#not for het reasons i promise | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peridot-tears · 1 year

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Okay, but am I the only one who likes the TOXICITY of RothFrye and not the sweet, joyful love people seem to be in on it for? Like, this man was AWFUL, but he awakened something in Jacob and he was Not Okay about it for a long time, and it tortured the hell out of him until he eventually got some better boyfriends before he ended up with his wife??????

#not for het reasons i promise #i LOVe that he had kids and became a dad #i just for some reason just see him settling down with a wife?????#honestly i like seeing him with both men and women in general tho let him love his little bi heart out #tears falling like peridots #rothfrye #jacob frye #ac #jacob #assassin's creed #assassin's creed syndicate #ac syndicate

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eclaire-went-bam · 2 months

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i've been making these every year since 2021 for fun i can't wait for the time ro make my 2024 one

these are in order from 2021, 2022, and 2023 lmao i got myself some disordered kins

#i know nothing about danganronpa but i put him because i reminded One person of him and i wanted to make someone angry so i put him as het #lmao #the only reason i didn't put the riddler again #was because i needed a furina ong #my old art in the first one LMAOO #mono gets to be in all 3 #so does octavo i guess #you can probably see my transition from thinking i was an introvert to reaching my final form #as the most annoying pos #also for ghirahim i promise i put him there because of the flamboyance i promise i'm not weird like that #i havent even played the game at the time #the angel from being as low as dirt as well as tsukasa as well as the riddler as well as ena ?? gotta be the npd #dont even get me started on the happy days girl LMAOOO

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makiswirl · 2 years

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not to clutter your inbox but I wanted to chime in a fellow linged enjoyer, I think it's easy to forget how fma is still a mainstream series and most of the fans probably don't even realize edling is a thing because they don't perceive anything that isnt canon unless it's straight, and how the "dudebros" come and attack any type of ed and ling content, usually fanart, that could potentially be perceived as romantic. it's crazy too because it's still a rarepair, like it's not even that popular, yet every single edling artist I've seen has gotten at least several homophobic comments on their stuff. idk, not to say people who don't like the ship are usually homophobic obviously it's just a silly ship, but it's super unfortunate how so many mlm or wlw shippers get treated over just doing what they enjoy in a fandom of predominantly popular het ships anyways

YES! that's pretty much what i was getting at near the latter end of the post! (´ ∀ ` )

het ships are still more inherently popular just by the fact that fullmetal alchemist is popular to the general public, and saying that a certain straight ship that is at least implied to be canon is less popular doesn't consider the mass majority of people casually viewing and consuming content from my perspective as a content creator bc... those casual enjoyers Might have biases and shit all over stuff they have biases against and at the end of the day the m/f ships are always going to be more popular unless they're a smidge out there

it's just a matter of content output within the fellow creators in the fandom, even if i don't mind that at all or even perceive it personally :o) i'm friends /w popular artists (and myself included) who've gotten harassed by random dudebros just shitting on the art for existing because 'It's Just Gay to Be Gay' or 'They're Not Canon And This Ship Is' or whatever :")

and yeah i cldn't care less if people are into it because i'm just thriving enjoying these two barbie dolls i'm smashing together to kiss and i don't want to convince anyone to get into them, but only people who post content of wlw and mlm pairings getting confronted on the front that they're just mlm and wlw pairings and something i've only seen happen with gay-oriented pairing content creators is beyond me since you have your canon straight ships right there

tl;dr: i just like them because i like them but linged isnt even actually terrifically popular :'^) at least not anymore, and i think it's kind of hard to Remember That especially for people who aren't content creators especially when it's a gay ship in an already-dormant fandom

obviously i don't think it's harmful to ask and i don't want any bad attention coming onto the og anon because it was just a normal question and i respect and appreciate it! but it's just a matter of 'seeming' when it's really just what you personally consume or perceive

#-- anonymous #macchi.txt #answering machine #edling #thank u for the ask op! :-) hopefully this is coherent #this sounds really chronically online and it is and i hate debating it for that reason but i like analyzing......... im normal i promise #but yeah for example i've been in the supernatural fandom for years so take destiel. it's a gay ship and the fandom fixates on it #to the point the series 'canonized it'#but i've watched and heard people watching supernatural with their families and friends and they simply take the het ships you get #straight-faced like with lisa and dean for example #and they'd probably be considered more 'popular' but the people don't talk about it or make content they just perceive it #everything is not how it seems on the internet if you're creating content especially as regular people with those biases integrate #you all have to realize that shipping Isn't a mainstream thing if it's not explicitly implied #which is why i usually don't care about it unless i fixate i just like the series standalone #delete later mayhaps

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blinxbat · 1 year

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Gatekeepers rlly just wanna be cishet so bad they can't stand not being in the in-group

#fuck the discourse #i hate it all #also i say cishet but like #its cis/het/allo/white/abled/#like everything really #we're queer for a fucking reason #also 14 year olds who have Opinions (tm) about queerness please learn your history #you don't have to come out the womb knowing shit but for the love of fuck #hopefully this will be my first and last post about this #no promises though #fuck all y'all btw #hate my puter #all my enemies are inside it

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milaisreading · 5 months

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hihi!! just an idea :)

The post abt bachira and the others making posts on twitter and crossdresser! yn does actually get in trouble with JFA so after getting scolded by them it weighs on het shoulders a lil bit (cuz how was she meant to stop them?) and now the team is mad at bachira, isagi and kurona and maybe try cheering up crossdresser! yn?

Sorry for the mouthful😅

Love the works! <33 take care( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

🌱🩷: Thank u for the request, and I am happy u are enjoying the stories so far! Hope u like this🫶🏻

Inspo

Warnings: Reader uses she/her, but since she is crossdressing here, the guys use he/him. Requests are open

⚽️Blue Lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke ⚽️

"We said to watch over your team and what they post. Do you know how bad it would have been for us if the media saw that."

"Or worse, some of the investors."

"We really should switch you out as the captain. You know nothing!"

(Y/n) cringed as the higher ups of the JFA threw those words at her.

'This isn't fair. How is any of this my fault?' She bit back her words, knowing that Anri and Ego are probably eavesdropping on the conversation.

"I am sorry. It won't happen again. I took the phones away from them and Teieri-san promised we will go over with everyone what can and can't be posted." (Y/n) said, bowing down as another man rolled his eyes.

"It better not happen. As a captain you take some responsibility as well."

"I understand." (Y/n) repeated and excused herself. Walking out of the room, she ignored both Ego and Anri, she just wanted go back to her room. Anri, worried for the girl, walked after her, leaving Ego to deal with the JFA.

"(Y/n), are you alright? Please talk to me." Anri said in worry, but got no response for a good few minutes. Eventually, all the words got to her and (Y/n) stopped in her tracks.

"(Y/n)..."

"This isn't fair, Teieri-san. All of this is too much for me. I know as a captain I have certain responsibilities, but I am not the PR manager of the team." Anri watched as the girl started tearing up.

"How was I supposed to know Bachira, Isagi, and Kurona would start messing on their profiles?! I don't understand how..." The girl started sobbing and Anri pulled her into a hug.

"It's not your fault, mistakes happen. None of it is your fault."

"I am just tired. I wish I never became the captain, or joined Blue lock. Can I just leave?"

"Don't say that. Listen, go and rest for a bit. Some sleep might do you good."

While Anri tried to calm her down, neither noticed Barou and Rin spying on them... and boy, they were mad!

"Isagi, Bachira, Kurona!!" The trio tensed up as they heard Barou's yell. He was so loud and mad that it caught the attention of other teammates.

"What is this yelling about?" Nagi raised an eyebrow.

"Dunno... Barou and Rin seem angrier than usually." Kunigami shrugged his shoulders.

"What are you yelling about?" Bachira groaned as he got off the ground, Isagi and Kurona also raised an eyebrow as well.

"You three and your stupid posts earlier on are the reason he is yelling!" Rin bit back.

"You don't mean that dumb thread Bachira started? Calm down, it wasn't anything scandalous." Chigiri tried to intervene. This earned a nod from Aryu as well.

"Yeah, it was stupid, but nothing serious."

"Is it worth yelling about it? They got their phones taken away, anyway." Tokimitsu added in. He really wasn't willing to listen to any yelling right now.

"Besides, all three of us got scolded by (Y/n) already. I don't see why you two want to do it as well." Isagi's words earned him a glare from Rin.

"And all three of you should be scolded again! You are the reason he is crying now!" Barou chimed in. This caused the trio to tense up and the rest of the team to narrow their eyes.

"What do you mean with cry? He looked pretty calm when I talked to him." Gagamaru said, Hiori soon after nodding his head.

"Yeah, he even found the situation a little funny."

"Well, those old sacks at the JFA didn't find it funny. Appeared they yelled at him and threw insults at him for that thread." Rin rolled his eyes.

"Yelled at him? You aren't serious, right?" Kurona asked quietly.

"No, we aren't kidding. We heard him cry to Teieri-san about it." Barou answered. The rest of the team was pretty tense by now, shifting their focus to glare at the nervous trio.

"So, he cried? Really cried? Is he ok now?" Niko asked in worry.

"It's so weird to imagine (Y/n) cry. He is always so composed. Whatever they said, must have really stung." Reo narrowed his eyes as Nagi and Karasu cracked their knuckles.

"Let us handle them." Karasu said rather cheerfully.

"But first! You 3 need to fix this with (Y/n). It's your fault after all." Yukimiya added in, causing the attention to be on the trio again.

"You are right... we will think of something." Isagi sighed, guilty for everything as Kurona and Bachira nodded their heads.

"Maybe food will do the trick?" Bachira wondered.

"Maybe, we can help you all. But, you better apologize to (Y/n) properly, got it?" Hiori smiled at them.

"Thank you." Kurona nodded his head as Otoya cleared his throat.

"Can we now beat up the JFA members?"

"No." Kunigami and Rin said at once.

"Do it some other time, we don't want to upset (Y/n) more." Gagamaru argued.

"Let's now focus on helping you 3 out." Chigir yawned, getting off of the floor.

A few hours later and the trio had prepared the food for (Y/n) and did some of the chores she was supposed to do. After she woke up from a longer nap, she was surprised to see Isagi at her door, but didn't think much of it. The real surprise was when she was sat down at the cafeteria, and it wasn't the food that she normally ate that was served to her.

"Huh? I shouldn't be eating this? Does the system have some issues again?" (Y/n) wondered, but earned a protest from Kurona.

"Actually, Isagi and I made it for you. As an apology for what happened earlier today." Isagi nodded his head, confusing (Y/n) more.

"What do you mean?"

"We wanted to apologize for those posts we made... we got you in a lot of trouble for it. I even did the chores that you had to, so that you can relax tonight." Bachira said, smiling apologetically at her.

"Ha? You guys did all of this?"

"Mhm." They nodded their heads. The rest of the cafeteria was pretty much silent, waiting for what might happen next.

"You... you guys really didn't have to. I already said I wasn't mad, the whole thing was funny to me. It's just that the JFA made a huge fuss over it." She rolled her eyes, remembering the yelling from earlier.

"It's all good now, don't beat yourselves up over it. Now, let's eat dinner." She smiled while gesturing at the empty eats. The trio, relieved that it all worked out well in the end, nodded their heads and went to get their own food before sitting down to eat with (Y/n). And, while the rest of the team was happy to see their captain smiling again, they couldn't help but feel down over the fact that she let the trio sit with her.

'That should have been me.'

'Lucky bastards...'

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zeroducks-2 · 6 months

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Ok so I've seen this post way too many times on my dashboard not to get pissed so here's me saying this: Shipping is not aphobic, Soulmates AUs are not aphobic, having fun imagining your favorite little guys having sex is not aphobic.

"But one of these characters is asexual in the text!" 1: a character which doesn't have a canon relationship is not necessarily aspec, and 2: even if the character is canonically aro/ace, shipping them with someone doesn't erase the fact that they're aro/ace in the text, and in fact doesn't hurt anyone because IT'S FICTION. It's like shipping with an age gap, shipping gay characters with the opposite sex, shipping murderers and cannibals, shipping het characters with the same sex, any other "problematic" thing you can think of. It's fiction. It's not real, it doesn't hurt anyone, it's just some poor sod's past-time like it is yours and mine and everyone else's who spend their time shipping fictional people.

"Shipping hurts X category of people" is anti rhetoric and guess what, it's bullshit. You're just calling people aphobic instead of p3do, groomer or whatever other offensive nonsense antis say.

"But soulmate AU are aphobic!" Look, I hate soulmate AUs because they're cheesy and made with the cookie cutter, but that's just bullshit. No they don't hurt aspec communities, they simply do not cater to aromantic people. Something which doesn't cater to you simply existing does not in fact hurt you. And anyway you're free to create your own "Platonic Soulmate AU" if you so like, I promise no one is stopping you and a lot of folks would appreciate it.

"But it normalizes amatonormativity!" LISTEN. It's called amatonormativity FOR A REASON, and this reason is that it is the norm. Fandom spaces haven't normalized it, IT IS ALREADY NORMALIZED. Hetero, cis, allo and amatonormativity don't come from fandoms, they are not pushed by fandoms, and making it sound any different is the same kind of rhetoric antis use. Kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum of that specific brand of antis which claims incest in fanfictions normalizes it, whereas 8 seasons of GoT somehow don't. Like fucking stop treating fans like they hold the keys to make things widely spread and accepted, maybe? Because that's also what antis do in their attempt to police what other people like...?

In conclusion, this is an internalized anti behavior which won't help aspec people, won't help fandom and will only fuel shame in anyone who takes it seriously. It's just a very fancy brand of censorship. Fucking stop.

#censorship is bad in general folks #not just the censorship you personally dislike #ramblings #fandom discourse

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verycharismaticdragon · 1 year

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Currently reading a Korean webnovel instead of Chinese ones and this is making me conceptualize something, let’s see if I can put it in words…

My musings started with realizing that I’ve become very used to this cnovels thing where the main pairing is literally stated in the summary. Not the case for the k-novel I’m reading, and therefore I’m experiencing Pain and Suffering, — torn between my every instinct screaming that the author is setting up the OT3 endgame, and trying to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. (And the novel is ongoing so I can’t even get spoilers for the ending :) girl help.)

As you may’ve guessed, I found myself strongly preferring the Chinese variant; but as to why exactly it was so important for my enjoyment to know the main couple… it took me a bit to figure out.

I mean, it’s not like I’m reading exclusively for romance, okay? Fannish activity-wise, sure, I tend to get fixated on ships (though even then, not all the time), but when it comes to reading (or any media intake, really), it’s not necessarily what I’m most interested in. Among my beloved titles, there are many where there’s no canon or fanon couple I'm attached to — and more than a few where there’s a canon couple that I neither love nor hate, just accept. So why did I get so attached to the concept of being, essentially, spoiled the endgame couple beforehand?

The key word that made it click was: promise. After all, it’s not like knowing the names of the characters that get together tells me anything about if they will be interesting or boring together, if they will be good for each other or make me scream “break up!” a million times. But it is a solid promise that these two people ARE gonna be a couple.

And thinking about the word promise reminded me of discussions on plot twists that I’ve seen on here, about what makes a good plot twist and what makes a bad one — specifically, the phrase “narrative promise” that someone came up with. Basically, narrative promise is in the set up and the build up. If the plot twist betrays the narrative promise, it will not work, and it will be hated by the audience, who’ll feel like their emotional investment into the story was mocked.

The thing about the narrative promise, and why this term stuck with me, is that it’s actually applicable more broadly than just for shock-factor plot twists. For example: what is queerbaiting, if not betraying the narrative promise that the two characters are gonna be together? The fans see the narrative promise — the set up and the build up that would be unequivocally romantic for a het couple — and expect it to be fulfilled; only to be called delusional by the very creators that gave them this expectation.

And this brings me to the next point: the catch of the “narrative promise” is that it’s never a guarantee. You can be completely sure the author is setting up X, only for them to turn around and do something completely different. (Possibly while calling you a little bitch for having the stupidity to invest your feelings into their creation, too.) After a while, a fan learns to manage their expectations. To not bet too much on anything, even if it feels like there’s no other way it can go. To wait until the end of the season or the last chapter before allowing themselves to get attached; to hold back on deciding whether something is good or not, lest they hype up something they will want to bury and forget later.

And this is where we circle back to c-novels, and to spoiling the main couple in the summary. Except I hesitate to call it “spoiling” because, as discussed, it actually heightens my enjoyment. For a simple reason: this practice takes the narrative promise from its nebulous, uncertain status to something concrete and real. Only for this one aspect and with the minimal-est amount of information possible, but still. That’s one thing I don’t have to guess about or doubt myself on (am I seeing things? is there a heterosexual explanation another way to read this? will the author simply kill off one of the characters before the end so that they don’t have to decide whether to make them explicitly queer?), and one thing I can count on (whatever else happens in the plot, I’ll still have this). It’s easy to invest emotionally into those characters and their relationship, when you have an assurance of their happy ending.

Ofc, I’m not saying that I don’t invest emotionally into relationships or characters other than the main CP — just that it is easier. And I would even say having this one(1) hard promise makes it easier to invest into other elements of the work, too, as it makes for a sort of safety net even if something else is disappointing or painful.

Like, say you are invested in one couple with great chemistry and one side character. In case of a pre-stated ship, even if the side character dies, at least you still have the canon couple. So it’s not like all of your emotional connection to the book is lost, and you can probably bear with the loss of that character by writing everybody lives AU or something. But if the side character dies AND the couple you were invested in gets broken up or killed off or straight-married with other ppl… then doesn’t that make the entire thing into one massive disappointment? to the point that you might even regret picking up the book that made you care only to slap you in the face?..

So yeah, having even just one ship guaranteed is very comforting. And then I thought, well, doesn’t this apply to another type of fiction that I’m very familiar with?

Fanfiction?

Which, since very early on, has adopted the practice of putting the endgame ship in the header of the fic. And which, probably not coincidentally, is often a response to a broken (or at the very least not brought to its logical conclusion) narrative promise. And which always felt uniquely easy to read for me…

See, prior to getting on this little thought train, I always assumed the ease was due to pre-existing familiarity with canon. You know, not having to learn the entire new setting, already having attachment to the characters… But now that I’ve connected these dots, I thought about times I read fics for fandoms I wasn’t familiar with, and originals formatted as fics — and really, wasn’t it always about the narrative promise made solid?

Esp with how fics make it even broader than cnovels, by having extensive tags and ratings and such. Getting into a fic, you have a pretty clear idea of what may or may not happen in the story, even if you don’t know what exactly will happen or how. And a fic can fail to live up to the premise set up by ship/rating/tags — but not completely turn its back on it.

(Well, normally. But in those exceptional cases where tags are misleading, at least you have something to point to when saying, “this is not what I was promised”. The ficwriter can hardly claim they don't understand why you expected [ship] to happen when they personally tagged their work as containing that ship — unlike the traditional media creators, who can always play the "you were totally misunderstanding my intentions the entire time" card.)

And having a solid promise like this, it turns out, takes lotsa pressure off starting a New Unfamiliar thing. I do, in fact, trust like that! So it’s no wonder that there were periods in my life when I would only consume fanfiction, because it was so much easier than extending trust to new titles. And it’s no wonder that what brought me back to being an avid reader were Chinese webnovels that use a practice very similar to what we have in fandoms.

I guess I understand myself better now! Still wish I knew if that k-novel's author is /j or /srs about the ot3 though.

#fandom #fanfiction #cnovels #danmei novels #idk just a lot of musings that i wanted to organize a bit. and since i already typed it all might as well set it free here

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA if I break up with my partner because I think I'm lesbian?

(🪿🫧 To recognize this) this is long, I'm sorry

I (23they/she) have been with my partner C (24they/he) for a little over a year. Some background, I grew up strict Mormon and am still struggling with the internalized homophobia from the teachings of the church. I currently identify as biromantic asexual because I have a hard time with sexual experiences. I have only ever been with people assigned male at birth, all previously cis/het men until my current partner. C identies as Bisexual and has stated previously that they don't mind never being physically intimate sexually.

Recently ive been thinking about afab or feminine adjacent people, no one specific just like day dreaming about a girls and it made me feel a way I never have before, including with previous partners. This is leading me to suspect the only reason I have a hard time with being intimate with previous partners is they were all amab or at the very least just very masculine including C.

This is where I could potentially be the asshole. C has some previous experiences with previous potential partners saying they didn't want to continue citing they're actually lesbian. This has left him super jaded. Especially after they later found out one of them ended up in a cis/het relationship the next month.

He and I have had a rocky last few months due to his housing situation and sometimes lack thereof, job hoping, and not being medicated for bipolar, and me being off my anxiety meds due to new prescription.

He has stable housing and a job now, and I have stabled for the most part myself. I did in the midst of all this bring up the possibility of just being friends due to previous issues and I tried to bring up me struggling with my sexuality. He promised to fix his issues and kind of ignored the issue about my sexuality because he didn't know how to respond to it. He kind of just explained it away.

The problem is, a lot of his friends are my friends too, we work at the same place, and he relies on me a lot for transportation and sometimes monetary help. We don't live together because I'm living with my parents until I go to school. I'm worried about losing our friends or making working together bad.

To be clear I do care about them a lot, he's one of my closest loved ones but I'm not sure it's in the way he wants it to be, and I don't like hurting them, I hate the idea of him not being in my life. He and I are both autistic as well so its kinda hard to really understand what this whole thing means or how to handle it

Any advice is also welcome

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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lunerium · 29 days

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About the post you made regarding the sebaciel kisses, can I know why they kissed in the live action? I'm yet to watch it, aware it's not canon but I'm just curious as to why they kissed. (I also saw on twitter yana didnt want romance between ciel and sebastian in the live action which is another reason I ask.) I'm not an anti just curious!

Hello, anon, thank you for your question!

The relationship between Sebastian and Ciel does differ a lot in the movie than it does in other official adaptations. While it cannot be labeled exactly as a “romance”, it’s evident that the writers were trying to pull the strings and appease to Sebaciel shippers.

The kiss scene happened because Sebastian was “administering” an antidote to Ciel, but he administered it through a kiss. It’s similar to Disney movies and how they wake up after a kiss, very fairytale-like.

Also another aspect to note about the movie is that Ciel is not actually Ciel, but Shiori, the descendant of Ciel in the 21st century, a girl who crossdresses as a boy to claim the title of Earl. It is quite the change, isn’t it? Which is another reason why the movie didn’t have such a great reception.

However, the relationship between Sebastian and this new “Ciel” is indeed portrayed in a romantic light, more than in the canon series. The movie even ends with a very romantic scene of Sebastian and Shiori looking at each other, Sebastian caressing her, while he promises to be by her side until the day she dies. Which is why I think that they changed Ciel to a girl, so that Japanese audiences wouldn’t complain about two men kissing on screen (Japan is very homophobic in reality). But since the is Shiori also wears an eyepatch, it’s clear that they wanted the audience to see Shiori as Ciel, just a genderbent version.

Basically, the only reason why Ciel is a girl was so they could get the kiss in.

On another note, Yana did make a tweet where she said that she didn’t want any romance between Sebastian and Shiori, but on a personal note, it seems that it was less about her being against sebaciel than it was about making Sebaciel a hetero couple. She has previously stated that she appreciates LGBT relationships in mainstream media, so making Sebaciel a HET ship would go against what she believes in.

This is the full kiss scene, if you’re interested. The music in the background is the theme song in the movie, which appears in the credits.

youtube

#sebaciel #ciel phantomhive #sebastian michaelis #Kuroshitsuji #meta #live action movie #it was clearly intended at sebaciel shippers #black butler #meta analysis #kuroshitsuji meta

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absolutebl · 1 year

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This Week in BL - No Thoughts Only Bed Friends

March 2023 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 5 of 8 - Consent King is great. The nail clipping injury thing was absurd. I love King’s admission that he’s attracted to Uea’s cool aloof meanness. Also I like that office politics and nepotism have come in to play, this is an office romance after all. King’s “back the fuck off” expression is one of the best. And then there are bits of the friendship/work dynamics that are laugh out loud funny. This is a great show.

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - I honestly can’t decide about the babe character. Do I like him or is he too much an idiot? There is a way to play innocence where it’s cheeky not frustrating, but this is edging on frustrating. Mr Boss is a hard core flirt. What is this I feel? Just… old fashioned trope exhaustion. I HATE the younger brother character but love the home family. All in all, this show still makes me smile, not sure why, but it keeps me watching.

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Continues to be slice of life sweet and somewhat silly. Second lead syndrome strikes... and then vanishes.

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) 2 of 12 eps - I just don’t like any of the characters. They’re boring. Also we are back to that old pulp mistake of not matching foundation properly and not blending at the jaw line. Which I find endlessly distracting. I do like that the sunshine idiot time traveller is trying to take care of his dead bestie’s kid and said kid is hella gay for it.

The Promise (Thai Weds YT) ep 3 of 10 - I’m bored.

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - A confession is not an excuse. Do we trust Leu or not? Now a random doctor character has shown up? It feels like we are watching the whole thing out of sequence, not just the flashbacks but as if the story hasn’t been edited together properly. what is going on?

Our Winter (Thai & Korea YT & TikTok under ThaiMiniSeries) ep 12-13 of 14 - whatever.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dating Sim (Korea Thurs Viki) eps 3-4 of 8 - I can’t. It’s so good. They’re so good... and so bad at flirting. And SO into each other. The saddest part of my week is reading the phrase “the next episode will not be available for 7 days.”

All the Liquors (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) eps 5-6 of 8 - That’s it, that’s the reason? The chef is allergic to alcohol? I don’t understand, why such a big deal? What happened to that plot point? Why did he change his mind? OK, I guess that is the end of that conflict? Now we’re in it just for a cute romcom? Fine. Who needs story structure? Especially when they have a date that is all about tasting local food and baby boy has a cute striped sweater with extra long flappity-flappy sleeves. The credit extras sequence was GREAT! I found the two gay boys expressions over the hets flirting = one if the most relatable moments in BL cinematic history.

Unintentional Love Story (Korea Fri iQIYI) 1-2 of 10- Ji Won Young is intent on winning over the heart of Yoon Tae Joon as he's the boss's favorite artist. Plot: evil corporation is evil, artist is DEEP and not evil. Opens with a wrongful termination, debt issues, bird poop, & broken plate = our poor sunshine cutie can’t catch a break. Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is GREAT in this role. Like really good. The tsundere ceramicist better be in hiding for a DAMN good reason. I don’t wan’t to be in another Liquors sitch. Meanwhile: “just a little kabedon to see if you’re gay“ really? That’s your excuse? Love the cafe owner & combative foodie romance boys, side dish syndrome coming on strong already. (The guy playing the muscled waiter is the lead from You Make Me Dance). [FYI I had to search on Google to find it on iqiyi, for some reason they weren’t listing the first 2 eps internally: Ep 1, Ep 2]

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korea Tues Viki & Gaga) eps 1-2 of 7 - Adaptation of Dongmul's manwha, high school set, features a teasing confident gay, and a rich/poor pairing. Star idols Jaehan & Yechan BOTH from OMEGA X, a first for the industry. AND..... I don’t like it. Very bully romance, without the mature teasing of Semantic Error or the kinky hotness of My Beautiful Man. I HATE outing with false accusations (implication = to be gay is evil), aided and abetted by adults. (It’s as close to a trigger as I get.) It makes for an unforgivable bad-boy character. Lots of the “crash into me“ trope. (Who do they think they are? Taiwan?) I’ll keep watching but I’m not happy about it, and I don’t see how they can possibly redeem the bad boy - tragic past or no. Now that he switched to flirting the dynamic is better, but I will never trust him.

Jack o’Frost (Japan Fri GaGa) ep 5 of 6 - Honestly? Perhaps their relationship should end. Why do I care? They seem ill suited.

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Blue Sky Complex (Japan ???) 5 eps for VR - Kei Ichikawa's manga is getting a JBL adaptation. Weird distribution though, it started Feb 27 sequentially on 360 Channel (SHOCHIKUch) a VR video distribution service. Will inter-fans ever get to see this, and if it’s filmed for VR will it adapt without being overly dark and fuzzy? I have questions. But as usual, you do you Japan and we will wait (im)patiently to see if you remember the rest of the world exists. This is my preferred kind of live action yaoi, so fingers crossed.

Boyband (Thai) ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Heesu In Class 2 (Korea Thurs unknown, I check Viki Gaga iQIYI & WeTV nada) - A gay(er) version of Sex Education. I’m still not sure this one is actually happening.

In case you missed it

I’m putting this here because I missed it: Ready?

Laos produced their version of Boys Over Flowers called Oh My 4. It is... not very good BUT 2 of the F4 have a BL arc with each other!!! (The bad boy and the musician.) You know I’ve been wanting the all gay BoF for YEARS but this is as close as we’ve gotten. Don’t ask, I have no idea how to get it all. But some of it is on YT.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Liquors & Jack both end.

Tomorrow: Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 1 of 5 - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist. We can expect this one to be soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people.

3/22: Make a Wish (Thai Weds YouTube) from WaGa Creative staring Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. It seems to be a light-hearted romance with a comedic flair. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage).

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Definitely Top 10 MINE glares (Bed Friend).

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Team B cover of Dang Dang Dang. Look the tiny corner of my heart not occupied by BL is entire taken over by Peak Time.

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tomboyyyaoi · 1 year

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i LOVE vashwood but bc its the Fandom Fav tm its absolutely everywhere n i dont feel like im getting enough vashmeryl which is My Fav tm n i feel like barely anyone ships them bc barely anyone GETS them and how theyr just as deep as vashwood like i promise theyr not just a shoehorned het romance and i could babble on about how if u genuinely see them that way then u either severely lack reading comprehension or have some sort of internalised misogyny (coz it nearly allllllllways falls on some reason that reads as 'i just dont think meryl is a very deep character' like yes she is u just stopped caring when a woman was on the page) i really feel like i could go on and on and on and on and on and on if i was in more of a mood to but like

oh my god its not even like their connection is always so subtle that u have to squint like the amount they care about eachother is so clear meryl just isnt the kind of character to verbally say it bc shes emotionally closed off (WHICH SHE KNOWS AND GETS UPSET ABOUT IN THE EARLY MANGA) but u can tell she WANTS to say something and she does, just internally, they see right fucking thru eachother bc they relate to eachother despite how wildly different their lives and experiences are and god theyr both PINING for eachother they just want to HELP and PROTECT eachother but shes emotionally stunted (cough cough autism headcanon here) and hes deliberately closed off bc if he were to open up about anything it would just be one big incomprehensible traumadump he doesnt wanna put on anyone but they See It in eachother and they care no matrer what they decide to say or not say, oh my god im gnna fucking blow up

please dont tell me ppl just swore off vashmeryl and refused to see it bc they just mentally registered it as Yet Another Forced Het Romance For No Reason please tell me people dont think meryl was just meant to be a love interest and ignored her bc of it, pls tell me ppl dont just ship her w milly bc they ship vashwood and 'well she needs to be with SOMEONE' please dont tell me people genuinely dont see vashmeryl as anything deeper than The M/F Leads Ur Meant 2 Ship please dont tell me that please please please please please please please please

#i could. literally write an essay on Them #trigun #vashmeryl

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malfunctioningemi · 1 year

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Sk8 the Infinity & how Reki Kyan is written to be human

SO 👏 if you kept reading past the opening line welcome back to some more thoughts I have had about Sk8. In the show, I think Reki is the most humanly written character in the show. This is due to his personality, but more-so his actions and internal dialogue.

We open the show with narration from Reki explaining skating and what he loves about it, before seeing him lose the beef with Shadow, and be forced to watch as his board burns. We see straight away that, for all his passions, Reki is punished and given consequences for being too over-indulgent and confident in winning. He loves skating, but it can hurt sometimes.

One of my favourite scenes with Reki, is him in school before Langa. It’s short, but he is sat doodling away new skateboarding designs and parts. The second someone shows interest and asks what he is doing, he eagerly asks if they want to talk about it, to which he is immediately rejected for his eagerness. His passions being met with disinterest.

Then we have Reki meeting Langa. He doesn’t pay him much attention in class, but when meeting him outside of Cherry’s studio, we get to see Reki’s goofy side come out more. Asking him if he was interested in skating, if he’d want to learn. Then getting shot down once again for his eagerness, only to end up with Langa as a co-worker instead thanks to Oka. As Reki teaches Langa to skate, we het to see Reki shine in his knowledge. he never gives up, even if something seems impossible. He slowly encourages and pushes Langa until he can finally nail that first trick, having fun the whole time and making their friendship all the brighter. It is honest and genuine, even if a little battered and bruised sometimes.

Skipping forward a bit, we see how Reki reacts to other skaters like Miya. Up until this point, we know that Reki is an average skater compared to most, and Miya being the child prodigy, shows Reki up and makes him land face in dirt more than once. There is jealousy of his skill, but also a playful rivalry. Miya is just a kid, similar in age to Rekis younger sister, so he can’t hold a grudge against him for too long. He quickly jumps in to defend Miyas honor, showing that despite everything, he is his friend above any rivalry or squabbles.

SO. When Reki races against Adam, we see a side of Reki we don’t see much. He is dejected. He tries to joke and laugh, but anyone can see that he is bitter about losing. The people he is surrounded by are spectacular, and he is just regular. He wants to get better, but for now he needs to recover.

I love the beach episode SO MUCH and for one reason I don’t see people mention often is the scene between Joe and Reki. Reki confides in Joe, and Joe does what he can to comfort him. It’s a rare heart-to-heart we don’t get much of in the show, but when we do it tends to be between the two. They are very similar in my eyes, Joe seeing himself in Reki, and wanting him to not make the same mistakes he did. Reki admits that he doesn't want to fall behind, and while he has the drive, it doesn’t mean he has the skill to.

As the episodes pass and Langa QUICKLY improves, he gets left behind like he expected. He hates it, he doesn’t want to just be ‘the one that hangs around the GOOD skaters’ he wants people to know his name and acknowledge his skills.

The turning point for Reki’s character is when Langa goes against his promise. Reki is a man of his word, and expects everyone else to keep the same ideals. Once a promise is made, you shouldn’t break it. Knowing Reki was the one to teach Langa everything, seeing him exceed his own skills, and then not keep his promise made Reki break. To him, that was him being left behind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reach the same stars that Langa could. As much as this era of the show hurts, Reki is written so realistically. He knows that he shOULDN’T be so upset about this, seeing and supporting his friends improvement used to bring him joy, but now he was left behind without so much as a thank you, he can’t help but close off and run away. How I see it, Reki has the ideals of Someone who wants others to put the same energy into their friendship as he does, and when that doesn't happen, he gets crushed.

Reki at his lowest is when he gets beaten up by his old skating friends, and Oka finds Reki wallowing in self pity. He feels as though he deserved to be beaten up for feeling this way, that his feelings are selfish and he should just be happy. Oka’s advice that sometimes people are just cut out to watch and cheer them on gives Reki the energy to go and watch a race, but even with cheering Langa on, he doesn’t WANT to watch. He wants to be there, skating alongside his friends and having FUN! What fun is there in just sitting there?

The small scene between Reki and Tadashi has always been interesting regarding Reki’s character. In the depths of his moping, it takes someone who (as he sees it) completely missing the point of skating to knock him out of it. He loves skating, he loves skating with langa, it’s all meant to be FUN! saying it aloud to someone else seemed to be the wakeup call he needed, even if tears were shed.

Once Reki and Langa finally makeup, with Reki having had more time to think things over, we can finally see Reki be given the acknowledgement from Langa that he IS amazing. And of course, Reki blushes. As much as he wants to be recognized for what he can do, being bombarded by compliments makes him nervous and a little embarrassed, and as I read it, feel like all his moping was useless if Langa thought that about him the entire time. It’s sweet and a genuine moment between the two.

NOW. this post is already really long but I absolutely adore how the skating between him and Adam is done the second time. Reki knows what to expect this time, and just has to endure it until the time comes for him to shine. He might not be the best skater, but he knows everything about the boards themselves, and gets to show off his knowledge once the rain comes. Seeing him win and get that big hug from everyone once it’s over feels like a reunion that I didn’t know I needed. For once everyone is on Reki’s side and supporting him vocally and physically.

As we reach the end of the show, we get to see Reki watch Langa skate almost to his death before their reunion and Langas victory. I think Langas leap of a hug into Reki is the culmination of 12 episodes of friendship- ups and downs all culminating in a fun and loving embrace. A thank you for showing Langa how fun living in Okinawa could turn out to be.

Their duo skate at the end is, as I see it, the start of something new, and the end of Reki’s arc. He has learnt so much, and ended up with a best friend and a newfound love for skating alongside people who truly cherish him. Reki is NOT a perfect person. He gets jealous, and pouts when he gets teased, and makes awful jokes and does some goofy things that sometimes puts him in weird positions, but he is a character who just wants to have FUN as hard as that can seem sometimes.

#tldr i kin him so hard #sorry this was so long BUT THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION #reki kyan my beloved #reki kyan #sk8 reki #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #renga #sk8 drabbles and thoughts

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sourcreammachine · 6 months

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fuck it, let’s die on this hill

FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK IS THE ULTIMATE QUEER YULETIDE SONG

the straights have been getting increasingly uncomfortable with it in the last few years. you’re going to see a big resurgence of the censored version this year because Shane MacGowan died last week, but it has been well on the decline - meaning a wide open gulf is forming to allow the cheap, lousy faggots to swoop in and continue colonising it. here’s why we should

firstly it’s an absolute banger. traditional irish music combined with modern drums into a sound that fits the yule aesthetic perfectly whilst bringing drama and emotion. it’s cozied up by the fire, but alive and dramatic

the biggest source of discomfort for most people is that it’s MacGowan and MacColl aggressively arguing at each other, rattling off textbook sexist vitriol. and MacColl calls MacGowan a faggot, with total sincere usage of the slur, hatred and all. putting the slur aside, the nastiness of the song gets people’s ire. it’s a couple having a stereotypical domestic and they seem to kiss and make up in the final act, all unacceptable behaviour forgiven. it’s everything modern straights want to put in the past. so let them. it’s a het couple being toxic, cool. queer celebration has attached the bandwagon to worse things and it’s always taking up the castoffs of heteronormative society. queer love can be made of FONY all the same:

MacGowan’s first verse stings, does it not? sadness, desperation, and longing. in queer society, we have all been MacGowan’s character and we have all been the Old Man, even if it’s not the bottle and the drunk tank. we’re survivors, we’re bloodied and bruised, we refuse to go away no matter how many AIDS-genocides, moral panics, and hate-murders they do to us. there are nights where we think by all mercy we Won’t See Another One, and we turn our face away and Dream About You. there’s always hope. there’s always reasons to continue the fight, and they don’t have to be abstract

when the sobbing’s over, the Pogues immediately come to life for the main body. we go up and down the rollercoaster of emotions while the band keeps playing, while the air is always jubilant. the wonder, the delight, the hope, the madlove, the melodrama, the bile, the hatred. for a song making allusions of broadway, it sounds fresh from broadway - our story is painted through feelings, not words. and when it’s over, MacColl’s character (seems to, judging by the tonal finality of MacGowan’s lines and her participation in the final chorus) forgives her abusive partner and reattaches her hopes to him, her drunkard patriarch. but we’re queer, remember - we’re not celebrating these straggot pieces of shit. we find identity in the feelings. we have all been MacColl’s character, finding wonder and hope and the chance to become who we want to be, and being given false promises by false starts. and if you’ll forgive me for entertaining MacGowan’s character’s bastard misogynist perspective for a second, we’ve all found ourselves having to defend our queer communities, having to stand by our old sluts on junk, even as doing so takes its toll and sometimes feels like a burden. those feelings happen. they are irrational, they are bad, and they happen. and a new day comes and we’re thankful we stood by. it’s a melodramatic broadway banger - we can find meaning in all places, even the ‘b*tch-wife’ slurrings of a misogynist

it’s that power that lets a queer reading of FONY stick the fucking landing. again i repeat myself, from a surface reading the ending is toxic as shit. but queer reading is in the feeling. this lament, this mournful lament, of misplaced hopes, of lost dreams, and a commitment to what we have, and looking forward despite unbearable challenge. you’d scream ‘leave him!’ to every straight MacColl in the world, that’s like, feminism 101 - but queer life is nothing if not complicated. the queer-read MacGowan isn’t a toxic gay lover. he is queer life itself. he took our dreams from us when we first found him, so it may appear. the hatred we feel inside, the emptiness, the pain, it’s all there with the phantasmic joy, the discovery, the love, the everything. and the band always keeps playing. straight MacColls returning to their straight MacGowans is stupid, but we don’t have a choice. our community is everything, our support is everything. it’s rough. it can almost kill you. but would any of us trade it for anything else? we are MacColls and MacGowans all at once - we are the ones with fragile hopes, we are the ones who damage it, and shepherd it still. we’re our own worst enemy and we’re all we have

when Shane MacGowan adapted the original lyrics of a lonely seafarer, he did not turn it into a queer song. in fact, he wrote a character yelling the f-slur. there is not a gramme of queercoding here. but exactly what is the difference between the actual faggots finding commonality in the villain songs penned to mock us, or old broadway songs that have nothing to do with us, and the yuletide song that actively hates us? fucking little, i would argue. queer celebration’s power is its ability to reconstrue. they call us faggot every month of the year with nary a second thought, and we spit it right back at them with reclamation and solidarity. we should do the same in december. we dance to the tune of their bigotry and we sing along at the top of our lungs. they are quietening down out of embarrassment - long may our party reign. FONY, a bigoted song, is a queer anthem because it has been made so. the madness. the love. the sadness. the dreams. that is queerness. and queer revolution is not giving one single, solitary shite about straight people’s discomfort about what the cheap, lousy faggots choose to celebrate. the way the ending instrumental tapers off into beautiful emotion - the straights have abandoned it: that feeling of love, that feeling of joy, that feeling belongs to us now

sing it like you would all queer songs. hold your friends close and celebrate them. love everyone around you. and when the naughty word comes around, scream it

#196 #fairytale of new york #the pogues #shane macgowan #christmas music #rule #apartmentofawesome #fagposting #lgbtq #queer

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bestiarium · 7 months

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The folktale of the Ketelaars and the haunted castle of Maldegem [Belgian folklore]

The Belgian city of Maldegem used to be plagued by a gang of notorious bandits called the ‘Ketelaars’. The name ‘Ketelaars’ is an old Dutch word for coppersmiths who made and fixed things like kettles for a living, also called ‘Keteileirs’ in older sources. I'm not sure this gang ever really existed because I found no mention of them in actual historical sources, but there is a well-documented folktale about them (which was originally a song, called ‘de legende van het heerke van Maldeghem’ meaning 'the legend of the lord of Maldegem'):

As the story goes, the lord of Maldegem was out hunting one day deep in the woods, when he came upon a shepherd waiting for his sheep to return. This man didn’t look unusual but he did carry a beautiful, well-crafted horn that immediately caught the lord’s attention.

And so the lord dismounted and talked to the shepherd, asking if he could blow that wonderful horn of his. The shepherd protested and refused but the lord was very persistent. Eventually, he grabbed the horn anyway and blew it loudly.

Unfortunately for him, the shepherd was a bandit in disguise: all 36 Ketelaars were hiding nearby and the sound of the shepherd’s horn was the signal for the thieves to gather. The lord of Maldegem was reminded that actions have consequences – even for nobles – and he soon found himself surrounded by the entire gang of robbers. The bandits couldn’t risk their hideout being found, and so they agreed to kill the lord.

But the bandit who had disguised himself as a shepherd disagreed. Perhaps he didn’t like unnecessary bloodshed, or perhaps he was afraid that killing the lord would cause his servants to come looking for him, or maybe he simply took a liking to this odd fellow. Whatever his reason, he argued that they should let the man go and – being a talented orator – he managed to convince the rest of the gang. And so they let the lord go, but they did make him promise to ‘never speak with your mouth of what happened here today, and never write with a pen about it.’

The lord solemnly swore that he would never do either of those things, and he quickly mounted and disappeared. But he couldn’t just let those robbers and thieves go about their business, and so he rode to the city of Brugge with a plan.

When he arrived, the lord demanded a cart full of white sand. He then spilled all of the sand on the floor and spread it into a thin layer, and removed his shoe. Carefully, he wrote his story in the sand with his toe, and the onlookers understood what had happened. Immediately, a group of soldiers travelled to the hideout of the Ketelaar gang. All 36 members were swiftly arrested and sentenced to death by immurement.

The lord of Maldegem did not show mercy and ordered the construction of a subterranean dungeon with 36 chains. All of the robbers were chained to the wall, given a loaf of bread and a can of water, and then the lord’s men closed the last hole in the walls, entombing the criminals forever.

But the spirits of the Ketelaars never found rest, always lamenting their fate and how stupid they were to trust the lord of Maldegem. Unable to truly leave this world, their ghosts haunted the castle of Maldegem.

One day, the building was plagued by a supernaturally terrible storm: the heavens raged and screamed with thunder and lightning. The lord of Maldegem was struck by a lightning bolt and died on the spot. And so, the spirits of the bandits got their revenge.

This is the story as it is told by professor K. C. Peeters. My second source, which in turn cites a book from 1963 that I’ve been unable to locate myself, tells the same story with some minor differences (there, it was the shepherd who blew his horn instead of the lord).

The story of the Ketelaars is claimed to be centuries old but no precise date is given. The oldest mentions that I personally found were from J. F. Willems in 1838 and one from Frans Willems in his 1848 collection of folk songs.

In Reesinghe, Maldegem, there is a castle that’s sometimes implied to be the haunted location in the story but it’s not old enough. East of the current building, however, there are ruins of a much older fortress. I cannot say with certainty that this is where the Ketelaars were imprisoned, but I do know that it has a basement which is now dedicated to bats.

Sources: Peeters, K. C., 1979, Vlaams Sagenboek, Davidsfonds, Leuven. Volksverhalenbank Notteboom, H., 1995, een literair historische benadering van I. Rond den Heerd: de legende van het heerken van Maldeghem, Appeltjes van het Meetjesland: jaarboek van het Heemkundig genootschap van het Meetjesland, nr. 46. https://inventaris.onroerenderfgoed.be/erfgoedobjecten/58231 for the details on the castle. Willems, J. F., 1838, Belgisch museum voor de Nederduitsche tael- en letterkunde en de geschiedenis des vaderlands, Deel 2, Belgisch Museum, which you can read here. (image: the ruins of the supposedly haunted castle of Maldegem. Image source: Willems, J. F., 1838)

#mythology #ghosts #Halloween #world mythology #ghost stories #folklore #Belgian mythology

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ultimateplaylistmaker · 1 year

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I think after Toko meets Komaru all her writing suddenly features a prominent female friend to the protagonist that 100% had better chemistry then then main romantic guy had to main protagonist but can’t be together for totally normal heterosexual reasons and definitely were never in love it’s completely het that the main girl pines over how she can’t be with her best friend and how she wishes her love interest was her. It’s STRAIGHT she PROMISES.

Meanwhile all her readers are like “Well. She’s definitely in love with one of her female friends isn’t she.” and Toko acts utterly surprised when anyone points out the chemistry between the two girls and dismisses it as them just seeing things when it’s so clearly in the text.

#yes people still read her books despite being outed as a serial killer who else is going to write romance in an apocalypse pickings are slim #tokomaru #ultra despair girls #trigger happy havoc #komaru naegi #Toko Fukawa #musings from the music manager

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your-gay-grandma · 1 year

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Hey... do you have any advice on figuring out gender? I'm really confused.

I'm afab, and I'm comfortable being seen as a girl. But I also feel equally as comfortable being perceived as nonbinary, and I legitimately don't think I would feel any different if everyone in my life switched to using they/them pronouns for me. Really I don't feel uncomfortable with any identity except male or masculine pronouns and/or terms.

But I'm really confused, because no label feels right? Like I feel comfortable being called female, a girl, nonbinary, etc. But if I call myself any of those things I feel wrong, like I'm lying. I don't understand 😭

I like labels. I like being able to know that how I feel has a name. It makes it seem more real, if that makes sense. But I can't find any labels that work for this aspect of me, and I don't like it. I'm so confused, surely someone has felt at least similar to this? Right? I'm not alone??

oh my dear one, i promise you that you are not alone! i have felt the entirely same way and i must admit it is reassuring to find others find the process the same!

first of all, i think it’s really important to remember when questioning your gender or sexuality, that genuinely cis het people do not experience this questioning. the reason they are cis het is because they feel entirely comfortable and sure in that identity. if you are in any capacity wondering if those things don’t apply to you, then it’s certainly something worth pursuing! so, no you are not lying or pretending.

secondly, there’s no harm whatsoever in trying something out and deciding it’s not for you! if you want to try a different name, different clothes, different pronouns etc, it’s not going to matter if you decide later you’d like to stop.

the way i started was just asking a group of close friends to try different pronouns for me, only when we were together. i found i was positively giddy when i people used them, it was so affirming! i began experimenting with my dress, makeup, even the way i spoke and i found leaning into who i was with less emphasis on my assigned gender at birth was so exciting and made me feel just about a billion times more confident.

what if you don’t have a group of people you trust to try this with?

well, something i don’t see talked about enough is changing the pronouns you use to refer to yourself. for example, i often find myself telling stories about myself where i have to use pronouns. try switching them here and see if it feels right. you can also try pronoun dressing rooms online. you can also try things out in the safe anonymity of online spaces such as this.

now, as for labels. i’ve now reached a point where that doesn’t matter so much to me. personally, i feel my gender is most closely tied to my lesbianism. if it feels important to you to have a label, there are so many genderqueer labels that might describe how you feel. i can’t tell you what that will be unfortunately, but you might like to look into gender fluidity, being a nonbinary woman (ie. woman aligned), genderqueer, genderflux etc. but rest assured, your identity is just as real without labels. we have a tendency to box things in. maybe this isn’t meant to be neatly packaged.

finally, sometimes what you know can feel most comfortable because it’s what you’re used to. listen to that part of you that is questioning and follow it as far as it would like to go. if it leads you nowhere, that’s okay and you can turn back, but it might take you somewhere completely wonderful that helps you find where it was supposed to be all along!

good luck and please feel free to keep me in the loop in your journey! very proud of you for having the courage to question 💛

#ask #ravenlikesbooks #gender #questioning #nonbinary #genderqueer #gender fluid #gender flux #queer #lgbtq #lgbt #gay #lgbtqai #transgender

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