#oc: stardust demon | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nightmare-viper · 1 month

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Match to Kindling

Pairing: Cody Rhodes x OC (Ola Kaminski), Randy Orton x OC (Ola Kaminski)

It was like a match to kindling, once it started and spread there was no way to make it stop. Cody couldn't stop the spiraling thoughts and it all burned down.

Warnings: None, besides angst

Lemme know if you wanna be tagged💚

Tags: @daddywrasslin, @jeysbvck, @alyyaanna

Cody was spiraling, he knew he was, hell he knew he had been for what? Weeks? Months at this point? He kept it to himself though. Tried not to make too much of anything or say anything or point out anything. And it was starting to kill him, he thought. Randy had let it slip, when they were out drinking one night, that he and Ola had made out. Really, it shouldn’t bother him right? Right? She was his girlfriend. She chose him. Not Randy.

How come it did bother him then?

He tried not to. Really he did. He tried his fucking damnest to just forget this nugget of information that neither of them shared with him. Randy had said it was no big deal, one and done and that honestly both pretended like it hadn’t happened and moved on from there. But Cody could see it now. It was like rose tinted glasses had been pulled from his vision.

He noticed it every time they were together now. He didn’t even know if it was on purpose or if it was just the symbiotic relationship those two had. They moved like dance partners together, always knowing the other's next move without having to verbally say anything. But also, the sublest touches, glances and gestures. The hugs that seemed to last too long. Ola wearing Randy’s sweatshirts instead of his. He could study them for years, hell he basically had! And still not understand all their subties.

It mesmerized him, and it really pissed him off. Should it? He wasn’t sure, his mind was hazy half the time between this little secret, noticing them and every stupid thing he had to do for Stardust. He was fraying at the fringes and he was afraid of completely tearing apart. He knew some of the others knew something was up, Ola even would give him concerned glances when he’d get that edge to his voice. He didn’t mean to but he wasn’t going to last much longer if he kept going like this. He needed to talk to her.

Cody stared at the cup of coffee infront of him, watching the way the colors swirled from the creamer he just put in. How many cups was he up to today? 4? 5? He lost count. Not that it mattered, he was jittery and nervous beforehand. He looked at his watch again, she should be her any second. Ola was never late. He didn’t know how to even remotely bring this conversation up. He wanted to get out of his contract. Leave WWE, find his place in the indies and build a name for himself not just because he was a Rhodes. He knew, really deep in his chest, he knew she’d never agree to leaving. WWE was her home, it always had been and now that she was helping younger talent and a manager for one of the hottest up and coming stars, why would she throw it all away? For him…? They could probably make the distance work…well before they could've….before he found out what happened between her and Randy. It plagued him and he felt like a wimp because of it. So they made out? Big deal right? Years ago too at this point. So what's the problem?

Cody truly hadn’t noticed before. Their closeness. Nor had he ever paid attention to the whisperings backstage and through the media. He thought they were dumb. Until now. Everyone and he meant everyone thought that they were together. Cody and Ola were out publicly but people still thought it was fake and she was with Randy. He went down a rabbit hole one night, insomnia claiming his brain like a dark demon. So, all night, instead of the rest he needed. He read article after article and every feed and thread he could get his hands on on how Randy and Ola were actually secretly dating this whole time and have been for years. ‘No one looks at her the way he does.’ ‘Ola’s smile and demeanor towards Randy is COMPLETELY different than it is with any of the other men on the roster.’ and so many more. So much worse things too. With all that, he couldn't close his eyes without picturing them pinning each other against a door, lost in an intense make out session. He hated it.

Cody snapped back to reality as he heard a familiar click of heels on tile and jingle of her purse, you could hear the woman a mile away and she loved it. She stepped in the cafe, clad in a pink blazer, matching skirt with a white corset top and white heels to round out the outfit. A grin spread over her face before it faltered slightly at him. He knew he looked a mess, lack of sleep was taking a toll on him. He stood as she approached and gave her a gentle kiss hello, before they sat again and she eyed her coffee before smiling,

“A mocha cooler, my favorite..” She took a sip happily before crossing her arms and leaning on the table, “So what’s so urgent you brought me out here?” Cody hated this. Really he did. He hated confrontation.

“I’m thinking of asking for my release.”

Ola stared at him and wanted to laugh, she really did but the look on Cody's face was dead fucking serious. Oh no.

Honestly, deep in her mind, she knew that something was going to happen. He was unhappy, everyone could tell and he had been getting increasingly agitated with everyone lately. She untucked one of her arms and reached across the table, taking his hand in hers and running her fingers over his knuckles as he squeezed her hand. He really wasn't joking.

“Okay…what…well…,” she studied him, she knew he hadn't been sleeping and it was getting more and more apparent, especially with the dark circles around his eyes.

“What's the plan then Cody? If they release you what will you do…?” She frowned slightly as she watched him stare where their hands were connected. He had seemed so spacey lately, but she originally assumed it was from the lack of sleep but that seemed to only be part of it now.

“I don't know….I can't do this Stardust shit anymore Ola…it's killing me. Maybe I'll go to the indies and build a name for myself.” He met her eyes finally and her frown only deepened. The man looked on the edge of tears and a breakdown.

“Right….I mean, I'm definitely not saying you couldn't do that but the schedule and work and all that….” She wanted to ask him out right. She really did. What about them? Was it a little selfish maybe but, it had been around 4 years at this point.

“You're wondering about us….right?”

Damn she hated when he did that, sometimes it was like he read her mind. But she nodded and clenched his hand gently,

“...I was thinking you could come with me…?”

Ola stared at him a minute before her eyebrows furrowed and she slowly slid back in her seat, still staring at him. She opened her mouth to say something then closed it before pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand. He wasn't really asking this of her was he? He had to be joking.

“Cody…..I can't. You know that. I just got into a position that I love and enjoy. I get to help with the younger talent! Hell, I get to work with your dad too! I finally feel like I fit my niche, not that I didn't as a wrestler but this is so much more fun. Especially being able to be a manager!...” She trailed off and let the silence settle between them before finishing,

“And all my friends are here Codes….” Ola had averted his gaze and opted to look down at her coffee.

“The job is more important than our relationship…?” She heard him say it, barely, but her pulse was already beating so hard. Did he really just fuckin ask her that. “Cody….be serious. Of course our relationship is important but this….this is my career, my future….” Another pause before he said,

“Aren't I a part of your future too?”

Ola wanted to strangle him, she hated this kind of thing. And right now was a shining reminder why she had refused to date for years. She chewed her lip,

“Yes, you are Cody. But so is WWE and everyone there! Randy, Seth, Hunter, your dad and all my other friends! I just can't leave!” She could've sworn he physically tensed when she said Randy's name or she was losing it. It was probably just the stress. She risked a glance up at his face and met his frown with her own. She held his gaze as she watched several emotions flicker in those gorgeous blue eyes of his. Frustration was the emotion that seemed to settle on his features, not that she really blamed him but he couldn’t just drop this on her out of the blue like this without any planning. She tried to steel herself as she gave his hand a quick squeeze before retreating her hand to her coffee.

“This….this is so much, too much, to think about right now Cody. I…I need some time okay?” Cody stared at her while he took a slow sip of his coffee, she felt like every move that she made was being hyper analyzed by him, and then shifted his eyes back to the drink briefly,

“Yeah….I ‘spose it is a lot isn’t it..,” He scratched the back of his head before slumping back in his seat himself, “I’m sorry that I just….yeah guess I did just drop it on you, huh?” Ola gave a small, quiet laugh,

“Only a little bit babe…” She mustered up a weak smile. Something else was definitely up with him though, there had to be,

“Since we're here….what else has been bothering you? This can’t be the only thing that’s keeping you up at night lately…?” Ola tilted her head slightly as she noticed the way his hands clenched around his coffee cup, the veins suddenly noticeable.

Cody could punch himself. Of course she knew something else was up, she wasn’t stupid but now he had to play this smart. He swirled his coffee before taking another sip then sighed softly,

“You know me too well, sweetheart, you know that?” She gave a small smile to him at that as he looked up at her,

“Yeah there’s something else, but….” he paused, “It’s….I don’t want to talk about it here, okay? Maybe at the hotel later?” Ola’s brows furrowed, whether in frustration or sadness, she wasn’t sure at the moment.

“I….alright, as long as you actually promise we’ll talk about it and you won’t just blow it off again.” Cody gave a small snort of a laugh, “I promise, I promise.” He said as he reached across the table and grabbed her hand again, bringing it to his lips and kissing the knuckles gently. Cody hoped he could keep it together a few more days, hopefully she didn’t find out.

~~~~~

It had been a few days since Cody told Ola that he had wanted to get out of his contract. And since he at least talked about some of what was bothering him when they got to their hotel room together that night. Apparently it was mostly the stress, though Ola still noted his change in demeanor when Randy was mentioned or when he was around.Besides that, Ola really, really, really was running through all her options. But, truthfully, she had known since that day that there was no way she was leaving WWE. It wasn’t worth the risk for her. She was happy. And maybe that was selfish of her. She knew how bad being Stardust was destroying Cody. She wasn’t blind to it, so of course she didn’t blame him. But….what about them? She loved him. And it had taken a painfully long time for her to admit when she did.

Ola stepped besides Cody as they made their way to their room after meeting everyone for dinner. It had been 3 days since Cody dropped his bomb on her and she was finally ready to sit and talk about it. She was only half listen as he talked to his brother, but her head snapped as he was saying goodbye and Dustin went,

“Well, goodnight, and enjoy your last few days here.” Ola raised a brow as Cody went sheet white and Dustin, realizing his fuck up, quickly left the scene as Cody opened the door to their room. Ola followed him in, slowly, and furrowed her brows as she watched Cody’s back,

“Cody……what did Dustin mean by that…?”

She stepped more in the room, sucking her cheek in and chewing on it, a nasty habit she picked up when she was nervous. She could see Cody’s shoulders were tense as he sighed and turned enough to look at her. He still didn't say anything. Ola swallowed as her eyes narrowed,

“Cody…Rhodes….what the fuck did Dustin fucking mean?” Ola crossed her arms and scrunched her nose.

Cody sighed, he could kill his brother right now. He was doing so well. A few more days…

He ran a hand down his face before turning away from her, he couldn’t look at her, not the way she was looking at him. The hurt in her eyes already was going to end him. He took a deep breath before letting it out,

“I said I wanted out of my contract….I actually had already formally put the request in….a few days before I told you.”

Ola only heard white noise as her vision filled with red around the edges as she stared at his back. Already put in the request. Was he actually fucking with her? She swayed on her feet a minute before she walked and grabbed his shoulder, whipping him around to face her,

“You’re fucking with me right? You have to be?! You put it in without even fucking talking to me? What the actual fuck Cody!” Her voice was taking on a higher pitch and she knew damn well her eyes were starting to water already. Especially since he seemed so passive right now. Cody stared at her a moment, searching for what to say,

“You said it yourself that day, Ola. You aren’t leaving WWE. I knew that before I even asked you to come with me. It was a last ditch effort…I…I hoped that I was enough to get you to come with me.” She stared at him incredulously, at a loss for words. “What….what the fuck! Fuck!” she ran a hand through her hair, brushing it off her forehead. She wanted to hit him, she wouldn’t even lie. “Is this why you’ve been so fucking weird lately?? The last few months you’ve just been, I don’t even know how to describe it! Everyone’s noticed! Hell, Randy asked me cause he was worried about you.” There it was again, the way he tensed whenever Randy was mentioned, and the angry glint that flickered in his blue eyes. The ones she used to get lost in but right now, she didn’t even want to look at him.

“And while we’re at it….why the hell anytime I mention Randy or whenever he’s around…you get like, like that!” She gestured at him.

“Like what?” He tried to keep his tone even but the months and months of personal agony was seeping out of every pore on his body finally. He couldn’t hold the malice back in his tone anymore. Which earned another glare from the short woman in front of him, the woman he loved more than anything really.

Ola clenched her jaw and jabbed a finger to his peck, “Like fucking that! You get fucking pissed whenever I would bring him up! When he’s around, your so fucking wound up tight it’s insane! And god-for-fucking-bid he talks to me and I swear, if you could’ve killed him with your gaze alone!”

So, she noticed it all….he was stupid thinking she hadn’t. He faltered, his eyes watering even though he was still upset. “Clearly I’m not good enough for you alone…since you won’t come with me.”

She wanted to rip her hair out as she listened to him, “Fuck Cody, I already explained this all! I can’t leave! It’s finally good! Hell! I’d say it’s finally great!” She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation, “Now, what the FUCK is this all actually about cause there’s something else, you’re hiding from me.” She knew her voice was starting to wobble, fuck she didn’t want to cry during this.

It was Cody’s turned to clench his jaw, “More like there’s something you have to fucking tell me!” He leaned in, unintentionally using his height to tower over her. Which earned a scalding glare from the woman, “I literally have no fucking idea what you’re taking about! And since you refuse to tell me! I’m leaving! I’ll just go stay with Randy..” She started to turn to leave but he grabbed her arm.

“Hell fucking no. I’m sick of hearing his fucking name and I’m even more sick of seeing his face!” Cody snapped and Ola stared at him, taken aback. What the hell had happened between them recently?

She blinked a moment but her glare returned, “What did he do to you? You guys were fine until you went out drinking together that night.” And a dark look clouded Cody’s vision suddenly and Ola was almost scared, except that had instead pissed her off.

“Tell me what happened Cody.” She held his gaze as he met her with glare, “Why don’t you tell me what happened with you and him? Or why everyone, even though we’re clearly together, fucking thinks you two are together! Every fucking person! So many articles and threads!” He growled softly and Ola just stared at him dumbly, she was hearing him but it was so sad she almost laughed. “Really Cody? Really? I come to bed with you every night and you care about all the fake bullshit that people online say? I’ve never dated Randy, you know this!” Cody stared at her again, remembering what Randy had told him.

“Codes…Code..” He slapped a hand on Cody’s shoulder with a laugh, “Didya know, Ola and I…we made out once. It was only once though! We both just pretend it didn’t happen, it’s been ages since it happened anyway!

Cody clenched and unclenched his jaw, “Why did you never tell me you and Randy kissed?” Ola paled slightly as she opened and closed her mouth to speak, but sighed softly. “So that’s what happened and led to all this ridiculous nonsense?!” He growled in his throat,

“What does it matter anyway? You’re not leaving so this is over now anyway isn’t it?” She flinched a bit before she bit her lip so hard it bled,

“Are you just making all the fucking decisions now? Leaving? This relationship? Fuck you Rhodes, this is actually ridiculous!” She wretched his hand off her arm and scooped up her bag, trying to keep herself from crying, he wasn’t justified in her tears.

“I can’t believe you Cody, getting jealous over something from over fucking 10 years ago when I was dating you and fucking in love with you! But that doesn’t matter since all you care about is bullshit people made up about Randy and I!” Cody swallowed hard,

“See? We fight and you run off to him! This always fucking happens! You run to him! You wear his fucking sweatshirts! The fucking looks you give each other! Should I say more! Theres so much fucking shit you’re fucking blind to Ola!” She whipped her head to glare at him,

“Do. Not. Even fucking start with me! Go fuck your self Rhodes!” She shrugged away from him and started towards the door.

Cody watched her before hissing out, “Go fuck Randy!” Ola stopped dead in her tracks, and unfortunately, her mouth moved faster than her brain when she was mad,

“I already fucking have! That ‘kiss’ Randy mentioned, , “ She barked a laugh, a sad, angry laugh and turned to look at him, “We. Fucked. “ She was breathing heavy and heard her pulse in her ears as she looked at him. He looked like he just got slapped as his eyes were filled with tears that hadn’t fallen yet,

“I fucking knew it….fuck…I knew.” Ola stepped to him and he stepped back from her, “Fuck…Cody….” She ran a hand down her face, “It was once, we were drunk and young and stupid. And we agreed it was nothing more than that and moved on from then!” Cody kept his distance from her and shook his head, “I…trusted you, both of you and neither could just tell me?”

Ola groaned to herself again, the tears finally falling, “No! I literally forgot it happened cause it was one fucking time! How many times have we fucked huh Cody? How many?! I just, I can’t fucking do this anymore. Being jealous for no reason and then just fucking cutting your contract without telling me…I just…fuck.” She turned and darted out the door, jogging down the hallway with her bag over her shoulder. She made her way to the only place she knew where to go, Randy’s room.

Cody slumped to the bed behind him as he watched the door slam shut in her wake. He royally had fucked this all sorts of up. He was lucky if she ever talked to him again. He wiped the tears that started to fall from his eyes. Did he even deserve to cry at this point?

Ola stood in front of Randy’s room's door and hesitantly knocked as she fought back a sob. The door opened, revealing Randy, standing in a pair of shorts and a shirt,

“Ola…?” She looked up to him and his brows furrowed in concern. That was what broke the camel's back, tears started falling and a whimper left her lips as she threw herself against Randy’s chest. He stumbled a bit but caught her, stroking her back as she sobbed against him and clung to him like a lifeline, “Princess…..what happened?” She hiccuped as he cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears away with his thumbs,

“Cody and I broke up.”

Randy was trying his damndest to not bust down Cody’s door and strangle him. But, he had bigger concerns and that was the woman clinging to him like a koala and sobbing. He held her close as he led her into the room, taking her bag from her and tossing it next to his. He gently led her to the bed and sat her down, before kneeling in front of her. He gently wiped her tears again before stroking her cheek gently. Seeing her like this was killing him. He was going to deck Cody the next time he saw him,

“Are you able to explain what happened to me?” He asked when her sobs quieted a bit.

Ola swallowed as she met Randy’s eyes through blurry vision, she sniffled again,

“.....can I have another hug first?” She felt childish but for some reason he was always a comfort to her. He smirk crossed his lips briefly as he pulled her in for a tight hug again. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her head naturally went to the crook of his neck. She closed her eyes and muttered, “Thank you. I’m sorry I barged in here like this Randy…” He rubbed her back and made a gentle snorting sound,

“Why are you apologizing? You always know you’re welcome. After all the years you dragged my ass around, I think it’s all I can do.” She slid back to look at him and gave him a soft smile,

“True, you were a real bastard to deal with.” She laughed softly as he smirked while she sat back, taking a deep breath. She explained everything, the whole him wanting a release, finding out he already had asked and the whole fight and how he was basically uncomfortable with how close they were. As she explained it to Randy, in real time, she could see the way his eyes turned a stormy blue as he was holding back his anger. The way his temple flexed when he clenched his jaw was the tell tale sign.

“You won’t let me take him out will you?” She gave a sad frown but shook her head.

“No, preferably not…..” Because despite everything. She still loved that idiot. She ran a hand over her face, “I’m just so tired Randy….I thought i was going to marry that fool.” Ola’s eyes started to water again.

“Well, he’s a fucking dumbass for throwing it all away.” That at least made her smirk a bit. She slumped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling as Randy got up and sat beside her,

“Have you eaten yet?” She turned to look at him. He really was handsome, especially when he was relaxed like this. Silently she took him in for a moment which made him raise a brow at her,

“Sorry…just overthinking everything…”She closed her eyes again, “But no, I haven’t eaten anything. Why?” She glanced at him as she heard him move. He grabbed the phone,

“Well, I'm ordering us dinner then.” She slowly sat up and smiled,

“A man after my own heart, Stud.” Randy couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at his lips,

“Anything you want in particular?” She stood and walked to her bag, rummaging through

it, “You, of all people, know what I like. Order whatever, I’m going to shower if that’s okay?” He nodded at her as he called for room service. Ola paused before stepping over and pressing a soft kiss to his temple before disappearing into the bathroom. Randy held the phone dumbfounded for a minute before the woman on the other end startled him out of his daze.

After Ola showered, she felt so much better afterwards. They enjoyed their meal, which to Ola’s surprise was really good for hotel food. He had just opted to get them both burgers, nothing fancy but really good. Whoever the chef was knew how to cook the damned things. She explained more indepth what happened, unfortunately more crying on her end. But eventually, the stress of not only today but the past few months had taken their toll and she was curled up under the covers, sound asleep. Randy glanced at her, not trying to be a creep but she always looked so at peace when she slept. Especially after what she went through today. Besides the anger boiling beneath his skin, he was jealous of that idiot. How in the HELL do you fuck this up? With Ola? He would’ve killed to have been even given one chance…..well….he wasn’t sure if those counted or not. He had been painfully in love with the woman for years that everyone else could tell, but he had been happy for them. Now he was pissed. Ola deserved better than this fucking shit treatment.

He looked at her again, he was already planning to get up early and hopefully intercept Cody before he left the hotel. Thankfully the man was habitual and would be leaving around the same time. He just wanted to talk to him, himself. And maybe put his fist square in that face of his for simply making Ola even cry. He hadn’t been this mad in years. Usually he was good about keeping it in check nowadays, thanks to Ola’s many years of help. He was kicked out of his thoughts when he felt her arm flop over his waist and she pressed her face to the side of his chest. Oh, Cody was definitely fucked.

~~~~~~~

Randy quietly pulled the door to the room shut and let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He had managed to get dressed and sneak out without waking up Ola. He looked at his phone quickly, perfect he was right on time. He made his way to the stairs, quickly going down them before walking down the hallway to the lobby. He was still seething. How the hell could Cody be such a moron about this? If he had Ola as a girlfriend, he would do everything in his damn power to keep her. Nevermind that he was, and has been, stupidly in love with the woman. That didn’t matter, it was the principal. He hadn’t even bothered to message or call Ola once. And that only pissed Randy off more, if it was possible.

Randy rounded the corner to the lobby, managing to rile himself up more while he was walking. His eyes narrowed, there he was, standing by the lobby desk. He made his way to him, and if anyone was watching he was sure he looked terrifying. Before Cody even knew what was happening, Randy snatched the front of his shirt in his fist and got in his face,

“You stupid son of a bitch!” He hissed out as Cody returned the glare now that he knew what was happening.

“Shut the fuck up, “ He grabbed Randy’s arm with one hand and, in not one of his greatest moments, swung his fist at Randy. It connected, making Randy stumble a little but never let go of his shirt.

Randy wiped his face, glaring even more as he saw blood on his hand. The bastard had busted open his lip. He slid his gaze back to Cody before all hell broke loose. Fists flying everywhere, Randy was pretty sure that Cody, at least, would have a few good bruises on his body from his blows. The two men threw and shoved each other through the whole lobby, punches, and hell even a few kicks flying in there.

Randy grabbed him and threw him at the wall, “This is all because you just had to be a fucking dickhead to Ola. You know how fucking hurt she is? Do you even give a shit?” He dodged the next punch before throwing his own,

“You don’t fucking know anything! Maybe you two assholes shouldn’t have kept that you guys slept together once.” Randy paused a moment at that, before an evil smirk graced his lips as he looked down at the man who was struggling to his feet after he had thrown him down,

“Once? Is that what she said?” He grabbed him up by his shirt, definitely hearing ripping this time, and brought him close, “Oh….it was more than once Rhodes. I know how she ticks and I know how to make her feel good. I’m the one she calls daddy.”

That did it, Randy saw the change in his eyes and he was lunging at him again.

At some point, the desk assistant had called Hunter, who was currently jogging down to the lobby, pulling his phone out as he ran. He held his phone to his ear,

“Come on….pick up…”

Ola groaned, reaching out to stop the noise that woke her up. She rubbed her eye as she pulled her phone to her and squinted at the name, why the hell was Hunter calling her? She hit answer,

“Hunter….this better be good.”

“Ola, Randy and Cody are fighting in the lobby!” She sat up quickly and looked around the room, Randy’s phone and well, himself, were missing from the vicinity. Oh shit. She slid out of the bed quickly,

“I’ll be down as fast as I can!”

“Thank you Ola.” She hung up and tossed her phone as she grabbed Randy’s sweatshirt that he had hanging on the chair. She was very thankful right now for their size difference since his sweatshirt was basically a dress on her. She pulled on a pair of her shoes and bolted from the room. Those two idiots! Fighting! IN THE LOBBY? She shook her head as she ran down the steps as quickly as she could. She couldn’t lie, inside, she was a little happy this was happening. She knew why it was, there was no other reason that it would be. She rounded the corner to the lobby and the sight was to behold alright. Hunter was, trying anyway, to pull Cody away from Randy to the best of his ability. But he was getting hit by stray punches. Cody’s nose was bleeding and he definitely had at least a black eye. Randy looked better though his lip was clearly busted open. She ran to the three of them, wrapping her arms around Randy’s chest to the best of her ability, trying to push him away. “Randy! Fucking stop! What the fuck!”

Randy’s eyes flickered down to her, registering who it was and let her push him away, finally separating the two. Cody tried to lunge again, but Hunter stopped him, “Enough!” He shot a glare at Cody then to Randy, “Someone, please, explain what the hell is going on around here?” Ola looked up at Randy as he breathed heavily and took another step back with her,

“Randy…..what….explain?” She looked up at him as he subconsciously rested his hand on her waist and looked down at her finally. She held back her wince at the way his lip was busted, though he somehow still looked too good with blood smeared over his lips. She blinked as he stared at her a moment, brow raising at her, she’d think about that later.

Randy sighed as he looked from Ola to Hunter, who looked increasingly confused,

“Something…happened last night and believe it or not, I did come back here to talk but he took a shot at me first.” He watched as Ola’s gaze went from him to shooting the most seething glare in Cody’s direction.

“Don’t play completely innocent! You grabbed me first.” At this point, Hunter was rubbing his temples and he looked at Ola. Ola released herself from Randy and walked over, taking Hunter’s arm, pulling him to the side. She explained everything as quickly as she could, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall again. She was already sick of crying and feeling like this,

Cody stared at Ola, his throat tight as he watched her talk to Hunter. He ignored the heated glare he was getting from Randy for looking at her. He didn’t own her, fucks sake. Was Randy telling the truth when he said it had been more than once? He reached up and wiped some of the blood from his lips as he continued watching her. Of course it was his fault, she looked terrible. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were puffy from crying and she just looked exhausted over all. He swallowed dryly realizing what she was wearing now. Are you fucking joking? She was wearing one of his sweatshirts, because of course she was. Did they sleep together last night? He risked a glance at Randy who now had a ghost of a smirk on his lips like he knew what Cody was thinking and trying to figure out. He was going to lose it again.

Hunter squeezed Ola’s shoulder reassuringly as she turned to walk back over to Randy who pulled her into a hug again, trying to hide the fact she was crying again.

“Alright….now that I know the main, important parts. Tonight, we’re all having a meeting together about what we can do story wise okay?” He rubbed his head as she looked at each of them, getting various degrees of agreement. “Good. Now. Do not do this again, got it?” More agreement. Hunter sighed. He didn’t get paid enough for this sometimes.

Ola let Randy start to lead her towards the elevator, but Cody stepped into their vision. Randy’s glare returned as Ola tensed under his touch,

“Can we please talk for a minute…?” Ola wanted to deck him herself now. How fucking dare he think he had any right to talk to her. She put her hands on her hips, popping a hip out, her brows furrowed, “What the fuck is there to talk about Rhodes? You made it very clear last night and, now this morning, by deciding to get in a fucking fight. You didn’t even bother to try to message or call me last night and suddenly I’m important enough to have a talk?” She had stepped closer and jabbed her finger in his chest, “You lost that privilege last night. We’re done just like you wanted.” Cody’s jaw was tight as he took the verbal beating from her. He deserved it.

“I deserve that…all of this. I just….,” He ran a hand down his face and winced when he hit his nose, probably broken, “Just one question, please?” Ola sighed and glanced up at Randy who met her gaze in confusion, she couldn’t be serious. He didn’t deserve it. But he nodded and walked near the elevator, waiting for her. She turned back to Cody,

“What the fuck is it and make it quick, I’m still tired and would like to get more sleep.” She crossed her arms angrily as she waited. Though it was slightly distracting having Randy’s sweatshirt on, all she smelt was him the whole time.

Cody shifted, almost nervously, as he looked at Ola. Fuck he was a moron. Even in this state, she was beautiful. And fuck he loved her. He rubbed his eyes, to deter the tears he felt, she would just be more pissed if he was teary eyed,

“The fight….really got worse when….he said something.” He sighed softly, “Ola, did you..was it more than once?” Ola, even though she was still pissed, felt heat blast right to her face and ears as she flickered her gaze to randy with a sigh,

“Yes. It was..I guess you could say regularly…” She rung her hands together as Cody slowly closed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, “Was that it?”

He hated that he asked. He should’ve lived in blissful ignorance. It wouldn't have hurt as bad as this did. So, they just lied about their whole relationship to him.

He felt numb almost if it weren’t for the tears threatening to fall, “...That was it…” He swallowed harshly as she turned and quickly made her way back to Randy, who of course, put his hand on her waist again. Cody glared as they got in the elevator and Randy, of course, shot him a smirk as he pulled her closer to him protectively. He wanted to die.

Ola held it, mostly, together until they were back in the hotel room. She hated him. She hated his stupid blue eyes. His dumb smile. His moronic voice. His idiotic face. She hated it all and it was killing her that she still cared about him. She sniffled again as Randy stroked her back again. She looked up at him, before not completely aware of her actions, her fingers touched the mark on his lip, a soft frown on her lips,

“You fucking idiot, you don’t have to fight for my honor.” He stared at her, completely caught off guard a moment and without thinking, kissed her fingers,

“Don’t I….?” She swallowed gently, feeling her face heat up as she shook her head,

“That’s enough there, stud, I’m too tired for this.” He couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that before pulling her to the bed. She grabbed her phone, wincing at the fact here was one message from Cody. No, she didn’t need this right now. She tossed it on the nightstand and crawled back in the bed, keeping the sweatshirt on. Randy didn’t ask about the phone, he already knew who it was. He slid into the bed next to her and she immediately snuggled close to him,

“So, when is the meeting with Hunter? “ He questioned as he got more comfortable, “Not until 5, so I’m sleeping some more.” She muttered and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. He stared at her, he wished he could sleep like that. Randy listened to her breath and subconsciously rubbed a circle on her back while he did. Against his better judgment, he pressed a soft kissed to her head,

“I should’ve told you how I felt before you met him, princess.”

~~~~~

Ola checked herself in the mirror one more time as she pulled on her black blazer to pull together her outfit. The pink top and black mini skirt accentuated her curves in all the right ways. She turned to the side as she looked at herself when Randy came out of the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe, his brows shooting up in surprise,

“Damn, princess, you’re not holding back are you?” She looked at him with a little smirk before she turned for him as he looked her up and down,

“No, I’m not. He needs to be reminded of what he’ll be missing.” She grabbed her ‘O’ necklace from the box and Randy pushed off the door, moving to stand behind her as she gently handed the necklace to him and she lifted her hair up for him to clasp it around her neck. They’d done this a million times but this felt more intimate than it should have. She knew her cheeks were pink as she met his eyes in the mirror and she swallowed thickly at the look in his eyes before he stepped back. It wasn’t helping he hadn’t put his shirt on yet either,

“I think this outfit will have him suffering, babe, “He chuckled as he walked to get his shirt and she bit her lower lip as she watched him grab his shirt.

Randy had to pull away when he did before he did something stupid, but damn did she look good. He almost felt bad for Cody, cause she was clearly out for blood with that outfit. He pulled his shirt on but raised a brow when Ola moved to stand in front of him. She silently fixed his collar and slid her fingers down, buttoning the shirt for him. He was holding his breath as he watched her fingers on the buttons before darting his eyes to the rest of her and immediately regretting it. He couldn’t help it as his eyes traced a trail down her neck, to her necklace that rested in her cleavage and he swallowed when his eyes shot up to hers and Ola smirked at him. She chuckled,

“Eyes are up here stud….” She hummed softly as she buttoned the last button on his shirt. Randy couldn’t help but chuckle a little, “You’re evil, you know that?” She pouted a little as she patted his chest and stepped away, “Well, I learned from the best.” She winked and grabbed her purse as she shook his head and tucked his shirt in, then grabbed his watch and his keys.

“Are you ready for this?” He stepped past her to the door, and she sighed softly, “Don’t think I have an option not to be.” He opened the door and they headed to his car.

Ola was anxious, incredibly so, she didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen him just this morning but everything felt weird. She hated this feeling but she was happy that she had Randy with her. For whatever reason, he always grounded her even when he was up to stupid shit. They waited outside Hunter’s door briefly as she took another deep breath and put her bitch face on, before looking at Randy, “Let’s get this over with.” They walked in and she tensed immediately when she saw Cody, she hated feeling this way and she hated that her chest ached at how he looked. He reminded her of a kicked puppy, his stupid blue eyes were still red and there was a faint bruise forming on his cheek from earlier. He deserved it, she tried to convince herself. She sat in the chair farthest from him and Randy put himself in the one between them. She almost wanted to laugh. This felt like divorce proceedings and she brought her new piece with her. She crossed her legs and tried to relax slightly, to no avail.

Cody tried not to stare at her as she came in, which was impossible. She looked stunning and not like anything was bothering her at all. Her top clung to her perfectly and her skirt made her legs look ridiculously long. His throat was dry, he really was stupid. The scathing glare he was getting from Randy wasn’t helping. He wanted to get up and leave the room, running away wouldn’t fix anything but at least he wouldn’t feel like he was suffocating. He wanted to apologize to her and grovel and beg for her back but it would never work. He rubbed his eyes as Hunter sat at his desk, hopefully this was quick.

“Well, we all know everything that has happened in the last 24 hours. And with Cody leaving, we need a way to write him out of the show and since there’s already a story with us four, we have come up with an idea. Ola, I know this isn’t ideal but you’ll have to be with Cody and Randy and I will run into you two backstage. There’s going to be a match between Randy and Cody, but if Cody loses, he gets fired by me. Ola, you’ll be a ringside on commentary, for obvious reasons. And at the end of the show, Cody you’ll have an interview about how being fired feels, sound good to everyone?”

Ola tapped her nails on her knee, “I’m not happy I have to pretend everything is hunky dory but yeah, it makes sense for the story.” She sighed softly as Randy looked at her with a small frown.

“I know it’s not the best but, with such short notice it’s unfortunately what we got.” Hunter gave her a sympathetic look, “And you two, “he gestured to Cody and Randy, “I expect you two to not kill each other in the ring tonight okay?” Randy grumbled but agreed and Cody nodded, rather stiffly.

“Okay, perfect. Well…unless you guys have anything, we should be done here.” Hunter stood and Cody was the first to shake his hand and disappear from the room. Ola’s nose scrunched as she watched him high tail it out of the room. Typical. She slowly stood,

“I do actually have an idea Hunter…” Both the men gave her a look but she explained her idea and Hunter sat back down in thought, “It could work, but you’d be a heel again after?” She shrugged and laughed lightly, “Hunter, I’m a way better heel then a face and we know that.” Randy couldn’t help but chuckle himself because it was true.

Hunter nodded, “Alright, it’s a go. I should tell Co-” She put her hand up, “No, his reaction will be genuine then.” Hunter’s eyebrows went up, “Alright, alright.” They both shook Hunter’s hand before stepping out and Ola took a deep breath,

“You wanna go out to eat?” She tilted her head at Randy with a smile, “I’d love to stud.”

~~~~

A few days later, Ola crossed her arms outside of Cody’s locker room, waiting for him. Sure she probably could go in but that was the last fucking thing she wanted to do right now. She was still mad and still hurt, even though the moron tried to apologize and explain his thought process more to her in the days following their break up. Which was messy as hell, all their friends were either not surprised or completely blindsided there seemed to be no in between. She leaned against the wall and frowned to herself when she heard a crashing noise from the room, she opened the door and looked around only to see shit thrown around the room and Cody scrubbing the hell out of his face over the sink. She cautiously walked into the room,

“Cody….?” He froze before looking at her in the mirror, “If this is my last fucking match, I’m going out as Cody not as a fucking clown.” She nodded and backed up as she looked at his torn Stardust suit. Holy shit.

She hesitated, “What will you wear then?” He dried his face before turning to her, watching her inspect the torn suit.

“I have some of my other gear to wear.” She nodded slowly, “I…..right. I’ll be outside…” Ola slid from room quickly and shut the door, closing her eyes and leaned against the door. She almost felt bad for what she was going to do to him later. She leaned against the wall while she waited for him to get dressed again. Looking up when she heard the door open, he looked at her, “Sorry about…..that. Are you ready?” She pushed off the wall and gave him a sidelong look, “I don’t really have a choice do I, Cody?” He winced and rubbed the back of his head,

“No, I guess not. Let’s get this over with.” She nodded and followed close behind him down the hall

“Where’s your facepaint Stardust?” Randy sneered as Cody and Hunter crossed their path. Cody glared back the best he could and Ola looked exasperated at them both. “I decided I didn’t want to be Stardust anymore.” Hunter narrowed his eyes at the other man and knocked Randy’s arm as he readjusted his title belt, “You hear that? He just decided that he didn’t want to follow the rules.” Randy nodded as he peered down at Cody while Ola shifted uncomfortably beside the two men. The real life tension was palpable.

“Well since you can just make decisions around here, lucky for you, you now get a match tonight now, against Randy.” Cody’s jaw fell open and like the good actress she was, Ola’s eyes widened in shock. “And, you better win Cody, or you won’t be here very long.” Ola’s expression changed to hurt, which was genuine,

“Hunter….what do you mean?!” Hunter patted Randy on the stomach, who laughed a bit, “Well if Cody loses, he’s fired.” Cody’s face dropped and Ola clenched her hands.

“So, don’t lose. Oh, and Ola? You’re on commentary for it” And the two men walked away smirking as Ola and Cody stood there dumbfounded.

Ola made her way down the ramp to her music, a permanent frown plastered on her face as she sat at the announcer’s desk. She crossed her legs, making light banter with King and Cole until Cody’s music hit and she tensed, making sure her jacket was closed, everyone in the crowd was surprised to hear his theme and not Stardust’s. She gave it to Cody, the man was a grade A actor. He looked genuinely stressed about potentially losing his job. Well, he may be but that wasn’t her problem. The crowd was on his side though. She chewed her lip when Randy’s music hit to mixed cheers, which seemed common for the viper. She tilted her head as she watched him, he looked really good tonight. But when, didn’t he.

The match was great honestly. They both put their all into it. And if you were a fan, you’d think these two had a genuine beef. Which right now they did, but they didn’t need to know that yet. That would be after the match. Her little stint at the end would confirm her heel turn and basically all but confirm their break up also. She was sure she’d get a million tweets and questions thrown at her and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Maybe she’d go visit dad after a week or so, to clear her head, he already knew what happened. She subconsciously winced when Randy hit Cody with the RKO. No matter what she did when he hit the move since she knew the toll it took on him.

Time seemed to slow down for all three of them as the three count was counted. Cody closed his eyes, accepting his fate. Randy looked to Ola, accidentally, as she raised her hand to her mouth in faux shock at the outcome. The crowd was pissed and chanting for Cody as Randy grabbed his championship belt and backed away from a downtrodden, defeated looking Cody. Ola tossed her head off her head, running and sliding in the ring. She slowly made her way to Cody, kneeling before him. She swallowed as he reached out to her, like originally planned, but she slapped his hand away with a disgusted look on her face.

“You’re pathetic. Can’t even win to save your job.” She stood up slowly, unzipping her jacket and tossing it outside the ring, a sick feeling of satisfaction in her stomach at the look on his face at her Stardust shirt. Was it a low blow? Absolutely. She glanced at Randy, who had a smirk before she stepped back again, doing the signature Stardust cartwheel but instead of putting her hands in front of her face, she stuck both her middle fingers up at Cody who was dangerously close to crying,

“You’ll always be Stardust.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and grabbed Randy’s arm, raising it in victory as the crowd, after being shell shocked, booed the hell out of her while the two of them walked up to Hunter on the top of the ramp and she raised his hand in victory again.

Hunter lifted the microphone, “This is a business Cody, and I need winners and people who listen. I have to do what’s right for everyone back here….” The crowd's booing grew louder, “It’s with deep regret, Cody, that I have to tell you that you’re fired.” Randy put his arm around Ola and led her backstage, Hunter following shortly after. Ola could only hear the pulse in her ears as people were talking to her, it was all a blur and shortly, Randy pulled her away back to his locker room.

“You alright?” Randy muttered to her as they walked and she nodded slowly, “Yeah….yes I think so…I’m just drained as all.” He nodded but smiled, “You really put a show on out there, princess.” She chuckled softly, “Well, stud,” she hip bumped him, “I don’t think I could’ve done it without you there.” He shook his head when they got to the door, and pulled her into a tight hug, “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.” She gave him a sad, small smile but melted into the hug, her nerves were more frayed than she wanted to admit.

“Maybe, but still, it helped.” She smiled at him then smacked his chest as she pulled away, “Let’s get changed and get out of here.”

Cody was getting escorted out of the arena, as the interviewer ran up, “Cody, CODY!”

Cody’s head snapped to the man, “WHAT?!?” The interviewer stopped dead in his tracks and winced, “Obviously tonight was emotional, do you have any parting words for everyone?” Cody narrowed his eyes slightly at the other man briefly before running a hand through his hair, “Parting words? Sure! Randy Orton beat me fair and square! He was the better man and I lost! I lost everything because of him! He’s always the better man.” His eyes were watering and his voice cracked, to any of their friends they knew this was more than storyline. He grabbed his back and pushed out the door behind him, slamming it shut on not just WWE, wrestling, his dreams. But her too.

#cody rhodes #feral cat man💕#randy orton #snake husband🐍#wwe #cody rhodes x oc #cody rhodes x reader #randy orton x oc #randy orton x reader #wwe x oc #wwe x reader #wwe fanfiction #wwe fanfic #oc: ola kaminski

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thecapricunt1616 · 2 months

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Blue Lotus - SxC One-Shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Blue Lotus - In Vedic Hindu tradition, the lotus represents enlightenment as well as purity. It is the symbol of the consciousness rising out of the mud of Maya and attaining its original nature or self-realization.

♡ Summary: Carmen accidentally almost checks out of life permanently due to a migraine fucking up his vision, and Sugar flips & sends him off to a trauma rehabilitation center, Syd is realizing she finds it extremely hard to stay away from him.

♡ W/C: 7,616

♡ Posted Date: 04/06/2024

♡ A/N: This is my first SydCarmy fic aaa!!! I have a hard time writing in 3rd unless its not my characters, so writing in 3rd for them was okay! This OS is all thanks to the LOML - the person who FULLY turned me into a #SydCarmy4Lifer - @gingergofastboatsmojito - This fic was HEAVILY - heavily, inspired by hers - Tucson, It can be found right ❀ here ❀ - My only request is you go read hers if you are going to read this one!! Her SydCarmy fics are the best, and the only ones I really read, give her a follow because her SydCarmy theories are also out of this world. Also, YES GINGER - Stardust is .... a horse - ol' girl TOLD THEM she'd always be watching!! If you'd like to meet Madame in her human form, mosey on over here - this fic also heavily inspired me to write for SydCarmy hahaha. If y'all want more of Blue Lotus let me know! I have ideas for a PT 2 if it would fancy anyone :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Accidental OD , Vomit, Sad Syd, but fluffy kinda!! Only lightly edited (we die like men), OC Carmy (IM SORRY) we all know he's down bad for her so maybe this can be considered IC Carm, because were just in his head more then watching him? But that's all basically.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Carmen was sick as a dog. Well - physically- the mental demons never stopped nagging at his overall happiness level, but it had been a long time since he’d felt this horrible, physically speaking, at least.

His muscles were aching, to the point any brush on his skin left a dull pain in its wake. His throat was swollen and sore, he had a terrible fever- his head felt like it was so full of pressure that it would explode.

He’d never experienced a headache like this before. His vision was actually spotty, there were little blotches in his vision, that were... glowing? He wasn’t quite sure, it was beyond the realm of anything he’d ever felt or seen before.

That was what must have caused him to grab his black bottle of oxydose he’d gotten after a root canal he had a few months back- rather then his liquid Zyrtec cold and flu liquid medicine.

The pain in his head was so bad, he didn’t even question why the usual cherry flavor had been replaced with bubblegum, as he swallows straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and going back to the couch, collapsing in the nest of pillows and blankets.

It was only about 10 minutes, and Carmy was feeling fine- no…Carmen was feeling… amazing.

His limbs all felt very heavy, but he felt warm, and comfortable. As comfortable as he’d ever felt. He actually found himself thinking ‘have I ever felt this good?!’ And before he knew it, he was laughing to himself about how he should double dose cold medicine more often, because he felt as if he was on cloud fucking nine.

He laid back on the couch, closing his eyes, and wasn’t sure just how long he laid there that way. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he knew. The only thing he was thinking of, was her. He began wondering what she was doing right now, if she was adorably leaned over the counter, writing in her little notebook- her braids cascaded over her face like a beautiful beaded curtain.

If the blood in his arms hadn’t been replaced with cement, he’d have grabbed his phone and called her, and poured out his entire heart to her. Because nothing else in the world right now mattered. Carmen had no other thoughts, the past didn’t exist, nor did the future. The only thing that existed in this world at this very moment, was Sydney.

‘Psssst’

Carmen opens his heavy lids, just barely, his vision was blurry and almost doubled. “Mmm?” He hums, not even sure if he heard someone- or why he would hear someone. He lived alone, and didn’t hear anyone come in.

‘Yo. Dipshit.’ Carmen knew that voice anywhere.

“What?” Carmy looked around, and knew something was very amiss, when his brother was standing there in his living room, looking at him. He had this ethereal glow to him.

“What the fuck” Carmen said, sitting back on the couch, rubbing his eyes.

‘You’re nodding out right now. Here’s what y’gonna do.’

Carmen couldn’t do anything but nod his head obediently, was Mikey really here? He couldn’t be- he was hallucinating.

“Monkey are you here?” Carmen asks softly, rubbing his eyes again to see if he would disappear. He didn’t.

‘I’m as here as you’ll be if Y’don’t listen. Crawl to the fucking bathroom and throw up. She’s gonna be here f’you, don’t fight her’

Before Carmy could look back at him and question what he meant - he was gone.

Carmen suddenly felt…much too hot. He tried getting up, but narrowly missed bashing his skull on the coffee table trying to get to the bathroom, so he decided to take his wise older brother's advice and crawl there instead.

He didn’t finish the journey, though. He actually collapsed in the bathroom a few feet in front of the toilet, luckily on his stomach.

He was catching all sorts of luck today, because Syd had insisted she go and check on Carmy, as he was supposed to be at work today but hadn’t said a word- and that was nothing like him.

She got the extra key from Nat, and told her she would go check because ‘Pregnant women have by nature weaker immune systems’ and would blame herself if she ‘let Carmen get her sick’, so she convinced Sugar to let her go by herself.

When Sydney had opened the door, the first thing that greeted her was loads of empty Gatorade bottles on the coffee table near the couch, and a random French cooking show playing on the tv.

“Carm?” She calls, but when she saw one of his feet sticking out from the bathroom, she dropped her bag and ran, gasping when she saw him splayed out there in a puddle of vomit, looking sickly pale, with dark blue lips and fingertips.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!” She shrieked, getting him on his side as fast as she could and quickly pushing the emergency button on her phone, putting the call on speaker and setting it to the bathroom counter.

“Carmen? CARMEN! Wake up!” She slapped his arm, shaking him violently. “Carmen! Oh- oh god.” She said nervously.

‘911 do you need fire, medical, or police?’ The woman at the other end says.

“Medical! Medical my friend- oh god Carmen” she shakes his shoulders.

“Okay what’s your emergency?” The operator asks

“Uhh- I- he’s- so he’s thrown up, he’s passed out, his pulse is weak- he- his lips- t-they’re blue. oh Carmy” she touches his cold clammy forehead. “He- he’s- he’s cold oh my god why is he COLD can you fucking send someone Jesus Christ!” Sydney snaps angrily.

“Okay- it sounds like he is having an opioid crisis ma’am, do you have narcan available?” The operator asked her and Syds heart drops.

“No- what? No! He- he wouldn’t- his brother- he…get here!” She said frantically and quickly told her the address of Carmen’s apartment complex.

“Yes, yes you’re calling on an Iphone, ma’am - we have your exact coordinates. Just in case - do not try to make him throw up more, make sure his airway is clear- what is your name?” The woman asked her.

“Sydney- my name is fucking Sydney - but it doesn’t matter! He matters! My god! His name is Carmen- C-Carmen fucking Berzatto! Put that in your notes lady! He- he’s 31- where the fuck is the ambulance?!” She uses all of her strength to get him leaned up against the counter.

His vomit was getting everywhere, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t find a way to care, the only thing that mattered to her was that each breath Carmy was taking looked more and more difficult.

“They are en route! Remain calm, how long have you known this friend?” The Operator tried to distract Sydney, since there was only so much you could do for an OD patient if there was no narcan.

“He- he’s my…my partner we run a restaurant together. This doesn’t matter! Save him. Please! I can’t loose him!” She said, shaking his shoulders.

“Carmen! You fucking asshole! What did you do!!!” She shouts at him. “You would never do this! What did you do!!!” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, it didn’t matter though- Carmen wasn’t awake to see it.

No, Carmen was far, far away. Somewhere floating between life and death, he felt like he was being embraced in the warmest most comforting hug he’d ever felt, he’d never been more comfortable in his life.

But Syd, was in hell. Her own personal version of it. It felt like a lifetime before 2 paramedics came barreling into the bathroom, one of them holds Carmys head steady and the other sprays a full dosage of narcan in his nose.

Sydney stood in the corner near the shower, shaking hands cupping her face absolutely terrified.

Carmen was up now, nearly the second the paramedic hit the plunger release. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide like a caged animal.

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking at both of them before meeting eyes with Syd.

“Syd?” He blinks a few times.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding “you asshole” she grumbles, wiping her teary eyes.

“You’re home, you’re safe, you overdosed. Do you take opioids often?” The paramedic asked, putting a blood pressure cuff around Carmen’s arm.

“What? No- what the fuck don’t touch me!” Carmen snaps, ripping off the cuff and whipping it across the bathroom “stop- stop! Stop touching me- get away” he shouted angrily “I’m fine” he hissed.

“CARMEN!” Sydney barks, she’d never used that tone with him- so it was fair to say it very quickly got his attention.

“You will let them do their job, dick. I just- I- I find you in a puddle of your own vomit on the bathroom floor- I couldn’t wake you up! So now? you’re gonna listen to them.” She said angrily, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from next to her leg where it fell and handing it back to the paramedic.

“Give him your arm.” She snipped.

Carmen sits back against the bathroom wall like a dog being scolded, wordlessly offering his arm to the paramedic and keeping his gaze fixed on his lap.

“192 over 96” the paramedic told the other.

“Christ kid” the paramedic said, “gave you a fuckin dose of narcan and y’wired like y’re on coke” they helped him up and on the gurney.

“Hes- he’s gonna be okay?” Sydney asked anxiously, watching as they buckled him in by his hips and legs.

“He's gonna be fine in a day or so.” One of them responded. Carmen just looked away, the shame and embarrassment already looming over his mind like a huge storm cloud.

“I’m gonna…I’ll- I’ll clean up, and meet you at the hospital, ok? And I’ll have sugar meet you” she told Carmen and went over, giving him a hug.

He couldn’t understand. It made him slightly angry how sweet she was being to him. He was putting her out, he was fully fucking up her whole day- but all she was worried about was him.

“Syd..I’m fine. Thanks. But I’m fine. Don't- just…ugh no- please- I’ll do it. Just go- go home. take the day” He said, gently patting her back.

He wanted to throw his arms around her and never let go, he wanted to kiss her- he wanted to hold her and tell her he would never leave her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her.

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would, or could for that matter, since he didn’t even realize yet that was what the feeling in his heart really meant.

“Thank god. Thank god you’re fine, Carm. What would I do without the biggest pain in my ass?” She teased.

Even though Carmen was hurting all over in a way he didn’t realize was possible, his lungs were aching, as was his entire body, and he felt as if the pressure behind his eyes were going to make them pop out - he smiled. It was slight, of course. But it was there.

“Couldn’t get rid’a’me if y’tried, Syd.” he told her.

The ride to the hospital was Carmen’s nightmare. They insisted on the stupid flashing lights and sirens, since his blood pressure was ‘dangerously high’ so he was at risk for a heart attack, and then rolling him out on a stretcher in front of all his neighbors was nothing short of a god damn dumpster fire.

He was never home, but like hell he’d ever intentionally show his face during the day again.

The hospital was even worse, he got plugged in to all these monitors and had an oxygen mask, got poked and prodded with needles, and was told he was being put on a 24 hour psych hold per hospital policy after an overdose- just in case he’d been trying to end his own life.

Sugar got there shortly after the nurses had finally let him be, when he heard her loudly telling them “CARMEN! BERZATTO! Like bear! B-e-r-z-a-t-t-o!!! Where IS HE !” He ripped off the oxygen mask, knowing if she saw him that way he’d never live it down.

Even though it really was helping ease the ache in his lungs and the pain in his head, he was willing to deal with it for his very pregnant sister not to worry.

Her heels click as she storms down the hall to his room, ripping the curtain back.

“Oh- Bear” she said, bursting into tears and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly. “Oh my god, bear. Never do that! What did you do? No- no- you aren’t in trouble, you aren’t in trouble, Carmen. I love you. You just worried me! You made Sydney cry Carmy! What the fuck- what happened?” She cupped his cheeks, observing his exhausted face.

“Oh you’re sick- you’re so sick- Carmy” she felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand like she did when they were kids. “It was an accident, right, right Bear? You wouldn’t do this?” She said, more pleading him than asking.

“No. No. No sug, no- I- I’d never. I just fucked up! I’m fine. I’m fine. C’mere” he hugs her close, kissing her head gently. “Stress isn’t good for the baby bear” he joked, hoping it would get her to lighten up.

“Carmy stop” she pushed away, looking at him seriously. “No. No. This isn’t okay- nothing - nothing about this is okay, bear! You almost died! Syd said- “ she shook her head. “Carmy. I- we can’t do this. We can’t. You’re right.” She sniffled, sitting back in the chair next to his hospital bed and wiping her tears.

“What- what do you mean?” He sat up a bit.

“I- if you….i can’t watch you like this anymore, Carmy. I can’t- I can’t see you wither away. Fucking emotionally anymore. It’s killing me. It’s hurting-“ she took a shaking breath.

“It’s hurting your niece. Carmen. I can’t do it anymore. here.” She dug around her purse, pulling out a brochure.

“Go- go. Get out of fucking Chicago, Carm. This place- I-i heard of it” she sniffled “its stupid-“ she laughed a bit, shaking her head. “So stupid, fuckin this..this Astrologer. She said in her podcast that this is the best place to go based on the location? I dunno…it’s a therapy place” she said.

Carmen looked at the Brochure, his brows raising.

‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ the front contained photos of absolutely breathtaking pine trees, mountains, as well as red cabins.

‘Blue Lotus is tucked safely away on Big Bear Lake in Big Bear, CA. Come and experience an inpatient by day, outpatient by night 30 day program, along with 15 days of sole inpatient TF-CBT therapy, focused on your direct needs as a patient. We specialize here at Big Bear in Equestrian Therapy, and Cattle Therapy. Enjoy hiking on hundreds of miles of breathtaking trails, and get to know the stunning haven that is Big Bear, California.’

“Horses.” Carmen looks at her, unwavered.

“Yes! They say they like- get us or something? You’ll be back before I give birth. Go. Carmen. Go. Or- or I can’t work there, anymore it-“ she shakes her head, looking down at her swollen belly as hot thick tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s like watching Michael…again. In a different way” she said quietly, wiping her face and looking up at him once again. “Please.” She whispered.

He shook his head, setting the stupid brochure down on the bedside table and laying back in the bed, grabbing the oxygen since his head was beginning to pound again and putting it back over his face, averting her worried gaze.

“I don’t have the energy to call these people” he muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head back, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

“I- I already got you a bed. I called them…on the way over- I begged them. And they are willing to take you, Carmy. Please. I’ll pick your cabin and everything - you- you stay in a cabin after the 15 days and then for 30 you go back and forth. It sounds so nice, bear. I know they’re gonna take such good care of you think about it- please- will you go?” she got up, pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you” she whispered after a few moments when he didn’t decline her.

Carmen didn’t reply. If Sugar really thought that stupid place would make him ‘change’ (if that was even possible) and if she really felt as if it was affecting her child that was growing inside of her- he would give it a try. Even though he felt as if it would be just another money pit in the name of ‘mental health’ that didn’t do a thing.

“There’s dead man walkin’!” Richie said, Syd following in behind him.

“Stop! Don’t call him that Richie it was scary!” Syd shoves his shoulder.

Carmen grabbed the brochure, quickly tucking it under the blanket.

“Fuck you, cousin” Carmy said, his voice all nasally and low from his flu or whatever the fuck he’d picked up, that had led him to giving himself a cocktail of meds that almost sent him to Michael prematurely by total mistake.

“Carmen is leaving. As soon as he’s released. So- get your time in he won’t be home for a month or two” Sugar said and sat down, not budging on the issue.

Carm just rolled his eyes, laying his head back and wanting to melt into a puddle on the floor, but at the same time, he also wanted to pull Syd into the stupidly small hospital bed, and hold her to him, never letting her go.

“You are?” Syd asked, coming to his bedside and meeting his gaze.

He just stared at her. Wordlessly, he pulled out the crumpled brochure and offered it to her. She took it, looking at it. Richie comes over as well, peeking over Syd’s shoulder to read.

“Equestrian therapy? Gonna go play with some horsies Carm?” He teased, his smugness being wiped off his face when Syd stomps on his foot with most of her weight, causing him to whine in pain.

“Woops! Maybe you should learn some personal fucking space asshole” she shoved back in to him so he would take a few steps back.

“Ow!” He said dramatically, plopping next to Sugar who was also glaring at him with equal fire.

“Okay- okay- sorry fuckin hell. The kid is fine” he said and Carmen motions to him.

“See! See! Jagoff is right sometimes” he said to Syd and she shook her head.

“This…is good. This is really good. I’m for this.” She said, looking at Sugar before handing the brochure back to him. “I’m… gonna miss you, but…you need to get the fuck out. Like really, out, Carm.” She told him.

He sighed deeply, resting his head back and closing his eyes once more.

Whatever will make Syd happy, he would do, no matter the amount of discomfort it brought him.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“Really?” Sugar asked him and he looked over at her, brows slightly furrowed.

“Want me to fuckin fight you about it?” He snipped, already annoyed with how easy he was giving in- but he was too exhausted to fight, and Syds lavender perfume was so comforting, and so familiar. He just wanted everyone except Syd to leave, and to be able to hold her.

That wasn’t going to happen though, probably ever was what he’d told himself. No, that would be too good, the universe would be much too kind to Carmy as to let him have the ultimate pleasure and enjoyment that would come from being with her in that way.

“No…no. I’m sorry. Thank you, Bear. I know this is gonna be good” Sugar said quietly.

The doctor came in, saving Carmen from the uncomfortable conversation. “Hello again, Mr.Berzatto. I have your results here- is this okay company? If not I can have them step out for a moment” she’d said.

Carmen had already completely forgotten her name, her name to him was simple - not Claire. Which was the only good thing to happen to him today.

“As long as I’m not dying cause these two will pitch a fit. You can go ahead” he said, sitting up slightly in the bed.

“No, no. you are very healthy, well- for the most part. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure?” She asked, sitting in the rolling chair next to the bed and holding her tablet in her lap.

“Dad. Dad did, bear.” Sugar said.

“Oh! Lovely- and did dad also have chronic treatment resistant depression?” The doctor turns to her.

“I- I don’t know but…I know he was depressed for sure.” Sugar replied honestly.

“And I know per your file you’re a smoker, heavy or moderate?” The doctor asked

“Heavy” Syd buts in and Carmen didn’t even have the energy to fight either of the women.

“So heavy is a pack plus a day does that sound average?” The doctor asked Carmy and he nods a bit.

“Sometimes…sometimes two. Depending on uh…how shit is” he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, so we’re gonna need to reduce as much as we possibly can. And we’re also going to speak about treatment options. Have you ever done mental therapy?” She asked Carmen.

“He’s getting help. Don’t worry” Sugar said, “he’s going to do a therapy program. Blue lotus? Heard of it?” She asked.

The doctor nods with a slight smile. “That would be wonderful for you, by the looks of your chart.” She got up.

“Visiting hours are over at 10 pm, he will need to remain here until at least 1 pm tomorrow afternoon- then he’s yours.” She headed towards the door, shutting the privacy curtain behind her before closing the door.

Richie chuckled “hack job name” he muttered, rubbing his face tiredly.

“What was her name?” Sugar looked over at him.

“Doctor Ginseng?” He said, “isn’t that a- a fuckin-“

“A root. A very expensive, luxurious root. It can be put into tea, or soup…the native people of China believe it has properties that make your body better deal with stress” Syd said absentmindedly, staring at the clock while nervously twirling the end of one of her braids.

“She got it” Carm said and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile, just a bit. He absolutely adored the way if Syd wasn’t beating him to the punch when someone asked a random food question- that she was teaching him something.

Even after years in the kitchen, the hundreds of hours watching cooking shows, Sydney still managed to teach him. He was utterly amazed by her every single day.

“That’s a good idea. I- I think we have some. Back at the restaurant. All the stuff here will be shit- I’m gonna make you tea. And soup.” she got up, grabbing her bag. “Don’t fucking die when I’m gone, Kay? Guess you need that reminder now” she told him.

He rolled his eyes slightly “Y’don’t have t’fuckin make me tea Syd. I’m fine.” He said, but something deep inside him yearned for Syd to take care of him. He craved it.

“I’m making the tea, and you’re drinking the tea. Be back soon” she said before heading out.

Sydney had stuffed Carm full of pastina chicken soup and warm ginseng tea with lemon, ginger root, and plenty of local honey. As well as sourdough bread that Marcus had made fresh that morning.

They sat and talked, just the two of them for hours until visiting hours were over. The nurse had to actually warn them both that she’d told them 4 times already it was past visiting hours and she ‘wasn’t afraid to have people removed’ before Sydney finally hugged Carmy goodbye and left.

They both took his leaving for 45 days extremely serious. They’d joked together about just how quickly and casually Sugar had whipped out the information, all put together so neatly - it was quite obvious she’d been waiting for an opportunity to ship Carmen off here.

They laughed a bit, and shared stories, and of course Carm answered any and every question Syd had about running the restaurant on her own while he was going to be away.

Syd had even pulled a chair up to the bed at one point, resting her legs across the mattress after taking her shoes off, and her legs were draped across his own. He didn’t dare say anything, though. He was relishing in the feeling of closeness with her, even if it was as close as they’d ever be.

Syd had actually made him so excited that the nurse had come in when she first came back and Carmy realized they’d be alone, to realize he was perfectly fine- his heart had just settled at a new pace since she was around.

He was feeling worlds better by the time he’d gotten to the airport on Sunday morning. He’d spent the rest of Saturday evening at Sugars after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and had one last close family meal with Syd, Richie, Nat, and Pete, well, Pete was a must - he couldn’t uninvite the man from his own house, unfortunately.

Carmen would be in a hotel in Big Bear, California by nightfall, and by the following morning he’d be starting his 15 day inpatient stint at ‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ tucked away on a farm, in a dip of Big Bear Lake. How fitting.

The parking lot of the airport was full of tears, not from Carmy- of course, but a very tearful Sugar, who’d conveniently spent the rest of his hospital stay packing him 2 weeks of clothes to cycle through, explaining phones were allowed- but they gave the toiletries, since it was a mental health center after all.

She kept hugging him, kissing his cheeks- as if she was sending him to war and not a fucking treatment center. “Is there…somethin’ I’m missing- am I never coming back er somethin are you selling me to some weird chef collector?” Carmen teased, getting at least a small giggle from her.

“God no. I just… this will work Carmy. It has to work. You’ll get better, okay? It’ll all be fine.” She wiped her face. He nodded a bit.

“It’ll work.” He said, he wasn’t sure if he believed it- but if it got her to stop feeling so sad, he would agree.

“I love you, be safe ok?” She said for the millionth time “and remember look at your phone I sent you-“

“The flight number, Nat. I love you. Thank you again” he kissed her cheek, grabbing his suitcase and opening his texts, clicking his flight number she sent him.

“Gate D11! Thank you Nat. Gotta go now- unless…” he teased.

She smiled a bit, finally. “Get out of Chicago.” She pat his arm gently and got back in the car to a waiting Pete.

The flight was okay, it felt much longer than he was expecting, but his anxiety told him a lot of things- he couldn’t trust minute things such as time and how he understands it anymore. The first thing he noticed upon landing was the stunning green, and the crisp air.

The air felt…cleaner, then Chicago. It was chilly- since fall was quickly approaching. Carmen was suddenly grateful Nat had him put on a hoodie before leaving this afternoon. He had the entire evening to explore, and not be himself.

He already was feeling some kind of new. He wasn’t here to work, definitely not to play, but he could enjoy himself, because he didn’t have to be him. At least not for the night. He opened the Uber app on his phone, booking a trip to the hotel to check in.

When he’d gotten to the hotel and showered, dressing in some vintage Levi’s and a white long sleeve in trade for his short sleeve, along with his favorite plaid jacket. He had to get somewhere to see how people live here, how to be apart here, so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb at this rehab place.

He’d grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and opened Apple Maps on his phone, looking for a park to go sit at and just be. He found a park close by, simply called ‘BearHill Park’ and following the walking directions.

He’d missed his ventures to various parks in New York, but especially in Copenhagen. Copenhagen had the most beautiful sunsets Carmen had ever seen before. He missed it sometimes, not the work, but the life. It felt worlds more simple then his life now, where every relationship, every aspect of his job- was dripping with difficulty to manage it all.

When he got to the park, he’d found an oak tree that looked well over 200 years old, getting situated under it and resting against the trunk, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

He watched a couple and a baby walking by, carefully though as he’d learned quickly as a child most people don’t take kindly to being looked at for more then a few moments at a time. But Carmen didn’t watch people in an odd way, of course. He was just wanting to observe, see how he should be. And in a place so new, so out of his ordinary all by himself, it was gonna take a lot of observing to get himself readjusted.

He watched as the father pushed the carriage along, the mother holding his hand happily. They were far away so he couldn’t hear what they were speaking about, but it must be funny because their heads were tilted back in laughter multiple points throughout the conversation as they continued on.

He continued on his cigarette, his eyes now finding a younger couple. He sat up a bit, leaning further against the tree to get a better look. From behind, the woman reminded him a lot of Syd, of course it wasn’t- but it was also the way her boyfriend or- husband- Carmen wasn’t emotionally advanced enough to look for a ring, he’d never needed to before.

It was how his arms were covered in tattoos, and his hair was a muss of dirty blonde curls like his. It was how the woman was beautifully tall, with stunning long black braids, and a floral scarf tied around the top of her head. She was much more…boisterous then Syd, but none the less. They looked like them in another world.

So not only, has this other man, found his Syd, the universe was determined to rub Carmen’s nose in it, or that’s how he took it, anyhow.

He scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes and looking the other way. Of course. He thought. Everyone can be happy but me. I’m headed to adult crazy camp! And those two are just, fuckin happy and in love.

The girl laughed loudly, causing Carmen to look back over. “CAMREN!” She squeaked as he tickled her. “Cam! Stop- I-I can’t breathe!! You asshole” she punched his shoulder playfully.

“Do you give up?! Say it!!!” The man countered, continuing the assault on her sides.

“No- NO! This- this is cheating!” She said, interrupted by her own laughs.

“Cheating?! No, I'm getting what’s rightfully mine Scarlett!” He pinned her arms above her head.

Carmen now looked away. He couldn’t help but think of Syd while watching them, and think of everything he was too pussy to pull off. He wished he could take Syd somewhere like this, but who would run the restaurant, and why would she say yes.

He’d finished his cigarette by the time the couple had left and he took out his sketchbook and the pen that lived inside of it. He looked at the recipe on his phone Syd had sent ‘Farro Mafaldine with browned Black Truffle Butter and Chanterelles mushrooms’

He had tried it for her, and he actually told her he wanted another bite to be sure he was ‘getting everything’ when really- it was just so fantastic he couldn’t stop at one single bite.

“Syd that is…wow. Really, really fuckin fire. If it weren’t for the mushroom, we’d need that on the permanent menu. Have you tried others?” He’d asked.

Syd just smiled and nodded, a lot of times she was around Carmen- she thanked god for her darker complexion, considering he made her feel overly hot, all the time. Nearly every time he spoke to her, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t always this way. But ever since they opened the restaurant together- things had changed between them. Not for better, not for worse, the energy just… shifted.

Carmen got lost in thought of Syd, and before he could realize what he was doing- he was drawing her. He rested his elbow on his knee, crouched over as he added details to each intricate little braid. It was one of Carmen’s favorite things about Sydney.

No matter how she wore her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. The braids, he did have to admit, were his favorite. Maybe it was because it was how her hair was when they met, but they interested him. He wanted to sit and watch her doing them. She told him a while back, she did them herself.

Apparently, her mother wasn’t able to teach her- but she had cousins that could. She says it was usually much more expensive to have it done then just do it yourself, that part made sense to him. He was really impressed the first time he told her, she laughed a bit at that.

‘Most of us do our own hair, I mean- unless you got it like that. But otherwise, just like the white girls we have to do it on our own’ Carmen blushed, feeling silly for not realizing.

‘Yeah- yeah I..I get that but. I dunno…I’ve seen Sug do her hair…it seems easier” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

‘Oh, well yeah, that’s why I only do mine every 6 weeks!’ She’d said, wiping down the counter.

‘Really? Well that’s cool. I thought you like…I dunno.’ He chuckled a bit.

‘That I went home, took out 200 plus braids, and then put them all back in before I come in every day?’ She teased.

Now Carmen’s cheeks were bright red. ‘Okay- listen I’m not a girl. I wouldn’t know’

Carmen caught himself smiling at the memory. He looked up at the setting sky, and his heart fluttered a bit at the beauty of it. He’d realized he’d sat there now for probably 5 hours, his back was aching, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care because this was the most at peace he’d felt since moving back to the states. And he was alone. He snapped a photo of the gorgeous sunset with his phone, hitting the send button and hovering over Syds name for a moment, before deciding to click it.

She did tell him to text her when she got settled in after all.

In CA - this place lives up to the name. Never seen so many bear statues in my life.

He sends the text, with the photo attached, not even realizing the photo had been a live capture, and you could fully see the drawing of Syd for half a second if you held the photo down.

He put his phone back in his pocket, continuing on his drawing. Back in Chicago, Syd was very glad that she was working today- because the only thing on her mind otherwise was one single person.

“Okay guys! I need some hands here- we got 3 dishes for table 13 let’s move! Keep up the pace!” She called out. She had already been here 12 hours, and wasn’t planning on being out for another 6.

It was just how Sydney operated - she couldn’t sit and worry about Carmen. It would just unearth emotions she didn’t want to go searching for, and once they came up she was worried it would ruin absolutely everything she’d worked so hard to maintain.

And back across the country, 2,000 miles away, Carmen was contently packing his backpack, getting up, and heading to a small diner he’d seen. He enjoyed a quiet burger to himself, in the corner booth, looking out the window at the water.

The place truly was beautiful, and very hidden away. There were barely any cars here, it was fully the opposite of anywhere he’d stayed long term, and he was beginning to feel as if he needed that, he wouldn’t admit that to sugar, though.

He’d gone back to his hotel, taken a shower, gotten in his pajamas, and was laid in bed, watching some random cooking show on the food network since the TV unfortunately didn’t have YouTube like his did.

When Sydney had seen the photo, she almost didn’t realize it was live at first. She was also at home, finally in bed- but she was 2 hours ahead of Carmen- so instead of it being 11 pm- it was 1 am. She’d scrubbed the restaurant floor until she was sure someone could eat off it, and made sure every station was in perfect condition before returning home.

She laid in bed with sore hands, a sore back, and sore knees, and sore- well, everything. When she finally had checked her phone and seen it. She smiled a bit at the comment about the bear statues, clicking the photo open to see more.

It was a breathtaking sunset for sure. She went to close the photo, her thumb lingering because she saw a speck of white in the corner- and the photo started moving. For just a short moment she sees…. Herself? On the page of Carmen’s sketchbook.

She could feel her heart thumping in her throat. Why would he be drawing her? Unless- no! Keep the emotions buried! He is sick. He is so depressed- treatment resistant depression the doctor had said his chart showed.

She swallowed thickly, not sure what to say back. Should she just ignore it? Should she mention it boldly? Should she just…forget about it and convince herself it didn’t happen?

She typed and retyped the message multiple times, smiling to herself a bit as she jokingly typed out ‘pretty sunset, even prettier drawing.’ Before deleting it and retyping before hitting send;

fire sunset. so I take it big bear is treating the bear well so far?

Carmen looked at the message right away, smiling to himself a bit. She’d never called him bear before, something about it made his heart begin to race.

According to Nat, bear+big bear = depression gone, I’ll let you know in a few days if that's the truth.

He wasn’t sure about the whole equestrian therapy thing still, but he did know that being here seemed to allow him to breathe a little easier- and he was already here, so he would try.

The first 5 days in the inpatient program were…quite the adjustment. That was because it was what he learned was the most intensive part of the treatment, and meant to break down your walls by setting you in a hard routine so you had no choice but to think about your shit.

This included a wake-up time of 6 am, the lights in his inpatient room literally turned on, then at 7:30 was breakfast, then- at 8 am they had 1 hour of either equestrian class, which you learned how to begin caring for the horses, or an hour of tending to the cows - Carmen chose the Horses because he was not going to shovel cow shit.

Then, you had a therapy class of your choice from 9-11:30, he chose art therapy. It didn’t feel like therapy to him, they got to draw, or paint. Carmen just sat by the window, drawing different recipes - or, more often than not, drawing Syd from memory.

12:00 was lunch, 12:30-2:00 you had mandatory either equestrian therapy, or cattle therapy. Carmen was more drawn towards the cattle on hard days, and the horses on easier ones. This was because the hour of 3-4 was mandatory group therapy. That usually emotionally drained him until at least art therapy the following day, since to progress and complete the program- you need ‘participation points’ in your 15 day inpatient stay, before you’re trusted to be on your almost fully on your own for a whole 30 days.

The horses were usually nervous around new people, so it was a challange to get them to trust him. While the cows, people in the group joked- were ‘giant grass puppies’ the therapy consisted of literally just laying with the lazy cows and cuddling them, and feeding them snacks, which they very much enjoyed, and Carmen found to be very soothing once he learned to douse himself in bug spray before heading in the pen so the flys would be out of his way.

Then, dinner was at 5, and afterwards you had the evening to yourself in your room, or you could walk the trails until they closed at sunset. In your room you could watch tv, read, and the residents were also allowed to have their cellphones.

It was quite exhausting the first 5 days, but the second 5 he was getting into a groove at Blue Lotus. He was beginning to enjoy the hard manual work that came with working with the animals, and the time it took to build their trust. There was one particular horse Carmen had become fond of, a white horse named Stardust. Perfect name for her.

When he looked in her eyes she felt more human then most people he met in real life. She was different then the other horses. He’d been told that she rarely took to men, and that he was the only male she’d never need startled by. He always took extra time brushing her mane, and they both seemed to appreciate eachothers silence.

Carmen heard other people in stalls next to him, they would talk to the horses- dump their issues they were too afraid to tell their therapists out on them. He wondered if the horses ever got annoyed, he probably would if he was a horse. He smiled a bit at the thought, and it was almost as if Stardust could tell what he was thinking, because she turned her head and looked at him before snorting almost in agreement and sticking her head back out of the stall.

Getting into outpatient life at lotus though, was as easy as falling into bed for Carmen. His inpatient stay, he made sure to take the time in the evenings to learn his favorite quiet trails, the ones less taken usually, so when he graduated to outpatient - he could take stardust for rides on his own.

It took them about 3 days to get to know each other in that regard, it was mostly Carmen’s fault though he realized, because when he’d get nervous he’d pull on her reigns in such a way that she thought he meant for her to go faster - when it was the opposite. But, Stardust was so, so patient with Carmen.

He made sure to sneak her extra apples with a small drizzle of honey in return, so she knew her patience with him always came with great reward.

Carmen had been gone for about a month now, he and Syd would text intermittently, sugar was sure to call once a week and they’d talk for about an hour. But it was mostly quiet from Carmen’s end, he had told them it was because he was usually out, all day long unless he was at therapy.

It was day 19 of the outpatient part of the program, so he had just 11 days left. He had just finished his morning art therapy, and was in the stables tending to stardust, feeding her slices of pumpkin they’d had in the snack bucket for the horses today. “Come onnn- the tongue, really star” he wipes his wet hand on his jeans and she nudged his shoulder with his nose, asking for more.

“You are greedy! I’m always the first one in here y’gotta leave some for the rest of these guys!” He grabbed another piece of pumpkin, feeding it to her.

“And this is our horse stable, he spends a lot of time out here” Carmen heard one of the employees likely giving someone a tour, only half listening.

Stardust snorts at him, nudging his chest and he rubs her neck gently. “What is it? Y’done? Pumpkin not good enough for ya? No honey apples until after our ride or Y’don’t listen missy” he pats her head gently.

“I didn’t take you for a horse guy but I guess drop anyone off in the middle of nowhere and you’d be surprised. 34 days and you went full fuckin’ cowboy on me- are those boots, Carm? ” An all too familiar voice said from the large open sliding door of the stable He looked at stardust for a moment, he must be dreaming, or ODing again. Maybe he died, and had been dead the entire time. Because there was no way he could believe Sydney Adamu was standing behind him, 2000 miles away from their shared city, in Big Bear, California.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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