So I was rewatching the Final Exam arc of MHA, and then I realized something:

Why did everyone act like the early seasons rivalry between Midoriya and Bakugou is anyone's fault but Bakugou's?? In the final exam arc, both Recovery Girl and All Might talk about how they are equal parts responsible for their inability to work together, when really it's just Bakugou insulting Midoriya and refusing to communicate with him because he sees Midoriya as lesser than, and therefore, not worth the effort of working with. BAKUGOU WOULD RATHER LOSE THE EXAM THAN WILLINGLY COOPERATE WITH MIDORIYA. Even when Midoriya is actively trying to get past his personal feelings and cooperate and communicate with Bakugou, it's Bakugou that constantly rebuffs his efforts and tells Midoriya to fuck off.

Which, while we're at it, why are we acting like this is even a rivalry at all? A rivalry implies that both parties are on equal footing with each other and are constantly trying to win or defeat the other at something (see: Naruto and Sasuke, Wednesday and Bianca, Ash and literally every other Pokemon trainer/gym leader). A rivalry is a competition where both parties involved recognize and agree that they are engaged in a competition to best the other. The intensity of a rivalry varies depending on the story, as does the positive feelings the characters have with each other because of or in spite of the rivalry.

But Midoriya and Bakugou's "rivalry" is less of a rivalry and more an instance where an abuse victim decides to start fighting back against their abuser, and is frequently put in situations where they have to work with their abuser or suffer the consequences of failing to do so (like failing an exam or passing a training exercise). Because while Bakugou is actively trying to crush Midoriya into the ground in everything they do, Midoriya isn't trying to do any of that. He's not constantly trying to beat, one-up, or otherwise compete with Bakugou the same way that Bakugou does with Midoriya; he just wants Bakugou to stop kicking the shit out of him anytime he breathes wrong. The only time Midoriya engages in this "rivalry" and tries to win against Bakugou is when he has to, like when they're put on opposite teams in training lessons, or when they're fighting for first place in the obstacle course during the Sports Festival Arc. But again, ONLY WHEN THE SITUATION LITERALLY REQUIRES HIM TO DO SO.

TL;DR, Bakudeku is still an awful ship and I will continue to hit it over the head with a shovel until it stops moving.

I am shocked to find that people are still so passionate about DA and ME after like... a decade of no games. Why do you think their fandoms are so enduring? Do you think your other fandoms will be the same? Ps covid sucks i hope you get better very quickly.

Thanks anon!

I think it's a combo of things honestly, I think for me it's:

Genuinely good writing especially for the time. I think the original Mass Effect really blew everything else out of the water with its twist and its performances.

Having JUST enough space for fanworks to flourish. Though the writing was good, there was things to fix. There were things not shown. There was enough to speculate over that people could really get invested in filling the gaps.

Fan culture was different then, even though it's not really that long ago. But even when DAI was out, the fan culture was so different. People EXPECTED you to be in a fandom for years. I was talking to people about DAI two years after it came out. Fics and meta and art wasn't content, it was art. I see other posts talking about this but I think that tail end of DAI in 2016 was the beginning of the end in a lot of ways. Big Name Fans were getting more traction, fanfiction was starting to get published, the boundaries between the creators and and the fans were slowly starting to come down.

I really think BG3 has the potential to be a great fandom, one for all time based on the property alone. There's so much richness in it! But people are already moving on, and I think it's partly fast saturation and also partly that people go directly to the creators and not to the community for things that they used to go for. Cameo, Tiktok, streaming, it's all changed fandom a lot, sadly.

Sorry, this became a bit of a rant lmao. But I think those other things endure because they had time to take root.

Transformers: Cybertronian Reproduction, Sex and Gender labels

This has been on my mind for a while. What’s the in-universe reason for transformers to have sexes and genders? Meta reason is obvious: it’s an 80s children’s toy franchise aimed at young boys. Of course the characters are needlessly gendered!

Ranting aside, what’s the in-universe reason? As far as I know, as a member of a sexually dimorphic species, there really shouldn’t be. Every CANON reproductive process removes sexual intercourse from the equation. And Cybertronians all fill some role regardless of gender. If sex/gender serve no purpose for survival or civilization, what necessity does it have? What purpose/niche is it fulfilling? Sexes exist because of sexual reproduction. And genders, from my understanding, are cultural concepts built from the existence of sexes. (I think, I could be completely wrong about this-Feel free to correct me/give your own takes in the notes)

I like how James Roberts tried to handle this; Cybertronians got exposed to other races, and got encouraged to explore themselves and their identity. Definitely helped fixed the damage Simon Furman caused. (Females went extinct and Arcee was forcefully turned into one wtf?!)

My personal headcannon is that Cybertronians didn’t have sexes or genders because they don’t reproduce sexually, and thus didn’t develop a culture built around sexes or genders. Once they developed space travel and discovered other species, they learned about sexes and genders and got HUGE gender envy! They started incorporating aspects of sexes and gender into their society and that’s how we got the Transformers we know today. (My explanation for why the Thirteen and Guiding Hand are gendered is because of cultural osmosis. It just became part of the culture and no one questioned it.)

Note: I specified Canon because fanon is its own can of worms, with its own rules. And it destroys the purpose of this question. Mostly. There are other things with that that I’m not qualified to explore or explain.

A rant about Bacta

For today's long and rambling meta, let’s talk about bacta, aka my least favourite part of Star Wars. The magical space healing goo that solves all your problems for some reason, with no considerations for anything that makes any amount of sense.

Once again, going to preface this with “I am not a medical professional and am by no means an expert in this field”

More happening below the cut:

To start, I will say that from a meta perspective, I understand why bacta is the way it is. We see it first in Episode V, where Luke is being treated for hypothermia and Wampa-related injuries - and I will give the GFFA that one. We often treat hypothermia with Luke-warm (haha) baths to raise the patient’s body temperature back to what it should be, and I could absolutely see a regulated, temperature controlled immersion tank being used for situations like this. I will even give them the “it’s a sterile solution that has antibiotic properties and promotes healing” thing, like it’s a giant vat of space polysporin or something. HOWEVER, it’s everything that came after that that I have an issue with.

You see, dear reader, the next thing that happened after the movies we all know and love was a tabletop RPG - the foundation of which all legends content is built upon. And in a tabletop RPG (like dungeons and dragons, for those who aren’t familiar), you need a system for tracking health (IE hit points, hearts, etc) and a way to quickly restore your character back to “full health”. Since Star Wars doesn’t have clerics or health potions, you get the magical healing goo that solves all your problems instead. And because you need this resource to be limited in order to give the game an element of risk, you make bacta expensive and sometimes challenging to get ahold of, but it has the power to fix any and all problems.

Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that in video games or DND I can drink a potion and suddenly my arm isn’t broken and I am no longer on fire, but Star Wars at its core is not an RPG (I do also, for the record, feel this way about healing spells and similar abilities in fantasy settings, but that’s for another time). I also want to make clear that I, an angst gremlin who thrives on fake science and making characters suffer, am not the average audience for this type of thing, and that narratively, action adventures like Star Wars would suffer tremendously with long, drawn out recovery times. With that being said, the gap between ‘I’m skipping over this because it doesn’t have a place in my story’ and ‘I throw the character in the goo (or have them ingest the goo?? Or inject it?????) and everything is fine now” is substantial, and I for one am really not a fan.

“But Zeds!” you cry, “what about suspension of disbelief? Star Wars has impossible laser swords and impossible galactic travel and-”

I know. And obviously bacta isn’t a make or break it thing for me, because my one and only brain cell is devoted at all times to my poor little meow meows who have committed so many war crimes - but the thing about suspension of disbelief for me personally is it has to be logically consistent within the universe, and for me, bacta makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

(if you are bothered by potential injury/medical stuff and non-graphic discussion of bodily fluids, this is probably where you should get off this train of thought)

I have a lot of issues with bacta, but I can lump them into two broad categories: mechanism of action (ie the biology) and the Bacta Economy (ie the wider implications for healthcare and best practices). 

Mechanism of Action:

To quote Wookieepedia

Promoting rapid regeneration of organic compounds, bacta could be used in a variety of both critical and noncritical medical situations. Described as being warm to the touch, the bacta liquid could aid in the healing of concussions, internal organs, and broken ribs. Furthermore, it could be placed in small dishes to help regrow fingernails, mend cuts, burns, and other injuries. Due to its "one-size fits all" use in medical applications, it was a highly prized and commonly used medical treatment for most, if not all, injuries. Bacta could also knit together broken bones

Bacta can fix everything, apparently, with the legends page going so far as to state that “it's replaced most conventional medicine.” I am not a medical professional, but the idea that one single substance could fix every ailment ever in every species is ridiculous considering that a) we can’t even treat the same condition in different people with one substance (as anyone who has been on antidepressants can tell you), let alone conditions with widely different symptoms and presentations. I could maybe see if it was some sort of stem cell activator or something like that, but even then it seems far-reaching to assume that things like broken bones or concussions could be healed by the same substance. The fact that bacta is primarily applied topically (ie to the skin either as a gel or in a tank), but can also be administered orally or by injection only makes things weirder. Does it absorb into the bloodstream through the skin? How does it reach the injured organ in order to “promote healing?” Is it entirely unaffected by stomach acid???

Which, speaking of concussions, does that mean bacta can cross the blood-brain barrier? You’re telling me that there is one goo that is perfectly matched to every being in the whole fucking galaxy (considering how many different blood types humans have and how much care has to go into matching organs or stem cells for transplant in humans, I find it a stretch to believe that one size fits all for every human, let alone other alien species), and it can fix bones and nerves and everything else? Without side effects?????? What about longer term treatments? Are we not worried about muscle loss? Nutrition? Dehydration???

Not to mention the implication that it can fix broken bones without setting them - the whole thing reeks of hand-wavey space magic, which would be fine if it wasn’t explained in universe as ‘miracle bacteria fix things and we will not be elaborating further’. This is especially problematic since Legends mentions some people have a bacta allergy (which would leave them functionally without healthcare) and because having only one substance that fixes everything from a paper cut to life-threatening injuries is a huge risk to your civilization (from possible contaminants/shortages) as well as doing a disservice to every individual. Between the implications that there are relatively few other drugs (maybe this is why everyone seems to be awake for surgery all the time and no one uses any painkillers? Because they need the bacta for something else????) and the fact that no one is going to waste their precious goo on your headache, healthcare must really suck in a “we only have the goo” galaxy (even moreso than it already does).

The Bacta economy and the wider implications for healthcare in the GFFA:

Canonically, bacta is extremely valuable and nearly impossible to synthesize. In fact, I seem to recall a scene in one of the legends books where Luke has recovered from an injury, and after being treated in a bacta tank, the practitioner is siphoning the excess bacta out of his ears so it can be reused.

In real life, we are very careful to handle bodily fluids with care to avoid accidental exposure to certain diseases - but you’re telling me that you can just soak someone in some goo for days (or weeks!) at a time while they have open wounds, and then pull them out and drop in the next patient? Is there no concern for bloodborne disease or infection at all? 

One of the things I do use bacta for in my fics is recovery after surgery - the antibacterial properties, plus the analgesics and everything else make it a reasonable choice for standard post-op procedure - but the idea of having a patient come out of a sterile operating room and into the goo tank that might have held someone with gangrene a few hours ago is a recipe for disaster imo

And speaking of contamination - how are we deciding which bacta is injected/administered orally and which is topical? Are we injecting people with goo that other people have been sitting in (again, for days or possibly weeks???) Or is only “fresh” bacta used for that purpose? Maybe it’s a class thing, and the rich can afford fresh but the poor have to make do with stuff that’s already had someone in it for a month idk, the whole thing just feels really really grody and like a good way to ensure your entire population is HIV+

And on that note - if every injury and medical condition is treated with one limited, expensive resource, how are hospitals allocating it? If you have broken ribs, for example, would you be evicted from the bacta tank if there was someone who was in a speeder crash whose life is in danger? What about a premature infant? Even if we are assuming that the GFFA operates under capitalist hellscape rules and each patient has to pay for their own bacta treatment, the fact that there’s only one resource to treat every condition must make for an absolute nightmare of triage (I imagine this is only compounded on ships, where the resources are even more limited to stocks on board, and a disaster like an explosion in an engine room could result in massive casualties if the only option for anything is “treat with bacta”)

All of which is to say - bacta works great as a plot device, but as soon as you start looking at it even a little bit, none of it makes any sense at all.

For me personally, I mainly include the use of a tank for post-operative patients - particularly after a major surgery - along with treatment of hypothermia or other conditions with poor circulation or temperature regulation. I also use a gel for wound dressings, but I rarely would have a character receive it orally or by injection. I think it is a useful thing for doctors to have, but I refuse to believe that the entire Galaxy’s healthcare revolves around one substance (no matter how great), and especially that the Galaxy’s physicians have been replaced by it.

Dear Żmija, I have just finished Inquisition that my dear friend that got me into DA is very fond of, and I just couldn’t explain to her why… it just doesn’t right with me. I loved Trespasser and ESPECIALLY the Solas romance but making Inquisitor a Mary Sue and overall focusing on her role in Thedas too much (as well as Corypheus being the villain… bleh) just felt like such a waste. What are your thoughts on the game? Because I remember you calling it „catholic”. (i’ll welcome a rant. Also hope you are well!)

ah. I have cast them away but alas, here come all my dragon age brain worms, happily returning to the fold like dozens upon dozens of prodigal sons.

quick foreword: i always play as humans, and i always play as warriors - I have played dai as a mage just once. so, in theory, I should be the one type of player the game caters to the most, lore-wise. alas.

inquisition is absolutely the weakest link in the da games - and it takes, for the lack of a more polite word, a giant shit on the lore and atmosphere set up by origins and expanded/played with by II.

and don't get me wrong, the first two games blundered and made a lot of mistakes, contained a lot of inconsistencies, contradicted their own set up plenty of times - but the expectation was (very much so) that inquisition would not only avoid fucking up in the same way but also! would fix some of those mistakes. add both proper gravitas to the story of the world - and allow for the return of the fascinating, genre-appropriate - again, for the lack of a more polite word - whimsy. it was supposed to be more comprehensive, more complex, more creative. heavy, again, yet funny. meaningful.

instead, inquisition made sure to make everyone bland, rather catholic and centrist in their convictions and beliefs - which, in a setting so fueled by the absolute injustice enacted on entire subgroups of people, simply means it made most characters bland conservatives, on the in-universe axis regarding chantry, mages, circles, elves, slavery, dwarves, the qun, and basically anything else you can think of. even characters who are supposed to be Hardcore Believers in whatever it is their convictions are end up being kind of undecided or confused about it all - see sera (love her as i might) or cassandra (no comment), or even bull when talking about the qun (which we are supposed to approach from a more liberal perspective now, diminishing its actual depth). don't even get me started on cullen, wannabe war criminal creep, who had a chance to become something interesting at the end of da II and then instead got wattpadded into the game as your trusty sidekick to prank instead of, you know, asking about how fucked up places starting with k get when he's there.

and then the game doesn't allow you to actually take a stance yourself - it just lets you choose the tone of expressing the one or two stances picked for you. you can't actually play as a meaningful character with proper agency - you must play as someone whose goal is to uphold the andrastian approach (not even faith, but approach), enjoy being the head of a giant religious militia, subdue mages at least partially, yield to accepting the apparent non-issue the grey warden order becomes, and then also give even less of a shit about elves and slavery than the previous games did.

I believe the only way to actually play the inquisitor without megatons of meta roleplaying in your head is to be kind of an evil cunt - and I don't mean choosing the asshole options in dialogue and missions, I simply mean accepting the fact that no matter what you do or what you say, you can't do or say anything all that meaningful. or good. nothing revolutionary, for sure.

the companions and advisors won't mind too much either way, after all.

I'm noticing a concerning pattern when it comes to balance discussion in Overwatch 2 (that's really been a thing for years, but feels more notable in OW2 as so much has gone into fixing this problem with the changes so far):

Balance and fun factor are both important.

Too often lately I see people in the community, especially big name community members yes mostly that one parading the idea that you should exclusively change a character in relation to balance. To these people, the only thing future adjustments to heroes should be concerned about is adjusting the dial of power in the context of a high-level meta.

This is stupid. I don't have a nicer way to put it than that.

Balance is a terrible way to exclusively design a game, because that completely overlooks every other possible aspect when the conclusion is just "well if it's all balanced then it's fine"

The hot-button topic right now is Brigitte, a character with a long and contentious history of balance changes, but who exemplifies this concept of "balance is not the exclusive factor" very well in my book.

See the thesis of that one big-name community member is that because Brig is good right now in Overwatch League, that means she's good. She's fine. She might even need a nerf because if something is good, that means it needs a nerf, right?!

But. No. The problem with Brigitte isn't that she's functionally bad, it's that she feels bad. She's designed like a half-tank that can soak up damage and brawl on the frontline while putting out solid passive healing as she does so. But, her health is so low that outside of her new Ultimate, she just gets chewed through if she tries to play like how her kit is designed. But she's ""good"" right now because instead of doing that fun thing, her optimal "high value" playstyle is to sit back in the backline, wait for the fight to come to her, and act as a bodyguard for the other support, who has the ability to actually contribute in the fight without getting torn to shreds for trying to be a tank without the numbers to be a tank. She's ""balanced"" because you can play her in the most boring way possible and still be ""effective"".

That's not. good.

I'd call it a "failure of design" or something but frankly that seems a bit harsh, I think it's just an issue that she's not properly balanced.

Reiterating, Brigitte may be effective in high level play, but not fun in low level play. As far as I'm concerned, one of those is a lot more important than the other, and I think skewing the overall "voice" of the community to the former is a very dangerous prospect that undermines the actual feel of the game for the MAJORITY of its playerbase.

And this isn't a foreign concept to the devs, in fact for this I'd actually say they're more aware than those big high-level players because hey they're actually... making the video game! and want it to be fun! So when I see the big players acting like a pouty child over even the possibility of a fun-oriented balance change to a hero they may just plainly not like, it's a little concerning, but thankfully the devs know to stick to their guns at the right time more often than a lot of people would give them credit for.

I dunno, random rant, but as someone who intends to get into some kind of game design, this is a thing that annoys me about Overwatch balance discourse because it's just so one-dimensional and ignorant of a way to look at things.

2,5,6,8,25,27,96 for Trystan and Nora :)

oc relationship asks masterlist

2. Who is the one who fusses the most? Does their S/O mind very much?

Trystan lmfao.

Nora's like "I have dealt with so much shit, nothing fazes me anymore." Honestly she doesn't mind Trystan's miniscule rants about the porosity of a bagel or the concentration of lemony scent in a box of detergent. In fact, he's just so articulate and clever with his fusses that Nora welcomes it. Honestly, she just likes hearing him talk and his voice, anyway.

5. What is something they like to do together?

They've kind of started exploring each other's interests. Trystan enjoys watching survivalist reality TV with her because he gives his own ESPN commentary which makes Nora laugh. They watch films sometimes, talking about its themes late into the night. Nora got into crosswording after Trystan roped her into it. They also enjoy, like fixing things and filing things, cooking - just random mundane day-to-day activities.

What started as a "I'm doing it for the company of a partner" turned into like, massively obsessive interests. Nora learned she liked Sudoku better than crosswords and found a new interest in aircraft spotting. Trystan discovered he is actually good at soccer (even though he insists on calling it 'football') and picked up a few tricks (which unfortunately came at the expense of breaking a few windows) and got into card games - which spiralled into an interest in card tricks and sleight of hand.

It's like, they'll get into something, they'll introduce each other to it, they'll get into whatever the other's into and just, do their own thing until something happens and one thing leads to another and the cycle repeats over again.

6. Who would ask the "would you love me if I were a worm?"

I think neither of them would actually know. It'd randomly pop up in a conversation, they'd get all meta about it and there's that.

It's Nora. Definitely her. She does it to mess with Trys out of sheer boredom. Then they talk about something completely different before Trystan derails it with a flirtatious comment and Nora's like "dude. it's about the momentum." and cannot get it out of her head for the entirety of that day.

8. Who is the big spoon? Little spoon?

Answered here. TL;DR: Both of them.

25. Do they have any pet names for one another?

Oh yes of course. Except they are more of a spur of a moment thing and just forgotten later on. Trystan sticks to calling her 'detective'. It's sometimes used endearingly, sometimes used in a 'tch-tch' way.

Nora cannot stick to one name. She goes with 'Trys' for a while, then switching to 'yeah yeah, stranger on the road, what about it' to purposefully mispronouncing his name because she's a bastard like that. (Inclusive but not limited to - 'Try-STAN', 'Tryst-ahn', 'Triz', 'Trix', 'Tim' and whatever she wants to smush between two vowels or two consonants.)

27. Who tends to drive on long journeys? Who navigates?

Nora drives usually. Mostly because Trystan's the type of person to go 'yolo mfers' and hit the accelerator until it reaches 140 kmph.

Besides, Trystan's better at navigation anyway. He's a lot more calm, while Nora on the map would be like, "NO NO RIGHT, WRONG RIGHT WRONG RIGHT, DUDE HIT THE BRAKES, DUDE - YOU'RE GOING LIKE, FIFTY STEPS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!" when Trystan wouldn't have even started the car.

96. Who reads the newspaper? Who wants to see the cartoons?

Trystan reads the newspaper. Nora flips it to the page with the comics on it. She'd also have a pencil to do some Sudoku and share some fun fact in the trivia section.

It's cause, Trystan's just endlessly fascinated with just the most obscure, oddly specific reports that are written in local newspapers. And his knowledge comes in handy too, when they're working cases and he draws connections from what he's read in the papers. The sudoku and trivia section help Nora remember random bits of information that sort of trains her memory, so she doesn't have to depend overly on her pocket notebook and write every detail she ever comes across.

Thank you so much for asking! They were so fun!

@your tags THANK YOU like even 9 y.o kids get it that opening a death portal =/= literal. like noelle said something like "I may haven't tried to destroy reality but I've hurt people and been a bad person so stories about getting back from that are important to me' like that's literally it,,, it's a cartoon no ones tryina teach children to forgive omnicide it's not a pressing issue to worry about i promise

Jxkzjxkx yeahh i mean. Thats the thing about animation right?

you have to do it in an exaggerated way to get the point across. Thats what happens with violence in animation too- characters get beaten around more than they would in liveaction because its easier to empathize with an actual human face rather than someone with anime eyes. Especially for a kid's show, so that children can understand the gravity of the decisions being made.

Its just easier to explain why catra opening a portal that ends the world hurt everyone, rather than going into the whole complex explanations why catra going and driving a car off a cliff in some kind of a terrible suicide attempt (cause lets be real thats what it was) after a mental breakdown was bad.

And its easy to show those feelings visually- catra's world ended the moment she got betrayed by the two most important people in her life - so the world looks like its cracking apart. Catra is the worst version of herself when she's blaming her loved ones for her pain- so we get corrupted catra looking like That. Animation allows that to happen.

Honestly it's exciting to me that a show about women empowerment explores female rage like that. Catra is completely justified in how she feels because she was treated so badly all her life but also?? Her trauma doesnt absolve her of her responsibility to the ppl she loves, and so she works and does her best to make it up to them.

So many times we see the abuse victim end up a villain and i think she ra did something special when it showed those awful feelings in their entirety but also showed that it doesnt mean the end of the world.

In fact its a recurring thing in the show-- characters constantly deal with past mistakes. After everything that happened in Promise when Adora is heartbroken that she never noticed how much catra was suffering all these years she almost agreed to stay in isolation with Light Hope. Its swift wind (i think?) Who convinces her that doing that wont stop people from being hurt and she leaves. Season 4 was basically catra's longer version of that same journey.

Glimmer apologizing to bow?? "Take as long as you need to forgive me, but I'll be right here with you to fix my mistakes"

Redeeming urself after making mistakes is literally the heart of the show. Catra's arc is just the most dramatic example lmao

Tldr; its just a metaphor guys fjjshd

*

(( i need to stuff my face with food and shower. back later for more things, and hopefully make an actual dent in my drafts. ilu all and i hope your sunday is fab and comfy <3

not to be controversial but for all that talk about how endeavor has the best character development bc of his atonement and that's why I shouldn't go that hard on him it's very funny to me how when i ask why this change of heart came ONLY after he became number 1 its crickets? If it's so genuine why dis it take him a whole decade and he did nothing and was just as awful suddenly he becomes no 1 and realizes how alone he is and THATS when he wants change? Very interesting to me very genuine

Fair warning: what follows is half meta and half-rant. Read at your own discretion. I'm voicing my thoughts about the quality of Endvr's writing and its inner coherency. I get very critical. So, without further ado.

I never really understood fans who warmed up to him after pro hero arc. They say it's because of his "character development", but that makes even less sense to me, because he doesn't have any...? He's canonically the most stagnant character of the entire story. The plot has been beating that dead horse ever since pro hero arc. He's unofficially been the number one since All Might's fall, which was in volume 10. That was where his “growth” was supposed to start – the point where he realizes that number one isn't all it's cracked up to be, and not what he really wanted. Yet, he... doesn't really change that much. Yes, he toned down the asshole a fraction, but the core flaw of his character, his pride and his avoidance of the problems he caused, hasn't been smoothed out at all. We're now at volume 32 and Endvr is still pathetically crying and admitting his crimes and then turning around and doing nothing to fix them. He's still that man who doesn't want to face his son. Shouto had to chase him to remind him of his promise to save Touya. That is the opposite of growth. He's still running away. Even wanting to be kinder and tracing back the beginning of his journey to pro hero arc, which was volume 20, that makes it a whopping 12 volumes of stagnancy. And he's a main character, too, now. So what has he done in all that time, taking up all that screentime?

The answer is “pretty much anything the plot needed him to do.” An uncomfortable truth perhaps, but a truth regardless. I know I have a lot of animosity for his character so some might read this as bashing, but it’s not. if I were an Endvr stan, I would be pissed at how poorly Horikoshi has been writing him. His “arc” has led nowhere for volumes on end. There’s no emotional challenge, no stakes. He has literally become a puppet in the plot's hands. He goes where the plot needs him to, becomes smarter when the plot needs him to, and... very much lost all his inner coherency because the plot needed him to.

I think that in large part the reason why Horikoshi went the atonement route was that he wanted him to be more likeable. To become a less black and white bad guy who readers might find themselves rooting for. But the thing is… to humanize an abuser you don't need to make him sympathetic. The readers don't have to feel bad for him to find him compelling. I think a lot of his stans (at least, those who don't just find him hot) like him for that reason. I understand finding his early writing interesting because of the fact that Endvr is unlikeable, because he constantly fucks up the easiest things. A guy who messes up not because he's intrinsically evil, but because he has flaws like everyone else, and those flaws made him become evil. Evil is born not when you accidentally cross a boundary and get backlash, but when you keep crossing that boundary after getting backlash, ignoring how your actions harm others. Endvr became a bad guy not when he gave birth to Touya without thinking of how his chimera genes would affect his health, but when – after seeing Touya's burns – he kept having more children regardless.

All of this to say… Horikoshi had two choices ahead of him. One, he could’ve humanized Endvr by giving him growth, making him see the error in his ways and consciously step out of it. Two, he could’ve humanized him by making him persist in his stubborn pride and calling him out on his self-serving need to pat his own back for having “tried”.

I think that much of my dislike both for Horikoshi’s handling of Endvr’s arc and the fandom’s praising of it as “great writing” stems from the fact that Horikoshi never committed to just one of the aforementioned two routes, but instead gave us a mix of both. One the one hand, he sometimes gives Endvr enough self-awareness to realize the negative impact he had on others. But then he fails to commit to it and reverts to a version of Endvr who only wants to do better to feel better about himself. Hori jumps between the two whenever the plot needs Endvr to accomplish something.

See for example: in Ending’s miniarc, Endvr tells Natsuo that his neglect of Touya is what killed him. He owns up to it and shows remorse. He basically tells Natsuo, “I never meant to neglect you, but my actions have hurt you.” In other words, he’s aware that his actions had consequences. Fast forward to the war arc. Shigaraki monologues at him about how heroes only ever care about saving strangers, but trample over their own families to do so. This is obviously meant as a parallel; Shigaraki is talking as much about his experience as he is foiling Touya’s. Yet, the whole thing flies over Endvr’s head. In the complete opposite direction of Ending’s arc, he doubles back on his self-awareness and obliviously thinks he’s above Shigaraki’s criticism. He utterly fails to acknowledge that heroes can do wrong and hurt their families without meaning to. In doing so, he fights villains and obliviously tramples over his family again. Because the villain Dabi, the one he would’ve punched black and blue just like Shigaraki if given the chance, is actually his son.

This continuous back and forth between owning up and reverting to obliviousness keeps happening. For example, after Jakku, at the hospital, Endvr once again cries about his actions and admits that his neglect, his refusal to look at Touya, made Touya a villain. Then, eating his own “development”, during the press conference he echoes Touya’s words (“look at me”), making his atonement once again all about his need to ease his guilt, and not Touya’s pain.

This is where, if I was an Endvr stan, I would be pissed. See, his refusal to grow, his stagnancy, his stubborn clinging to his old ways even as he cries “I repent for my sins!” COULD make for compelling writing, too. If it was written consistently. Horikoshi could've said, “well, this old man keeps failing at the ONE THING his family keeps asking of him. This is by design. He's not supposed to get better until he stops doing that. Instead of believing his regret and finding his Man Tears sympathetic, you should keep holding him accountable for doing little else except crying, because he only SAYS he wants to do something, and then never COMMITS to it.” But Horikoshi… doesn’t do that. At all. He shows Endvr’s stagnancy, his refusal to grow, and then gives him narrative praise all the same. Because the story needs Endvr to keep moving the plot, but Endvr himself is too passive a character to achieve that without any authorial push.

To explain what I mean by “passive”… Endvr’s been told times and times again exactly what he needs to do in order to atone to his family. One by one, all the Todorokis told him. Shouto did it more than once. Yet, the more the story keeps spelling things out for him, the less he does to achieve that goal. This is why his writing suffers, by the way. Despite framing Endeavor as a coward for running away from his fatherhood, Hori doesn’t really give him any reason to want to stop running away. Endvr might keep failing as a parent, but he is still piling narrative praise after narrative praise as a hero. How is that bad writing? Well, a dog who gets treats after each bad behavior will not let go of the bad behavior. Not even if you promise a treat as a reward for a good behavior, too. First, you need to stop encouraging the bad, you know?

Endvr… never really got any long-lasting narrative consequence for his bad actions. Becoming number one but not exactly how you pictured it in your head is not a punishment. It’s a minor inconvenience. Your son ghosting your texts is not punishment. It’s basic self-respect. Finding out your son became a villain after you forbid him from becoming a hero and pushed into insanity through years of neglect is not a punishment. It’s the direct consequence of his choices. Hell, even the public holding him accountable now is not a punishment, but just a consequence, too.

You know what would’ve been punishment? If his family didn’t gather at the hospital to lick his boots. If the journalists at the press conference ripped into him a bit more for his domestic violence instead of asking for him to reassure them that everything’s fine. If Hawks, a fellow abuse survivor, had had any hesitation at all before immediately jumping to his side to support him.

His “growth” is not lacking just because it’s insincere. It’s lacking because it has no stakes, no emotional pull. It doesn’t follow a “struggle and reward” journey, but skips out the former entirely to get to the latter. After All Might's fall, Endvr pretty much stops being his own character and becomes a puppet that Hori moves around to achieve what the plot needs him to. Which is the exact criticism I have of Dk as well, btw. He doesn't struggle to get things, they just get handed to him. And his “change” isn’t shown, either, only told.

The wording “character development” doesn't really work to describe what he goes through because it's not a linear process from a to b, but staying in point a while calling it point b.

Not being obsessed with Shouto beating All Might is not growth, if Endvr keeps showing no concern for Shouto's boundaries till his son asks him to teach him flashfire. The fact that he's buying a house for Rei is not growth if he's still not owning up to having sent her to a mental hospital in the first place. Crying ugly tears at what Touya has become is not growth, if at the press conference he foregoes telling the public how he pushed Touya to villainy by neglecting him for years. It's not growth if instead of owning up to how he's partly responsible for the current social unrest, he begs the public to still root for him because he'll punch up another villain (his son) and earn their respect again.

I’d buy that people like him for his writing if his writing...made any sense, tbh. But it lacks any inner coherency.

my take on the infamous kataang kisses

so i just saw this post that spoke highly of Kataang and on how ATLA deals w consent and what's allowed between partners, and i'm... i'm mad, lol.

this has been spoken on before, but since these bad takes are still floating around on the internet, i feel the need to at least vent/give some sort of rebuttal.

i'm not linking or screenshotting this post, but this is word-for-word what was said regarding Kataang (questionable grammar has been transposed as well):

"One of the many things I adore about atla is how the girls are allowed to and do tell their partners off when they cross a line.... Katara gets upset with Aang for kisses her without her consent, and it's never made out to be overly dramatic or unreasonable, it's framed so that the girls are in the right."

HOW does Kataang properly convey this message??

there's a lot to unpack here. like, a lot

just to start off, yes, i'm aware that not all Kataangers believe that the kisses were consensual and can recognize how problematic (and WRONG) they were. but there are some (many) who do not

for the sake of this rebuttal, we're all going to establish and agree on what happened with the Kataang kisses. personally, in the Cave of Two Lovers episode, i don't believe they kissed - if they had kissed, the creators would've made that known in the show; in the Day of the Black Sun episode, it was clear that Katara was NOT pleased w what went down, same with the Ember Island Players episode; the finale kiss was consensual, however, in my opinion, it made absolutely no sense and came out of nowhere.

this is an address to the following various shippers within the ATLA fandom.

to those who DEFEND Aang's actions toward Katara and JUSTIFY these non-consensual kisses:

don't DO this. these portrayals of murky non-con kisses on television are so harmful!! they perpetuate this whole "nice guy" complex where a guy (or anyone) thinks that he (or they) deserve(s) or can take physical affection from others without their consent/mutual feeling. we have such an awful problem in media concerning these sorts of "nice guys" who wind up taking advantage of women simply due to the fact that they know they're nice and feel that they deserve it.

yes, Aang was a child. yes, he was in an iceberg for like 100 years. i work with plenty of preteens from the ages 10-12, and they've all been taught to respect other people's boundaries, especially when it involves romantic (and depending on how old they are, sexual) encounters; it's worth noting that, at least from my experience, guys are significantly less interested in relationships around this age than girls are!

portraying Aang in a light where he simply takes what he wants from Katara multiple times does a disservice both to him as a character and to all who watched the show without having a clear outside understanding of physical boundaries.

to those who claim that the non-con Kataang kisses are good lessons to others on consent

i might have been able to agree with you had the situations been ADDRESSED within the show! but they were NOT.

the non-con Kataang kisses are not a good example of when a girl has been made uncomfortable by a guy or has been touched nonconsensually by one and stands up for herself because we never have a scene where Katara actually stands up for herself!

between the two non-con Kataang kisses that occurred during the show, not even FRACTION of the show was dedicated toward addressing them!

okay, yes, if you rewatch the show as an older teen or an adult with accurate views on consent, then, yes, those non-con kisses can be an example of how pervasive lack of consent is within our past/current culture

but, for the most part, this show is watched by kids. it's a kids' show. ofc it's grown to be much more beyond a kids' show, and there are so many teens/adults who LOVE the ATLA fandom, and that's totally cool! i'm always anti-harassment and anti-bullying-people-for-enjoying-shows-they-love.

for a show that's primarily marketed to children, though, regardless of the time that it was made in (since the 2000's were far less up to date on consent than we are now in the 2020's), if non-con kisses are included, then they should be addressed.

they can only be good lessons if they're addressed, instead of left hanging and teaching children that such non-con kisses are rewarded.

canonizing Kataang, in a way, validated Aang's blatant ignorance of Katara's boundaries which annoys me to no end.

to those who who say that this behavior was FINE because Kataang canonically dated/married

it's not! it's really freakin not!

do you know how many women experience some form of sexual harassment or assault or rape within their lifetime?? 1 in 6!

and do you know how often these women are unable to do anything about it because the person who attacked them is someone that they love or are involved with?

just because one may be in a relationship with another person doesn't simply excuse this type of behavior.

"no" or "i don't think this is a good idea" or "i'm not feeling this" or "maybe later?" or "i don't feel so good" or "we're in the middle of a war right now" or SILENCE -> NOT CONSENT!!

regardless of your relationship with another person, if they do not respect these boundaries, then they have not respected your damn boundaries.

i don't care if they're your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your husband or your wife or your partner. whatever. if they ignore your boundaries, then they are not respecting you, point blank.

closing

it's no secret that i'm a huge anti Kataanger. i first watched the show as a teenager, and while i initially started the show off loving Kataang, as soon as i hit the non-con kisses, i was immediately turned off from the ship and became a huge Zutara shipper (not even knowing which ship was ultimately endgame but especially loving the dynamic between ZK post-Crystal Catacombs scene).

as someone who's survived a relationship with non-con elements present, i cannot in good conscience ship Kataang because of those non-con kisses.

i love both Aang and Katara too much as characters to see them portrayed in such a way. what hurts the most is that all of these issues COULD have been fixed in the show, if there'd been some sort of reconciliation between Aang and Katara, some sort of encounter where Aang recognized that what he did was wrong and Katara learned that it's okay to say no. but this did not happen. so here i am writing a meta/rant/vent about it.

i understand that this post may not be well received, but this is something i really needed to get off my chest (again) because i hate seeing people praising ATLA for its poor examples of consent within relationships. (it literally drives me crazy.)

Harbinger and The Illusive Man

Something I think would’ve fixed Mass Effect 3 while also keeping the plot and the dynamic of The Reapers and Cerberus as the main threat is making Harbinger the big bad and The Illusive Man as his puppet or as The Illusive Man could’ve put it his “partner”

My other ME3 metas

ME3 mistakes

ME3 ending fix

I cannot state how much I hate that Harbinger is almost nonexistent in this game. 

The thing that annoyed me most about ME3 is the fact that Harbinger is not the main threat. The Illusive Man is. Harbinger has been built up as the big bad since ME2. "YOU HAVE FAILED. WE WILL FIND ANOTHER WAY." He says as he discards the Collectors. Then his speech to Shepard as the base blows up. "Human, you've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction. You will surrender your potential against the growing void. We return, and you will rise. We are the harbinger of your perfection. We will bring your species into harmony with our own. Your species will be raised to a new existence. We are the beginning, you will be the end. Prepare for our domination. Prepare for our coming." Then in Arrival, he came pretty damn close to unleashing quick subjugation and harvest upon an unprepared galaxy. Upon Shepard foiling his plans. "Shepard. You have become an annoyance. You fight against inevitability. Dust struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you. A star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us. Know this as you die in vain: Your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the Arrival." The perfect final villain right? Unfortunately, Cerberus was more focused on than The Reapers. My problem with Cerberus and no Harbinger is Too many Cerberus, too few Reaper forces in plot. We fight Cerberus more often than the reapers. Hardly any boss fight and the one with Reaper Destroyer on Rannoch was more an interactive movie than fight. During the Horizon mission in Mass Effect 2, Harbinger was solidified as the Big Bad. It was menacing and ominous, with just the right amount of annoying. It taunted us throughout the game, telling us how insignificant we were, and how our actions were pointless. It was willing to posses drones through the Collector General to fight us personally, and when we killed the host, it tossed them aside. Harbinger even gave the typical “You haven’t seen the last of me!” villain rant. It made any fire fight frustrating, and that made me want to kill it even more; I hated Harbinger. Many games fail to do that. Harbinger was an enemy which I looked forward to defeating. I had the desire to annihilate. In Mass Effect 3, I got a codex entry and a cameo. Harbinger just swoops in at the last second and blows my friends and I to hell(and lets the Normandy save them), then flies off. Personally, I would have loved to hear Harbinger’s menacing monologue, it drove me on. I would have felt a deeper motivation to take the fight back to Earth if it told me how much destruction the Reapers were causing, how many lives were lost. I felt cheated when I got to the final mission, only to suddenly realize it was largely absent from the game. Harbinger has been replaced. Replaced by the Illusive Man and Kai Leng. The former is an old acquaintance, albeit one now controlled by the Reapers. The latter is a space ninja from a terrible book.

I will admit. The Illusive Man is a worthy foe and someone worthy enough to be Harbinger’s Saren. Kai Leng however is a terrible counterpart for Shepard. 

Kai Leng. Sucks. Period. Here is a long in depth version on why he sucks. Even in the novels Leng is a terrible character. He’s a edgelord racist.  He couldn’t even kill Anderson, he almost got taken out by an aging Drell with stage 7 Drell cancer. Oh but he has snarky one liners and he sent that stupid fucking email after Thesia. KAI LENG SUCKS! He is not even interesting. I genuinely fucking sighed when he was introduced. When he killed Thane, all I could think of was “really?”. When he sent that little email I just rolled my eyes. When I saw him at the temple all I could think of was “not you again”. When he “beat” me on Thessia(I would have unloaded my N7 Typhoon and sent his whiny ass into oblivion, but game mechanics said I couldn’t) I just felt angry that such a stupid character ever made it past the writing board. Oh and BULLSHIT. Thane and Kirrahe would have killed Kai Leng. Even near his death bed, Thane could still kill Kai Leng. Kirrahe is a hardened veteran, he is AN STG MAJOR! Kirrahe would have killed Kai Leng in a blink of a fucking eye.  Here is my take on Kai Leng. He should have been killed on Priority:Citadel. If you do not save Kirrahe or don’t talk to Thane. Shepard should kill Kai Leng. If you saved Kirrahe but don’t talk to Thane. Kirrahe comes out of cloak and bombards Leng with Scorpion rounds and Leng blows up. If you talked to Thane, Thane would blow Kai Leng’s head off. The only reason why Leng is presented as a threat is cutscene logic and bad one liners. 

But back to The Illusive Man and Harbinger

To make Harbinger work as the big bad, we need to have Harbinger constantly “ASSUME DIRECT CONTROL” 

Near the end of the first mission, before Shepard contacts the Normandy, we would see Harbinger’s hologram appear like it did in Arrival. Harbinger taunting Shepard. that the harvest begins. 

Instead of suggesting Control, The Illusive Man is basically saying The Reapers can uplift Humanity and ascend them and dominate the other races. With Harbinger’s help, Humanity will be the ultimate force in the galaxy

Everytime we fight Reaper forces, Harbinger is there to “ASSUME DIRECT CONTROL”

Kai Leng dies on The failed coup on the Citadel. The Illusive Man does not care as he is close to finding The Catalyst 

On Rannoch, instead of a Destroyer Reaper talking to Shepard, Harbinger’s hologram will appear. Harbinger will continue to taunt Shepard, but Shepard shows that everyone is coming together to end the Reapers once and for all. Harbinger would not say that the Reapers are needed to keep synthetics from killing organics. He would say The Reapers are there to ascend and are your salvation through destruction. Harbinger’s end quotes from ME2 is basically the premise of The Reapers end goals. That's all it needed to be.

On Thesia, The Illusive Man will explain to Shepard that Harbinger chose him. After The First Contact War, TIM found a Reaper artifact. In that artifact, he was contacted by Harbinger. He lost his human vision, but awakened to the truth and because of Harbinger’s guidance, he founded Cerberus. Strength for Cerberus is strength for humanity. TIM believes he and Harbinger together they could uplift and empower humanity over the lesser races. The Illusive Man is to Harbinger, as what Saren was for Soverign. He will then tell Shepard, he plans on using the Crucible to finish what the Collectors started. Completing the Human Reaper. Then TIM sends a group of Phantoms, Nemesis and Cerberus Dragons to face Shepard in place of Leng. Thesia falls. 

Sanctuary is used to create Husks and harvest humans to help create the Human Reaper

At Cerberus Headquarters, TIM says Harbinger knew more about the Citadel than Soverign. There is more than one Conduit and he found it. Vendetta will reveal that the Citadel was moved by Harbinger and taken it to Earth to complete the harvest

The confrontation between Shepard, Anderson and TIM happens but we know how TIM is on the Citadel and if you read my ending fix, you will know that Anderson would’ve went to the beam with Shepard and they are transported to the same place

Shepard will ask “Why didn’t Harbinger kill me?” “Because, we need you to understand and we need you to believe”

Same confrontation ends with either Shepard shooting TIM dead or TIM killing himself after Shepard uses paragon or renegade to reveal that Harbinger used him all his life

After Anderson passes. Harbinger “Assumes Control” over TIM’s dead body. Harbinger will explain the purpose of the Harvests. The explanation is the original ending of Dark energy. The Reapers as a whole were ‘nations’ of people who had fused together in the most horrific way possible to help find a way to stop the spread of the Dark Energy. The real reason for the Human Reaper was supposed to be the Reapers saving throw because they had run out of time. Humanity in Mass Effect is supposedly unique because of its genetic diversity and represented the universe’s best chance at stopping Dark Energy’s spread. We have a choice either Sacrifice humanity, allowing them to be horrifically processed in hopes that the end result will justify the means or use The Crucible to destroy The Reapers and find a way to stop the dark energy from spreading and it shows it is hopeful with a united galaxy. However, if we choose destroy, Harbinger will attempt to stop Shepard. A Reaperfied TIM appears and Shepard fights him, while The Normandy fights Harbinger. If we choose sacrifice humanity, Shepard will be the final catalyst to completing the Human Reaper.  But obviously no one will choose that choice as the entire point of the trilogy is to destroy The Reapers. So we get a hopeful ending. The united galaxy will work together to stop the spread of dark energy, as Hackett said “If we can put aside our grievances long enough to stop The Reapers, imagine what we can do together” 

There, I came up with a way to have the best of both worlds. Harbinger and The Illusive Man as the big bads. 

I also made The Reapers motivation to actually work. They are there to control the chaos. The harvests end with a creation of The Reaper and The Reapers are the pinnacle of evolution Harbinger’s speech at the end of ME2 was enough for a motivation. The Reapers are our salvation from the coming void. They want to ascend humanity to perfection. That makes complete sense and makes more sense than destroying everyone to save everyone????? WHo fucking wrote this Starchild garbage???

The point is, The Reapers and The Illusive Man could’ve worked as the big bads collectively together. 

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

13 and 14 for midam ask?

13. Best Moment of the Midam Fandom?

some would say every time jake comes through with his steel chair like he did last week or when he dropped his last cameo but personally? i'd say last year between september and november 12th. granted it's from when i joined the fandom after catching up with s15, but the tag was full of rants and meta and happy vibes and theories and headcanons (both hilarious/random and wholesome/in depth, which i love). damn, so many headcanons about anything you could think of and possibilities about the post-series finale that hadn't aired yet. i'm fond of the aftermath as well: we were all united in our collective rage ––idk it was like hurt/comfort but digitalize it and make it platonic and hysterical–– and i am absolutely in love with many alternate finales and fix-its that came out after that godforsaken night. but still, probably because of irl reasons as well, those first three months and a half i spent here are the best for me. it was chaotic and heavenly and i think it gets like this every year with midam week / adam's birthday / michaelmas / midam day coming up! <3

14. Favorite Midam Content Creator(s)?

GAWD, okay listen. every mutual i have here is my favorite content creator for some reason, so it's hard to say, but i'll try to narrow it down a little! :) and i'm sorry but i'm tagging them xoxo

@adammilligan –– my stars, okay, each and every one of her fanfics owns my heart and soul. they are so good and her takes on adam and michael both individually and as a pairing are *chef's kiss* spot on and i love it periodt

@autisticmidam –– have you ever seen a graphic / edit so beautiful you started crying? well, i have. and i still do. every time this lovely person posts something new, which i'll re-reblog until the end of time and you cannot stop me.

@antagoniste –– listen, this person here made michael say you are my compass to adam once and then years later we got michael saying you'll be my guide to adam in canon. coincidence? idk but her fics (but graphics too!) are a blessing. i never get tired of re-reading them!

@saintmichaels –– art. his art. y'all. it makes me so happy, it's literally so cute or funny depending on whether it features michael and adam being all cuddly and married or it also involves the other archangels (a.k.a. the in-laws). please! i can't! [weeps]

@15x8 –– literally came here for her hilarious posts about a midam divorce au and stayed for her posts and fanfics and i'm living my best life because nobody expresses how unhinged those two are in a literal dialogue post like maggie does!

......a said a little. mmh. oh well––

midam ask game

18 for the artist ask game - which one would you like to answer 👀

hmmm,,, i think the one i want to answer most is 4!!

4) What is a piece you'd really really like to talk about but people don't ask - go wild!

This is possibly the least surprising answer ever, but I'd love to rant about some of the behind the scenes stuff for the tarot series haha. I usually give a little insight into the whys and what-happeneds of making them in the posts or the tags, but theres a lot i dont say that id love to share like:

The Hermit: The wall is absolutely covered in math, none of which contains a single number. No numbers were written in the making of this card, not a one. Also those chalk marks are the only time (at least so far) that brush, or any brush other than the 3 main ones, have ever been used in the final cards

The World: when i first drew this, i could not find a single reference for how gabriel ba draws trees, so i made it up. like a week after posting, i randomly found a drawing of his that was like, mostly trees. rip me.

The Empress: The start of reference hell. I didnt use any reference apart from style reference for The Hermit, and I used like one or two pictures of the little girl on a bike for The World, but for this I had to find background reference, and multiple clothing references for both Lila and the Handler, and for the Handler's gun... and that's what my life has been like ever since. Also, in early drafts their positions were switched, with the Handler in the distance and LIla up close. I tried swapping them around on a whim and decided i felt like that conveyed the emotion I was going for much better.

The Hanged Man: as far as i can tell, Ben's tentacles in the show do not actually have suckers, and they really look more like... worms or something? but i like octopus tentacles so i ignored this

The High Priestess: vanya and diego are tied for "hardest fucking card to finish because i had to redraw it so many goddamn times". idk what it is about her slouchy pose here but i just could not get it right. Originally, when The Empress had Lila lying in the foreground and the Handler in the back, these two had parallel compositions, but now The High Priestess is alone. I should fix that at some point.

Wheel of Fortune: I believe this marks the first time i really had to fudge some backgrounds in order to get the composition right. There aren't this many rows of screens, the ceiling isnt this tall, and the window into the mail chute room is on its own wall. Also, in early drafts of this card, the floor was visible and AJ was sitting sexily in a chair. sorry to deprive you all of that

The Tower: This is the second major background fudging I did! good thing i had practice right before this. The Icarus in this picture is an amalgam of the same two buildings as in the show, although since I'm drawing i can do it all in the same shot. The majority of it is based on Massey Hall, but the fancy entrance is based on Elgin Theatre.

Strength: obviously Luther cannot have Umbrella Academy merch on his wall in his apartment in the 60s, since there isnt any yet, but i ignored that because themes. The poster is based on a drawing from a behind the scenes book, although I added the words and changed the drawing style to be closer to the comics. I also looked at reference of comics from the 60s and found that most of them did not emphasize the superhero's name (ie the superhero's name was not the largest word) but rather an adjective- amazing, incredible, etc. None of the in-universe umbrella academy merch had any defining adjective, so i decided to come up with my own... then realized that it would be "extraordinary". obviously. Looking at all this reference is what prompted me to do that meta thing comparing in-universe umbrella and sparrow merch, and what that might say about s3/how reggie raised them.

Chariot: I find Diego's face easy to draw, which came at the cost of everything else about this card giving me the hardest time possible. His pose, the composition, the colors... redid all of it so many times. SO many times. Also his harness fucking sucks to draw. And he always wears all black so you cant even appreciate how hard I worked on it. Fuck this card. I guess it's only fitting since Diego himself is a contrary bastard.

The Devil: Originally had Lila running though space, but I changed it so that it matched The Hanged Man a little more, since The Hanged Man was the only card without a background and the sketch for this was the best candidate to make without a background. Miscellaneous fun fact that you'll notice that the design in the background emerges from the briefcase.

Justice: This one is basically an actual shot from the show, which still feels lazy of me but it wasn't intentional. Also I spent a while trying to find reference for how Gabriel Ba draws hair texture like Allison's, gave up on finding anything close, and then a few days after finishing it I randomly came across a drawing he did of show!Allison. of course thats how it goes.

Temperance: the pillar and arch around Grace are not behind her, and the pillars do not go to the floor. They're attached to a railing in front of her. Also while looking at reference I discovered that the painting Grace likes is not in any particular place of emphasis; thats why i put a light on it. Also, most of the paintings are approximations of their actual placement on the set, but I moved a few around in places where my reference was too blurry to tell what the subject was.

The Moon: newest addition! not much to say about this one, except I feel very strongly that Luther should have had a pink plastic flamingo on the moon, so I gave him one. Its been in the plans since I first sketched it almost a year ago. The pink plastic flamingo is very important to me