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youuuimeanmee · 3 years

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Selfish is Eren’s trait.

No matter how much time changes.

EDIT: Should I mention that this is NOT an Eren rant? This is just me marveling at how great Eren’s character is, no matter what his flaws are.

Many people has been saying that Eren is selfless, how the Rumbling is the only choice to save Paradis so he had to set aside his emotion for greater good. While yes, that is true, it’s not quite right. Remember chapter 131?

Eren himself said he was selfish. He was disappointed the world is not as beautiful as in Armin’s book. He was disappointed humanity outside the walls exist. He wished to wipe them all away. But still, no matter how much he wished for it to happen, it’s still wrong. Just like Eren said in chapter 130, all the future he saw is still far away. Maybe things could change. Maybe his wish won’t come true, but at least things would turn out to be morally right. That’s why he decided to sit back and watch.

But no. Even after Zeke (another royal blood) and Azumabito (the mediator to the outside world) entered Paradis, they’re not giving him a great option. They’re blinded by their own selfish desire. Azumabito just wanted to use Paradis as a cashgrab, while Zeke wished for Eldia’s euthanasia. Paradis doesn’t give him another option either, even though the time is running out.

Of course Eren would snap.

Fuck them all. Fuck them all, who won't give Paradis a chance. Fuck them all, who choose to stay in their comfort zone. Time is running out. All lives matter, including Paradis. If the world refused to see Paradis as a part of humanity, then he’ll reject them as parts of humanity too. If Paradis refuse to move, then he’ll force them to move. Better bring out his dream to life if that's the case.

It was all too convenient; the time, the circumstances. It was all matching with his dream to exterminate his enemies; to become free from shackles; to expand his horizon outside the walls.

He has the power, and he only have a few years to live, what's the more appropriate time than now?

But still. He's painfully aware it's wrong. What’s he about to do is a one-sided massacre.

If I had to say, Eren has several options:

Wipe out the rest of the world

Let the world trample Paradis

Run away and forget it all

Share his future memories, and decide things with his friends.

Option #4 is already out of the window, because he doesn’t trust his friends enough to let them decide their future. He believes all the hatred and bloodshed will not stop until he buries the world to the ground, to avoid them laying a hand on Paradis ever again. He believes if he doesn’t do this, his friends would continue to live in misery until they die.

Option #3 is also out, since he had to move forward no matter what, so he’s left with 2 choices.

Again, he throw away option #2, because no matter how much he think about it, there’s no way he’d let his own people being trampled by the world.

So yeah, option #1 is to go, then. But he knew, it’s wrong. He will take all the lives of innocent people. He will drag his friends into danger, he will hurt them, he will disappoint everyone. He will become a monster. There's no guarantee Paradis will strive once this is all over. There might be another hell, he knew.

That’s why, even though he knows what to do, even though things is going according to his dream, he broke down. He still asked for forgiveness, even though he knew full well he’s the one at fault.

He couldn’t take it anymore. His guilt is eating him alive.

At this time, he wished for an escape. He’s starting to reconsider option #3. And that’s where Mikasa came in.

Mikasa, the girl who sticks to him no matter what. Mikasa, who saved him, no matter how hopeless the situation is.

Maybe this time, she could save him too. He relies on her, he clings to her answer for dear life. Maybe he could stop him. Maybe things would turn out okay if she give a different answer.

But no. Things didn’t work out as he wished for. Mikasa didn’t see through his suffering, she is clueless as ever; so he had to move on with his initial plan. When Eren said it’s a perfect timing, he really meant that, since he could snap out of his emotional self and focus on what he needs to do. Back to option #1.

This is one of the moments where Eren’s half-assed-ness selfishness shine. If he truly cares for the rest of the world, if he truly cares for his friends’ feeling, he should’ve open up more. He should’ve told Mikasa his dream, because only then, she could understand where Eren is coming from. If so, maybe Mikasa could told him to give up his dream, just like Levi to Erwin.

But no. Until the very end, he didn’t told his friends anything, because he already decided. He didn’t want his friends to stop him at this point, not yet. He has to do what he needs to do first. Not even in the moment of weakness he’d let Mikasa stop him. Because he knew. If he let his emotion and moral get the better of him, he’d never find a solace. Sure, maybe he could live the rest of his life with Mikasa in peace, but he wouldn’t be able to live with another greater regrets.

He chose the solace instead of salvation from his sins. So he turned his back from SC and never came back.

Eren infiltrated Marley. He experienced it firsthand how, even outside the walls, bad and good people were all the same. Reiner’s confession surprised him in a good way, because of how similar they are than he originally thought.

Both of them are moving with such selfish desire, under the pretense of “for the greater good.” Reiner destroyed the walls because he wanted to become a hero, while Eren is about to destroy the world because he wants humanity to perish. Their guilt is eating them alive to this day.

But Willy’s speech reminding him once again, that, in the end, they’re all the same, they’re just one side of the coin.

Willy reminded him why he’s doing all of these in the first place. He reminded him of his initial motivation.

It resonates with him so much that it hurt. Listening to Reiner and Willy gave him comfort, that everything is not his, nor everybody's fault. There’s no right or wrong. Maybe, everyone is born this way. Even if he moves with selfish desire, the world really doesn’t give him much choice so it doesn’t really matter. It's just the matter of who will keep going until the very end.

He keeps moving forward until his objective is fulfilled, no matter how much he suffers, no matter how much his friends suffer. But deep down, he wanted to be saved. So much that during the Rumbling, his mind regressed into a child, because it’s easier for him to kill “bad people” to reach his “freedom.” This is why he didn’t fight the Alliance seriously. If Eren really wanted the Rumbling to continue, he could’ve eliminated them on the get-go, or sent one of his titans to remove the explosives around his neck, or prevented Armin from reaching out to Zeke, anything. But he didn’t. Because now that his objective is fulfilled, as Reiner said, he wants someone to stop him. He decides when is the right time to stop; and that’s after he destroy Fort Salta, humanity’s last weapon.

TLDR; Eren is selfish for letting his dream get the better of him; for deciding what’s best for Paradis himself; for dragging his dad and his friends into this mess; for choosing this bloody path; for wanting to be saved after everything he had done. But if he hadn’t done this, who knows what hell will await Paradis. He won’t take that risk, ever. Eren is aware of all of this; thus why, he asked Mikasa to forget about him.

His selfishness makes him a true monster, yet at the same time, a really flawed human being.

Eren Yeager decides where to start, and where to end his journey. He really is selfish until the end.

#Props for Isyama for great writing #We really see how Eren is going back-and-forth in this #While SC ventures through difficult path to achieve peace for everyone #Eren ventures through morality to achievee ultimate destruction #All for what they believed is right #Even though there's nothing right or wrong in this world #shingeki no kyojin #snk #snk analysis #snk meta #snk manga spoilers #snk spoilers #snk 138 #attack on titan #aot #aot spoilers #aot 138 #aot analysis #aot meta

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cassandraclare · 4 years

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Not too spoilery, but very long!

fieidofpoppies said: I was hoping to get some clarification about the LGBT situation in TLH’s background.

What exactly is the Clave's position on homosexuality? Alec struggles with people's opinion in 2008, so I guess in 1900ish things are definitely not rosey, but to what extent? We know that being gay is considered a crime in mundane London at the time and I'm guessing that is not the case for the Shadowhunter world, so how seriously is it a problem? What does it/ would it mean for our characters to be out?

Okay, so I’ve gotten a few of this question, leading me to believe it is A Conversation that needs some addressing. It’s a complicated issue so I’m going to try to break it down in parts.

There is no “The Clave’s position on homosexuality” that is unchanging: it has changed, advanced and regressed through history just like you, know, regular human history. :) If you’re asking about the Clave’s position on LGBT Shadowhunters in 1903, we will get to that.

Just because Alec is struggling in 2007 doesn’t mean things were worse for Anna in 1903. The idea that culture moves inevitably forward towards tolerance and progressivism is an oversimplification. We see it assumed all around, so it’s easy to believe it, but actually it’s more of a two steps forward, one step back scenario. There are always periods of cultural progress, marked by periods of cultural regress. If someone had told me when I was a teenager that a woman’s right to choose would be more trammeled and in danger in 2020 America then in 1989 I wouldn’t have believed it; it is, however, the truth. We are in a more regressive period culturally now than we were ten years ago; LGBT rights are more under threat. This isn’t the first time in history this has happened and it won’t be the last: “During the golden years of the Weimar Republic [Germany's government from 1919 to 1933] Berlin was considered an LGBT+ haven, where gays and lesbians achieved an almost dizzying degree of visibility in popular culture” — but by 1934 LGBT+ Germans were being persecuted and eventually would be sent to death camps with Jews, communists, and other “undesirables.”

Alec is living in a time in which a regressive, conservative group that his own parents belonged to nearly toppled the more progressive aspects of the Clave. He already comes from a family in exile, during a time in which progressive and regressive aspects of the Clave are battling each other and the situation with Downworlders is explosive. Four years after Alec comes out, the fascist Cohort rises to power and splits the Clave in half. Nothing like that is happening in 1903: there is a progressive Consul in power, demon attacks are low, there is generally peace with Downworld.

It is reasonable that Alec would have concerns about how the Clave at large might treat him, and also have concerns about family and friends, given his parents’ past. And while Anna and Matthew etc. might have similar concerns about coming out to the whole Clave, which they haven’t, they are not concerned about their particular group of friends, and have mixed concerns about family. (Also, we have plenty of characters who have been just as worried about coming out as Alec was: Charles, Alastair, Ariadne. We don’t yet know Thomas’ attitude. Everyone who doesn’t consider themselves a “Bohemian” isn’t taking this very lightly, and even Matthew isn’t “out” to anyone except his friends. It’s not like the Wentworths know he’s bisexual.)

None of this is to say it was “easy” to be LGBT+ during the early 1900’s. It isn’t easy now. It’s to say that “Well, it sucked across the board then and now it’s great across the board!” isn’t true, and ignores the significance of context in the lives of characters — and people. There’s a great moment in the movie Colette (set in the 1890′s and early 1900′s) that focuses on Mathilde de Morny, Colette’s lover. Mathilde was assigned female at birth (academic scholars are widely divided on whether Mathile was transgender so I’m going to be gender-neutral here.) Mathilde dresses in men’s clothes, and openly romances women, but in this particular moment, Mathilde speaks about the fact that if Mathilde were not rich and titled, it might be a problem. But given Mathilde’s social status and power, and the Bohemian set of people Mathilde spends time with, it’s not. Colette herself also dresses in men’s clothes and is open about her same-sex romances, even kissing Mathilde onstage at the Moulin Rouge.

(Colette and Mathilde, 1907.)

The artist Romaine Brooks wore men’s clothes, even painting herself in them: according to the Smithsonian “By 1905, she had made a name for herself in Paris as a painter of women, some of whom were her lovers. Her most visible and lasting relationship was with the American poet Natalie Barney, who also lived in Paris.” (There’s a reason the characters are often talking about Paris or visiting Paris: being LGBT+ wasn’t illegal in France, and Paris was a gay and lesbian mecca, complete with LGBT+ cafes, high society, celebrities, and so on.)

People like Anna existed in the mundane world in 1903. It’s important to realize; this isn’t something I wrote because I’d have liked it to be true and historically accurate, it is true and historically accurate. It’s also true that even though male homosexuality was illegal in England in 1903, there were plenty of gay men who were out to their friends and community. Lytton Strachey (part of the Bloomsbury Group which included Virginia Woolf) “spoke openly about his homosexuality with his Bloomsbury friends, and had relationships with a variety of men.” Which isn’t to say he spoke openly about it to everyone — just that there have always been spaces within “mainstream” society where it was safe to be queer: Anna and Matthew, by going to the Hell Ruelle, by standing somewhat apart from their contemporaries save those they already trust, are inhabiting those spaces.

Now, if the question becomes: what happens if everyone in the Clave finds out the sexualities of the LGB+ characters in TLH? Well, first, they won’t be arrested; it’s not illegal. But that hardly covers the whole issue. We look at what happened to Oscar Wilde and think, horrors, as well we should — had he not sued the Marquess of Queensberry, though, he probably would have lived out his life with society turning a blind eye to his affairs with men. What happened to him is fucking terrible. Yet even today, there are celebrities who remain in the closet — though their queerness may well be an open secret to their friends, family and colleagues — not because they’re worried about being arrested, but because of the fear of what the damage to their career might be were it publicly known. And how is that so different from the situation Charles finds himself in? He’s pretty clear that if people knew he were gay, he couldn’t be Consul. He wouldn’t get the votes. In the same way, it’s likely that the other LGB+ characters would face societal disapproval and issues with their families. That’s not really about the “Clave’s official position” though, any more than a politician today not wanting to come out is worried about being arrested rather than losing their career. The official position is important, but it’s not the only indicator or generator of societal, systemic bigotry. (” It turns out that one of the worst times to be a homosexual - that is, in terms of being at risk from the law - was in the run-up to and aftermath of the liberalisation of the 1960s [when homosexuality was decriminalized].” )

So if you made it this far: what I’m basically saying is three things: one, that any comparison to Alec has to take into account Alec’s specific family situation, the Uprising, and who the Clave and Inquisitor are in 2007. And that I can’t say what it means for the characters of TLH to be out because it’s going to mean different things, and have different repercussions, for all of them. I can say “They won’t be in trouble with the Law”, which is true, but in terms of their family situations, their personal goals and dreams, and where they are socially, it would be different for each one of them.

And third, that we can’t assume that progress is one inevitable forward march. That things will always be more tolerant, less oppressive, in “the future” simply because it’s the future. While we can believe that “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice” it’s important to remember that rights can be abridged, freedoms taken away, times of tolerance and harmony can end, bigotry and nationalism can rise. To assume progress is inevitable is, I worry, to forget to fight for it. And we can never forget to fight.

[Recommended reading: Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century, by Graham Robb.]

#the last hours #chain of gold #spoilers #tlh

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digitalzombie · 3 years

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On (the updated) Chapter 139.

This is not necessarily a rant. Instead, these are some thoughts I had after reading (the new) Chapter 139 of Shingeki no Kyojin, or Attack on Titan. I also briefly talk about the Rumbling and Ymir’s characterization. Of course, this is not spoiler-free, so beware if you are not caught up with the latest updates on the series/chapter!

Spoilers below:

First and foremost, I enjoyed the series. I wouldn’t call it “perfect,” nor “the absolute best,” but it was entertaining and, dare I say, awe-inspiring. Isayama presented something that not many shōnen mangaka do, which is a realistic take on war and the irreparable actions of humanity. To say that this is a story about mankind fighting monsters is not entirely wrong; in fictional stories, “man is the true monster” tends to be a reoccurring theme, and Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin, is no exception. I’ve said the following in a previous post I made, and I’ll say it here again:

This is mostly a reflection of humanity and the terrible things people are capable of doing when they’re given too much power, and when they’ve been stripped from having any of it. (alienated.zombie)

Was it all for nothing?

All characters are victims of corruption. We saw that with Eldians who were persecuted in Marley and the Eldians on Paradis. The Rumbling was Eren’s desperate attempt to protect his friends more than to protect the island. It is apparent when he refuses the Founding Titan to any of his closest comrades in the flashback in Chapter 108…

By the end of the series, we see time-skip after time-skip of the Island’s growth and eventual destruction. We see a boy encountering the tree where, presumably, Eren was buried. It is different from the other trees, as it is the largest (probably the oldest, too), and bears a huge resemblance to the tree Ymir, the Founder, had fallen into. This seems to tease that everything will begin again—the rebirth of the titans and, potentially, more war.

So, did Eren commit mass genocide for nothing in the end? My answer is no.

Eren fulfilled what he wanted/needed to do, which was to protect his friends (or at least those who survived the battles leading up to the Rumbling). He aided in freeing Ymir. And just as he had hoped, his surviving friends lived for a long time, as suggested in the final panels. Eren’s motives are questionable, and it begs the question: Is Eren selfish? And my answer is yes, although he does not openly show it as he lived his whole life living and fighting for other people’s sakes. Eren is a paradoxical character: he is selfish for choosing his friends over the world but selfless for putting his friends ahead of himself.

Isayama gave us a bleak ending, one that makes sense since something as unforgivable as the Rumbling would be a justifiable reason to start a war--at least in the eyes of the world leaders. We are only given a small glimpse of the attack, so there is no saying if The Rumbling truly was the motivation, or if Paradis acted first. What is true is that the cycle of hate continues. Historia's reign, as well as the rise of the Yeagerists, prove that as time passes, ideals and people in power change. Truly, history repeats itself.

The Rumbling

Side note: Of course, The Rumbling wouldn’t be the absolute best solution to end a war in reality. (I didn’t support it either.) However, I read the manga with the idea that there really was no other way to end the war between Paradis and Marley because the whole world was dead-set on destroying the island, as suggested in chapter 123:

Not to mention that the Association in this part of the series reacted with cheers to the speaker’s sentiment. Even the displaced Eldians were brainwashed to abhor the so-called “Devils” of Paradis Island. We can assume (based on what we know about the views that Marley, the Eldians in Marley, and the advocates for “displaced Eldians” have) that Paradis was the so-called enemy of the world (at least to the public outside of Paradis). Armin and Hange’s approach to the situation, the diplomatic way, was not wrong either; however, given the other nations’ resolve to decimate the island, this strategy would not have worked.

This is where Eren’s plan to wipe out the rest of the world, save the island, comes into play. He did not want to conform to the original plan and repeat the same cycle the Royals have for hundreds of years, which was to sacrifice Historia and her descendants, and the future hosts of the Coordinate. He was only meant to scare the world— to dare them to attack—by waking some of the dormant Colossal Titans. Of course, he chose a different path. The Rumbling, Eren’s Rumbling, was meant to buy time for Paradis’ restoration, to secure their safety, to expand their military forces, and to eventually end the Titans’ curse… which did happen.

Ymir, the Founder

Ymir is the most mysterious character in the series. Due to her lack of speech (as her tongue was cut off), she is easily the most misunderstood. She was abused and used for power; Ymir was a slave—both literally and metaphorically—to Fritz and the following Coordinate hosts. My understanding is that she had some kind of attachment to Fritz and his ideals. Chapter 139 introduces the idea that Ymir did, in fact, love Karl Fritz. I doubt that this is really the case, given that Eren’s words contradict the art on the panel (surely, purposely done by Isayama):

In this panel (chapter 139), she is unhappy: her marriage is a joke, given that her husband flirts with other women (they were most likely his mistresses) while she tended to his needs and continued to have his children. Her “love” for Fritz is not real. Ymir was attached to the idea of love and desired it all the more.

I believe that Mikasa did not necessarily free Ymir; rather, Ymir was inspired by Mikasa’s unwavering love for Eren. Mikasa loved Eren and was able to let go of him despite how much it hurt her. In turn, Ymir finally let go to of her abuser by realizing that what she felt was not truly love. Mikasa suggests Ymir’s true feelings when she says: “Your love must have felt like a never-ending nightmare.”

I should also mention that the panel above does not necessarily mean that Ymir let Fritz die, although this is open to interpretation. I thought that this clearly expressed Ymir’s regrets. Should he have died in her stead, Ymir would have been able to live the rest of her life with her daughters in peace. This might have also avoided future wars, aka, the war on Paradis. However, Mikasa’s words ring true: “It’s only because you brought your children into this world that I stand here today.” There is no way to undo the past. It is true that Eren could have rewritten the past by letting her live and letting Fritz die; however, that would completely change everything: Eren and his friends would have probably never existed, and Ymir would have been trapped in Paths forever, as the Founder would go to a random newborn child.

Another interesting point I’d like to add is Ymir’s appearance. In Paths, she presents herself as a child but finally shows herself as an adult in front of Mikasa. She expresses her fragility via regression, or appearing as her less developed stage in life (childhood) as a coping mechanism. (This can also be said about Eren’s child-like appearance at the start of the Rumbling.) Only after freeing herself from Paths does she take on the appearance of a grown woman. We cannot say that she completely healed from her trauma, but we can say that she was ready to move on.

Why wait 2000 years?

My take on this question is that Eren was Ymir’s answer as he did not bear royal blood and therefore could not command her to do anything for him. Recall that nearly all previous hosts of the Coordinate were of Royal blood. No one understood Ymir, nor seemed to care to communicate with her. Grisha was at the end of his life when he stole the Coordinate and then passed it to Eren.

Potential sequel?

As for the final panels of the chapter, I don’t think that this sets up a potential sequel. Unlike Eren, Armin, and Mikasa during their childhoods, this boy has the freedom to explore the world as is his birthright. He does not have to think or worry about being confined behind tall walls, nor worry about a government's restrictions to question the mysteries of the world. He is free to explore. I think that this is Isayama’s way to tie the story back to that simple dream Eren had as a child. Despite the obvious attack on Paradis in the previous panels, there is reason to believe that not all of Paradis was destroyed. This boy should be proof of that. For now, whether he becomes the new Founder or not is strictly based on our own interpretations.

That’s all I have to say about Chapter 139. Let me know if you’d like me to delve deeper into anything else from AoT! I was thinking about taking a closer look at other characters later on, but I’ll be happy to add my take on anything AoT-related.

#snk 139 #aot 139 #analyses and discussions #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #spoilers #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #Ymir #eren yeager #thoughts #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #hange zöe #snk analysis #snk discussions #aot discussions #aot analysis

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thiscastielhasflown · 3 years

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no one asked for this but i’m going to do a literary analysis of allen ginsberg’s poem, “wild orphan” and why i personally think it’s dean-coaded (here is an analysis in general i found, not related to dean, but pretty amazing: x) :

Blandly mother takes him strolling by railroad and by river --he's the son of the absconded hot rod angel-- and he imagines cars and rides them in his dreams,

“blandly” (in an uninteresting manner that lacks strong emotion, features, or characteristics) mother is mary, at that time before her death most likely holding back the unhappiness in her marriage with john -- makes me think also of the plain white nightgown she wore the night of her death. the image of her and dean walking by the water/railroad is super cute -- thinking about her pregnant with sam and before all of the future events [i.e. azazel]. “absconded hot rod angel” (leave hurriedly and secretly, typically to avoid detection of or arrest for an unlawful action such as theft -- hot rod being the impala) father is john -- maybe not this way at the current moment but him represented in the future. the last two lines makes me think of dean dreaming about baby/impala as a child and thinking about the chance to drive it someday. so lonely growing up among the imaginary automobiles and dead souls of Tarrytown

this is the start of dean’s life after mary’s death -- sam is there as a baby and we know that this is the start to john decent into hunting full time so he’s left alone and very lonely. the “imaginary automobiles” -- the one’s dean dreams about driving/owning/working on in the future and “dead souls” a calling to the monsters of past people that follow him until his death in adult life almost like a curse. to create out of his own imagination the beauty of his wild forebears--a mythology he cannot inherit. the thought that dean has an wild imagination to help deal with the loss of his mother and deal with his abusive father actively trying to ruin his life. “forebears” (ancestors) could be a reference to the deep hunter blood that runs through him (samuel campbell on his mother’s side and the men of letters through henry winchester). even with this superior blood, he “cannot inherit” the deep “mythology” of hunting without having it be taught to him by john/john’s in-depth manual journal.

Will he later hallucinate his gods? Waking among mysteries with an insane gleam of recollection? i’m thinking more of the line of “hallucinate his gods” not just being god -- chuck -- but the presence of angels/higher powers in general. we know that it takes dean a while to realize in the beginning of season 4 that cas was an actual angel because that was something no one has ever dealt with. thinking about “waking among mysteries” could be the time he spent in hell and all of the time he spent after getting back top-side to suppress the “recollection” of those memories. The recognition-- something so rare in his soul, met only in dreams --nostalgias of another life. “recognition” (acknowledgment of something's existence, validity, or legality) of his changed soul, the reconstruction of his body by cas who, “gripped him tight and raised dean from perdition” -- a profound bond that will change the course of his life forever. we know that dean had many dreams for the future “nostalgias of another life”; living a “white picket fence” traditional life, settling down with a woman and having a family separated from hunting that would never happen. A question of the soul. And the injured losing their injury in their innocence --a cock, a cross, an excellence of love. the questioning “soul” that is injured of “their innocence” (in this case the definition i’m going with contextually is: used euphemistically to refer to a person's virginity)-- not that dean has much innocence in the first place when it comes to woman. the next two lines puts a spin on that “a cock” -- not talking about a physical one but the thought of him exploring his sexuality with other men throughout his life, “a cross” -- again, this is the figure of cas. blending these two together -- a love for men and cas equals “excellence of love”. his true destiny.

And the father grieves in flophouse complexities of memory a thousand miles away, unknowing of the unexpected youthful stranger bumming toward his door.

ending this off with another image of john, “father grieves in flophouse (a cheap hotel or rooming house)” -- he could be crying about the memories of mary/the life that he should have had “a thousand miles away” and out of reach. or the headcanon of him finding out that dean was into men in his teenage years and “grieving” that his son isn’t perfectly like him. “unknowing of the unexpected youthful stranger bumming toward his door” could dean walking towards that hotel door while their on a hunt, now seen as a “stranger” to his father because of the information john knows about him. that john will scare out of him and cause years of regression, regret, and self-doubt in trauma.

#sharing this with the keep reading section #just to see if more people #would want to read it #idk i just love this so much #jace is typing...

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potahun · 3 years

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Some more Qin Shen Shen moments translations (Part 14/?)

2020 S2 Reunion Edition 5/?

Link to other translations so far.

Full footage of Qin Shen Shen’s interview with Wen Yu Xin Tian Di. Some parts have already been translated (in part 10/?) and these will be marked, but otherwise, I am just translating the whole thing because the whole thing is a skit.

ZS (to the staff): Do I need to do the clapperboard?

LKQ: *mumbles about something else*

ZS, staring at him: We’re starting the interview.

LKQ: Oh. Then I can’t do this wrong/Then I can’t say this. (T/N: Sorry, can’t hear very well which one he means)

ZS (to the staff): Do I need to do the clapperboard? *opens his arms to do the motion, but the interviewer stops him*

Interviewer: No need, no need.

ZS sits properly again.

LKQ, grabbing the microphone to look at the placard on it: What is this for? (ZS: It’s Wen Yu Xin Tian Di. Alright.)

I will be putting the rest under a cut because it’s LONG.

Interviewer: Ok, so the group named Qin Shen Shen has finally reunited. Let’s start by saying hi to the viewers of Wen Yu Xin Tian Di.

(The next part has been translated in part 10/? ---- 0:19 to 1:00 in the vid. The questions concerned how they felt after reuniting and QSS replied that it was like nothing had changed)

Interviewer: Then, in the past months, have you been watching what the other’s been doing?

LKQ: Sure, one time or two. *quietly starts to laugh*

ZS, chortling: What does it mean, one time or two?

LKQ: I mean, messaging (each other). (ZS, understanding: Ah, ahh...) We did, we did, we did... (ZS: Yes, of course we contacted each other) Because recently...not recently-- this entire past year, a lot of things happened all around the world. (ZS: Yes) Whether in Hong Kong, or in the mainland...So, many times, we’d... check how the other’s doing.

(The next part is translated in part 10/? ---- 1:23 to 1:42 in the vid.)

Interviewer: Then, have the two of you been checking out the 2nd season of “Wo Men De Ge”?

Both: Of course!

LKQ: A show with such a high rate of viewership...you got to watch at least a little....There’s a 25 years old newcomer in there.

ZS, laughing: Aiya......he formed a new *whispers* Zuo Lin You Li now. *giggles* Can the mic pick this up? *whispers closer to the mic* Zuo Lin You Li.

(T/N: Alan Tam aka Tan Yong Lin keeps saying he’s 25 even though he’s like...70. He and Li Keqin are friends and they used to form a duo called “Zuo Lin You Li”, meaning, literally, “Lin on the left, Li on the right” So Zhou Shen’s comment is in reference to how Alan Tam joked that the Alan Tam/Li Jian group on S2 is the new “Zuo Lin You Li”).

Interviewer: Is there any performance that left a deep impression?

ZS, looking at LKQ: There are quite a few!

LKQ, nodding: Yeah, quite a few groups are really good.

ZS: Yeah, and all their arrangements are really great. Especially-- (with LKQ: Shi Tou!)

LKQ: Yeah, Shi Tou. I really like Shi Tou’s group. (ZS, talking at the same time: Shi Tou’s arrangements are *thumbs up* As expected, he’s Shi Tou) Whoa, the arrangements he does *appreciative sound*. That...that one recently... “Wang Qing Shui”. (ZS: Oh! Right, right, right.) It’s very good. Really, very good. And then...there’s also...that newcomer I was talking about just now -- the *using quotation marks with his fingers* “NEW ZUO LIN YOU LI”...

ZS, whispering again: Zuo Lin You Li.

LKQ: ....is not bad either. *giggles*

ZS: Is it just “not bad”...? ...Which “Zuo Lin You Li” do you prefer? *accidentally hits himself in the face with the mic and lets out a surprised shout, before holding his cheek* I really can’t talk nonsense after all! ;;;

LKQ, belatedly but with an abrupt reaction: What do you mean “which” Zuo Lin You Li????! There’s only one Zuo Lin You Li!!

ZS: ...I was wrong. That’s why I got hit by the mic just now. (LKQ: The other is a cover, a cover! *laughs*) Come now, this question should be asked by the interviewer. Three, two, one...

Interviewer: Then...teacher Keqin, do you feel like your position is being threatened?

ZS: Beating this much around the bush? Ask him in a more direct way. Three, two, one.

LKQ: Mm. One more time, one more time, one more time.

The interviewer actually doesn’t add anything, so LKQ replies:

LKQ: Uh, aiyo *closes his eyes to think* First of all, it’s completely different. I think.......two people........Actually, I talked about it with the School Director (Alan Tam’s nickname) on the phone many times. (ZS: Oh really!) He keeps saying “eh, how about the 3 of us perform once?”

ZS: What would that be called? “Zuo Lin You... Li Li”?

LKQ: “Zuo Lin Er Li” (T/N: literally, “Left Lin, Two Li”).

ZS: Oh... “Zuo Li Er Li”.

LKQ: Because it’s two “Li”s.

ZS: ... Is it not because you’re too “Er”? (T/N: the same “Er”, as in “two”, is also a term used to say that someone is silly / not very bright /a bit dense, if you apply it to describe a person. Not sure I am pinpointing the nuance correctly in English. Anyways, ZS’s face as soon as he says that:)

LKQ: .... *shrugs* It doesn’t matter. I think, in any case, music is about having more different collaborations with people. (ZS: Okay. *giggles*) Mm. I think so. *nods* Next time.

ZS (to the camera): Everyone can look forward to “Zuo Lin Er Li.” (LKQ: *laughs* Ok)

Interviewer: This time you’re singing two songs, one is “Tokyo Love Story”, the other is “Under Mount Fuji”. Can you tell everyone why you chose these two songs?

ZS: Well, first off, “Under Mount Fuji” is because I strongly insisted on it. (LKQ agrees) And I insisted on us singing the Cantonese version. Because I really like this song’s lyrics in Cantonese. It’s really, just...Because usually, when us people who don’t speak Cantonese listen to Cantonese songs, we’ll often look up the lyrics and be moved by them. And “Under Mount Fuji” is one of those songs. So I think, if I can sing with teacher Keqin, we must definitely sing this one. *smiles and puts hand over mouth* I keep on coming here to realise dreams.

LKQ: What he said just now, I never heard it before. (ZS: But it’s true!) I know! And...when he told me we should sing this song, I told him “actually, a few years back, I sang it-- (ZS: --on that show where he showed his mouth) ... *LKQ tries not to laugh* I actually sang it, is that ok-- (ZS, instantly pointing at the camera: Eh! Everyone look it up on the net, you’ll see how precise and accurate what I said is. Because his outfit and styling on that show is simply... “showing the mouth”.)

The styling at issue:

ZS giggles, while LKQ looks away and licks his lips.

LKQ, finally continuing: And then he told me that what we’d sing would be a version sung with harmonisation. That a version sung by two people is different. So I said “Ok lah, ok lah. Last time, I sang in Cantonese, this time I can sing it in Mandarin.” In the end, it’s still Cantonese.

ZS: Yes, because this, this, this *sighs* I just like it...

LKQ, interrupting (to the camera): It’s easier for me!!!!! OK.

Interviewer (to LKQ): Then, do you think his (ZS) Cantonese has improved?

LKQ: *thinks* (ZS laughs and puts the mic closer to his mouth) He doesn’t speak a lot.

ZS: *snorts* SINGING-WISE.

LKQ: Singing... It’s similar. (ZS opens wide eyes at him) It’s similar to my Mandarin!

ZS, shaking head: Oh that... (LKQ: Do you think I improved?) It’s way better than your Mandarin! (LKQ: Oh, really? I can’t tell at all!)

Both laugh.

LKQ: Okay lah~ (to the camera) His Cantonese is really okay.

ZS: As for teacher Keqin, what I didn’t know was that his Mandarin isn’t bad to the extent that...wait no. *bursts out laughing along with LKQ* (LKQ: It...it didn’t regress!) It’s not THAAAAT bad. Yeah, it didn’t regress too much. (LKQ: Not too much, ok) *motions with hand* A teeny bit. A bit. A teeny weeny bit. (LKQ tries to imitate the first way of saying ‘a tiny bit’ i.e. yi diu diu)

LKQ: There’s a second song: Tokyo Love Story.

ZS: Tokyo Love Story. Should be a song that’s part of many people’s memories.

LKQ: *motions towards different corners of the ceiling* Yeah. Many people. Many people’s memory (ZS follows his hands with his eyes, going ???) I actually didn’t watch that drama. It’s not even part of my era. (ZS: I didn’t watch that drama either but that song, I did hear it once or twice) Ohhh. It’s a nice song.

ZS: Yes, it’s a nice song. It counts as a challenge, actually.

LKQ: Yes, it’s a challenge. Because there’s a part in Japanese.

ZS, leaning towards LKQ but speaking into the mic: This time...this time teacher Keqin will sing in Japanese.

LKQ: Japanese is of course easy for you.

ZS: It’s okay, it’s not that “easy” either. But...(to the camera) teacher Keqin singing in Japanese is really cute.

LKQ holds onto the table and breathes in deeply.

Interviewer: How is it cute?

ZS: Mm, you’ll just know when you hear it. It’s just very cute. Super cute. Maybe it’s just... *giggles*

LKQ: I tell you...when things are being described with the word “cute”.....you need to go back and seriously re-examine yourself. (ZS, horrified: Haaaahhh?!) *bursts out laughing*

ZS, still horrified: People often tell me I’m very cute!! *holds chest*

LKQ: Hey! People always tell me “Keqin, your dancing is very cute”! (ZS: People tell me “Zhou Shen, you’re very cute as a person”!!) ..... Have you ever heard anyone say that Aaron Kwok’s dancing is “cute”? *looks at him meaningfully*

ZS, staring: .................... I don’t want to film this anymore.

LKQ: *giggles*

ZS, again in sudden horror: HAH?! (LKQ: Mm *nods*) ..............*calms down* I want to be serious. (LKQ: Mm.) In the future, when people tell me I’m cute, I’ll know what they mean...Okay.

LKQ: It means you have “room for improvement”.

ZS, at the same time (to the interviewer): Teacher, am I cute?

Interviewer: Super cute.

ZS pulls a horrified face.

ZS (to the interviewer): You haven’t been listening at all to our conversation, have you??? (to LKQ) Did you see? He just said I’m super cute -- you talk with him. *pushes the mic into LKQ’s hands and pretends to leave*

LKQ: *laughs* Come back, come back. (ZS comes back and sits) He said you have “room for improvement”. (ZS: Oomph!) It’s still good. Still good. You’re already very good (ZS, in a sharp squawking voice while pointing at LKQ: You’re defending him???) You’re already very good! Okay, okay.

Interviewer: Are there any obstacles to singing in Japanese?

LKQ: Whoa! *points at ZS* Well there definitely aren’t any obstacles for him, but for me... (ZS: Why aren’t there obstacles for me? There are!) I never sang in Japanese, and....

ZS re-adjusts the grasp he has on the mic, which makes it jump at little and causes LKQ to think he wants him to hold it. LKQ reaches out for it, but ZS backs off:

ZS, reassuring: It’s okay! It just fell a bit. (LKQ: Oh, oh, ok.) *makes the mic jump again to tease LKQ*

LKQ: I was in confinement, so I had a lot of time. (ZS makes the mic jump again) So I just practiced a lot. Also, my wife understand a little bit of Japanese. (ZS, genuinely surprised: Oooh!) Yeah, so I asked her everyday for advice. (ZS: Oooooh!) ...Yeah. So! If I don’t sing well, it’s not my problem. It’s hers.

ZS: My God. I’ve definitely learned that way of answering questions. (LKQ: It’s because she didn’t teach me well) *laughs* As expected, you can learn a lot from senior singers. (LKQ just sways impishly)

Interviewer: Then, Zhou Shen, why don’t you have any problems with Japanese? (ZS, instantly: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS)

LKQ bursts out laughing.

Interviewer: In the future, will you fulfil the netizens’ wish of seeing more of your interactions and more of your collaborations?

ZS: ? We have quite a lot of interactions? ... Maybe not on Weibo. It’s still okay, it’s not to the extent that we don’t interact at all.

LKQ: Do you need a bit more?

ZS: How so? Do we have to tag each other daily on Weibo? *laughs* That’s too tiring, each time I post on Weibo, I reply to the first 20 comments.

LKQ: Yeah, each morning after playing ball...ah! You can’t get up in the mornings.

ZS: Yeah...so...in the mornings don’t look for me.

LKQ: Your morning is my afternoon. (ZS: In the mornings, I’m not available) Yeah, after playing ball...

ZS: Ah! We should sing that song: *sings* “Your nighttime is my daytime~" -- you don’t know this song.

LKQ: If you sing “Like Daytime Fails to Understand the Night’s Darkness” (a song by Na Ying), then I know.

ZS, singing that song: You’ll never understand my sadness...!

LKQ, imitating, but exaggerating ZS’ hand movement: You’ll never UNderstand... UNDerstand!

ZS: Eh. Na Jie. You saw this right? This is what teacher Keqin said. *laughs*

#zhou shen #li keqin #qin shen shen #wo men de ge #wmdg2 #so I guess we WONT see more of their interactions and collaborations then #lmao #the whole part about being told that youre cute is just me yelling internally at LKQ 'WRONG ANSWER WRONG ANSWER'#qss trans #the amount of times these two talk over each other #...#watched s2e11 and it was pretty nice but Jesus I am missing these two already

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bitch-i-migth-be · 4 years

Text

Crash Course | Chapter 06: That one weird uncle-godfather-almost-parent-figure-thingy that refuses to go away because you're a walking disaster and they love you to pieces (sometimes literally)

Fandoms: Danny Phantom, Batman,

Relationships: Danny Fenton & Jazz Fenton, Danny Fenton & Jazz Fenton & Vlad Masters,

Characters: Danny Fenton, Jazz Fenton, Random ghosties mentions *boo*, Vlad Fucking Masters Everyone, OC.

Words: 5′195

Tags: Sibling bonding, Shenanigans, Swearing, Quasi Family dinners, cuddling, ghost core shenanigans, OC, Ghost King Danny, Vlad being vlad

Chapter Summary: Vlad.exe has started ‘the scheming’. These kids are tired. And another agent of Chaos is here.

A/N: I can’t believe I can get away with using that title.

Why is no one stopping me?

As the writer, I reserve the right to withhold information for now. Remember what I said about taking liberties?? Yeah, still doing that. Roll with me, pls-

Good news! This and another chapter more before Gotham! Fucking finally.

-.-.-.-

THIS IS ON AO3, IF ANYONE WOULD PREFER TO READ THERE. LOVE COMmENTs so if u have anything to say IwillBeReallyHappyYesThankU

CHAPTERS: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7

-.-.-.-

Vlad considered himself a man of simple pleasures.

If something caught his attention and would make him happy then he went and got it.

Not caring about what other people might think about his choices. If his happiness was on the line what other people had to say was irrelevant. Unless said people were influential enough to affect his future, in which case he had to tread carefully. But he never gave up on what he had put his sights on.

This way of thinking had accompanied him since he was a young lad and It didn’t seem like it was going to change anytime soon. If his experience with Jack and Maddie hadn’t made the trick he didn’t know what possibly could.

At the time, meeting Jack Fenton at the University of Wisconsin had opened the door to new possibilities. The man got so pumped up that he seemed to exude cheer all over the place, it was a sharp contrast to the dull family Vlad had left behind in his search for higher education, for something better than the leftovers they hoped would make him happy.

What Jack brought to the table was new. A field of study no one had ever researched before, not like this, not with proper scientific evidence.

So he had let himself get dragged along. Just to see what it was like. A shot in the dark, so to speak.

It was enough to intrigue him.

To the point that Vlad, who until that point was gunning for a major in business, had upgraded to a double major to include engineering, with a personal-extra-side of whatever the hell he needed to know to make sense of the things Jack kept spouting around like a complete madman.

With the proper knowledge, and even more intrigued, Vlad had come to realize that while Jack seemed like a goofball at first sight, there was some backbone to his theories. That had just sealed the deal.

And then Maddie came along. crashing into them with all the brilliance of a shooting star.

Madeline, who had been the cherry on top. Beautiful, passionate, and headstrong. Well on her way to becoming an amazing engineer with the meanest right hook Vlad had ever seen.

He had become infatuated. It was almost laughable how hard he had hit the ground running with that one.

It went downhill from there with him none the wiser.

They had shared hopes and dreams with Vlad in a way not even his blood family had. Become his best and only friends. And he was sure that with time and careful planning Madeline could become more.

Could anyone blame him for thinking this could be what a true family was like? For thinking that this was it.

They had been his everything, and as such he would have done anything within his power to lay the world before them.

Which made their betrayal hurt deeper.

He had failed to see, as submerged as he was in his little happy bubble and the research, the growing distance between them and him, the sneaking around, the way they had started to look at each other. The distraction that had lead to mistakes

Irreversible mistakes.

Ones they hadn’t stuck around for.

He had been a complete mess after that.

He had carried on. Once out of the hospital he has persevered and achieved everything that got on his way, and if he used a little bit of ghostly help that was no one’s business but his. And maybe he would have been happy with that, but there was always that little thorn that seemed to be stuck to his core. He had tried to play the fool. It hadn’t worked. And it wasn’t even his style, to begin with.

So when the opportunity presented itself to try and fix some of what he had lost in the past, he took it.

He had planned to barge in guns blazing. And he did. But he hadn’t been expecting the pair of scrawny teens he had been presented with. Much less for one of them to have been subjected to the same affliction that haunted his days. Just that the brat had it worse because it had been his parents who had half-killed him and not his best friends.

Vlad would find out later about what exactly happened in the Fenton’s basement and laugh bitterly while sipping cognac because that made it even more ironic.

He had thought about it long and hard. And decided to accept the child as his apprentice and honorary son. The kid was in urgent need of some proper training. A pair of meals for him and his sister wouldn’t hurt either — as blind as he had been back then, he was coherent enough to still recognize the mistake that was letting either of his ‘friends’ in the kitchen. — He was deliberately choosing to disregard their parent’s crime in order to help them.

He was amicable like that. Kind, even.

If only the ungrateful little badger cooperated.

jasmine, who had eventually realized what exactly was going on — The man had seen it coming from miles away, the girl was smart and her disaster of a brother kept stumbling around town as if he didn’t have a care in the world. It was distressing to witness. — and not just the surface passive-aggressive way they sniped at each other in public, would help him realize that he had been going all wrong about approaching Daniel.

He had been treating him like he used to treat the boy’s parents

The older Fentons had never treated him seriously, so he always had to find dramatic ways to make them go along with what he wanted. Come to think of it, he had done that with a lot of people…

So, he had unconsciously regressed to his college years. Never a good stage to revive. It had obviously led straight to disaster, and he might or might not have neglected his business in the meantime. Thankfully, Jasmine had taken it upon herself to snap him out of it. Trying to run for mayor in a town in the middle of nowhere. Him. A goddamned Billionaire. What was he even thinking?

Obsessions were a dangerous thing. He would need to be more careful in the future.

To summarize, Jasmine had been, as much as it pained him to accept it, most helpful in their little chats on how to deal with teenagers.

Now, he realized, the desire to keep striving for his beloved Madeline’s hand was putting a dent in his interactions with the little badger, and even his sister would show reluctance if he went a little too far. And if he wanted to educate this childr- child, educate this child properly, that was not going to help him to accomplish his goals.

He was a businessman. He knew when risks were acceptable. Knew what investments would not be profitable.

There was a reason he had managed to convince the University of Wisconsin to finance their research when there wasn’t any concrete proof of ghosts, a reason he had managed to become a millionaire. Other than sleight of hand. That is.

In the end, the final choice was pretty obvious.

Having his obsession slowly shift targets after meeting the kids had been quite the experience.

Especially because he, self-made billionaire, the man on top of everything, who had fingers in all of the biggest pies out there, The Vlad Masters Himself, had not seen it coming.

-.-.-.-

Vlad would love to say he exhorted the best place to eat out of the boy. But really. Once Vlad said he was paying Daniel was more than happy to shoot for the tastiest and expensive things the siblings normally couldn’t afford. Jasmine was not openly contributing to her brother’s effort to suck him dry of money, but she was not stopping him either.

He didn’t have any proof those two could communicate telepathically but by this point, he felt he didn’t need any. They probably had some sort of silent signals. The sneaky little shits.

The man didn’t mind. Not really. He got the brats all for himself, after all. It was a win-win situation.

“So,” he started with a hum “What happened with the box ghost?” Vlad inquired

The boy glared at him. Vlad smirked. Jasmine was making a great job at feigning deafness while looking completely done with them.

“I dealt with him accordingly.”Danny glowered, stabbing his burger with a fork. The billionaire wasn’t sure if that was meant to make a point or the teen went feral on automatic these days even with his food. “The fuck, Vlad. I thought we were in peace mode.”

“Excuse you, child. I didn’t have anything to do with that. It was just making a simple question.” Which was mostly true, Vlad wouldn’t lower himself to the point of using such an annoying ghost as a lackey. He just liked to poke fun at little badger “And even if I had, that was before I called a truce. It would have been completely valid.”

Daniel just grumbled, conceding the point, and continued mangling the food on his plate. The little heathen.

Having lost the attention of the boy, he took a sip of his drink and turned to look at the other sibling.

“You convinced them to do your research in ghosts, hm?”

“Not like it was hard.” she was eating at a more sedate pace than her brother, but still a little faster than would be considered appropriate in polite company. “Thanks to a pair of someones.” she sniffed at them. Danny smiled at her but kept his mouth closed and otherwise occupied with food. Vlad just hummed in quiet approval.

“Good job.” then he frowned. “But also, why?”

“Why what?”

“Not the best place you could have chosen to do that, is it now?”

“Maybe not the most agreeable, no.” She conceded, reaching over to take a napkin. “But it is the best place for my purposes.”

“Why though?” He insisted, hoping for a proper explanation.

“Why not?” she retorted, the picture of innocence taking another bite. Vlad sighed and rolled his eyes, he kept forgetting she could be as bad as her brother sometimes.

“Does it matter, old man? We are going anyway.” Daniel finally joined the conversation again, waving one of his french fries in an extremely judgy manner in Vlad’s direction “I didn’t pull all those strings in the zone for you to come complaining and think we are backing down just because you don’t like it.“

“Oh ho, strings, you say?” Vlad mocked, “Would that have anything to do with the reason why Skulker came to me seeking refuge with his tail between his legs?”

Daniel almost choked on his next bite. Enough that Jasmine started looking worried, most likely about whether or not she would have to use the Heimlich on him. She relaxed when her brother finally sucked some air into his lungs just to immediately start laughing.

“It does have some relation, yes” Jasmine took over for her brother, seeing as he was too busy making an impression of the lion king’s hyenas. It was a good thing they were in the more private part of the restaurant. “We, um, had to get creative.”

Vlad just raised both his eyebrows at her, and with a background of her brother’s cackles, she finally acceded to give in some ground.

“I have a theory, and frankly, it would be faster if I do this in Arkham. For a bunch of reasons I don’t feel comfortable discussing at the moment.” Jasmine offered, “Plus, seeing as Danny is insisting on tagging along and at the moment he can’t really afford to leave Amity for longer than necessary-” Hearing that made Daniel come back from his endless snickering.

“Hey! don’t try to pin this on me. This was all you-!”

After that, a free for all started between the siblings and Vlad stopped listening, feeling honest to the ancients offended. Couldn’t afford to leave longer? Please, Vlad could fix that in a jiffy, they just needed to ask- but nooo, the brats always had to go to the extremes for everything.

Although Vlad had to admit that Jasmine most likely had good reasons — If Daniel had said it, he wouldn’t even contemplate the validity of such a loose statement — for saying it would be faster doing it in Gotham- ugh, he had to stop himself from sneering just at the mention of the place.

He had decided to open a branch office for one of his companies in the damned city and it had been nothing more than a headache in the last years. He had opted to send people over from the other branches to take care of everything rather than hiring people from Gotham to fill the spots available.

After a pair of months of operations, it had become obvious that the place wasn’t working as smoothly as any of his other offices all over the world.

It seemed like his employees didn’t have the spine to deal with the city’s threats properly. And hiring more Gothamites, who were guaranteed to have a spine on behalf of being raised in the place, would just make the mess bigger without him there to supervise.

Which he hadn’t had the time to do.

Come to think of it, the only reason he hadn’t taken it into his own hands was because-

His train of thought stopped right in its tracks, eyes snapping open as he took a long look at the kids in front of him.

They seemed to have stopped discussing at some point, but the teenaged halfa was currently trying to steal some food from the plate of the young lady at his side. His sister, on retaliation, was moving her fork in an exaggerated stab motion to discourage her thieving little brother.

“Oh,” he uttered under his breath, as good as speechless and unable to take his eyes off them.

I didn’t take matters of Gotham into my own hands because of them.

The thought, and the implications that came along with it, struck him so suddenly that they left him startled enough to start laughing without care for present company.

Oh, this was too good!

Daniel was watching him warily. As if Vlad showing any kind of amusement was a sign of danger. Which, considering, was fair enough.

Jasmine just took the opportunity the distraction lent her to keep eating peacefully before her brother got any other funny ideas about food-thievery.

Vlad put his elbow on the table, interlacing his fingers so he could rest his chin on the joined hands, smirking and allowing himself to let out some random chuckles from time to time. Seeing the boy get all ruffled up was fun. Especially when he hadn’t done anything yet.

‘Yet’ being the keyword.

Oh, this was going to work perfectly after all.

-.-.-.-

After eating their fill and doing some more quasi civilized talking they finally got some dessert and the siblings took the opportunity to order some take-out to have for breakfast. It was never a bad thing to secure food beforehand, and Vlad had seemed agreeable enough.

Way too agreeable if you asked Danny. But food was food, and there wouldn’t be no looking at horses’ mouths in this household, no sir.

Vlad said his goodbyes claiming to have urgent business to attend to, and vanished into the night like the dramatic pseudo-vampire-ghost he had always aspired to be.

Why the man had bothered to come all the way to Amity Park if he had work to do was beyond Danny, but good riddance. His random giggles were starting to creep him out.

Once he was sure the fruit loop was not coming back and they were truly alone on the sidewalk, the teen turned around to his sister and found her stifling a yawn on her hand. A quick look at his phone confirmed that it was already pretty late, and having a full stomach always made Jazz get all lethargic on him. He would too, but that was why he consumed coffee religiously, unlike his sister who preferred the occasional vitamin drink.

So he resigned himself to playing pack mule yet again and let her lean on him so they could start their trek back home. A trek that would be slow as fuck, because Jazz kept insisting on using him as a pillow while they walked rather than focusing on using her feet properly.

She was lucky he loved her and had ghost cheat codes to support her weight, otherwise the night would have ended very differently.

Danny huffed and let her snug closer to him.

Now they just needed to sneak into the house without alerting their parents.

Yey.

-.-.-.-

Jazz had to give it to Danny, he was the best cuddle partner she could have asked for in a brother.

Though she could admit that her brother’s temperature could fluctuate wildly sometimes while sleeping because of his ghost-core-thingy or other random ghost power, whichever it was at the time had made it a little awkward for them to share sleeping quarters when one of them needed the comfort.

Luckily, they had found ways to deal with the temperature clashes. In summer it was easier to deal with them because in that season her brother’s often chilly nature was a complete godsend. Winter was trickier but there was nothing a pair of isolation blankets couldn’t manage, and when Danny’s powers decided to be contrary and transform him into a living heater, Jazz was more than happy to take advantage of it.

They had a few space blankets too, Jazz was pretty sure Vlad had gotten those just for Danny, but her brother had been rather tight-lipped about them, even if he clearly loved them.

So here they were, sprawled on the bed with Jazz’s arms firmly around her brother’s waist and half her face buried against his upper chest, rejoicing in the coolness emanating from the spot.

She had been awake for a little while but couldn’t make herself let go of her little bro. After they had sneaked in — after Danny had half-dragged her in — they had ended up crashing in her room. This for two important reasons, first because Danny’s room was still a mess after their parents threw all the equipment they could their way, and second because she had refused to let go of her newly acquired pillow. So her bedroom it was.

Ugh, she would get hungry eventually and would have to go downstairs for their breakfast effectively separating her from the cuddles. Jazz released a little grumble and buried herself deeper into the embrace.

The only up-side was that she would only have to heat their food and not make it from scratch. As long as she managed to avoid their parents and make it back upstairs she could rejoin her brother without interruptions and-

“Good morning, Princess Jasmine! ”

Wha-?

Jazz lifted herself and turned her head towards the voice so fast she immediately regretted it. There went her neck. she winced and raised a hand to carefully massage her nape. It would never work the same way again. At least she could see the source of the unfamiliar voice now and it left her perplexed.

There was a ghost on the window sill.

Why was there a ghost on their windowsill?

As a general rule, most ghosts tended to stay the fuck away from the Fenton house once they got out of the zone, so this development was very strange. Then again, Jazz had never seen this ghost before.

It was a female ghost, that was clear, and her hair-

Jazz had to blink a few times, completely awestruck at the number of colors her brain was trying to process at the same time.

She really had rainbow hair. What the-?

The apparent twenty-somethings female ghost had her hair done on a perfect half-up ponytail and displaying all the colors in the visible spectrum, she was clad in a cute summer dress that seemed to be patched up with- were those postage stamps? and a pair of lace-up sandals. She sat with one leg crossed over the other, a giddy smile stamped on her face. She was glowing. literally.

Meanwhile, Jazz had not bothered to change clothes before going to sleep or even tied her hair up into a bun, and now it looked like she had gotten trapped in one of her parent’s ghost traps. She managed to stifle the urgent need of running to the nearest mirror to tame down her hair as much as she could. She was feeling tacky all of a sudden.

Ugh. She felt like a hobo just looking at her. she had patches on her dress and she was still pulling it off. Maybe that was the ghost’s thing? making other girls felt like vagabonds with just her presence. Jazz blinked a pair of times, brain finally processing the other girl’s words, and becoming even more baffled by the living — animated? embodiment? — rainbow’s presence.

Had she just called her ‘princess’?

“Um, hi?” Jazz finally greeted her, she sent a look to her still slumbering brother and debated on whether or not she should wake him. On one hand, he had been running himself ragged the last weeks getting everything in order so she was reluctant to do it. On the other hand, there was a ghost on the window. A rather cute one, but still.

Choices. choices.

The redhead turned her whole attention towards the ghost again. Well, she looks calm enough, and has not set anything on fire or attempted any kidnapping yet, so-

“Sorry, I’m still rebooting. Do I know you?” Jazz went on, trying to get some sort of grip on the situation.

“Not really, but I have heard plenty about you.” the ghost beamed, just to falter suddenly and offer a chagrined smile “I must have seemed very rude.”

“My name is Iris.” She finally presented herself and jabbered on while pointing at the little cloth string bag resting on her hip. “I’m the Infinity Realms’ Official Messenger. And I have a few packages for both of you, my lady.”

“The Zone’s messenger?” Jazz parroted back. She had never heard about a messenger in the zone, but it was a rather big place and there were things even Danny hadn’t heard about, so it was a possibility. “And just Jazz is fine, thank you.”

The skittle girl just smiled. “Yes, I made the rounds earlier and there were some packages for the crown prince,” she said, confirming the reason for her presence in the room.

Ok. She could deal with ghosts addressing her brother with titles. And messengers? messengers were fine in her book. She could deal. She got this. Still-

“Danny was in the zone yesterday, though? Why would they wait until now and not just take advantage of his visit?”

“There are some fragile things in here, and your brother seemed to be getting- uh, quite busy yesterday,” she replied, clearly amused. “The senders didn’t want to risk it. So here I am!”

With that declaration, she opened her little bag and started to unload a staggering amount of packages and even some mail into neat little piles. Great, more things to pack. How some of them could get into such a tiny bag was a mystery, but that was probably just ghost zone physics. Or magic. Maybe both.

“Oh, thank you.” Jazz just conceded. It was better to just go along. Iris hummed in acknowledgment, still organizing everything and explaining to Jazz where each pile had come from and some extra information that the messenger had found interesting on her rounds.

She was quite lively for a ghost.

“Pandora in particular was rather twitchy yesterday about not catching your brother for a chat. Did you know she is having a gathering next month?” Iris gushed at her in low whispers, with all the air of a gossipy neighbor that couldn’t separate himself from their windows. “It’s a shame you will not be accompanying them for the festivities.”

“But Isn’t that just for amazons..?” Jazz asked from her seat on the foot of the bed, where she had moved to have a better view of the things the other ghosts had sent to Danny and her.

“Yes.”

“…I think I missed something.”

“Haven’t you heard?”Iris giggled. Getting a pen and notepad out of her bag and starting to write something down, she presumably used that to keep inventory. “You are both part of Pandora’s honorary amazons.”

The redhead’s eyes widened. “She can do that-?”

“I mean she is the Queen of the Amazons on this side of the pond, so-” the messenger replied, tapping her pen against her chin and looking up in thought.

“Wait, does that mean Tucker and Sam are honorary amazons too?” Jazz startled at the sudden sound of her brother’s voice coming from behind her. He was practically on top of her now, still looking half asleep but definitely awake now. She hadn’t even felt him move.

“Good morning, Lord Phantom!” Iris beamed at him from her spot on the ground among the still growing piles. “For what its worth, I think so, yes.”

Danny couldn’t help himself. He started cackling.

“Seriously, Danny?” She pursed her lips at him in disapproval.

“You don’t understand. They are going to flip, Jazz. Pandora can count me in.” He gushed, finally getting a hold of himself.

“She already did. Weren’t you listening to me, My Crown Prince?” Danny sighed.

“I did bubblegums. Sounds amazing.” her brother had already given her a nickname, or many for what she knew, so he probably had met the messenger before this. “So you were talking about some go-away gifts” Jazz sighed and rolled her eyes.

“They are called farewell gifts, Danny” jazz corrected.

“Whatever. It’s almost the same.” he waved his hand dismissively and looked down at what Iris had just laid down. “You got way too many things there. You are almost done or..? “

“Yep! I was actually just making time until you woke up.” She admitted sheepishly, lifting the last package that had come out of the bag and had been all by its lonesome amid the others and passing it along to the halfa. “Your Order is ready, Majesty!”

Jazz watched her brother extend a hand to take the package but his face reflected puzzlement at her words rather than excitement at finally receiving something he ordered.

“Direct from the FarFrozen and the Acropolis, Sir Casper!”

With those words, Danny seemed to snap wide awake, “already?” He didn’t waste any time in seating properly and opening the package. Jazz took the opportunity to peer into it.

“Jewelry?”

Danny jus hummed back in response and started examining the little jewelry box inside

“you ordered jewelry?” Jazz asked again, a little confused because even if his brother didn’t mind using the occasional accessory it was not like him to own them. Her brother —as well as herself — was more of a borrowing person “Ghostzone’s jewelry?”

“Yep.”

“why?”

“why not?” Jazz debated tackling him to the ground and tickling him until he talked, but considering they had company the redhead didn’t know very well yet and thus was not completely comfortable around, forcing Danny to spill the tea would have to wait.

The little shit probably knew it too and was openly smirking at her.

“hey, colorfalls?” Danny called to Iris

“Yes, winter pools?”

“Am I imagining things or this is way more than what I asked for?”

“The crafters outdid themselves, didn’t they? The Pan Queen said it happened because you ‘didn’t specify for shit so you better suck it up, brat.’ The Yeti-man said something too, but it was long and boring, so I forgot~” She ended sheepishly.

“Well, that’s helpful.”

“wouldn’t they have explained it in the letters?” Jazz offered, bringing his attention to the pair of envelopes under the probably-handcrafted box.

Danny grabbed them and grumbled. “Probably. But, ugh, reading.”

Jazz tried to snatch the letters from his hand. Danny dodged her lunge and moved the letters out of her reach.

“Thought you didn’t want to read them.” Jazz sassed.

“That I don’t want to do it, doesn’t mean I won’t do it. There is a difference, carrot cakes.”

“Well, get on with it then, cakesicle.”

They could have continued sniping at each other, as they were fully prepared to do so until Iris talked again.

“I better get going and leave you to it. Places to be, gossip to spread. You understand.” She declared with a playful smile and hopped up from the ground and attached her cloth bag to her hip again. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Jasmine.”

She made her way to the window waving her goodbyes as she went, the siblings waved back a little entranced by the sway of her hair.

Danny looked thoughtful, he seemed unsure for a moment and ended up waiting until the last moment to call after her.

“Hey,” The girl turned around to raise an eyebrow at him in question. Danny smiled at her and pointed a finger towards her little cloth bag.

"Do you think I could get one of those?”

-.-.-.-

“Jazz”

“Yeah?”

“How long was she here for before I woke up?”

“She-” Jazz stopped herself and really thought about it. “I, I don’t actually now? I think she was already sitting on the window sill when I woke up”

Her brother had gone suddenly quiet, watching intently through the window Iris had just left.

“She has a- quite bubbly personality. Good to know there is someone like her around.” She offered, trying to break the tense silence that had enveloped them.

“I once saw her knock-out Walker from a single blow,” Danny replied, finally turning to look at his sister. Jazz’s eyes widened.

“She what?”

“He threatened the network.” Danny deadpanned. “One does not simply threaten the network, Jazz” he stressed, seemingly trying to make the importance of a network she didn’t know anything about very clear to Jazz.

“…That sounds really ominous.”

“She moves around human merchandise in the zone.” Danny explained, “She has- umm, I think you could say she has a thing for humans.”

“…”

“I’m not telling you this to make you wary of her.” Her brother said after the lack of a proper answer, carefully keeping eye contact with her. “Walker was being an ass, he deserved it. Jolly Beans is very helpful around the zone. Has even helped me with a pair of things. A real pal, she is. But-” Danny sighed and ran one of his hands through his hair in exasperation.

“Just- Just don’t mess with her gossip mags ”

-.-.-.-

“Hey, Danny?” She probed, going through one of the ‘care packages’ that had been sent to them, “Do you think the ghosts know humans don’t wear these types of clothing anymore? They are cute, but-”

“I’m going to tell them.”

“Don’t you dare.”

-.-.-.-

ENDNOTES:

Say hello to Iris, everyone :)

She is one of my agents of chaos. She got the Job 5 minutes ago when she bitch slapped me with her bag and the pOssIbiLItieS.

(Not to be confused with intrepid reporter, Iris West, that might or might not appear here. )

-.-.-.-

Me, writing about sciency stuff, major and double majors like I know what I’m talking about: seems legit.

-.-.-.-

It’s fucking sad when the reasons you used to love someone end up becoming the same reasons you end up hating them.

-.-.-.-

I don’t remember if Vlad used Boxy as a lackey? If he did, let’s pretend he didn’t.

-.-.-.-

Vlad to Danny and Jazz through all this fucking fanfic:

-.-.-.-

The moment when your weird-murderous-uncle is actually more responsive to your ‘How-To-Parent’ talks than your actual parents.

Press F to pay respects.

-.-.-.-

I just want to let you know that one of the reasons Danny curses like a sailor is because he has a great respect for Pandora and that woman puts sailors to SHAME.

-.-.-.-

Did the show care about historical accuracy? no. Do I? That’s also a no.

-.-.-.-

The ghost jewelry will come back later to bite all of us. Be patient.

-.-.-.-

Danny is the Elsa to Jazz’s Anna.

-.-.-.-

UPdate on the JJ Ship!

I just imagined Bruce looking at this tiny (but feral) red-head psychologist interning in Arkham and seeing how good she is for Jason and just pulling a Mulan’s Grandma when Jason asks her to have dinner with them, like:

“WoulD YouU like TO sTAy FOREVEr?!?”

And Dick with, like, a banner and streamers behind him, fully supporting the notion.

And-aND! then on the eventual-some-years-in-the-future-engagement party:

Jazz: “Jay? Seems your family invited someone to help us celebrate the engagement.” Jason: “Really? Who?” Jazz *Opening the door that leads to the Mansion’s garden that is currently full to the freakin’ brim and deadpanning*: “Gotham.”

{(And all the fucking league. Let’s be real people-)}

Can u Imagine the wedding? The absolute chaos?? If you think the ghosts aren’t crashing the party or even demanding to hold a ceremony in the zone u are a FOOL.

bECAUSE If DanNo is theIr HighKING, Guess who is their MoTHErFUCkING PRINCESS.

It’s what she deserves.

My god, Jazz would look so pretty in a wedding dress.

I’m crying.

Danny would definitely sob.

Send tissues.

-.-.-.-

Great.

Now I want to write about the wedding and they haven’t even met in here yet.

*wishful sighing*

The struggles of a shipper-

-.-.-.-

These goddamned endnotes are getting bigger and bigger.

-.-.-.-

I’m still thinking over Danny’s SO. Guess who. Yes. You are right. It’s the Demon Spawn. You KNOW who I mean. I didn’t make them be a year apart in age just for the giggles. Like, I was aiming for Bros Wreaking Havoc when I started this but then The Shipper Feels struck me dead plus-if-Jazz-is-getting-a-wedding-out-of-this-then-why-the-fuck-not and here we are. What do u think?? Because it’s most likely happening. Though, this one is going to burn slowly, because these boys.

And, wtf. Why didn’t anyone tell me Bruce and Selina almost got married?? I don’t know what happened to prevent it but I cAlL foUl.

Who wants a wedding. I want a wedding.

-.-.-.-

Me: Writes like 40 pages of this fic Also me: They are random scenes in different chapters and I’m still struggling to wrangle everyone into some sense of order and coherency.

The first twenty-something chapters already have titles and brief summaries so that’s something?? I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel.

If you have ideas about things you would like to read about? Between the Bats and the DP Characters? Interactions and blabla? You can write them in the comments and I will see if I can fit some in :D

I have more or less decided where this is going, but I still need to enrich the chaps, SO, this might take a while. The good thing is that they will probably be way better now that I have Some Plot and I’m not just running blind all over the google doc.

-.-.-.-

Really, tho, if you have some headcanons about the characters? Bless. I need help with Steph and slightly less with Cass.

I have some plans for Cass. Steph is the one worrying me.

-.-.-.-

Chapter 9 will be their arrival to Gotham! I. am. happy.

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yaboylevi · 4 years

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Hi vivi, there's smth I didn't understand, about when Levi was ignorant about Erwin's true motivator then when he knew it. In the beginning he used to talk about freedom stuffs but after Shiganshina battle he almost didn't? Was those freedom stuffs related to his fake vision of Erwin?

Hey there!

Honestly, I'm not the best person you should ask this to. I'm pretty sure I've proven myself to be someone who does not understand Levi very well. Or maybe, what I understood of him was either wrong all along, or it is simply something I don't like anymore, and that I find pitiful (especially if this is all there is to it), after putting together all the pieces of his character arc until now and in light of more recent highlights of his character when paired up with his past.

For the sake of giving you my opinion, since you asked, I think Levi has lost himself, and that's why he doesn't bring up freedom at all. This is just my rough interpretation of a part of his psychology that I've never quite seen analyzed so I could just be wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tl;dr at the end.

I think he lost confidence in himself all the way back when Erwin made him think that Isabel&Farlan's death, his family, was his fault,

"A heavy sense of regret cut away at his heart, more sharply than the blades he held in his hands. Levi thought. That's right—what Erwin said was right. The one who's wrong was me. I lost a fight that I could've won; I'd even gotten my allies killed. The responsibility for all that falls on the one who'd made that decision…me." x

and so Levi made his life all about following Erwin and his superior, bigger goal, without knowing what it was, with the belief that it was something selfless and that he couldn't understand it simply because he himself wasn't worthy, was inferior. Just like Kenny thought he was inferior to Uri until the very end (but at least Levi had the much-awaited epiphany that no, it wasn't the case. Though I'm not sure if he absorbed the lesson or not - I think he didn't). Anyway in his mind, that goal he couldn't see could make all the sacrifices worth it, it made you a better person, one that had no regrets. And this, in particular, is Levi's biggest struggle - you'll always have regrets, but you can accept them if for the right cause. The moment this cause is no more because it was sort of a fraud, how do you deal with those regrets and sacrifices, how do you make them worth something again? -> simple, pick someone you hate, pin all the fault on them and kill them. This is what he's grappling with, currently.

He's been stuck there for 4 years because he was used to not having "mental autonomy". Erwin's idealized goals became his, simply because Levi considered himself inferior, without a worthy or right goal, only able to mess things up and causing others' deaths, so he should naturally follow someone superior. He gave up thinking for himself when he decided to follow Erwin, because Levi had lost faith in his qualities as a human - he got his friends killed, right? It was his fault, right? He can still think for himself and he has his own opinions, but when it comes to the future, or to making big decisions, he is unsure and scared and lacks confidence and so he leaves it up to Erwin, to following Erwin's orders. This is what I mean when I said he isn't used to "mental autonomy". Because he gave it up for the longest time. Why do I think so? Let's go back to ACWNR, the origin of our current Levi...in a moment of full despair and insecurity about his own decisions and decision-making skills, in my mind, it's like Levi gave up on himself and decided to put those skills and his strength at the service of Erwin's goal:

""All right… It looks like you have something that I lack. Until I know what that 'something' is, I'll go with you.""

What I get from this, and from what we have in the actual manga, it seems like Levi had thought Erwin's goal was a pure and superior one. He idealized Erwin and never really understood him. For years. He could accept all those deaths - of the soldiers they sacrificed together, and of Isabel&Farlan - only because he believed in this goal he didn't really understand and that he thought was a selfless one. He even sacrificed his own feelings. He disliked how Erwin used his soldiers as bait, but accepted every order because he believed in him and the goal he believed they shared.

In the end, he found out Erwin's goal had selfish motivations. He was shaken up and confused and disgusted initially. This is proof that Levi really believed in saving humanity, in freeing it. But then, since he was Erwin's friend, he decided to accept that the real Erwin and his idealized version of him weren't the same. And he chose to keep avoiding making choices and to keep believing in Erwin, for some reasons that I tend to identify into two categories: 1. Erwin was his friend, you tend to forgive and accept things in your friends that you wouldn't accept otherwise, even if you disagree (and Levi disagreed plenty); and 2. Levi's delusion had to go on or he would feel the weight of all the sacrifices he made and he would get crushed - he wasn't ready to decide for himself, so he chose to still follow Erwin. In the end, he was forced to in RtS by circumstances when Erwin failed to make the call for Levi like he used to, failed to give him orders. When Levi tells him to die with the recruits, you can see on his face that this is the first time in a very long time that he actually takes full responsibility for those lives. Before that, I feel like he halved their weight because they were all Erwin's decisions, not his, he was merely following orders for a greater cause.

So, yeah, I think Levi had given up making important decisions (outside of the immediate ones in moments of dangers/on the battlefield), and then he was forced to make 2 very important ones in RtS all of a sudden. After giving up his "freedom" to Erwin's orders and decisions and goals, he was thrown back into reality full force. Making choices is hard and painful. He already knew (that's the whole point of him avoiding having to make them), he is aware of it on a personal level and he directly acknowledges this when dealing with Eren and imparting his lessons to others. But it's actually quite ironic because he always followed Erwin's orders to a T (even when he felt strongly against them), successfully avoiding choosing. In my opinion, his blind belief in Erwin was exactly the result of Levi never properly dealing with his own guilt re: Isa&Far. Because of it, he ended up thinking he's unfit to make choices. So he left the task to someone he deemed more capable and superior (and this is how the whole "Ackerbond" thing was described, basically, but you need to add to it Levi's self-deprecation and feelings of inferiority caused by his guilt, which make the whole thing even more codependent imo). The two decisions in RtS ("Give up on your dream and lead the recruits to hell" and the serum choice) meant he was responsible of the death of almost all the SC and also of their Commander. With how the situation is now in the manga, he may feel even more guilty. Because of those 2 choices, and of his failure at killing Zeke in Shiganshina, they're in this situation: Hange can't lead them, Zeke played them like a fiddle, the SC has never been this corrupted and divided. (For the record, I don't think Levi should be considered fully responsible for this bc it would just take away agency to all the other characters involved, but he sure did nothing to help the situation, that we know of.)

Hence why he's so hellbent on repaying those lost lives and on destroying Zeke, even if killing Zeke wouldn't mean victory for their current situation. Even if those deaths have already been proven to have been useful, not in vain. He's obsessing about this, not seeing past it, not seeing the freedom he was striving for before, because of his inner demons (his guilt and his insecurity about his own ability to make choices). That's why he's always there in the background doing nothing, barely expressing his opinions about the circumstances they're in. That's why his only two modes are conflicted and violent, because he's lost, and he has regressed in the sense that he thinks he can solve anything with violence like he used to. I'm glad the story has proven him wrong. Hitting Eren has amounted to exactly nothing. Being viciously sadistic with Zeke only blew up in his face (ah! sorry...).

I'm not saying he needs to repress his feelings. But everyone has condemned Connie's violent and irrational behavior (caused by pain and confusion) recently, but nobody can acknowledge the problems in Levi's behavior, though it is just very similar to Connie's. The difference is Levi is an adult and should technically act more like it. But I guess his development has been stalled since he met Erwin, because as I said, he gave it all up just to avoid dealing with his own feelings and responsibilities, something that would've made him "grow up" emotionally. So I really really hope he'll finally have this growth he needs to undergo, next time we see him. Just like I hope there is a positive resolution to Connie's internal conflict.

tl;dr: I think Levi really did care for humanity's freedom, he wasn't just parroting Erwin's public speeches. That's why he was disappointed in Erwin, because he implicitly did come to care about their freedom, as he explicitly said to Eren. However, he lacks confidence in his long-term decision-making skills, so he's focusing on the past, rather than the future. The only time he chose something that impacted the future was in RtS, and that "future" he's living in right now seems hopeless, probably also because of his choices (or so he may believe unconsciously). So I think he's been obsessing about the past and his past choices in particular, though this just stumped his growth, made him regress and actually made it impossible for him to create a vision for the future for himself - hence why he never brings up ANYTHING about the future of the island in a positive way like he did before...he doesn't have the confidence to believe in anything regarding their future atm; meanwhile, in the past he gained that confidence through following someone else's leadership. Some find it pure or romantic, I find it looks like codependency. If he managed to kill Zeke, he wouldn't have had anything else going on for him and this is...not a good look for a character, simply from a narrative pov. That's why I knew he would've never been able to kill Zeke and there was zero tension in their most recent fight for me.

In general, though, Levi has directly brought up freedom only once, to Eren. He has always fought more for individuals and to repay their sacrifices (almost as a self-inflicted punishment/strife to atonement for what happened to his friends). But I agree that we all were under the impression that he had the goal of freeing humanity inside the walls. This is also why I say I may have been wrong all along about him, and I have never truly understood him.

Why do you think he doesn't bring up Freedom anymore?

#shingeki asks #Anonymous

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atamascolily · 4 years

Text

lily liveblogs “terminator 2: judgment day” for the first time, part 3

(First and second parts here and here, respectively)

I like that Miles Dyson is a black computer geek, a manager, a programmer, a rich man with a wife he clearly adores. It's just sad that he's also going to destroy the world, and is on a collision course with our heroes. I think that's the point - that good intentions/ideals/not being a terrible person don't save you from doing terrible things...

Miles' computer has a sign taped to the top saying "BIT HAPPENS" aaaaahhhh, he's such a nerd, I love him... except his subsequent speech to his wife makes clear he is so determined to perfect everything and not really consider the consequences, aaahhhh. but he does turn off the computer and go spend time with his kids, and the family is really cute together, so he's very very human and relatable.

(this movie is so freakin' relevant in 2019 on so many levels, I can't even)

Sarah is still wearing her psych ward clothes under her jacket, just like Kyle did for most of the first movie, parallels...

I love Sarah's expression when Enrique offers the T101 booze, and she just grabs it and drinks it out of the bottle, like WE DO NOT WASTE ALCOHOL ON ROBOTS IN THIS HOUSE, ENRIQUE. lolololol.

OH MY GOD SARAH'S WEARING ALL BLACK AND A TANK TOP NOW AND I CANNOT GET OVER HOW AWESOME SHE LOOKS

"Just drop by anytime and totally fuck up my life, all right?" - this franchise in one sentence

Of course the T101 isn't going to survive this movie, and we learn this in a literal Chekhov's Armory. oh, and there's a big, fucking gun. I'm sure we'll see that again.

Sarah's biceps continue to be amazing, all those pull-ups paid off big time. I'm in total awe.

Male bonding with engine repair. it's endearing. John blames Sarah for telling potential father figures about Judgement Day and scaring them off. Poor John just wants a father. GOD I WISH KYLE REESE HAD SURVIVED.

Just realized the only reason John knows how to re-program a T101 is because his younger self did it again when they sent that same T101 through time. HISTORY CREATES ITSELF, THE FUTURE CREATES THE PAST, IT'S ALL ONE BIG, STABLE TIME LOOP.

Sarah watching John with the T101 and realizing it's the perfect father for him. I'm surprised there aren't AUs where she starts sleeping with the T101, too, for similar reasons. Kyle Reese would be spinning in his grave...

I was hoping for another Michael Biehn scene when Sarah falls asleep, but no, it's that playground again...

OH GOD, that woman in the dream looks just like her in the '80s, and she's even wearing a dress that looks like the waitress dress... holding a kid and living a normal life... ahhhh, what Sarah really wants (even though she's a badass on the outside and so strong and competent). I don't know how I feel about this. Like on the one hand, Sarah has massive PTSD, and this is a totally valid thing for her to want, and on the other hand, given how this film keeps treating women, it feels kinda regressive?? Sigh.

Then she burns and everybody burns when the bomb goes off... this is James Cameron's signature nightmare image and it's ours, too, now... callbacks to the first movie and the liquid melting flesh of the new Terminator....and Sarah’s photo burning, ahhhhh.

There's all this destruction, but no blood. That's the thing I notice most about this movie--there's just as much violence as the first film, but it's all CLEAN violence... hardly any blood at all. Horror is bloody. Action is not. I don't think I realized that fully until I watched these two films back to back.

it's too bad Sarah couldn't see a real therapist instead of Silbermann for all this time, because she has such a tremendous case of PTSD.

She drives off without saying good-bye to John, he's supposed to go to safety, but of course he won't.

John says that his father told Sarah there's no fate but what we make for ourselves, which is technically true since he said it to her in this movie, but didn't SHE say that to HIM? Oh, right, it's a message from John that he gives to her so she can give it to John later so he can give it to Kyle. Right.

Why is John so upset that Sarah is trying to change the timeline after all? Because he might not be conceived? I doubt he's thinking about temporal loops here? Or does he think he can help her? Or because he thinks she’s crossed a Moral Event Horizon by going after Dyson?

T101 is like, "dude, your mom's probably right," and John's all, "I don't care!" RIGHT YOU STUPID ASSHOLE, you're going to let millions of people die instead?? You can tell he hasn't been fighting at all yet.

I'm all Team Sarah here. John Connor has yet to convince me why he's in the right here. Why shouldn't Sarah try to shift them onto a better timeline if she can? Especially since it’s not 100% clear what her plan is??

(And if she's wrong, then her actions were necessary in order to create the original future, so... it gets complicated to sort out. I get it.)

Okay, she’s at Dyson’s house. She's going to try to kill him, but she doesn't really need to kill him, just destroy the Terminator chip he's using as a model. She's basically become a human version of the Terminator now, because Cameron loves his parallels...can she not see there are other options?

Speaking of which, there's a radio controlled toy truck that Dyson's son is driving through the house, lol.

Yup, there's a red laser guide beam just like the T1 did to her. And she's going to see Dyson with his kid and think better of it, because she yearns for innocent time with her own kid (that she didn't have because she was training for the future).

NOPE, she shoots him, but he ducks when the car hits his foot, and he hides behind his desk just like Sarah did in T1. The circle is complete. She's even firing automatic rounds like the first Terminator did. SHE’S BECOME THE ENEMY NOW.

Sigh, the first time Sarah talks to a woman in this movie, and she's calling her a bitch and telling her to get down on the floor after she's shot her husband. I hate this so much.

She can't shoot him. His wife and son are watching and she realizes what she's become. She's doing to Dyson what the Terminator did to her.

The fact that Dyson, who is black, got his home shot up by a white woman and nearly killed while his family watched in terror is... not a great image, and I can only imagine what must be going through their heads right now.

Dyson recognizes the metallic hand once the Terminator strips its skin off. Wow, what a gory move to prove the truth. effective, though.

"You're judging me on things I haven't even done yet" - Sarah's face here when Dyson says that.

Sarah has no patience for Dyson's protestations of innocence: how could you think that eliminating humans from the decision-making process would go well? She says "Men like you--" and all I can hear is "patriarchy".

The difference between Dyson and Sarah is Dyson did his invention purposefully, whereas all Sarah was supposed to do was have a kid. She could have died once John was born and it wouldn't necessarily have mattered, because her role is finished (just like Reese could die). Still, her line, "You don't know what it's like to really create something" is so IRONIC in this context... would men feel the need to create weapons of war if they could create life like women do??

I hate teenage John shutting Sarah down, because she's right, if not tactful, and I'm so tired of people dismissing Sarah and even her own kid is treating her like a crazy person when she’s just so goddamn tired and haunted by visions of the end of the world.

Tarissa (Dyson's wife) asks the smart question: Aren't we changing things now, just by having this conversation? Dyson says, no way I'm finishing this now that I know. Would that the future worked like that.

god, why didn't Sarah just bring the Terminator with her as proof she wasn't crazy? Why did she have to shoot Dyson BEFORE all this?? why wasn’t she thinking outside the box? sigh. she’s not stupid.

They go to Cyberdyne headquarters and Sarah is wearing a jacket like Kyle’s, oh my heart. Dyson is taking this amazingly well--we were right to like him--but I'm pretty sure he's not going to survive the movie. Although since this is action and not horror, maybe he has a chance??

I like the contrast between the security cams in the state hospital and the Cyberdyne building. Glass doors, too.

Oh, the T1000's going to be waiting for them because he knew they would show up here because IT IS WRITTEN. I wonder if he's hiding in the floor somewhere like he did before??

Dyson might be able to get out of this by claiming Sarah and the T101 forced him at gunpoint to break in, assuming he survives.

Good thing John is a budding hacker!! He can open the doors when the guard trips the alarm and locks the doors.

John knows EXACTLY WHAT SARAH MEANS when she warns him about "fire in the hole".

I like how the mechanical factory of the previous movie is now a sleek and shiny '90s lab with computers and chips and things. And now they have a collaborator on the inside who's working with them to take it down instead of being totes on their own.

The T1000 is at Dyson's house. How did he track them there? Did Tarissa call the police?? But he gets the police call about the raid of Cyberdyne, so hopefully Tarissa and her kids survive the night.

Parallels to the police helicopters and cops in the parking lot with the human beings on the ground vs. the machines in the opening.

Cyberdyne is using literally the same locking software as the bank ATM, lol.

ahahahah, it's a remote control to set the bombs off, because even more parallels, lolololol

oh, hey, there's the big fucking gun with a freaking mountain of automatic bullets. Ironically, the name for this monstrosity is "mini-gun". somehow, he shoots all the cars and doesn't kill anyone - he's just that good a shot!! Just enough to make the cops get clear. Then he shoots the cars to make them blow up. CLEVER.

Of course John doesn't destroy the chip once he gets it out of the safe, because where's the drama in that??

SHIT. THE POLICE SHOOT MILES AS THEY ENTER THE ROOM FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK I HATE THIS. They don’t even try to save him, or seem aware that Sarah might be using him as a hostage. and of course he's got the detonator in his hands, too.

all this shattered glass reminds me of the police station sequence from T1, but it's way less of a slaughter.

T101 busts through the clean room to save Sarah, just like he did the mall walls before.

Miles dies. His hand drops. The building explodes. GOD DAMN IT I LIKED HIM WHYYYYYYYY.

"we got a war zone here"-- oh, you just wait. Probably there's going to be Judgement Day anyway and Miles died for NOTHING. *sob*

Okay now the T1000 shows up.

"I'll be back," says the T101, because of course he does.

Good thing they brought an oxygen mask to a gun battle!!

The T101 is so creative. He won't kill you, but he'll still shoot you in the legs, and it will hurt like hell.

lol, the T1000 literally rides in on a flaming motorcycle OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE. He even takes it up the staircase WHAT.

meanwhile the T101 is firing tear gas, and then pulling peoples' masks off. Then he drives a truck back into the building to pick Sarah and John up.

THERE'S ONLY ONE GODDAMN CASUALTY IN THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE AND IT'S THE BLACK GUY, WHO WAS A FUCKING GOOD GUY, I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS!!! All the white cops get to live, but not the black dude who was an actual character. FUCK THIS.

T1000 rides his motorcycle off the edge of the building and hijacks the helicopter to chase after John. He tells the pilot to "Get out" and the guy does, but idk if he survived? OWWWWWW.

John tells Sarah of course he'll stay hidden behind the bullet-proof vests, but of course he doesn't.

Yeah, John was getting shot at by intelligent machines from the sky long before it was cool. No wonder he's the leader of the resistance... he was literally trained from birth for this! Plus, you know, he had help. From the future.

Sarah gets shot in the leg, owwww. The helicopter rams the truck and crashes. So does the truck. This is just like the bridge scene in T1, isn't it?

Ohhh, a gas truck showed up, so YEAH THINGS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE. Oh, it's liquid nitrogen, not gas, does that make a difference? Oh, maybe that has an effect on the Terminator melting metal??

Both the dudes who stopped to check on them are going to get killed... yeah. Sigh. Oh, one of them went over the edge, he might have survived.

Pity anybody who is on this road tonight, 'cause it's clobbering time!!

Oh, good thing John knows how to drive! And they take the off-ramp, just like they did before in the river chase.

Oh, good, just bust through the gate into a random factory, that always goes well. Ah, drive right into the middle of a molten steel pour. EPIC.

Liquid nitrogen everywhere. This is so going to be relevant in a moment.

Good, all the workers flee. Fewer casualties that way.

The liquid nitrogen makes him frosty and metallic. He's literally shattering. This can't be the end, though, because we still have at least twenty minutes left.

The T101 shoots him and he shatters. But doesn't each piece keep hunting??

Yup, the hot steel is melting the nitrogen, he's coming back.

John's carrying Sarah just like Sarah carried Kyle at the end of T1... and the T1000 comes out of the liquid in the same pose as it came into the past...

Sarah's hair is loose and crazy-looking, and she's also lost her agency since she's been shot and in shock. Symbolism is not lost on me.

Now the T1000 starts mimicking the scenery. Now they're in the part of the factory with machines. t101 stays behind. John's going to lose his father-figure again, but find him in the future again I guess?

Oh, the T101 gets his hands trapped underneath a giant gear, IRONY. And the T1000 just literally rolls its eyes and walks away because it doesn't give a fuck about anything but John. T101 hacks off his own arm, while Sarah and John stumble up more stairs just like T1. God, I hope Cyberdyne doesn't find that arm stuck in the machine gears and destroy the world with it... JUST LIKE LAST TIME.

Sarah puts John on a conveyor belt while she stays behind to fight. JUST LIKE T1.

She shoots a literal hole in his head and it doesn't work... no blood, just cgi silver stuff... and this is simultaneously horrifying and yet cheapening the effect of real blood/bullets, etc...

He pins her to the wall. All he needs is to touch her. He tells her to call to John - he can mimic her voice, of course this was coming...

But the T101 intervenes! Now he's getting rammed with a hydraulic press, just like last time. Crawling towards him, just like before... but he gets stabbed again and shorts out. Good thing Terminators are hard to kill.

T1000 takes Sarah's form and starts calling for him. God, this dude must be so freakin' paranoid as an adult knowing this. Actual Sarah shoots Fake Sarah and he transforms back into his usual form. He doesn't say anything, just waggles his finger at her, and it is is scarier than any one-liner possibly could be.

"Get down!" -arc words, apparently, since that was also what happened in the beginning. The T101 shows up and shoots the T1000 back into the pool of molten metal and then it's really over. But not before he turns into a CGI silver monstrosity first.

Chorus sings the Terminator theme slowly and dramatically while the thing transforms into every form it's ever taken, including Sarah because we needed more symbolism of Sarah's face melting in flames in this franchise. Oh, wait, no, I think that was the only one we didn't see. Wow.

Oh, man it's like being at the fires of Mount Doom when John tosses the first Terminator arm from T1 into the molten pit. Of course a piece of the chip has broken off somewhere - they should have destroyed it in the lab!! Sigh.

The T101 has to toss himself in to prevent anyone else from finding the chip. ahhhh, John has to sacrifice what he loves for the world. Sob. So much for being a happy Terminator family together, except in fic. And it doesn't matter because of that goddamn missing piece *sob* Miles' death, this... for nothing if anyone finds that missing chip piece. AAAAAAH.

"I can't self-terminate"--wow, that means Sarah and John have to do it themselves, EVEN WORSE. John is pulling a Frodo and screaming a lot.

Wow, Cameron managed to make us feel AWFUL and SAD at the death of a Terminator. Well played, sir, well played. John cries. T101 and Sarah shake hands. It's all so moving. fuck.

ONCE AGAIN, SARAH PRESSES THE BUTTON TO KILL HIM OMG. John is forced to watch someone who came from the future to protect him, whom he came to love dearly after just a day or so of knowing him, DIE IN FRONT OF HIM, just like Sarah in T1.

GOD IT'S SO HOPEFUL AN ENDING, BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT MISSING CHIP CHUNK, DAMN IT!! And the, uh, severed robot arm the T101 left behind? We end the movie in pretty much exactly the same space as we began - with an arm and a chip unaccounted for. I do not find this hopeful.

#Movie Reviews #terminator #terminator 2

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shinnystars · 5 years

Text

Fic Rec Days - Harry Potter x Severus Snape

Surfacing by avioleta | E | 28k

Harry’s back at Hogwarts. Severus is back in the Potions Lab and everyone is just trying to find some semblance of normal after the war.

The Only Witchcraft by ptyx | E | 8k

In the final battle against Voldemort, Snape saves Harry's life and loses his magical powers.

Brewing glory by Lomonaaeren | M | 6k

Harry never thought his lack of a Potions NEWT would conspire against him... he reluctantly begins to study with Snape.

The Return of the Prodigal by Lachesis M 27k

When Harry is tossed backwards in time through a magical accident, he has no choice but to return the hard way. One day at a time.

Escaping the Paradox by Meri E 35k

After Harry is thrown back in time to 1971, he has several choices to make.

Stargazer by Lomonaaeren | M | 34k

There is no Boy-Who-Lived; Albus Dumbledore defeated Voldemort and destroyed his Horcruxes. Harry grows up as an ordinary boy—a very ordinary boy, with barely more magic than a Squib. He sets out to prove himself, but in private, because he doesn’t want to see the disappointment in everyone’s eyes if he fails. And that leads him to a very strange relationship, mediated by stubbornness on both sides, with Severus Snape.

The Joyous Kind of Living by Lomonaaeren | M | 10k

After the war, Potter is the only one to treat him with respect. It’s perhaps inevitable that Severus falls deeply, slowly, in love.

Anniversary by RaeWhit | E | 30k

After Voldemort is defeated on Harry’s eighteenth birthday, the Headmaster makes a deathbed request: that Harry and Snape spend the anniversary of that victory alone together, every year.

Cell Biology by Aucta Sinistra | M | 5k Close quarters and low temperatures and a manipulative headmaster.

Hollow by Aucta Sinistra | E | 26k

After Voldemort’s defeat, Snape comes to Harry for help.

Quid Pro Quo by Aucta Sinistra | E| 28k Harry’s cursed, and he comes to Snape to ask for a cure.

Scratch by Aucta Sinistra | E | 54k Snape tutors Harry, Harry faces Voldemort, Snape and Harry do the nasty, blah blah blah. Same old thing. Oh there’s a cat as well.

Beech Hall by Aucta Sinistra | E | 28k Dumbledore sends Snape to Harry’s manor for his own protection.

Pariah by Aucta Sinistra | G | 13k

Snape pursues Harry.

Acceptable Weakness by dreadingnought | E | 21k

Draco tries to get even for his father ending up in Azkaban, and Harry needs a rescuer when none can be reached.

The Care Of Infants by Perfica E 17k

A curse from Voldemort regresses Harry to infancy. Snape must protect him while the Order tries to find a way to reverse the spell.

The Serenading and Seduction of Severus Snape by lightgoddess | M | 8k

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A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow by BelleRN | G | 29k Hogwarts has never had professors like Harry and Draco. Headmaster Snape doesn't know whether that's a good or bad thing.

I Was Wondering If by parsnips (trifles) | M | 1k

Severus Snape was by no means a man without humor.

The weight of a beating heart by Lilian M 20k

Harry gets captured by Death Eaters while "camping". They throw him into a cell to wait until Voldemort gets to him. However, Snape is also there as a prisoner, and he tells him about the prophecy. A story of love, friendship, and Severus Snape's heartbeats.

Tempus fugit by cathcer1984 E 33k

When Harry is thrown back in time, he falls in the middle of a Death Eater meeting. Voldemort recruits him, without fully giving him a choice. He will never truly help Voldemort, however. Severus is intrigued by this time jumper.

Life Before by Willidan M 51k

Harry’s been having some interesting dreams lately. But he’s not the only one.

Five Steps to Surviving Cabin Fever by hippocrates460 | E | 6k

Harry's worst nightmare comes true, instead of spending his days off lounging around his apartment he's been called in for a case. It all gets worse when the case drags on for longer than expected and Robards decides he'll need help.

Last Chance (or) The Chosen Two by chrmisha M 8k

It’s the night before the final battle and Harry Potter has one last chance to act on his desires.

Once More With Feeling by semaphoredrivethru | T | 10k

Snape wondered how it was that he had managed to land with a lapfull of student after coming through with the portkey. Or how he had managed to get said portkey jammed between his hip and his tailbone. At least it distracted him from the fact that Harry seemed incapable of extricating himself without rubbing Snape in a way that would be considered the right way if Harry weren't his teenaged student.

The Boy Who Died A Lot by starcrossedgirl | E | 71k

Harry’s always been known as The Boy Who Lived. Only Severus knows that this is a lie. (Or: a portrait of Severus Snape, in seven acts.)

The Perils of Misunderstanding by Cithara 6k T

Harry and Severus are both teaching at Hogwarts, and Dumbledore finally has enough of their constant war of antagonism and its effect on the Hogwarts staff. He decides to take drastic action to get them to confront exactly what it is that's going on between them.

Seeing Tomorrow by wenyuewen T 13k

After Voldemort's defeat, Harry discovers a hard truth - seeing the future really sucks.

Fucking Exams E 7k Greenie (orphan_account)

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Winter Song by amanitamuscaria | G | 6k

We'll have to find you somewhere else, there are just too many cases of Frenzy Flu at the moment," Madam Pomfrey says. "You could come and stay with me." Harry sees Snape draw back involuntarily. "No, not at Grimmauld, I'm renting a place. In Muggle London. There's space, and it's quiet."

Expecting someone else by LoveRoundWorld | G | 3k

Having abused children at Hogwarts is not a new thing. But it never gets easier when you recognize the signs. And he can't help but to notice them in his Best Friends-Lily's, son.

Burying the Past Cayendi E 6k

Following his yearly ’ritual’ to drown his memories, Harry is too drunk to realise what he’s doing. But did he make a mistake or did he start something he never wants to end?

Potterzine by Writcraft @thehoneypotofsnarry E 10 k (check out other works by this author!!)

When Severus Snape finds a fanzine with a picture of Professor Potter in a compromising position with Draco Malfoy on the cover, he confronts Potter about the offending literature. Severus probably should have looked inside, because it turns out some of Potterzine’s writers have a different suitor in mind.

Life Has Just Begun by Writcraft E 6K Harry has been carrying the weight of his secret desires for a long time. Severus is there when he’s finally ready to talk.

The Mathematician's Premise Vasaris E 6k It has been a decade since the Dark Lord was vanquished. It is time to bring Harry Potter home. One would think it would be easier.

Harry Potter and the Pillars of Truth E 16k Vasaris [archived by HPFandom_archivist]

Seventh Year and the Final Battle are approaching. Prequel to The Mathematician's Premise. HPSS (eventually), RWHG, other pairings. Rating for future chapters.

True Minds by Tara Tory | T | 38k

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Ripples by darkling M 6k

Harry tries to deal with his trauma in the best way he can find. Severus is not amused.

Dreams and Coconut Crème Caramel by Lychee E 6k

Harry has a fantasy, a dream that he wishes could come true. Then one night in the kitchens, with a nice helping of coconut crème... and a Potions Master…

The Bet by DarkCorgi | M | 4K

One Shot. Severus and Harry have a little wager.

You Look Just Like Your… by Ravenclaw_intheTARDIS_inWonderland | T | 18k

Harry had had enough of hearing he looks like his father. So he does something about it. Severus has been gone for eight years, and wants to know who the red head next door is.

Playing with Matches by emynn | E | 13k Harry Potter finds no greater happiness in life than helping others fall in love. But he can’t quite seem to summon that same joy when Severus Snape shows up and asks him to find his match.

The Will of Vampires by beren | E | 8k

Snape disappeared a year ago, now the side of the Light find out what happened to him, and the price the vampires are demanding for their affiliation.

Addiction by Lizzy0305 | E | 16k

After the battle of Hogwarts, one more secret is revealed to Harry Potter. During his 8th year in the school, Harry intrigued by this newly found information, tries to get closer to his Potions Professor however Snape seems to ditch off all of Harry’s efforts with his trademark smoothness and elegance.

In Between Days by atrata | E | 68k

Snape kidnaps/rescues a clinically depressed Harry from the Dursleys, but nothing is quite what it seems.

In Thrall by Ruhgozler E 10k Neville strikes again in Potions class and Harry and Severus pay. Harry thinks Sev is his "Master".

Stargazing by NestingHedwig_aka_LinW | E | 10k

When a potions accident de-ages Severus days before the Christmas holiday, Harry tries to make the time special for him.

Dreams Can Change by jhgoddess | M | 6k

Harry doesn’t take Severus’ leaving very well.

Magic and Mixology at McCauley's Pub by NestingHedwig_aka_LinW | M | 8k

A new bartender shows up in Harry's favourite bar. He looks vaguely familiar, but only if viewed from the corner of the eye. It's just enough to spark Harry's curiosity.

Cadbury by riffraff84 | E | 20k

All new Gryffindor quidditch players must attend initiation and the after party. Harry Potter is no different. However when secrets are spilled over fire whisky the boys take it upon themselves to help Harry out, with disastrous results.

Completely Innocent by Snarry5evr | E | 18k

Minerva keeps finding two of her professors in very compromising positions.

At Our Core by So_I_Write | E | 7k

Now that the war is over, and Harry Potter is old enough to be a professor at Hogwarts, Severus Snape allows himself to imagine what it would be like if Harry could ever love him back. Due to a potions accident, Harry's attentions are fully on Severus for who knows how long. And Severus finds himself wondering... Could Harry feel the same way?

Learning Curve by anonymous | E| 22k

Harry is sent to Snape for extra DADA lessons.

Lost in Cokeworth by maraudersaffair | E | 7k

After his divorce, Harry moves to Cokeworth to salvage his mum’s childhood home. Severus Snape offers to help in more ways than one.

All my love by maraudersaffair | E | 10k

Veela Snape

#i havent done fic recs before #which is bad since im a fanfic addict #i will be adding to this #anyways #ficrecdays #snarry #snarry fic recs #snarry fics #hp

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epixolon · 5 years

Text

Hey so I started ORV about 2 weeks ago and I need to place down my feelings and I hope y’all appreciate it. Most of my predictions about immediate events turned out to be wrong, like they were through most of the novel, but some of the longer ranged ones might still be possible, and as you will read i haven’t edited these, so most of my stuff will be wrong, but I don’t much care, it’s stream of thought. Enjoy

Chapter 0-206

* Dokja will bookmark and use either Jonghyuk’s regression, or Nirvana’s reincarnation.

* Dokja will devour a constellation’s story in order to get their stigma, rather than go through the process of bookmarking it, with my personal guess being zeus and the lightning carnival since that’s been mentioned a bunch and he already has electrification.

* when the fourth wall has devoured things so far, dokja gets a better understanding of the being, so maybe if he devours a constellation like, say, zeus, he will gain a better understanding of the constellation to allow for bookmark

* Soon enough he’ll use unidentified wall to communicate with his allies, probably the underworld, maybe Uriel, definitely Jonghyuk and co. outside Seoul in an attempt to consolidate his power before the coming storm of the nebulae opposing him.

* Yoosung will find a way to be a sacrificial bastard like Dokja so she can upgrade her stigma from him by following his story.

* The fourth wall makes a lot of sense both as a representation of Dokja’s inner thoughts and subconscious, mostly seen as the ways that he’s been traumatized, such as with his mother, are when he becomes most like the fourth wall and the benefits are lost.

* The being inside the wall that his mother saw is unclear to me, i could maybe see the subconscious pride and confidence that he has with himself and the knowledge he possesses, but it could also be the author in some fashion, especially with that bit of advice he got in the outer god’s stomach

* The fourth wall is a great piece of writing for every reason possible, but also makes sense within the universe as to how it can do this stuff: we see everywhere that when a constellation wants to do something direct, it has to use up probability, and anyone that wishes to oppose its actions can use some of that probability as well such as with Kyorgius (I don’t remember how to spell his name, the tiny man), or even the outer god, and probability storms are when nobody will use this probability to oppose them, the universe sets the balance right. And so the fourth wall uses probability

* The fourth wall represents two things: 1. how probable is it that a book character can affect a reader? that’s unlikely right? even more so to be able to know the reader in some intimate fashion? and 2. we see sparks every time someone tries to read his mind/abilities. the fourth wall essentially absorbs that probability and stops the skill, and i think a similar thing happened with the unidentified wall as it seemed to be using a lot of probability to do anything and the fourth wall just took it all in “with a bigger spark”

* the unidentified wall i think will possibly become “identified” as something, either a definite thing straight from ways of survival, or it will be open to possibility like Heewon’s crouching figure, in which case i see like a 30% chance it is influenced by the fourth wall and becomes something similar to it

* I definitely think there’s a possibility the secret plotter is related to the author, and you see it much more when in a reread the constellation seems to occasionally hear his thoughts or potentially understand more about the situation than it should be able to, without being overboard obvious about knowing dokja’s attributes.

* ok and with it laughing when he forces down the fourth wall, like he could tell what happened, and when he was “snapping at the great old ones looking at you,” I’d say he’s pretty damn powerful, maybe even more than narrative grade, and maybe it’ll just be the christian god or the devil or whatever something, but it could also be the author i think

* As we’ve seen most clearly from Dokja’s use of the sword song of the maritime war god, but not Jihye’s ghost fleet, constellations can have multiple stigmas, so i at least am predicting Dokja will give the fourth wall or possibly character list, or maybe even a copy of the ways of survival text (i definitely don’t think she’ll get ORV or bookmark though, those are protagonist powers), as a stigma later on for Yoosung, but i def could be wrong about that.

* I think there’s a possibility Sooyoung will tell everyone that Dokja is a reader before he gets back, but i could see it not happening.

* when 41st Yoosung is born as a dokkaebi, i wonder if using her channel will break the contract he and Bihyoung have. i think he might switch over to the channel for his covert revolution actions at the very least, and just block channel access to the vedas and the other nebulae, and might switch over his scenarioing to the new channel entirely

* actually, when he was in Seoul, he said his contract was cancelled, so maybe he can stream with the both of them now, or even just 41st Yoosung

* i think there’s a possibility that Sooyoung actually did plagiarize the text, but just doesn’t remember, either because she’s becoming more like a character like the two prophets, because when the author deleted the text from the internet her mind got frazzled, or when she made her first clones, the memory of reading it went with it and got destroyed when the clone died

* the author in the first chapter said that their story won a contest, and while in retrospect it seems like a lie, i wonder if there’s the possibility that like with peace land, who’s author sold the setting, if the author wrote the story either without meaning to

* like if Sooyoung actually did just write her own story from a dream, maybe the author did the same and just got more of the dream enough to realize the coming reality of the story, and maybe the dream was them acting like actual prophets to the world before the constellations were going to show up anyway

* the debt/free service time mentioned by the dokkaebi in the beginning is interesting, and i wonder if the end of the scenarios is having enough coins to buy either the planetary system or even just more time of free service away from the constellations.

* Dokja might eventually get more attributes, maybe something like writer or fanfiction writer or revisionist to get new powers given the ways he’s changing the story, either something like avatar (or maybe he’ll just use bookmark for that) as a way to either die more or make a nebulae out of one constellation, or some bullshit reality bending power like writing is, or just like a more reliable use of the other constellations’ Deus Ex Machina to do anything he wants, with enough probability of course

* compounded because in his attributes window we see more skills ■’d out

* given Myungoh’s daughter, will Dokja be adopting a 4th child in the near future?

* maybe asmodeus wants to feed the 73rd demon king to his child

* do you think anyone we’ve met, maybe someone from the constellation banquet, has the ancient dragon’s heart we see Dokja looking at in the Ichthyosaurs’ stomach?

* does/will Dokja look very different from how he did previously because of the golden dragon heart (which based on the heart we’ve seen previously should give him a lot of regen and storage of his magic) and the arm? along with the rest of the broken pieces that became his ruined body that probably only vaguely resemble his face? and the demonic energy he had before and might have again, and maybe ending up as the 73rd demon king

* his face is apparently blurry to people, even with a new story on it, i wonder if he’ll lower the fourth wall to let people see him at some point

* Jihye mentioned that his face is blurry, but Gilyoung has mentioned that he looks fine, so to me that indicates it’s maybe the fourth wall

* do you think there will be any romance by the end? i get the Jonghyuk and Dokja romance implications, but at least as far as the Fate goes, it looked a lot more to me that Dokja’s true love was the love of a good story, and that he died from the story he told with his friends, that proof alone isn’t enough for romance to me, so i could see it ending with none, no romance at all and the story just ends with Dokja and his 7 adopted children.

* why are there 72 demon kings, but they’re in the 73rd demon realm and asmodeus has 32 realms under his control? is there a mistranslation or a misunderstanding going on or what?

* maybe asmodeus absorbs/devours/suborns any demon king that he can and just takes his land, and so he wants the 73rd realm

* could be related to the question of asmodeus’s child above

* i think destroy evil from samyeondang might come up in the demon realm

Chapter 207-214

* I love Uriel now I think, and Biyoo

* i wonder if Dokja can bookmark unidentified wall, or if Hayoung can learn bookmark

* I’m unsure if the revolutionary will end up being a bad person or not, because i think I might have a problem if Dokja just kills the revolutionary, but maybe they’ll sacrifice themselves, or die elsewhere, or maybe they can give it up willingly, idk

* i could see the end of the novel being all the star stream being destroyed, which means no dokkaebis and no stories, so the constellations start to die, and we either get a sad ending of Dokja dying as a constellation, or we get a nice one of him (and maybe some other nice constellations) surviving on Biyoo’s Bootleg, or maybe the same barstardry he pulls, with him doing another “I don’t die when I am killed” and coming back from death again

* I wonder if Hayoung and maybe Dokja will find/convince the 15 year old to allow/make a way for Sooyoung to keep her sanity while following the story, like maybe a new story for the constellation, idk

* ooh shit, Dokja having read the story is spreading, yoo sangah at least suspects, i wonder if everyone will know by the time he gets back

* it’d be a funny scene if Uriel notices Biyoo’s Bootleg and tells Jonghyuk about it to avoid the dokkaebi, and so they miss each other for a bit until Dokja does something stupid/self-sacrificing enough (maybe by a plan from the Duke) that Jonghyuk realizes it’s him and comes and saves him

* i had a dream the dokkaebi had british accents whenever they spoke, and the idea of a foul mouthed floating cat going around saying “oi cunts moider each other or ah’ll shank ya nan” is just hilarious to me

Chapter 215-224

* <3 <3 Fuck Kim Dokja <3 <3

* I figured the hair was going to be involved, but not explicitly that

* If Dokja can find a way to with relative consistency summon the soldier, that’s great

* ok asmodeus is the king of the 32nd. ok, not 32 of them

* Dokja normally says no to potentially unfair support like this from constellation level beings, but i’d actually like to see him deal with asmodeus and just manage to manipulate it so that he is the king of all demons or something

* If Dokja gets support from Asmodeus, than the demon will probably leave his incarnation body there and use it as a puppet to pop in when needed even as he attends to matters in his own kingdom most of the time. This’d open the possibility of Dokja getting to adopt another child, which is always good to see

* I’m also real curious how the possibility of the people who were once characters finding out they were, and what differences there will be to the “real” people, although the fact that the two prophets are characters now is intriguing

* So far it’s just Sangah who knows, but I wonder if Heewon and the others will even be allowed to understand the concept, given the ways the filtering has prevented it in the past

#long post #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #orv spoilers

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businessfrontrunners · 3 years

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Mind and Life Transformation Expert Yuvraj Kapadia Reveals Ancient Secrets of Happiness and Emotional Healing in Powerful New Online Program

https://authoritypresswire.com/?p=34111 (NEW YORK) According to Market Research, the self-improvement market is exploding with growth and will expand to $13.2 billion dollars by 2022. And, as the COVID-19 global pandemic continues with little signs of slowing, more people are turning to online self-help and personal development programs to provide stress relief and life transformation right where they are. While most self-help and motivational experts focus on things such as positive thinking, affirmations, and visualization, one expert says that true transformation begins, not with a positive vision of the future, but with the creative destruction of the past. “You must methodically destroy the imprints of past emotions that are keeping you in an endless emotional loop,” says Yuvraj Kapadia, founder & CEO of the EKAA Integrated Clinical Hypnotherapy Foundation, one of the world’s largest training institutes specializing in hypnotherapy and regression therapy. “Destructive transformation is going back to the past to destroy its debilitating influence, to find the essence of who you are there, and to bring that essence into the present to magnificently leap towards the future.” Kapadia’s own journey of self-discovery took him from scholarly microbiologist to one of the most successful stockbrokers at India before an economic collapse and a life-threatening health condition. Using the power of his own mind, Kapadia discovered the secret of lasting life transformation, which he eagerly shares with a global audience as a Mind and Life Transformation expert. Kapadia’s breakthrough process is captured for the first time in the new online program called Rudra: The Process of Destructive Transformation. The word “rudra” is derived from the ancient Sanskrit language and means a mighty tempest that causes destruction and brings with it regeneration and new creation. “If you have tried everything else for personal transformation but have not experienced results, ‘Destructive Transformation’ could be the answer,” Kapadia says. “This online program is especially for people looking for real shifts in their life and circumstances but don’t know what to do.” Kapadia believes the popular focus on transformation through positive visualization or affirmation fails to address the negative mental and emotional “blocks” that prevent a person from making the changes they want to make. “Unless the old emotional imprints arising from our past experiences and conditioning are cleared, true transformation can never occur,” he explains. “Rudra: The Process of Destructive Transformation is a life transformation program like none other. It’s a completely different approach to achieving your dream life.” “We are pleased to partner together with Yuvraj in making this extraordinary process of 'Destructive Transformation' available to people worldwide,” says Dr. Sonia Gupte, founder and director of Enso-nia Center for Mind and Life Transformation, a San Diego-based organization dedicated to therapies and training programs that create health, wellbeing, and happiness through the power of the subconscious mind. “We strongly believe this program well help many people find the transformation they have been looking for.” “This is not about magic. This is not a religion or spiritual philosophy,” Kapadia explains. “This is just about you. As humans, we’re supposed to be the most evolved species on earth. What gives us that evolution is the power of our mind, and Rudra is a simple, efficient process that can move you from where you are right now to exactly where you want to go.” Yuvraj Kapadia is the founder & CEO of the EKAA Integrated Clinical Hypnotherapy Foundation and is widely recognized as India’s topmost hypnotherapist, having undertaken thousands of therapy cases and training programs in clinical hypnotherapy worldwide over more than a decade. Mr. Kapadia is highly sought after worldwide for his workshops, seminars, and training programs that feature his trademark style of explaining highly complex, scientific, and metaphysical concepts in the most easy-to-understand language. He has grown EKAA into a worldwide presence with over 13,000 certified students and over 60 certified trainers. To learn more about the Rudra program and get online access, visit www.enso-nia.com/rudra .

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zuvluguu · 7 years

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"Not only is Ayahuasca a Pineal Gland activator and stimulator, but Ayahuasca is also a powerful Pineal Gland Developer"~ clinical researcher, Maps dotorg. Ayahuasca also aligns our 7-chakras (which every religion tells us to do but churches totally ignore), and Ayahuasca opens and interconnects the right side of the brain, as well as the frontal lobes of the brain (all scientifically proven).. Ayahuasca, also known as the "Vine of the Soul", is a sacred medicinal power plant which grows in the Amazon rainforest and is a natural psychotropic. The Quechua term of this drink "Ayahuasca" refers to the freeing of the spirit or the essence of the soul. To take Ayahuasca is to be purged and purified. It cleanses the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual body. It reaches deep inside and removes the layers of debris relating to our age-old fears and illusions which obscure the soul. It's an ego-killer and removes all negative matter within associated with dark energies. Ayahuasca also assists to access and reconnect with ancient knowledge and wisdom imprinted in our very own DNA, psychic powers and to journey into the past, present and future. Including other realms, dimensions and parallel universes.

The Master Plant has a Spirit, and in the eye of a shaman it is a powerful Doctor, Surgeon and Medicine. Through the use of this Master Teacher one can access the unknown, intangable worlds inhabited by other beings, induce dream states and vision- and liberation of all matter.

Living in a culture paranoid of the use of mind-altering substances, associated what we call "drugs" in the western world, natural power plants and medicines are sometimes dismissed as a dangerous and superficial form of spirituality. The contrary is true - the work involved with both Master Teachers facilitates an accelerated awakening of our multi-dimensional Self and our interconnection. It allows seeing beyond “the illusion” of that what we perceive to be reality through a deeper connection with Pachamama/Mother Earth and the Higher Realms and by channeling profound insights, messages and visions for a better understanding of the TRUTH AND MAGIC OF LIFE AND ONESELF. Shamanic traditions have used Ayahuasca and other sacred medicinal plants to invoke profound mystical experiences, changes in consciousness and as a means of a cure for millennia. Their telepathic powers are connected to supernatural forces residing in their tissues, and they were divine gifts to the earliest Indians on Earth. Ceremonies with those Master Teachers are truly a magical gift of the Gods!

Spirituality is at the core of the Ayahuasca experience. Purification of mind, body and soul in a healing ceremony can catalyse a profound process of spiritual awakening and development. This process of growth and spiritual evolution can continue indefinitely even if Ayahuasca is not taken again. The Ayahuasca experience is highly individual and unique to each person as it enables a direct connection with the deepest parts of the sub-conscious, facilitating a deep connection with our true, inner and higher self.

Ayahuasca provides a window into our soul and shows us who we really are and who we can become. We strongly believe that the benefits to be gained from learning about Ayahuasca are immeasurable, both on a personal and planetary level.

There is no plant healer on the planet quite as revered, as powerful, and as respected as Ayahuasca. And now the Western world is finally beginning to acknowledge this plant phenomenon, with an ever increasing number of people, academics, scientists, neurologists, philosophers and mystics heading to South America to experience Ayahuasca for themselves.

The medicine Ayahuasca - often referred to as ‘The Queen of the forest’ and considered to be the most powerful of the teacher plants - is traditionally consumed in a ceremonial context under the guidance of a Shaman or Ayahuasquero (a maestro trained in the use of the vine). It is imperative to have an experienced Shaman/Ayahuasquero present to conduct the ceremony, someone who has a deep understanding of the forces at work and how to keep the energies in balance.

Ayahuasca is a strong purgative (allows profound cleansing through vomiting and diarrhea), an antibiotic (kills microorganisms such as bacteria and viruses), an analgesic (painkiller), disinfectant, and cicatrizant (speeds healing of wounds).

For some people the heaviness that is felt in their life is the weight of old emotional baggage. Ayahuasca can assist in bringing such memories to the surface to be confronted and released through purging. The purging aspect of the Ayahuasca experience is hugely beneficial as it also allows for impurities to be released that sap the body’s energy. This deep cleansing system is a natural detoxification which restores physical vitality and harmony. It is in this clearing process that we create new space for higher energy, clarity, creativity and vibrancy to enter into our life.

Ayahuasca, the Master Teacher:

Ayahuasca is revered by the indigenous people of South America as a sacred medicine and a master-teacher, capable of transporting the drinker to other dimensions of space and time, where past, present and future are all equally accessible, both one's own life path and those of others.

Everyone’s journey with Ayahuasca is totally unique and individual. The plant-teacher guides us to the deepest parts of our subconscious where, with our conscious self, we are able to confront, understand and release deep-rooted emotional baggage and behavioral patterns that are holding us back in our lives and preventing us from being our authentic selves. Diseases, behavioral patterns and egoistic tendencies can be analysed to determine their nature and origin.

It is not uncommon to experience a regression back to the situation or source of a problem or trauma. To relive the experience is to gain new understanding and insights enabling resolution or closure. Dream-like scenes where personal messages from spirits are received cause ceremony participants to re-evaluate their life course with a deeper understanding of why they are here, and what it is they need to do to fulfill their purpose.

Drinkers of Ayahuasca often report significant changes in the way they see life and how they feel about themselves, and in many cases they experience a growing sense of purpose and direction, inner strength and power.

Not everyone comes to this medicine with the same needs. The magic of Ayahuasca rests in its ability to find, focus, diagnose, heal and transcend one’s personal limitations, conditioning, negative thoughts and fears. It takes us to a pure fundamental part within each of us that instinctively knows the answer, that wants us to achieve what we really desire in life and to be true to ourselves. It teaches us how to trust this new inner voice and achieve a more fulfilling life.

Fundamental to the work of the Shaman is the knowledge that Nature is alive; that the plant kingdom is conscious and has intelligence; that plants have spirits who can help to heal mankind; that an answer to any illness can be found in Nature. During an Ayahuasca experience it is possible for one to see and communicate with these spirits. For example, one can speak with plant spirits to learn their medicinal properties and how to collect and prepare them for use in healing.

Ayahuasca allows for the integration of the Self with the Higher-Self. From this integration emerges the True Self. The fully active brain strips away the fear-based, ego-mind issues that plague the human condition. The light of our higher consciousness renders the mask of our ‘pretend’ self irrelevant. It ceases to be of importance to impress others by being right or better than someone, or to be ashamed of who we are. A light, joyous and playful sense encompasses our being and we become resolved in our humanity and our divinity. We stop thinking and start knowing.

In this grand time of human awakening, whenever more people seek higher guidance and truer direction in their lives, the sacred medicines at long last take their place among the path that lead to the remembrance of one’s true self. Ayahuasca provides the most direct and immediate pathways to self-inquiry, and one only has to grab the opportunity that it provides for unrestrained personal and spiritual growth!

It is one of the most confrontational ways of healing one’s inner self, and in participation one is moved beyond the muddled and noisy mind, into the intuitive heart center, whence resides peace and unbounded love. And as with the microcosm of a single human soul so the macrocosm of humanity for it is here that humanity now finds itself, at the cross roads, seeking the remembrance of its own true nature.

Mother Ayahuasca will without any reservations or pretence show you your most deeply buried aspects of ourselves. Dredge them up for a re-examination and re-integration. For this is the only way to spiritual growth. No part of the shadow self shall be left behind, swept under the carpet or be left unforgiven. It will present to you your worst, most negative aspects and show you how to heal yourself. It will tell you no lies and you will be shown with absolute clarity your impact upon others. What you need to adjust and what you need to let go of. Mother Ayahuasca in all her wisdom exposes your most immediate issues and grants you a higher perspective on them, one that cannot be attained by the everyday rational mind.

She shows you your pains and your fears, so that you might climb the ladder of evolution ever higher by re-learning unconditional love. The remembering of your true essence, and indeed, the essence of All that Is. Make no mistake about it, this is not a weekend excursion to the park, this is serious work on the self, that requires utmost dedication and disciplined preparation. Skirting issues such as proper diet prior and subsequently to the workshop serves only to lesson the effect and the purpose of the whole exercise.

Our mainstream society provides so many unhealthy temptations that go against our wellbeing, that one is definitely challenged to find that which benefits one most. I found this one of the keys to proper preparation and subsequently true to form, found myself requiring much less food than normal during the workshops. This is the physical proof that the spiritual work at the workshops has almost immediate real world results.

Every soul has its own individual journey and story. It is thus up to each and every person to decide how they will get from point A to point B. In the end all journeys are just as important and just as beautiful. Thus I heartily recommend these workshops to all, because all are ultimately on a journey of self exploration. The company of shamans that shall accompany you is one of warmth and love. Their beautiful songs carry you peacefully and providently through your darkest hours, your most exhilarating visions and your most profound lessons. But this I say without exaggeration, the group of wonderful people undertaking the same journey as you, besides Mother Ayahuasca of course, they will be your greatest teachers while you are there. And if you have never truly felt connected on a soul level to another person, yeah, expect that to become the whole group. As you are shown the illusion of separation and the truth of universal love.

If I could sum up this wonderful journey with the sacred medicines of Peru, I would sum it up so...: Those who have not experienced direct knowing, who have not been enveloped by direct spiritual experience, they know nothing. This is your chance to know the infinity that dwells beyond the mind. To remember who you truly are!

Those who undergo the ayahuasca experience report having profound spiritual revelations regarding their purpose on earth, the true nature of the universe as well as deep insight as how to be the best person they possibly can. It is nearly always said that people experience profound positive changes in their life subsequent to consuming ayahuasca. In addition, it is often reported that individuals experience what gaining access to so called “higher spiritual dimensions” and making contact with various autonomous entities who serve to act as guides or healers.

Ayahuasca focuses and aligns the patient with the archaic essence of spirituality. It ‘resets’ our biological clock according to universal time and harmonizes our natural brain chemistry. The corresponding shift in our personal values, priorities, and self-image produces a lasting rebirth, a transformative “new beginning”. This quality is the most important and life-changing gift of the Goddess, and the one most desired by many seekers. Persons experiencing Ayahuasca ceremonies typically achieve substantial mental, psychological, and spiritual progress, comparable to that accomplished through intensive long-term psychotherapy, and often in a remarkably short time. Studies investigating Ayahuasca's history and use often fail to explain the remarkably transformative processes it initiates. Ayahuasca’s various effects progress through cathartic, abreactive and spiritual stages. Experience of universal time is an important element in this process. Each experience carries one beyond the previous ones, with revelations according to the character, quality, and depth of previous experiences and the travelers’ level of consciousness.

After drinking Ayahuasca, the first effect one notices is a distinctive shift in sensory modality. Tactile and auditory sensitivity increases and mental processes and emotions become more profound. At this point, the journey may move into many dimensions. Soul flight, causes a sense of floating and discorporation as one enters other dimensions of hyperspace. Ayahuasca cannot be qualified by consistency of its effects. The psycho-spiritual centers of consciousness activated by Ayahuasca cannot be programmed, though the journey can be guided and influenced by competent shamans/ facilitators. The pharmacological properties of the psychoactive compound in interaction with the biological antecedents are not enough to define the influence on the psyche. The brew always interacts with the psycho-emotional and spiritual set of each individual and the construct of the setting in which it is taken.

Here I will describe and categorize each subjective effect that the Ayahuasca experience has to offer in as much detail as I possibly can.

Physical effects: The body high of ayahuasca can be described as a pleasurable, warm, soft and all encompassing glow. For some it is manifested spontaneously at different unpredictable points throughout the experience, but for others it maintains a consistent presence that steadily rises with the onset and hits its limit once the peak has been reached.

Cognitive effects: The head space of ayahuasca is described by many as extremely sober and clear headed in its style when compared to other commonly used psychedelics such as LSD or Psilocybin. It contains a large number of psychedelic typical and unique cognitive effects.

The most prominent of these typical effects include, •Introspection •Acceleration of thought •Enhancement of current mind state •Removal of cultural filters •Feelings of fascination and awe •Conceptual thinking •Vocabulary suppression •Ego suppression, Ego loss, and ego death •Time distortion •Deja-vu

Along side of the typical cognitive effects listed above, ayahuasca induces certain states which are seemingly rare or spontaneous within all other psychedelics in a consistent, reproducible and in an extremely powerful way. These commonly reported unique cognitive effects include, •Powerful and consistent mindfulness - The term “mindfulness" is used within psychological literature to refer to states which are achieved through the act of practicing meditation. This feeling is characterized by a sense of focus on the present moment with a stillness and clarity of mind. Induced mindfulness can occur within any psychedelic but is unique within ayahuasca due to how consistently it is manifested and the way in which it can sustain itself for days, weeks or even months after a single high dose experience.

This is an extremely beneficial and therapeutic effect for personal psychological health. In contrast, other more commonly used psychedelics such as LSD and Psilocybin tend to induce this effect in a merely spontaneous and temporary form.

•Consistently induced states of unity and inter-connectedness - This effect is unique within ayahuasca due to how consistently it is manifested as an accompanying effect along side of ego death and occasionally, ego suppression. In contrast, other more commonly used psychedelics such as LSD and Psilocybin tend to induce this effect rarely at best.

•Consistent communication with the subconscious - It can be briefly described as a literal communication with an internal voice within which claims to be the subconscious. At lower levels this is performed by the subconscious conversing with you through your own thought stream. At higher dosages however it becomes a fully audible voice which is capable of coherent conversation on the same level as the ego, and arguably self aware in its own right. •Sustained dream potentiation - Regular or occasional ayahuasca usage commonly results in extremely vivid, lucid and easy to recollect dreams in the days and weeks after the experience. It’s worth noting that the overall cognitive positivity or negativity of an ayahuasca experience in psychologically balanced individuals depends greatly on how nauseating or purgative the chosen method of preparation is. For example, paranoia, anxiety, delirium and a difficulty stringing thoughts together often immediately manifest themselves during uncomfortable states of nausea for the inexperienced, but remain absent when the user has been accustomed to the purge itself.

Visual effects: Enhancements,

Ayahuasca presents a complete array of possible visual enhancements which generally includes, •Increased visual acuity •Enhancement of colours •Enhanced pattern recognition •Visual drifting (melting, breathing, warping and flowing) - In comparison to other Entheogens or psychedelics this effect can be described as highly detailed, slow and smooth in motion and static in their appearance. •Tracers •After images •Texture repetition •Colour shifting •Scenery slicing Geometry, The visual geometry that is present throughout this experience can be comprehensively described as structured in their organization, organic in geometric style, intricate in complexity, large in size, fast and smooth in motion, colourful in scheme, glossy in colour, equal in blurred and sharp edges and equal in rounded and angular corners. At higher dosages they are significantly more likely to result in states of level 7B visual geometry over level 7A. In terms of their manifestation they are progressive in nature and continuously self complexify in settings with little or no visual input and disturbances. For example, darkness will cause the geometry to progressively intensify but this can immediately be reset back down to base level by simply turning on a bright light or actively performing a physical task which requires any level of concentration.

Visionary states, Ayahuasca and other forms of DMT produce a full range of high level states in a fashion that is more consistent and reproducible than that of any other commonly used "Entheogen" or psychedelic.

These effects include, •Transformations •Imagery •Visualizations - this particular effect commonly contains inner visualizations with scenarios, settings, concepts and autonomous entity contact. They are more common within dark environments and can be described as internal in their manifestation, lucid in believability, interactive in style and almost exclusively religious, spiritual, mystical or transcendental nature in their overall theme. Auditory effects:

The auditory effects of ayahuasca are extremely consistent and exhibit a full range of effects which commonly includes, •Auditory enhancements •Auditory distortions •Auditory visualizations Health effects, potential addiction and tolerance:

Research has been made showing the relative physical safety of DMT. Ayahuasca, has been studied by multidisciplinary groups in Brazil and other countries and was shown that in reasonable doses in a careful context, it presents no negative cognitive/psychiatric/physical consequences. In terms of mental health the very same study showed that users presented elevated levels of happiness and health. Ayahuasca is not physically addictive, and many users experience a frequency self-regulating quality to the drug. This is despite the fact that the substance holds no real tolerance and can be used on a daily basis if it is desired.

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theindependentjournals · 4 years

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BUNNY & DUCKY

BUNNY

SUN- PISCES 20

A perfect black cube sits lone in the desert.

Isolation. Uniqueness that becomes separative and self-referential. Exquisitely designed to be only a certain way and not any other way. Preserved against rust or corrosion. Maintaining standards, priorities, what seems to be the given. Yet something is wrong. It is true that all lies within and that turning yourself into what you are not is ultimately absurd. But you are not listening, not paying attention to the subtle clues. You are so intent upon self-consistency that you have tuned out far too much in the process. And this shall call forth lessons and hard experiences to crack you open again, and to give you a chance to discover afresh what can be when nothing is assumed and nobody has set anything up ahead of time.

MOON - LEO 1

A divorced husband and wife enjoying each other’s company.

The little ego desires what it does not desire, needs what it does not need. It goes after most avidly what it later finds is so very different from what would be good to have. But then things turn again and even the most unconscious patterns reveal their redemptive glory. It all depends on where you are along the spectrum: the initial expansion, the inevitable contraction to follow, or the tempered and seasoned expansion later. In the middle point, it can be hell. But things start out so amazingly and they end up as such a gold mine of experience and self-understanding from all this. Much of life is midstream and involves meeting shadows, enduring reversals, and basically being forced to go absolutely everywhere you never wanted to go. The reason it comes out right in the end is that you move through all of it and discover there is somebody in here who knows how to do that and who remains unscarred, not even discouraged, and is just waiting for the next opening to take up the Earth’s schooling in the way that fiery souls invite and welcome, strangely enough.

AQUARIUS 23

Ancient runes carved at random on gray rocks.

Learning ultimate things the hard way. You have to put yourself totally into every realm to experience it for yourself, with a zeal for empirical wisdom or the wild edge of the scientific method. The experimental test case is yourself. And you are out there all alone in vast, uncharted territory, just the way you like it. You’ve been granted the chance to prove things, to follow them out quite far, bearing a determined intelligence with karmically-trained faculties of subtle perception. However, objectively speaking, this is an intensively arduous and relentless way to do it, without safeguards or precedents, relying upon the moment’s edge. If you can be tirelessly strong, doing it this ruggedly will prove to be the only way to go if you wish to uncover future territory without imprinting bias or distortion upon it. You just have to invent the wheel in yet another dimension.

ARIES 17

A bodiless head asleep on the beach.

Cast into exile, sworn to silence. Held to an ancient code to be a watcher, a perfect witness to the inward reverberations of all things. Outward events and experiences are gone, mean nothing here. All that counts is to sense into things, to remember the essence and to know the forgotten worlds. It is a lonely vigil, a strange destiny, with a piquant flavor of sorrow mixed with exultation. What others are happy with is far out of reach, unimaginable. Yet what so many others miss and are put off from is here vividly, vibrantly indwelled every moment, which sweetens the bitter cup and allows the greater task to be taken up with a surrendered will and a quiet, inward repose.

AQUARIUS 24

A large brown bear picking and eating apples.

Gross indulgence and a conscience that just won’t quit. Saturating your energy field with exaggerated gestures of capitulation to your own lower nature. But you do this in continual ironic juxtaposition to an observing intelligence and a keen conscience which deplore and have no use for your own shenanigans. Being split between the compulsive and addictive personality and the dispassionate and icily-removed consciousness. You’re trying to turn yourself around by alternately bingeing and reforming. But each binge triggers a reaction of the other side of mind, and each renunciation and reformation in turns triggers a further reaction. This dialectic between being bad and being good is all on the pro and con level of the dualistic mind. The only hope in this pattern lies in wearing out both ends, so that a third place can open in which neither acting out nor becoming exemplary is all that necessary. You do what you do and you see it the way you see it and all the self-conscious overlays and each and every self-manipulation in whatever direction dissolve when the space is clear.

LEO 28

Men doing gymnastics.

Physical, material existence in a sturdy body in time and space is the greatest agony and the greatest ecstasy that could ever be. It is agony in that you are so weighed down by the gravity of things, sorely troubled, heavily impacted, just about immobilized. It is ecstasy in that you can do so much with it, and when you mobilize yourself to take hold of the body and wield it as an instrument and a vessel, the physical turns into a masterpiece, a wonder, a delight unsurpassed. You experience the heights and depths of ambivalence toward incarnation and embodiment, feeling both repelled and attracted by the core drama of life in this Earth. When you feel good, everything glows with promise. When your life-force ebbs and becomes stagnant, the world is saturated with abysmal dread. Learn to harness embodied selfhood into something more constant and satisfying, even with repeated bouts of coming up against resistance, and habit dying hard. Rigidity versus fluency. You have a creative dilemma with so much growth, outlasting your own inner enemies and becoming Earth-worthy in the physical—triumphantly and with lasting imprint.

ARIES 12

An old woman hears the stars talking to her at night.

Soul gifts from the morning of the world now turning into treasures untold. A quality of being, a presence, an aura which fills the world. You are the microcosm here and now for so many worlds. There is wonder and awe, discovery and an odd echo of fate. All of this has happened before; nothing is new. A twilight state. The repeated awakenings, and yet still dreaming on. Majestic vistas. So much to conceive. All exists inside. Yet in the secrecy of the heart, no clues are offered. All remains bare and stark.

VIRGO 27

The magician disrobes. He has no sex organs.

We bear a dream within us. In that dream, we can magically disperse every partisan consideration and make the truth a commonsensically shareable thing. We endow that dream with more of ourselves than any outwardly existing realities. Slowly we foster its seeds. There just must be a way to find the common point, to no longer be jerked around by gender politics and all the other antibrotherhood, antisisterhood currents. So we endow the dream with our heart’s aspirations, and when we give our all to it, the dream comes true. But until that point, we are worlds apart from others in harboring the dream of our coming reunion with everybody.

SCORPIO 26

A she-wolf. Her udders full of milk.

Bearing within you something vast and wild and true. Your instincts given over to this seed. What can be must be impels sacrifice and renunciation. Being held in the grip of vast, primordial forces. Taken over by depths that forge new worlds into being. Stunned into submission. Unconsciously obsessed with something that lives within you and cannot be forgotten. Supercharged with energy. In tune with the Earth’s cycles. Everything happening in a magnified and hypnotic atmosphere. The hidden worlds take charge. Individuality is eclipsed, and the surge of power dominates consciousness and life by its intensity and ruthless current right through the body, and there is nothing to say about it.

VIRGO 21

Dark river and distant bell.

So much to be done. So many fragments to move with. Such a confounding. The one inside is calm and quiet, poised and accepting, knows what shall be. The one outside is frantic with events and experiences which do not add up. Severe conditions to test the soul and give the mind quite a scare. The process is to keep going into it a little further, despite yourself, and to keep losing who you thought you were in the bargain. But there is somebody to be when there is nobody left to be, and only then.

PISCES 28

A hoard of monkeys chattering.

Possession by local spirits in mischievous, playful fashion. Cast into an abyss. Dumped out of status and specialness and made to be hyper-receptive to whatever is moving here—an abandoned center, karmically sacrificed to learn both humility and the lessons of the street. The state of mind random, chaotic, inspirational, capricious, given to every kind of spirit passing through. Sorely troubled, yet fantastically out of touch. A regressive loop with powerful emanations. The feeling is that something must be done and that this will require a change of heart. But you gotta go deep, and it takes a whole lot of desperation to turn this one around.

ARIES 20

An empty courtyard.

Nothing is left. Reality is scattered. Self-obliterated. The familiar rendered irrelevant. Apocalyptic changes, personal and collective, take over. No being, only action. You become a projectile of intent, literally identify with what you can do now. A barren wasteland of an inner world. A thrust outside. Stark and surreal. You feel compelled to dare, pushed over the edge, no going back—destiny as frenzy. And in this wild, volatile mix, creative forces are released that would never come out any other way. Yielding to the role of the purging and cleansing agent of changes, you are unable to wriggle out of anything ever again.

DUCKY

LEO 29

A broken sword.

Consecration to a higher power. The giving-over of the personal will--the marvel of root change. Coming to the end of your own path, and it is just the beginning of the greater way. The heart must open. The infinite must be born inside. The destiny-necessity is there--so much karmic backlog. So many ways to be right and to be wrong. The realization in the very midst that there is nobody listening to the old tale and everybody is awaiting somebody else to come through. A profound and utter doorway into a great unknown. What has been is finished. What shall be is so very different. And what is now is a question and a prayer and a destiny that must find its redemption.

PISCES 10

An old witch on a windy promontory. She is calling to the sea.

Wildly tuned in. Staggeringly aware of the overall situation and its call, you respond deeply and with earnest, plaintive engagement with all that is happening. You are profoundly emotional, physical, and personal in order to ground and focus a vaster attunement, urgently and critically mobilized at hot spots. Assigned to tune in to everything and make sure all the cosmic bases are covered--inner-planes activity predominates. You live within vast worlds, and are psychically charged with all that is being taken in, but your central focus is to respond, to report, to send the inner messages, to keep the lines open. Emergency and crisis sensibility inside of things, searching for signs, and knowing how to be there on the spot to turn things around by inward force of the magical will.

VIRGO 8

A man thinking up names for colors.

The mind is a hilarious thing. It populates the world with its many ideas on top of what is there and then can no longer see things in themselves in their pristine light. We trade direct experience for a culturally rich consciousness. This mental set is marvelously intricate and detailed. Becoming conversant with the human sphere takes up all your time and energy, drawing you ever further into complexity, multiplicity, and appreciation for the beauty and the brilliance of the best in culture and civilization. The refinements and elaborations are infinite in scope. You become an expert, a central force, an adept in working the mind's magic. In the largest picture, this is a perfecting of human intelligence in its concrete, penetrating power, combined with its far-ranging spread into variety and universal brotherhood. It remains narrow-spectrum, rational throughout, but does this up the best it can be done and a little bit better.

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jasper-rolls · 7 years

Text

i talked about this a bit on twitter but i wanna elucidate on it here so here’s another fucking post about the fucking dream daddy shit because i cant stop myself from being annoyed by the back and forth and misrepresentation and vague posts trying to act like they’re just talking in general when its very obviously about this

strap in cause this is gonna be a long one

there are three points i want to make

1) criticism of media is important and needed, particularly in the realm of discussing representation and creator intent, since its overall purpose is to further discussion and foster overall improvement in future. criticism of a work isn’t always an attack on the people who like it

i mean, we’ve all been there. it sucks to read when someone’s talking down something you like a lot, especially if its something that’s very meaningful to you. it happens to me too - i can’t count the number of times i’ve read an article or essay ripping apart something i love and found it very difficult to disengage my personal feelings from it.

but unless the person making the criticism is specifically going out of their way to say “and all the people who LIKE this thing are fucking gibbering idiots who wouldn’t know good quality if it punched them in the face”, then the criticism isn’t an attack on you personally, and you have to find the place to disengage that emotional attachment and at least tolerate the criticism of the work. you may accept and agree with it or not, but understand that the critic is (probably) not directly attacking you

and raising potential problems on the representation side of the work is important, because it highlights potential problems for people interested in it that they might not have been aware of before, like creator’s personal views influencing development of the work, or unfortunate implications of plot beats within the work

there’s definitely legitimate cause for concern in game grumps involvement with dream daddy. in my personal experience, the grumps aren’t particularly forward thinking in a lot of respects - arin and danny are quick to lapse into bottom of the barrel racist accent humor (particularly with asian characters), or “hey, isn’t being gay kind of weird” straight guy nonsense. the understanding they’ve showcased of lgbt concepts and issues leaves a lot to be desired (last i remember, arin still considered “cisgender” to be a slur despite being told what it actually means)

and every time this is brought up, i see fans saying “oh but they’re better now, they’ve learned!” and i have to say, i still watch them fairly regularly and...they really haven’t! the “progress” is minimal at best, its like watching someone push a boulder up a hill. they haven’t really changed all that much in the last few years to be frank. so the concern with them being involved with, and putting their name on, a game where the focus is on mlm (and has transgender characters) has definite grounding, given how they’ve acted before.

and the cult ending naturally has unfortunate implications - the idea that every character in the game is being tricked into being forever single, their misery being used to fuel some sort of demon...i mean, given how gay people have been treated throughout history and in media, at the very least it’s pretty regressive. you can’t fault someone for reading the transcript and feeling a little sick

the raising and highlighting of these things isn’t a personal attack. it’s overall, to help people make an informed decision, and be aware of the things that aren’t so great - that might be a dealbreaker, on a personal level. criticism is valuable, and useful, and we should recognize it as such

-----------------------------

2) on the opposite hand, EVERYTHING we read, watch, or play is guaranteed to have a problematic element of some sort, and nothing you ever enjoy is perfect. expecting something to conform to a 100% ideologically pure standard is unreasonable and ultimately a fool’s game

my personal favourite game of all time, ever, is killer7. it’s the game that bought suda51 to prominence in the west. it’s a weird blend of first-person shooter, rail shooter, and rpg. the story is outright bizarre, with disorienting visuals and surreal events like a lucha wrestler headbutting a bullet out of midair, a ghostly man wrapped in bdsm gear popping up to give you advice, and giggling zombies that explode on contact

its also got quite a share of shitty moments - a rape scene, the female characters leave a lot to be desired, its got a frankly weird interpretation of a lot of psychological disorders, and a good chunk of the game is dedicated to character development of a pedophile

suffice to say it probably wouldn’t be a big hit with a lot of people here. but does this stuff mean its completely reprehensible, and not worth spending any time with? i did just tell you it’s my favourite game so you can probably guess how i’m going to respond to that rhetorical question. this post is long enough without me spending several more paragraphs explaining to you why i think killer7 is worth giving a shot, so i’m going to skip to the point that this example is illustrating - the things we love, our favourite things, are probably just as, or maybe even more problematic than the things we don’t.

i’m not going to cite any further examples since i don’t know what you, the reader, personally enjoys or loves, but like...i guarantee you, its probably done something pretty shitty with its running time. i’m fairly confident i’ve never read or enjoyed something that didn’t at some point play into some shitty trope about lgbt people, or people of colour, or women - and if didn’t somehow, chances are it’s because it never showed them in the first place, because its focus is on straight, white, cis men, which is, naturally a problem of its own

if you’re willing to shrug off shitty opinions of creators of things you love, or bad tropes and plot elements in things you love, then why is it so different for the things you dislike? to write off dream daddy entirely, because of the involvement of game grumps, and the existence of one bad ending with shitty implications, and ignoring its more positive elements while praising the things you love that have more than likely done shitty stuff too is...frankly ridiculous

it perhaps may not seem like much to you, but dream daddy getting the kind of coverage and attention it has is...kind of a big deal as far as i’m concerned! games with narrative tend to be pretty hostile towards gay men*, so for a game that presents an overall sincere and positive representation of gay men to see this much attention and get to no. 1 seller on steam a significant step forward, i think. it’s not revolutionary, but personally, as a gay man, it means a lot to me, and i know a few other gay men who would feel the same, and that surely counts for something

and as far as killer7 goes, well...waypoint explains it better than i could, but i would just like to say: that pedophile character i mentioned? that part of the game ends with you beating him in a duel so hard, he falls over and gets eviscerated by a machine designed to cut out organs. so it’s not all bad.

-----------------------------

3) (this is the big one) this site has a big fucking problem with virtue signalling

perhaps its bad of me to assume something of people, but i’m going to go out on a limb and say at least one person immediately closed the tab the moment they read that line, and i wouldn’t blame them, because the problem with saying something like “virtue signalling” is that the alt-right and gamergaters have tried their absolute hardest to make that phrase essentially mean nothing by throwing it at anyone who shares a dissenting opinion of any kind. but despite their efforts, virtue signalling is a phrase that does actually have a meaning, and its the meaning i’m using here

i’m going to take a quick excerpt from hbomberguy’s video on the subject (it’s worth watching, it’s only 10 minutes long and pretty funny) - “The term was originally coined[...]to decry people who say, ‘I don’t like this thing very much’, in order to feel good about themselves, and then just, vote Labour every few years or whatever and take no stake in actually making things better.”

tumblr (or at least, the part of tumblr i engage with) does this, a LOT. it’s in the smug, one line “uhhhh, yikes, lmao 💅” rebuttals to arguments against the thesis of a given post. it’s in the strawman cartoons and chat posts that cast opponents of the OP as self-contradicting fools. it’s in the “so jot that down” responses, the “i’m side-eyeing everyone who isn’t reblogging this”, etc. etc. everyone has done this. you have probably engaged with this. i definitely have - at least one of my popular posts, if not more is, basically me, doing this thing! to be fair i had no intention those posts being popular, but then one never does, do they?

in the case of dream daddy, it’s “me: y’all:” image edits snarkily demonstrating how they’re SWERVING “that dad dating shit”, chat posts casting defenders points as “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST NEVER CRITICIZE ANYTHING EVER”, posts smugly announcing they’re going to pirate the game just to take money from arin hanson, as if that’s how game development works, and i think it’s what’s led to a huge amount of misrepresentation about this game in particular

i’ve seen people acting like the game grumps are like, directing and writing the game, when, as far as i’m aware, all they did was provide funding and voice acting. and the big thing that really got my goat, was someone describing the cult ending, and listing the implications i’ve already gone over myself, and then saying that this was the game’s true ending

this...literally could not be further from the truth. for starters, no-one has actually gotten this ending from playing through the game naturally. the reason? because you CAN’T. it was found through data-mining - it isn’t accessible through regular play. it’s either content that was cut from the game late in development, or, as the theory goes, intended to be a non-canonical or fake ending added in as halloween DLC come october (given the tone of the whole thing it sounds reasonable to me) which has, unfortunately, now been ruined due to this whole debacle

to do this kind of thing, to describe this as “the true ending” borders on being an out and out lie for the purpose of making dream daddy look way, way worse than it actually is. there’s no justice here, there’s no attempt to inform accurately. it’s “hey, check out how shitty this thing is! i’m good for disliking it, aren’t i? ignore the context, or the fact that i’m literally lying about what this is”

look, okay, i’m getting a little vitriolic - people can make mistakes, misunderstand things, it happens. everyone does it. me too. but this posing, this “look how good and cool i am, for not liking this thing”, it helps nothing at best and actively harms at worse. misrepresenting positions, context, and events for the purpose of satisfying the ego of whoever is making the statement - it helps no-one, except that person, in the most minor and meaningless of ways

i want to be clear - this final bit is just as much a memo for myself as it is for everyone reading this

be critical. don’t take things at face value. read into issues, understand context. get as close to the source of the issue at hand as you can, and determine the truth from there. resist the urge to be smug, detached, and dismiss those who disagree with your position - resist the urge to laugh at them, they may just not know. try and engage them in honest debate. if they resist that, if they don’t want to meet you on an equal footing you are within your rights to disengage.

be strong. support the things you love, and remember where the line is

we can all be better

*i’m not saying that other groups aren’t treated with hostility in games and gaming - trans women certainly get it really, really bad. just personally saying, in my experience as a gay man, the gaming community, and subsequently games with a focus on narrative themselves, have a sort of...special hatred of mlm. not necessarily worse, just...uniquely hostile

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endestprana · 7 years

Text

Glow: Apex

“Let the memories written between us become a bridge of our reconnecting love...”

Riko’s room, after Yoshiko disappeared

"Chika-chan, what are you trying to do...?! Kyaaaa~” Riko screamed as her hands were being tied up by her friend

“I’m sorry, Riko. It looks like we need to reset this timeline, too...”

“Huh? Timeline...? What are you talking about, Chika-chan?”

“Tch! I never thought that You-chan would told Yoshiko everything...” mumbled the orange head

“You-chan? Yoshiko-chan? What happened here, Chika-chan?!” still trying to break free

“You don’t have to know, Riko-chan! Just let me reset it all again and I’m sure things would be just fine...”

“H-Huh!? You’re getting crazy, Chika-chan. Please stop this!!”

“No, Riko-chan. It’s you who doesn’t understand...” answered the orange head while her eyes looked like those void of hope, unlike the usual Chika

After Yoshiko being taken by You-chan, Chika was supposed to only came and distracted the redhead. However, far from doing her job correctly, Chika opted to just use her power to reset this timeline because she thought You-chan was just making a mistake by telling their circumstances to Yoshiko. After she managed to fooled the mother of Riko, they went ahead to Riko’s room, and then she tried to execute her plan.

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand, Chika!” a black-haired suddenly showed up from Riko’s behind and she set free the arms of the former girl

“D-Dia... Why are you here?” shocked

“Chika, I can’t believe you’re just about to repeat the same mistake again. I thought you were smarter than this...” Now a blue-haired came and grabbed the orange head

“Kanan, too. I thought I’d already locked you two at your house...”

“Huh? Is making a weak barrier like that even enough to hold us down. You’re underestimating us too much, Chika...” Kanan nonchalantly answered

“Chika, you do know that You-chan put all of her to help you fix the problems you’ve made before, right? Why are you doing this?” Dia made Riko stood behind her so there’s a precaution in case Chika did something dangerous

“I know that! I know that she does put her everything to help me, and that’s why I can’t understand why she planned to tell Yoshiko about what happened before!! I-If she did that, then all of our hardworks are going to be a whole big mess. It’ll only create another branches in the timeline system...” Chika firmed her cause

“It’ll not create branches, Chika...” simple answer from Dia

“H-Huh? There’s no way it’ll not create any branch!!”

“Just think about it. Just why do you think You went that far to make sure Yoshiko didn’t tell Riko about the dreams you’ve made her seen before?”

“Huh? Isn’t that just a sign that You-chan had already surrendered and want to make things easier---”

And not even a second after the orange head said that, Dia went closing their distance and thus her hand flied to the cheek of the former “SHE DID IT ALL FOR YOU, CHIKA!!! Just what is you’ve been studying at the academy before!!!?”

Chika’s face was still filled with anger as she didn’t understand the reason for a move that she thought would only done more harm than good to their initial plan. And then Kanan went ahead and spoke the things Chika should’ve known...

“Chika, do you know about the ‘age regression system’?”

“Age regression system...?”

“Yes. It is a system which an angel can use when they’re dealing with problems that couldn’t be resolved except by resetting a certain branch in the timeline. And what’s happening around Yoshiko and Riko is one of the example of that problem.” Chika was still puzzled as Kanan continued her explanation “However, there’s a ironclad rule if you want to use the age regression system. You mustn’t ever let more than one human know about the changes you’ve made in that branch. And by using the said system, you would be able to reset without damaging other branches, but in return, your age would be the cost for the usage.” and thus Chika finally got the reason for why her lover did all the seemingly coward move earlier

“S-So, are you saying that she sacrificed herself for me...??” tears started to form, bubbly around Chika’s eyes

“Yes.” seriously answered by Dia

“Well, it’s not like she wasted all of her lifetime for this matter. Maybe she still had at least half of her time left...” Kanan said the words as if it wasn’t that grim for someone to just sacrificed half of her lifetime just for fixing asome problem created by the other

“H-Half...” Chika, feeling hopelessly stupid now

“And since she’d told Yoshiko the truth, then the cost must have been paid. Shortly, an hour from now on, this branch would be reset. I don’t know how far the reset would take, but maybe Yoshiko and Riko might need to start over from the moment before they met...”

Chika couldn’t help but feeling out of life. All that she did even after making her lover helping her all to the extent of begging for another chance back then was to make another mess. On the other hand, Riko was still there, feeling overwhelmed just by how much ‘truth’ that’s hidden behind her and Yoshiko being blurted right in front of her. And from how the conversations going around before, she thought that if it’s true then it might mean You-chan would not be capable of using the age regression system since she also knew about the ‘truth’ now. However...

“Don’t worry about it, Riko-chan, All I had to do is just to make sure you forget about what happened here. By doing that, You will not going to waste her life for nothing...” Kanan, as if she could read the mind of the redhead who’s been silent for a while as the angels talked among themselves

“B-But Kanan-san, a-are you sure I will still be able to meet Yoshiko-chan again...?”

“Hahahaha... Relax, Riko-chan. You see, if you two are really fated to be together then don’t worry. I’m sure both of you will find the way to reconnect again. Just think of this as the last trouble we angels made you to suffer. But, let’s see this from another angle..., don’t you feel excited, having the chance to redo how you meet with your future lover again...?”

And by the last sentence Kanan said to her, Riko unconsciously smiled. Well, she did thought that it might not be such a bad deal if she would be experiencing another meeting with her love. Maybe she would be the savior for the junior this time, instead? With so many excitement that she would experience in another future, Riko agreed to the proposal given by the bluehead

“Okay, then, Kanan-san. If that’s the only way to make sure all of the efforts being done in all this ordeal not be a waste then I accept your proposal.”

Kanan was a bit surprised to see that Riko agreed to her proposal. However, right before she started to fiddle with the memories of the redhead, a blue light came out of nowhere...

“Just wait!!!!!” Yoshiko screamed as she suddenly appeared from the strange light before

“Y-Yoshiko-chan!! Where did you go!!?” surprised Riko

“Haha~ Well, it’s a long and boring story. Anyways, we have something to talk, Riko!” yoshiko said as if she wasn’t even surprised by the people inside Riko’s room right now

Riko looked toward Kanan, seemingly asking for permission, and so she did got a nod from the bluehead. “O-Okay, then...” answered Riko to Yoshiko

------------

The beach right in front of Riko’s house, sitting side by side near the water

“So you also knew about them now, Riko?”

“Y-Yes..., it was shocking.”

“Well, no one would be able to feel normal after knowing such existences like angel really exists, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true...”

“Nee, Riko...”

“Yes?”

“You know about You’s plan, right?”

“Yes, Kanan and Dia told me about it earlier..., what about it?”

“Did they said anything else...?”

“Ummm, well, they also said something about showing dreams... So, are they the dreams you asked me about before, Yoshiko-chan...?”

Yoshiko nodded “They were the dreams I got. Well, after knowing the truth, it might be better to say that they were foresight from the future. They were all showing a future where both us are lovers...”

“Lovers, huh? So, even the Lily and Yocchan, too?”

“Yocchan was the name I usually called by my mother, and she taught you about it after we got together. Well, for Lily, it was a name I gave you when I asked you out... Hehe~”

“Me and Yoshiko-chan, huh? It’s still feel so unreal, especially after how much you’re distancing yourself from me all this time... becoming lovers in the near future..., life really is a mystery, nee Yoshiko-chan...?”

“Hahahaha~ Well, even I didn’t expect such turn of events, even thought I do wish that I got to be your lover at some point, Riko...”

And after Yoshiko said the words, Riko was frozen on the spot. Yoshiko tried to snap her out of it, but the redhead (now with red face, too) didn’t show any sign of going back to reality.

“Oi, Riko..., sna---,, e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeeehhh? R-R-Riko, y-y-y-your hand...” now Yoshiko is the same as Riko, blushing hard as her hand was being held by the senior

“... Do you really mean what you said before, Yoshiko-chan...?”

“H-Huh? O-Oh, that... O-O-O-Of course I do! You might not believe me, but even without knowing that I will become your lover in the future from the dream, I’m sure I fell in love with you ever since I saw you at the school entrance ceremony...”

“And I had always loved you ever since I was saved by you at the shrine three years ago, Yoshiko-chan...” Riko cupped the cheek of her junior, eyes looking straight into Yoshiko “I really love you, Yoshiko-chan...!” said Riko again, now she added a bonus with her lips met Yoshiko’s

“R-Riko...! I never know you’re this bold...!!” Yoshiko, blushing even harder

“Hehe~ Now you know the real me, Yoshiko-chan!” Riko smiled

Yoshiko then hugged the senior from behind. They enjoyed the company for a few silent minutes before Yoshiko started speaking again

“So, are you fine with us being separated again...?”

“Well, If I’m being honest I’m really afraid I might even let You-chan’s effort went to waste. However, the excitement of meeting you for the first time again, nurturing admiration, and finally realizing the love I had for you again..., it’s too alluring i can’t even explain just how much I’m looking forward to it now!!” Riko once again smiled at Yoshiko, now with so much destructive force (Yoshiko thought she was too cute with her angelic smile)

“I-If you are really fine with it, then I guess it’s okay...”

Yoshiko looked once again at her love in front of her, her eyes wordlessly saying that they would be fine. “We will be separated again, but trust me..., I will find my way to you again, Lily. So please wait for me...!!”

Yoshiko closed the sentence as she kissed her lover for the last time in this timeline. Not long afterwards, strange white light started to fill their surroundings, signalling that the age regression system is finally taking off.

“I’ll be waiting for you, Yocchan...!” answerd Riko as things went into white, purely white

--------------------

A month after Riko transferred to Uchiura, three years after the reset

Chika and You: Chika was punished severely for her previous actions. However, she did learned from her mistake and managed to clear her name from the mistake she’d done. She also gave up half of her lifetime to You-chan, even thought the latter didn’t want to accept it at all. Chika said that she needed to do that or she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself. You-chan complied in the end.

Kanan and Dia: They were still on watch after the duo angels, but this time they went ahead and joined Aqours so things wouldn’t going awry again.

For Yoshiko and Riko:

��So, we meet again, my little demon...” said the wannabe fallen angel, cloaked in black cape, overly confident with herself

“Ummm, Yocchan...?” confused redhead after being called to enter the clubroom alone

“Lily, please act according to the script I gave you!! It won’t be dramatic if I didn’t do this...” a little bit pissed by her lover who still refused to act like a proper little demon

“Fine, fine, Yocchan...” she held her breath, and then “Now, let me, your little demon to be the one who will be the one dearest to her only fallen angel on this earth...!” a little bit flustered Riko, but Yoshiko smiled proudly at the acting

“As expected of my little demon. Now, from this moment on, you will become my number one little demon whom I love, I adore, I cherish, even until the death do as apart...! Huahahahahahahaha~~~” loudly laughing

Riko, bored face “Now that killed the mood, Yocchan...” Riko laughed herself as she saw the fallen angel was a bit irritated by the comment she made just now. Irritated Yoshiko then ran toward her

“Lily....!!! I said no mocking when we’re doing the ritual!!!!” shouted the purple eyes, chasing her girlfriend who ran outside, still laughing her heart out

The two girls, after being separated once again, found their ways to each other once again, even though it was a bit different this time. Yoshiko didn’t meet Riko at Awashima, instead she met the girl a week before the school entrance when she was going to Tokyo to buy a stock of goth clothes, which on the way was aborted after she heard the redhead humming outside a comic book store. They then met each other again at the school entrance, both being mesmerized by each other, and after Chika and You-chan both invited the two lovebirds to join Aqours, they agreed (because there’s Yoshiko in for Riko, and vice versa). Being put into the same sub-unit also made them much more closer than they already were. And in the end, on one of the sleepover at Riko’s house when Mari couldn’t attend, Riko confessed...

The pursue for the correct path has led her to the one who’s been waiting for her all this time... Connected by the bonds even stronger than before, both girls managed to achieve the same happiness, might be even more than before, they have been trying to find...

HAPPY END

#yohariko #tsushima yoshiko #sakurauchi riko #watanabe you #takami chika #kurosawa dia #matsuura kanan #love live sunshine #endestwords #finally i finished this #hohohohoho #thanks for reading

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