they walked down the street looking for yet another formal wear boutique. When they found one they headed inside. The space was quite small and the dresses there were really beaded and over the top, YN glanced to Julie about to tell her that they should just leave but then an older lady coming out from the backroom and greeting them excitedly.
“Welcome, welcome!” She smiled brightly, “What can I help you find today?” She asked.
“My niece here is a guest to a black tie wedding, so she’s just looking for something elegant and tasteful, but a bit different.” Julie explained and Y/N just bore a smile to the woman and nodded. She asked about what kind of colors and silhouettes she was drawn to and Y/N explained that she wanted something unique and a little more form fitting, that wouldn’t make her stand out too much. So they started looking through some racks together and well, it was giving prom more than wedding guest. But none the less, Julie and the lady from the store were pulling things out that she was willing to try. After about 10 minutes of searching she saw narrowed her eyes as she saw a floral piece of fabric sandwiched perfectly amidst some intense tulle gowns and she reached for it and drew it out and immediately smiled.
“Oh my god.” She smiled at the luck she had in seeing this dress, “It’s perfect.” She whispered to herself, “Julie, this is it.” She said turning towards Julie who came over from another rack right away.
“Oh…yeah, I can see you wearing that.” She smiled to Y/N, “It’s beautiful.”
“Right. Ma’am I’d like to try this one.” She said and the woman came over and pulled it off the rack and showed it to her properly. The fabric was organza and it was a black base in color with dark red and almost fuchsia colored roses printed on it. It was a slimmer fit with some boning at the torso to enhance the shape of one’s curves and it was floor length, the bottom was three tiers of ruffles, giving the dress a very tame mermaid silhouette. She normally wouldn’t go for a strapless dress or a mermaid style, but it was just so perfect and feminine and breathtaking that she had to try it.
“I just wanted to let you know that we were sent this dress in error, so it is the only one we have in our inventory.” She explained and Y/N wanted to cry. If it didn’t fit she would lose her mind.
“Ummm, OK. Well, hopefully it fits.” She sighed and Julie crossed her fingers as Y/N headed over to the dressing room. She got undressed and slipped into the dress and with the lady’s help she got zipped up perfectly and as she looked at herself in the mirror she couldn’t help but smile. It fit like a glove, it was absolutely perfect.
“This is the one. I’m in love.” She said as she stared at her reflection.
“Yes, I agree. It was made for you.” The lady said and Y/N was beaming.
“Show me!” Julie called and she stepped out of the dressing room and Julie gasped. “You’re right! You’re so right. You look amazing! Harry’s gonna die when he sees you.” She smiled happily.
“Should I surprise him?” She asked and Julie nodded.
“Absolutely. He’s wearing black right?”
“Yeah.” Y/N smiled.
“Let’s see it with the heels.” She said as she stooped down to place the heels Y/N had brought along. Y/N halfway got them on and even laughed softly as the length of the dress barely pooled on the ground, maybe 2 inches at most. “It’s a sign.” Julie said, “If we get this to Tina she can tailor it for you in a couple hours.” She said of her friend and Y/N smiled excitedly.
“I’m obsessed.”
“Me too. God! We’ll take it!” She told the lady who nodded and smiled. Soon Y/N was getting out of it while the lady went to bag the dress.
Y/N was in a brilliant mood for the rest of the day. She was supposed to spend the night with Harry and she knew that it would be so hard to keep this from him because she was just so happy about the find. Today he had the late shift at the shop, so he would be getting in around 10pm if any clients came in after 7:30pm. So after having a shower and packing her bag she headed off to Harry’s; she’d make them some dinner and just hang out there until he got in. When she arrived she saw that he had a few loads of laundry on his couch so she took a seat and started to fold it while she watched a movie. Around 4 she got annoyed of folding so she headed out to buy something to cook for dinner and she decided on a spicy eggplant & tofu as she was feeling lazy to do anything elaborate. So while the rice cooked, and tofu air-fried and the eggplant wilted down in the hot pan she found herself back on the couch folding again when a friend request came in to her Instagram. She opened the notification and her eyes widened when she saw that it was Harry’s mom. She quickly scrolled through her page to just ensure that there was nothing indecent anywhere and then accepted it. She then went on her profile to do the normal amounts of lurking and she mostly had pictures of her pets and garden and Harry and his sister. They were a beautiful family. She almost liked an old picture, but thankfully she stopped when a video call started coming in and it was her! She started to panic and then she saw a text come in from Harry saying that his mom asked for her instagram and he gave it to her.
“Shit.” She said as she sat up and hurriedly answered the video call. Soon the screen loaded and she saw his mom smiling brightly on the screen.
“Hi, Y/N!” She greeted her happily.
“Hi, Harry’s mom! Or Anne, not sure what you prefer.” She giggled and Anne did as well.
“Anne is just fine, love. How are you?” She asked.
“I’m doing well, thankfully. And yourself?”
“It’s going well today. I was just reaching out to you because I’m here with my mum, sister in law, and my niece, Alyssa, the bride!” She said and showed them in the background as they waved with bright smiles.
“Hello everyone!” She greeted happily with a giggle.
“We’re going to be throwing a little hen party for Alyssa but we’re required to make a reservation and we were just wondering if you would like to join us. I know that you don’t know us very well, but it’s for the girls. It’ll be on Thursday evening and it’ll be us and well my daughter, and some of Alyssa’s friends.” She explained.
“Oh, I’d love to.” She accepted with a smile.
“Perfect! We just needed a headcount. I didn’t interrupt anything important, did I?” She asked. “H told me you were probably just home.”
“No, you didn’t! It’s quite late for you though, isn’t it?” Y/N asked and Anne nodded.
“Yes, it’s nearly 1:30 in the morning.” She chuckled, “We’re just about to wrap up.” She assured.
“Are you at Harry’s flat? I recognize the painting in the back.” She asked with a smile and Y/N nodded.
“Yes, I am. I was just folding some of the laundry he left while our dinner finishes up.” She said with a smiled.
“Oh, that’s sweet of you. Don’t get him into the habit though.” Anne warned playfully as the ladies behind her laughed along.
“Actually, I’ve never seen him leave his laundry out so he probably was doing it in a. rush.” She giggled.
“So he’s tidy?”
“Very much so.” Y/N assured with a grin.
“Good. I mean, I taught him well and he was tidy here too but that could be because I could pop in unannounced, you know?” She said with a smirk and Y/N giggled.
“Very true. But he keeps a very clean space.” Y/N confirmed to Anne.
“You know we’re all very excited to finally meet you. H was praising you left and right when he was here and well he does talk about you often when we chat.” She said as she started to moved away from the group behind her.
“He’s too sweet…” Y/N said bashfully with a shake of her head, “He talks about you guys often too. I know he misses you all so I’m sure he’ll be very happy to see you again soon. And well I am also looking forward to finally meeting everyone as well. A little nervous too.” She disclosed, “But from what I can tell and what he’s said it’ll be just fine.”
“Oh yes, don’t you worry, love. And if anyone even looks at you wrong you let me know.” She assured with a wink and Y/N giggled, “Alright, darling. Again I’m so sorry if I just sprung up on you this way, but we just wanted to make sure that you’d be included.”
“Not a problem, thank you for thinking of me. It was great to finally have a chat with you. Have a good night, Anne.”
“You as well, love. Buh-bye!” She grinned before they hung up. And now Y/N was smiling like a fool. His mom was so freaking nice and thankfully that interaction helped calm her nerves a bit. She then texted Harry to let him know that his mom had actually video-called her and her phone immediately started ringing with his name.
“What did she want?” He asked right away.
“No hello or nothing? OK…” she said and he sighed.
“Sorry baby, hi. So what did she want?” He asked and she chuckled.
“She just wanted to know if I would be interested in going to the “hen party”? For your cousin. They needed a headcount for the reservation.” She explained.
“Oh OK. I’m sorry, I had no idea she was going to call you. I thought she just wanted to snoop your page or something.” He chuckled.
“It’s alright she was very sweet and she’s surprised that you keep a tidy apartment.” She grinned.
“She always is for some reason.” He mumbled.
“Yeah, she believes you kept your place in London tidy because she could drop by whenever.” Y/N laughed and Harry chuckled along as well.
“God, she really selling herself short then because she always kept a tidy home.” He said and Y/N giggled.
“I mean, I think all mom’s are like that though. But seeing how nice she is made me less nervous, so that’s always a positive and-”
“Baby, someone just walked in. I’ll see you at home. Love you!” He said before hanging up quickly. It was nearing 8:30pm when Harry texted her that he was just closing up and would be home soon, but she had completely knocked out in his big, comfy bed, in one of his crewnecks.
When Harry got home the lights above the stove were on and some containers of food were set down on the counter. It smelled amazing actually. As he came further in he smiled when he didn’t see the pile of laundry that he had been avoiding for a few days now; folding was his least favorite thing to do and he had “strategically” placed it within plain sight to shame himself into just doing it, but he was far better at ignoring it than he thought. He called out for Y/N, but got no response and when he walked into his bedroom he saw her knocked out on his bed. She looked so soft and warm under a big, blue blanket surrounded by his pillows. Harry immediately got undressed and threw his clothes in the dirty hamper before getting on another shirt and then slid in behind her. He pulled her body flush to his own and kissed her head which made her stir a bit.
“Hi.” She groaned after a few seconds, “Did you eat?” She asked quietly, without turning around to face him.
“Not yet, baby.”
“Give me five minutes and then I’ll go warm everything up.”
“No, it’s OK. You stay, I’ll go warm it all up.” He assured and started to move and she grabbed his arm.
“In five minutes. You’re very warm.” She mumbled tiredly and he smiled.
“OK, love.” He responded, “How was dress shopping?” He asked. Y/N immediately rolled over and was smiling brightly.
“Really good.” She was beaming and he chuckled and brought his hand up and his thumb over her bottom lip, feeling her smile.
“Yeah, did you find a dress?”
“I did.” She confirmed before kissing the pad of his thumb and not saying anything else.
“And? Can I see it?” He asked through a chuckle.
“Not yet. I want it to be a surprise.” She said softly and he sighed.
“Baby…”
“I promise you’ll love it!”
“I don’t doubt that! You could wear a bin liner and I’d love it, so that doesn’t really help my issue here.” He said and she giggled.
“Then what’s the issue?” She asked, playing dumb.
“I want to see!” He insisted.
“Baby, I can’t. I want to knock your socks off when you see me!” She said softly and he chuckled.
“Again, every single day you-”
“Don’t even! This is different. I’ve never really had to dress up nice like this.”
“Ughhh, fine…keep your secrets.” He sighed dramatically.
“It’ll be worth it, I swear.” She assured, “It’s only like…a month away.” She said and he chuckled.
“Just a month…whatever.” He sighed and she grinned and leaned in to kiss him.
“And how was your day?” She asked.s
“Boring without you there to be honest.” He said and she giggled, “But it was good, we had a lot of walk-ins today. I had a consultation for a big leg piece…ummm…yeah, that’s about it. I was really dreading showing up and having to fold my laundry pile of shame, but it’s gone now so, 12/10 day. Thank you, baby.” He smiled.
“Of course, H. I get it, I hate folding too.” She sighed.
“Yet you folded for me? I’m touched.”
“I’d do anything for you. Even kill a spider, which is saying a lot.” She laughed quietly when he started to chuckle.
“I’d do anything for you too.” He assured.
“So, what does your mom do? Like does she still work? Or do you and your sister look after her?”
“Well, my gran stayed living with her since my sister and I are gone, but she stopped her actual profession, she was a teacher.” He explained, “She has a little flower shop now that I helped her start up maybe 3 or 4 years ago. She’s quite successful with that, I believe she’s doing the table arrangements for Alyssa’s wedding.”
“Oh that’s sweet of her.” Y/N smiled.
“Yeah, she’s probably the sweetest person I know. Julie reminds me of her a bit, but Julie has more sass to her.” He chuckled.
“You know, she was just saying to me earlier how if she ever had a kid that she imagines they’d be a lot like you.” Harry pouted with endearment.
“God, she’s so fucking nice. I’m glad she’s all better now.” He said and Y/N smiled.
“Yeah…OK, so what else should I know about your family?”
“Mmmm… my gran has a real sweet tooth. She also enjoys enjoys cheating at games, especially ones she can clean you out on. She’ll love you more if you turn a blind eye to her dodgy ways.” He chuckled and she laughed softly, “That’s why I’m the favorite. I help her win and in return she helps me win sometimes.” He explained with amusement as Y/N giggled, “Ummm…my sister is a little shy, it might seem like she has no interest in things, but once she gets comfortable she’s quite the chatter box, especially if you have things in common. She’s artsy, so I’m sure if you talked about your Etsy shop she’d be all over it.” Harry said with a smiled, “Her husband, Skye, is also an awkward nerd. He’s an engineer and his current job is doing like site checks to make sure that buildings are structurally sound, if he doesn’t know what to talk you about he’ll start to talk about all the ways in which the building we’re currently in could collapse. But he’s really nice and pleasant, just…find things to talk to him about that are not his job.” Harry said and she nodded in understanding. “And they’ve got two kids. Archie is three years old and is…quite the handful. He’s a cheeky little guy. And they have an eight month old now, baby Ivy.” He said with a smile.
“Awww, what a cute name.” she cooed.
“Yeah, she’s a real cutie too. Chillest baby I’ve ever seen.” He said with pride, “But yeah, those are the people we’re probably going to be spending the most time with during our visit. I assume my aunt and uncle and cousins will be quite preoccupied.” He explained.
“Yeah, I can imagine.” She sighed with a smile and just took him in. He was absolutely beautiful… all this talk about families and babies was making her wonder what a baby of their own might look like. She’d never given serious thought to having kids before, but as she stared into Harry’s eyes she started to entertain the idea of it in the future.
“What?” He whispered as he watched her watching him.
“Nothing, just admiring you.” She confessed with a heat in her cheeks at the full picture going on in her mind.
“And? What else?” He chuckled softly, knowing there was a lot more going on than that; he could practically see the cogs turning in her mind. She swallowed thickly because she had no idea how he’d react to her actual thoughts, but she didn’t want to keep that from him either. After all, if they were thinking about their relationship more seriously this was a conversation they would need to have at some point.
“Just wondering what you looked like as a baby and well, that led me down to thinking about…if we had a baby. Obviously not right now! But down the line. Like it’d be very impractical at this moment.” She rambled, “But like maybe in the future, i-if that’s something-” she was cut off by his lips meeting her own tenderly. She very easily slipped into their kiss, her lips moved slowly with his as their kiss deepened and he lifted himself to get his body over hers. She parted her legs to let him fully position himself over her and as he lowered his hips over hers she moaned into their kiss as he ground his growing bulge against her center.
“Sorry.” he panted as he momentarily parted this lips, “Just thinking about having a baby with you made me really fucking horny for you.” He smiled against her lips and she literally felt a chill travel down her spine, “S’that why you like me to come inside?” He asked her with a mischievous grin and she whined as his fully hard cock rubbed against her panties now, “Want me to give you a baby one day? Breed you?” He asked and her brain literally melted as his words registered and she nodded.
The idea was also making his brain and heart race at the possibilities. If he got her pregnant he would spoil her and take such good care of her, he would never leave her side. He’d obsess over her and kiss her bump any chance he got. He’d never really given the future as much thought as he did with her, maybe because he had never met anyone that made him want all of those things like she did. He loved her in a way that he had never really experienced before and it brought out a side to him that he had tried so hard to bury because of his bad experiences. But she made him love this more vulnerable and affectionate side of himself, he loved how she protected that part of him as if it were her own; it made him feel safe; something that his other relationships had lacked.
“Good. We’re gonna have all of it together, baby. I promise.” He assured her before he kissed her again and she moaned into it as he started to grind down on her with more speed. The tip of his cock was so sensitive right now that getting a feel of her bare pussy would surely send him over the edge. He liked to feel her back arching and feel her legs tensing around his hips as he repeatedly stimulated her clit with his grinds and humps against her.
“Fuck, I need you inside, baby.” She said against his mouth and he sighed.
“I will literally bust in a minute.” He panted and she kissed him.
“I don’t care, just let me feel you.” she whispered. He couldn’t deny her that. So he knelt up and just got his cock out, giving it a few low tugs as she held her underwear to the side so that he could line himself up with her.
“Holy fuck.” He whispered in amazement at how hot and wet her pussy was for him as he painted his tip through her arousal, “That’s how bad you want it?” He asked breathily and she nodded, “Go on then, say it.” He panted as he started to rut against her clit which made her whine out in pleasure, “Say that you want to have my babies.” He grunted and she swallowed thickly.
“I-I want to have your babies.” She sighed, “I love you so much. I want to have everything with you.” She said and he kissed her deeply as he started to grind against her faster.
“Love how wet you get for me.” He muttered against her lips, “Your little pussy needs my cock, so badly, doesn’t it?” He teased and she nodded.
“So bad, please. Please let me feel you, baby.” She whimpered and he nodded frantically as he shifted his hips and she moaned as the head of his cock pushed against her entrance but not with enough force to spread her open and slip inside. He was just rubbing against her.
“How bad do you want it? Hmmm? Think your greedy little cunt will open for me on her own?” He asked as he knelt and she wriggled beneath him, trying to get more friction. He could feel her throbbing and clenching, her body was desperate to get him inside. Her constant throbs were slowly but surely sucking his cock in deeper. Harry was trying to keep it together as her hot sticky little hole spread around the tip. He couldn’t help it as he pushed in a little bit and she whimpered his name. He immediately brought his thumb to her clit and started to swirl it underneath in littler circles while pressing down into it, making all the nerves there rub together and collide in a way that made pleasure shoot through her body in delicious waves. Her cunt certainly opened up that way as he got in a bit deeper, he was so snug and warm inside of her, he didn’t want to wait anymore. He had no self-control with her, as much as he wanted to have it.
“Please, please, please, please…” she begged over and over, trying to hold still as he continued his incredible and delicious torture. He pushed forward even more until she had sucked his whole tip in and he groaned as she moaned in relief. His eyes locked on hers as he popped out and then pressed back in again, only this time he went a bit deeper, and he repeated this until his entire cock was inside of her and he felt himself there as he ground into her and continued rubbing on her clit until her legs were trembling. He was hardly doing anything, but he was pressed up against the best spot inside of her and she was grinding her hips, getting what she needed as he played with her swollen and sticky little button until she was gasping, “I-I’m coming!”
“Good girl, fuck. Such a good girl, make yourself cream all over my cock.” He encouraged her as she groaned against him. “Fuck, feeling you’s gonna make me cum.” He said lowly as he squeezed his eyes shut as her throbbing walls seemingly milked the sperm from his balls and up his shaft, she felt so good it was making his head feel spacey. He couldn’t take it anymore and started to rut into her without pulling out, just thrusting in, his tip was colliding with a soft and warm spot deep inside of her that was making him lose his mind and his toes curl, “Fuck, I’m coming. Gonna fill up my good girl’s pussy.” He warned and soon he stilled deep inside of her as she felt him start to shoot his load inside of her. The warmth was starting to fill her up and as he thrusted it started to bubble and leak out of her entrance, leaving them all sticky and messy with his sperm, but she couldn’t care less. He suddenly pulled out, making her wince but he then pressed her panties back over her as he leaned down to kiss her hard, “Keep that there, f’me. We’ll clean up in a bit, yeah?” He said and she nodded, “Good girl.” He smiled against her lips. “God, you don’t even know how insane I’ll be when we properly start trying.” He said with a smile, “Gonna fuck you every day until I make you a mommy.” He kissed her deeply and she moaned against his lips when his hand came down and rubbed over her sensitive and puffy pussy, “Sorry, just thinking about this is making me really feral.” He hummed and she giggled, she understood exactly how he felt.
“I get it.” She assured with a smile against his lips.
“I love you so much.” He said quietly, as if it were a secret between them.
“I love you.” She smiled.
In truth Harry wanted to know about her dress because he had gotten her something. Well, he’d gotten them both something when he was in England and visiting a jeweler with his grandmother. She was getting some earrings repaired and as he browsed he saw a very dainty and gorgeous pearl necklace. Each pearl was linked together by the finest chain and he was obsessed. Pearls signified love, femininity, and purity; each one was unique - and to him their love was like that pure and special, one of a kind. So he bought the one they had as it fit him perfectly, he wore it almost daily, but he also had one made for her and he planned to give it to her when they were in London. It wasn’t an engagement ring, but it was a symbol of his love for her. She’d probably think it was too much, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to remind her about how special she was to him and how what they were building together was something that he wanted to last forever. She was the one. He was absolutely certain of it.
"What?" she asked with a smile on her face as he just smiled down at her.
"I just can't wait for everything we're going to have together." he said with a bright smile and so much excitement in his eyes.
***
The Dress she will wear to the wedding, I chose this pic because this model just happened to be wearing thee necklace mentioned above. It went perfectly with my plan! But of course, Y/N is supposed to be however you imagine her, whether than be like yourself or anyone else:)
---- Tag List ----
suspended ATM since my blog is still shadowbanned
#young american#young american series#harry styles fan fiction#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles au#harry styles au series#tattoo harry fic#tattoorry#tattoo artist harry styles#harry styles tattoos#tattoorry fic#tattoo artist!harry#harry styles smut#boyfriendrry#boyfriend!harry#harry styles fluff#harry styles writing#writing#0nlythrowharrybeaux
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WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY
tagged by @suzy-queued thanks sorry for my amateur attempt
Name: Gill
Age: half century plus a decade minus one
Location: Cheadle, Stockport, U.K.
And now...
Latest music discovery: Oh wow, I don’t know
Latest movie: hmm, no tv and not watched a movie in years
Last TV show you finished: SHAMELESS US, nothing has made me want to watch it since then.
Most recently started book.: only real book I’ve read in seems like forever is Saving Grace by Rachel O’Rourke
Most recent trip out of town: Went to wales with friends
Most recent trip out of the country: Not been out of the country since I was 16 😬
Most recent gift you made yourself: bought myself a new silver chain
Most recent gift you made to someone else: bought some slippers for my sister who has broke her foot for the second time walking in sliders 🙄
Most recent text message you received: My friend letting me know she had a driving lesson in the morning and she’d see me later in work.
Most recent text message you sent: A text to my friend letting her know I have an interview in the morning and I’d see he later.
Last fic you read: Just opened the next chapter of Battlefield Chicago by My_Brain_Melted
Last drink you had: tea, strong, milky with one sugar
Last thing you ate: Digestive biscuits
Latest piece of clothing you bought: A couple of tops for work
Latest piece of advice you received: You can do this
Latest piece of advice you gave:
Just try it , we can always do it again
Latest thing you promised yourself: To stop undermining myself and have a little more faith
Not tagged anyone … anyone can give it a go 😊
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Harry Styles AU x Fem!Reader: Royalty
Y/N - Your Name ... btw, you're a Queen!
Queen Mother - Y/N’s mom
Prince Royce - Y/N’s brother
Gemma - Harry's sister
Harry’s Mom/Anne - Harry's Mom
BELOW is Adore You by Harry Styles because that will be referenced:-)
youtube
Harry Style's POV
My mother's face was priceless when I accidentally let slip that I had a crush on Queen Y/N. She was so happy.
I ask "Mum? Mum? Are you okay?"
She excitedly exclaims "My wee lil boy has a crush! I'm chuffed!"
I laugh and ask "So can we go visit with Y/N & her family?"
She smiles and says "I will call her mom and ask."
At lunch, my mom exclaims "Great news everyone! We will be leaving tomorrow morning and staying with Y/N and her family for the next 3 days. Unfortunately, we won't be staying longer than that because she has duties as the Queen and will be traveling for a month following our visit."
We all nod.
Gemma asks "So will Queen Y/N even have time to spend with us?"
My mom answers "Her Queen Mother told me that she needs to take breaks to calm down, which will be filled with spending time with all of us. They also have 3 meals a day together, so we will at least see her for that amount of time."
I reply "Blimey! Hopefully, this trip is worth it."
Gemma replies "If you tell her how you feel, it will be."
As I start playing the piano after lunch, my mind travels to Y/N. I remember when we were 16 and we were each other's first kisses. We shook hands after and have been great friends since. I think both of us liked it, but we each knew how tricky relationships are for royals. Nothing else romantic has happened since then and it's been 5 years. We talk on the phone at least once a week and only visit each other once or twice a year. Both of us live such hectic lives, so that's why we see each other so infrequently.
New lyrics pop into my head and I begin writing. It goes a little something like this ... (lyrics below are Harry Styles's “Adore You” not me - all credit goes to him)
Walk in your rainbow paradise (paradise)
Strawberry lipstick state of mind (state of mind)
I get so lost inside your eyes
Would you believe it?
You don't have to say you love me
You don't have to say nothing
You don't have to say you're mine
Within 2 hours, I've written a new song called Adore You. I adore it. Maybe I can sing it to Y/N to tell her how I feel. Yeah, that could work.
I head to my room and call one of the valets to help me pack my bags. It would go much faster if I have help and that is their job, even though I feel bad sometimes for them.
We finish packing in time for dinner.
Next Day
On the train over, I sketch nature scenes alongside lyrics.
Gemma leans over and asks "What is your new song about?"
I answer "Y/N."
She gasps and asks "So can I hear it?"
I answer "It's better with piano, but sure."
After I sing it to her, she smiles and says "Oh she's going to love that."
I reply "I hope so as well."
At the castle, we are welcomed by the Queen Mother. She smiles and gives us all hugs once we get inside.
She then leads us down a long hallway and says "I don't even know where Queen Y/N is this afternoon. Sometimes I never see her during the day. She stays in her office for a while and then randomly will pop up in another room around the castle. But, Prince Royce is waiting for us in the living room. We can all visit until tea time when I requested for the Queen to be with us."
We follow her and we see Prince Royce outside the room. The Queen Mother asks "Royce, why aren't you inside?"
He answers "The Queen is playing the piano and singing. The guards were saying this is her first break out of the office the whole day. I didn't want to disturb her."
The Queen Mother says "Let's sneak in. Everyone be quiet. She may not hear us walk in."
We sneak in and sit on the couches.
I look over at Queen Y/N and smile. She seems so happy and in the moment. Her fingers are gliding across the piano keys and her voice is wow. Her voice is beautiful. She is beautiful as well. The royal blue dress she is wearing sits perfectly on her and it looks gorgeous. Wow.
After she finishes playing, we all clap and Y/N jumps. She smiles when she sees us and she gets up.
She shakes hands with my mom first who then pulls her into a hug. So cute! She exclaims "It's so great to see you again. What's the occasion?"
My mom answers "Harry mentioned he missed you and we talked with your mom, so we came."
Oh, thank goodness she didn't mention the crush part.
Y/N smiles at me turn back to my mom and says "Well it's been too long. I missed all of you."
Y/N then moves into Gemma and they hug. They exchange a few words and compliment each other.
Y/N turns to me with her arms wide open ready for a hug and I hug her. She squeezes me closer to her and says "I missed you, Harry."
I reply "I missed you too. It's nice to see your face again after talking on the phone every week."
She moves her arms from the hug and stands next to me. She replies "It just feels so crazy to see you again. I missed you so much. Oh remind me after dinner, I made something for you."
I reply "I missed you too, more than you’ll ever know. I made you something too, except mine involves the piano."
She gasps and exclaims "I'm excited. I already can tell I’ll like it."
A footman walks up, bows, and says "Your Majesty, the tea is ready."
She smiles and thanks him. She waves at me to follow her and we get tea.
I ask "Should we tell our family?"
She nods, looks over at our family, and announces "Tea is ready for those who want it." They look up and nod.
After tea and all of us catching up, it's dinner time.
We all follow Queen Y/N and her Queen Mother to dinner. My seat is next to Prince Royce and my mother.
After the salads are brought out, the Head Butler walks in and whispers in the Queen's ear. She nods and announces "Please continue with salad. I shall return shortly." We all rise and she walks out of the room.
When we sit back down, Prince Royce leans over to me and says "Dinner is always like this here."
I ask "Do people not believe in eating dinner?"
He answers "No they do, but some work and eat instead of taking a moment to relax. Y/N does because she goes back to work after dessert for another hour or so. I think she relaxes after in her room. I don’t really know. We sometimes will watch a movie or just chill together if she wants to hang out. I love her and think she's doing well in her role as the Queen, but I miss my sister sometimes. I never expected anything less than success from her though."
I reply "Wow that's very complimentary of her. I understand missing her though. I’m sure it can be hard. I miss my sister whenever she’s away too. To think, when I talk with her on the phone, she always is talking about you and your studies. She’s really proud of you and what you’ve done."
He laughs and replies "Y/N is a very supportive sister and I love her for that."
I nod and smile.
After around 30 minutes pass, I ask "Does it normally take this long?"
Prince Royce answers "Rarely. Can you check on her? Ask her and say I would like dinner. She'll laugh."
I nod and get up.
I knock on her office door and a guard opens it. I guess they trust me?
I walk inside and over to where she is hunched over the desk writing furiously.
I sit in the chair by her desk and notice her glance in my direction.
She snaps "Did they send you here?"
I answer "Well I mean I was worried about you being gone for a long time. Then your brother told me to tell you that he was hungry. He said it would make you laugh."
She doesn’t seem any less tense. She didn’t even crack a smile at anything that I just said. She just kept writing.
She replies "I mean it didn't make me laugh, but I appreciate the thought. I guess I should stop soon. It's just I get calls during dinner and certain people don't have certain documents or don't remember what they agreed on meaning I have to work. They should remember and maybe I should start enforcing an hour of no calls for dinner and also maybe I should have my assistants do it, but I don’t... I’m sorry for that mini rant and I'm sorry I just left. I should have told them to continue on with dinner while I was gone."
I reply "No no we're all perfectly fine visiting with each other. You don't need to stop. I do think stopping calls for dinner and delegating would let you relax for a second. But... don’t take my word for it. You’re Queen and you know what’s best for you and the country."
She smiles and says "You’re so kind, Harry. Thank you. I think I will be good for tonight and hopefully we make it through dessert before I get another call. I might even be lucky and not have to come back to work, so I can spend time with you."
I reply “I’ll be here for a few days. It’s okay if you have to work.”
We leave her office and go back to the dining room. We have salad, a chicken rice dish, and cake. The food never disappoints here.
Dinner finishes and the Queen Mother takes my mom off with her. Prince Royce and Gemma also walk off apparently in search of the royal pets. Gemma was winking at me as she left, so I have a feeling she lied so I could be alone with Y/N. I love my sister.
Y/N turns to me and asks "Want to exchange the gifts we have for each other?"
I nod.
We reach the room with the piano and she says "Thank goodness I left it in this room last night or we would've had to make an extra stop to grab it."
I follow her and she opens a cabinet. I see her grab something and she holds it behind her back. I follow her to the couch and she hands it to me. It's a booklet of some sort.
She exclaims "Your music is truly beautiful, Harry. I got so inspired one day and so I made collages of pictures for each song that you played to me. I wrote some of the lyrics and I just designed them. I know it's like not a lot, but I just think your music is something that will make people smile."
I reply "Well thank you for this."
I flip it open and smile. She truly captured my songs in photography form. I notice pictures of us on a few of the pages and my lyrics in handwritten calligraphy. Wow, this is truly beautiful.
I say "Blimey! If I ever want to release music, you're my manager!"
She laughs and I reply "I'm bloody serious! This artwork, handwriting, the photos, seeing us in here, and everything. This means a lot to me. I'm really glad that my music has touched you and that it makes you happy. I guess this means that my present will be a hit."
She laughs again and asks "Wait? You wrote another song?"
I nod. I hold my hand out to her, she takes it, and I lead her to the piano.
I sit down and pat the space on the bench next to me for her to sit, which she does.
I start playing piano and I sing "Adore You" to her.
After, she leans over and gives me a big hug.
When she pulls away, she says "I adore you too."
Ummmmmm ..... what!?!?!?!
I ask "Wait? Are you actually saying that and mean it? Or do you mean like in a friend way?"
She answers "I mean it in a crush kind of way. I know it's difficult for people in positions of royalty to date, but you're someone who I've known for quite a long time and I feel like I could trust to have a great relationship with."
Brb while I cry with happiness.
I reply "I trust you as well and think we will have a long-lasting wonderful relationship."
She asks "Is it too soon of me to ask for a kiss?"
I shake my head and we kiss.
I adore her forever and always.
......................................................................................
Thank you for reading!!
I tried to add words people use in England and I hope I used them right lol.
#harry styles#harry styles imagines#harry styles imagine#harry styles x oc#harry styles x royal y/n#royalty au#harry styles royalty#harry styles royalty au
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https://saltydkdan.tumblr.com/post/690687556294246400/salty-im-a-16-year-old-trans-girl-living-in-new
hey salty, i have no idea if you could tell but this was me who wrote that ask, i was scared to send it normally as i feel like i send to many things to your ask box, (sorry if i do) , that you, so so much, for your kind words, it means a lot to me, i, unfortunately live in like the most red part of new jersey, there are 5 neighbors in my street that have confederate flags up, it sucks, but i wanted to say a few things,
1. WHAT YOU LIVE UN NEW JERSEY TOO THATS SO FUCKING COOL
i live in sussex county which, isn’t the worst place in nj but they don’t usually do pride stuff and it’s where most red people live,
2. i have really been enjoying your recent content, the mario party video was legit your best yet,keep it up, also when’s mario in sonic generations becoming a video??
3. If you join or return to Pokémon GO using my referral code 7FBFGDVY2, you’ll instantly get 100 Poké Balls, be able to earn special bonus items, and more. https://pokemongolive.com/refer?code=7FBFGDVY2&source=INVITE_PAGE
i have no idea if you still play go but i do and it has helped me lose weight over the past 5 years i’ve played it and it would be funny to have salty dk daniel on mommy friends list
4. i actually owned squinkies when i was younger, i had power ranges, spongebob, simpsons, and a cars 2, bassicly theyre these rubber things that you can stick on the end of your pencil, so the recent video on the games gave me a nostalgia trip, also i have squinqies 2, idk why
5. thank you for the advice about taking a break from social media, i probably will aside from the notifications i have for stuff like pokémon and sonic news sites and you, my girlfriend has also been telling me i should take a break and yeah, i doomscroll without knowing it a lot
thank you salty
Oh cool!!
I really hope the message helped.
Don’t worry about me, I already have a shit ton of Pokemon GO items lol (I’ve taken advantage of people sending me gifts in the game).
But yeah; a social media cleanse is good for the soul! Def try it out. And just indulge in the stuff you like for a while.
Sonic Generations Mario stuff is in the works. I’m taking my time and grinding through editing a bunch of stuff but I’ll get to it eventually.
I wish you luck on your journey! o7
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!wip
viva la ávila
genres: young adult, coming of age, semi-autobiographical
rating: between PG-13 and R (view content warnings)
summary/blurb: After a taste of independence the previous summer, 17-year-old Ash waves goodbye to their dad at Heathrow airport and boards a plane to Spain where they travel to Ávila for two weeks of unbridled freedom with their friends from school. Two weeks, just fourteen days, and the world at their fingertips. A group of Sangria-loving, cigarette smoke-smelling idiots, and the front steps of a church might just change their life, but one question had begun haunting them from the very first night: Would they be able to retain their sobriety after eight months of being clean?
content warnings: drinking, smoking, sensual scenes
aesthetic: this vlog i made of the trip that inspired the book
status: 7.4k words, 4 parts, ongoing
read it straight from the doc
below the cut: characters, playlist, excerpts
characters:
(note: only doing the 'main' main character (the pov) because there are too many other focal characters -_-)
Ash
- they/them
- the point of view
- bisexual, greyromantic, non-binary
- aspiring teen author with an angsty few years behind them, too many thoughts, a gay past, and— a crush on a boy?
- just read the first part of my pinned post/intro here lmao
playlist: ávila 2023
excerpts:
I still feel it now, you know. I still feel it, looking at pictures of you on my phone, checking Snapmap just to see if you’re out right now or at home, grieving our message history as the 24 hours come to an end and any proof that you’ve ever even known me vanishes into oblivion. Even now, I still feel it. Even now, I still think it: Ask me again.
— from part 1: "Arrival"
There were people all around me with rainbow dripping from their frames as flags, as makeup, as wristbands, as clothing, as hats, you name it. And all I knew how to do was smile, my eyes forming new creases at their corners as my cheeks stretched upward relentlessly. It was loud in my head, the same phrase of words rearranged and restrung with the same meaning every time: Know me. I am here. I am like you. Know me.
I had taken my flag off the wall back home when packing my suitcase two weeks before on a whim. I’d packed my flag in the back of my day bag that morning in Brenda’s guest room on a whim. And then, when we got caught at a junction, watching, waiting for this procession to come up and swiftly carry us away, I said something about it, as though I’d totally forgotten something so intrinsic to who I was, as if I even could.
“Oh, wait,” I said. “I’ve got a flag in my backpack.”
And Isabel. She knew the right words and let them fall loose, probably not even knowing how much they meant to me in that single summer moment.
“You can wear it if you’d like.”
As if it was so simple. As if there was no thought behind it. As if it was so obvious. As if I had never been 13, or 14, or 15, 16, 17. And my hands shook as I swung my bag from my back and pulled the zipper open. I pulled it out in all of its creased glory and threw it over my shoulder, fingers unpractised but still so sure of themselves as they knotted the ends around my throat, colour cascading down behind me. And in that moment, I was the freest person on the planet.
— from part 2: "Saturday - Monday"
I went to the park that night and read my book and giggled to myself and ailed over the similarities between Elio pining for Oliver and me for Gillen. Elio sneaking into his own empty bedroom to slip on another man’s swim shorts, letting his scent waft around his head and turn him dizzy and stupid and so deeply into lust. I bit my finger overtop that page and let my mind wander back to my one purchase of Madrid. I wondered what its pale pink colour would look like between his ring-bearing fingers, how he’d hold it, if he’d be gentle. I shivered in the dark, imagining his dark eyes drinking in my body, flushed and naked and wanting. I half wished, at that moment in my fantasy, that he would be gentle, and half prayed that he wouldn’t—I knew that from him I’d want it either way.
— from part 2: "Saturday - Monday"
#get wipped lmao#ash writes#life writing#creative non-fiction#romance literature#sort of#ávila#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writing
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AUGUST 2022 DEVELOPMENT - PLAYLIST CHALLENGE
tw: verbal argument, alcohol use, mention of strip club, mention of depression
ooc: all songs chosen relate to key events in Reyna’s life that provide a little more insight into her background, describing the feelings of that time period.
LINK
You're laughing
But you're hiding
God, I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time
Conversations with My 13 Year Old Self by P!nk
Reyna had just gotten into another screaming match with her mother, something more increasingly common the older she had gotten. Tonight it was regarding the fact that her mom had asked for her step-dad to back her up when putting her foot down on the attire Reyna was trying to leave the house in. She slammed her bedroom door, locked herself in. Reyna grabbed her RAZR, texting her friends that she would likely be unreachable for a bit and would not be able to meet them, knowing that her mother was right behind her to retrieve her electronics. While this particular argument was seemingly prompted by a rebellious teenager not getting her way, the underlying cause was more likely the fact that a week earlier Reyna’s mother had gotten caught up on a case, resulting in her missing yet another of Reyna’s volleyball games.
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed
I could break away
Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson
It had only been three days since high school graduation, when Reyna found herself on a plane to a small town in Maine. She had been planning this for two years now, booking a one way. Her plan: get to Maine, meet her father (hopefully he wouldn’t immediately reject her), stay in town and get to know him for a while, return to New York in a few weeks when she felt ready, get a job (unsure in what yet), maintain some relationship with her father (no matter how much her mother protested), travel back and forth from time to time, finally have both parents. That plan made perfect sense at 16 and still seemed reasonable at 18. Reyna made one stop at the Brownstone Inne where she would be staying at to drop off her luggage and shower, dressing to impress before walking up the street to the address she had found online for Bardales Inc. She truly did not want to do this at the man’s place of employment but that was the address in her possession. If the man was anything like her mother, she needed to make a top-notch first impression. She took one more look at herself in the glass window, taking a deep breath and headed toward the reception desk.
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah
Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
It had been weeks since the DNA results had come in, shattering all sense of reality Reyna had. If Rafael was not her father, who was? Had her mother lied? At that point, there was as no way Reyna could return to New York seeking those answers in her fragile state. She had built up this trip’s expectations so high for herself, that when it didn’t go as expected, her entire life seemed to be crumbling around her. If Rafael had been her father, at least she had a plan. No matter how superficial as that plan had been. Reyna had now been in Merrock for well over a month and was quickly running out of the money she had saved up for this trip, there was no way her mother would have ever funded this little adventure. In the weeks since the DNA results came in, she had hunkered down in her hotel room in a depressive state. But as her funds were dwindling, she sought employment in town. Having never had a job, she kept her expectations rather realistic. Landing a barista job at the local cafe was appreciated upon the arrival of her first paycheck. That was until she realized her mistake of having taken a job downtown. Since beginning her new job, she had made it habit to hide any time Rafael entered Cobblestone Cafe. However, that game was short lived. Somehow one morning of reluctantly making Rafael his coffee had led to a brief conversation, followed up by another much more serious conversation. In all honestly, Reyna had absolutely no idea what her next move in life was. If Rafael was offering her a job at Bardales Inc. she would be stupid not to take it. It looked like she would be making Merrock home, at least for a while.
So who cares about what I spend, I still got mo' money
My pockets deep and they never end, I still got mo' money
I'm going dumb with all my friends, I still got mo' money
Pour It Up by Rihanna
It was Reyna’s 21st birthday weekend and somehow the weekend had wound up with her and a group of friends at a strip club. In her first year in real estate, she had made more money than what she knew what to do with. Her current salary alone was a step up from admin pay, let alone commission. That said, she was having no problem dropping money for her birthday on both dancers and alcohol. Eventually, she’d have to learn to manage her money but tonight was all about fun.
It's always been about me, myself, and I
I thought relationships were nothing but a waste of time
I never wanted to be anybody's other half
I was happy saying I had a love that wouldn't last
That was the only way I knew 'til I met you
I Do by Colbie Caillat
With each loud ring of the FaceTime call, Reyna only grew more anxious. She wasn’t quite sure the reaction her mom would have, the only thing calming said anxiety being that her mom was not the first to be finding out. She had already told Rafael at lunch earlier in the day, so now Reyna had some practice in. “Hi Mommy!” she smiled to the phone’s camera as her mother appeared on the screen. Once greetings were exchanged, Reyna inhaled deeply. “Momma, I’ve got some news!” The excitement took over her body, her timid smile growing into a large grin. Reyna signaled for the young man beside her to come into frame, waiting until he was to raise her left hand into frame allowing for the diamond ring to speak for itself. Hearing an excited shriek from the other end of the line, Reyna signed in relief. For all of her mom’s talk about how her 20′s were for her career, Reyna could only be relieved that she was excited about her daughter’s engagement rather than providing a lecture. Thinking about it, she had probably scared her mom into thinking she was pregnant so an engagement was likely a relief to her but Reyna was going to enjoy the positive reception to the fullest.
If I'm not all you need, then just set me free
I'm down on my knees
If you're not the one for me, then just let me be
I'm begging you, please
I'm praying for closed doors and open windows
I'll follow where the wind blows, don't be scared to leave
If I'm not all you need, then just set me free
I'm down on my knees tonight
Knees by Bebe Rexha
Company holiday parties were typically the type of social events that Reyna enjoyed. It was an opportunity to enjoy a nice night all dressed up, get some networking in, and enjoy the company of those closest to the people she considered her work family. However, tonight she seemed preoccupied. While she stood chatting it up with a fellow real estate agents, her eyes wandered the room in search of someone. Her date. Spotting him chatting up her boss, she excused herself from the conversation at hand and walked over. Reyna greeted the pair with a big smile, a brief hug for Rafael, and a kiss on the cheek for her fiancé. In that moment, she realized that the hug from her father figure had been warmer than the embrace from the man she was engaged to. She reached for her fiancé’s hand, only for it to be dropped mere seconds later. This was how it hand been as of late and it was truly frustrating her. While Reyna had a good poker face, internally she was dying. She ran through scenarios of the last few months in her head, maybe she had somehow initiated this disconnect without realizing it. All that she knew in that moment was that it was beginning to feel like less of a temporary cool period and more like her relationship was at the beginning of it’s end. She wasn’t going to stay around for someone who was no longer in love with her.
I still see your silhouette
I wish we’d never met
I’m living with the ghost of you
You still visit me in bed
Got visions in my head
It’s like I’m having déjà-vu
I still hear you in the hallway
Voices calling my name
Tell me what you want from me
Haunted by the Band Camino
Reyna collapsed against the wall, taking in the surroundings of her packed up home for the first time. It was so empty, cold. The movers would be here in the morning to move her entire life into a new house. As she ran through a mental checklist that everything was done in each room, her mind wandered to the memories that she was leaving behind in this home. This had been the home she was supposed to build her future in. Tears began to pool in her eyes as she finally let herself feel the events that had transpired. She was moving away from the pain the memories in this home now held, not the happiness that those memories had been in the moment. Even more recent memories. The relationship hadn’t exactly ended in a clean break. While it may take a while to heal, a new home was a fresh start. No constant reminders of what her life may have been had she gone through with the marriage, no excuses to see the man she was set to marry later that year.
Ask me if I'm rollin' with some Gucci, bitch I might be
It's very unlikely my wrist ain't looking icy
Charging by the minute 'cause my time is very pricey
Yeah, I be where the bosses be
Judging from my vibe, you can feel it in my energy
Stacking paper steadily so I can live in luxury
Looking in the mirror, I thank God for what I'm about to be
ICY GRL by Saweetie
After a shower, Reyna stepped into her closet. She chose a white and black sleeveless high neck blouse, black skinny trousers, and pulled white closed-toe pumps to match. After having changed, she secured large gold hoops on her main lobe piercings and slipped on a couple of gold bracelets. The gold looked better against her post-vacation tan. Reyna finished off her look with a blue toned red lip and her hair neatly slicked back into a pristine low bun, followed by a few spritzes of Very Good Girl. Once she was ready for the day, Reyna grabbed her purse and laptop case, heading downstairs for her car. She bypassed the ‘64 Impala she had recently acquired, climbing into her Range Rover. She pulled out of the garage, sliding her oversize Quay tortoiseshell sunglasses over her eyes as she met sunlight. Once out of the drive-way, she cranked up the radio, headed for downtown.
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This feels remarkably late. Was tagged by: @youandthemountains, @matahariherself and @marycontraire They were all mildly different but also mildly similar get to know you things so I’m combo-ing all of them, hope you don’t mind.
Last Song: A Lizzo song I heard on the radio in my friends car, though much to my own horror I brought up Baby Shark as a joke yesterday so that’s been tormenting me on repeat, because that’s how brains and minds work. 😭
Last Show/Series: Cobra Kai season 5, I’ve been surprisingly busy and haven’t started anything new since I binged it. Though I give myself like a month before I start re-blogging new seasons spoilers of things that just dropped. The urge to break my self imposed rule though has been so strong. But I’ve been good this long and just making my likes absolutely impossible to navigate. 😅
Currently watching: Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I can only watch it with my aunt while my uncle is out because it hits too close to a triggering wound for him and he can’t watch it. So we’re like maybe halfway through? I’ve started A League of Their Own but the second hand embarrassment I keep getting keeps makes me stop it so I’m moving super slow. I’ve been watching She-Hulk and will probably start Andor soon. Oh we also started The Brave Ones which is interesting, we’re not particularly far in it but I’m hoping that once we burn through the family friendly stuff from Disney+ that we can go back to watching that. I also know I need to watch Sandman, but if I’m not watching it with my aunt and uncle (that’s got to be PG-13 max) then I’m struggling to find time to watch things, so it’s going to be a bit. (Also why I’m not far in A League of Their Own)
Favorite color: turquoise/teal, things in that shade are currently my favorite.
Sweet, spicy or savoury: Sweet in bites and savory generally. I can’t handle spicy because apparently I’m a cliche. 🤣
Currently reading: Queen of Shadows for a book club, I didn’t realize until like earlier this month how massive these books are. I’ve also started The Drunken Botanist and have been baking out of Celebrate with Kim-Joy. (Though I’m itching to get my hands on my libraries copy of Wicked Baker for some spooky Halloween bakes)
What I’m working on:
A super rare pair (like last I checked which was pre-season 5 drop) CK fic where my fic is one of 3 in the tag. 😂 I don’t think I’ve ever been so rare pair. Though who knows what’s going to happen once the halloween prompts drop. Ideally I’ll be able to do both. Currently I’m on chapter 16 of writing it and I published chapter 9 over the weekend. Mostly because I realized I tried to rush to beat the new season which I didn’t like and then kept like tripping over things that I’d then have to go back and fix, so this way I can do that before it affects what’s published and I’m stuck or have to go back and fix it.
Job hunting. I’m trying to be better at applying but for a long time I had 0 energy. But I’ve revamped my resume and I’ve been applying more. So 🤞 because the last one I applied to would be amazing.
Baking and drink making. Last year I was in Italy for Halloween and the previous year I started prepping for it too late and and like all the stuff was sold out (black food coloring, random ingredients ect) and I didn’t have a job so I didn’t have disposable income. So this year I’m starting early, I made a almost purplish sangria, some cauldron tarts, this pretty good strawberry-raspberry pink drink, a coffee milk tea alcoholic drink, a mint tea mojito (non-alcoholic) and I’m currently eyeing a recipe for panna cotta eyeballs. Only issue is like half the household is currently sworn off sugar so now it’s a case of trying to meet friends and share treats with them. Mooncakes though are also up on my list, partially because it’s the right season and I want to try making them, but also because I mentioned it while out with friends and now another friend who loves them knows I might be making some and requested I make them some and now I’m super nervous.
Currently obsessed with: These Halloween florals from Target. I had the hardest time finding them because I didn’t realize they were “Limited edition collector items” that people adore. And just decorating for Halloween in general because it’s been so long.
My local library. I’m trying to get out more and do stuff and they’re like always doing stuff so I’ve been making books and drinking tea and chatting with grandmas and it’s been nice.
Tagging (I don’t have a clue whose done this and who hasn’t, at the very least what the last song is should’ve changed, but feel free to ignore if you’ve done it too recently and don’t want to.): @gjdraws @ceruleangold @larussosmomjeans @zerrah @wicked-jade @macchiatosdumptruck
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WIP Update - 14 Dec 2022
Had another nicely productive writing week - I touched 10 fics (4 WIPs & 6 new works) for a total of 2414 words.
On Ao3, I posted I posted an AmeriHawk (Clint/Steve) hookup (fade to black) fic, a BruceNat ficlet based on their A:AoU farmhouse scene, a Clint/Thor internal monologue drabble and an elf!Tony &elf-Steve Christmas fluff teamup.
On Tumblr, I posted a Steve & Bucky post CA:CW ficlet for last week’s Flash Fiction Friday prompt: #FFF180 Promise You’ll Write.
Am up to 15 active WIPs (with a couple of maybe TBCs) with my current deadline being the Avengers Bingo, with Man with a Plan and Starkbucks and coming in close behind!
See below cut for the WIPs (arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc) I am working on - feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects (or any other WIPs I’ve got out there) – they really help feed the Muse and keep me motivated!
Avengers Bingo [AvB] (Runs thru 24 Dec )
Fourteen fills posted (13 to Ao3) and 0 WIPs - Everything is written!!! I just need to edit and post to get my blackout on this 4x4 card!!!
I decided to further challenge myself on this 16-square card by pairing up each square with a unique combo of 2 original MCU Avengers, with the final square being dealers’ choice. With the help of the STB Enthusiasts Discord folks - I’ve got all 16 squares planned out, at least in terms of who to write about, and half of them have some sort of idea or crossover square to go along with them. Feel free to toss other plot bunnies my way…
* B3 - Road Trip - Wrote up and posted Sailing Toward a New Horizon to Tumblr. It’s a Thor & Bruce post-Ragnarok ficlet that also filled a Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF177 Expand Through Horizons] Scheduled for Ao3 on 12/19.
* B4 - Age Gap - Finished up Caught By the Rain and Blinded by the Lightning - a Thor/Tony post CA:CW PWP crossing over with TSB One Night Stand. It came in at 1256 words & is scheduled for Ao3 on 12/23.
* C1 - Opposites Attract - Clint/Thor - Posted Nothing Like Him this morning - an introspective Clint POV drabble. I really struggled with this one. Last weekend, I wrote about 200 words based on the Tumblr headcanon going around about a Bumbling Foreigner whose ignorance of local customs results in him flirting with/proposing to the prince - but it didn’t jell. Tried a moodboard, but wasn’t happy with that either. Finally approached the prompt from a different angle and ended up with what’s linked above.
* D1 - Friends w/ Benefits - Clint/Steve - posted Aiming for the Stars on Friday - an AmeriHawk post-mission fic where heavy flirting leads to a fade to black hookup. It’s crossing over with my MWAPB Hawkeye/Clint Barton and came in at 720 words. I may continue it if/when I have the smut spoons.
* D2 - Romeo & Juliet AU - wrote up Two Friend Groups: Alike in Dignity - Steve (jock) & Tony (geek) trying out for title roles in R&J - despite their respective friend groups objections/grousing about the other clique. It came in at 327 words and will post on 12/21.
* D3 - Bed Sharing - posted Finding Refuge on Ao3 on Monday - it’s a Natasha/Bruce fic that is Age of Ultron based (divergent) and also fills the Comfortember Day 16 prompt: Shelter.
Man With a Plan (Steve Rogers) Bingo [MWAPB] (Runs thru 31 Dec)
Fifteen fills, 3 WIPs and several Vague Ideas/potential cross fills with other bingos. Since the event was pretty much abandoned by its creator (life happens, I get it), I’m finishing this pretty much out of stubbornness and may carry some squares over for inspiration into the new year.
* I1 - Steve is here for TFAtWS - I’ve got Passing the Torch pretty much sorted out - a moodboard for this square paired with a ficlet for my BBB “Oh, hell no" square - Bucky POV (with some extra insider info) of the events where Sam is given Cap’s shield. It’s scheduled for 12/21 with the fic coming in at 339 words.
* G4 - Canon Divergence post CA:TWS - possible crossover with BBB Kill List – Bucky wreaking havoc on Hydra bases and Steve & Sam catch up with him. Not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so probably won’t get done.
* G5 - Friends to Lovers - possibly combine this with my BBB Free & Stucky Mutual Pining square for the Centerfold fic idea I’ve been rolling around = min 950 words if I finish it before this bingo (lower priority)
* O2 - Sex Pollen - A Dusting of Trouble is pretty much wrapped up - Steve and Bucky get curious when they learn Teenage Groot’s pollen is an aphrodisiac. It crosses over with my SRB - Groot square, is currently sitting at 505 words, and scheduled for 12/16. If I’m feeling feisty, I may add another scene/200-ish more words so it crosses over with BBB KINK:Aftercare square (and goes Stuckony)
* O3 - Hawkeye/Clint Barton - see AvB - Friends w/ Benefits above.
* O5 - FREE - Filling this with one of the following:
-- Badges for this bingo based on photos of my Steve Rogers SWC figures - participant, bingo and blackout. If I have spare time before Friday.
-- Chapter 1 of Never Have I Ever (But I’d Like to With You) - a pining!Steve POV of the team playing NHIE where he manages to get one over on Tony. It’s scheduled for 12/16 and is coming in at 995 words.
StarkBucks Bingo - Round 3 (SBB_R3) - Ends 31 Dec
Thirteen fills (11 posted to Ao3), 3 WIPs and several Vague Ideas - soliciting plot bunnies or other kick-starters.
* B1 - “I wouldn’t mind wasting my time on you.“ - Possible crossover with BBB - KINK: Seduction Mission? Not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so probably won’t get done.
* I2 - Mistaken Identity - crossover with TSB K5 - Protectiveness - “The Mechanic, The Soldier & The Artist” - mob/assassin AU with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith twist? Not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so probably won’t get done.
* I3 - “Oh dear.” - Wrote up a remix ficlet of Leading Questions - Tony POV on the stressful interview and the immediate aftermath. It came it at 255 words and is scheduled for 12/21.
* I4 - Canon: Avengers Academy - will probably do Stuffed Marvels sketches of Tony and Winter, as I know very little about the game/canon. It’s on my Bingo Attack plan list, but at the bottom, so don’t hold your breath.
* N3 - FREE - Filling this with An Act of Kindness, a fluffy meet-cute with Tony & Morgan needing a bit of help from the handsome stranger standing in line at the coffee shop. It’s coming in at 462 words and is scheduled for 12/19.
* N5 - “Wanna make a bet?” Used this in combination with the Day 18 Fictober (“I don’t think this is your problem.”) and Flufftober (Soulmate AU) prompts for Marked-Up Soulmarks - a soulmate AU where Tony discovers he and Steve have something (and someone) in common. I may expand on this before posting it to Ao3 and/or claiming it as an official fill. Currently coming in at 418 words.
* G4 - Pepper Potts - continue Open Up Your Heart (And Let the Truth Come Out) - Tony POV? This is on my Bingo Attack plan list, but at the bottom, so don’t hold your breath.
* O1 - Royalty - crossover with TSB - IronWidow & BBB AU: Arranged Marriage - pick Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion back up - the current chapter is sitting at 595 words and would need to be 800 min to fill all 3 squares. It may not make this bingo’s deadline, but possibly BBB?
* O5 - AU: Biker - Grease 2 fusion anyone? 😁 I watched the movie a month or so ago and took notes - It’s not gonna be a faithful adaptation, but hopefully fun - had another mini-brainstorm on this that led to last Friday’s No Ordinary Boy ficlet, but that didn’t go far enough into the story to count toward this square. Will post this ficlet on 12/26 with the faint hope of getting more done before the deadline, but it’s not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so don’t hold your breath.!
Hero Hardships Bingo [HHB] (Runs thru 31 Dec)
Not really expecting to get anything more done on this card, unfortunately. 😔
* O3 - Dating a civilian - this would fit perfectly with another chapter of Takin’ What They’re Givin’ (‘Cause I’m Workin’ for a Livin’) , for which I currently have a basic plot point or two rolling around in my head. I do have about 1000 words on what would be the next chapter of TWTG, so… maybe I’ll whip it into shape and toss it out there? :: shrug::
Bucky Barnes Bingo - Round 4 [BBB_R4] (Runs thru 7 Jan 2023)
Fourteen fills, four WIPs & ideas for everything except one square - Working on a Column B bingo to start.
* B3 - Sam Wilson|Falcon - started a continuation of After One Or Two False Starts this morning - switching to Bucky POV - currently sitting at 241 words. Will probably keep it on the short side since am pressed for time - targeting 1/6 to post it.
* U2 - AU: Roommate - Still wanting to use the Meet Ugly prompt: 02. I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless – probably WinterHawk with recovering!Bucky being the squatter in Clint’s apartment building. However, this is not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so don’t hold your breath.
* U4 - AU: Arranged Marriage - will probably pick Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion back up for this one. See SBB Royalty for details.
* U5 - Kill List - see MWAP - G4 - Canon Divergence. Post CA:TWS above
* C2 - “Oh, hell no” -see MWAP I1 - Steve is here for TFaWS
*C3 - Free - this is still up for grabs - I will probably combine with one of the following SBB squares: I4 - Canon: Avengers Academy, G4 - Pepper Potts or O5 - AU: Biker
* C4 - KINK: Aftercare - see MWAP O2 - Sex Pollen
*C5 - “This might as well happen” - Used this for the Sept BBB Round Robin (crackfic - Emperor’s New Groove inspired) wrote 276 words toward it. Need to get a mod ruling on whether I get to count it or not sometime soon so I have time to try to re-fill it if needed.
* K1 - Thighs - I have a couple ideas for this… Sam +Steve+Bucky shenanigans (platonic or romantic - not sure) Possibly crossover with MWAPB Online Shopping if I can get it done/meet the word minimum (650 for both)
* K3 - KINK: Edging - working on Hanging By A Moment - (Bucky POV with toy play and Tony as a power bottom) crossing over with TSB K3 - KINK: Orgasm Denial/Edging - - currently 390 words (550 minimum needed) It’s all plotted out in my head - I just need to find the time & motivation to finish.
* Y2 - Never the fall that kills you - this might be the title for a reverse hanahaki WinterIron prompt from @lacrimula-falsa …. but is not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so don’t hold your breath.
* Y4 - KINK: Seduction Mission - crossover with SBB - B1 - “I wouldn’t mind wasting my time on you.” Not on my Bingo Attack plan list, so probably won’t get done.
Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2 (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan
Fourteen fills posted with 1 bingo (Row 3) & 2 WIPs at the moment – aiming for 2 or 3 more bingos -- happily accepting plot bunnies!
* A1 - Never Have I Ever - see MWAPB FREE above.
* A4 - Touch Attention/Denial - I have an idea for this that will also fill (heh) my Stucky Bingo KINK - Double Penetration square.
* B2 - Mile High Club - This will be the second chapter of Never Have I Ever (But I Want To With You), picking up with Tony’s POV after the events of Chapter One. Rolling some things around in my head, but other projects are taking priority. Possibly combine with TSB Tony’s Poor Life Choices ?
* C4 - Groot - crossover with MWAPB Sex Pollen - see above.
* E2 - Comics Nomad Steve - SWC sketch of Nomad!Steve
* E4 - Mental Bondage - crossover with TSB KINK: Concubine - Potential Title My Voice The Chain that Binds You
Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6 (TSB_R6) [Ends 28 Feb]
Fifteen fills and three WIPs at the moment - with Vague Ideas for almost every other square.
* T1 - One Night Stand - see AvB - B4 - Age Gap
* T2 - Doing Groceries - crossover with MWAP B3 - Farmer’s Market - if I can bang out a drabble/moodboard in time, otherwise will find something else to do with this.
* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue - some sort of remix of/inspired by sabrecmc’s Indecent Proposal from Pepper’s POV. At this point, I think I need to re-read the fic & take notes …
* T4 - KINK: Concubine - see SRB E4 - Mental Bondage?
*A5 - Scott Lang - 27dragons shared an interesting plot bunny during the Sept TSB Discord party that I may end up using; that or a follow up to A Piece of the Action
* R1 - Tony’s Poor Life Choices - see SRB Mile High Club above.
* R2 - IronWidow - next chapter of Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion ? see SBB Royalty above
* R4 - Occupational Hazard - posted I Make Toys (But I’ve Got Aspirations) this morning - it’s a ficlet where Tony & Steve are Santa’s elves who hatch a plan to help kids who need something more than toys for Christmas and came in at 351 words.
* K2 - Secret Admirer - carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone). Potential title: Wraps Around My Heart, Refusing to Unwind
* K3 - KINK: Orgasm Denial/Edging - see BBB KINK: Edging
Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023
Seven fills and one WIPs with a couple of other vague ideas.
* B1 - Mutual Pining - possible crossover with MWAPB - Friends to Lovers
* B4 - Artist/Muse - posted A Work of Heart to Tumblr on 10/29. It came in at at 650 words and filled Day 29 of Fictober (”You love this, don’t you?”) , Flufftober (Leaves) and Whumptober (”Better me than you.”) Coming to Ao3 on 12/28
* B5 - KINK: Double Penetration - see SRB Touch Attention/Denial above.
* O4 - AU: Supernatural - got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow is collaborating on with me. This was supposed to fill my Man with a Plan Bingo Soulmates square, but I ran out of time on that bingo. We’re currently sitting at 1640 words (984-ish of which are mine). Will probably continue on this sometime in January.
Current Last Line: "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”
I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics square – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!
WinterIron - No Powers AU – Stony No Powers AU
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On other creative fronts: I have a Sventoonie figure in progress - still working on the figures for my three Marvel Trumps Hate auction winners (3 of 7 done so far) – thanks so much for your generous support!! Finally, I am prepping for a superhero con in March - so am pretty well booked up through at least the end of the year.
That said, if you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations in 2023, check out Stuffed With Character over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 80!). They’re mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design requests for any fandom!
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Tag people you want to get to kow better!
I was tagged by @theeuropeanidiot! Thanks for the tag, sorry for the wait ^^;
relationship status: Taken! I’ve been dating my Jansu for over six years now!
favorite color: Red! While blue and purple also are up there, I like red the most
favorite food: oooooh,,, tacos, I think! I like a lot of foods, but tacos is such a comfort food for me, haha
song stuck in your head: Gore by Graveyardguy
last thing you googled: "Strindberg plays" - I was trying to remember the name of a certain play that I hate.
dream trip: Japan! Some of my friends have gone there many times, and I’d love to go there with them sometime!
time: 19:16
last book you read: The Hunger by Alma Katsu
last book you enjoyed reading: The Hunger by Alma Katsu! A really interesting historical fiction book about the Donner party tragedy. I’m still a bit unsure about how I feel about the supernatural elements in it, but it’s a gripping read!
last book you hated reading: Ghoster by Jason Arnopp. A crime against literary, if you ask me. Boring plot, cardboard cutout characters, nonsensical “twist” and two-dimensional message. I had to pause every couple paragraphs to scream to my friends about it.
bonus: (I’m not sure if this is meant to be a bonus fact about me? well that’s how I’m using it, haha~) I really, really like horror! I find it really interesting to see what scares us and what doesn’t, and what it says about us as humans and our ways of living.
favortite thing to cook/bake: oh!! pumpkin pie, for sure! it’s delicious, it tastes like a warm hug, I love it!
favorite craft to do in your spare time: writing! I write a lot of fanfics and short stories. I also like doll customizing!
most niche dislike: Colleagues happily telling me I could always come back to work an extra shift after I’ve had my final shift. Like, I get that they’re coming from a good place and all that, but guys I’m *happy* to leave I haven’t gotten any vacation like the rest of you I’m so fucking tired I don’t wanna come back!!
opinions of circus(es) now and in history: Historically fucked up as all shit, and even if the racism is toned down a bit in present day, there is still the question of animal abuse. However, best case scenario? They can be great places for people with dreams, ambitions and talents that don’t fit in with the usual office job society we live in.
do you have a sense of direction and if not what is the worst way you ever got lost: oh noooot at all I’ve been lost in my own home town, which is even more embarrassing considering just how small it is- but the worst thing would probably be when I missed a theatre practice because they switched the location and I mistook “x-way” for “x-road”, and went about an hour in the wrong direction... god admitting that to my theatre group was humilating haha
I tag @scare-dy-crow, @waltzing-marionettes, @frogboner2 and @themadcaptain
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1505
01. When you’re eating pizza do you add anything like crushed peppers, parmesan cheese or hot sauce to it?
Hot sauce. As much as possible I like to make my food spicy.
02. Do you or would you ever wear fake eyelashes?
I’ve worn them twice - the first for my junior prom and the next for my college grad portraits. Hated them both times and the only reason I had them on is that the makeup artists I had put them on me, lol.
03. Does your best friend have a tumblr? What is their URL?
Oh, I doubt they do. I don’t think anyone I know uses Tumblr anymore.
04. What is the last contest or sweepstakes that you entered?
I never join any. If anything, I did one of those “Comment on this post and tag a friend” giveaway contests that a local e-commerce site held where they were giving away (surprise surprise!) BTS merch. That was months ago though.
05. Do you think that smaller breeds of dogs are cuter than big ones?
I like all dogs, but I do think smaller breeds are louder compared to big ones. Not that it dampens my love for them.
06. When was the last time that you slept in a tent?
It was during a PTD show, but I’m not sure which one. The Los Angeles one, I think - from October or November of last year.
07. Do you like boxed macaroni and cheese?
I’ve never tried them. I wanna try the Kraft variant that I see a lot on American vlogs though, just so I can get to say I’ve had them lol.
08. What brand of makeup do you prefer to use?
I don’t like makeup and avoid putting it on as much as I can.
09. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin?
I’ve pet and held a snake, an eagle, a crocodile, and a tortoise.
10. What causes or issues do you feel most passionate about?
Racism is probably the biggest one but I’m generally vocal about a number of issues...LGBTQ+, gun bans, PH martial law, labor rights, body positivity, being pro-choice...I’m very fortunate to have been admitted to a university that repeatedly reminds me there’s more to life than what’s written on a whiteboard.
11. Do you have any siblings?
Yeah, I have two younger ones.
12. What was the last television show that you sat and watched multiple episodes of?
Happiness. I watched it during my post-election slump and needed a distraction to get away from the depressing news.
13. Is there anything significant happening this month?
Not much apart from Hobipalooza, which I’m for sure filing a leave for.
14. If one famous fashion designer was going to fill your closet with free clothes, which designer would you want it to be?
I’d rather get like an influencer who’s always keeping up with style trends, rather than a fashion designer.
15. When was the last time that you plucked your eyebrows?
A few weeks ago. It was a result of my trichotillomania though.
16. If you had a work office that you would be allowed to decorate any way you want, how would you decorate it?
Oh I’d just add tons of OT7 photo frames in there to keep me motivated, lol.
17. The last holiday that you celebrated, what did you do?
I’ll just share what happened on my birthday haha. The day itself was pretty uneventful, but I did I file a leave and I brought my family to dinner, where we had ramen. Then that weekend I took my friends to a weekend beach trip to Zambales.
18. Do you have any chronic pain?
No.
19. If you have Netflix, how do you typically watch it?
Either on my laptop or the TV. I deleted the app from my phone a long time ago because it was eating up my storage and it’s much better to go on Netflix on a bigger screen anyway.
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friend of mine of 16 years is.....really, truly testing my limits.
we’ve been talking more lately which is nice
but the problem is
she lives in france and has this vibrant social life
and hasn’t been wearing masks. anywhere. at all. that i have seen.
meanwhile for the last week or 10 days or so, she’s been sick. like terribly sick. “hacking up a lung” as she put it, and it included a temporary eye infection. she also had bloodwork done that has a. Troubling value on it. that still hasn’t been addressed.
she had covid earlier this year.
and she has, she said, tested negative for covid this time. so it could be an early flu.
but.
regardless.
here’s what she’s done while sick (i didn’t even know she WAS sick until she TOLD me)
gone for runs, gone out to MULTIPLE restaurants with MULTIPLE people, gone to cafes, museums, and gone to a concert.
without a mask.
i literally just told her last night to take care of herself bc esp w the concerning level she got on her bloodwork, covid can have wreaked havoc in her system--and this ~minor virus~ can be anything but minor. any sickness can cause permanent lifelong disability, but ESPECIALLY now that she’s had covid before. i told her she should get some rest and take it easy.
so today she went to a cafe, multiple museums, and a concert, and then also went shopping.
meanwhile she told me “don’t worry, i’ll listen to you!”
and says she’ll have plenty of time to relax.......this week.
i’m exhausted. and seriously losing patience.
i just. am struggling to stomach this kind of behavior.
we literally talked on zoom a few times and i told her--i don’t have a life. I DON’T HAVE A LIFE. I DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.
and she says
“don’t worry abt it, you’re not missing anything”
REALLY?
LIKE THE MUSEUMS, AND WALKS, AND INTERNATIONAL TRIPS (bc oh yeah she went to GREECE with a girl she’s dating!), AND CONCERTS, AND FANCY RESTAURANTS, AND FUN OUTINGS WITH FRIENDS???
I’M NOT MISSING ANYTHING????
fuck off SO HARD.
i’m just.
i’ve literally told her my new diagnoses. i’ve told her i’m struggling w meds. i’ve told her how sick w worry and stress i’ve been abt my mom having had covid (who also tested negative again yesterday w another pcr--which she only took bc now we’re vaguely worried abt the possibility that i have it--my test results still haven’t come back yet bc we had to do walgreens instead of health insurance which i just lost)
i just--when i said i was worried abt my mom and long covid, she tactlessly told me abt a friend of hers who’d had it and was asymptomatic, and now was having scary health problems bc of long covid.
i didn’t ask anything because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
and despite ALL OF THAT
she is GOING IN PUBLIC, WITHOUT A MASK, WHILE ACTIVELY SICK
i’m just. i can’t understand or deal with this. and it’s taking all of my patience and ability to disconnect to be able to continue talking with her. like at this point i’m going to ASK if she was masking, if she’s feeling better, if she got any meds, if everyone else has been able to avoid catching whatever she has
i just
HOW CAN YOU BE THIS FUCKING THOUGHTLESS?!
it’s not like she went to WORK sick (which she ALSO did) just bc she HAD to, right? like capitalism, i get it. (except france has better laws around that and better pay so i’m sure she could’ve missed ONE day....)
like she is CHOOSING. to GO OUT. NEEDLESSLY.
WITH FRIENDS
WITHOUT A FUCKING MASK
and i’m worried abt her in addition to being so fucking EXHAUSTED. like do i even emotionally feel anger and fury? no. i’m tired.
i’m exhausted. i’m talking to someone who actively doesn’t care abt me and other people like me. who claims she loves me and is one of my best friends and has been for 16 years.
and that’s just impossible to reconcile.
and idek if it’s worth mentioning.
what’s super fucked up is that her dad just got done w cancer treatment. they caught it early, it sounds like he fared well, and he was declared cancer free last month.
but when she was there in august to visit her parents...
she went to a massive family wedding.
where NO ONE wore a mask.
and i’m like
YOU ARE LITERALLY STAYING WITH YOUR DAD WHO IS STILL IN CHEMO
AND YOU DIDN’T WEAR A *FUCKING* MASK!??!?!?!
how can you say you’re worried abt him and want to protect him and make sure he’s okay AND THEN PUT HIM AT COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY RISK LIKE THAT?!
like THAT could’ve KILLED HIM.
and i just can’t wrap my fucking head around it.
i don’t want to completely cut this off but i’m just. having to put up these walls and barriers.
i’m just. tired and frustrated. i’m just so fucking exhausted.
like.
the last time we talked on zoom she said she wanted me to be more open and honest abt shit that’s hard--bc part of masking and most of my longer friendships is that i don’t share anything. i’m not honest abt that stuff, i don’t like talking abt it.
well. i tried.
and she sucked at responding.
and i don’t mean that she responded in a way i didn’t like.
i mean she just sucked at it.
as in
me trying to talk abt a thing that’s hard and i’m really struggling
her response?
“that sucks. well, i don’t know both sides. but if you need me i’m here!”
....that’s what. i--i’m literally. i need you. i’m talking to you. YOU ARE THERE, SO DO/SAY SOMETHING??? AND STOP INSINUATING THAT I’M WRONG OR MY FEELINGS ARE WRONG????
or the best
“lemme know if you want to talk!”
THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT I’M DOING???? RIGHT NOW???? WHAT THE FUCK???????
meanwhile w her situation w her ex gf (who i hate--met her once, she was overdramatic and fatphobic and honestly i’ve been side-eyeing her abt that, and also turns out she’s extremely emotionally manipulative, so thank god she’s fucking gone) i had been listening and replying in-depth for WEEKS.
listening as she cried. supporting and validating her. asking if she wanted my perspective. offering it couched in distant language and being understanding and offering like, perspective without telling her what to do. supporting and reiterating her own decisions.
we have to talk via instagram dm bc international shit, and i fucking typed all that shit on my phone in IG messages--hundreds of words. each time.
and she’s doing better! she listened and did what she needed to do, and she thanked me, and it didn’t fix anything, but it helped. as far as i can tell. and she sought me out for that.
but i do the same w her and i can’t even get 10% of whatever her version of that would be.
and i’m not saying
“wow i invested all this into your mental health, why can’t you invest in mine?”
i’m not expecting a miracle. i know i haven’t shared w her before. i know she’s having to figure it out.
but when someone reaches out to you. and is struggling. and you ASKED THEM TO DO THIS.
you cannot reply
“lemme know if you need to talk! i’m here for you!”
and then NOTHING ELSE
and expect that to be okay!
i’m just really disappointed in her.
she’s always claimed i’m so important to her, like a sibling, a best friend. and it’s true insofar as--we can go a year without talking and then pick up and it’s like nothing ever changed. which is fine!
but i’m just. now thinking maybe it’s better like that.
bc i can’t emotionally or mentally deal with the kind of person she is when she makes these choices that are directly contributing to a culture that means i literally cannot leave my fucking house.
i was talking to her abt my job difficulties and she gave me this boomer advice
i said the place i wanted to apply wasn’t hiring anymore--she said, send in your application anyway.
i just LOOKED at her. like what fucking universe do you live in??? the 1960s??? what the FUCK?
it was just absolutely bizarre.
idfk man. it’s weird and unpleasant and i don’t appreciate how she’s saying one thing to my face and then she and her friends are going out and playing russian roulette w their lives and ours and they don’t give a fucking shit
it’s exhausting
honestly this is how most ppl i’ve known irl are behaving lately. it just stings more when i’m actively trying to maintain a close relationship w someone i’ve known 16 years and talking abt how the pandemic is affecting me and my life--
and she directly makes choices that make it even harder for me.
it’s just. i’m fucking tired.
like she sent me all these msgs all excited abt the concert, the museum, the cafe date, the new art supplies that she went shopping for.
and i just.
i can’t be excited with you. bc you did all of those things and you might’ve ended up killing someone or disabling them for life. bc you went out while sick and contagious with an unknown virus. in the middle of a mass disabling pandemic. that has lowered everyone’s immunity and damaged countless organs, including the brain.
and i’m just.
tired. i’m fucking tired.
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