I DONT CARE I AM SHIFTING

I AM SHIFTING

WE ARE SHIFTING

YOU ARE SHIFTING

THEY ARE SHIFTING

EVERYONE IS SHIFTING.

NOTHING CAN STOP YOU. NOT EVEN YOURSELF.

SET THE INTENTION. BUILD YOUR MEMORY.

REPEAT TO YOURSELF

EVERYDAY

TILL YOU GO HOME

BECAUSE YOU WILL.

the first chapter is always so hard

I'm always asking myself "would it be too silly if I wrote x, y, and z for this scene" but really it's a bad habit and I should stop that. Just write it and decide if it's too silly later. This is why I can never get anything done.

In this case, the idea was to follow Betty and Laszlo's trip across the Atlantic to London, at least for the last leg of the ship's journey. I can't help it, I love sea stories and ship lore but sadly it's not the main focus of this tale. It's New Year's Eve, just because New Year's is a special (if harrowing) time for them as a married couple. They are celebrating in the ship's ballroom when the ship hits rough weather and everyone is getting nervous or sick. There's supposed to be music at this party, but the bandleader refused to work under these conditions. Laszlo's manager Phil, who probably had a little too much to drink by this time, loudly announces that Laszlo can play piano instead. Laszlo refuses at first but he can't resist an audience for long. He fights the seasickness long enough to play something and keep everyone calm until the storm passes, all the while thinking "this better not be another Titanic disaster, so help me."

All is well, and they make it safely. Then I was thinking that some stranger, who happens to be a music promoter or a talent manager or something, approaches Laszlo and asks if he's interested in going on tour. Phil jumps at the opportunity; this could be Laszlo's chance at real fame. Laszlo leaves them to discuss the details, perhaps feeling a little wary and cynical at this unlikely opportunity so late in life, but Betty is hopeful.

I guess I don't have a clear picture of who this stranger would be, and it's bugging me that I don't have anyone to "cast" in this role. Any suggestions?

one less obvious way one can self-sabotage:

give yourself impossible to meet deadlines, making the task feel very daunting. and then shame because you (obv.) can’t make it, then procrastinate/give up completing the self-sabotage.

better:

give yourself realistic timeframes to do tasks/work. take your time, you don’t have to work quickly, stressed or ahead of schedule. divide tasks into smaller parts that can be worked on in set time frames and completed, giving yourself a sense of completion. you don’t have to finish all at once.

It’s fog-anthropomorphized-as-a-cat season everybody! Don’t forget to read The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock 97 times this month.

...

tomorrow i won't wake up here, i will shift tonight.

tell yourself that, when you go to the bathroom, when you sit down to have lunch, when you think about shifting, repeat that to yourself, all through your day. build your memory, your conscious will know when to do the rest.

I love you i love you i love you

it may be hard, especially if you’re the agreeable type. but with your friends, you sometimes have to let go of the urge to always be the last to reply. leave them on read, hang up first, leave the party early.

prioritize your needs. you’ll both be there for each other in the future.

Satu demi satu berhati-hati, didorong sampai jatuh, terberai, yang peduli selama ini hanya diri sendiri. Yang lain dengan dunianya, terlintas kamu pun tidak. Kenapa kamu menantikan dan menunggu lebih lama untuk bahagia? Kenapa tidak mewujudkan saat ini juga? Kenapa menolak jatuh dan menjadi tidak berdaya? Bukannya lebih mudah kalau mengikuti hal-hal yang melenakan itu. Janji-janji, harapan, optimisme. Kenapa aku tumbuh menjadi yang menolak semua itu? Darimana kah pandangan bahwasanya banyak sekali hal yang harus ditempuh untuk menjadi bahagia seperti kebanyakan orang?

I am devoted to romance novels but find myself in the middle of three non-fiction books!

Anyhoo, I came across "Lessons in Chemistry" - appropriately called "genre defying". I was amused to find it filed under romance, beach read, humor and now literary fiction, presumably to encourage sales.

It was so easy to read, so easy to relate to. It is a sly subversive book. A whopper of a debut for Bonnie Garmus. Brava!

Kinda like Shondaland's Bridgerton, it starts out docile in the form of / in the guise of a period piece. In the beginning, the gender roles and the unconventional central character (Elizabeth Zott) jump off the pages, they seem so anachronistic.

As the novel unfolds, EZ's honesty and resilience shine through. I found Mad Men and the Marvelous Mrs Maisel hard to watch, such an oppressive and stifling time in the world. Ms. Z is not oblivious but neither does she let the world pull her down. Instead she works with courage and loves with her whole heart. So simple! Bonnie Garmus' tone is perfect.

My favorite novels challenge how I see the world, they open my eyes and do it in a clever sneaky fun way. When the book starts, we're willing to be understanding of 1951 and all the discrimination because, we say to ourselves, thats how things used to be, we've come a long way. I devoured chapters at a time, and when I stepped back into 2023, I found myself blinking. Have we really come a long way?

Each time I stepped away from the book, I came back to the present a changed person... aware of my privilege, sensitive to the suffering of others, and inspired by their courage and resilience. It is no coincidence that Harriet, one of Ms. Garmus' most downtrodden characters gives Ms. Z amazing and life-changing advice.

“Before I go, Elizabeth, can I offer just one bit of advice?” Harriet began. “Actually no, I won’t. I hate getting advice, especially unsolicited advice.” She turned a ruddy color. “Do you hate advice givers? I do. They have a way of making one feel inadequate. And the advice is usually lousy.” “Go on,” Elizabeth urged. Harriet hesitated, then pursed her lips side to side. “Well, fine. Maybe it’s not really advice anyway. It’s more like a tip.” Elizabeth looked back expectantly. “Take a moment for yourself,” Harriet said. “Every day.” “A moment.” “A moment where you are your own priority. Just you. Not your baby, not your work, not your dead Mr. Evans, not your filthy house, not anything. Just you. Elizabeth Zott. Whatever you need, whatever you want, whatever you seek, reconnect with it in that moment.” She gave a sharp tug to her fake pearls. “Then recommit.” 

I'm just full of ideas (as my characters are full of something else)

in 1920s Vienna, a small group of struggling artists have discovered one Georg (whom we all know and love, or at least know) who has the curious ability to swallow people alive. He has proven himself by devouring the evil landlord, a feat which endears him to all poverty-stricken creatives everywhere. The artists are inspired to paint Georg in Expressionist style, to write plays about social reform with Georg as the populist hero, but before long they realize that he knows nothing of art and is liable to eat any one of them, if they're not careful.

I've written this idea down before, but I just had a mental flash of the leader of this artist gang (who bears a certain resemblance to Bertolt Brecht in my imagination, for some reason) getting a new and wicked idea to extract some cash from the downtrodden citizenry: "The stress of modern life and economic depression got you down? Got nothing else to live for? Don't throw yourself out the window, let us do it! For just a few schilling you can pay a visit to our creepy back room where a doctor will ensure a painless exit from this world... no never mind that little gentleman with the hungry grin, it's nothing."

I sometimes wonder, if I lived back then and wrote stories just like this, would I be considered a satirical writer? A surrealist? Or would everyone shake their heads and knowingly mumble to themselves: "ah, a sexual deviant."

I'm just... constantly looking for my fetishes in older literature and it's vanishingly rare.

Fight rejection sensitivity dysphoria with the ARMOR that external rejection is good for you. Rejection is protecting you from things that aren't meant for you. Rejection is not really about you. It means that you can go on a different path. You are still in control even when you are rejected.

But if you fight against rejection or avoid rejection... you're rejecting YOURSELF, which is not protective at all.