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spine-buster · 4 years

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The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 25

A/N: So this chapter begins the first mention of COVID-19 for the story. I know it’s not much but I did want to put a little disclaimer because I know it was a traumatic event for many people, especially those who were affected by it personally. We will obviously get deeper into it as the story progresses in the next chapters (judging by the date...it’s time!)

Also, no @’ing me about what happens here with a certain someone.

March 2nd, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was paying attention to the news at the airport.

“While the first case of what epidemiologists are referring to as COVID-19 was recorded in Toronto on January 25th, the novel coronavirus is still baffling some scientists in terms of its symptoms. They range from severe in some, to completely asymptomatic in others. While there are currently less than twenty cases in Toronto thus far, Ontario health officials have recorded three news cases today. One is a man in his 60s who returned on a flight from Egypt, while the other two are women in their 60s and 70s returning on a flight from Egypt. Public health officials are encouraging individuals to wash their hands frequently and exercise caution whenever and wherever possible.”

“Want some hand sanitizer?” John asked from beside her. He was laid out in the chair beside her while her knees were against her chest.

She nodded, leaving her bag of pretzels in her lap before she extended her hand and he squirted some Purell onto her hand. John always had everything readily available – hand sanitizer, band aids, healthy granola bars, breath mints – she was sure he probably had a spare hair elastic in his backpack too, and a full surgery kit for all she knew. She rubbed the sanitizer in between her hands. “What do you think about all this?” she asked, motioning towards the TV monitor.

John shrugged. “I’m a bit nervous about it,” he admitted. “I know that Aryne is taking some extra precautions with Jace. A lot of her friends from Queen’s ended up going to med school so she’s friends with a lot of doctors and listening to their advice.”

“I guess we should all be.”

“Wouldn’t hurt, right?” John asked rhetorically. “Better safe than sorry. What do you think about it?”

Aberdeen pursed her lips slightly. “I have no clue. Science goes way above my head. But if doctors and epidemiologists are going to tell me to do something – or not do something – so I don’t get sick, I’m going to do it – or not do it – whatever.”

“Atta girl,” John smiled. “Just listen to the experts.”

“That’s why I listen to you about hockey,” she winked.

He laughed out loud. “You butter me up too much. What are you looking for? A granola bar? You already have pretzels.”

“Not everything with me has to do with food.”

“Really?”

She pinched him.

***

March 5th, 2020

It was 24 Celsius in Los Angeles, and Aberdeen was loving it. Though the Leafs had suffered a bit of an embarrassing loss to San Jose the night before, today the team had a day off before they had back to back games against the Kings and Ducks. Some of them were going shopping on Rodeo Drive (Auston, Frederik), and some were visiting old friends since being traded (Kyle, Jack), but most were doing exactly what Aberdeen wanted to do: going to the beach.

They decided on Malibu Beach. It was only a thirty minute drive from the hotel, so Aberdeen put on her bathing suit and packed herself in a car with John, Jason, and Justin Holl. William, Rasmus, Kappy, and Pierre followed in another, with Tyson and Mitch tagging along in the last car too. It may not have been super-hot to Californians, but for sun-starved Canadians, it would do. The sun was out, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and she was going to tan the entire afternoon. She would take advantage of it as much as possible.

As she helped set up the blankets and beach towels, she watched as Mitch and Tyson already stripped down to their bathing suits and ran into the ocean together. Pierre was setting up some Bluetooth speakers and John was passing around the sunscreen. The visual of these men rubbing sunscreen across their abs made Aberdeen’s heart flutter – but then the image of them having to slather sunscreen all over each other’s backs brought her back down to earth. She chuckled to herself and shook her head.

“Aberdeen, sunscreen!” John tossed the bottle towards her. She caught it and stripped down to her tankini before squirting some onto her legs and arms, making sure to cover herself thoroughly. She could tell William was watching but trying not to make it seem like he was. Jason took care of her back.

The guys did their own thing while Aberdeen read her book and tanned. She could hear them screaming every now and then and watched as they gave each other piggyback rides and splashed water at each other like they were a peewee hockey team on a weekend tournament. Every now and again someone would come back to the blankets and beach towels to relax, but soon enough, they were back in the ocean, being loud and obnoxious but happy, happy boys.

“Whatcha reading?” Tyson asked as he walked towards her, wet from the salt water and sand sticking to his legs. She flashed the book at him – Milkman by Anna Burns – and he squinted his eyes to see it properly in the sunlight. “Is it about milk?” he asked.

She shorted. She remembered back to when she was reading Women Talking by Miriam Toews and William asked “Do women talk in it?” like a smartass. “It’s about a woman in what’s very obviously Belfast coming of age during the Troubles. I thought it might give me some more insight into what my mom grew up in.”

“Is it any good? Was it as good as the one you were reading last week on the plane? Normal Girls or whatever it was?”

Aberdeen giggled. “Normal People, you mean? No, it’s not as good as that. Fuck, I loved that book.”

“I know. You wouldn’t shut up about it!” he joked, wiping his body off. From behind him, Aberdeen could see John making his way towards them. William was still off in the ocean, throwing a football between him, Pierre, and Mitch. “Think you can teach Mitch how to read?”

Aberdeen smiled. “I can certainly try.”

As if on cue, Mitch’s booming voice was heard. “Hey T-Bear! Get over here!” he yelled, putting everything he had into his throw of the football so it reached Tyson, who caught it expertly.

“See ya later, Aberdeen,” he said before running off, throwing the football towards Pierre who had to dive into the water to catch it.

Instead of focusing on the water cascading down Pierre’s abs or the sunlight hitting William’s broad shoulders perfectly, making him look like some Norse god, she focused her attention on John. “You feeling good?” she asked.

“The best,” he nodded, wiping himself off before lying the towel down again and sitting on it, bringing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. “You’ve already gotten some colour,” he commented.

“Thank God,” she said, looking down at her arms. “The winter has made me so pale. It’s a bummer I didn’t get my dad’s skin tone. My sister and brother got lucky with that.”

“You took after the Scottish side?” he asked. Aberdeen nodded. “I get it,” he said. “Aryne can’t tan either. She burns too easily.”

“Wonder if the Swedes are going to look like tomatoes in a couple of hours,” she said, nodding her head towards them. “Imagine they’re on TV and beet red? I might get fired for not slathering sunscreen on you guys or not telling you to put on some hats.”

John laughed out loud, choosing to lean back on his elbows. “I don’t know about that, Aberdeen. Something tells me you’ll be around for a long time if certain people have anything to say about it – well, until you want to leave, that is.”

Aberdeen’s body stiffened slightly at his words. “Wh…what do you mean?” she asked.

“Ah, nothing serious, Aberdeen. Don’t worry,” he said, shaking his head. With the silence between them, Aberdeen thought he may have dropped it, but he didn’t. He was just preparing to articulate what he wanted to say. “It’s not just Brendan liking you, you know. We know William has, like, the biggest crush on you, okay? We’re all adults here,” he said to her shock. “It’s cute, but we all know it’s harmless.”

“It is harmless,” she stressed.

“I know, Aberdeen. Don’t worry.”

“Don’t for a second forget that you’re all Toronto Maple Leafs,” she said. “Every job in this organization is a dream job for someone and you guys forget that some people spend their entire lives, their entire careers, building up their resumes waiting to get hired by this organization. Nobody would ever, ever, under any circumstances, want to do anything to fuck it up, because once you’re done here, there’s nowhere else to go.”

“I knooooow, I know. I’m just ribbing you like we rib him about it,” he smiled. He was so jovial about it all that Aberdeen calmed down a bit. He wasn’t trying to get to the bottom of something like he was when he and Morgan asked her about Ethan – he was just being good-humoured. A human, not a captain of a hockey team. Maybe her overreaction was a bit much but she needed to remain guarded and vigilant about it if ever, and whenever the guys brought it up. “He looks at you googly-eyed all the time even though he knows nothing’s ever gonna happen. I’m pretty sure he’d cry whenever you leave.”

Aberdeen snorted. Cry from joy, probably, because that would mean they could actually touch each other in public. “He told you that? That nothing is ever gonna happen?”

John nodded his head. “Well, nothing’s ever gonna happen as long as you work here,” he clarified. “But don’t tell him I told you. He kind of figures and we all know it’s a lost cause as long as you’re working here.”

Aberdeen nodded, deciding not to say anything as she looked out into the distance. The boys were still throwing the football, and Justin was attempting a yoga pose on the beach. She picked up her book and buried her head in it.

***

Adrian Kempe, a Swedish friend of William’s, recommended a taco restaurant in Malibu for the group to have dinner. It wasn’t a far drive from where they were on the beach, so at around six in the evening, they shook the sand off the towels and packed them back in the cars and headed to Café Habana. Aberdeen was in the car with John, Jason, and Justin again.

When they arrived at the restaurant, she looked out the backseat window to see Kappy making a beeline towards someone. The girl, Aberdeen soon noticed, was Saylor. She figured Saylor was here for another modelling gig, though Aberdeen did find it somewhat amusing that Saylor always popped up in cities or areas with…well, shall we say distractions. She was in New York. Las Vegas. Aberdeen knew she’d been to Florida. Now she was in LA. Saylor didn’t go Columbus or Colorado.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” Saylor squealed as she saw Willy, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him. “Surrrrrpriiiiise!”

“Surprise,” he smirked, but Aberdeen could tell he wasn’t as excited as she was. “Here for some modelling?”

“Who wouldn’t want to come down to LA to model? I just came from a shoot,” she said, now focusing her attention on Aberdeen. “Hey girl!” she squealed again.

“Hi Saylor,” she smiled.

“I’m so glad I won’t be the only girl here tonight,” she smirked. “The boys can get so boring sometimes.”

“Aberdeen’s used to it by now,” Jason piped in. “She’s only been travelling with us since September.”

The group moved towards the restaurant and were seated in the back patio at a long table. Aberdeen was squished in between Jason and John, and directly across from her sat Willy, Pierre to his right and Saylor to his left. Saylor and Kasperi didn’t even have to sit down to ask the waiter and waitress attending to them if they had oysters. They didn’t. With one quick look at the menu, and a disproportionately long discussion requiring everybody’s calculators to be out to determine how many orders of tacos were required for everybody to have three tacos each (much to Aberdeen’s entertainment), the group ordered four orders of every taco variation (and there were five of them) on the menu, along with some sides of baby broccoli, sautéed zucchini, and French fries. As a dining group of 11, it should have been more than enough food. She felt bad for the chefs, but knew the food would be amazing. She saw it being brought to a table near them and it looked delectable.

While Aberdeen maintained professionalism at all times when she was in front of the guys, when the tacos came, that professionalism waned. She made sure to grab the four tacos she was guaranteed and wanted and piled them onto her plate. They looked delicious. Even as she bit into her first one, she moaned audibly at the taste, making the guys around her laugh. Willy eyed her as she did so, taking a bite out of his own.

“So what have you been up to?” Saylor asked Aberdeen as she crunched on a French fry. “Kappy told me it was your birthday?”

“It was! I turned 22.”

“Ohmigod, I remember my 22nd birthday. We went to the rooftop bar at the Bowery Hotel in New York City,” Saylor said. Aberdeen knew it would be something ultra-luxurious because that was the only way Saylor seemed to roll. “What did you end up doing?”

“Oh, a bunch of friends and I just got a booth and bottle service at a club. Nothing as fancy as that,” Aberdeen answered.

“How many were you?”

“I’d say about twenty.”

Saylor’s eyes bulged a bit. “When you get older, your friend group gets soooo small,” she said, her tone making it seem like she was the all-knowledgeable big sister bestowing wise knowledge upon Aberdeen. Saylor was only a year older than her. If it was Jen, Aryne, or Bee giving this advice, fine – but not Saylor. “My friend group is so small now. All the drama that goes on between people is just so tiring, you know? Less people, less drama.”

Aberdeen didn’t want to be rude, so she nodded her head. “I can get that. These are all people I’ve known since high school and throughout university, though. We’ve already been friends for a long time.”

“And you’re still friends with them?” Saylor asked.

Aberdeen nodded her head. Before she could say anything else, John piped up. “I think that’s a testament to your character more so than anything, Aberdeen.”

“But it could also speak to, like, the way people are,” Saylor went on. Aberdeen indulged her, looking at her so she would continue. “Like, when I was in high school – my family is from Lake Forest, and I went to Lake Forest Academy – I found out this one friend was talking behind my back and I totally ditched her. But then we ended up at the same college, and it was really weird for a while, but then we ended up becoming friends!”

Aberdeen didn’t know what point she was trying to make. Neither did anybody else listening, judging by the looks on their faces. “That’s good you were able to turn the relationship around,” she commented, not knowing what else to say.

Saylor looked very proud of herself. “Besides that, what else have you been up to? Are you still just, like, Brendan’s assistant?”

Aberdeen bit her tongue to smile curtly. “Just.”

“And a great one at that,” Jason said before stuffing his mouth with a taco.

“I guess that’s enough for you,” Saylor commented.

Aberdeen almost dropped her taco. So did Jason. Willy was looking in between them. She didn’t know how to respond at this point and not sound rude when Saylor’s rudeness was so blatantly obvious. Aberdeen still wasn’t sure whether or not Saylor actually had the capacity to be underhanded. She was starting to err on the side of Saylor knowing exactly what she was saying to people but saying it in such a way and with such a tone that everyone thought she was just dumb and didn’t know better. Aberdeen began to believe Saylor did know better, and her act wasn’t fooling Aberdeen anymore. It made her reconsider what Saylor said to her in New York about her nose. “It’s actually not enough for me, but it’s what’s paying the bills right now and I’m not going to discuss career aspirations at the dinner table in front of people who are technically my colleagues and who don’t want to see me leave anytime soon.”

“But you can’t be in a job you hate just because it pays the bills!” she said like some dreamer. “You need to go out there and be creative! Cultivate! Be artistic! Design! Sometimes the best opportunities come when you just drop everything, quit your job, and start hustling as you do what you love!”

Aberdeen felt her blood begin to boil. She tried to remain calm. “One – I never said I hated my job. I love this job and I love the people I work with,” she clarified. “Two – that’s a bit easy to say for someone with family money who grew up in Lake Forest and went to a private school. I have rent to pay. Bills – groceries, my cell phone, internet, stuff for my cat – I can’t just up and quit my job with a steady income to hustle and be creative when I have a shit ton of responsibilities.”

“I’m sure your parents would help you if it’s your dream and it’s something you really wanted to do.”

“No, they wouldn’t,” Aberdeen deadpanned. “My parents have their own shit to deal with. My mom would kick my ass if I was that stupid. I mean, my parents are immigrants, so that goes without saying. They don’t owe me a dollar, and I would never ask them for it. I would never do that to them.”

“What about your grandparents?”

Aberdeen could feel John, Jason, Pierre, and Willy deflate at the question. It was almost comical. “I think you’re missing the point, Saylor,” Jason said nicely. “Aberdeen is already hustling to get to an end-goal of writing. This job is actually helping her get to that goal.”

“Writing?” Saylor questioned. “I thought for sure you wanted to, like, work in sports or broadcasting or something. Writing, then? That makes sense, I guess. Better for you to stick behind the cameras.”

Aberdeen wondered if everybody else could hear what Saylor was saying too. She felt like she was in the twilight zone or something. It confirmed to her that Saylor knew exactly what she was saying. “Yeah, I guess. Kind of how it’s better for you to be in front of the cameras because you thrive on attention.”

“Yes! Modelling is all about getting attention and hype around your brand,” she smiled sincerely, so happy that the topic was back on her and her modelling. She didn’t get the subtle dig at her…extracurricular activities that took up more of people’s attention than any work or collaborations or modelling she’d done. “I’m working so hard to build mine now, which is why I’m in LA having meetings and doing more collabs.”

“Is modelling enough for you?” Jason asked.

Aberdeen almost spit out her water, but Willy beat her to it. She saw Saylor’s face light up even more. “Oh my God, yes. I looove modelling. I’m soooo into the creative aspect of it and building my brand.”

“That’s great, Saylor,” Aberdeen smiled. “I’m really glad that it’s working out for you considering how much you love it.”

“Thanks, girl,” she winked. “It’s hard because the industry is so saturated these days. I mean we were talking about this in New York. Every girl with an iPhone, some makeup, and good angles thinks she’s a model. It really takes someone creative like me to stand out. Someone with a unique look and a unique brand,” she went on. “Like your nose, you know? It’s big. Huge. We talked about that. You could get a nose job, or you could work with it. Most would get a nose job.”

Jason was ready for Aberdeen to snap. So was John. So was Pierre. But William knew better. When he saw Aberdeen smile, close-mouthed, just a hint of a coy grin playing on her face, he knew better. “I have a Virginia Woolf nose,” Aberdeen said. “It reminds me of how much I want to become a writer and not a model.”

***

“I feel like I just watched a WWE match on pay-per-view,” Aberdeen overheard Justin say to Jason in a low voice as they trailed behind her in the parking lot (he sat beside Jason during the meal and had heard everything, but even if he hadn’t sat beside him, Aberdeen had a feeling he still would have heard). After the tacos were eaten, everybody decided to call it a night and go back to the hotel – well, mostly everyone. Saylor wanted to go out for drinks somewhere else in Malibu. Everybody else politely declined.

“Yeah, except it was pretty one-sided,” Jason said in an equally low voice. “It’s like Aberdeen was Stone Cold Steve Austin and Saylor was the poor jobber her stunnered every Monday night.”

“You picked up on the nose comment too, right? I mean she was basically telling Aberdeen to get a nose job?” Justin asked.

“Yup,” Jason popped the P sound.

“I thought I was going crazy when I heard it.”

“Yeah, me too. But from what I’ve heard from Jen I didn’t expect more from her.”

“It’s good that Aberdeen is mature. I think if it were me at 22, I would have lunged across the table,” Justin commented.

***

“Who’s Virginia Woolf?”

Aberdeen was lying naked in her hotel bed, tits out, with William lying by her side after he’d fucked her, and that was the question he asked. Aberdeen smiled. She loved William and she knew him – she really did, at least she liked to think – but sometimes she didn’t understand how his brain worked. She knew she liked to call him “Head Empty”, but sometimes she wasn’t so sure. He clearly had thoughts. He just brought them up at weird times. “She was a writer in the early 1900s,” she answered, laughing slightly.

“And you want to be like her?”

She shook her head. “I’d like my writing to be like her writing.”

“Why don’t you want to be like her?”

“She filled her pockets with rocks and committed suicide by drowning herself in the river behind her home,” she said, looking over at him. His face was blank, processing the information, and she smiled wider. “Maybe if my writing was like hers, I’d actually get published in Toronto Life or something.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

Her smile faded. She hadn’t told him yet. She’d wanted to keep it to herself for as long as possible because she didn’t want to burden him with the news. “I did try. I sent in one of my personal essays and they rejected it. They sent me the email on my birthday.”

William remained silent. He saw the look on Aberdeen’s face and knew that she felt embarrassed and disappointed – in herself, in her writing. He wrapped an arm around her and propped himself up on his elbow so he could look down at her. “Minskatt…”

“Don’t, Willy. You’re going to make me cry.”

“No,” he shook his head, not accepting what she was saying. “After the Carolina game you told me I needed to talk more and that you’d listen. Well, you need to talk now and I’ll listen,” he said. “Talk to me, minskatt. I’m listening.”

Tears welled in her eyes, and it wasn’t because of her writing getting rejected anymore. It was because of the man hovering over her. His head may by empty, but Aberdeen was sure his heart was full of gold. She didn’t know how she got so lucky. She didn’t know how he was hers. “I just don’t know how much more rejection I can take,” she whispered. “I try and I try and I write and I write and I read so I can write better and nothing is working. Nothing,” her voice was shaky. “I just want an editor to read my writing and say ‘This is what I’ve been looking for all along.’ But that hasn’t happened yet. And I’m scared it’s never going to happen.”

“It’ll happen one day, minskatt. I promise you,” William encouraged as he tightened his grip around her with his one arm. “You’re so talented. Your dreams are going to come true and you’re going to look back and wonder why you ever doubted yourself.”

“Do you doubt me?” she asked suddenly.

“No,” William said without hesitation. “Not for a second.”

Aberdeen stayed silent, bringing a hand up to wipe the few tears that had fallen down the side of her face. She rested it on William’s forearm draped across her body. “When I get like this, all my insecurities come out. About my future, about everything. Maybe I was never destined to be a writer. Maybe I was destined to be a personal assistant or a bank teller. Maybe I was destined just to be normal girl with a big nose and nothing special.”

“How can you say you’re nothing special when you’re my treasure?” he asked, burying his face in the crook of her neck and placing a light kiss there. She couldn’t help but smile, and he smiled at the fact he made her smile. “That has to count for something, right minskatt?” he stressed the word.

She nodded. “It counts for everything.” She looked directly into his baby blues, barely blinking. “The second I leave here I’m going to plant the biggest kiss on your lips, Willy. You have absolutely no idea.”

That caused William to laugh out loud before he bent down and gave her a quick kiss. “Not if I beat you to it,” he said.

“You won’t. Trust me. God, I can hardly wait,” she said. “I still don’t know why you keep waiting for me.”

“Are you listening?” he asked.

“Mhm.”

“I wait for you because I love you. Because I love everything about you.”

“Even my big nose?”

“My favourite part of you,” he kissed the tip of it. She could have cried again. “It’s what makes you you. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

When she craned her neck to kiss him, she made sure to wrap her arms around his body and pull him close, wanting to feel his body on top of hers. He got the hint, and stuck his tongue down her throat, and they kissed until he was hard again. Though he hadn’t expected a second round, he was more than willing to partake. He even made sure to bring extra condoms. He always did now – since Valentine’s Day. He had them everywhere: in his wallet, in his suitcase, in his shoe. “I love you minskatt,” he mumbled against her lips.

She didn’t respond at first. But when she did, it was with something he wasn’t expecting. “Tell me how you want me.”

He froze for a brief second, the previous conversation they were just having still fresh in his mind. “What?”

“Do you want me from behind? On top?” she asked in a breathy voice.

He groaned. “On top.”

They switched positions so he was lying on his back. Aberdeen climbed on top of him. “Willy?” she asked. “Can we…can we try something different?”

He nodded quickly. “What is it, Aberdeen?”

“Can we…” she began, almost a bit embarrassed. “Can I try reverse cowgirl?”

William couldn’t help but smile. “Of course,” he said, gripping at her hips.

“D’you have another condom?”

“My back pocket.”

She dismounted him, leaning over the bed to grab his pants on the floor and retrieve the packet. When she straddled him again, she did it so her back was to his face. He could feel her pump him a few times before she rolled on the condom, and he sighed at the feeling. She looked over her shoulder at him. “I love you, Willy.”

“I love you too,” he said, his hands back on her hips. He helped her lower herself onto him, the both of the moaning at the feeling. He loved watching himself disappear inside of her. He noticed she wasn’t moving yet. “You okay?” he asked.

Aberdeen nodded her head. “It feels so good,” she said. “I’ve never…you know…”

“It’s okay,” he said, understanding what she wasn’t saying. He couldn’t believe that her previous sexual partners were so selfish that they never let her explore what she liked or what she could possibly like or positions she could do. He shuddered at the thought of her potentially asking and being turned down. It made him angry just thinking about it. He didn’t want her to be that way with him. He wanted her to be completely open. “Do what you feel comfortable with, minskatt.”

She began rolling her hips back and forth. William groaned in response, and he could feel Aberdeen’s hands grip his thighs and her nails dig in slightly. As she rocked herself on his cock, she began to moan, gasping out anytime William would buck his hips slightly. He had to admit he liked the view, but what he liked even more was that she was enjoying herself on top of him, doing what she wanted.

“Willy?” she asked suddenly. She looked over her shoulder at him again. She looked so innocent and he knew that she meant to do it, and he almost exploded right then and there as she bat her eyelashes at him. “Can you…can you come up here?”

He did as he was told, pushing himself up and wrapping his arms around her body. He kissed her back and dragged his lips along her skin to her shoulder and neck. “What is it, minskatt?” he asked.

“What if I wanted to try more?”

If it was possible, William felt even hotter. The sound of her voice saying those words was…indescribable. “What do you mean?”

“You just make me feel so good. I’ve never had anybody make me feel this way. I feel so comfortable with you,” she said. “You…I feel safe to try things with you. Things I couldn’t try with other guys.”

He knew what she was getting at. He placed a tender kiss on her shoulder. “What do you want to try?” he asked. She remained silent, wondering if she should have even said anything. “Don’t be ashamed, minskatt. What do you want me to do?”

She hesitated. “D’you…can you pinch my nipples?”

He smiled because it was such a simple request. He brought his hands up and cupped her breasts, pinching her nipples between his thumb and index fingers. He felt her sharp intake of breath and her head leaned back into his shoulder. He could tell by her reaction that she wanted more. “What else?” he asked, biting down on her skin near her shoulder. “What are you not telling me?”

“That,” she stressed. He didn’t know what she meant. “The bite. You—You can fuck me, Willy. I want you to fuck me. You can be rougher with me. I think I’ll like it.”

When William heard those words and how she emphasized them, he wanted to make sure. Needed to make sure. The first time they had sex it was a good old-fashioned hookup. The second time they had sex they’d made love. In subsequent times since, it was mostly making love, if only because they had waited so long to finally be together and that was what they wanted to “release” – love. But now, with those words being said, he knew Aberdeen was ready to take the next step. She was willing to go further. She trusted him to go further with her, and only wanted to do it with him. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I trust you. Fuck me, Willy.”

He pinched her nipples again, harder this time, and she gasped. He started to move his hips too, moving inside of her, and she began to moan again. Without warning, he fell back down on the bed, bringing her with him so her back was flush against his chest, though her knees were still bent and he was still in her. This was definitely a new position for her, judging by her reaction – a quick “oh fuck” escaping her lips. He heard her breathing get heavier as she felt one of his hands snake down from her breasts and on to her clit. “Willy…” she moaned out.

He started pounding into her, using his athletic physique to be able to so with such force in a new angle she’d never felt before. Her moans fuelled him, and the moans changed to slight whimpers when he started rubbing at her clit. “Fuck, Willy…” she managed to get out.

But he wasn’t done. At least he didn’t want to be done. His other hand, still pinching her nipple, moved up to her neck. “Willy,” she mewled, bringing her own hand up and placing it over his.

“Is that okay?” he whispered into her ear. He wasn’t applying any pressure – it was just sort of there – but that was apparently enough for her. He wouldn’t have felt comfortable going further, anyway, at least without her verbalizing something.

“Yes Willy, fuck,” she arched her back. “Fuck me. Fuck me harder.”

He increased his pace. Her cries let him know that even with those simple actions, she was feeling pleasure. She was liking it. She was getting what she wanted from him. That was the only thing he wanted. “I want you to cum all over my cock, Aberdeen,” he growled into her ear. She didn’t answer, but when she arched her back again, he felt her walls tighten around his cock and he knew she was done. He let himself find his release too, groaning in pleasure as her body writhed on top of his. He didn’t stop rubbing her clit until her hand went over his to stop him. Her body went still as he slipped out of her and she fell to his side, trying to regain her breath.

After a couple of minutes, she curled around to face him. “I know that was probably really tame but it was new for me.”

William shook his head. He didn’t want her to feel nervous about anything. “Baby steps,” he kissed her.

“No guy has ever, like…asked what I like in the bedroom,” she admitted. “So I couldn’t explore things. Well I didn’t feel comfortable exploring things. But I know I can with you.”

William nodded his head. “Don’t worry, minskatt. We can start slow. No need to rush. You can tell me what you like and where you’re willing to go.”

“You too.”

“Hmm?”

“You tell me what you like and where you’re willing to go, and I’ll go there with you too.”

He nodded his head, smiling. “I love you.”

“I love you too. More than anything.”

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betweentheracks · 3 years

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Heyo! Not to be too nosy here but you mentioned you're in bad health and recovering, and I just wondered what happened? Also how would it impact your career since, from how you've made it all seem thus far, it's a highly active and demanding job?

Hope you take care and get well! You appear quite strong and not like you'd take whatever has happened just lying down, so here's to you!! 🙏💓

No sweat and no worries here, I dont find this particularly invasive. If anything, I'm flattered you care to ask after me lol. 😁

A few weeks back I met a friend I hadn't seen in some time for lunch. This was against my better sense of caution that I've held firmly to throughout the pandemic, but I would feel regretful and dismissive if I didnt agree to see her while I had the chance. I should've listened my gut and stayed safely at work because this "friend" failed to mention she had tested positive (she knew already by the time of our lunch date, she has since admitted) and had figured since she had no symptoms there was no harm in being in public.

FF only a few days later and I was feeling a little unwell but had put it off as an effect of the winter blast that had just hit where I live. I'd spent half a day out in the cold and snow for a photoshoot only the day before and thought it was probably due to that since I'm susceptible to weather influenced head colds and bronchitis. Fortunately, my job mandates a rigid COVID-19 screening twice a week due to our high profile clientele and as an assurance of health and safety for us all. Mine read back with a positive and with the way I had been feeling I was immediately sent home and the company closed its doors while the building was sterilized and our clients notified.

Thankfully I managed not to infect anyone I work with nor my son. Regrettably, I did infect my best friend since we're horrifically incapable of maintaining personal space and have weak shit immune systems. We both agree it is a wonder we made it this far into plague times without it catching us.

So I went and got looked over and sent on my way with my prescription of potent anti-virals and steroids. I was well prepared to abide the quarantine guidelines and had sent my son to my mother's home for the duration so that he was out of the danger zone. It was fine, I was kinda cool and keen on getting a few days to myself to rest up and all that jazz. But it wasn't meant to last and I found trouble in the form of being unable to remain conscious much at all and would pass out constantly. After a few times of this I gave my brother (he's a doctor and vaccinated) a ring and told him that my fatigue was no joke dude and needed him to come give me a better once over than the one I'd gotten before bc I was sure I was not meant to feel this badly. He found me unconscious in the shower that night, my head battered from crashing to the basin.

After ensuring I wasn't concussed and jokes on what a hard head I have to take such a beating and show no signs of registering it beyond bruising (a joke between us due to him having once accidentally put a golf club into my forehead and fracturing my skull but that's a different story) he told me to call him regularly so that he can review how I feel and the progression of my symptoms and left. By the morning I had already had two more instances of sudden fatigue and collapsing in on myself. I had been posting on my main blog here about how I was doing and due to this I caught the concern of @peekbackstage and upon their suggestion to have my O2 levels tested it was revealed that I was having issues with my blood not circulating oxygen as it should and nearing hypoxia.

Here's the rub. I have a heart condition that is already very dangerous and bleak which limits my heart's capability of delivering blood through my body as it should. Cardiomyopathy or, as it seems better known, congestive heart failure. I've had surgery for it and it has been a while since it caused me any real issues as long as I stick to my routine of care and manage my health, but when COVID-19 infiltrated my body it immediately snagged upon this weak heart of mine and sank its fangs in.

Within a day of being admitted to the hospital I had a grand mal seizure due to the constant fluctuations of oxygen in my blood and the way my body was working double time to supplement for it. And only 2 days after that and when my nervous system had finally quieted down, I went into full cardiac arrest with a heart attack at my young age.

My next weeks were spent connected to machines doing more for me than my own body could. I developed pneumonia in my lungs, acute though it was it was still another complication that my wrecked body had to overcome as it made my already ragged breathing even worse. I was steadily shedding muscle tone and definition due to a lack of mobility and the fact that my body felt like a deadweight I could hardly take command of, and generally very weakened. My heart, the horrible thing, was inflamed and trying too hard by beating too fast, too hard.

FF some more and I was doing fairly well and treatments were showing some improvement. My heart was still being an ugly and gnarled beast in my chest and throwing weird spikes on the monitor that raised alarms. The pneumonia was retreating and I had no further seizures. It was the dawning light of my first signs that I was recovering!

It took a while more and so fucking many tests day in and day out for me get cleared for release. I tested negative for COVID-19 and was ashamed that I actually forgot that that was why I was even in the hospital to begin with, given all that happened. I have to undergo physical therapy and counseling; PT for heart happy exercises as well as to manage to my depleted muscles, counseling bc I was rocked mentally from all the almost dying and the depressive haze of being holed up in the hospital and surrounded by people who, like me, came in with COVID-19 but unlike me did not come out of it.

I'm home now. I had to have a pacemaker implanted and must stay vigilant for any showing that my heart is not performing as it should. I still have some severe inflammation and chest restriction in my airways as well as my blood vessels but nothing too daunting. I also have a full battalion of prescriptions, most for my heart, and a nebulizer to ease any breathing issues. The worst is honestly that I still am very weak and have severely limited reserves of energy.

My job is required to make me take 12 weeks of leave for rest and recuperation. This is very upsetting since I had been requested by name to be an assistant stylist at the Grammys this year which is truly a dream (especially with BTS in the mix 😩😩) and also bc I'm just a workaholic by nature and love my job. When I return I am expected to learn how to properly delegate tasks that do not directly require me to handle and slow down the pacing of my projects. My boss terminated a contract with a client that was nearing the scheduled end of our agreement and was also incredibly problematic to help lighten my workload. It's imperative that I reign in my stress levels or my heart will not last until the next surgery I'll need, so I'm gritting my teeth and letting my job be picked apart to reduce my responsibilities.

My post awaits my return but I will not be returning to full activity for a while after, which means no rifling through the racks for hours alongside the archivists in search of the perfect piece. I'll be welcome to meet with my clients and oversee the glam teams, will still be the command tower for final verdicts on which styles to use. But I will not be running around showrooms nor personally handling matters any competent trainee could be tasked with like I've always done. I will no longer be able to fly out anywhere for destination shoots or fashion shows.

If, after my next surgery, things are better and my heart stable to the point that they are hopeful of things will be reevaluated. While it is difficult beyond measure for me to relinquish the reigns of my career and be restricted in what I can do now, I am very thankful to be alive and upright when that wasn't a certainty just a little while ago. This is such a humbling experience to have survived when my stats kept dropping every day. I've been told to expect that I will never make a full 100% recovery and to expect to stall out around the 70%-90% range, with 70% being the most realistic.

My best friend (the one I gave the plague to) will be moving in with me so that I am never on my own if things go tits up and to assist in wrangling a toddler since I am currently without the energy to do so as my child is, sincerely, a crazy gremlin spawn with limitless battery life. Slowly, my life will regain some normalcy 💖

#racks asks #personal and long winded - read at own risk

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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years

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Way Back Home (Bro!Taeyong x you)

BRO-SIS relationship here. not incest but pure sibling story!

I hope you enjoy them. Stay safe and healthy and happy everyone!

Cosmic loves you 💖

here we go!

In this pandemic time, starting first year in college is something different. Yes it was challenging and it was not so fun, especially since you have been waiting for this time of life to really feel what it's like to be an international first year student. You have prepared yourself to meet new roommates, living in a dormitory, and meeting people from different part of the world. Sadly, everything must be postponed because of COVID-19, and for your own safety, you're not allowed to go. Other than that, you are lucky you got accepted to the school you want, but surprise surprise you have to take the classes online. Online means using Zoom meetings and attending it like the scheduled time. This will be okay if you live on the same time zone, but here you are living 14 hours ahead, not to mention they have daylight saving thing your country never has! On November the time had changed to 15 hours difference, and you are still going strong. "Morning Taeyong," you peek your head from the door, your bed hair and pillow face greet your brother and he laughs on your puffiness. "It's almost eleven, come on wash your face." He says as he walks around the house, running a vacuum cleaner with the TV on. "Last night I can't directly sleep. Someone wants to check their Math homework with me, and I just slept at three." you yawn as you make your way to the bathroom and freshen up a bit. "Yes I know it is hard to study midnight, but that is why I didn't wake you up." he turns the vacuum off, stores it nicely in the small room and launches himself on the sofa. "I myself is enjoying the lack of sleep I cannot have during the promotional time." Taeyong leans into the soft couch and breathes a sigh of relief. "Yeah yeah yeah, I want to watch Mtopia but works are still chillin in my bedroom." you grin when you brush your teeth. Taeyong chuckles, "Do you have many things to do this week?" You shake your head, "Research for my Geography and maybe the ALS, and the upcoming Math quiz." Taeyong nods his head, "That is quite a lot." You shrug your shoulder, "Where are you going?" you have washed your face and brushed your teeth and hair. Calmly you walk to the sofa and sit beside him. "I'm thinking of visiting mom, wanna join?" he brushes his long hair away from his face. "Sure! Of course I am joining you. I can bring my laptop with me." you punch him playfully and he laughed, "Ah yeah my bad, You cannot attend college face to face, hahaha yes you can take your laptop!" You want to pinch him, but you remember the last time yo did that, you got scolded by his make up artist noona because they have to cover it up with foundations. "I want to pinch you so bad... Why are you more annoying after meeting Baekhyun sunbae!" you clench your fist.

As much as you love EXO and Baekhyun, you still sometimes wonder if your brother knows he is affected a lot by Baekhyun and you're kind of thankful for it. Taeyong looks happier now. "Hey if you can bring the works to home, we can go Friday and go back Sunday, what do you think?" You excitedly nod your head, "Yes! We can do that. I am so excited!" Well he has to ask you because he cannot drive himself home. So the adventure begins. Friday, you wake up around eight pack your things and with Taeyong. the two of you drive safely in the highways to go back home. "Must be hard eh? Studying online and everything." He looks to you for a while and focuses back on the road. You are the one driving the car, your brother can't really drive one, so he just helps you watch the road and navigates you although you know how to go home. "Brother, you need to learn how to drive like as fast as you could! Imagine if later I am away and you still cannot drive." He lets out a crisp laugh "That is why I am happy when you said you are still taking the winter term online, I am super happy. I need to make more memories with you before you're gone!!" he punches the air. "Well you're busy I cannot blame that. Well we can make memories now, in this pandemic time... we can bake cookies and cakes but I am busy with my classes. We can do that on the term break!!" you also suggest things to do with him. "Well yeah, it'll be hard for me to see you later." "I'll try and see you on your concerts and tours." You send him a comforting smile. "Focus on your studies, I don't want you to fail quizzes because you attend concerts and tours." he lovingly flicks your arm, you ouched but just laugh it off. "Yes yes mother," you taunt at him and he pinches your cheeks. "Naughty!" The two of you take a break in one of the rest area and after a heartful meal from Taeyong's credit card, you are ready for the rest of the journey. "We're almost there!" Taeyong roots for you, well he really understands you are tired but what can he do other than cheering you and feeding you snack and drinks while jamming to his playlist. "You remember that time you followed me secretly and Doyoung to get ice cream?" he starts his memory lane talk and you are already laughing when you play the scene back in your head. You laugh and hit the steering wheel, "Of course! I cannot forget you and Doyoung screaming so loud!" Taeyong laughs too, well back then, Doyoung offered Taeyong a ride to get ice cream, and when you heard that you sneakily jumped into the car and no one knew you were there. "What are you going to have?" That question was proposed by Doyoung and you popped in between them, "I'm thinking of getting a milkshake." Taeyong jumped like he had just seen a ghost and Doyoung screamed. You laugh heartily and they scold you on the way back because you scared them, but you're happy since you got your milkshake. "I swear you made the two of us looked like an idiot." Taeyong grins You clicked your tongue, "Best milkshake story ever!" You two exchanged more stories and suddenly the world has changed. The highway has changed to a village sceneries and oh the flowers and trees are nice candy orange! "hey hey stop here for a while!!" Taeyong taps your shoulder. You hit the brake and question him,"Huh? Why? We're not homed yet." He unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door, 'I want to take pictures." he grins and hands you his phone. You roll your eyes, "Fine. Quick I am not taking too much. I am tired okay we better arrive and eat lunch." "Yes yes I know." he carelessly answers you, his hand is already busy fixing his clothes and hair. You wait for him to pose and you take a quick snap of him in his all white attires. Well he really looks good in white and the background flowers are in a nice contrast. Orange and yellow flowers. He changes position and poses and you just calmly take his pictures, later he will choose it by himself. "Alright you're getting better in taking pictures!" he messes your hair when he is satisfied with the results. "Want me to take you one too?" he asks in a mannerly way, you shake your head, "I am good thank you, so shall we go?" He nods happily and when you're back in car Taeyong is already busy picking pictures to upload in Instagram for his fans to see. "Thank you for driving me here, the way back home is always the best ride!" He kisses your cheek and hugs you when the two of you already settle your feet in mother and father's backyard. "Welcome home!" you whisper and grab his hand to knock on the door. "Mother! Your two sweet bad dreams are here!" the two of you mischievously knock on the door and wait for your mother to open the door. "Look who's here! Welcome home honey!" she greets the two of you with a big hug and a surprised happy face. "What a great surprise!" father also hugs you two and ushers you in. "Food is ready in the table, wash your hands and eat." You and Taeyong smile, well after all home is always the best place to rest and eat. "You must be tired from driving here?" your mother runs a hand on your hair. You shake your head, "It's okay. I am glad to be back here! Taeyong shall we eat?" And with that you two are back at home.

END. please his insta pic is sooo pretty!

#taeyong imagines #taeyong oneshot #nct taeyong #nct taeyong imagine #taeyong scenarios #taeyong is beautiful #taeyong fanfic #nct taeyong fluff #taeyong fluff #lee taeyong #taeyong #taeyong best boy #nct imagine #nct fluff #nct scenarios #taeyong x you #taeyong x reader #taeyong x y/n

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geekkatsblog · 3 years

Text

Making my heart race for 45 minutes every week season 17x5 or like everyone else likes to call it Grey's Anatomy.

"A VERY LONG BUT IMPROTANT PART TO READ BELOW."

Now before I get started I was idly scrolling through Instagram instead of studying like I was supposed to and I was recommended a Grey's Anatomy confession site to torture myself (because most of the time I feel irrationally sad after reading when I see my faves being bashed) and I was a good few confessions in when I noticed that someone had taken a part of lasts weeks review word for word and submitted it. I never really thought I would have to but I beg please don't do that. Confession sites tend to make my heart race and when I realized it was my words that were used I was already in the comments, none of my opinions in these are final so I'd rather not have my words posted anywhere else where people can't see the complete picture. Its definitely fine to use it as inspiration but Please do not post my reviews anywhere else, or at least ask first.

*Now finally onto the review*

All in all the episode was like I expected in terms of outcomes however Grey's has got to come up with another genetic disorder besides Alzheimers, because this is yet another doctor with the gene. Not much happened besides the main event so let's hope I don't talk all over myself again.

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Catherine Fox and Jackson Avery

Refuses to wear the mask like the pig headed woman she is. Her especially should take no risks because as it was pointed out in the episode she is immunocompromised. She didn't actually appear in person but I thought I would mention her part in the episode because it gave us Richard and Jackson scenes which I have grown to love and appreciate because they're always wholesome the one they had tonight on systematic racism was great and one that I hope managed to educate viewers on the situation. It's great to see Jackson have someone there who has a parent figure there to listen calmly. Catherine as great of a mother as she is in my opinion sometimes she can come across as an eccentric aunt. I'm glad Richad managed to tame the wildcat and convince her to wear a mask with his sexual promises. We've lost enough Grey Sloan staff and family from it so far.

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Meredith

A hopefully temporary resident at the fake beach where nothing is real. Unfortunately there were no new visitors at the beach. Like I stated last week, I'm not entirely sure if we'll see anymore of the greats such as Mark Sloan, Lexie ect but there's still a chance next week although it seems like she might be waking up, but like I always say with Grey's expect the unexpected She may or may not be out of the deep end yet but I'm just thankful for the few glimpses we got to see George and Derek grace our screens again the nostalgia was great. However as much as I enjoyed seeing them again, I want Meredith to wake up I miss her, she may not be as fun and quirky as she used to be in the earlier seasons but without her working in the hospital it's hard to deny that something's missing from the episodes.

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TEDDY / OWEN/ TOM

(Here we go again.) 😔

This triangle has been going strong for a long time almost too long, and once again they flipped the switch its always back and forth. A few episodes ago she was begging Owen for forgiveness and now she's telling Tom they have a future. I feel like she needs some time to process what she's really feeling most of the time it seems like she's confused and fair enough it all happened so fast the time between her being with Tom and Owen expressing his still lingering feelings to her but now she needs to make sure that the decision she makes now is the one she actually intends to stick with.

On another note Tom seems to be out of the woods, for now at least which is great when he asked for his son I was a little concerned for a bit I wasn't sure if he was really going to make it. He's a douche and a hard ass but he has the potential to have a great character development, so I'm glad he got another chance. And my comments about wanting Helm to be his new protege remains in that small scene they had last week something just clicked with me and there's also the fact that she wanted to treat him despite the risks.

Owen was here as a filler basically, and to reinforce the love triangle again.

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Jo Wilson

Is thinking of switching specialties, if Ben can do it like changing sweaters why can't she switch? I do think it will be a good fit for her the way she has been fawning over the babies of recent it was either that or give her one of her own which in my opinion I don't think she's ready for. But even in all of the excitement I can't help but think that she's only looking at the cupcake and rainbow side for now because although it's awesome being the first one to hold the babies and everything, not every delivery goes well sometimes the babies don't make it or in other cases the mothers die I hope she's ready to face that side of the package as well.

Just mentioning as well that I love the friendship between her and Schmitt. It was an unexpected but pleasant pairing one of which I'm looking forward to seeing more of in the long run.

On the other hand if Jo switches this gives us more of a chance to see Carina as well because she was signed on a a series regular yet we don't get to see her enough except for on Station 19 and on there she's only Maya's girlfriend. I hope it changes soon and they give her more of a plot or something.

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Amelia/Link

Not much relationship content other than Link finding out about her and Koracick's fling and he took her going into the hospital before the end of her maternity leave quite well. They are one of the healthier relationships in Grey's. Right now at least things always get trickier later.

I'm glad she went in though it let Koracick know that he still had people who care about him and she managed to make Teddy who everyone was treating like garbage as well feel a little better.

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Maggie

No Winston today but we got a lot of Maggie content which was great. She was the moral support once again but today I was fine with it I always enjoy her moments with Bailey and at least she was able to be there for her seeing that Ben was MIA and Webber was busy taking care of her patients along with Jackson. Once again a very needed conversation between her and Bailey and I loved that she still went to comfort her despite the fact that rehashing her own mother's death had to be painful to do.

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Bailey

(Thanks for ruining My Girl for me Grey's now instead of feeling happy I'll forever think of Bailey saying goodbye to her mother.)

We all know that whenever Bailey starts spouting out her feelings and asking for help and advice things are about to go down.

Before we get completely into it I'd just like to express my disappointment in the fact that Ben literally dropped everything took the aid car to save his in laws no questions asked then dropped off his mother in law at the hospital with Covid and left his wife who has anxiety without even checking in. I know he's a first responder as well and he isn't allowed into the hospital that easily either but geeze no other phone calls or messages to check in?. He better have been stuck putting out a huge fire or something equally as bad, besides being him being hurt himself at least.

Another foot note to appreciate Bailey primping before her facetiming with Ben. Go get it hun. Their relationship be cute as usual.

Then the big revel her, mother has dementia, yet another doctor with the alzheimers gene. The moment between her and Meredith was heartwarming to be honest it's a foreign thing seeing them so close and having life conversations still but it's something I hope we get to see often they've had them as semi rivals/ semi friends long enough.

It was hard to see her have to say goodbye and the fact that her father couldn't be there to tell his wife any final words and be there to hold her as she passed made it worse, his wife that he was married to and loved for so long had to die without the comfort of her husband by her side and her daughter could barely hold her hand because of the bulk of her suit, then one of the saddest parts was that she possibly didn't even know what was happening to her. But thankfully Bailey could have been there to sing to her and keep her calm, a lot of people don't even get that much of a chance during the pandemic their loved ones die alone.

The moment I saw the conversation with her dad and the way she was only half listening I knew she was going to blame herself at some point over what happened, it remains to be seen if Maggie's speech worked or if she's going to continue to blame herself. Like I stated before I love the conversation her and Maggie had. One of the reasons why I haven't stepped off the Grey's Carousel is because they touch on topics that others don't cross they aren't afraid to touch the important and controversial things.

I was too being sad over her mothers death at first but I also want to talk about her and Webber's friendship he immediately postponed everything to be there for her, he took over her workload and still made sure he was there in time to be there and support her when she watched her mother flat line.

___________________________________________

The pandemic has always been real to me but somehow seeing the names of those that passed at the end was surreal I found myself just staring at the screen for a few minutes later reflecting on everything.

___________________________________________

Next week is the winter finale and I have no idea how it could get anymore dramatic than it already is. There's been so much already but Grey's always manages to surprise me. Then after that episode it's back to nothing until March 😭😭😭.

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purple-ktj · 4 years

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Releasing this today because I’m over excited about MOTS ON:E tomorrow. Also the cc has been fun so far, I’ll keep it going and whatever I feel is more suitable as a discussion will be copied here instead.

Also, one more thing that an anon from the cc has highlighted, help me lay low by keeping me away from twt and any unwanted attention. Thanks y’all!

Q1 Tae looks so happy and at peace now! He even said so himself in the recent radio show. I'm just happy that he is happy, but do you think it has anything to do with how his relationship with Jin has transitioned? They are really behaving like a domestic couple who care and look out for each other. In the Soop revealed so much to us, their comfort with EO in a more laid back environment. The rest of members are also less panicky around them. Wanted to know your thoughts on what could have caused the shift in dynamics and Tae's overall demeanor? I love your blog btw!

A: When I saw your message I was so excited to reply because I thought, bullseye! I completely agree and feel the same. His relationship with Jin has been pretty stable since late 2019, I think the change in his mood now is largely because he overcame his personal issues that he mentioned while having a heart to heart talk with JK in the SOOP. They all had their own ways of coping with the Covid-19 outbreak. Namjoon and Yoongi were more expressive of their feelings during that time but it seems like Tae bottled it up for a while? I’m so glad they’re all happier now and it really shows. Their domesticity has peaked but on the other hand it means we will see less ‘loud’ moments, since they take care of each other in the background silently and subtly, add on to that the fact that we don’t have much live events or performances. Unless they choose to want to show it like in Spring Day and Save Me or maybe you know, turn on vlive?

Since we’re on this topic, I was also thinking about how much more closer and emotionally bonded Yoonjin, Vmon and Taekook (now we know it’s because of their date night in the SOOP) became as of late. They’re so chummy in their recent interviews and shows I can’t help but feel so warm watching them.

Q2 i love when taehyung uses his "im babie" face and voice with seokjin 😭 like when he uses that soft voice when he talks to jin (like on the first few episodes of in the soop) and when he suddenly pouts or whines and seokjin is just so fond, or when his eyes go wide and smile go big ahhhh he is so cute 🥺

A: I can still hear him whining at Jin after losing that ping pong match and him pouting because he couldn’t flip the pajeon the first time and Jin was completely whipped for him. I really like the quiet moments when he stayed with Jin and helped him with fileting the fish too.

Q3 Abt 4 o' clock, wen RM n V were practicing it fr d 2017 festa, is it jst me or ws Jin d nly one who ws so affected by d song dt he ws close to tears? I mean every1 else ws vibin too bt jin ws literally wipin his tears! Which is a huge deal cuz I've always felt dt jin is d membr wd mst ctrl ovr his emotions (his infamous poker face). Also wen he realised d camera ws on him, he resumed his persona fr a split second and said he shud hv done smthin cool like dt, bt den went bck 2 how he was b4.

A: I imagine it must have been emotional to have his partner sing an emotional song about him while he’s in the audience.

Q4 Okay so apparently, someone wrote 'VJin in real' on the wall of BigHits's old address. I do not know if this is real or not but just wanted to let you know…

A: Lol where did this come from?

Q5 In Winter? Just like our Winter Bears. What coincidence

A: A pleasure to be born in the same season as our lovely winter bears.

Q6 Taehyung in a suit or vest is going to be the end of me.

A: He has already ended me. GQ Japan?

Q7 I know that this is a TaeJin hub. TaeJin is my OTP - has been since the beginning and never wavered ever since, but Jikook getting drunk and fussing around like teenagers at night is too cute... We do not know the details as of yet but Jimin even broke Jungkook's mosquito net so that's nice.

A: I was laughing when I watched that. Jimin was so unapologetic and adorable and cheeky when he said he broke JK’s mosquito net. So they were hanging out and playing together through the night till they woke up at noon. They’ve always been close but they’ve gotten impossibly closer recently, and I’m living for it.

Q8 Jin : What do I do now? ...ah, fireworks at the crack-ass of dawn, it is! Everybody else : Who the f-

A: I absolutely love him being all chaotic and unpredictable. “Sorry kids” Boom! “I’m really sorry” Boom!

Q9 Thanks for replying to my ask (the one on Lay Me Down, Seventeen and 17)! :) Do you have any speculations abt why Jin was given so little lines and screen time for Dynamite? I kinda thought that the situation sort of improved with Black Swan and On (despite being excluded from the dance break I thought he had reasonable time/lines). It's quite infuriating. I also wondered whether BH tries not to give Taejin too many frames together in one song, to prevent them from interacting too much when they perform. Tae really shines in Dynamite so maybe Jin had to get the shorter end of the stick. All this is just pure speculation on on my part though :/

A: I would agree with you, but it doesn’t explain a lot of things. If Taejin interacting is the ‘problem’ they can always adjust the choreo or lineup. Answer, Mikrokosmos, Spring day, So What is more balanced in this aspect. Your Eyes Tell and Stay Gold too (despite the lines, SG showcased his best abilities especially when performed live, Jimin and Tae as well). That said, I really don’t know why and what goes on behind the scenes or which producers are responsible for this. It’s illogical to say that Jin doesn’t suit Dynamite’s style, because clearly his vocals are powerful and flexible (there’s a better word for this). Also, I think the issue extends to beyond just ‘equal’ line distribution. In songs, and art, it’s impossible to be ‘equal’, but I draw the line when I start thinking “Where is Jin?” during their song or MV. Not to mention, more than halfway through it. I’ve seen casual listeners and non fans react the same way when they watch Dynamite. And… that’s not right. I have a lot to say about this topic and the toxic “Jin is a grown man he does whatever he likes, because JinHit, stop victimising him” narrative. It’s a superficial way of looking at the issue but in light of the concert tomorrow, I won’t. Save the argument for then it’s required, which hopefully, it won’t be.

Q10 Hey there! Love your blog! 💜 I just wanna rant about something. What sets apart Taejin from other ships and make me believe it is real is Jin's reaction to Taehyung as compared to other members. Tae literally manhandles him sometimes and Jin doesn't even try to stop him. Meanwhile he complains about other members touching his butt. Tae's gestures like giving Jin the scarf (his love), taking his white heart and 'saying i fell in love at first sight', to which Jin's mild reaction is so suspicious

A: Yup I wrote most of these in my blog post. Check it out! :)

Q11 I'm so sad today. There's fight between Jin and Tae solo stans. Again. Even non shippers are piping in. It's so clear that Tae was joking. And plus Jin just before called RM worst dancer too. Jin was not joking then? I understand that Jin has received a lot of cruel comments from ARMY. So it's scary that solo stans will use Tae's sentence as ammunition to hate on Jin. But they're gonna hate on every member regardless. This is not the tipping point. We should never try to limit the way these boys interact with e/o. They have been together for so long. I'm sure they know which lines to not cross.

And Tae was clearly joking and immediately caressed Jin's arm to let Jin know he was joking. This is the same guy who was ready to fight Jin himself when he put himself down during VLive.

Even from the beginning Tae was known as the president of Jin's protection club. Now Tae has become very reserved and doesn't voice out his opinions as much. But he always shows his care through actions.

Jin has joked around the boys a lot too. He still does. But we all know he's doing it for fun or teasing other members. So what's the difference between Jin joking and other members joking? One is allowed. The other is not?

It's so upsetting seeing Jin stans who don't ship, call out Taejinnies indirectly, saying we are basically scrambling around trying to self convince. I have always noticed that stans who are mostly there for Jin dislikes Tae the most. But I'm not exactly sure why. The only theory I have is because Taejin's dynamics is seen through their actions. They seldom use words to show their relationship. It's so unlike Jin's relationship with other members. Where Jin voices out his fondness for the others much more than through actions.

A: Some arguments and people on the internet aren’t worth arguing. The group of people who attacked Tae and/or Jin over this belongs in that category. Doesn’t matter if you list out a whole book of reasons why and that they love each other, if people don’t want to see it, they simply won’t. I’ve yet to see Joon stans attacking Jin for calling him worst dancer (but nah I don’t want to see that kinda nonsense anyway). No matter the haters, we have so many Taejin moments to be happy about. Just see their happy faces when they’re together. I personally loved the way Jin looked softly at him when Tae rubbed his arm after teasing him. Also Tae’s cheeky smile, he knows he can get away with just about anything.

That’s true, Taejin don’t really use words to show their affection for each other. But when they do, it’s explosive, like “Groom, Kim Seokjin!”. Or “Are you my birthday gift?” and then people skip right over it saying NBD it’s bromance. Not to mention the countless ways they love and take care of each other silently and constantly. I hope you’re not too bothered about the hate anymore, we’re here for Taejin after all. And we know how much they really love each other :)

Q12 Hello! I love your posts🤧 BTW, I was missing Taejin in Episode 6. Jin seemed to be a bit sulky since that morning. He refused to wake him up when Hobi asked him about them. He refused to join them in the long drive, etc.. He even teased Tae & JK about their date 😢 I am sad that we didn't get any solid Taejin moment in the Soop. This always happens with Taejin. There were quality duo moments of Taekook, Namseok, Vhope, Jinkook, YoonJin, Vmin, Vmon & a bit of Sope. Even Jikook moments were less

A: I don’t know if he was sulky or not but Yoonjinmin busying themselves with their games were so adorable! I think he simply didn’t want to move and just sit and play games. We all have those days when we don’t really want to do much. SOOP was overflowing with Jikook though? I thought Taejin playing ping pong, catch ball, badminton and the fish fileting were pretty solid moments. I also enjoyed Jinkook, Yoonmin and Yoonjin. Vmon is growing on me so much lately too, they’ve become even more comfortable with each other. They’ll spring up on you when you least expect it, it’s Taejin after all. Also we really can’t complain because we have so many moments outside SOOP.

Q13 The Taekookers are lucky. Atleast Tae & Kooky raised a toast for them. I am sad how a simple lack of communication was so nicely taken care of by Tae & grandly & romantically portrayed by BH in the Soop whereas Taejin's fight in the movie was portrayed in a complete negative manner. The fight resolution scene was also kinda crude & seemed incomplete. That's why people think that Tae & Jin don't go well together & they have issues.

A: I get what you mean but I wouldn't trade any of the existing Taejin moments for anything else 😅 Don’t you think the way each pairing's arguments are resolved speaks volumes about the nature of their relationship behind the cameras? (Think Vmin's dumpling fight, Hopekook fighting over bananas, Jikook’s tearful fight in the rain, Taejin’s tense fight in burn the stage, Tae’s lost bag in BV1, Namgi's petty fights when they were younger, etc) It depends on how you look at it, because if that had been Taejin in the grand, romantic date in the SOOP then my blog wouldn't exist because that's the scene of a platonic long term friendship. If one bothered to look beyond the fight, they'd see how close Taejin really are, so we can't really put all the blame on Burn the Stage after all. Tae *did* say they grew alot closer after that and nothing will ever come in between them. Also, Taekook raised a toast for themselves, not their shippers. I just don't think it’s right to reduce Tae's efforts to bridge their relationship to just their shippers, he really just missed his best friend.

Updated

Hi Q13 anon, I realised I might have missed the point of your ask, my bad. I received this message with regards to yours:

- ok i hate when people compare friendships in the group and i hate when people hate on a different bond in the name of their ship, so i really didnt like people getting annoyed at tkk adorable and emotional conversation.. however, thinking about it, the anon from your asks compilation DID have a point when they talked about the way bh portrayed the situations.. the burn the stage fight was portrayed as a huge dramatic event and they dedicated very little to the problem solving and showing the aftermath, while the tkk conversation was portrayed the way i would expect them to show every single conflict solving in the group. a soft, heartfelt conversation. theres no doubt its different becauae there wasnt a fight but they just drifted apart and tried working on their friendship, but now seeing how beautifully they expressed it and showed it to us, im disappointed they didnt to the same with taejin's fight. even if their conversation was much more private, the least they could do is show them getting along more and being closer right after showing the fight, to show how they really did grow and figured things out and are closer than ever - because them saying it to the camera isnt as convincing as showing it through actions. and as much as us taejinnies see it, many armys didnt, because it wasnt portrayed that way. on the other hand its really easy to see tkk growth through in the soop, and even though feeling distant for years is more serious than a pretty harmless fight, it was portrayed as if the latter is much worse and on the verge of unforgivable. so yeah, i just think the tkk situation was handled better by bh and was portrayed better to the audiance. and i dont think it has anything to do with the nature of the realtionship, you'd expect them to want to show how every single realtionship in the group is healthy and strong. -

Me: Yeah, I think I misread the original message and you both certainly do have a good point. It’s weird for BH to want to portray their relationship in that kind of light. Granted, the context may have been different and there was no actual fight between Taekook while Taejin was in tears and they wanted to show how the group came together to resolve it but there wasn’t actually any proper scenes to show that. What they showed instead was cut footage of the fight occurring with no actual explanation as to how they actually came to argue about the dance steps and then snippets of Taejin sticking to each other backstage at the end of the show, and it’s completely overshadowed by the actual fight.

This brought me back to the time when an anon asked me if “BH portrayed the fight in that manner to maybe make us think that Taejin isn’t very close?”. On it’s own, it sounds like a bit of a stretch, but think back to the period of time it actually happened, Taejin were all over each other in 2017 and the DVD wasn’t released until much later. After this discussion I’m more inclined to answer yes to that question. Their fight is arguably the most famous and most dramatic in BTS history but after Festa 2018, they never brought it up ever again, never spoke of it, despite the severity. Meanwhile we got to hear a lot of details about Vmin’s dumpling fight from A to Z and the banana food fight repeated even till now. Now with the addition of Taekook’s romantic date night where they talk it out and solved it in such a peaceful manner and even showed them getting chummy with each other again, it becomes much more obvious. Not downplaying the severity of the other arguments that they mentioned, but the original point stands, Taejin’s relationship was pretty much misconstrued because of the way it was depicted and thanks to that, most baby armys think they’re not close.

Q14 The Taekookers are lucky in a way, (although their Ship has kind of been friend-zoned & their theories throughout all these years failed as they used to think that Taekook is dating, real, married, etc.) coz they got to see a romantic kdrama type Taekook moment in the Episode 6, where Jimin escorted JK to him like a host taking orders from a couple in a restaurant. Jin asking "if Tae & JK are having a date night". The scene ended with a romantic music playing in the background. :3

A: I’m somehow getting Taekook messages because of SOOP… they’re lucky because they get a whole date night and we’re all lucky we got to see a glimpse of their heart to heart talk. We know Jinmin would stand by to support them no matter what. Let’s focus on Taejin on a Taejin centric blog!

Q15 Honestly, can you explain Taejin's bond in a completely platonic way? Their relationship with e/o is so unique. It's unlike any relationship they have with the other 5 boys. They show their love and care through actions. This is especially noticeable with Jin, who, like you mentioned before, uses words more than actions in his relationships. Plus an array of questionable actions. Which even the majority of our fandom agrees with. Whenever they do something that make us go '????????' no one (except shippers) even questions it anymore. They just say Taejin is being Taejin again. They're not even surprised much.

If you were to explain their relationship platonically, what are they then? Sibling like energy? Best friends? Soulmate? You can't deny their closeness. But with the way Tae is ready devour Jin anytime, can you call them platonic?

A: No I can’t. If I could, this blog wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t get headaches. I wouldn’t be writing essays on them just to get these thoughts off my head so I can fangirl BTS peacefully. There is nothing platonic between Taejin, so there’s nothing to be explained. I don’t even know if I would use the word soulmate to describe them. They’re just two individuals in love and putting effort into their relationship to make it work.

Q16 I read this tweet today. I think it sums up Taejin quite well. https://twitter.com/JinSquishes/status/1309691704979595264?s=19

A: That is possibly the most accurate, sweetest and funniest thing I’ve read that describes Taejin. I love it. (I accidentally chopped your message into two lol sorry)

Q17 no but can we talk about taehyung singing "give me your hand and save me i need your love before i fall" and seokjin just.. takes his hand. holds it. in front of everyone. a reactor even said "it looks like they are saving each other" and i find it adorable. this is such a soft moment. and them playing footsies during the performance? cherry on top

A: I can talk about this for hours don’t get me started they love each other so much but Jin sometimes likes to play it up a notch when he feels like it and surprises everyone, even Tae himself and I freaking love his random bouts of affection it’s everything, cherries with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.

Q18 i also agree with the possibility of taejin sharing a room/bed on in the soop. the tent was empty, not even a pillow, you could see it through the crack. sj saying he woke up at 6, but only leaving the tent at 11. he said it was hot so why staying there awake for 5 hours? taejin being cuddlers, but no sight of rj or an extra pillow/bolster in their beds/bags/rooms. jin's suitcase and shirt next to tae's bed, but not hobi's bag. vhope knowing seokjin felt hot before he told the other members. 👀

A: At the time of answering this, I have finished episode 8 and I honestly am so baffled by Taejin in the entire series. It’s straightforward and baffling. I don’t make sense but it’s just that.

Q19 i would like to add on the "eldest hyung" ask. eldest hyung isnt just "oldest brother" like we in the west portray it. some karmys said that even if someone is age-wize your eldest, if you give him the "title" of "my mat-hyung" it means you have huge amount of respect for him and that he has a big part in your life. moreover, being a couple doesnt mean you drop the hyung completely. a taejinnie once shared a youtube channel of a gay korean couple, they vlog together and theyve been dating for years and the younger calls his partner "hyung" all the time (i wish i had a link, they were adorable). also remember that straight couples use "oppa", so hyung is literally the same. it might be translated as brother but it doesnt mean literal brother.. its their culture, we cant project ours onto theirs, and most koreans call each other hyung no matter the relationship. i personally think its very meaningful that tae used eldest hyung with seokjin.

A: Oh this is such a nice message! Thank you for helping to further clarify! Hyung and oppa are considered umbrella terms and don't signify blood bound bonds. Korean culture is so rich and their language is so beautiful. So much more to learn to help understand Taejin’s bond better.

Q20 from what ive heard, taejin is actually very popular in korea.. i cant rank them cause im not korean lmao but i did see many people mention a lot that taejin has always been and still is one of the popular ships of the k side. (side note- ive always found it very interesting, because they dont need subs or translators, and they also are aware of the culture and relationships habits there the most - and for them taejin stands out a lot of times..)

A: I can guess as much. We as foreigners already find them questionable, no doubt Koreans who understand all their little nuances and gestures would know better.

Q21 not to be rude or anything but can taekooker anons just go to a taekook theory blog? idk it seems strange that every single time theres a question about how taejin and taekook are different.. i adore taekook with my entire being but personally i see them as brothers, and i see taejin's bond differently, therefore i dont go camp under tk blogs to talk about why taejin are different so why do they come here everytime??? taejin & taekook's relationships are VERY different, nothing worng about it. also i find it hilarious that they say taejin, the kings of (questionable/intimate) skinship, had no skinship? lmao do they watch the same content? and dont they see taehyung praising seokjin's talent 24/7 and not letting him ever doubt himself? like literally i think he talks about seokjin's talent the most.. and what about his love for seokjin's shoulders? and dont get me started on taejin on e/o birthdays.. but sure theyll only point it out when its other people and not taejin.

A: I do agree, please keep it Taejin here because my threshold is pretty low and mostly just answer all messages as long as they’re polite. I don’t camp under other ship blogs as well but I’m pretty sure there are many Taekook blogs and YouTube channels around to satisfy Taekookers needs. I’ve already linked the post to what I think of Taekook in my pinned post too. They have completely different dynamics, lets appreciate them accordingly.

Q22 I can't believe there was a time when I used to be :/ over Jin's expressions whenever Tae gets playful or sensual or whatever Taejin does. 😂😂 I used to wonder why Jin keeps a straight face only with Tae. He will be all smiley faced with any other member being playful and indulges them. But with Tae, he will make himself small and don't look at Tae's face. But there were just too many questionable Taejin moments that I could never think that they were not close because of this.

After looking more into it, I realised how many things these two do behind the back with straight faces. They'll be doing ????? inducing things but keep a straight poker face. Like even just today, Tae whispering "Seokjin-ah Borahae", Jin's expression and then Jin suddenly saying it's because of the hair. As if making light of the situation.

A: I have that video imprinted on the back of my eyelids. Tae pulling Jin close like that and whispering “Seokjin-ah borahae”? No I did not survive. Remember Muster when Tae insisted on making an acrostic poem and he directly confessed “#BORAHAE” to Jin on stage and Jin got so flustered? I suffer because of them everyday.

Also, Jin said that he dyed his hair purple because of a pokemon, but he revealed his purple hair for the first time on the first day of Pride month and what a coincidence, “I purple you” was created by the one and only Kim Taehyung. Yup. That’s Kim Seokjin for you.

Q23 I was wondering about the latest behind the scenes for in the soop, episode 7. Tae was genuinely concerned and surprised with Jin's cut in his hand. But Jin cut his hand the day before, yet Tae wasn't aware of it. But Yoongi, for example, knew all the details. How come? Don't we assume they spend their evenings talking to eo, and more than that, taejin even cuddling in the tent? Shouldn't tae have seen that? It was almost a day until tae saw the cut. It's moments like these that make me confused with taejin, and there's many of the sort. I've seen other anons asking about these on your tumblr page, like the fact that jin didn't know about tae's camera being broken, or taejin meeting eo at the airport as if they haven't seen eo in a long time. They also seem to not be aware of eo's whereabouts all the time. I've had boyfriends in the past and they were the first to know about important things in my life. My mom and dad share no secrets. is taejin's relationship that loose and open, I wonder? Sometimes I can't explain it, so maybe you can help me out..

Your question I will answer with another anon’s message:

Not really a question but I have my (unsolicited) thoughts on the other posts with regard to why Tae only found out about Jin's cut 1 day later, and whether Jin was pissed at Tae for calling him most worst dancer.

I think it's completely normal that Tae didn't know abt the cut. They could totally still be cuddling in bed without sharing every facet of their day with each other. It's not that big of a wound too. I've a gash on my ankle now and I doubt my husband even noticed and haven't bothered to tell him abt it either. Dont think it's big deal really.

And on Jin being pissed with Tae for calling him worst dancer? Nah. I was surprised that Tae made that remark then watched the whole video and realised this was right after Jin called RM the worst dancer. I think it was all in good fun. And Jin wouldn't take offence otherwise he wouldn't talk badly about RM's dancing either.

A: Thanks anon 2, appreciate the unsolicited thoughts. I wouldn’t consider a blister/small cut on the hand anything life changing or important either. Some people notice, some don’t. It depends, but yeah, not a big deal. Yoongi and Jimin were woodcarving with him, he got injured in front of them, of course Yoongi would know. Tae was on his date with Hobi. This applies to the broken camera thing too, if he doesn’t feel the need to tell, and Jin doesn’t mind, then that’s just them. Also we don’t actually know if they cuddled in the tent or not, it was all merely speculations. That particular moment of Taejin meeting each other at the airport as if they haven’t met each other for a long time, I suggest you watch BV 3, BV4 and Run BTS because Taejin’s definition of long time seems to be anything more than 12 hours. I don’t know where you got the impression that they don’t know about each other’s whereabouts either, they’ve talked about how close they are plenty of times.

Also thanks for reminding me, people were kicking up a huge fuss over Tae teasing Jin but conveniently leave out the fact that Jin did the same thing to Namjoon. They’re all mature enough and know each other’s limits, not us. Also I’ve said it before, Jin would let Tae get away with anything.

Q24 At first I thought that jin sleeping in a tent had something to do with taejin wanting privacy, especially due to jin's luggage next to V. But then I saw Jin basically disliking the cameras following his every move, so it had everything to do with his own privacy. I think that if taejin really wanted to share a room, they would, I don't think anyone forbids them to. V took jin's bed in the room with Hobi so that everyone could sleep solo, even Jimin. Yeah, 2seok were supposed to share a room and also vmin, but I think tae got sleepy the first night and Jin told him to take his bed as he would sleep in a tent. And he liked it so much that he decided to keep sleeping there. I don't think we should make up any theories about it without any solid proof. The cameras were on even at night, I really think that taejin are smart enough not to risk smth like sleeping together in a tent and then having to tell the editors to edit that out, and all the sneaking around.

Well… I did say it’s all speculations. There’s not a single footage of them sleeping at night, so there’s nothing to say but speculate, really. Just to clarify, I speculated they may have shared a bed or a room during that one night in the earlier episodes (3?) when Hobi mentioned bugs. Besides that I don’t think they shared a bed/room either. Though I still think that Jin sleeping in the tent till nearly noon is for show. He might have been sleeping in another room for privacy reasons, like you stated, then moved to the tent in the morning to nearly noon for leisure.

Q25 https://twitter.com/vj12301204/status/1313100091658391558?s=19

The way both Jin and Tae's reaction is so similar.

A: Hahahaha Tae really is so much more obvious.

Enjoy the concert, everyone!

28 notes · View notes

oikawa-tuwu · 3 years

Text

Linen Closet (gn!Reader x Kiyoko)

Rated G, 1.3k words

Not Home for the Holidays Masterlist

“Are you... crying in a linen closet?”

When you’re a child, crying is a catharsis. Stub your toe, cry a little, get up and keep playing. Pain, physical or emotional, was temporary, and tears were as good of a placebo painkiller as it got. It used to feel so good to cry. Children aren't exactly eloquent creatures when it comes to emotions or injuries, so when worst comes to worst… cry about it and keep going.

Eventually, crying becomes less of a catharsis and more of a guilty pleasure, except with less of the pleasure and more of the guilt. It might feel good in the moment, but, god forbid, you accidentally burden anyone else with your troubles, because, frankly, that would just be embarrassing for both parties, so crying is left for quiet nights in your cold bed or sniffles held back by a thread on your way home or, in this case, frustrated explosions of emotion in the linen closet of your bed and breakfast.

But we all grow up eventually.

Another shudder wracks your chest, a sob letting loose before you can clamp your mouth shut. You know, from unfortunate experience, just how thin the walls of this old house really are, and the last thing you want is for Maria, your employee, changing sheets next door, to decide to investigate those weird noises.

You try to take a calming breath. In. Out. In. Out.

It's not so much breathing as it is wheezing, but it's getting oxygen in your lungs, so who are you to complain?

And then you think about it again.

It. Whatever the hell it is. Money problems, relationship problems, mental health problems, all of the above problems piling on top of each other like a snowstorm until the front door won’t open-

Another whimper, about ten decibels louder than ideal, and you hold your breath and you hear footsteps. Pass, please. Pass this door and move on. Nothing interesting here.

The door opens.

For a second, all you see is a silhouette. About average height, skinny and lithe, like a runner, with dark hair. And then the light adjusts, and you see her face. She’s beautiful, no doubt about it, and with the halo your (slight) lightheadedness from the crying session, the scene is somewhat… holy… in nature.

But she’s frowning, and the worried expression is rather upsetting to see on such a beautiful face.

The woman asks, carefully, “Are you… crying in a linen closet?”

Your mouth, apparently working faster than your brain, asks, "Are you an angel?"

Silence. Well, mostly silence, because your brain is currently screaming.

"That was a weird thing to say. Sorry."

Thankfully, the woman laughs. She laughs, and you melt, firstly glad that she's laughing it off, but also because her laugh is melodic. "Trust me, that's not the first time I've heard that one. But... uh," she hesitates, looking you over, and you remember that five seconds you were bawling your eyes out. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you say, and brush away the last of your tears. Thankfully, seeing her was enough of a shock to stop them for now, but you have a feeling you haven't seen the last of them today. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. After all, I'm sure you didn't expect to spend your vacation dealing with an overly emotional host."

"You'd be surprised," the woman says, with a soft smile that speaks of a quiet inside joke, possibly, an inside joke for her alone. "Let's just say I've been in a somewhat similar situation before. My best friend used to have pretty bad anxiety. Actually, she's the one that checked us in yesterday, Yachi Hitoka?"

The name rings a bell. "Short, blonde, blushes a lot?"

"That's her."

Ah. You were wondering when you'd get to see the second of Yachi’s party, since she requested a room with two single beds. And here she was right in front of you. An angel on earth.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

An angel.

"No, thanks. It's sweet of you to offer, but..."

But you don't even know why you're crying. It could be any number of things. Being (relatively) alone during the holidays, stress from your job, or just plain sadness and loneliness. Missing family, missing friends, wanting hot chocolate but knowing full well you ran out a week ago and haven't restocked yet. It could be any and all of those reasons and isolating a single culprit is nearly impossible.

“It’s just a lot,” you end up saying. “The holidays. Everyone likes to talk about the good parts, the food, the celebration, the presents… that you end up forgetting the bad parts too. Until they’re staring straight at you.”

No one likes to mention that your room feels colder in the winter without someone else there to warm it. No one likes to mention that your house feels emptier without the laughter and conversation of kin. No one likes to mention the stress of throwing together a holiday dinner or coming up with the perfect gift idea or looking at your bank account and realizing you might need to rethink some things.

And there it comes again, that wave, and you blink, blink, blink, praying the tide will recede until the next time you get the chance to be alone. A cocktail of anxiety and guilt and salt slowly rising, rising, rising. This woman shouldn’t have to see you like this, you don’t even know each other, and honestly, it's a little unfair to burden one of your guests with your emotional problems and-

“You’re spiralling again, aren’t you?” The woman asks, in that soft voice of hers, and you wonder when you got so transparent that a literal stranger can tell when you’re close to breaking.

The dam cracks, and the tears start to fall again. “I’m sorry,” you manage to get out. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with this-”

Instead of saying anything, agreeing or disagreeing, the woman drops to her knees, crouching down next to where you’re sitting on the bucket. She looks up at you, her hand holding yours, and says, very softly, “Stop apologizing.”

Amazingly, you do. You close your mouth and let the tears flow, with the woman still there, offering hand squeezes and quiet company through your mental breakdown.

It’s… nicer than you expect it to be, just having someone there. She doesn’t say anything else, but you know she’s there to talk it out if you really needed to. For now, she’s willing to sit there and listen to your woes and remind you that there’s someone out there that does care when you’re struggling.

So you cry. You cry and the guilt and frustration slowly lessens and all that’s left of the broken dam is an empty reservoir.

It's… cathartic.

With her sweater sleeve, the woman wipes your cheeks dry. “Better?”

“Better,” you agree, and your mouth forms the first syllable of I’m sorry, before the woman gives you a look. “Thank you. For being here with me. I do have to say though, I would have liked meeting under different circumstances. I don’t think I look incredibly attractive mid-breakdown.”

The woman shrugs, and you see a little faint dusting of blush on her cheeks as she stands, offering a hand to help you off the bucket. “I think you might be surprised.”

You smile. You take her hand, and let her haul you to your feet.

“The name’s Kiyoko, by the way.”

“Y/n.”

“Well, Y/n,” Kiyoko says, that flush still on the tips of her cheekbones as she averts her gaze, a little self-consciously. “How about the next time you need a break, you come knock on my room door and we can go out and do something to take your mind off it?”

“I’d like that.”

Ngl, I had trouble writing this one because I wasn't sure if it would be relatable enough? But I figured of all years to talk about the worst parts of the holiday season, it was this one because oh lord do the holidays remind us that covid-19 sucks butt. Anyways, this is your reminder that you're allowed to feel sad right now. You might be separated from your friends and family or maybe you had to be laid off and money is tight, or maybe you just miss the way things used to be where we could go out and do things. Maybe the holidays just aren't for you, and the negative emotions weigh out the positive ones every year. All those feelings are valid, and take this as a sign to reach out to someone if you need to. My dms are always open if you need someone to talk to <3

#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#hq #hq!! x reader #kiyoko shimizu #kiyoko x reader #hq kiyoko #not home for the holidays

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hobeymakar · 4 years

Text

Unapologetically | C. Makar Part 2

Previous parts: Part 1

Chapter word count: 3,673 words

A/N: This chapter was so much fun to write! I will be working on the next one ASAP, but it may take me a little longer to write it! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed it as it lets me know that you enjoyed it. Any and all feedback is always greatly appreciated

Shoutouts: @pizzasloot @hockey-and-wine and @grenawitka for being my cheerleaders in the gc! I love you girls with all my heart

Warnings: explicit language

Taty wakes up on the morning of February 5th and feels the nerves start to hit her. Today, she'll be meeting Cale in person and interviewing him for the podcast. A part of her is afraid things will go wrong once they meet and he won't be interested in her anymore. While the other part of her knows that Cale is too nice of a person to ever break her heart like that. If things don't work out, he'll be nice and respectful about it.

In preparation of meeting Cale, she self-isolated from her family for a couple days and got tested for COVID-19. She tested negative thankfully so she can go meet Cale without putting him in danger.

She brushes her teeth and has breakfast as she prepares herself mentally for the podcast. She writes down her questions and her intro, so that she doesn't forget anything that she wants to say and ask. After breakfast she showers and changes into a comfy, warm outfit to withstand the cold of New England winter. She knows the high is only gonna be 37 and with the wind in the city of Boston, it's gonna be way worse.

She loads her car up with all her equipment and starts making the trip towards Boston. She decides to make a trip to her Aunt's apartment in Roxbury, which is on the outskirts of the city. She parks her car inside the community and makes her way into the apartment, since her Aunt always leaves her door open.

"'Cion Tia! (Blessings, Auntie)" she smiles, greeting her Aunt Leo who's in the kitchen making food.

"Dios te bendiga, mi'ja! Que haces aqui? (May God bless you, honey! What are you doing here?) " her aunt asks, as she stands in front of the stove.

"Voy hacer una entrevista con un jugador de hockey (I'm interviewing a hockey player)" she explains, not wanting to mention that she's sort of seeing that player.

"Que bueno mi'ja! ¡Me alegro! Yo se que todo va salir bien porque tu eres una mujer seria y muy inteligente! (That's amazing honey! I'm glad! I know that everything is gonna go great because you're a serious and intelligent woman!" her aunt cries out.

"Gracias Tia! Y Cola y Nine? Thank you Auntie! Where's Cola and Nine?" she asks, referring to another aunt and uncle.

"Nine está trabajando y Cola salió con Frank y Bernardo a ayudar alguien con un trabajito. (Nine's working and Cola went out with Frank and Bernardo to help someone out with a small job," her aunt explains.

"Bueno, yo vine aquí solamente para verte y saludarte. Me voy a quedar en un hotel esta noche y voy a regresar a casa mañana. (Well, I came here only to see you and greet you. I'm staying at a hotel tonight and I'm going back home tomorrow)" she explains.

"Quédate aquí por un rato más. Ya la comida está lista como en 15 minutos. (Stay here for a little longer. The food will be ready in like 15 minutes)" her aunt explains.

"Tengo planes con el jugador pero no diga nada a Mami por favor (I have plans with the player but don't say anything to Mami please)" she pleads.

"Oh ya veo. No le digo nada, mi'ja (Oh, now I see. I won't tell her anything, honey)" her aunt replies, nodding her head.

"Gracias Tia! Dale saludos a Cola, Nine, Frank y Bernardo. Ojala los veo mañana (Thank you, Auntie! Say hi to Cola, Nine, Frank and Bernardo. Hopefully I'll see them tomorrow)" she smiles, hugging her Aunt.

"Con dios, mi'ja. Tengas cuidado, pero lo disfrutas (Take care, honey. Be careful, but have fun)" her Aunt smiles back, kissing her cheek.

Taty leaves the apartment and gets back into her car to make the trip to a hotel right across the street from the TD Garden. During the drive, she hits some traffic because the city of Boston has awful traffic, but arrives at the hotel in 20 minutes. Workers help her get her stuff out of the car and she gets her car parked by the valet. She makes her way inside the hotel and checks in. The workers help her bring her stuff to her room on the 7th floor. She makes her way inside and unpacks her things, putting them out. She puts her recording equipment out on the table and then heads to the windows to take a picture of her view of the Bunker Hill Bridge and TD Garden. She sends the picture to Cale

To: Cale 🥰

Nice choice for the room. You remembered how I like my city view and bath tubs to take baths in

From: Cale 🥰

Of course I remembered! I remember every single thing you've told me

To: Cale 🥰

How quickly can you get your butt up to my room?

From: Cale 🥰

I'm in Mikko's room rn with the guys but I can make up an excuse and disappear

To: Cale 🥰

I want to order room service and then interview you

From: Cale 🥰

Alright I'll be there in a few

She looks at herself in the mirror, making sure she looks good. She realizes how dumb it is for her to stress over her looks when Cale has literally seen her looking gross with no makeup on and her hair looking a whole ass mess.

She goes on her phone and tries to calm down her nerves. After a few minutes, she hears a knock on her door. She goes up to the door and opens it, meeting Cale who's dressed in an Avs sweatshirt and sweatpants. She pulls him in and closes the door shut right away, so that no one can see.

He lifts her up for a hug and she wraps her legs around him, her tiny frame wrapping around him tightly. They embrace each other for a few moments before putting her back down.

"So you like the room I picked out for you?" he asks, as she leads him further inside the room.

"Yes! It's perfect! It's honestly way too big for just me," she smiles.

She gives him a quick tour of the room and bathroom and he sits down on the bed while she opens the room service menu.

"Do you want anything?" she asks him.

"No, I already had lunch with the team," he informs her.

"Alright," she nods, looking back at the menu.

"Order anything you want regardless of price. It's on me," he informs her.

"Cale, I can't make you spend all this money on me. You're paying for my room and the valet parking, the least I can do is pay you back for the food," she protests.

"I appreciate your concern, but this is nothing to me. Let me treat you," he replies, trying to convince her to let him spoil her.

"You're lucky you're cute," she sighs, giving in.

She calls room service and places her order. As she waits for her order, she turns on the TV and gets on the bed, snuggling into Cale's side. She puts on NHL Network and they watch highlights from the night before, while talking about certain plays and players.

"You know I've never met a girl that I could talk about hockey with like this. Like you actually understand the sport and everything," he comments.

"Well I've been a fan for so long and I've always been obsessed with sports since I was a little kid. It's the reason why I was always one of the guys growing up," she explains.

"And I think it's the coolest thing about you! You're so passionate about sports and sports stats! You're passionate about diversity and inclusion in sports too!" he smiles, running his fingers through her hair.

She feels the heat rise in her cheeks and she wishes he would just kiss her already, but she's too shy to do it herself.

"Well thank you. For a long time, I was embarrassed about how nerdy it is. It's probably why guys never saw me as anything more than a tomboy," she explains sheepishly.

"Yeah well it's their loss. They never got to see how incredible you really are," he smiles, kissing her forehead.

If she could die in his arms right now, she wouldn't mind honestly. She's never felt this sort of warmth and such intense butterflies in her stomach. Her heart feels so full and she finally realizes that this is what falling in love feels like. She had never felt it before but she loves the feeling so much that she doesn't want it to end.

The room service arrives and she brings the tray full of food inside. She sits down on the bed and starts eating as they watch TV and make small talk.

"What did you and the boys do today?" she asks.

"Well we got here late last night, so none of us woke up til like 10am. We all got ready and had lunch in the restaurant. Then we went to Mikko's room to play video games. It's been pretty boring so far, but we're not doing much because of COVID. We can't be going out like we used to," he explains.

"Yeah this virus has really fucked things up here. The governor of Massachusetts still hasn't allowed any fans to attend Celtics or Bruins games at the Garden and I don't know if he will for the rest of the season. Maybe he will for playoffs but I don't expect him to," she explains.

"I get that though. We have to keep people safe as much as possible until we eliminate this virus," he adds.

They switch the subject after that and keep the light conversation flowing until she finishes eating. She then sets her empty tray outside the room and starts setting everything up for the podcast, handing Cale a mic. She grabs her mic and sets it up, hooking everything up to her laptop. She checks the audio, making sure it's all good before starting the recording on her laptop.

"Our next guest is the biggest we've had so far. He was born and raised in Calgary, Alberta and was named after a Flames player. He grew up a Flames fan and made a name for himself in the AJHL playing for the Brooks Bandits, where he was named AJHL player of the year. He quickly became a top prospect and was selected 4th overall by the Colorado Avalanche in 2017. He played two seasons at UMass Amherst with the Minutemen, setting school records. He won the 2019 Hobey Baker Award and led the Minutemen to the Frozen Four, where they lost to the Minnesota Duluth Bulldogs in the championship game. He signed with the Avalanche immediately after the loss, ending his collegiate career and made his debut in Game 4 of the 1st round of the Stanley Cup playoffs with Colorado in his hometown of Calgary. With family and friends in attendance, he scored his first ever goal in the game. He recently won the 2020 Calder Trophy given to the league's top rookie. Welcome to the Ace of Hockey podcast, Cale Makar," she introduces, absolutely nailing the intro.

"Wow, that has to be the longest intro I've ever gotten for an interview, so thank you," he smiles.

"Well you're a young superstar now, so I gotta have the intro reflect that," she replies.

"I don't know if I'm worthy of such an intro, but I appreciate it though," he smiles.

She starts asking him questions about his childhood and what it was like growing up in Alberta, how he ended up playing Junior A instead of Major Junior, what made him go to the college hockey route, as well as what his draft day experience was like. She also asks him what his experience was like at UMass Amherst, and what it was like playing in the National Championship game and winning the Hobey Baker. She then asks him about signing his ELC and what it was like making his debut in the playoffs in his hometown and scoring a goal in his debut. She then asks him about his rookie year and what it was like in his first full season in Colorado.

He also explains how Nate took him under his wing this season and really helped show him the ropes on how to be a pro. He also talks about how great of a captain Gabe is and who are the funniest guys on the team, as well as the pranksters. He also explains how it was like for him personally in the bubble. He also mentions everything players have said and done about social justice change and how important it is to listen and be an ally for minority groups.

They finish up the interview and he helps her clean everything up.

"So, I have a team dinner in like half an hour that I need to get ready for. I promise I will come back afterwards so we can hang out," he explains.

"That's fine, Cale. I'll probably just take a nice bath and relax, maybe listen to our interview. I'll send you the audio and if you want anything edited out, just let me know," she explains.

"Of course, love. I'm not concerned about that honestly," he assures her.

"Go get ready before you're late. Afterwards, you know where to find me," she smiles, pushing him lightly to the door.

"Alright fine. No need to kick me out," he teases, walking towards the door.

As soon as he gets to the door, he turns around and brings her in for a hug, lifting her from the ground. He sets her back down after a few moments.

"Bye Cale. Have fun at dinner," she smiles, kissing his cheek.

"Bye love," he smiles, walking out.

She shuts the door immediately and heads to the bathroom to take a nice relaxing bath in the tub. She turns on the water and gets undressed. Once the tub is filled, she stops the water and throws in a bath bomb. She gets in and immediately soaks in the warmth of the water. She sends a selfie of her in the bath and sends it to her sisters in their Ventura Rodriguez sisters group chat.

From: Katie

Damn how tf did you get a sugar daddy?

From: Kiana

I thought you were interviewing a player today? Is the player your sugar daddy?

To: The Ventura Rodriguez sisters

I don't have a sugar daddy and yes I interviewed the player today. He was nice enough to book me a room at the hotel he's staying at

From: Katie

No way he booked you a hotel if it's just a professional relationship. He definitely likes you

From: Kiana

So who's the player you're talking to

To: The Ventura Rodriguez Sisters

Nope not telling y'all. He's not my boyfriend so y'all don't got to know

She puts on some soft R&B and lets the music relax her. Before she knows it, she's been in there for an hour and gets out. She wraps her body in a towel and unplugs the drain. She dries herself off and changes into a faded URI basketball t-shirt and boyshorts. She dries her hair with a blowdryer and gets into bed, opening her laptop.

She listens to the 40 minute long audio clip of the interview and loves the interview. The conversation just flows between them and she thinks that her listeners are going to really love it, even though they didn't talk so much about social activism, like she has with other guests on the podcast. Her stomach starts to grumble and she realizes she hasn't had dinner yet. She grabs the room service menu and starts looking, as she's about to call to place her order, she hears a knock on the door.

She gets up and goes to the door. Unfortunately because of her lack of height, she can't see through the peephole who it is. She opens the door and internally sighs in relief when she sees it's Cale dressed in a UMass sweatshirt and shorts. He walks in and hugs her, lifting her up again.

"Do you have a thing for lifting me up?" she asks, as she wraps her legs around him.

"You're just so tiny that it's hard for me not to do it," he teases, referring to her 4'9 height.

“No, I think you have a thing for lifting me up, bud,” she teases back, moving her hands up to his hair.

“Just for that I’m putting you back down,” he replies playfully, setting her back down.

“Well you’re just in time to watch me order dinner,” she informs him, leading him towards the bed.

“I wish I could take you out to a nice dinner for a date,” he sighs, wishing he didn’t have to deal with the league’s COVID restrictions that prevent him from leaving the hotel except for practice and the game.

“It’s okay. You’ll just make it up to me some other time. We can just watch TV while I eat. That sounds like a pretty nice date to me,” she explains, grabbing the phone to call room service.

She calls room service and places her order. She decides to get comfortable and get under the sheets.

“Are you gonna join me?” she asks, referring to the spot right beside her under the sheets.

He quickly gets under the sheets with her and she rests her head on his shoulder. He turns on the TV and puts on NBCSN to watch the Flames play the Sabres in Buffalo.

“Is it cool if we watch the game?” he asks.

“Of course! I love watching hockey even if it doesn’t involve teams I cheer for,” she smiles, resting her head on his chest.

He strokes her back up and down with his fingers, causing sparks of heat to roll up her spine from his touch.

“Who are you rooting for?” she asks him.

“Calgary. I’m always gonna have a soft spot for my hometown team, even though they’re a conference rival,” he explains.

“I like Calgary. They have really sick players, like Monahan, Gaudreau, Lindholm and don’t even get me started on Tkachuk!: she gushes, causing him to stiffen up.

“I didn’t know you liked Tkachuk,” he replies, his voice getting deeper than it already is.

“I mean what’s there not to like? He’s a strong power forward with great hands! I mean that between-the-legs goal last year proved how skilled he is!” she gushes.

“Yeah he’s a great player but I didn’t think you liked him that much,” he replies, sounding bitter.

“No need to be jealous, babes! Tkachuk’s cool and all but he doesn’t compare to you,” she assures him, kissing his cheek.

The food arrives and she goes outside to pick it up. She brings the tray inside and starts eating, while watching the game.

“You want some?” she asks, referring to her pasta.

“No, I can’t eat that. The trainers will kill me,” he replies.

“Who cares! It’s just one bite,” she replies, bringing the forkful of pasta closer to his mouth

“Babe, I’m serious! I can’t eat that,” he groans, moving his face away further.

“Fine, more for me,” she scoffs, shrugging her shoulders.

She finishes eating her pasta and Cale stares at her for a moment.

“You got a little something,” he trails off, pointing to her face.

Her eyes go wide and she takes a napkin, wiping her mouth. She removes the bit of sauce from her lip and puts the napkin down on the tray. He lowers down the volume on the TV and takes her hands in his.

“Can I tell you something?” he asks.

“You can tell me anything,” she replies, feeling her heartbeat start to accelerate.

“I really like you. For the past 5 months I’ve been getting to know you and I believe you’re the most intelligent, beautiful, and caring girl I’ve ever met. I know things aren’t easy with the season going on and you living in Rhode Island, but I wanna try and make things work between us. Will you officially be my girlfriend?” he asks, looking directly into her eyes.

“Yes!” she nods, feeling like her heart might just explode.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

“I’ve been wanting you to kiss me all day!” she replies, getting a little chuckle out of him in response.

He cups her face and presses his lips gently onto hers and Taty swears she feels those cliché sparks everyone always talks about. She kisses back almost immediately, not holding back. The kiss quickly becomes more passionate and she’s reciprocating each kiss enthusiastically. After a couple minutes, they break apart.

“You know how I told you I’ve never done this before? Well, I want us to take it slow and I hope that’s okay with you,” she says sheepishly, afraid of rejection.

“We can take it as slow as you want. You control how this goes. I will never push you to do anything you don’t want to do. I like you for you,” he assures her, kissing her knuckles.

She had never known what falling in love is like, but now she does because she’s definitely falling in love with Cale Douglas Makar. She never wants this feeling and she prays to God she never finds a way to fuck this up.

They spend a few more hours wrapped in each other’s arms before Cale announces he has to leave because it’s getting late and he has practice in the morning.

“Bye babe,” she smiles, leading him towards the door.

“Bye princess. Sweet dreams,” he kisses her.

He walks out the door and she shuts the door behind him. She pinches herself, thinking it might be a dream. She’s relieved to find out it isn’t a dream and she finally has a boyfriend for the first time in her life.

#cale makar #colorado avalanche #hockey #nhl writing #nhl fanfiction #cale makar fanfic #hockey fanfiction #nhl #nhl players #nhl imagines #cale makar imagine

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elwingflight · 4 years

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Coronavirus: Information & Guidelines

What you can do now, and what to prepare for

There seems to be a lack of what-to-do suggestions on tumblr beyond handwashing, so I thought I’d put something together. I’ve never actually encouraged people to reblog something of mine before, but this might be the time. To be clear: I am not personally a public health expert of any kind. Both my parents are (epidemiology/global health degrees, worked for CDC) and I’ve run this by them. My information is coming from disease researchers on twitter and official public health guidelines online. Sources at the end of the post. This is mostly directed at people in countries where COVID-19 has been reported (I’m in the U.S.), but is not *yet* widespread in the community. Written Mar. 1st 2020, last updated 3/9 (shorter, helpful twitter thread here, helpful NPR article here)

General Info

Firstly, a lot of politicians are *still* trying to sugarcoat things, but it should be clear by now that the new coronavirus is spreading widely and will continue to do so. Because of the incubation period, and in the U.S. at least the delay in testing, the number of cases is almost certainly going to increase rapidly in the near future no matter what we do now. Official government sources are helpful, but its also good to look at what experts on viral epidemics who aren’t directly government-affiliated are saying. Their agenda is purely informing the public in the most constructive way possible, without politics getting in the way.

Two key points- COVID-19 can have a long incubation period (the time from when you catch the virus to when you start showing symptoms) and most people don’t get severe symptoms. Some are entirely asymptomatic, but most people get typical flu-like symptoms. Specifically, the early symptoms to watch out for are a fever and dry cough (meaning, a stuffy nose is probably just a regular cold). Its possible but unlikely to transmit the virus while asymptomatic, most transmission happens when you have heavier symptoms.

The most vulnerable people are the elderly (~ over 60) and those with preexisting health conditions (i.e. cardiovascular disease, respiratory condition, diabetes), or a simultaneous infection with something else (NOT kids in particular!) So far the mortality rate has been about 1-2% (compared to 0.1% for the general winter flu - yes, this really is worse). However, that might be an overestimate, both because people with mild cases aren’t getting tested (the denominator should be bigger), and because the early situation in Wuhan, where a lot of our numbers come from, was especially bad in regards to availability of healthcare.

This is an emotional, difficult situation. Don’t panic. The world didn’t end in 1918, and its not going to end now. But it is very serious, and we need to be thinking about it rationally, not pretending everything is just going to be okay, or uselessly pointing blame. Take care of your mental health, and check in with each other. Epidemics test our generosity and selflessness. Those qualities are needed right now, but don’t neglect yourself either.

What You Can Do Now

There is stuff everyone can do both to prevent yourself from getting infected, and to prepare if you do. ***The big picture to keep in mind is that the biggest risk of epidemics is that they overwhelm our system, especially our healthcare system. What I mean by this is that our society is built to deal with a certain volume of things happening at once- people buying groceries, getting sick, etc. If we suddenly all rush to do something, we overburden these systems and they won’t be there for the people who need them most. Therefore our goal is to slow down the spread of disease, buying time and lowering the overall burden on these systems. This is called “flattening the curve”. It looks like this, and I cannot stress how important this is.***

A very helpful thread on preparedness

Staying Healthy

Like similar viruses (think colds and flu), COVID-19 is mostly transmitted from person to person, usually by close contact but sometimes from an infected surface. More here.

Wash your hands. Everyone has heard this one- 20 seconds, soap all over your hands, wash the soap off. If you can’t wash your hands use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol). But handwashing is absolutely better. Also- cough into your elbow/shoulder, not your hand, and avoid shaking hands- try elbow bumps or maybe a polite nod instead! If you’re handwashing so much that you’re hands are threatening to crack and bleed though, consider washing more strategically or using hand sanitizer instead.

In combination with hand-washing- stop touching your face, especially while out! This takes practice, everyone does it all the time without thinking. A good practice is to avoid touching your face while out, then wash your hands thoroughly as soon as you get home.

Similarly, avoid touching surfaces as much as possible! Particularly bad are door handles, elevator buttons, that kind of thing. The virus can probably (based on studies of related viruses) last a while on these. Regular gloves can help a bit. Use a tissue then throw it away, use your elbow, etc.

Do Not buy face masks! There’s mixed evidence on whether they’re at all helpful when used by the general public to prevent catching a virus, but actual medical professionals who need them are facing shortages (that’s probably part of why so many healthcare workers got sick in Wuhan), so our buying them up is really bad. The only times you should be wearing them is if you yourself are sick (they do help then!) or if you’re looking after a sick person. Seek instruction in that case in how to use them properly. (Thread on why buying those fancy masks is not good).

If COVID-19 is in your community, try to stay 6 feet from people, which basically means going places as little as possible. See below.

Planning Ahead

Its also a good idea to prepare in case you need to self-quarantine. Self-quarantine is necessary if you’ve potentially been exposed to COVID-19, or if you’re sick but not enough to need to go to the hospital. Follow local guidelines- if there’s lots of transmission in your area, nonessential workers will probably be advised to stay home as much as possible.

If you’re able, get medication now. Don’t go crazy and buy out the drug store, just a reasonable amount. Try to get at least a month’s worth of any prescription medications. This can be hard at least in the U.S. - your doctor may well be able to prescribe more, but insurance companies and drug stores can be terrible. I’ve found trying a different drugstore can sometimes help. Try your best. They may also be reluctant to prescribe more to avoid causing shortages. Idk what the right answer is here.

Don’t go crazy and buy out the store, but start getting a little extra shelf-stable or frozen food. Even some root vegetables that will last a few weeks. You want enough for 2 weeks in case of self-quarantine, but you do NOT want to empty out stores. Panic buying is definitely a stress on the system. Just add a few extra things each time you shop. Don’t forget about pets. You can always eat the food and replenish it over time.

Make a plan with your family/community. If someone gets sick or needs to self-quarantine, is there a corner of the house they can stay in? Who can take care of them? etc. I haven’t focused on plans for schools/religious communities/workplaces etc but those are very important too! This is one place where keeping an eye on local and national news is important. In the U.S., for example, school systems are planning ways to make food available to kids if they’re not going to school.

If COVID-19 is starting to spread in your community, think about how else you can be a good community member. Cancelling nonessential doctor’s appointments, surgeries etc may be very important, for example. If schools are closed, can you help out neighbors with childcare? Do you have a cleaner who may need to be payed in advance if there’s a quarantine?

If You Might Be Sick/Need to Quarantine

See likely symptoms above. Remember, normal colds still exist, and if you go to the doctor for every one of those you will overwhelm the system.

Don’t just go to a hospital! Call ahead to your doctor/clinic/hospital and get instructions on what to do. Getting healthcare workers sick is something we really want to avoid. That said, DO get tested as soon as possible, and act as if you are contagious. The health coverage situation is the U.S. is not yet clear (and ofc its not something the current admin is eager to clarify). Hopefully testing will be covered financially by the government, but I can’t promise that at this time.

In the meantime, stay home and quarantined if you show any symptoms of illness if you possibly, possibly can. This is especially difficult in the U.S. if you don’t have sick leave/childcare, but please. Do your utmost.

Look after yourself. Skype/google hangouts/etc is great for keeping connected. Have some chocolate/chicken broth/other sick foods ready.

The Big Picture

Coronavirus/COVID-19 has not been declared a pandemic yet, but it probably will be before long. This is almost certainly going to get worse before it gets better. We don’t yet know if warmer weather will slow its spread, and a vaccine will probably take about 1-1.5 years to be developed and tested. As I mentioned before, the best thing we can do to keep the world working, minimize mortality, etc is to slow the spread as much as we can, and minimize the strain on the system. Hospitals are going to be overwhelmed. There aren’t infinite unoccupied beds or ventilators, or people to operate them, and supply chains could get disrupted. Thinking about these things is scary, and it will take time to adjust to what’s happening. Start that process now, and help everyone you know reach the point where they’re able to act, not panic. Another reassuring thing- if we slow the spread of COVID-19, in addition to fewer total people getting sick, you will soon have people who are recovered and almost certainly immune. These people will be invaluable as helpers in their communities.

Now that the practical stuff is out of the way, I want to say from a U.S. perspective that yes, our lack of social welfare other countries take for granted is going to hurt us. Lack of access to childcare, no guaranteed paid sick leave, and of course expensive healthcare are massive problems that will make it much harder to limit disease transmission. Help each other in any way you can, and vote for candidates that support implementing these policies! And of course, watch out for propaganda of all kinds, whether its using the virus as an excuse for racism, calls to delay elections, etc. So far my biggest concern is a lack of willingness to admit how serious this is, but we can do this. Lets put extra pressure on politicians to be honest and change policies to actually help people. But, yes, lets also stay united. We need each other now (just, you know, 6 feet apart).

A few sources

In general, the Guardian is a great, free, reliable source of news. In the U.S., NPR (website as well as radio) is another great source. The Washington Post and Seattle Times have made their coronavirus-related coverage open access, not sure about other national newspapers.

twitter thread from World Health Organization (WHO)

U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) COVID-19 homepage (not being updated in some ways it should be, like total # of tests)

A reality check from some non-Governmental experts (basically, what governments don’t want to say yet, which is that this virus is going to spread, and the goal now is to infect as few people as possible, as slowly as possible. Read this.)

Why you should act now, not when things get bad in your area (we’re always operating on outdated information)

If you want the latest technical info, The Lancet (major medical journal group) has all of their content compiled here, open access.

I can do my best to answer questions (i.e. ask my dad) but those or other reliable, readily find-able sources should have you pretty well covered. Do let me know if anything on here is wrong or needs to be updated! Stay safe, stay positive, we can do this.

#coronavirus #covid19 #covid-19 #healthcare #actually important shit

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ahnsael · 3 years

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I may be put in a very awkward position a little over a month from now.

There is word that mask mandates could be eased by the end of May at the state level. Nothing definite yet.

But there is also word that the Gaming Control Board may still require masks after this. Which would mean maskholes arguing that they aren’t required to wear them anymore, but us having to explain that “in a casino, you are.”

I’ve already had people try to use the excuse “COVID is over so I don’t have to wear one anymore” (by no stretch of the imagination is COVID-19 “over”), and I don’t know what crevice people are pulling this excuse out of).

And we very well could be returning to full capacity by May 1st (chairs at every machine, instead of every other machine -- the whole “if you live together you can play together” thing hasn’t worked from the get-go because people just lie to us and say they live together and I often wonder how, it it’s true, 70 people all live under the same roof because they claim to when we try to enforce social distancing).

So soon I’ll be dealing with “the county says we don’t have to wear masks” and have to explain “Yes, but the Gaming Control Board says you do, and they are a state agency, and control our license to operate, so please put one on” (I’ve been told to be nicer to people when I ask them to follow basic flipping rules so I ask nicely but if they refuse, there’s only so “nice” I can be about something that can cost me my job -- I don’t say “HEY! PUT YOUR F***ING MASK ON!” like I sometimes want to do), and most of our guests leave their masks off until they hear my keys jangling in their vicinity and only then pull their chinstraps up into being masks (I live in a town with a bunch of jerks who don’t give a darn about this pandemic because nobody THEY know has died from it so screw everyone else, I guess).

It could get uglier than it’s been.

I hope the mask mandate goes away for selfish reasons. I’m tired, over the last year, of enforcing this on maskholes who look for any reason to take them off, with an owner who doesn’t want me to show them the door when they only pull the mask up if they see/hear me coming (I have a belt full of five sets of keys, so I make a certain jingling sound as I walk around the casino). I just want full capacity so we can put chairs back at every machine (as of now, half our chairs are gone, and people move the remaining chairs around to sit together and even those nice enough to try to put the chairs back put the wring chairs at the wrong machines -- we have two different-sized chairs and some go to slant-top machines, others go to upright machines and they always leave the wrong-sized chairs at the wrong machines so a good portion of my shift is trying to figure out where this wrong chair goes and where the right chair is). I want to not have to deal with this anymore. I want to not have to be the mask police anymore.

Now that the vaccine is available to everyone over 16, and our business is open to everyone over 21, I’m tempted to say “screw it” and if people choose to wear masks, as I will continue to do until ordered not to, which I expect will come -- covering one’s face in a casino has historically been frowned upon (and we already had one person try to cash a check in our casino who I turned down, who I could never identify if I saw him without a mask or heavy winter hat, rob a gas station down the road less than five minutes after I turned him down (the only reason I knew it was the same guy was his familiar outfit in the AM/PM surveillance video, which I saw stills from the next day, and I had a nice chat with the investigator about him when I saw the Facebook post from the Sheriff’s Office regarding the robbery). So if the casino tells me I cannot wear a face mask any more, I will comply, because as of Thursday, April 29th, my second dose will be fully effective (again, I’m being selfish here, because I started my vaccination on day two of them being available to hospitality workers, because that was the soonest appointment I could get, for some immunity will come later).

There is a dark part of me that says, “At this point, if people aren’t willing to take precautions, that’s on them. If they don’t care whether they get it, why should I?” But again, it could be my job on the line. I want this mask mandate to be over for another selfish reason -- I’m SICK of stressing over whether this person who only pulls their mask up when they hear me coming with my jangling keys is going to get us fined yet again. And whether that’s the fine that pushes us over into “we were barely making it, but now we can’t afford to stay open, and now I’m out of a job” (granted, I have zero knowledge of what we make/lose at any given time -- I know the casino always has the advantage on slots, but I’ve also seen us lose big on live keno, so I have zero idea where we are financially).

The only thing I know is that it could cost me my livelihood if we get shut down for not enforcing it. And yet I’m supposed to be nice about it. “Hey, could I ask you to [person puts their mask on because they know they’re flouting the rules] thank you.” “Hey, I know you’ve got a beer in front of you, but between sips [person puts their mask on because they know they were just flouting the rules, even before I mention a mask].” I know we want them to gamble, but is the $20 this guy is willing to lose worth the $30,000 fine for him not wearing a mask? Really?

And we still have people coming in without any mask at all, and then get mad that we don’t provide them (we did at first, and we still do sell disposable masks, which people wear for months at a time [defeating the purpose] for $1, but we no longer give them away) -- this rule has been in place since the middle of last year; if you have not yet bought your own mask, you’re just a lazy piece of virus-spreader who has no problem putting other people in danger and it’s not on our casino to provide you with one -- we require shirt and shoes and other proper attire (no pants-less people welcome), are we expected to provide those, too?

Pandemic-fatigue has officially set in.I’m just tired of all of this and I’m ready for a free-for-all where everybody has either gotten vaccinated or decided that they don’t care whether or not this kills them. I want everyone who WANTS to get vaccinated to get vaccinated (and currently EVERY American 16 years of age or older is eligible to get vaccinated), and for the hold-outs, they’re now taking their chances.

#venting #coronavirus #COVID-19 #tempted to post this on facebook #where a few coworkers follow me #and last time I went off like this one of them showed to the boss #to ask if they thought I was okay #(I'm not really okay but I keep pushing on)#I am just very angry at virus deniers and I'm willing to let them lay their own beds #JUST NOT AT MY CASINO

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